2025 Sex & Relationships survey results
By Viyang Hao, Michelle Grisales, Maggie Gawor, Amen Ruth Galinato
Love is in the air — or at least in Google Forms. For our annual Sex and Relationships special issue, The Statesman asked the Stony Brook University community questions about love, romance and cultural perspectives. Compared to previous years, this survey was fairly wholesome.
But, don’t worry, we still have some unfiltered (and occasionally eyebrow-raising) responses. Here’s what some Seawolves had to say:
Demographics:
Out of all of our respondents, 68.8% were female, 18.8% were male and 10.4% were nonbinary. To the one respondent that said they were “trans fem,” we hope that you’re having a wonderful girlhood!
Class standing-wise, we had a diverse mix: 10.4% freshmen, 18.8% sophomores, 33.3% juniors, 29.2% seniors and 8.3% graduate students.
As for sexual orientation, 39.6% of respondents identified as straight, down 10.9% from last year. Meanwhile, 37.5% identified as bisexual, 8.3% as lesbian and 0% as gay. Other responses included asexual, asexual lesbian, aromantic/asexual, queer, pansexual and questioning.
We love to see the aromantic/asexual representation! As for the one person who answered “N/A” … what exactly do you mean? Do you not believe in sexuality?
Do you think discussing sex with your partner is important?
97.9% of you said that discussing sex with your partner was important. To the 2.1% that said “not sure,” maybe the encouraging words of your fellow Seawolves will teach you what your sex education class didn’t:
“i think it’s important to be on the same wavelength sexually too since it’s important to be aligned physically as well as emotionally.”
“Yes because YOU WANNA GET FREAKY!”
“It’s important to be able to talk about things like sex especially if it’s long term , you don’t want to be stuck with someone who you love everything about but they don’t know you hate the way they pleasure you.”
“As someone who is asexual, it was really important to discuss sex with my partner. The act of sex doesn’t bother me but I don’t derive much enjoyment from it while my partner very much enjoys it and needs it. Because of this, I believe that it was necessary to discuss how we can both be happy in our relationship and communication between partners are always important.”
“Without communication, how are you supposed to be made aware of your partners likes and dislikes, and vice versa? … If you’re looking to fake an orgasm, go ahead and shut up about it though. I’m not here to disrespect aspiring actors.”
“if you can’t talk about it you shouldn’t do it”
“The difference between friends and [a] partner is that [a] partner is the best friend with sex together.”
How important is sex in your romantic relationship?
This question had people somewhat divided. 8.3% of respondents said sex was the most important aspect of their romantic relationships, 35.4% said it was important, 35.4% said it depends and 20.8% said not at all.
When did you lose your V-card?
The average age of our survey-takers losing their virginity was 17. We had one respondent say that they lost their virginity at age 0.
We did not include this in our calculations, but more importantly, do you need to talk to someone about this? Counseling and Psychological Services provides six free sessions per semester to every Stony Brook undergraduate student. We strongly encourage you to look into therapy. The rest of our respondents said varying versions of N/A, but we wanted to highlight two responses: “I am NOT answering that” and “um …”
Thanks for sharing your answers with the class!
Craziest place you’ve ever had sex?
What locations do we have to avoid on our beautiful Stony Brook campus? According to our data, car sex, bathroom sex and beach sex were some common responses we got. To the people who said our mom’s place, how original! Here are some of our other favorite responses:
“A dorm? But me and [my] ex made out in a temple.”
“I’ve only done it at her place :)”
“I’m boring”
“Jasmine @ SBU campus”
“Staller”
“Pool locker”
“behind the public park shed”
“gender neutral bathroom at hsc 3rd floor (same floor as the lib)”
“his moms car, sorry steph!!”
“my uh fwb wants to do it in the car at south p, but we have only been in her dorm (she is loud)”
“student section @ross aide stadium”
Have you ever been in a relationship?
Now, let’s dive into the relationships aspect of our annual survey! A solid 77.1% said yes, while 22.9% said no. To all of our survey-takers, we’ll just say: it’ll happen when you least expect it … or whatever advice people usually give.
Do you think cultural backgrounds influence how people view romantic relationships?
The survey says absolutely! Every single respondent agreed that cultural backgrounds influence romantic relationships, though their explanations varied:
“regardless of background, i think people’s individual concept of romantic relationships are different to begin with but cultural background do take part in shaping certain views on it.”
“nathanial ellis gehrz believes brian women are crazy”
“I am muslim therefore my relationship is pretty traditional (male dominant female submissive)”
“[Upbringing] change[s] people’s views on what’s right or wrong.”
“Different cultures have different conceptions of love. My parents were in an arranged marriage. This affects the way I view marriage as opposed to others.”
“Different cultures have various ways of showing affection, some believe public displays of affection are taboo while others believe it is important to display a loving relationship, especially to their kids. Seeing different practices in ones parents or family members relationships can influence how they show love or affection.”
“I was in an interracial relationship with a white man (I’m black) and it was heavily frowned upon by my non-white peers. I understand why now that we’re broken up and they were valid in their concerns.”
“Not me personally but more so for me having an easier time explaining things to my parents”
Would you ever be in an interracial relationship?
Here we had some more varying responses. To some comments, we just want to ask: who hurt you? What’s the lore behind you?
75% percent of respondents said “yes,” 12.5% said “no,” 8.3% said “maybe” and 4.2% said “not sure.” Let’s see what the reasoning was behind the responses:
“I’ve just never been in a situation where I’ve been talking to someone who is another race.”
“I’ve been in an interracial relationship. It doesn’t affect anything; there was just more to learn about them and their culture, and it was super fun learning about all that.”
“I’ve had sex with Latina girls but I’m only trying to marry a brown girl.”
“Saying no is absolutely racist and I look down upon people who wouldn’t date someone because of their race no matter what ‘justifications’ they give.”
“I have been in one and it didn’t go well, I think it’s smart to date within your race if you don’t want your relationship to be like a full time job where you’re a getting paid 5 dollars a hour.”
“Although my own culture is important to me, I believe culture is meant to be shared with others. It would make me like someone more if they were appreciative of a culture that isn’t their own.”
“I used to think no, because I truly thought that partners of the same race understood me best, however now being in an interracial relationship, I found it much more valuable to be with someone who is of a different race, who I can have new experiences with.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been in a relationship with a white man simply due to the stark differences in life and cultural experiences, but I would be open to other cultures.”
“Yes! I look for the person inside and nothing else.”
Is religion important to you to have in a relationship?
Opinions were split: 18.8% said it was important, 41.7% said it wasn’t, 29.2% said “maybe” and 10.4% were “unsure.”
