White lies TCKs tell By Steph Yiu (04)
Distaste for the “Where are you from?” question is indicative of the confused identity that comes innately with TCK status.
I hate my American accent. “You’re from Singapore?” the girl queried in her all-tooreal Singaporean accent. “Born and bred?” I was out with my new Boston roommates, who were introducing me as their “friend from Singapore.” I had no problem with it until I realized one of their friends was Singaporean. “Hi, I’m Steph” was all it took for my undeniable American twang to tip her off. She scrutinized me like I was a 12year-old showing a fake ID to get into some exclusive club. Oh Lin, I wanted to say to my roommate, why did you not let me introduce myself? Why did you not let me tell my usual white lies? Over the years I’ve developed a fail-safe pattern to avoid awkward social situations such as this. When in Hong Kong (birthplace) or Boston (where I live now), I say I’m from Singapore. When in Singapore (hometown), I say I’m from Hong Kong. And if I’m in Boston and happen to be talking to someone from Singapore, I say I’m from Chicago (where I went to college). I know I’m not the only one who does this “little dance of white lies.” I surveyed a few former classmates from the Singapore American School. What do they say when asked, “Where are you from?” “Ummmm, well…” says Tommy Phillips (05), “I’m originally from New York, but I spent my entire life overseas.” He pauses. “It’s a hard question to answer.” “I say I’m from Singapore,” Kahini Iyer (03) said. “But then that is usually followed by, ‘Oh, I thought you were Indian.’” “I deal with this so much,” Rivkah Alvy (04) said. “It depends on how much I want the person to know about me, and if I care that they know. If I don’t care, I say ‘I grew up overseas’ or ‘It’s a long story.’ If I do care, I say my mom is
from Montana, my dad is from New York, but I was born in Israel, grew up in India and Singapore, and now live in Seattle.” Within the third culture kid community, distaste for the “Where are you from?” question strikes a common chord. It’s indicative of the confused identity that comes innately with TCK status. According to The Washington Post, TCKs make an average of eight major moves before graduating from high school. It’s what separates us from immigrants or casual travelers because instead of developing our identities and worldviews in one locale, we develop these characteristics in transit. This is why, according to researchers Pollock and Van Reken, people can be former expats or former foreign service officers but never former third culture kids. We take our world with us wherever we go. Not everyone understands our perspective; we still have to do a “little dance” every time we’re asked about our identity. It’s not only because we’re unsure ourselves but also because we’re unsure of the reactions of others. Amy Nguyen (03), who is ethnically Vietnamese but spent part of her life in Singapore and Japan, moved to the U.S. for college. The first day of class, she and her classmates introduced themselves. The guy sitting next to her was Singaporean but she did 24
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5/14/09, 6:14 PM