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Woman San Diego

Informing, Entertaining, and Featuring the Women of San Diego


Social Media Special Edition

Bobbye Brooks & Tonilee Adamson Media4Women

A Survivor’s Tale Bringing Retro Back

Oct/Nov 2011



San Diego


Woman San Diego

Dear Readers, San Diego Woman is so happy to share this special social media issue with our readers. There is hardly an individual around who has not heard of Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, blogger and a dozen or so other social networking sites and tools that are revolutionizing business worldwide. We were fortunate to spend time with our cover girls Bobbye Brooks and Tonilee Adamson, owners of Media4Women, Media Enterprises, and Everything4Women. They have shared their secrets with us for building a successful business, while utilizing all of these technological tools. More importantly, they have made it their mission to help women grow through their business and their personal lives. Read their story and their informative articles and take those first steps to a successful future. When it comes to helping women we have highlighted an organization that has been dedicated to this cause. The San Diego Women’s Foundation, established eleven years ago, focuses on getting women involved in their community, meeting other professional women, and helping to make a difference. There is a no guilt approach from this organization. Volunteers are encouraged to donate only as much time as they can without feeling guilty if they have limits. Celebrating Breast Cancer Awareness month, we have had one very special Breast Cancer survivor who was brave enough to share her story with us. Read how one woman survived two bouts with Breast Cancer and has come back stronger than ever. months some great entertainment is coming to San Diego, check out our calendar of great events 4 Inandupcoming read some great reviews from our readers. Thank you for being a loyal San Diego Woman reader. We love our readers and look forward to hearing from all of you.


Judith A. Habert


Subscription Information Annual subscriptions available on request Please send name, mailing address and check for $25.00 payable to San Diego Woman.

San Diego Woman 254 E Grand Avenue, Suite 201 Escondido, CA 92025 760.738.8700 Disclaimer: Products, services, practices, websites or informational packets mentioned within our pages are in no way an endorsement by San Diego Woman, but are provided to our readers for informational purposes only. Privacy Advisory: Personal information provided by our readers will be used solely for the purposes of providing requested information and will not be shared.

Cover : Photograph: by Lisa K. Miller

Graphics/Magazine Layout: Sonali Soni www.sonalidesignstudio.com

Oct/Nov 2011 Page 9

Banks Fees, Fees and More Fees.

Page 11

What's Up San Diego Woman Share their Thoughts

Page 12

San Diego’s Hottest Entertainment Where to Go and What to Do

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Social Media Masters Bobbye & Tonilee Helping Women Succeed

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Website Faux Pas 5 Things NOT To Have On Your Website

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Social Networking 101 Top 5 Ways to Attract More Visitors

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Where to Begin Funding your New Business with $5,000

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Social Me-Me- Media Keeping up with Technology

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LightBridge Hospice Walk A Walk to Remember

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Companions for Life Always and Forever

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San Diego Woman Joins Forces The Solution to Aging Care

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A Survivor’s Tale One Women’s Breast Cancer Story

Page 28

Is There a Baby In Your Belly? Welcoming a New Addition

Page 34

Designs by Yesenia Lucatero Bathing Suits Go Retro

Page 40

Rearview Mirror A Firestorm Victim Remembers

Page 44

Variety is the Spice of Life Experiment with Gems

Page 46

Palliative Care Easing the Pain

Page 50

In every Issue Letter from the Editor

Page 4

Letters to the Editor

Page 8

Transitions with Carol LeBeau It’s Time to Take a Stand

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What Our Schools Can Teach Us Helping Our Schools Survive

Page 30

Ask An Angel Choosing the Right Doctor

Page 31

He Said, She Said Have the Roles Changed?

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Women’s Work Relationships Can Be Tricky

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Bitchin & Moaning Queens Girls Have Big Hair Too

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Poetry Corner The Look of Love

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Fabulous Finds Editors Pick their Favorites

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Ask Dr. Sudi Do I Need a Gynecologist?

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San Diego

The San Diego Women’s Foundation: Making a Difference-Here and Now!




Publisher/Editor-in-Chief editor@sandiegowoman.com

6 Sonali Soni

Creative Director


Woman San Diego

www.sandiegowoman.com 254 E Grand Avenue, Suite 201 Escondido, CA 92025 760.738.8700

Graphics/Magazine Layout: Sonali Soni www.sonalidesignstudio.com

San Diego

Judith A. Habert


Behind the Pages

Judith A. Habert Publisher/Editor-in-Chief

Sonali Soni Creative Director

Robert Tussey Copy Editing

Lisa K. Miller Photographer

Jaime V. Habert

Entertainment /Fashion Editor

Marcie Peters

Advertising Account Executive

Kim Robeson Researcher/Reporter

Ashley Gaudet

Social Media Specialist

Robert has been a published writer for over thirty years and has been providing editing services for the past twenty-five. As a musician he has written scores of songs. His life has revolved around his music and writing, often melding the two into articles and interviews.

Rob is president of The MarketBuilding Team, has written two books on marketing, and authors a free marketing advice column called Ask Mr. Marketing. You can subscribe to his free marketing newsletter at www. marketbuilding.com.

Kimberly K. Robeson

Carol LeBeau Carol LeBeau spent close to 30 years as a beloved fixture on San Diego News. Today she is enjoying her retirement, as well as a second career as an in demand speaker at functions throughout San Diego. In addition to her many speaking engagements, Carol is a columnist for San Diego Woman speaking about life after her news career.

Kim has been teaching English for almost twenty years, and most recently in Lima, Peru where she returned after six years with her husband and three bulldogs. She has a Master’s Degree in Comparative Literature from San Diego State University and is currently working on her first novel

Ashley Gaudet Ashley is a hairstylist working in north county. She enjoys traveling, reading, educating her clients and is working on a BA in communications.

Shelli Chosak, Ph.D.

Shelli has been active in the field of Organizational Consulting and Psychotherapy for the past 25 years, and holds a Ph.D. in Organizational PsyShe has been listed Sudi Moein, M.D., F.A.C.O.G., chology. in Who’s Who in America, and Who’s Who in American Sudi Moein, M.D., Women F.A.C.O.G., is the founding Shelli@4AQualityLife.com physician of the Women’s Integrative Center for Obstetrics and Gynecology (WICOG) in Poway and Hillcrest. An award-winning surgeon, she advocates integrative medicine: inspired by her own in-depth journey through a woman's mind, body, and spirit, Dr. Sudi brings together information from many disciplines in order to comprehensively understand and improve women’s health and well-being.

Charlotte Ljungquist

Glenda Batzer Glenda has a B.S. in Molecular Biology and has been working in scientific research for more than 17 years. She moved to San Diego with her husband and children in 2004 from Massachusetts. She currently works full time for a small biotechnology start-up in La Jolla. In her spare time, she is learning to play golf.

Jaime V. Habert Erin Pistilli

Erin is a freelance writer living in Escondido. She is a mother and works as a part-time keeper at Seaworld. Erin has a degree in English from Cal State Fullerton and has a passion for reading and writing.

Gayle lives in Solana Beach, California with her husband, two dogs and a horse. She is currently working as a Realtor in the North Coastal area of San Diego. Prior to this, she was a Flight Attendant for 27 years. Her passion for reading has motivated her to pursue the world of writing. Her travels, love of animals and numerous encounters with interesting people, have provided her with lots of stories to tell.

Jaime is a music enthusiast whose favorite genres include jazz vocals, and classical crossover. She has plans to pursue a degree in journalism and media. She is a freelance writer, who takes every opportunity to write about the subject she loves. Jaime resides with her family in Rancho Bernardo, California.

Charlotte was born and raised in Sweden, but has lived in San Diego for the last twenty five years. She is a photographer, massage therapist and soon to be yoga instructor. Although writing was her first love, she put it aside for years and only wrote to accompany her travel photography. That has changed and she is now writing more than she is photographing. She lives in La Costa with her boyfriend and her four Bengal cats.

Lisa K Miller

Photography by Lisa K Lisa is the owner of Photography by Lisa K, a custom portrait studio located in Rancho Penasquitos, specializing in the highest quality portraiture. As the mother of twins, Lisa shines at capturing moments in pregnancy and early life. She shares her talents with many local charities by volunteering her photographic services.

Persephone Roland-Holst

Persephone, born and raised in North County San Diego, has been a harpist, bird lover, concert monitor engineer, helicopter pilot, F1 car racing enthusiast, artist and writer. She's now spending more time at home reading, writing and drawing in between travels to Spain and Greece.

San Diego

Robert Tussey

Rob Weinberg

Diane lives in Escondido with her two teenagers, two dogs and 4 birds. Her passions include riding horses and playing piano. She has lived in several states and spent a year as an exchange student in Germany. In 2007 her family’s lives were changed forever when a devastating wildfire burned their beautiful home to the ground. She still mourns the loss of her previous life, but has found renewed joy in writing and riding.

Gayle Valentino


Diane Netter



Debra Yatsko Debra has had a love of the written word since her early years at San Diego State University where she graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in Journalism and Public Relations. The vast amount of her career has been within the real estate and home protection industry where she is a presenter, educator and published writer. While living in Florida she was the public relations director of a health and wellness practice. She recently moved back to San Diego and is enjoying the beauty of the city all over again!