You’ve certainly given us some food for thought, and maybe some unsolicited advice:
“it depends on the religion, but i’m not religious so if they are and they plan to force me to follow their religion then that’s a no go for me and vice versa.”
“I have a weird relationship with religion so it really depends on how strict the other person is about religion but I’m not too religious anyways.”
“I’m not religious. It’s important to my parents but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there”
“It depends everyone is on their own spiritual journey and have their own views on religion however I think it’s safest to at least date in your own religion to an extent especially if you’re dating for the long run religion will come up in the future when families mix and it’s better to avoid mixing the big 3 : Christianity , Islam, and Hinduism”
“it’s important in that i want to raise my child in the catholic religion. if my partner doesn’t want to do so, we are going to have some serious disagreements, possibly meaning that we don’t have a sustainable future together”
“I’m atheist so I would prefer someone who isn’t super religious or not religious at all. I think with today’s political era, religious beliefs have been used as an excuse for bad morale and behaviors.”
“i’m not religious and can’t date someone who is very religious”
What is your top love language?
The winner? 52.1% of respondents said quality time was their top language.
That might explain why the Frank Melville Jr. Memorial Library is always packed with study dates, right?
We also had a second-place tie! 16.7% of respondents said their top love language is acts of service and another 16.7% said physical touch was theirs.
Next, 8.3% said words of affirmation were their top love language. Coming in last, at 6.2%, is gift giving.
To those who rely on gifts to express love, we hope your wallets are holding up.
Do you think understanding your/your partner’s love language is important?
85.4% of respondents were adamant that understanding your and your partner’s love language is important in a relationship.
While 6.3% said “no,” another 6.3% of survey-takers said “not sure” and 2.1% said “maybe.” To those who aren’t sure about why people think understanding love languages is important, check out what our Seawolf community has to say:
“Not everyone is to be loved the same way. We all have different needs in love.”
“Because that is how they will feel loved this is a pretty trivial question.”
A graphic illustrating the results from The Statesman’s Sex and Relationships survey. ILLUSTRATED BY ANGELINA LIVIGNI/THE STATESMAN
From childhood to commitment: the role of family in relationships
By Michelle Grisales
The way individuals view and approach fostering relationships is often deeply influenced by their familial dynamics and cultural backgrounds. These early experiences shape how people interact with others, particularly in romantic relationships.
For some, observing their parents’ struggles and/or successes can serve as a model for their future relationships.
Heejoo Shin, a junior double majoring in psychology and biology, described her parents’ relationship as “rocky.” She explained how her father’s lack of financial literacy and the problems it created for her mother impacted what she looks for in a partner.
“My mom had a lot of struggles as I was growing up in terms of [not] having a good relationship with my dad,” she said. “She had a hard time trying to take care of us with financial stuff, and also trying to deal with my dad.”
Shin attributed the experience of growing up while seeing her parents’ dynamic within their relationship weighs on the qualities she seeks and avoids in a partner. She specifically remembers her mother giving her advice to ensure she chooses the right partner.
“A lot of [my perspective comes from] my mom giving me life lessons based on her experiences dating and relationship with my dad. She always tells me to be careful [and] tells me to meet someone better than my dad,” Shin said.
She explained that she feels her parents’ issues stemmed from their lack of communication with one another, which is something she hopes to avoid in a future relationship.
“I value honesty and communication. I feel like a lot of the issues that came with my dad and my mom’s relationship had to do with communication issues and them having disagreements about a lot of things,” Shin said. “I value those kinds of traits in people. Being honest with someone and being able to communicate well where we can figure out different problems and solve them efficiently.”
She also reflected on her own temper and behaviors that she developed from her father.
Survey Results:
Continued from page 2
“There are times where I get agitated and annoyed at people, which is a bad habit because I would lash [out] at my mom,” Shin said. “I felt that it made me resemble my dad in a bad way, which I always hated.”
Shin is not alone. Many others are learning more about themselves and how they navigate relationships based on their parents.
Whether the experience is seen as positive or negative, growing up witnessing complex relationships — combined with cultural values — impacts how people maneuver relationships.
Joanne Davila, a distinguished professor and the chair of the Department of Psychology at Stony Brook University, wrote an email to The Statesman explaining that people’s families heavily influence their perceptions of relationships, especially when it comes to exposure to a particular culture they grew up with.
“Our entire learning experiences are embedded in our culture,” Davila wrote. “We just learn the assumptions and expectations. And different cultures have different ideas about relationships.”
She then explained that when children are observing their parents, their interactions serves as an example when navigating future relationships.
“Children learn A LOT from watching their parents, and they base their assumptions and expectations for their own relationships on what they learn,” she wrote. “For example, if a child has parents who argue all the time, and this is scary to the child, the child might assume that conflict is dangerous/bad and then become conflict avoidant in their own relationships.”
Ella Alba is a junior majoring in psychology. She said her culture, combined with learning from her parents’ relationship, has shaped how she views and behaves towards others.
Alba described her relationship with her mother as unstable, explaining that this instability created trust issues and led her to feel neglected throughout her childhood.
“I didn’t trust my mom and didn’t trust that she’d follow through on things I asked
“Both you and your partner should feel loved.”
“It’s just considerate , if you really love someone you should take the time to understand them as best as you can , and also be willing to compromise with each others love languages because it’ll definitely help in the end with the strength and security of your partnership”
“How else am I supposed to know what works best for them?”
“Yes! It is important to know how your partner shows their love so you can show yours right back!”
“It’s to show respect for the other person and to show that you care for them and love them.”
What do you look for in a romantic partner?
Honestly, this was our favorite question to ask because our priorities are certainly all over the place. At The Statesman, we want to personally highlight one response.
Whoever responded to our survey with “roth IRA,” you’re so real for that because honestly, we love financial stability in these unstable times!
from her. It was hard to ask for things I want and need in my other relationships,” Alba said. “I felt very neglected by her growing up and if I feel neglected or unseen I usually get really triggered in my other relationships, especially my romantic one.”
She then discussed how her parents’ cultural background comes into play. Her parents were born in the Philippines and later moved to the United States, where Alba was born and raised.
She explained that within her culture, emotions are not often discussed, leading to communication issues.
“In Filipino culture, emotions are something rarely talked about. Unconditional love is rarely practiced in addition to healthy communication,” she said. “So, when it came to my own relationships, I learned to shut the other person out if I’m mad at them, and not even tell them I’m mad.”
Alba further elaborated that, in Filipino culture, there are expectations to both prioritize family above all else and refrain from showcasing any weaknesses or flaws.
