Timing is Everything

SANTA BARBARA

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every other week from pier to peak

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SANTA BARBARA-BASED GRAHAM FARRAR AND WOODY SEARS CREATED iSTORYTIME, THE VERY FIRST CHILDREN’S BOOK APP FOR THE iPHONE. THEN DREAMWORKS ASKED THEM FOR HELP WITH “HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON” ... (STORY ON PAGE 7)

TIMING IS EVERYTHING ""

“SOMEWHERE YOU FEEL FREE” - TOM PETTY

A TASTE OF TONEWOODS

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J oin

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b Runch s atuRdays and s undays 9 am –2:30 pm us foR

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LUCKY’S steaks / chops / seafood... and brunch

Morning Starters and Other First Courses •

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enJoy a complimentaRy b ellini oR m imosa with each entRée

Sandwiches •

With choice of Hash Browns, Fries, Mixed Green, Caesar Salad, Fruit Salad

Fresh Squeezed OJ or Grapefruit Juice.................................... $ 5/7.

Lucky Burger, 8 oz., All Natural Chuck ................................................. $ 20.

Bowl of Chopped Fresh Fruit................................................................. 9.

Choice of Cheese, Homemade French Fried Potatoes, Soft Bun or Kaiser Roll

with Lime and Mint

Grilled Chicken Breast Club on a Soft Bun .............................. 18.

Grilled Artichoke with Choice of Sauce ....................................... 14.

with Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato and Avocado

Burrata Mozzarella, Basil and Ripe Tomato ............................. 19.

Sliced Filet Mignon Open Faced Sandwich, 6 oz. .................. 24.

Today’s Soup ................................................................................................... 10.

with Mushrooms, Homemade French Fried Potatoes

French Onion Soup, Gratinée with Cheeses .............................. 12.

Hot Corned Beef .......................................................................................... 18. on a Kaiser Roll or Rye

Matzo Ball Soup ......................................................................................... 12.

Reuben Sandwich........................................................................................ 19.

Lucky Chili ..................................................................................................... 15.

with Corned Beef, Sauerkraut and Gruyere on Rye

with Cheddar and Onions

•

Eggs and Other Breakfast Dishes •

•

Eggs Served with choice of Hash Browns, Fries, Sliced Tomatoes, Fruit Salad

Salads and Other Specialties •

Wedge of Iceberg ...................................................................................... $10.

Classic Eggs Benedict ............................................................................. $18.

with Roquefort or Thousand Island Dressing

with Julienne Canadian Bacon and Hollandaise

Caesar Salad.................................................................................................. 10.

Smoked Salmon Eggs Benedict ......................................................... 20.

with Grilled Chicken Breast............................................................................ 20.

Smoked Salmon and Sautéed Onion Omelet............................. 18.

Seafood Louis ............................................................................................... 29.

with Sour Cream and Chives

Crab, Shrimp, Avocado, Egg, Romaine, Tomato, Cucumber

Home Made Spanish Chorizo Omelet............................................ 17.

Grilled Chicken Breast and Spinach Salad ............................... 24.

with Avocado

Avocado, Onion, Peppers, Feta, Cilantro Vinaigrette

Small New York Steak 6 oz, and Two Eggs Any Style ...... 25.

Charred Rare Tuna Nicoise Salad .................................................... 27.

Corned Beef Hash (made right here) and Two Poached Eggs ............................................................................. 18.

Lucky’s Salad ................................................................................................. 16.

Huevos Rancheros, Two Eggs Any Style ...................................... 15.

with Romaine, Shrimp, Bacon, Green Beans and Roquefort

Tortillas, Melted Cheese, Avocado and Warm Salsa

Cobb Salad...................................................................................................... 19.

Brioche French Toast ................................................................................. 14.

Tossed with Roquefort Dressing

with Fresh Berries and Maple Syrup

Chopped Salad ............................................................................................. 16.

Waffle Platter ............................................................................................... 12.

with Arugula, Radicchio, Shrimp, Prosciutto, Cannellini Beans and Onions

with Fresh Berries, Whipped Cream, Maple Syrup

Sliced Steak Salad ..................................................................................... 24.

Smoked Scottish Salmon ........................................................................ 19.

with Arugula, Radicchio and Sautéed Onion

Toasted Bialy or Bagel, Cream Cheese and Olives, Tomato & Cucumber

Jimmy the Greek Salad with Feta .................................................... 14.

Mixed Vegetable Frittata ....................................................................... 17. with Gruyere

1279 c oast Vil l age R oad

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m ontecito , ca 93108

w w w . l u ck ys - s t e a k hou s e . com

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805 -565 -7540

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Content

It’s tIme to

P.5

S anta Barbara View – Sharon Byrne lends a helping hand with a summary of hotlines to call when you and the city need assistance; Loretta Redd expounds on the postal service’s history and the resurfacing of post office banking.

P.6 P.7

T he Weekly Capitalist – Jeff Harding expounds on – what else? – capitalism and how business owners pave the way to prosperity.

P.8

L etters to the Editor – Norman Risch questions capitalist Jeff Harding’s pursuit of happiness; guns in gun-free zones; and Alan Hurst doesn’t mince words about preferring to read a “poor man’s rag.”

P.9

T he Beer Guy – What’s the bladder with beer? Zach Rosen refutes a viral story about brews we shouldn’t drink, as he comes to the defense of Guinness while explaining how it can be healthy.

Elevator Pitch – Grant Lepper explores the Astroturf, cloud-filled offices of iStoryTime, whose trailblazing entrepreneurs created the digital storybook app for kids to read on mobile devices.

P.10 S T E A K • S E A F O O D • C O C K TA I L S

Lunch • Dinner • Private Parties • 113 Harbor Way Reservations (805) 564-1200 • chuckswaterfrontgrill.com

P.13 P.14 P.16

15 Days a Week – Who else but Jeremy Harbin would sort through every last detail of the upcoming French Festival, the play Ghetto, Tuesdays @ 8, and something called Sweatfest? We can’t even imagine.

In the Zone – Tommie Vaughn makes a toast to the SB Wine Collective in the Funk Zone, then chats up Guitar Bar owner Jamie Faletti.

Common Sense Today – The water shortage boils down to common sense – and cents – according to John Kelley, who serves up solutions to conserve.

Presidio Sports – Herein you will find all the local sports, including volleyball and swimming, which the Presidio guys deliver every bi-week without breaking a sweat.

P.20

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P.23

Mad Science – Perhaps Rachelle Oldmixon should’ve been an astronomer or astronaut, because what she knows about the Earth, sun, and moon is out of this world.

Keepin’ It Reel – James Luksic surveys the wreckage of the latest Transformers, hums along to Begin Again, feels no empathy for Tammy, and gets bedeviled by Deliver Us from Evil.

P.24

Food File – If you want healthy food that also tastes good – and who doesn’t – pull up a chair at Kotuku Elixir Bar in downtown SB, says Christina Enoch (who was also reporting from Tahiti).

P.26 P.28

Plan B – With the age of 40 looming on her horizon, Briana Westmacott packs her bags for Hungary, Croatia, Italy, and France.

P.29

Man About Town – Mark Léisuré whets your whistle for the California Wine Festival on tap for July 17-19; he also recommends getting Looped at the New Vic. State Street Scribe – Jeff Wings feels the unparalleled power of bonding with European friends, especially during World Cup action, when he really gets his kicks.

P.30 P.32

Girl About Town – Julie Bifano shows her true all-American colors and taps her feet during the holiday weekend at SB Sunken Gardens.

Cut.Chew.Eat.Repeat. – Jacquelyn De Longe hunkers down at the Plaza Deli Café, with its sense of family and 500 sodas that help wash down its cornucopia of sandwiches.

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Santa Barbara’s Online Magazine, Published Twice Daily

by Sharon Byrne

sbview.com

Need Help from the City? Here’s Where to Get It!

I

n the process of working to improve Milpas, we’ve engaged with the city of Santa Barbara repeatedly. One of our first lessons we learned in urban renewal was to find all the services the city provides that can help you to help your community.

We’re pretty fortunate around here that our city has several numbers you can call for various concerns. To get the list, call (805) 897-2526.

Post it up on your fridge, and start dialing!

See an abandoned shopping cart? Call the Shopping Cart Hotline at (800) 252-4613. They’ll come retrieve it and return it to the store of origin.

How about dumping items on the sidewalk? The first of the month always produces a plethora of mattresses, TVs, and other urban flotsam on our sidewalks.

Yes, it’s irritating, but there is something you can do. First, there is a Junk On The Sidewalk hotline. Call (805) 5645413 to report dumping, and they will come pick it up. Second, if you happen to catch someone in the act of dumping, Sue Sadler in Code Enforcement is your

Sharon Byrne

Sharon Byrne is executive director for the Milpas Community Association, and currently serves on the Advisory Boards for the Salvation Army Hospitality House and Santa Barbara County Alcohol and Drug Problems.

sbview.com

There’s safety in numbers, so reach out and call someone.

new best friend. For Sue to be able to prosecute an illegal dumper, she needs an eyewitness, a photo (whip out that cell phone), or other proof of the identity of the culprit. I once found a dump pile

on the sidewalk with the dumper’s mail conveniently included, so I turned it in to Sue to pursue. She told me they catch a lot of folks that way! Sue is at (805) 564-5669.

We pride ourselves on being very walkable as a city, but some of our sidewalks are in need of repair. If you see uneven pavement, cracking, rupturing, or other sidewalk issues, call the Pothole and Sidewalk hotline at (805) 897-2630.

They will take your sidewalk complaint, and put it into a queue of repairs, so don’t get miffed when a city truck doesn’t immediately pull up to start repair work.

They will eventually get to it.

There’s also the ever-popular Graffiti Hotline. Caveat emptor here: the city removes graffiti from public property only. So if you find it on a bridge, city building, public trash can, park property, road sign, or other public place, call it in. If your property was

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vandalized, you should report it to the SB Police Department so somebody can photograph it for the graffiti database.

When police catch vandals, they search through their photo database for similar tags and prosecute for all matches. So it’s worth reporting. And if they catch the vandals, the district attorney’s office has a restitution program – good reasons to report graffiti.

One number on the list – that of the Leaf Blower hotline – reflects Santa Barbara’s rather unique set of problems.

If someone fires up a noisy gas-powered blower nearby, call PD Dispatch at 8972410.

Finally, if you want to be active in making our city a cleaner place, you can participate in the Giant Annual Community Clean Up Day! Looking Good Santa Barbara, run by Lorraine Cruz-Carpinter, puts this on with a huge assist from MarBorg. More than 500 volunteers come out for three hours on a Saturday morning to scrub off graffiti, pick up trash, remove dumped items, corral shopping carts, plant trees, and more, all in service to a cleaner community. It’s a wonderful activity for families and creates a great sense of ownership and pride in our city. The first 200 volunteers to sign up online will receive a $5 Starbucks gift card at the event. Sign up at www.santabarbaraca. ...continued p.12

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The Weekly Capitalist

and life expectancy took off like a rocket and it hasn’t stopped. Before that, not much had changed.

Why all of a sudden did this happen?

In a word, freedom happened. For most of the past 1,000 years, life and economies in Europe were controlled by kings and clergy who ruled pretty much by diktat. The point of the ruling class was to control territory, control the

by Jeff Harding

Jeff Harding is a real estate investor and a writer on economics and finance. He is the former publisher of the Daily Capitalist, a popular economics blog. He is also an adjunct professor at SBCC.

Are Things Getting Better?

T

he only way to create wealth, jobs, prosperity, and greater well-being for all citizens is to give entrepreneurs the freedom to accumulate capital, start businesses, and let them succeed or fail on their own.

There is no other way for a country to become prosperous. Governments don’t create wealth, they spend wealth. The only system in all of human history that has created prosperity for all citizens is free-market capitalism (with emphasis on the word free).

Does that surprise you? My guess is that it does, since most folks’ beliefs about how the economy works and their knowledge of the history of social progress are pretty far off from the facts (so research indicates).

Look at this chart (on the right) of Western economies: Economists call this kind of chart a “hockey stick” because of its shape. Beginning with the Industrial Even in More Wines!

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law (vs. the rule of kings), individual freedom, the right to own and control property, limited government, and limited regulation.

I don’t need to get into too much statistical detail, but suffice it to say the standard of living of those lucky enough to live in such societies exploded, as the above chart shows.

• Incomes grew dramatically for

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facts still bear out the proposition that freedom results in prosperity. There is a direct correlation between how much freedom citizens of a country enjoy versus their well-being; the lack of freedom results in poverty.

The Heritage Foundation does an annual ranking of how much economic freedom each country has. The group measures property rights, corruption, government spending, taxation, business and labor freedom, and monetary, financial, investment, and trade freedoms. It is not surprising that these rankings coincide with measures of prosperity and well-being.

“What most people hear about free-market capitalism is that businessmen were “robber barons” who stole from the poor and ruthlessly crushed labor and competitors to get rich.”

The top five (Hong Kong, Singapore, Australia, Switzerland, New Zealand) also rank near the top of all social indicators (wealth, health, education, and leisure). The bottom five, are, well, dirt poor: Eritrea, Venezuela, Zimbabwe, Cuba, and North Korea).

What is interesting is that those countries’ heritage ranked as “free” or “mostly free” constitute just about all of the world’s relatively prosperous countries, but they are only 34 out of 178 countries measured (only 19 percent!). All the rest have serious problems. For your edification, the U.S. (“mostly free”) ranks only number 12 on the list (behind Estonia). The farther you go down the list, the closer you get to conditions existing in 1000 A.D. If this is the case that free market capitalism is the only system in all of history that has created prosperity, why do so many people believe that things aren’t very good, that capitalism is bad, and that things were better in the past? If this free-market system is so good, why are “experts” continually denigrating it?

That is a good and relevant question.

For the most part, people are not aware of history. Or, if they think they are acquainted with history, they have never heard of this version of it. That would include many experts such as economists, historians, and politicians.

What most people hear about freemarket capitalism is that businessmen were “robber barons” who stole from the poor and ruthlessly crushed labor and competitors to get rich. That children were worked like slaves. That industrial cities were vast swamps of crime, drunkenness, and squalor.

That is a bunch of bovine ordure. It’s

easy to look back today and say how bad things were, but what isn’t seen is what it was like before our hockey-stick chart turned north. You think things were great back on the farm in pre-Industrial times? Some kind of Hobbiton Utopia?

Think more like Cormac McCarthy’s The Road meets the Middle Ages. You know, famine, pandemics, wars, reavers, mind control (the Church), death, slavery, and serfdom. If you lived past your 35th year, you would be a lucky exception.

Today, we have wealth unimagined by past generations. Even the poor in the U.S. are about three times wealthier than the rest of the world! You can’t even say that things were better in the 1950s or whatever golden age you wish to conjure up. Median income has doubled since the 50s. U.S. life expectancy in 1950 was 68; today it is 79 years and climbing. The average American retires at age 62 and at that age can expect to live another 20 years; our ancestors worked until they dropped.