Now find us on:



twitter.com/SanDiegoWoman twitter.com/sdwomanconcerts

Letters Editor to the

I loved seeing my favorite Weather Lady on the cover of your publication. She always makes me smile. Jean from Poway Your feature on “How to Choose a Financial Planner,” was very informative. I have to admit, the thought of hiring a financial planner has always frightened me a little. Thanks for always providing informative articles for your readers. Lily from Mira Mesa PACE is a great program and I am thrilled to see it written about in your magazine. My mom has been using their services, and it has been a lifesaver for all of us. The staff is always so nice and she loves them all. Barbara from San Diego Oh, the ‘Good Old Days’ when people took time to sit down and have a hearty breakfast. Today most people consider breakfast to be a drive through at Starbucks. Carol is so right when she says it is the most important meal of the day and should not be skipped. I have been preaching this to my children for years and now they are doing so with their own kids. Maybe we need a National Breakfast Day to bring awareness to everyone. Thanks Carol, I love your column. Mary from Escondido


There is Nothing Like Being a San Diego Woman! Now you can let the world know! San Diego Woman Magazine announces our limited edition "I am a San Diego Woman," t-shirt. Visit our Website at www.sandiegowoman.com and order your t-shirt today

Woman San Diego

Thank you for your gardening article on Monarchs. I love gardening and have been a bit disappointed that there have not been more articles on gardening in San Diego Woman. I hope you will continue to cover this subject as San Diegans love to garden, and I am one of the biggest fanatics in this area. I am definitely going to heed Dawn’s advice. Julie in Rancho Bernardo Kathy, your article was so helpful to me. I am struggling with an out of control teenager and have been ready to pull my hair out, not knowing what to do or where to turn. Your article came at a perfect time and I feel so much better and less alone. Thank you for covering such an important topic. Leila in Del Mar I loved Generation Gap and hope you will continue to present more articles from the perspective of mothers and daughters. I shared the article with my 17 year old and she laughed. We have obviously been going through similar experiences and it provided a bonding moment between us. Alex in Poway I know many readers may have passed over the Veterans story because it might not have directly affected them. It did however touch me. Our family has been dealing with our ailing dad and who is a Veteran. Knowing that LightBridge Hospice provides dignity for Veterans in their last days is very comforting. We will keep them in mind when the time is necessary. Cami in La Mesa The article on creating heirlooms was great. I have a bunch of jewelry from my grandmother and have been debating what to do with the stones. Now I know where to go to have them reset and create my own treasures to pass on to my children. Molly in San Diego

Happy Birthday Shaan!!! Our Creative Director Sonali’s precious little Angel celebrated his second birthday on October 15th. Thanks to our cutest little staff member for sharing his Mommy with us.

By Kimberly K. Robeson Sometimes something happens in our life that affects us greatly and we are inspired to do community service. Maybe your sister gets breast cancer, so you become a breast cancer advocate; maybe your son goes to Afghanistan, so you are inspired to help service members; or maybe you simply hear about a remarkable organization from a friend and are prompted to give a helping hand. One thing is undeniable, when you assist in helping others, you too are rewarded. I know this from first-hand experience. On August 15th, 2007 an 8.0 earthquake shook Peru for 2 minutes and 40 seconds and killed more than 500 people. I happened to be teaching in Lima at the time and a few weeks later, with a bus load of student volunteers, several teachers, and lots of supplies, we went to Chincha (a community about two hours from Lima), to help build a Community Center for one of the devastated communities. When we returned to the city, a sobered reality hung in the air for how fortunate we were. But a strange sense of excitement also filled the school bus. I believe the excitement we experienced cannot be duplicated by having a great party, seeing a good film, or a perfect date. This euphoric feeling comes from giving—giving time, energy, and resources to the less fortunate. Admittedly, most of us don’t have the time or resources to go all the way to Peru or Africa or Asia and sending a check (though extremely helpful to most organizations) oftentimes leaves something to be desired. The truth is, there are ample opportunities to help on one’s home front, and one organization in particular, The San Diego Women’s Foundation—a non-profit organization that “educates and inspires women to engage in significant and sustainable philanthropy to strengthen the San Diego region”—is one that offers so much to so many. To learn more about this organization, I had the opportunity to sit down for a long and animated conversation with Eileen Haag, the current President of SDWF, a position for which she volunteers. Eileen’s bio is quite impressive. She is the mother of two children, who are now thriving adults (her son a social worker, her daughter a teacher) and has been happily married for twelve years. For the last forty years, Eileen has been actively involved in the San Diego community; she was a co-owner of The Bernardo News from 1971 to 1989; the chair of the Rancho Bernardo United Coalition that helped rebuild more than 300 homes after the 2007 With Creek Fires; the chair of the board of directors at Casa de las Campanas, a continuing care retirement community; President of the Rancho Bernardo Community Foundation; and a consultant for several important SD projects. And yet, in our two hours together, she is less interested in talking about these many accomplishments because— like a true philanthropist—our meeting is not about her—it’s about

San Diego

Making a DifferenceHere and Now!

others. She is excited to tell me all about The San Diego Women’s Foundation, and I am eager to listen to what type of organization can make such a dynamic, accomplished woman so enthusiastic. The San Diego Women’s Foundation, which was founded eleven years ago, offers women an opportunity to get involved in our community, meet other professional San Diego women, and help make a difference. And the best part is a volunteer can do as little or as much as she wants; even the website states: “One of the things we are proudest of at SDWF is our ‘no-guilt’ factor.” For many busy women who want to get involved in community service but realize the limitations of their time, this organization provides a way to do hands-on work or step in and out as necessary. So what is SDWF exactly and what is the focus of their community service? To begin, it’s a group of women with 200+ members who each contribute $2,000 a year with a 5 year minimum commitment and get one vote where grant money will be awarded. Each grant, usually $25,000 or greater, targets one of the following areas: Arts & Culture, Education, Environment, and Health & Human Services. In fact, “As of June 2011, more than $2.2 million had been awarded to 58 Community Partners for their efforts to initiate or improve existing programs.” Every year one of the aforementioned areas is the focus; for example, Arts & Culture was the focus this year, and after an in-depth process of reviewing proposals, on-site visits by a team of about four women, ten organizations were put on the ballot. From these ten, five were chosen. The organizations that were chosen are given a one-time generous grant but also become lifetime “Community Partners.” In other words, once chosen, a group continues to be part of the SDWF family; they are included in a monthly newsletter and during the annual grant give-away, the organizations that had received grants the previous year report back how the money was used and how these funds helped shape their organization. This year, for example, $45,000 was awarded to The San Diego Center for Children, a therapeutic music program that helps “heal emotional wounds by providing an outlet for children to learn to cope with past trauma by expressing themselves through music and movement.” Other grants included $32,000 to Eveoke Dance Theatre that connects ten to eighteen years olds with social activism through dance. Another $29,650 was awarded to The Playwrights Project where underserved students from Lakeside and San Isidro were given opportunities to write plays and perform for the community. And these are just a few of the Community Partners of 2011. This year alone, $181,650 was awarded to organizations that truly influence the lives of San Diego young people. (To see all the Community Partners and grant awards since 2001, please visit http://www. sdwomensfoundation.org). As explained on the SDWF website, grant making involves a thorough process conducted by three teams: a Discovery, Implementation, and Impact team. The Discovery Team “conducts community research to gain a broad understanding of the year's topic, prioritizes the issues, and recommends a funding priority within the focus area.” The Implementation team oversees application solicitation, proposal review, site visits, and balloting process.” And the Impact Team “serves as the liaison to all Community Partners (grantees) to evaluate and track the effectiveness and success of our grants” (www. sdwomensfoundation.org).


The San Diego Women’s Foundation:


Another appealing aspect of this organization is that for women who want to get involved, so many opportunities exist for personal as well as professional growth. Working with other like-minded women, members of SDWF improve their leadership, teamwork, and organizational skills. For others whose involvement is more fluid, the tax-deductible donation and their vote also serve as important roles to keep SDWF thriving. One of the things Eileen mentioned is that SDWF would like to increase to 300 members, but not become so big that the feeling of intimacy is lost. This is an organization where each individual woman still feels like she is part of something special. The San Diego Women’s Foundation members also enjoy “mixers” once a month; two social events, an annual Holiday Party (where a community service element is included), and the exciting gifting ceremony, which took place this year on June 7th at the Joan Croc Center at UCSD. Apart from the excitement of the grant announcement, a “flash mob” dance was organized that left everyone in high spirits. There are several other formal events, such as the one that took place on September 21st, which introduced the Kick-Off for the new focus area of 2012: Education. And we all know how education needs a helping hand!

In Linda Katz (a founding president) own word’s “This high-touch, very engaged form of giving may well be a model of philanthropy of the future. It seems to match the charitable inclination of a growing number of San Diegans." As I sat across the table of such a San Diegan, Eileen Haag, I thought about Peru and how willing I was to get on that bus and help out, but here—with all our daily stresses— we oftentimes put off community service because most women are trying to fit 48 hours of work in a 24 hour day. But there is good news, if you do want to get involved in your community and be appreciated for what you can do, The San Diego Women’s Foundation may be the organization for you. You can make a difference— here and now. (For further information please visit www.sdwomensfoundation.org)


What is that Funny Symbol? San Diego Woman is keeping up with the latest technology. We now have our very own Quick Response, or QR code. This matrix barcode, first designed by the automotive industry, has now become the latest greatest way to allow readers to quickly gain information about our publication, by sending them directly to our website. The QR code was created in 1994 by Denso, a subsidiary of Toyota, in order to keep track of vehicles during the manufacturing process. To use a QR code you must first download a QR scanning application for your smartphone. Open the scanning app and use your phone’s camera to focus the code on your screen. The application will recognize the code and automatically open up the link, video or image in your phone's browser. You just need an Internet connection to access the content. So take a minute and focus on our QR code above and you will find yourself visiting our popular website www.sandiegowoman.com

BANKS – FEES, FEES, AND MORE FEES Contributed Article Although new federal banking rules are limiting overdraft bank fees there are still many practices and new charges that are making consumers very upset. No wonder there are protests on Wall Street and other places around the globe. Of course the protests are about more than just bank fees, but it seems a good topic to talk about since we all are affected by banking fees. So while overdraft fees are coming under federal scrutiny – There are a dizzying number of other fees that should concern us. Maintenance fees, minimum balance fees and excess activity fees can really take a bite out of your budget. If you do your homework, you can, still avoid bank fees and keep the free checking accounts and savings accounts you've always had. Some of the follow suggestions might help you.

Credit unions are powerful banking alternatives when it comes to bank fees and they're available to millions, says Mary Wilson, a spokeswoman for Empower Federal Credit Union in Syracuse, N.Y. "As financial cooperatives, credit unions are member-owned and operated," she says. "They are service-driven, rather than profit-driven. Any profits realized are returned to members in the form of better rates and services." A word to the wise, Credit Unions can have a bad financial condition. Check out the bank and credit union watch lists on line. Want to know where to find them go to Findacreditunion.com. For more information on

checking accounts and savings accounts, go to Bankrate.com. For online banks search online for just that: free online checking accounts. By the way, did you know that the largest sources of revenue to banks are fees? It has been that way for a long time.

San Diego

Brick-and-mortar banks can be great if you like to have face-to-face contact with your banker. But to save on bank fees, go online, says Ramit Sethi, a personal finance blogger and author of "I Will Teach You To Be Rich." I am switching to online banking. They are really cool. Besides not having overdraft fees and minimum balance fees they are just as convienient as the regular banks. You can make deposits by taking a picture of a check with your smartphone. How cool is that? Some have made arrangements with places like UPS stores to take deposits. And here is a great feature. If you use another bank’s ATM machines and they charge a fee, the online banks will REIMBURSE you that fee up to as much as $15.00. Impressive!


