LGBTQ San Diego County News, Volume 1, Issue 6, Dec. 20, 2019 - Jan. 2, 2020

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Dec 20, 2019 - JaN 2 , 2020 volume 1 issue 6

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ENtERtaiNMENt

Want to break into porn?

Hear what Helix model Alex Riley has to say c14

COMMUNitY vOiCEs

Night LiFE

Trans Talk with Connor

The Bar Social Scene Houston, we have a problem Holigay cheer! and your top 5 tips for going out

c11

ON stagE

Love, sex and marriage again?

“Wally & His Lover Boys” c12

Benny on the Block c16

c18

FashiON tRENDs

pUbLiC sERviCE

to ring in the New Year c15

Drugged driving has consequences, even when using legally prescribed medicine c4

OpiNiON

hEaLth

Know the 10 signs of Alzheimer’s c5

4 things I’m leaving behind in 2019 c6

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n Jan. 11, 2020, at 1 p.m., our community will gather at the corner of Normal Street and University Avenue in Hillcrest to celebrate the installation of a rainbow crosswalk. This event, named “Catwalk on the Crosswalk,” will include performances by the San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus and San Diego Women’s Chorus, cupcakes generously provided

by Babycakes, and a program highlighting our community’s significant impact on San Diego.

Following the program, join us at Hillcrest Brewing Company for a reception.

The installation of a rainbow crosswalk has been a longstanding goal of the San Diego LGBTQ+ community. Since I came into office three years ago, I have worked to make this shared goal a reality.

Hillcrest deserves this visual demonstration of the LGBTQ+ movement’s legacy of inclusivity, influence, and activism here in San Diego. We deserve to celebrate those that were so instrumental in building a movement of tolerance, acceptance, and love that we enjoy here today. Now thanks

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The story of the

UsNs harvey Milk lGBTQ san Diego county News

Councilman Chris Ward at the intersection of Normal Street and University Avenue, where the first rainbow crosswalk will be placed.

Rainbow crosswalks finally coming to Hillcrest By councilman chris Ward (District 3) to the enduring work of community members and organizations like the Hillcrest Business Association and San Diego Pride, my office has been able to work with city staff to ensure we kick off the new year

with a fabulous addition to Hillcrest.

Therefore, I would like to extend an open invitation to join myself, elected officials, Imperial Court de San Diego, and community members in celebrat-

Dan the man

“My family is and always has been a huge part of my life. My family believes in strong core family values and they truly raised me the right way and afforded me the opportunity to find the right path in life,” Meyer said.

Currently, the SDPD LGBT liaison officer, Lt. Daniel Meyer is highly visible locally, attending events and is now a public figure and familiar face as he works to ensure communication between the LGBTQ folk and that the SDPD remains at its highest standard. The highestranking gay man at the SDPD, Meyer shared his upbringing, his life as a police officer and his love and loyalty of the local LGBTQ community.

Lt. Daniel Meyer, openly gay, serves the local LGBTQ community By albert Fulcher

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orn in Woodland Hills, California, where he lived until he was 2 years old, Daniel Meyer’s entire family moved to San Diego in 1985 as his grandmother, Beverly, secured a job with IBM at the time. His mother, Cindy Meyer, who recently retired from the San Diego Police Department (SDPD) as a police detective and his father, who retired from the restaurant business and Transportation Security Administration, purchased a home in Santee in 1985. His family still lives in the house he grew up in, about 10 minutes from his current home.

ing San Diego’s first ever rainbow crosswalk. Come and celebrate the activism, legacy and diversity of the LGBTQIA+ movement at the corner of Normal Street and University Avenue.

I hope to see you there!

San Diego Police Lt. Daniel Meyer is the LGBT Liaison officer for the department.

(Courtesy photo)

lt. Daniel meyer continues on c2

Stuart Milk speaking at the “laying of the steel” ceremony for the USNS Harvey Milk. (Photo by Big Mike Phillips)

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uring the 1950s, a Navy lieutenant named Harvey Milk served aboard the submarine rescue ship USS Kittiwake (ASR-13) as a diving officer during the Korean War. He later transferred to Naval Station San Diego to serve as a diving instructor. Milk hailed from New York and while being stationed in San Diego, he fell in love with California.

Harvey Milk was caught in Balboa Park in an area that was popular with homosexual men. This park sighting resulted in many questions about his sexual orientation in the McCarthy witch hunt era when homosexuals were banned from serving in the military and resulted in Harvey Milk being forced to resign from the U.S. Navy. Milk remained a proud veteran and when he was assassinated in 1978, he was wearing his cherished Navy officer’s belt.

San Diego County is home to the largest military establishment in the Western Hemisphere and has always been proud of its military personnel and veterans.

In the 1970s, Jose Julio Sarria (Empress I Jose) — the late gay icon, World War II veteran, first openly gay candidate to run for public office (in 1961) and founder of The Imperial Court System (in 1965, which now has chapters in 70 cities across the U.S., Canada and Mexico) usNs Harvey milk continues on c2

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usNs Harvey milk continues from Page 1 — introduced gay San Diego activist Nicole Murray Ramirez to Harvey Milk during an Imperial Court event at a gay bar in San Francisco.

Milk and Ramirez immediately hit it off, sharing their love of San Diego, passion for the gay rights movement and politics in general. In fact, they had both been Republicans and staunch supporters of Senator Barry Goldwater’s 1964 presidential campaign. The two stayed in touch. Ramirez visited San Francisco often and they were both involved in the fight in 1977-78 against Anita Bryant’s national homophobic “Save Our Children” campaign. They also crusaded against the statewide “Briggs Initiative,” sponsored by retired Senator John Briggs, who was attempting to remove and fire homosexual teachers, employees and their supporters from their jobs.

On Nov. 27, 1978, after just 10 months as an elected member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, Harvey Milk and then-Mayor George Moscone were both assassinated in their offices at San Francisco City Hall.

The assassination of Harvey Milk left a prolonged effect on Ramirez and he vowed to himself that he would not let the LGBT community (especially in San Diego) forget about The

(l to r) Councilman Chris Ward, Assemblyman Todd Gloria, City Commissioner Nicole Murray Ramirez, Stuart Milk and Sen. Toni G. Atkins at the “laying of the steel” ceremony for the USNS Harvey Milk on Dec. 13 at NASSCO. (Photo by Big Mike Phillips)

lt. Daniel meyer continues from Page 1 When did you decide to become a police officer and how did you wind up with the San Diego Police Department?

I knew from a very young age I wanted to be a police officer. The career path seemed rewarding and exciting to a young me. I believed it would provide an opportunity for me to have meaning in life in helping others and serving the San Diego community. I wanted to find a career path in which I could make a difference in the lives of those who were less fortunate than others or who might experience trauma and violence in their lives.

Additionally, I was truly in awe watching my mother go through the police academy and advance in her career when I was a teenager and young adult. She was a very strong woman who strove as well to make a difference and better her community. I was always eager to hear the stories of her workday and understand what she experienced in a tumultuous 10-hour shift.

I attended several ride-alongs with her and experienced firsthand what it was like to be a police officer. I knew within the first hour of my first ride-along, this would be my profession.

Were you openly gay when you joined the SDPD? If so, what was the general reaction from your peers?

I was not openly gay when I first joined the SDPD. In fact, I did not tell anyone in the department of my sexual orientation until I had been in the de-

partment for two years. The first person I told in the department was my work partner, now Lt. Charles Lara. At the time, we were both police officers at Mid-City Division and had been partners for two years. I was terrified to come out or even tell Charles, but I felt like I was lying to someone I consider a true friend.

I created scenarios in my mind about all the things that could go wrong when I Lt. Daniel Meyer (Courtesy photo) told Charles, or the rest of the decades, mainly dating back to department for that matter. the 1980s. John Graham was However, what I was met with the first LGBT liaison officer from both Charles and the and his plaque still hangs in rest of the department was the LGBT Center to this day. sheer love and acceptance. I Eight years ago, then-Assiswas floored to see the support tant Chief Shelley Zimmerman I received, which shattered my and my captain at the time, personal beliefs of how my felWalter Vasquez (now chief low brothers and sisters would of La Mesa Police Departjudge or treat me. To this day, ment) approached me. They coming out and acknowledging cited some of the community who I am in my work environengagement and community ment was the most life-changevents I had participated in ing, freeing and blessed experiand asked if I would be interence I have been through. ested in taking over the liaison position when the liaison at You are the LGBT liaison the time retired. I happily officer. How did this come accepted the additional duties about and why is this imand have strived to better portant to you? serve our LGBTQ+ community Community liaisons have ever since. existed on the SDPD for many

Where do you believe we are now with the relationship between the SDPD and the LGBT community? How far have we come and are there still obstacles that need addressing?

We have come quite far. Community relations in all areas across the board with law enforcement in San Diego have been exceedingly positive and advanced over many years.

We have made strides in community engagement, partnerships, support and understanding.

We continue to do the great work that has brought us to this point, and we will continue to dedicate every available resource we have to continuing the effort. We ask the community to continue their effort to work with us and help us make the SDPD better each and every day.

But these accomplishments and advancements must also come with the acknowledgment that we are never perfect, and we must never stop trying for better. There is always work to be done to achieve greatness. We recognize we still face some mistrust of law enforcement due to the Stonewall-era events.

There is still some fear in the community in coming forward to law enforcement and reporting crime or addressing community concern.

Bridging this particular gap is still a struggle. However we have worked with the LGBT Center and San Diego Pride to create a safe space for the community to report crime in a manner they feel comfortable. A large component of tackling this particular issue comes in the form of the chief’s LGBT Community Advisory Board. The board is made up of about 15 diverse members of the LGBT community who are stakeholders and actively participate in their community. We are currently in the process of creating a plan to make the board more visible and known to the community; so that individuals can utilize the board to facilitate the reporting of crime, help effect change and provide law enforcement with ideas on how to better quality of life as it relates to criminal activity in their neighborhoods.

As you mentioned, I was recently promoted to police lieutenant. I am truly honored and humbled to have been given this opportunity to serve San Diego communities at this level. Being the LGBT liaison and a San Diego police officer has given me the opportunity to give back to the community I grew up in and which supported me throughout my life. I appreciate the trust that has been instilled in me and I will make my community proud.

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deC 20, 2019 - JAn 2, 2020 volume 1 issue 6

44th annual Nicky awards

“He [Harvey Milk] dreamed of a day like today, when not only would we have the military honoring LGBT.”

Showcasing the best in the local LGBTQ community On Dec. 8 at the Courtyard Marriott Liberty Station, local people, organizations, businesses and activists were recognized at the 44th Annual Nicky Awards. This year’s Nicky’s launched the inaugural The Congresswoman Susan Davis Equality Award along with a new category recognizing leaders in the non-binary community.

— Stuart Milk

Honorable Lt. Harvey Milk.

In 1979, Ramirez established the first award named after Milk — The Harvey Milk Civil Rights Award at the Nicky Awards. A few years later, Ramirez founded the Harvey Milk Democratic Club of San Diego County, which was officially chartered by the San Diego Democratic Central Committee. One of the committee’s presidents, Al Best, would later be the first openly gay candidate to run for public office in San Diego.

On Nov. 11, 1988, the Harvey Milk Democratic Club of San Diego County dedicated the first memorial bench named after an openly gay man in Balboa Park. But Ramirez wasn’t done yet and wanted a street named after the former San Diego resident and approached then-City Councilman Todd Gloria with his idea.

When Harvey Milk Street was initially dedicated in Hillcrest, it became the first city in the world to name a street in honor of the beloved gay icon.

When Ramirez was elected state president of Equality California, he got involved with then-San Francisco state Assembly member Mark Leno’s campaign to make Harvey Milk’s birthday (May 22) a state holiday. It was during this statewide effort that Ramirez met Harvey’s nephew, Stuart Milk, of Florida.

They became fast friends and allies and soon Ramirez was elected to and continues to serve on the national board for the Harvey Milk Foundation.

When Jose Julio Sarria passed away, Ramirez became titular head and executive director of the International Imperial Court System and soon launched a national campaign to get the U.S. Postal Service to name a stamp after Harvey Milk. After eight years and thousands of letters from all over the country, including the Imperial Courts chapters, the Harvey Milk Forever Stamp was unveiled at the White House in May of 2014 with members of the Milk family, the International Imperial Court Council and a very proud Ramirez all present.

