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once a week from pier to peak

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by Matt Mazza

Here We Go Again

Kevin Steele /


Personal trainer-life coach Jenny Schatzle’s workouts (starting as early as 6am for gawd’s sake) are a lifechanging experience… if you’re man enough to take it, p. 4

anuary is almost always a good month for me. We’re past the busy din of the holiday season and life seems to fall back into place, slowly, easily. I’m more relaxed, maybe even a bit more patient. I’ve always liked the feeling of starting anew, of looking at old challenges with fresh perspective and renewed energy after a bit of a break. Of looking forward to another year filled with yet unknown opportunity and promise. Yeah, January is a good time for me. But then, just as sure as winter turns to spring – that’s still a relative certainty, I think, even despite global warming – I screw it all up and find myself spent and stressed by year’s end, ready for January to come again. It’s a vicious cycle. A vicious cycle indeed. 2013 is different, though. I’ve found the key to breaking that cycle. It’s simple, really. Anybody can do it. It’s New Year’s Resolutions. Yeah, you read that right: New Year’s Resolutions. Wait a second, not so fast; it’s not what you think. I – like many of you – have made resolutions for as long as I can remember. And every year it goes the same way. I start January all pumped up and encouraged, running to Carpinteria and back every morning, swimming to the Goleta Pier ...continued p.4 PAGE 10


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 Mazza’s Missive – It’s a New Year and Editor-in-Chief Matt Mazza has made a few resolutions that, if unmet, may result in his financial ruin and dismantling by one tough girl. That girl, the (in)famous trainer-cum-life coach Jenny Schatzle, has created quite a following in town. And Matt just drank the Kool-Aid.

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Sentinel’s Take – Forget about the budget crisis and unemployment. California’s legislators were hard at work in 2012 passing laws about dogs and bobcats and toy guns.  It’s Crime Time – 2013 has begun and many have already botched their New Year’s Resolutions of sobriety and better behavior. Come on people, show some restraint – we’re only a couple weeks in for crying out loud. Letters to the Editor – Matt takes heat for his topless photo and child endangerment (Goleta Girl is also attacked, though hers is quite undeserved). Paseo Nuevo wiener jokes aren’t funny anymore. Seatbelt tickets are lame. Homeless people need to share benches. Our politicians are terrible. That’s pretty much it.


The Dish – Ben and Jenn Dougherty cook up great Sicilian eats at Nardonne’s La Famiglia Pizzeria on East Ortega so go check it out. And you’d better buy tickets for SB’s first Dishcrawl soon. (And hey Kat, this is twice you’ve been in the Sentinel… we remember that picture of you in red heels on Halloween.)

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 The Beer Guy – New columnist Zach Rosen talks holiday beers and great food pairings at Santa Barbara Brewing Company. (Great work, Zach, you had the entire Sentinel staff drooling and we are literally heading into SBBC to sample the beers and the grub.)  Santa Barbara View – Sharon Byrne proposes self-employment as a homeless solution for some (interesting idea, Sharon, love the tone and creativity); DRI volunteer Edythe Kirchmaier turns 105 – years old – and deserves serious props (thanks Ray).

 In the Garden with Mr. Greenjeans – Randy Arnowitz starts the New Year with Incredible Edibles (no, not that type of incredible edibles). You can still plant that winter vegetable garden – even in tight spaces – so go check out Randy’s column and head to the nursery. Grow your own food, people, you won’t regret it!

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 Presidio Sports – Not two but four (go ahead, count ‘em) SBART Athletes of the Week and a Scholar-Athlete of the Year – and SB’s top 15 sports stories for 2012. Can you remember all of them?  Goleta Girl – News hound Jana Mackin sniffs some butt at Dioji K-9 Resort & Athletic Club in Goleta. The place sounds like fun for dogs and humans alike, frankly.  You Have Your Hands Full – Baby Kimye catches – and almost inexplicably holds – Mara’s attention. Can she keep up with the Kardashians? Can she sell her baby photos for gazillions? We have an idea for her and Alpha: Just have another kid and find out. We dare you.

 LOVEmikana – Inspirational clothing from Unwavering Happiness and tasty bites from mommy/foodie blog And the Weekend Guide gives some suggestions on how to make a few positive changes for the New Year this week. How better to start 2013?  Residential Real Estate – Michael’s back with predictions and properties. Justin does the math. (Hey guys, we’d like six private acres with ocean and mountain views, and have around $15,000 to put down. Anything available? Come on, get creative!)

by Matt Mazza ...continued from cover and back every afternoon. Foregoing that last glass of wine after dinner. Saying no to all sorts of unhealthy foods and drinks and other “bad stuff” that has infected my life in the previous year. I literally burst out of the gates at full speed, all toothy-smiles and positive vibes. (You know, sober.) It’s all good. I’m thrilled. I’m a better father and husband and lawyer (jury’s out on writer but time will tell). And every single January, I’m fully convinced that it’s my year, the one in which I break that vicious cycle and keep sprinting around the track forever just as I came out of the gates, happy and healthy and stress-free. But somewhere around the first turn, typically early February, my gait changes. I’m not sprinting so easily any more. My toothy-smile turns into the wide-eyed grin of the lunatic. My positive vibes turn darker, more foreboding. Then I yank a hamstring and immediately stop all forward progress. I look around, scowling at others still running and I consider starting again – but that damned hamstring. It hurts. I walk off the track. And I fail.

This Time Is Different, I Swear But not this time. As God is my witness, not in 2013. I’ve taken some… precautions this time around, you know, done some prophylactic planning. I’ve built in a couple insurance policies – disincentives, if you will – that will help keep me running even with a lunatic’s grin and damaged hamstring. Walking off the track won’t be so easy this time, there will be some pain involved if I choose that course. And the threat of pain is a tremendous motivator. The first inspirational gambit is a

No-nonsense Jenny Schatzle will whip you into shape and help you stick to those New Year’s resolutions at her new studio on E. Gutierrez.

combination of economic pain and ego damage. Simple. If I do a certain bad thing (don’t worry, it’s not that bad) before a good friend – let’s just call him “Bad Dad” for anonymity’s sake – then I buy what will undoubtedly be a very expensive dinner at Lucky’s. If he does it first, then he buys the dinner. (We’re on the honor system but our wives have agreed to keep watch, just in case.) I have a very real affinity for ancient Napa Cabs with big juicy steaks and delicious sides. So does he. You get the idea. And here’s the kicker: If neither of us do the (moderately but not that) bad thing all year, then we’ll make plans to do something together that will involve rugged masculinity and celebrating. So we have that going for us. It’s on, Bad Dad, like Donkey Kong. Only 340+ days to go. And I’m watching you. Even when you think I’m not, I’m watching you.

Jenny Schatzle Is Hard Core The second motivational tool is a bit different, and quite a bit more powerful than the first. It can be summed up in three tiny little words. Jenny-frickin-Schatzle. For those of you who don’t know Jenny, she is a personal trainer-cum-life coach here in town. There are, of course, many personal trainers in Santa Barbara. But I haven’t met anybody quite like Jenny, and I don’t think most people have. I spoke to 12 or 15 of her disciples… er, ah, students (they are many and they are legion, trust me), and three words came up in every conversation: Amazing. Inspiring. Life-changing. They weren’t exaggerating. Jenny is a force. “I’ve always loved the energy of a lot of people working hard together,” she told ...continued p.11

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Getting the Job Done


California Leads the Way In “Interesting” Legislation in 2012


t is axiomatic, perhaps, to say that California is unique. And that’s not just because of its geographic majesty or (generally) desirable climate. Our politics are different, and issues that seem important to other states in the union don’t seem as important to us. We have our own issues and causes, and often we lead the way for much of the rest of the country in some very important respects. But there are times when we don’t exactly lead the way, too. Our state legislature is quite an interesting beast, and with budget logjams every year and incessant name-calling and infighting, it can be a wonder that anything ever gets done. And so you may be surprised to learn that this past year, in 2012, California legislators rolled up their collective sleeves and accomplished quite a few things. Indeed, despite little resolution on budgetary issues, we passed a plethora of laws, nearly 900 new and exciting ones – three a day, assuming legislators stay home on Sundays – that were ultimately signed by Governor Brown in 2012. In fact, our great state was recently recognized by the National Conference of State Legislatures – a bipartisan organization that, according to its website, “provides research, technical assistance and opportunities for policymakers to exchange ideas on the most pressing issues” – for having 27 of the 81 “most interesting” state laws that went into effect in 2012. That’s 33.3% of the most “interesting” laws in the county last year. Not bad, California legislators, not bad at all. Let’s take a quick look at a few of them. LAW: California SB 1221 makes it illegal for the use of dogs to pursue a bear or bobcat at anytime. COMMENT: Forget about budgets, unemployment and general civil unrest, there are dogs chasing bears out there, dammit! Oh, and for the record, this law states that government – and only “federal, state, or local” government – is “exempt from that prohibition...” So, they still get to chase bears with dogs, but the five hunters left in California cannot; how fun.



LAW: California AB 2078 prohibits prison workers and peace officers from engaging in sexual intercourse with inmates, including prisoners who are being transported to jail. COMMENT: Hmmm…what about prison workers and peace officers canoodling each other while transporting prisoners to jail? Is that ok? LAW: Mental health providers can no longer able to seek to change the sexual orientation of patients who are under 18 (California SB 1171). COMMENT: So, if we understand this one correctly: it’s okay for mental health providers to seek to change the sexual orientation of crazy people 19 years of age and older? Rational. LAW: Breastfeeding is now a recognized category for purposes of sexual discrimination in housing and employment-related matters (California AB 2386). COMMENT: Ok guys, back to the drawing board on those state-housing and government job application forms. Time to get rid of any questions relating to women’s positions on and intentions to breastfeed. LAW: California SB 1315 allows the city of Los Angeles to enact more stringent laws regulating the manufacture of toy guns that a reasonable person might perceive to be actual firearms. COMMENT: The NTRA – National Toy Rifle Association – immediately responded that toy guns don’t kill people, people kill people. It also called for all school administrators, principals, teachers, teachers’ aides, yard duty personnel, crossing guards and all their respective family members, up to and including second cousins) to receive governmentsponsored training on toy guns so that any faux criminal could be dealt with effectively. The federal government is considering the NTRA’s response very carefully: “It seems reasonable, yes, quite reasonable indeed,” one high-ranking official was overheard saying to a NTRA representative at a campaign dinner; a formal response is expected soon. LAW: California SB 628 would make it illegal (unprofessional conduct) for an acupuncturist to use the title of “Doctor” or use the abbreviation “Dr.” COMMENT: One of the people working at the Sentinel has his PhD in Metaphysics. Will the state soon take away his “doctor” status too? Congratulations, California legislators, topnotch work. Now, about that budget issue…




LAW: Possession of illicit drugs is no longer a crime if you are seeking assistance for yourself or another who has overdosed (California AB 472). COMMENT: Officer, I just OD’d on marijuana so that quarter-pound in my backpack is legal. Can you please drive me to the hospital…and could you stop off at the 7-11 for some Doritos? It’s on the way.


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...with the SBPD

A variety of crimes are committed every day in Santa Barbara; most of these crimes are petty but they do offer a window into if not the soul of the perpetrator, at least his or her thought process. Our following (and totally unsolicited) thoughts, observations, and comments are put forth for your consideration.