Today, we have more leisure time (the work week is less than 40 hours now), and we spend three times more on play than we did in 1950. We are far more productive today as well. What took 40

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ELEVATOR PITCH

by Grant Lepper

Grant’s an entrepreneur, start-up strategist, digital marketing pro, sailor, hiker, cyclist, mentor and writer. With more than 20 years of creative marketing experience, Grant’s been on the founding team of four startups, run his own shop and delivered forward thinking digital marketing and creative solutions to emerging and established companies in technology, hospitality, education and active-lifestyle industries. Today he’s the Senior Partner of Digital Strategy at PULL Brand Innovation (pullinc.com).

Big Screens to Little Dragons Alyssa Hans, Graham Farrar, Woody Sears Patrick Stevens, and Deise Ramirez

I

“If you look at all countries in today’s world, the facts still bear out the proposition that freedom results in prosperity. ”

hours to produce in 1950 takes only 11 hours today (thanks to capital investment into machinery and software). In 1950, 38,000 people in the U.S. died from polio; today the number is zero. In 1950, only 70 percent of Americans had electricity in their homes. In the 1950s, we had a “party” telephone line that we shared with others. Long-distance calls were very expensive. Now, my phone is a computer, while in 1950 a computer that filled up a room couldn’t do anything my phone does. I can pretty much call anywhere cheaply. In 1950, we had 12 fuzzy, black-and-white channels; today we have 200+ in sparkling LCD color.

As you can see, I could go on and on, but I think you get the point. By every measure of well-being, we are better off today than any generation on the planet has ever been.

And all we hear in the news today is how bad things are, and that the rich are too rich, and we should rein in capitalism and redistribute wealth in order to continue our prosperous voyage.

Don’t believe it. You are lucky – very lucky to be here today.

’m enjoying a tasty treat at Backyard Bowls off State Street, and this little man of two to three years old was doing a flyby around the tables. Across the room, Mom’s radar was up and tracking as she waited for their to-go order.

As little man passed, he spied my iPhone sitting on the table’s edge and instinctively made a beeline to it, stopped, and grabbed it. My first reaction was to snatch it back out of his tiny hands, but honestly I was enjoying his energy and my Diego Power Bowl, so I didn’t intervene, interested in what was going to happen next.

As quickly as the phone left the table, Mom was on the move toward us, and little man’s index finger went into action.

The phone’s security lock was enabled, so I wasn’t too concerned.

To my wonderment, little man magically enabled the camera and proudly demonstrated his achievement by flashing the preview screen up to me while making eye contact as if to say, “Look what I can do!” Politely, he set the phone back down where he found it and jetted off.

Dumbfounded and entertained, all I could think was “How’d he do that?” as Mom screeched close behind to apologize for her son’s actions. “No worries,” I said.

In fact, I was grateful he had shown me a shortcut that I didn’t know existed by swiping up the little camera icon in the corner.

Mom told me that she had the same experience the previous week. We laughed, realizing that we’d both been schooled on the features and functionality of our iPhones by a toddler.

Obviously, we’re not part of the touch-screen generation, also known as the digital-native generation. But, as a proud gen-Xer, I’ve been an early adopter of everything tech since my Mac Plus and feel very competent with emerging technologies. It’s different, though: I’m a digital immigrant; this kid was born into it. His generation has never known a world without a smartphone, tablet, or the Internet. These devices aren’t technology wonders to them, they simply exist, like a TV, automobile, or jet plane does for us digital immigrants.

iStoryTime

It’s in this quickly changing world that I introduce you to a thriving team of entrepreneurs who have created a suite of products here in our playground-by-thesea that many digital natives get their first experience with: iStoryTime.

Founded nearly six years ago by serial entrepreneurs Graham Farrar and Woody Sears, iStoryTime has been creating digital storybook apps for children to read on mobile devices. “We started the company at the beginning of time in the app space,” Graham says, sitting in their company headquarters clandestinely ...continued p.34

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Letters

Although you might not believe it, we actually want to hear from you. So if you have something you think we should know about or you see something we've said that you think is cretinous (or perspicacious, to be fair), then let us know. There's no limit on words or subject matter, so go ahead and let it rip to: Santa Barbara Sentinel, Letters to the Editor, 133 East De La Guerra Street, No. 182, Santa Barbara, California 93101. You can also leap into the 21st century and email us at tim@santabarbarasentinel.com.

New Laws Just Keep on Coming

I

kept wondering what the writer [Jeff Harding] was trying to prove [in the 3/13 edition], and I re-read his column to find his central thesis.

He wrote, “The original idea of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution was that we are all born with rights that can’t be taken away... by anyone, especially government.... all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness [a euphemism for property].”

I sincerely hope that including his euphemism opinion within the quotes was your paper’s typo, and not suggestive of any viable interpretation of these documents. But wait, the rights applicable in those documents mostly applied to free white males, and it took many years to (mostly) codify their application to minorities and women.

Then, I re-read the author’s short bio, stating that he was a real estate investor.

Oh, now it was clear, the happiness he

pursues is property. But does the writer suggest that the pursuit of property happiness is or must be true for everyone else?

I would hope that he would realize that the Founding Fathers meant precisely what they said, without the creative caveat by your columnist. (They also created a pathway to reinterpret and broaden the scope of their principles by later generations, to make “a more perfect union.”

As for the 800 new laws, I think he is similarly barking up the wrong tree.

Starting at the federal level (on which I acknowledge the author did not focus), the current Congress has been the leastproductive in decades. Some (including your writer) may applaud that as a smart thing, only if they ignore the real (and publicly stated) reason that it was the intent of one of the political parties to ensure that the current president was denied the ability to govern effectively.

Under those circumstances, is there really any doubt that local governments would step into the power vacuum to try

to meet the legitimate needs of its citizens?

I guess that creating reservoirs, repairing crumbling bridges and highways are examples of wielding a “stick.” And I also suppose that ensuring equal rights for women of child-bearing age is also a “stick” example. Oh, sorry.

My mistake, as with voting rights, the stick was used on a particular group of people (who may not have been that interested in property) rather than on those who would deny them equal rights.

Yeah, I guess that’s his point. The Founding Fathers’ stick-wielding was intended for those not interested in property, because those people don’t want to be happy.

Norman Risch Santa Barbara (Publisher’s note: Not sure we get your point, other than that the United States of America was founded by a bunch of bad white guys whose sole intent was to keep women and other less-worthy inhabitants in their respective places. On another note, it is curious that you portray the current president [Mr. Obama] as someone who, because others have chosen not to work with him, has decided he must act alone to “govern effectively.” How about reaching out to the opposition? This doesn’t seem to occur to him to be a worthwhile pursuit.

His loss; the country’s gain: we really, really, don’t need any more laws. – TLB)

Guns in “Gun-Free” Zones

I read a letter from Harlan Green in the June 28-July 12 edition in which he discusses the recent Thomas Piketty book (Capital in The Twenty-First Century). Mr. Green references a book by Wilkinson and Pickett that he states “documents the soaring crime rates, including gun violence… that occur in… the USA.” That caught my eye, because according to the FBI (Uniform Crime Reports), violent crime rates in the USA have been declining for decades and gun violence

has declined even more. Moreover, violent crime and gun violence statistics go down much further if the statistics for the leading anti-self-defense cities that virtually ban private gun ownership (Chicago, Washington, D.C., New York) are removed from the totals.

Perhaps this incorrect idea is understandable with all the recent mass killings that are highlighted by the MSM and politicians with an agenda. But what also should be understandable by the public and both of those entities, but doesn’t seem to be, is that most of these mass killings have occurred in “gun-free” zones (schools, military bases, theaters, etc.).

I think that we would all be better served if we look at facts and not just repeat inaccuracies that some “feel” are true.

Regards, Art Santa Barbara

Sentinel or Selfie-nel?

There is a lot of criticism these days about the mainstream media, how it basically ignores or underplays the really significant stuff – or just outright lies to protect and promote the powers that be.

I hope the Sentinel knows where it stands in this regard, and I want you to be aware of how carefully and critically most of us read the paper. You shouldn’t expect to pull the wool over our eyes.

In your Letters column last week was a similar note from another frank and observant reader, Mr. C. Cochrane, who criticized the Sentinel on a few valid points. Your reply was telling him not to “mince words” and say what he means.

He didn’t mince words (even though he did mention chefs) – read it again; his comments told it like it is. I think you just got your feelings hurt. Most papers, as you ...continued p.21

YOU JUST BLEW $10,000.

Buzzed. Busted. Broke.

Get caught, and you could be paying around $10,000 in fines, legal fees and increased insurance rates.

Santa Barbara law enforcement patrols for DUI. Buzzed driving is drunk driving. buzzeddriving.adcouncil.org

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by Zach Rosen

There’s Nothing Wrong with a Guinness

www.figmtnbrew.com

Santa Barbara Taproom in the Funk Zone at:

137 Anacapa St., Suite F, Santa Barbara, CA 93101 • (805) 694-2255

Buellton Production Facility and Taproom at: 45 Industrial Way, Buellton, CA 93427 • (805) 694-2252

Los Olivos Taproom:

2446 Alamo Pintado, Los Olivos, CA 93441

SERVING FOOD BY

What’s it matter to your bladder? The Beer Guy explains why criticism of Guinness is hard to swallow.

C

hances are that over the past few months, you have seen an online article with the title “8 Beers You Should Stop Drinking Immediately.”

This article went viral and spread wide through different news sources and websites. You may have clicked on it and read through the piece. You probably saw a bunch of macro brews listed that any self-respecting beer drinker would rarely drink anyway, and so you just disregarded the piece. At least I hope that is what you did.

If you did take that article seriously, then I urge you to try to forget everything you read on there. The blessing and the curse of the Internet is that everyone has a voice. The web is great because it allows us to communicate at a near instantaneous speed. This is also a problem because it means that misinformation can spread just as quickly as the truth. The original piece was written by the blogger Vani Hari, a.k.a. “The Food Babe.” She has been criticized more than once for her website. Many of her pieces deal with complicated scientific matters, and yet she does not have any background in the sciences.

Zach Rosen is a Certified Cicerone® and beer educator living in Santa Barbara. He uses his background in chemical engineering and the arts to seek out abstract expressions of beer and discover how beer pairs with life.

When this particular article went viral, many of the beer writers did their best to refute her incorrect statements.

Unfortunately, not a single one of these articles went viral. I will not waste your time correcting each one of her mistakes. If you are interested in hearing all the reasons why she was wrong, I suggest looking up the response from the esteemed beer writer Jay Brooks. He likened her article to yellow journalism, the sensationalized form of reporting where eye-catching headlines ...continued p.33

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15•Days• a•Week We Ain’t Got Nothin’ But Love, Babe…

by Jeremy Harbin

Want to be a part of Fifteen Days A Week?

Space is limited, but if you have an event, exhibit, performance, book signing, sale, opening, trunk show or anything else interesting or creative that readers can attend, let us know at 805-845-1673 or email us at tim@santabarbarasentinel.com. We’ll consider all suggestions, but we will give extra consideration to unusual events and/or items, especially those accompanied by a good visual, particularly those that have yet to be published.

Saturday

Tuesday

July 12

Second Saturday

Welcome back, 15 Days fans. Let’s get straight to the events, shall we? We shall! Today you’d be a real rube (I mean no offense, but also, I do mean just a little bit of offense) not to get your mother to drop you off in the Funk Zone for the Second Saturday Art Walk. Once you’re there, you’ll be able to – as the name implies – walk around and see art. It happens from 1 to 5 pm, and here are a couple of your best bets: 1) the reception for photographer Joseph Donovan at Wall Space Gallery (116 East Yanonali Street) starting at 2 pm; and 2) the reception and demonstration at the Arts Fund Gallery (205C Santa Barbara Street) for the robotics show called Ruckus.

July 15

Work Hard…

Someday in the future when social scientists try to understand life on the Central Coast in 2015, they’ll have themselves a field day when their digital forensics team discovers the flyer for today’s event. It’s called Sweatfest, and it’s this thing where you pay an entry fee ($15 for nonSweat Outdoors members) to do an outdoor workout with a DJ “spinning” live while you do your push-ups and whatnot. But somehow, it’s also catered by Figueroa Mountain and Shoreline Beach Café. What’s not to love about this, folks? When someone makes the So-Cal version of Portlandia, the first sketch will be about a DJ deejaying for a circuit-training class catered by a craft brewery. It starts at 6 pm today at Girsh Park (7050 Phelps Road, Goleta). Go to www. sweatoutdoors.com to register.

Wednesday July 16

Sunday

More French Stuff

July 13

Frenchin’

Baguettes. Striped T-shirts. Poodles in berets. Did that short list of items get you excited? Did you turn to someone near you and say, “Gee, I sure hope the event this bordering-on-genius calendar writer is about to describe contains all of those things”? Well, assuming you answered “yes” to both those questions, today is your lucky day… Bastille Day (almost)! The 26th annual French Festival started yesterday and continues today in Oak Park (300 West Alamar Avenue). Expect food, expect dance, and, most of all, expect poodle parades. It’s from 11 am to 7 pm and admission is free.

Monday

If you didn’t get enough of all things French this past weekend at the French Festival, another kind of French festival kicks off today. It’s the Wave Film Festival, a new venture from the people behind the Santa Barbara International Film Festival, and it features 11 French films over the next five days at the Riviera Theatre (2044 Alameda Padre Serra). Go to www. sbiff.org for the complete schedule.

Thursday July 17

More Festival Stuff

July 14

Periodic Table of Secrets

Most of the time people go to SOhO Restaurant and Music Club (1221 State Street), it’s to see a band play or to socialize with friends over food and drink. But if you folks are anything like me, whenever you’re in this rock-club type of situation, you always end up thinking to yourself: “Self, I wish I was listening to an academic lecture instead of this dumb band.” Well, guess what, you guys? You can make that wish come true tonight at SOhO at 6 pm! That’s because Chuck Yee, physicist at UCSB’s Kavli Institute for Theoretical Physics, will give a talk called Future Stuff: Unearthing Secrets of the Periodic Table. What kind of secrets could be in that thing?! This is like a Dan Brown novel or something! I suppose we’ll all have to attend this free event to find out.

1431 San Andres Street

It’s summertime and the festivals are easy. Yet another one starts today, and it doesn’t even necessarily have to do with the French, though it is a wine festival, so maybe it is related in a roundabout way. But it’s not a French wine festival; no, it’s the California Wine Festival. All the sniffin’ and sippin’ will go down in various places across town; today’s Old Spanish Nights Tasting is at the Casa De La Guerra Courtyard (15 East De La Guerra Street). There are plenty of different ticket packages and more information over at californiawinefestival.com.

Friday July 18

Center Stage

Tonight, Center Stage Theater (Paseo Nuevo Mall) and DIJO Productions pull back the curtain on their new play, Ghetto. Ed Giron and Bill Waxman direct this show, written by Joshua Sobel, about “residents of a wartime Jewish ghetto who entertain the Nazis in exchange for their lives.” The preview is at 8 pm. If you can’t make it, it plays tomorrow and Sunday, and then on weekends for the rest of July and August. Go to www.centerstagetheater.org for tickets and more information.

