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BREWERY ESPIONAGE

THE MOLE TAKES A TOLL

IT’S THE MONTH OF MÄRZEN, WHEN GERMAN BEER SPIES FLEX THEIR SEASONAL MUSCLES WITH OKTOBERFEST IN THE DISTANCE, P. 8

HARDING VS. CAPPS

YOUR GARDEN IS BEING ANNIHILATED BY FURRY CRITTERS; TIME TO CALL IN GREENJEANS THE TERRIBLE AND HIS SAVAGE TACTICS, P. 20

A NO-HOLDS-BARRED POLITICAL MUD WRESTLING DEATH MATCH WITH POTENTIALLY DIRE CONSEQUENCES FOR ALL HUMANS, P. 32

SANTA BARBARA

VO L U M E 3 | I S S U E 5 | M A R C H 8 – 2 2 | 2 0 1 4 

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THESE PEOPLE DIED. QUESTIONS?

SB IANDS ASKS, AND ANSWERS, THE BIG QUESTION: IS YOUR SOUL STUCK TO YOUR BRAIN?

B

arbara Bartolome was 31 years old when she was, in the words of writer C.S. Lewis, surprised by joy. And there were other surprises that evening. Clinical death – that was a surprise; then, later, a pummeling such as a tomato can might receive at the hands of a top-ranked practitioner. And there was something else,

15 DAYS A WEEK PAGE 10

MAN ABOUT TOWN PAGE 18

by Jeff Wing done in collaboration with missionandstate.org something that completely blew her mind. It was a night she will never, ever forget. Ever. Some days before, Bartolome had painfully blown her L5-S1 disc in a tender area known to backache hobbyists as the lumbosacral joint. The culprit: a gravity-bound ...continued p.14

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COVER

 State Street Scribe – Jeff Wing sees dead people… who are still alive and openly congregating right here in town. This one’s a doozy, with lots of big academic words and nearly impossible to understand phrases – like “massive accidental quantum delaminating of space-time,” for example. We say settle in with a big black, oily cup of coffee or a gigantic full-bodied red you can chew on for a while and have a read. (Terrific piece, Jeff; thanks for putting it together.)

P.5

 azza’s Missive – Matt’s back from Belize and frustrated that everybody else stole his column M ideas. Read his misguided rant (where is the old Sentinel Rant these days, anyway?) and enjoy some of his favorite things around town in Stuff I Like. (Hey, Matt, we know you’re the EIC and all, but you don’t get to go on vacation and then complain that others are stealing your ideas. We’re calling horse pucky, big guy, so there.)

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Crimetime – Not just weirdos. Criminal weirdos. Get your fix, Crimetime junkies, we’re about to start charging you double for your dirty little habit. Letters to the Editor – Airport art, a fisherman(iac), water woes and Girl Scouts. Just the way we like it. T he Beer Guy – Zach Rosen talks beer espionage, Oktoberfest (in March?) and all things Märzen. Who knew beer could be so damned interesting? And a habitual beer drinker so damned prolific? (You’re the man, Zach, straight up.)

P.10

 15 Days A Week – The frickin’ comedy calendar. Jeremy Harbin actually snuck a few events in between his super-jokes this time. Turns out that there’s lots happening around town this fortnight, so go have a read. And a chuckle.

P.12

 Santa Barbara View – Sharon Byrne riffs on district elections and the recent homelessness convention up at UCSB (it was a convention about homelessness, not of the homeless, just to be clear); Loretta Redd blames it on the rain and talks water conservation.

P.16

 Presidio Sports – SBART Luncheon, college hoop and hardball, prep swimming and baseball (yeah, that’s the same as hardball… struggling for interesting language here), SBHS girls hoops is crushing it and Presidio’s Sports Figure of the Month. Get it all right here.

P.18

 Man About Town – Mark Léisuré defies his laid-back persona and runs through a huge lineup of everything from jazz to classical to Hawaiian music and theatre and film. Nothing leisurely about this bi-week, folks, so get out there and have some fun. SB’s hopping for the next few weeks.

P.20

 In the Garden with Mr. Greenjeans – Randy Arnowitz is a masochist who seems to enjoy “dealing with” moles in his garden waaaaaaay too much. (Hey Randy, our winter veggie garden was completely annihilated by the little bastards. Can you, ah, come over some time when we’re gone with your implements of varmint torture and destruction and not tell us about what happens?)

P.22 P.23 P.25

 Mad Science – Rachelle Oldmixon talks Euro-American social mobility in the context of ancestry. Hmmm… “Oldmixon” sounds pretty noble, Rachelle; sounds like you’re on your way to the top!

Pump It – Jenny Schatzle doesn’t have a filter.  American Girl – Tommie Vaughn shifts gears and heads back to her musical roots this week, with a tight little piece on The Paul Chesne Band. We’re going to Fig to see the show and drink some whiskey.

 The Pet Detectives – Newcomers John and Hudson Mayfield, neither of whom has reached the age of 10 – bring a terrific column highlighting interesting local domesticated animals. We are clearly violating child labor laws here, Publisher Tim, but it’s great content so… what the hell! (Thanks guys, this is very fun and it’s a great start; we can’t wait to see what’s next. You’ve a notso-lucrative future in animal journalism ahead!)

The Newport Jazz Festival has put together lineup of ferociously talented superstars to celebrate their legacy and pay tribute to one of America’s greatest jazz festivals.

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P.26

 Stylin’ & Profilin’ – Megan Waldrep returns, this time with a terrific piece on breast cancer survivor Hollye Jacobs and her soon-to-be-released book titled The Silver Lining: A Supportive and Insightful Guide to Breast Cancer, which she did in close collaboration with photog-friend Elizabeth Messina. Read it. And read it. (Thanks, Megan.)

P.29

 Cut. Chew. Eat. Repeat. – Jacquelyn De Longe has a thing for the Farmers Market. Hang on, this is a food column, not one about constitutional drafting. Jacquelyn De Longe has a thing for the Farmers Market. There, that’s more like it.

P.30 P.31 P.32 P.33 P.35

 You Have Your Hands Full – Mara and Alpha are not impressed with the Dalai Lama (big hitter, long). But they are impressed with some teenager who is actually doing some good. How very uncool.

 Shop Girl – Kateri Wosny goes back to the Valley – the Santa Ynez Valley, that is – and shops at Forever Posh Boutique. (Spoiler alert: She likes it and buys stuff.)  The Weekly Capitalist – Challenger Jeff Harding takes on regional champ Lois Capps in a noholds-barred mud wrestling death match.

 Elevator Pitch – Grant Lepper suffers a violent sailing injury and talks about child sleeping devices at the El Encanto. (Wait… what? Just go read.)  Keepin’ It Reel – James Luksic bulldozes through some of Hollywood’s latest offerings. Let’s just say his reaction is pretty bleak. (Come on, Luksic, if a remake of a truly timeless flick like, say, Robocop didn’t cut the mustard, then what will?)

P.37 P.38

The Santa Barbara Skinny – Clothing, food photography and an elixir bar. Girl alert!  Calcag-Knows Real Estate – You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the real estate market’s blowing. Actually, maybe you do. And we have just the guy for the job.


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MAZZA’S  MISSIVE by Matt Mazza

Writers Block

I

don’t mean the title the way you think I do. The fact is that it’s a very rare thing for me to sit down and not be able to simply grind out a few thousand words. (Yeah, I know, nobody understands that better than you all, the glassy eyed, colossally stupefied readers of my rambles.) Writer’s Block, as it were, just isn’t something I know a hell of a lot about. (Picture me knocking on wood.) But writers block, as in these damned writers are blocking me from writing what I want to write about, well, that’s a different story. I mean, I finally get back from a lovely time in Belize with all these ideas for columns – people who have died yet lived to tell about it, for example, beer espionage, the effect of ancestry and fate on social mobility, funny local pets, the inadequacies of the Dalai Lama (big hitter, the Lama, long) or maybe Lois Capps, a graphic depiction of a horrifying sailing injury coupled with baby safety devices, you

know, stuff like that – and everybody else is already doing them. These damned writers are blocking me. And I’m pissed about it. OK, now I’m over it. This one’s a fun issue, everybody, and I hope you’ll enjoy it. I’ll be back next edition with a story on the acquisition of firearms and pig hunting. Damn! I bet that Briana Westmacott’s going to steal that one from me… I’d better regroup, rethink and retrench. For now, here’s some Stuff I Like.

Stuff I Like

I went to a homelessness convention a couple weeks ago. And I liked it. Way back on February 24, the Central Coast Collaborative on Homelessness (aka C3H) and Social Venture Partners Santa Barbara hosted more than 600 local folks up at UCSB for a few hours with dynamic speakers talking about how best to go about solving homelessness in Santa Barbara. That’s a hell of a turnout and, frankly, it was encouraging to be there. I have no room for details here, but

I left with the distinct feeling that we should seriously consider a “housing first” concept to get people off the streets and into a position where they might be able to better address the mental health, addiction and other problems many of them face. I know, there are issues with that approach and to some it sounds crazy. But it ain’t. Check out www.c3homes.org. Get involved in a solution. Speaking of stuff philanthropic, I met with Girls Rock SB Executive Director Jen Baron at The French Press recently, and was really impressed with what I heard. Again, no space, but Girls Rock is not just about, well, girls rocking – though that they do – it’s about selfesteem, self-image and empowering young ladies. Perhaps the best way to not only check the program out but also help support it is to plan on attending Push, the impending spring benefit concert, on March 22, at 7pm, at the Marjorie Luke Theatre. Check out the ad (and Sentinel discount code!) on page 24, then get your damned tickets, go to a kick-ass concert with music, dancing and some wild theatrics, and support a terrific cause. Make it happen. www. girlsrocksb.org. I like running, especially on trails. Elings Park’s 5K Terrain Series is back, starting on Wednesday, March 12. It’s a weekly race (a la Night Moves, just on dirt instead of road) and benefits the

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park. Elings is a privately funded nonprofit, and it’s an important part of the community that deserves our support. The race course is terrific – I did it a few times last year with my wife – and the post-race music, food, beer and community is an absolute blast. Bring the kids and a blanket, and have yourself some healthy fun. Get to the park at 5:30pm to register and check the course. First week is $10 and it’s $20 thereafter. This one’s worth it, y’all – see you there. www.elingspark.org. Finally, my recent time with Wendi and the kids in Central America reminded me how much I like photography, especially travel photography. I was discussing my rekindled love with a friend, and he told me that I should really start Instagramming. So I did. And I am frickin’ hooked on the damned thing. (It’s actually a small problem in my marriage.) Anyway, if you like travel pix and want to share some of yours and see some of mine, well, you’re in luck. Check out @ fourmangofarmers and let me know what you think. Self-indulgent? Yep. But isn’t that what all social media is about anyway? (Hey, don’t ask me. I hadn’t touched the stuff until now.) Whatever, it’s inspiring and fun and will remind you to JUST GO every now and again. It’s good for the soul. Peace. Love. And Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everybody! 

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It'sCrimetime... 

...with the SBPD

A variety of crimes are committed every day in Santa Barbara; most of these crimes are petty but they do offer a window into if not the soul of the perpetrator, at least his or her thought process. Our following (and totally unsolicited) thoughts, observations and comments are put forth for your consideration.

A New Riff on The Old Chicken-and-Egg Conundrum

CRIMETIME QUOTE OF THE BI-WEEK “In your mom’s womb.”

– A rather puzzling philosophical and existential response to the dreaded “Birthplace” question asked by arresting officers of a 43-year-old homeless man detained for (shocker) public drunkenness and resisting. He also advised officers to contact “[their] mom” in response to the “In Case of Emergency” notification query and explained that his Social Security number is “f#$! you,” which is surprising in light of the fact that it contains no actual numbers at all.

A

A Universally Recognized Gang Sign

If You’re Going to Be A Bear, Be a Lobster and Steak-Eating, Cocktail-Guzzling Grizzly

Young Man Cries Like A Baby After He’s Caught Stealing

53-year-old homeless man was detained for stopping traffic on the Westside one recent afternoon. In response to questions about whether he had any contraband in his possession, the man said he had “Crack!” But when officers searched him, they only found meth. So here’s the big question: Was it meth use that led to the junky’s confusion over what drug he actually possessed? Or was it smoking crack that led him to buy the wrong drug? Call in the detectives; we’ve got ourselves a real gen-u-ine mystery here.

A 63-year-old local woman entered a favorite waterfront restaurant, ordered several cocktails, some clam chowder and a steak and lobster dinner. Then she argued with staff about the quality of the lobster and left without paying the $115 tab. So she was arrested. Wait. That’s not fair. After restaurant employees stopped her from leaving without paying, she tried to pay with a debit card that was, perhaps predictably, declined. Then she was arrested for defrauding an innkeeper. And then officers found out that she had not one but two active warrants for, you guessed it, defrauding other innkeepers. There’s not much else to say here... other than, hey, if you’re going into a restaurant with the intention of eating and drinking without paying, you might as well go for the surf and turf and some top-shelf booze. It’s sort of like robbing a bank – maybe it’s best to just go for the vault and really get something significant out of the experience.

Publisher • Tim Buckley | Editor-in-Chief • Matt Mazza Design/Production • Trent Watanabe Contributing Partners Opinion • sbview.com | Sports • Presidiosports.com Santa Barbara Skinny • SantaBarbaraSkinny.com Columnists Shop Girl • Kateri Wozny | You Have Your Hands Full • Mara Peters Plan B • Briana Westmacott | Food File • Christina Enoch Journal Jim • James Buckley | Real Estate • Michael Calcagno Commercial Corner • Austin Herlihy | The Weekly Capitalist • Jeff Harding Man About Town • Mark Leisure | In The Garden • Randy Arnowitz The Beer Guy • Zach Rosen | Elevator Pitch • Grant Lepper Girl About Town • Julie Bifano | In The Zone • Jeremy Harbin Mad Science • Rachelle Oldmixon | Keepin’ It Reel • James Luksic Pump It • Jenny Schatzle | Stylin’ & Profilin’ • Megan Waldrep State Street Scribe • Jeff Wing | American Girl • Tommie Vaughn Tourist Town • Adam Cherry | Photographer • Wendi Mazza • Corey Sanders Advertising/Sales Tanis Nelson 805.689.0304 • tanis@santabarbarasentinel.com Sue Brooks 805.455.9116 • sue@santabarbarasentinel.com Judson Bardwell 619.379.1506 • judson@santabarbarasentinel.com Published by SB Sentinel, LLC PRINTED BY NPCP INC., SANTA BARBARA, CA Santa Barbara Sentinel is compiled every other Friday 133 EAST DE LA GUERRA STREET, #182, Santa Barbara 93101 How to reach us: 805.845.1673 • E-MAIL: matt@santabarbarasentinel.com

A bunch of youthful local gangsters were driving around in a car together one evening, wearing matching colors and making gang signs at people on the street in some kind of campy club outing. It was tough for SBPD to decipher many of the rapidly changing hand signals, but when the young men extended their middle fingers at nearby officers in unison, crack detectives quickly determined that the signs were not particularly friendly in nature and arrested the naughty little boys. A local 18-year-old walked into a favorite Westside grocery and tried to steal some food and a few beers. He was caught and found sobbing like a child when officers arrived. They guy had $22 in his pocket and yet admitted that he’d entered the store with the intention to steal food and booze, and he specifically admitted that he hadn’t intended to use the money in his pocket to buy anything. Consider law school after you get out, young man, and pay special attention to the evidentiary rules. And take a word of advice: Stop with the all the crying and admissions against interest. Neither plays well in the courtroom.

Maybe A Future Black Market Businessman, But Not A Lawyer A drunken 24-year-old local man was yelling in the street at Mission and Bath. Officers responded and the man quickly consented to a search of “his person.” (We love it when cops use phrases like that.) SBPD quickly found a bag of drugs, which the man admitted were “Molly and cocaine.” He’d purchased the contraband, according to his own admission, with his tax refund, and intended to sell them at a 300% mark up. Nice margin. Maybe a future businessman. But not a lawyer. That was another terrible admission against interest. (By the way, that’s the reason for the whole Miranda thingy, just don’t talk until you’ve spoken with a lawyer. Is that so damned hard to figure out?)

A Series of Unfortunate Events A 26-year-old local man was stopped by officers for generally disturbing the public; then he was cited for the open container he was carrying around. This made the man mad. So mad, in fact, that he threw his citation into the street as he walked away mumbling and grumbling. Officers started to walk after him out of fear that he might freak out and hurt himself or something, and watched as he stopped and urinated on the street. Oops. After he was arrested for public intoxication, officers determined that he had an injured right hand and left leg. At Cottage, he “threatened and made irate statements toward the medical staff.” Charges? You bet. Littering (the crumbled ticket), urinating in public (the urinating in public) and public drunkenness (you guessed it, the public drunkenness). Couldn’t we throw in a “terrorist threat” charge for the aggression in the hospital? Come on guys, you have the book for a reason: Throwing it at the drunken criminals that plague our streets.

Men Are Indeed From Mars How’s this for a timeless story? A couple heads out for a lovely evening of heavy petting and drinking together and gets into an argument about the male half seeing other women. He responds callously that the two boozers are just dating, so what’s all the fuss, and the woman socks him in the face and walks out. Then she gets arrested for battery after he tells on her like a little sissy who can’t be faithful. You go, girl.

Mommy Dearest A 25-year-old mother of two girls (ages three and four) left her kids with a woman she knew only by the name of “Lisa,” and simply took off for a few hours. “Lisa” didn’t think much of the children apparently, and dropped them off in front of their empty, motherless house, where the girls waited for mom, in the rain, barefoot in the street, for a couple hours. Officers were called for a welfare check and found the girls soaked, shivering and scared. Mom readily admitted that she “made a mistake” when she called police. Four hours later.  Don’t give them back, guys. Seriously. 






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Letters

7

Although you might not believe it, we actually want to hear from you. So if you have something you think we should know about or you see something we've said that you think is cretinous (or perspicacious, to be fair), then let us know. There's no limit on words or subject matter, so go ahead and let it rip to: Santa Barbara Sentinel, Letters to the Editor, 133 East De La Guerra Street, No. 182, Santa Barbara, California 93101. You can also leap into the 21st century and email us at letters@santabarbarasentinel.com.