A Tough Start


anuary 2013. A brand new year. A fresh start. A chance to correct some of that less desirable behavior that plagued the past. A shot at redemption. And a shot at a better way forward. The sun’ll come out, to-morrow, and it’ll shine right here on this dog’s… Ah, forget it. Who are we kidding? People don’t actually buy that stuff, do they? Come on, how many (hollow) vows of sobriety and celibacy and conformity with generally-accepted behavioral norms were taken just a couple short weeks ago? How many (empty) resolutions made? What’s that? Too cynical? Au contraire, mon frère, people don’t change that easily. Old habits die hard. It’s hard to teach old dogs new tricks, folks, even when some of the old tricks aren’t exactly the kind that win Nobel Peace Prizes or community medals (plaques?) for philanthropic excellence. If you still don’t believe us, then just read on for a few quickly-busted resolutions and shattered dreams of being a better person. We’d like to give all of the offenders below do-overs for their resolutions this year but, alas, we cannot. So better luck in 2014, y’all.

A Reverse-Engineered Resolution CRIME: A local man living in his car was involved in a traffic collision late one night last

week. He exhibited signs of intoxication, and as he sat in the driver’s seat of his vehicle talking to SBPB, officers were able to see the following items in plain view: approximately 12 grams of narcotics, concentrated cannabis, a digital scale, a crack pipe, a meth pipe and a few unused syringes. The man was quickly arrested – not surprisingly – and charged with a variety of crimes. OBSERVATION: When SBPD confronted the man about the significant quantity of drugs and drug-related paraphernalia lying all around him, he had no response. Oh wait, that’s not

Editor-in-Chief • Matt Mazza Design/Production • Trent Watanabe Advertising/Sales • Tanis Nelson • Sue Brooks Contributing Partners Opinion • Sports • Santa Barbara Skinny • Columnists Goleta Girl • Jana Mackin She Has Her Hands Full • Mara Peters Plan B • Briana Westmacott The Dish • Wendy Jenson Journal Jim • James Buckley Real Estate • Michael Calcagno Commercial Corner • Austin Herlihy The Weekly Capitalist • Jeff Harding Man About Town • Mark Leisure In The Garden • Randy Arnowitz The Beer Guy • Zach Rosen Published by SB Sentinel, LLC, Tim Buckley, Publisher PRINTED BY NPCP INC., SANTA BARBARA, CA Santa Barbara Sentinel is compiled every Friday 133 EAST DE LA GUERRA STREET, #182, Santa Barbara 93101 How to reach us: 805.845.1673 E-MAIL:

CRIME TIME QUOTE OF THE WEEK: An intoxicated visitor from Shell Beach was arrested for public drunkenness on State Street. Before he was cuffed, he yelled, “If you want me to leave, you’ll have to fight me.” Talk about passion for Santa Barbara… wonder if he writes well? true. He did heave a response. He simply admitted to using cocaine before driving. Then it was off to jail. COMMENT: Wow, this guy really covered the board. Pot, meth, crack, coke and who knows what else. Did he resolve to take as many drugs as possible this year? If so, then he probably had some success. If not, though, maybe he should’ve resolved to get a cheap rental and a job rather than buying, selling and using drugs in his car. We’d wish him good luck with such a resolution in 2014 but it may be 2015 or later before he gets out with all the charges pending against him. Wait a second… come to think of it, this guy did sort of find a very cheap rental (to him, anyway) and could get a job making license plates too. We take it all back… he’s on the right path!

An Uncomfortable Silence (Or Mellow Out, Dude) CRIME: We have to set the scene for this one. A 21-year-old SB man spent a Saturday

evening with some friends on the Mesa. He left around 10pm and was pulled over on Oceano for a minor traffic violation. Here is a reconstructed version of subsequent events based on the police report:

SBPD: Sir, license and registr… sir, why are you perspiring so profusely from your forehead and cheeks. Seems a bit strange for 10pm on a cool Saturday evening… MAN: Ah, ah… I’m not perspiring, officer. SBPD: Sir, you are perspiring – profusely – from your cheeks and forehead. You look like Patrick Ewing in the fourth quarter of a game against Boston. Or maybe Larry Bird in the fourth quarter of a game against New York. Have you been playing basketball or something? MAN: No, I’m, ah… I’m really nervous. SBPD: Why? Do you have something illegal inside the vehicle? MAN: No. [A LONG AND UNCOMFORTABLE PAUSE ENSUES] MAN: Well, ah, I did smoke two or three bowls of marijuana. SBPD: And? MAN: And I drank three beers. SBPD: AND? [MAN HANDS OFFICER GIANT MASON JAR FILLED WITH POT AND IS ARRESTED FOR USING AND POSSESSING MARIJUANA AND DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE. HE IS SAD.] OBSERVATION: This young man didn’t put up much of a fight, did he? I mean, we certainly don’t condone any of his conduct but if you’re going to commit to driving in such a state (which you should not, ever) then you have be ready for what might come your way. Sweating profusely, telling officers you’re “nervous” and then just copping to everything bad you’ve done before jumping behind the wheel one minute earlier likely isn’t the smartest plan. No need to lie. Just mop your brow, close your mouth and hand the guy your license and registration. Be a man. See what happens. COMMENT: At least one of us here at the Sentinel is a crafty old lawyer, and he says that the “uncomfortable silence” tactic can be used quite effectively in interviews, depositions and other similar exchanges (like, ah, police interrogations). Try it yourself. Ask a question and then just sit there for a bit. Look at your adversary, expectantly, and wait. Maybe read a few documents and then look across the table again. And wait. People hate silence and they want to fill it. With words. Words that can sometimes be the key to a sound legal position… or an arrest for driving around stoned and drunk with a jar full of pot in the center console. (Come on, kid, you can do better than that.)

Happy New Year CRIME: A 49-year-old woman from Santa Barbara was detained just into the New Year

for public intoxication. She was found lying in an alleyway off of Upper State at 1am, and deemed too intoxicated to care for herself. (We’ll say.) OBSERVATION: When approached by SBPD, the woman scrambled to her feet and proclaimed, in thick, slurred speech, “I’m trying to find my car to drive home.” COMMENT: Happy-frickin-New Year. Talk about the right time to pass out – just before you drive home with a BAC of 0.40. Hey lady, you’d better be on your best behavior after that; you’ve already used your one mulligan for 2013. And it was a biggie. Be good out there this week, folks. It’s a New Year for crying out loud, show some restraint. (One thing before we go: There were three drunken brawls in pizza parlors and burger joints last week. Stoners, be careful.) 


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Although you might not believe it, we actually want to hear from you. So if you have something you think we should know about or you see something we've said that you think is cretinous (or perspicacious, to be fair), then let us know. There's no limit on words or subject matter, so go ahead and let it rip to: Santa Barbara Sentinel, Letters to the Editor, 133 East De La Guerra Street, No. 182, Santa Barbara, California 93101. You can also leap into the 21st century and email us at

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...continued p.14

Featuring Executive Chef Guillaume of Toulouse, France


(that’s for Matt), and know-nothing clichés such as “standing up to The Man” on the other. Sam Phillips Camarillo (Editor’s Note: Thanks for reaching out, Sam, it does indeed appear that you had quite some time on your hands over the holidays. Let’s start with the obvious: My half-naked picture at the waterfall with my daughter in Laos was a close call and we ultimately went with it (we didn’t have any of me at the waterfall with clothes on, so that was sort of the best we could do). I’ve taken quite a ribbing for it – seriously – and have learned at least one lesson: Publishing myself topless isn’t worth it under any circumstances. You’ll see no more skin in this rag. Well…no more of my skin, anyway. You move on to bash my parental acumen for riding my other daughter around on the back of a bike in Luang Prabang. For the record, I did not sacrifice her safety for my own; neither of us is wearing a helmet. (There weren’t any to rent.) And trust me, riding a bike around sans protective gear in Laos is nothing when you consider that we’d spent the past seven months racing around Europe, South Africa, Nepal, India and Thailand without car seats (and often without seatbelts or even meaningful car doors – try an auto-rickshaw in Delhi). She was fine and I’d do it again. Hell, I haven’t crashed a bike since I lived in IV. Finally, leave Goleta Girl alone. The Montana folk to whom you refer may have indeed had ties to organized crime, but they stood up to systemic tyranny manifest under the then-quite powerful and draconian labor

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at State and A

Nudity, Child Endangerment and Mixed Metaphors

had some business to attend to in Santa Barbara recently and happened upon your paper at the Coffee Cat across from the courthouse. It was surprisingly upbeat and fun to read, unlike most free material I come across. So, since you folks seem intelligent, I’m taking the time to shoot off this e-mail over the holidays. I also have virtually nothing else to do, so I in fact have plenty of time. There are two observations I have, besides admiring the obvious care you’ve put into this product: 1) Editor-in-Chief, Matt Mazza? The first time I see him he’s stripped to the waist in a pond in Laos with his daughter and he’s all buffed out, which is I guess the reason he chose that particular photo. That’s okay as far as it goes, but then we see him later on a street in Luang Prabang riding a bicycle with his other daughter hanging on the back of the bike with her arms around him. Guess who’s wearing the safety helmet? If you chose Matt you would be correct sir. Mr. Mazza apparently thinks a lot of himself, but he should at the very least have insisted his daughter put the helmet on, as what good would it have done had he crashed the bike? It would not have played out well for the poor young soul with her legs dangling on the back. A message to Matt: put the damn helmet on your daughter next time (and keep on working out, it suits you). 2) Goleta Girl Jana Mackin is one heck of a writer. She has a way of drawing the reader into her world with asides, observations, and quirky non-sequiturs. However (rather than saying “but”), I do take issue with one of her comments. She wrote that she saw no difference between union goons burning down the company union building in downtown Butte, Montana and – I’m quoting here – “students and activists standing up to The Man and burning down the Bank of America in 1970…” Huh? Here’s my take on that: during the critical phase of union organizing (the 1920s and ‘30s), the organization most in position to advance its cause via intimidation and thuggery was… organized crime. And they did use those tactics and did take over many of the most powerful unions in the country. Apparently, such tactics are approved of by Ms. Mackin. As good a writer as she is, she also betrays her unreconstructed hippie version of life. I’m surprised she didn’t go all the way and use more favorite expressions of her compatriots of the day, such as “Off The Pig,” “Power To The People,” and other inanities. Otherwise, a terrific paper with fine writers and intelligent editors. Just stay away from public preening on the one hand

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by Wendy Jenson A former magazine editor, Wendy worked at

Harper’s Bazaar, Glamour, and Us Weekly in NYC, before moving west with Santa Barbara Magazine. Currently a public relations consultant, she relishes being out and about working on this column.  photos by Wendy Jenson

Say Cheese!

Nardonne’s 18-inch vegetarian pizza

A trio of desserts from Dishcrawl mystery restaurant number four.