“You’re expected to always prioritize your family over friends [and] even significant others. You can’t have anything wrong with your life. You shouldn’t tell other family friends or extended family what’s wrong or they’ll look down on you,” she said. “This made me a very reserved person when it came to relationships.”
She then began discussing how the judgement she received, particularly from her parents, contributed to certain behaviors she displayed in past relationships.
“My parents were critical of my mistakes so I shut down and became a quiet person and was afraid to make mistakes,” Alba said. “In other relationships, I shut down in conversations and was afraid to speak or talk about my life because I was scared of being judged.”
However, she shared that she has been able to grow as an individual and not be as reserved as she once was.
Alba’s willingness to reflect on her past is a crucial step in not repeating the same
Secure that bag! A roth IRA is individual retirement account that offers tax-free growth and withdrawals. Only contributions to the account are taxed, making this type of investment highly appealing to employees.
Let’s see what our Seawolves are looking for in a romantic partner.
Maybe this will help all of the single people out there to help bag a baddie:
“Sweetness and sex appeal. Someone who feels a lot and makes me feel alive in turn.”
“Funny, weird, taller than me, likes video games and anime, and I love guys who wear glasses, if he was really good looking that’d be great too”
“Loyalty and Good Sex. I also like nice dates and cuddling a lot as well as [a] good understand[ing] of each other via deep conversation. I believe in traditional relationships as well, where the man is the provider and the woman takes care of the home.”
relationship patterns her parents exhibited.
Davila emphasized that to break the negative habits developed from observing parental relationships and being raised under certain cultural beliefs, individuals must first recognize them before they can attempt to break out of the cycle.
“The first and most important thing is that they become aware of the patterns — that they develop insight into them,” she wrote.
Davila then explained that people have to be willing to take an emotional risk in trying out new behaviors.
She emphasized attempting new behaviors to avoid repeating what’s taught by parents is the best way to see if something different happens.
This is something many people struggle with but nonetheless strive to achieve. Shin’s understanding of the traits she possesses that mirror her father’s behavior have helped her work on herself.
“I’ve been going to therapy and it helped me heal in some ways and [taught] me how to develop better relationships with my parents,” she said. “I think I’m slowly improving [despite] these bad developments.”
Similar to Shin, Alba shared she does her best to improve herself through dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). Alba explained that DBT helps her not only improve her interpersonal skills but create ways to properly handle her emotions.
“In my relationships when I’m upset I used to shut people out for hours or yell, sometimes I still do. But I’m bettering myself specifically, by trying to use ‘I feel’ statements and [knowing] the signs when I want to yell or shut down and isolate,” she said.
Alba explained that maintaining healthy communication is important, but can be difficult without seeing it done firsthand.
“Yelling or shutting down only makes things worse and turns the other person away,” she said. “You can’t get the support you actually want and need if you can’t healthily [communicate].”
“Someone who cares about me, doesn’t get tired of me, and is genuine and kind, also they have to have big muscles”
“Someone who is okay with just being romantically intimate and not sexually intimate. Someone who’s funny and would go along with silly banter. They would be nice and like similar movie/show genres as me because otherwise movie nights would suck a**”
“Someone who respects women”
“Cooking & cleaning”
If there’s one takeaway from this year’s survey, it’s that love at Stony Brook is blurry. At its core, Seawolves want to be understood, respected and — at least for some — taken on thoughtful dates with plenty of cuddles.
To all of you: whether you’re single, taken or still figuring it out, may you find the kind of love that makes you happiest. And, maybe keep sex away from your mom’s car.
Ten cute date spots around Stony Brook
By Anna Giulia Polli
It can be difficult to find a good spot for a night out when you’re a student on the Stony Brook University campus without a car. So without resorting to consulting Reddit, here’s a collection of theatrical shows, restaurants, walking spots and activities to spend some quality time with a special someone or friends. These places are accessible on foot or by public transportation through the Long Island Rail Road (LIRR), Suffolk County Transit or Stony Brook’s shuttle services.
1. The Rinx at Harborfront Park
This ice rink is located at the Port Jefferson Community Center, the last stop of the Port Jefferson Shuttle. As an ice skating rink, it has no competition in terms of convenience. Other spots like The Rinx in Hauppauge (Stony Brook Ice Hockey’s home ice) and Superior Ice Rink in Kings Park are much larger, but less accessible without a car. Because these rink locations are indoors, they are better suited for practicing professional ice skating and less for recreational skating. Admission prices range from $13 to $16 for two to three hours, with skate rentals priced at $7. The Rinx’s public sessions ended recently; however, make sure to check out this location next winter.
2. The Jazz Loft
Also located in Port Jefferson, The Jazz Loft hosts many galleries preserving and presenting jazz memorabilia, art and
photographs. Perhaps more suited for a date night or relaxed night out with friends, The Jazz Loft hosts performances from local to nationally-acclaimed artists. Tickets for Stony Brook students are $20.
3. Theatre Three
A slightly pricier option for a night out is Theatre Three. The hall is currently showing the plays “Ring of Fire: The Johnny Cash Musical Show,” “Wait Until Dark” and “Half Time.” At $32 for students, tickets here are a bit more expensive but offer a date experience different from the usual dinner or coffee plans with its musical flair.
4. Port Jeff Bowl
While bowling isn’t exactly known as an activity for a romantic night out, it’s included on this list as another unconventional activity if you’re bored of watching movies. Port Jeff Bowl also offers Stony Brook students a discounted deal of $20 for two hours and a shoe rental — just make sure you’re ready to find out how competitive your companion is.
5. Druthers Coffee
Positioned right across from the LIRR Stony Brook station, Druthers Coffee is probably the most convenient off-campus spot. It’s your typical nice coffee shop, featuring a community table, smaller tables and a rusticmeets-minimalist vibe. They offer espresso drinks, pastries and a couple of meal options; I
personally love the scones and I’ve heard great things about their avocado toast.
One downside is that it tends to be pretty crowded, so it might not be the best spot to sit and chat for a long time, but its closeness to Stony Brook makes it worthy of this list.
6. Avalon Nature Preserve
This is pretty self-explanatory, but you can make the most of the natural spaces surrounding Stony Brook by walking the trails at Avalon Nature Preserve (or any trails in the area, really). Avalon Nature Preserve also hosts events like River Herring Monitoring, a Sea Turtle Facility Tour and a Vertical Oyster Garden Workshop, although some of these activities are limited to members. Although part of the Boardwalk overlooking Mill Pond is closed off due to lingering impacts of the flash flood in August 2024, trails luckily still remain accessible.
