San Joaquin Parents Magazine September 2018 by San Joaquin Magazine

A Magazine for In-The-Know Parents

Parents INSIDE:

CAMPING WITH KIDS HOW TO HANDLE BULLIES HALLOWEEN TIPS & TRICKS

SEPT./OCT. 2018 SANJOAQUINMAGAZINE.COM

SEP/OCT | 2018

SAN JOAQUIN PARENTS MAGAZINE

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SEP/OCT | 2018

SAN JOAQUIN PARENTS MAGAZINE

SEPT. / OCT. 2018

PUBLISHER | EDITOR

Tony Zoccoli MANAGING EDITOR

Lindsey Rodrian SECTION EDITOR

Nora Heston Tarte GRAPHIC DESIGNER

Sybil Watson / Lucas Zoccoli MARKETING ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER

Neelam Patel ADVERTISING

Michelle Cox

REGULAR CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Alexandra Krueger, Caitlin Hamer Heather Isbill Faith Lewis, Steph Rodriguez PHOTOGRAPHY

Dan Hood

CONTENTS

DISTRIBUTION SERVICES

6. Five Tips for Trick or Treat

16. Learning How to Love the

Success To make sure both parents and children get to have a fun and safe Halloween, here are five tips to keep things from getting too scary.

Outdoors with My Kids Encourage your children to embrace Mother Nature with tips fueled by personal experience and precious childhood memories.

6. Safe Spots to Celebrate

20. How to Handle Bullies

Halloween Three local stops for safe, worry-free trick-or-treating.

8. Picture Perfect

Mary Gillespie Photography captures milestone moments for county families.

10. Ask the Experts: Hygiene

Check out these questions about hygiene for all ages, answered by a local expert—Dr. Anita Heart, MD.

Learn how to play a positive, active role in your child’s social life and how to get involved in your child’s conflicts appropriately.

22. Five Creative Things to Do

with Pumpkin Guts Here are five creative—and delicious—ways to make sure the orange goop doesn’t go to waste.

24. Understanding Dyslexia

For two years in a row Ginger Bugs in Lodi has been voted the best place to throw a kid’s party in San Joaquin County. Find out why!

Hilary Sanguinetti, a technology teacher at Annunciation School in Stockton that is certified to screen students for dyslexia and administer specialized tutoring, answers some of our most basic questions about the disorder.

14. Able Charter School

26. Fill Your Bag

12. Party with the Ginger Bugs

Born from the vision of Dr. Robert Humphreys, Sr., and Wilma Okamoto Vaughn, ABLE Charter has been changing lives since 2011.

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If you didn’t know, now you know: Must-have skincare and makeup items for moms.

Rebecca Ristrim

San Joaquin Parents Magazine published bi-monthly by San Joaquin Magazine 318 W. Pine Street, Lodi, CA 95240 Phone: (209) 833-9989 www.sanjoaquinmagazine.com All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from this publisher. Photographs, graphics, and artwork are the property of Inside Magazines Publishing Company. © 2018 Inside Magazines Publishing Co.

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SEP/OCT | 2018

SAN JOAQUIN PARENTS MAGAZINE

HIGHLIGHTS

SAFE SPOTS Five Tips

to Trick or Treat in San Joaquin

for Safe Trick or Treating

 BY ALEXANDRA KRUEGER

 BY CAITLIN HAMER

Kids look forward to Halloween all year, but for parents, it can be a somewhat stressful situation. Between helping kids pick out their perfect costumes and planning out the best trick or treat route, this spooky night can get overwhelming for all the wrong reasons. To make sure both parents and children get to have a fun and safe Halloween, here are five tips to keep things from getting too scary.

Looking for a safe, fun, unique place to trick or treat with your child this Halloween, but don’t want to make the same ol’ neighborhood rounds? Here in SJ, there are plenty of great trickor-treating events organized so that you and your children can have a ghoulishly good time with your community this Halloween.

19th Annual Safe Trick or Treat at University of the Pacific

Oct. 31 Come be a part of University of the Pacific’s largest community event dedicated to providing a safe environment for families to enjoy trick or treating. Beginning at 4 PM, members of Pacific will hand out candy to children ages three to 11 as they skip along the campus, stopping at each trick or treat station designated by orange flags. Afterward, be sure to hit the Carnival held on the Knoles and DeRosa University Center Lawns!

HalloWild at the Zoo

Oct. 19, 20, 26, 27 Bring your little goblins out to Micke Grove Zoo for a spooktacular evening of trick-or-treating for prizes, candy, crafts, and games! At this annual event, the zoo will be lit up by green and purple lights with wicked witches and ghosts will haunting every corner! Admission is $5 for adults, and $1 for children 10 and under. Regional park entrance fees will apply.

Trick or Treat on the Miracle Mile 2018

Oct. 31 Let the kids grab all the candy they can carry at this year’s Trick or Treat on the Miracle Mile! Cart your miniature superheroes, princesses, and zombies around the many wonderful business on the Mile and enjoy a night of safe Halloween fun!

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Choose a safe costume. Make sure your child has a comfortable costume that is not constricting, and can incorporate layers if temperatures drop. Also make sure it’s not too big, as this can cause a child to stumble and trip. Travel with friends. There’s safety in numbers! Whether or not a parent feels their child can trick or treat unsupervised is an individual choice, but any kids who are heading out without adults should always go with a large group of friends. Choose a neighborhood you know. Staying in familiar territory lowers the risk of getting lost or encountering dangerous situations. Stay visible. Parents should carry flashlights and wear bright or reflective clothing. Give your kids glowsticks to wear around their necks for a fun accessory that will also guarantee they’ll be seen by drivers. Carefully check candy. For smaller children, remove any candy that could be a choking hazard. Throw away any candy that is homemade, or not sealed in a wrapper.