Ben and Jenn Dougherty in Nardonne’s, their traditional pizzeria.


ardonne’s La Famiglia Pizzeria smells so good upon entering, you almost want to eat the air. Owner Ben Dougherty didn’t let the fact that he’s “100 percent Irish” stop him from opening a Sicilian restaurant. He saw a niche in the Santa Barbara restaurant scene – for something between conveyer belt fast food and gourmet truffle-y pizza – and went for it. “Traditional pizza is a dying art,” says Ben. His menu reads: Our dough is made of unbleached wheat flour and rolled by hand so that it is of tender texture and not tough, which is common with machine rolled dough. Good things take time.” Nardonne’s uses double rising, active yeast dough and hand rolls it. They take pride in the fact that all of their food is made daily of fresh ingredients. Vegetable toppings are cut throughout the day. The sauce is house made and cheese hand grated. Everything is slow baked in a 600-degree oven, which lets juices flow and aromas waft. There are 14 toppings, all the classics plus Linguica (Portuguese sausage). “Pizzas shrink as they cook, so our pans are two inches bigger,” says Ben. So a 14-inch pan yields a 12-inch pie. You get what you pay for here. A Mini Pizza with three toppings is also available, $7.50. The original Nardonne’s was established in San Luis Obispo in 1976. To this day, the restaurant has a following. The Santa Barbara namesake opened on Ortega Street (across from Macy’s) in March 2012. Located half a block from the main drag State Street, Nardonne’s is a family friendly, locals place. Heated by the oven, the dining room is warm and inviting with a retro vibe. The space is long and narrow with a brick wall, exposed kitchen, wood floor and

Nardonne’s colorful Caprese appetizer combines fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, and basil, drizzled with balsamic vinegar and olive oil; $6.95.

paneling. Dougherty family photos fill the walls. Prior to the restaurant biz, Ben was a golf pro and scratch player. Now that he works over 70 hours per week, he has to live with a single digit handicap. A widower with two children, Ben met Jennifer Dilley in 2009. They are now married with a baby. Jenn works at the pizzeria as does Ben’s mom Jan Dougherty. “The menu is limited so we can do everything well,” says Ben. Appetizers include Garlic Bread, $2.95, and Turkey or Beef Meatball Sliders, $6.95. Choose from Classic Caesar, Mixed Greens or Wedge Salad; $7.50 full, $5.50 half. Even the croutons are house made. Calzones mix mozzarella, parmesan, sauce, and three toppings, $10.00. The Special Sandwich is indeed special with Italian salami, prosciutto, pepperoni, sauce, mozzarella, parmesan and pepperoncinis; $8.50. Desserts are seasonal. Wintertime choices are Apple Crisp A La Mode, $5.99, and Deep Dish Chocolate Chip Cookie A La Mode, $4.99. For adults, the wine list

accommodates all tastes and price points. Accordingly, the focus is primarily Italian and local wines. Capitalizing on its closeness to Wildcat Lounge and the State Street bar scene, Nardonne’s is open into the wee hours (2:30am) on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. In a town with few late night dining options, they sell pizza by the slice and Italian sandwiches to go. A slice ($3) hits the spot after a night spent clubbing. Nardonne’s delivers and take-out accounts for 30 to 35 percent of their business. Since opening, all business has steadily increased. Already Ben is thinking of opening a Summerland outpost. Nardonne’s is open Tuesday and Wednesday from 3:00 pm to 11:00 pm, Thursday thru Saturday from 3:00 pm to 2:30 am, and Sunday from 3:00 pm to 10:00 pm; 17 W. Ortega Street; 805-8454900;

Don’t Miss Out On Dishcrawl Foodie alert: The first ever Santa Barbara Dishcrawl is set for Tuesday, January 22 at 7 pm. Dishcrawls are guided, walkable food tours of a city. Ticket holders (25 to 40 people) visit four restaurants in one evening,

sampling each one’s cuisine, and meeting the chefs and owners. Each restaurant serves a plated trio tasting platter designed specifically for the occasion. A Bay Area startup, Dishcrawls have happened in New York, Philadelphia, Charleston, Louisville, Tampa, Oahu, and several Canadian cities. The restaurants are kept secret until the week of the event. Clues are posted on Facebook and Twitter (facebook. com/dishcrawl; Ultimately the first restaurant is revealed since that’s where everyone meets. In this case, Dishcrawlers gather at Paradise Café before moving on to other eateries around lower State. The Dish has an exclusive hint regarding the fourth and final restaurant: Dessert will be gluten-free and vegan. Tickets are a reasonable $45; santabarbara. Psst! Use promo code ‘lowerstate’ for $5 off. Host Kat Farberova worked in the restaurant industry as a server for 5 plus years. As Santa Barbara’s Dishcrawl Ambassador (she interviewed for the gig), Kat hopes to average at least one event per month. Eagerly awaiting tips, tips, tips: If you have any restaurant information, please contact me at wendy@santabarbarasentinel. com. 

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by Zach Rosen

Holiday Remnants of Beers Past


t’s always fun to walk through shops at this time of year. The aisles are littered with holiday cards marked half-off and picked-over 2013 New Year’s memorabilia lays scattered throughout the store. These leftover festive items sit there out of context, somehow now more somber looking despite their bright colors and cheery demeanor. While I’m usually not on the market for more holiday “stuff,” I am always on the market for more beer, and this is the prime time to seek out holiday ales still left around town. I’ll scrounge for the remnant winter warmers, vintage ales and spiced beers, happily getting my fill before the long wait to the end of next year. Good times.

The Naughty List shows off its fine foam head while the Old Wrecollection looms large in the background. Better head over to Santa Barbara Brewing Company fast before both are gone.

This is also a great moment to visit some of the local brewpubs and soak up what’s left of their winter offerings. I’ve done just that recently and the two best gifts given to the beer drinkers of Santa Barbara this year, hands down, were The Naughty List and Old Wrecollection from Santa Barbara Brewing Company.

Old Wrecollection The Old Wrecollection has a mahogany tinge that is accompanied by a dense, plummy malt character that bubbles out of the glass. This one-year old English barleywine has been aged on whiskey barrel oak chips to give it a smooth, creamy mouthfeel. While the bitterness is intense (as well it should be), it does not overstay its welcome and soon leaves your tongue; allowing your mind to reflect on its abrupt appearance. As the beer warms, the fruity maltiness subsides and leaves orange-laced bourbon notes and earthy hops to take its place. And at 13 % ABV, this beer will certainly challenge your ability to recollect. (I had to take notes.)

The Naughty List As a sweet Russian Imperial Stout, The Naughty List pours a pitch black color with flavors of dark chocolate and rum melting into one another to give the succinct taste of a truffle. Aging the beer on TCHO cocoa nibs give it a richness in both the flavor and the body. A softness on the tongue


Zach Rosen is a Certified Cicerone® and beer educator living in Santa Barbara. He uses his background in chemical engineering and the arts to seek out abstract expressions of beer and discover how beer pairs with life.

is evidence of the oatmeal and dark rum barrel oak chips being incorporated into the brew. This silky impression on the palate is emphasized by the use of nitrogen gas (think Guinness) to pour the beverage. The 13.5 % ABV creates an alcohol warmth that leaves a gentle burning desire in the drinker’s chest which quickly drifts into their mind as it soon becomes a wish for more. Sometimes it is good to be naughty.

You’d Better Eat Something With These Two Brews Both of these beers are quite hearty so a little food alongside might be appropriate. Old Wrecollection will go nicely with the Bleu Cheese Mushroom Burger at SBBC if you are in the mood for a sandwich. The Hanger Steak, rubbed with black peppercorns and sage, will fit the bill for those seeking a full entrée. As for The Naughty List, the mussel appetizer, served with seared chorizo, could make an interesting twist on the classic pairing of oysters and stout. Or try the Brew Co Sirloin with a coffee and salt rub for a more substantial selection. If you only have sweet intentions then try SBBC’s Lava Cake with The Naughty List, or drink Old Wrecollection with their Cherry Cheesecake.

Wintertime Brings Beer Drinking Weather Too Cold weather isn’t often associated with beer. However, the rich flavors and high alcohol content of these winter brews require that they be imbibed slowly, allowing the liquid to warm in the glass. In other words, these beers are perhaps best enjoyed right now, in the winter, slowly. Indeed, the time one spends sipping upon them allows one to reflect on the festivities that have just passed and the promise of the upcoming year. So make sure to get some while you still can – these beers’ value is far greater than getting discounted holiday gear and they will definitely put that Happy in your New Year. 

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Opinion, stories, events, and people that shape Santa Barbara

Milpas on the Move

Ray Estrada

by Sharon Byrne

Could Self-Employment Be The Answer?

Business Beat


urrently, ‘housing first’ is very in vogue as the solution to homelessness: if we could just build more housing, we’d solve the problem. It’s an expensive proposition, especially here in Santa Barbara. There’s never a ‘there’ endpoint when you’ve hit the magic right number in this model. However much you build, it’s not enough. But I always wonder, in a town that’s 90% built-out, even if you could somehow build all the housing needed, and prioritize Santa Barbara families and long-term local homeless, what would all the newly-housed do for income? How would they buy food and basic life necessities? Most of us land a job, and then get housing. However, getting a job is tough for a homeless individual. You need an address, ID, and a phone. It’s even harder in a town like Santa Barbara, no booming jobs-generator. The Bakken, in Dakota, is the present boomtown. Taco Bell there is paying people $20 an hour because the explosion of the oil drilling jobs has created huge need for places to eat, places to rent, schools for kids, and there’s not enough labor available to fill all these needs. So we’re not the Bakken, and no boomtown lasts forever, but perhaps we could look at ways to open doors to help homeless individuals become economically self-sufficient, which leads to being able to rent a decent place. You could make a good argument here that the US, the state of California, and our local governments make that task hard for everyone, not just the homeless. Agreed. Here, though, I am focusing on the group that has the hardest time finding employment, in a town where even those in possession of a stellar resumé find it difficult to land a good job. Those of us displaced (sometimes repeatedly) in the tumultuous tech industry of the past decade have learned that selfemployment, in the form of a one-person company, is sometimes an easier route to generating income than trying to get a job. When there just are no jobs, you can invent your own, by spotting a need, and filling it. This is America, after all, where problems are often viewed as opportunities. While there are homeless whose present state of functioning would not allow even the remotest possibility of self-employment, there are others who are sober, industrious, and already moving down that road. Aubrey walks dogs – you’ve probably seen him. He charges $5 for a 3-mile trot with your pooch, and he’s as reliable as budget deficits in Congress. He’s way underpricing himself, but he stays busy,

Ray Estrada is a writer, editor and media consultant who has worked for newspapers, radio news, wire services and online publications for the past 40 years. He has taught journalism at the University of Southern California and now runs his own consulting business based in Santa Barbara.