When former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger signed Assembly member Leno’s bill making Harvey Milk Day a reality, Ramirez approached Dr. Delores Jacobs and fellow City Commissioner Robert Gleason about establishing the annual Harvey Milk Diversity Breakfast in San Diego, which just celebrated its 10th anniversary in 2019.

In 2011, when the anti-gay military ban “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy was repealed, Ramirez launched another letter-writing campaign with the International Imperial Court System requesting that then-U.S. Navy Secretary Ray Mabus name a Navy vessel after Harvey Milk. About six

years later, the USNS Harvey Milk was officially announced at a ceremony in San Francisco attended by the Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi, ambassadors and elected officials, Stuart Milk, and other LGBTQ civil rights leaders. A San Diego delegation including Mayor Kevin Faulconer, then-state Assembly Speaker Toni Atkins, Councilman Todd Gloria, the late Ben F. Dillingham, onetime president of Veterans for Equality Bob Lehman, and city commissioners Robert Gleason and Nicole Murray Ramirez. The Navy secretary announced that the USNS Harvey Milk would be built and dedicated in San Diego.

There are three official ceremonies for the building of a navy vessel. Friday, Dec. 13 was the first – “the laying of the steel” held at the National Steel and Shipbuilding Company (NASSCO).

Commissioner Ramirez, with Mayor Faulconer’s office and NASSCO officials, worked together on the “invitation only” historic ceremony. Speakers included: Mayor Faulconer, California Senate President Pro Tempore Toni Atkins, Stuart Milk, the president of NASSCO and naval officers.

LGBT leaders in attendance included State Commissioner Robert Gleason, city commissioners Bruce Abrams and Susan Davis, Morgan Hurley, Bob Lehman, Chris Shaw, Nick Moede, Sherman Mendoza, Mike Zarbo, “Big Mike” Phillips, Imperial Court Emperor 47 Darnell Williams, Imperial Court Council leaders Rob Surrell and Charles Rozanski, Toni Duran, Will Rodriguez Kennedy, Equality Business Alliance Director Eddie Reynoso, and many others.

There were more than a dozen LGBT veterans and four active military service members present as well as San Francisco LGBT leaders John Carrillo and Jerry Coletti.

For Nicole Murray Ramirez, it was a personal commitment fulfilled to the legacy of fellow activist Harvey Milk. In his remarks, Stuart Milk called Ramirez “the visionary for both the Harvey Milk Forever Stamp and the USNS Harvey Milk.”

“He [Harvey Milk] dreamed of a day like today, when not only would we have the military honoring LGBT, but we have a mayor from the Republican party and we have everyone that represents the San Diego community coming out,” Stuart Milk told the Union Tribune. “This would have been un-dreamable for people back in 1978.”

“It absolutely took a village to accomplish all of these tributes to the legacy of Harvey Milk throughout the past few decades and I will always be grateful for the support of countless people who share my love and respect for Harvey,” said City Commissioner Nicole Murray Ramirez.

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(l to r) Man of the Year Nick Serrano and Woman of the Year Dina Somsamouth)

Outstanding Non-Binary Amber St. James

The mayor George moscone Humanitarian award San Diego Police Chief David Nisleit The congresswoman susan Davis equality award Connor Maddocks The Big mike Phillips community service award Kerrie & Karen Stone special Recognition Johnathan Hale & Stefane Chicote man of the Year Nick Serrano Woman of the Year Dina Somsamouth outstanding sports organization San Diego Flag Football outstanding Pharmacy Hillcrest Pharmacy outstanding Brunch Urban Mo’s outstanding Neighborhood Bar Pecs outstanding Bar Gossip Grill outstanding medical marijuana Dispensary Urban Leaf outstanding Nightclub/Bar event Divas San Diego outstanding Trainer Grant Foreman outstanding Night club/Dance Bar Rich’s outstanding Women’s Night Finger me Friday @ The Gossip Grill

Outstanding LGBT Couples Moe Girton and Dwan Stultz, Glitz Glam and Anthony Roller Greika (Photos buy Ablert Fulcher)

outstanding Female Bartender Claire L @ Uptown Tavern

outstanding achievement in the arts The Studio Door

outstanding male Bartender Kane @ The Loft

outstanding community volunteer Sean Redmond

outstanding Bar employee Dwayne Wynne @ Gossip Grill outstanding impersonator Kickxy Vixen Styles outstanding DJ/vJ DJ Taj outstanding Female Personality Dina Somsamouth outstanding male Personality Erik Benson outstanding Transgender activist Coco Chanel outstanding levi/leather Personality Myles Ramos outstanding entertainer/Group (Tie) Dreamgirls @MO’s San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus outstanding Title Holder Joey Dematteo - Tantrums & Tiara’s 2019 outstanding Restaurant insideOUT outstanding male Waitperson Zach Bryan @ Inside Out outstanding Female Waitperson Mayra @ Baja Betty’s outstanding Business (Tie) Ace Hardware Luigi Vera outstanding New Business Humanity

outstanding Bar owner Jeff Jackson @ Flicks

outstanding Businessman Michael Saltsman

outstanding Bar manager Ryan Bedrosian @ Rich’s

outstanding Businesswoman Jody Taylor

outstanding Hiv/aiDs service Provider Family Health Center outstanding community activist Coyote Moon outstanding community event San Diego Pride Launch Party

By Rob Benzon Foundation outstanding lGBT community organization San Diego Pride outstanding straight ally Jessica Wight-Carter outstanding lGBT Publication SDPIX outstanding lGBT Writer/columnist Benny Cartwright outstanding lGBT online media SDGLN outstanding Bank San Diego County Credit Union outstanding Night club Dancer Marvin Garcia outstanding lGBT couple (Tie) Moe Girton & Dawn Stultz Glitz Glam & Anthony Roller Greika outstanding Non- Binary Amber St James outstanding Thrift shop Buffalo Exchange outstanding corporate sponsor Hotel Del Coronado

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he San Diego/Imperial County chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association is proud of the fact that our area receives more research grants from the association than any other region in the United States. Research being conducted right here in this region currently totals more than $12 million. We are at the forefront of the search for a cure.

While a cure may still be many years away, current researchers are close to a blood test that will diagnose the disease years before any symptoms are apparent. And recent studies have also concluded that a combination of activities that contribute to good health also can put off symptoms of Alzheimer’s in those who may have it for many years (more on that in a future column).

One of the most frequent questions arising among visitors and calls to the Alzheimer’s Association office relates to diagnosing the disease. People in every community throughout San Diego are concerned about cognitive loss among older adults in their families and among friends. One of the classes offered by the association mentions 10 signs of dementia. Have you noticed any of these warning signs?

MeMory loss that disrupts daily life.

One of the most common signs of Alzheimer’s, especially in the early stages, is forgetting recently learned information. Others include forgetting important dates or events; asking for the same information over and over; relying on memory aides (e.g., reminder notes or electronic devices) or family members for things they used to handle on their own. Forgetting names or appointments occasionally, but recalling them later, is a normal sign of aging.

Know the 10 signs of alzheimer’s, early detection matters

Challenges in planning or solving probleMs.

Some people may experience changes in their ability to develop and follow a plan or work with numbers. They may have trouble following a familiar recipe or keeping track of monthly bills. They may have difficulty concentrating and take much longer to do things than they did before. Occasional errors when balancing a checkbook are also just a normal sign of aging.

diffiCulty CoMpleting faMiliar tasks at hoMe, at work or at leisure.

People with Alzheimer’s often find it hard to complete daily tasks. Sometimes, people may have trouble driving to a familiar location, managing a budget at work or remembering the rules of a favorite game. Occasionally needing help to use the settings on a microwave or to record a television show, though, is not necessarily a sign of Alzheimer’s.

Confusion with tiMe or plaCe.

People with Alzheimer’s can lose track of dates, seasons and the passage of time. They may have trouble understand-

By alzheimer’s association of san Diego/imperial county

ing something if it is not happening immediately. Sometimes they may forget where they are or how they got there.

What is a sign of typical aging?

Getting confused about the day of the week but figuring it out later.

trouble understanding visual iMages and spatial relationships.

For some people, having vision problems is a sign of Alzheimer’s. They may have difficulty reading, judging distance and determining color or contrast. In terms of perception, they may pass a mirror and think someone else is in the room. They may not recognize their own reflection.

Vision changes related to cataracts, however, are not necessarily a sign of Alzheimer’s.

new probleMs with words in speaking or writing.

People with Alzheimer’s may have trouble following or joining a conversation. They may stop in the middle of a conver-

sation and have no idea how to continue or they may repeat themselves. They may struggle with vocabulary, have problems finding the right word or call things by the wrong name (e.g., calling a watch a “hand clock”). Having trouble finding the right word occasionally is often a sign of normal aging, however.

MisplaCing things and losing the ability to retraCe steps.

A person with Alzheimer’s disease may put things in unusual places. They may lose things and be unable to go back over their steps to find them again. Sometimes, they may accuse others of stealing.

This may occur more frequently over time. Misplacing things occasionally, such as a pair of glasses or the remote control, is also a normal sign of aging.

deCreased or poor judgeMent.

People with Alzheimer’s may experience changes in judgement or decision making. For

example, they may use poor judgement when dealing with money, giving large amounts to telemarketers. They may pay less attention to grooming or keeping themselves clean.

Occasional bad decisions may be typical of aging, however.

withdrawal froM work or soCial aCtivities.

A person with Alzheimer’s may start to remove themselves from hobbies, social activities, work projects or sports. They may have trouble keeping up with a favorite sports team or remembering how to complete a favorite hobby. But sometimes feeling weary of work, family and social obligations can be another normal sign of aging.

Changes in Mood and personality.

The mood and personalities of people with Alzheimer’s can change. They can become confused, suspicious, depressed, fearful or anxious. They may be easily upset at home, at work, with friends or in places

where they are out of their comfort zone. What’s a typical sign of aging? Developing very specific ways of doing things and becoming irritable when a routine is disrupted.

If you have questions about any of these warning signs, the Alzheimer’s Association invites you to call their 24-hour helpline at 800-272-3900, find us online at alz.org/sandiego, or visit our local office for a safe, confidential one-on-one consultation. Early diagnosis provides the best opportunities for treatment, support and future planning.

— Since 1982, the Alzheimer’s Association San Diego-Imperial chapter has been providing free educational programs and support services to our neighbors throughout our community who are living with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, and to their care partners.

The Alzheimer’s Association is the leading nonprofit organization funding dementia research, providing care and support, raising the public’s awareness of the disease and rallying our elected officials to advance public policies to better the lived of the families that we serve.

pUbLiC sERviCE

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CitY attORNEY NEws Mara w. Elliott

deC 20, 2019 - JAn 2, 2020 volume 1 issue 6

DRUggED DRiviNg has CONsEqUENCEs even when using legally prescribed medicine

—Mara W. Elliott was elected City Attorney of San Diego in 2016 after serving as the chief deputy attorney for the Office’s Public Services Section and legal adviser to the city’s Independent Audit Committee and Environment Committee. Elliott and the lawyers in her section held polluters accountable, reformed city contracting, cut administrative red tape, and strengthened the city’s living wage and non-discrimination in contracting ordinances.

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s we head into the holiday season, people need to be aware that mixing even the slightest amount of alcohol with prescription drugs can have serious consequences.

This is especially true for older drivers who may be using new medicines for the first time.

Our office is seeing an increase in otherwise law-abiding San Diegans who get behind the wheel after consuming legal substances — alcohol, prescription drugs, and cannabis — that, in combination, impair their ability to drive, putting lives at risk.

Our office prosecutes these drugged driving cases — called “combo” cases when both alcohol and drugs are involved — under a state grant that has allowed us to develop a high level of expertise in often tricky cases involving multiple substances.

While illegal drugs are always a significant part of the problem, we’re seeing a surprisingly large number of cases involving older drivers who unthinkingly mixed alcohol with prescription drugs.

There are no blood-content standards for cannabis or prescription drugs like the one for alcohol, but all drivers must be able to drive with the care and caution characteristic of a sober person. Using evidence from blood tests, field sobriety tests, dashboard video cameras, and expert witnesses, our prosecutors have a conviction rate just shy of 100%.