Regulations have forced banks to make changes. But you may not know about them unless you read the letters from your bank. I don’t always open bank letters, especially if they look like another fantastic credit card deal. I will now open them when they come. They may be telling you that you no longer have a free checking account, and other niceties. Be an alert and educated consumer. If you don’t understand your accounts then ask the bank.



Whats up? Whats up?Whats up?Whats up? San Diegan Women Share Their Thoughts

Compact Fluorescent Lightbulbs 3rd Corner Wine Shop & Bistro By Persephone Roland-Holst

By Charlotte Ljungquist

We’ve all seen those twisty new CFL’s and heard that they are extremely energy efficient. Being all for doing my part in reducing energy usage I bought a package of them and promptly broke one. At the time I thought nothing of it. When i first used one, the glaring white glow was so disturbing that the rest quickly went into the trash. Since then I’ve done some research on CFL’s and am shocked that they’re even on the market, let alone will be replacing our traditional incandescents by 2012. There’s something seriously wrong with this picture. To begin, it seems that CFL’s have a nasty habit of blowing up unexpectedly and on numerous occasions have caused fires and deaths. If that’s not bad enough, try wrapping your mind around the fact that these twisty time bombs have 4-5 mgs neurotoxic mercury inside which the EPA considers hazardous to health if exposed. Breathing vapors is especially damaging to children, causing impaired neurological development. It’s strongly recommended NOT to use CFL’s in children’s bedrooms. Of course, for adults it’s not much better. Exposure can lead to nausea, respiratory problems, memory loss (often permanent), kidney and liver damage, heart problems, and damage to the central nervous system to name a few. If a bulb should break in your house, the extensive EPA cleanup guideline list includes actions such as: evacuation of area for 15 minutes. Open windows. Don’t vacuum, instead use cardboard and sticky tape, gloves, mask, safety goggles. Bulb remains should be put into a well-sealed glass jar and all clean up tools, including any exposed bedding, clothing or carpeting, should be sealed in a bag. There’s more to the cleanup list and it’s not much different than what a Hazmat team would do. Next, because mercury is a bio-accumulative neurotoxin (meaning that, in living organisms, it increases in toxicity levels as it moves up the food chain) which can and will cause environment problems of epic proportions, so one must dispose of used and broken bulbs at proper hazardous waste facilities which are rare and far between. What a hassle! Consequently millions of bulbs are being disposed of improperly. According to the Association of Lighting and Mercury Recyclers, only 2% of residential consumers and 1/3 of businesses recycle. Realistically, will you make that 10-20 minute drive to the hazardous waste facility every time you need to dispose of a CFL? Probably not, but not doing so can exponentially add to our environmental problems.. Data from Stanford University research shows that the mercury in 1 CFL “is enough to contaminate up to 6000 gallons of water beyond drinking levels.” CFL’s are not only little ticking time bombs within our homes, but also a massive one for our environment. Until someone finds a better way of saving energy and the environment while lighting us up, i’ll be sticking with our old warm incandescent light bulbs, thank you very much!

HOURS OF OPERATION Wine Shop Open from 10 AM to 1:30 AM Everyday Kitchen Open from 11:30 AM to 1:00 AM Everyday & 10am-1:00am Sundays HAPPY HOUR ALL NIGHT MONDAYS 3pm-close Tuesday-Saturday 3-6pm & late night from 11pm-close Although Third Corner Wine Shop and Bistro in Encinitas is first and foremost a wine bar with an excellent selection of reasonably priced wines, I find myself repeatedly recommending it to non wine drinking friends and colleagues. The reason simply is that the food menu is so well composed and the dishes so delicately prepared, that they could well stand to be enjoyed without an accompanying glass of wine. The owner of Third Corner has created a formula that certainly seems to work. Most week nights the majority of the tables are occupied and the bar is pleasantly full, whereas the weekend leaves standing room only if you arrive after seven thirty. For a low corkage fee of five dollars you can drink the bottle you selected in the adjacent retail section, enjoy appetizers and a main course and still end up being pleasantly surprised when you get the bill. The menu is fresh and rather diverse, offering some interesting choices, like my personal favorite: a vegetable risotto made with Farro, an ancient Etruscan grain. With its lighter texture and nuttier flavor, it’s a far tastier alternative than a traditional risotto. The Pan Seared Sea Scallops is another dish worth trying. With a definite touch of Provence, these scallops come alive in a garlicky butter sauce filled with black olives, capers and fresh tomatoes. If you are only looking for an appetizer, try the 3rd Corner fries. Drizzled with seasoned garlic oil, sprinkled with parmesan cheese and served with homemade mayonnaise and ketchup, these French fries are delicious and well worth eating as an appetizer. The only item on the menu that has disappointed me so far is the Artisan Cheese Plate. Even though the selected cheeses are quite good, the quantity of each one is so miniscule that the $ 15 price seems like an insult. It is very inconsistent with the rest of the menu that is so reasonably priced that the most expensive dish tops off at $ 20. All that said, I must admit that I come to 3rd Corner more for the wine than for the food. The ever changing selection never ceases to impress me and even though I frequently mourn a discontinued favorite, I soon find another wine I never would have tried, would my old one still have been there. With its casual elegance, friendly staff, great food and wine reasonably priced, 3rd Corner will most likely be around for quite a while. But still, don’t wait dropping by for a glass or two or making it your destination for a fabulous lunch or dinner. You just might find yourself returning again and again.

Four up-and-coming chefs are standing in front of the judges table staring at the cloche covered plate. Host Ted Allen (Food Detectives, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy) raises the lid, looks at the losing chef and says “You’ve been Chopped!” There are gasps of surprise, relief and sadness as the loser exits the room. The chopped chef might take it well, but not often. The prize for the Chopped Champion is $10,000, which is a hard amount of money to walk away from. While exiting you often hear them utter such words as “I can’t believe it, I am the best chef here!” Avidly displaying the ego and drive it must take to be a contestant on Food Networks Reality TV show “Chopped.” The challenge for these chefs is to create a three course meal using all the ingredients in their “mystery basket,” they may also use ingredients in the fully stocked pantry and fridge. There are three rounds: Appetizer, Entrée and Dessert. Each round is timed, 30 minutes or less. Sound easy? Not with the ingredients they are given, which normally do not belong together on a plate. Each round has some curveball component that may inspire or stump. For example: The appetizer basket may include snake and buckwheat flour. The entree basket may feature M & M’s and sardines and the desert basket might include fried pork rinds and strawberry jam. After each round, the contestants must stand before the judges table and have their dish critiqued. As the three experts taste the food you can tell by the look on their faces how successful the chef was. Sure some is good, but oftentimes the dishes are just plain weird! Each round eliminates a contestant when Ted chimes out the words “You’ve Been Chopped.” And so it goes until two are left standing ready to battle it out in the final dessert round. The last round is tense and the judges take into account the two previous courses the chef has prepared when deciding who will win the battle. All eyes are on the last plate covered with the cloche. Ted lifts the lid and rings out the final “Chopped” words of the show. The emotions are evident as the chopped chef walks off stage, and the final chef left standing walks home with an extra $10,000 in hand. Not too bad for a day’s work behind a hot stove!

Barracuda Grill By Glenda Batzer

641 S. Coast Highway, Encinitas Reservations Accepted: Phone number (760) 230-1464 Price: Moderate Private Dining available Hours: Open daily from 4:30 Happy Hour Sun-Thurs from 4:30 -6:30 Parking: Available on the street and behind plaza. International cuisine with a Moroccan influence. The chef and owner of Barracuda Grill is Mo Hani. The restaurant is located next to Pacific Station in Encinitas. As you enter the restaurant, it is a small footprint but with lots of floor to ceiling windows. The windows make the outside foot traffic seem close and almost distracting, but once you are seated inside, it is very quiet and has a surprisingly cozy feel, not unlike a gentlemen’s drawing room. My waiter was friendly and very attentive. He made certain I had water and a lovely glass of Merlot immediately after being seated. I spent the next several minutes browsing the menu, enjoying my wine and taking in the sights just outside the window. As an appetizer I chose a beet salad served on micro-greens with a very light lemony vinaigrette dressing. The salad was crunchy

Overall, I would have to say dining at Barracuda Grill was a positive experience. The service was above average, the food visually pleasant and reasonably priced. Despite being well prepared and delicious, I found the dish to be too heavy for a hot summer evening in Southern California. If I had a criticism it would be that menu could have had a more “seasonally appropriate” fare. But despite the non-summer entrée choice, I definitely would not hesitate to dine again at Barracuda Grill.


After flying for 27 years for both a charter and domestic airline, I was looking forward to the new TV series Pan Am. I began my career in l977, so the show's era is a little before my time, but there were still many similarities that lingered 10 years later. No, we did not have to wear girdles, but yes we still had appearance checks, and the dreaded weigh in always threatened our jobs. We didn't wear gloves, but it was mandatory that we carry an extra pair of nylons. Our nails were checked and make up was important. We had pants as an optional uniform piece, but you rarely saw the females in them. We still had to wear two inch heels, even in flight; it would be years before we were permitted to wear flats.

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By Debra Yatsko

and light. Perfect for a warm summer evening. The entrée choices were a nice variety from marinated pork tenderloin to lamb. For my entrée, I chose the Moroccan lamb shank cooked with raisins and a subtle blend of Moroccan spices and served over a bed of pureed parsnips. The lamb literally melted in my mouth and the delicate spices did a dance on my tongue. It was very flavorful and tasted just the way I had envisioned it would. I did scan the dessert menu, mostly out of curiosity, despite being completely stuffed from dinner.



The Pan Am Stewardesses were beautiful and maintained a glamorous look even when flying for several hours. I would not say that was always true of my experiences, especially after flying an "all nighter". Somehow the show overlooked this detail! During my early days of flying, the passengers did get dressed up, and the series did reflect on how special it was to travel by plane in those days. The service was far more gracious in that era, and Pan Am had a reputation for excellence in this arena. So it was nice to see the acknowledgement of this polite time. I have to admit the cast of characters was a little disappointing and the story line was weak. The relationship between Pilots and Flight Attendants exists, but is probably not quite as romantic as was inferred, and I don't remember any espionage during my years. However, I did hear there might be some truth to this, but it seems rather remote. The lead stewardess, Maggie, was definitely not somebody I worked with. Being the lead or senior flight attendant was usually met with resistance. It paid a little more, but not enough to warrant the extra responsibility. And I NEVER, NEVER saw any one being flown in on a helicopter to take a flight. When a lead was needed it usually went to the most junior person on that crew even if they had not received the extra training. All this being said, it was fun to be reminded of what was. A much kinder, gentler world existed when Pan Am was the only way to fly. I forged through many years of changes that were not always better. It was a great career, and watching those Stewardesses walk through the airport in the opening scene touches my heart and brings back wonderful memories. So, on Sunday nights, I will be watching and smiling.