by Ray Estrada

‘Virtual’ Cake to Mark Woman’s 105th Birthday


Yanonali Garden

Sharon Byrne

Sharon Byrne is executive director for the Milpas Community Association, and currently serves on the Advisory Boards for the Salvation Army Hospitality House and Santa Barbara County Alcohol and Drug Problems. and generates income for food. Marcos has a green thumb I openly envy. He spearheaded the Sally’s organic garden, and then took over Mental Health’s community garden plot on Yanonali. His produce will have you openly salivating for a crisp, green salad. Aubrey and Marcos do not panhandle, and with nearly zero capital investment, they’ve created the ability to generate income doing something they love, which could easily become self-sustaining. Load Aubrey up with flyers, a prepaid cell phone, and fair-market pricing, and he’d have a solid dog-walking business that beats minimum wage doing work he enjoys. Marcos similarly has enticing options to explore. He could sell the produce from the lots he’s tending (maybe with a helper or two also in need of employment) at the Farmers’ Market community table Tuesdays and Saturdays. The community table is free, and the rent on the garden plot at Yanonali is $70 per year. His bike could be rigged with a cart to transport produce to the market and ferry tools to the garden. He could alternatively decide to become an organic-gardener-for-hire, and/or sell those cool hydroponic tower gardens - ideal for high-density neighborhoods with no yard, but abundant roof space. When we get paid for doing what we love, it’s truly satisfying. The commitment level is high. Relapses are far less likely because our

investment in what we’ve created is too great. I see individuals like these two, in the country that used to pride itself on entrepreneurial spirit, and it makes me want to think creatively about how to help them get across the finish line to self-sustenance, which then leads to good housing prospects. Perhaps some abandoned or vacant space could be converted to a small entrepreneurial incubator where individuals like Aubrey and Marcos can access some basic office necessities: shared computers, a printer, marketing and self-employment tutorials, and the like, to start a microenterprise. Instead of funding services with poor track records, shift some funding to tiny micro-loans, call them nano-loans, for micro-enterprises. For Marcos, $250 would easily fund used tools, a bike cart and flyers. Let some graphic arts students get community service hours in designing marketing materials for burgeoning microenterprises. Michael Towbes or the Fund for Santa Barbara could make a couple thousand dollars available for nano-loans. Southern California Edison provides computers for charitable causes. Find a small space to house it, and voila. This just doesn’t seem like rocket science. Find a way to self-sustenance, and then many things are possible.

oleta-based Direct Relief International has created the world’s largest “virtual” birthday cake, a Facebook application called Edythe’s 105th Birthday Challenge, which will allow users to light a candle and wish the “world’s oldest volunteer” a happy birthday on Jan. 22. Edythe Kirchmaier has been serving others for more than a century. Forty years of that time have been as a volunteer with Direct Relief International. As she approaches her 105th birthday, she said she hopes to inspire the world to make a difference, as she has, by raising awareness for the charity to which she’s dedicated much of her life. Direct Relief’s goal is to generate 105,000 birthday wishes, which will equate to 105,000 Facebook fans for the disaster relief charity and make her birthday wish come true. “Edythe is an amazing source of inspiration and joy and such a powerful example of personal commitment to make a difference through the course of one’s life,” said Direct Relief Vice President of Communications Kerri Murray in a press release. “We should not have been surprised, given Edythe’s tireless service, that she wanted to use her 105th birthday to encourage others to join in the mission of improving the health and lives of people in need.” To participate in Edythe’s 105th Birthday Challenge, visit the app on Direct Relief ’s Facebook page at directrelief. Well-wishers also may join the conversation on Twitter, using the hashtag #lightacandle. Born in Dayton, Ohio, in 1908, Kirchmaier has been a member of the YWCA girls clubs, active in her high school Glee Club, a Girl Scouts troop leader, in the PTA, as well as in Santa Barbara’s First Presbyterian Church, where she continues to be a member. Since 1948, Direct Relief International has aided people hit by poverty, disaster and civil unrest at home and around the world. Direct Relief supports healthcare providers in the United States and in more than 70 other countries by sending them with the medicines, supplies and equipment. The organization has been among the world’s largest medical suppliers in Haiti after the 2010 earthquake, has top charity ratings, including four-star and “top-notch” rating from Charity Navigator, and a 99 percent fundraising efficiency rating from Forbes magazine. 

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Jenny, and is keeping it off. Katie is all smiles. “I wear my weight loss like a badge,” she revealed, humbly, after a tough workout. “Jenny changed my life, really, and I can’t say enough about her.” I could literally write page after page of testimonials here. But I won’t. Katie pretty much said it all.

Building a Positive and Supportive Community

Amber Gilliam has been at it for just three days but echoed a familiar sentiment about Jenny: “She’s amazing, truly inspiring.” Stick with it, Amber (and tell Tyler to get his behind in a few mornings a week).

me – at 5:45 am – in her new space at 590 East Gutierrez, “my experience is that it almost always results in a better workout that is more fun and dynamic.” “Fun” is a term of art, apparently, because few people, asked in the middle of one of Jenny’s grueling workouts, would likely say that they are having “fun.” But here’s the thing: It’s all (relieved?) smiles and tons of camaraderie and support at the end of the draconian sessions, and the results speak for themselves. Montecito resident Katie Cusimano lost 31 pounds in the past six months with

As you might expect, Jenny has quite a pedigree. Over the past ten years, she has led countless classes at the gym-formerlyknown-as-Gold’s (now Spectrum Athletic Club), SB Training (a smaller boutique) and Fueled Sports Performance. She is a NASM Certified Personal Trainer, as well as a certified spinning, kickboxing and circuit instructor. And she doesn’t just talk the talk; Jenny continues to train and compete in triathlons and cycling and running races. She’s the real deal. All that experience has led to a very cool perspective. Each of her classes is designed for people of all levels and abilities. That’s not to say that the workouts are easy; they are not. But they can be tailored by each person to his or her own ability, without judgment or mocking. (Only with respect, support and motivation from Jenny and her staff, who are constantly walking the room and offering advice and inspiration.) That leads me to an important point. I’ve been doing the Ultimate Boot Camp ...continued p.13

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Remember, it costs no more to work with the best. (But it can cost you plenty if you don’t.)


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In the Garden with

Mr. Greenjeans

by Randy Arnowitz “Mr. Greenjeans” as he is known around Santa

Barbara, is a gardener, horticulturist and writer. He particularly enjoys working with roses, orchids and sharing the day with his golden retriever Peaches, who faithfully accompanies him in the field. Contact him at

Incredible Edibles Red-leaf lettuce is an easy-to-grow cool season backyard crop. If you got a late start planting your winter garden, catch up by growing Swiss chard from transplants.

For diversity, grow rainbow carrots in your incredible edible garden.

oak wine barrels and wooden nursery tree boxes can all be used to accommodate veggie crops in small areas. If you do have a little space in your yard and can plant directly into the ground, enclosing the bed with large rocks, bender board or landscape ties can make it easier to direct water and nutrients down to the root zones of your plants. Composting, mulching and turning the bed under between crops is easier too, when contained by a border.

If fruit’s your thing, grow deciduous fruit trees, like plums, apricots, peaches and nectarines, on dwarf or semi-dwarf root stocks. With skillful and thoughtful pruning, they can be kept within bounds and will still reward you with a backyard fruit salad. If limited to a few trees, nurseries often stock specimens that have many varieties of fruit grafted onto a single tree. If you pick citrus for a small space garden, choose wisely. A very manageable dwarf ‘Improved Meyer’ lemon is probably a much better choice than, say, a standardsized ‘Eureka’ or ‘Lisbon’ lemon, which could potentially overtake and shade out the rest of your garden. Next time we’ll talk more specifically about the advantages and disadvantages of different types of containers and the best planting medium to use in them in your urban, edible garden.

What To Plant


always thought it would be fun to start a magazine called Santa Barbara Living. It would be for us, the other folks – the spatially challenged who have discovered the joys and creative possibilities of sharing a two-bedroom with four or five others or residing in a one-bedroom apartment that’s really a one-car garage. I personally got used to, and eventually embraced, the intimate comfort of garage (slash) apartment (slash) cottage living. However, what I couldn’t get past was having a 1986 Buick LeSabre for a roommate. Where else but in Santa Barbara is living in a Rubbermaid tool shed or in one of those futuristic-looking storage PODS considered modular living? Call me old fashioned, but I think peas should live in pods, not people.

Speaking of peas… If you’re a backyard farmer or a wannabe backyard farmer and have limited outdoor space, growing fruits and vegetables can be a challenge, but not impossible. If your “back forty” acres are instead the back four feet between the trashcans and the swing set, you may still have options. Larger containers of all kinds, including wooden snap-together raised beds, are available online, as well as at home centers and nurseries. These fit together like Lincoln Logs, I mean Legos, and since they can be fashioned into various heights, lengths and widths, you can easily turn a dead zone along the house or sidewalk into a prolific vegetable patch. Fifteen-gallon black plastic nursery cans,

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Although we are smack dab in the middle of our cool season, there is still time to get in a late crop of peas and other winter vegetables this month. If you already have an established winter vegetable garden, you can replace as you harvest, or if you’re late and didn’t get to it in the fall, it’s still okay to plant at this time. To get a jump on things, use transplants, or starts of broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, cauliflower, celery, lettuce, parsley, peas and Swiss chard. Beets, carrots, lettuce, mesclun mix, peas, radishes and turnips are best started from seed at this time. Live on the edge and try growing rainbow carrots that come in purple, yellow, red, white and orange – each with its own unique flavor and qualities.

Randy’s Quick Pick


heck out the Fruit Tree Care and Pruning demonstration with Bruce Van Dyke at La Sumida Nursery on January 19th at 10:00 am. The nursery is located at 165 South Patterson Avenue in Santa Barbara.

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Being Adorable Comes Naturally Following the Rules Takes Practice

Omar Niang (left) and Jeff Arthur work hard as bankers at Wells Fargo in Goleta by day, but they work harder most mornings. Jeff’s been with Jenny for over a year, and he “convinced” Omar to come too. “I love it,” Omar confided after the workout. (Funny, that’s not what I heard you say after about 45 minutes of pain, Omar.)

CoffeeShop Dog™ Training Group Class Puppy, Adolescent & Adult Group Classes start January 14th

Lauren Walker works up in Goleta at Deckers Outdoor Corporation but starts her days – six a week – with Jenny. It shows… Lauren was kicking ass all morning.

More Mesa resident J. Paul Gignac has worked with a few trainers but Jenny is the one he’s stayed with – for over 18 months now.

classes every morning (yeah, that’s right, 2013 baby!), and let’s just say that I am not particularly fit right now. I’m struggling, for sure, but it’s good, and the environment is filled with energy and support. My (admittedly limited) experience in the group workout world is that the whole “energy and support” thing can get pretty,

First timer Iliana Gonzalez started recently with a Saturday introductory Boot Camp and was quickly inspired to join the early morning ranks. “Jenny’s inspirational and motivational; there’s no way I would work this hard without her.”

ah, annoying. (Sorry, group fitness people.) It can be overdone, and thus lose its impact and seem disingenuous. But not with Jenny (so far, anyway… and I’m listening). Her motivation is real, her comments are thoughtful. She creates a very interesting and unique little world each morning, and I dig it. “It’s all about building community,” Jenny said after the workout, “it’s about building a positive, supportive community based on respect and friendship and fitness and, ultimately, fun. We’re friends outside of class, and that helps us to work hard inside of the class.” I already feel a part of it. In fact, I’d gladly buy anybody who can finish the Boot Camp a beer. (Well, maybe we should make that a vegetable juice instead.) It’s no push over, trust me. So keep building community, Jenny, you are doing something special and are a true asset to Santa Barbara. See you tomorrow… if I’m not too sore. (Oh, I almost forgot. What, exactly, is the second motivator to keep me in line on my New Year’s Resolutions? It’s fear. Fear that Jenny herself might actually beat me senseless if I quit. I actually think she might.) ...continued p.18


803 E. Montecito Street, Santa Barbara 805-962-1013

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...continued from 7 unions. So her “know-nothing cliché” stands up just fine, thank you. Great letter, Sam, thanks for taking the time to write. I hope you’ll pick us up next time you venture north. – MSM)