In the past 11 months, they handled 178 drugged driving cases. Only four went to trial, and only one defendant was acquitted — a woman who drove while on Ambien, a drug used to combat insomnia. The 174 other defendants all pleaded guilty.

Phase 4_DOCUMENTARY_Gay San Diego_RUN: 12-20-19_LIVE: 6.1” x 10.96”

It can happen to anyone, anywhere, at any time.

Wildfires are a daily threat to our loved ones, our property and our community. At SDG&E®, we believe the only safe wildfire is the one that never occurs.

That’s why we’re doing EVERYTHING IN OUR POWER to combat this ever-present threat.

some recent examples: • A 65-year-old woman crashed into the back of a car stopped at a red light at 11:30 in the morning. Though she seemed disoriented and slurred her speech, she claimed she hadn’t had a drink in 16 years. But she’d taken the anti-anxiety medication Xanax a half-hour earlier, and sometimes took medications for chronic back pain.

• A 60-year-old man was found asleep in his car, which was blocking traffic on Harbor Drive. His blood-alcohol content was well under the legal limit but a blood test showed he had the opioid painkiller hydrocodone in his system, as well as clonazepam, a sedative that treats seizures, panic disorder, and anxiety. several factors contribute to this trend.

As our population ages, more people are taking prescription drugs and driving after taking them. Many people who use cannabis think it makes them better drivers, but studies show that even small amounts can have huge impacts, such as slowing a driver’s response.

Often drivers have been taking a medication for years and think it no longer affects them, since they are accustomed to it. But it does — especially when mixed with even a small amount of alcohol, another drug, or even cold medicine.

People are also taking medicines in greater doses than prescribed, not realizing the effects.

And with drug prices so high, many seniors swap medicines with friends or use old prescriptions for new ailments.

Seniors’ medicine cabinets are also a source of drugs for younger family members and thieves.

Anyone with a prescription for any kind of drug should be aware of how and where it is stored, and these medications should not be accessible to children, teens, or visitors to your home.

And I urge you to be especially vigilant this holiday season, when many people drink more than usual. Keep a careful eye on yourselves and others who get behind the wheel of a car.

Hail a cab, call a ride-sharing service, have a friend or family member drive, or better yet, stay home. There are plenty of options that won’t end in a life-changing accident or land you in court.

AN SDG&E® EXCLUSIVE FILM

EVERYTHING IN OUR POWER AN INSIDE LOOK AT THE FIGHT AGAINST WILDFIRES

NOW PLAYING on sdge.com/wildfire-safety

© 2019 San Diego Gas & Electric Company. Trademarks are theproperty of their respective owners. All rights reserved.

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4 things i’m leaving behind in 2019 by mikey Rox

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new year means new beginnings, and 2020 will be a doozy for me. To get a head start on my best self ever, here’s what I’m leaving in the dust in 2019.

MY HoMe About a year ago I took stock of my life and what I wanted for my future. It was a comfy life, for sure. I owned a house and a condo by the beach in Asbury Park, New Jersey, but despite that abundance, I was unhappy. I separated from my husband in 2015 and moved to those shore properties as a result. These homes were great as getaways during our mutual life in Manhattan, but I never expected them to serve as my primary residences.

While I made the situation work – Airbnbing those properties for extra income – the constant traveling back and forth between the two (and playing maid to sometimes inconsiderate guests) became a burden. So in 2018, I said fuck it all, listed the real estate earlier this year, and devised a

plan to buy a van and have it retrofitted for living.

I sold the last vestiges of that old life in September, had the van finished by October, and I’m eagerly awaiting my departure date on Jan. 2.

Where will I go? Everywhere.

I want to see everything. Most importantly, I want to live again. I’m scared and nervous, and I may very well never come back from the abyss. But it sure as hell beats drinking myself to death or plopping on a couch every night waiting to die. Sounds melodramatic, yeah, but a lost relationship can rip your heart out, and what I need right now is to focus on me. Relearn how to love me again. And right now, this is the best way I know how.

ToxIc reLaTIonSHIPS After my divorce, I started a new relationship that lasted 3 1/2 years, but ended recently.

I won’t shame my ex-partner publicly through this column – he did things, I did things – but in the end it didn’t work out. Too many outside factors

were involved – like his meddling family – and we weren’t able to thrive like an adult couple should. As much as we tried, we couldn’t make it. In hindsight, we’re very different people on very different paths.

I’m not mad at it though. It happens.

To all of us.

Life moves on; mine will too. And I’m eager to watch all that toxicity stay right where it belongs – in my rearview mirror.

exceSS SHoPPInG For the past decade, I’ve written outside the LGBT community as a mainstream personal finance expert. I teach people through my articles how to spend and save smarter, how to get off their asses and make extra money, and how to be thankful for the things they already have, even when the Joneses seem to have it better. The latter is a fool’s game, however – appearances are almost always deceiving – but that doesn’t mean that I don’t slip up.

I’m completely debt-free, which is a testament to my own hard work and dedication (which is not to sound braggy by the way, but I do think I’m allowed to be proud of that), but that doesn’t mean I don’t still indulge. I love shopping for clothing, accessories and art. Those are my retail vices. But I’m giving them up in 2020. Mostly because I don’t have room for anything else that’s not already in my 15-square-foot van – primarily survival gear because I don’t want to die out there.

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anxIeTY anD DePreSSIon I’ve been on anti-depressants since my early 20s. I have no shame in admitting that, because mental health and well-being should be discussed by everyone. The first few years were a disaster, trying various drugs to balance my mood, but nothing seemed to work. They either made me sick or zapped my dick. What’s the point of being happy if I can’t have sex? There is none, so I abandoned those incompatible SSRIs and earnestly looked for a treatment without side effects.

For the past seven years, I’ve been on a miracle drug – for me, at least – called Trazodone. It works two-fold – I feel better and I sleep better, which also was an issue for me. Combine that with an asneeded Xanax every now and again, and I can get through the day without blowing someone’s head off. Major coup.

While these meds work for me, I’m starting to wonder if another drug can replace them – a drug called nature. When I leave this static life behind for one filled with adventure and new faces in new places, maybe, just maybe that’ll be what my body and mind required all along. I’m currently discussing with my doctor how to safely wean off the drugs in order to be free and experience genuine clarity. I don’t know if that’s possible, but I have to try.

Of course, if you see my mug shot on the TV in few months… well, let’s just keep our fingers crossed.

—Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world.

He spends his time writing from the beach with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyroxtravels

lgbtQ san diego County news PO Box 34664 San Diego, CA 92163 publisher Terry Sidie assoCiate publisher Nicole Murray Ramirez nicolemrsd1@gmail.com 619-241-5672 Creative direCtor Cesar A. Reyes creativedirector@lgbtqsd.news editor-in-Chief Albert H. Fulcher editor@lgbtqsd.news 619-315-8194 sales sales@lgbtqsd.news staff photographer Big Mike Phillips Bmsd1957@gmail.com 619-807-7324 Copy editor Dustin Lothspeich web and soCial Media info@lgbtq.news CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Alzheimer’s Association of San DiegoImperial County Benny Cartwright Mara W. Elliott Korie Houston Michael Kimmel Connor Maddocks Mikey Rox Matt Sunderland Tootie Octavio Vasquez Chris Ward distribution LGBTQ San Diego County News is distributed free every other Friday of the month. © 2019. All rights reserved.

opinion/letters LGBTQ San Diego County News encourages letters to the editor and guest editorials. Please email them directly to editor@lgbtqsd.news and include your name, phone number and address for verification. We reserve the right to edit letters for brevity and accuracy. Letters and guest editorials do not necessarily reflect the views of the publishers or staff. subMission/news tips Press releases and story ideas are welcomed. Send press releases, tips, photos or story ideas to editor@lgbtqsd.news. For breaking news and Investigative story ideas, contact the editor by phone or email.

Copyright © 2019 LGBTQ San Diego County News editor’s note: The opinions written in this publication’s editorial and opinion pages are the author’s own and does not necessarily represent the opinions of the staff and/or publisher of LGBTQ San Diego County News. The newspaper and its staff should be held harmless of liability or damages.

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Conversations with Nicole

Nicole Murray Ramirez —Nicole Murray Ramirez has been writing a column since 1973. He has been a Latino/gay activist for almost half a century and has advised and served the last seven mayors of San Diego. Named the ‘Honorary Mayor of Hillcrest’ by a city proclamation, he has received many media awards including from the prestigious San Diego Press Club. Reach Nicole at Nicolemrsd1@gmail.com and follow him on Twitter @Nmrsd2.

Mayor Kevin Faulconer at “the laying of the steel” ceremony for the USNS Harvey Milk at NASSCO on Dec. 13.

(Photos by Big Mike Phillips)

thank you, Mayor Faulconer: UsNs harvey Milk

W ‘Richard Jewell’ movie gets Almost everyone remembers the bombing at the 1996 Olympics held in Atlanta, Georgia. One hundred people were injured and two died. This movie should get an Oscar nomination as well as the actors who played Richard Jewell (Paul Walter Hauser) and his mother (Kathy Bates). This true story is about how Jewell, a security guard hired by the Olympics, discovered a bomb in Atlanta’s Centennial Park.

He was first hailed as a hero but then quickly became the investigation’s main suspect. His life and reputation were almost completed ruined by the FBI and the media. Jewell was just a simple-minded security guard, a down-to-earth Southern “good ole boy,” a card-carrying proud NRA member and a loving mama’s boy who was almost framed by the FBI and then maligned by a susceptible American media. A FBI agent who was having sex with a woman reporter leaked it to her that the FBI was looking at a security guard as a possible suspect.

She then wrote a front-page story that the world media retold. Then, Jewell and his mother’s life became a living hell. Jewell, who was a heterosexual woman-loving man, had a very good friend who was gay and named Dave Dutchess. The FBI tried to make him an accomplice of the bombing and kept asking Jewell and Dutchess if they were lovers. Jewell passed the lie detector test with flying colors and that didn’t help with the media.

Finally, after months, the FBI had no choice but to officially say Jewell was not a suspect. He later became an Atlanta policeman and died in the 1980s of a heart attack. What this story tells you is that yes, at times the FBI lies and tries to frame people and if they tried it on this white, NRA, Republican Southerner, you know that some of the stories of such framing of African Americans, etc. are absolutely true. I thank award-winning actor and producer Clint Eastwood for making this picture!

hile I do appreciate being recognized as the person who came up with the ideas for a Harvey Milk U.S. postage stamp, the first Harvey Milk Street (proudly in San Diego) and the USNS Harvey Milk, I have never ever accomplished these three historic happenings all by myself. Countless people have gotten behind my visions and made it happen. Yes, “it takes a village.” When it comes to the Harvey Milk U.S. postage stamp and the USNS Harvey Milk, these two became a reality because

(l to r) Steven Blocker and Nicole Murray Ramirez at the Gay Men’s Spiritual Retreat’s annual holiday Spaghetti Dinner.

(Photo by Nicole Murray Ramirez)

the gMsR’s spaghetti Dinner Every year, there is a three-day annual retreat for gay men called the Gay Men’s Spiritual Retreat (GMSR) held in the beautiful Julian mountains. This retreat not only changes lives but in many ways saves lives. This annual retreat will be held in June of 2020 with the theme “Breaking Through.” Many of the attendees are recovering from drug and alcohol abuse, which seems to be a subject that so many in the LGBTQ community like to ignore or sweep under the rug. I again this year attended their annual holiday fabulous Spaghetti Dinner at our LGBT Community Center with two of my recovering friends. They played a very moving picture about gay men coming out of their closets to their families and about some rejections and acceptance. The Imperial Court de San Diego sponsored a table and well over 200 people were in attendance.

I have been around for now over a half a century in San Diego and it’s sad how many don’t support our sober LGBTQ community or ignore their main organizations: Stepping Stone and the Alano Club. As a person that went through a heavy drug-using time in the 1960s and 1970s, overdosed three times, yes, I am a recovering drug addict. I want to thank Stepping Stone, Alano Club and the LGBT Community Center for all you do for my fellow brothers and sisters, God bless you all.

of the International Imperial Court System of the U.S., Canada and Mexico (founded in 1965) which now has chapters in 70 cities. I may have been the chair of both of these national letter-writing campaigns, but they wrote the countless letters to the postmaster general and the secretary of the Navy. When I came up with the idea for San Diego to dedicate a street after Harvey Milk, which now leads to the doors of our San Diego LGBT Community Center, I first approached then-City Councilman Todd Gloria, who then carried the ball within City Hall.