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San Diego’s Hottest Entertainment by Jaime Habert So You Think You Can Dance, Live! Type: Dance Performance Date: Wednesday- November 2, 2011 Time: 7:00 pm Venue: Valley View Casino Center Ticket Price: $34.50 to $54.50 Contact: www.Ticketmaster.com This concert will display “So You Think You Can Dance” finalists from the 2011 season. Get ready for lyrical, tap, hip-hop, and overall a whole lot of fun!

Chris Tucker Type: Comedy Date: Friday- November 25, 2011 Time: 7:30 pm Venue: San Diego Civic Theatre Ticket Price: $53.15 to $73.65 Contact: www.Ticketmaster.com This funny guy will be for adults only and is great for a parent’s night out!

16 Jason Mraz Type: Pop/Acoustic Folk Music Date: Monday- November 28, 2011 Time: 7:30 pm Venue: Spreckle’s Theatre Ticket Price: $47.25 to $76.00 Contact: www.Ticketmaster.com Acoustic pop music at its best- Jason Mraz brings a cool hippie vibe to Spreckle’s with his infectious tunes!

Jo Koy Type: Comedy Date: Saturday- December 3, 2011 Time: 8:00 pm Venue: Spreckle’s Theatre Ticket Price: $48.35 Contact: www.Ticketmaster.com Best known for his work on E!’s Chelsea Lately, this hilarious comedienne makes a name all for himself at his live stand-up shows.


with Carol


It’s Time to Take a Stand!

Think about it. Even if we carve out time for exercise and leisure time activities, we still sit for long stretches working at a desk, sitting in class, riding in a car, working at a computer, watching TV or playing video games. Sadly, all that fanny time may be killing us. Long bouts on our bums can cause serious physiological responses related to chronic disease and a shortened life span. The University of Queensland found that people who stood up frequently had lower levels of C-reactive protein (a marker for blood fat). They also had smaller waistlines. And in a crucial finding, it was the frequency of standing, not the duration that counted. One study found that a woman’s risk of developing metabolic syndrome increased 26% for every extra hour of sitting. Long periods of sitting in an upright position can also strain your back, causing chronic pain. Blood clots are another risk of being inactive. Standing more often throughout the day can improve circulation, muscle tone and vitality. It can also help keep blood flowing freely to your head and that’s good for keeping your brain sharp. Bottom line…too much bottom time is bad for your health. More and more studies are coming to the same conclusion: when you sit, your body pretty much stops working. So consider spending more of your day upright:

Want more motivation? Standing for just two hours during an average workday can burn an extra 280 calories. Folks, we have to intentionally move. Our daily activities not longer require it. So, let’s all get up off our duffs. If you’ll excuse me, I have to return a phone call. I think I’ll do it standing up!

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Perhaps we should know this intuitively. After a long road trip or plane flight, doesn’t it feel good to get up and stretch? Now there’s solid science that proves it’s more than a feeling. A leading science and sports association recently released the results of a study that found time spent on our backsides is linked to higher rates of death and disease.

• Take more short breaks to stand and stretch (or walk) How ‘bout setting a timer? • Hold meetings standing up (you’ll save lots of time on this one!) • Stand up when talking on the phone. (This really works for me and studies show you’ll be perceived as having a better attitude, to boot!). • Consider a standing desk (or just raise your old one). • Set up your office so things aren’t within arm’s reach. • Read standing up. Studies show you’ll actually remember more!


Have you heard? When it comes to your health, sitting may be the new smoking! While the analogy may seem far-fetched, many scientists and medical experts are convinced prolonged sitting is bad for your health.


Soc ia l M e di a M a s ter s B o b by e & Tonil e e H e l p i ng Wo m en S u c c ee d Starting and running a successful business requires many elements; a great product or service, great business sense, start-up capital, and a strong desire to succeed. Even with all of these areas covered, this new business may never see the light of the day if no one knows it exists. In the old business paradigm, when new businesses promoted themselves with radio spots, print ads,

including Bobbye and Tonilee. Tonilee adds, “There is something special that happens when women come together to learn, to grow and to share in each other’s lives. As the women changed, so did families, communities and homes.” As time passed, the study grew in numbers and Bobbye and Tonilee began to expand into other venues including speaking events, radio, books, videos and

direct mail campaigns, TV ads, and a lot of hard work, there was little doubt they would succeed, or at least have a good start. Today, if this is all an entrepreneur does, it is almost guaranteed they will fail. The order of the day for making success of a business is learning the ins and outs of Social Media. At San Diego Woman we were fortunate to meet two of the top experts in this field, Bobbye Brooks and Tonilee Adamson of Media4Women. They are San Diego’s Gurus of Social Media. They understand this important new aspect of marketing and have dedicated their business to help business owners take control of their success by taking control of their social media programs. What they do that is unique is they not only help their clients start businesses (with a product they call “Business in a Box”) but they educate their clients on how to continue using these programs to manage and grow their businesses: Highlighting programs such as Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn and teaching their clients the ins and outs of websites, blogs, digital newsletters and Youtube. Bobbye and Tonilee did not set out to start a successful business in the social media arena. They started out leading a study group at their church which focused on encouraging women to grow spiritually. It was a powerful time in the lives of everyone who attended,

retreats. Their message was sincere in their desire to help women but they could not have planned for what was ahead of them. It was at this point that Bobbye and Tonilee realized that they had brought their group to the place they wanted it to be and yet they felt there was more work for them to do. “We decided that there were so many women out there who wanted to move forward, but they didn’t know how. We started helping women with start-up companies which we had learned to do ourselves. Before very long, word traveled quickly and we were not only helping women but men as well, and then it grew to established fortune 500 companies who were looking to improve their bottom line through the use of online marketing and social media.”


Becoming co-partners of one of the most successful social media companies was not the path either lady thought they would be taking. Tonilee was born in New Jersey and relocated to California when she was seven. She went to school in Fullerton, California and when she left high school she headed to Point Loma Nazarene University in San Diego, where she studied nursing. After graduation she obtained a position at Sharp Memorial Hospital in the Acute Care Unit.

obtain an Executive MBA. Attending San Diego State University on weekends, Bobbye soon graduated with her Executive MBA with a primary focus on entrepreneurial start-up companies. Bobbye adds, “This was the time when dotcoms were taking off and I had a great interest in the technology involved in these businesses. Having come from the medical field, where computerization was way ahead of the curve, I was ready to tackle this career change.” Aside from a busy career, Bobbye also dedicated time and energy to her church and it was through this church group that Bobbye would meet Tonilee and forge not only a long lasting friendship, but gain a business partner. These two dynamic women had much in common, both coming from the healthcare industry, being technologically savvy and wanting to give back to others. Bobbye explains, “We met in a church group in September of 2000. We both had similar interest in health care and computer technology and also teaching. Tonilee was teaching in the hospitals and I was teaching in the laboratory environment. We came together with a desire to help women. Our main focus was to empower, motivate and inspire women allowing them to stand up and take notice of their talents and abilities.” Tonilee explains the rapid growth of their gatherings. “Our small church group grew quickly over the next five years. We went from 50 women to 500 in a very short time. Soon, we found ourselves with a national platform where we were writing books, speaking to women’s groups and broadcasting on a syndicated radio program where we centered our message around helping women to be inspired and motivated.” With Bobbye’s business acumen she realized that they were handing out money to others for projects they were capable of undertaking themselves, “In 2006 we started not only writing our books but publishing them. We didn’t just pay people to do radio for us, instead we did it ourselves. We became our own radio and video producers and our own web designers. We basically realized after paying thousands and thousands of dollars to others that we had the ability to learn to do it ourselves.” And they did, not only for their church group, but before very long they found themselves being called upon by other women’s organizations across the country. “We started putting on events and helping other companies with their book publishing and conferences. When our conferences started to draw over 1500 women, we realized that we had something very valuable, and it was time to make it into a business. That is how Media4Women Enterprises was founded in 2009.” In reality Bobbye and Tonilee had already been operating as a business for two years, but this is when they decided to make it formal. “We started Media4Women to help women start businesses. Our business in a box program provides all a customer needs to get up and running. Before long men were calling wanting to know if they could utilize our services, necessitating the creation of Media Enterprises.” Dividing their time and talents, Tonilee runs Media4Women and Bobbye heads Media Enterprises, but both women work closely together in both companies. Tonilee (affectionately called TL by Bobbye) explains, “We are a good team because Bobbye is a very astute business woman. I, on the other hand have that nursing heart to help the woman; the emotional stability of a woman, the mental stability of a woman. We come together and make a great team because we have the heart and mind that we are constantly trying to advance women in all of these

