Scars of Survival Magazine September Issue

PAIN • HEALING • ENDURANCE

Lady C

QUEEN of

HOLY

HIP HOP

SPECIAL EDITION

Scars of Survival Magazine SEPTEMBER 2020 ISSUE 3

ESCAPING THE

FLAMES WOLF SHEEPS in

CLOTHING STORIES OF

WHAT THE

JUDGES

SURVIVORS

HAVE TO SAY ABOUT

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Dear Monica Insight On How To Cope With Trauma

w w w.s c ar s ofsu r v i v a lm ag azi ne.c om

CONTENTS

32

29

Author Samantha J.

Elder Shameka S. Chapple

17 Robin Shockley

Nikeisha N. Black

22

25

Jeff Smith

5

Lady C

12

Domestic Violence Personalized Safety Plan

17

Healing By Choosing Peace

18

Escaping The Flames

21

Falling Through The Cracks

22 Be Courageous. It’s Okay To Cry Living Life As A Teen Mom

21

31

26 Laurie Benoit

Mariah Kargbo Esq.

Bella Grace

Darlin Payge Carlin

35

Monica Brown

36

25

Stories Of Survivors: The Bullied: Hear Them Cry!

26

Judge’s Advice On Domestic Violence

29

Laws Of Attraction

31

Wake Up! Wake Up!! Wake Up!!!

32

The Road To Resilience

35

Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing

36

Dear Monica

18 Mikayla Denise Richardson

READERS

Letter From The Editor To The

W

e go through pain, we heal, and we endure. One of many reasons why I chose to Launch Scars of Survival Magazine. A lot of us have experienced some form of domestic abuse or we’ve known a loved one who’s experienced it. During that time there seemed to have been no way out! Who could I tum too? Who wouldn’t judge me? Who would understand? Will I ever survive? Will I ever overcome? These are the questions many of us had or still have? What will it be like to experience being FREE?!

I’ve been wanting to launch Scars of Survival Magazine since 2016 when I founded Scars of Survival Inc. I wanted to create a magazine where individuals from all genre could learn what domestic violence truly is. Learn the causes, effects, how to survive, heal, and overcome. A magazine that’ll help oneself to regain love, hope, trust, faith, courage, and strength.

The goal of Scars of Survival Magazine is to help individuals to overcome domestic violence from children to adults. That you too are worthy! You too can overcome! You too can heal and walk in your God given purpose! I want you to know you’re not alone!

So please enjoy the journey with me and let me know your thoughts throughout the process. It’s time to take back your life! Feel free to email me about anything at any time!

Email: scarsofsurvivalmagazine@gmail.com Instagram: @scarsofsurvivalmagazine:

02 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

Sathya Callender Author

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Sathya Callender CREATIVE DIRECTOR Sathya Callender LAYOUT DESIGNER Hali Vanderburg

COVER PRODUCTION TEAM Photographer: Head Shots Studios Fashion: Couture 4 U, LLC. Marketing: D & S Productions.

Make Up: Le’Dajon Oliver

ALL RIGHTS All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in whole or part without permission from the publisher. The views expressed in Scars of Survival Magazine, LLC. are the views of the contributors and not necessarily shared by the magazine and its staff. The magazine welcomes new contributors but can assume no responsibility for manuscripts, photographs, or illustrations.

Published six times a year.

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE |03

04 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

Lady C

QUEEN of

HOLY

HIP HOP

So hey, this is Althea Richardson I’m representing Wove Inspiration for the magazine Scars of Survival Magazine and it is a blessing and honor to have a really good friend, or I’ll even go as far as family, because she is family, her and her husband, and I am interviewing today Lady C, Queen of holy hip hop. It is a blessing and honor to be able to once again interview you for this magazine. So who is Lady C?

Well Lady C as you mentioned, I am a Christian, holy hip hop artist and I reside here in Jacksonville, Florida.

I’m also the Co-Pastor of Elevation Worship Center and I have just been blessed with a beautiful family, a ministry, a music ministry that is all over the world. I’ve been nominated this year for 13 Awards. I just launched my television show, and I’m so elated about that. Also I’m excited about some news I just got yesterday that my music will be playing on an award show with Steve Harvey, and some other renowned artists. So that’s what that is doing.

Awesome. I love it.

Congratulations on that. That is amazing. Wow. Okay, well thank you for sharing that news with me as well. So with anybody that I interview, who is so well known who is so very successful in everything that they’re doing now today. Everybody always has a beginning. So tell the readers what was your beginning like? Let’s actually start from the beginning as when you were raised and as a child and everything.

Beautiful, I would love this. I was the second child. My mother has five children. I grew up with her and my father who was a local Pastor here in Jacksonville as well. I saw my mom just struggle with her identity, losing her value with her husband, who is my father, who I want to say had extramarital affairs. I saw him get other women impregnated along with my mother, at the same time, and that did not end well because he eventually walked out and I’ll never forget the day when he walked out. I can still remember standing at the screen door at that time, round about the age of five years old, crying for him to come back. Later on my mom remarried, she married my stepfather. At that time he seemed to be a pretty decent guy, but later on, as my body began to mature, he started making passes at me. He would not allow me to date, wouldn’t allow me to go outside. He didn’t allow me to just be a young girl.

He would assign me to chores, he

wouldn’t allow me to go to prom or do anything like that. And that’s because he said he had a desire to be with me. So, here I am again. I’m fighting for my mom because my mom lost herself first with my dad and here she was losing herself again, with her second husband and I can even remember going to bed, I had to wear sweat suits to sleep and I never understood why my mom would make me wear sweat suits to bed and I grew angry because I felt as though she knew, but at the same time she was trying to protect me. Well, it got so overwhelming that I ended up running away from home. And I found my dad again. And I went to go live with my father. At that time, under my father’s leadership, and under his ministry, I gave my life to the Lord at the age of 16, in high school, and I dedicated myself to the gospel ministry, when I was around about 18 years old. And from there, I ended up getting married. This first marriage, believe it or not, I was very young, just loved the Lord, very involved. I was still a virgin. I was in college, getting ready to start a career.

And I’ll never forget the young man that I met, he was also a Preacher in the church, very, very charismatic. I married him and I just knew that this was the man. But I came to find out, he was a bigamist, I was wife number six. And here I am, a naive, young woman that just loves God and this is the first person I gave myself to. And someone knocks on the door and tells me that they are the FBI, looking for

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 05

“We can't give up on people.

We have to continue to be available, listen, love on them.”

this man, you’re married to my husband! I was devastated. I called my father, he came and picked me up.

And I found out probably about four months later after leaving him, that I was pregnant. I did not want to keep the child because I just felt so lost and did not trust anybody. I ended up keeping the child, thank God, she’s my oldest and a blossoming, beautiful young woman. It was at the age, probably at three years old, when I remarried, and this marriage lasted about 18 years. And this was again another charismatic person, he came in, did a lot for me, helping and seemed to really embrace my daughter, because I was very cautious of that, because I know what I had gone through as a child. And it was from there, a year after we were married, some type of confusion broke out between me and him and my sister was staying with us at the time. The fight got out of hand, so he pushed me and I ended up on the kitchen floor. Then he lay across me and he began to choke me. And my sister began to tell him to get off me and, I’m just in total shock, because I’ve been around this person who showed no sign of being violent, but

just seems to be loving and gentle, and here I am being choked. It was after that I’m like, you know, I didn’t want to do this. And he ended up just honeymooning me back, with things and words and I went back because I thought he meant what he said and I thought that I was away from him long enough to have really repented and wanted to change his ways. And before I knew it I was in a relationship for 18 years of domestic violence. I had him arrested 11 times. And it wasn’t until he began to lash out at our daughters that I knew that it was time for me to really get out of this because those were my gifts from God. But we stayed married for about nine years and it wasn’t until the ninth year that I became pregnant with him. I ended up having two children back to back. I thought in my mind, to be honest, that he had changed because children were involved. And I just knew at that time that he would be a different person, but he wasn’t. He was still aggressive.

I’ll never forget one day we went to a family reunion, his family’s reunion and I left my wallet at the beach where we had the family reunion and he was so angry because he had to

06 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

turn around and go back and get my wallet. And I had just cashed my paycheck so it was necessary for me to get my wallet because all my money was in there and I knew I had to take care of household bills. He was so angry. The children were screaming and he’s yelling and he’s literally driving back down the highway and we’re probably 45 minutes out of our hometown at that time. And just fighting, fighting, and I’ll never forget that we were running out of gas and had to get to a gas station. He told me if I yelled, if I screamed, if I even made eye contact with anybody, what he was going to do to me. I’ll never forget this man that came near the car. I was telling him to help me, help me, and he just turned his head. And we finally got back and got my wallet and I just knew that, we’re done for the day. But as soon as I got back to Jacksonville, he was still so angry with me. He told me to get out of the car and he pulled me by my hair. He dragged me halfway down the street, by my hair, in the middle of the street with his best friend watching, and the children were in the back seat screaming and crying. Until this day, a lot of people talk about people who

wear extensions and wigs. I don’t choose to wear it. I have to wear it because the hair on the top of my head was snatched out. It was just this last couple of years where it’s just started to grow. So it’s not by choice, I have to wear it. Because he snatched just the top part of my hair. My hair wass really long and it was flowing.

And like the Bible said, that’s your glory. He knew I loved my hair. And from then on, I went to an abuse shelter, I was able to finally get out.

And I went to the abuse shelter, six times, to the point that my girls were like, Mom, can we go back to that place again, it’s so fun. They had become familiar with the abuse shelter. I’ve even lived in a van with my girls just to get away from him.

But I went to counseling. He’s been arrested. He even went through all the resources that the court told him to go through. Again, I’m thinking that this would really work and it wasn’t really working. And I really lost myself and one thing I was adamant about I said, I never want to be like my mom. And the thing that I was fighting the most is what I was becoming. But I was able to finally get out the day he took my children hostage and kicked me out of my own home and separated me from my daughters. I just didn’t know what he was going to do behind those doors. I didn’t know if he was going to harm them, hit them, because he always attacked everything that I liked, or loved. I ended up calling the police and finally, he let my middle daughter out. But he held the baby girl still hostage in there because she was just in shock. She was frozen. She didn’t know what to do. I had the courage to finally, 18 years later, move out, go into a shelter. They helped me relocate. They helped me with housing. I was able to, with much tears, because I was always taught this and I’m so excited about my book

that’s coming out and I’m just going to mention it, just briefly here. It’s called “Unboxed”. I did not realize how boxed I was. And I had to unbox my thoughts, I had to unbox my way of thinking, because every time I reached out to someone for help, they always told me that you need to pray more.