Saturday July 19

Ferm Fest

BoHenry’s www.bohenry.com

You might have noticed that this calendar is already lousy with festivals, but you know what? I don’t care! I’m about to go right ahead and tell you about yet another festival – that’s how crazy I am, man, so don’t mess with me. This one is the fourth annual Santa Barbara Fermentation Festival. It’s a celebration of all things fermented – beer, kombucha, cider, pickles, and sourdough bread, just to name a few – and it’ll feature talks, demonstrations, workshops, food, drink, and much more. It all happens today at the Center for Urban Agriculture (598 North Fairview Avenue, Goleta). Go to www. sbfermentationfestival.com for tickets and more information.

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Sunday

Tuesday

Spanish Guitar Rock

Calendar Entry for Today

July 20

Benise plays Spanish guitar, sure, but he also loves rock music. So, naturally, there was only one thing for him to do: Play all his rock ‘n’ roll favorites in a classical style. So if you’re a fan a this type of high-meetslow brow fare (like the Boston Pops, that thing a few weeks ago with men in tutus, or that thing a couple weeks ago with a group of classically trained pianists playing pop songs), then you’ll probably be into Benise. It looks like this show will also feature a cast of dancers. It takes place today at 4 pm at the Granada Theatre (1214 State Street). Over at granadasb.org, you can find tickets and more information.

Monday July 21

Third Monday

Okay, everybody: Let’s do this! (“Let’s do this” is a cute little phrase I like to use that’s just a fun little way to inspire and motivate those around you. This week, try it out for yourself and see how your friends, family, and coworkers respond.) But what is it exactly that we’re “doing”? Go ahead, ask. I’ll tell you! We’re going out to eat for Third Monday. That’s the day every month that we pick a restaurant that’s open on Mondays and go there to enjoy a nice breakfast, lunch, or dinner. This week? Natural Café! Oh yeah, I can’t wait to get my hands on that delicious grilled eggplant sandwich. And have you tried their falafel?! It makes me wish there were two lunch times in a day. Wait! There kind of is, if you consider dinner a second lunch! Hooray! Maybe I’ll eat one meal at the downtown location, one at the Goleta location, one at the 361 Hitchcock Way location, and then drive to San Luis Obispo to have another one there. See you there, lunch buddies!

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July 22

Tuesdays at 8 might not be the most imaginative title that the Music Academy of the West could lend its series of concerts that take place Tuesdays at 8 pm at the Lobero Theatre (33 East Canon Perdido), but it certainly is accurate, as far as day and time are concerned. Now, some details the title leaves to the imagination: led by conductor James Gaffigan (hot pockets, anyone?), Music Academy faculty will perform a sinfonietta. I don’t know what that is exactly, but my language skills lead me to believe (remember, I have a PhD from UCSB in remedial study skills) that a sinfonietta is… a tiny symphony? Did I get it right? Get your tickets by calling the Music Academy box office at (805) 969-8787.

Wednesday

July 23

A Good Run

Now, I’m not allowed to tell you what to do. Everybody knows that. It’s not only calendarwriter code, but it’s the law. It is literally illegal for me to directly tell you how to spend your time. Sure, I can describe an event, suggest that you might want to check it out, or hint that something is worth your time. But it is absolutely verboten for me to tell you to do something. Well, guess what? I’m crazy. I’m a wild man. I don’t play by the rules. I don’t care if the police are standing behind me right now, watching me type this, waiting for me to break the law so they can haul me off to calendar-writer prison. (Aren’t there serious crimes they should be defending us against?) So here goes: You should go to www.runsantabarbara.com to sign up for Nite Moves. That’s a weekly running and/or (your choice!) swimming event that takes place every Wednesday during the summer at Leadbetter Beach. Sign up, run, swim – then eat delicious food and drink delicious drinks, and socialize with your fellow runner-swimmers after.

Thursday July 24

John Fo-get About It

Sometimes you want to see Creedence Clearwater Revival play a concert in Chase Palm Park (236 East Cabrillo Boulevard), but usually, the band is unavailable to do so. So in times like these, you have to settle for the next best thing and just go see a CCR tribute band play instead. Today at 6 pm, Fortunate Son is that band. So take your lawn chairs and picnic and whatever else you want (that’s legal and family-friendly) on down to the park this evening.

Close your eyes and open your ears: Is that John Fogerty up there? No, we went over this; it’s a cover band – keep up!

Friday July 25

What’s in that Bowl?

As someone who used to live on the part of Milpas just before it turns into Anapamu, there was a fun game I liked to play whenever a new band name went up on the Santa Barbara Bowl’s marquee. (Well, not exactly a marquee. More like an unobtrusive, low-to-the-ground sign – thanks a lot, City of Santa Barbara Municipal Code Chapter 22.70.) I called this game “Will Someone Pee in My Driveway Tonight?” Here’s how to play: you read the band name, rack your brain for all the information you know about that band and – more importantly – the fans that band attracts, and then you venture a guess as to whether or not someone will pee in your driveway on the night of the show. If you guess “yes” and no one does, you lose. If you guess “yes” and someone does pee in your driveway, you still lose. It’s fun! Want to play?

Slightly Stoopid and Cypress Hill visit the bowl tonight. I’m no betting man, but I’d advise nearby residents to: A) Come directly home after work to claim your street parking if you need it and B) Get your garden hose ready to wash away the used beer from your driveway. (Yeah, I know. There’s a draught and you shouldn’t actually wash away the THC-laden urine from the pavement.) Check out the Bowl’s full schedule at www.sbbowl.com for a show you might want to check out.

Saturday July 26

Get Your Greek on

A couple weeks ago you went to Oak Park (300 West Alamar Avenue) for the free French Festival.

Well, here’s some good news for people who love feeling international without leaving the boundaries of the city: Today and tomorrow, the park will host the 41st annual Greek Festival.

Expect Greek music, Greek food, Greek dancing, and… all kinds of other Greek stuff! It’s free! Kalá hristúyenna!

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...continued from p.5 gov/services/recycling/community/ cleanups.asp So quit whining, make some phone calls when you see problems, and come to the clean up! If we all do just a little, it can add up to making a huge difference.

Mailing Money

by Loretta Redd ith a story that begins in 1792, I’m not sure I’ll get to all the details in one brief article. But if you don’t mind speed dating through the history of our postal service, we’ll at least hit the high points.

It was President George Washington who first recognized the importance of postal delivery; he understood that mail enabled anyone access to information, especially in rural areas. Our forward thinking president made the post office a cabinet-level department, naming Benjamin Franklin as the first postmaster general.

Roughly 50 years later, Congress granted the Post Office a monopoly for delivery. By 1860, parcel post service was instituted and mailboxes were installed, for which Hallmark card recipients should be eternally grateful.

What I didn’t know, and few of us recall, is that the United States Postal Service (USPS) also operated as a banking system. Following the financial panic and bank closures of the 1900s,

W

the postal service began allowing citizens to open small savings accounts, as well as make check withdrawals.

By the end of WW II, the post office had more than $4 million in accounts, and more than $3 billion in deposits.

These financial services, mostly used by low to moderate income Americans, were offered through the postal system from 1911 until 1967.

And they could be again.

Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren has proposed the reinstitution of the post office bank, “If the Postal Service offered basic banking services – nothing fancy, just basic bill paying, check cashing and small-dollar loans – then it could provide affordable financial services for underserved families, and, at the same time, shore up its own financial footing.”

Our mail delivery system has weathered some difficult challenges over its history, including Congress – which seems to have systematically ravaged any efficacy and efficiency from today’s USPS. The inscription on the New York post office building may read: “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from swift completion of their appointed rounds,” but it didn’t take Congressional greed into account.

The post office came close to collapsing under its own success in the mid 1960s, given the volume and demands of

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mail service. Unfortunately, the postal department was not allowed to make investments or to borrow money for infrastructure.

With the 1971 Postal Reorganization Act, Congress abolished the United States Postal Department and created an independent agency, called the United States Postal Service. The “new” USPS was to be based more on a corporate model: “The United States Postal Service shall be operated as a basic and fundamental service provided to the people by the Government of the United States, authorized by the Constitution, created

by Act of Congress, and supported by the people. The Postal Service shall have as its basic function the obligation to provide postal services to bind the Nation together through the personal, educational, literary, and business correspondence of the people.

It shall provide prompt, reliable, and efficient services to patrons in all areas and shall render postal services to all communities. The costs of establishing and maintaining the Postal Service shall not be apportioned to impair the overall value of such service to the people...”

Unfortunately, Congress did not see fit to re-establish the banking portion, but did leave the post office open to stiff competition from private industry in other areas, like package delivery, copying services, and payday check cashing.

An article in The Nation cites a discussion paper by the United Nations Department of Economic Affairs: “The essential characteristic distinguishing postal financial services from the private banking sector is the obligation and capacity of the postal system to serve the entire spectrum of the national population, unlike conventional private banks, which allocate their institutional resources to service the sectors of the population they deem most profitable.”

The United States was not the only country to offer banking services through the postal system. Other nations such as China, Japan, and Germany still do, most with lucrative assets.

Most of today’s challenges to the fiscal soundness of the United States Postal Service are due to Congressional meddling and “oversight.” In 2001, the General Accounting Office discovered a piggy bank: the USPS had overfunded its pension obligation by more than $80 billion.

“In a sane world, the USPS would be allowed to use this overage to pay

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Loretta Redd’s diverse background includes being a psychologist, business owner, non-profit director, Air Force officer, writer, speaker, and executive coach. Loretta has served on several Santa Barbara city committees and has been a candidate for public office.

Loretta Redd

sbview.com

down debt, invest in technology and expand services,” writes an investigator in the Huffington Post. But since the Post Office is part of the federal budget, the capacity to use the overfunded money for investment would in effect, raise the deficit, so it was held for other services.

Elaine Kamarck of the Harvard Kennedy School of Government summed the post office conundrum up this way: “Congress wants it to be selfsufficient but doesn’t want it to make money.”

What could have been a boon for the USPS in the age of e-commerce, Congress would not allow discounts for parcel shipping. Lobbyists for alternative delivery and mail services, such as FedEx or Mail Boxes Etc,, have continually used financial influence to decimate proprietary postal services.

It would seem, then, that Congress strongly favors competition with the private sector... well, until it comes to the banking industry and their wellheeled lobbyists. Restoring the Post Office bank would compete with banks and take away from the profitable “payday” check cashing companies.

“Yes,” you say, “but their customers are high-risk, irresponsible lowlifes, so they have to charge more.” A Pew Charitable Foundation study found that separated or divorced women, ages 2544 with incomes under $40,000, were the least able to secure normal forms of credit or to qualify for standard banking services.

So, single women are largest users, or “victims” of these services that have a finance charge of $14.99 to cash a $100 check, which is an APR of 390.8 percent. That’s a lot of dollars with President Washington’s face printed on them.

Senator Warren’s legislation will not only return stability to the USPS, it will pressure the predatory practices of these check-cashing companies, give big banks some competition, and be a pathway to pride and fiscal responsibility for millions of Americans.

8 05.845.1673

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The patio is a perfect place to enjoy your vino.

with Tommie Vaughn Tommie adapted her love of the stage to the

love of the page. As lead singer for the band Wall of Tom, she created This Rock in My Heart and This Roll in My Soul, a fictional book series based loosely on her experiences in the L.A. music scene. Now she’s spending her time checking out and writing about all things Santa Barbara. Reach Tommie at www.TommieV.com or follow her on Twitter at TommieVaughn1.

Be Still, My Wine-Loving Heart Eric Railsback is one happy sommelier.

I

t is with great pleasure that I give you some exciting news, information that makes my wine-loving heart skip a beat. A highly anticipated destination joined the celebrated Urban Wine Trail in our beloved Santa Barbara’s downtown Funk Zone (FZ) on July 10.

The Santa Barbara Wine Collective

marks the first communal tasting room in the already happening Anacapa Project area of the FZ, where visitors can taste and explore wines produced by a quartet of exceptional winemakers – Eric Railsback, Ernst Storm, Justin Willett, and Dustin Wilson.

The Santa Barbara Wine Collective,

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located at 131 Anacapa Street, showcases the incomparable and vast terroirs that produce a range of varietals not found in any other region in the world. Santa Barbara County’s diverse soils, climate changes, and temperatures allow for a stunning spectrum of wines within a 10-mile area that includes Pinot Noir, Cabernet, Syrah, Chardonnay, and Sauvignon Blanc.

Notoriety, Not Sobriety Part of the excitement is that the talents behind the Santa Barbara Wine Collective have already gained international notoriety for their work in

the wine industry. The Collective is the brainchild of sommelier Eric Railsback (Lieu Dit, Vallin), winemakers Ernst Storm (Storm Wines and the new Notary Public), Justin Willett (Tyler, Lieu Dit, Vallin) and master sommelier Dustin Wilson (Vallin). It features the projects of all four, appealingly representing the best of what Santa Barbara can do with native French grapes.

When asked about the wines, the winemakers said they take their inspiration from old-world traditions of Burgundian, Loire, Rhone, and Bordeaux winemaking, selecting grapes from vineyards in Santa ...continued p.22

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No Water to Waste

A

bout the arid western United States, Mark Twain once remarked, “Whiskey is for drinking and water is for fighting over.”

We are still fighting over our water resources because water scarcity is increasing in the West due to drought, depletion, and outdated policies.

According to the U.S. Drought Monitor map, nearly 80 percent of California experienced extreme drought conditions in June. Supplies from our state’s three main sources of water, snowmelt from the Sierra Nevada, imported water from the Colorado River basin, and groundwater, are all decreasing.

Spring runoff from the Sierra Nevada has dropped to historically low levels and the glaciers that are the source of the runoff are in rapid decline due to climate change. The state has granted five times more water rights than there is water in its main rivers, even in a good year. Demand for water from the Colorado River by seven Western U.S. states and Mexico

significantly exceeds supply.

California’s Central Valley provides a quarter of our nation’s food; however, some experts suggest the aquifer used to irrigate these crops could be depleted in as little as 60 years. In places the aquifer has declined more than 400 feet, and land surfaces have subsided as much as 28 feet. Our water problems are multiplying while protracted battles over water rights continue.

Historically, increased conservation has been the least costly way to deal with water shortages. When our region experienced a drought from 1986 to 1991, water demand decreased due to conservation and efficiency efforts. From 2000-09, additional conservation measures reduced per capita water use in California by 10 percent. However, over the same period Australians reduced their per capita water use by 35 percent by changing the way they manage and use water. Clearly, there is the potential for us to make significant reductions to survive our current water shortage.

Beyond acting to address the immediate crisis, questions remain about how to manage our water supply in the future, including: How shall we allocate our decreasing water supply among urban, agricultural, and environmental needs?

How shall we price water use to encourage conservation? What role can recycled water and desalinization play?