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Advancing quickly through the ranks, this young woman who had begun to show interest in the nursing field at the age of 14, found herself in the acute neurological department, then to administration, and finally in the Intensive Care Unit where she specialized in heart transplantation. Tonilee loved her patients and her job, and was even called upon to write training manuals in her specialty. It was during her work in this position that her own heart would be affected, when she met the man who became her husband: Rob Adamson was the Cardiac Surgeon who ran the transplant unit at Sharp. They married soon after and started raising a family. When complications occurred during Tonilee’s second pregnancy, she was forced to be on bed rest for three months. It was then that she stopped doing patient care and was presented with a new challenge. Tonilee explains, “The CompuServe system had just been


brought into our hospital and we were one of the first hospitals to go online. So I stopped doing patient care and started teaching computers. Working in ICU with high tech equipment provided me with a basic understanding of how computers work, and before long I was training all departments in the hospital.” Tonilee continued in this position for a while until she decided to quit work and stay home with her three children. Even with her busy family, she still found time to volunteer at her church and began teaching. This was the venue at which she would meet Bobbye Brooks. Bobbye was born in a small town in Western Tennessee and went off to College at Murray State in Kentucky. She received a Bachelor’s degree in psychology and chemistry. With primarily a pre-med background, Bobbye ended up with a position working in an anatomic pathology lab after graduation. She too advanced quickly in her field and became the VP of operations in six short years. In her new position Bobbye traveled frequently, and when her company decided to relocate her to San Diego for nine months to oversee the construction of a new facility, she jumped at the opportunity. It would be a lucky move for Bobbye who ended up falling in love and marrying Tom Brooks, the contractor who was building her new lab. Bobbye took a position with a large lab in the Los Angeles area; an infectious disease lab and one of the first to test for HIV. It was at this point that Bobbye decided she wanted to return to school to


ways, we have a business platform that we can do it in, but we also have a message that we do it through.” Knowing that two women working so closely together for so long could present some problems, I had to ask the partners how they made it work so well. Tonilee added, “In the beginning it was quite a challenge, because we are very different women. We do have some similarities, we both have medical backgrounds. We have an underlying understanding, and we do have the same goals both for women and for our business. But sometimes just the personality of two women being together was a challenge. We have realized that there can’t be any competition. We have to respect each other’s differences. I ended up in more of a challenged place in that. Bobbye runs the bus. She takes charge. I have far more of a struggle with that than Bobbye. She is just working away and I have to play catch up sometimes especially with three kids there are often family challenges. What ended up happening is that we are co owners of both companies. We came together and compared what our individual gifts, talents and abilities were, and how we could best utilize them without crossing the line.” Bobbye laughs, “We could write a book on partnerships. A lot of them end in disaster. We have our issues, if anyone goes into business thinking they are not going to have issues, the honeymoon is over very fast. There are days that no matter what we are dealing with it has to stay behind closed doors. Our own team doesn’t even know what is going on, they may sense it, but we made a commitment and a vow to say we are professionals and if we have speaking engagements we must be professional even though there have been times when the last person I want to be with was Tonilee and I had to sit on a stool next to her and motivate other women at a conference for several days.” Tonilee adds, “There have been days when I cannot handle having a partner. But regardless of our personal conflicts, we have to be in the car together and drive together and then share a room together. We have needed to learn that in the time we walk from the curtain to the stage we must put all of that behind us. This is our job, and women have come here to listen to us. So we have to forget the rest and just do our job. However, even from the platform, we are very honest about the challenges.” Having been with these women at several meetings and networking events it is evident the deep respect they have for each other and the honesty they are willing to share comes through even when talking about their own relationships. What appears to be at the core of their business and personal relationship is that these two amazing women realize that they have a very important message to share with other women. They are often dealing with women who are feeling depressed, discouraged, and defeated; those ‘D’ words that often make it difficult to move out of the place in which they are stuck. They will ask their audiences “What did you go to school for and what do you want to do?” It seems simple, but often women lose track of their own needs while concentrating on the needs

of everyone else around them. This is why they have founded yet another company, Everything4Women, which is a speaking platform where they discuss relationships, finances, spiritual balance, health, and business opportunities. They also started a networking group. “We recognized the need for women to be with other women and these are desperate times right now, so how do we meet people. We want to meet people in an environment with leaders we trust. We want to meet qualified women who want to go forward with their businesses. We focus on education in the area of social media, since a lot of women over 40 were not raised with laptops on their desks, we want to help them so they can catch up” adds Tonilee. Although they have helped hundreds of women, it isn’t just women who come to them for assistance. Not all of their clients are female; they now have a 50% male clientele who rely on them to bring their businesses up to par when it comes to online marketing and Social Media needs. Their companies have made significant strides and they currently have customers who may simply have an idea for a company and are looking to get it off the ground, to some of the top fortune 500 companies. “We can work with any individual or company anywhere in the country. We are currently working with some very top notch companies. We see limitless potential in what we do. We are only limited by the fact that we need good people working with us. Our ultimate goal is to hire more women with the hope of becoming one of the largest women owned, women employed companies in the world.” My final question to these two women behind this winning company was, if you could share something important with our readers what would it be? Tonilee began with the following, “Don’t stop. You are important and you have a lot to offer, not just to your family, but to your community and to the world. I think women undermine their own gifts and talents to give them away to others who may not make the best use of these precious gifts. Bobbye added, “Time is short. Quit waiting for something to change, just do it. Step out and do it. Stop making excuses. Today is the day. I think that’s what stops everybody. They believe that they need to wait until the economy gets better… or they feel they cannot start their business until they have enough money… I tell them to give it up. Stop making excuses. We can help you start today.” If you would like to learn more join Media4Women at their upcoming Women’s weekend retreat, in Costa Mesa at the Ayres Hotel October 28th -30th. It will be a weekend for business women to get together to encourage one another. There is also a one day conference called Real Issues Real Answers scheduled for February 25th at Point Loma Nazarene University in San Diego. You can catch them every Wednesday on San Diego Living on channel 6 around 9:30 am. Bobbye and Tonilee have also just launched an internet television show. For more information, go to www.Media4Women.com and www.Everything4Women.com.

Website Faux Pas: 5 Things NOT to Have on Your Website ing and annoying to the visitor. If your visitor takes the time to open your homepage, respect their time by keeping the pop-ups (usually banner ads) away. Make sure the videos can be turned off. Do NOT use muted, dull colors on your website. Colors illicit emotion and the right colors can be very effective in attracting and even encouraging your visitors. Consult with others on color schemes for your website to help communicate the right message for your business. Do NOT use fonts, graphics or styles that “date” your website. Be careful of using clip-art or cheaplooking graphics that diminish your professionalism. Look at other websites in your industry and get ideas of how to make yours look current, contemporary and relevant. Take a closer look at your website and see if it passes our “faux pas” test. If so, congratulations! If not, we recommend seeking out professionals who can help you achieve the best website design for the image and message you want to portray.

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When it comes to website design, most of us spend more time trying to add things to our website than being concerned about what things should not be on the website. In today’s highly competitive web world, our website is the single most important communication tool that we have. Our website is our

storefront, our face, and we have about 5 seconds on average to attract attention and keep it on our site. So, if people are critical of our website, it is usually related to something that probably should not be on it. We have a compiled list of our top 5 things NOT to have on your website. Do NOT use excessive text that requires the visitor to read the page. We recommend having more “white space” than text, mainly because our world today has a bullet-point mentality. It is more effective to use short tags that can be quickly seen and read. If using more text as content, add pictures, images or even a video to break up the content. Do NOT use such large graphics that your website takes several seconds to open. People will leave a website quickly if the page is slow to reveal its content. Remember, most of us want to open a website, scan it quickly and make an assessment, either favorable or unfavorable, in a matter of seconds. Make sure your website opens instantly with all of the graphics and videos ready to play. Do NOT use extensive pop-ups, flashing banners, or videos that cannot be muted. Too much movement can be distract-

About the Authors: Tonilee Adamson and Bobbye Brooks are co-owners of Media 4 Women Enterprises, a marketing and media company that helps people achieve entrepreneurial success. From website design, video production, book publishing and social media marketing, Tonilee and Bobbye work with individuals and businesses of every type. Visit www.media4women.com to learn more about their services.



Social Networking 101:

Top 5 ways to attract more followers on social networking outlets Social networking can seem overwhelming to some of us, especially when we are looking at an empty Facebook page with no friends or a Twitter page with no followers. Building a following takes time, but if we take some basic steps, we will see our social networking expand faster than one might think. Here are our top 5 ways to attract more followers. 1. Put your social media buttons and links on your website, blogs and all other web-based pages. Make sure that your Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn or whatever social networks you have are clearly placed on all of your web pages with links to your social networking pages. 2. Add your social media links at the end of your emails, electronic newsletters and all electronic media. Place a note on all of your electronic correspondence and invite people to “follow” you on Twitter or become a “fan” on Facebook. 3. Use your social media to grow your followers. For example, invite people to follow you on Twitter by posting a message on your Facebook page and vice versa. On LinkedIn, make sure you add all of your social networks and links to your profile page. 4. Place your social media networks on your print materials. Add your social media to your business cards, post cards, newsletters or any form of direct mail material. Every time someone sees your social network, it reinforces them to join you. 5. Write blogs and articles with valuable content that encourages people to respond to or share with others. Social media is all about engaging with others and sharing information. If you communicate consistently with your followers, they will share you with others and your social networks will grow. Attracting followers takes some time and effort but if you apply these basic steps listed above, you will naturally develop a larger following. Most of these tips involve setting up some routines and practices to let people know how to connect with you. Once these steps are taken, the rest is fairly easy; just start posting. Tonilee Adamson and Bobbye Brooks are co-owners of Media 4 Women Enterprises, a marketing and media company that helps people achieve ntrepreneurial success. From website design, video production, book publishing and social media marketing, Tonilee and Bobbye work with individuals and businesses of every type. Visit www.media4women.com to learn more about their services.

Where to Begin: You have $5,000 to launch

your business-top 5 things you should do

not cut corners on design and function. A chunk of your start- up money will go to your website development but it is a worthy invest ment for the long haul, especially if you are selling products from an online store. 4. Plan for at least 3 months of Marketing Budget The goal is getting people to find your new business. You will need to invest part of your $5000 in a marketing plan for at least 3 months. The marketing plan should include an extensive online and social media plan, not expensive pay per click (PPC) advertising, but solid organic SEO (search engine optimization). 5. Start Building Your Network To grow your business, start using the numerous opportunities for social media networking. Make sure you have business pages, not just personal pages. Invite people to join you and start interacting through these networks on a regular basis. Let them know about your new business and what you are offering. Register your website with online directories and search engines.


Anyone can start a new business on $5000 if you take the right steps the first time. These 5 things will ensure that you are off to a great start to success. When in doubt, seek professional consultations and take your time.

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You have dreamed of starting your own business for years and now you have the money to actually do it. What should you do first to get your business going? If we are not careful, the money is gone and we still are not in business. We have compiled our list of the top 5 things you should do to secure your investment and launch your new business.