Hold on. When you say “they”, who is “they”? Is that the church? That’s telling you this?

Yes. This was Bishops and, his Bishops, because he’s a Pastor now.

I was married to a Pastor. It was his Bishops and the people that were mentoring him, and they were telling me the stress of ministry, the stress of managing, you just need to pray more, and put the responsibility on me. All the time I am bearing that, as if it was my fault, I wasn’t doing enough, that I needed to pray more, I needed to just serve more, cover him more, and everything would be okay. I had to unbox a lot of things and come out of the box and come out of the norm of what they were telling me was normal.

This is not normal, this is not right.

And it was through Hubbard House counseling began to teach me that this has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with who he is and it was that day through the Hubbard House and that last time where I was able to file for divorce and I have not looked back. As I continue to move on, because of the numerous years of being choked, I went on to be a corrections officer and transitioned to police. And in policing, I sustained an injury there which I had to get surgery for. You know my story of me being paralyzed. The doctor said, “I don’t know what’s been going on with your neck but thank God that this accident happened, because if you would have went on with life, any moment, any day, you would have never ever walked the rest of

your life. There is so much scar tissue around your neck”. And it was a very wise counselor who also helped me with the decision to walk away that mentioned to me, he said did you know that choking is a death? And I never looked at it like this before. Is that choking is a method of killing someone. I said what do you mean?

He says whenever anyone tends or wants to put their hands around your neck, that is intention to die because that’s where they can cut off your oxygen, they can do so much damage to the neck. I can recount an episode, he went for my neck first and I’m here by the grace of God. I am all that I sustained. I’m amazed that I’m still here and that I’m alive and that I’m well and that I’m moving. It was at that point that I felt that all the years of choking had taken its course. And I could not continue my career as a police officer, because I had to have surgery on my neck in which I did become paralyzed. But God restored me and He healed me and He brought me to where I am today.

18 years. Out of those 18 years of marriage, how long was your like “honeymoon”? What was the length of time of really the honeymoon part? And what was most and what was the length of time that he abused you?

After the first year, when he attacked me, I can count that an episode would probably break out maybe three or four times a year. He would get angry.

But the major episodes about three to maybe four times at the most a year. One time, we know, is just too many. I should have paid attention to the signs. That’s why I teach women today, there are warning signs, we just have to open up our eyes and see and accept them. When I was dating him, I would never forget somehow he probably was still involved with his ex-wife. They were married a long

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 07

time. And she found out that he was dating me. The woman came up to my job and she followed us when he picked me up. Because he picked me up from work and she followed us and I guess he recognized her. And this woman jumps through my side, the passenger side to attack, hitting me and attacking him. And I’ll never forget he stopped the car so abruptly that she fell. And when she fell, he just ran right over her leg. And I’m like, Oh my God, you just hit her, and he kept going! She didn’t stop.

She continued to limp and just come after us. And she got in the car and began to still chase us and we were chased down to a dead end. I’ll never forget it. And I saw this man and I could not believe it. I saw him pick up a third of a telephone pole, those things are heavy. He picked it up it up and threw it towards her. And I said please just take me back to my job or even take me home because she’s still following us. And I did not talk to him for two months. Because I’m like, this is too much, you’re still dating her or something is still going on. This is too fresh, for you to be trying to be involved with anyone. So I ignored him for two months, but he was persistent, very persistent. It was probably two and a half months after then, we started dating, but I wouldn’t date him alone. I would bring my friends with and they seem to be mesmerized by the caring and giving person he was because he would pay for everybody and he would buy me lavish things. But as far as the honeymoon period after I married him, that may have lasted a couple of months. It just depends on if I would have called the police or if he got arrested, it seemed like the period would last longer if there was some type of repercussion about it. But he

was very charismatic, very apologetic.

You know how they go, they cry and they go through all these promises to never do it again and they didn’t mean to do it and all these things.

And that was 11 times that he was arrested?

And this is the funny thing and I teach young women now, there’s something that is called public records. You can do background screening on anybody and it is okay.

People want to make you feel like that’s not cool. That it’s not right.

But in these days and times, we have to be safe. If I would have done a background check on him when I married him, I promise you, he would have been dropped. But it wasn’t until about close to 15 years in the marriage at this time. On and off. I pulled his police report and I found out that he had already been arrested nine times for domestic violence, assault and battery. One of his exwives was already on the run and she’s terrified of him. And then he had 11 more charges with me. So I know when I left him he had posted 21 police reports.

What was some of the things that he would say that even after everything that went down, what were some of the things that he would say that would be like, okay, maybe I’ll give him another chance? A third attempt or 10th or 12th, or whatever the case was?

I’m going to be very transparent because I can’t even say that was all him. When I look back in hindsight, I feel like it was mostly me. I already had failed a marriage and I didn’t want to fail another marriage. And then I was staying for the people

08 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

because I knew that I was attached to people. People were attached to me. I put everything and everybody before myself. But some of the things he would say is I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do it. I would never do it again. And then he would pull certain people in that would speak on his behalf to get me back and again, shift the responsibility and blame on me.

Now that’s a subject that I wanted to definitely bring out, because you being a first lady of a church, I’ve heard countless numbers of stories where the woman is married to maybe a Pastor or Minister, someone that’s very well known in the church.

And it’s always in a domestic violence situation where it’s someone that’s someone prominent in the church, that it almost seems like the Pastors don’t believe the woman but they’re very quickly able to believe the man because of his position. So what is your take on the responsibility of the church as it pertains to domestic violence?

At the divorce I did not realize how many Pastors and Ministers, I have the statistics all on how many domestic cases there were. But the church always gravitated to that power, to that prestige, or he can’t do any wrong. And that’s how I looked at it. I even had the whole church come up against me. Every time he got arrested, the church would bail him out. They bailed them out. And that was almost like an endorsement. Like he’s right or you’re wrong. He’s right, he’s the man of God, he’s the voice.

They were condoning his behavior.

And it even got to a point where the church became violent towards me.

They were angry that I kept putting him in jail. It was just sad. These components coming together really

helped me really break away from this church, him coming at my daughters.

I taught my daughters, we had a code word, that’s one of the things they teach you. We had a code word that we would say, and every time I said this word that means call the police and they would do it. My girls were good at it and that was best. That breaks my heart but I had to teach them how to survive and how to help me survive. And when I gave them that code word they know to dial 911.

And every time they would bail him out. And they would ask me not to do it.

That’s madness. So let’s go ahead and go forward because as you had mentioned earlier, you have just completely blown up, went to a whole other level in life.

So, tell me about Lady C I see today.

I am a plum miracle. I know women out there and I’m quite sure you do as well, who have survived one year of abuse. And I’m a blessed woman, to have death chokes and to be dragged down the street and all the things that I went through, to be alive, to be what I believe God had in plan for me to be today is I am a miracle.

And He reminded me that my life was in His hand. And today, I stand as a mother, I stand as a mentor. I stand as a Pastor, I stand as a humanitarian. I stand as an independent artist. I stand now with my own television show on nine networks around this world. I’m just amazed that I’m alive and I’m well and that I can tell this story. Because there are other women out there that

are boxed. Whether it’s by a word, whether it’s by a Pastor, or whether it’s by church, whether it’s by their own self-esteem and their issues and their challenges in life, they’re boxed.

And I believe that God has raised me for this time, and is using my voice at this time to speak loud and speak clear, through music, through the talk show, and through every platform that he has allowed me to embrace, to tell of His goodness, and to not be ashamed, and to help others live and to give hope. I was so moved today, at one of my shows today. And I knew that I needed to speak with you today, as it was on human trafficking. And it just hit our front door. A friend of ours daughter was caught up in human trafficking. And I had to do a story on it because I did not know

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 09

that Florida was the third state with the highest number of sex trafficking.

And Jacksonville is third in Florida.

So we’re still three and three, state and city. And I was reminding them, one of the ladies who was telling her story, she mentioned about how she would get out and how she would go back or how they would drag her back in and force her back in. And then she would say, no one knew why we stay. I get that question a lot. I’m surprised you didn’t ask me.

That was going to be one of the questions because that’s a question that every person and mostly people who have never been through domestic violence will ask. “Well, why don’t you just leave? You know, 11 times he’s been arrested, eighteen years you’ve been married? Why don’t you just leave?” It’s not that simple though.

And that’s the point. I did leave and it’s not that simple. And it’s not that safe, because they’re very controlling, very clingy. And they’re so needy.

Very manipulative. And so you really have to be strategic. And the times like I said, when I did get away, I was so attached to other things that really brought me back. But my husband now is the sweetest man on God’s green earth. He asks me that question all the time, he gets so angry. And he just left the room because he can’t take it. He cannot imagine anyone putting their hands on me. And why did you stay? And it’s not that easy.

And I don’t want anyone to ever give up on someone, like I told you today, the young lady in human trafficking, she went and came nine times. We can’t give up on people. We have to continue to be available, listen, love on them. Because it really takes an

A-ha! in our life to happen. And it takes courage. And I know for me having three children and at that time, I was like, what am I going to do? That was the major thing. He was the breadwinner. How was I going to make it with three babies, and I didn’t want my girls to be like me. That was another reason why. I grew up without my dad. And I long for my dad, I longed for my dad as a woman. I did not want them to grow up without their father, although he was toxic. I wanted them to know their father even if he wasn’t good for them. That’s what I wanted, because I did not want them to experience what I had experienced. So I knew that was one of the reasons why. But today, I stand in all His glory.

And how long have you been married?

Right now it’s going on seven years. I divorced my ex back in 2009. So I’ve been out of that situation for some time now. And there is little contact now that our daughters are grown. I gave them an option whether or not they want him in their life and two chose not to. One does still entertain him to some degree. But it’s been since 2009. When I was able to stand and lose it all because I want you to know, I lost it all. At this time we had three churches under our belt. I had a home, I had cars, I had a business.