In Santa Barbara, we are experiencing an unprecedented drought, with the driest consecutive three years on record. The surface water that usually provides the bulk of our local supply is severely reduced, with Lake Cachuma at 37 percent, Gibraltar Reservoir at 35 percent and state water deliveries projected at 5 percent.

To help address our current shortage, the City of Santa Barbara set a goal of reducing water use through voluntary action by 10 percent in 2014. However, in the first half of the year we have only realized a five-percent reduction, so we will need a 20-percent reduction in the second half to meet the 10-percent goal. If we do not meet the 10 percent conservation goal this year, we will need to obtain water from expensive alternate sources such as existing groundwater wells, stored surplus from previous years, and transfer water from agriculture.

A pioneer settler in Desert Hot Springs, California, wrote a book about his experiences called On the Desert Since 1913. One of the things he described was how precious water was: “Homesteaders were extremely saving with water. A

basin of water first washed the face in the morning, the hands followed, then into a pail to mop the floor, and finally wring the mop onto a tomato plant.”

Santa Barbara’s current water deficit should compel us to value water like the desert settlers did. Let’s not wait until there is no water coming out of our taps to take action. We can use simple daily water conservation techniques such as: collecting water in buckets at showers and sinks while waiting for the water to get hot, taking shorter showers, turning off the tap while brushing, let-it-mellow to reduce toilet flushing, and stop watering lawns.

In addition, we can compare our individual consumption with typical consumption in our community and then find ways to reduce it. Average daily consumption of a Santa Barbara County resident is 149 gallons per day, while the average Santa Barbara City resident uses 130 gallons.

Check your water bill to see how you compare and then identify ways to conserve. For example, replace old irrigation systems and plumbing fixtures with more efficient ones. To get information about local water conservation programs, call the county or the city, or check their websites: www.WaterWiseSB.org and www.SantaBarbaraCA.gov/WaterWise.

Water is a precious resource. Caring for every drop of water is a shared responsibility. The small steps count. There are lots of things we can do that are easy and inexpensive. It’s just common sense.

SAVE WATER DURING DROUGHT We Have No Water To Waste • Automatic sprinkler systems are the #1 use of water in our city, adjust & check your system every month.

Lake Cachuma is at 35% of capacity

• If you hand water, feel for dry soil near the roots before applying water.

We are all in this together!

Call 564-5460 for a free Water Check Up. The City is here to help. WaterWiseSB.org

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Powered by

www.presidiosports.com Presidio Sports is a provider of local sports news and information for the Santa Barbara community. Founded in 2008, the small team at Presidio has covered hundreds of local sporting events and published thousands of articles connected to Santa Barbara’s athletic community. Please visit their website for more local sports news and information.

Bennett-Satterfield Fall Short in SB Open Final

by Barry Punzal Dillan Bennett makes a diving dig during the CBVA Santa Barbara Men’s Open.

Bennett and Ian Satterfield finished second.

D

illan Bennett was the last local player standing in the California Beach Volleyball Association Santa Barbara Men’s Open on July 5.

First-time partners Bennett and Ian Satterfield knocked off one AVP team in the semifinals but overcome a second pro team in the final. They fell to former AVP regular Jon Moran and Gregg Weaver, a former international tour player, 21-12, 21-15.

Moran-Weaver played stellar defense to turn back Bennett and Satterfield.

Weaver seemed to be everywhere on the court, picking up balls and converting them into points. Moran controlled the net.

“We communicate well,” said Weaver, a native of England, who just missed qualifying for the British beach volleyball team for the 2012 London Olympics.

“We get along really well on and off the court, so it makes it easy to communicate and be honest to tell each other what we want from each other. It works.”

Said Moran: “Gregg is just a phenomenal athlete. If I do my job at the net, he covers a tremendous amount of court. It makes it really easy.”

Bennett-Satterfield struggled to make the plays that helped them pull out a three-set match in the quarterfinals against the local team of Matt Jones and Mike Stewart, and then beat the AVP team of Billy Strickland and Aaron Wachtfogel (21-19, 21-11) in the semifinals.

Moran-Weaver swept Reuben Danely and Mark Tkaczuk in the other semifinal.

“They went through the playoffs pretty quick, like a hot knife through butter,” said Bennett of Moran-Weaver. “We struggled through the first round, playing Matt Jones and Mike Stewart and barely winning, 16-14, in the third set. After

that match, both of us started cramping.

So going into a match against two former AVP Players (Wachtfogel-Strickland) with both of our legs pretty locked up from cramps, it wasn’t looking good for us.”

All he hoped for was, “We make a couple of plays and give somebody something to watch that is fun. And we did.”

Bennett made the play of the match against Wachtfogel-Strickland. Down 1416, he dived to pick up a Wachtfogel shot and sent the ball back over the net and into the open court for a point.

The 5-11 Bennett then hit over the 6-foor-9 Strickland to tie the score at 16-16. The teams traded sideouts before Satterfield served an ace off the tape to give them their first lead of the match, 19-18.

Bennett scored on a deep shot for a twopoint lead before Strickland got a sideout.

On the next play, Bennett hit high off Strickland’s block for the winning point.

Bennett-Satterfield carried the momentum into the second set, roaring out to a 10-2 lead. A Wachtfogel ace cut it to five, 14-9, but the local team responded with a four-point run. Satterfield, an outside hitter for Long Beach State, capped the run with a stuff block.

Bennett, the boys volleyball coach at Laguna Blanca, said the strategy in the semifinals was to go after Strickland, a former partner of Nick Lucena and Dax Holdren.

“Aaron is really good on siding out, so Ian and I agreed that we want to make Billy do a lot,” he said. “When we converted at game point (in the first set), I think that took the wind out of their sails a little bit.

Billy, clearly, his legs were shot. We took advantage against weary legs.”

While beating an AVP team was satisfying, Bennett said the win over Jones-Stewart had extra meaning. It was for bragging rights.

“That was like a final for us because that was another Santa Barbara team,” he said. “We were the only teams left in the playoffs, and that was a big one. We wanted to win that one.”

As for the final, Bennett said he and Satterfield felt lucky to make it. “We knew we were pretty gassed, and we knew we were in trouble. But we were happy to be in the finals. I hate being second, but I’m OK with this one.”

Volleyball in the Family

I

t was all about family in the finals of the California Beach Volleyball Association Santa Barbara Women’s Open on July 6.

Cousins Katie Spieler and Torrey Van Winden maintained their poise after a first-set loss and defeated top-seeded Brittany Tiegs and Jace Pardon to win the tournament championship in front of the East Beach Bath House. The set scores were 16-21, 21-19, 15-13.

Spieler is a Dos Pueblos alum who just completed her sophomore season on the sand volleyball team at the University of Hawaii. Van Winden is entering her junior year at Vintage High in Napa. She was an All-State selection as a sophomore. Their mothers (Kathy and Kelly Strand) are sisters, and volleyball is the family sport.

“Our moms are both players,” said Spieler. “Luckily, we got some height in the family,” she added with a laugh while looking at her 6-foot-3 cousin.

Torrey’s mom, Kelly, played at Cal Poly, where she is one of the program’s all-time kill and dig leaders.

“Every time we’re together at Christmas, or at family gatherings, it’s volleyball all day.” Spieler said of the family’s love for the sport. “All the cousins play. It’s fun; it’s a family sport.”

All those family games probably came in handy on Sunday as the cousins hadn’t practiced or played together before the tournament. Torrey didn’t arrive in Santa Barbara until Saturday.

“I think it’s just family chemistry, because when we get on the court, it clicks,” Spieler said. “We always have fun, no matter the outcome.”

Spieler was very familiar with her opponents. Tiegs was a teammate at Hawaii and she played with Pardon on the U.S. Under-21 team. Pardon plays collegiately at Florida State.

Pardon-Tiegs controlled the first set.

The second set was tight all the way. The breakthrough for Spieler-Van Winden came at 18-17 when Spieler dug a ball and Van Winden poked it to the back line. Pardon and Tiegs thought the ball was out, but referee Chad Arneson ruled the ball in.

Tiegs sided out with a drop shot, but Van Winden answered by turning a ball away from the block for a 20-18 lead. After a Tiegs kill made it 20-19, Van Winden hit a shot that Tiegs-Pardon couldn’t make a play on. That forced a deciding set to 15 points.

Asked if playing against her college teammate made it tougher for shots to drop, Spieler said it went both ways.

“Because we know each other, we know tendencies. It was kind of even ground.”

Although she’s only 16, Van Winden wasn’t at all intimidated playing in a championship match against strong college players.

“I love good competition,” she said.

“It’s not fun when you don’t have good competition. I’ve played up my whole life, and I’m going to keep going for it.”

Spieler scored back-to-back points on a

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deep shot and a one-arm stab dig into the open court to put her team up 9-7. But Pardon-Tiegs scored on a service error and a Pardon putaway of an overset tied the score at 10-10.

Pardon picked up a dink and then buried the ball to even the score again at 12-12. Then Van Winden came up big.

She sided out with a kill and then scooped up a dink and put the ball away for a 1412 advantage.

Pardon sided out on the next play, before Spieler finished the match with a deep shot.

“It’s such a blessing to have Katie as a partner, especially being family,” Van Winden said. “Even not being family, she is probably the best defensive player I’ve ever, ever played with my whole life.”

Spieler-Van Winden almost didn’t make it out of pool play. They finished in a three-way tie for first and advanced on a tiebreaker by one point.

“We didn’t expect this, but we kept pushing,” said Van Winden.

And they pushed all the way to a Santa Barbara Open title.

“Last year we ended up in second, so it was good to push through and get a first,” said Spieler.

Third place went to the local team of Patti Cook-Dana Kabashima and Orange County’s Kathryn Plummer-Morgan Martin.

In other volleyball news, Spieler’s brother, Cory, took second place in the Santa Monica/Ocean Beach Unrated Tournament with partner Jeff Lee. Santa Barbara High’s Kyle Skinner and Devon Burki were runners-up in the Santa Monica/Ocean Beach A.

Making A Splash

B

en Brewer posted an impressive 1.000 average for the week, while Olivia Smith recorded a solid .750.

Brewer went 3-for-3 in open water swim events during the Semana Nautica summer sports festival. He followed up his one-mile victory on Saturday by

successfully defending his title in the three-mile ocean swim on Sunday at East Beach. He finished in just over an hour, clocking 1:01.27.

Brewer started the week by winning the Nite Moves 1k swim.

Smith, a Santa Barbara Swim Club teammate of Brewer’s, was the female champion in the 3-mile swim and was fourth overall in 1:06.08. The title was her third out of four events.

Swim club members Alex Roderick (1:04.7) and Chris Robinson (1:05.01) finished second and third, respectively, on Sunday, while Ed Smith led the way for the adult swimmers, placing fifth in 1:07.02.

Brewer prefers swimming in the lead, so the 16-year-old took off right away and opened up a sizable lead after the first turn.

“I tried to go out hard after the first turn and try to stay on my own, because I didn’t know much any other strategy to do,” said Brewer, who’s aiming to win the Semana Nautica Swimmer of the Year award for the second straight summer. He had a Reef and Run Series mile swim to complete on July 10.

Sunday’s field of 94 swimmers was blessed with ideal conditions. The water was warm and calm, and there was only a slight breeze.

“The day was really calm and the water was just smooth and nice to swim in,” Brewer described. “And the fact they switched the course, there was no sun in your eyes.”

The course was set up where the longer portion of the swim was to the West, toward Stearns Wharf.

Smith didn’t have a strategy going into the 3-miler. “I was just trying to stick with people and go for it,” she said.

Her first-place finish gave her three victories and a second place in the four events that go toward the Swimmer of the Year award.

The awards for the male and female swimmers will be announced at the conclusion of Semana Nautica.

AGE GROUP WINNERS Women’s 50-59 Elizabeth Bosacci 1:31.05 Women’s 50-54 Holly Joynuckles 1:21.20 Women’s 45-49 Marcie Kjoller 1:16.55 Women’s 40-44 Hilary McAvoy 1:22.37 Women’s 35-39 Alethea Butler 1:16.09 Women’s 25-24 Karen Schultz 1:15.05 Women’s 18-24 Courtney Weigand 1:10.31 Women’s 18-under Olivia Smith 1:06.08

Ben Brewer of the Santa Barbara Swim Club won the one-mile ocean swim in 18:56.

Men’s 70+ Larry Raffaelli 1:19.13 Men’s 65-69 Tom Ettinger 1:16.28 Men’s 60-64 Bob Kitson 1:38.01 Men’s 55-59 Bart Simmons 1:09.17 Men’s 50-54 Kurt Baron 1:10.58 Men’s 45-49 Dan Frost 1:16.56 Men’s 40-44 Chip Blankenhorn 1:08.53 Men’s 35-39 Ed Smith 1:07.02 Men’s 25-34 Zack Bertges 1:43.46 Men’s 18-24 Guillaume Dezuwirek 1:20.52 Men’s 18-under Ben Brewer 1:01.27

Santa Barbara Swim Club

W

hether it’s providing water-safety instruction, exercise options, recreation or high-level competition, the Santa Barbara Swim Club has served this community well for a half-century.

The club is celebrating its 50th anniversary with a party at its home facility of Los Banos del Mar pool on Saturday, July 12.

Presidio Sports is pleased to recognize the swim club as the Team of the Month.

“Swimming is not only a life-long sport, it’s a life-saving sport. And, it develops athletes with a lot of character,” said Mary Jo Swalley, the executive director for Southern California Swimming and a Santa Barbara resident whose son swam for the club and later became president.

Mark Warkentin is one of those athletes the club helped develop into an elite swimmer. He learned how to swim there and later started competing and setting club age-group records that still stand.

After a standout career at San Marcos, he received a scholarship to USC, where he was a four-time All-American. He turned to open-water swimming and won two national championships at 25 kilometers, and made the U.S. Olympic team in 2008 as an open-water swimmer.

Warkentin is now giving back to the sport.

He is in his second year as head coach of the SBSC. “I was a pretty intense… I was into it,” he said of his youth days in the club.

“Swimming was not only something I did physically, but it became my social life. All of my closet friends were in the Santa Barbara Swim Club.”

He added: “I ended up getting a college scholarship to USC, and I got to travel around the world. A lot of that was through the training and experience I had as a Santa Barbara Swim Club athlete.”

He said club coaches like Joe O’Brien and Larry Libowitz were instrumental in helping him take his swimming to another level.

Libowitz worked with him during his teen years. “He was really the one that catapulted my career to achieve great things,” Warkentin said.

Swalley said the club has been fortunate to have top-flight coaches through the years. She cited Jack Simon and Mike Chasson as two of the bigger names in the

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club’s history. Simon is in the American Swimming Coaches Association Hall of Fame. Chasson coached at Harvard, Stanford, and Arizona State and coached Olympic swimmers from 1984 through 2008.

“The important thing for any club is the stability of coaching, and that has been a big attribute of the Santa Barbara Swim Club,” Swalley noted. “Our coaches have been here an average of eight years, and that’s huge.

Another key part to the club’s success is its volunteers.