1. Create a Simple Business Plan The first thing you should do is map a short plan that includes your business concept and what is involved for the first 6 months. For example, what will it cost to produce, how much can you sell it for, and how long will it take to complete? Try to project from 6 to 12 months for your business. 2. Select the Right Name With today’s competitive online market, selecting the right name has never been more critical. Your business name will most likely become your website name, which means your name will be lost in cyberspace if the keywords are too broad or too specific. Finding the right niche is extremely important. You can do this yourself or spend some money to hire a consultant. 3. Build a Professional Website Your website will be the store front for your business, so do



By Robert Tussey

The trouble with the march of technology is that the parade moves faster and is a younger crowd and we boomers don’t hold the pace as well as we used to. As a writer I must, if I’m to be successful, add all of the most popular social media gadgets to my toolbox. I need to be LinkedIn, have a face on FaceBook, tweet and twitter until my fingers are numb, blog, web, and have one of those little symbols (on everything that is socially me) that the smart phones use to drive them to my website. I must YouTube myself. It’s all about – me. I’ve got more passwords to these social get-toknow-and-love-me sites than the MPG on a Prius. We boomers were the original ‘I, Me, Mine’ generation and took a lot of grief for it. Now, with this virtual ‘I’m everywhere all the time’ paradigm we seem like pikers. That said, cyberspace has become our second home. Whether we use Android or iPhone or iPad has become another question we must address to succeed in business. I hear the Blackberry fans moaning. Sorry, but you’re being left behind by quicker more user-friendly software designed specifically for people like me who struggled with RIM and quickly bolted to the friendlier cyberspace of Apple and Android (please, no cards and letters). The simple fact is we must keep up and take part in the new innovations of doing business or we will most certainly fail. We creative types, in our ever pressing desire to be heard, seen, or read, have always battled for the public’s attention. Self sponsorship has become de rigueur. Today Narcissus and his pond seem casual observers in the throes of the self promotion and in your face approach to staying ahead of the curve. Product or service based businesses are in the same boat. There are few completely unique business models so we must make the most of what we are and prove that we are the worthy choice. It’s exhausting! There’s nothing like coming home after a twelve hour day and updating all of our blogs, tweets, LinkedIn and website accounts before we can consider dinner and the family. This is after touching all of these technologies during the day at traffic lights and the drive-thru burger line. What I’m looking for (in software) for the smart phone is Dragon type software that we can dictate to and IM from to Twitter and texts, and update our blogs (The new iPhone 4S with SiRi is moving rapidly in that direction). That would take hands free to the next level. The gist is that social media, in all of its incarnations, is a simple fact of doing business today and we can’t dismiss the incredible power it represents. Alvin Toffler, in his book Future Shock, spoke of a society moving so fast it would leave a great portion of it behind. We simply can’t afford, in order to succeed, to watch that train leave the station.

LightBridge Hospice Remembrance Walk

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The LightBridge Hospice Community Foundation, which funds hospice services and special programs for patients and their loved ones, hosted its 3rd annual Remembrance Walk on Sunday, October 2 at Liberty Station. The “Footsteps and Heartstrings� Remembrance Walk honored loved ones lost, as well as the family members, volunteers and corporate supporters of those who cared for them.



COMPANIONS FOR LIFE Yesterday marked our 36th wedding anniversary. So many years of growing, learning, struggling and sharing. A lifetime of experience clarifies how innocent we were when we tied the knot at 22 and 24. So much water has flowed under the bridge we are crossing together, some rough, some smooth, some clear and blue, and sometimes deep and dark. During those dark times it would have been easy to say, “I’m out of here. My life will be better on my own.” But luckily our difficult times never came to that. As we matured we learned to support and stand by each other. Now that life is much quieter, with the struggles and stress of managing finances and raising kids behind us, I am grateful that I am not alone and about to start a new chapter in the book of our relationship. How will this chapter read? To celebrate our anniversary I scheduled a ‘Couples Retreat’ at a spa I found online. Now some men consider themselves too macho to go to a spa. Luckily, I introduced my husband to the pleasures of the spa years ago, and he became a fan. We had not, however, experienced a couple’s spa day. We were to arrive mid morning for a three hour retreat, grab some lunch and return home. We left our prospective projects about 10:00 am heading to the coast where our spa adventure awaited. The weather was

changing, and in contrast to the usual clear San Diego skies, there were gray and white clouds mixing with the blue, giving the day a vacation feel, like we were in an unfamiliar place. Upon entering the spa, we were completely transported far away from the business and bustle of our everyday lives. We were immersed in soft light, soothing music, and sweet scents. In the gentlest of voices, our hostess guided us to our private dressing room complete with shower and amenities, and then showed us the steam room, which was also for our private use. From there we were to wait for our therapists in an enchanting lounge with waterfall, flowers, chocolates and strawberries. After our muscle relaxing, stress relieving steam, we settled into the lounge and wondered if we had died and gone to heaven. No words are needed when you know someone so completely, so we sipped herbal tea and shared a chocolate in silence. When our eyes met, we smiled, enjoying the pureness of being together and felt our love reawaken as if we were newlyweds again. Between our luxurious treatments, we met again in the lounge, which had become our secret hideaway, free of all worldly cares. But all good things come to an end, and too soon it was time to reenter reality. We left the spa, but were reluctant to leave the connection we had once again formed behind. We drove to a favorite restaurant we hadn’t been to in years and ate a very late breakfast, something we had always liked to do. Afterwards, we headed down to the beach and like carefree kids, kicked off our shoes, wiggled our toes in the sand, and set off of a long beach walk. The weather was blustery and exhilarating and we had the beach mostly to ourselves. The tide was out so we explored pools, sharing discoveries, and getting our pant legs wet, all the while feeling our bond strengthening. As we walked back to our car hand in hand, I contemplated what a rare gift we have in each other. How comforting to have someone I know will always be there, and that a marriage can still be romantic after 36 years. So far this new chapter in our relationship is reading very well. I hope there are many more and that they are just as good.

San Diego Woman Partners with AgingCare.com

San Diego


In addition to juggling a career, family, finances and managing a household, many women find themselves adding another time-consuming task to their seemingly endless list of responsibilities: taking care of an elderly parent. The statistics are staggering: More than 40 million people are caring for an elderly loved one; one out of every four households has a caregiving situation; and 66% of those caregivers are female. Recognizing a substantial portion of the magazine’s audience is in a caregiving role, San Diego Woman is partnering with the leading online resource for caregivers, AgingCare.com, to provide valuable information and resources to its audience – many of whom are shouldering the responsibility for the care of an elderly parent. San Diego Woman will dedicate a portion of its website to caregivers, with articles, news, caregiving tips and information provided by AgingCare.com. Headquartered in Naples, Florida, AgingCare.com is an online community that connects people caring for elderly parents to other caregivers, personalized information, and local resources. More than 200,000 caregivers visit the website each month to get personalized information on topics ranging from elder law and financial planning to elder health care and medicine, as well as gain access to a comprehensive directory of senior living and elder care services, including assisted living, nursing homes, home care, and adult day care. AgingCare.com was born out of the realization that there was no centralized resource for information on managing care for elderly parents. AgingCare.com got its start in 2007 after Publisher Joe Buckheit watched his mother and mother-in-law struggle with caring for their elderly parents. During a casual breakfast meeting to discuss their elderly loved one's needs, Joe witnessed the power of two caregivers interacting directly with one another, sharing their challenges, and supporting one another. He formed AgingCare. com to provide a way for caregivers to form meaningful connections with each other, and relate to people who understand exactly what they are going through. “We are looking forward to sharing valuable information with the readers of San Diego Woman, enabling them to form meaningful connections with each other, make better decisions, save time and money, feel less alone and less stressed,” Joe says.



A Survivor’s Tale By Kimberly K. Robeson

She has short black hair, dark vivacious eyes, and a big toothy smile. Her lively appearance and energetic movements admit to none of the struggles she has faced these past few years. And there have been many. Ysabel Giacalone is a forty-two-year old woman who is fighting breast cancer—for the second time. As she sits across from me with her pink computer, we talk about how we both love the color pink. Pink used to be thought of as such a girly color, but today the pink ribbon has become such a powerful symbol: Since its inception in the early 90s, it has become the symbol to make women aware of breast health and screening. It is also the universal symbol that says we need to find a cure because we all know someone who has had breast cancer. Maybe she is your mother, your sister, maybe a friend, a colleague, maybe your niece, or your neighbor—this is a disease that (too often) hits too close to home. According to the National Cancer Institute, 230,000 cases of breast cancer are diagnosed each year, and from that abstract number, one real live case was sitting before me, a strong woman who was ready to tell her story. As she leaned into the table and her voice lowered a bit, Ysabel told me about the day she found a lump in her breast. She was only twenty-four. From a young age she actively did breast self-exams upon the urging of her mother. It was preventative; no one in Ysabel’s family had ever had breast cancer, so when she felt something strange, she went to see her doctor, but was not prepared for what would follow. Within 72 hours, after a biopsy, she was told—on the phone while at work—by a heartless doctor: “You have breast cancer.” As she tells me this, I can feel my temperature rise. My mother’s breast cancer diagnosis was delivered in a similar, callous manner. The doctor walked in the office, told my mother, “You have breast cancer,” handed us some pamphlets, said “read them over, and we’ll talk next week.” If anyone in the medical profession reads this article, please let this be a reminder to treat patients— all patients in all circumstances—with sensitivity and compassion because this other type of “care” is simply unacceptable. As Ysabel tells me about the two minute phone call, for the first time in our conversation, tears well in her eyes. This was over sixteen years ago, yet the anguish she experienced from that call is still apparent. And why wouldn’t it be? She was happily married with an eleven month old son and was told at her job—without any familial support—that she had breast cancer. It was all a blur after that, “I had to drive home. I don’t remember how I did it.” After her diagno-

sis of stage 3 breast cancer, she had a lumpectomy, 8 sessions of aggressive chemotherapy, and 23 sessions of radiation. “There was a day after chemo when I felt so bad that I just felt like I couldn’t go on. So my mother brought me my son and showed him to me as I lay on the couch. ‘This is what you are fighting for’ she said.” When she tells this story, my eyes are also misty. Ysabel explains that her mother was her pillar of strength whereas her husband “did not deal so well with the cancer the first time. He didn’t want to talk about it . . . as if by not saying the ‘C’ word, it would disappear.” I find his reaction understandable. Everyone deals with tough situations differently, and how can a husband face the fact that his new young wife may not be here to be his forever partner, here to help raise and love their son. Ysabel explained he went into a “need to take care of business” mode as he had to be everything, do everything. “It was a tough time” she admits, but she did survive. They survived. Ysabel regained her strength, went back to work, and life seemed like it was almost back to normal. There was a difference though, “It completely changed me and my family.” They learned what was really important in life: it was not getting more promotions, more money, or more toys, but spending time with family. So for fifteen years life was good again.

Then Ysabel lost her job of 20 years. She lost all her medical benefits. And then… she got breast cancer again. This time, her husband, Vince, was better prepared and gave her all the love and emotional support she needed. But they are a family—like so many millions of Americans—without health insurance. To support the family financially, Vince had to go out of state for four months, so Ysabel’s mother moved in to help her daughter. Having lost her husband a few years before after 39 years of marriage, Ysabel’s mother was still healing from the loss a beloved husband, so Ysabel’s diagnosis came as more salt in the wounds. But resilient as ever, Francisca helped her daughter through this second round of multiple surgeries and more chemotherapy.