Help Make Our Airport “Take Off”

T

hose who know me personally as well as some sympathetic civic leaders have invited me to make a heartfelt appeal to the first Arts Advisory Committee meeting concerning our new Santa Barbara Airport on Thursday, March 20, at the David Gebhard Public Meeting Room, 630 Garden Street. The meeting is open to the public and starts at 3:30pm. If you feel our airport would better serve our city with lovely pictures and murals of our beauty and attractions on its now naked walls, please come and voice your support.  Thanks to you, Matt, readers of the Sentinel have now seen many of the individual images I am offering for possible wall space at the terminal. What readers have not seen are the mural-sized, three-part scenes of our annual events, spectacular beaches and noted wine country beauty, which I have been developing for public display over the last five years. You will see these at the meeting and learn how they can be placed in key locations on the terminal walls in a special video I have prepared for my presentation. I trust this will be a visual treat for everyone in attendance and that support will be forthcoming to continue making Santa Barbara one of the most desirable international travel destinations in the world. Our airport can be more than a “terminal.” It can glow as an attraction in and of itself, a pleasure for all, residents and visitors alike, if proper care and funds are allocated to fill the shell with lovely artwork. Three preview images of the murals I have designed for placement there are available to anyone who requests them by emailing me at atwood@mcn. org. All the best and I hope to see you at the first public meeting of the Arts Advisory Committee on March 20. Ron Atwood Santa Barbara (Editor’s Note: Thanks, Ron, I not only enjoyed the letter but appreciate your letting me and the Sentinel readership know what’s going on at the airport. I have put the Arts Advisory Committee meeting on my calendar and am looking forward to attending and getting a better feel for what might be happening with the first port of entry to Santa Barbara that many of our visitors experience. Right on. – MSM)

Ben the Fisherman(iac)

I’m contacting you because I’m tired of the current status of seafood in Santa Barbara (and much of SoCal more generally). For the past two decades, I have owned and operated what is in many

That’s a big fish, Ben. Can I buy it?

people’s opinion the only truly sustainable seafood market/wholesale/delivery service in town (check out www.wildlocalseafood. com). I deliver to many local restaurants and catering companies and do home delivery due to certain impossibilities with our farmers market. I have spent nearly two decades working on and now owning commercial fishing vessels for species ranging from tuna, crab, live rock fish, local black cod, live local halibut, lingcod, local white sea bass, local thresher shark, squid and more. I grew up fishing in these and surrounding waters up and down the coast. What I have seen is a lack of respect for the fisherman and fish, resulting in the fishermen being paid too little and a middle man making too much, driving the quality down to chefs and the public as the whole model drifts away from local product. In my 17 years fishing, I have caught, sold and otherwise involved myself only in local, sustainable seafood. I stand by my practices and will curb my local sustainable model for no person or dollar amount or fish. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama Ben Hyman, Captain Always Grinding Santa Barbara

(Editor’s note: Hey Ben, I’ve seen a few similar letters and online comments you’ve written in other outlets over the past few months. I appreciate your near-evangelical fervor for local sustainable seafood and do indeed partake in the channel’s bounty. My family gets terrific fish from a variety of outlets, and we always do our best to support local fishermen and smaller shops. We do hit Lazy Acres and Whole Foods for fish occasionally though, too, and generally like what we get, just like at Santa Barbara Fish Company and Kanaloa – which, anecdotally, has a very cool shop at the Oxbow Market up in Napa. Is that bad? Dig the Dalai Lama quote and the spiritual leader of Tibetan Buddhists himself. I hear he’s a big hitter, the Lama. Long. – MSM)

More Than Just Delightful Cookies

I thought I’d write to let you know that Junior Girl Scout Troop 50636 recently partnered with CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) to complete a community project to earn their Bronze Award, the highest award Junior Girl Scouts can earn. The fifth-graders channeled their love for reading to create an activity and reading center that is sure to bring joy to the children who use it. Troop 50636 worked really hard to

Junior Girl Scout Troop 50636: Camille Cheng, Jillian Avila, Tali Gerstenfeld, Madison Martinich, Dorienne Larbig (first row, from left), Katelyn Rode and Amanda Avila (second row, from left). (Chloe Harrah is not pictured.) Nice work, ladies.

achieve this goal, and I am hoping you will highlight this accomplishment with an announcement in your publication. Adrienne Sciacca Girl Scout Troop 50636 Leader Member, Girl Scout of the Central Coast (Editor’s Note: Consider it highlighted, Adrienne, and thanks for letting the Sentinel know about the important contribution the Junior Girl Scouts made to the community. They should be proud, and I’m thrilled to help get the word out. Tell the girls I said, “Hell of a job, ladies, keep working hard for positive change.” (Or something like that.) – MSM) ...continued p.19


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Beer Guy, Beer Spy

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arch always makes me think of October. No, it’s not that I’ve forgotten what month comes next. Before refrigeration, you see, brewing was a seasonal affair. March and April marked the end of the brewing season. Summer brought warm weather and an increased microbial presence in the air that encouraged beer spoilage. The conditions were so harmful for beer that, in the 1500s, Duke Albrecht V actually outlawed brewing during the summer months. Brewers would produce an extra strong beer in March and then age it in cool caves so that they would have beer for fall, when the brewing season would start up again. These beers were named Märzen (German for March) and would often be served at the fall festivals; later, it would be the defining beer of the legendary Oktoberfest in Munich.

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Our modern day idea of a Märzen was invented in 1841. As with most beer history, the facts get a little bit muddled.

Ayinger Marzen, a personal Märzen-style fave

This is not due to too many beers when writing the history books but is instead more a result of the clandestine nature of brewing. This secrecy has its reasons: These

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Zach Rosen is a Certified Cicerone® and beer educator living in Santa Barbara. He uses his background in chemical engineering and the arts to seek out abstract expressions of beer and discover how beer pairs with life.

pale and amber lagers were a product of technology, trade secrets and espionage (cue Mission: Impossible soundtrack). Amber lagers were really the brainchild of two friends and peers, Anton Dreher and Gabriel Sedlmayr II. Both men came from brewing families. Dreher’s father died when he was 10 and, being too young to run the brewery, he was sent away from his Austrian home to study at breweries abroad. One of these establishments was the legendary Munich-based Spaten Brewery, which was then owned by the Sedlmayr family. It was here that he met Gabriel. The pair spent part of the 1830s traveling Europe and studying different brewing techniques. It was in England that they found the most progressive brewing techniques. At the time, English pale ales were a worldwide phenomenon, being sent along the trade routes established by the East India Company. Dreher and Sedlmayr toured the country, trying to learn the magic behind these pale beers. Brewers would give them tours but were obviously wary of these two curious travelers. They made a point to not leave them alone while in the brewery. Their suspicions were well founded. Since the brewers were unwilling to share recipe formulations and technical details, the two resorted to industrial espionage. Dreher and Sedlmayr would carry a flask on them and steal samples of fermenting beer while still under the brewer’s watch, a technique that Sedlmayr admitted they had become “especially masterful in.” They later had special canes crafted that were hollowed out and fitted with a valve, so that the walking stick could be dipped into the liquid to quickly and secretly take a sample. Further, the saccharometer had been invented in 1785 by John Richardson. This tool allowed brewers to measure how much sugar was in the liquid, creating consistent strength between batches. Saccharometers were not yet being widely used throughout the brewing world, but Dreher and Sedlmayr realized its usefulness and quickly mastered its operation. They would take their stolen samples back to their room and measure their properties. English malting techniques were also a key factor in the building of Märzen. Moist malted barley would be dried in a kiln using hot air from a fire. This

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would, unfortunately, put the barley in direct contact with soot and smoke. But In 1818, the British developed a method of drying malted barley with hot air that was warmed by the fire but did not come in direct contact with the flame. This indirect heat not only allowed a much greater degree of temperature control but also removed smoke residues that would color the malt and therefore the beer. This resulted in a pale malt that produced a light beer with such a clean taste that it would soon change the world of beer forever.

Putting It All Together

The pieces were in place, now Dreher and Sedlmayr just had to combine all that they had learned. Dreher believed that malted barley was the key to a successful beer. He developed strict standards for his maltsters and began producing a barley malt using the English malting techniques. This pale malt had a toasty flavor and soon became known as Vienna malt. Sedlmayr followed suit and began using his form, Munich malt. Dreher brought the cold fermenting, long-aging lager yeast used by Sedlmayr and other Bavarian brewers back to Vienna with him. They each introduced the beer in their own breweries and had immediate success. What they’d created were pale lagers with a brown-red tinge that had a light flavor, decent alcohol content and a toasty finish. The two beers are thought to have been very similar when they were first created. Years later, Dreher invested in refrigeration technology so that he could brew beer year-round. This began to differentiate his beer from Sedlmayr’s Märzen. Refrigeration reduced the amount of time required to age the beer. Alcohol is a preservative and the shorter aging period required a lower alcohol content. This began to differentiate the two beer styles and Dreher’s crisper, less-strong version became known as Vienna lager. These days, Märzen is far more common than Vienna lagers. Negro Modelo is really the only example of a Vienna lager that can be commonly found. (How Vienna lager ended up in Mexico is a whole other story.) An Oktoberfest beer is simply a beer served at Oktoberfest. Over the 20th century, the lighter Pilsner and Helles beer styles slowly replaced Märzen at the festival. That being said, some brewers still produce their Oktoberfest beers in the Märzen style. Ayinger Oktober FestMärzen is a personal favorite. The rich maltiness – with a warming, toasty note and balancing bitterness – embodies the beer style. If you are interested in trying the two beer styles side-by-side, then you are in luck: Santa Barbara Brewing Company is now offering a Märzen and a Vienna lager, both of which are perfect examples of the style. So go get yours. When nobody’s looking. 





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15•Days• a•Week We Ain’t Got Nothin’ But Love, Babe…

by Jeremy Harbin

Want to be a part of Fifteen Days A Week?

Space is limited, but if you have an event, exhibit, performance, book signing, sale, opening, trunk show or anything else interesting or creative that readers can attend, let us know at 805-845-1673 or email us at tim@santabarbarasentinel.com. We’ll consider all suggestions, but we will give extra consideration to unusual events and/or items, especially those accompanied by a good visual, particularly those that have yet to be published.

Saturday March 8

Dance Dance Revolution

Let’s kick this fortnight off with a little dancing, shall we? No, not the fun, sexy, up-all-night, loud music in a club kind. I’m talking about the modern kind. I’m talking about art here, folks. NECTAR is a quarterly happening that showcases professional dancers while raising money for a local charity. Each event has a theme, and tonight’s is “healing.” Proceeds from the $12 ($5 for kids) tickets benefit Santa Barbara Street Medicine. Get them at the door of Yoga Soup (28 Parker Way) before the dancing starts at 7pm.

Sunday March 9

No Place Like Campbell Hall

When The Wizard of Oz plays on a college campus, it’s usually projected onto a makeshift movie screen and set to Pink Floyd’s The Dark Side of the Moon. It’s really no place for children. This time, however, your little ones – still years away from getting high to classic rock – are invited to attend. At 3pm today in UCSB’s Campbell Hall, the American Family Theater will stage their musical version of Dorothy’s plight. Show up an hour early for crafts, face-painting and more family fun. It costs $15 for adults and $10 for kids. Get those tickets at www.artsandlectures.ucsb.edu.

Monday March 10

Second Monday

It’s second Monday, the day when all the fans of 15 Days a Week out there meet up at my house and then go eat at a restaurant that’s open on Mondays. I’ll be darned if we’re not all heading to The Endless Summer Bar-Café for lunch today. They start serving their fresh and delicious surf-n-turf fare at 11:30am. I think I’ll get the mahi-mahi sandwich and a marg to go with the waterfront view.

Tuesday March 11

Baker at Deering

The opening reception for Chris Baker’s Pacific exhibit at the Jane Deering Gallery (128 East Canon Perdido Street) fell back in the last 15-day calendar, but the show is up until March 29. You might enjoy popping into the gallery when it opens at 11am today to check out Baker’s oil-oncanvas work. Pacific itself is 9x12 feet and inspired by Rembrandt’s The Night Watch. The gallery stays open until 5pm today through Saturday; it’s closed Sunday and Monday.

here, but today’s 35th annual faculty lecture at SBCC is called Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll: Sensations and Rhythms of Life. It’ll be delivered at 2:30pm at the Sports Pavilion on east campus by professor of biological sciences Blake Barron. Interactive exhibits begin before the talk at 1:30pm, and a reception will follow. It’s free.

Thursday March 13

Oklahoma Is Where the Heart Is

If you find yourself in the mood for a junior high school musical this Thursday evening, you’re in luck: Oklahoma! premieres at 7pm at La Colina Junior High School (4025 Foothill Road). It will be staged two more times after tonight: Friday and Saturday at the same time. Tickets are available in the school’s front office or at the door before the show. They cost $8 for adults and $5 for students.

Friday March 14

Flower Power

Orchid lovers, your time has come. The Santa Barbara International Orchid Show starts today at Earl Warren (3400 Calle Real) and goes through Sunday. With a theme of “Complements and Contrasts,” more than 50 exhibitors will show off and sell rare and exotic orchids. Expect art, demonstrations and a bunch of other people that like orchids enough to go to a three-day festival about them. For tickets and more information, go to sborchidshow.com.

Saturday March 15

More Is More

Last time I went to the beach below More Mesa, I wanted to see a lot less – if you know what I mean. And If you’ve ever been to that starkly beautiful part of town to take in the denuded cliffs rising high above the bare sand, stripped of everything but its au naturel elements, then I think you might know what I mean. Although the subject of my insinuation likely won’t be broached at today’s More Mesa Symposium, equally important topics – like preservation, development and environment – will be tackled by experts in the field. It’s free to attend at UCSB’s Bren School of Environmental Science and Management. Register by emailing the More Mesa Preservation Coalition at mmpc@moremesa.org.

Sunday March 16

Get Relaxed

Here we are, everyone, halfway through our 15-day week. Talk among yourselves about which event has been your favorite so far. Mine was the More Mesa – not the symposium; I mean just getting naked on the beach below while all the scientists were away at their conference. Let’s use today to go for a different kind of beach walk, a clothed one, and relax and get ready to really experience the week ahead. What’s your favorite beach in town? East Beach? Butterfly? Leadbetter? Go there today to gear up for the second half of this events-filled, 15-day week.

Wednesday

Monday

Get Smarter

Get Green

March 12

Freshmen at my hometown university rushed each semester to enroll in a class titled “Sex, Drugs and Rock ‘n’ Roll.” Well, those dumb 18-year-olds should have read the course description, because as it turned out, it was just a physiology class with a scandalous name. Call it academic artifice. A collegiate conspiracy. Scholarly swindle. A fabrication to fake out foolish freshmen. You get the idea. I’m not saying a similar tactic is being employed

March 17

Everyone knows the story behind Saint Patrick’s Day: The year was 1983. Young Patrick, an earnest and enthusiastic environmental science major, inadvertently began a movement by berating classmates daily with lectures on resource usage, sustainably grown foods and energy efficiency. And, of course, he always wore his favorite color… green. So that’s why we honor Saint Patrick today by taking shorter showers and turning off the lights when we leave a room. Join


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the celebration tonight at SOhO Restaurant and Music Club (1221 State Street). Spencer and the Worried Lads (that’s Spencer of the gardener fame) will play their “Irish Mexican Pirate Folk” music starting at 5pm, and it costs but a wee little fiver to get in. It’s an all-ages show and kids under 11 get in for free. Dannsair is also knocking it out – as they do every Thursday from 6:30 8:30pm – at Dargan’s, all ages welcome. Go have a pint and enjoy some Irish music.

Tuesday March 18

On Healthcare

Nobody ever said Tuesdays were fun. This one is no exception. It is informative, though, so at least you have that. It’s the PHorum: Perspectives in Healthcare event at the Fess Parker (633 East Cabrillo Boulevard). Although it might not feature a dance party or a musical, like you’ll find elsewhere in this calendar, it does have a wine and cheese reception. Starting at 5:30pm, seven industry professionals will speak about topics in healthcare. It’s free, but you’ll need to go to www. vnhcsb.org to register.

Wednesday

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Thursday March 20

Tell Me a Story

As part of my research for this event, I obtained a conversation between today’s performer Michael Katz and his father, recorded when Michael was just 19 years old: “Dad, I’m changing my major.” “That’s a serious decision, son. You don’t want to be an accountant anymore?” “No, Dad. I’m going into… storytelling.” If the remainder of that tape is any indication, it’s not easy being a professional storyteller, but that’s just what Michael is now. He’ll bring his storytelling talents to both the Carpinteria Library (5141 Carpinteria Avenue) at 10:30am and the Central Library (40 East Anapamu Street) at 3:30pm. His tour of SB libraries started on Tuesday and ends Saturday; see sbplibrary.org for more information. These programs are recommended for kids age four and up. They’re free.

Friday March 21 Stylish

March 19

Break on Through

Cher famously asked in her late-90s hit “Believe”: Do you believe in life after love? Well, the author and forensic psychiatrist Dr. Raymond Moody still hasn’t answered that question, but he has been very clear about his belief in life after life. In fact, he wrote the book on it. But if mere near-death experiences no longer excite you, don’t worry; tonight at 6:30 at Trinity Episcopal Church (1500 State Street), the doctor will discuss “shared death experiences,” the phenomenon of “seeing the dying person’s spirit leave the body, hearing ‘heavenly’ music, experiencing the dying person’s life review or witnessing the dying being met by loved ones.” It’s a benefit for the Shared Crossing Research Initiative, and tickets are $25. Go to www.sharedcrossing.com/events for more information and to buy your tickets. Read Jeff Wing’s piece on NDE here first, it starts on the cover.

The Grammy-nominated Plena Libre work within the traditional Puerto Rican styles of plena and bomba. I could go on and on here about the history and touchstones of those styles, but I wouldn’t want to spoil anything for you. (Also, I don’t really know anything about Puerto Rican music.) So we should all just go to Isla Vista School (6875 El Colegio Road, Goleta) tonight at 7 to hear the group perform. It’s free for the whole family. The band is also at the Marjorie Luke Theatre (721 East Cota Street) at 7pm on Sunday.

Saturday March 22 Get Arty

What does a little band from Athens, Georgia, called R.E.M. have to do with the Westmont RidleyTree Museum of Art’s Walking in the Spirit exhibit? Not too much, admittedly, other than the work of Reverend Howard Finster. He was the folk artist responsible for the band’s Reckoning cover, and some of his work will also be on display at the Westmont museum, along with other artists, until March 29. The exhibit is already open, but today is Family Day: American Folk Art Festival from 10am to 4pm. So bring your folk art-loving kids to the museum for a free day of crafts, music, storytelling, dance and all sorts of other folky and arty things. 

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Santa Barbara’s Online Magazine, Published Twice Daily

sbview.com

Change in the Wind? District Elections and The Homeless Action Summit by Sharon Byrne

D

istrict elections is a notion gaining some momentum since the forum held during the last Santa Barbara City Council race, in which nearly every candidate was against it, except those with no chance of winning. I keep trying to see the clear-cut case for district elections. What I see are separate, distinct threads of deep problems, long unsolved, being woven together, not always coherently, into a call for district elections. I am probably not going to do this topic the justice it deserves; I’m just watching the threads for now. One that has merit is the problem of inner city neighborhoods. Didn’t think we had those here? Well we do, and they get continually shortchanged. When parts of the Eastside lack lighting and sidewalks, in a neighborhood more than 100 years old, you have to wonder why. For those dedicated neighbors pushing to get basic infrastructure installed and maintained in these inner neighborhoods, it galls to see a new 1,000-step staircase installed on the Mesa, or read about the latest improvement slated for State Street. Theoretically, the at-large system is supposed to provide citizens with seven city council reps who can address their concerns. But unless the good little citizens’ concerns align nicely with the Democratic Party establishment agenda, or other large agendas, help might be hard to find. It takes a lot to win a citywide election. You need party backing, lots of contributions, big endorsements and other

machinery. To get that backing, you have to attend to the backers’ concerns. I can guarantee you, they’re not the concerns of the inner neighborhoods, unless there’s a convenient overlap tied to some social justice agenda currently in vogue. A concerned resident who decides to run singing a tune of “Let’s invest in the Westside” will be met with polite silence in the voting blocks on the Mesa, Upper East and San Roque. The game of at-large elections is all about what you’re going to do for me. If they can’t win elections based on trying to fix their community, inner city residents can always call Public Works and beg. But even with that, some neighborhoods never seem to get high enough in the priority queue to get their sidewalks fixed, lights on their street or other infrastructure needs met. There are rare cases, like the mayor going to bat for West Downtown lighting after a spate of violent crimes, but you need that willing ally on council. District elections provide a route to fix that problem. Also woven into the sales pitch is the notion of Latino representation, and why we haven’t elected more than a token one to council every 10 years or so. And here the Democratic Party surprised folks at the forum. You’d think as the party of diversity, the poor and the oppressed, they’d engage in a bit of soul-searching on why they haven’t achieved a better track record. Instead, they pushed the notion that this whole district elections thing is

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a nefarious plot a la the Koch Brothers to elect more Republicans. I burst out laughing. But their agenda is clear. District elections threaten their power base and ability to keep electing their chosen farm team candidates to city council via their solid, at-large election machinery. The counter-argument is that these inner neighborhoods just need to vote. Except that the votes of the inner city areas, even if they register more voters, do not present any significant numerical challenge to the outer neighborhoods. And that is probably the real reason they get underserved in the present atlarge process; there’s no political penalty for ignoring them. Well, until they riot. That tends to be a game-changer. Latino PACs at state and federal levels get Latino candidates elected. Someone could start a local PAC, groom some solid candidates and run them. It would probably immediately be co-opted into service to the Democratic Party, the way PUEBLO was. The final thread is a pervading sense that the activists of the 1970s are unhappy the next generation didn’t take up their cause. Sigh.