SB’s Newest Meeting Place Thanks for covering the “fountain” in Paseo Nuevo. Of course, now if one is going to meet a friend downtown for a movie or a meal, simply say “I’ll meet you at the base of the penis!!” Gary James Santa Barbara (Editor’s Note: Well Gary, that’s just about enough of that. Nobody is laughing at the litany of wiener jokes coming at the expense of the long, smooth, skin-colored shaft erected in Paseo Nuevo. Not even us. – MSM)

Seatbelt Tickets are Lame I read with interest the article in the December 21-28 SB Sentinel about the ticket issued within the city’s Ortega Street parking garage for not wearing a seat belt. This seems to me another example of the SBPD’s overly aggressive enforcement of traffic regulations. It would be interesting to know where the money collected from traffic violations winds up, since this may be encouraging the issuance of tickets in order to raise funds rather than to protect public safety. I suggest that a Sentinel article on this would be of interest to many of your readers. In the summer of 2011, less than a year after moving to SB, I received a ticket from a motorcycle policeman for illegally turning left upon exiting that same garage. Yes, there were signs prohibiting a left turn, but I did not notice them as I became flustered while approaching the gate and found that the garage parking ticket was not in my shirt pocket where I thought I had put it. I did find the ticket and passed the gate, watched to make sure I didn’t hit several nearby pedestrians, stopped at the sidewalk and checked traffic in both directions and saw that there were no approaching cars even remotely close, and made my turn. Obviously, not noticing signs is not a letter-of-the-law defense. But a $244 fine seemed excessive, especially since there was absolutely nothing unsafe or inconvenientto-others involved. While it didn’t affect my standard of living, such a fine could be devastating to a low-salary worker living paycheck to paycheck. Donald E. Polk Santa Barbara (Editor’s Note: Thanks Donald. I must admit – and I know this won’t make me particularly popular – I’ve always personally believed forcing grownups to wear their seatbelts is a little silly. I know, I know…it’s for our own safety. But it feels like over-regulation and a violation of my own personal freedom of movement and expression. And I don’t like it. It’s a slippery slope, man, and if they can force me to wear a seatbelt, then what’s next? A helmet every time I drive? Every time I cross the street? (Uh-oh, better get ready for the helmet lobby.) I suppose that popping you for an accidental

bad left turn is a bit different – even if there was nobody around you must be deterred from doing it again – but it also feels a bit silly, especially when viewed in light of other nefarious yet un-policed stuff going down around town. The bottom line is that SBPD is blessed with many good officers that typically exercise judgment appropriately – but everybody has a bad day every once in a while. So I guess we should cut them some slack… even if we don’t always like cutting them those checks. I do wonder where that money goes – the City’s general fund is my knee-jerk reaction but I will look into it. Maybe there is a story there. Thanks again, Donald, and may you have a Happy New Year. – MSM)

Pick your Battles It’s a new year. And this year I’m not going to make a New Year’s resolution that I will never keep. However, Andrew Dunn’s letter to the editor entitled “More Crime Time Grime” (Vol. 1 Issue 13) inspired me. As I read his opinion on the Sentinel’s report on the homeless man laying on the sidewalk in his own urine with his pants down, I couldn’t help but think to myself that this is a “cause” I might get involved with. There are so many issues out there currently that one can dwell on – the fiscal cliff, random acts of violence, education, pollution, etc. I really need to pick my battle for 2013 and in some small way help make a change. Just has Mr. Dunn feels that his battle (at least for that day) was to defend and protect the rights of an allegedly mentally ill, alcoholic homeless man, I also feel the need to make a stand. Take a position for the New Year. I want to make a difference. My personal “battle” for 2013 is the homeless issue in Santa Barbara. I’m sick of it. It disgusts me. And something has to be done about it. Well that was not very politically correct was it? Let me explain. The other day my girlfriend and I went downtown to the movies. We both went to the Fiesta Five theaters but I watched “Django” and she watched “Parental Guidance” in a separate theater. The plan was to text each other when the movies were over and we would meet to go shopping at Paseo Nuevo. When I left the theater I knew I had a few minutes to kill so I decided to sit down and write her a text. I walked a half a block down State Street and found a very comfortable bench strategically placed courtesy of the City of Santa Barbara for the comfort and enjoyment of the public. Unfortunately, the bench was being monopolized by a homeless man with the bulk of his worldly possessions strewn from one end of the bench to the other. I asked politely, “do you mind if I sit here?” He told me to find my own bench, rudely. Now Django would have certainly deduced that this unsavory individual undoubtedly had warrants out for his arrest just by the looks of him and then plugged him on the spot. Unfortunately, I’m not Django and this isn’t the Old West, so I went along my way and found a spot in Paseo Nuevo, bought a latte and eventually sent a text to my girlfriend. I began to think about my encounter with

the vagrant and began to get mad. I mean the idea that this absolute degenerate had the nerve to tell me (an upstanding, taxpaying, law abiding member of the community) to “find my own bench” implied that in his mind he had proprietary rights over it. This was not the intention of the city when these benches were installed. They were intended for the use and enjoyment of shoppers and tourists to rest in-between spending copious quantities of money in Santa Barbara. What’s wrong with this picture? When I was a little boy, these “homeless” people were called bums. They were relegated to the outskirts of town, usually along railroad tracks at either end of town. When such people did walk through town a police officer would stop him or her and ask what their business was. If they had a miscellaneous job then they were left alone. If not, they were encouraged to move along. This lessened the probability of a criminal act occurring. But nowadays we have to be politically correct. We can’t discriminate against the homeless. We have to help and enable them to integrate into society. What we have ended up with is a bunch of disgusting filthy bums that are so arrogant they are out of control. They dominate the prime real estate in Santa Barbara. State Street, the beach promenade, the parks and public restrooms are their domain. And they blatantly throw it in our faces. They know the police must not violate their “civil rights,” so they do what they do best: litter, pollute, panhandle, make noisy rude comments to tourists and locals alike. They are a blight on our community. Someone has to do something. Guess what? We can. I read about the homeless task forces that are being assembled to deal with the growing homeless and crime problems. The reality is that there are already laws and regulations on the books to deal with these individuals. These vagrancy laws were put on the books long ago. Our politicians are too weak to voice what most of us are already thinking. So, instead of arresting the urine-soaked half-naked bum, the cops pick him up and give him a nice warm meal and some clean clothes and wipe his butt and maybe give him a voucher for a hotel room for a couple nights. Sorry folks, it doesn’t help. This guy is in his position by choice. In other words, he likes his life. Guaranteed, when he was a kid he was the one who refused to do his homework. Wouldn’t obey Mom and Dad. Was rebellious and experimented with drugs and alcohol at a very young age. Got fired from all his jobs for a bad attitude or tardiness. Got kicked out of the military service. Drank to excess, did drugs to the point of damaging brain cells. In other words, a self-destructed loser. I don’t know what the answer is to solving the problems of mental illness and homelessness. Maybe there is no answer but what I do know is that there will always be this element of society out there. There is however, one way to deal with them. Enforce vagrancy laws. Sweep them off the streets as fast as they appear. Make it an unpleasant experience for them so they are not back the very next day. Create a place

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for these members of society. Let’s just make sure it is not an in-our-face place. Certainly not State Street or the beach promenade. I checked it out and there 37 separate social programs for underprivileged, low income, mentally ill, homeless members of our community. This is sufficient. Enough is enough. If all these separate programs and all the money we are throwing at these programs is not working then let’s try something else. How about a little negative re-enforcement therapy? God knows we have tried the positive re-enforcement enabling concept. And it’s not working. Pick your battles folks. For me, the homeless occupation of Santa Barbara is mine for a while. And in case you think I am a heartless son of bitch please know that I have many other charitable causes that I work with including the animal humane society. Interestingly enough, animals respond in a much more positive manner than human beings do to a free hand out. Anonymous Santa Barbara (Editor’s Note: First and foremost, it is important to note that the Sentinel was provided with a name for the author of the foregoing letter but was asked not to run it for fear of retribution or retaliation. We elected to run the letter as Anonymous to highlight the point that there are people in town – our friends and neighbors – who are indeed fed up with the homeless issue and seem ready to do something about it. We often hear from only one side of the debate and there are clearly more voices to be heard. For what it’s worth, my own personal take is that this is a hugely complex issue for many reasons, not the least of which is that many people make large generalizations about the homeless population or available treatment options and how they might best be dealt with or implemented (respectively). But we are talking about lots of unique stories and circumstances, and no one-size-fits-all approach is likely to have much success. I’ve always believed that the best way to tackle this particular problem is to create a dialogue between the interested parties to see if understandings can be reached and reasonably compassionate yet practical and realistic solutions implemented – but this community has been having that dialogue now for a period of years without any meaningful progress toward a reasonable outcome (unless you call the current state of affairs a reasonable outcome, and I haven’t yet heard that argument from anybody). In fact, it seems that we are a long way from any sort of outcome. And my feeling is that community members are reaching a tipping point where action will have to be taken. Like it or not, the foregoing letter is representative of a fast growing constituency. Is being less hospitable the right path at this point for at least some of the homeless population living on our streets? If not, then what do we do with aggressive and problematic transients who refuse treatment and/or only game the system to their own benefit? These are tough questions, for sure, and I don’t hear anybody answering them. Hell, I don’t even think I hear anybody asking them. Thanks for the letter. And hey, maybe someday we can live in a world where you don’t need to fear retaliation for setting out your thoughts, even if you’re in a minority. Dare to dream. – MSM)

Toasting Catastrophe

In the current “Sentinel” an editorialist says we do well to give thanks for all the nice things we are able to have, and another writer apparently does not mind the self-descriptive term “capitalist.” Just to recognize other gifts on our tree, I would point to the present on a higher branch called freedom of expression, enjoying which, I can state plainly that our U.S. Government has no shame with regard to cheating, killing, psychologically maiming and even poisoning our own recruits and hiding it from us, the public, as the current New Yorker magazine (Xmas 2012) specifically documents, with names. I can echo this news and rebroadcast it with no fear of retaliation from those unblushing Machiavellians in Washington, D.C. who regularly suck the peoples’ blood by application of fear tactics. Sixty percent of our government expense goes to maintaining military presence in over 700 overseas bases where poker games, shooting and exploitation of destitute women are a source of medals of honor. In her book, “The Shock Doctrine,” Naomi Klein points out what is a historical corollary: Our government will put on a suitable capitalist long face when national calamities occur, but where

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the money talks and power is success, all public disasters are toasted with champagne. I’m glad Obama won, but have to assess the hurricane with Naomi’s acuity, and thank Santa for letting me call a gravedigger’s spade what it is. See you on the village square. Gavin Hyde United States Veteran Santa Barbara (Editor’s Note: Unfortunately, I don’t think it is a huge surprise to many readers that our government and mainstream media use “fear tactics” to lure an apathetic public to support one cause or another. (Remember WMDs in Iraq after 9/11? There are so many of these that it’s comical…sort of.) And while I personally believe it is uber-cynical to state that our politicians are toasting public disasters for the economic benefit they bring the broader economy (and to the toasting politicians themselves, I assume you’d argue), I also wouldn’t be surprised to learn that’s happening. I mean, wasn’t the whole point of declaring the war on terror to create a (lucrative) global battlefield that will always have numerous enemies and thus multiple war theaters and fronts for all eternity? Talk about a big old militaryindustrial complex cash cow. So, ah…cheers! Thanks for the letter, Gavin. – MSM) 

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Santa Barbara High water polo player Kelsey O’Brien

Presidio Sports is a provider of local sports news and information for the Santa Barbara community. Founded in 2008, the small team at Presidio has covered hundreds of local sporting events and published thousands of articles connected to Santa Barbara’s athletic community. Please visit their website for more local sports news and information.

