Scars of Survival Magazine December issue

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE

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CONTENTS

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How Life Changing Events Helped Me Become Successful

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But you look fine

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Stop Judging Me and Help!

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Breaking the Silence

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Finding Joy in Hunger

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The Early Signs of Domestic Violence

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“Healing Emotional Abuse: from Suffering to Self-Love”

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Poem

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The Healing Power Called You

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Trust in God, not man

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Dear Monica

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Dana Clifton

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READERS

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR TO THE READERS

W

Letter From The Editor To The

e go through pain, we heal, and we endure. One of many reasons why I chose to Launch Scars of Survival Magazine. A lot of us have experienced some form of domestic abuse or we’ve known a loved who’s We go through pain, we heal,one and weexperienced endure. it. During that time there seemed to have been no way out! Who One of many reasons why I chose to Launch tumustoo?

Who wouldn’t judge me? Who Scars of Survival Magazine.could A lotI of have would understand? Will I ever survive? Will I experienced some form of domestic abuse or ever overcome? These are the questions many we’ve known a loved one who’s experienced of us had or still have? What will it be like to it. During that time there seemed to have experience being FREE?!

been no way out! Who could I tum too? Who wouldn’t judge me? Who would understand? been wanting to launch Scars of Survival Will I ever survive? Will I I’ve ever overcome?

Magazine since 2016 when I founded Scars ese are the questions many of us had or still of Survival Inc. I wanted to create a magazine have? What will it be like to experience being where individuals from all genre could learn FREE?! what domestic violence truly is. Learn the causes, effects, how to survive, heal, and

I’ve been wanting to launch overcome.

Scars of Survival A magazine that’ll help oneself to Magazine since 2016 when regain I founded Scarstrust, faith, courage, and love, hope, of Survival Inc. I wanted to create a magazine strength. where individuals from all genre could learn what domestic violence truly is. Learn The goal of Scarsthe of Survival Magazine is to help causes, effects, how to survive, heal, and individuals to overcome domestic violence from overcome. A magazine that’ll help oneself to children to adults. That you too are worthy! You regain love, hope, trust, faith, courage, andYou too can heal and walk too can overcome! strength. in your God given purpose! I want you to know you’re not alone!

The goal of Scars of Survival Magazine is to help individuals to overcome So please domestic enjoy the journey with me and let me violence from children to adults. at you too throughout the process. It’s know your thoughts are worthy! You too can overcome! time to takeYou backtoo your life! Feel free to email me about anything at any time! can heal and walk in your God given purpose!

I want you to know you’re not alone!

So please enjoy the journey with me and Email: scarsofsurvivalmagazine@gmail.com let me know your thoughts throughout the Instagram: @scarsofsurvivalmagazine: process. It’s time to take back your life! Feel free to email me about anything at any time!

Email: scarsofsurvivalmagazine@gmail.com Instagram: @scarsofsurvivalmagazine:

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SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE

PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE

Author

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Sathya Callender Sathya Callender

COVER PHOTOGRAPHER COVER PHOTOGRAPHER Vision7 Entertainment Photography Vision7 Entertainment Photography

CREATIVE DIRECTOR LAYOUT DESIGNER CREATIVE DIRECTOR David LAYOUT DESIGNER Sunday - ig: @moodcraftty Sathya Callender Sathya Callender Ana Tavares

ALL RIGHTS ALL RIGHTS

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be expressed in Scarsor of Survival Magazine, LLC. are the views of the reproduced in whole part without permission from contributors and not necessarilyinshared magazine and its the publisher.

The views expressed ScarsbyoftheSurvival Magazine, LLC. are the views of the contributors and not for manuscripts, photographs, illustrations. necessarily responsibility shared by the magazine and its staff. or The magazine welcomes new contributors but can assume no responsibility for manuscripts, photographs, or illustrations.

Published six times a year.

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HOW LIFE CHANGING EVENTS HELPED ME BECOME SUCCESSUFUL

Today I have the privilege of interviewing Miss Christina Tolls, inspiring model and domestic violence and brain tumor survivor. Christina, thank you so much for your willingness to share your story.

You’re welcome.

So Christina, tell us a little bit about yourself?

For me growing up, I grew up in a small family, I really don’t remember too much, because at the age of five I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. And what I can remember is that I would constantly have headaches, I would be throwing up, they would send me home from school. I remember having my head down. I want to say yes, I was in kindergarten at the time. So they would have me, I would have my head down until I guess, you know, class would be over. So this happened continuously. So I guess one day, my great grandmother, her and my father took me to St. Louis Children’s Hospital so they could get down to the bottom of this to see what was going on, what was causing

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these things. And I’m pretty sure they did a CAT scan, but the MRI shows, you know, everything. So it came back that I had a benign tumor, which is a ball of like a piece of tissue that grows, they say it can get bigger.

Lucky mine wasn’t cancerous, but they told my great grandmother, which she told me as I grew up, that the doctors told her that I was lucky to make it out because if I didn’t put through, there wasn’t anything else that they can do. So I fell into a coma. I came out of it.

So I remember being in a bed, I remember one time my mom coming up there. I think she told me that she used to come a lot, but I remember her being up there actually in the bed with me and I remember putting my hand on the back of my head and it just felt like a whole bunch of little sticky things. So I was told that I had about 50 stitches in the back of my head. They did shave off half of my hair, which I only had hair at the top, but my grandmother told me that I was cut from the top to the back, but I only have a scar which is on my neck. So I don’t see, like how was that possible? But anyways, I remember trying to get out the bed one night to give myself a shower. I do remember that, and I

could move. So I remember calling my great grandmother, I think, yeah, I did remember the house phone number. I used to dial her number so much and would want her to come up there to stay with me. I didn’t want her to leave my side. I did come out of therapy pretty good. Now I do have some things that still reflect on me, which is my balance. I have a lack of memory at times. Also my nerves can get pretty bad, but I’m blessed to be here still. So growing up, still as I was getting older, I will have headaches frequently. I went back at times to get cat scans and but it was nothing, but they were pretty sure that they had gotten everything out. Once I got out, I think I believe I was there for about three months, from what I was told.

Wasn’t there a point of time that you went blind too?

Oh, yes. Also my grandmother, she told me that my pupil was covered and I lost eyesight and I was able to regain it back, and as far as my walking, talking, I was retaught that all over again.

And this was for three months that you were in the hospital?

Yes. Okay.

I don’t know how long I was in a coma, I just know that I was in for three months. But I know I went into the coma right after surgery.

So that’s when my great grandmother was told that I might not make it, but by the grace of God. When I got out, I think it was December, I don’t know, I’m pretty sure it was

Photos by Vision7 Entertainmen

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December. I got out around the holiday and I ended up taking home school for a while and then once I got back into school, I went to the second grade. My classes were about 20 people to a class, and starting the third grade, that’s when my classes get smaller, which I didn’t know why. But once I started third grade, my classes were like real small, like, seven people, something like that. It was small. And I felt bad, like, it wasn’t normal for me. So I’m like, I don’t belong here and I just want to be back, you know, like with the regular people. So I finished that year out, they held me back a year, which I was really upset about. I went to fourth grade, they held me back. So I repeated fourth grade twice. I was upset about that, and they held me back because they felt that I wasn’t ready to move on with the other kids, which I felt that I was ready and I was upset. So, I remember when they said that I was going to be held back I’m like, No, I’m not. I’m going to the next level. I remember going to school and I’m

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like, I’m not repeating that grade again, but unfortunately, I had to repeat it again. Once I repeated it again, I used to act like I went to my next grade. Yeah, I was like, I was really upset about it. But going into middle school they had me still taking like some smaller classes. I guess I was too advanced for them.

I think it was history, that’s what always got me, all of the other classes has always been, you know, regular for me. I think what got me with history is because I wasn’t, you know, like real focused on it or it didn’t catch my attention, so going into high school as well is like it was the same thing, but I thought at school it would be harder for me before you start school and then you go meet the teachers. I was asking them because I didn’t know, I was kind of nervous going into high school, is it you know, okay, like if I can start in smaller classes, and they were like that’s fine, but if I’m too advanced for it, they going to take me out. So I started with some, they took me out, I was still too advanced for it.

So practically, I was back with the regular kids. But it’s like I still just felt like an outsider because I’m walking around with this scar on my neck. Now in grade school I didn’t realize that I was walking around with this scar on the back of my neck. But I do remember kids asking me oh what’s that thing on the back of your neck? It looks like a centipede. And from grade school I used to try to wear like a weave or have something to try to cover my neck because it’s right on the back of my neck. So I got to high school, you know, I’m getting older and I’m realizing there’s nothing that I can do about it and there’s people out here that get worse scars, so it’s like I pray and at times I will be okay with it, and at any times I wouldn’t. So I would feel weird and it would make me feel my nerves get to acting up, like if I, you know, have something short, or something where my neck is showing, it’ll make my nerves act up, or if somebody’s on the side of me, behind me, I feel nervous.

Because I feel like they’re looking at the back of my neck.

Yeah, so I’m going to school, I’ve got into some things, I’ve had a rough life, at times, I would want to fight, I would be upset. I even wanted to commit suicide at a point of time, because I felt like that if nothing went my way, I just felt like I was just, you know, different from everybody in this. I’m like, Why me? Like, why? Why I can’t be like the rest? I’m the only one walking around here with something on the back of my neck, and then it’s like, it just bothered me for so long because people that I’m around, and I’m wearing long hair with extensions or whatever, they really don’t know that I have these problems. And I’m like, you know, I’m not going just volunteer and say it, but they don’t even know and I don’t want them to find out. So it did kind of like bother me.