7. Slurp Ramen
Slurp Ramen is a fairly affordable and tasty option for dinner. A flavorful bowl of ramen is the perfect thing to warm you up after a windy winter walk in the Port Jefferson Village. I can attest to it after eating there with my roommate on a freezing, dateless Valentine’s Day.
8. Crazy Beans
Crazy Beans, located in the Stony Brook Village, serves coffee, breakfast and lunch from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Sunday through
Saturday. Some popular options from their menu include pancake quesadillas, cinnamon french toast, banana coconut latte, home fries and iced coffee. This little restaurant’s retro interior takes inspiration from 1950s-style diners, creating a quirky atmosphere. If you’re able to, make sure to try their special lattes inspired by “New Girl” (2011-2018) and indulge in their tasty breakfast foods.
9. Tiger Lily Cafe
A vegetarian cafe with gluten-free options, Tiger Lily Cafe offers soy protein shakes, smoothies, juices and — obviously — coffee; their wraps are a fan favorite, though. It has a colorful, artsy, warm interior, showcasing local music and art. Their Acoustic Sunday Sessions feature local musical artists on their deck. If you’re a fan of the whimsical vibe, Tiger Lily Cafe could be a great place to lounge and talk while sipping on a drink and soaking in the atmosphere.
10. Sweet Mama’s
Located in the Stony Brook Village, Sweet Mama’s is based on recreating the nostalgic feeling of mom’s comfort food. They offer all the typical breakfast foods in their basic forms, but they also have the same foods with a special something, like their Croissant French Toast or Spicy Avocado Benny (eggs benedict). Or, if you’d rather a sweet treat, you can order an Egg Cream or a Hand-Dipped Milkshake with two straws.
Onion Bagel: A decline of passport power and love
By Viyang Hao
In a world where love supposedly conquers all, it appears that I have one formidable opponent standing in the way: the immigration office.
Once upon a time, the navy blue booklet embossed with a majestic eagle was a golden ticket to a romance worldwide. It was a beacon of power, a declaration that I, an American citizen, could waltz through immigration lines with the confidence of someone whose country once dictated global affairs with impunity.
But now?
The once-mighty United States passport has taken a tumble down the Henley Passport Index. Back in 2014, we were at the top, tied with our frenemy the United Kingdom, that one distant cousin we still pretend we’re besties with despite centuries of passive-aggressive Fourth of July celebrations. We were powerful and desirable — the main character of global travel!
Now? We’re in ninth place.
Ninth place might not sound so bad until you realize that 29 other countries now have better passports than ours. That’s 29 nations whose citizens have an easier time traveling, dating and charming their way across international borders.
What does that mean for us Seawolves? It means our love lives are over. My love life is over.
Back when the U.S. passport was elite, my mere nationality was an asset. The promise of seamless travel made me a catch.
“Oh, you want a vacation to Europe?” I could say to a potential partner, casually leaning over the arm rests of unstable airport chairs as they wait to board their flight. “Don’t worry. I don’t need a visa.” Surely, they’ve been seduced by this charisma!
But now? Now, I have to jump through hoops like a circus animal just to get past
border control. Instead of smooth-talking my way into someone’s heart over a candlelit dinner in a place that I can’t pronounce correctly without offending someone, I’m stuck at home, forced to type, “Hey, do you have WhatsApp?” because my potential partner lives in a country that’s now out of my financial reach.
I’m trying to maximize my screen time on WhatsApp so it matches the time I spend on TikTok watching travel videos of places I could have visited with someone cute. I have my priorities straight, but clearly some people aren’t paying attention.
Let’s be real: dating is expensive without adding international travel and visa fees to the equation. Inflation has made cooking an omelet for my date feel like a major financial investment.
I suppose I could pay with Klarna while I DoorDash a pizza, but nothing screams “I’m financially stable!” like a loan on my credit report to pay off the $18.99 stuffed crust pizza from Domino’s.
And, don’t even get me started on the price of flights. My go-to airline was Southwest Airlines, but they just changed their checked-luggage policy to something so incomprehensible that it feels like the world is actively trying to tell me to date on the Stony Brook University subreddit.
I get it, but I don’t like it! Now, with additional visa fees and more travel restrictions, the barriers to love have never been higher.
The Republican Party, the current political party in government, encourages marriage and family values, right? Well, how
am I supposed to marry rich people in another country if I can’t even get there? I was ready to find an attractive person with old money and generational wealth. But now, thanks to America’s declining passport power, my golddigging aspirations have crumbled away, just like my investments in the stock market.
Instead of facing accusations of being a gold digger from my future partner’s family and friends, I’m left swiping on locals.
Locals who describe New Yorkers that live upward of Bronx, N.Y. as people from upstate when really they live in Westchester, N.Y. Locals whose idea of culture is having college students race in cardboard boats across a manmade pond that looks like the color of Shrek’s skin. Locals who think international cuisine means purchasing a California roll and lo mein with orange chicken from Jasmine. Locals who believe finding a date on the University’s subreddit is a viable strategy, only to realize the dating pool and social life is as barren as campus is on any weekend — it’s frustrating!
If America truly supported love, family values and the sanctity of marriage, they would be taking action right now. They’d be launching emergency passport ranking recovery missions, fixing our global reputation and subsidizing our international romance efforts.
But, here I am. A silly, lonely, little American, trapped within the borders of my own country, longing for the international romance that my government has made impossible. And all because my passport isn’t sexy anymore.
Two passports in a heart with iconic skylines in the background. The American passport has lost power, according to the Henley Passport Index. MARIAM GUIRGIS AND JENNA ZAZA/THE STATESMAN
Seawolf sweethearts exclusive: How students balance identities and relationships
By Maggie Gawor
For this year’s Sex and Relationships special issue, The Statesman explored how Stony Brook University students’ diverse cultural backgrounds influence their experiences of both romantic and platonic love.
We asked seven students to share their experiences with developing both platonic and romantic connections — how they met, how their varying backgrounds influence their relationships and how they approach intimacy and connection.
Spoiler alert: it’s not all about swiping right and hoping for the best!
First, The Statesman spoke to Kazi Hamza Rashed, a sophomore majoring in astronomy, and her romantic partner, Azul Soto-Lopez, a sophomore in the Multidisciplinary Studies program, about their experiences as queer individuals navigating different cultures.
Next, we brought our questions to our very own office in the Student Activities Center and grilled assistant news editor Michelle Grisales, a junior majoring in journalism, and her boyfriend, Brandon Melo, a junior majoring in health science, on how they maintain strength in their relationship. Hint: their process involves equal parts love, patience and a good takeout menu.