Presidio Sports’ Largest Luncheon of the School Year


he Santa Barbara Athletic Round Table hosted the 27 players named to Presidio Sports’ All-City Football Team at its weekly press luncheon on Monday. The Ranchero Room at Harry’s Plaza Café was overflowing with the largest crowd of the school year as a result, as an additional four student-athletes were recognized as Athletes of the Week, one more as a ScholarAthlete of the Year, and reports came from coaches or athletic directors representing 16 teams currently in season. It is the first time Presidio Sports has named a city all-star football team. Present were Players of the Year Anthony Carter and Nico Bornand. (Find more about the All-City Football Team at PresidioSports. com/All-City.) Elizabeth Beebe was featured as Providence Hall’s Scholar-Athlete of the Year. Beebe was introduced by award sponsor Bob Huhn of Human Performance Center. Beebe’s father Gayle, in attendance with wife, Pamela, is the President of Westmont College. Elizabeth too has the leadership talent as she’s the captain of both the Lions’ varsity volleyball and basketball teams while earning a 4.59 GPA in the classroom. Four Athletes of the Week were announced, two more than normal to account for winter break. Santa Barbara High water polo player Kelsey O’Brien and Dos Pueblos soccer player Omar Montalvo were given the award for the week just before New Year’s Day. San Marcos basketball player Bryce Ridenour and Bishop Diego’s Greer Shull earned the distinction for performances last week. Once past the awards, the coaches took their turns at the podium reporting on their respective teams. Reports were heard from 16 different programs, starting with UCSB women’s basketball. The Gauchos recently hosted two programs with national profiles – Kentucky and Kansas State – before beginning conference play last week. “What a wonderful experience it was for us to have a top-10 team – Kentucky – come to our Thunderdome,” said UCSB assistant coach Natalie Jarrett. The other two college basketball coaches in the room, Westmont’s John Moore and Kirsten Moore, are leading top-10 teams themselves. Both the men’s and women’s teams at Westmont hold high national NAIA rankings and host rival Biola on Tuesday. “It is about the greatest college basketball

Providence Hall’s Scholar-Athlete of the Year Elizabeth Beebe

Dos Pueblos soccer player Omar Montalvo

environment you could be a part of,” John Moore said of the Biola rivalry games. “The Westmont-Biola game is like Duke-North Carolina. It’s like UCLA-USC used to be.” Moore’s last game was as exciting as they come. Jordan Sachs made a half-court shot at the buzzer to turn a loss into an unbelievable win. Game times for the women’s and men’s games on Tuesday at Westmont are 5:30 and 7:30 pm. Westmont hosts a pair of games at the same times on Saturday as part of the Alex Moore Classic. The three Channel League boys basketball teams all reported, as well.

San Marcos basketball player Bryce Ridenour

Bishop Diego basketball player Greer Shull

“Channel League boys basketball is definitely back,” said Dons assistant head coach Andy Gil, whose team hosts Dos Pueblos on Wednesday at 7 pm. The Chargers have won four in a row and eight of their last nine. Chargers assistant coach John Slavin reported for the team, which is in first place in the Channel League. With him were players Zach Shugart and Cruz Mertens. “These two kids, even though they are our offensive leaders, have bought into our defensive philosophy,” Slavin said. Like Dos Pueblos, San Marcos is on a roll and has won six of its last seven games. With San Marcos head coach Dave Odell were Athlete of the Week Bryce Ridenour, Kevin Hempy and Eric Rice. Bishop Diego girls basketball coach Jeff Burich was able to speak on an athlete of the week, Greer Shull. The senior set the new school record for career 3-pointers with 109. Shull scored 21 points in game. “She’s just done a great job this season,” said Cardinals head coach Jeff Burich. “It’s amazing the things she does for us on the court, off the court – just a great leader. I’m going to have to enjoy the last couple of months we have with her this season.” Burich also brought Jordyn Lilly, a sophomore who plays the third most minutes on the team. Other student-athletes present other than the All-City Football players were Kevin Shaw, San Marcos Soccer;
 Ian Hall, San

Marcos Soccer;
 Eduardo Mejia, Carpinteria Soccer;
 Eduardo Garcia, Carpinteria Soccer; Noelle Oppenhuizen, Providence Hall Basketball;
 Aurora Zemjanis, Carpinteria Soccer;
 Alyssa Freeman, Carpinteria Soccer;
 Jada Howard, Santa Barbara Basketball;
 Amber Melgoza, Santa Barbara Basketball;
 Ivette Gil, Santa Barbara Basketball;
 Libby Brymer, San Marcos Soccer;
 Ashley Carney, San Marcos Soccer;
 Hanna Brand, Bishop Diego Soccer; 
Jordan Price, Bishop Diego Soccer;
 Justin Brosnan, Bishop Diego Soccer; Troy Skinner, Bishop Diego Soccer;
 and Aidan Williams, Bishop Diego Soccer.

A Look Back: 2012’s Top 15 Sports Stories in Santa Barbara by Barry Punzal & John Dvorak

1. Bryan Fernandez of Dos Pueblos completes the greatest cross country season of all time by a local prep runner, going undefeated (11 races) and winning the CIFSS and CIF State Championships. 2. Lakey Peterson wins the main event of the U.S. Open of Surfing at age 17. It turns out to be a fantastic event for Santa Barbara surfers as Conner Coffin wins the Men’s Junior Pro. 3. Evan Morrison, swimming through grueling conditions in the darkness of night, completes the 19-mile Santa Cruz

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Bryan Fernandez went undefeated in 2012 and won the CIFSS and CIF State Championships

Winner of the main event of the 2012 U.S. Open of Surfing Lakey Peterson (LALLANDE/ASP PHOTO)

Island to Oxnard’s Hollywood Beach ocean crossing in a record 9 hours, 47 minutes, 49 seconds. The previous record was 10:27. 4.  Bishop Diego’s football season. The Cardinals won a school-record 12 straight, beating Nordhoff in a physical battle to capture the Tri-Valley League championship and advance to the CIF Northwest Division semifinals. 5. Cate’s Ema Boateng is named the Gatorade National Player of the Year in boys soccer after leading the Rams to a second straight CIF title. Boateng signed a letter of intent with UCSB and walked the red carpet at the ESPY Awards. 6. The heartbreaking passing of former Dos Pueblos volleyball star Sam Wopat, a junior at Stanford. The Stanford team wore her initials on its uniforms this season. 7. UCSB soccer player Peter McGlynn shoves the referee following the Gauchos’ overtime loss to UC Davis, is handcuffed and escorted off the field by campus police at Harder Stadium. 8. Jerry Harwin passes away at 100 years of age. Harwin did as much for the Santa Barbara sports community as anyone, cofounding the Santa Barbara Athletic Round Table and soldiering the establishment of Las Positas Park (now Elings Park). 9. Orlando Johnson becomes UCSB’s alltime leading scorer in basketball and gets picked in the second round of the NBA Draft by the Sacramento Kings. He’s then traded to the Indiana Pacers. OJ is the first

Gaucho to be drafted since Brian Shaw in 1988. 10. Santa Barbara High alum Kami Craig wins a gold medal with the U.S. women’s water polo team at the London Olympic Games. It was the first American Gold in the sport of water polo and Craig became just the second former SBHS athlete to win Olympic Gold, volleyball player Karch Kiraly being the other. 11. Sophomore Stamatia Scarvelis of Dos Pueblos follows her older brother and wins the CIF State shot put title. She won the title on her final throw, a mark of 47-3.25. Nick Scarvelis, now at UCLA, won the boys title the previous year. 12. Westmont’s Tugce Canitez is named NAIA Women’s Basketball National Player of the Year and plays in the Olympic Games for Turkey. 13. Todd Rogers and Phil Dalhausser, one of the most decorated beach volleyball teams in history who won an Olympic Gold Medal together in 2008, officially split up following the return of the AVP event to Santa Barbara in September. 14. Santa Barbara High’s football team, which lost its quarterback two days before the game, rises up and beats Dos Pueblos to earn a share of the Channel League title. 15. Santa Barbara Foresters win 16 of their last 17 games and capture their second straight NBC World Series Championship – the first NBC back-to-back champion since 1994. 

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Tournament of Champions


Santa Barbara and Dos Pueblos High Schools host this weekend’s Santa Barbara Tournament of Champions Girls Water Polo Tournament on Friday and Saturday. The 16-team tournament attracts many of California’s top prep water polo teams, including the top-seven teams in the Southern Section’s Division 1. Santa Barbara High is currently ranked No. 2 while Dos Pueblos is No. 7. A tournament schedule and results can be found on this weekend.

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...continued from 13

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Katie Cusimano, another Schatzle success story, post-workout. (Told you the pic would work, Katie!)

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Alexa Ratcliffe teaches math to 7th and 8th graders at Marymount. “I didn’t think I’d like it,” she said post-workout, “but I’ve been with Jenny for nine months now and love it. I have more energy every day and my students ask about my workout every morning. It’s fun.”

Pacifica is an accredited graduate school with two beautiful campuses near Santa Barbara that offers masters and doctoral degrees in psychology, the humanities, and mythological studies. the $60 registration incluDes BreaKfast, lunch, anD a $25 gift certificate for the pacifica BooKstore. register for the January 18 pacifica experience at or call 805.969.3626, ext. 103 Space at the event is limted, act today. Request the Pacifica Viewbook at Pacifica Graduate institute 249 Lambert rd., carpinteria, ca 93130

Scotty Wilson from San Roque is another Schatzle-head. He’s “lost weight and feels great” with Jenny. “There’s nothing I’d rather do in the mornings,” he confided, “well, almost nothing, anyway.”

Stuff I Like

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I like New Year’s Resolutions and Jenny Schatzle. (No surprise there.) She does Boot Camp classes daily starting at 6 am, 7 am, 9 am, 12 pm and 5 pm (each class is an hour). She also does some cardio-kickboxing classes, a running camp and a fantastic workout every Friday morning at 6am at the

Kristin St. John has been coming down from Goleta this week. “Jenny has already changed my life,” she gushed, ”I feel like myself again.” (Nice Schatzle binder, Kristin!)