Sounds like you were really self-conscious about the back of your neck because of your earlier experience with kids basically making fun of you when you were younger.

And even though they had you in those smaller groups in school, you knew that you could do more than what they were telling you that you couldn’t. They were basically saying that, you know, because your experience with your surgery and everything kind of changed your brainMy abilities.

No, like they would see it did like if I had my hair fixed some type of way, they would notice that the scar was there and they would ask me, oh, what happened? If I had like long extensions or a braid, something to cover it up, they wouldn’t know that I had this scar.

People still to this day don’t know that I have this scar on the back, unless they actually know me.

Yes. Right. And I was diagnosed with a learning disability at the time. But today, they find nothing wrong.

They didn’t even know your situation at the time. They just, it was mostly your confidence level and knowing that you thought that somebody was looking at it, and they weren’t really looking at it, right?

Okay.

With that being said, still in high school, I was you know, I’m a teenager, so, the boys are high and you know how they go. I was a little crazy over boys. My mom had started picking us up from school and we were into this program on Tuesdays and I really liked the program. It was called Mia Town, they

That is amazing.

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would do something for like the youth and the high school kids on different days. So my day was Tuesday and it would be like an hour and a half long. So it was this guy up there that liked me, and he used to walk me home, but I wasn’t into him like that at the time. And then eventually, I started you know, liking him and one day we left for Midtown and I was walking, all of the kids, all of us we were walking and then one day him and I think we were by an apartment building or something and he just slapped me, like I don’t know what for but I think he tried to I don’t know what was the purpose of him doing that at the time, but then after that it was like, you know, we were messing around and then it’s like after that I guess he felt like it was okay for him to put his hands on me. But eventually I got out of it because I talked to someone up in Midtown about it because I think I had a black eye too and I was crying and she kind of asked me what was going on, and I was scared to say it, but I didn’t want it to keep happening because I was afraid, you know, like, with us leaving that he really might hurt me. So I ended up getting out of that situation. I don’t know how I did, but I did end up getting out of that situation. And growing up, we ran back into each other, but it was totally like we were different people, I guess because you know, we grew up.

Yeah, matured.

So what’s one thing you would like to tell your readers as far as everything that you’ve gone through, but you have overcome because now even though those people talked about when you were younger, talked about your scar on the back of your neck, now, you have been to LA and you’ve been in a lot of different things, videos, and now you’re going to be modeling.

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What is the one thing you would like to say to your readers to encourage them to not give up?

So just don’t listen to the negativity. If you got a dream, go for it. Don’t give up.

Definitely don’t give up on your dreams despite what people say, whatever the negativity, you’re always going to have some kind of hater.

Yes. Because they probably know that you are going to be successful. So you don’t want the haters to keep you from being successful.

Nothing has stopped you, that’s for sure.

It stopped me at a point in time, but I got to go for it and I look back this time. So that was one of my biggest things, I always look back and I go through, would I say that I’m going to go through. And I can say that my son is probably what really did it, and then I do have you know, somebody that really believes in me. He goes by the name of Casino Roulette and he was like, Don’t let nobody tell you what you can’t do, because you can do it. You just got to put your mind to it and stay focused.

And his words were that he believed in me.

And it’s hard to get that from somebody that is hard, like I don’t even get there from family members.

Well, it sounds like because of that person, they made a major difference in your life and you’re able to share your story.

Christina, thank you so much for sharing your story. I really appreciate you being open and transparent. Thank you.

Yeah. So I remember going to school and I had met someone and one day, me and this

guy, he had picked me up. Nobody, it’s like, I snuck out the house, I was 21 years of age, nobody knew I was gone. It was like midnight, or it was probably about one in the morning and I left with what I thought was a friend, but he really wasn’t. He asked if I wanted to do something and we ended up you know, agreeing to go in to well, he said we were going to go to the casino. So we went down there, I watched him play some, I guess he gave me, I had $20. So I had played with that, but I would like, really, at the time it’s, you know, I liked the gambling but I didn’t, because it’s like I would lose my money.

So I really didn’t you know, like it fully, but I thought the games, I liked playing the games.

We were there for a few hours, then we left.

He was actually headed to take me back home and I remember asking him to stop at Taco Bell and I think I asked for 2 hard tacos, which wasn’t much, it was like $2 before tax.

So, or at the time, they were probably like 79 cents, you know, at the time. I didn’t have my bag on me, so it’s like, I knew I was out of money, but I was trying to play it off like I was looking around in my little bag, but I knew that I didn’t have anything in there. So I was thinking, you know, maybe he was just going to get the tacos for me, because we were literally probably about two miles from

my house and so we just end up, he was just waiting and waiting, like we was right up at the window and I knew but I was, you know, hoping that he will pay for it for me. So then I just end up saying something and I’m like, well, I must have left the rest of my money.

I don’t have anything. I’m like, just go. So he was asking me, can I come over to his house for a while and I’m like, no, take me home. I want to go home. And he was like, okay, so he ended up going back the way towards the casino. And I’m like, where are we going? I told you to take me home. And he was like why don’t you just come over to my house for a little bit? I’m like, No, take me home, I want to go home. So he just keep on driving. And I’m like, you know, where are you? I’m like, why are you not taking me home? So it’s like at the time I’m not thinking to jump out the car. If we came to a light or something I wasn’t thinking. So, next thing you know, we go on across the bridge, you know, going over to Illinois and I don’t know anything about that side, but I do remember it was like four in the morning. So I remember when he pulled up it was by some train tracks and he gave me like this evil look. It was like literally like two houses on the block. And it was like all tall trees and he pulled up right by where the train track was. So he gave me this evil look

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like he was going to do something to me. So he had stopped the car. He was like, get out.

And I think he only said get out because a car was coming. So soon as I saw that car, because at first I was like, there wasn’t a car coming at first, really so you going to make me get out over here in the middle of nowhere? And I saw that car coming, so as soon as I saw that car coming I got out and I ran. I saw a dog coming but I was scared. So I’m like, okay, I’d rather get bit versus he do something to me. So I went in and hid in the bushes, I called the police, I went and hid in the bushes, and they were asking like, where are you? How old are you? And this and that and I’m like, I’m 21 I don’t know where I’m at and they asked me, you know, can I get to somewhere to try to, you know, knock on someone’s door. And I’m like, it’s only two houses on the block. I said, I’m going to try.

They say they going to stay on the phone with me the whole time. So they were on the phone with me the whole time. I went over to someone’s house. Like, I was trying to knock on their side window, because I went to the back. He was circling, he was literally coming back. So I knew, you know, he was going to do something to me. And I was nervous because I’m knocking on these people’s window and it’s 4:30 in the morning. By that time it’s like 43:0 in the morning. So the police, I ended up, you know, getting the address. I think they came like three deep. By that time he was gone, but the lady was like, you never, don’t ever do anything like that again. You’re too young and pretty and do you realize all of these females that come up missing? And it’s like I cried, because I’m like, this is just a bad day. It was Friday the 13th. I don’t remember what year it was, but it was Friday the 13th.

That was a wakeup call for me, and no one in my family knew. I ended up telling my friend, but she was the only one they actually know and I told her don’t say anything and I’m just

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thankful because I know I probably wouldn’t be here today.

One of the worst things that can happen to anyone, happened to me, one night in 2015. I remember it so vividly and it plays in my mind regularly… a thought that I wish I could forget, but can’t. Someone who I felt close to and that I thought I could trust heard me talking on the about going out of town on a venture leading to my modeling career. He walked in the room with some money in his hand and said, I can give you the $300. I looked at him and said, “what do you mean?” (Not realizing that he wanted sex in return) he sold drugs at the time so I automatically assumed he wanted me to make a drop for him so I quickly declined the offer. He then stood up, pulling his pants down. I couldn’t even believe what was happening. I was still on the phone at the time but I was so shocked that I couldn’t even speak as he was walking closer to me and trying to pull my pants down. The words he said ring through my mind… All I can say is no and stop while he tried to force himself upon me. The phone end up hanging up somewhere during the time and I don’t even recall how I got out of the situation. By the moment end, my shorts practically down and tears overflowing. He eventually asked if I wanted him to leave me alone, I said continuously “yes.” The fear of telling anyone ran through my head. I decided against it because I was afraid of no one believing in me. I decided to leave for a couple of days and upon returning, he asks me did he scare me. He had no idea how much he had not only scared me but scarred me.

So what are you doing today? What do you have going on with your life today?

Today, you know, I’m trying to stay focused on my career. I’ve been having a setback because dealing with boys and being in

relationships, I was in a relationship I want to say like when I was 22, I was in another abusive relationship. And I remember the first time he hit me, he blacked my eye. I do remember that. And I remember kicking him in his stomach because he stole like $200 from me. So we kind of got into it then, but I was kind of scared because I kicked him in his stomach, I had on a heel, but we ended up, it’s like after that things started getting worse, because we were staying together. He choked me out, I was on my last little piece of breath I remember, and I think I would you know I would have been gone then. So this was about when I was about 23 when that happened. I did leave St. Louis. I ended up leaving St. Louis. I travelled frequently. I ended up leaving St. Louis, you know, staying out in LA. I was trying to get back focus on my career. I’ve been on Loving Hip Hop Hollywood. I’ve been on a few scenes. I’ve been on a Coca Cola commercial that Tyrese done for BT. I did a scene for Till Death Do Us Part. I’ve done a few things and growing up for me like I remember when I was in middle school, I’m like, I’m going to be something in life. I’m going to be somebody. People might not think, but I’m going be something. It’s like it’s just always been like with me being into relationships, they didn’t believe in me. And I didn’t have the support that I actually wanted and needed. So I think it was just the negativity that I was surrounded by that brought me down. And I want to say, by me actually giving birth in 2018, that was special to me. I gave birth to a baby boy on my birthday, which is June 30. Right now, he’s two, I was like, you know, I still have people, just like family members, oh, your life is over, you got a kid now, your career is over. But I didn’t let that bother me. It just made me want to go even harder. And because my little boy is relying on me, so I got to do it for him. He needs me.