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SEP/OCT | 2018

SAN JOAQUIN PARENTS MAGAZINE

LOCAL RESOURCES

PICTURE

Perfect

 BY CAITLIN HAMER

“It’s the freedom to be creative,” said Mary, on what she loves most about her job. “It’s the freedom to do what I feel is best for that client at that moment.” And if that means taking a break so her clients can get comfortable, or even getting down on the ground to be eye level with her youngest clients, that’s what she’ll do. “Photographers have to get a little personal with their clients,” she says. “We have to comfort children and make them feel at ease. My whole thing is to get the best moments that I can. That’s a good photographer – making sure it’s not just about getting the picture, but also building relationships with the family.” Another thing Mary loves? Printing actual photos. In this digital age when most people

To take a photograph is to capture a moment in time. And whether that moment is a milestone or just the instant that the camera happened to snap, if it’s a photo of a loved one, it instantly becomes precious. While snapping photos of the family can be fun, making sure such precious moments are captured just right is a lot easier when you have a quality photographer on hand. Fortunately, Mary Gillespie Photography is here to make sure you don’t miss out on those special moments. Mary Frazee was first handed a camera at age six, igniting a lifelong passion for photography. Today, she owns her own studio, Mary Gillespie Photography, with her husband, David Frazee. Now in its 10th year, the studio has garnered a reputation of always being able to get that perfect shot. From children’s portraits to family photos, Mary has captured every stage of life with her camera, and most importantly, has loved every second of it.

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take hundreds of photos on their phones, printed photos have fallen by the wayside. But Mary is all about making sure families celebrate their history by being able to have physical photos. And speaking of history – it wouldn’t be Christmas in Lodi without Mary Gillespie Photography’s annual portraits with Santa! “Christmas is a labor of love for us,” said Mary. And it’s also a family tradition: Her father, Ed Gillespie, not only builds props for their studio but has also starred as their Santa for years. For Mary, photography is not only her passion and career, but it’s also very much an inherited talent. Her mother, Barbara Gillespie, does landscape photography, and Mary’s grandmother loved taking photos, too. Barbara also works as an editor for her daughter’s company, making Mary Gillespie Photography a real “mom and pop” business. FOR MORE INFORMATION: MARY GILLESPIE PHOTOGRAPHY 12 W. Pine St., Lodi (209) 339-4988 MaryGPhotography.com

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ASK THE EXPERTS

Ask the Experts: HYGIENE

 BY NORA HESTON TARTE

WE ASKED DR. ANITA HEART, MD, WITH DIGNITY HEALTH MEDICAL GROUP IN STOCKTON,

QUESTIONS ABOUT HYGIENE & BODY CHANGES.

2. My kid hates taking baths. How can I take the fight out of bath time?

“While some children adore bath time, others simply do not like it. Try to figure out what it is that they don’t like. Perhaps changing the time of day that they take their baths or incorporating new bath time toys can help you win the bath time battle.”

My preteen has hit puberty. What are the most important topics to bring up when we have the big talk about her bodily changes?

Kids are back in school and that means the bedtime-bath time routine is in full swing again. While summer may have allowed kids to go a little longer in between baths and showers, now is the time to make sure hygiene is in tip-top shape, both for your child’s sake and everyone else’s. Check out these questions about hygiene and body changes for all ages, answered by a local expert—Dr. Anita Heart, MD, a Family Medicine practitioner with Dignity Health Medical Group in Stockton.

My son is starting to stink! How can I broach the topic of body odor and the need for deodorant without offending him?

“When it comes to your child’s body odor, I would recommend thoroughly talking with them about the changes that their bodies are going through, reassuring them that this is a natural part of life, and that properly managing odor is essential for their comfort as well as for the comfort of others.”

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“As a family medicine physician, I know just how tricky it can be for parents to talk to their children about puberty. It’s important to be open and honest with your child, and to start these talks early. Talk to them about the emotional changes in addition to the physical changes. Also, reach out to your child’s physician if you have any questions or concerns.”

FUN FOODS

Pumpkin

Guts  BY ALEXANDRA KRUEGER

5 CREATIVE THINGS TO DO WITH PUMPKIN INSIDES It’s almost Halloween, and that means you’re about to be up to your elbows in icky, ooey gooey pumpkin innards. But don’t just throw those guts in the garbage when you’re done putting a smile on your jack-o’lantern’s face! Here are five creative—and delicious—ways to make sure the orange goop doesn’t go to waste.

