The Gift of Listening
by Crystal Abitz, MA, LMT, CSCS
So much noise. Outside. Inside. All around. I try to listen. I try to focus. Nothing. There is an overwhelming amount of noise, but nothing worth processing. I hear noise. I’m lost in our conversation; I don’t hear you. I can’t even hear myself. I forgot why I was listening, what I was trying to hear. The lights, noises, chaos, and clutter. I’m somewhat paralyzed and spinning in a vortex. The buzz is all around me, but I can’t seem to connect to anyone or anything. I’m here, but I can’t hear you. I exist. You exist. But the noise drowns out my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Now I hear nothing. I feel nothing.
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become fully immersed and consumed by these conditions. My identity shifted and my personality had vanished. I lost my spunk and my zest for life.
Postpartum depression and anxiety defined me. Instead of claiming to suffer from depression and anxiety, I had
Our daughter was two and our son was an infant. Our little family was struggling. My husband was burned out from his job, we had no family nearby, and our little ones deserved more energy than what I could find within myself. They needed a mom who wanted to live and who shared their enthusiasm for life. My husband needed me, our children needed me, and I needed me. The time had
hat’s where it started. The time had come to face the depression and anxiety that I let consume me for the past few years. In this moment, I realized I simultaneously had everything and nothing. I realized it was time to reconnect with my natural self, the self I was born to be. I realized it was time to find awareness in my breath and in my body. It was time to be present, to be me. If not for myself, then for my husband and our children.
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