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On the surface, Amanda Dieumercie is your average pre-teen but she is so much more. Amanda is a leading student in her classes at changing lives academy Where she participates in many on campus activities such as volleyball At home she helps around that house as she works on her business. Amanda always ensured her peers with a positive attitude and a willingly attitude to help.

She’s so efficient at creating positive memories for her friends that she built a job for herself. Her friends have loved her “Dream Bags” filled with fun goodies for girls of all ages. Her bags include a choice of lip glosses such as: Pineapple, Cotton Candy, and Coconut to name a few. These beautiful bags also include Colorful hair ties and Slim amongst other goodies that change throughout the year.

Amanda has mastered producing high volumes of products that can fit any need.

Her specialty made long-lasting formula has provided a high-level of clients. She caters to major personal, professional, and groups therefore these bags can be personalized for parties and events. Amanda’s friends now considers her the “Lip Gloss Princess”

You can contact Amanda-Dreams at (321) 210-2772 or Facebook: Amanda_dreams07 YouTube channel: Amanda Dreams TV

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BUT, YOU LOOK FINE BY: PAYGE CARLIN

I can’t say that I’ve always been healthy up until 2015 because that would be a lie. From childhood, I was faced with the terrifying reality of going under anesthesia time and time again. I had headbands on in my elementary school photos because I had cotton balls in my ears due to constant draining. I can remember the most intense sharp pains in my chest making breathing unbearable, but I was told “They’re just growing pains.” As a teenager, I still had ear infections, fainting spells, vertigo and chronic fatigue. But, “She’s just a teenager; she’ll be fine.” At 13, the gastrointestinal issues began, but “It’s just IBS; you’re fine.” At 15, my ailments seemed to pile up. I got a leopard print rash all over, had a biopsy and was later diagnosed with fifths disease. Apparently, it’s not common in teens. Within that same year, my eyes started swelling shut and burning like hot coals for weeks at a time. Growing up, seeing all those doctors, they never thought to put anything together.

As a woman, I’d spontaneously pass out and throw up at work, but I had to provide.

I began to forget things at an unusual rate.

However, things were okay besides the “normal” problems; I was strong. After all, I had overcome growing up unwell and definitely the hell I endured with my exhusband, I could conquer anything life threw

at me. Let me tell you, I was terribly wrong; I have spent my whole life trying to prove that something is terribly medically wrong. Heart wrenching as it was, the doctors are the worst of them all to get to listen. Fast forward to 2015, I began to get worse and worse. I was on top of the world doing so well for myself and my daughter. I had ended my abusive relationship with her biological father when she was 2 months old when he was sent to prison for a horrid violent crime.

At that point, I felt safe enough to end it. I was established and at 21, I bought a mobile home for us; I was at the top of my career as a head chef at a State University. I was enrolled in college pursuing my degree in applied behavioral sciences, my daughter started kindergarten. Things were calm until I began feeling worse and worse, and was passing blood. I immediately called my primary care physician and he referred me to gastroenterologist. I met with him, “Oh. Well, just change your diet,” followed by “Eat more fiber, take a probiotic.” I kept pushing the matter. At 22, I had my first colonoscopy.

Little did I know it would be the first of many.

By 23, I had to get my first pair of partial dentures. I now have a handicap pass that gets me nasty looks and comments because “I look fine.” After years of being dismissed,

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belittled and minimized by the people who are supposed to help me, I began to wonder if it was all in my head. I started to believe that maybe I was crazy and mentally causing all of these ailments because the issues were overcoming me. I began tracking my symptoms and taking photos to prove to these doctors that I am not going to stop. I finally received a diagnosis of UCTD or Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease, a big term that means I have multiple progressive autoimmune diseases. I learned that in life, you always need to advocate for yourself because no one else can or will do it for you.

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PAYGE CARLIN Darlin Carlin originally from New York, has a passion for helping others through words. She has work in the National Poet Society. In the past, she has worked with the family court judicial system as a supervised visit monitor for families who can’t see their children unsupervised to keep children safe while accommodating court orders.

She had been a model and competed in the Miss New York Pageant in the past.

She is working on finishing her Applied Behavioral Sciences degree to eventually open her own office of practice to aid in mental health. She is very passionate about helping others through her own personal experiences.

If you enjoy what you’ve seen, have any questions, comments or concerns, feel free to reach out! You can connect with Darlin Carlin at darlinthecarlin@gmail.com

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STOP JUDGING ME AND HELP! BY: LAKISHA FRAZIER

It’s always easy for someone who has never endured or witnessed domestic abuse to say, “Why did you stay? If that were me, I would have done this and that,” and my personal favorite (sarcastically speaking), “Why did you let this person do that to you?” They’ll say they are sorry, but it’s empty words.

There is no sensitivity and compassion.

They get angry, but it’s always towards the survivor and never towards the perpetrator.

The judgmental individuals are usually the people survivors trust, such as friends, family, and the authorities. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to understand that their words carry power. They think that they will never be that “weak” person who surrenders their power to another individual. They fail to understand that the wrong person is charming with the right words and the right actions.

Years ago, a so-called friend left me at a stranger’s house where he raped me. Weeks later, I found out that I was pregnant. My parents showed me no emotional support.

My mother also told relatives, her co-workers, and the next-door neighbor about my sexual assault; I was so embarrassed and ashamed that I wanted to commit suicide. The only person I could turn to was God. Things got worse after the birth of my son. My mother, father, and sister treated me as a child abuser

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due to my son’s conception. My mother told me to leave my son with her and my father.

Seventeen years later, their feelings haven’t changed. They don’t look at me as a mother; they look at me as an A.T.M. However, my son loves me because I show him and tell him every day.

It’s bad enough when an individual suffers from domestic abuse. However, when the child(ren) suffers from domestic abuse, the situation is worse. The child(ren) become witnesses or survivors of domestic abuse.

If the parent/survivor “fails” to protect their child(ren) from the abuser, the parent/survivor is automatically labeled a “bad parent.” Why? They broke a cardinal rule, which is protecting their child(ren) from danger. However, the child(ren) receive emotional support and taken to a safe place away from their abuser.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

NO child(ren) should ever experience any abuse…but what about the parent/survivor who had to endure this abuse as well? What about their well-being? What about their mental state? Do they matter?

After leaving my abusive ex-boyfriend, I left mentally and emotionally damaged. I attended a counseling program mandated by the family court. It was useful, but the memories of the abuse and A.C.S. who took

my daughter still haunted me. I wanted to punish myself; I felt I failed as a mother. However, I had emotional support from other survivors. The more the memories of the abuse haunted me, the more my anger surfaced. I was angry, empowered, and fearless. I thought, No one, especially him, will EVER hurt me again.

Domestic abuse is a horrendous experience, but the aftermath is worse.

It feels like salt on fresh wounds. These judgmental individuals will never fully comprehend domestic abuse and the aftermath. They think this is something that happened in the past, and it’s gone. The physical scars eventually go away, but the mental scars are tattooed in the psyche forever. As survivors, we endure P.T.S.D., nightmares, and an overall change of behavior. My aftermath is not as bad now because I do not allow my trauma to take over my life. Society should educate themselves about domestic abuse with an open-mind, compassion, and sensitivity.

It is scary and dark, but hopefully, our stories will be cautionary tales for them to take to heart.

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Free to Fly is a group of women who have previously experienced abuse to some degree in their relationships and chose to choose herself first, thus giving herself permission to be free to fly! So many women and men suffer in silence in abusive relationships and we want to ensure that no matter who you are, or what stage your relationship is in, you have the freedom to choose.

Free to fly provides support to those that may be suffering by being the bridge for them to reach out and gather the resources necessary for them to find the assistance and education they need to make that decision for themselves.

This group of leaders have all been there and know that support was the number one priority for making this difficult decision. When the abused have the support they need of others they can soar! We call ourselves “Guiding Angels” because we will provide the temporary wings they need until they can provide their own.

Free to Fly is Not a Non-Profit that takes in the abused. We are simply the guiding angels that provide the support, bridge to resources and education, and most importantly the hotlines that they may need to be free once again.

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WHO WE CAN HELP? Women who are in an abusive relationship and wants to see their options and have someone to talk to You know someone who is in an abusive relationship and not sure how you can help them

HOW WE CAN HELP: We will listen without any judgements or agenda We will help you bring out the strength in you to have power in your own life We will navigate through resources to find a safe exit plan specific to your situation

CALL OR TEXT: (602) 341-5840 EMAIL: CONTACT@YOUAREFREETOFLY.COM

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BREAKING THE SILENCE BY: LATARSHA HAUGHTON

Hello...I’m Latarsha Haughton. At the age of eight, I was stripped of my feminine dignity.

I was sexually abused by an older cousin. I kept this deep dark secret to myself for many years. I was raised in Baltimore, MD by my biological father. As a child, I never had much stability. We moved too many times to count.

My father neglected to take on his parental responsibilities and constantly put me off on others. My mother resided in Detroit, MI. She believed that my father could better provide for me..., so she relinquished custody to him.

Little did anyone know her decision would have a life-long impact on me.