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Ysabel found strength to fight this battle again. She said she decided she would embrace positivism and not let anything bring her down—not even an insensitive doctor. Thankfully, this time the news was broken to her gently. Her doctor told Ysabel that the last thing she needed to worry about was how she would pay for her care. Ysabel was enrolled in The Breast and Cervical Cancer Treatment Program immediately. This time though she wanted a double mastectomy. She was not willing to go through all this grief again, just for the cancer to reappear a few years later. So on October

Since Ysabel’s lay-off, she has still, unfortunately, not found employment, and her husband is once again away for four months on a job to support the family. But Ysabel is not someone to sit around. Before her second bout of cancer, Ysabel got involved with a non-profit organization called “Athletes For Education” (AFE) and helped Tra Battle, who plays for the UFL Virginia Destroyers, with his program called “Battle 4 Success”—a mentorship program through AFE. Since 2007, Ysabel has donated much of her time creating, organizing, and leading community events from Thanksgiving food giveaways to holiday parties to hospital visits—all for those in need. The President and founder of “Athletes For Education,” Steven Haynes, suggested that Ysabel start her own non-profit program with AFE, so with the desire to serve others as well as her love of angels and the color pink, “Ysabels’ Pink Angels” was conceived. Steven, who Ysabel spoke of highly for all his work with AFE, passed away suddenly this year, but Ysabel’s program, thanks to Steven and her efforts, flourishes. Ysabel has already done so much in the San Diego community, from helping with the “Reading for Life Literacy Program at Joyner Elementary,” to organizing turkey and toy giveaways; sports camps and movie nights; as well as making hospital visits with athletes and celebrities. Teaming up with an AFE supporter, countless stuffed animals were donated to children who are suffering from diseases. Receiving huge bunnies at Easter brought smiles to everyone’s faces as can be seen on Ysabel’s Pink Angels link on the AFE website. (http://www. afefoundation.org/ysabels-pink-angelscs-keys-visit-hospital-easter-2009. html) Ysabel also coordinates trips to the stadium where groups of twenty underprivileged students, who excel in academics, attendance, fitness, and citizenship, get to go to a Charger game, snacks and excitement included. And this is just the beginning of how her program is bringing joy to others. (Please visit www.afefoundation.org/ysabels-pink-angels.html to see pictures and descriptions of all the events.) As we talk about all the good in her life as well as her challenging experiences, she returns to the subject of her son. Ysabel could not have more children for other unrelated health issues, so she considers Vince Jr. her “miracle baby.” An outstanding young man who just got accepted to “Border Patrol Explorers,” she beams when she talks about him. Ysabel also tears up again when she tells me about her husband’s job, how times are tough, and how much she misses Vince when he is away. But, despite all her challenges, she wants me to know one thing: “God is good.” Without wavering, she states clearly: “If it were not for the love of God, my family, and my friends, I would not be here.” And she is here. She is here thriving and even helping others. She is more than a survivor. She is a positive woman who chooses to look forward and Be Happy.

29th, 2010, she had both her breasts removed and began the process for reconstruction—a process which took two more surgeries, the final one on August 15th, 2011. We talked a bit about reconstruction as it’s easy for someone to say that “breasts aren’t important, life is,” but for a woman having her breasts reconstructed, it can be part of the healing process. Reconstruction is a personal choice, but one that is not always covered by our health care system. Despite the fact that on October 21st, 1998, a law was signed, The Women's Health and Cancer Rights Act (WHCRA), that helps protect many women who want reconstruction after mastectomies, there are some exceptions. From the research I uncovered, it is disheartening that some women in the U.S. are still not automatically covered. Fortunately, Ysabel has a voice, and she was able to get the reconstruction she needed. (For more about reconstruction coverage please visit http://www.cancer.org/Treatment/ FindingandPayingforTreatment/ManagingInsuranceIssues/womenshealth-and-cancer-rights-act)



What Our Schools Can Teach Us All By Rob Weinberg As a 30 year communications professional, I have a tendency to find marketing messages in unusual places. My clients encourage this tendency (to my wife’s chagrin), and it’s interesting where things sometimes pop up. So it was when I recently attended the fall choir concert at Rancho Bernardo High. I left heartened by youthful energy and song, and troubled by the message being sent out by my daughter’s school. Like all business owners these days, I find my sleeve being tugged at by dozens of worthy causes seeking funding. Rotary, temple, abandoned pets…the list seems endless. Realistically, I’d go broke supporting them all, so I choose a few and hope others can pick up the slack. Yet looking around the RBHS auditorium that evening showed me the school is in desperate shape. Every fourth seat was missing or broken. These talented kids were selling pastries (yummy but of marginal nutritional value) to pay for music, microphones, and a piano accompanist. And did I mention the library, hobbled due to budget cuts? Admittedly, I don’t typically spend lots of time at the school and its condition never struck me before. But I got an education that night, and realized this one school was symptomatic of a larger marketing issue. Yes, I said the beaten up auditorium is a marketing issue. RB - an affluent zip code – sends a beleaguered message from its schools. Anyone genuinely concerned about our nation’s future must consider this message, look beyond the next election, and ask how our future leaders can possibly get a solid education if they lack the right tools to work with. We’re not talking about higher salaries for the teachers, either. Debating why athletes are paid 20+ times more than those molding our greatest assets is best left to politicians, pundits and economists. Rather, I’m distressed that the message we’re sending with poorly maintained schools is that kids aren’t important. Business owners, with a higher propensity to view the big picture, quickly recognize that their own children won’t benefit in these schools and take jobs elsewhere. Then everyone left behind suffers as local jobs and property values quickly become devalued – all because we aren’t making our schools shine in every way possible.

Some companies do help. Area restaurants hold fundraisers and realtors contribute sales commissions. Others have parties, charging guests a donation of classroom supplies to enter. Like me, you may have been oblivious to the desperate conditions at our local schools or figured it’s someone else’s problem. It’s not – the school funding issue has been left at all our doorsteps, regardless of age, race, gender, or parental status. We need to address it, and FAST! Admittedly, I don’t know all the answers. Maybe the schools should be selling sponsorships of seats in the auditorium for $100 apiece. Perhaps it’s something else. Whatever the solution is, silence can no longer be part of it. Here’s the bottom line – our schools are in trouble, and everyone needs to help. That’s why I was at the principal’s office the afternoon after the concert donating a load of gently used computer equipment. It wasn’t much – just what I could afford. However, as one teacher observed, “it may not be new…but it’s new to us.” As a father, business owner, and taxpayer, I urge you to find ways to help your local schools. Donating cash, goods, or volunteer services will all help make students and their families better citizens and customers, both today and in the future. And that’s a message worth communicating. Let’s all pitch in. The family you help may be your own. Rob Weinberg is a Madison Avenue veteran and principal of The MarketBuilding Team – a strategic marketing firm based in Rancho Bernardo, CA. You can get his advice through a free newsletter, a weekly marketing advice column, or by hiring him as a part-time marketing executive. You’ll find him online at www.marketbuilding.com.

Rancho Bernardo Sunrise Rotary Rancho Bernardo Sunrise Rotary meets for breakfast every Tuesday 7-8:30am at the Country Club of Rancho Bernardo, 12280 Greens East Rd. San Diego, CA 92128 (next to Rancho Bernardo Inn). The Club is involved in local community and international projects. For more information call Karen Mortimer, Membership Chairman at 858-204-2292 or email at Karen.Mortimer@yahoo.com


A guide for family, friends and loved ones in

preparing for the effects of the growing elder population …a Public Service from “Those Who Care” " The Right Doctor for Your Elder”

Q: Where do I start in choosing the right doctor for my mother/father? For those of us who grew up in the 60's and 70's, it seems that our world has become very specialized. For example, when I was playing basketball we had a choice of two sneakers: Keds or Converse. And with those two choices there were only two color choices: black or white. This past Holiday Season, I went to a mall (not my favorite place) to look for a pair of pink, high-top, Converse sneakers for my 12 year old daughter. There must have been half-a-dozen stores that offered the shoes and every color of the rainbow was available. Oh, how a few short decades have made such a huge difference in our shopping habits. Variety has provided us the option of selecting just the right product or service for our particular needs - not a bad thing, though many of us old timers would rather go back to the "good old days." Yet, do we care nearly as much about our health care choices as we do our sneakers? Of course, I'm being facetious, but the point is still well represented - we need to recognize the many choices in health care (i.e., physicians) just as we do our shopping choices for clothes.

When seeking out a physician appropriate for your elder loved one, keep in mind the suggestions offered by Viki Kind, a bioethicist and author: • Ask a nurse who knows of or has worked with the doctor. • Ask for a reference from another trusted healthcare provider. • Check the doctor's credentials online at a source such as http://www. healthgrades.com/. • Observe how the doctor interacts with your loved-one. The doctor should speak "to, not about" your parent. The doctor should connect with, not ignore your parent. • Test the doctor to see if he'd respect your parent's wishes. Take your parent's Advance Directives to the doctor and ask if he/she will be able to respect and implement end-of-life wishes. • If your parent has strong cultural or religious views, it may be helpful to select a doctor of that particular religious sect. In today's myriad of choices for selecting an eldercare physician, spend the time to review the needs and concerns of your elder lovedone, and then make a choice that best fits those needs. As much as we "old timers" proclaim that the world was such better place to live when we were young, today's world does have its advantages - use those choices for your better health.

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A: This need to be aware of our health care choices is never as apparent as it is in the choice for a physician for our elders. For years and years, our parents or lovedones visited with "their" doctor, who was most likely a congenial man (not as many female doctors "back in the day") who they may have played golf with on Wednesday afternoons.

made in a vacuum, rather with the total person's needs in mind.