SBCC track. If you want to get a feel on a weekend, she does open Boot Camp classes for $5 every Saturday at a variety of parks and other spots around town. Best is just to walk into 590 East Gutierrez one morning, introduce yourself and get started. There is a good deal going right now for unlimited weekly Boot Camp classes, a weekly coached run and a nutrition program. As Jenny herself might say, “stop talking about doing it and just do it.” Email her at or check out (Her website is in transition right now in light of new space.) I like education and the environment. Cold Spring School is raising money by collecting used, unwanted cell phones and then selling them for reuse, refurbishment and/or recycling. Any such phones can be dropped off until January 31, 2013 in designated receptacles at the Montecito Branch Library, the Montecito Starbucks, Richie’s Barber Shop on Coast Village Road (yo Richie!), the Montecito YMCA or the Cold Spring School office. Go find your old Palm Pilots and Blackberrys and donate them for the kids. (And the environment.) I like our beautiful trails and mountains (a lot). The Montecito Trails Foundation is holding its annual meeting at the Santa Barbara Polo and Racquet Club (3300 Via Real, Carpinteria) on Wednesday, January 16, at 5:30 pm, and guest speaker James Wapotich will give a special presentation on the Romero Canyon Trail. Should be cool. Finally, I like traveling and photography. Renowned photojournalist Annie Griffiths is coming to Campbell Hall at UCSB as part of UCSB Arts & Lectures National Geographic Live series. She’ll give a multimedia talk entitled “A Camera, Two Kids and a Camel” – how can you not love that – and do a book signing thereafter. (Life In Color is Annie’s most recent endeavor in that regard.) I’m going, and you should too. Sunday, January 20, at 3 pm (UCSB Campbell Hall). Tickets are $20 for the general public and $15 for UCSB students and all people under 18. Call 805.893.3535 or visit to make it happen. Peace out. 

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The Dogs Days Are Over


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A journalist and a poet, Jana has lived everywhere from New Orleans and Butte, Montana to Saudi Arabia, where she taught English to children. Her articles have appeared in numerous publications, including The Washington Post and San Francisco Examiner. She now lives in Goleta.

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Dioji owners Susan Vasquez (left) and Jeannie Wendel, cage-free and happy.

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consider myself a sophisticated, worldly cur – a sniff off the old butt, if you will – who rarely gets her fur up. But every time I hear the dreaded jingle-jangle of the leash and that entirely-too-sweet voice calling me over, I get the chills. And eventually I see that all-too-familiar cometo-mama, Jack-the-Ripper smile of my Benedict Arnold owner, and know that my fate is sealed. Yes, we may go through a death-wrestling match complete with scratching and fur-pulling, but I always end up in the car kennel, down in the dumps and scared out of my mind after the San Quentin clang from the maximumsecurity gate latching shut. Oh the horror of that mystery car ride. Am I being abandoned to a Siberian archipelago in this Kafkaesque cage-andsteel kennel for an indeterminate sentence held without a writ of caninus corpus? Or is it worse? Am I headed to THE POUND? Will I at least be fed a last meal of Alpo and gruel before being marched by a vet tech into those stainless steel showers – the final solution for bad dogs who have rolled in road kill? The last time I was subjected to such cruel and unusual punishment, I was a sweating, barking, trembling mess. “Come on,” I questioned myself, “where’s your inner Bulldog? Your stiff upper lip? Where’s that seasoned news hound whose nose for news has dug up the most buried stories despite dog house consequences? Are you a Pit Bull or a Chihuahua? Remember, ‘Canis Timidus Vehementius Latrat Quam Mordet!’” But after what seemed a dog-day eternity on that terrifying trip, I suddenly caught a

joyous whiff of frolicking, romping party animals getting down en masse at Dioji K-9 Resort & Athletic Club, 10,000 square feet of cage-free, party down fun. A tropical oasis, complete with spa, play area, puppy school, pool, full-service canine day care and boarding facility. As we got closer, I could hear this barking bacchanalia led by the Great Pyrenees, Bacchus, one of two canine leaders at Dioji: “PARTY PARTY PARTY!” My fear subsided. I’d been driven straight to doggie heaven.

Cage Free Fun and Fantastic Service Dioji promises the ultimate canine destination vacation or doggie day care. The cage-free padded play area and yards have a South Seas feel with beach umbrellas, spas and bath areas as well as toys, play stations and a dog pool. Dog clients can get a room (what happens in Dioji stays in Dioji) with luxurious overnight accommodations where staff members pamper clients with 24-7 attention. Among the resort’s many awards, the coveted “Two Paws” up. My kind of place. When I visited recently, some 50 dogs of all persuasions were jumping and playing impromptu games of tag, sliding down slides, catching some rays or making big splashes at the pool party. As a news hound fluent in dog and human, I was able to scent the nuances of this ultimate doggie day care resort. ...continued p.22

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You Have Your Hands Full

Wouldn’t it be fantastic if we could all sell our first baby pictures for hundreds of thousands of dollars?

by Mara Peters Former editor for the fashion/lifestyle section of the New York

Post, Mara moved to London and worked as a contributing editor for the Daily Mail’s You Magazine, freelancing for Look Magazine, NY Post and the Style Magazine for The Sunday Times. To remain sane during diaper years she writes a mommy blog, You Have Your Hands Full –

Keeping Up With the Kardashians


id you read the news over winter vacation? No, I’m not talking about the mundane, trivial news like the fiscal cliff or Hillary Clinton’s blood clot. I’m referring to Baby Kimye – Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s baby announcement. She’s pregnant! No matter what news source I read, they were all over the headlines: Their joy; how she is feeling (at 12 weeks); how much she wanted this baby. Etcetera. And, like any impending train wreck, I can’t help but look because of the potential for catastrophe, especially at a time when celebrity baby industry is booming. Siri Cruise has inspired a fashion book about her little girl style. Jennifer Garner is the super mom for picking her own kids up every day at school. And Sarah Jessica Parker proves having twins is definitely the best accessory going in NY. I read, then looked and wondered out loud why I don’t feel just as glamorous as they seem to with kids of my own?

From Dirty Diapers to Diamond Pacifiers I mean, celebs look amazing – even fiveminutes-after-birth-amazing. And then there’s the daily pictures chronicling their exciting, important lives, on display for all of us to curiously watch: the paparazzi catch celebs animatedly playing in the parks with their tots (brain numbing activity, in my book) or holding them as they stroll through the airport terminal after a cross continent, 5-hour flight into Los Angeles (looking happy and fresh, seriously?). Hollywood has clearly elevated having a baby to a whole different level. It starts with “the bump,” moves on to the (publicized, televised) shower with all those essential items for baby (no one could possibly raise a baby without a 3-6 month Burberry jacket and a Louis Vuitton diaper bag) and ends with the post delivery photo op. When it looked like it couldn’t go any further we now

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have Kimye. The ultimate celebrity baby. And it has already started, The Daily Beast has written a make-believe baby registry that includes a diamond pacifier and a fur coat fit for their toddler. It even has pictures and stores to buy the item – if you want to keep up with the Kardashians. From what I remember, a newborn doesn’t need much of anything. Parents may stock up on extra coffee to cope with sleepless nights. And there’s a lot of dirty nappies. (Daily Beast had no suggestions on that one – I got mine cheap from

A (Money) Bun In The Oven I read Kim made $300,000 at a Vegas club on New Year’s Eve just for showing off her baby bump in a skintight dress. Alpha and I were in bed by 9:30pm, after a long day of bike rides and hikes with the kids. He was still fighting the flu and I was just bone tired. Even if we wanted to go out, it’s impossible to get a sitter on New Year’s unless we import a grandparent, which didn’t happen this year. So Kim’s the yin to my yang, I suppose. Apparently, it has been reported that she did say it’s a lot harder than what most

people think – being pregnant. (REALLY? Try racing after three kids while pregnant with a fourth.) No mention of morning sickness but then again maybe you’d have to actually be up in the morning trying to handle breakfast for the hubby, three kids and the dog. Six more months to hear all her insights; I can’t wait for the first kicks. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a little press that reflects the reality of parenthood instead of the reality TV version? In the midst of carting my then-three toddlers around, trying desperately to check off another day, feeling like a slow moving blimp, I had a good friend tell me, “You are in the tunnel of darkness. I promise, someday you will get out.” At the time, it lifted me. It made me feel better that it wasn’t just me: babies and toddlers are hard, seriously hard. And as mothers, we are all in the same boat… although I have a feeling that Kim might be on her own separate yacht. I predict that now I’ll hear all about the ease with which Kimye will enter this world and how the birthing will bring the most amazing joy to Kim and Kanye, how it will make them so much closer. Then Alpha will yell at me to stop reading and I’ll be forced to sneak off to watch the train wreck unfold. Because once you’ve started looking, you just can’t stop. 

Peters’ Pick


1273 COAST VILLAGE ROAD • 805.845.0055 1306 MOnTAnA AVE. SAnTA MOnICA • 310.907.5883 MOn - SAT 10-6 • SUn 11-5 S H O P : w w w. M a t t i A n d Me . c o m

t’s an Oprah book. You know, the transformational character that goes from victim to survivor in 200 pages. I feel like it’s always a cliché, yet I pick up most of her recommendations and tend to love them – because Oprah has damn good taste. (You go, girl.) Take, for instance, Cheryl Strayed’s best-selling book Wild, the crazy, harrowing (and often hilarious) story of her solo hike along the Pacific Crest Trail. Yes, it’s an Oprah pick. And she is coming to Campbell Hall on Monday, January 14, as the latest participant in the UCSB Arts & Lectures series. I’m hoping she will talk less on Wild and more on her advice column and book, Dear Sugar. She takes Dear Abby to a whole new level, seriously. Hopefully, I’ll see you there.

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weekend guide



• LOVE IS FREE What: Clean out your Closet Where: Your room / wardrobe / shoe rack / etc... When: Take approximately 1 hour this weekend. Why: If you didn’t wear it last year, you probably won’t wear it this year. How: The Goodwill Store and the Unity Shoppe always accept donations.


by Sarah Dodge

If You’re Happy And You Know It. . .

What’ll It Cost Me: Free. You can even make money by taking your designer pieces to The Closet.

• LOOSE CHANGE What: Get Organized Where: Your home or office. When: Give your desk a fresh start (and look) for Monday morning. Why: Do you have piles of papers still stacked from 2012? File them, trash them, do anything but continue to stash them. How: Head to World Market. We’re currently obsessing over their wooden and wire storage products.

That pretty much says it all.

What’ll It Cost Me: $19 and up.

wear this. Created by UCSB Alum Melissa Cohen, Unwavering Happiness .is . thenline unlike anything we’ve run across before. With a simple yet inspirational message on every piece, these tanks, tees and sweats capture the essence of what it means to be a girly girl with an athletic side (or an athlete with a girly girl side). In a world where we’re always questioning who we are, Unwavering Happiness retorts back with, “Sweat and mud, manicures and heels. Who says you couldn’t have it all?” When you believe in what you do and who you are, then “live simple, breathe deeply, sweat often,” and check out these new digs. We’re unwavering in saying, “We LOVE it.” Go to to get yours. 


• HEY BIG SPENDER What: Keep Calm and Cook Where: In the comfort of your own kitchen. When: There’s no better time than now to reinvent your eating habits. Why: Every year we decide we want to cook more. That means less pre-prepped meals from the market and more DIY in our own kitchens. How: Plan a menu for the week. Need inspiration? Visit local food blog www. What’ll It Cost Me: Use the same ingredients for multiple meals and you won’t break the bank or let extras go to waste – but that Lazy Acres or Whole Foods bill won’t necessarily be cheap.

Mum’s the Word by Kim Wiseley


(photo by Marina Delio)

he best meals often come from the comfort of your mother’s kitchen. It’s the heart and soul that makes any one of your mum’s meals extra yummy. Santa Barbara mom and food blogger, Marina Delio, brings us Yummy Mummy Kitchen – a virtual cookbook filled with effortless, irresistible and healthy family recipes. Visit www.yummymummykitchen. com to peruse pretty pages of recipes inspired by the season and our local farms. Find everything from French Toast and Stewed Berries for brunch to easy entertaining ideas like a Panini Bar (fun!) to Peanut Butter Rice Krispie Balls (can’t wait!) to Baked Brussels Sprout Mac and Cheese (yes please!). The best part? They are all totally doable! Yummy Mummy recipes are everyonefriendly. So even if you’ve resolved to “start” using your kitchen in 2013, you too can cook these divine dishes. And stay tuned for this coming April, when Marina Brussels Sprout Mac and Cheese is good. will release her first cookbook filled with her greatest hits and more. We can’t wait… so let’s hear it for the mums! 