In fact, my biological father began the sexual abuse on me. The abuse lasted until my senior year in high school...the age of 18.

High school was four years of living hell. I endured so many types of abuse. He made me feel like a burden and “not good enough.”

He constantly yelled at me... and all I wanted was his love and approval.

He used my unconditional love against me.

He manipulated me into believing that it was completely normal and how fathers expressed their love. I loved him so much as a little girl. The unanswered question remains: how could a father cause such pain to his daughter?

It was nearly impossible to focus on my

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studies in high school. I dated several boys to numb my pain. As a teen, I often had sex because I did not know how to say no. I got absolutely nothing out of sex, and it left me feeling empty internally. A little voice inside me would scream “NO!!!”....but the words just wouldn’t come out of my mouth. I began to hate my life and myself and often envied others.

At the age of 18, the abuse resulted in a pregnancy. I was so terrified and confused.

I didn’t know what to do, but I knew that I had to get away. I contemplated abortion but I was terrified. I convinced myself that giving birth would stop the abuse and further numb the pain. In my warped way of thinking, I thought a child would provide me the type of unconditional love I longed for.

The pregnancy and birth of my son actually ended the sexual abuse. But now I faced so many new challenges.

For many years, I continued to get involved in toxic relationships. I dated men that cheated and lied to me. I found myself looking for broken men that I could fix. It made me feel needed, which made me feel better about myself. In hindsight, I believe they preyed on me because I was myself broken.

At the age of 25, a failed relationship produced my little angel. She was the

most precious thing I have ever seen since the birth of my son. Just like other previous relationships, it ended because of infidelity, manipulation and lies.

As a 26-year-old single mother, I became a Christian and remained celibate for 4 years. I became heavily involved in church. I wanted my kids to develop a personal relationship with God and love Him as I do. My focus was my children, my church and our relationship with God. All was going well... or so it seemed. I started dating a co-worker. Not too long after, we got married as I didn’t want to “live in sin.”

He started cheating within the first month.

Within the first four years, he fathered three children outside the marriage. I forgave him because that was the “Christian” thing to do.

I felt so trapped and that somehow God was punishing me for my past sins. I became so depressed. I made three suicide attempts.

After my final discharge from the hospital, I finally began therapy and continue the recovery process.

When I began trauma therapy and EMDR, my therapist helped me realize my self-worth.

Just as God intended, I began acknowledging my strength, intelligence, and beauty. I learned the importance of forgiving my father in order to take back my power and begin the healing process. After years of therapy, full of confidence and renewed self-worth, I

stepped out on faith and filed for divorce.

Shortly after, I began a non-profit organization named Breaking the Silence...Healing the Pain. This organization brings awareness to sexual abuse, emotional abuse and domestic violence. We are dedicated to helping others break their silence and begin their healing process. We are the voice of individuals who feel they are voiceless. We offer support and reassure victims of abuse to know and feel they are not in the battle alone. We provide outside resources for therapy, housing assistance and employment referrals.

In the fall of 2017, my high school sweetheart and I rekindled our flame after 30 years.

Three months later, we were married. I’m now married to my best friend and we realize that God has abundantly blessed our lives. There are multiple approaches to re-establishing trust.

Therapy provided me tools to manage and cope with feelings of shame, guilt, rejection, needing acceptance, stupidity, feeling voiceless, worthlessness, depressed, suicidal, angry, controlling and lonely that were created from my trauma. It also taught me the importance of speaking words of affirmation to myself on a daily basis.

But once I found my true identity in Christ, I was able to put my trust in God alone! This enabled me to trust others again in a healthy manner.

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LATARSHA HAUGHTON Survivor. Overcomer. Thriver.

Latarsha Haughton is an Inspirational Author, Transparent and Authentic Speaker, and Transformational Coach. She is the founder of Breaking the Silence… Healing the Pain, who has endured decades of trauma – including sexual and emotional abuse. With the help of God, prayer, and trauma-informed therapy, after 30 years, she broke her silence. Today, Latarsha transforms that pain into purpose, and creates community for other survivors.

Her entrepreneurial experience includes work as a transformational life coaching practice: guiding men and women as they release wounds and embrace their power, CEO of an assisted living community in Baltimore, Maryland, We Care First Assisted Living, LLC. Latarsha sits on the board of directors at Women and Warriors on Route to Higher Heights Ministries (W.O.R.T.H.H.) and Journey to Joy Ministries, where she once received training in prayer ministry and abuse recovery. She holds an award for “Choosing to Live” from The Standing Still Alliance, an organization focused on domestic violence advocacy and awareness.

Latarsha remains committed to studying biblical principles and rooting her ministries in the compassionate love of Christ.

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FINDING JOY IN HUNGER BY: MAREKA HAYNES

‘Never have I ever….” When you hear these words, it most certainly reminds you of something disgusting someone can’t think of doing, seeing, or an experience that they have not been through.

I thought the same two years ago when I was left – pregnant and hungry. We often think that domestic violence (DV) has a lot to do with physical abuse, but the truth is that DV can originate from all different angles, forms and traits. It can be like my experience where I thought this could finally be it, after years of managing an impulsive pre-adolescent child for eight years, going through financial drought whilst others sat around and waited for me to drown in my sorrows. What people didn’t realize is that you can’t drown a seed.

Actually, at the time, I didn’t know my worth or value to be so great, but after my experience in 2018, I was SURE I was existing for a Great purpose.

I lived a great distance off-road from transportation, and my one means of transportation was my car I had just bought a year and half prior due to having my first son and needing to get around constantly, plus having a developed condition of Polycystic ovarian syndrome. This condition was aggressively painful for three years after having my first son, until God Himself healed me in a service I attended at my

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home church. You may jump for joy at this, but anyone knowing PCOS, as they would call it, knows medical professionals deem it incurable. I recently saw a lady canvassing about raising support funds for her PCOS, and I wanted to tell her, God can heal you.

But when I came close to her and she asked for a small donation, I noted I didn’t have it and she became quite disappointed. Tears welled up in my eyes; I felt hurt for her. The fact is that it was just a mix of emotions.

Reverting to my plight, my second son’s father was on the brink of being physical, especially in cases where my first son would flash the impulsive behaviour and exhibit all kinds of aggressive behaviours. I was tired.

One evening, my son did just that, not sure what triggered him but I knew I took a lash in my back blocking him from being hit by my then boyfriend’s adult hand. I was already nine weeks in gestation with his second son. I cautioned him on the reality of it not being his son, therefore to inform me if my son did anything out of the way so I can deal with it myself as this could cause some ripple effects on the other end for me. He didn’t want to hear my reasoning and chose to pack his little red suitcase immediately and walked out the door. I was like...”Ok, let’s see where this goes.”

By this relationship, I was mentally aware of

the uncaring nature of some men, but I was stuck with the deja vu moment of being in another dead-end situation where the father did not consider the child, only the emotion in the situation. I didn’t fight it. I just accepted that I signed a lease with another adult and was left to manage an impulsive aggressive child, a young child and a two-faced landlord all at the same time. Weeks passed and I finally highlighted his absence to my landlord at the time, who seemed understanding but also seemed as if they had opinionated advice on the matter as I would receive late night Whatsapp chat about how lenient they were being but they still had bills to pay, IN CAPITAL LETTERS. Mind you, I was current but had arrears of two months due to the absence of my then boyfriend’s half when he left. He called a couple of weeks after to say he had returned to his home land, to the landlord and told her he’d help with the rent. I knew it was a fake promise because of his usual mannerisms towards our bills. He actually didn’t pay and I voiced this to her and requested her to give me time but she said she wanted me out by that December. It was November already at that time. I didn’t panic, but I did go into overdrive.

My youngest son was only 4 months then.

On his father’s end, he noted he wanted to finish building his house, back home abroad and he didn’t want to incur expenses where

I was. We urgently needed to shelter. I was frustrated in this process of ‘Silent abuse’, giving into paying bills on my own that were meant to be shared and not having enough for food or gas each day or week. One day, I was so hungry and had only eaten once that day at work, I mixed something up which was only enough for my one son at the time and I drank water. To which as you know, a moving infant in the womb stiffened out at the lack of food.

Upon delivery though, it was God’s doing.

I ran errands for family members to make ends meet. All the while, they talked down on me about my situations and how they would have done it differently. This was another form of opinionated verbal abuse. Now more than ever, mental health awareness took place, hand-in-hand with seeing your worth, understanding if generational bonds had been passed down or even my inability to draw solid lines in bad relationships.

Believe it or not, I always keep active regardless of my circumstance. Not being one to strut the front page of our local newspaper for help, I enrolled in a short certification course in media. This opened many doors of experience and recognition, yet, it did not stop persons from measuring my worth against what the popularity of the known expellers were.

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MAREKA HAYNES

Today, Marek a Haynes Is an established PR & Marketing professional leading businesses into financial wealth. This female marketing guru wears multiple hats professional as she also is a freelance media professional and child protection officer with UNICEF, and known national organization.

Well versed in the corporate industry, she aims to help businesses of all sizes survive covid financially and enhance their business integrity in the process.

You can make contact with her via her website www.marekamarksit.bookmark. com or view her on Dacebook: @marekamarksit and Instagram: Instagram.com/ marekamaksit | Instagram.com/marekaspeaks

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THE EARLY SIGNS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. BY: ADELL SEARIGHT

Unlike popular assumption, physical abuse is not necessarily what comes first in domestic violence. There can be several types of cruelty before a relationship becomes physically abusive. The different types of abuse are psychological abuse, emotional abuse, verbal and nonverbal abuse, financial abuse, social abuse, and physical abuse etc.