I had a profitable nonprofit business that was so successful and I was making national news. I let it all go for my peace. Nothing mattered to me anymore, it did not matter. My daughters began to matter, and my life and my peace began matter. And I pray that someone today, because I know what the cycles are like, I know what the honeymoon phases are like, I know. But I hope that someone

10 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

who may even read this article understands that there’s nothing more valuable than your peace, your life and your children. And that’s what got me out.

And to the readers that who read your story, what other encouraging word would you like to leave with them?

Oh boy, there’s so much how do I narrow this down? Reach out to somebody. I want them to know that they’re not alone. I know their embarrassment. I know everything they’re counting up. I want them to know that they’re necessary. That they’re valuable to God, they’re valuable. Again, I cannot express how there is so much help out here.

And that’s one of the things that an abuser does. He wants to make you feel like you’re alone and no one’s going to help you, no one’s going to believe you. But there are agencies, there’s programs, there’s funding to help you get out and stay out. So I do want you to know that there are resources out here and you’re not alone. And plan, I’ve got to say this, plan your exit strategy. You have to do it safely. So definitely plan, come up with code words when you feel like you’re in danger, teach your children code words and how to respond and how to dial 911, but definitely plan an exit strategy. And live, live your life, just live. If you would have told me all that I’m experiencing right now, I haven’t even talked about the business that, you know, I have a tax service.

I have a legal consultant service, a daycare. If you would have told me that I will have been nominated for 13 awards, that I would have my own TV show. Live, just live. Abusers are just weak. They’re jealous, very envious of everything that God has placed

in your life. I will never forget the time when I preached this. Every time I would preach or minister someone was blessed by anything I said, I had to be ready to fight the fight of my life. And they’re just immature people there, they’re very jealous and very envious and they see your potential. They know what you can be. So live. There is something greater out here and better that God has for our lives.

You are a true example of what it means to live in victory. And it’s a blessing to know you and

your husband, Pastor Ford and I am in awe at what God has done for you in your life and all of the accomplishments that He has done in your life.

It is amazing. And your story, I know it’s going to make a major difference in people’s lives and women’s lives that may not feel like they have hope. And they may not feel like that even though they’re out of the abusive relationship, even though they’re out of the bondage, some of them

may still be in bondage within themselves because of the tearing down of their selfesteem and their image in everything. So, thank you so much for sharing your story for the Scars of Survival magazine.

And I say on behalf of Sathya Callender, who is the founder of this Magazine. Thank you for sharing your story.

Thank you so much. There is glory after this.

Amen

“There is something greater out here and better that

God

has for our lives.”

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE |11

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PERSONALIZED SAFETY PLAN Name: _____________________________________________ Date: ______________________________ The following steps represent my plan for increasing my safety and preparing in advance for the possibility for further violence. Although I do not have control over my partner’s violence, I do have a choice about how to respond to him/her and how to best get myself and my children to safety.

H. When I expect we’re going to have an argument, I’ll try to move to a place that is low risk, such as _____________________.

(Try to avoid arguments in the bathroom, garage, kitchen, near weapons, or in rooms without access to an outside door.)

STEP 1: Safety during a violent incident. Women cannot always avoid violent incidents. In order to increase safety, battered women may use a variety of strategies. I can use some of the following strategies.

I. I will use my judgment and intuition. If the situation is very serious, I can give my partner what he/she wants to calm him/ her down. I have to protect myself until I/ we___________________.

A. If I decide to leave, I will __________________ _______________________________.

(Practice how to get out safely. What doors, windows, elevators, stairwells, or fire escapes would you use?)

B. I can keep my purse and car keys ready and put them (location) ___________________ in order to leave quickly.

C. I can tell_________________________ about the violence and request that she or he call the police if she or he hears suspicious noises coming from my house.

D. I can teach my children how to use the telephone to contact the police, the fire department, and 911.

E. I will use ___________________________ as my code with my children or my friends so they can call for help.

F. If I have to leave my home, I will go to _______ ______________________________.

(Decide this even if you don’t think there will be a next time.)

G. I can also teach some of these strategies to some or all of my children.

12 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

STEP 2: Safety when preparing to leave. Battered women frequently leave the residence they share with the battering partner. Leaving must be done with a careful plan in order to increase safety. Batterers often strike back when they believe that a battered woman is leaving a relationship.

I can use some or all of the following strategies: A. I will leave money and an extra set of keys with _________________________ so I can leave quickly.

B. I will keep copies of important documents or keys at _____________________________.

C. I will open a savings account by __________, to increase my independence.

D. Other things I can do to increase my independence include: ___________________ _____________________________________ ______________________________________ ______.

E. I can keep change for phone calls on me at all times. I understand that if I use my telephone credit card,the following month’s phone bill will show my batterer those numbers I called

after I left. To keep my phone communications confidential, I must either use coins, or I might ask to use a friend’s phone card for a limited time when I first leave.

F. I will check with ______________________ and _________________________ to see who would be able to let me stay with them or lend me some money.

G. I can leave extra clothes or money with __________________________.

partner is not permitted to do so. The people I will inform about pick-up permission include ______________________________ (name of school) ______________________________ (name of babysitter) ______________________________ (name of teacher) ______________________________ (name of Sunday-school teacher)

H. I will sit down and review my safety plan every _______________ in order to plan the safest way to leave the residence. ________________________ (domestic violence advocate or friend’s name) has agreed to help me review this plan.

______________________________ (name[s] of others) I. I can inform _____________________ (neighbor) and ________________________ (friend) that my partner no longer resides with me and that they should call the police if he is observed near my residence.

I. I will rehearse my escape plan and, as appropriate, practice it with my children.

STEP 3: Safety in my own residence. There are many things that a woman can do to increase her safety in her own residence. It may be impossible to do everything at once, but safety measures can be added step by step.

Safety measures I can use: A. I can change the locks on my doors and windows as soon as possible.

STEP 4: Safety with an Order of Protection. Many batterers obey protection orders, but one can never be sure which violent partner will obey and which will violate protective orders. I recognize that I may need to ask the police and the courts to enforce my protective order.

The following are some steps I can take to help the enforcement of my protection order:

B. I can replace wooden doors with steel/metal doors.

A. I will keep my protection order _________________________ (location).

Always keep it on or near your person. If you change purses, that’s the first thing that should go in the new purse.

C. I can install security systems including additional locks, window bars, poles to wedge against doors, an electronic system, etc.

D. I can purchase rope ladders to be used for escape from second floor windows.

B. I will give my protection order to police departments in the community where I work, in those communities where I visit friends or family, and in the community where I live.

E. I can install smoke detectors and fire extinguishers for each floor of my house/ apartment.

F. I can install an outside lighting system that activates when a person is close to the house.

G. I will teach my children how to make a collect call to me and to _________________ (name of friend, etc.) in the event that my partner takes the children. H. I will tell the people who take care of my children which people have permission to pick up my children and that my

C. There should be county and state registries of protection orders that all police departments can call to confirm a protection order. I can check to make sure that my order is on the registry. The telephone numbers for the county and state registries of protection orders are: _______________________ (county) and _____________________ (state).

D. I will inform my employer; my minister, rabbi, etc.; my closest friend; and

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE |13

__________________ that I have a protection order in effect.

E. If my partner destroys my protection order, I can get another copy from the clerk’s office.

F. If the police do not help, I can contact an advocate or an attorney and file a complaint with the chief of the police department or the sheriff.

G. If my partner violates the protection order, I can call the police and report the violation, contact _________________.

STEP 5: Safety on the job and in public. Each battered woman must decide if and when she will tell others that her partner has battered her and that she may be at continued risk. Friends, family, and co-workers can help to protect women. Each woman should carefully consider which people to invite to help secure her safety, I might do any or all of the following: A. I can inform my boss, the security supervisor, and ________________at work.

B. I can ask ______________________________ ______ to help me screen my telephone calls at work.

C. When leaving work, I can _________________ _______________________________.

D. If I have a problem while driving home, I can _______________________________.

E. If I use public transit, I can _______________ _____________________________________ ____.

F. I will go to different grocery stores and shopping malls to conduct my business and shop at hours that are different from those I kept when residing with my battering partner.

G. I can use a different bank and go at hours that are different from those kept when residing with my battering partner.

STEP 6: Safety and drug or alcohol use. Most people in this culture use alcohol. Many use mood-altering drugs. Much of this is legal, although some is not. The legal outcomes of using illegal drugs can be very hard on battered women, may hurt her relationship with her

14 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

children, and can put her at a disadvantage in other legal actions with her battering partner. Therefore, women should carefully consider the potential cost of the use of illegal drugs. Beyond this, the use of alcohol or other drugs can reduce a woman’s awareness and ability to act quickly to protect herself from her battering partner. Furthermore, the use of alcohol or other drugs by the batterer may give him an excuse to use violence. Specific safety plans must be made concerning drugs or alcohol use.

If drug or alcohol use has occurred in my relationship with my battering partner, I can enhance my safety by some or all of the following: A. If I am going to use, I can do so in a safe place and with people who understand the risk of violence and are committed to my safety.

B. If my partner is using, I can _______________ ________________________________ and/or ______________________________________ _______.

C. To safeguard my children I might ___________ ________________________________.

STEP 7: Safety and my emotional health. The experience of being battered and verbally degraded by partners is usually exhausting and emotionally draining. The process of building a new life takes much courage and incredible energy.

To conserve my emotional energy and resources and to avoid hard emotional times, I can do some of the following: A. If I feel down and am returning to a potentially abusive situation, I can ___________________ _____________________________________ ______.

B. When I have to communicate with my partner in person or by telephone, I can ____________ ______________________________________ _______.

C. I will try to use “I can ... ” statements with myself and be assertive with others.

D. I can tell myself, “________________________ _____________________________” whenever I feel others are trying to control or abuse me.

E. I can read ___________________________ _______________________ to help me feel

stronger.