We then spoke to Violet Patel, a senior majoring in computer science, about her relationship with her girlfriend, Charlotte Seid, a junior majoring in business management. Their relationship proves once again that opposites attract, especially when one can debug a website and the other can make a spreadsheet look like art.
Finally, we spoke to Dakini Leon, a thirdyear student in the Master of Social Work
program, about her connection with her longdistance best friend, Kayla Shoaff, and how they maintain their bond despite the miles between them.
The Statesman: How did your relationship begin?
Rashed: I met my partner in a club Discord server where we got to talk for a bit and learnt more about each other. We then started to hang out as our friendship circles merged [together]. We started talking more often before we went on our first date. At the end of [March] we would be dating for a whole year.
Soto-Lopez: [Rashed] and I started dating last year on March 31. Originally, we started out as good friends in our Queer Gaymers Affinity Group and eventually became closer once we started a [Dungeons and Dragons] group together. She asked me out for ramen and walked together to the [Long Island Rail Road] train station before she took the train home. It was a very cute evening I hold close to my heart.
Grisales and Melo: We met through a mutual friend from our community college about two years ago. Since then, we knew we were meant to be together!
Patel: My relationship with my girlfriend started because we would hang out a lot together after meeting each other on our dance team [Kaigai Idols at SBU]. We ended up getting really close and eventually we questioned what we were right before we got together.
Leon: [Shoaff] and I used to be coworkers a while back [at a job] that focused on providing mental health support to individuals virtually. We had an unqualified manager consistently misgender [Shoaff], who uses they/them pronouns and is non-binary, despite an effort made many, many times to correct the manager. [Shoaff] would confide in me about how they felt and their negative interactions with this manager. Through this, we learned that our experience with this particular person was common, and wasn’t just us, and decided that we needed to stand up for ourselves.
The Statesman: How did your cultural upbringing shape your expectations of a partner or a relationship, if at all?
Rashed: I grew up in a [Hispanic] household where I was mostly told the cultural expectations rather than explained why they exist or how it is a viable expectation. I never wanted to hold my partner or this relationship to those faulty standards. There is also a high value in honesty and seeing partners as equal which I carry from my parents’ relationship into my own.
Soto-Lopez: My upbringing of not only being brought up by two mothers, but Hispanic in tandem helped shape my expectations and standards in a partner. I sought out a partner who we can depend on each other and be open about any troubles going on. My parents have a healthy and happy relationship, and I aim to have the same fulfillment as they do.
Grisales: Personally, my culture [being half Colombian and half Ecuadorian] has influenced my expectations by outlining
what I do and don’t want. Seeing women in my culture tolerate verbal and physical abuse influenced me wanting my partner to be patient and gentle. Any sort of aggression or signs of violence is something I’d entirely avoid because it can escalate.
Melo: During my upbringing, I don’t think my culture influenced my expectations for my significant other. I just value love, loyalty and respect.
Patel: I grew up in a very non-traditional Indian household. I wouldn’t let myself be too influenced by the things in my cultural upbringing. Instead, queer media and people in the queer community would lead me to the expectation that being in a relationship would entail loving someone so deeply, you’d really do anything for them just to make sure they are happy, safe and loved, along with being loved in return — not as a transactional relationship but based in truly caring for the other person.
Leon: I believed friends were people you kind of hung out with but didn’t really share personal stories with [as Latinx families emphasize family more than friendships]. Usually my family would say to keep personal things to yourself or only share them with family, but I trust [Shoaff] enough that I can share almost anything with them.
The Statesman: How do you keep your relationship healthy and happy?
Rashed: One of the most important things I like to do is keep an open mind and communicate effectively and properly with my
A Muslim Woman’s Perspective on Relationships
By Fabia Chowdhury
Growing up, the hadith that held deep significance for me was: “The best among you are those who are best to their wives, and I am among the best among you to my wives”. In my mother’s home, it was a reminder of the love, respect and responsibility Islam places on relationships. My mother was deeply religious but my father was not, and these differences ultimately led to their divorce. My mother single-handedly raised us in Buffalo, while my father remarried a non-Muslim woman and built a life that looked very different from the one I knew. This created an internal tension for me — one where I was constantly exposed to two opposing views on love, relationships and faith.
As a child, I gravitated toward my mother’s teachings, absorbing the Islamic principles she instilled in us. I attended an all-girls school, wore the hijab and understood that love and intimacy were meant to be preserved within the sanctity of marriage. Yet, as I grew older and stepped into a world beyond my mother’s protection — attending high school, working and interacting with people outside my faith — I began to feel the weight of these teachings in a new way. My first
experience with a guy occurred while I was still wearing the hijab, but it was with a nonMuslim. This alone was enough to bring on a wave of guilt — a feeling that I was somehow betraying the values I was raised with.
At the same time, I was exposed to different perspectives on relationships, particularly through sex education classes in school. In Islam, love and intimacy are guided by structure and morality: modesty, emotional connection and the sacred bond of marriage. The Quran speaks of spouses as being garments for one another (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:187), emphasizing mutual love, comfort and protection. Yet, in contrast, the lessons I learned in school approached relationships through a secular lens; casual dating, sexual freedom and personal choice were emphasized over religious or moral considerations. For years, I felt torn between two worlds, struggling to understand where I belonged.
For much of my adolescence, I viewed Islamic teachings as restrictive, especially as I witnessed my peers navigate relationships freely. But as I grew older, experienced heartbreak and saw the consequences of both my own and others’ choices, I began to
understand that the guidance Islam provides isn’t meant to limit us but to protect us. Islam’s boundaries around love and intimacy aren’t arbitrary rules — they are safeguards designed to ensure emotional, mental and even physical well-being.
Moving to Stony Brook has been a turning point in my journey. Coming from an upstate town and now living in an environment separate from both of my parents’ direct influence — my mother now in Saudi Arabia and my father still living life on his terms — I’ve had the space to navigate these beliefs on my own. I’ve met people from all walks of life, each with their own perspectives on love, faith and relationships. Some have reaffirmed my beliefs, while others have challenged them, forcing me to think critically about where I stand. My high school Advanced Placement teacher really shaped my current views on religion. I remember sitting in his classroom after school, conversing about everything from religion, history and politics, to even trivial things like the best food spots around Buffalo. Back then, I wore the niqab, covering my face, and our conversations often danced between our differences — his Catholic upbringing
and my Muslim beliefs — yet we always found common ground in curiosity and respect. He was one of the first people outside my community who truly made me feel heard, even when we disagreed. He wasn’t easy on me, though — throughout the years, he taught me the value of perspective and knowing when to listen and when to stand my ground.