Psychological abuse affects how you think.

It involves the abuser’s attempts to control, frighten, or overpower you. Emotional abuse affects how you feel. It can include the abuser yelling at you or rejecting your thoughts, ideals, or opinions. Psychological and emotional abuse both aim to lower your self-esteem either through name-calling and criticism. For example, my ex-husband would tell me, “No one else wants you.” He also would state, “You don’t want to go back home to your family, that old house had holes everywhere.”

Financial abuse is where the money, credit cards are being withheld to the abuser’s possession. We had a joint bank account, but I could not withdraw money until I asked him.

He would tell me, “No, that money is for other

things we might need later.” I was afraid of what would happen if I did get the money.

I knew there was going to be repercussion behind it if I did.

Social abuse relates to the abuser keeping you isolated and distanced from others. For me, I could only go to work and church. My sister and I carpooled to work with a couple other coworkers. I could not tell them I had to be home no later than 4:15 p.m. If I got home late, my ex-husband and I would have a huge argument. My coworkers would go out on Friday evenings and I would give them an excuse because I knew I was not allowed to go anywhere outside of work and church. For instance, my oldest brother, Eugene asked my sister and I to go shopping for his two little girls. I told my ex-husband about going shopping for my nieces and he said, “If you go, don’t think about coming home.” I decided to go shopping for my brother’s children and I did not go home that afternoon. My ex-husband knew he would find me at my grandparents’ house. He was very angry and said he was not going to hit

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me; well he did when we got home. It was all about him controlling me. I was not aware of what was happening. I did not experience any of that growing up.

The last stage of abuse is physical abuse (in my case). Physical abuse is the infliction of bodily pain, injury, or suffering to a person. I experienced a lot of bodily pain. Sometimes, I would get home from work a little late because I was carpooling with others and the physical abuse would occur. On Friday evenings or Saturday nights, I knew that he would become physically abusive by

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either choking me or coming behind me and I would be on the floor. He did not care what part of my body he punched; most of the times it was my face. I would go to work with my hair hanging in my face to cover the bruised spots. One of my coworkers knew I was being abuse. She would tell me to leave before he kills me. Eventually, I did get the courage to leave my ex-husband and by the grace of God, I am here. I pray that my story will help someone to detect the early signs of domestic violence and inspire her to leave the abusive union.

ADELL SEARIGHT

I am Adell F Searight. I was born in Letohatchee Alabama. My parents are Lewis Wilson & Willie Lee. I have six siblings, four sisters & two brothers. I went to Lily Baptist Elementary School.

After the six grade i went to Calhoun high, where i graduated and obtained my High School Diploma. I went on to further my education at Coastal Training School, from there i went to Trehlom to enhance my writing skills. I received training in computer, and typing, along with other skills. I have two sons ,Dmitric & Spencer.

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Contact: Ruth King- Chaseau FB Group: www.wibvic.group Email: admin@wibvic.com Phone Number: (340)642-0523 Women In Business VI/Caribbean Chapter.

We accept anyone who ships or offers services to the US, US VIrgin Islands or Puerto Rico.

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“HEALING EMOTIONAL ABUSE: FROM SUFFERING TO SELF-LOVE” BY: CATHY TRINH

Dear Reader, First of all, if you have ever been hurt by another person’s emotional abuse, I want you to know that it is not your fault. Secondly, abuse of any kind is never okay and you are not alone.

In my early 20’s after graduating college, I hit my first bottom and went into recovery for substance abuse and alcoholism.

Shortly thereafter, I got involved in a serious relationship with a man who I married that was clinically diagnosed Bipolar Manic Depressive. Over a span of eight years, I witnessed firsthand and experienced terrifying emotional and mental abuse from being on his rollercoaster of mental relapses, breakdowns and manic episodes. I spent many sleepless nights lying next to the phone with 9-1-1 and the Crisis Assessment Team (CAT) hotline on speed dial with fear for both our lives and well-being.

Although the emotional outbursts of screaming and yelling never turned physically violent, it caused a lot of emotional trauma and triggers for me. I later discovered on my road to recovery these familiar toxic behaviors were familiar as I personally grew

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up in a dysfunctional household. For years, I suffered in silence from my upbringing and ultimately the marriage to a man with mental illness. This resulted to years of reading self-help books, joining group therapy and visiting counselors to find solutions for my PSTD (Post Trasumatic Stress Disorder), anxiety, depression and addictions.

Emotional abuse is hurtful and comes in many forms. It is a type of relationship abuse and is just as bad as physical abuse. It is sneaky and hard to detect. There are often no physical signs. However, it is still very serious as it leaves many years of damage and is a precursor to physical abuse. It is relentless and the sad fact is that the offender is often someone you love or close to you. The offence can be from one adult to another or an adult to a child.

Over time, it becomes extremely damaging to your mental wellness and detrimental to your identity, dignity, and self-worth, as it did for me. It has also been described as psychological abuse. It can be hard to spot and when it happens, it makes it hard for the victim to seek help.

Here are a few ways to get help: Be Aware of Signs of Emotional Abuse Gain knowledge by reading up on patterns of behaviors that show signs of emotional abuse. Some signs of emotional abuse include relentless criticism, shame and blame, degrading and abusive language, verbal threats, threatening of physical harm, financial manipulation, specific intention of display of power, constant humiliation of an adult or child, shouting at a child or calling them names, hurtful words/actions, faultfinding (read: gaslighting), etc.

Reach Out & Ask for Help Share what you are going through with someone who can help you process and validate what you are going through.

Confide in a trusted friend, family member, guidance counselor, healthcare professional or therapist. Build a core group of individuals that can help shed light on any confusion or stress you may be dealing with. Find a 12-step

recovery support group for codependency, sex & love addiction, or similar related selfhelp groups to begin opening up and healing.

Have a Safety plan.

Even if the emotional abuse has not escalated to physical abuse, it is still unsafe to be around. Have phone numbers of close relatives and friends handy. If your spouse or the abuser has mental health issues, ensure your safety by having the phone numbers to the Crisis Assessment Team (CAT) or local police department handy. Think through all the ways you could get help and to safety if the emotional abuse turns physical.

Practice Self-care.

If you’re a caretaker, spouse, child, living in any sort of abusive relationship, you have probably not taken care of yourself for quite some time. In order for healing to take place, you will need to start practicing

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self-care by journaling, meditating, listening to music, reading self-help books, eating the right foods, and getting enough sleep.

Taking on new self-care routines will help reduce depression, anxiety, and allow you to put yourself first. Remember, self-care is the highest form of self-love.

If you ever feel emotionally unsafe, please reach out for help. Nobody deserves to be abused and harmed emotionally, no matter at what age. The road to recovery from emotional abuse will take time to heal. But remember, no matter how big a part of your life the abuser is in your life, you deserve to be loved and supported. We all deserve love and support.

We can rise above and heal emotional abuse together with knowledge, wisdom

and truth – most importantly you can live an extraordinary life you love, by loving yourself first to seek help for yourself and loved ones.

About the Author Cathy Trinh currently lives in Santa Ana, California. She is the Author of “The Journey, Mastering the Art of Slowing Down into a Beautiful Existence,” a Global Inspirational Speaker, Life Mentor and Self-Care Coach.

She is also a cancer survivor, a fierce advocate for mental health awareness and passionate in empowering and uplifting women to help build self-esteem and self-confidence.

Cathy earned her undergraduate degree in Business Administration and runs a financial executive search firm. She often speaks at Universities, Women’s Rehabs, mental health institutions and corporations.

You can reach Cathy via email at Cathy@CathyTrinh.com or through her website www.cathytrinh.com

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CATHY TRINH Cathy Trinh is the Author of “The Journey, Mastering the Art of Slowing Down into a Beautiful Existence,” a GlobalInspirational Speaker, Life Mentor and Self-Care Coach.

She is also a cancer survivor, a fierce advocate for mental health awareness, holistic healer and addiction recovery expert. She is passionate in empowering an uplifting women to help build self-esteem and self-confidence.

She has created a socially conscious platform to raise awareness of the urgent need for Mental Wellness and Self-Care in Corporate America and across the globe. Cathy has answered her life’s calling to help others discover their passion and create a joyful life they love and deserve through Self-Care practices for their Soul and beautiful life. Cathy earned her undergraduate degree in Business Administration and runs a financial executive search firm. She often speaks at Universities, Women’s Rehabs, mental health institutions and corporations.

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POEM

You like the way I look , and my smile is catching your eye .

You lit up to my laughter , but I have to tell you about my disguise .

This isn’t my first rodeo .

Actually I have done this already twice .

My heart opened up to soon , Because I was blinded by his “nice “ At first there were gifts , trips and more The compliments , affection and care All of those quickly stopped And soon replaced with a cold blank stare.

Slowly came the criticism So subtle I didn’t know Those sleeves are way to short . “ you really walk to slow “ Every piece of me had fault Where did I learn to park ?

“Make your hair way blonder “ I really don’t like it that dark .

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People cut out of our life My relationships changed too much The only way I still felt his love Was by his quickly vanishing touch .

This is what I meant When I said there is so much more I promise you my wounds are so deep Is my heart really what you want to explore

He once loved the food I made Complimented my dreams and goals Then he snarled at the kitchen table And pointed out my “ugly clothes “

If your looking to just use me Or find your perfect you I will never fit those glass slippers Just a pair of running shoes

He asked why I couldn’t be what he liked What he wanted I refused to be made A 50’s style , “ submissive “ wife It just wasn’t me . I’m a different more random shade .