Homelessness Convention

The C3H Homeless Summit was also a mixed bag. The parts that were good were very good. And the off bits were unfortunately pretty off-putting, especially to the camp that needs to be wooed to the table: the business community.   They brought in an all-star cast: Becky Kanis, of the 100k Homes national campaign, Phil Mangano the former Homeless Czar under Bush and Obama (briefly), and reps from Pasadena and Fresno achieving dramatic results in housing chronically homeless individuals. Finally, we seem willing to learn from those who are achieving success, a tactic called “Legitimate Larceny” by Kanis. If it works, use it here. There was the gentlest nudge from both Kanis and Mangano that Santa Barbara could be doing better at housing people. The county has fewer homeless than national averages, but the city, rapidly glossed over, has far more. Kanis started by cleaning up Times Square in New York. She went to all the providers in homeless services to enlist them, and ended up moving forward with an unlikely team of the Business Improvement District and the police. She

Sharon Byrne

Sharon Byrne is executive director for the Milpas Community Association, and currently serves on the Advisory Boards for the Salvation Army Hospitality House and Santa Barbara County Alcohol and Drug Problems.

sbview.com got results.   Refreshingly, this was one of the key messages hammered home. Don’t measure success by meals served or nights of shelter provided. Measure it by the number of homeless housed. Tackle the chronically homeless instead of the low-hanging fruit of those easier to house. Use scattered-site housing rather than shelters. Get results. Mangano should have been a fantastic speaker but threw out hyperbolic language on the national disgrace of homelessness, co-opting the mantle of Martin Luther King Jr. in declaring that abolishing homelessness was akin to abolishing slavery and racial discrimination. He talked about using the language of business and changing the verbs re homelessness. Don’t manage the problem (thus perpetuating it). End it. He had clearly read every business-lingo-laden, self-help book out there, and tried to weave their memes into his speech. It didn’t come off as a coherent narrative, and affronted some business people to the extent that they left, especially when he took aim at “myths” of homelessness: Build it and they will come, homeless choose this lifestyle and they’re not “from here.” He advocated using a customer-oriented approach with homeless. They don’t want programs, protocols or pills. They want a home. So give them one. Have the community set the standard on housing the homeless, not the service providers. Now, how you sell that to service providers and everyday people busting their humps to pay rent… he didn’t say. “Protest Bob” Hanson, the perennial homeless advocate, shouted out, “Homelessness is real! Ending it is unreal!” That produced an awkward silence. Sensing he’d struck a nerve, Bob tried that a few more times. He might be onto something. There are some that do quite well off the continued perpetuation of homelessness. Kanis called these “status quo mongers” and gave permission to show them the exit route with “collaboration is overrated.” Move forward with those who can solve the problem. The real agenda for the night was to get everyone on board with the Housing First model. Data purportedly supports this model, with housing retention rates at 90% a year later. But the Big Frickin’ Wall that has to be scaled here went largely unaddressed: Where does this housing come from? Which made me wonder: Should a


8 0 5 . 8 4 5 .1 6 7 3 | 1 3 3 E A S T D E L A G U E R R A S T R E E T | N O.1 8 2 | S A N TA B A R B A R A  Loretta Redd’s diverse background includes being a psychologist, business owner, non-profit director, Air Force officer, writer, speaker, and executive coach. Loretta has served on several Santa Barbara city committees and has been a candidate for public office.

Speaker Glenn Bacheller kicking off Homeless summit.

Loretta Redd

sbview.com

national problem be punted to local jurisdictions to solve? California is hosting 20% of the nation’s homeless, way ahead of New York at a distant 11%. So what is California’s responsibility to migrating homeless? And where do we put housing for a housing-first model in Santa Barbara? Clearly, the county is the big player here, but land just isn’t cheap and plentiful in these parts. So while we’re finally learning from other communities about what works, that Big Frickin’ Wall of housing still looms large. The good news is the approaches to solving the problem of homelessness are getting more realistic, data-driven and directed to achieving results. The days of providing humanitarian aid while leaving homeless people largely in place seem to be coming to a close. The bad news is that the solution is, not surprisingly, housing, in a community already carrying more than its fair share of homeless, saddled with a low rental vacancy rate and a high cost of living.

Blame It on The Rain by Loretta Redd

The hardest time to get people to believe there’s a drought is when it’s raining outside... so the forecast for a downpour may do more damage than good. Psychologically, when the umbrellas open, the mind closes to the habit changes based on catastrophic prediction. Unfortunately, it doesn’t change the reality of our situation. It’s been so dry, they’re fishing with slingshots from lawn chairs at Lake Cachuma. My tee shot at Rancho San Marcos is averaging 400 yards – on the roll, that is, not on the fly. Santa Barbara City Water Department has done a good job of promoting ecofriendly ideas and recycling incentives, but they were too slow to tap on the brake this time, knowing that drought conditions were historically predictable. Most local water departments are far better managed than the state. A Scientific American article (2008) stated that 10% of water used in California agriculture is equivalent to that of all other consumers combined. When projects and decisions are tied more closely to election dollars

than reality, we end up with the insanity of growing rice in a desert climate. Rice makes sense in the Louisiana bayou, but not in the dried up Delta. After paying real-time dollars for future allotments of state water, we find there isn’t any. Rebate please, Governor Moonbeam, or maybe you can ship down some bottled Calistoga on your bullet train. In Washington, D.C., they can print green money but they can’t print water, so I’m not sure where we’re supposed to sprinkle our $183 million in federal aid for drought relief. And was that authorization made before or after Mr. Obama spent three days playing a verdant, green golf course in Palm Springs? Think the governor advised the presidential entourage to cut down on their shower times or “mellow the yellow?” A recent Op-Ed in the Los Angeles Times by Stephanie Pincetl and Terri Hogue makes an excellent case for rethinking the way we pay for water. With a fluctuating supply of water and limited storage capacity, the challenge during times of drought is to make indoor use affordable while encouraging conservation, especially for landscapes. Their solution is the installation of sub meters that measure exterior water use. Once interior water use is separated from exterior, it can be priced differently and managed better by the homeowner. Similar to Santa Barbara, Goleta and Montecito, the authors report “neighborhoods with higher incomes use up to three times as much water.” That makes sense in cases where the properties are larger, but with 80% of the water going to keeping non-native plants and rolling lawns alive, it becomes expensive for all of us. Worse still, we don’t get to enjoy the result of their excess because most of those thriving green plants are hidden behind 10-foot walls with iron gates. The Times article suggests a three-tier system of allotment, where the pricing structure increases with higher draws and outdoor water is priced differently than that used inside the house. The authors correctly surmise that if water were priced properly, we’d waste less of it. When I was on the water commission, “ag” water

cost less than residential water. But that was before God turned the faucet off. The cost of a dual meter isn’t cheap, but at $255 it could soon pay for itself. The various water districts in our area would have to agree on such installations...and they don’t seem to be able to agree on very much, except that dogs are soon going to be marking their territory with chalk lines. Meanwhile, the digital dynasties are doing their part to make saving water fun by designing apps for water use. There’s Captain Plop, which is a waterdrop-shaped Australian character. Since the Aussies have suffered a decade of drought, locusts, cyclones and floods, they may know something about survival. Then there’s the Drip Detective, and if you want to narc on your neighbor who is sneaking out to water the hedge at midnight, go to H2O Tracker, which allows you to send photos as well as alerts. After culling through dozens of lists of water-saving tips, I offer these tidbits to wade through: On average, bathing in a shower uses one-fifth as much water as in a tub, so teach your little ones to either float their rubber ducks and toy submarines in a more shallow bath, or do their scrubbing in the shower. Another reminder is that the toilet is not intended to be a trash can. If you use Kleenex to blow your nose, catch a spider, or remove your makeup, resist the urge to flush, but rather deposit it in the waste

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can. (And yes, the spider is really dead.) Believe it or not, modern dishwashers use half the water as doing dishes by hand. If teenagers, husbands or others prefer to use the sink for dishwashing, you’ll save 20 gallons of water a year just by turning off the faucet when not needed. Going to a professional car wash, especially one which recycles, uses only 30-45 gallons compared to up to 100 gallons from that hose at home. Plus, how imperative is a clean car when so many of you choose a color like silver, because it doesn’t show dirt?

“Meanwhile, the digital dynasties are doing their part to make saving water fun by designing apps for water use.”

Restaurants should stop offering water to customers unless requested; it both cuts down on water use and keeps more glasses from going through the dishwasher. And while you’re having that bottle of wine with dinner, consider the phrase “getting wasted” has a dual meaning. Not only does it take six gallons of water to produce one gallon of wine, but alcohol is a diuretic, resulting in dehydration and “dry mouth” the next morning. More wine at night leads to more coffee in the morning, which leads to more flushing. There are probably 300,000 toilets in Santa Barbara County, each using an average of five gallons of water, flushing five times a day. Do the math and do your part...shower with a friend. 






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STATE STREET SCRIBE by Jeff Wing

Jeff is a journalist, raconteur, autodidact, and polysyllable enthusiast. A long-time resident of SB, he takes great delight in chronicling the lesser known facets of this gaudy jewel by the sea. Jeff can be reached at jeffwingg@gmail.com

...continued from COVER

Experiencer-cancer survivor Anita Moorjani holds forth on Possible Positives of Personal Extinction.

Doctors absolutely without borders: Mary Neal, Eben Alexander, Pam Kircher, Tony Cicoria and IANDS board member Mitch Liester impaneled at 2011 IANDS Conference to discuss Intersection of Medicine and NDE. (photo Bill Taylor)

bag of concrete mix. The threat to the spinal cord was such that a neurosurgeon of local renown agreed to take the case. By the time she was admitted for surgery, Bartolome had only 30% function in her left leg, a worrisome development possibly signaling that the spinal cord itself had been compromised. To be safe, a pre-surgical procedure called a myelogram was ordered. Dye would be pumped down her spinal cord and watchful professionals in ill-fitting hospital garb would look for signs of dye outflow, indicating a breach in the cord. It’s a comparatively routine procedure, sufficiently routine that the distracted technician, chatting up his colleague in

the treatment room, pushed the wrong button, reclining rather than raising Bartolome’s head and spilling a quantity of injected neurotoxic dye the wrong way up the vascular plumbing of her neck and into her startled brain. Immediately she began to black out. Hyperventilating, struggling to speak, she knew something must be wrong.

On the Ceiling

“The guy who was talking had heard me breathing fast and leaned over me to see what was going on,” she says. “Then I saw him lean back to look at his thumb on the X-ray-table button, and then I just saw this look of ‘Oh my God!’ on

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his face. I shut my eyes.” In a seamless overlapping instant, she felt the back of her head at rest against the ceiling of the room, a phenomenon that rarely indicates the successful conclusion of a medical procedure. Barbara Bartolome is a wife and mother and striking redhead with the effervescence of a lightly caffeinated teen. Her eyes shine and her facial expression never fully relaxes from an “Isn’t this great!” projection of infectious positivity. “I was up on the ceiling and they were calling Code Blue. They were putting an oxygen mask on me as I looked down at my body. I thought, ‘Huh. If I’m up here and my body’s down there, I must’ve... died.’” Strangely, it didn’t occur to her to be freaked or discomfited by the odd situation. The sense was rather a sort of organic comprehension of the episode, accompanied by full-body bliss. An eavesdropper at her own demise, Bartolome, looking down, could hear the panicked technical banter, saw the ruffled medical folk bustling around businesslike and professionally alarmed. Some sort of reviving device had hastily been ordered to the room but wouldn’t arrive in time. Suddenly the orthopedic surgeon took two steps forward and loudly ordered the others to stand clear! “He took his right arm and held it behind his back,” she says, “then arced it high over his head and just... slammed

it right into my chest!” The first blow did not affect the green flatline and its droning alarm, but the second one did. Bartolome blinked her eyes up there and opened them in her supine position on the table. She started right in. “And I just,” she laughs, “started speaking into the oxygen mask! I said, ‘Oh! Oh, my God!’” A nurse shushed her, told her to lay still and not talk. But she had to talk. There was a lot to talk about. They took off the oxygen mask and in an uncorked rush Bartolome breathlessly relayed what had just happened to her. “I was on the ceiling!” she blurted to the assembled medical personnel. “I could see you, and I could hear you!” Bartolome’s neurosurgeon had come to the room and now received her excited outpouring with scorn. “Barbara...” “No!” she pushed back, now describing things she had not been in a position to see, a phenomenon known as veridical perception. Bartolome had just emerged from a classic NDE – a near-death experience. She continued regaling the gathered medical folk, some of whom grew visibly ashen as she went on. “You said this and you said that. I relayed this technical conversation they’d had.” The brain specialist, though, was not impressed. “I’m not going to stand here and listen

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to this!” he barked and whirled out of the room in a rationalist huff. 

A Strange Congregation

The rented Unity Church chapel is quiet and mostly empty this warm Wednesday night. The calibrated lighting is a pleasant and welcoming mimicry of dusk, the large room possessed of that warm, expectant hush that precedes happy public gatherings in the evening. Long tables in the lamp-lit entry hall are lined with a tidy potluck potpourri of chips and brownies and finger foods. A little before seven, the attendees begin to arrive in earnest, straggling in amid a group murmur of amiable chatter, enlivened by one another’s company and the anticipation of an evening that will further affirm what is to this group an essential truth, the essential truth: The Grim Reaper is a phony. “So, welcome to IANDS Santa Barbara!” Bartolome hollers in lilting tones from the front of the packed hall. Throats clear and there is much rustling and settling. Bartolome is director and founder of this local chapter of the organization, whose membership is unique for being comprised, in part, of people who have died. The International Association for Near-Death Studies (IANDS) has a mere 61 chapters in the world. “For those of you who are new here, this is a wonderful group!” Bartolome continues in her enthusiastic singsong. The assembled loudly concur. As member organizations go, IANDS is a strange bird. Half NDE research clearinghouse, half caregiving and support group, the organization has evolved in fits and starts according to the unfolding NDE conversation over the decades, and the sometimes fractious internal squabbles inherent to IANDS’ slightly bipolar mission. Founded in Virginia in 1977 in the course of an ad-hoc meeting of several clinicians, researchers and psychologists who were interested in near-death experiences as well as med student Raymond Moody’s watershed Life After Life, IANDS began as a lengthy conversation. Moody’s book is a sober reportorial work on a topic that had theretofore never been seriously publicly discussed by academia, the medical community or the man on the street, for that matter. Moody interviewed 150 near-death experiencers and sought to find a common thread through their accounts. The book was pointedly research-colored and non-sensational in approach, and it immediately took NDE from embarrassed whisper to loud public conversation. It was into this environment that IANDS was launched. The organization was initially called Association for the Scientific Study of Near-Death Phenomena. The NDE contains elements that today are almost pop-culture tropes: a tunnel of light, a borderless dark void, a ball or Being of Light, an initial sense of

leaving one’s body and floating above it and, often, visitation with departed loved ones. To researchers who see in NDE and an untethered consciousness a quantum mechanical phenomenon, some of these NDE features have unfortunate spiritual undertones that further complicate the conversation. After Moody’s book was published, a Gallup Poll found that about eight million Americans claim to have experienced the phenomenon. Bartolome has the floor, is clutching her mic like a delighted pageant hostess and gazing with affection at the attendees as she speaks. “Happy Valentine’s Day, everybody. Woo-hoo! I want everybody to turn to the person next to them and

just shake a hand, and just give a little love.” The place erupts in smiling lovegiving and the sort of protracted deep hugging that can make you want to shout at people to stop. I pivot stiffly to my immediate right and left and tentatively extend my hand. Through the clamor and some rows back, I hear a voice say, like an admonishing auntie, “A little love from behind you, dear.” “I want to introduce my group leaders and advisors,” Bartolome says, gesturing. Her IANDS teammates emerge from the shadows one at a time, take the mic – “Thank you, Barbara” – and describe their gifts and services. It is a collective portfolio of non-traditional skills so vividly and

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uniquely Californian, you have to take a mental step back to remember how mad this stuff would sound in the banquet room of the Detroit Rotary Club. “Hi, good evening,” says James Smallwood, a bald, soft-spoken man with the build of a boxer. “I’m glad everybody’s here. I facilitate the experiencer’s group [a closed-door meeting of near-death experiencers who get together in the hour before the main meeting begins at 7pm], and I also do private sessions of... awakening, basically. I teach meditation and basically connecting people with their higher self and intuition, and giving them ...continued p.28

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Powered by

www.presidiosports.com Presidio Sports is a provider of local sports news and information for the Santa Barbara community. Founded in 2008, the small team at Presidio has covered hundreds of local sporting events and published thousands of articles connected to Santa Barbara’s athletic community. Please visit their website for more local sports news and information.

SBART Luncheon:

Coleman Predicted Dons Would Make CIF Finals by Barry Punzal

D

esirea Coleman is not only a good basketball player, she also can predict the future, said Santa Barbara High girls basketball assistant coach Jess Martinez at Monday’s Santa Barbara Athletic Round Table press luncheon. “She’s also a fortune teller, because early in the season she said we would be in the finals,” said Martinez. Coleman made sure the Dons got there with an outstanding performance in the CIF 3AA semifinals. The senior scored 20 points and played solid at both ends of the floor for Santa Barbara in Saturday’s 4841 win over Yorba Linda. The top-seeded Dons will play No. 2 Lake Elsinore-Lakeside for the championship on Saturday at 2 p.m. at Azusa Pacific University. “We hope the next time we come here we’re able to say, ‘We’re going to Disneyland,’” said Martinez. He introduced assistant coach Carolina Gonzalez, who has provided great help in coaching and administrative duties. He also thanked Xochitl Lopez Torres, who missed playing this season because of a knee injury, but continues to come to practice and assists the team any way she can. Martinez also brought junior post player Alejandra Mejia, who has developed into a solid player at both ends of the court.

College Basketball “It’s March, and basketball coaches love it when you’re still playing in March,” said Westmont women’s coach Kirsten Moore, whose team plays host to Concordia in the first round of the Golden State Athletic Conference (GSAC) Tournament on Wednesday. “We’re still playing basketball and we have a lot to look forward to.” After big wins over Concordia and Biola last week, Moore feels the Warriors are peaking. “We’re well on our way after the results of last week,” she said. Westmont men’s coach John Moore started up the “Beat Biola” cheer again because his team plays Biola in the first round of the GSAC Tournament. He then challenged star player C.J. Miller to go for 40 points against Biola. If he does, it would surpass the 39 points his father scored against UCSB in the mid1970s. “The challenge is for C.J. to scored 40, nothing less,” said Moore. “That will carry

us into the next round.” The UCSB women’s team travels to Hawaii for a Thursday game and then returns home to honor seniors Melissa Zornig, Nicole Nesbit and Destini Mason on Saturday. The Gauchos play Cal Poly.

College Baseball Santa Barbara City College baseball coach Jeff Walker said the Vaqueros are off to one of their best starts in program history with an 11-3 record. The team is ranked second in Southern California and leads the state in runs scored and on-base percentage. Leading the attack are Spencer Erdman (.387 average), Matt Henderson (.359) and former San Marcos star Jimmy Brakka (.358). The Vaqueros open the 20-game WSC season this week against Ventura. University of California Santa Barbara assistant coach Neil Walton said the team’s biggest victory in this young season is managing to get in three games over the weekend against Princeton. The Gauchos swept the series to improve to 7-1. They travel to Tucson, Arizona, this weekend to play Mississippi State and host Arizona. Walton cited the strong play of Joey Epperson, Andrew Calica and the pitching of Shane Bieber. Westmont coach Robert Ruiz said the Warriors will complete the first round of GSAC play this weekend at The Masters. Ruiz acknowledge the outstanding play of Alex Bush and Brandon Gildea in nonconference games last week. Bush, a sophomore pitcher, showed how effective he is with the bat, going 10-for-18 with six runs, three RBIs, a triple, and a homer. He also earned a pitching win. Gildea, a four-year catcher, took on the role as a closer and earned a save. He also went 9-14 at the plate with eight RBIs, and a home run. “These two guys are impact players,” said Ruiz.