“Any time you’re a meet manager or meet director, your biggest thing is involving your volunteers,” Swalley said. “And we’ve always been fortunate to have parents step forward and help. We were always very fortunate to have parents volunteer, including Lois and Walter Capps. In the old days, before we had all this wonderful computerization, the results table alone took eight people working at it to keep a meet going, to get all the results hand done.”

In the pool, the club has produced several swimmers who have earned local, state, regional, national, and international recognition. There are Olympians like Warkentin, Anne Tweedy, Richard Schroeder, and Paul Hartloff; Adrienne Binder won an NCAA title at Auburn; Danny Beal earned All-American honors at Stanford; Alexis Binder was an All-American at USC and competed for the U.S. at the Pan Am Games; and Brian Alderman was prep All-American.

John Clark, a multi-winner of the Semana Nautica 5-mile biathlon, is a past swim club member.

But there’s a lot more to the SBSC than developing elite-level swimmers.

Warkentin says one of the joys of his job is the variety it offers. He has between 300-400 youth members of all levels.

There’s also a master’s program for adults.

“We get the whole wide range. We get little kids that are learning how to swim; we got older kids who are trying to get scholarships to major colleges, and everything in between. We got kids who are doing it because they want to be on their high school varsity swim team. Other people are: ‘We want our kid to be physically fit and active, and water safe and healthy.’”

The swim club has been doing it all for 50 years.

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Talking in Scientific Circles

T

here are a lot of misconceptions about science out there. This week, I want to talk about two that I once believed so completely that I tried to argue with my teachers when they taught me otherwise! Hey, you can’t be right all the time, right?

Why We Have Seasons While this one isn’t my personal favorite, it is one of the most common misconceptions I hear. A surprising number of college graduates will tell you that Earth’s seasons are based on how far away the planet is from the sun.

The misconception probably arises from learning that Earth’s orbit is elliptical – meaning that Earth’s path around the sun is not a perfect circle, but is oval. Thanks to basic geometry, most people realize that there are times when we are closer to the sun and times when we are farther away.

Illustrations in textbooks even greatly exaggerate just how elliptical Earth’s orbit is so that students will remember.

But the fact is that Earth’s orbit around the sun is much closer to circular than most of us realize. This means that the difference in distance from the Sun as the Earth travels along its path is not great, and is certainly not enough to cause extreme variations in temperature. And, the misconception also fails to explain why there are barely any seasonal changes at the equator or why the seasons are flipped on either side of the equator.

The truth of why we have seasons lies in the axis on which the Earth rotates.

The earth is tilted 23.4 degrees on its axis.

From the Spring Equinox to the one in autumn, the northern hemisphere is tilted closer to the sun, while the southern hemisphere is tilted closer the other half of the year. Of course, the change doesn’t happen overnight. If it did, we would only have winter and summer. Autumn and spring exist because the change happens slowly as the Earth moves around the sun.

Essentially, the seasons are a result of how much sunlight a given area of the Earth receives during that time of the year. When the northern hemisphere is tilted toward the sun, it gets more sunlight than the southern hemisphere and vice versa. The hemisphere with more sunlight will always experience warmer weather, on average.

The Earth’s axis also helps to explain why the seasons are more extreme the farther away from the equator you are: the equator experiences the least change in sunlight per day, making its “seasons” rather stable.

Why It is Not “Just a Theory” This one, I wholly blame on my favorite detective: Sherlock. No, not BBC’s most

A self-professed science nerd, Rachelle has her B.A. in neuroscience from Skidmore College in upstate New York, and is working towards her Master’s in psychology at UCSB. In her free time, she blogs at www.synapticspeculations. com. She never could quite understand why she had to choose just one area of science; they are all fascinating.

Especially when paired with some classic rock.

recent incarnation (who could ever blame Benedict Cumberbatch for anything?).

The use of many words varies depending on the context. But, in the case of the word “theory,” the common understanding of the word is often limited to how Sherlock – and many other investigators – use it.

Investigators in real life and on television (and in books) often use the word “theory” to mean “an idea used to account for a situation or justify a course of action.”

Essentially, the word is used to describe a guess that explains as much of a scenario as possible. And, it is the emphasis on idea or guess that individuals tends to latch onto. It takes formal scientific education, and the hard work of many science communicators (pats self on back) to reintroduce the other meaning of the word. Don’t get me wrong: when I first heard my teacher say, “Gravity is a theory,” I still argued. If it was a theory, I reasoned, why can’t I get up and fly? And if gravity is more than a guess, why are you calling it a theory?

It took a few more teachers and my father’s love of words to convince me that a theory could be more than an idea. A scientific theory is an explanation for – or model of – a phenomenon. In order to be considered a theory, the explanation must be thoroughly tested and be based on dozens, if not hundreds, of observations and experiments, and lots of reasoning. Before a theory can be considered valid, teams of scientists actually try everything in their power to prove it wrong. Don’t you think scientists have been testing Einstein’s Theory of Relativity since he announced it? And, Darwin actually spend most of his life trying to disprove his own Theory of Evolution. It didn’t agree with his religious views. He couldn’t do it.

So, saying “That’s just a theory” in reference to a scientific explanation to a phenomenon is just like a patient telling their doctor “That’s just a theory” when the doctor tells a patient that he or she has a broken and shows the patient his X-ray. If only scientists were as popular as Sherlock!

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...continued from p.8 know, don’t reply to letters to the editor because that is not proper sportsmanship, anyway. I do enjoy Jeff Harding’s “Weekly Capitalist.” He’s great. But shouldn’t his responses to his readers’ comments fall within the context of his own column and not hog up the Letters page? I mean, can’t you guys mix it up a bit – throw in some cartoons or an advice column or a little more variety? Treat us like we have a brain. Who literally can’t wait to read about beer every single week, especially in the morning?! And nobody is going to buy a $12-million mansion that they came across on the back of a newspaper?

You need more stories like the one last week about that young kid, Elliot Lanam, who started his own recording studio (Hidden Cities). He’s a real whippersnapper who is a local smallbusiness success story. Normal people

like him and us need more support from a community paper – not just the big wigs who own the Funk Zone and can pay for the high-profile ads. Even in this modern world, people still genuinely look forward to opening the newspaper, like they do their mailboxes or presents on Christmas morning. We have hope that we’ll discover something that will surprise and educate us. Alternative media is satisfying our hunger better these days, so you guys should try to be gutsier and more real and less commercial. Sure you have to sell ads, but you don’t have to sell everything – including your mother!

That’s my opinion. You can do whatever you’d like, obviously; it’s your paper. But if you really want to stand out, make the Sentinel a little bit more about the reader, not your own interests and advancement. Or change the name

to the Selfie-nel. I will eagerly continue to pick up a copy of the paper whenever it comes out because I am eternally optimistic. However, I know for sure that I will never to able to afford to set foot in the Guitar Bar, despite [its] beautiful full-page eye candy. I’m just an ordinary Joe. Don’t you get that most of us are?

Santa Barbara has plenty of rich people.

What I’d like to see is a poor man’s rag for a change. Is that totally out of the question? Wait! That’s a great idea...

Sincerely, Alan Hurst Santa Barbara P.S. Jeff Wing apparently has been married for 27 years, but in his photo he’s 14. How about some reality and maturity here? Your readers are not 14, and most of have actually moved on since high school. Don’t you think?

The Pacifica Experience Friday & Saturday, July 25 & 26 Friday, July 25, 5–8pm

Complimentary Salon Our informal Friday evening Salon will feature presentations

by Pacifica’s faculty on Career Opportunities in Community Psychology and Discovering Your Personal Myth.

Saturday, July 26

Joseph Campbell Archive Exhibit An exhibition of artifacts and rare papers from the Joseph Campbell Collection at the Opus Archives.

The Salon and Joseph Campbell Exhibit are open only to registrants for the July 26 One-Day Introduction.

pacifica.edu/intro SPACE AT THIS EVENT IS LIMITED. REGISTER ONLINE OR CALL 805.969.3626, ext. 103

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(Publisher’s note: Okay, a little education is in order here. First of all, our editor’s “don’t mince words” comment was sarcastic. He read the same letter you did and obviously “got” that the writer was not mincing words and did express exactly how he felt.

Secondly, we can hardly “hog up” the letters page with responses, as we can simply print more pages. More to read for everyone. You win; we win. Thirdly, a “poor man’s rag” is a great idea? Regardless of the economic ability of any of our readers, in the end it really does come down to advertising, and if none of those readers can afford to buy what’s being advertised, our advertising revenue will dry up, along with the Sentinel itself.

Finally, Jeff Wing’s photo was a joke: His article in the previous issue was all about remembering the 1980s. We found the photo of Jeff from that era and ran with it... just for fun. Lighten up! – TLB)

Masters and Doctoral Programs in the Tradition of Depth Psychology NOW ENROLLING FOR FALL 2014

Saturday, July 26, 8:30am–6pm

One-Day Introduction to Pacifica’s Graduate Degree Programs This comprehensive day-long program includes tours of both of Pacifica’s campuses near Santa Barbara, plus: An Alumni Panel on how a degree from Pacifica can advance your career Classroom presentations on Dream Tending and Depth Psychology and the Arts Detailed information on Pacifica’s individual degree programs, financial aid, and admission procedures The $60 fee includes the Salon, Campbell Exhibit, One-Day Introduction, Breakfast, Lunch, Salon Refreshements, and a $25 Gift Certificate for the Pacifica Bookstore.

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...continued from p.13

Meet and Greet Now that’s a nice-looking lineup.

Maria, Santa Rita Hills, Santa Ynez, and Happy Canyon to produce wines with a personal style and achieving a new world balance. Starting this month, tourists and locals alike will be able to taste and purchase Syrah, Viognier, and Rosé from Vallin; Notary Public’s Cabernet Sauvignon; Chardonnay and Pinot Noir from Tyler; and Lieu Dit’s Chenin Blanc, Cabernet Franc, Sauvignon Blanc, and Rosé.

Located next to Les Marchands Wine Bar & Merchant in the 10,000 squarefoot historic warehouse owned by the Castagnola family since the 1920s, SB Wine Collective will be open daily from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. The tasting room will offer $10 flights from Vallin, Lieu Dit, and Notary Public; $15 flights from Tyler; and a $41 tasting line-up from each of the wineries for a complete Santa Barbara County experience. Retails sales and wine

In an effort to give the customer a personal experience, the winemakers Railsback, Storm, and Willett will have rotating schedules so that customers can meet the winemakers and learn more about their varietals during their visit.

The Collective will also serve as a learning center for Santa Barbara County Wines with a schedule of seminars and classes open to the public.

The look inside of the SBWC is somewhat familiar, since leading the design is restaurateur and designer Doug Washington, who is responsible for the inimitable style of neighboring businesses The Lark, Lucky Penny and Les Marchands Wine Bar & Merchant.

Washington brings his singular urban

style, integrating vintage and repurposed materials for a sophisticated yet casual sensibility. And with the wonderful open space, it is perfect to accommodate large parties, wedding rehearsals, or maybe just a great spot for a ladies’ wine night.

But even with the gorgeous décor and a great location to boot, it really is all about the wine... which I am happy to report, is deliciously divine, some of the best I’ve had to date. But don’t take my word for it, get down to the FZ to taste it yourself; your wine-loving heart will be glad you did.

The Santa Barbara Wine Collective, 131 Anacapa Street, www. santabarbarawinecollective.com

Through the Grapevine

Barrels of fun

club memberships of Vallin, Lieu Dit, Tyler, and Notary Public selections will be sold on site. Wine club shipments are planned quarterly, in addition to an exclusive combination collection for members.

I just couldn’t seem to get enough wine in my column, so I had to add more, especially when it also involves my other passion – music – and one of my favorite guitar makers, and my favorite guitar shop in Santa Barbara (whew!).

A Taste of Tonewoods is a free event happening on Sunday, July 27, from 6-8 pm, brought to you by Santa Barbara Guitar Bar and Taylor Guitars, which invite you to join them for an evening of guitars, music and wine at the beautiful Gainey Vineyards in the always gorgeous, Santa Ynez Valley.

Come enjoy live music from Grammy- Is that John Travolta? No, just Mr. Guitar Bar himself, winning guitarist Wayne Johnson (who Jamie Faletti with his wall of Taylor guitars (and some has worked with Bette Midler, Rickie Lee Gainey wine, too) Jones, and Manhattan Transfer), learn about the sonic profiles of different tonewoods, how guitars age, and more while sampling Gainey’s fine wines. And don’t forget to “test drive” an array of beautiful Taylor acoustic models, which will be available at special event pricing.

I caught up with Jamie Faletti, Mr. Guitar Bar himself, to get an inside scoop on such a cool event: Q. Your event with Taylor guitars sounds groovy; how did it all come together?

A. We have a really amazing relationship with Taylor that gives us great opportunities to do things, like have one-of-a-kind guitars and also create events like this. Billy Gill of Taylor and I had been brainstorming how to do a Taylor event at a winery in the Valley for years.

Dan Gainey is a student here at the shop, and he and I had been kicking around the idea of doing an event together somehow.

Taylor is one of the leading makers of guitars in the industry. What makes them so unique?

Taylor is one of, if not the most future-facing guitar manufacturers, in the world. Their work in wood conservation and commitment to their employees puts them at the top of the list in our industry. On top of that, they create fantastic guitars that pair beauty, tone, and innovation to create an excellent instrument every time.

Is there a model that seems to sell the best in your store?

The Taylor 814ce is historically the best seller for Taylor and for SBGB. This year, Taylor’s master luthier Andy Powers (who was hand-picked by Bob Taylor) has completely redesigned the 800 series. This was incredibly bold, as this was the most popular of Taylor’s guitars. Most companies would have had a “It’s not broke, why fix it” attitude. Yet another reason Taylor is unique.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck (if a woodchuck could chuck wood)?

Depending on the size of the woodchuck of course, probably eleventy woods. Or threve.

But only if the wood was legally grown, harvested, and imported.

Yeah, that just happened. See you in the Valley, music and wine lovers! Gainey Vineyard Tasting Room, 3950 E. Highway 46, Santa Ynez, CA 93460 (805) 688-0558 www.gaineyvineyard.com

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by James Luksic A longtime writer, editor and film critic, James has

worked nationwide for several websites and publications – including the Dayton Daily News, Key West Citizen, Topeka Capital-Journal and Santa Ynez Valley Journal. California is his eighth state. When he isn’t watching movies or sports around the Central Coast, you can find James writing and reading while he enjoys coffee and bacon, or Coke and pizza.

Things Can’t Get Much Worse

F

or the latest batch of reviews, I ventured up and down the Central Coast, where the cinematic selections have seen better days. But recent trailers have provided a glimmer of hope – if neighboring theaters do their part to accommodate the masses. (The holiday weekend box-office haul was disappointing, and as a sports fan I must suggest the World Cup was a factor.)