Make your own all-natural pumpkin facemask. While your kids will love this DIY project for its mess-factor, you’ll love it for

Remember those pumpkin seeds you separated? Don’t toss ‘em—instead, roast them in your oven for a homemade

snack. After boiling the seeds for 5-7 minutes, pat dry and spread them on a baking sheet. Sprinkle

Are your kids Harry Potter fans? Are you a Harry Potter fan? Pay tribute to your inner nerd with pumpkin juice, a staple of

Those pumpkin-vitamins we were talking about can nourish not just your face, but your whole body! For a nutrient rich pumpkin sugar body

the benefits to your skin, as this pumpkin mask is packed with vitamins A and C and free-radical fighting antioxidants. To begin,

with olive oil and adorn with whatever seasonings you prefer. Roast for 12-15 minutes at 425 degrees.

feasts had at Hogwarts’ Great Hall. Pour boiling water over the pumpkin guts, let them soak for 30 minutes, and then strain out

scrub, you’ll want to blend up your pumpkin guts (seeds separated) in either a blender or food processor until paste-like. Scoop the mixture

For a money-saver and a fun gardening project for the kids, grow your own pumpkin patch with the seeds from your jack-o’-lantern. Plant seeds

separate the stringy guts from the seeds, then add some honey or olive oil to your mixture. Blend until paste-like and smear away!

the solid parts. To make it truly delicious, sprinkle with brown sugar and pair with apple juice or cider for a fall-flavored delight!

into a bowl and mix with raw sugar, a little honey, and sweet almond oil for moisture. You’ll be exfoliated and rejuvenated in no

by late May and make sure you allow them a lot of room to grow!

SEP/OCT | 2018

SAN JOAQUIN PARENTS MAGAZINE

PARTY PLANNING

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW Every package includes play for 15 kids. For an additional fee Ginger Bugs can accommodate up to 20 kids. In all, capacity is 45—parents included.

Party

WITH THE

Ginger Bugs  BY NORA HESTON TARTE

For two years in a row Ginger Bugs in Lodi has been voted the best place to throw a kid’s party in San Joaquin County. Aside from being a totally cute and really clean play space for youngins, what makes the party place

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so desirable? Owner Kelli thinks it’s a mix of her ‘customize anything’ approach to party planning, emphasis on fun for kids and adults, and amazing local partnerships that set her business apart. “We really try to cater to whatever the family wants or needs,” Kelli says. It’s a dedication that can leave the mom-of-two acting as a bit of an event planner. Parents can choose from a few packages to get the party started. There are differences to each but they all boast full use of the entire Ginger Bugs play space for two hours (no other guests, no other parties), and special touches that make the birthday kid feel like a birthday star. Kelli also welcomes families to bring in their own grub from a favorite place or bottomless mimosas for the adults to enjoy. The classic package is often perfect for moms who want to do it all but without the cleanup, while the signature, premium, and custom packages cater to moms without the time to put it all together alone. In addition to more theme options, the upgraded selections grant parents Kelli, who puts on her event planner hat and calls

on her local business partners—Rick’s for pizza, cake vendors, and “The Cinderella Company” (for character rentals)—to make it all happen. Personal touches including water bottles donning the birthday kid’s name, a light box welcoming everyone to their party, and a collage of personal photos projected on the wall during the party, make a statement. While the emphasis is obviously on creating an unforgettable party for the birthday boy or girl, Kelli goes back to her business philosophy that Ginger Bugs is as much a place for parents as it is for kids. The party space is intimate, allowing parents to sit and visit without being far from the kids, and there’s even the option to have House of Coffees cater caffeinated beverages. “The kids play the entire time. Trying to even get them to stop playing and eat is tough,” Kelli says. “But grown-ups jump in the ball pits and have fun, too. It’s not the typical, boring party for grownups.” PLAN A PARTY: 312 N. HAM LN., LODI Mon-Fri, 8:30-1:30 (209) 224-8684 GingerBugsLodi.com

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SEP/OCT | 2018

SAN JOAQUIN PARENTS MAGAZINE

LOCAL LEARNING

Able Charter

SCHOOL  BY CAITLIN HAMER

Born from the vision of Dr. Robert Humphreys, Sr., and Wilma Okamoto Vaughn, ABLE Charter has been changing lives since 2011. By combining state of the art instructional practices with the full power of the internet, ABLE Charter has created an innovative, fully digital, college preparatory learning environment. And with the school issuing laptops to students at no charge, it is guaranteed that they will always have access to the technology that will help further their education. With over 800 students being

served in grades K-12, ABLE Charter is providing countless educational opportunities to Stockton’s youth. K-5 students spend their days in self-contained classrooms, building strong academic foundational skills. For students in grades 6-12, instruction is departmentalized with students moving among subject area specialists. With a college focused high school curriculum, and coursework that meets UC and CSU requirements, many students will be eligible for early college opportunities. Some students have even graduated

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with both their high school diplomas and Associate Degrees at the same time! And with coding and programming courses available to high schoolers, and a new STEM program soon to be available for elementary students, it’s safe to stay that ABLE’s students will be more than prepared for the workforce, too. In addition to those innovative programs, high school students are also offered exciting and stimulating class choices like violin, modern dance, philosophy, and more. And the small class sizes, at this free public school, allow students to receive individual attention, which means they are less likely to fall behind. In addition to the wonderful curriculum, there is also an interscholastic athletic program with all major sports except football. Once you decide that ABLE is the right choice for your child, you may initiate enrollment online. In early May, an enrollment lottery is conducted to fill new vacancies and establish waiting lists. Enrollments are accepted all year subject to school policy and state law. To learn more, take a look at ABLE’s website, or better yet, stop by and visit in person! It could be the first step towards success.’ FOR MORE INFORMATION: ABLE CHARTER SCHOOL 6515 Inglewood Ave., Stockton (209) 478-1600 AbleCharter.net

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SEP/OCT | 2018

SAN JOAQUIN PARENTS MAGAZINE

ESCAPE

Learning How to Love the Outdoors with My Kids  BY ALEX TRUDEAU VIRIATO, @ATVIRIAT