Prep Swimming San Marcos boys coach Jeff Ashton managed to get senior water polo player Spencer Kemp to come out for swimming. Kemp will do the 50- and 100-freestyle events. Also introduced was sophomore George Kuesis, who last season made the league finals in the 200 free. Ashton called him a workhorse in the water.

Prep Baseball George Rempe is especially grateful and thrilled to start another baseball season. The longtime Santa Barbara High assistant battle through some serious health issues last year. He was hospitalized with kidney failure last February, had his aortic valve replaced in June and just recently and a second knee replacement. So, Coach Rempe is ready to go. “We have the same goals we have every year: a winning season, go to the CIF playoffs and win Channel League,” he said. Rempe brought three players who will be key in the Dons reaching those goals: pitcher Gabe Grandcolas, catcher Skyler Sabado and left fielder Ian Cheverez True. The Dons open at Pioneer Valley on Tuesday and are home Thursday against Arroyo Grande.

In Remembrance Rick Wilson, a past Santa Barbara Athletic Round Table (SBART) president who conducted Monday’s luncheon, wanted to acknowledge sports historian Frank Swain, who passed away last month. Swain was a SBART member and the organization’s historian. He also kept stats and records for Santa Barbara High and San Marcos.

ATHLETES OF THE WEEK

C.J. Miller

Senior leadership took over for the Westmont College men and Santa Barbara High girls basketball teams and made the difference in huge victories on Saturday night. Santa Barbara High’s Desirea Coleman and Westmont’s C.J. Miller were the difference makers for their teams, and they were recognized Monday as the SBART Athletes of the Week. Coleman scored a game-high 20 points, had five assists, and held the team together in a 48-41 victory over Yorba Linda in the CIF 3AA Division semifinals. Additionally, she guarded Yorba Linda’s 6-2 center in the post. Santa Barbara’s victory puts it in the CIF Finals for the first time since 1989. The Dons will be Lakeside of Lake Elsinore on Friday or Saturday at a site to be determined.

Desirea Coleman

At Westmont, Miller had a monster game against rival Biola. He scored 30 points, grabbed 10 rebounds (7 offensive), blocked two shots and had a pair of steals in a 65-60 victory. Earlier in the week, he scored 26 points and had 11 rebounds in a win over Concordia. The male honorable mention choices for the award were Justin Jacome (UCSB baseball), Grant Sexton (Bishop Diego basketball), Kento Perera (San Marcos tennis). The female honorable mention selections were Kelsie Sampson (Westmont basketball), Jessica Escalante (Dos Pueblos track), Jordyn Lilly (Bishop Diego girls basketball) and Emily Foster (SBCC swimming).

Sports Figure of the Month: Alex Valente Alex Valente is one busy guy. The Dos Pueblos High swimming standout puts in several hours a day in the pool, carries a class load that includes three advanced placement courses, belongs to the school’s Engineering Academy and is a tutor in the program. He says he doesn’t use a daily planner. “I definitely cram last-minute,” he admits. “I try to plan ahead. I know what I need to do and get it done.” “Get it done” could be his mantra because Valente is a student-athlete who does just that. A few weeks ago, he pulled off two impressive swims at the USA Swimming Sectional Championships at East Los Angeles College. First, he smashed the Southern California record for 15-16 boys in the 200-yard butterfly with a time of 1 minute, 44.75 seconds (the previous mark was 1:46.37, set by Young Te Seo in 2010). If that wasn’t enough, he later set an age-group national short-course record in the 100-yard butterfly with a time of 46.99, besting the mark of 47.10 set by Michael Cavic in 2001. Cavic swam for Serbia at the 2008 Olympics in Beijing, China, and finished second to Michael Phelps in the 100 fly by 1/100 of a second in the final. Speaking of Phelps, Valente’s 200 fly time at the sectionals ranks as the second fastest all-time in the 15-16 age group behind the winningest swimmer in


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Dos Pueblos swimmer Alex Valente, Presidio Sports Figure of the Month.

Olympics history. Presidio Sports is pleased to recognize Valente as its Sports Figure of the Month. Valente recently returned from Japan, where he competed in his first international meet. He was part of a USA youth team, which it turned out was comprised of elite swimmers from California. He won his first international gold medal, taking top honors in the 100-meter butterfly with a time of 52.89. He also earned a silver medal as part of the 4x100 relay team and claimed a bronze as a member of the 4x100 freestyle relay team. He finished fifth in the 200-meter butterfly. Valente credits his Santa Barbara Swim Club coach, 2008 Olympian Mark Warkentin, with helping him have a good meet after the long travel. “When I went to Japan, Mark told me to make sure I swim extra the first day,” Valente said. He said if you get (the jet lag) out of your system the first day, you feel better the rest of the trip. That’s what I did. A lot of swimmers (on the team) didn’t know that insight. They did an 800-meter warm-up and they didn’t feel great the rest of the meet. I was ready to go because I did a 3,000 that first day.” Valente said he thought about being a distance freestyler when he got serious about swimming at age 13. “After my first practice, my coach told me I was crazy. He thought I’d never be a distance freestyler,” Valente recalled. He worked on the other strokes and found the butterfly suited him best after doing well in a big youth meet. “I swam a pretty good time for the 100 fly, and that’s when it clicked,” he said. “That’s when I realized that’s (the stroke) I’m going to do.” Valente also is strong in the backstroke, but it’s the butterfly that is his bread and butter. Valente will be swimming for Dos Pueblos this spring. His goals for the season include setting the school record in the 100 backstroke – he already holds the 100 fly mark – and win a CIF individual title. Each month, Presidio Sports recognizes a local sports figure for excellence in the Santa Barbara athletic community. Each honoree receives a gift certificate to Paradise Café as a small token of our appreciation. This award is made possible by American Riviera Bank.

ROAD TO CIF: SBHS overcomes to gain basketball success With only one senior in the starting five and its top scorer just a sophomore, the chance of Santa Barbara High’s girls basketball team advancing to a CIF Final seemed like a longshot. But this group of players defied the odds. They had savvy and good chemistry, and they kept improving under the coaching of Andrew Butcher and his staff. With all that going for them, the Dons earned a shot to play for a CIF championship. They’ll take on Lake Elsinore-Lakeside in the 3AA Division final on Saturday at 2 p.m. at Azusa Pacific University. Presidio Sports is pleased to honor the Santa Barbara Dons as its first Team of the Month, a new regular content series that spotlights the great teams competing in the Santa Barbara area. The Dons are 25-5 and the top-seeded team in the division while Lakeside (236) is the No. 2 seed. Both teams were knocked out of the semifinals last year. Butcher, who’s been coaching the Santa Barbara girls basketball program for more than 30 years, last took a team to the finals in 1989. He said he had no expectations of reaching the finals with this group, but he liked how the team kept getting better throughout the season. “We talked with the team at about midway through the season that every team I’ve coached, and probably most teams, struggle,” he said. “When you’re doing poorly, you’re struggling to get mediocre. And when you’re doing well, you struggle to get terrific or great. So, we kind of kept struggling and getting better.” The semifinal win over Yorba Linda was a prime example of that. Sophomore Amber Melgoza, Santa Barbara’s leading scorer, who was coming off a 40-point game in the quarterfinals, was having a tough night scoring. Desirea Coleman stepped up and guided the team. The 5-7 point guard scored 20 points, had five steals and five assists and flustered Yorba Linda’s 6-2 Texas Techbound center in the post. The Dons also got clutch play from freshman Kimberly Gebhardt. She hustled for rebounds and combined with Coleman to intercept passes in Yorba Linda’s effort to break Santa Barbara’s fullcourt press.

2014 Santa Barbara High School girls basketball (PHOTO: Roberts Photography)

Sophomore Jada Howard and junior Jocelin Petatan played good defense and provided key contributions on offense. Another key to the team’s success this season has been its bench. Senior Alyssa Cosio is a dangerous three-point shooter, senior Michaila Miller is a good rebounder and sophomore Liliana Ponce is a tough defender who brings energy when she enters the game. Also on the roster for the CIF title run are Sophia Torres, Diana Escobar, Isbella Illescas, Xotchil Lopez, Deborah Throop, Alejandra Mejia, Valerie Jaimes and Wendy Hernandez. While it’s a young team, Butcher said the players have played a lot of basketball and have a gained a good feel for the game. “Fundamentals take you only so far,” he said. “I’ve had fundamentally sound teams that couldn’t beat anyone. Man, we could jump-stop and we could pumpfake, but we couldn’t make a decision. That’s invaluable.”

Butcher remembers talking to another coach about the importance of players being shrewd on the court. “I was once told by a coach that my team didn’t have any savvy,” Butcher said. “I said, ‘How do you teach that?’ He said, ‘You don’t.’ Then I said, ‘I’m going to have a long year, aren’t I?’ And he said: ‘A very long year.’” Good chemistry is another key part of the Dons’ success. “You know the saying, ‘Girls win when they’re happy and boys are happier when they win?’ Butcher asked. “It’s so true. “(The players) care about each other. These kids really respect each other and like each other.” And, they’d like to bring home a CIF title. Presidio Sports is pleased to honor the Santa Barbara Dons as its first Team of the Month, a new regular series sponsored by Sansum Clinic of Santa Barbara that spotlights the great teams competing in the Santa Barbara area. 






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with Mark Léisuré

Mark spends much of his time wandering Santa Barbara and environs, enjoying the simple things that come his way. A show here, a benefit there, he is generally out and about and typically has a good time. He says that he writes “when he feels the urge” and doesn’t want his identity known for fear of an experience that is “less than authentic.” So he remains at large, roaming the town, having fun. Be warned.

This, That and The Other

W

e’re all about unusual stuff around here – or at least Mr. Léisuré is, as slightly off-beat festivals are his (gluten-free) bread and butter (actually ghee). So we’re a bit excited about Wise Owl in the City, which is a preview event for the upcoming Lucidity Festival (the 4th installment arrives in April at Live Oak Camp) co-produced by DiviniTree Yoga & Art Studio on Saturday, March 8. We’d say more, but it’ll likely be over by the time you read this, anyway. Elsewhere, NECTAR is an “arts forum” – whatever the heck that means – that brings together choreographers, dancers, painters and other visual artists, poets, musicians and more for quarterly concerts that delve into a particular theme. The current concern is “healing” and the lineup looks formidable for the one-nighter, also held March 8, at Yoga Soup. Longer-lasting and definitely off the beaten track is Santa Barbara Tibet Week (March 8-15), which returns for a second summit bringing together the two mountain communities (OK, that’s a stretch; most of us live closer to the ocean) with the goal of increasing awareness and helping to preserve the cultural legacy and philosophical and spiritual richness of Tibet. Activities include ceremonies, mandala construction, chanting circles and meditation, as well as music and dance performances.

Jazz It Up The Lobero’s crammed schedule, necessitated by its closure for six months for renovations late last year, means we get lots of great jazz concerts in a concentrated time frame. Next up: Charles Lloyd, the saxophonist who has lived high in the hills above Montecito for more than two decades, ever since returning from a selfimposed exile in Big Sur following his breakthrough success back in the heyday of hippies in San Francisco in the late 60s/ early 70s. A frequent visitor to the Lobero,

Lloyd returns to the theater – the venue where he recorded his great Easternleaning album Sangam back in 2004 – for a repeat concert with the terrific trio featuring Indian tabla master Zakir Hussain and Eric Harland, the drummer from his recent New Quartet. The trio, also called Sangam – which can be defined variously as a place of meeting or coming together or a more inanimate confluence – will further explore Sanskrit experiences and group interplay March 8. The touring version of the Newport Jazz Festival – which just turned 60 years old – returns to the Lobero on Friday, March 14. The show features jazz cats Randy Brecker, Mark Whitfield, Peter Martin, Clarence Penn and Larry Grenadier – which includes some serious veterans going back decades – plus singer Karrin Allyson, who used to grace our environs fairly frequently back when Stanley Naftaly ran the Santa Barbara Jazz Society in the late 1990s. The group’s musical director, clarinetist and saxophonist Anat Cohen, kind of sums up the fest’s ethos all by herself, as she veers between swing, bebop, New Orleans, Brazilian, Latin and gypsy swing. The fortnight’s fortunes swing even higher on Saturday, March 22, when Tierney Sutton returns to the Lobero. A longtime favorite in the theater who has played in several settings outside her own versatile and sympathetic quintet, this time offers her inimitable and learned take on Joni Mitchell in a set called After Blue.

Classical Gas We are unusually blessed with a thriving classical music scene here in our South Coast paradise, and this fortnight is bursting with even more strings and things than unusual, as just about every ensemble and presenter in town has an offering. The big news is the return of Yo-Yo Ma, who has made UCSB Arts & Lectures one of his signature causes. The cello superstar

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plays in recital with pianist Kathryn Stott at the Granada on Thursday, March 13, but don’t be too broken up if you can’t get tickets. More chamber music is available on Tuesday, March 11, when the Catalyst Quartet, which made its local debut last February with a Latin-flavored program, returns to the Museum of Art to play allAmerican fare. A much more famous touring outfit comes back to town on Friday, March 21, when Academy of St. Martin in the Fields returns to the Granada for its second appearance since violin virtuoso Joshua Bell took over the music director’s chair from founder Neville Marriner less than three years ago. The so-called “Poet of the Violin” leads the English chamber orchestra through works by Bach, Schubert, Vaughan Williams and Beethoven in a master-filled program. Meanwhile, our own Santa Barbara Chamber Orchestra has a pretty big concert of its own on Tuesday, March 18. The ensemble celebrates its 30th season with music director Heiichiro Ohyama at the helm with the world premiere of a piece commissioned for the occasion from composer Gernot Wolfgang. ThZe debut takes place at SBCO’s new home at Hahn Hall, alongside serenades by Strauss and Dvorak. Finally, Santa Barbara Symphony is also back in action for its March program, “Classical Knockouts,” at the Granada on March 15-16. Violinist Timothy Chooi solos on Bruch’s “Concerto #1” on a program that also features Rossini’s William Tell Overture, Grieg’s Peer Gynt Suite and works by Bruch, Prokofiev and Dirk Brosse.

Folked up and Rockin’ The best bet for this first Saturday (March 8) is out in Goleta at Song Tree, where Patrick Landeza – the first mainland-based Hawaiian artist to win the Nā Hōkū Hanohano Award, Hawaii’s version of the Grammy – and erstwhile Cache Valley Drifter Bill Griffin, who met in 2011 at a slack key festival in Hawaii, play their first Santa Barbara gig. Much better known Hawaiian musician, the Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter and hula master Keali‘i Reichel, heads to UCSB’s Campbell Hall on Wednesday, March 12. Reichel, who has claimed 28 Nā Hōkū Hanohanos over the years, is making his Santa Barbara debut fronting an entourage of singers, hula dancers and

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guitarists in a show that begins with a free pre-concert hula lesson with Hālau Hula O Pualanina’auali’ioha of Camarillo. Up in the Valley, Tales from the Tavern has a double-bill with Carrie Elkin and Steve Young at the Maverick Saloon on March 12, and country superstar Kenny Rogers plays the Chumash on March 20. Back in town, John Batdorf, the now solo singer-songwriter who scored in the 70s as a recording artist with Batdorf and Rodney, returns to town for a SOhO show Thursday, March 13, barely a month after playing Song Tree himself. The terrific singer-songwriter Brett Dennen, whose songs have showed up all over dreamy TV series like Grey’s Anatomy and Parenthood, returns to the Lobero on March 20 hot on the heels of his 2013 release Smoke and Mirrors.

Flooded by Footlights Theater offerings abound for the next two weeks, including SBCC’s take on Noises Off, the third local company to produce Michael Frayn’s hysterical backstage romp since last fall, which continues through March 22. Ventura’s Rubicon, which mounted Noises Off just last month, gears up for Eugene O’Neill’s classic Moon for the Misbegotten March 15-April 6. In shorter runs, Speaking of Stories continues its anniversary season of returning favorites with a quartet of tales chosen by the audience, at Center Stage March 16-17; Broadway at the Granada closes out the 2013-14 season with the still-relevant musical West Side Story; and Westmont theater department offers The Last Five Years, Jason Robert Brown’s 2001 musical that director Richard LaGravenese is also adapting into a movie for release later this year. It plays Porter Theater March 21-23.

Red Carpet Redux The Santa Barbara International Film Festival (SBIFF) has been over for a month, now, and award season finally came to an end with the Academy Awards last Sunday (SBIFF talent claimed nine Oscars, by the way, a goodly haul), but there’s one more filmic red carpet scheduled for the Arlington. Local filmmakers Isaac Meeks and Sandon Yahn are premiering their debut feature, Redemption of the Heart, at Santa Barbara’s biggest theater on March 15, and they’re rolling out the red carpet to welcome the creative team – including stars Crister De Leon and Melissa Dixon, who are also from Santa Barbara – behind the faith-based film that tells the story of a man who initially rejects his religion and falls further into despair before getting a second chance. The movie was written, directed and edited by Meeks, a Brooks Institute grad whose The SB Video Crew specializes in wedding, instructional and documentary videos, and Yahn, the head of the video ministry at Calvary Chapel Oxnard. Tickets are just $5. 






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Water Woes

Thanks for publishing Planning Commissioner Mike Jordan’s letter on water issues last issue. (Flush-to-Tap? Vol. 3, Issue 4.) I concur with his points about water wastage and also about pollution of the ocean. We need to shift to better uses and recognize wastage; thus, we need to discuss these and related issues in a broad community forum. Cleaning up the recycled water by removal of the documented pathogens and contaminants of emerging concern (CECs) is key to this. Science shows these pathogens and their genes, as found in recycled water, build in the environment. The pharmaceuticals accumulate in the soil. Vegetation irrigated with recycled water, without adequate treatment (which is the current paradigm), sees pathogen transfer to humans and animals. Since some of these pathogens are serious superbugs, the public health issues are worrisome and have been documented as such. The city seems to ignore this. Soils irrigated with recycled water bioaccumulate these contaminants and pathogens, transferring them to edible crops. This is not good, especially in foods consumed raw. Critical toxic chemicals and pharmaceuticals are not removed by the current sewer plant’s processing. The city’s new filters will not adequately address this. These contaminants will build in the soils raising serious issues of public health, especially for home gardens.
 On ocean discharge: In Montecito, Summerland and Carpinteria, the discharge is through short shallow subsurface outfall pipes. This discharged water, because of its buoyancy, rises back to the surface and the tides bring it right back to the beach. This has already been documented for Montecito. That means that these beaches may be contaminated with a variety of bacteria and pathogens. We need to find a home for this water on-shore and not contaminate our beaches. 
Until people controlling sewer plants are (1) capable and (2) willing to look hard and long at these issues, and until the citizens become aware of the whole of the issue, little will change. There are extant systems that can deal with this, but the current sewer plant is not one of them. 

