Butterfingers
With a wife and three daughters, I have been asked occasionally to go to the store to pick up some items that may not be - well, obviously are not, for me.
Some manly men friends tell me they would never pick these items up at the store for anybody, for any reason. I don’t believe them. These are the same guys who embellish the size of the fish that got away, the gas mileage of their pickup with the monstrous mud tires and big V-8 motor, the deal they got on their riding lawn mower, and claim they never read the instructions because they don’t need to. Right.
My first mission for such products was a little awkward. Since then, I’ve gotten used to it; they’re just a necessity of life, and I don’t mind it at all. As a matter of fact, I’ve learned to make such a task a source of entertainment.
For example, one day, my wife, our daughter Delaney, and I stopped at a Walgreens store in Chambersburg, PA. I needed a box of envelopes, postage stamps, and a bottle of contact solution. Walking through the aisles looking for envelopes, with my Opti-Free in hand, I noticed a tag marking a special price in the ladies’ products aisle. (I have no idea why I thought envelopes would be in that aisle.) “Three boxes for only twelve dollars. Wow!”
Recognizing this as a good price, I grabbed three boxes and continued to the checkout, picking up one more item along the way.
Naturally, since I had a tall stack, three boxes high, the clerk was away from the register when I arrived. I stood and waited for a few moments. I nodded to another customer who got in line behind me, then a man behind her. I patiently waited as dozens more people came through the front door.
Some male customers looked upon me with pity as if to say, “Been there, dude, I feel for ya!” Others judged me with contempt, like, “Who wears the pants in your house, girly man?” But I wasn’t going to let their sneers and jeers bother me.
The truth is, nobody was looking because they didn’t care. Even after numerous purchases, a man still feels a bit conspicuous in public with these in his possession, let alone three boxes. Understandably, he may feel like everyone is staring at him, but they’re really not. Besides, I wouldn’t care if they were staring. Nobody even asked me to get these today. I bought them because they were a good buy, and as I said, I have learned to make such a purchase entertaining. The cashier finally stepped behind the register. Noting her name tag, I greeted her, “Hello, Amber. How are you today?”
“Pretty good,” she said. “Did you find everything okay?”
“I sure did, thank you for asking.” I replied, then added, “I’ll bet you’re wondering why I - a manam buying three boxes of these.”
“Not really. I’ve worked here so long I don’t pay attention to what people are buying,” she stated. But I wasn’t going to let the fun stop there.
“Well, let me tell you why,” I offered. “I bought them to distract you, so you don’t notice that I am addicted to these,” I explained as I held up and waved my sixpack of Butterfinger candy bars. We had a good laugh over that. I’ve used that same line many times, and it always gets a laugh.
Then Amber said, “Sir, any man taking home three boxes of those is pretty wise to take home some chocolate, too.” We had another good laugh over that. Even the lady in line behind me and the man behind her joined in our laughter.
Amber asked, “Do you have a Walgreens Rewards Card?” I do, but I never have it with me, so I entered my phone number on the keypad. “Hey, you just saved another three bucks,” Amber said. “Another dollar off each box with your rewards card.” The other customers were cheering for me, too.
I smiled, “Well, that’s certainly better than I did did with my lottery tickets this week! This day just keeps getting better,” I said. “I’m glad I stopped here.”
“Amber said, “I’m glad you
stopped, too. This has been fun and I needed a laugh today.” She thanked me for shopping at Walgreens and handed me my receipt. I put the receipt in my bag and headed for the car.
Once inside the car, I handed my shopping bag to Melissa. She looked inside my bag, laughed, and asked, “Why did you get these?”
I told my wife about the great deal I got on them, “They were three boxes for twelve dollars,” I said. “And then I saved another dollar per box with my rewards card,” I boasted. I was feeling like a champ!
Melissa continued to dig through the sack. “Ah ha,” she blurted out! “I should have known!” She pulled the Butterfinger candy bars package from the bottom of the sack. As I said, I’ve used this line several times before, she’s on to me.
Driving away from that Walgreens store in Chambersburg, PA., the three of us were enjoying our candy bars. “Aw geez,” I complained. “I was so excited about the great deal I found on those that I forgot to get the envelopes and stamps.”
Well, I guess we’ll have to make another adventure for postage stamps another day.
Rising Waters
Our lake, or pond, depending on one’s definition of a lake, was originally designed as a flood control structure. When it was built, it was supposed to impound twenty-six acres of water at normal pool. The maximum it will back up is about sixty acres at flood stage. Most of the time, it is at normal level which means a continuous stream of water is being discharged from the outlet pipe. This outlet pipe is a thirty-six-inch cement culvert that runs through the dam.
At one time, I thought it would be interesting to have beavers in the lake. They could cut down the hedge, willow, and locust trees to build their little houses. We could watch them as they frolicked in the waters. Several years ago, Iowa State University had some beavers on campus that were destroying the local trees and landscaping. They were going to live trap them and have them relocated. I volunteered to provide a home for them, but never heard back. As nature will do, a pair of beavers moved in without my assistance. It was then I learned to be careful what you wish for.
I have discovered beavers do not like hedge or locust trees. Apparently, they dislike the thorns as much as I do. They will cut down willow trees but also walnuts, oaks, and hickory trees that I prefer to keep. They also do not like water to escape from their lake. Because of the drought conditions, our lake has had no water
going out of the outflow tube for most of the year. Until this spring when we started getting a few rains, I had all but forgotten about the beaver dislike of the sound of escaping water. When the ground became saturated enough to allow some rain to run off, the lake filled up to normal level and water started flowing out of the tube as it was designed to. It took very little time for the beavers to determine they had a leak and even less time to plug it up. I would clear the tube and the beavers would return to block it again. We had a running contest between the beavers and me to see if water would run out like it is supposed to or be completely dammed up. There is an island in the lake that was designed for goose habitat. As usual, this year a goose nested on the island, starting about three weeks ago. With a spotting scope, we can watch
her faithfully on her nest while her mate guards from the top of the dam. She has a safe place for a nest, except for the beavers. Beavers will not mess with a goose, but if flood waters reach the level of the nest, the eggs will cool and the embryos will die.
One day last week, we received over an inch of rain during the night. As usual, the beavers heard the water rushing out of the tube and plugged up the leak. They did a good enough job this time, the water level was backed over the opening and rising rapidly.
I checked on the mother goose who was on her nest, but the water level was getting closer all the time. I was feeling sorry for the geese possibly losing their nest but am not brave enough to work on clearing the debris from the tube with the force of that much water behind it. Some water was escaping but water was still draining from several hundred acres of nearby hillsides.
Welcome Olivia Tori Morris FNP
“I am focused on providing high quality care through evidence-based practice and open communication with patients and the healthcare team,” said Morris. “I am eager to help patients reach their health-related goals.”
Morris earned her Master of Science in Nursing, Family Nurse Practitioner degree from Purdue University Global, West Lafayette, Indiana. She completed her Bachelor of Science in Nursing at Iowa Wesleyan University, Mount Pleasant, Iowa. She is a member of the American Association of Nurse Practitioners.
There were only a few inches to go before the goose nest was flooded when the water quit rising. Their nest is safe for now. Since the water level is not going down very rapidly, before the next rain, she needs to hatch her eggs, or I need to be able to see the end of the tube to clear it out. I think the goslings’ best chance of survival is to hurry up and hatch before we again have rising waters.