• Lease/rental agreement, house deed, mortgage payment book Bank books, insurance papers

F. I can call ____________________________ and ____________________________ for support.

• Address book

G. I can attend workshops and support groups at the domestic violence program or __________ ________________________________ to gain support and strengthen relationships.

STEP 8: Items to take when leaving. When women leave partners, it is important to take certain items.

Beyond this, women sometimes give an extra copy of papers and an extra set of clothing to a friend just in case they have to leave quickly.

Money: Even if I never worked, I can take money from jointly held savings and checking accounts. If I do not take this money, he can legally take the money and close the accounts.

Items on the following lists with asterisks(*) by them are the most important to take with you. If there is time, the other items might be taken, or stored outside the home. These items might best be placed in one location, so that if we have to leave in a hurry, I can grab them quickly. When I leave, I should take: • Identification for myself* • My birth certificate* • School and vaccination records* • Checkbook, ATM card* • Key house, car, office* • Medications* • Welfare identification, work permits, green cards* • Children’s birth certificate* • Social Security cards*

• Pictures, jewelry • Children’s favorite toys and/or blankets • Items of special sentimental value • Telephone numbers I need to know: • Police/sheriff ’s department (local) 911 or ______________________________ Police/sheriff ’s department (work) ______________________________ Police/sheriff ’s department (school) ______________________________ Prosecutor’s office ______________________________ Battered women’s program (local) National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233) 800-787-3224 (TTY) www.ndvh.org ______________________________ County registry of protection orders ______________________________ State registry of protection orders ______________________________ Work number ______________________________ Supervisor’s home number I will keep this document in a safe place and out of the reach of my potential attacker.

Review date: _________________________

• Money* • Credit cards* • Driver’s license and registration* • Copy of protection order* • Passport(s), divorce papers • Medical records for all family members

Produced and distributed by: Scars of Survival Magazine LLC

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 15

16 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

HEALING BY CHOOSING

PEACE

By: Robin Shockley

E

very situation and every family break up ends differently.

What I thought would only be a hard divorce, turned out to be a nightmare. When someone who has lived her whole life serving family chooses to leave a toxic marriage to be free of abuse, you wouldn’t dream it would end the way it did. Instead of feeling support from family, especially from my adult children, it couldn’t be found. I thought I was protecting my children by keeping secrets of the physical abuse, but after the separation, it cost me more than I could imagine. My kids were now adults and they turned on me. The rejection I felt became unbearable. I fell into a deep depression. I’m not sure why they didn’t believe me, but they felt pity and supported their dad. It was probably because he still lived in denial of all the years he tormented me mentally and with tossing me around like a rag doll behind closed doors.

After four months of leaving him, I had to make a choice. I could rise

up and beat this depression, or I could wallow in my sadness and play victim. I chose to think better of myself and rise up. I did everything on repeat as I did in my marriage to drown out the pain. I became a workaholic, building my brand with Focus Forward with Robin. I was traveling the country making boss moves, yet, I had no peace. Then one day, everything shifted. I started praying differently. I called out to God for His will to be done even if it meant I never get to see my family again. I chose God as my first choice and not my family. That was so hard to release. Then one night, I was in my ‘praise God’ moment. I was in my home shouting, “Go ahead! I claim my home, family, business, husband, books and desires. I step over the distractions that try to hold me back!” That was a vital point in my life. I was determined to serve God first and not give up on my desires.

I chose to maintain peace even in the storms ahead. When I shifted my prayers to speaking blessings over my enemies, things began to

change on the surface for my good.

Favor followed me. But more so, I found internal peace. I learned to walk away from negativity. I forgave my ex without an apology for being the interference obstructing my kids from understanding my plight and pain. That was a huge step for me.

Until I was free, I didn’t realize my bitterness.

Today, I’m living my best life in peace with moving forward as an Entrepreneur, Ministry leader, Actress, Author, and Public Speaker making boss moves, as well as making peace with my children again. I am at total peace with my life without anger. In order to get peace, you have to surrender to the peace giver. Where I was once being beaten behind closed doors, I now go to war for my family behind the scenes in prayer.

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE |17

Escaping The

FLAMES

He would put me on the floor and surround me with pillows to act as a cage that he was trying to rescue me from the evil bad guys. At least, that’s what they tell me.

It was February 24th, 2011, a day that changed many people’s lives forever.

I was 2yrs old and my elder brother was 3, almost 4. My mom said he was always so proud that he was older than me, and was very protective of me. He was always holding my hand and hugging me when I cried.

He loved Spider-Man so much that we had to replace a DVD a month because he watched it everyday.

Unfortunately, I never got to know my brother Shomari. He died that day and ironically enough, so did I.

By: Makayla Denise Richardson

My mother was working at West Houston Medical center at that time.

While she was working, the hospital’s loud speakers called out for a code blue double pediatric. She thought it was odd because West Houston was not a children’s hospital. Her manager was trying to get her to go help in the

18 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

E.R with the code, and on the way there, she received a call stating that all children that were in our daycare were taken to 5 different hospitals due to a fire outbreak in the daycare.

My mom fell to the floor and her manager informed her that the double code was for two children that were brought in from the fire.

Talk about a lifetime TV moment.

My mom Tiffany Richardson went down to the E.R; could only imagine all the images and thoughts running in her head. They held up a charred blackened fragment of a dress that I wore that day and my mother couldn’t

even speak. She nodded her head wondering if that’s what my clothes looked like, then how would I look?

They took me to children’s hospital; she had just missed me. Remember when I said I died? Yep, that code blue was for me and another little baby. I was pronounced dead at 1:23 pm but a stubborn nurse, my savior, kept trying to resuscitate me and she did! My mother finally got to me and found my body swollen pink and hot, the entirety of my legs were burned, no skin attached. 30% of my body was burned. They wanted to move me to Shriner’s Burn Hospital for Children in Galveston, but my mom kept telling them about my brother Shomari; they still didn’t know where he was. 7 hours later, she got the most heart wrenching news no mother wants to hear. He died in the fire according to firemen. They pulled his body off of me that day.

See, my brother really was a hero; he died protecting me because out of 6 kids in that fire, only 2 survived.

My mother was so strong because she had to choose to go see my brother in the morgue or go with me 2hrs away to get surgeries. We later found out that Jessica TaTa, the daycare owner, left a pot of grease on the stove and went shopping. She had child proof Door knobs that you can’t open on all the doors. The grease filled the air.

My brother was the oldest but only 3. Many babies were in cribs sleeping and never woke up. My brother was trying to get out, his hands had no

skin on them from trying. He was my hero and my guardian angel. He didn’t deserve to die in that way.

Later that night, Jessica Tata fled the country to Nigeria, and was there for 3 weeks before US Marshalls escorted her back to Houston.

My mom balanced planning a funeral for Shomari and taking care of me.

She had to live with me in the hospital for 4 months, learning how to crawl and walk and talk all over again. She learned how to take care of me and my burns and I had 23 skin graph surgeries. They took skin from my head and back to cover my legs.

Jessica Tata was given 80 years for murder; she killed 4 babies and severely burned 2 more. She was given a time to speak at her Trial but had nothing to say. She made a video that day of all the kids one by one as if saying goodbye to the babies forever. It was cruel and I often wonder how someone can leave children to die in such a way?

I am now 11years old. I have had 33 surgeries and have been blessed with great surgeons and recently found a Doctor here in Atlanta, Dr Morgan Davuti is so kind and is taking care of my surgeries from now on. Yes, it’s an ongoing process; as I grow, my legs get tight and need to be stretched. I am an honor student and very competitive in my school. My dream is to reach out and inspire other kids and people like me that your scars tell your story that you don’t have to be ashamed of them.

You are beautiful and that it’s normal anyway if everyone is different.

I am proud of myself for a lot of things but of course, I have Trauma from this too; I just don’t let it define me as a person. I have depression or “survivals guilt” sometimes. I feel like maybe my brother would have done more with his life than me if he had survived, or I feel pressure to be the best and use my second chance at life to do more.

I have anxiety, I worry a lot about things that haven’t happened or that could happen that could be dangerous. And even though I love my scars, I sometimes feel insecure or out of place when people stare at my legs. I have been bullied at school, called a monster and people look at my mom crazy too as if she did this to me. The worst are the nightmares.

I’m in the dark and there is fire everywhere. It’s so Hot and I can hear My brother calling out to me and I can’t find him and I wake up scared and feeling like I left him to die.

I go to therapy and I know that trauma and mental illness and disorders are real and I speak about it and I want to help others as well.

We have to support each other, everyone needs help at some point and even if I touch only one person in this Article, I would be fulfilled. I even got offered a modeling contract in Houston and I love showing my scars off now. I wear my legs out now; I wear the cute dresses and rompers because why should I live for everyone else or care what they think? I’m a walking Miracle.

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE |19

a Sathyender Call

Sathya Callender is the mother of five beautiful children, Domestic Violence Advocate, Overcomer of Domestic Abuse, motivational speaker, and multi stream entrepreneur. She is the owner of Kutie Patooties Gift Boutique “Making Gift Giving Creative, Fun, & Diverse”which opened October 2014. Director/Founder of Scars of Survival, founded October 2016. Sathya’s motto is “We Can Do All Things through Christ Because He Gives Us Strength”.

“Love All Serve All, Service to Humanity Is Service to God”

20 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

FALLING THROUGH THE

CRACKS By: Laurie Benoit

S

adly, it is more common than one might think, but many youth and children fall through the cracks of the systems that are meant to protect them, every day.

Honestly, I can only tell you this from experience.

As an abused child, I turned to a place meant to protect me and many others like me, Child Protection.

What I wasn't prepared for was the years of endless packing and unpacking, the cruel intentions of others, and how often the foster children are the ones bearing the entire weight of what happened to them prior to and during their time in care. Not all children are apprehended from their families.

Some children like me, fight to leave years of abuse behind in hopes of a life of love and normalcy.

Unfortunately, it does not always turn out that way. Sometimes, the child turns into just another statistic.