In all this, there is a very big and real problem with the newer technology, one the current sewer plant bureaucracy has a major problem with. The new technology reduces the plant to about 20% of its present size and complexity, hence creating a large redundancy and excessive staff numbers. Plant operators who run these plants see their empires crumbling and, thus, view that technology as a major threat. And so, predictably, when asked about new technology, they respond that it is no good. The folks that do sewer plant construction don’t like it either, because it eliminates about 80% of the plant as now designed, thus less concrete and rebar to sell. Perhaps the best we can hope for is a more enlightened citizenry and perhaps a slight move forward, just perhaps. That’s where your importance lies, Matt, as this is the domain of the press, the honest press. Dr. Edo McGowan Montecito (Editor’s Note: I appreciate the letter, Dr. McGowan; we do our best to tell it straight. I have nothing material to add here at this point; you and Commissioner Jordan have teed the issue up well. (Teed it up for the Lama? Oh forget it.) Next step would be a response from the folks who undoubtedly take a different view of things. And so we wait. – MSM)

Leprechauns on the Mesa? (Editor’s Note: We’ve made a little accidental ritual out of ending the Letters to the Editor section with a photo from none other than friend Ron Atwood. I saw no reason to change that up this edition, especially with such a cool shot. Explains some of the leprechauns I know up on the Mesa. Thanks Ron. – MSM) 

Vivid Rainbow, West Beach. Ron Atwood (www.atwoodimages. com).

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Masters and Doctoral Degree Programs in Clinical and Counseling Psychology, Somatic Studies, and the Humanities The special day-long program on March 29th includes classroom presentations, meetings on the individual degree programs, detailed information on admissions and financial aid, campus tours, and time to interact with faculty, students, and staff. The $60 registration includes breakfast, lunch, and a $25 gift certificate at the Pacifica Bookstore. Register for the March 29 Pacifica Experience online at pacifica.edu/experience or call 805.969.3626, ext. 103 NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS FOR SPRING & FALL 2014

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In the Garden with

Mr. Greenjeans

by Randy Arnowitz “Mr. Greenjeans,” as he is known around

Santa Barbara, is a gardener, horticulturist and writer. He particularly enjoys working with roses, orchids and sharing the day with his golden retriever Peaches, who faithfully accompanies him in the field. Contact him at greenjeansmr@gmail.com

Gophers And Chipmunks And Moles (Oh, My!)

J

ust when you think that I’m out of soapboxes to climb up on, I find yet another one to ascend. I know, I know, I can already hear your eyeballs loudly rolling, but this time the issue is moles. OK, not the kind that people have on their skin with one little hair sprouting out of it, but the other, animal kind that lives in our gardens and are a lot furrier. It seems to me that years ago, I’d occasionally see evidence of a lone mole in my garden. The varmint would eventually go away, get eaten by a cat or die of old age, and then there’d be no moles again for another bunch of years. I’m not sure if it’s because what was above them on the food chain is no longer above them, but now for whatever reason, I have the squinty little guys in all of my gardens. If moles are uprooting your garden and your life, and you want to get rid of them, I have to confess that they can be difficult to eradicate. But before you

Mole traps are harsh but do the trick if set properly. You didn’t hear it from me.

I only got a hamster.

try, you should make sure that what you have is indeed a mole and not some other furry critter. As most of us Santa Barbara gardeners can tell you, our gardens can be visited not just by moles, but also gophers, chipmunks, at least two types of squirrels, mice, rats and voles. Voles are like the luge of the rodent world – they’re fast

The shallow ridges and tunneling in this lawn is typical of mole damage – not gophers or giant killer earthworms.

and sleek, and nobody really knows what they are or what they’re for. Moles on the other hand, have cylindrical bodies with tapered snouts and short, bare tails. They have front limbs that are spade-like and good for moving earth. Their eyes are teeny and their ears hard to find. Their fur is dense and velvety with an almost iridescent, silvery sheen. However, this info is not going to help much, because you’re not likely to see the darn thing up-close and personal. It’s much easier to identify them by the damage they do and the evidence they leave. Moles usually travel in shallow, feeding tunnels close to the surface of the soil. These tunnels appear as cracked trails and ridges in the lawn or garden, and

especially along sidewalks and driveways. They also inhabit deeper, more permanent tunnels that produce circular, volcano or conical-shaped mounds of soil above ground. For such a diminutive creature, a mole can push up an amazingly large amount of soil that is often mistaken for the damage left by gophers, which leave piles that are crescent or fan-shaped with an angled plug in the middle. However, the good news is that because moles are antisocial creatures, usually only a single individual may be the cause of most of the damage. They’re also unlikely to show up uninvited to your dinner party. Moles are insectivores and not herbivores like gophers. That means they eat earthworms, grubs and other bugs that live in the soil and don’t actually kill our plants by eating their roots like gophers do. Instead, they burrow close to the plants and expose their tender roots to the empty-air spaces that form the vast network of tunnels down below. Established woody perennials, trees and shrubs are less bothered by this, but shallow-rooted annuals and our veggies can’t survive the damage. So, you’ve determined that you have a mole in your garden – now what are you going to do about it? Well, as a precautionary measure, next time you plant, protect the roots by planting in a wire basket. If you’re doing a lot of

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planting, it’s cheaper to buy a roll of aviary wire and make the baskets yourself. Aviary wire is better than chicken wire because the holes are smaller.  The most humane way to get rid of a mole is to sit quiet and watch for activity in the shallow runs in your lawn or garden. If you don’t see any action, you can collapse the tunnels and go back an hour later and watch again for movement. If seen, quietly go up to the run with a shovel and quickly dig down and scoop the guy up and out. You can then gently and humanely relocate the guy to another area or less humanely not relocate him to another area. There are actually YouTube videos that demonstrate this method. Apparently, it’s all in the technique, and takes time and practice. Unlike gophers that are reasonable easy to trap, moles are a different story. There are a variety of mole traps available, but unfortunately for the faint of heart, none catch the critter alive. It is actually possible to trap a mole, but each type of trap takes a certain amount of skill and some blind luck to be successful. Although not an advocate, I will mention that you can also buy bait to take care of these guys. Unlike the poison grain that is used for gophers, you can purchase toxic, gelatinous, gummy worms that are supposed to trick the moles into thinking they are eating real earthworms.

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The jury is out as to whether this stuff works. Just know that if you go that route, these babies are toxic and should not be used where kids, dogs or other pets can get at them. When moles invite themselves into your garden, it can be an ongoing maintenance nightmare just to stay ahead of the damage they do. If my suggestions seem harsh or don’t work for you, you can also try frequently collapsing their tunnels with a rake or broom handle, or maybe get a couple of Jack Russell terriers. Also, I have a theory (not yet proven), drenching the soil with fish emulsion from a hoseend sprayer can help discourage them and actually send them scampering out of the garden. And then, that’s where the Jack Russells come in. 





Randy’s Quick Pick It’s that time again. The 69th Santa Barbara International Orchid Show will be at the Earl Warren Showgrounds on March 14-16 from 9am to 5pm. This show is the oldest and one of the largest orchid shows in the country, with more than 50 exquisite garden exhibits and nearly 40 vendors from around the world displaying rare, unusual and exotic orchids for sale. Oh yeah, and my birthday is the following week. Lots more info at http://www. sborchidshow.com

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by Rachelle Oldmixon

Ancestors, Fate And Social Mobility

I

don’t often read The New York Times. (I know, faux pas.) In fact, I only read articles when my uncle sends them to me in the mail. Last Wednesday, he sent an article that had me thinking for the better part of the week. Titled “Your Ancestors, Your Fate,” the piece was written by Dr. Gregory Clark of UC San Diego – I know it’s not UCSB (go Gauchos!), but I nevertheless think it’s worthwhile to take a peek. “Your Ancestors, Your Fate” looked at Dr. Clark’s research into social mobility throughout the last several hundred years in Sweden, England and the United States of America. Dr. Clark and his team searched through old Oxford and Cambridge enrollment records, tax records, records held by the Swedish Riddarhuset (House of Nobility), directories of physicians held by the American Medical Association and registries of licensed attorneys in the USA. He was looking for the frequency of specific names. What he found was surprising. It’s also extremely controversial.

The Euros Medieval England, according to Dr. Clark and his team, provided as much opportunity for social mobility as modern England, if not more. Successful descendants of illiterate artisans (with last names such as Smith, Baker and Shepherd) were able to fully integrate with the elite of England in about 200 years. From 1300 to 1500, the rate of some common “poor, artisanal” names was as frequent in the Oxford and Cambridge enrollment records as

A self-professed science nerd, Rachelle has her B.A. in neuroscience from Skidmore College in upstate New York, and is working towards her Master’s in psychology at UCSB. In her free time, she blogs at www. synapticspeculations.com. She never could quite understand why she had to choose just one area of science; they are all fascinating. Especially when paired with some classic rock.

they are today. And by the early 1600s, families with these names had as much wealth as families with elite “wealthy” names such as Rochester. The same pattern was found in Sweden. Families with common last names that indicated humble origins were able to rise through the social hierarchy over several generations. And in both countries, elite names commonly associated with nobility and wealth fell out of grace over similar periods of time. The once elite name of Cholmondeley, for instance, was held by many farmhands a few centuries after its peak. The pattern continues today, evident in the enrollment history of the most elite – and expensive – universities in Europe. If someone with your last name was enrolled at one of these universities in the 1800s, you are four times as likely to also enroll today (as compared to someone who did not have an ancestor enrolled). You are also likely to be at least three times as wealthy as the average person and live several years longer (a trait that closely correlates with socioeconomic status). Well, you might argue, that’s Europe.

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They have a long history of royalty and feudal societies. Surely, the United States of America will show a different pattern. We’ve come so far in such a short time. We’ve overcome racism and we’re a melting pot where everyone is given an equal opportunity to succeed! Right? Well… not exactly.

The Yankees Dr. Clark and his team didn’t find much evidence for quick social mobility here in the old US of A. It took generations for surnames associated with “low-

to the Smiths – and Rochesters – of the 1800s. In other words, surnames are an approximate indicator of your ancestry, not proof of it. I’d agree that your socioeconomic status later in life is correlated to your parents’ status, but I’d not agree that the correlation is caused by genetics (for those of you who are wondering, Dr. Clark does mention adoption and twin studies to support his genetic inheritance argument, but the evidence is weak). I highly recommend you read Dr. Clark’s original (and controversial)

“Families with common last names that indicated humble origins were able to rise through the social hierarchy over several generations.” status” families to begin appearing in the directory of physicians and the registries of attorneys. And “high-status” surnames are still overrepresented in these lists even 200 years later. Overall, the evidence seems to be that social mobility is slow, no matter what kind of society you live in or how much legislation is put in place to promote it. I suppose I can get behind that argument. After all, Dr. Clark does provide some pretty solid evidence to that end, especially in England and Sweden. However, Dr. Clark goes so far as to claim that social mobility and success is largely genetically inherited. To the casual observer, this seems like a good argument, too. After all, surnames are passed down from father to son, making them a decent way to track a family. But many names, which became heritable in the 1300s in much of Europe, were actually assigned by either place of origin or by occupation. So, ultimately, many people adopted the same last name, even if they were not related genetically. This was especially true for “poor, artisanal” names. So Dr. Clark has no way of knowing if the people with the last name of “Smith” – or even “Rochester” – who are enrolled at Oxford today are even remotely related

article. It can be found at opinionator. blogs.nytimes.com/2014/02/21/yourfate-thank-your-ancestors/. Read it and send me your thoughts. Did you find the genetics argument convincing? Did you notice any other potential problems with his studies or his conclusions? Do you disagree with my interpretation? Let me know! 

I don’t know about you, but thinking about the universe is both overwhelming and confusing. I can barely conceive of the vastness that surrounds us. There are galaxies that exist in the dark spaces between the stars, even on the nights where the stars seem to go on forever. It’s mind-boggling to most of us. Just not to Dr. Lisa Randall. The award-winning physicist who studies theoretical particle physics and cosmology will be giving a talk at UCSB’s Campbell Hall on Saturday, March 8, at 3pm. Come join me in attending her lecture focused on her latest book, Knocking on Heaven’s Door: How Physics and Scientific Thinking Illuminate the Universe and the Modern World. She will be discussing how the newest developments in physics could change our very understanding of the world’s makeup and driving forces.

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PUMP IT

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WORKOUT: The Three Movement Challenge. Grab a piece of paper and pen for this one.

N.A.S.M, Kickboxing and SPIN Certified, Jenny Schatzle is known for changing bodies and changing lives. Her approach to fitness is about not only “getting fit” physically but also how, through exercise, nutrition and a positive motivational environment, you can change your lifestyle for the better. Jenny’s program and the results she consistently achieves have made her one of the most sought-after experts in Santa Barbara.

WARM-UP:  Jog in Place – 30 seconds Jumping Jacks – 30 seconds High Knees – 30 seconds Alternating Back Lunges – 30 seconds (Repeat three times for a total of six minutes, or just get your behind outside and jog around the block for six minutes. Your call.)

Same Old, Same Old

I

know, everybody, although you have time to read this lovely paper and my dazzling article, you just can’t find the time to do the damned workout. I hear it all the time. There sure are a lot of busy people in this town. What amazes me is that you only have one body and, like a car, for example, if you don’t maintain and take care of it, then it will break. “I don’t have time” is one of the most common reasons I hear for not exercising. But your body and health are the most important investments you can make. Period. Making time requires some planning. (Not to self-plug, but my program runs for six weeks, and every day is planned to get a particular result. So there’s that.) Look, if you were going to take a trip you would sit down do some planning and plotting, wouldn’t you? Making time for your fitness and your health is no different. Here’s an idea: Plan to wake up 20 minutes early, skip lunch with friends and exercise. DVR your “favorite show” and watch it later. Like everything in life, if you want it bad enough you can figure it out and find a way. So the real question is not whether you have the time, but whether you really want to invest in your health and well-being. Make a good choice. NUTRITION TIP: Water! I know you’ve heard it before, but water is critical for the digestive and circulatory processes, and provides nutrients to all vital body parts. There are lots of recommendations as to how many ounces a day to drink, but I like drinking half of my body weight in ounces (e.g., a 160-pounder should drink 80 ounces per day). That may seem like a lot, but do it for a few days and notice the difference in your skin and overall feeling. I bet you’ll dig it.

WORKOUT: Here’s a personal challenge for you. I’m a big believer in goals, so in this workout your goal is to beat or at least do the same number of each exercise as you did in the prior round. Do each movement for 45 seconds, then rest 45 seconds and move on to the next exercise. Each time, write down how many repetitions you did for each individual movement. Using that framework, do six rounds of the following three exercises: Pushups Squat Jumps Mountain Climbers This will be hard, even very hard, if you try to meet the personal challenge above. It will also take a reasonably small amount of time. So make your plans to make this one happen, write down your results, and let me know how it went. Also feel free to email me with thoughts or questions: jenny@jennyschatzle. com. Have fun! 





IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING THAT THERE IS RISK OF INJURY ASSOCIATED WITH ANY AND ALL PHYSICAL ACTIVITY, WHETHER STRENUOUS OR NOT. IF YOU HAVE ANY RELATED CONCERNS AT ALL, THEN PLEASE MAKE SURE TO SPEAK WITH YOUR PHYSICIAN BEFORE ENGAGING IN THE EXERCISE PROGRAM ABOVE. AND IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT PARTICULAR MOVEMENTS, THEN PLEASE CALL OR WRITE JENNY SCHATZLE DIRECTLY SO SHE CAN ANSWER THEM. REGARDLESS, HOWEVER, AS A RESPONSIBLE HUMAN BEING, BY PARTICIPATING IN THE FOREGOING EXERCISE PROGRAM, YOU ASSUME ALL OF THE RISK OF DOING SO AND VOLUNTARILY RELEASE, TO THE FULLEST EXTENT ALLOWED BY LAW, ANY AND ALL CLAIMS AGAINST JENNY SCHATZLE BOOTCAMP AND/OR THE SANTA BARBARA SENTINEL.

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OH YEAH, ALL RIGHT...

by Tommie Vaughn Tommie adapted her love of the stage to the love of the

page. As lead singer for the band Wall of Tom, she created This Rock in My Heart and This Roll in My Soul, a fictional book series based loosely on her experiences in the L.A. music scene. Now she’s spending her time checking out and writing about all things Santa Barbara. Reach Tommie at www.TommieV.com or follow her on Twitter at TommieVaughn1.

Paul Chesne Is Riding into Town

THE PET DETECTIVES

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by John and Hudson Mayfield

Hudson (9) and John (7) are brothers and students at Montecito Union School. Hudson loves boats and the ocean, he can be found sailing around the harbor in his free time. John enjoys Minecraft, dogs and all kinds of animals. John is often spotted making new friends with dogs all over town.

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Alfie Davies

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The Paul Chesne Band will take the stage March 15 at the Fig. (courtesy of Paul Chesne)

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t was 2002, wait… maybe 2003 (life was a bit more hazy back then) when I walked into Canter’s Kibitz Room on Fairfax Boulevard one Friday night in Hollywood, California and got my first taste of the rockin’ good time boys, The Paul Chesne Band. The next morning, I do remember my face hurt from smiling, my feet hurt from dancing, and my head hurt from all the whiskey… but I couldn’t remember the last time I’d that much fun watching a band. And coming from me, a person who saw tons of bands on a weekly basis, that was certainly saying something. Of course, we were all in bands back then, we played a boatload of shows together, so we became part of this big musical family. Through the years, we watched each other grow and change, we cheered each other on and we bought each other’s albums. We made out and then laughed about it. Wrote songs about it and… we drank a lot. Maybe that’s why Paul Chesne himself describes his music as whiskey-soaked rock n’ roll. Whatever you wanna describe his music as, is it rock? Is it country? Who cares? All I know is that Paul is probably the hardest-working musician in Los Angeles and one of the most talented songwriters I’ve ever met. He’s a clever poet whose lyrical journeys are ones that we have all traveled and can identify with, but the way Chester puts one word in front of the other is pure gold. It will have you laughing out loud with his wicked word play, and out of your chairs with the

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tightest backing band (Jon Niemann, Josh Norton, Rich Berardi, Jason Chesney and Steve Tegel remain as their “Svengali”), whose sound will have you on your feet within the first few opening bars of their ass-shaking beat. Paul’s got a brand-new album, Downright Up & Left, all bought and paid for from his own nickels, like the true, hard-working, cowboy artist that he is. “This album is more ‘artsy,’” says Chesne. “I’m divorcing myself from any commercial intent, and really committing myself to being an artist, and to my belief in the songs. I’ve never sold out. I’ve tried (ha!), but I never have. I don’t owe anybody anything, and I’m proud of that.” On Saturday, March 15, from 4-8pm, at Figueroa Mountain Brewing Company’s Taproom in the Funk Zone, Paul Chesne and his gang of rebels will cast their musical spell over Santa Barbara. Please, I beg of you, get a sitter. Go on a date night. Get the heck outta class and get your, ah… rumps over to Fig. And have plenty of aspirin ready for the flipside, from your much-needed evening out, filled with hours of fun and raucous rock n’ roll. See you there. Figueroa Mountain Taproom: 137 Anacapa Street Suite F Santa Barbara, California 93101 And for all things Paul Chesne go to www.paulchesne.com to purchase or just listen to his new album, Downright Up & Left go to: music. paulchesne.com/album/downright-upleft-2  





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by Megan Waldrep With over ten years in the industry designing for her own label, she began writing because “it just felt good.” In addition to writing, Megan is currently the head designer and creative director for Mew Kids, a children’s clothing line, as well as a co-author of the much loved children’s book, Spice & Little Sugar. You can say she wears many hats. Which is fitting. For a fashion writer and all. Discover her world at www.mewkids.com.

The Silver Pen

“W

ho’s that over there? She’s lovely and so put together!” I said to my friend. “That’s Hollye Jacobs. She has a blog called ‘The Silver Pen’ about her journey with breast cancer. You should check it out.” I pull out my iPhone and go to www. thesilverpen.com right then and there. And so is my introduction to the world of Hollye Jacobs, where the atmosphere is filled with enlightenment, the tone is welcoming and warm, and the clouds are lined with silver. Hollye is a force of nature wrapped in an elegant package of a caring friend, loving wife and mother of one. With a highly accredited background as a pediatric and adult palliative care nurse (read “palliative care” as “relief of pain”), social worker, child development specialist and speaker

The gorgeous cover of the much-anticipated book out March 18. Pre-order your copy today!

with experience contributing to various medical journals, her writing is self-aware, precise, informative, thoughtful, gentle Co-author of The Silver Lining: A Supportive and Insightful Guide to Breast Cancer and renaissance woman Hollye Jacobs of “The Silver Pen.”