I now understand that finding balance isn’t about choosing between my mother’s strict religious views or my father’s more liberal approach — it’s about forging my own understanding of faith, love and relationships. Islam has given me a foundation, and my experiences have given me perspective. I no longer see God’s commandments as limitations but as guidance meant to lead me toward the healthiest and most fulfilling path.
As a Muslim woman, I still believe in the principles of love and intimacy that Islam teaches, but I also recognize the complexities of navigating relationships in a modern world. What I’ve learned is that faith and personal growth aren’t mutually exclusive; rather, they work together to shape us into who we are meant to be.
“Love Is Blind” isn’t about love, it’s about capitalism
By Viyang Hao
“Love Is Blind” wrapped up its eighth season, which spanned from Feb. 14 to March 9, following five engaged couples from Minneapolis, Minn. who undergo an accelerated journey from “blind” emotional connection to marriage. The reality show, which brings together 15 men and 15 women in a controlled dating experiment, claims to explore the question: is love blind?
By removing the visual aspect of getting to know one another by having contestants sit in separate pods, the show seeks to challenge the superficiality of modern dating by offering an alternative. After contestants get engaged, they explore if their emotional connections can match their physical attractions by finally entering the real (“physical”) world. The show films the engaged couples up until their wedding days. Despite its attempt at subverting traditional dating norms by challenging participants to commit to marriage before ever seeing each other, “Love Is Blind” ultimately reinforces, and even amplifies, the capitalist structures that shape contemporary relationships.
The series ultimately commodifies human emotions, manipulates social interactions and thrives on audience engagement, functioning as an extension of capitalism.
To put it simply, love cannot exist in a capitalist society. The fundamental nature of capitalism contradicts genuine human connection. Love, in its purest form, is based on mutual care, emotional vulnerability and the prioritization of the well-being of another person without the expectation of material gain. However, capitalism operates on the principles of commodification and competition, undermining the necessary conditions for authentic love to flourish.
The Commodification of Human Emotions
The idea of giving when in love is overshadowed by the transactional nature of capitalist relations where people are trained to evaluate their relationships based on measurable benefits. The question of “What do they bring to the table?” encourages partners to be viewed as commodities, which defines their value by labels rather than embracing love as a selfless and reciprocal bond.
In “Love Is Blind,” love becomes a commodity for consumption, turning love into entertainment. Contestants are encouraged to form deep emotional connections without seeing each other first, appearing to challenge the superficial aspects of modern dating. However, the process acts as a spectacle for viewers. Participants’ emotions and stories are packaged into a series of episodic storylines that cater to the entertainment needs of a global audience. These interactions are reduced into episodes that neatly fit into the larger capitalist enterprise of reality television where viewership and revenue are prioritized.
In “Love Is Blind,” the contestants are alienated and cut off from the outside world for the first half of the show, with no access to phones, the internet or social media — tools that typically shape modern relationships. Isolated from their usual support systems of friends, family and broader social networks,
contestants are disconnected from the environments in which they typically form romantic relationships. In this way, “Love Is Blind” replicates the alienation philosopher Karl Marx describes in one of his books.
While some might argue that this isolation forces contestants to form deeper attachments with the people around them, the reality is more nuanced. These are adults who willingly signed up for the experiment fully aware of the process, especially given the wealth of information available online about how popular the show is.
This argument could have applied to season one because the show was in its infancy. However, the show capitalizes on individuals, typically women, who are desperate to be married. These contestants make impulsive decisions or overlook red flags because they are infatuated with the ideas of love and marriage rather than the reality of building a partnership. “Love Is Blind” exploits contestants’ desperation. For many contestants beyond season one, the motivation to get engaged may not be solely about love but about gaining clout and stardom, further reinforcing the capitalist incentives driving the show.
The competitive nature of “Love Is Blind” compounds this inability to experience love in its purest form. Couples face intense pressure to get engaged within a highly controlled and compressed timeframe, echoing the cutthroat competition of capitalist markets. Filming an entire season in just 38 days creates a sense of time scarcity, where participants are driven to quickly “sell” themselves to potential partners, performing emotional labor at maximum efficiency. This structure pits people against one another, a dynamic Marx identifies as one of capitalism’s most harmful aspects.
The show’s compressed timeline amplifies the transactional dynamics in these romantic connections. Contestants must present themselves as desirable partners in a race against time, reinforcing capitalist values that prize competition and efficiency. But what does this intense pressure actually reveal about love? If contestants are forced into highstakes emotional decisions under artificial constraints, can we call the connections they develop organic?
Television critic Judy Berman discusses reality television’s broader impacts as the normalization of competition, manipulation and the commodification of human relationships. She highlights how reality television has “conquered the culture and claimed [its] prize: our attention,” becoming a powerful vehicle for accumulating wealth and social influence. Reality television has created a new class of celebrities who, like socialite Kim Kardashian and President Donald J. Trump, leverage their appearances into billiondollar enterprises for political or social power. “Love Is Blind” follows a similar formula by turning love into a marketable spectacle where contestants perform for an audience while searching for a partner.
This mirrors capitalism’s broader emphasis on self-branding and competition, where success is measured by market appeal rather
than authenticity. Contestants who end up having air time on the show end up receiving, to some extent, commercial and internet success which blurs the lines between genuine connection and calculated performance. As the show continues to release more seasons, accusations of contestants joining for the “wrong reasons” have only increased. The most striking example of this is Trevor Sova from season six, whose leaked text messages reveal that he entered the experiment with a girlfriend he intended to marry despite professing interest in another contestant, Chelsea Blackwell.
In the reunion episode, hosts and spouses Nick and Vanessa Lachey publicly call him out. Ironically, the scandal only fueled his online notoriety, making him a topic of discussion and reinforcing the very dynamic “Love Is Blind” claims to reject: love as performance, dictated not by genuine emotion but by the demands of a reality television spectacle.
Capitalist Inequalities in Relationships
Beneath the surface of the show’s romantic narratives, “Love Is Blind” exacerbates existing capitalist inequalities by presenting love, and subsequently marriage, as achievable goals for all contestants regardless of their socioeconomic statuses. However, as Raju Das, a professor from York University, discusses in his Marxist critique of love, love under capitalism is far from an equal or neutral experience.
The lack of transparency about participants’ economic backgrounds, along with the show’s focus on heteronormative relationships, reflects systemic inequalities. For instance, the participants’ economic statuses are rarely explored, yet their relationships are inevitably influenced by material conditions once they leave the pods and re-enter the “physical world.” Participants are shown moving into apartments and planning their weddings after they get engaged, but the logistical and financial challenges they face are either glossed over or edited out.