When I came up with the idea for an annual Harvey Milk Diversity Breakfast, it was Dr. Delores Jacobs and nowState Commissioner Robert Gleason who gave me their full support and were my co-chairs of the breakfast.

Now about the recent ceremony “the laying of the steel.”

Yes, it was the first ceremony of three when it comes to any Naval vessel (including the USNS Harvey Milk).

The first ceremony is rightfully focused on the workers (shipbuilders) — in this case, at NASSCO in San Diego.

The first ceremony is usually in-house and low key. Well, as some said, I kinda highjacked the ceremony into a bigger one because of the historic vessel it will be and the campaign that it took to get it.

If it wasn’t for the 100% backing of our Mayor Kevin Faulconer and his staff (especially Eric Young) and the understanding and permission of NASSCO, especially Dennis DuBard of the Government Relations Department, there would not have been this proper ceremony and I couldn’t have invited the 15 LGBT veterans and five active LGBT Navy personnel to this event. Because trust me, without the support of Mayor Faulconer, NASSCO would have thought I was just an old crazy queen.

A special thank you to Stuart Milk who went out of his way and his speech was one of the highlights of this event.

So, thank you Mayor Faulconer, NASSCO and the International Imperial Court System!

(l to r) Fox San Diego broadc Ramirez and San Diego’s ast journalist Maria Arcega-Dunn, City Com missioner Nicole Murray First Lady Katherine Stu Hillcrest on Dec. 15. art Faulconer at the gra nd opening of Babyca kes

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surprise! i was wrong

LiFE bEYOND thERapY Michael Kimmel —Michael Kimmel is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in helping LGBT clients achieve their goals and deal with anxiety, depression, grief, sexually addictive behavior, coming out, relationship challenges and homophobia.

Contact him at 619-955-3311 or visit lifebeyondtherapy.com.

W

hen I wrote the initial proposal for my book, it was called “The Queer Person’s Guide to Love, Monogamy and Open Relationships” and it addressed monogamy and open relationships in the LGBTQ community.

After reading the proposal, my agent said, “You need to focus more specifically on gay men, or I can’t sell it.” So, I took her advice, rewrote the book proposal and she promptly sold it to a major publisher.

I’ve always regretted, however, that I had to delete all the parts of the book that addressed monogamy and open relationships among lesbians, bisexual and transgender women.

Did you know that the author doesn’t get to decide the title of their own book?

Neither did I. When the book came out, the title was so gender-specific (e.g., “The Gay Man’s Guide to Open and Monogamous Marriage”) that I thought women never would read it. Surprise! I was wrong and I’m happy to be wrong. Since the book was published, I’ve gotten many emails/Facebook messages from queer women. Have are three examples: Dear Michael: We are a happy, healthy lesbian couple.

We read your book because there’s nothing like it for women. It has been really helpful for us, especially the exercises for couples to do together. We wonder if you would consider writing a book specifically for female couples?

Dear Dr. Kimmel: My wife and I just finished your book and thought it was awesome. We were surprised how useful it is for female couples. One question: are there major differences between monogamous female couples and monogamous male couples?

Dear Michael: I am in a monogamous lesbian relationship and my girlfriend and I are reading your book. She wants to keep our relationship monogamous, but I would like to explore being more sexual with other women. Any other books you might suggest?

As a psychotherapist in the queer San Diego community for about 20 years now, I find these questions fascinating.

I have been working with LGBTQ couples long before I wrote my book (in 2017).

Most of the ways that a good psychotherapist helps couples are pretty universal, regardless of gender: communications aren’t so good; there’s jealousy or insecurity; family of origin issues raise their ugly heads; the same

arguments happen over and over; unfulfilling sexual lives get worse; boredom rears its ugly head; someone has an affair … etc., etc., etc.

That said, as queer people, our lives and relationships are played out in a predominantly straight world.

Straight psychotherapists often don’t really “get” us. No matter how well-intentioned, they don’t know what it’s like to be us, to have our relationships and to live in a world whose movies, films and music are basically not for us.

When I talk with heterosexual colleagues who tell me that working with queer clients is one of their “specialties”, it makes me wonder, “Really? How can they know what our lives are actually like?” I used to have heterosexual therapists, and while they were helpful, there was always a part of me that they couldn’t relate to. At this point in my life, I want a queer therapist who is familiar with being LGBTQ in a mostly straight world…

Let me close by responding to the above three queries from queer women: To writer No.1: I’m glad

you find the exercises in the book helpful (they work well for any couple and I use them in my practice). I wouldn’t write a book specifically for queer women because I’m not one and there are already a lot of good books out there specifically for lesbians. I Googled “great books for lesbian relationships” and found more good books than I can mention here.

To writer No. 2: In general (please don’t kill me for this), male couples — with all that testosterone — usually place more importance on sex (frequency and variety) than female couples do. I talk about that in detail in my book.

To writer No. 3: My book addresses issues — like jealousy and insecurity — that are typical when any two (or more) people in a relationship consider non-monogamy. If you’re considering opening up your relationship, you might check out “The Ethical Slut,” an excellent book written by two amazing queer women.

Graphic by rawpixel .com

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big MiKE aND FRiENDs big Mike phillips —Big Mike Phillips is an activist, fundraiser, bartender and photographer who has lived in San Diego for 30 years. He has helped create two nonprofits and raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for charity. He has been a photographer for more than 25 years and has recorded our LGBTQ history not only in San Diego but around the country, including three LGBTQ marches on Washington D.C. Contact Big Mike at 619-8077324, or bmsd1957@gmail.com.

S

an Diego is truly a rainbow of creative, fun and colorful people that shine in their own way to enhance the culture of our city. Every day, I meet individuals that empower their dreams and ideas and share them with the rest of us. One such person is my friend Sean Barnes, who opened his dream store love & aesthetics in a co-op in Little Italy more than eight years ago. When he started, he had one space in the co-op and so much self-doubt.

Sean knew that he was starting something that was going to be so personal to him and so diferent to San Diego that he had it in his heart he would fail. But it meant so much to him and he really believed in it so much that he was determined to make it work. Sean’s point of view was to show people a diverse group of vendors and gather artists with unique, creative and different styles of work that needed to be showcased and introduce their creativity that had never been seen or even understood in his store. The month of Sean’s grand opening in the co-op, his mother had her second brain aneurysm, and sadly it ended her life. He flew back to San Diego the week after his mom’s funeral and had to celebrate the opening of his passion, his love and his heart. For several months, he had so much sadness, yet so much love toward his store. So much of what the store was about was based on his mom and Sean’s childhood. This is where the darkness of the store comes from. He knew his mom was all around him after she passed, pushing him to constantly be better. She was so incredibly artistic and beautiful.

This is where the overall base of love & aesthetics stems from.

With any darkness stems beauty and with any beauty brings darkness. We need to rise from anything that pushes us down, much like the artists Sean works with. They are not the norm, not the mainstream — these artists are incredible, talented people that work with what they are passionate about. They work from the heart and soul; love & aesthetics is about working with people who care and love what they do. It’s not about mass production, getting rich or even being famous. It is about finding that one diamond in the darkness that makes your heart happy.

Sean prides himself that love & aesthetics is constantly changing. They get shipments daily and their inventory rotates monthly. The store’s selection, look and energy are based on what is going on in Sean’s mind and heart. He is providing a lifestyle store where he invites consumers into a place that is personal and so meaningful. He introduces people to artists and products that might make them laugh, feel scared and maybe sometimes uncomfortable. It may not be for everyone, but it is for Sean and he hopes that people embrace it. Since opening his first store, Sean has been fortunate to expand his creative dream to other locations. Six years ago, he went from his co-op to his own space in Little Italy, then fell in love with a space and opened a store in North Park five years ago. Just two years ago, Sean paired up with family and opened a store in Ocean Springs, Mississippi. This is a city that his mom had consistently talked about when she was alive. Sean’s parents lived in Pensacola and would visit Ocean

sean barnes of love & aesthetic

Big Mike and Sean Barnes of love & aesthetic (Photos by Big Mike Phillips)

“It’s not about mass production, getting rich or even being famous.

It is about finding that one diamond in the darkness that makes your heart happy.”

— Big Mike Phillips

Sean Barnes dream store love & aesthetics

Springs often for art shows.

Recently love & aesthetic moved into Palm Springs.

Sean paired up with his friends at Krave and Kulture to open a store in their space.

He has several other works on the horizon, and we look forward to seeing what the future holds for Sean’s adventures.

Sean grew up as a military brat and lived all over, growing up in a military family that moved constantly. The family was usually in a city for two years at the most, then transferred to another base.

Moving around nonstop was so hard; Sean would make a close friend and then move a year later as soon as they became good friends. He hated being in a military family when he was younger but now looks back at it and feels so lucky. One good thing about moving around is that he got to see a lot of the United States and meet all walks of life. Growing up with a colonel as a father in the Army taught him a lot of discipline and respect. Sean’s mom was his best friend and an amazing artist; they were the perfect ying and yang growing up. Every time the family would move with the Army, they would meet such a diverse group of people but it still was such a challenge and so diferent.

One of Sean’s favorite cities he lived in was Colorado Springs. There, he learned to ski and later became part of the ski team and ski patrol.

From there, they went on to Burke, Virginia where he found himself constantly going to Washington, D.C. Sean said that D.C. will always hold a special place in his heart. It was then he became a vegetarian, learned about punk rock and he initially found his first bit of independence. Being in a military family, you never know where to tell people where you are from. Sean was born in Oklahoma, but he honestly knows nothing of it because they moved when he was so young. Both parents

have family all over the United States, so they never really had a base to consistently go back to. He has been in San Diego longer than any other place and he consider this his home now. Military life surely opened Sean’s eyes to so many things, including so many diverse walks of life.

Not only does Sean own three retail lifestyle stores, he also has a design/consulting business that specializes in commercial design, consulting and buying. On top of all that, he loves painting when he has a free moment. Sean works a ton so to relax, he usually likes to hide and take time for self-care. As a huge fan of live music, he tries to see as many concerts and theater that he possible can.

San Diego is very fortunate to have Sean as a member of our city, community and LGBTQ family. He gives back to a charity of choice to honor his mom who had a rare disease called Behcet’s syndrome.

Sean has chosen to donate and bring awareness to the American Behcet’s Disease Association. He has also worked closely with Mostly Monkeys, which is a nonprofit sanctuary in San Diego that provides long-term care for a variety of exotic animals. And it is not uncommon to find him donating gift certificates or items to local LBGTQ charities in San Diego.

Thank you, Sean, for bringing and introducing us to so many different artists through your store. Bringing art, people, love and aesthetics together.

for creative ideas and how to contact sean: sean@loveandaesthetics.com loveandaesthetics.com instagram.com /loveandaesthetics

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giving back to the youth

thE C wORD …

COMMUNitY tootie

More than 1,200 children attended the holiday excitement at the Copley-Price YMCA holiday.

—Tootie is synonymous with Lips, executive director at the El Cajon Boulevard Business Improvement Association, and chair of the Mid-City Community Parking District, vegan and mahu.

Contact Tootie at Nefertootie@gmail.com.

I

was invited to the Copley-Price YMCA on El Cajon Boulevard that serves the Mid-City. The event was a holiday gift giveaway to children in need from City Heights, and surrounding areas. Rooms at the YMCA were decorated with a winter theme, games, crafts and gifts galore. Most moving, a line of children and their guardians/parents formed around the block, there for the giveaway! I was hooked, for four years, I have been reserving this December date to help and make the season more magical for these families. Julian Villegas, the Y’s executive director, said that “the Copley-Price YMCA puts on one of the largest events here in City Heights.

The YMCA provides many opportunities for those who are in need. The holiday gift giveaway brings so many of us together.”

More than 1,200 children lined up early on a Saturday morning with holiday excitement, while their parents fill out an eligibility form with help from Y staff and board members. The kids are led into the gym, tables piled high with gifts for each age group. All the gifts are wrapped, so

Gay for Good showed up two days prior with equipment and supplies to tackle the task of wrapping brand-new toys.

there’s a lot of shaking and eyeing up of which one will be the best. For a 7-yearold, this is maybe the biggest decision of the year.