Exclusive*Automobile*Club* in*Downtown*Santa*Barbara** Become*a*Member* www.HangarSB.com* 805?845?5000*

and humorous in all the right places. Her extensive medical knowledge combined with her true-life experience as a breast cancer patient gives readers a truly unique and realistic insight into the journey of living with the disease. F-word Breast Cancer or “FBC” as she calls it is as real as it gets. “It started when my very best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer about 18 months before I was. Then I was diagnosed with it, went through it, and wrote about my experiences through my professional lens as a nurse, social worker, and child development specialist. When I was in recovery, two of my very best friends were diagnosed with late-stage cancer and one of them actually died. So I went from the role of the friend, the role of the clinician, to the role of the patient, to the role of the friend again – so I ended up having all of these different perspectives.” What began as a way to keep family and friends apprised of her treatment, her blog, The Silver Pen, has manifested into a book deal with Simon & Schuster. The blog-turned-book, which she co-authored with her close friend Elizabeth Messina, The Silver Lining: A Supportive and Insightful Guide To Breast Cancer, combines Elizabeth’s beautiful photography with Hollye’s medical knowledge and breast cancer experience, creating a visual and vocal resource for anyone whose life has been touched by

cancer. Kirkus Review describes the book as, “a dignified, intensely personal journey of survival.” It’s that and much more. “When I was going through my experience, my very dear friend Elizabeth Messina photographed me. She said to me at one point, ‘I’m a photographer, and I’m your girlfriend and this is how I want to support you. I want to give you the gift of memory if you ever want it. So if you ever want to look back on this experience and have a memory of it, I’m going to give that to you. And if you never want to look at these images, that’s fine.’” Hollye agreed and off they went into an adventure neither of them could have ever imagined. “We did a bunch of shoots over the course of my treatment. It’s interesting because her images showed me that I was still me. When I looked in the mirror (during treatment), what I saw was a reflection of cancer, illness, mutilation, chemotherapy, radiation, surgery... that’s what I saw. Elizabeth’s images showed me that I was still me; it’s still my smile, it’s still my eyes, it’s still me. It’s the most incredible gift I could have ever imagined, and this is just something that she wanted to do. The power of friendship is phenomenal.” Elizabeth’s images created much more than a memory of Hollye’s journey through cancer treatment; they are a catalyst to further connect her story with


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Hollye leads with a loving foot, always considering the feelings of family and friends during the process. Her husband (affectionately known as HOTY or “Husband of the Year”) also contributes to her blog, sharing insight from his point of view. Her daughter, “Suddenly Seven,” is frequently mentioned in her daily posts as well. “When I went from the role of the patient to the role of the girlfriend again, I had a better sense and understanding of what is helpful to a patient and what doesn’t work. Even though the intentions come from a good place, sometimes what is said or what is done isn’t perceived as intended.” One chapter is titled, “Children Always Know,” which discusses how to talk with and incorporate children from the time of diagnosis throughout the trajectory of the disease. There are chapters discussing “how to be a friend” and “how to support a loved one through the experience.” Precious information that empowers not only the patient, but family and friends as well. Her book is described as part memoir, part curated information – simultaneously clinically credible because it is written by a clinician and also visually beautiful. A book that is both supportive and informative, while also hopeful and realistic. Hollye further explains, “It’s a book I wish I had had and doesn’t exist. Because if it existed, I would not have written it!”

Hollye and the HOTY (Photo by Elizabeth Messina)

The Silver Pen in action. (Photo by Elizabeth Messina)

“Suddenly Seven” (Photo by Elizabeth Messina)

people all over the world. “She came to chemo with me at one point, and she had never been to chemo. So she shot chemo. The images she captured where incredibly insightful for me, because I saw it as the opportunity to demystify the experience. As a nurse, I had that clinical knowledge and experience to see things more insightful for my experience, but when I looked at Elizabeth’s images from chemo, all of a sudden it dawned on me that we might have the opportunity to demystify the experience. To say, ‘This is what it’s going to look like, this is what a chemo chair looks like, this is what is looks like to be connected to an IV bag...’ So much fear about what is about to happen comes from the unknown. You’re still getting chemo, but there’s a little silver lining to know what to expect. This is what you can plan for. All of a sudden it became clear that we might have something that could be a paradigm shift for the cancer experience.”

What exactly is a silver lining? Hollye explains, “The important thing is that when I talk about silver linings, it’s not in a Pollyanna way. (For example), I’m lying on your bathroom floor and I’m too sick to get to bed. I ask, ‘What’s the silver lining, where’s the silver lining?’ and my dog comes in and lays with me. Or I’m looking outside my window when I was too sick to stand, and there was a hummingbird. It doesn’t mean I can suddenly get off my couch, but there’s a little light in this place of darkness. It doesn’t make the wait in the doctor’s office move any more quickly, but if you sit within a situation that is uncomfortable, painful, or even tragic, there can be that glimmer of hopefulness or light in that darkness... how to live with it, how to process it in a way to get through it hopefully unharmed or better because of the experience. Cultivating this sort of resilience because, for me, that’s what life is all about.”

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The book breaks down every piece of information you may need to know about going through treatment – from all the questions to ask your doctor, what to pack for chemo, how to help with needle phobia, how to help with insomnia and everything in between. A “must read” hardly describes it. I ask her what is the biggest lesson she’s learned from all of this. Hollye reflects, “I’ve learned two things with absolute certainty after this experience. The first lesson is that pain is pain, and it’s inevitable that we are all going to experience it in life. Whether it’s a diagnosis, heartbreak, financial devastation or whatever it is, we’re all going to go through some sort of pain. The second lesson is how we can get through it is to look for silver linings. They don’t make the pain go away but provide the balance and perspective to get through it. More is gonna come in life, I know it is. I don’t know what it is, but it’s gonna come and now I know how I’m going to do it.” On March 18, Simon & Schuster officially puts the much-anticipated book to print. Pre-orders for The Silver Lining: A Supportive and Insightful Guide to Breast Cancer are available now through Barnes & Noble, Amazon and Indiebound. com. Thank you, Hollye for helping us recognize the silver linings in our lives. We look forward to following your journey that is sure to be guided by what you do best: letting your love light shine!  

WE WON! 2013

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S T E A K • S E A F O O D • C O C K TA I L S

Lunch • Dinner • Private Parties • Free Valet Parking Happy Hour Weekdays 3 to 6:30 • Live Music Wed–Sat 6 to 9 113 Harbor Way • (805) 564-1200 • chuckswaterfrontgrill.com






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...continued from p.15

Rogers, Sheffield & Campbell, LLP, a fullservice law firm serving Santa Barbara since 1973, is pleased to announce that Braden R. Leck has joined the firm. Brady’s practice will continue to focus on real estate, estate planning and business transactions.

www.RogersSheffield.com 805-963-9721

IANDS’ inaugural founding fathers sport deathless 70s Hair - Shown here in 1978 (left to right) are founders Ken Ring, John Audette, Bruce Greyson and Michael Sabom.

the tools to manifest a creative life.” William Peters introduces himself as the “founder and director of the Shared Crossing Project... and the real jewel in that process is where the surviving loved one goes into the afterlife with the one dying and experiences the beginning stages of the afterlife.” Ness Carroll, a cheery, humor-filled woman with a delightful New Zealand accent, says, “I’d like to talk to you in a little more detail about what I do because so many people ask me. I work with all stages of the consciousness process; conscious birthing, I work with rebirthing, I work with welcoming people into this life, I work with transition coaching. I’m working particularly with the different practices in consciousness-raising that are available to us in the spiral of conscious evolution on this plane.” One perfect beat later, she says, laughing, “I’m sure that made it a lot clearer, right?” The audience laughs with her.  Peter Wright is “a hypnotherapist and past-life regression therapist, board certified, one of 50 in the nation. I take people into hypnosis and then into the spirit world where one can connect with one’s own council of elders.” Woody Allen would delightedly savage this rogue’s gallery of New Age carpetbaggers in a single spasm of typing. Right?

“Barbara Bartolome felt the back of her head at rest against the ceiling of the room, a phenomenon that rarely indicates the successful conclusion of a medical procedure.” collapse from a blend of several possible quantum states to just one in the moment it is measured) and quantum entanglement (two particles separated by vast distances synchronously linked in a way that suggests some extra-dimensional medium connects them) are examples of the nano-magic we blithely accept while dissing phenomena that, by comparison, don’t sound terribly exotic. A knowing theoretical physicist standing on a street corner and plainly stating the accepted tenets of today’s quantum canon would draw the sympathetic stares of passersby and would even make a few pitying bucks besides. Schrödinger’s cat is both alive and dead until you look in the box. Remember? That’s canon. Once you grasp how mightily counterintuitive quantum reality is, the notion of exiting your dead body as a thinking, conscious cloud of self seems about as wild and crazy as a high-necked gingham dress. The only thing ordinary about reality is our bland, ongoing attempt to tame it. Of course, a large and vocal swath of the scientific community isn’t buying it, and sees the magic gingham as a transparent fake draped around a self-deluding, crossdressing emperor. Authors Dean Mobbs and Carolyn Watts, in the publication ...continued p.34

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The Other Side

Reality, in its irreducible quantum state, is completely crazy. Not the plain ham sandwich with mayonnaise most of us assume it to be or wish it to be. Remember high school physics? Our gum fell out of our mouths, we were so bored by it, but it described a world we wouldn’t recognize now if we tripped over it: Superposition (everything is everywhere, all the time), wave function collapse (the idea that a quantum system will catastrophically


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by Jacquelyn De Longe

As a writer, busy mother of two toddlers and Pilates Instructor at P.U.L.S.E., Jacquelyn De Longe finds her fast-paced life often keeps her out of the kitchen and frequenting area restaurants. New to Santa Barbara, she explores treasures of the local culinary scene with a fresh, honest and entertaining perspective.

A Cure for Grocery Boredom B.D. Dautch over at Earth Trine Farm. He knows his herbs. Seriously.

The very friendly Sara from Regier Family Farms has delightful oranges; hmmm… maybe that’s why Henry loves them so much.

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rocery shopping. Ugh. It’s a necessity for all. A timeconsuming weekly ritual that can be almost daily if you have small children (I mean, I might as well have a cow in my backyard with the amount of milk my two toddlers go through.) Then there is the foolish shuffle of club cards that are supposed to make us feel special but really just take up valuable wallet space. Couple that with the fact that spending so much of my hard-earned cash on such a temporal thing as food induces a gasp from me every time those glowing green numbers project my cart’s total. And let’s not forget the joy of having both kids in the cart with all the food while trying to maintain the shape of a loaf of bread. Or keeping all 12 eggs in one piece with a screaming toddler. Or making it through the store without finding little bite marks in all the apples and pears. Or getting through the checkout line without my kids completely annihilating the candy display. Whatever. So what gives? Why am I writing about grocery shopping? Aren’t I supposed to review restaurants? (Don’t worry, I‘ll get there someday.) It’s because I found out something wonderful. Something that can make you feel like a special member of a culinary club without a card. Think about it: Restaurants have to shop for their food too, right? And do you know from where some of the finest restaurants in Santa Barbara get their produce, meats, even flowers? It’s our very own farmers market. Yep, that temporary tent city that takes over the parking lot

My son Henry loves picking and eating oranges. Success!

on Cota and Santa Barbara on Saturday mornings and also our main thoroughfare on late Tuesday afternoon, when it runs down the center of State for two blocks from Ortega to Haley streets. (And then there’s Montecito on Friday mornings. And Goleta on Sundays and Thursdays. Check out www.sbfarmersmarket.org for details.) All the hassle of the supermarket, gone! The farmers market is our a little bit of Paris right downtown. It’s another “see and be seen” scene. There are street performers entertaining, people meandering with their dogs, kids and strollers. And with all the selection and variety, my kids get more interested in food.  And that’s good.

A Few of Our Faves One of our favorite stops is the San Marco Farms Honey Company, located

right here in Santa Barbara. With Wild Flower, Orange Blossom and Avocado from which to pick, we can’t help but try a new honey stick every time. Their honey is so delicious, Smoke ’N Barrel BBQ Shack uses it in their honey butter and Roy buys it by the gallon. The Regier Family Farms is another stand at which you are sure to find us. While the Hungry Cat uses their Satsumas oranges in their specialty cocktails, the Hollister Brewing Co. uses them in their beer. Sara’s cheery smile alone is enough to make anyone stop, but honestly they have such sweet seedless oranges that are so easy to peel my two-year-old can do it herself – truly amazing. We also stopped by Drake Family Farms, one of only two farms in SoCal to be certified to make goat cheese. Shawnie happily handed us a sample, and I swear she converted us from cow to goat cheese. The creamy goodness was heavenly. It brought a little tear of foodie pride to my eye when we left the stand and my fouryear-old son pleaded with me, “Please, more goat cheese, Momma!” And let me not forget to mention that at Milliken Family Farms, which has been farming for five generations, there is amazing heirloom garlic, kale and sci-fi looking Romanesco broccoli. (The kids picked it out. Yippie!) We make sure to load up on great greens here every week. Truth be told, I can’t exactly get all the food we need for the week at the farmers market, but I can get most of our fruits and vegetables. And being that the produce is not pre-packed in bulk, I actually get just what we need. This means only buying as many grapes and carrots as my kids can eat. And because I am not being forced to buy more than I need, I am actually spending less on produce, even though I am buying higher-quality food. All

vendors here are local farmers from Santa Barbara or neighboring counties, and most sell organic and pesticide-free produce.  Yet another benefit to shopping at the farmers market (like saving money and generally eating better isn’t enough of a reason) is that you can talk to people about the food you buy. I stopped by Earth Trine Farm, which has been around since 1986, and they had an amazing array of herbs from which to choose. B.D. Dautch, who has worked at farmers markets since the 1970s, was kind enough to take the time and explain how each herb paired with different types of meats and veggies. Marjoram with red meats, Fenugreek with potatoes or Indian-inspired dishes and on from there… It was as if I had my very own herbal sommelier. How’s that for personal service? 

Everybody’s Doing It So back to how the farmers market relates to restaurant reviews. Well, just look at all our amazing local restaurants that use this resource: Arlington Tavern, Wine Cask, Downey’s, Nordstrom’s Café and Sama Sama Kitchen (among others, of course). I have even seen the chef and sous-chefs from Bouchon parting the sea of shoppers, hauling a wagon down the street and loading it up with the freshest local produce to create their sumptuous dishes. (Makes you want to eat out tonight, doesn’t it?) Overall, the Santa Barbara farmers market is a fantastic family-friendly venue. It gets you out of the house, keeps you entertained, gets some – most, even – of that pesky grocery shopping done and might even get your kids more curious and adventurous about food. You can count on me being there every week, and I look forward to seeing you there, too.

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You Have Your Hands Full by Mara Peters Former editor for the fashion/lifestyle section of the New York

Post, Mara moved to London and worked as a contributing editor for the Daily Mail’s You Magazine, freelancing for Look Magazine, NY Post and the Style Magazine for The Sunday Times. To remain sane during diaper years she writes a mommy blog, You Have Your Hands Full – www.handsfullsb.com.

Searching for Enlightenment

A

lpha and I went to San Francisco to see the Dalai Lama a couple of weeks back. Actually, more pointedly, we went to see my mom honored by the Dalai Lama for her non-profit work. But it just felt good to tell people we were peeling out of Santa Barbara to see one of the most celebrated people of our time. “My parents went to see a really peaceful person,” Jackson told his friends after we left. “The guy is, like, the most peaceful person on the planet.” “Did they go see the Dalai Lama?” one of the parents asked incredulously. “Yeah, that guy! The Dolly Llama!” Jackson exclaimed leaving the parents in stitches. The truth is, I hadn’t read much about the Dalai Lama, hadn’t followed the plight of Tibet, but – after navigating a lobby filled with half of the San Francisco Police Department and standing in line for another hour to go through security – I felt like Alpha and

I were in for one of the BIG moments in our lives. My expectations were admittedly skyhigh, mostly just from the reaction I got by telling people whom we were going to see. “Whoa! Wow! The Dalai Lama! You’ll have an amazing experience!” they’d say with such conviction. And I believed them.

Spiritualism Is Where You Find It

The ballroom in the Ritz Carlton was grand, filled with people from all walks of life. There were 51 honorees, from charity workers who had developed orphanages in ravaged Sudan to doctors who had envisioned that every child should have the right to smile, to my own mom, who has impacted more than 6,000 low income teens annually for the past decade, helping them get into and then succeed in college and, ultimately, life.

Finally, the Dalai Lama came on stage. I watched him (with a visor over his head) as his entourage helped him to the podium. Everyone in the room focused totally on him. Out loud, he pondered what he should talk about on this day. We all waited, in anticipation; surely he knew what he was going to say. Here was a room filled with his people eagerly awaiting his words of wisdom. But that wasn’t the way it was. Alpha and I craned our necks to try to read his lips as he mumbled through a standard speech about the importance of peace, his accent making it almost impossible to understand. I watched those around me also struggling to gain insight and inspiration from him. There was not much there. After his speech, the honorees walked the stage and shook hands with him. Each of the 51 had their bio read as they approached the stage. “At the age of twelve, this young man worked in a soup kitchen at Glide Memorial Church in San Francisco. He was exposed to hungry kids and recognized there was not enough food to go around. He started coding and built a program that connected restaurants and farmers, throwing out 1/3 of their food, to the Foodbanks of San Francisco. His non-profit program Waste No Food has been adopted all over the Bay Area.

Thank you, Kiran Sridhar.” With much curiosity, I watched a tentative 16-year-old Indian boy, in the midst of much older peers, walk up the steps to shake the Dalai Lama’s hand. The extraordinariness of seeing someone so young, shining so bright, affecting so many people, gave me goose bumps. I had to fight not to cry. Right then and there, I realized I didn’t need a Dalai Lama moment. I felt everything I needed to feel from the experience: Hope, optimism, a clear vision of our future. And it all came from an auspicious teenager making a big difference. 

PETERS’ PICK

You should go just for the cool experience. Walk through the garage doors and find a bunch of tossed-aside shoes, a design table – there’s serious ambiance at SeaVees. Go check out The Fitting Room (by appointment only) and try on their latest spring collection in men’s and women’s footwear. The only catch? You’re not walking out with your shoes – they order for you and ship to your house. But a couple of days shouldn’t be a hindrance: You know what they say about delayed gratification. The Fitting Room, 118 East Ortega Street. Email for an appointment at thefittingroom@seavees.com.

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to find artists with unique designs and craftsmanship,” Osha said. To top off any perfect outfit, gorgeous handbags from Joelle Hawkins, Henri Lou, Isabella Fiore, Tylie Malibu and Big Buddha also grace the shelves, with prices ranging from $55 to $600. “I like to tell a story with the designers’ piece so that there is a consistent flow when I buy with jewelry, clothing and gift items,” Osha said.

by Kateri Wozny Kateri is an award-winning journalist with a

background in print, online, radio and TV news. A native of Minneapolis, MN, she has written for the Chicago Sun-Times Media Group, Pepperdine University and Acorn Newspapers. She works full time as a public relations manager locally and loves exploring the Santa Barbara fashion scene. Follow her on Twitter @kitkatwozny.