My life could have turned out many

ways, but the universe had something bigger in store for me. A lifetime of enduring all forms of abuse, close encounters with death, and eventually, freedom from a life on the streets. It all began in my early childhood. Leaving the comfort of a roof over my head at the age of nine, I longed to not feel the pain of abuse anymore. I reached out to Child Protection in hopes that I would find my forever family, the people that were meant to love me and teach me the ways of kindness and compassion, but alas, it was not meant to be. Instead, I grew up with many more lessons before me, enduring different forms of abuse and becoming more like the people I fought so hard not to become. With each passing year, my own behaviors became intolerable. Until one day, an unbearable crisis took place…. My own children were apprehended from me…. I no longer had the strength to protect them and myself. I had failed at becoming better than what I grew

up with....

Then, one day three small words started a fire in me, and I began to really change. Why? This is because I did not want my children to become another statistic. The words that invoked enough strength in me to change: Life isn't fair.

As years passed, I became more about advocating against the injustices that not only affected my life, but for some that may be enduring them right now. I rekindled my love of writing and found it to be a healthy way to heal through my life experiences. As an author, I have made it my goal to bring awareness about this topic and all forms of abuse.

The very last thing I wish to impart is this: Being a foster child does not make a child awful. If anything, they tend to be misunderstood, misinterpreted, unheard, neglected, hurt and usually carry much more than a child should ever have to.

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE |21

“ BE COURAGEOUS IT'S OKAY TO CRY

Living Life As A Teen Mom

By: Nickeisha N. Black

22 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

I've survived a lot of things, and I'll probably survive this too” is what I've been telling myself from a very tender age. I grew up in the country side, in Northern St. Ann, Jamaica, where as a teen mother, I was subjected to discrimination, stigmatization and labeled ‘nonambitious.’ At the age of fifteen, I was raped, which resulted in pregnancy and dropping out of high school at ninth grade. Five months later, I discovered I was pregnant. I was beyond devastation. Not only did I have to try to cope with the trauma of being raped (my very first sexual experience), I had to figure out how to disclose to my family that I was also pregnant by the person who took away my entire sanity. It was hard. I didn't have the support I needed. I was trying to keep up mentally with school work, to stay afloat, and at only fifteen years, to hold on to my life. Suicide became a dear friend, yet with every attempt (thirteen times), I failed. Someone would always catch me trying to unapologetically take my life. I saw no need to live anymore. I wanted to be dead and forgotten. I didn't know how to cope.

Soon, I was assigned a psychologist from CISOCA. That was of no help, as she would only have me repeat and relive that horrific night to her in various ways, with no true solution to literally provide me the aid I needed.

My mom upon receiving the news that her daughter was also pregnant, demanded an abortion instantly.

But I was already five months along.

Hence, it was too risky to perform an abortion. As time progressed, I changed; I became violent, withdrawn, and extremely depressed, which led to my being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Life at fifteen was unbearable. Months down the road and prior to giving birth, I promised my unborn child that I would try

harder to change. I knew then I had to grow up mentally and emotionally.

I knew life was not going to be just about me anymore. Yet after delivery, and seeing my son, I got too emotional to actually feel anything.

I was in shock that I gave birth to an actual human.

that came with a lot of package when one is in public. Nevertheless, I was on a mission, I needed to get all the aid and education that was required of me in order to be that imperfectly perfect mom for my son – for me to heal, restore, re-evolve, and regain my sanity.

Still enrolled in therapy classes, I thought I would be able to, at least, be confident enough to embrace my new journey and accept my new life. But then, reality hit, and I just wasn't as confident as I prayed and cried night after night that I would be. I knew nothing about babies. For crying out loud, I was a baby myself.

What would I know? It took me several months to adjust and adapt to my new life, and to get parenting right. Several occasions, my son would cry, and I would allow him to, as I was agonized by the fact that he was identical to his biological donor.

At times, I would look at my son and get angry. With mere looking at him, flashbacks of that night seemed endless. It was too much for me to bear that I attempted suicide twice.

At sixteen, I met a man, who months later became a boyfriend. He promised to see me through school, take care of my son and me, love me, and be there for me. Those were the words I needed to hear. With a year filled with shame, humiliation, hurt, anger, pain, depression, anxiety, and suicide attempts, those were the words I longed to hear. Eventually, I moved in with him. Things started off smoothly. He would try to understand me. For months when I refused sexual relations, he would pretend to “understand why.” Not long, everything got worse. He changed; he became manipulative.

Cheating became his new hobby, and he became extremely abusive.

He would invite other women to the house we shared together and call me his maid. I grew weary. Each time I tried to leave, it was always fight.

The times when I thought I was free of him, he would always find me and tell me sweet words to make me stay.

I knew no better, hence I stayed. As a result of staying, he impregnated me on purpose, as his exact words were, “No one will want you with two kids, so you’re stuck with me.”

With society already discriminating against teen mothers, I wished not to be a part of this world. I dreaded going out in public, as people would just stare at me in pity and shame.

Others would speak badly about me publicly so I could hear, when ninety-nine point nine percent (99.9%) of the time, they knew nothing about me. Yet, for months, that was my life. No matter how energized I would get, the second I was in public, I was made to feel inferior. I started attending The Women’s Centre, an institution exclusively for teen moms. We would wear black and white, a uniform I distasted as it already labeled one.

Though it gives one a second chance at education and to resume building a life for oneself, it was an institution

Soon enough, I was introduced to an NGO called Eve For Life, and then my life took a turn for the better. It was not until then that I started to actually heal, to accept that I am a teen mom by no fault of mine, and to be proud of my journey. I was blessed with everything I needed to learn skills in the Hospitality industry and College evening classes for Culinary Arts, in order to build

my career as a Chef, and support my sons. Yet, realistically, I was still very young to even get a job. At seventeen years of age, I started out as a member of EFL's support group.

With determination, I graduated to a Mentor, and was equipped with all the necessities to becoming an advocate. And that was when I discovered my true self. It was not easy transitioning, yet I craved that empowerment. I needed to be better for myself and my sons. I needed to be free.... I fought tirelessly to embark on the journey to freedom, to be here today and tell you my story, and to let other teen mothers know, it's okay to cry, yet not be okay.

It's okay to stumble in life. What is not okay is when you decide to remain a victim to your circumstances, not seek help, and be afraid to speak up and speak out.

Trust God and stand your grounds.

Be unshakable. Cry, for it will help you, but don’t fail to dry your eyes, pat yourself on the shoulder, and keep pushing. Learn how to master not allowing the negatives of this world be validated in your life.

This is because when Jesus says yes, no one can ever say differently!

Being a teen mother is not the end of the world. Some of the world’s greatest and smartest are children of teen mothers. I want the peace in knowing that you are inspired and uplifted by my past. I want the peace in knowing you will be better than I once was – the peace in knowing “I am not alone.” Beautiful things are manifested from difficult situations, but first, you have to go through it. Know that you are not alone, and learn to love yourself unapologetically. Courage is like love; it must have hope for nourishment.

Be courageous!

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE |23

“You see, you wouldn’t ask why the Rose that grew from concrete had damaged petals. On the contrary, we would celebrate its tenacity.” -Tupac Born March 14th, 1979 in Washington, DC, Johnnetta Bennett was your typical little girl until the age of 6 years old. You see, at six years old is when the sexual abuse started with a 14 year old son of our mother’s best friend. The abuse continued for several years and it was never spoken of. Johnnetta’s teenage years were full of promiscuity, rebellion, and a filling of emptiness she could never fill. This emptiness continued into her adulthood, which led to numerous of failed relationships and bad decisions that nearly took her life. Things started to look promising for johnnetta in 2002, which is when she started dating a young man who promised her the world and even backed up some of his promises.

They went to church and prayed together.

Being raised in the church, Johnnetta thought he was the one because of his faith. Two years into their relationship, they found out they were expecting a child. This is also when she found out he was cheating. Confronting him about his cheating turned into physical abuse. Johnnetta was kicked in the stomach and thrown through a wall while pregnant, but she didn’t leave. Instead, she stayed for four more years and suffered three miscarriages due to the physical abuse. After finding out she was pregnant for a fourth time, Johnnetta had enough and was determined to keep this life growing inside her. She started going back to church and gave her life back to Christ. On April 27th, 2006, she gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby girl and begin t o pick up the pieces of her life and start to live again. Allow me to reintroduce myself. I am Johnnetta Bennett, owner of Imaracosmeticz. I’m not perfect, but I’m perfecting my imperfections and hoping to help others along the way.

tta e n n h Jo nnett Be

Facebook: Imaracosmeticz & Johnnetta Bennett

24 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

Instagram: Imaracosmeticz

STORIES OF SURVIVORS

H

THE BULLIED: HEAR THEIR CRY!

ello, my name is Jeff Smith, and I've been an actor for over fifteen years. You may have seen me on such shows as Snapped, Killer Couples, Vengeance, For My Man, In Pursuit with John Walsh, Tyler Perry’s (The Have and Have Nots), and many others. You could probably wonder why I'm writing in this magazine.

The thing is, I was bullied in school growing up in the 70s and 80s. There were times when the so-called upper class people (jocks etc.) ruled the school. They were the ones that would always make fun of those that didn't have much, those with no popular clothe brands or nice cars.

They would always talk about you when you walked by or even hit you, at times. Sadly, they always got their way every time. To tell the teachers about them only made things worse, as you would end up getting them in trouble

By: Jeff Smith

and of course, drawing the battle line. I still see this happening today in our society, especially when it comes to politics and money. Growing up in such unhealthy situation made me a better person in life. I learned to treat people with respect and to be humble, regardless my successful acting career.

If you are reading this, think back about the times you were bullied, or that you saw someone that was. Recall the situation as well as the end-result, and you would affirm that bullying leads to depression, anxiety, and suicide. I urge you, therefore, to listen to the ones crying for help, for you could be saving someone's or your own family members’ lives. Thank you and God Bless.

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE |25

JUDGE’S ADVICE ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

M

By Mariatu Kargbo, Esq

any experts describe domestic violence as a systematic abuse, either emotional or physical, perpetrated by a spouse or loved one on a spouse or another in a committed relationship.

Many times, a battered or domestically abused person will seek Justice in the criminal Justice system.