Overcome with excitement, some plop down and open it right there, a few will wait for the 25th. This may be one of only a couple gifts under their tree this year.

They all leave with eyes gleaming and the day is not over. There are activities, games, performances, and a bike raffle.

More than 50 bikes, provided by United Healthcare, are up for

“This is one of my favorite events of the year because so many kids get an opportunity that they wouldn’t otherwise have. We’re the lucky ones to be able to put this on.”

— Robert Price

grabs — and each kid dreams they have the lucky ticket. FM104.5 does yet another gift giveaway and keeps the fun outdoor soccer field jamming with tunes. George Rivera, a fellow board member, is the radio contact and is joined by other board members,

events @ThECEnTEr Every 2nd Tuesday and 4th Wednesday of the month

Holiday Hours: The Center will be closed 12/24 & 12/ 25 and 12/31 & 1/1.

Free name & Gender-Marker Changes Clinic, 6:30-9 pm, The Center Join us for this free clinic for transgender and non-binary individuals seeking name and/or gender-marker changes on official documents. This critical clinic is provided by the University of San Diego School of Law, Tom Homann Law Association, and The San Diego LGBT Community Center and will provide student and attorney volunteers to help you complete court paperwork and requests for fee waivers.

Upcoming early 2020 dates: January 14 & 22; February 11 & 26; and March 10 & 26. Appointments preferred and highly recommended. Please email helen at transclinic.sandiego@gmail.com.

Tuesdays, starting Jan 7, 2020

Acting Class Series 10 am-12 pm, The Center Auditorium & Stage

Expand Your Leadership!

If you are looking to enhance your leadership skills, then the Young Professionals Council (YPC) is for you! The YPC Academy helps to expand the ranks of young LGBTQ leaders that are ready to expand their leadership in the LGBTQ justice movement by enhancing their skill set and network, with the goal of activating them to grow in positions of influence through movement building, board service, and elected office. Applications are now open, with a deadline of December 31 at 8pm. For more information, contact the YPC Staff Liaison at ypc@the centersd.org.

www.thecentersd.org The San Diego LGBT Community Center 3909 Centre Street • 619-692-2077

Twitter: @LGBTCenter

facebook.com/At.The.Center

More than 50 bikes, provided by United Healthcare, are up for grabs at the Copley-Price YMCA (Photos by Tootie)

Join this 8-week acting class series!

Instructor Dana Hooley has been a professional stage and film actor for over 38 years. She is also a teacher and director. She is an Associate Artist with Sledgehammer Theatre, Diversionary Theatre, and New Fortune Theatre. She works with beginners, advanced students and working actors. The class will consist of scenestudy and monologues. Cost: $125 for class series. For more information and registration, contact Dana at 619-723-1421 or Danathummipad@icloud.com.

different clubs, and organizations who come together to put this on. George said, “I wish you guys could see all these little happy faces.

I‘m very blessed to be surrounded by a lot of beautiful people.”

Some of those beautiful people this year were from Gay for Good (gayforgood. org), who showed up two days prior with equipment and supplies to tackle the daunting task of wrapping these odd shaped, brand new toys. This was Gay for Good’s second year and Barbara Cosio-Morena, a leader in the organization committed to volunteering, said that “It has quickly become one of our group’s favorite events of the year.” She said that three members from the Orange County chapter joined them. “Volunteers were texting me to say, ‘I’m on my way!’ or ‘Save some gifts for me!’” Barbara said. More photos from Dennis Carey Wood: http://bit.ly/34vmez4.

I ran into the man who planted the seed for all of this by donating land, time and money to build the stateof-the-art YMCA with the expressed goal of bettering City Heights: Robert Price from Price Charities.

“This is one of my favorite events of the year because so many kids get an opportunity that they wouldn’t otherwise have. We’re the lucky ones to be able to put this on,” Price said.

Villegas, who Price commends for his leadership, says that the Copley-Price YMCA places a premium value on diversity and inclusion of the LGBTQ community as staff, partners and members will host a diversity summit along with San Diego Pride in April.

2020 looks like a powerhouse year and Liz Ruch, a fellow board member and partner at this holiday event,

started Y-Strong Girls to benefit teen girls.

“We welcome all persons who identify as a girl, we accept you, no questions asked,” she said. Y-Strong Girls is funded separately from the YMCA, through donations expressly earmarked. Y-Strong Girls meets once a week for yoga, dinner, social time, and a group discussion with guest speakers who encourage and inspire ideas of career paths available such as law enforcement, tech, science and health. They’re treated to crafts, jewelry making, and the experience of volunteering to work with seniors.

This reflects the intergenerational mix and inclusion at the Copley-Price YMCA. YStrong Girls are held to their commitment and aided in attending meeting and events, keeping up their academics and maintaining a physical healthy lifestyle. The YMCA provides the now 60 girls with membership that allows them to keep fit and strong.

Liz started with 10 girls, five years ago, and said that she is always “accepting women volunteers, mentors and professionals who are looking to help and inspire.” While exposing these young women ages 13-18 to culture, they also spend time expanding their world view, discussing opinions on current affairs and issues, finding their voice and identity. The participants learn how to interview for a job, how to be assertive in a professional environment and the basics of how to shake a hand and introduce themselves. “If these girls take nothing else from me while here, it’s that they are to stand tall and look someone in the eye and tell them who they are,” she said. Liz is a dynamo who is creating young female dynamos with the help of community.

For a way to get involved, mentor, give words of encouragement, or support the $50,000 yearly budget that provides all this plus two big outings (one to the theater and the other a surf camp), send an email to elizabeth. ruch1@gmail.com.

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the seven gifts of Christmas

tRaNs taLK with CONNOR Connor Maddocks —Connor Maddocks has been a civil rights advocate in the San Diego transgender community for years. He does trainings on legal and personal transition information. He continues his work, even though he is now retired. Contact Conner at Neon411@gmail.com.

“Love for who they are, not what you want them to be, love doesn’t mean control or lies. Love is love.”

— Connor Maddocks

A

s the holiday season descends upon us, I would like to give these gifts to you all. They were given to me as I grew, it’s time to pass them on.

These gifts are meant to be used and re-gifted to whoever you like. These gifts are great to be given to a neighbor, even if you don’t know them. A friend, coworker, or even that jerk at the bus station, the homophobic supervisor or that transphobic HR person. So many people out there could use these gifts.

They were all gifted to me as I was learning my life lessons. I took a few bumps along the way, but it was worth it. The boxes are wrapped as you see them. Whatever color, picture wrapping or plain, big bows or skinny ribbon bows. It will be what you see because these boxes are about your truth, your values, your glitter, your outlook on life. What kind of box are you?

Box no. 1: eDucaTIon Now this is a huge present. Enjoy it, read what you can, watch educational programs, listen to podcasts. Talk to someone who is from a different culture, gender identity, sexual identity or anything that is different and get to know them as a person. Think about new ways to educate yourself. Read about, then talk to a trans person and ask them questions that popped up for you but ask before you go “down under” with those questions please. This is a very powerful gift. Use it wisely.

Box no. 2: eDucaTIon PoSTDoc So now that you are so smart, you want to continue your education. This gift will let you learn all about transgender people. This will be an in-depth study and part of this program can be very difficult. So here is the basic outline: Who they are, their struggles, why they hide, how you can be a better ally.

Name, pronouns, explanation of genders.

Gender-nonconforming and nonbinary folks.

If you identify as transgender, your postdoc will encompass time to learn about the gay community. Who are they? What are they all about? What terms do they use for identification? How are you alike?

Not alike?

Box no. 3: FooD This box is about eating food. Meals are part of every culture on earth. As the holidays are coming, think about asking someone you haven’t seen in a while to lunch or buying lunch for a person off the street. Better yet, sit down with them and get to know them a little bit. Invite someone you know who is transgender or nonbinary, from a different country or culture and share a meal.

Get out of your comfort zone and travel to San Diego’s other neighborhoods and enjoy some amazing food. Do something uncomfortable until you are comfortable and keep asking yourself what is making you uncomfortable. Tough honesty is encouraged here.

Box no. 4: THe cHaLLenGe! Are you up for it? As the next year begins, you will find in this box the staff of protection. Take this staff and it will give you courage. When you believe in yourself, your journey of protection can begin. From now

on, you won’t be that bystander, or the window watcher, or the see-something-do-nothing person anymore. From now on, you will call 911, or stay with a victim, safely follow the bad guy for police, grab that poor puppy before he is smooshed. Be the protector for yourself and those around you! Do what you can in the safest possible way. Do not go over your limits. But do something. Are you up for this challenge?

Box no. 5: TaLenTS Inside this box is some fun stuff. Do you have a talent? Can you sing? Dance? Play the oboe? Anything? Do you skateboard? Paint? Fastest hotdog eater on the boardwalk? Well, don’t keep these fabulous wonders to yourselves, share them. Tutor a trans or gay kid, they will feel safe with you, so will mom. You can teach grownups too. Offer to play at a nursing home, or one of those low-income housing places. Find some friends and put on a street concert for everyone. Perform your talent for kids at Rady’s. Just share whatever it is you do. It will make you feel like a million bucks. Where do you find a kid? Go ask your mother. Seriously, contact local schools or music or art teachers. LGBTQ youth programs like The San Diego LGBT Community Center has and San Diego LGBT Pride.

You will find what is meant for you to do.

Box no. 6: rInG oF FaTe No. 6 was given to me after I quickly traded No. 5 away. I believed I had no talents. But No. 6 is a pretty box but what’s inside, well, it was totally me. Maybe it is totally you, too.

This box has the ring of fate. If you put the ring on, it will help lead you to find which places need you to volunteer. There are hundreds of places and all kinds of jobs to volunteer for out there. Don’t give me that “I have no time.” Stonewall Patrol, for example, asks for three hours a month — who doesn’t have that? Who knows, maybe the love of your life is there, or your new contractor, real estate agent, a Pride trans guy who can help with name and gender paperwork. To top it off, you will have such a blast, meet so many wonderful people and you might work so hard, you go home and collapse. While all these new memories circle in your brain and you smile that stupid smile on your face, wow what I day I had.

Box no. 7: THe Box oF Love.

This is the best box of all. Love is a funny thing. It has so many different meanings. It can be found in many different places and from many unusual suiters.

The trick of it is, try to learn to recognize real love and grab hold

of it. Love for who they are, not what you want them to be, love doesn’t mean control or lies. Love is love.

HaPPY HoLIDaYS To You anD YourS.

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ENtERtaiNMENt

lgbtqsd.news

(l to r) Wally (Markuz Rodriguez) doesn’t know how to react as Mayfield (Jake Bevill) a very young paleontologist turned stripper comes on strong on their first blind date.

Love, sex and marriage again?

By albert Fulcher

F

ull of raw humor that breaks into belly laughs, “Wally & His Lover Boys” tackles the issues of getting older in the gay dating scene with a lot of cheeky hilarity, and some bare cheeks.

A refreshing comedy, the story follows Wally (Markuz Rodriguez) as he navigates the dating scene as a “silver fox” after two divorces — once to a woman, who he has a son (Colby) with, and a second long-term marriage to a man.

The first half of the play takes place at the Muddy Rudder restaurant, where Wally is using a blind-dating app to meet up with his first date in a very long time. His nervousness was believably funny, checking how he looks using a silver spoon as he waits to see who is coming to dinner. It just so happens, or not so, that his best friend Charlie (Juan Hernandez) is a waiter at the restaurant and is there to support (or not) his friend.

Charlie comes straight forward as a bitter old queen, but underneath, even his sharp words and slimy quips can’t hide his devotion to Wally.

Much to their surprise, walks in Mayfield (Jake Bevill), who is a palynologist, but makes his living as a stripper.

And, he’s about Colby’s age.

It is not long before Mayfield is throwing his clothes off in the restaurant and displaying his profession in nothing but a jockstrap. So much happens in dialogue and scene, it is a romping fun time that never misses a beat, and neither did the performers. From oneliners to intense interchange, this play, which travels over a few years, keeps you guessing what’s coming next.