Forever Posh Boutique Poises to Be Different

Customer Priority

F

riends and family always ask me where my favorite getaway is for a day and hands-down I always answer the same: the Santa Ynez Valley. It’s not just for the wine tasting and the food (oh god, is it good), but the people and, more importantly, for the boutiques it offers for me (and you!) to enjoy. Even Cherise Osha, owner of Forever Posh Boutique (where I made my next classy stop), agrees. “The people are friendly, and it’s a gorgeous place to come and shop,” Osha said. “It offers a lot.” Osha is one of the most stylish women in the Valley and it shows with Forever Posh. Opened in 2001 next to Salon V, the country cottage-like boutique is summed up in Osha’s four words: classic, whimsical, eclectic and trendy. “My customers tell me my boutique has a feel-good vibe and that it’s very special and unique. When I hear that, it makes my day,” she said. “I value and appreciate my customers.” Osha was once a Los Angeles resident for many years but moved to be near her family in Santa Ynez in the 1990s. While working at the Los Olivos Grand Hotel (now Fess Parker Wine Country Inn & Spa), she would stop by the quaint, cute boutiques in town, which inspired Osha to open her own. “I used to do a lot of shopping in

The unique shop is a reflection of its stylish owner.

Cherise Osha greets everyone with a smile at her Forever Posh Boutique.

Los Angeles on Montana Avenue and I thought, Santa Ynez could use a fun boutique (with unique items)!” she said. “I wanted it to be different, so you didn’t have to go all the way to Santa Barbara or Los Angeles to find things.” Osha told me that there are so many hidden goodies to be found in her boutique. I found that to be very true; blink an eye and you could miss a fabulous piece. I darted one way and found a small gift section full of candles. (I’m a sucker for a heavenly scent, so I bought a Michael

Aram candle.) I also discovered jewelry boxes, picture frames and these not-tomiss gorgeous cross bottles by Theresa A. Seidel. Forever Posh carries classy designers such as ECRU, White + Warren, Subtle Luxury, Quinn Cashmere, whimsical designs of Lauren Moshi and Fantastic Fitting Jeans by Henry & Belle. Prices range from $28 for a tank top to $500 for a Muubaa leather jacket. With my mom’s birthday coming up, I bought her a cute pair of PJ Salvage flannels with dog prints. “(When choosing clothes for the boutique), I look for what is trending. I also want to have staple pieces that are comfortable but also have some with a spirit of fun,” Osha said. Items that will immediately catch your eye are the jewelry lines – from earth tones to sparkling diamonds – from designers such as Siena Jewelry, Cynthia Dugan, Heather Moore Custom Jewelry, Love Heals, Harper Belle, Links of London, Tai, Robindira Unsworth, Lenny & Eva and ZoWEE. Prices range from $25 for a blessing bracelet to an amazing $2,000 for a diamond jewelry piece. “I am a jewelry enthusiast. I seek out

Time & Tide and the DAY LOW HGT HIGH FRI, MAR 7 1:31 AM SAT, MAR 8 2:44 AM SUN, MAR 9 5:10 AM MON, MAR 10 12:21 AM 2.6 6:22 AM TUES, MAR 11 1:18 AM 2.3 7:15 AM WED, MAR 12 1:59 AM 1.9 7:57 AM THURS, MAR 13 2:33 AM 1.6 8:33 AM FRI, MAR 14 3:04 AM 1.1 9:06 AM SAT, MAR 15 3:35 AM 0.8 9:38 AM SUN, MAR 16 4:07 AM 0.6 10:11 AM MON, MAR 17 4:41 AM 0.4 10:45 AM TUES, MAR 18 5:17 AM 0.3 11:22 AM WED, MAR 19 5:58 AM 0.3 12:03 PM THURS, MAR 20 12:01 AM FRI, MAR 21 12:39 AM

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LOW 9:04 AM 10:40 AM 12:51 PM 01:39 PM 02:15 PM 02:44 PM 03:10 PM 03:34 PM 03:57 PM 04:22 PM 04:46 PM 05:12 PM 05:39 PM 6:45 AM 7:44 AM

urf

HGT HIGH HGT LOW 0.9 03:52 PM 2.7 07:56 PM 0.8 05:52 PM 2.9 05:52 PM 0.6 07:49 PM 3.2 0.3 08:22 PM 3.5 0.1 08:47 PM 3.7 0 09:09 PM 4 0 09:29 PM 4.2 0 09:50 PM 4.4 0 010:12 PM 4.6 0.2 010:36 PM 4.8 0.4 011:01 PM 5 0.7 011:29 PM 5 1 0.3 12:52 PM 3.5 06:10 PM 0.4 01:58 PM 3 06:47 PM

Osha likes to go all-out for her customers, with two huge sales at the end of January and August, and a yearly open house in November with raffles, prizes, gift certificates, wine, champagne and food from local restaurants. She also hosts designer trunk shows (or as she likes to call them, “get-togethers”) and is aiming for an April jewelry show. “My customers are loyal and wonderful. I like to do whatever I can for them,” she said.

Charity Calling Osha is dedicated to serving her community and her proceeds have helped the Sansum Clinic, Solvang Oncology, Santa Ynez Valley Humane Society and local schools. With her father fighting cancer, a charity dear to her heart is the Cancer Center of Santa Barbara. “I like to give back to my community; it makes me feel good to help out in any way I can,” she said. I definitely felt higher after leaving with my purchases, because after all, it’s just too posh. 

Forever Posh Boutique is located at 3583 Numancia Street. Store hours are Monday – Friday from 10am - 5:30pm and Saturday from 10am – 5pm. For more information, call 688-1444, like it on Facebook and visit the website at www. foreverposh.com.  

SURF MAGAZINE • DEEPZINE.COM

HGT 2.5 2.9

A

1.5 2

For a more in-depth daily report call Surf Country, 805-683-4450

lthough the current swell peaked on Friday, it will hold throughout most of Saturday (3/8) with a slightly better angle than it had earlier in the week. So local breaks should see shoulder-plus waves. Beach breaks have been pretty good recently so don’t get all hung up on points. Our next chance of surf comes Tuesday (3/11) and into Wednesday with standard west-northwest clearing winds and good conditions early. Mid-range high tides will keep debris on the beaches and out of the water, but do keep an eye out.  -Surf Country Doug






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The Weekly Capitalist by Jeff Harding

Jeff Harding publishes The Daily Capitalist, a blog on economics and finance. He is the president of Montecito Analytics, LLC, and is a real estate investor who lives in Montecito.

Ms. Capps Ignores The Most Important Issue of All

L

ois Capps recently solicited her constituents’ advice about legislative priorities for Congress in the forthcoming 113th session. She invited us – present company included – to complete a brief survey in which she listed a number of issues she thought would be foremost in our hearts:

What issues do you want Congress to tackle this year? - Immigration - Infrastructure investment - Drought assistance - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) rights - Tax reform - Healthcare - Other I was, admittedly, quite disappointed with this selection. Most of these are code words for causes that appeal to specific political bases of the Progressive wing of the Democratic Party rather than issues that affect all Americans. I am not so naïve as to suggest that politicians aren’t responsive to their political supporters or that they are not tuned into local needs. And I don’t think Republicans are any better than Democrats. I’m also not saying these aren’t important issues, but I have the feeling that what Ms. Capps thinks they mean and what voters like me think they mean are quite different. And, since Ms. Capps is my representative, I get to pick on her. For example: Infrastructure Investment. It sounds good, doesn’t it? Repair bridges, freeways and dams. Help commerce and create jobs. This is what I call a “Buy Your Vote Spending Bill.” It doesn’t really create jobs since the government pays for such projects by sucking money out of the private economy, thereby reducing private employment. It’s a flawed economic Mortgage concept in Solutions theory and in practice. They spend public Designed Fordollars You! on projects that

reward their political supporters – unions and their crony contractors. It doesn’t create jobs or grow the economy. But it sure rewards our politicians’ happy supporters who will, in turn, get out the vote for them. Drought Assistance also sounds nice on the drawing board. Ms. Capps’ website says this is about giving taxpayers’ money to farmers who have suffered economic losses as a result of the drought. This is, of course, an issue dear to farmers, who are always eager to get federal funds if they can. But, since droughts do occur on a regular basis, why should we bail them – or any other business – out for normal business risks? Let farmers bear the risk of their chosen profession, not us. They can buy private crop insurance to protect themselves against this risk but, instead, they want you to pay for it. This kind of provision won’t yield more water, but it will buy farmers’ votes. LGBT Rights. OK, for the record, I am all for the LGBT cause to achieve equal rights under the law. But these are state concerns more than federal concerns. I’m not saying this isn’t a valid issue; it is, and if I were LGBT, I would fight for these rights. But if I were to pick six important issues affecting all Americans, this wouldn’t be one of them. Healthcare in Ms. Capps book means Obamacare. I do think this is a serious issue for all Americans but for entirely different reasons. To me, it is the beginning of the decline of quality health care in America. Mediocrity is the result of almost all government-run health care systems around the world. Why would we be any different? And then there is the cost. Not one national health care system has avoided massive cost overruns and rationed services. Ms. Capps, on the other hand, sees Obamacare as the best way to run one-sixth of the economy. As goes the post office, so goes Obamacare. This is too big of an issue to discuss here, but just watch and see if I’m not right.

What Ms. Capps means by Tax Reform is to raise taxes on “the rich.” Democrats generally like to “cut” taxes, but too often that means excusing middle- and lowerincome taxpayers from paying their fair share. Right now, the top 25% of earners in America pay 87% of income taxes, leaving only 13% being paid by the other 75%. And the top 5% already pay almost 60% of all income taxes, so where is she going with this? But “tax the rich” makes a good sound bite. Unfortunately, it ignores reality. But politicians aren’t interested in reality. And then there’s Immigration. I am pro-immigration: We need hard-working new citizens here. I’m not for eliminating borders, because that would be a disaster for both sides of the line. But we can’t just ignore the folks who are already here; they aren’t just going to go home. It’s not fair on anyone’s scale of law and justice to keep them in a permanent “illegal” subclass. I’m sure Ms. Capps agrees with me on this. So maybe I’ll give her a pass on this one. Pass the Dream Act!

The Invisible Elephant in Ms. Capps’ Corner So, that’s it? That’s all there is facing the American public? That’s it for legislative priorities? Respectfully, I disagree. Here’s an important problem Ms. Capps should have mentioned; in fact, it’s the most important one of all: Federal Spending and Debt. According to the Debt Clock (Google this), our federal debt is $17.407+ trillion (GDP is $17 trillion). While W. Bush was truly horrible, Obama himself has increased it by almost 60% since he’s been in office. While the Obama Administration touts the fact that deficit spending has recently declined, it’s mostly because the economy is improving and government revenues are higher. Let me put it this way: The debt continues to grow, it will never be paid off, we don’t just “owe it to ourselves” and the percentage of the budget going to pay interest on the debt (7.2%) is already a drag on the economy. But that’s not the worst of it. The federal government has, by some estimates, $128 trillion in unfunded liabilities. These are the legal obligations that the government has to future retirees who will receive Social Security payments, Medicare and prescription drug benefits. (It doesn’t even

include future Obamacare liabilities.) Retirees are not paying for it; their taxes went to pay for the prior generation of retirees. And there is no Social Security fund, no “lock box,” nothing. Those of you who work and pay taxes will pay for it (so will your children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, great-great grandchildren, great-great-great grandchildren…). We can’t afford this. It will destroy the economy. Think I’m exaggerating? OK, put your collective heads in the sands and forget about it. I know, you’ve got to pay the mortgage, fund the kids’ college costs, save for retirement. Let someone else worry about it. Yada, yada, yada. But if you love your kids and your grandchildren, you’ve got to do something

“And as the social fabric unwinds, it will be the decline of America. It won’t happen in a day or a year, but it will happen, slowly, over time.” now. If not, your kids or grandkids will rebel against the increasing tax bite, their declining wages and purchasing power, a stagnant economy and the lack of opportunity. And as the social fabric unwinds, it will be the decline of America. It won’t happen in a day or a year, but it will happen, slowly, over time. We aren’t unique here and I’m not Chicken Little. These are the facts, and they are the kinds of things that took down the Roman Empire and other civilizations. Modern Greece is emblematic of the problem where you have more people taking than people contributing. It doesn’t work. Our politicians don’t really seem to care, either. If they did, representatives like Ms. Capps would put spending, entitlement reform and debt reduction at the top of their lists. Instead, though, just like you, they stick their heads in the same bucket of sand and hope something wonderful will happen in the future to solve the problem. But be warned: It will go bad unless WE do something about it. Now. 

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ELEVATOR PITCH by Grant Lepper

Grant’s an entrepreneur, start-up strategist, digital marketing pro, sailor, hiker, cyclist, mentor and writer. With more than 20 years of creative marketing experience, Grant’s been on the founding team of four startups, run his own shop and delivered forward thinking digital marketing and creative solutions to emerging and established companies in technology, hospitality, education and active-lifestyle industries. Today he’s the Senior Partner of Digital Strategy at PULL Brand Innovation (pullinc.com).

The Intersection of A Violent Day Sailing Injury and Safe Sleeping for Kids See? Baby sleeping soundly and safely. Swanling, parents, I’m telling you.

I

blew it. It was a beautiful day of sailboat racing, warm and sunny, the final race of the Hot Rum Series hosted by the Santa Barbara Yacht Club. In five to seven knots of gentle breeze, I was gliding through calm seas aboard Taxi Dancer, a big, sexy, and very yellow race boat that makes her home here in the Santa Barbara Harbor. It was 40 seconds before the start of the race, and I scrambled from my position in the back of the boat, as one of two mainsail trimmers, forward to the low-side rail where the rest of the crew was perched to help balance the boat in the light wind. A quick tack was called to transition from port to starboard just seconds before the gun; all the crew positioned on the rail moved in near unison across the deck to the other side. I was the last to go – no big deal. As the jib trimmers began their work wailing on the “grinder,” (a pedestal with cranks where two strong guys face each other and spin them like hell to move the enormous sails in and out), I misstepped into the path of the jib lazy sheet whizzing across the deck. The line captured my left foot, taking me with it. Not good. Surprised and frankly panicked by my situation, I scrambled to hop-step out of the fast moving and tightening line. I called back to the grinders to back off, but it was too late. Then… snap! A fiery explosion went off in my leg as it hit the shrouds that support the sevenstory-tall mast. The result was a ruptured Achilles tendon and the unceremonious opening of the pain locker. The surgery that followed days later was hardly on my bucket list.

But hey, you live and learn. So what does a perfectly good tendon being turned into string cheese have to do with the Sentinel and entrepreneurs and startups here in Santa Barbara? Well, for one thing, it’s my excuse for missing my last deadline. (Sorry, Matt!) It’s also a reminder that even when things go really, really bad, good things can come from them. Good things like getting a terrific story from a place like the foredeck of a big yellow race boat.

Encouraging Sleep and Saving Lives Jan von Yurt – Taxi Dancer’s stoic foredeck captain (“Jan”, pronounced “Yan”) who handled my quasi-medical emergency quite efficiently – is a Swiss native and friend who exchanged his snow-capped mountainous home for our windswept sea and true love after meeting his then-future wife Joanna (a thirdgeneration SB native) when the Bayside Boys’ remix of the Macarena was topping the charts. For the past seven years, the couple has been working on a new product that promises safe, comfortable sleep solutions for babies – and, perhaps just as importantly, peace for parents. Utilizing their three daughters as a product development team, Jan and Joanna are excited to spread the word on their freshly launched local business christened Swanling. Joanna and Jan met up with me at the El Encanto on a dark and stormy Friday afternoon to bring me up to speed on what the company has to offer. “We’ve created a 3-in-1 safe sleep solution. It’s a specially

fitted sheet, a sleep sack, with waterproof padding that fits crib and twin-sized bed mattresses,” Joanna explained. “The sleep pattern of the child is the most important thing for growth; intellectual, health, safety and sanity in the family,” added Jan. “We’re also very proud that the slumber sheets and swaddles are made in the U.S.,” he continued proudly in his uniquely Swiss accent. “When a child is born,” Jan went on, “they’re in the womb in this ‘tight’ environment. All of a sudden, they have all this freedom of movement as a newborn. That’s very important for growth, yes, but when sleeping they wake themselves up with the reflexes they’re just beginning to discover.” So how does it work? “We center the child in the middle of the crib so they can never get in a position to harm themselves, but they have free range of motion. The way the sheet is designed encourages them to sleep on their back.” This, Jan explained, is one of the most important features to protect a child against Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). “We wanted to create a product that gives parents their freedom, in the best interest for their child. We wanted children to experience safe sleeping – and we want to help save lives.”

Something Different, Something Better “Most products on the market are limited to just a few months of growth for the child and then the sizes change,” Joanna told me. “Our product is the only one you can literally use from a seven-pound newborn just home from the hospital all the way up to toddlers three years of age.” Made of 100% cotton, the Slumber Sheet features a patented elastic band. “No matter how you put it on, at whatever angle, it completely gathers under the center of the mattress, keeping the sheet taught and making it so, so, safe,” Joanna was proud. “And,” Jan chimed in, “it’s easy to put on for Dads, too!” I imagine that getting a baby conditioned to this safe-sleep environment is best suited for the infant. Joanna confirmed this by talking me through the nuances of swaddling. (I’m not a parent but have nevertheless heard quite a bit about this practice of apparent child mummification.) “Usually it’s done just for the first three months of the child’s life,” she explained. “What’s revolutionary about our Slumber Swaddle is it snaps in place to the sheet itself. This resolves the whole issue of improper swaddling, the baby not being wrapped correctly, coming undone and risking suffocation.” Jan went on to explain that “there is new research being done that relates swaddling to hip dysplasia later in life. What they’ve come back with is to not swaddle the lower extremities. With the snap-in-place Slumber Swaddle, only the upper body is swaddled, allowing the legs to move freely

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within the sheet.” Keeping kids happy and soothed is also part of the bedtime process (which explains the aforementioned mummification… or not). “And when you’re a parent, you know that the kids toss everything overboard because they can’t go to sleep – and then they can’t relax because their ‘lovies’ are all over the floor.” Joanna burrowed in closer to the cozy gas heater on the outdoor patio. “All of our products are driven by the tactile feel,” Jan looked past me at the sky as another storm cell passed, letting loose much-needed rain. “It soothes them,” said Joanna. “Our children were the realworld testers; we’d try all these different materials and put them in a dark room – and they’d all pick the same one, out of twenty different choices.” How’s that for Kid-tested, Motherapproved? To me, all sounds good with the Swanling Safe Sleep products. Child safely wrapped, snapped and soothed. And hip dysplasia and SIDS risks reduced to boot. Nighty night, kids, sleep tight. Don’t let the jib sheet bite. 

learn more: swanling.com monpetitbijou.com amazon.com

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...continued from p.28

receding into a star-clouded firmament. It is a child’s rendition of the cosmos and would not look out of place rendered on black velvet. The doctor is quite taken with it. “I love this picture,” he says, almost to himself. He stares at the graphic for a moment before going on. His presentation is long and somewhat rambling and, often, he is hastily reading straight off the PowerPoint in a mumbled rush. “Approximately 96% of the universe is dark matter; we can’t quite agree on the figure. Maybe 96.5%. We know about the dark matter and dark holes in the universe because of the mathematics used in astronomy. Okay.” Rustling in the house. “Ninety-six percent is a lot of

Let us gather at the Sheraton – 2013 IANDS Nat’l Conference in Arlington, Virginia.

Trends in Cognitive Science, speak for the materialist masses when they point out what many scientists believe is happening with NDE: “Taken together, the scientific evidence suggests that all aspects of the near-death experience have a neurophysiological or psychological basis: the vivid pleasure frequently experienced in near-death experiences may be the result of fear-elicited opioid release… out-of-body experiences and feelings of disconnection with the physical body could arise because of a breakdown in multisensory processes, and the bright lights and tunneling could be the result of a peripheral to fovea breakdown of the visual system through oxygen deprivation. A priori expectations, where the individual makes sense of the situation by believing they will experience the archetypal near-death experience package, may also play a crucial role.”