This year in movies has been discouraging, but I spy a handful of intriguing efforts slated for this summer: Richard Linklater’s acclaimed Boyhood; A Most Wanted Man, the late Philip Seymour Hoffman’s final film; Scarlett Johansson in the thriller Lucy; and Get On Up, a chronicle of singer James Brown. I expect those hopefuls to open everywhere from Santa Barbara to Buellton, sooner than later. It would behoove the hallowed Arlington, Paseo Nuevo, and Plaza de Oro to welcome them with open doors.

Transforming Trash

F

ar as I could tell, Transformers: Age of Extinction mercifully ended after 165 minutes, though it’s quite possible the movie is still going. After the first hour, everything in Michael Bay’s latest monstrosity started to look and sound alike: the explosions, interminable battles, painful wisecracks and warnings (“My face is my warrant”).

This fourth installment of the damnable comic-book series follows Mark Wahlberg as a mechanic, would-be inventor, and widowed father who’s trying to raise a daughter (Nicola Peltz). Meanwhile, Kelsey Grammer (smug as can be), Titus Welliver, and Stanley Tucci are among those in search of the elusive Optimus Prime, an Autobot who connects with humans to save the world. What makes Optimus so special? He can morph into vehicles whenever it’s convenient. The script takes “dumbed-down” to a futuristic level: when the gigantic and foreboding Galvatron rises up, he proclaims – for anybody who might be slow on the uptake – “I’m Galvatron!”

It’s all tough to absorb, thus easier to leave alone. Our ringleader Bay, true to form, refuses to stop this mechanical merry-go-round. (e.g., The director affords John Goodman’s caveman-like creature too much dialogue.) And surely, one of the main villains deserved a more suitable goodbye than a football to the head.

Here We Go Again

S

top me if you’ve heard this before: Melissa McCarthy portrays a loud, vulgar, and profane slob and/or bully. Is it The Heat? Bridesmaids?

This Is 40? Identity Thief? Well, technically the answer is yes to all – but this time I’m referring to Tammy, which McCarthy co-wrote with her husband Ben Falcone, who directed.

Yet again, this gifted actress whoops it up as a despicable ne’er-do-well who gets fired from her fast-food job, tries to elude the police, sleeps on the sidewalk outside a locked motel door, and drinks while driving. The character is, in a phrase, purposely toxic; in a word, tiresome.

This time, McCarthy has herself to blame for co-penning the sloppy and paper-thin script: She vows to flee small-town Illinois and, with a monetary boost and vehicle from grandma, hits the road to Niagara Falls. An uneven blend of life lessons and mayhem ensues.

A year ago, McCarthy survived The Heat, an insufferable, man-hating comedy; she was also nasty and cocky in Bridesmaids, though it stamped her big-screen passport. At

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least Falcone had the wherewithal to bolster this project with a rock-solid foundation: Allison Janney as the heroine’s mother; Susan Sarandon as the adventurous grandma; underused Toni Collette; Gary Cole as a farmer; and, saving the best for last, Kathy Bates as a lesbian firestarter.

Once More, with Feeling

I

n Begin Again, Mark Ruffalo stars as an unlucky and burned-out music producer struggling to connect with his daughter (Hailee Steinfeld) and estranged wife (Catherine Keener). The nonlinear narrative, which pits our hero drunk at a dive bar – on his last leg until he hears the promising vocals of a heartbroken young lady (Keira Knightley).

They’re both desperate and forlorn, and thus a match made in musical heaven. The heroine’s ex-lover (Adam Levine of the band Maroon 5 and a judgmental voice on The Voice) is in the throes of a tour and having a fling, so she relies on her songwriting integrity and best friend (James Corden).

As the film flows, a collection of tunes will take root and resonate; their development and unspooling are agreeable and less forced than scenes of built-up tension in the record company’s office. (Minor quibble: I found it difficult to digest the pop star suddenly falling for a young intern who is on screen for less time than it takes to sing a cheesy ballad.

The writer-director John Carney also helmed Once, the 2006 breezy and melodic indie drama that earned an Academy Award for the appealing song “Falling Slowly”.

Although the original tunes crafted herein sound pleasant enough, they aren’t quite as catchy or memorable as that hit. Almost everything about Begin Again is safely told. But within its poetic terms, it is often engaging and beautifully rendered.

Cat People?

W

ithin the first 20 minutes of Deliver Us from Evil, it’s a jungle out there: soldiers on the prowl will encounter a black snake, a tree full of marching spiders, and wing-flapping bats; moments later, New York cops investigating a zoo discover the lion doesn’t sleep tonight, since he’s too busy roaring – along with an angry bear. Miss the opening credits and you’ll assume that you wandered into an episode of Wild Kingdom or a landlocked sequel to Jaws.

Our hero (Eric Bana) is real-life officer Ralph Sarchie, who wrote a book alleging a bizarre life involving primary evil (“It’s something else entirely”) and exorcism. The man’s personal life unravels, largely because he inexplicably avoids his lovely wife (Olivia Munn) and spooked daughter.

Flickering dim lights and burnt-out bulbs, courtesy of director Scott Derrickson and Satan himself, are the order of the day. There also seems to be an unhealthy obsession with cats, including a dead one pinned on a wall. I have no desire to go into unkind detail about Joel McHale (trying to act like a tough, tattooed enforcer; it doesn’t come naturally) or additional supporters.

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by Christina Enoch

Owner Olly Lithgow and Ariane Aumont.

Here’s to Your Health at Kotuku Kotuku Elixir Bar & SuperFood Store shares its storefront with Divinitree Yoga Studio.

I

know a thing or two about health food.

I read all the fitness books and watch documentaries to the point all of them don’t sound intriguing anymore.

I need something more stimulating.

Being a CorePower yoga fanatic, I get to

meet many health conscious-earthy Santa Barbarians. One of the yogis, talented musician and artist friend Adam introduced me to a little gem on De La Guerra called Kotuku Elixir Bar & Superfood Store.

(You will see Adam playing his guitar at

After years of working full time for an ad agency, Christina found her passion in cooking and food.

Now armed with her newfound title, “Culinary School Graduate Food Blogger,” she writes and shares her passion for food, cooking, restaurants, photography and food styling in her popular blog, black dog :: food blog. Christina’s a proud mommy of not one but two shelter dogs and lives here in Santa Barbara with her husband. She’s also an avid Polynesian dancer, beach lover, traveler, swimmer, snowboarder and most of all, a lover of anything edible and yummy. Check out her ramblings here and at www.blackdogfoodblog.com.

Tuesday’s Farmers Market. Make sure you stop and say hello with a basket of strawberries when you see him! ) Definitely hit my radar – right up my alley.

I didn’t waste any time. A quick shower after yoga, with hair in a bun, I am ready to inhale some goodies.

Kotuku shares its storefront with Divinitree Yoga Studio. Being a Polynesian dancer myself, (Kotuku is the Maori name for the white heron), the name gives me butterflies. In light of the unspoken connection that Polynesian culture lovers share, owner Olly Lithgow better have a cool Maori tattoo.

Olly spent his childhood in New Zealand eating fresh, organic homegrown vegetables as they shaped his food philosophy. He worked in restaurants

Olly making Ormus Crown Opener, a Keijiwa Lotus Ormus mineral served with fresh coconut water.

as a sommelier around the world. His life changed as his fascination included Taoist philosophy and Chinese wellness practices, as well as yoga. The man’s career had its own turnaround from sommelier to health food ambassador. His profound knowledge of tonic herbalism is mindblowing.

I know a thing or two about health food and herbs, but walking in Kotuku, I’ve discovered there are many things I’ve never heard of or can’t pronounce. In this case, ingredients you can’t pronounce is a good thing. I grabbed a menu for me to keep, so I can study!

There’s a small bar-kitchen right Ariane Aumont, classically trained chef, helps in the kitchen.

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Daily soup made by Ariane. All organic, local, healthy, and healing.

I got the Cordyceps mushroom powder that I add to my green smoothie daily.

Olly’s handmade dark chocolate

There is nothing on the menu that is not nourishing.

Come here first before you get any medicine or see a doctor.

who ordered a pot of soup, because I will be coming here every day. Especially after eating baguettes and cheese daily in Tahiti, I am going to hit yoga and Kotuku as soon as I get back. I’ve been living without my essentials: kale smoothie, hot yoga, and acupuncture for more than a month; didn’t know I would last this long without them.

(Kotuku, please make sure you are open on my arrival.)

Kotuku also works closely with local companies such as Mattole Valley Naturals & Sun Potion and master herbalist Ron Teeguarden’s superb Dragon Herbs.

Thanks, Olly, for sharing your passion with Santa Barbara. This is what I’ve been looking for: more than a vitamin section at a health food store. I’m already feeling my mind and body getting stronger and richer, and I can’t wait to come back.

Kotuku Elixir Bar is open from 9 am to 7 pm daily at 25 E. De La Guerra Street.

Pink Puma: pomegranate, strawberry, banana, orange juice and baobab powder

Vegetable hand rolls with fermented seaweed served with tamarind miso sauce

before the yoga room, gorgeous Ariane Aumont –who is a classically trained chef – is working on her daily soup, which was delectable. Every ingredient is from the local farmers market. Delicious, fresh, satisfying, and healing. Can I order a pot of the soup?

I love healthy food, not only because it’s good but I appreciate the taste of it.

It makes me happy inside and out. Olly makes Ormus Crown Opener, a Keijiwa Lotus Ormus mineral (alchemized minerals extracted from salt crystals that have absorbed solar and lunar light for a million years) served with fresh coconut water. It is so refreshing and energizing, I can go for a second yoga class.

Olly’s dark chocolate and organic pistachio and golden berries are to die for. Just pass that Starbucks on the corner,

forget about scorching-hot coffee and Frappuccinos. Keep walking and come to Kotuku. There ain’t a normal cup of chai.

It is Super Power Chai: cold-brewed chai served hot with ancient organic ghee and sprouted, homemade almond milk. How exotic does that sound? I started drinking my coffee with tiny bit of ghee – it slowly releases caffeine and makes your brain super-sharp. As I type this in Tahiti (to participate in their largest culture/dance competition called “Heiva I Tahiti”), I made a jar of ghee for my family. We make costumes all day long and practiced in the afternoon. No coffee crash.

Olly says, “I only took 10 days off last year, and I never gotten sick.” Being an avid mountain climber and snowboarder, he knows tonic herbs and food for world-class athletes and artists before they perform.

As I got more herbs and tonics for my big performance here in Tahiti, I cracked a joke about joining an AA club with a man

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Plan B

but I seriously considered the Maldives/ no children option. It took me weeks to rule that one out. But, I did. I moved on with the knowledge that my children were (and are) at a great age for adventure. So I pondered over options 2 and 3. As much as I will always be in love with Spain, I had lived there in college, and I decided it was time to adventure beyond the boundaries of where I’d been before.

We are all ticketed and passport-ready.

We land in Budapest (I finagled a bit of an addition to option 3) and will take a train to Croatia. From there, we will ferry across the Adriatic Sea to Italy, and then make our way by car across Tuscany to the Cinque Terre coastline. We’ll wrap around the southern Italian Riviera and fly out of Nice in the south of France. (I did some more finagling with the departure location, too).

Four tickets, four countries, and four weeks in Europe are all I can think about! It’s a great distraction from the bigger number (40) that will soon be my reality.

by Briana Westmacott When Briana isn’t lecturing for her writing courses

at UCSB and SBCC, she contributes to The Santa Barbara Skinny, Wake & Wander and Flutter Magazine. Along with her passion for writing and all things Santa Barbara, much of her time is spent multi-tasking through her days as a mother, wife, sister, want-to-be chef and travel junky. Writing is an outlet that ensures mental stability... usually.

Heading Overseas: Part 1

I

pulled my car into our driveway wondering, “What in the world is going on here?”

My daughter was standing on our porch with a lantern in her hand, her arms swinging that lamp back and forth while wielding a pirate’s grin. The curtains in the front window were drawn closed.

Her mischievous eyes pushed my curiosity further.

“Elli, what are you doing?” I was confused.

My daughter didn’t speak. She ushered me up the pathway toward our door. I was guided into a dark home. This was by no means a normal homecoming for me. There is usually a quick hug followed by some “I’m hungry!” and “What’s for dinner?” I was completely caught offguard.

There were hand-cut arrows taped to the floor, guiding me through my bewilderment. Candles were lit all over the living room and bedrooms. My lantern-clad hostess was still present, “Just

follow the arrows, Mom,” she reassured me as I stumbled along the guided path.

“It’s a scavenger hunt!” Elli (the captain of my moment) instructed. I followed through a series of carded clues that were interspersed with arrows and instructions in-between. My second daughter popped out at one point, letting me know I had to do 10 jumps on the trampoline before I could get my final clue.

After breaking a sweat, I made my way to my husband’s office outside our house.

There were white lights strung around the door and when I opened it; I truly could not believe what I found.

Some Things Get Better with Age He was so smart. My husband did this nine months before my actual birthday, and I had absolutely no clue what was going on. He had concocted a surprise that this well-organized, all-knowing Virgo could not spoil. There before

BORN IN FRANCE… RAISED IN SANTA BARBARA

Briana’s Best Bets My girls, packed and ready for adventures!

me, amongst piles of white lights and candles, were my three choices of where we would go in honor of my upcoming (40th!) birthday: 1. The Maldives (I’ve been obsessed with these islands for quite some time now).

2. Spain and France (I lived in Spain, and part of me will always be wanting to be there).

3. Croatia and Italy (enough said).

What’s a girl (okay, lady would be more age-appropriate) to do? Seriously, I’m not making this up. It happened. I was shocked; literally I believe I fell to my knees. And then the kids looked at me and posed the ultimate question: “Where do you want to go, Mommy?”

First of all, I love my children dearly,

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We have a great spot, right here in our backyard, completely filled with family fun.

Alisal Guest Ranch & Resort has horseback riding, golf, a lake to fish in and boat on, archery, hiking, wine tasting, swimming, a kids craft center, yummy food, and more. I can’t even list all the greatness going on at Alisal. They have really created a magical place for families to come and enjoy some of the old-fashioned fun, which is what summertime should be all about. Go to the website for booking: www.alisal.com/ While we did most of our trip planning on our own, there were a few hiccups along the way where we reached out to a professional for help. Jane Scarcello at Montecito Village Travel helped us track down a mysterious train that runs from Budapest to Croatia and always greeted us with a huge grin. Go see her, if you need help making travel arrangements.

Montecito Village Travel: (805) 969-5096

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In

On

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the vineyard

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the farm

Saturday, August 9, 2014 Bernat Vineyard - Los Olivos 4:30 pm

Dine with the Winemaker, Chef, Farmer Bernat family wines with Debby & Shu Takikawa produce.

Menu created and prepared by Chef Chris Joslyn of The Los Olivos Cafe $125 includes tax and gratuity Purchase Tickets Online at www.LosOlivosWineMerchant.com

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with Mark Léisuré

Mark spends much of his time wandering Santa Barbara and environs, enjoying the simple things that come his way.