Well, 18 months later, still

in the Muddy Rudder, Wally is waiting for Mayfield for their first anniversary, and he is late, as always. Charlie tries convincing Wally that Mayfield is always late because he is blowing everyone in town after his gigs, but Wally is blinded to the truth, or at least wants to be. There is some great chemistry between Wally and Charlie and being close to the same age, their conversations, however crude or direct, showed a connection of true friendship. Wally knows he’s right, but his fear of a third failed marriage, but finally

“So much happens in dialogue and scene, it is a romping fun time that never misses a beat, and neither did the performers. From one-liners to intense interchange, this play, which travels over a few years, keeps you guessing what’s coming next.”

— Albert H. Fulcher

forfeits to the truth and Wally finds himself, an older gay man, alone again.

Fast forward a year later and Wally is seeing a young prostitute Bart (Hunter Brown). Wally is bitter, waiting for his Viagra to kick in when Bart tells Wally that he is in love with him. Well, Bart, with his sweet Southern charm and always reciting the wise words of his Aunt Patty (Claudette Santiago), stole many a heart during his performance. Although he didn’t have the quirky, rough lines that filled the rest of the show, his allure was in his simplicity. But even this did not stop

the continuous rhythm of an ever-changing story.

Fast pace forward. Bart convinces Wally of his love and they plan to marry. The ex, Mayfield drops a bomb that he’s dating Wally’s son Colby (whom you never see) and wants to marry him and the infamous Aunt Patty is traveling to come to the wedding.

Colby dumps Mayfield and he tries to win back Wally the same way he caught him the first time, by stripping down to the first jockstrap he wore when they first met. That’s when Bart, Aunt Patty and Charlie enter the room.

Aunt Patty is as extreme as they come, both in word and fashion, really taking a dig at rural Southern mentality, but in a great way. This outlandish character stood out, and there was no way to miss her, and you didn’t want to. Her character was essential to, well, should I say “climax,” to this extremely entertaining play.

It was a Mel Brooks-ish, Keystone Cops kind of vibe throughout the play and hit the funny bone in the gayest of ways. Choreographer turned playwright and director Michael Mizerany did a phenomenal job at pulling all of this together and bringing it to life with wonderful casting.

Every role was essential, every line laid perfectly, and a little bare cheek never hurt anyone.

Even in “the splash zone.”

The Black Box Theatre was a great venue for this play presented by Compulsion Dance & Theatre. Just as the story, this play was in your face and so it should be. It’s an in-yourface kind of production that deserves attention. Hopefully, Mizerany will bring us an encore.

ReacH YouR

TaRGeT auDieNce aDveRTise WiTH us

aDsales@lGBTQsD.NeWs

CaLENDaR

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deC 20, 2019 - JAn 2, 2020 volume 1 issue 6

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Dec20 Jan2 DEC 20

WHipS n FuRS Whips N Furs slithers back through the doors and to the stage of Space Bar in North Park for its Nicky Awardnominated queer/trans dance party and drag show! Last year, Santa was pretty “sick” and this year plans to be even “sicker.”

Come join for a punk rock drag spectacular hosted by Vivvi the Force and resident DJ Jon Doss.

Pre-show: 11 p.m. Freakshow cast: Sienna Desire, Satanna, Luna Naughty, Monica jock and filthy special guest JokRok. Games, Santa costumes encouraged. $10 suggested donation. 11 p.m.-2 a.m. 3519 El Cajon Blvd. bit.ly/2RSFXGf

DEC 20

BeRnie SAndeRS immigRATion ToWn HALL Bernie 2020 has seen an outpouring of support in the Golden State — particularly among young and Latino voters. The California campaign has surpassed 8 million attempted voter contacts, opened five offices, held more than 4,300 events, and more than 760,000 people have taken action with the campaign. This event is free and open to the public. Tickets are not required, but an RSVP is encouraged. Entrance is provided on a first-come, firstserved basis. Parking is limited; attendees are encouraged to walk, bike, or carpool. San Ysidro High School Athletic Quad, 5353 Airway Rd. 4:307:30 p.m. bit.ly/2POYksZ

DEC 21

oneSie & pAjAmA pARTy Join Gossip Grill for its annual Winter Wonderland Onesie & Pajama Party. Grab your onesie and come play while it snows at Gossip. The snow will fall every hour on the hour starting at 8 p.m. Wear a onesie and receive complimentary cover and half-off your first drink.

DJ Kinky Loops will be on the decks keeping you warm.

Snuggle up by the fire and enjoy $6.25 Mistletoe Mules, hot toddy’s and Naughty Nog. Free. 1220 University Ave. bit.ly/2LYxm0X

DEC 21

HiLLcReST cLASSic cAR SHoW Rev your engines and join classic car collectors for this free community event! Hillcrest’s monthly show allows avid collectors to share their love of cars with the community.

So roll down your windows, crank up the tunes, and cruise on down for this fabulous event! Come for the cars but make sure to stop by one of Hillcrest’s fabulous restaurants and bars for brunch, lunch, or dinner! Free admission, dozens of cars. Pride Plaza on Normal Street. 1-4 p.m. bit.ly/2YUIUb4

DEC 24 DEC 21

cRuiSe @pecS PECS Bar invites you to gear up and come as you are with the return of Cruise. Step out onto the patio, enjoy the darker vibe, make some eye contact and Cruise at PECS! 10 p.m.1:30 a.m. Free. 2046 University Ave. bit.ly/35zAzfv

cHRiSTmAS eve AT THe deL Celebrate a white Christmas at The Hotel Del Coronado this Christmas Eve! Enjoy a lavish buffet holiday dinner in the stunning Crown Room with classic holiday decorations and live music. Reservations required. $55-$120. 10 a.m.-3 p.m. 1500 Orange Ave., Coronado. bit.ly/2S5uMuf

DEC 27

doLLHouSe Join Barbie Z and her cast at the last Dollhouse show of the year. Bearded ladies, gender bending and all around fun to celebrate the last days of 2019. #1 Fifth Avaenue is the place to be for drinks fun and no cover.

DEC 22 HoLidAy BRuncH Join insideOUT for a holiday brunch just in time for Christmas. Elevate your brunch with a decadent chocolate panettone eggnog French toast with a Grand Marnier sauce, created by chef MJ. Coupled with holiday mimosa flights, festive staff, and stunning winter decor, insideOUT will be the place to bring your out-oftown guests. 10 a.m.-3 p.m.

Reservations recommended.

1642 University Ave., Suite 100. bit.ly/34pygtZ

Send calendar events to editor@lgbtqsd.news

DEC 31 DEC 27

HoLidAy HAngoveR It’s the fourth Friday, that must be time for the San Diego Kings Club to give you the gift that keeps giving. Are you the type of person who loves the holidays or are just done and have to return some gifts. That’s OK, we’ve got you covered! Come play with us as we say goodbye to the holiday season, done in king style! DJ Kinky Loops keeps the show hopping, then you can dance the night away!

Gossip hotties pour the spirits all night long, don’t worry about holidays past, present or future. 7-10 p.m. Gossip Grill, 1220 University Ave. $7. bit.ly/2rSjkr1

gLoW inTo THe neW yeAR Special black light party at The Loft. Glow-in-the-dark paint provided. Feel free to dress up and let your inner self glow into the new year. Free Champagne toast at midnight! Let us be with you and celebrate the new year, come join your neighborhood friends and family. The only thing better would be Barbara Walters saying, “I’m Barbara Walters and this is 2020!” Free. 6:30 p.m.-2 a.m. The Loft San Diego, 3610 Fifth Ave. bit.ly/2LWM0pG

q puzzle GaY-FRieNDlY Tv sHoWs acRoss 1 “___ Rhythm” 5 Oral sex protectors 9 Prada wearer 14 Sperm homophone 15 “Yeah, sure” 16 Make heady 17 Comedy Central series about gay life in New York 19 El Prado, for one 20 Ariel, and others 21 With 47-Across, series that’s gay-friendly, relatively speaking?

22 Barrie buccaneer 23 Help get rid of Trump, e.g.

24 Rudy Galindo, for one 27 Blew the joint 31 Janis Joplin’s “Down ___” 32 Get a date for 33 Anti-discrimination letters 34 Netflix series about racial and sexual issues at an Ivy League institution 38 Earhart concern (abbr.)

39 Ellen DeGeneres and others 40 Look at a hottie in a bar 41 Don, as a nightie 43 Dykes on Bikes, e.g.

45 Sci-fi planet population

46 Wear the disguise of 47 See 21-Across 50 Go ___ (forgo undies) 54 Gladiator area 55 HBO series that became a metaphor for the fight for LGBTQ equality 56 Doesn’t come quickly 57 Parrot in “Aladdin” 58 Fairy story 59 Bring shame to 60 Some of Mary’s lambs 61 Where to stick your tool DoWN 1 Silo contents, for short 2 Richard of “And the Band Played On” 3 Strong one in the locker room 4 One under Hoffa?

5 More touch-and-go 6 Bear 7 They wave their sticks at Citi Field 8 Oink pen 9 Virgin submission of old 10 The one that got away 11 Place for pansies 12 Caesar’s way 13 Politico Panetta

18 “There Is Nothing Like a ___” 21 Clean a pirate ship deck 23 Aggravates 24 Parts of floats 25 “...a ___ that summons thee to heaven or to hell” 26 Place for a G-string 27 “Same here” 28 Erection of buffalo skins 29 Lurer of phallic fish 30 Active sorts 32 Inserts a balled-up hand 35 Dudley’s nemesis Snideley 36 Mead base 37 Seamen on the deck 42 Emulates Francis Bacon 43 Shakespearean lover, et al.

44 One foot of poetry 46 Ask too much 47 Eleanor’s pooch 48 Spirited stallion 49 Flat top in high places 50 One place to stick it 51 He took on a pair of bears 52 Pass out 53 Pigged out (on) 55 Do the master’s work QSyndicate.com

solutions on page 17

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D

allas native Alex Riley has five survival tips for anyone considering a career in adult film. The first: make sure that you’re comfortable with people knowing you work in adult film. The years of having a hidden porn career are over. Movies last forever and you can’t unfilm a scene.

Second, hydrocortisone cream is a necessity. (Huh?) Third: Be yourself on camera. Don’t pretend you’re a big, dominant top when you’re really a hungry bottom because fans can spot a phony on their computer screen. Also, be cool around the other models when you’re not on cam. Four: Have fun! Enjoy the exotic locales and the wild and crazy guys you get to hang out with while on set. Alex says he makes it a vacation every time he heads out to film. And last: Work out your body. It’s important to stay in shape because they’re not kidding when they say the camera packs on extra pounds.

We spoke with Alex Riley in Las Vegas while he was on the set of his next Helix Studios film.

the life of Riley

The camera loves Helix model alex Riley and the feeling is mutual By matt sunderland

Worst?

It can be physically draining at times. Luckily, I love what I do, so the worst isn’t really that bad, yenno?

Weirdest place you’ve had sex?

On the third-story rooftop of my last boyfriend’s parent’s house.

What is one thing your fans would be most surprised to learn about you?

My nationality. I’m black, Caucasian and Italian.

What is your least favorite part on a guy?

Hole hair. A clean-shaven hole is unbeatable.

Life motto?

I’m the superstar of my own life and I decide my future.

What makes you angry?

Uncalled-for disrespect.

Also, slow walkers and people that take the good things in life for granted.

You can the run the world for a day. What would you do?

I would go on national television and act like an absolute child, until someone stopped me!

(Matt Sunderland) What compelled you to get into adult film? (alex riley) There was a moment in the fourth grade that I knew I wanted to get into adult films. I was watching a clip on my grandmother’s computer thinking, “Wow. I want to be one of those guys one day!”

Who would play you in a movie of your life?

Cameron Boyce, before he passed away.

When was the last time you cried?

I cried a couple of days ago when I started thinking about myself and about how well my life is going. Then I prayed and started crying some more.

I normally only cry for good purposes.

Tell us about growing up in Dallas.

As a child, discipline, respect, school and sports were my whole life. My baby brother and I lived with my grandparents from, I believe, the middle of fourth grade until the middle of ninth grade. We lived with my mom for all of the other years before and after. I’ve never met my father, but it’s never been something that’s made me feel weird or different. As far as sports, I excelled in football, cross-country and track and field. Being good at sports didn’t necessarily make me popular in high school, but I was well known and liked.

What is your most treasured possession?

I have a box at home that is completely full of sports items that I’ve been collecting my entire life. It’s packed with NFL helmets, posters, books, footballs, cards and autographed memorabilia.