There are moments where contestants may discuss someone’s job or their future career goals, but in the end, it’s not a primary focus of any couple that we have seen in the show’s history. Out of the 37 couples that have gotten engaged throughout the show’s history so far, finances have been a focal point in only three relationships. This omission is not accidental, but rather a deliberate choice that aligns with the show’s broader capitalist framing of love and material realities.
One instance, involving Leo Braudy and Brittany Wisniewski in season seven, highlights this. Braudy, a wealthy art dealer, expresses concerns about how his financial status might impact his relationship with Wisniewski because he doesn’t want someone who is solely after his money.
However, “Love Is Blind” doesn’t follow through on this narrative. Instead, the couple is eliminated from the storyline with producers choosing not to feature them in the group of engaged couples that travel to Mexico. By deliberately excluding this couple’s story, the show effectively silences a conversation that could have offered a more honest portrayal
of how wealth and financial inequality can influence romantic dynamics. Ultimately, it’s a missed opportunity on the show’s end to discuss unbalanced financial dynamics.
The show has explored this dynamic before with Izzy Zapata and Stacy Snyder from season five where Snyder, who comes from a lavish lifestyle, struggled with the fact that Zapata had a low credit score. The producers’ reasoning to cut Braudy and Wisniewski feels like a cop-out since the couple’s narrative didn’t fit into the sanitized, dramadriven formula that maximizes engagement and profitability.
This fact becomes even more upsetting knowing that the show has supposedely generated a lot of profit though precise numbers remain unkown. However the show displays its profits through its a mobile video game adaptation and the uses of popular songs like Billie Eilish’s “BIRDS OF A FEATHER” (2024) and Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball” (2013) in season eight when it can potentially cost thousands upon thousands of dollars to use songs for just 10 seconds.
The most recent example, Virginia Miller and Devin Buckley from season eight, focuses on financial pragmatism through Miller’s insistence on a prenuptial agreement (prenup). Despite initial hesitation from both Buckley and his family, he ultimately agrees to sign it. However, the financial tensions in their relationship take a backseat to a different issue: Buckley’s reluctance to engage in political conversations, which becomes the dominant narrative. In the season eight reunion episode, “Love Is Blind” does not address how Buckley hid a $1,000 wedding gift check from his partner amongst other financial concerns Miller had. In sidelining financial discussions, “Love Is Blind” promotes a capitalist fantasy where love transcends material conditions. The show perpetuates the myth that love is an equal playing field, when in reality, financial security plays a crucial role in who can truly afford to fall in love.
By omitting this discussion, “Love Is Blind” upholds the stigma surrounding prenups, reinforcing the myth that love should exist without pragmatic considerations, despite this contractual agreement becoming increasingly popular nowadays. As viewers, we are deprived of the opportunity to engage with these crucial realities, leaving us with an incomplete picture of the relationships the show claims to document.
In a capitalist society where financial success is tied to personal worth and social status, admitting to financial struggles can be seen as a threat to the romantic ideal the show tries to promote. This avoidance weakens the show’s premise. The reality of “Love Is Blind” is that it operates far more like a capitalist experiment than a love experiment. The show perpetuates a shallow, transactional version of love.
With the continuation of the show’s run, love does not and cannot exist within “Love Is Blind.” Instead, the markings of capitalism overtake the show’s premise and destroy anything truly meaningful, proving that love, under capitalism, is an illusion.
Staff
Editor-in-Chief.............Lori Saxena
Managing Editor.........................Jenna Zaza
Managing Editor................Mariam Guirgis
News Editor..............................................Sky Crabtree
Opinions Editor Aloki Pandya
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Arts & Culture Editor.......................Amen Galinato
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Asst. News Editor.......................................Viyang Hao
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Asst. Opinions Editor.......................Aisha Diomande
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The Statesman is a student-run, student-written publication at Stony Brook University. The paper was founded as The Sucolian in 1957 at Oyster Bay, the original site of Stony Brook University. In 1975, The Statesman was incorporated as a not-for-profit, studentrun organization. Its editorial board, writers and multimedia staff are all student volunteers.
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Gen Z embraces celibacy
By Amen Ruth Galinato
Generation Z is celebrating sexual positivity and unexpectedly reclaiming bodily autonomy through celibacy. Voluntary celibacy is growing amongst young women for both personal and political reasons. Despite “hookup culture” being closely associated with Generation Z, young people have been found to engage in less sexual intercourse than previous generations. Just last year, a trend circulated on social media platforms promoting the concept of being “boysober.”
The trend calls for women to abstain from sex and dating for a year as a way to mend their relationships with themselves.
Hope Woodward, a comedian, coined the term.
“I’m a little bit angry at myself and angry at all the sex that I’ve had that I feel like I didn’t choose,” she said in an interview with The New York Times. “For the first time ever, I just feel like I have ownership over my body.”
For many women across the world, adopting celibacy is a means of political resistance. The South Korean feminist 4B movement has called for women to wholly reject patriarchal society, advocating for abstaining from dating (“biyeonae”), sex (“bisekseu”), heterosexual marriage (“bihon”) and childbirth (“bichulsan”).
The South Korean government has been reported to enforce misogynistic cultural norms and often neglect or dismiss acts of violence committed against women. When these cases are thoroughly investigated, the perpetrator often receives minimal to no punishment. The BBC documentary “Burning Sun” exposed one of the country’s most atrocious mass sexual crimes but the K-pop idols perpetrators only recived up to 5 years in prision.
Anti-feminist sentiment has also spread throughout South Korea. Sexism has been amplified in the country with President Yoon Suk Yeol, who ran his campaign on anti-feminism to appeal to young men.
South Korea also currently holds the world’s lowest birth rate at 0.72. The statistic refers to the average number of children that women are expected to bear throughout their lives. Researchers say that despite South Korea’s population having high levels of educated women, their salaries do not afford them the choice of having both children and a career, leaving many to choose the latter. The country is also known for having one of the worst gender pay gaps among countries in the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development.
In an interview with NPR, Ju Hui Judy Han, a gender studies professor at the University of California, Los Angeles, expressed how those against the 4B movement have missed the point entirely in attributing blame to feminists for the declining birth rates.
“It’s about young women saying to policymakers: ‘You want us to get married and have children, you have to make this world a better place for us to live,’” she said.
In November 2024, the 4B movement caught the attention of thousands of people, especially young liberal women, after the election of President Donald J. Trump. Posts on X and TikTok circulated throughout both platforms, calling for women to join the movement after it was found many Generation Z men voted for Trump.