Growing up in the small town of Aylmer, Québec, I have fond memories of exploring the forest just beyond my neighborhood. Walking trails, building tree houses, and generally being a preinternet kid. With this came the simple rule of: "Stay safe and be home for dinner.” I can't specifically remember how big the woods were or how I knew the return path home, but I always found my way back safely. I vividly remember two specific trips from this period in time: My family and I exploring Nova Scotia, and a camping trip with my dad and sister where a thunderstorm completely drenched our tent. Now in my 30's with my wife and two young boys, we find ourselves in a much different terrain and population. Here, there are no backyard forests, and as the population grows it’s getting harder to escape by foot. Congruently, times have changed. Letting your kids outside without knowing

their exact location seems to be a thing of the past. Even back in Aylmer, that forest by my neighborhood has been plowed over and townhomes sit on top of where I use to roam freely. For much of my early adult life, I was focused on my career. I lost track of my hobbies and the things that would allow me to escape the hustle of everyday. Sure I would go to Lake Tahoe occasionally, but I would be “plugged in.” I was lacking the authenticity of a true outdoor experience and something needed to change. The main factor that caused me to reevaluate how I was spending my time outdoors was my first-born son, Abel. Where would he escape to the forest? How would he learn to appreciate nature, build tree forts, climb rocks, and see the stars from inside a tent? I had taken for granted that I had these opportunities as a child, and was now neglecting them for myself and my kids. Becoming a parent has enough of its own challenges,

THE MAGAZINE FOR IN-THE-KNOW PARENTS

UNPLUG, RELFECT, & CREATE MEANINGFUL MEMORIES AS YOU INTRODUCE YOUR CHILDREN TO MOTHER EARTH'S MAGIC.

BY ALEX TRUDEAU VIRIATO, @ATVIRIAT

SEP/OCT | 2018

SAN JOAQUIN PARENTS MAGAZINE

What I want for my kids is to add more experiences with less things.

“

BY ALEX TRUDEAU VIRIATO, @ATVIRIAT

“

BY ALEX TRUDEAU VIRIATO, @ATVIRIAT

THE MAGAZINE FOR IN-THE-KNOW PARENTS

simple like bad weather, or that Abel doesn’t want to be hiking anymore when we’re two miles deep. It’s important to acknowledge that the circumstances are not ideal. Encourage them that they’ll get through it, even if things aren’t great. Just like that trip as a kid with my dad and sister, I don’t remember being miserably wet, or missing sleep. I remember my Dad’s confidence while trying to rally us kids to get the water out, as lightning was illuminating our tent. I’ve had to remind myself that these experiences are also for me, and while family trips are a necessity, far too often it’s the adult or solo trips that get overlooked. I need those, too, so shortly after becoming a parent, I took up backpacking. It seemed like the piece that was missing for me to fully experience the outdoors. To hike and be secluded away from the city, the crowds and the noise. For me these trips are objective based and guarantee I'll push hard to reach the summit. I believe these trips provide balance and ultimately make me a better father. I’m given time to reflect about my kids from afar, while taking in the views and enjoying silence in the woods. And when the kids are with me, we can simply have fun in

the mountains and enjoy the experience. One day when my kids are older and carrying their own backpacking gear, we’ll have a conversation about how and when we should dig deep and push ourselves a little further, but for now being playful is most important. What I want for my kids is to add more experiences with less things. I don't remember many of my possessions or all of my toys as a child, but I do remember that trip to Nova Scotia and the forest in Aylmer. And though I can't force my sons to love the outdoors, I can show them beautiful places, help them to appreciate nature, and teach them how to be respectful of it. BY ALEX TRUDEAU VIRIATO, @ATVIRIAT

both mentally and physically. I was determined to get my son outdoors despite living in the city, and it would take a little more effort as parents for us to accomplish meaningful outdoor experiences. Shortly after Abel’s first birthday we began planning more outdoor family trips. We started small by camping a couple hours away from home. And though we felt prepared, our first attempt was...rough. Being new parents, my wife and I were overly paranoid and felt the need to control any possible scenario. We forgot to pack bug spray, so I ended up backtracking an hour to the nearest gas station just to get some. And at night, Abel woke up at 2 AM, inconsolable and confused about where he was. I panicked. Do we leave? He won't stop crying! How do I pack up the gear and tent in total darkness? Eventually my wife was able to calm him down, as I read Put Me in the Zoo too many times to count (thank you Dr. Seuss!) But, we knew that this first trip was a learning experience. We brought too much gear, not enough water, and picked a spot with not nearly enough shade. It was a good reminder that just like Abel, we too were new at this. Camping takes a little more time and preparation, so hiking is an activity we started doing early with Abel as well. I had a baby carrier filled with snacks, water, diapers, wipes, and a change of clothes. In the beginning, I could plan most of my hikes with the notion that he would fall asleep in the carrier. That’s when I could push through the big miles without stopping. As he got older, there was more strategy to it. How far can he go on those little legs? How quickly will he get bored if we plan too many miles? I learned early that these family hikes should be fun and not objective based. Bring chocolate, look for bugs, play swords with sticks, take breaks and let him set the pace. I want him to get dirty, get wet, fall and learn to get back up. I would give him the opportunity to navigate us on the trail, show him the map, and let him chose the next turn. In doing so, he learned personal limits and gained confidence to make decisions for the family. He could roam free, help build our campfires, and play in the dirt. In time his balance matured, and he learned to scramble up rocks and boulders with ease. Getting a scrape used to mean a serious meltdown, but now he was dusting himself off and getting back up to try again—persevering. As a Dad, I try to remember once he is no longer having fun we needn’t keep pushing on for the summit. He's a toddler and all of these mountains are huge in comparison; the summit isn't his objective, it's my own. I want to instill a love for the outdoors in my children, not a chore that needs to be accomplished. We are going to fail at times during these hikes and camping trips. Things are going to go wrong, and the key is not to get discouraged. It could be something