If you could give your younger self a piece of advice, what would it be?

Work hard. Be smart. Go be great and no matter what, remain humble!

Do your mom and grandparents know about your adult film career?

Yes, I’ve told everyone, including close friends, and, for the most part, all have been supportive. I’ve learned to totally ignore mean things that people say to, or about, me. They have their lives and shouldn’t be worrying about mine.

What items have you checked off your bucket list?

None yet, sadly.

What items do you have on your bucket list?

I want to buy a home. A car.

I want to invest in a company.

I want a dog of my own! I want to go to Ibiza and get drunk with friends on a yacht. I’d also like to visit San Francisco, Cabo, Vancouver and Italy! I want to experience skydiving.

Who is the real alex riley when the cameras are off?

I’m pretty much the same crazy, giggly, ADHD young man that I am on camera. I’m smiling and laughing a solid 23 hours of any given day and eating snacks like it’s no one’s business.

What is the best thing about porn?

The people and the traveling. Traveling is so much fun and I’ve had sex with some really hot guys that have become close friends.

lgbtqsd.news

That’s some list!

I have a lot of life yet to live.

(Photos by Helix Studios)

Learn more about Alex Riley at Helixstudios.net

NEws / FashiON

lgbtqsd.news

deC 20, 2019 - JAn 2, 2020 volume 1 issue 6

n o i h s Fa s d n e tr IN TO RING EAR Y THE NEW v io B y o c ta

vasquez

(Center) Babycakes owners Rafael del Rio and Christopher Stavros cut the ribbon on their newest venture in returning to Hillcrest on Dec. 13.

on approaching, New Year’s Eve is so wondering ll sti and many of us are 20 with style.

20 in g rin what to wear to can vary a lot, as Parties aside (which home with friends some favor staying at while others opt b, over going to the clu e two), the right for a combination of th t is something New Year’s Eve outfi , as it helps us “serious” to ponder on ving a lasting lea enter the new year rselves, which is impression both on ou ing in the world, the most important th and the other guests! t ideas to Here are some grea t. complete your outfi silk,sequins, : ns tio da en m m reco rty pants, pa zo power suit, palaz course feathers. of d an r ea glitter knitw Babycakes Hillcrest staff.

a recipe for success

Legendary Babycakes returns to Hillcrest lGBTQ san Diego News

F

or the best hamburger, it’s In-N-Out Burger, for the best donuts, its Krispy Kreme — and for the best cupcakes, everyone knows it’s Babycakes! The legendary Babycakes has returned to Hillcrest in a very big way. Its new location on the corner of Fourth and Robinson avenues has been transformed into a bright and beautiful space just a few doors down from another Hillcrest legend, the Crest Cafe.

The award-winning owners and popular duo Christopher Stavros and “top chef” himself Rafael del Rio opened their new doors last month and held their official Grand Reopening Ceremony on Dec. 14.

The unforgettable event is still the talk of the town. It was a star-studded gathering that included a real “pink carpet,” a spinning prize wheel, delicious complimentary cupcakes and frosting shots which the crowd gobbled up.

Aside from celebrating with a ribboncutting ceremony, Christopher and Rafael decided to name a few of their fabulous cupcakes in honor of some legendary San Diegans which included: America’s Finest City’s stylish first lady Katherine Stewart Faulconer; California Senate President Pro Tempore Toni Atkins (who is the first

woman and openly LGBT person to lead the state Senate); U.S. Marine Corps combat veteran and former two-term California Assembly member and San Diego County Supervisor for the District 4, Nathan Fletcher (probably the most handsome elected official in San Diego County), and his beautiful wife, California Assembly member and future California secretary of state, Lorena Gonzalez-Fletcher; Hillcrest’s popular City Councilman Chris Ward; the legendary “Big Mike” Phillips; six-time Emmy Award-winning San Diego Fox 5 news anchor Marcia Arcega-Dunn; and the honorary mayor of Hillcrest, Nicole Murray Ramirez, who also hosted and emceed the event. All of these San Diego celebrities loved the different tastes and ingredients of their new “namesake cupcakes.” Susan Stavros, Chris’ mother, was also in attendance and the ribbon-cutting ceremony was directed by Eddie Reynosa of the Equality Business Alliance, using a replica of the largest scissors in the world, which were a whopping 40-inches long.

Babycakes is now officially open so just follow the crowds to 3795 Fourth Ave. You can also reach them at 619-990-2282 and their website at babycakessandiego.com.

Octavio Vazquez Stylist consultant. instagram @octaviofashion courtesy photos

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COMMUNitY vOiCEs

lgbtqsd.news

I

bENNY ON thE bLOCK benny Cartwright —Benny Cartwright is a local LGBT activist and Nicky Award’s 2018 Man of the Year and 2019 Best Writer/Columnist. Benny can be contacted at Benny.bc.cartwright@gmail.com.

’ve written a bunch of different columns in various local LGBTQ publications over the past 15 years.

Out With Benny, Barfly, LesBro, Life With Benny, Back Out With Benny, and others, but I’m extra excited about this newest project for this publication which will be titled: Benny on the Block! The main purpose of this column will be to hear community members’ opinions on a variety of issues and topics that affect us. Sometimes the topics will be fun, other times more serious. I may ask the questions of people literally on the block as I walk through the neighborhood, other times I may pose questions on social media and gather responses there. Either way, it will be fun to share the pulse of the community.

To start, however, I wanted to celebrate the accomplishments of community members over the past decade. It’s been a decade of incredible victories for the LGBTQ community that also had its share of challenges. And the people I spoke to for this inaugural column had a lot of personal victories, and I’m excited to share them. This week I asked: “I’d like to hear from LGBTQ (and ally) San Diegans about their proudest accomplishment over the last decade (2010-2019)!” Here’s what people had to say.

Freddie coviello – “It’s a little longer than a decade ago but a huge accomplishment for me from 2008 was coming out! I moved here to San Diego, 3,000 miles away from home, to be comfortable enough to come out as gay and accept who I was.” eric Hufford – “Being a part of San Diego Remembers; strengthening an already existing friendship; and hopefully kept the memory of those lost to hate crimes alive.”

Tavo alcoser – “Helping to start my touring band, Jarabe Mexicano, and getting to be a musical ambassador for border culture and intersected identities.”

Tonja alvis – “I graduated with a BS degree in Digital Forensics.

I made university history in May 2016, being 1 of 7 people to be in the first graduating class for this program.”

Jose navarro – “I was named 2019 Big Brother Volunteer of the Year for San Diego County, and currently am the longest-running match in San Diego of about 1,500 big/little matches!”

Kathleen connell – “I cofounded and served as vice president of this Democratic environmental club. And then survived breast cancer. Twice.”

Barb cosio-Moreno – “Volunteering and co-leading Gay For Good San Diego, which is now going 10 years strong!”

Isaiah Ledonne – “Coming out and finding a career working with LGBTQ youth in my hometown.” erik Siwak – “Finally finishing and publishing my first novel, ‘Not of Our World: A Mid-Michigan Mystery.’ Major personal accomplishment.”

Miah Sperling – “I was just voted to be treasurer on the board of directors of the Uptown Community Parking District, where in conjunction with the city, we spend the meter money in our neighborhood ... and my husband just reminded me I got to marry him within the last 10 years!”

Donald vella – “...For the last five years, I’ve helped fundraise for several nonprofits helping Bears San Diego raise funds for The Trevor Project, Special Delivery San Diego, The Imperial Court just to name a few. Fast Forward to 2019 for Bears San Diego’s 25th anniversary year, I was instrumental in acquiring a huge Bear Flag that was paid for with help from community donations, which made history when it flew for the very first time the weekend of Oct 18-20 on the Hillcrest Flag Pole…” everado aguilar – “Joining the San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus!”

Max rhodes – “Being able to give our community a time and space to mourn after the tragedy at Pulse Nightclub in Orlando, and being helped with the effort by people like you (Benny Cartwright), my BFF Donald Vella, Rick Cervantes, Connor Maddocks, Christine Garcia, Mykl Loyer and many other community members and friends. That day was about community as family.” epifanio Figueroa Jr. – “I’m immensely proud of being named volunteer of the year with the San Diego Housing Federation under the direction of Stephen Russell for education and advocacy work supporting affordable housing for all San Diegans.” connor Maddocks – “I have had many proud moments in that decade, I think being the first program coordinator of Project Trans at The Center has been the one I am most proud of.”

These were just a few of the many responses I got, and I wish I could share them all, but there’s just not enough space! As you can see, it was a great decade for many in our community, and it’s my pleasure to be able to share some of these moments. As for me?

Check out my Facebook page (facebook.com/benny.cartwright) before the end of the year for a longer post about my ups and downs of the past decade. I made a lot of mistakes, learned a lot, and accomplished a few things, too. To everyone, cheers to 2020 and the decade ahead! We’ve got a lot to be proud of and a lot to look forward to.

ENtERtaiNMENt / bUsiNEss & sERviCEs

lgbtqsd.news

deC 20, 2019 - JAn 2, 2020 volume 1 issue 6

bUsiNEss & sERviCEs

attORNEY

An unusual, but gayly appropriate song for the holidays, the chorus dedicated “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend” to Marilyn Monroe and all of the women of Hollywood subjected to sexism.

‘Jingle’ all the way through the holidays By albert Fulcher

O

utstanding solos, creative dancers and scenes, the annual “Jingle” concert by the San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus began this holiday season by donning their best gay apparel with perfection.

And this year, even with the spectacular additions, it was all about the supreme vocals of the chorus as a whole. Joining voices, they weaved a beautiful tapestry of traditional, cultural and classical holiday joy. In sync, harmonies ruled the evening, revealing the chorus’ preciseness in musicality from song to song, taking the audience on a journey of emotions through a path of joy, laughter, amazement and tears. Annie Lennox’s “See Amid the Winter’s Snow” elevated the crowd with its remarkable arrangement and choral harmonies.

“Bashana HaBa’ah,” a contemporary Hebrew classic was a breathtaking experience in choral composition and portrays the Jewish people that continuously strive to dream of a world of peace, as they look for peace to rule in the upcoming year. The chorus mastered this difficult piece with care and splendor.

Equally exquisite was the performance of “Betelehemu” a Nigerian carol of the birth of Christ and the holiness of the town of Bethlehem. Culture in music go hand in hand, and in these cases, the

chorus transported us around the world with a glorious grace, giving these classical masterworks a home in our hearts.

“Ava Maria” stole my heart away with its gorgeous arrangement. These classics

“Taking on the standard holiday music, the classical arrangements, and the sincere melodies, the one thing that “Jingle” always provides us is pure undiluted joy with its whimsical versions of our favorite holiday music.”

— Albert H. Fulcher

can only be mastered by the best, and the Gay Men’s Chorus once again showed us that there is nothing that is too challenging for them to take on in unison.

With the history of the chorus, it has thrived since 1985 before merging both

choruses in 2009. This being said, it lived and served through the AIDS epidemic and throughout the years always a moment in music to remember those that we have lost in the community and the chorus. This year, the chorus’ performance of “Angel Down” by Lady Gaga and bringing back last year’s “Silent Night” in sign language transitioning into “Peace, Peace” was a moving moment of reflection. In its simplicity, both of these arrangements captured not only what the members of the chorus have lost in its members but were relatable to anyone who has been through the pain of loss. The chorus brought the joy of these lives clear and present with dignity, solemnity and elegance.

Taking on the standard holiday music, the classical arrangements, and the sincere melodies, the one thing that “Jingle” always provides us is pure undiluted joy with its whimsical versions of our favorite holiday music with some special twists for those of us who really have a gay ole time during the holidays. “Aluminum Christmas Tree,” “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend” and “Coming Out at Christmas” brought smiles and laughter throughout the house, reminding us that it is a time to celebrate who we are as a community.

COMpUtER/it sUppORt

pUzzLE sOLUtiON

GaY-FRieNDlY Tv sHoWs from page 13

The San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus performs its annual “Jingle” concert at the Balboa Theatre on Dec. 7. (Photos by Nick Stone)

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deC 20, 2019 - JAn 2, 2020 volume 1 issue 6

Night LiFE: thE baR sOCiaL sCENE

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holigay cheer

hOUstON, wE havE a pRObLEM Korie houston —Korie has worked within the LGBTQIA+ community since coming out in college in 2014. With five-plus years of experience working with marginalized communities in various positions such as a peer educator at California State University San Marcos’ Gender Equity Center, a writer at the RAGE Monthly Magazine and as a host at Baja Betty’s. He currently works at University of California San Diego providing support to students. His journey as an undergraduate student at CSUSM provided him the skillset and depth he has in his current role.