Which is an overwrought way of saying the near-death phenomenon may be a combination of surging chemicals and wish fulfillment. The jury is out. The guest speaker, Alan Hugenot, is lengthily introduced. He is an engineer with a deep love of science – physics in particular – and a number of indecipherable decorations to his credit (he is, in fact, a naval engineer and marine surveyor of some renown, and a respected maritime journalist), and he has been studying consciousness for some 20 years. Hugenot bounds out from behind the covered grand piano he has been leaning against and takes the mic. A laptop on a nearby stool projects a PowerPoint presentation whose introductory graphic is a sort of colorfully idealized deepspace scene, with a swirling planet in the foreground and other heavenly bodies

“IANDS leaders have a collective portfolio of nontraditional skills, so Californian you have to take a mental step back to remember how mad this stuff would sound in the banquet room of the Detroit Rotary Club.” room for the afterlife.” Someone stifles a guffaw. The collective wisdom of whatever extra-dimensional journeys Hugenot has undertaken (he was involved in a briefly fatal motorcycle accident in the early 1970s) does not seem to have made of him a gifted proselytizer of the Beyond. “We know where the dark energy is, but we cannot detect its effects,” he continues. “We cannot discern it. Okay. It exists outside our 3-D. So, the postulate we get is this: Consciousness exists in the dark energy field that pre-exists the evolution of the brain.” Several times during his presentation, when briefly referencing his own NDE and associated exaltation, Hugenot has to stop and compose himself. He seems about to weep.

input it must process every waking second. But the lock-step algorithmic workings of the brain structures, however complex, don’t yet satisfactorily explain the glissando of “feeling” we experience, the incredibly nuanced spectrum of emotional states that define and color our highly subjective interior lives. Why might a certain hue of magenta produce an emotional response? Why might a particular chord played on a piano cause you to feel a certain way? These are examples of qualia, those subjective experiences we all have whose subtle, penetrating essence we struggle to articulate and which can’t so easily be accounted for by the firing of neurons, no matter the number and complexity of the firings. Efforts to locate consciousness at its source are taking stalwart materialists to uncomfortable places where quasi-religious nomenclature sneaks in, to the pleasure of a very few. It is all said to be happening at what’s called the Planck scale – the smallest measure of the physical. To get an idea of the scale, the period that ends this sentence is to a Planck length as the entire visible universe is to the period. To put it another way, if you dropped a Planck unit on shag carpeting, you wouldn’t be able to find it, even with all the lights on. Something is happening way down there in the nano-basement – our “minds” may be happening down there. Can a brain’s admittedly mindbending computational prowess produce such non-algorithmic stuff as love and melancholy and unbridled enthusiasm for teal cable-knit sweaters? It’s the ancient mind-body problem. Am I my brain? This is the arguable keynote of the near-death experience, and what makes it more than a fat, slow-moving target for determined reductionists. Consciousness, if at all separable from the lump of electrified jelly that we have always supposed generates and houses it, may be a moveable feast – something that inhabits the material of the brain but is not produced by it. The only physical measure of consciousness at this time is the gamma radiation that the brain generates at varying levels during various states or degrees of conscious thinking. It’s worth noting that a 2013 study conducted by the publication Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences showed that animals’ brains emit a crazy burst of gamma in the moments during and immediately ...continued p.36

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by James Luksic A longtime writer, editor and film critic, James has

worked nationwide for several websites and publications – including the Dayton Daily News, Key West Citizen, Topeka Capital-Journal and Santa Ynez Valley Journal. California is his eighth state. When he isn’t watching movies or sports around the Central Coast, you can find James writing and reading while he enjoys coffee and bacon, or Coke and pizza.

Up, Down and All Around

R

ecent weeks at the cineplex have been typical, which is to say mediocre, for this time of year. March appears more encouraging, as soon as Wes Anderson’s The Grand Budapest Hotel and Darren Aronofsky’s Noah are released for public consumption. Somehow I’m less hopeful about The Single Moms Club from tireless Tyler Perry, who inexplicably has a hand in several movies every year. Meanwhile, it’s easy to smirk while watching the ubiquitous trailer for Need for Speed, a shameless mash-up of The Fast and The Furious and Jack Reacher. After bulldozing through a half-dozen new offerings, I safely recommend none of them – perhaps two at the most:

Air Scare

Non-Stop pits Liam Neeson as an air marshal and alcoholic who finds himself on an overseas flight (destination: London) with a money-seeking killer and a lethal briefcase. It’s a murdermystery whose suspect remains up in the air for an explosive and brisk 85 minutes. I’d pegged the perpetrator early on, yet director Jaume ColletSerra and no fewer than five writers keep us guessing with sleight of hand and a red herring (literally, in the form of passenger Julianne Moore). The film is undeniably engaging but also far-fetched and overcooked – which explains why it dominated the weekend box office.

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wholly at ease despite globetrotting as a hit man based in Paris, reconnects with his teen daughter and estranged wife in the process. Amber Heard struts around in leather and fancy getups, surfacing periodically to give orders while helping the hero with a medical death sentence. Despite universal themes about lost love, regret and atonement, there’s nothing substantial – except another steady, comforting turn by the dignified Costner.

Night After Night

If the new About Last Night hadn’t been titled as such, I likely wouldn’t have recognized it as being related to the superior 1986 forbear co-starring Rob Lowe and Demi Moore. In fact, David Mamet’s original prose has been so reimagined with Kevin Hart (quickly becoming the next Chris Tucker) verbalizing it into submission, that the new version ought to be judged on its own merits, or lack thereof. This romantic-comedy follows two couples (Hart, Regina Hall, Michael Ealy and Joy Bryant) enjoying each other’s company when they aren’t fighting about love, sex, commitment, marriage, come what may. Paula Patton’s cameo inflates the eye candy and pretense. The instances of appeal and integrity are dismantled with sledgehammer force by Hart and Hall’s incessant, booming chatter.

Winter of Discontent

Winter’s Tale is a seemingly dumbed-down version of Mark Helprin’s novel from three decades ago, with dialogue so sappy it trickles off the screen. The premise: A burglar gifted with reincarnation strives to help a dying heiress. The writer-director Akiva Goldsman (who has also served as a producer and actor) wears so many hats and spreads the material so thin, there’s nothing left to our imaginations. Colin Farrell and Russell Crowe practically turn themselves insideout as the hero and villain, respectively, while curious cameos by William Hurt and Will Smith make us wonder what in hell they were thinking. Other big names such as Jennifer Connelly and Graham Greene hardly register in such an ethereal realm; then again, everything in this tale of love and larceny feels overshadowed by the mystical white horse. 

Eternal Twaddle

It has been 33 years since Brooke Shields took us by storm in Franco Zefferelli’s spin on Endless Love, so why not a remake from Shana Feste, who brought us the passable Country Strong? Well, here’s why not: Lovebird leads Gabriella Wilde and Alex Pettyfer aren’t only British, but too old (mid-20s) for this retooling of forbidden love. Besides, what’s disturbing here isn’t the young adults’ fleeting fling so much as the close-minded father, who can’t stop grieving the loss of his eldest son while lashing out at everyone. The man is so obtuse and hypocritical that he would’ve been a caricature if not for Bruce Greenwood’s credible portrayal.

INTERMEZZO & A MOVIE +

+

+

To Protect And Serve?

The new Robocop, a reworking of Paul Verhoeven’s 1987 version, didn’t exactly have its work cut out: It isn’t as if the original, except for its memorable title, was anything special or sacred. The details involve a dystopic Detroit, circa 2028, and a terminally injured cop returning – upon being re-established as a cyborg – with wicked memories remaining in place. The meddling conglomerate, spearheaded by Michael Keaton, gets an assist from a genius scientist (Gary Oldman, believable as can be) in “selling” civilian law enforcement to the American public, an idea reinforced by resonant TV anchor (Samuel L. Jackson). Tossed into the mix is a chillingly focused Jackie Earle Haley – he’s a necessary, considerable chunk – as a no-nonsense weapons advisor. Bullets fly amid a script littered with political and technical rhetoric, all crammed into a rollicking two hours. 

Killing Time

3 Days to Kill is beyond implausible, but if you check your skepticism at the door, you’re bound to get a kick out of the adventure’s action sequences. Kevin Costner,

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...continued from p.34 following physical death. Dr. Pim van Lommel, a Dutch researcher whose work with NDE and consciousness studies appeared as a groundbreaking and controversial article in the peer-reviewed medical journal The Lancet (the gold standard of medical and scientific credibility), believes consciousness may be entering the brain from the outside. He describes “a concept in which our endless consciousness with declarative memories finds its origin in, and is stored in, a non-local dimension as wave-fields of information, and the brain only serves as a relay station for parts of these wave-fields of consciousness, to be received into or as our waking consciousness.” This hypothesis has some connection to Italian physicist Paola Zizzi’s theory on the very origin of consciousness, which she postulates may have blurted into existence at the Big Bang, owing to a massive accidental quantum delaminating of space-time that she has coined the “Big Wow.” Possibly the most rancorously debated theory of consciousness, because it is so rooted in the brain structure, is that of eminent mathematician Roger Penrose and consciousness researcher Stuart Hameroff, who suggest that consciousness – not a spirit but a mechanistic component of reality – inheres in microtubules within our neurons which, when acted upon by quantum gravity, produce consciousness. These musings once occupied the

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The near-dead experiencers (from 6 o’clock, at bottom of photo then clockwise) Barbara Bartolome, William Peters MFT, James Smallwood MA, Lynn Alonso, John Grandfield, Mary Avila and Marina Read).

cultural bookshelf between Tie-Dye for Dummies and the Vedantic Cupcake Cookbook but are now central to the discussion of who and what we are. As Sir Isaac Newton once wrote in the spellingchallenged 17th century: “To determine by what modes or actions light produceth in our minds the phantasm of colour is not so easie.” Of course, many serious scientists view the idea of free-floating consciousness with a raised eyebrow. As Victor Stenger, the American particle physicist, philosopher and religious skeptic sees it: “The myth of quantum consciousness should take its place

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along with gods, unicorns and dragons as yet another product of the fantasies of people unwilling to accept what science, reason and their own eyes tell them about the world.”

The Zero-Point Field

Step away from the nutty nanoscale events, collapsing wave functions, quantum superposition and moment-ofdeath, neuronal gamma bursts. The fact is, the sages in their saffron pajamas have been plainly telling us one or another version of this story for millennia. The universe is consciousness. All time and space is Love itself, for want of a better word. I mean, Love? Seriously? Can we just call it the Zero-Point Field or something? That we can handle. Love doesn’t sound scientific enough to even merit discussion in this setting. Neither do reincarnation, transition counseling, conscious birthing and the rest. But what if Love and Consciousness and other cosmic brand-identifiers of the New Age are not to do with spirit, but are just the impersonal workings of a big machine that is perfecting itself in plain Darwinian

earnestness? Would that make any of this more palatable? What if Love is an overpraised mechanical expedient whose practice benefits the forward motion of both The Machine and the Hallmark corporation? Barbara Bartolome, William Peters, Ness Carroll, James Smallwood and Alan Hugenot are looking where the rest of us won’t look, are in pursuit of answers where some of us don’t even see a question. Is there a dynamo in the middle of all this, throwing sparks? We owe it to ourselves to ask. Tonight’s meeting of the Santa Barbara Chapter of IANDS is wrapping. Soon, Hugenot will be presented with a birthday cake aglow with candles and be so visibly moved by the gesture that the audience will sigh as one. A roomful of human empathy is itself a wondrous thing. But for now, the good doctor is taking questions from the audience and Bartolome is energetically walking around the large room with a wireless mic, a near-dead Phil Donahue. People ask Hugenot about his experience with mediums, wonder aloud about reincarnation, determinism and our collective destiny. Finally, a handsome older gentleman to my right with a full head of lustrous gray hair haltingly raises his hand and asks his question. His wife has died. His manner indicates the wound is still fresh. “Can I talk to her?” he says in a broken voice. “Can I ask her things? I want to know what I can do for her.” 

The 2014 IANDS National Conference will be held from August 28-31, at the Marriott Newport Beach, in Newport Beach. It features many NDE experiencers as guest speakers and panel members, and is open to anyone who would like to attend. Registration will be open around June 1 on the IANDS website at www.IANDS.org and interested individuals can also contact Barbara Bartolome at (805) 451-8646.






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the

SANTA Byo urARBARA S KINNY gui de to

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included along with a discussion on publishing and photography as a business in general, this day will be full of cuisine, creativity, cameras and class. Come, come...sign up today. Why wouldn’t you? Merci! www.fluttermag.com/workshops.php.

.com

SANTA BARBARA LIVING

WINE & DINE

Super Superfood Spot

STYLE FILE

By Eve Sommer-Belin

Coveting Colors

By Briana Westmacott f you follow all of our Skinny files online (and we sure hope that you do), then you may have taken our Green Scene suggestion this week and cleaned out your closet (see www. santabarbaraskinny.com/green-scene/ naked-ladies for some fabulous tips). Of course, as everybody knows, once you purge some of the old, then it’s time to infuse something new. And we know just where you can go to add a fresh staple to your wardrobe. American Colors is a bright addition to downtown shopping. Alex Lehr launched her clothing line on the East Coast, and it is now carried in more than 250 stores nationally and internationally. Lucky for us, American Colors now has a storefront in SB. Many celebrities have stepped out in the American Colors boyfriend and work shirts, with their pretty plaids and easy street style. In the shop, you’ll find scarves, totes and many other fun items for everyday comfort. Head down to 3 West Canon Perdido Street to see what colors you can covet. www.americancolorsclothing.com

I

ARTS & CULTURE

La Cuisine, Le Diner, La Capture

by Sylvie Butera Rich on appetit? Mais oui! Come and learn to capture your favorite cuisine with talented photographer Leela Cyd on March 29. A full-day Flutter workshop, going from 9:30am to 3pm, will give you the time to learn how to create your own edible narrative on film. Start by observing how the pro, Leela, sets up and shoots deliciousness. Then she will guide you in your own food photo journey. Discussion and teachings include camera basics, best photography and use of natural light with the goal being to create a natural food style look that is magazine worthy. Not only will you be photographing food, but you’ll be eating it as well. With lunch

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uietly located on East De la Guerra Street downtown, right across from City Hall, you’ll discover a hidden gem – Kotuku. Kotuku, which means white heron (we always do appreciate a fellow bird), is a light filled and rather calming Elixir Bar and Superfood Store just waiting to welcome you in. Their menu holds many hot teas, elixirs and smoothies that will cleanse you, energize you, revive you. Healthy hot chocolate? Yes, please. That’s right, folks: Kotuku offers up a delicious, dopamine releasing hot chocolate full of spices like cardamom, cinnamon and cayenne, as well as other energizing ingredients. Using fresh, organic Farmers Market goodies, they also create vegan bento boxes and delights like the kale salad filled with carrots, citrus slices, Goji berries, pistachios and a tangy dressing. The Fountain of Youth smoothie made with fresh coconut water (they literally pour coconut water from a coconut), turmeric, ginger, Chlorella and lime left us feeling cleansed and rejuvenated, right to the tips of our wings. Shelves hold an array of mushroom powders and other superfoods to keep you flying high. Kotuku awaits you. So head on over, to get that extra boost of wind beneath your wings. www.kotukuelixirbar.com 






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CALCAG-KNOWS

REAL ESTATE

918 Garcia Road

by Michael Calcagno

Michael has consistently been ranked in the top 1% of Sotheby’s agents worldwide. Shortly after joining Sotheby’s, he partnered with Nancy Hamilton to form one of the most successful real estate teams in Santa Barbara. Michael can be reached at Michael@HomesinSantaBarbara.com

Rain or Shine

S

ince the editors of this delightful paper have consistently pointed out my knack for mentioning the weather and meteorology in general, I wanted to make sure I made as few references as possible to climate and related topics. Instead, I thought I would talk about February’s scorching numbers, which are again an indication that the local real estate market has a bright and sunny future. Let’s take off our rain slickers, put our umbrellas away and see if my previous forecasts have been accurate. In February for the low-lying areas east of state, west of state and the multiple micro-climates of Hope Ranch (both inland and coastal) in the price ranges of $400,000 to $1,700,000, there was a downpour of activity. There was a gust of 74 new listings on the market, a significant increase from January. Out of those 74 listings, five have closed already, which means they were sold off market or closed within 28 days. There was also a flood of 56 properties that went pending despite the slightly elevated lending rates, which normally evaporate the buyer pool slightly. Closings came in at a whopping 50 properties, again proving there are clear skies ahead. So what does it all mean? The pressure is rising rapidly out there, and you’d better get into the market before the gusts of the down market pass by and you’re left twisting in the wind. 

Mortgage statistics provided by Justin M. Kellenberger, Senior Loan Officer at SG Premier Lending Group, Inc. Justin can always be reached at justin@sgpremierlending.com. Note: The foregoing economic breakdowns do not include potential tax benefit analyses since that will ultimately depend upon a number of additional factors. But home ownership can indeed have tremendous tax-savings potential and should be considered with your realtor and/or tax accountant as part of the ownership decision.





Purchase price: $1,595,000 Down payment (20%): $319,000 Loan amount: $1,276,000 Loan payment: $6,277 (30-year fixed rate at 4.25% (4.31% APR)) Property taxes estimate: $1,462 Home insurance estimate: $100

Total Monthly Payment: $7,839

237 Northridge Road 10 Canon Drive

Purchase price: $995,000 Down payment (20%): $199,000 Loan amount: $796,000 Loan payment: $3,915 (30-year fixed rate at 4.25% (4.31% APR)) Property taxes estimate: $912 Home insurance estimate: $100

Total Monthly Payment: $4,927

Purchase price: $1,185,000 Down payment (20%): $237,000 Loan amount: $948,000 Loan payment: $4,663 (30-year fixed rate at 4.25% (4.31% APR)) Property taxes estimate: $1,086 Home insurance estimate: $100

Total Monthly Payment: $5,849


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this is our world Visit onlywithus.com to discover the benefits available through us alone. rancho arroyo grande Vineyards | search web#0621497 at sothebyshomes.com santa barbara area brokerages | sothebyshomes.com/santabarbara | sothebyshomes.com/santaynez montecito coast village road | montecito upper village | santa barbara | santa ynez valley sotheby’s international realty and the sotheby’s international realty logo are registered (or unregistered) service marks used with permission. operated by sotheby’s international realty, inc.

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JEWEL ON THE PACIFIC | WEB: 0592695 | $8,950,000 Adam McKaig 805.452.6884

OCEAN-VIEW GATED ESTATE | WEB: 0113644 | $6,495,000 Kathleen St James 805.705.0898

BIRNAM WOOD | WEB: 0113780 | $5,375,000 Suzanne Perkins 805.895.2138

ROMANTIC RIVIERA ESTATE | WEB: 0592769 | $2,695,000 Justin Corrado 805.451.9969

YOUR OWN CLUB | WEB: 0113735 | $2,695,000 Harry Kolb 805.452.2500

HOPE RANCH OPPORTUNITY | WEB: 0592760 | $2,595,000 Stephanie Wilson 805.895.3270, Ed Kaleugher, Gail Beust

EUCALYPTUS HILL RETREAT | WEB: 0113733 | $2,395,000 Harry Kolb 805.452.2500

ZEN-LIKE RETREAT | WEB: 0592772 | $1,975,000 Michael Palumbo 805.895.4270, Jeanne Palumbo 805.689.1968

MESA OCEAN VIEW CONDO | WEB: 0592734 | $789,000 Jay Krautmann 805.451.4527, Darcie McKnight 805.637.7772

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FOX HILL IN HAPPY CANYON | WEB: 0621592 | $7,900,000 Patty Murphy 805.680.8571

SANTA YNEZ VALLEY RETREAT | WEB: 0621593 | $1,475,000 Patricia Castillo 805.570.6593

SOLVANG CUL-DE-SAC | WEB: 0621584 | $665,000 Laura Drammer 805.448.7500

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These People Died.  

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