SEP/OCT | 2018

SAN JOAQUIN PARENTS MAGAZINE

HOW TO HANDLE

BULLIES

PLAY A POSITIVE AND ACTIVE ROLE IN YOUR CHILD'S SOCIAL LIFE  BY NORA HESTON TARTE

A new school year is underway, and that spells a lot of changes for families. While most changes and “firsts” are pleasant, there are some uncomfortable situations that can arise at school; and as kids fight for more independence, it can be hard for parents to navigate their role. When it comes to the issue of bullying, however, parents and school administrators need to step in. Learn how to play a positive, active role in your child’s social life and how to get involved in your child’s conflicts appropriately.

DEFINING BULLYING School administrators agree parents have a habit of misidentifying bullying. In many cases, conflict can be misconstrued as bullying, but spotting the differences between being inconsiderate and making bad choices and actual bullying can be learned. As a parent, ask your child what is happening and what the child has already done. Have they used their words to communicate to the other person that they do not like the way the other person is treating them? “Sometimes those misunderstandings can get resolved with the other individual knows their behavior isn’t appreciated,” says Jeremy Sinclair, a school counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Venture Academy. Jeremy says bullying is not an isolated incident. To determine if an act is bullying ask if it is intentional, repeated and if there is an imbalance of power at play, which can include size, age, number of people, or even social standing. Kennetha Stevens, coordinator of parent community empowerment at SUSD, hosts an antibullying program within the school district. As part of the program, parents are invited to attend informational nights to learn more about bullying and how to stop it. Special attention is paid to

THE MAGAZINE FOR IN-THE-KNOW PARENTS

defining bullying including discussing the different types of bullying. Among the most common are cyberbullying, body shaming, and conflict that arises between girls who like the same boys.

ATTEND A PARENTS-ONLY ANTI-BULLYING WORKSHOP Parents with students in the Stockton Unified School District can attend an anti-bullying workshop at 10 AM on Sept. 28 hosted by Kennetha. There will be an evening event on Nov. 7 that coincides with anti-bullying month. Electronic flyers are sent directly to all parents’ emails for upcoming dates. Parents can register online on the parent community empowerment webpage.

EMPOWERING CHILDREN As a parent, there are two main things you can do to help your child deal with bullies. The first is universal and helps children in all facets of life, and that is to be involved. Get involved early, monitor school happenings, monitor friends, and get to know the people kids are keeping company with. Encourage open dialogue with your child’s teachers before there is a problem, and open that line of communication, so a teacher feels comfortable coming to you with anything they observe and vice versa. “For me, sitting at the dinner table with my child, asking questions, discussing how to handle situations, and giving my kids the time to share their frustrations is so vital to their success,” says Neil Young, principal at Woodbridge Elementary School. “If these

issues are happening in the community, it may require changing routes home, where you allow your kids to play, and who they play with.” Discuss bullies with your child when they start school and identify the first steps for finding a resolution. A child can ignore the behavior, say something directly to the person or group, or get help from a school administrator. The best first step may be different for each child so really consider your child’s personality and how they choose to resolve the conflict. By empowering children to take the lead in tough situations where they aren’t getting along with others, parents are giving them tools to be successful later in life.

BE PROACTIVE,

NOT REACTIVE

If a child has tried to resolve the conflict on their own without success or if another student is harming your child, it is necessary to inform the school. Sometimes the staff is aware of a situation between students already and have started to work on the issue internally. There are behaviors parents shouldn’t engage in. The most important thing to remember is to never go too far in either direction. For example, do not dismiss what your child is telling you or underreact. Also, don’t over-react. “An over-reaction could be not hearing the full story… and assuming there was some negative intent when it could have been something like a misunderstanding,” Jeremy says. Assuming the worst without all of the facts can escalate the problem. In most cases, these conflicts are not representative of bullying, and a parent should let a child work it out on their own if they can. Shielding kids from conflict keeps them from learning how to positively work through uncomfortable situations and discovering the best ways to communicate with peers, which results in a loss of social learning experiences. Jeremy suggests discussing available resources both within themselves and within the environment to help kids navigate the situation without removing themselves from the experience. The school channels exist for a reason, and a parent who approaches a teacher with concerns about bullying can ask the best way to escalate an ongoing problem without getting directly involved. It’s important to see school administrators as allies. After all, everyone is working toward the same goal. “At Woodbridge Elementary School we use positive behavioral strategies to train our kids on how to interact. We meet individually and in groups with the involved students. We try to accentuate our similarities while celebrating our differences. We expect inclusivity on the playground, and when necessary, involve

SEP/OCT | 2018

SAN JOAQUIN PARENTS MAGAZINE

our counselor and even a mental health therapist,” Neil says. “As a parent of a child who has expressed feeling bullied, I know what it feels like to be a parent in a situation that I want to protect my child from, while feeling, at times, helpless to do so.” Parents should not approach the parents of the other child or the child themselves. Parents should also not ask older siblings to step in and “protect” a younger sibling from a bully. Too much parent involvement can escalate bullying and take away your child’s power making the situation worse. If the bullying is happening online, be vigilant. Stay informed of your child’s online activity, be quick to step in and make decisions such as blocking another person or group of people, and report inappropriate behavior to the school. Discuss why the behavior is wrong and always be the voice of reason. Every school site in the SUSD has a director. Parents who do not reach a resolution should go to the director of that school. It is important, however, to remember that a parent will not be told how another student is reprimanded so just because you haven’t heard about it doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened.