I’ve realized when someone is selfish They hold a person , who they should set free I’ve never been that bird to let fly My future depends on me

He guilted next with his childhood My heart was soft and blind I believed I could help him The effort involved almost costed me my mind .

So let’s entertain the thought We could give this a chance I can’t promise you no drama But You do have to promise no fake romance

He threw away my makeup And hid my keys away Triangulated our kids unknowingly Played mind games I never wanted to play .

If one day you love me And you decide you don’t want to ever let go I have to be part of that choice Your love , and dedication have to show .

His biggest tool , that’s Anger The difference 4’11 to 6’3 Yelling , broken furniture , 911 calls Holes in the walls , him towering over me .

There is gonna be some hard times And I may cry way to much Hold me a lot on my bad days Never let me miss your touch

He pulled my hair , called me names I still stood for much more It’s only when he choked me I ran for the door .

I am gonna go ahead and apologize If I blame you for his stuff I damaged the deepest parts of me When too late - went way past enough.

I then was terrified Scared of what he would do I had to make a exit plan One that only I planned and knew

To be fair I’m showing you What I know it’s gonna be I’m not afraid of losses anymore But I will never , ever again loose me .

My babies have saw some things It makes me sad to say Only they are so much better now I’m glad he went away .

Brandy Nicole

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Survivor Like Me- My Story. Your Story. Our Stores by an amazing group of survivors who have found their success after abuse and/or trauma.

Help to save the lives of those who may still be in danger or are suffering in silence by sharing your story. We would love to hear your story of success on your journey of healing.

To share your succes story , call us directly at 855.29.CARES (22737) or email Cyrena Martin at cyrenamartin@mahoganycares.org

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As Mahogany CARES’s Executive Director she is able to focus on advocating and empowering women who are healing from traumatic experiences.

Cyrena is committed to Women’s wellness Mind, Body, Spirit& Family, and Community concerns/issues. As a former victim and now survivor, certified advocate for domestic violence & sexual assault, she has dedicated her life to advocacy for Domestic Violence Awareness and Prevention. We will advocate for victims, honor & love fellow survivors, and never forget the loved ones we have lost.

Meet the Founder & Executive Director Cyrena Martin, From Victim to Survivor now Advocate Cyrena is committed to bringing forth awareness of women’s and community issues, especially domestic violence and breast cancer awareness.

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THE HEALING POWER CALLED YOU

BY LOLA ONANUGA

2018 was a very terrible experience for me.

My grandmother had died, I had dropped out of college, been fired from my job, evicted from my apartment, and to top it all off, I had just made the discovery that my boyfriend was cheating on me. I remember feeling like my world was crashing down and the stability I had worked so hard to attain was coming to an end. So I did what any responsible young woman on the brink of her quarter life crisis would do ...I booked a flight to Mexico for Cinco de Mayo.

Two wrong turns and an alley way later, I ran into my flight attendants and danced my night away. The next day, I went on a trip to Chichen Itza and met so many beautiful people that had found themselves in Mexico on a solo trip just like me. I danced that night away too. I spent the last two days in Mexico jumping in cave lakes, speed boating, and scuba diving... with no idea on how to swim.

As fearful as I had been of drowning, I just knew my need for water was bigger than my fear.

I had gone on trips to Cuba and Thailand the year before with all intentions to go by myself but my ex-boyfriend had accompanied me.

This time, I had made up my mind to travel by myself. I had moved into a room for rent after the eviction and had decided I was going to Mexico even if I would only be able to afford that one trip that year. Little did I know this would be the single decision that would not only begin my spiritual ascension but it would begin my journey to seeking holistic self-healing.

Mexico would teach me that healing is scary but if you push past fear, you will always rediscover yourself. No time will seem like the “right time” to do shadow work about the matters that tug at your soul. The universe will always align with your truest needs and create a path for you to receive healing.

When the path is revealed to you, it will still be your choice to walk it.

I stayed in Mexico for four days. Those days taught me valuable lessons that I desperately needed to receive at that juncture in my life.

The night of Cinco de Mayo, I went onto the strip of Cancun, nervous and apprehensive.

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Healing is about returning to self and accepting your yesterday for everything that it was. Healing is about reflecting on your past and saying “Thank you for that experience” because you accept that the whole universe conspired to make every moment in your life possible. You understand that all of it was necessary in order for you to be who you

are. You accept the lessons of your most painful moments but release the pain those moments entrapped in your soul.

How do you release? Release to me looked like a trip to Mexico with $300 in my pocket. Other times it has been sitting in the sun, feeding a stray cat, or expressing gratitude to my glass of water. The point is that release is whatever you need it to be as long as it restores you.

Since my trip to Mexico, I have taken over 15 national and international trips. Traveling has become my way of healing and expressing love to myself. How are you expressing love to yourself? Remember that you are responsible for your own healing journey. Give yourself the love and healing you deserve.

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LOLA ONANUGA Lola Onanuga is a social worker , community activist , holistic practitioner, and an NYC spoken word poet. She is the CEO of The Sol Sorority , a holistic wellness company dedicated to healing through natural herbal products and holistic rituals.

She is also one of the Co-founders of The Claudia Lucy Youth Foundation (The CLYF), a nonprofit organization that has led peaceful youth protests in the black and brown community through poetry. She can be found on instagram at @itsyagirllola_ !

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PERSONALIZED SAFETY PLAN Name: _____________________________________________ Date: ______________________________ e following steps represent my plan for increasing my safety and preparing in advance for the possibility for further violence. Although I do not have control over my partner’s violence, I do have a choice about how to respond to him/her and how to best get myself and my children to safety.

H. When I expect we’re going to have an argument, I’ll try to move to a place that is low risk, such as _____________________.

(Try to avoid arguments in the bathroom, garage, kitchen, near weapons, or in rooms without access to an outside door.)

STEP 1: Safety during a violent incident. Women cannot always avoid violent incidents. In order to increase safety, battered women may use a variety of strategies. I can use some of the following strategies.

I. I will use my judgment and intuition. If the situation is very serious, I can give my partner what he/she wants to calm him/ her down. I have to protect myself until I/ we___________________.

A. If I decide to leave, I will __________________ _______________________________.

(Practice how to get out safely. What doors, windows, elevators, stairwells, or re escapes would you use?)

B. I can keep my purse and car keys ready and put them (location) ___________________ in order to leave quickly.

C. I can tell_________________________ about the violence and request that she or he call the police if she or he hears suspicious noises coming from my house.

D. I can teach my children how to use the telephone to contact the police, the re department, and 911.

E. I will use ___________________________ as my code with my children or my friends so they can call for help.

F. If I have to leave my home, I will go to _______ ______________________________.

(Decide this even if you don’t think there will be a next time.)

G. I can also teach some of these strategies to some or all of my children.

STEP 2: Safety when preparing to leave. Battered women frequently leave the residence they share with the battering partner. Leaving must be done with a careful plan in order to increase safety. Batterers o en strike back when they believe that a battered woman is leaving a relationship.

I can use some or all of the following strategies: A. I will leave money and an extra set of keys with _________________________ so I can leave quickly.

B. I will keep copies of important documents or keys at _____________________________.

C. I will open a savings account by __________, to increase my independence.

D. Other things I can do to increase my independence include: ___________________ _____________________________________ ______________________________________ ______.

E. I can keep change for phone calls on me at all times. I understand that if I use my telephone credit card,the following month’s phone bill will show my batterer those numbers I called

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a er I le . To keep my phone communications con ntial, I must either use coins, or I might ask to use a friend’s phone card for a limited time when I rst leave.

partner is not permitted to do so. e people I will inform about pick-up permission include ______________________________ (name of school)

F. I will check with ______________________ and _________________________ to see who would be able to let me stay with them or lend me some money.

______________________________ (name of babysitter) ______________________________ (name of teacher)

G. I can leave extra clothes or money with __________________________.

H. I will sit down and review my safety plan every _______________ in order to plan the safest way to leave the residence. ________________________ (domestic violence advocate or friend’s name) has agreed to help me review this plan.

I. I will rehearse my escape plan and, as appropriate, practice it with my children.

STEP 3: Safety in my own residence. ere are many things that a woman can do to increase her safety in her own residence. It may be impossible to do everything at once, but safety measures can be added step by step.

Safety measures I can use: A. I can change the locks on my doors and windows as soon as possible.

B. I can replace wooden doors with steel/metal doors.

C. I can install security systems including additional locks, window bars, poles to wedge against doors, an electronic system, etc.

D. I can purchase rope ladders to be used for escape from second oor windows.

E. I can install smoke detectors and re extinguishers for each oor of my house/ apartment.

F. I can install an outside lighting system that activates when a person is close to the house.

G. I will teach my children how to make a collect call to me and to _________________ (name of friend, etc.) in the event that my partner takes the children. H. I will tell the people who take care of my children which people have permission to pick up my children and that my

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PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE

______________________________ (name of Sunday-school teacher) ______________________________ (name[s] of others) I. I can inform _____________________ (neighbor) and ________________________ (friend) that my partner no longer resides with me and that they should call the police if he is observed near my residence.

STEP 4: Safety with an Order of Protection. Many batterers obey protection orders, but one can never be sure which violent partner will obey and which will violate protective orders. I recognize that I may need to ask the police and the courts to enforce my protective order. e following are some steps I can take to help the enforcement of my protection order: A. I will keep my protection order _________________________ (location).

Always keep it on or near your person. If you change purses, that’s the rst thing that should go in the new purse.

B. I will give my protection order to police departments in the community where I work, in those communities where I visit friends or family, and in the community where I live.