Trump’s liability for sexual abuse, limitations on reproductive rights and comments about women has prompted many women to take a radical stand against his presidency. However, doubts have arisen over the 4B
movement ever reaching the same level of popularity in the United States as in South Korea.
“In a conservative society in South Korea, dating is largely considered, especially by men, the prelude to marriage, and marriage the prelude for childbirth, so many of those who wish to remain single or childless end up not dating,” journalist and feminist author Hawon Jung said in an interview with TIME Magazine.
Conversely, Jung expressed that American women preferred less overt sexualization of women in relationships with men rather than a rejection of relationships and dating as a whole. Members of Generation Z’s embracement of singlehood and delayed parenthood has become increasingly politicized in recent years due to fears of declining birth rates.
According to data from the U.S. National Center for Health Statistics, birth rates in the U.S. have sunk to the lowest they have ever been in 40 years. In America, the birth rate for women over the age of 30 has increased while the birth rate for teenagers has declined. This statistic reflects ongoing societal shifts, with women having more access to education, conception and abortion than decades prior.According to a 2024 Pew Research study, 44% of women under the age of 50 said “they wanted to focus on other things” and 38% had “concerns about the state of the world.”
Vice President JD Vance has infamously criticized top Democratic politicians for promoting supposed anti-family values, saying that they’re “childless cat ladies.” Elon Musk, the head of the Department of Government Efficiency, has previously stated that “If people don’t have more children, civilization is going to crumble. Mark my words.”
Musk is just one of the many tech giants pushing for pronatalism, a movement advocating for reproduction through policy-making. These Silicon Valley moguls see technology as a means of propelling the future of civilization. TIME Magazine writer Maria Yagoda discussed how the choice increasingly made by women to be celibate strikes fear in people due to its supposed contradictory nature.
“Increasingly, women are both sexual and celibate at once, and perhaps that makes them doubly threatening: A new generation is proving that sexual empowerment doesn’t hinge on having lots of sex, or even sex at all.”
She expressed how the blame is often solely attributed to women and not other social factors.
“Rather than examining the social, economic, and political conditions that may make sex and dating unappealing for individuals, particularly women, the impetus is put on the individuals to fix it.”
In a National Bureau of Economic Research working paper, Nobel Prize-winning economist Claudia Goldin wrote about how people’s desire to have children could have a dramatic increase if resources were used to address childcare disparities.
“But if fathers and husbands can credibly commit to providing the time and the resources, the difference in the fertility desires between the genders would disappear.”
Sexual positivity has manifested in a drastically different way, with members of Generation Z prioritizing themselves and their values over sexual relationships. Despite criticism over these lifestyle choices, young people continue to redefine sexuality for themselves.
partner. Talking about what we want out of a relationship and what we want to improve, no matter how hard it might be to hear for the other person, is crucial to make sure that we aren’t hurt by each other over a misunderstanding.
Soto-Lopez: I’ve found that having the difficult conversations of when a problem comes up, no matter how small and silly it may seem to you, is crucial to having a good and open relationship. There is a difference between being overdependent on your partner and being able to uplift each other when needed.
Melo: In our relationship, quality time, going on dates and close family bonds help us maintain a healthy relationship.
Patel: My girlfriend and I try to make a conscious effort to talk to each other when we are being bothered by something. It is really difficult to actually make that effort but we love each other too much not to do something about any issues.
Leon: I text my friend memes and also share voice notes with them about my day. They reciprocate this and also share their childhood memories with me. I also give them space when they aren’t able to call and would prefer to text instead, and they also know when to give me space if I’m swamped with work. I also share memes with them, funny TikTok [videos] and other hilarious jokes I find.
The Statesman: In many cultures, there are different views on relationships and intimacy. How do your cultural backgrounds influence how you approach these aspects of your relationship?
Rashed: I think my culture makes it incredibly hard to understand what kind of intimacy is allowed when. Because the idea of purity and innocence is so readily drilled into not only as children but even in adults that intimacy gets harder to gauge. I can always say that I will be as intimate as I and
my partner feel comfortable with, but it always comes with the caveat that there will always be a nagging feeling in the back of my head preventing me from truly understanding how I actually feel.
Soto-Lopez: Puerto Rican families don’t have many strict guidelines or taboos in dating other than to ensure you know your partner well enough before moving onto other forms of intimacy as well as approval from family. I am grateful that my family is more accepting [about the queer community where some families are transphobic and homophobic].
Grisales: I think my culture does value intimacy, but I think the men within it can often be unfaithful. I don’t think my family speaks enough about the lack of sex education there is back in our countries.
Patel: My family is extremely physically affectionate. We were never afraid to hug or hold each other to show each other that we care about them. In addition, I grew up in a family in which food was always at the center of most events. Because of this, I believe that eating together is really intimate and it is one of my favorite things to do with my girlfriend.
Leon: I tend to be very avoidant because I was raised to believe that you shouldn’t overshare with friends, but [Shoaff] shares everything with me and so I’ve learned to reciprocate that with them.
The Statesman: How do you envision the future of your relationship/friendship, and do you think your cultural backgrounds will influence any of your future decisions?
Rashed: I think I envision our relationship going pretty far, however us both being trans folks and being queer will be a hard thing to get by my family with the cultural expectations looming over me.
Soto-Lopez: I’m not quite sure what the future holds as things can always change. However, I am very happy with my partner and hope to spend as much time as we can together. Our major and career goals differ from each other but we hope that if we remain in each other’s lives after graduation, we will be able to be in close contact.
Grisales: Every time we’ve discussed our future and having a family, we often discuss our culture. I want our children to speak Spanish, eat the traditional foods and visit our home countries. The way we discipline our children and teach them communication and other skills is also heavily influenced by how we were brought up … I think our culture will really come into play in our relationship when we live together and start a family.
Melo: I see in our future a healthy relationship with a nice family. I believe that culture will influence the lifestyle we will have. It influences it in the way we will prepare meals, maintain our household and the way we and our kids will react to things because each culture does things differently.
Patel: I envision that our relationship will last a long time which leads me to think about the kind of wedding we would have. Since I’m Indian and [Seid] is Chinese, it has me wondering what kind of wedding we would have. Once we get there, I believe that our cultures will definitely influence how we move forward with that.
Leon: I see [Shoaff] and I having a long friendship because they are very culturally aware and are also in a Ph.D. program [to become a licensed marriage and family therapist] so I feel like they are trauma-informed. They know how to hold space for stories I share with them, even if they are emotionally charged … [and they] give me space to emotionally regulate.