TEACHING KIDS TO BE EMPATHETIC OBSERVERS Sometimes the most powerful person in a situation is not the bully or the victim; it’s not even the parent or teacher. In some cases, an observer has the biggest impact on the conflict. “If that third person would stand up for someone else they are in a much better position to recognize and react,” Jeremy says. Parents can help by teaching kids to be a positive influence in a negative situation. Tell kids to speak up when they recognize bullying of a peer or be a helping hand to the person who is being bullied. The best way to do this is to teach empathy and ask children how they would feel in the victim’s shoes— what would they want an observer to do for them? Modeling empathy and being a caring adult in your child’s life is an easy first step to teaching empathy. If you have good communication in the home, your

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child will feel more comfortable coming to you with a problem they have observed. Teachers can encourage the same type of open dialogue with students, too.

WHEN YOUR KID IS THE BULLY Kennetha says that bullies are often made at home. Typically a bully is a child who has inner turmoil, perhaps someone who is struggling with an unhealthy home life. “It’s usually kids having an internal conflict with themselves,” she explains. Parents who are concerned can attend one of Kennetha’s workshops to learn more. They may also reach out to other community resources for help, such as a counselor. If it is suggested that your child has been participating in bullying at school, don’t get defensive. Be receptive to information and look for a solution. Remember that everyone has been both a victim and a bully in one form or another. Everyone has said things that are unkind about another person. Having a child who is bullying is an opportunity to teach empathy and help the child heal and grow. It’s never a lost cause. Parents know their children best, so always look for red flags that your child is struggling. Not wanting to go to school, not hanging out with or talking about friends, isolating, or showing a fear of school are all indicators that your child might be a bully (or a victim). “I find that when a parent is contacted, and they hold their child responsible for their actions, I can’t recall that situation going poorly,” Neil says.

Take the opportunity to check your own behaviors in the home, as well. How do you and other family members resolve conflict? It’s never too late to reevaluate your own behaviors and ensure you (and anyone else in the home) are setting a positive example for your children.

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SEP/OCT | 2018

SAN JOAQUIN PARENTS MAGAZINE

UNDERSTANDING Dyslexia  BY NORA HESTON TARTE

HILARY SANGUINETTI, A TECHNOLOGY TEACHER AT ANNUNCIATION SCHOOL IN STOCKTON, ANSWERS COMMON QUESTIONS Whether your child has been diagnosed with dyslexia or you’ve simply heard the word in passing, it’s helpful to learn some of the ins and outs of the disorder that can affect a child’s ability to read, write, and learn. Hilary Sanguinetti, a technology teacher at Annunciation School in Stockton that is certified to screen students for dyslexia and administer specialized tutoring for students who qualify as well as a mother to a daughter with dyslexia, answers some of our most basic questions about the disorder. SJM: What is dyslexia? Hilary: Dyslexia, in a nutshell, is neurological and hereditary. It causes students to have difficulties with reading, spelling, and writing. It is often characterized by difficulties with accurate and/or fluent word recognition, and by poor spelling and decoding abilities. The International Dyslexia Association (IDA) describes the disorder as one that interferes with the acquisition and processing of language. Varying in degrees of severity, students who have dyslexia tend to struggle with both receptive and expressive language, which leads to issues with phonological processing in reading, writing, spelling, handwriting, and sometimes in arithmetic. SJM: What are the most common misconceptions about dyslexia? H: The biggest myth about dyslexia is that people see things backward, are lazy or need to try harder. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Dyslexia is not the result of lack of motivation, sensory impairment, inadequate instructional or environmental opportunities, or other limiting conditions. While these elements may exacerbate dyslexia, they do not cause it, and, although dyslexia is life-long, individuals with dyslexia frequently respond successfully to timely and appropriate intervention.

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SJM: How does having dyslexia affect the way a child learns? H: Every child who is dyslexic is different. A student can have difficulties with reading, spelling, writing, math, socialization, and confidence. Other issues can occur with students who are dyslexic such as ADD/ADHD, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, slow processing speed, auditory processing disorder, visual processing issues, executive functioning issues, and more. SJM: What interventions are available for children who have dyslexia at school? H: The best intervention is one-on-one tutoring by someone using an OrtonGillingham-based system, which is the only approach recommended by the IDA. Along with tutoring, classroom accommodations/modifications will help the student succeed. The accommodations depend on the individual student and their needs and should be discussed with the appropriate educators and administrators at the child’s school. SJM: How can parents help children with dyslexia succeed? H: Parents should be extremely supportive, encouraging, and help the child find an area in which he or she can succeed. Parents need to offer consistent, ongoing tutoring, encouragement, and support. Parents should reward effort, not just “the product,” and grades should be less important than progress.