C.

ere should be county and state registries of protection orders that all police departments can call to con rm a protection order. I can check to make sure that my order is on the registry. e telephone numbers for the county and state registries of protection orders are: _______________________ (county) and _____________________ (state).

D. I will inform my employer; my minister, rabbi, etc.; my closest friend; and

__________________ that I have a protection order in e ect.

E. If my partner destroys my protection order, I can get another copy from the clerk’s o e.

F. If the police do not help, I can contact an advocate or an attorney and le a complaint with the chief of the police department or the sheri .

G. If my partner violates the protection order, I can call the police and report the violation, contact _________________.

STEP 5: Safety on the job and in public. Each battered woman must decide if and when she will tell others that her partner has battered her and that she may be at continued risk. Friends, family, and co-workers can help to protect women. Each woman should carefully consider which people to invite to help secure her safety, I might do any or all of the following: A. I can inform my boss, the security supervisor, and ________________at work.

B. I can ask ______________________________ ______ to help me screen my telephone calls at work.

C. When leaving work, I can _________________ _______________________________.

D. If I have a problem while driving home, I can _______________________________.

E. If I use public transit, I can _______________ _____________________________________ ____.

F. I will go to di erent grocery stores and shopping malls to conduct my business and shop at hours that are di erent from those I kept when residing with my battering partner.

G. I can use a di erent bank and go at hours that are di erent from those kept when residing with my battering partner.

STEP 6: Safety and drug or alcohol use. Most people in this culture use alcohol. Many use mood-altering drugs. Much of this is legal, although some is not. e legal outcomes of using illegal drugs can be very hard on battered women, may hurt her relationship with her

children, and can put her at a disadvantage in other legal actions with her battering partner. erefore, women should carefully consider the potential cost of the use of illegal drugs. Beyond this, the use of alcohol or other drugs can reduce a woman’s awareness and ability to act quickly to protect herself from her battering partner. Furthermore, the use of alcohol or other drugs by the batterer may give him an excuse to use violence. Speci safety plans must be made concerning drugs or alcohol use.

If drug or alcohol use has occurred in my relationship with my battering partner, I can enhance my safety by some or all of the following: A. If I am going to use, I can do so in a safe place and with people who understand the risk of violence and are committed to my safety.

B. If my partner is using, I can _______________ ________________________________ and/or ______________________________________ _______.

C. To safeguard my children I might ___________ ________________________________.

STEP 7: Safety and my emotional health. e experience of being battered and verbally degraded by partners is usually exhausting and emotionally draining. e process of building a new life takes much courage and incredible energy.

To conserve my emotional energy and resources and to avoid hard emotional times, I can do some of the following: A. If I feel down and am returning to a potentially abusive situation, I can ___________________ _____________________________________ ______.

B. When I have to communicate with my partner in person or by telephone, I can ____________ ______________________________________ _______.

C. I will try to use “I can ... ” statements with myself and be assertive with others.

D. I can tell myself, “________________________ _____________________________” whenever I feel others are trying to control or abuse me.

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stronger.

F. I can call ____________________________ and ____________________________ for support.

G. I can attend workshops and support groups at the domestic violence program or __________ ________________________________ to gain support and strengthen relationships.

STEP 8: Items to take when leaving. When women leave partners, it is important to take certain items.

Beyond this, women sometimes give an extra copy of papers and an extra set of clothing to a friend just in case they have to leave quickly.

Money: Even if I never worked, I can take money from jointly held savings and checking accounts. If I do not take this money, he can legally take the money and close the accounts.

Items on the following lists with asterisks(*) by them are the most important to take with you. If there is time, the other items might be taken, or stored outside the home. ese items might best be placed in one location, so that if we have to leave in a hurry, I can grab them quickly. When I leave, I should take: • Identi cation for myself* • My birth certi cate* • School and vaccination records* • Checkbook, ATM card* • Key house, car, o

*

• Medications* • Welfare identi cation, work permits, green cards* • Children’s birth certi cate*

• Lease/rental agreement, house deed, mortgage payment book Bank books, insurance papers • Address book • Pictures, jewelry • Children’s favorite toys and/or blankets • Items of special sentimental value • Telephone numbers I need to know: • Police/sheri ’s department (local) 911 or ______________________________ Police/sheri ’s department (work) ______________________________ Police/sheri ’s department (school) ______________________________ Prosecutor’s o e ______________________________ Battered women’s program (local) National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233) 800-787-3224 (TTY) www.ndvh.org ______________________________ County registry of protection orders ______________________________ State registry of protection orders ______________________________ Work number ______________________________ Supervisor’s home number I will keep this document in a safe place and out of the reach of my potential attacker.

Review date: _________________________

• Social Security cards* • Money* • Credit cards* • Driver’s license and registration* • Copy of protection order* • Passport(s), divorce papers • Medical records for all family members

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PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE

Produced and distributed by: Scars of Survival Magazine LLC

TRUST IN GOD, NOT MAN BY: SHARAYE LOCKHART

My now Ex-husband abandoned me and our kids on March 8th, 2018. As a victim of 20 years of abusive marriage and 25 years of domestic violence altogether, I had to relearn to build trust in people. During that time, I was four months pregnant with our 6th child. It felt like a big slap in the face because I was with someone whom I thought was my best friend as well as my husband and father of my children. How could he do me such wrong?

My heart was so broken. It was hard to believe; I didn’t see it coming because I learnt to build trust in him. I was loyal to him and even treated him like a king. What hurt me the most was that during that time when he was still my husband, I had asked him, “Are you cheating on me?” because my intuition was kicking in so strong. When you have so much love for somebody, trust me, there is a metaphysical connection between the two hearts and you can feel everything in your soul when something is going wrong with the other partner. His response was, “No, I’m not cheating on you. I love you! I’m not going anywhere and I love you for life.”

He was looking straight into my eyes as he said those words. So, when people ask, “Did you not see it coming when he was about to leave?” How could I? The man I loved, still was in love with and trusted so much just

left us the way he did.

He left while I was at work caring for my dad who was incapacitated at the time. I couldn’t understand how someone could do that to their own wife and kids. It was crazy because he didn’t take any clothes with him. He only took the uniforms that he will wear to work and material things that we had at the house.

Not only his personal stuff but he even took the kids’ PlayStation games, their telescope and other items with him as well. He stopped paying the bills and our house ended up relapsing to foreclosure because he did not want to negotiate anything with the company.

When they were trying to help him save the house, he ignored all the papers, phone calls and personal emails that were sent to him. He even told the mortgage company to not talk to me anymore with respect to the mortgage.

I just don’t get it. How can someone have such an evil and ugly heart and not care about anything or anyone but himself.

It was a lot of work, it was a breaking point to be left behind to raise five kids with another one on the way alone. I had to figure out during that time who I can trust to help me during my downtime. When I told close friends what was going on, they were the ones to come to my house and help pack up our things, watch my kiddos, bring prepared

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meals etc. I didn’t want to remain in the house that I knew we were going to be evicted from soon. So I have played it smart and moved the kids night out way before they came to evict us. I did not want my kids to be embarrassed, nor experience someone putting you out of your home while neighbors watch what’s going on. The family, friends and my church all helped us to put our stuff in storage, but at the same time we had to go to a shelter because we were homeless. I didn’t want to bother my parents with my situation too much because my dad who I lost in February 2020 was not in the best of health. (R.I.P “Daddy O” I Love you!) When I told my mom where I was moving to, she did not want her grandbabies in the shelter. I told her my reasons why I didn’t want to stay with them plus they didn’t have enough space. My mom made space and she understood my reasons but that didn’t matter when it came to her grandkids.

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My parents loved their grandkids a lot. My ex-husband’s family all knew what was going on but whatever he told them they believed him and deserted us just like he did. They were more worried about his happiness than the well-being of our kids.

When I moved in with my parents, I didn’t stay with them too long. I had to lean on the Lord to give me strength to continue moving forward to get back right. I had to put my trust in the Lord and be more obedient to him so as to guide me in the right direction and be a good listener. As he started to bring back people in my life, new people inclusive, I had to re-build trust in them. It’s hard to rebuild trust in people when you have been broken and traumatize by people that you loved and cared for. It felt like I was sleeping with the enemy; My ex-husband was supposed to build me up and support me the same way I did for him. He was supposed to make sure that our kids got the best life and a better life than him that he wasn’t happy with. His main focus was that he got tired of working and paying bills. He felt as though he shouldn’t have to come home to help cook or clean or attend to kids. He had offered me to be a housewife for many years throughout our marriage. I did work a lot and I’m out as well but it all depends on the situation and money management that best suited during that time. Most of the time, we had arguments because his mother put in his head that it’s a woman’s job to cook and clean. He failed to recognize that worked full-time and return home to take care of a husband and kids as well. I also was a caregiver for my dad for a few years while handling my business at home too. I was a woman who wore many hats that put my family before myself.

What I want women to learn from me and people in general is that God makes no mistakes. He will remove people out of your life for a reason. You may not like it but when

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He starts to open new doors for you and turning tables for you or trying to give you a clear vision of what’s really going on because you’ve been blinded and brainwashed by others, do not forget about yourself, what’s really going on. Love yourself, respect yourself, and know your worth.

Two years later, people from my pass were brought right back into my life. I started praying for better situations, better jobs, and trustworthy people that I can rebuild trust in, being healthy and wealthier. I want people in my life that don’t just talk a good game but follow through with actions. Actions always speak louder than words. If people really want to help you in life, they will do it. People who respect you will always do it and not turn against you. People who want to be in your life will actively be in it and not look for a post through social media. When I started building trust and God guiding me, I had better results.