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...continued from 19

Dioji Dog Associates Hope Murdoch and Jason Harvey have quite a job. That’s a lot of doggies to care for guys!

Julie Carbaugh and Assistant Manager Felicia Garcia keep Dioji from going to the dogs… so to speak.

Julie Anne Clyde with her father’s dog Mr Wiggles.

Jason Hardy with Josh the dog. Feel the love.

“Dioji... just a fun way of spelling ‘D-O-G’. If you say those three letters out loud you get ‘Dioji’!” explained Jeannie Wendel, one of the owners. Jeannie and Bryce Wendel, husband and wife, and Susan Vasquez are Dioji’s business partners and owners. The two women met in college at Cal Poly where they were roommates. Several years after graduation, the friends got puppies around the same time and became engaged in the joys and frustrations of raising their puppies. Over time (and a marriage) the Wendels especially had bad luck or were disillusioned with the customer service offered at various traditional kennels, dog day care centers and by dog sitters. One of their dog sitters stole their money and abandoned their dog they had entrusted in her care while they were away. (Said doggie took the fifth.) Out of their love of dogs and a desire to create a top-notch dog day care business, they founded Dioji first in Goleta in August of 2007. (A Santa Barbara property opened in August of 2011.) “Our philosophy is cage free and fantastic service,” said Jeannie, Bryce and Susan (almost in unison). Like I said, my kind of place.

News Hound Gets the (Poop) Scoop Still, since I’m no pup reporter, I decided to not rely on human dog-ma, but instead query some of the canine clients for the real poop on Dioji. Looking around, I instantly spotted Jake with his human handler. Jake – known in some circles as “Mr. Wiggles” – is internationally recognized for his doggerel and Dioji barkamonials. He has a paw print in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theatre. “Bark bark?” I asked Jake about this favorite haunt. “DIOJI ROCKS!” answered the five-yearold yellow lab owned by Janet and Jerry Belch. “I love it. Swimming is my favorite.” The signature bone-shaped pool is a big splash among many of the clients. A lot of ruff-and-tumble pool play and dog paddling is popular among many of the breeds. Even if you don’t swim, you’re usually drenched when the 8-year old, 130-pound Newfoundland named Bailey shakes off. “My favorite thing to do at Dioji is swim laps, jump out of the pool and shake off, drenching whoever is nearby, “ said Bailey, owned by Susan and Erik Vasquez. (They

also have two children.) “My favorite treat is playing all day and then getting to stay for a slumber party at night with all my pals! I only get to do that when my folks are out of town though.” Other breeds appreciate the finer amenities such as the retail, spa and massage services available. Big Red (an assumed name to protect her privacy) is a red-haired bombshell of a Lab who always poses her best side for Dioji’s web cam. Boy does she draw wolf whistles. A regular, this diva adores Dioji’s door-to-door limousine service, which picks her up for her regular shopping and spa day at the resort. She shops till she drops at the Doggie Boutique – “darling, they have the most fabulous chew toys” – and then enjoys a spa bath complete with full body brush and blow out along with dental brushing, pedicure nail trim and de-skunking. Then she gets a relaxing massage, and the Dioji limo drops her back at home. I gently asked Big Red, “Ruff, ruff, ruuuuffff?” “Darling, where else but Dioji? I mean Rodeo Drive has nothing on this spot. After a visit to Dioji, I look and feel ten years younger!” “Grrr ruff?” I couldn’t help myself. “Dog years, you idiot,” she retorted with a snarl.

Sweet Sora Needs A Home Not all the females at Dioji are bitches, though. I came across Sora, 12, a sweet Yellow Lab that was rescued from the Animal Shelter pound by Jeannie. She lives full time at Dioji but hopes to find a permanent home soon. She has a kind of Cinderella quality about her waiting for that someone right to give her a home. “Whine, ruff?” I asked, sadly. “Alas, my prince will come someday,” Sora hoped. Then she trotted off to play. That’s my kind of girl.

Zeus Tells It Like It Is Dioji is quite a place and I’d had quite a day. But it wasn’t over. On my way out, I passed by a second Great Pyrenees, Bacchus’s older brother and Dioji patriarch, Zeus, who had been stretched out, sleeping with one eye open, looking over the comings and goings of the resort. And as I trotted past him, he barked out one final piece of wisdom for me to take home. “Unless you’re the lead dog,” Zeus decreed, “the view never changes.” You can say that again, old-timer.

Goleta Girl’s Picks


eap into the New Year with the premiere of A Leap of Faith, a full-length program by Santa Barbara Dance Theater’s new artistic director, Christopher Pilafian. This dance company is in residence at the UC Santa Barbara Theater and Dance Department and sounds great. A Leap of Faith is showing at the Hatlen Theater on the UCSB campus from January 16 – 20. There will be only five performances – Wednesday through Saturday at 8 pm and 2 pm on Sunday. Tickets are $19 general; $13 student/senior, UCSB staff and faculty. For information, call the box office at (805) 893-7721. Adrift in the winter doldrums? Get a belly laugh at the Comedy Hideway that hosts Stand-Up Comedy with headliners from HBO, Comedy Central and NBC. The next shows are Thursday, January 17 at 7:30 and 10 p.m. The Comedy Hideaway showroom is located inside Petrini’s (near Trader Joe’s) in Goleta. For more information, call (805) 364-2999 .

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1320 Cliff Drive

by Michael Calcagno Michael has consistently been ranked in the

top 1% of Sotheby’s agents worldwide. Shortly after joining Sotheby’s, he partnered with Nancy Hamilton to form one of the most successful real estate teams in Santa Barbara. Michael can be reached at Michael@

Gearing Up For Spring


eah, that’s right. We’ve survived the end of the world, our families and the holidays… now it’s time to start looking forward to the spring home buying season! “But,” astute readers ask rhetorically, “what about this dry spell of ‘no inventory’ that you’ve been talking about for the past few articles, Michael? How can we buyers gear up when there’s nothing on the market?” Fair question. And the truth is that we didn’t see much (if anything at all) come on the market during the holidays, which is generally par for the course this time of year. Most buyers, like those astute ones mentioned above, are wondering if inventory is going to start coming on now that the first week of January has passed us by. My prediction is that it will. Historically speaking, the next couple of weeks is the time that properties start hitting the MLS in preparation for the spring buying frenzy (in the right conditions, of course). This year, I predict we’re going to see what we haven’t seen in the real estate market for quite some time now… houses will not just come onto the market but they’ll sell quickly! We have such a pent-up buyer need (i.e., demand) and low interest rates that if sellers are smart and price their homes correctly, they too will soon be looking for a new place to live. Mark my words. For now, though, take a look at these picks for the week. And get ready… 2013 may just be a barn-burner.

Purchase price: $689,900 Down payment (10%): $68,900 Loan amount: $620,100 Loan payment: $2,741 (30 yr fixed at 3.375% (3.51% APR))

Mortgage ins. estimate: $284

(Required when less than 20% down)

Property taxes estimate: $632 Home insurance estimate: $75 Total Monthly Payment:


2859 Ben Lomond Drive

Located in Mission Canyon is this charming 1946 cottage with city and ocean views in original but well-kept condition. The home offers 3 bedrooms and 1.5 bathrooms, and a yard with fruit trees. A Trust Sale with no court confirmation, this property is being sold in “AS IS” condition.

1320 Cliff Drive

Bank-owned on the Mesa, this corner lot offers 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms as well as some ocean views, a fireplace in the living room and partial wood floors. The home is located close to shopping, schools, parks, the ocean, dining and downtown.

550 Via Sinuosa

550 Via Sinuosa Purchase price: $1,490,000 Down payment (20%): $298,000 Loan amount: $1,192,000 Loan payment: $5,385 (30 yr fixed at 3.55% (3.59% APR))

This California ranch-style cottage sits in a quiet location in Hope Ranch with close access to schools and shopping. The property offers large windows that bring in lots of natural light to its 4 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms and approximately 2,475 square feet. Many original vintage features remain but some upgrades have been done, such as remodeled baths, granite kitchen counters, some windows replaced and more. 

Property taxes estimate: $1,365 Home insurance estimate: $125 Total Monthly Payment:


2859 Ben Lomond Drive

Purchase price: $750,000 Down payment (20%): $150,000 Loan amount: $600,000 Loan payment: $2,652 (30 yr fixed at 3.375% (3.51% APR))

Property taxes estimate: $687 Home insurance estimate: $75 Total Monthly Payment:


Mortgage statistics provided by Justin M. Kellenberger, Senior Loan Officer at SG Premier Lending Group, Inc. Justin can always be reached at Note: The foregoing economic breakdowns do not include potential tax benefit analyses since that will ultimately depend upon a number of additional factors. But home ownership can indeed have tremendous tax-savings potential and should be considered with your realtor and/or tax accountant as part of the ownership decision.

FeRnald pOInt | web: 0113609 | $28,000,000 Maureen McDermut 805.570.5545, Bob Lamborn 805.689.6800

vIllakaSabella.cOm | web: 0631903 | $16,000,000 Terry Ryken 805.896.6977

mOntecItO cOntempORaRy | web: 0631956 | $8,950,000 Sandy Stahl 805.689.1602

lOcal eXpeRtISe. eXtRaORdInaRy ReSultS. Our agents are skilled professionals with local knowledge and a dedication to high-quality service for every client. they take great pleasure in discovering the aspects that make each home unique.

wORld claSS vIewS | web: 0631883 | $3,995,000 Robert Hanrahan 805.698.2826

Santa ynez ItalIan vIlla | web: 0113651 | $3,995,000 Suzanne Perkins 805.895.2138

mOntecItO Ocean vIew vIlla | web: 0113588 | $3,250,000 Vivienne Leebosh 805.689.5613, Caroline Santandrea 805.452.0212

mOuntaIn vIew paRadISe | web: 0632027 | $2,450,000 Frank Abatemarco 805.450.7477

elegant Ocean vIew cOndO | web: 0113590 | $2,100,000 Janet Holland 805.705.3380, John Holland 805.705.1681

2005 laguna StReet | web: 0592485 | $1,445,000 Michael Calcagno 805.896.0876, Nancy Hamilton 805.451.4442

Santa baRbaRa aRea bROkeRageS | mOntecItO cOaSt vIllage ROad bROkeRage | mOntecItO uppeR vIllage bROkeRage Santa baRbaRa bROkeRage | Santa ynez valley bROkeRage Operated by Sotheby’s International Realty, Inc.

OPeN SuNDAy 2 - 4

OceantFROnt cOntempORaRy | web: 0113633 | $4,200,000 Janet Caminite 805.896.7767

OPeN SuNDAy 2 - 4

mOdeRnISt-Style RetReat | web: 0113597 | $5,995,000 Harry Kolb 805.452.2500

601 e. mIcheltORena StReet unIt 2 | web: 0592519 | $815,000 Joy Bean 805.895.1422


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