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SEP/OCT | 2018

SAN JOAQUIN PARENTS MAGAZINE

MOM-TIME

Fill YOUR BAG  BY NORA HESTON TARTE

IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW, NOW YOU KNOW: MUST-HAVE SKINCARE AND MAKEUP ITEMS FOR MOMS

CocoKind Mymatcha All-Over Moisture Stick Buy it at: Whole Foods

Thayers Witch Hazel Facial Spritz in Rose Petal Buy it at: Whole Foods

Karuna Brightening+ Face Mask Buy it at: ULTA

What it does: Give your face a refreshing, hydrating spritz anytime of day while soaking in the benefits of its all-natural ingredients, including rose-petal water, witch hazel, and aloe vera.

What it does: Do you suffer from hyperpigmented skin? This formula of grapefruit seed extract and rare Asian plants promotes a brighter skin tone, exfoliates dead skin cells, and reduces the appearance of age spots.

Why you’ll love it: This product hydrates, tightens pores, supports collagen production, and fades blemishes and scars.

Garnier SkinActive Micellar Cleansing Water Buy it at: Target or Wal-Mart

What it does: Reduces the look of dark circles while also moisturizing dry spots and keeping chapped lips at bay. With only three ingredients, you can feel good about putting this product on your face!

What it does: Removes makeup including stubborn waterproof mascara without excessive rubbing. It also acts as a facial cleanser, soothing skin while removing dirt, oil, and other impurities. Why you’ll love it: Scrubbing skin to remove makeup is about as good as taking a pumice stone to your face. Using micellar water helps remove makeup without excessive scrubbing that can wear skin down and cause unsightly red spots.

Why you’ll love it: One product to complete multiple jobs—it’s the multi-tasking miracle we’ve been waiting for! Also, use it as a facial highlighter!

Bamboo Firming Fluid from Eminence Organic Skin Care Buy it at: The Spa at Wine & Roses What it does: Wine & Roses has long partnered with Eminence, a leader in organic skin care. The label’s bamboo firming fluid is a concentrated anti-aging serum that boosts collagen production while also tightening skin.

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Why you’ll love it: Because it will make you look younger! Aging skin benefits as the firming fluid reduces the appearance of crow’s feet and firms skin all over. If you like this, try… the rest of Eminence’s anti-aging products. The Hungarian company is certified organic and uses combinations of organically grown fruits, vegetables, flowers, herbs, and other natural botanicals in its concoctions.

Why you’ll love it: These biodegradable wood pulp sheet masks are as good for the environment as they are for your skin! If you like this, try… Karuna also makes hand and foot masks that soften cuticles and dry skin.

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SEP/OCT | 2018

SAN JOAQUIN PARENTS MAGAZINE

SEPT

CALENDAR

OCT 2018

STOCKTON BLACK FAMILY DAY

SEPT. 1, 2, 3

 COMPILED BY COPPER WILLIAMS

Stockton Black Family day is commemorating its 50th year with a three-day celebration! This annual family fun gathering has entertainment galore, lots of live music, and plenty of food. The fun begins with a softball tournament at McKinley Park on the 1st, and winds up with Culture Fest at Weber Point on the 3rd. Celebrate culture and traditions with the whole family while you learn, eat, and play! Weber Point Events Center, 221 N. Center St., Stockton, (833) 420-9233, StocktonBlackFamilyDay.com

ANNUAL SAINT BASIL’S GREEK FESTIVAL

SEPT. 7, 8, 9

Opa! Head out to the annual Greek Festival for three days of food, music, and family fun. Savor delicious Greek food such as the gyro pita and classic pastries like baklava while you enjoy traditional Greek music

THE MAGAZINE FOR IN-THE-KNOW PARENTS

and dancing. With games for the kids, a tour of the beautiful Saint Basil Greek Orthodox Christian Church, and vendors selling a variety of wares including jewelry, this is one family-friendly event you won’t’ want to miss! Saint Basil Greek Orthodox Christian Church, 920 March Ln., Stockton, (209) 4787564

LODI GRAPE FESTIVAL

SEPT. 13, 14, 15, 16

Celebrate the grape harvest with four days of fun! With fair food, carnival rides, concerts, and more, there’s plenty to enjoy for folks of all ages. And it wouldn’t be Lodi without wine tasting! Don’t forget to take a stroll through displays from local artisans, let your kids cuddle some animals at the petting zoo, and be sure to check out the murals! Party all day (and all weekend) at Lodi’s biggest event of the year! Lodi Grape Festival Grounds, 413 E. Lockeford St., Lodi, (209)-369-2771, GrapeFestival.com

STOCKTON HEAT HOME OPENING NIGHT

OCT 6

Get fired up - it’s time to kick off the 20182019 AHL season at the Arena with the Stockton Heat! Cheer on our boys as they take on the Ontario Reign in their first home game of the season. The puck drops at 6PM, but make sure to show up early so you can grab your favorite snacks! And in honor of the new season, every attendee will receive Red Rally Towels, courtesy of Stockton Metropolitan Airport! Stockton

MOVIES AT THE POINT

SEPT. 14, OCT 12

Arena, 248 W. Fremont St., Stockton, (209) 373-1500, StocktonHeat.com

Grab your blankets and chairs, dinner and snacks, and family and friends, because it’s time for free movie night at downtown Stockton’s Weber Point! Kick back and enjoy as the films are projected onto the canopy at Weber Point Event Center, starting at dusk. Food will be available for purchase, but please leave the alcohol at home for these family friendly evenings. Check out “Jumanji” in September, and Pixar’s “Coco” in October. Weber Point