I couldn’t let my past destroy my future. I refused to be stuck because I have six kids that look up to me and are learning from me and I want a better future for them. I don’t talk bad about people that traumatized our lives.

All I do is pray for them because they have such evil souls and evil hearts that you got to pray for those people to get right by God. I don’t like people that pretend to live by the Lord but have evil ways in life. The biggest ones preaching mostly are hypocrites. You got to realize when you ask people to pray for you, you don’t know who they pray to. So, be mindful of who you ask to pray for you.

All I know is I love the doors that God has opened for me and I’m going to make my future brighter for my kids and I. I love and appreciate everyone that helped my family and I these past 21/2 years. It has been a struggle, but we did not let it take over our lives because as long as we have God in our lives, we are good.

SHARAYE LOCKHART Hi my name is Sharaye Lockhart. I was born and raised in the Bronx, NewYork.

My parents moved me and my brother to Atlanta, GA in 1994 and I’ve been here ever since. I’m a single Mother of 6 beautiful children between the ages of 2-22.

I recently got divorced after a 20 years of marriage and 25 years together by no choice. FYI I’m proud to say all my kids have the same father. Throughout the years of me growing a family I did complete High School and College. I graduated with my Degree in Early Childhood Education. I’ve been working in this field for 23 years now and I love it. In my free time I love to spend quality time with my family. My hobbies are; to go shopping, Listen and dance to music, read, and looking for new recipes to cook different meals for my family. --

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ABOUT EYEONDV YOUR LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS. Mission Statement Our mission is to eradicate domestic violence (DV) one soul at a time. We will pursue this tirelessly through study, research, and interviews to bring awareness of ALL things domestic violence from cause and effect within the womb, to how it affects anyone throughout each stage of life. One of our greatest goals is to effectively and profoundly change legislation so no victim is ever shamed or ignored again, no abuser is ever able to manipulate the system, and by reinstating faith in the justice system to fight for those in need.

We will explore and expose all effects of DV from neurological, emotional, physical, etc. We will dive into each industry/agency that has any involvement with or influence over DV. We will reveal the effects of DV on all aspects of society from the individual to the family unit, to the workplace, to school environments, and beyond and reveal the ramifications: broken homes, adverse health, addiction, homicide, suicide, the fact that DV is generational, etc.

Most importantly, we will show that surviving DV is a must and once you survive it, THRIVING is the horizon we are ALL meant for.

Our vision is to show the world ALL of what domestic violence is, that it not only can but WILL be stopped, and there is absolutely life after DV. EyeOnDV will show you the way. We are...Your Light In The Darkness.

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MY BIO (SYMONE FAIRCHILD, F OUNDER, EYEONDV): Symone Fairchild, hails from the Washington D.C. area and was raised in the martial arts, obtaining a 2nd degree black belt in Northern Shaolin Kung-Fu. She has an entrepreneurial spirit coursing through her veins which affords her a “pick yourself up by the bootstraps” type of tenacity. She is a daughter of God, a single mom to the most awesome and exuberant little boy on the face of the planet, and a screenwriter. What has captured her heart though, aside from God and her son, is acting. She now knows that it is from acting as a platform and surviving domestic violence that God has meant her to help and love others. She has braved the terrifying and constant storms of healing and reinventing, emotional rollercoasters, building a foundation for life for she and her son from absolutely nothing, being shocked by the archaic and emotionally/mentally abusive environment of the “justice system”, and navigating other subtle abuses in her life.

Now that her mission is clear, she will never stop fighting for others and never stop fighting for her son.

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DEAR MONICA dictionary defines self-worth as “a sense of one’s own value as a human being”.

Shaped

Recognizing Your Self-Worth We often take for granted how special and unique we are. Through the experiences and encounters we have had with other people may have at times made us doubt ourselves which causes us to foster negative perceptions about ourselves. When we listen to others about how we must act, dress, eat, walk, talk and even feel causes these negative thoughts that we have about ourselves. These constant ridicules and rude remarks may come from family members, significant others and even the so-called friends that we have and their views can eventually take its toll. Merriam-Webster

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As human beings we are continuously shaped and molded by the images of others and of society. Weibell (2011) reports, “The basic assumption of the self-worth model is that multiple factors influence one’s sense of self worth”. Our environment plays an instrumental role in shaping/molding us such as our communities, family, friends, religion and even the education system. The community and its leaders can influence how we view ourselves because they can import their beliefs on us. These leaders may suggest that our direction in life should consist of generous amounts of volunteerism in our lives. The same community leaders influences also suggest that if you are not dedicating time to volunteer, then you can be viewed in a negative light and may describe this as being selfish or self-centered, which again is an unfavorable view of you from others.

When looking at relationships with family, friends and significant others it’s safe to say that they will have different variations of the person they want you to be. The variations

of the person that your family, friends, and significant others may suggest for you could cause pressure on you because you may feel the need to conform to the image that they have of you in their minds. This can vary from being polite, passive, non-aggressive, quiet, complacent, compliant, and the list goes on and on. These expectations can be stressful and overwhelming at times especially when you are trying to please different people on so many different levels.

Religion can also influence the way we conduct ourselves in our lives. We may strive to be like religious people who are regarded as “living examples”. Educational institutions have also embedded societal exceptions that are taught through schools in subjects such as Social Studies, English and History.

With so many external variables attempting to implant their versions of who you should be, it can definitely be overwhelming.

Identify Your Attributes You should take a look at these questions: who are you? What are some things that are unique about yourself? What makes you different from others? Look at these questions and answer them instead of focusing on what others think of you or focusing on those who only point out negative features. Celebrate your attributes! Applaud yourself for being smart, pretty, tall, short, witty, curious and whatever other attributes that make you uniquely you! I even challenge you to love your shortcomings as some would call them, such as your quirkiness, stuttering, freckles and other features that you have. All these features that make you distinctive. Can you imagine if we all ate, spoke, walk, sleep and think the exact same way? Embrace your idiosyncrasies! Acknowledge that you indeed are special and therefore you do not have to subscribe to the image of others

to be liked or loved. Identify those skills, talents and abilities that you possess and conquer your dreams and your life goals with no regrets.

Just Be You Just be yourself no matter what the pressures that present to conform to societal norms, you still can hold your head up high while being true to yourself. If people are a part of your life or would like to be a part of your life, then understand that they will need to accept your qualities.

I understand as humans become one within their marriage, there will be times you will adjust and compromise on some things to make your marriage successful. However, when adjusting or compromising within the marriage it should never be to the point or subjecting yourself to any forms of emotional verbal or physical abuse. The marriage and even other interpersonal relationships such as your family and friends, should never include continuous ridicule, constant negative comments and degrading remarks, those are not conducive to healthy relationships.

Look around you, celebrate with those who celebrate you. Support those who support you. Surround yourself with positive energy and positive mindsets. Love yourself, encourage yourself, and most importantly never lose yourself.

Reference: Weibell, C. J. (2011). Principles of learning: 7 principles to guide personalized, studentcentered learning in the technologyenhanced, blended learning environment.

Retrieved September 16, 2020 from [https:// principlesoflearning.wordpress.com].

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We are a New Jersey faith based nonprofit organization who serve and support women who may have be subjected to sexual abuse and domestic violence.

Heart To Hearts Ministries, Inc. ministers to the issues of the heart, educate, inspaire, encourage and empower women to rise above life’s challenges. All these things are made possible according to the word and power of God.

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DANA CLIFTON

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My name is Dana. I am a mother of 3, an entrepreneur who is surviving my past of being a victim of domestic violence. I don’t like using the term survivor because in my opinion it seems so final, like it has a period at the end!! I like to look at my situation along with others as surviving!! It seems to imply wait there’s more!

My situation is the same, but different because everyone’s story doesn’t play out the same. I didn’t recognize the abuse at first because it started off with mental abuse like control, isolation and belittling me every chance he could. Eventually it became physical for reasons beyond my control.

What I did notice right away was the fear and emotional toll it had on my kids!! We had a routine where we pretended to be asleep no matter what time of day when he came home to avoid encounters daily!! He even controlled if we were hot or cold with fear even if he wasn’t home.

For the sake of my kids I knew I had to get out, but like a lot of us we had burned bridges with family/friends because no matter what they did to help I returned to the abuse!! Statistics say it takes at-least 7 times for a victim to get out and stay out I truly had doubled that number!! The only real witnesses of his madness was the kids and the neighbors that saw me running down the street in my underwear. My community because of who he was helped me suffer in silence, including law enforcement! I mean being a pillar of the community made him

one of them and me another crazy woman!!

When it finally became too much I began to reach out for help by calling 800-799-safe they helped me connect with a local shelter in Pa. He found me, so the local shelter coordinated and put me in touch with TAP’s DV program where I met now retired Sharon Dungee!! We left with whatever we could carry and was transported by Greyhound to A safe house in Va. They housed, clothed and provided all of our temporary needs!!

I was also provided counseling and legal support to deal with the long lasting issues we would be facing. They had helped me break my cycle and they can help you too!!

Please don’t wait and allow your kids to have to share the PTSD that comes along in the cycle. My only son who is still growing up and un-learning how to deal with anger and treat women is healing from the trauma and abuse.

Because of Turning Point, and TAP and warriors in this fight my kids are grown and healthy thriving adults for the most part. I have a radio talk show on domestic violence, I started a movement to help women become entrepreneurs while getting their credit restored. Start planning today in memory of those that had to have someone plan their funeral!! Covid is causing this issue to be worse than it ever has!! Surviving while thriving is real, it all starts with you reaching out!!! Together we are stronger!!

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