Here, we examine what “Your Honor” or the judge has to say to parties in a domestic violence situation.

battered party gets court protection, a judge may order a protective order in which the parties would need court intervention if they ever want to see themselves again. Court intervention, believes many Judges, is an effective and cooperative way in ending the abuse. Court intervention forestalls all the factors and conditions that expose the abused party to her assailant and enables her start a healthy beneficial life again.

The American Judges Association defines several areas in which a judge becomes a party to a domestic violence case, and ways to ensure and protect those families in need of a judicial remedy. When a spouse sues another in court, to ensure that the

In the courtroom, a judge may seek the penal code if the party does not want to seek a mere protective order.

By seeking probation, a judge could place the abuser spouse in court and order probation. Often times, Judges have ordered arrests for batterers in

26 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

domestic violence, and once the arrest is made, the parties may proceed to full-on trials. At trial, the judge weighs all the evidence and actions of the domestic violence to make a full understanding of the case. Once the case is decided, a judge may order probation, issue a protective order, or jail time.

In other times, once the parties are in court, a judge may order counseling programs as an alternative to punitive penal code that seeks time in prison. Counseling for domestic abusers can be helpful in changing the abuser's mindset and reform, in cases where appropriate. Many times, domestic violence offenders deny their violent tendencies. Lessening

“ Court intervention forestalls all the factors and conditions that expose the abused party to her assailant and enables her start a healthy beneficial life again.”

the healing needed and wanted by domestic violence/ abused persons, a counseling program is able to hasten the process of healing and settling one’s life on the correct path. Experts agree that batterers tend to delay treatment, in which case, a judge may impose incarceration.

According to the National Domestic Violence Center, Judges can impose monetary damages in domestic violence cases where the abuser is the dominant money earner. In a marriage, the judge may impose spousal support or work wages to ensure that the abused continue to live a normal and healthy life.

In seeking a healthy lifestyle, the abused person may want to seek

counseling herself or seek a normal healthy life away from where the abuse arose. Writing letters to oneself is a therapeutic method that Judges have asked domestic violence/abused persons to use to heal their lives.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233) 800-787-3224 (TTY) www.ndvh.org

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE |27

28 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

By: Shameka Chapple

T

LAWS OF

ATTRACTION

he Law of Attraction as we are told is one of life’s biggest mysteries.

Often times, we are not aware of how much of an impact the law of attraction has over our lives. Whether knowingly or unknowingly, every second of our existence, we are acting as human magnets sending out our thoughts and emotions and attracting back more of what we have put out. Believe it or not, we attract who we are. And this I know by personal experience. If you are battered, hurt, wounded, have low self-esteem, then this is the type of people you will attract. If you have a spirit of perversion, then you will attract people with the same spirit.

This we are doing unknowingly.

Think about it. Look over any relationship you are in now, or relationships you have had in your past. Along the way, you attracted what you are or were.

I say ‘were’ because many of us have healed from this problem and we are now attracting better people into our lives.

I was a battered individual with low self-esteem and I was wondering why every time I was in a relationship, I was with a person going through the same thing I was. Two people going through the same thing cannot help each other. A person with an addiction who has not overcome his or her addiction cannot help another person struggling with the same issue. Some don’t realize they have a problem. Rather, they see everyone else as the problem.

Some people are in denial of what is going on around them

and some choose to stay in what they are in because they feel there is no other way out. With help and counseling, you can beat and overcome the law of attraction; you can stop attracting what and who you are.

The first step to healing of any sort is to admit there is a problem. Once you have done this, you are well on your way to a better life. Once again, take it from me. I had to reexamine myself and ask myself the question, why am I attracting all the wrong people? The light finally came on, Shameka, you have not healed and you are comfortable dealing with people who are just like yourself because it is familiar to you. They have the same familiar spirit that you have. When the light came on and I finally was set free, I felt a whole weight lifted off of my life.

I cried tears of joy and happiness.

My life has changed for the better and so will yours once you deal with that part of yourself that is attracting all the weak people in your life. You will even choose better jobs. We even attract the wrong jobs while going through this process. Life is greater on the other side once we have healed.

You will see

“Life is greater on the other side once we have

Healed

”

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE |29

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WAKE UP! WAKE UP!!

WAKE UP!!!

By: Bella Grace

I

received a word from God that not only was His instruction to me, but was His calling of me to go forth and wake up my fellow sisters who are in abusive relationships.

On September 14, 2002, I was pronounced dead in Newark, NJ after being stabbed thirteen times to my left chest, and twice to the back of my neck. I sustained a collapsed lung, spinal damage, and nerve damage. The person who attacked me, my then ex-boyfriend, decided to show up where I lived and stabbed me repeatedly in front of our two children (ages: three years, and eleven months old). From June to September, same year, there had been a surge of abuse from this guy, and I thought that simply leaving the situation would allow it to simply go away. But that was neither the case nor the truth!

I heard the Lord three different times, telling me to wake up! The

Lord revealed to me what my purpose was and still is, and how I could help other women in abusive relationships to be set free from living a life of hurt, pain, and trauma.

I needed to help wake them up, and let them know their worth and values, to encourage and inspire women around the world to know that love doesn’t hurt.

One of the greatest lessons we, women, need to learn is that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. I was afraid to walk away completely from this unhealthy relationship, because I was more concerned with how it would make the guy feel, and I didn’t want him to feel as if I didn’t love him. However, staying in an abusive relationship does not teach the other person that you love them, rather it teaches the abuser that it is okay to hurt the one who loves them.

for those of us that did, we need to make sure we help set our other sisters free from the physical and emotional trauma. Walking away from an abusive relationship is the first step to reclaiming your freedom.

Once you leave the unhealthy relationship, you must seek the help you need to help you recover all that was stolen from you, including your voice. Leaving an abusive situation doesn’t mean you must remain silent.

God is not setting you free for you to run and hide. God is setting you free so you can help set others free as well. While the road to freedom seemed nonexistent to me initially, I can reassure you that the path was plain and simple. Not only did God give my children and me a second chance at life, He also allowed me to help other women receive a second chance at living without having to die before receiving it. This is your time!

Not many women were able to survive an abusive relationship, but

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE |31

THE ROAD TO

I

RESILIENCE

t would make sense to begin a story about resilience with profound heroism in the face of injustice. This story, however, is about resilience on another level. I will share with you about resilience on a smaller scale. I want to talk to you about being resilient in your ordinary life.

So often, people would tend to tear us down physically and emotionally, having us second guessing exactly which way we were going and why.

Even if we were fortunate enough not to need a heroic level of resilience in our lives, it is important to know that we can learn to become a little more resilient in facing everyday difficulties.

In growing up, I had everything a child would want, and certainly everything I needed. I had the support of my immediate family and that saved me from many of the childhood demons that young adults are often faced with. However, many people failed to understand that I was an only child, and I always had to deal with the backlash from people who were on the outside looking in.

A lot of my difficulties in life came from my lack of self-acceptance and my false view of what the road to success should look like for me. For a long time I tried to live up to others’ expectations and not my own.

My Mother was a solid role model.

She was a business owner with several businesses throughout her career.

I was expected to follow suit and own businesses like my mother, and

By: Samantha J.

become an entrepreneurial pillar in the community like she did. I have to say she was successful and that was not a bad thing, but I had to set my life my way. I avoided the path of entrepreneurship and set out on my collegiate journey towards criminal justice, seeking a career in State government. I worked for more than a decade in law enforcement. Again, not following my predetermined footsteps that the onlookers expected of me.

Yet, I was successful. I ended up being called names. I frequently overheard people saying I would never amount to anything. They did this because my first path was not their expectations of a young girl who had everything.

No one respected the personal goals that I set for myself. The resilient me wanted to keep pressing ahead while the low self-esteem started creeping into the scene.

Although I met some of my career goals, I was tipping the scale the wrong way of my personal life. I found myself married and divorced twice in a ten-year period. Suffering through two harsh divorces, withstanding physical and mental abuse, I lost everything, both times.

I had to step into a place of humility and put my pride aside while starting over both times on my own. I felt awful because it is not easy to lose everything just to rebuild again, especially when all eyes are on you.

I began to believe that I had fallen victim to the onlookers’ thoughts of demise. I should have done what they expected of me. I should have abandoned my dreams… were what I

32 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

started to think. Nope! Not a chance.

I stuck to my personal choices: to live life doing what I wanted to do, and through the mess, I deciphered a message. I learned to rebuild my life better than I did before. I shook off the self-doubt and saw that choices breed strength because we must be strong enough to withstand the consequences of the choices we make.

Choose to get up each time you fall.

That is resilience.

As though my personal life wasn’t shameful and damning, I saw a shift happening in my career. I started seeing signs of failure in my duties at work. I was focusing more on pleasing the onlookers and pretending that I had it all balanced out, but in reality I was failing everywhere.

Resilience stepped in once again and said, “Create the life you love, and the success will follow the actions.” I did just that. I didn’t focus on what I should have been in life. I didn’t look at my mother’s success as a measurement for my own. I stopped rating my good things in life against the things that looked better from someone else’s vantage point. I stopped crying over the failures and lifted my spirits with new choices that yielded greater results in both my personal and professional lives.

There are people, like me, that are truly destined for greatness. Often, the choices we make for ourselves aren’t considered rational or realistic by society’s standards. Instead of blindly accepting what others say, sometimes we make the decision to form our own uniqueness, and

we take curvy paths. I was one of those people determined to prove their tenacity to succeed on their own merit. I would do so by any means necessary with the aim that my true self would reveal itself as authentic, real, and raw. In proving to be authentic, I had to learn to be honest with myself, engage with other people who I cared about, treat people like I wanted to be treated, test myself, and look at others who I emulated so I could be a reflection of the great mentors, they were in my life.

As I started this writing, I declared a strong family support as a young girl, and that carries through to this day.

Look around and find a mentor that can guide you without dictating your way of life. Stick to what you want.

Never abandon your dreams. Be deliberate about understanding your internal emotions. This is hard for some of us, but most resilient people have crossed this path at one time or another to get where they are today.

Even if we are fortunate enough not to need heroic levels of resilience in our lives, it is important to know that we can all learn to become a little more resilient in the face of everyday difficulties. When you learn to take the criticism instead of becoming defensive and losing your temper, then you have built up resilience.