H

appy holigays from me to you! (I’m going to continue to use horrible puns, so turn back now if you can’t handle it). It is my great pleasure for this edition of Houston, We Have A Problem, to talk about the annual MO’s Universe Holiday Party. For all 365 days of the year, a vast majority of the staff at MO’s Universe are here to entertain, serve and treat you like family. Every December, for one day they get to revel in the merriment that is created for their guests every other day of the year. Why am I discussing the holiday party with you today? Well, my dears, for those of you who don’t know me, I’m one of the hosts with the most at Baja Betty’s.

This is my second time at the end of the rainbow with MO’s Universe and, as you would expect from such a fabulous establishment, every party thrown is a stellar experience.

This year, as with the past few years, the party was held at Gossip Grill, and organized by the lovely Darcy Carson. The boyfriend and I donned our gay apparel and headed down to the party early for this annual festivity to celebrate the year we’ve had with the framily (friends and family) we’ve nourished. As usual, it was decorated to the nines. Disappointment was dished out immediately upon entry by the losing raffle ticket I pulled, but the open bar made up for it. Holiday music, good food, a photo booth and all of my coworkers? It’s safe to say my night became a blur of excitement, and not just from the alcohol. Staffing the bar were MO’s Universe employees who opted to sling drinks rather than enjoy the party.

As I mentioned before, for 365 days a year these people work tirelessly to ensure that everyone has a fantastic experience when they walk into these spaces. How do we show appreciation for our fellow service industry professionals?

For many of us, bars and restaurants are the settings of vast swaths of our lives.

For many others, they also provide their livelihood. Let us remember that service industry employees work hard under some not-so-great circumstances at times.

Regulars love to be appreciated, and staff love to feel the same when we see our regulars — someone with a familiar face who keeps coming back because there’s a mutual appreciation there. When they remember your name, that’s even better. At this party, we’re all familiar faces to each other, so naturally when someone decides to work on the one night they have an excuse to just be merry, we continue to treat them and appreciate them for the work they’re doing. A little kindness goes a long way when you’re working in this industry, and the annual holiday party that MO’s Universe throws is just one way we get to appreciate one another.

I’m grateful for the opportunities that have been provided to me through MO’s Universe. As such, the holiday party is a special occasion for me. It’s not that I

“For many of us, bars and restaurants are the settings of vast swaths of our lives. For many others, they also provide their livelihood. Let us remember that service industry employees work hard under some not-so-great circumstances at times. ” — Korie Houston

MY tOp 5 tips FOR gOiNg OUt 1. Bring cash. Drag queens, bartenders and servers will thank you.

2. 20% is the minimum for a reason.

Don’t skimp on a good time.

3. If you’re unable to, don’t be ashamed!

Money isn’t everything, and appreciation is more than monetary.

4. We have rough days, too. Don’t channel your inner Karen and take it out on us.

5. The holidays are beyond stressful, so when you do join us in our establishments, remember that we’re trying to enjoy some holiday cheer as well.

haven’t also been personally victimized by this party (as I mentioned, it became a slight blur). The true value of it is not counted in the free drinks or buffet plates, or even the chance to laugh with the friends I have made on my hosting adventures (as superb as these things may be).

Sometimes, it just feels special to be treated the way our most prized regulars do. On a night where we’re not just the overthe-top staff that you meet at the bars, and are instead just people out having a good time.

So, what’s the takeaway from this? Treat the people who set the atmosphere for your days and nights out like the work they do matters to you as much as it does. As Destiny’s Child says: “Bills, Bills, Bills…” In my case, I tip at an open bar for the company I work for, even if there isn’t a tab to pay, because these people make my nights

more enjoyable and are sacrificing their own enjoyment for mine. Tipping isn’t just a social obligation that should be met with a few strokes on the calculator app, but rather a chance to show that you value the hard work that goes into your experience. And for those occasions where you feel that your service has gone downhill and you’re ready to demand the manager’s attention, give us the benefit of the doubt. We’re all trying our best to give everyone the best experience we can, and in these cases there’s usually a crisis intervening that we wish would go away, too.

For you messy queens out there who see these same individuals the other 364 days of the year supplying you with memorable experiences (and even those experiences that you can’t remember), show them some appreciation in whatever ways that you can.

Your guide to night life adventures

DEC 21

mo’S BAR And gRiLL Tea party Featuring Mariam T and a fabulous cast of Tea Cups.

Come early, the screening of “Pee Wee’s Playhouse Christmas Special” starts at 7:30 p.m., then it is on to the Ugly Sweater Party. $10

DEC 21

THe RAiL Lez dance Monthly dance for womxn who love womxn. This is a fun, open and diverse group of women who are very welcoming and come to have a great time.

6-10 p.m.

DEC 28

RicH’S Winter White Winter White Party w/ DAVID PENN! 10pm – 4am Hip hop / Pop in front room w/ DJ K-Swift.

White Attire Encouraged!

DEC 31

FLickS nye 2020 Join Flicks as it countdowns your Official Top 25 Videos of 2019 with DJ Kinky Loops!

The hilarious duo Erica Foxx and Frankie Puma have go-go boys, free Champagne toast, and more.

No cover. 9 p.m.-2 a.m.

DEC 31

mo’S BAR And gRiLL 2020 Gold, glitz, and glamour!

Time to ring in 2020 with MO’s! Celebrate with family and friends on New Year’s Eve starting at 8 p.m. $5 cover with complimentary glass of Champagne 8-10 p.m. $10 cover after 10 p.m.

ENtERtaiNMENt

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deC 20, 2019 - JAn 2, 2020 volume 1 issue 6

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s g n o s t s e b 6 2019

HEAR ME

OUT:

EN

BY WOM a z z o p a rd B y c h ri s

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‘BrInG MY FLoWerS noW,’ TanYa TucKer

Country music legend Tanya Tucker’s elegiac coda from her first album in 10 years, “Bring My Flowers Now” off “While I’m Livin’,” is a frank reflection of leaving this life, its imagery handled with a gentle hand in the song’s music video. The video features Tucker riding atop a horse, two young girls flanking her and releasing flower petals to the streets. They stop at one point, wave goodbye. On her journey, Tucker passes a smiling preacher and a man in a convertible. Finally, she comes to a halt to share a moment with the co-writer of “Flowers” and “While I’m Livin’” producer Brandi Carlile, who’s playing the piano; the out singer-songwriter and the country icon relay a deep mutual respect through a simple tip of their hats and a warm, silent acknowledgement. Then Tucker is on her way. The video is one of the year’s best, its simplicity the perfect match for the small, heartbreakingly specific details in Tucker and Carlile’s plaintive lyrics about Tucker’s life and its message of living for those you love now. “Don’t spend time, tears, or money on my ol’ breathless body. If your heart is in them flowers, bring ‘em on,” she achingly sings. The years on Tucker’s voice are as life-affirming as the song itself. And these – plus its recent Grammy nomination for Song of the Year – are her flowers.

Lovingly, Carlile has brought them to her.

‘Love You For Free,’ cYnTHIa erIvo

If church every day was Cynthia Erivo singing “Love You For Free,” my hands would be folded and I’d be at that pew right now. The Broadway star’s sparse, inviting almost prayer of a song is about unconditional love, its warmth radiating through her angelic approach to its gentle, dreamy stride and twinkling sound. The song is among over 30 originals recorded for “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” creator John Cameron Mitchell’s 10-episode “Anthem: Homunculus,” an alt-autobiography he produced for the Luminary podcast app. Its central character is Ceann Mackay (voiced by Mitchell), whose brain tumor is essentially collective Catholic guilt and shame. Erivo plays Joan the Bishop, the mother of his child. The singer’s greatest contribution, and perhaps the greatest from any of the podcast’s performers, Patti LuPone and Glenn Close among them, is “Love You For Free.” For the world’s outcasts, queers and others who have felt rejected by any church, hearing Erivo sing, “In this world, my child, you have a place,” is like falling into arms that won’t let you go.

‘TracK recorD,’ MIranDa LaMBerT

Even Miranda Lambert knows she’s been a little busy with the boys. She mocks her floozy image with dry wit on “Track Record” from her new album “Wildcard,” owning it and treating it as a shoulder-shrugging fact of her life rather than a rueful self-analysis. I’m obsessed with what might be the Pun of the Year, as Lambert pokes fun at her ways with men, noting that her past is “as checkered as the floor at the diner on Main Street.” She even makes time for a casual dig, namelessly calling out past exes, the “user” and the “loser.” Sonically, there are traces of The War on Drugs in “Track Record,” matching the indie-rock band’s signature sound with its hypnotic ’70s-rockstyle torrent of glistening guitars and chugging drums. When Lambert sings, “Girls like me don’t mean it but we don’t know better, I got a track record,” you really do have to wonder: Is this the Grindr anthem we’ve all been waiting for?

‘corneLIa STreeT,’ TaYLor SWIFT

‘BIBLe anD a .44,’ TrISHa YearWooD

Trisha Yearwood turns words on a page into country-music magic, but the singer is at her best when those words tell a story as rich as the one CMA Best New Artist Ashley McBryde wrote for “Bible and a .44.” Yearwood’s finest moment on her latest album, “Every Girl,” is this weepy, which illustrates the lessons a father has passed down to his child. Made personal by the death of Yearwood’s own dad in 2005, the singer fondly remembers what he looked like (“hair as white as a cottonfield”) and what he taught her (to be perceptive, to love the Lord, to “take what you’ve got and do the best you can”).

The guitar softening to a whisper, she reflects on seeing him strumming “this thing,” which “he left it to me like he said he would.” Before the final chorus, Yearwood reminds us, her warm, no-frills vocals accompanied by Patty Loveless’ soulful harmonies and ad-libs, of how certain things become our most prized possessions: “And if you ask me why it sounds so good, it’s ‘cause I’m holdin’ onto more than strings and wood.”

The lyrical cornerstone of Taylor Swift’s “Lover” album, “Cornelia Street” shares some DNA with tender story-song “All Too Well,” off her 2012 “Red” release. Both summon images with the striking vividness of a photograph.

The latter happens to be one of Swift’s best written songs – and now so is “Cornelia Street.” The sole writer of the song, Swift is confronting the fear of potential romantic loss, setting the scene over gentle, rolling synths like a movie whose image shifts aspect ratios. She’s riding in the backseat with her man, Londoner Joe Alwyn, drunk in love, maybe, but definitely drunk on “something stronger than the drinks in the bar.” She’s afraid of losing him. This is serious. The song rolls on like the car she’s singing about, accelerating at the chorus, a flood of sound pouring in; there are cardoor and wiper-blade sound effects tucked into Jack Antonoff’s production, which also includes a heartfelt piano break. “Cornelia Street” is like going back to a good book. You discover something new and wonderful every time.

—As editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBT wire service, Chris Azzopardi has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Cher, Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. Reach him at chris@pridesource.com.

‘HIGHer Love,’ WHITneY HouSTon

When Whitney Houston’s unreleased cover of Steve Winwood’s 1986 hit “Higher Love” was released during June Pride Month, I made my gay friends listen to it any way I could. Of note was the time this past summer when I flung open my car doors and cranked this one up, the song’s divinity thumping in a public parking lot. Not only did my closest friends hear, but so did many lucky passersby. I was doing them a favor that day, because Whitney’s never-before-released-in-America cover, originally recorded during her “I’m Your Baby Tonight” sessions and reimagined as a club banger thanks to Norwegian DJ Kygo, is gay dance heaven. She sounds incredible, and Kygo enlivens the song at every turn, taking it beyond its very ’80s origins and into timeless soul-revival territory. This is exactly the Whitney I want to remember.

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deC 20, 2019 - JAn 2, 2020 volume 1 issue 6

OUt & abOUt

Luigi vera’s sip and shop (courtesy photos)

sir and son Christmas party (Photos by Big Mike Phillips)

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UsNs harvey Milk Construction Ceremon Friday, December 13 (Photos by Big Mike Phillips)