A show here, a benefit there, he is generally out and about and typically has a good time. He says that he writes “when he feels the urge” and doesn’t want his identity known for fear of an experience that is “less than authentic.” So he remains at large, roaming the town, having fun. Be warned.

Come on in, the Wine is Fine

S

anta Barbara is lousy with wine and dine events, what with some sort of eat-drink-and-be-merry affair happening nearly every weekend somewhere nearby. (Hold on – is it even kosher to use the word “lousy” even in this context, with anything having to do with Santa Barbara other than June Gloom?

Whatever.) You can tip back a glass and get tipsy in just about every neighborhood from Montecito to the Riviera and Mission Canyon or beyond.

But only one such event takes place at the actual beach – you know, just steps from the gentle waves rolling in from the blue Pacific. And that would be the California Wine Festival, which turns 11 this year.

Actually, the festival is a three-day weekend replete with five different offerings – one more than last year, as a new seminar has been added – that begins downtown on Thursday, July 17, with Old Spanish Nights, a nod to and play on words for Old Spanish Days, a.k.a. Fiesta, which gets underway just two weeks later.

In the spirit of Fiesta, the wine tasting (including Spanish imports) at Casa de la Guerra comes complete with Spanish music, flamenco dancing, and spicy tapas.

On Friday (July 18), two intimate tasting seminars get things going in late afternoon at the Fess Parker Resort, as wine-lovers can choose between the returning Cab Collective, featuring cabernets from Paso Robles, or the World of Wine in One AVA (American Viticultural Area), which focuses on six fancy varietals from the

Lodi area. Then it’s a short jaunt down to the sunken garden in front of the Chase Palm Park carousel for the annual Sunset Rare & Reserve Wine Tasting, featuring a champagne reception under the stars and a chance to sample extremely limited reserve level wines matched with gourmet appetizers, then dance to live blues and jazz.

The main event, though, is on Saturday, across the street on the ocean side of the Chase Palm Park, where the Beachside Wine Festival boasts a full 90 different wineries pouring some of their favorite and most popular varietals and blends, plus 10 (a big bump from last year’s six) local breweries for those who prefer the sudsy stuff. Each winery pours an average of three to four wines, so there are literally hundreds from which to choose.

It’s the only beach side wine festival in California, which is partly why Trip Advisor recently named it one of the Top 10 in the country, an accolade gratefully acknowledged by the fest’s VP, Emily Kaufman.

“We’re getting out there, finally,” she said, adding that this year’s festival “has the most diversity and greatest number of wineries in our history.”

The Beachside bash has also expanded the VIP area with more seating, more wines and more shade, which can come in handy when the alcohol content starts to accumulate in your system. This year also features some high-end wineries pouring for the first time at the fest, including

The California Wine Festival kicks off July 17 with Old Spanish Nights and winds down July 19 with the afternoon Beachside Fest.

Heitz Wine Cellars (Napa), Melville Winery (Santa Rita Hills), and Bernardus (Monterey).

The beach, the mountain view, the ocean breezes, California wines, and local cuisines – could it be any more quintessentially California? See you there.

Info, schedule, and tickets at www. californiawinefestival.com.

Feeling Loopy?

The title of Looped, the new play that closes out the Ensemble Theater’s debut season in its new home at the New Vic, is a clever double-entendre. It refers to both looping, which is the process of re-recording dialogue audio for film or TV, and to inebriation, which is the state in which Tallulah Bankhead showed up for a re-recording session toward the end of her career, turning the process of capturing one line into an all-day affair that plagues the poor engineer assigned to the task.

That’s also the incident that inspired playwright Matthew Lombardo to create the work, a comedy about the single session that veers into Bankhead’s career and choices, and the conflict and resolution with the sound engineer, who has a different demeanor and outlook.

The play was a hit on Broadway just four years ago, and toured the country in 2013. We’re told ETC’s production is the first one authorized not co-produced by the author. So make sure to get down to the New Vic by Sunday, July 27, for this production helmed by Emmy-winning director Glenn Jordan, a longtime Montecito resident.

Elsewhere in theater this fortnight...

That Girl is Poison Several of Santa Barbara’s favorite community actors, including Samantha Eve, Ed Lee, Edward K. Romine and Leslie Ann Story return to Santa Barbara City College’s Garvin Theater for Arsenic and Old Lace. Katie Laris directs Joseph Kesselring’s classic comedy about two eccentric old-lady sisters who invite gentlemen callers to their home, only to serve them with glasses of their homemade arsenic-laced elderberry wine.

But this is no murder-mystery – the fun is in the characters. Plays through Saturday, July 26.

Who’s Afraid?

Elements Theater Collectives pop up performances of Sarah Ruhl’s adaptation of Orlando by Virginia Woolf continue through July 27 at various venues around town. The title character goes through gender switches and century-spanning time travel in what’s been called the longest love letter in literary history. The performances, as always, are free, though reservations are strongly advised. Need more? Check out the enticing pictures of the cast in costume on Elements’ Facebook page: www.facebook.com/ ElementsTheatreCollective

Heavenly Harmonies PCPA Theaterfest keeps the music playing with the jukebox musical Forever Plaid. The long-running hit, still popular around the country tells the story of a 1950s doo-wop band who died in a bus crash on their way to what would have been their biggest gig. No tears are necessary, though – they’ve been miraculously revived to put on stage for us the concert that never happened, including such classic tracks as “Sixteen Tons”, “Chain Gang”, “Three Coins in the Fountain”, “Perfidia”, and “Heart and Soul”. Better yet, it’s all outdoors under the stars at the Solvang Festival Theater, through July 27. Tickets and information at www.pcpa.org or 922-8313.

Have a Ball Also, Five Women Wearing the Same Dress (July 17-27) combines dark and light humor, quirkiness, and serious themes we’ve come to expect from playwright by Alan Ball, best-known for creating the HBO series Six Feet Under and writing the Academy Award-winning 1999 film American Beauty. The work makes its local debut at Plaza Playhouse Theater under the direction of Kate Bergstrom, a graduate of UCLA’s School of Theater, Film & Television.

Never Forget Ed Giron directs DIJO’s The Vilna Ghetto, Joshua Sobol’s powerful play based on true events about residents of a wartime Jewish ghetto who entertain the Nazis in exchange for their lives, at Center Stage Theatre July 18-August 10.

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STATE STREET SCRIBE

by Jeff Wing

Jeff is a journalist, raconteur, autodidact, and polysyllable enthusiast. A long-time resident of SB, he takes great delight in chronicling the lesser known facets of this gaudy jewel by the sea. Jeff can be reached at jeffwingg@gmail.com

My (World) Cup Ranneth over at Dargan’s

I

have friends from all over the world, and it’s way cool. Hey, it makes me cool. There, I said it. It makes me cooler than you. No offense, bra. Or bro, I guess, if you’re a guy.

My peer group is a diverse agglomeration of foreign-born hipsters, sexily accented internationals descended from the Old World Ages of Chivalry and Enlightenment, and maybe one or two from the Dark Ages. So I’ve got Knights in Shining Armor intermingling with the odd scrabbling peasant in foul burlap. Hey, I can’t tell them apart; it’s all cool to me. I love these people. Are you kidding? All those castles and moats, the romance of dungeons, that big river that cuts through London? The Tums?

These are my friends. Having Europeans in my life confers a certain feeling of power – real power. Probably not unlike the quiet power a guy feels when he’s strolling up State Street with a parrot on his shoulder, but looking all nonchalant.

“What parrot?”

So cool.

I’ve always thrilled at the notion of the roiling, happy madness of the Larger World. As a kid I could squint for hours at a map or thumb lovingly through an atlas, or lay in bed daydreaming about faraway places.

What are other people like out there?

What is an Irish lass like? What’s a German kid like? Is Denmark a country or a city in Norway?

And now I have this amazing circle of friends, emissaries from that world of thrilling color and strangeness beyond the parochial walls of our ocean-surrounded island of homogeneity. Theirs is a world whose lovely riot of teeming, centuriesold, deeply lived culture I am privileged to truly understand and respect with an insider’s perspective – a world of tap-dancing chimney sweeps, applecheeked milk maidens in wooden shoes, Hans Brinkers, leprechauns, flowerbedecked windmills, Hermione Gingold everywhere you look, and beefy Tyrolean horn-blowers in alpine lederhosen, dancing that jig where they slap their ankles and laugh.

I’ve learned so much.

We are an Irish-Danish-GermanFilipino-Liverpudlian-Dutch-Balding Mutt posse of warmth and friendship.

When we’re together and my heavily accented friends are spouting their loving and indecipherable gibberish, I gaze upon this foreign-born family of lovebirds and see them as William Windom is often obliged to see the dissolving Angela Lansbury on Murder,

She Wrote: through a thick blurring scrim of Vaseline.

And now this!

The World Cup Soccer Extravaganza (also known as Foosbowl or something) comes crashing into my idyll. Every four years, like Mr. Spock when he gets Vulcan rutting-season PMS in the unnerving “Amok Time” episode of Star Trek – a birds-and-bees conversation starter that was the downfall of many a stammering 1960s parent – this game befalls my exotic friends like a madness.

They lose their senses, paint flags on their asses, wear furry orange top hats and go gaga for men in satin shorts and overcomplicated jerseys. And unlike our own starry-eyed World Series, this is a sporting tournament actually partaken of by the world. The Cayman Islands have a team.

Where are the Cayman Islands? And so on. By comparison, our little “World Series” baseball blowout seems almost puny and provincial, encompassing the world from, like, Orlando to Canoga Park. Woo hoo! Take that, Lichtenstein!

When I was first introduced to the sport by my ex-girlfriend (I’m a little more comfortable calling her that than “my wife”; any therapist reading this is invited to chime in), I was as skeptical as the next touchdown-addicted American covered head-to-toe in Cheetos powder.

I mean, two hours of this sprinting back and forth, huffing and puffing and kicking their heavily insured little legs, and an exhausted final “score” of 1-0... If you’re lucky!

Cheque, please!

The game is, of course, routinely derided here in the states, in the way poetry is mocked by the macho arthropods incensed by the bevy of beautiful women who swoon for the Whitman-quoting stick-figure in glasses. The predominating complaint: “I mean, what gives?” There are soccer stadiums large enough to seat Danbury, Connecticut, and they’re full of maddened, painted soccer freaks from places you will swallow your

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tongue trying to pronounce. What does The World know that we don’t know?

Nuthin, that’s what, as we were recently reminded by our gravitas-exuding Cultural Soothsayer-Clairol ExperimentHeadline Snorter Anne Coulter who, with her usual botoxed lisp, proclaimed soccer “not a real sport,” and went on to opine that its growing popularity in the U.S. is yet another sign of America’s “moral decay.”

Oh, no – not that.

“There are soccer stadiums large enough to seat Danbury, Connecticut, and they’re full of maddened, painted soccer freaks from places you will swallow your tongue trying to pronounce.”

Okay, I will say that the rules of soccer are... un-American? To wit: if you actually outrun the guy you’re playing against, they will call you “Off-Sides,” meaning you in your lil’ shorts had the balls (but pointedly, not The Ball) to run past the other guy in his lil’ shorts, prompting a third guy on the sidelines in lil’ shorts to angrily point a lil’ flag and glare at you.

So there!

Then there’s the steal, rarely deft. The guy dribbling the ball has it “taken” from him by a grass-stained madman attacking his shins in a full-body slide, whereupon the recent ball-handler will take to the air with Nureyev panache, little legs bicycling pathetically in Super Slo-Mo, macabre sobbing tragedyface already twice as outlandish as the worst mime-sorrow you’ve ever seen,

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open mouth bawling, hair adrift in subaqueous splendor, the crawling replay so lovingly slowed down it takes the agonized airborne crybaby 10 minutes to hit the turf. These guys are as balletic as pro wrestlers, if not as likely to survive a headlock.

After seven or eight hours, a scoreless game is mercifully truncated with a taketurns round of penalty kicks: a single kicker and a single opposing goalie facing each other alone in the eye of a stadium filled with 80,000 painted lunatics. The goalie is wearing ridiculous Mickey Mouse gloves, the better to stop the rocketing ball, and taunting his opposite in Mickey’s high sing-song head-tone.

“Kom op, Goofy. Ik schijt in je klompen, mis je de volgende!” (“C’mon Goofy, you can do better than that!”)

At Dargan’s that Saturday, all the lovebirds were there. Netherlands versus Costa Rica. A background film had showed the Costa Rican team making its unlikely, scrappy advance up the World Cup ranks, at every victorious step weeping and embracing, stunned into tears. Too much at stake, though!

During penalty kicks, the score zero to zero, my ex had to leave the bar and I imagined her standing outside with a clutch of other crazy-looking nail-biters dressed in vivid orange and Costa Rican blue and red; the esprit de corps of the frightened.

In the end, the Dutch won on penalty kicks, their goalie’s face later blossoming into a Super-Slo-Mo grin as his outstretched mitt intersected the incoming ball. The room spontaneously erupted, everyone laying sugar on my overwrought Dutchie. The Costa Rican contingent silently rose and filed out of the place, eyes wet. There were tears and sighs all around, rough embraces, accented congratulations. Pretty cool.

Not quite parrot-on-the shoulder-cool.

But what is?

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with Julie Bifano Ms Bifano is drawn to micro-fiction and is currently writing her first novel – The Grace Below. She has a B.A. in English with an emphasis in writing from the University of San Francisco and a M.F.A. in Creative Writing, also from the University of San Francisco. More of Julie’s stories and poetry can be viewed on her website juliebifano.com.

Happy Birthday, America!

Brooke Robinson, Naomi Van Wyk and her little one, Esty, relax at the SB Sunken Gardens.

Tudchawee Jaruthammarorn, Athippong Kitakkaranon, Parichart Thanabunditkun, and Chaichan Clmojipanyo enjoy the 4th of July free American Salute concert!

A

round Santa Barbara Sunken Gardens, the summer sun was fading away, and couples kissed, toddlers giggled, teenagers wore shirts that showed off their tan bellies, and families sat together on picnic blankets.

It smelled like BBQ. What was grilling nearby: Could it be ribs smothered in my new favorite, Trader Joe’s Carolina Gold BBQ sauce? Or possibly hot dogs, cheeseburgers, and steaks? I looked up at the courthouse tower: glimpsing a 360-degree view of Santa Barbara simply

can’t be beat – and it’s free.

Also free was the American Salute concert for the 4th of July. It was the Cielo Foundation for the Performing Arts and the West Coast Symphony Orchestra with founder and conductor Christopher Story VI, who shared the podium with associate conductor Dr. Michael Shasberger.

As I bopped my head to the sounds of Camelot, I heard an older gentleman singing the words, so I joined in. The man’s face was painted red, white, and

John and Susan Blanchfield with their dog Ozzie are happy to listen and sing along to songs like “God Bless America.”

Shawn Rupert poses with the pristine backdrop of the SB Sunken Gardens and Courthouse behind him.

Tourists visiting from New Jersey love spending their holiday at the SB Sunken Gardens.