When you process a loss or a grief in a healthy way, rather than trying to avoid it or allowing yourself to be consumed by it, you will surely reach a new level of resilience in your everyday living.

The odds had been stacked against me in many ways over the years, but I learned to take the knocks and get right back up to look at what I needed to change to be successful. No matter what the outsiders and onlookers thought

I should do, I remained steadfast in my quest to be emotionally well and successful in my career. Let your determination and laser-sharp focus help you learn to be resilient by acknowledging criticism while using the critique to better yourself.

Many people say the phrase, “I just want to be happy,” but what does that truly mean. Even when we are experiencing the emotional reality of sadness, that does not mean we cannot simultaneously have hope and everlasting joy. Go ahead and experience the downside so you

can enjoy the rewards of seeing your progress from where you came from. Go ahead and get through the temporary pain to become resilient.

Samantha’s strength and resilience are shown in her books and articles written every day. Her perseverance is due to her unwavering faith in God. Her past does not reflect in her present, but enhances it due to the lessons she learned. As a life coach and author, she shares more on how you can “Learn to Live your Best Life” In her recent publications.

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE |33

a Althedson ar Rich WOVE Inspiration interviews women, and the men who love them, who “use their voice” to share their stories of overcoming issues such as mental illness, abuse, and many other obstacles in life.

Everyone has a story; some good, some not so good. The common factor for guests on WOVE Inspiration are their victorious endings. The “Monday Motivation” and “Midweek Motivation” segments focus on promoting individuals who have overcome obstacles in their life and who, as a result, are able to display what it means to live victoriously by becoming authors, established business owners, gospel music artists or advocates for hurting men and women through ministry. WOVE Inspiration also helps promote independent gospel artists by showcasing not only their music but also the story behind their music

If you are interested in being interviewed on WOVE Inspiration, send your bio and picture. For Indie Gospel artist, also send one song – ­­ mp3 format! Email: woveinspiration@gmail.com Contact: 346-298-3119

WOVE Inspiration major platforms: https://linktr.ee/woveinspiration

34 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

WOLF IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING

By: Darlin Payge Carlin

I

will never forget the night I was set free from someone I loved. I found out anyone could be a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and come to think of it, I knew him since age thirteen.

The hard truth is, if I had stayed, I wouldn’t be here today to share my journey.

In 2016, I reached out. As adults and with our own children, he seemed mature. The start was great. We would communicate, laugh, and play. Soon, those moments were gone. As months passed, he became angrier. It seemed like his soul had left him, with his eyes so mean – a different person was emerging. That was when he pinned me up against a wall, screaming and hitting me so hard that I fell. I’ve never seen him apologize more, hence I stayed. Another day, he threw me to the ground so hard that I had the wind knocked out of me, put his hands around my throat, and I started to fade. He said sorry, and I stayed.

After all, it was only twice, right?

Then we got married. I felt things would be different once I become

his wife. However, he became more controlling. I found out he was tracking my locations. He grew viler, and the physical abuse grew more frequent and intense. It got far worse.

A day came when he came home in a rage. It was a rough day, and I was not at the door to greet him.

I honestly can’t remember what started the argument that day. He began screaming and punching holes in walls, while I was begging him to stop as I was feeling ill. I threw up while pleading with him to stop yelling, but he wouldn’t. I went to get my phone and that was when he lost it. He shoved me into the next room. I fell and he came back towards me. I grabbed a small table to ward him off, and he yanked it away. He grabbed and smashed my head into the window trim. I immediately felt something gushing off and grabbed my face. I looked down and saw my blood. However, he said I was being overdramatic and left. I had a black eye, deep cuts, a concussion, and now a permanent scar. He came home. We

didn’t speak of it again, but I couldn’t forget.

I began plotting my escape.

Eventually, at my mother’s birthday party, after panicking about spilling a small glass of red wine, the truth came out, and they knew how bad it was. My best friend and brother took me to my father’s house, and I told him everything.

Meanwhile, I was sharing a bed with my daughter, and he kept contacting me. The last which would have been my end was, “Baby, just come back home. I’ll even sleep in the basement.

I beg you.” It turned out this would have been the last text I would have received, if I had gone home. I went to get some belongings with my “escape team,” and we found a loaded shotgun under the basement couch.

For years, I had lived on the empty words: “I’m so sorry. It will never happen again. I’ll change.” I found that I was strong enough to leave. I’ve found safety, self-love and respect. I promise you can too.

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE |35

DEAR

Monica INSIGHT ON HOW TO DEAL WITH TRAUMA

relationships. Learning how to identify potential warning signs and red flags can be key to even your survival. It is imperative to be able to recognize toxic behaviors as this could save your life.

Defining Abuse

D

omestic Violence

When meeting that special someone and there is a mutual connection, it is common to eventually embark on a more serious and steady commitment to one another. Relationships can be a beautiful representation of love in which two people share for one another. Unfortunately, not all relationships are healthy

Domestic abuse is a pattern of behavior that results in emotional and psychological abuse. Domestic violence is defined as the use, attempted use or threatened use of force or violence against a significant other or domestic partner.

Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate as it can occur within any relationship regardless of age, race, religion or gender.

Violent acts do not just have to be about being violent physically, such as punching, hitting, shoving or kicking. It can also include verbally abuse such as threatening to hurt or kill the victim. It can also be through sexually assaulting the victim. Nonphysical acts of violence

36 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

also include but are not limited to emotional, psychological and economic abuse such as isolating one from their family and friends as well as withholding finances.

Identifying Red Flags The typical red flags can include the use of intimidation, verbal and nonverbal, which is done to promote fear in the victim. Becoming controlling and determining what you are, who you can and cannot see or friends/family is also a definite red flag. Someone who is jealous that you may be spending time with others or “too much time” with others, is trying to use the isolation technique here. If this person wants to make decisions for you, blames you for the abuse, prevents you from working or going to school are all red flags. You must also become aware of different manipulation tactics in an attempt to make you feel bad such as threatening to harm themselves or commit suicide because you “don’t really love” them.

Abusers often justify their violence, erratic and maladaptive behavior patterns to their significant other. But this will only ignite a continuance of such treatment.

Commit To Leaving In order to eliminate and free yourself from a toxic relationship, you must leave. It takes great courage to leave an abusive relationship, but you MUST love yourself more. It is important to understand that you are so much stronger and braver than you think you are or have been brainwashed to think that you are not. Understanding how to overcome barriers that will still cause mental uncertainty such as fear, isolation, guilt, shame, embarrassment and even financial dependence will be key to getting back to a healthier state of mind. Ensure that you have a good support system when you are planning to leave the relationship.

There are plenty of resources available for you, people are willing to help

you. There are local resources such as domestic abuse hot lines, addresses to your local police as well as family and community resources. Seek a protection order from the court, have a safety plan, transportation plan and be sure to leave with your important documents.

Forgive Yourself Often times people tend to blame themselves for letting things “get out of hand”, DO NOT blame yourself. While transitioning from an abusive relationship focus on your positive qualities and attributes. It is important to shift those thoughts because over time your brain has been conditioned to believe that you were not worthy, so now is the time to retrain your brain and mind.

Surround yourself with positive people, read daily inspirational or motivational quotes to restore your mental tank. Finally, one of the most significant factors to include in your transition is to begin receiving

treatment to address your past experiences and your future needs.

Schedule an appointment with a professional licensed counselor to begin therapy, this will help you learn different coping mechanisms which you can implement into your life.

You will be provided with the mental health support needed during this process. ** Remember you are worth so much more, start investing in yourself mentally. ** Resources National Domestic Hotline 1-800799-SAFE (7233) National Coalition Against Domestic Violence https://ncadv. org/References National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline https://youth.gov/ Womens Health https://www. womenshealth.gov/ IG: @Dearmonica03 Facebook: Dearmonica03 Email: Dearmonica03@gmail.com

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE |37

120 Water Street | Box 700 | Conneat Lake, PA 16316 www.PagePublishing.com | 866-315-2708

Dark House Rising

Book One | Dead Till Dusk Series William “Toothpick” Bogan and Jerry Bogan Authors

www.PagePublishing.com/books/?book=Dark-House-Rising “WOW!!! To all my dead heart VAMPIRE novel readers this new up and coming author has taken darkness to a more advanced level. If you love action and more action. This is a must read VAMPIRE fantastic in its fullest...Get 4 from Tony and his family we enjoyed this novel VAMPIRE action Dark House Rising.”

38 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

Mikayla Denise Richardson FKA Dickerson

R

obin Shockley with Focus Forward with Robin is about helping build others while building herself. She is a multi-purpose Entrepreneur, Servant-Leader Coach, Blogger & Magazine Columnist, “Professional Maximizer” Author, Actress, Motivational Public Speaker, Domestic Violence Advocate, Focus Forward with Robin Talk Show Host & Media Publicist for RSGN, Red Carpet Corespondent & Host for events in the community. Robin is passionate about helping others find their self worth and her platform is centered around “sowing where you want to GROW”. She believes there is freedom to move forward in life to think believe and achieve a thing. Robin enjoys her downtime on road trips traveling and socializing with friends & family experiencing the adventures of living life to the fullest!

Robin Shockley

Contact Robin for future bookings to speak or host at: R.Shockley18@gmail. com Social Media under the Focus Forward with Robin’s Facebook page: focusforwardwithrobin

FEATURED AUTHORS

M

ikayla Denise Richardson FKA Dickerson was born in Atlanta, GA. In 2011, Mikayla and her brother Shomari were involved in a tragic fire at their Daycare in Houston, TX. Her brother did not survive, but miraculously at only 2 years old, Mikayla pulled through.

Mikayla is now 11 years old and an honor student at her school. She is learning to embrace her scars and hopes to inspire others to recognize the beauty in theirs.

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 39

FEATURED AUTHORS

S

amantha J. is 53 years old and author of 5 published books, 2 anthropologies, and magazine contributor. She is also a Business and Career Life Coach and National public speaker. Samantha is currently living in Tucson Arizona originally from South Carolina , With her husband. Her passion for life goes into her writing. She believes you should” live life and love it”. Her recent publication “Raw & Real How to live your best life” teaches you how to do just that.