MANTECA KIWANIS PUMPKIN FAIR

OCT. 6, 7

Attention all pumpkin lovers: this is the place for you! This admission free event is all about pumpkin-flavored foods, music, crafts, and more. Hosted by the Manteca Sunrise Kiwanis, this two-day fair held in beautiful downtown Manteca will include live music, a haunted house, a beer and wine garden, a kids’ zone, and so much more! Sunday will feature a car show, but both days will feature all the fun (and pumpkin flavored goodies) you could want! Downtown Manteca, Yosemite Ave.,

Events Center, 221 N. Center St., Stockton, (209) 937-8206

ANNUAL EARTH'S TREASURES ROCK, GEM AND MINERAL SHOW

Manteca, (800) 592-7419

SEPT. 22

Celebrate Earth's treasures and head out to the Lodi Grape Festival grounds for a day of fun that they whole family can enjoy. See displays of rocks, gems and minerals, including fluorescent rocks, finished jewelry, and arrow heads. Learn to identify rocks and minerals with an expert while you experience gold panning with the Delta Gold Diggers! Purchase your own raw rock, handmade jewelry, or crystals from participating dealers and artists, and even create your own bracelet! Admission is only $6, and kids under 12 get in free! Lodi Grape Festival grounds, 413 E. Lockeford St., Lodi,

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Heritage Center, 111 S. Sutter St., Stockton, (209) 547-0752, mexicanheritagecenter.org

CAMP CATERPILLAR

SEP 29

When a family loses a loved one, it can be difficult for children to understand how to manage their grief. Put on by Hospice of San Joaquin, Camp Caterpillar is an annual day-camp for assisting grieving children in learning how to cope with loss, offering pet therapy, crafts, journaling activities, and more. Children from Kindergarten up to the 8th grade who have lost someone within the past two years can participate in this free counseling opportunity, so be sure to sign up your child if they, too, are grieving. Hospice of San Joaquin, 3888 Pacific Ave., Stockton, (209) 957-3888, HospiceSJ.org

OCT. 27

Join the Mexican Heritage Center as they celebrate the lives of those who have gone before us. At their annual Day of the Dead, or Dia de los Muertos, celebration, you can listen to live music, watch traditional folkloric dancing, check out the displays from local artists, and view the exhibit of altars, or ofrendas, made to honor and remember departed loved ones. Learn about this important part of Mexican culture with your whole family! Mexican

PUMPKIN MAZE AT DELL’OSSO FAMILY FARMS

SEP 29 – OCT 31

Things are getting spooky down at Dell’Osso! With their one of a kind, family designed corn maze back in action, it’s time to have fun getting a little lost. Once you conquer the maze, take a leisurely hay ride, or indulge in your sense of adventure by talking a walk through their haunted house. There are plenty of pumpkins to pick, as well as lots of other fun activities for the kids to take part in! Dell’Osso Family Farms, 501 S. Manthey Rd., Lathrop, (209) 969-6048, PumpkinMaze.com

SEP/OCT | 2018

ZOMBIE WALK

OCT. 27

Shuffle your corpses to downtown Lodi for some truly ghoulish fun! Partnering with Zombie Walk, the World of Wonders Science museum invites you to dress in your most gruesome outfits and enjoy this fun, safe, family-friendly Halloween celebration. With a live DJ, music and dance, photo ops, and more, be sure to apply all the pale make up you can and head to the WOW museum to participate in this free parade. Event begins at 6 PM. World of Wonders Science Museum, 2 N. Sacramento St., Lodi, (209) 368-0969, WOWScienceMuseum.org

SAN JOAQUIN PARENTS MAGAZINE

LAST word

Other Moms

ARE MY LIFESAVERS  BY CAITLIN HAMER

We recently hit a rough patch. It was one of those moments when I felt like I had it all figured out. My son was in a good sleeping and eating pattern, we had a healthy routine down, and most days were going smoothly. I should have known Armageddon was coming. I like to sit and speculate what exactly went wrong, but it’s hard to pinpoint just one thing. There are a variety of factors that could have led to the two weeks of hell we endured, but I’m going to chalk it up to Murphy’s Law. We went from a happy, polite fouryear-old to a child I didn’t recognize. He was using bad words, throwing tantrums in public again, hitting—it was rough. I was sure I had broken him, that I’d done something irreversibly wrong, and I was embarrassed. Then, I went out to dinner with a girlfriend. Near tears I told her what happened and she looked at me and threw out nonchalantly, “my daughter did that around the same age.” Now, her daughter is one of the most well behaved pre-teens I’ve ever met, and it gave me hope. Then, I told another girlfriend what was going on when I had to cancel plans due to my child’s horrible attitude (it just wasn’t fair to subject others to his wrath) and you know what she said to me? “We went through that last year.” And while my son’s behavior didn’t reverse overnight, I suddenly felt calmer. Because this horrible phase we were going through suddenly felt normal, like a necessary milestone of childhood. There’s honestly no substitute for

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having friends to help you through these tough times. Without these women to tell me that what I was going through was completely normal, I probably would have been scheduling appointments with specialists and perpetually questioning my ability to rear children, which we’re basically all constantly doing anyway.

These women helped me make it through those few weeks of hell, and my son came out on the other side just as happy and polite as ever. And now when a friend comes to me with the same story I won’t panic with her, I’ll tell her what those women told me. “Oh yeah, we went through that. It’s normal.”

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