Bob Bason and daughter Shaundra Bason are eager to hear a concert celebrating America.

blue. I noticed other people’s patriotic attire. Some families even dressed up their dogs in the American colors of the day. One little pup had a U.S. flag for a bandana around his neck.

The sunken gardens brought people together who were smiling, laughing, and high-fiving one another. As “God Bless America” played, there were tears, too, from families who had lost loved ones to war. At this event, freedom was the adoring look an elderly woman give to her husband. It was a child learning to walk, tottering back and forth from mother to father. It was families and friends joined together on the pristine grass, singing with no fear, no hate – just unity and love.

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The Millers and the Wrights get their families together for a relaxing kidfriendly lunch on the patio.

by Jacquelyn De Longe As a writer, busy mother of two toddlers and Pilates Instructor at P.U.L.S.E., Jacquelyn De Longe finds her fast-paced life often keeps her out of the kitchen and frequenting area restaurants. New to Santa Barbara, she explores treasures of the local culinary scene with a fresh, honest and entertaining perspective.

The Secret Garden They are one big, happy family here.

Larry with two of his Plaza Deli employees, Libby and Dre.

Chief deputy sheriff Laz Salinas, and Santa Barbara sheriff Bill Brown enjoy their lunch – the chicken salad sandwich, potato chips, and vintage soda – on the patio.

The outdoor patio has more than 20 tables, eight umbrellas, and six heat lamps making it the perfect lunch spot yearround.

A

s one drives north along the lonely stretch of Calle Real where the tourists, college kids, and big rigs race along the neighboring freeway, just past the Hope Avenue exit where rows of empty shiny cars await their proud new owners at the high-end dealerships, and before the upslope to La Cumbre Road is where a small fork in the road heads around the back of La Cumbre Plaza and past the Sears’ loading docks.

Here in this quiet, almost forgotten, isolated section of the mall an outdoor oasis awaits, beckoning you to take a moment to yourself, relax, slow down, chat with your friends, actually taste your lunch, and enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

For more than 30 years, the Plaza Deli Cafe has been serving Santa Barbara tasty sandwiches, salads, and specialty hard-tofind sodas. Once a chain of six, this original and last-standing location of the café has no plans of disappearing. Even after three decades of economic inflation, rent increases, and mall remodels, the place is still providing a satisfying lunch for around $7. (I don’t know of many other places that do so.)

There are the classic subs such as the Italian, lots of meats and cheese with

There are more than 500 varieties of vintage sodas available.

pepperoncinis, the hot pastrami & cheese (just like it sounds), and tuna salad any mom would be proud. For the more adventurous eater, the Bada Bing sub has hot ham and provolone with spicy chipotle bleu cheese, or the Philly Cheese Dog, which is 1/4-pound with provolone, onions, roasted red peppers, and jalapeño mayo. They are both great choices, but the biggest decision to make is what to wash

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your lunch down with. It’s a tough one, since there are more than 500 sodas to choose from – and they all evoke that sweet indulgence of childhood that we, as caloriecounting adults, often neglect.

On my visit, I was lucky enough to run into not only the fire department and chief deputy sheriff Laz Salinas, but also the Santa Barbara sheriff himself, Bill Brown, who had this to say about one of his regular lunch spots, “The environment is great, the staff and customers are friendly, it’s a place with unique offerings.” I chatted with a few of the surrounding tables full of families and friends. The Miller and Wright families enjoy Plaza Deli Café as a great place to grab lunch and let their

kids explore. And Sue Touché, has been coming here for years with her grandson, Wes Vanwyk who raved, “It’s the best. I love it. It’s always so nice outside.” It seems even with its remote location and petite size, this little café surely brings a lot of life to this quiet mall.

Inside the tiny packed deli is an overwhelming display of memorabilia that keeps the eyes busy, as you wait to place your order at the walk-up counter. Gumball machines, vintage Coca-Cola advertisements, black-andwhite Hollywood glamour pictures, and miniature children’s pedal cars clutter the surrounding walls and floor, but the most eye-catching of all the decor is the countless

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It’s a soupand-salad kinda day for Wes Vanwyk with his grandmother, Sue Touché.

Boylan Black Cherry soda and a classic Italian sub is owner Larry’s personal favorite.

The Grilled Chicken Salad is a healthy way to satisfy the biggest of appetites.

bottle caps that cover just about every available surface. Meticulously attached (almost all are right-side up), the bottle caps run the length of the beams on the ceiling, march like ants along the shelves, and even disguise an out-of-place, modernday ATM (Only cash here – no cards!).

As the café always has a line out the door (at least every time I’ve been there), the employees do their best to keep things moving. Joshua jumped into action, taking my order while I waited in line, and Dre speedily rang me up at the register, handing a table number to me, and suddenly I was back outside. The dizzying effect inside the café is offset by the spacious, relaxing garden patio. A tinkling fountain overgrown with greenery, sky-high awnings lightly fluttering high above, and the sounds of bird chirping soothe the soul of customers as they take their time unwinding at one of the 20 patio tables. This kid-friendly, shaded courtyard is blooming with happy sunflowers and crayon-colored tulips. It’s a place parents can sit back and relax with full bellies, as their children explore this secret garden.

Owner Larry Balducci describes his long-standing café as “Shangri-La meets Willie Wonka.” Call it a passion or a hobby, his fondness for nostalgia and Americana

is evident in his extensive collection of memorabilia inside his shop, and his love of serene open spaces is unmistakable in his well-kempt garden. It was a little over a year ago during a near-death experience that Balducci found himself in the gardens at Cottage Hospital searching for something, anything, not knowing whether he was going make it. Thankfully, he did survive, and it was there surrounded by greenery at the hospital that he found his peace.

A “firm believer that stress affects the body,” Balducci began educating himself about the art of gardening and the healing properties of Horticulture. Everyday before the café opens, he spend almost an hour and a half tending to his outdoor oasis creating a place for everyone to enjoy.

Growing up back east in the Foster System, Balducci started working at the too-young age of seven and has never stopped. Working is the only way of life for him, and as a young man Balducci was hired at Plaza Deli Café under the original owner, Don Henderson. Instantly, the two bonded having both been East Coast transplants with difficult childhoods, and it wasn’t long before Henderson adopted Balducci as his own son, mentoring him and eventually passing on the business when he retired.

Balducci has made him proud since taking over, continuing to educate himself on economics and horticulture to create this bustling patio café. There is a great sense of family and community here with many of the young employees starting in high school and staying though college.

Balducci, like Henderson, has taken on a mentoring role with his staff as he thinks of the future, when he will retire and pass on the business to one of his faithful employees. But that won’t happen anytime soon, as Balducci looks ahead with great promise: “One day I’d like to expand in the mall, maybe with more indoor seating.” (In my opinion, the awnings and numerous heat lamps make this patio a great place to eat year-round.)

So next time you are at the top of State, grab a glass-bottle soda, a shady outdoor spot, and a bit of quiet small-town life.

The Plaza Deli Café is a secret garden you should know about.

Plaza Deli Café is located at 140 S. Hope Avenue; call (805) 682-4410.

...continued from p.9 are used to sell more papers but the articles themselves offer little reliable information.

One specific part of the article rubbed me the wrong way, and I think it is the best example of how little The Food Babe knows about beer. She criticized Guinness for containing high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) and fish bladder.

When I travel around, Guinness is my go-to beer. Almost every restaurant, airport, or bar has it – so it is easy to find and always tasty.

First off, I do not know for sure whether Guinness uses high fructose corn syrup. Even if it does, it does not matter. HFCS in beer is a lot different than HFCS in soda or other foods.

HFCS is completely fermentable by yeast, which means that none of it will end up in the finished beer. It is simply a cheap source of sugar for the yeast to feed off of. I repeat, no HFCS ends up in the finished beer.

The next “scary” item in Guinness is fish bladder. This ominous sounding ingredient might make you imagine piles of bladder-less fish flopping around Ireland. I promise you that each can of Guinness does not receive an animal sacrifice before being shipped away from the brewery. The truth is far less sinister.

Fish bladder in the industry is called isinglass. It is a natural product, and it has been used for hundreds of years to help clarify beer. Despite it being a historical beer additive, you may still wonder how fish bladder ended up in beer in the first place.

Bladders Are Good at Storing Beer

The exact discovery of isinglass as a clarifying agent (also called finings) is still unknown, but it is thought to go something like this: Animal skins and organs have been used in a variety of ways for thousands of years. Organs like stomachs and bladders are made to hold fluids, so they make a natural vessel for storing liquids.

The most likely story is that a fisherman was using the bladder of a large fish to hold his beer in. The acidity of beer broke down part of the bladder lining, which contains collagen (the most active ingredient in isinglass), and the collagen leeched into the liquid. This is also the theory of how milk was first turned into cheese (an invention that predates recorded history). As the fisherman poured the beer out, he likely noticed that it was brighter and clearer than how it had began. After that point, it was only a matter of time before someone dried the fish bladders and began using it as a beer additive.

What Bladders Do

Isinglass is a helical-shaped protein.

Each clarifying agent uses its own

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techniques but generally speaking, finings have “bulky” structures with “branches” poking out that help catch compounds moving past the clarifier.

The branches contain electrostatic charges that draw in nearby molecules (imagine the positive side of a magnet attracting the negative side of a magnet).

The isinglass captures yeast and other physical matter in its structure as it moves through the vessel. When the commotion of fermentation subsides, a layer of solids is left in the bottom of the vessel and the liquid is carefully suctioned off from above (a process called racking).

Brewing beer is basically a chemical engineering process, and much of chemical engineering is trying to get one thing away from another thing (called a separation process). Clarifiers like isinglass separate solids from a liquid. This means that they are intended to not be in the finished liquid. Inevitably, there is a miniscule amount left in the liquid so strict vegetarians should be concerned about the use of isinglass. Some brewers will use a form of seaweed called Irish moss (also known as carageenan) however Irish moss functions differently and is often used in conjunction with isinglass. Egg whites have even been used to help clarify beer.

Now here is the irony of The Food Babe’s criticism of “fish bladders” in Guinness: isinglass is far more likely to be in a craft beer than it is to be in one of the “evil” macro beers. Beer will clarify naturally; Isinglass just speeds up the process. Major brewers now use centrifuges and filters to clarify their beer. This is a far more effective process, so isinglass is not really used at major breweries anymore. Isinglass and Irish moss are still used to help clarify caskconditioned ales since the yeast needs to remain in the liquid in order for the cask to carbonate. This means that isinglass is largely a product used in beers from the UK, where cask-conditioned ales are the most prevalent (hence why Guinness still uses it in their beers).

Unfortunately, centrifuges are very expensive and the majority of small brewers cannot afford one. Most craft brewers will clarify their beers using a combination of filters and a process called cold conditioning where they drop the beer to very low temperatures to help encourage sediment to fall to the bottom of the fermenter. If there is a problem with clarification, or if they are brewing a style of beer that has difficulty clarifying, then they might use isinglass.

However, this is more of a solution to a problem and not part of the standard protocol.

So unless you are a vegetarian, do not be discouraged by fish bladders being used on your beer. Just remember to be careful what you read on the Internet.

Take everything with a grain of salt, and possibly a glass of Guinness.

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...continued from p.7 The fun and work never end at iStoryTime headquarters, which includes elevated adjustable desks for standing or sitting, based at Canon Perdido and Garden.

A sampling of “buttons” representing popular children’s tales and Hollywood movies, as part of the iStoryTime mobile device app.

One of the countless stories iStoryTime offers

The forecast looks bright for Cloudy and the iStoryTime app for children.

located on the corner of Canon Perdido and Garden streets.

And this is no run-of-the-mill tech startup office space. It does have the required Ping-Pong tables, translucentwalled eraser boards, and work stations with giant flat screens that raise to standing or lower to seated positions with a flip of a switch, but it is different. Magical almost.

It is a kid’s giant playroom morphed into an adult place of business, reflecting

the imagination of the company’s products with a floor covered in thick, plush, walkin-your-bare-feet Astroturf throughout.

The walls are flush with images of deep blue skies, puffy white clouds, and a giant, colorful, artistic airplane from a Solstice Parade with papered orbs floating all around. It’s a workspace that would be difficult to get uptight in. “We’re always walking on grass,” Graham says.

“We built the first original storybook

for the iPhone”, he tells me. It was for the first generation on the little three-and-ahalf-inch screen, “Everyone thought we were crazy. No one’s ever going to read a book on their iPhone or ever hand this device to their kid,” was the feedback Graham says he was getting at the time.

Explaining where the idea came from, Graham says, “We built it because of my kid; she was two at the time, and was attracted to my iPhone like a magnet.”

He adds, “If you’ve ever tried to take an iPhone away from a little kid, you know what that means.”

Back then, Graham and his wife, Sara, were traveling abroad with their young daughter, and iPads didn’t exist. To keep her entertained, they carried around a bag of books. “But now,” he says, “I have this phone that fits in my pocket, which [my daughter] loved, but everything there was video games and movies. We didn’t want the convenience of the device to put content in front of her that we didn’t want her to see,” he says, so they sought a guiltfree solution.

“We found a guy online to illustrate and build us an app” for the iTunes store. It was a funny story called the Wiener Dog Magnet,” he says of their first illustrated app book. “We got it narrated,” making a point of that feature. “Everything we make is narrated, it’s one of the key pieces, which means that an 18-month-old, or an eight-year-old can enjoy it with the narration on, or off.

“We got really lucky,” Graham says of what gained them real traction in the market place. “We were the first to build a storybook, titled The Brave Monkey Pirate,” he says of their positioning on the Apple App Store without any competition.

“There was no one else there, and the book did really well,” resulting in DreamWorks approaching them. “They called us and asked if we could do the same thing for their story How to Train Your Dragon.’”

Talk about good timing!

That’s Edutainment!

Today you can find the iStoryTime Library, which is a free app that offers à la carte and subscription access to stories from Kung Fu Panda to Madagascar and more. The app is available on the App Store, iBookstore, Amazon, and the NOOK. All parent-tested and parentapproved content.

In fact, Graham tells me, “It’s edutainment. We’re building TV 2.0,” he says. Putting it into context: “It used to be screen time versus non-screen time; now everything’s on the screen.

Reading is done on a Kindle, every kid at Washington Elementary is getting an iPad.” As for the quickly changing landscape parents must deal with: “It’s all about the content on the screen now, not the time on the screen.” In other words, it is up to parents to determine what their kids are viewing.

“We’re creating the characters and content that the kids are really entertained by, and delivering it in a way that they’re self-directed,” he says. “You can have a four-year-old picking which book they want, which empowers their decisionmaking process.” And the benefit of this environment, he suggests, is that the parents have already screened the products they’ve curated; iStoryTime creates a bookshelf of interesting choices and all the commercial elements have been filtered out by parents. The result is that there’s never any advertising hitting the young eyes.

There’s a lot of synergy with this team of nine here in Santa Barbara who have recently joined forces with an East Coast group called Cupcake Digital. With more than 9 million downloads to date, expect even more coming soon to a device near you!

Learn more now: istorytime.com / cupcakedigital.com.

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