Samantha would love to connect with the readers: Website: www.authorsamanthaj.com Twitter: www.twitter.com/jynrsam Instagram: www.intagram.comjynrsam Facebook: Author Samantha J.

Samantha J.

Email: authorsamanthaj@gmail.com

M

s. Mariatu Kargbo Esq was born in Freetown, Sierra Leone.

She was raised in the Town of Bladensburg, Maryland. She is a lawyer and a freelance journalist. She has written four books. Mr. Byrd’s Bird, Three Themne Titi Girls, Ripped Sunset, and The Horse Against The Race. She has written two articles for Injoy Magazine (www.injoymagazine.com), “Please Give a Dollar or Two May God Bless, Bless You” and the cover and “Judgement Free Zone”.

40 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

Mariatu Kargbo Esq

Laurie Benoit

L

aurie Benoit is a woman that has faced and overcome a great deal of adversity.

When she began her own healing process six years ago, she Founded her page Once Awakened, where she began reaching out to share insight and bring awareness about the signs and affects of abuse and any other real life issues one might face. Once Awakened for her has a deep meaning in itself, because it wasn't until she became awakened that her life began to change with great stride. It is Laurie's belief that life is not just about pain and suffering, but also about love and beauty, which is where her photography comes in. She believes that life is about balance.

Laurie always held a deep love for writing, but at a young age was always discouraged from doing so. However since she broke free of the voices that silenced her, her writing career was born.

In fact she has become a best selling Author with her own book The Transformative Power of “The Word” and taken part in a number of best selling anthologies such as God Says I Am Battle Scar Free ~ Testimonies of Abuse Survivors Parts 4,5 & 6 and in God's Love and Joy Fruit ~ Walking Through the Fields of Grace and Mercy in Bloom. As a parent and grandmother it was her desire, to not only become a better person for her family, but to help inspire change in others as well. All while writing, she began mentoring other victims of abuse, that have yet to find their way through their healing journey. It is her hope that they too will find the freedom, she has found through writing.

You can connect with Laurie on: Facebook: onceawakened Twitter: https://twitter.com/onceawakened

FEATURED AUTHORS

Author, Mentor, Freelance Writer, and Photographer

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 41

FEATURED AUTHORS

Jeff Smith

H D

ello,my name is Jeff Smith. I live in a small town in Spartanburg SC. I graduated from Jonesville High School. I have 2

daughters from my first marriage. My oldest is 27 and youngest is 24. I also have 2 grandsons. One is 4,other is 8 months. My mother was the backbone of our family. Being a single mother working 2 jobs to support myself, my younger brother and herself was hard. But she never gave up. My father was a alcoholic. He would beat my mother when he got drunk, never stayed around long enough to really get to know him. My grandparents helped out raising myself and my brother. Our mother made sure we walked in a straight line. She was our biggest supporter no matter what. I graduated from high school and went to work, got married and raised my kids. I always wanted to be an actor but the time wasn’t right. Finally after everyone graduated and left. I started as a background actor and finally landing featured and speaking roles. I worked with the likes of Clint Eastwood, Eric Roberts, Steve Buscemi,Daniel Radcliffe, MC Gainey and Olivia Washington. I’ve been in the film industry for over 10 plus years. I have met many wonderful people in the film industry and I wouldn’t change anything about it. I was also blessed to write articles Twice in Scars of Survival magazine. Thank you.

arlin Carlin originally from New York, has a passion for helping others through words. She has work in the National Poet Society. In the past, she has worked with the family court judicial system as a supervised visit monitor for families who can’t see their children unsupervised to keep children safe while accommodating court orders.

She had been a model and competed in the Miss New York Pageant in the past. She is working on finishing her Applied Behavioral Sciences degree to eventually open her own office of practice to aid in mental health.

She is very passionate about helping others through her own personal experiences.

If you enjoy what you’ve seen, have any questions, comments or concerns, feel free to reach out! You can connect with Darlin Carlin at darlinthecarlin@gmail.com

42 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

Darlin Carlin

FEATURED AUTHORS

dedication as usher, armor barrier, praise team member, public relations committee member and Elder and former Pastor of Southern Outreach Ministries Atlanta.

In 2006 Prophet Dana R. Johnson seeing the call upon Shameka’s life licensed her “Minister” of the gospel. Through everything she has gone through the will of God, her love for God and the Kingdom and sheer determination she has grown in leaps and bound. In 2012 she was licensed as Evangelist and Ordained in 2013 as Elder under the leadership of Bishop Michael D. Wilson. Also she served as Elder of Southern Outreach Ministry in Bay Saint Louis Mississippi under her spiritual parents Bishop Earl and Apostle Pamela Terry.

E

Elder Shameka S. Chapple

lder Shameka S. Chapple is the daughter of George Chapple and Barbra Hughley of Atlanta Georgia. As a child Shameka attended “Mount Sinai Baptist Church” under the leadership of her cousin the late Pastor Rev. Homer Smith where she began to learn about Christ. At the young age of 13 she was shifted into a new season in her life. Now under the leadership of the Late Pastor Rev. Edward Harris of “Move Of God Church” in Atlanta Georgia she accepted the Lord Jesus Christ and began to walk the walk of faith.

As things in her life changed so did she. She strayed from the path God had set for her and was incarcerated. During her incarceration she rededicated her life completely to Christ and was filled with the Holy Spirit. Shameka is currently a faithful member of “The Worship And Deliverance Center” in Atlanta Georgia under the Leadership of Apostle Anika Sparks. The passion she has for service is displayed through her

Elder Shameka Chapple is the owner of NoMiss Cleaning Service LLC. Also she former member of New Order National Human Rights Organization founded by Gerald Rose.

Served as Vice President of UAWA Teen Outreach Organization. Certified in Custodial Maintenance, diploma in Medical Insurance Billing and Coding from Everest Institute, Basic Computer keyboard from Atlanta Technical school New Connections to work program, Associates in Computer Network System ITT Technical College and is now enrolled at Strayer University where she will receive her bachelor’s in Business Administration.

Elder Chapple favorite scripture is Joshua 24:15 “And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD”

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 43

FEATURED AUTHORS

And then one day...I looked in the mirror.

The reflection I saw scared me. I began to cry because the person I saw in the mirror wasn’t me. I began to wonder how I got to this place.

I was sitting on a hospital bed staring at a woman through a hospital vanity tray who had been broken: broken nose, black eye, swollen face, covered in blood. I had lost my identity.

Sold my soul for nothing. I sought everyone else’s approval for a life that didn’t require their approval: my life.

But then came Good News!

Bella Grace

M

y name is Bella Grace and I was sent here to teach single mothers that there is life after death. I accepted my calling [purpose] after I was listed as dead on arrival [September 14, 2002] in Newark, NJ. I was 22 years old when I was stabbed thirteen times to my left chest in front of my two older children; they were 3 years old and 11 months at the time.

I battled with a lot of insecurities as a child. I compared myself to other young girls my age and didn’t want to accept that I truly was who I was: who God created me to be. I failed to believe the good others would speak about me, because I kept searching for acceptance from the ones who rejected me and from the ones that I idolized because I saw them as having it all. I saw myself as a tall, big-lipped, flat chested little girl from Africa with big feet; this is how others saw me. I hated to look at myself in the mirror.

44 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

I met the man of my dreams. He carried me away to a place and restored me back as if nothing had ever happened. Everything I needed he had already provided for me. I [nor my children] didn’t have to want for anything.

I began to live true life. I stumbled along the way like a baby learning to walk for the first time; but he was right there holding me, making sure to keep his word that he wouldn’t let me fall. This man was no ordinary man. There was something powerful about him. Who was this mystery person? God. Yes, God. I watched God repair, rebuild, and restore my life back in a way that could have only been him. It drew me closer to him and caused me to [want to] learn even more about him.

And so here I am.

All I learned has equipped me to Teacher and Her is you! I am here to teach you that you are more than a conqueror, more than a sexy body, more than sex, more than money: more than enough.

FEATURED AUTHORS

She migrated to the United States in her late teen years, where she now actively advocates for Teen mothers, Women who have been or still is in a Domestic Violence relationship.

She is currently a budding author for her very first book. Nickeisha also mentors young adolescents who have been victims of DV and teen mothers for a Jamaican based Non Profit Organization. She is the Founder of Non-Profit organization I’m Her; I’m Alive. And is also the CEO for Keisha’s Karibbean Cuisine LLC. Nickeisha is deeply passionate about empowerment and how vital it is to Love one self. She has always worked off her own energy using social media as a platform to advocate and bring awareness to teen pregnancies and the challenges teen adolescents faces on a daily basis. She currently hosts her live talk show, Table of Testimonies in her spare time.

Nickeisha Black

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ickeisha N. Black is a Proud teen mother of two handsome Kings. She hails from the Tropical Island of Jamaica, where she was born and spent most of her youth as a child.

Having lived most of her youth as a teen mother in a country where teen moms are subjected to high stigma and discrimination.

She devotes her time to empowering young women to find healthy perceptions of themselves and strengthen their relationships, in order to see themselves as peaceful, complete, whole and safe.

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The mission of Scars of Survival is to assist in changing the lives of those individuals affected by Domestic Violence & Sexual Abuse one story at a time. Inspiring, and empowering self-development through life skill workshops. To cultivate communities free from violence as we provide transitional services, bridge support services, and community outreach services. Continuing efforts in raising awareness of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, through events, fundraisers, and community support.

Scars of Survival is committed to Domestic Violence prevention, teaching victims, and survivors the importance of love, trust, faith, how to rebuild hope again, not only to survive but to overcome.

Scars of Survival’s Pledge to End DV & SA 1. We will never commit an act of domestic violence of any form against anyone.

2. We will promote domestic violence awareness through social media channels, conversations, and events.

5. We will support domestic violence victims by providing continuous transitional services through the organization.

6. We will never judge anyone no matter what the situation is.

3. We will speak out against domestic violence and break the silence at every opportunity.

7. We will treat people with dignity and respect.

4. We will support domestic violence victims by providing continuous transitional services through the organization.

8. We will do everything with the love of God.

Web site: w w w. s c ars ofsur v iv a l.org E mai l: s c ars of sur v iva l@g mai l.com

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