PB Interview
Morag Millar
Mother of all battles Morag winning fight against post-birth trauma and self-doubt By Katy Barden
I
t is commonly said that comparison is the thief of joy. That comparison may be to a previous version of yourself, or it may be to others.
Former European junior and Commonwealth Youth Games 1500m champion Morag Millar refers to a race early in her pregnancy – an East League Cross Country fixture in Broxburn – when she overheard comments that she was quite far down the field and not having good day.
pregnancy than I did, but it was actually the breathlessness that was really stark initially,’ says the Central AC athlete, a multiple Scottish national champion. ‘I just found running pretty hard. Even when I got to a bigger size, I didn’t actually find the running that much harder. It sounds ridiculous, but my actual size wasn’t the issue - biomechanically I was still able to move ok - it was the breathlessness.’ ‘Millar’s experience of running through pregnancy was, at times, challenging, but labour, birth and the months that followed tested her mentally and physically.
keep on running (throughout pregnancy) then I’d be fine.’ She wasn’t. After a five-day labour filled with intense pain and sleepless nights compounded by an epidural disconnect and being unable to have morphine due to the risk of respiratory depression, in addition to the baby being positioned back-to-back an episiotomy and eventual assisted delivery with only gas and air for pain relief, Mollie was born on Thursday 4 June weighing a healthy 8lbs 3oz. ‘It felt like I was being ripped apart,’ she recalls.
It hit her hard. Although she finished second, ‘I was totally complacent’ she laughs, referring to her ‘planned’ return to running. the reality of her performance, in particular how she felt, was far removed from her ‘I just thought that because I’d been able to expectation. She compared it to her previous self.
Following labour, Millar had a paravaginal haematoma as a result of the tough delivery. It became infected and she required readmission for IV antibiotics. She says it’s the worst pain she’s ever experienced.
‘Looking back, I know this sounds terrible as some people have it a lot worse during
Her community midwife later told her the vast majority of first time mums who have a back-to-back baby have a Caesarean section.
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PB 2021 | ISSUE 1
‘She said I should be really proud of myself’
‘She said I should be really proud of myself,’
