PRESIDENT’S REPORT Navigating Complaints

My mom used to have a sign in her garden that said, “Here Lies The Last Complaner.” I didn’t really understand that as a kid, except that it backed up my dad’s more direct approach for dealing with complaining which was for my sister and I to “stop complaining or I’ll give you something to complain about!” (This also worked with verbs like: crying, whining, fighting, bickering, and screwing around.)

How could I have known that 35 years later I would daily take complaints and not always know how to handle them. Barking dogs, weeds, utility rates, and potholes are just the beginning. In my career in government, I feel like I have taken every type of complaint from asphalt application gone wrong to zebra mussels. Not too long ago I had someone complain to me that he could not wash his lizard with city water because it had too much iron in it! Apparently, the scales of lizards are sensitive to oxidization. I just left that one alone.

If you’re still reading, you’ve probably already thought that I need to cowboy up a little. Complaints come with the territory. Whether we are elected, appointed, or hired, as public servants we work for our citizens. Our residents have the right and should come to us when there is a disconnect between their expectations and what is or isn’t being provided. I think how we handle these conversations matters. Even if the citizen doesn’t go away satisfied, trying to have a positive interaction can make all the difference to get to closure and can pay dividends down the road.

Fair warning, in what comes after there is no scientific research and no Harvard Business Journal article to back up my methods. This is just what has worked for me over the past two decades.

First, I make time. I may not be able to drop what I am doing, but when I learn someone has a concern, I prioritize it and try to get back to them promptly. I have always felt that the individual brought it to me because it was important to them and they thought I was the person that could help. It may not be a top priority for me, but it is to them, so if I wait too long to respond, it could be misinterpreted that their concern or the individual themself isn’t important.

At times, however, it’s good not to be too prompt. A highly emotional email or an irate in-person complaint often deserves its own space. That also gives me the chance to get more information and seek advice if needed, often from my staff. People seem to respond better when the topic has been given a little time and space.

When I do follow up my next step is to ask an open question like “What is going on?” or “How can we help?” Sometimes it’s a statement like “I know we have something to discuss here. Start from the beginning.” Then, (and this is the hardest part for me), I just stay quiet and listen. I take notes. I often write down clarifying questions so I can dig a little deeper and hopefully gain more of an understanding when it’s my turn to talk. These steps are helpful because complaints are often driven by problems that need solving. With deep listening the problem often surfaces and the emotion or politics can be parsed out of it. A colleague of mine is fond of saying, “Listening is different than waiting for your turn to talk.”

Pro tip! I watch body language. Even when I am on the phone, I’m careful about this. Checking your Instagram feed, crossing your arms, or leaning back your chair are obvious no-nos. In person, I make a point to come around from my desk and sit with the individual. Sharing space is by its very nature more intimate and puts you immediately on the same level. If I’m on the phone I hold a smile throughout the conversation. In the first city I worked for, the city manager’s assistant advised “people can hear you smile!” At the time that earned an eye rolled from me, but over time I’ve learned she was right.

Sometimes though, people are not the best versions of themselves. Set boundaries for that. I have a note card taped under my desk pad that says, “I’d like to discuss this kindly. Can you help? I’ll give you any amount of time you need to collect your thoughts.” It doesn’t always work, but it’s certainly been more effective than being sarcastic or getting defensive, and usually diffuses the intensity.

We are experiencing difficult times in our communities. I even have business leaders and private sector individuals commiserating about the breakdown in civility in normal everyday interactions. Complaints are more frequent and more hostile. Don’t shy away from them, but at the same time don’t encourage bad behavior. We need to model and re-teach people how to have civil disagreements. That should not, however, come at your expense or the expense of your staff. If individuals are abusive or foul, we need to set and keep boundaries. We are here to help make their experience better in our cities and towns. Develop your own strategy to manage complaints. ■