TOP 10 TIPS FOR UPPING

10 Tips for Upping Top Your In-Law Game

By Jessica Boxer

In-law relationships can be a wonderful part of married life… but for many, they can also be stressful or go through stressful periods. Either way, your in-laws are part of your life now, and like it or not you have to make the best of it! Here are some tips for living with and loving your in-laws.

1. Put Your Marriage First

When you got married, becoming a son-in-law or daughter-in-law came with the territory, but maintaining an ongoing healthy relationship with your spouse has to be a number one priority if you want to manage those new relationships successfully. It’s vital to establish healthy, sensitive and respectful communication with each other about any in-law issues that come up.

2. Avoid Comparisons

Try not to draw comparisons between your own family and that of your spouse. Your expectations of each other will always be different from those that were instilled in you by your own family of origin because every family dynamic is unique.

3. Establish Healthy Boundaries

You and your spouse should decide together what your boundaries are as a family. If your mother-in-law comes for an uninvited visit every other day while you husband is at work, perhaps he can tell her that she’s welcome to come for Shabbat dinner instead, or whatever other arrangement you feel comfortable with. Another easy win is asking her to take the kids out to the park after school or on a Sunday.

4. Each To Their Own

As husband and wife, it’s generally best if each of you addresses your own parents when issues come up. Confronting your motherin-law or father-in-law (or even your sister-in-law) can set the stage for unnecessary drama.

5. Let Go Of Expectations & Practice Gratitude

Most of us have a picture in our minds of how our in-laws should behave or what they should do for us and for our children. Letting go of expectations is about recognising that we cannot control other people, we can only control the way we respond to them. It’s also important to appreciate what they do do for you. They might not offer to babysit so you can have a date night, but maybe they are pros at giving the children one-to-one attention when they come to visit. Don’t forget to tell them how much you appreciate what they do.

6. Be A Giver

Offer to lend a hand in the kitchen or with the laundry, or to buy something that they need when you pop out to the shops. Pay your mother-in-law a compliment on her new blouse, or send your father-in-law cute videos of your kids. If you are creatively inclined, you could make your in-laws a photo album or a handmade birthday card. Acts of kindness are a powerful way to show them how much you care.

7. Try To Be Flexible

Try to pick your battles. If Grandma gives your kids too much junk food when they visit her, maybe that is something you can just let go of. Focus on only addressing the issues that really matter to you while letting the less important problems slide.

8. Keep Your Cool & Avoid Hot Topics

For some, heated moments are inevitable. You may disagree about politics or your in-laws may criticise your parenting. Taking a deep breath or even stepping out for a few moments can help clear your head so that small conflicts don’t erupt into anger. Better still, try to keep topics like politics, religion, or anything else controversial out of your conversations with your in-laws if they have a tendency to escalate into a row.

9. Look For Common Ground

For others, making any form of conversation with your in-laws can be a struggle, and you may feel as if the only thing you have in common is the grandkids. Try to find activities that you can bond over instead. Maybe your mother-in-law can teach you an old family recipe or you can ask your father-in-law to help you plan some improvements to your garden.

10. Always Be Kind

Your kids are always watching and listening, so it’s important to role-model kindness in all your interactions with family members and extended family. Greet your in-laws warmly and speak to them in a respectful way at all times, even if you don’t feel like they do the same to you.