Times have changed. Choices have improved in all walks of life. Yet, I would guess that most elder folks are still seeing, as their primary physician, the same GP or Internist that they've been visiting for decades. Although there is nothing inherently wrong with that choice, it does eliminate the wonderful world of specialists. Why seek out a specialist? Quite simply: To avail ourselves of a physician who can do the most good for our loved-one is the logical choice when trying to treat an illness - the greater the specialty, the greater the chance of resolving that particular problem. For example, you are concerned that your mom may be developing some form of dementia, so you take her to see her long-time friend and physician, who has been an Internist for over 35 years. What do you think the chances are that this physician will run a battery of tests or refer your mom to a specialist, like a geriatric psychiatrist, to determine the degree of existence of dementia? Certainly not as high as having your mom see a specialist who's focused all day long on reviewing the presenting facts that may lead to a more accurate diagnosis, either for or against that of dementia. The point: today's variety of choices, although at times mind boggling, can lead to greater satisfaction and positive outcomes compared to the options of many years ago. The need for a specialized physician who understands the elder population has come of age. Geriatricians are beginning to make their way into mainstream medical care, and thank goodness for that trend as we have desperately needed a fresh, holistic approach to treating our elder folks. Geriatricians are trained to not only understand the medical needs of the senior patient, but to also view the entire person so that medical choices are not


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He Said, She


Are men really from Mars and Women from Venus, as author Dr. John Gray states in his bestselling book? Do men and women really see things that differently? If given the same question could their answers really be so different? At San Diego Woman we wanted to explore the differences between "them" and "us". Read this month's installment and find out how the sexes differ when it comes to communicating with each other. What topics would you like to see us duke it out over in upcoming issues? No topic is off limits, so write me at editor@sandiegowoman.com. I can't wait to hear from you!

He Said... In all of our past He said, She said articles I have presented many of the day to day frictions and poked fun at our differences. Communication, or the lack thereof, has been the center point of most of them. Expectations and misdirection cover the rest. There’s another side that has cropped up in many of the conversations with my male friends recently that has touched a more personal side and I’d like to explore it. Men have always been the hunter/gatherers, providing for the family and guiding the ship. This served well through the Agrarian and Industrial ages. But, as with most things, the inequities began to outweigh this patriarchal paradigm and changes (necessarily) began: As they should. Women today are the true strength of the entrepreneurial spirit. The glass ceiling, if not broken is shattering quickly. Men are finding themselves in a flux period between having been the captains of industry and their homes to secondchairing much of what was once considered ‘our’ turf. For some of these men this is a very uncomfortable place. Many fight or dismiss the progression. Most of us, I believe, welcome it. While I have used this forum to bring humor to the gender wars I have also tried to inject a humble respect. We, women and men, will always challenge one another and see things differently. Most of my friends see this as a positive, as do I. Men have become more nurturing and family-centric. Stay at home dads, taking more of the responsibility of the day to day family unit, soccer dad; the list grows each year. We’re doing paint chips and swaths of cloth and making more lunches and dinners. And the ladies are steering the boat. This is a period of tremendous change, both socially, personally, and economically and we’re all stretching and growing and learning.

She Said... I guess the Bob Dylan song title, “The Times they are a Changin” is apropos to what is going on in our country. Much of the things we took for granted for many years are suddenly different. Women are out there as breadwinners and men are forced to chip in and help nurture and raise the children. The real question is who is having the hardest time adapting to this change? Women have been accustomed to multi-tasking, juggling children’s schedules, work schedules and home schedules. Men have often performed their jobs and then came home to a relaxed environment, where they could recover from their hard day at the office. For many men their lives have definitely become more difficult. But does this mean a woman’s life has become easier? Women are now away from the home for hours or sometimes days on end earning a necessary living. Men are working outside the home and having to return early or go in late to drop off or pick up the kiddies at school. Women are sharing the cooking, cleaning and childrearing with their hubbies and, on the outside this looks like a good thing. Equality, didn’t we always want it? In a perfect world, with no insecurities or egos this seems to work just fine, but nothing is perfect. Women are forced to become more aggressive and men may have to be less. Men are forced to be more nurturing, and women may have to be less. How do we manage these changes? It depends on their personalities; men who are accustomed to being rough and tough, maintaining the position of “boss” may have to acquiesce to their wives who may in fact hold a higher position outside the house. But who is the boss in the home? Does there have to be a boss? These are questions that couples are struggling with today. Can the male ego handle not running the show? Can women handle having to take on a tougher veneer to compete in the work world? If so what happens in the home, what happens in the kitchen, what happens in the bedroom? I think the number one step is communication. Without it relationships suffer. Couples have to work together to find their own personal balance. There is nothing wrong with any arrangement as long as it makes those involved happy and secure. Both men and women have to do their best to keep their business lives separate from their personal lives. Just because you are the boss at work, doesn’t mean you should boss your mate around. Respect is the operative word here. If relationships are not governed by respect these ‘Changin Times’ just may kill us.


San Diego



Is There a Baby in Your Belly? By Erin Pistilli When my husband Mark and I found out we were pregnant for a second time we were beyond thrilled. Caitlyn, our daughter, was just two at the time, so we decided we had plenty of time to figure out how we were going to explain that her whole world was going to change. After getting some advice from other parent friends and family we started in small steps. While doing chores around the house, I would occasionally put on a pretty intrusive reality show that followed women on their baby journeys. The cameras wouldn’t show anything too revealing other than an adorable, but very gooey, baby being handed to its mother for the first time. As the new mother would cry and coo at her precious baby I would take this as an opportunity to tell Caitlyn things like “Mommy felt the same way when she met you” or “You were once a little baby just like that”. She would smile up at me and continue with her playtime. After a short while, I began to pull out her baby books and we would look through the pictures together. I pointed out my huge belly and explained to her that babies come from their mommy’s belly and that was why mommy’s belly was so big. She would nod, smile and continue looking through the pictures. Eventually, I could no longer get away with telling Caitlyn my belly was large because I’d had a big lunch so I told her, very simply, that mommy had another baby in her belly. She took this news rather well so I brought out her baby book and went through the story again, this time adding that we would be making a new book for a new baby-a baby boy. The next step is to include her in as much of the baby planning as possible (for a two year old that is). She helps us pick out baby clothes, Winnie the Pooh bedding and room décor. We emphasized the ‘big sister’ role and did everything we could to show her that she was just as important to us as she was before we found out about baby number two. My parents even had the genius idea of getting a baby doll for Christmas that came complete with a high chair, stroller and bassinet. She loved it. When Kiernan, her baby brother finally arrived, Caitlyn toted her baby everywhere. I realized how perceptive she was as she became a mother to her own baby doll. She sang to it, took it for walks, and even nursed it once or twice. Kiernan, our newborn son ate well, slept quite a bit and, much to our surprise, we had very few jealousy incidents between Caitlyn and her baby brother. Life was good. We were the proud parents of two beautiful children and our team work had paid off. We found out we were pregnant with our third child when Caitlyn was three and a half and Kiernan was one. Kiernan was at the point in his life where eating lint was the highlight of his day so we knew that, once again, Caitlyn was the person we were going to have to break the news to, only this time she was much more aware of any sort of change that was coming her way. I began to put on the same baby shows to introduce her to the idea of yet another baby being in the house. She was a lot more interested in the show and would actually come sit next to me on the couch and ooh and aah when the baby was born. One day, when I came home from work, my husband pulled me aside and asked me if I’d been watching ‘those baby shows’ again. I told him I had and asked him why. His response was a story of how he’d been

watching TV with his legs propped up on the coffee table when Caitlyn suddenly stood between his legs, propped her hands on his knee caps and said, with the most serious tone a three year old can muster, “Hello, Daddy. I’m Dr. Caitlyn. I need you to take a deep breath and count to ten. I’m going to need you to push as hard as you can so we can get that baby out.” I couldn’t help but laugh. I passed it off as an innocent, but hilarious, incident that would be soon forgotten. When we visited my parent’s house a few weeks later, Caitlyn lay grunting and groaning on the carpet. Her little face was scrunched up as if she was straining to get a really tough bowel movement going. When my mother asked her what she was doing, Caitlyn answered in a tight voice, “I’m trying to get this baby out!” Apparently, she did, because a few seconds later she was cooing to an invisible baby. Ok, so maybe this idea of watching baby-birthing reality shows wasn’t such a brilliant idea after all. After the reality-show misstep, we decided to move on to her baby books again. As Caitlyn and I flipped through the pages I kept pointing to her baby pictures explaining that the baby in the book was her and when we got to my big belly pictures I explained to her that she was once in mommy’s tummy too. Her big blue eyes bulged in terror and she yelped, “I don’t want to be in there!” I reassured her that she would never be in my tummy again and we closed the book - so much for the baby book idea. As a stay-at-home mom during the week, my two little partners-in-crime follow me everywhere so I decided that taking her to my doctor’s appointments would be informative enough. At my very first appointment, the OBGYN came in and turned off the lights to do an ultra-sound. As she scanned my belly she turned up the volume so we could hear the heartbeat. The dimlights, bright screen and the pulsating noises became too much for Caitlyn and she wailed in horror. Soon her baby brother joined her. Alright, so no more taking the kiddos to the ultrasound appointments (if I could help it). But whether I liked it or not they would still have to join me at my prenatal appointments. I found the best way to entertain them was to cram as many snacks, toys and books as I could into the diaper bag. This plan worked beautifully until I had to do the hour-long glucose test. After sipping that terrible-tasting sugar drink I handed the kids their toys and snacks and settled into the seat for the long hour ahead of me. Five minutes into the hour my son groaned and grunted until he took the biggest and messiest poop in the history of poopdom. The worst part about it (besides the smell) was that the lab techs wouldn’t let me leave the room; I had to change him in the same small, cramped room everyone was waiting in. I apologized profusely for the smell and the techs came over and smiled politely as they sprayed a raspberry scented room spray that smelled ten times worse than Kiernan’s digested sweet potatoes. As I settled back into my chair for the remaining forty-five minutes, Caitlyn promptly spilled her cheerios all over the floor. The next half hour was spent telling the kids to share, picking up Kiernan’s discarded toys and the occasional cheerio. As I take the kids in the bathroom with me for the final part of the test Caitlyn exclaims “Is this a playground?!” as I shut the door behind us. With the glucose test behind me, I had a quick doctor’s appointment immediately following. The kids were impatient beyond belief at this point and I was as frazzled as a washed-out perm. The doctor smiled sweetly at the kids as she felt my stomach. She noticed my two dolphin tattoos on my lower abdomen and asked me if my daughter liked my shark tattoos. I couldn’t help but laugh as I explained to her that I was a young, bubbly eighteen year old when I got the dolphins and supposed that thirteen years and three pregnancies had turned them into smashed-up looking predators. She looked a tad embarrassed as she laughed with me. The kids soon joined in and I relaxed for the first time that day. Later that night, my husband and I had a long talk and after quite a few laughs. We came to a simple conclusion: If our daughter had questions about the baby we would answer them but we didn’t need to go and “borrow trouble” as my mom likes to say. It took my daughter giving fake-birth in my parent’s living room for it to really sink in. Our three-year old was a lot more aware of things than we expected and we realized that by giving her too much information we had over-loaded her developing brain. Lesson learned: Kids are naturally inquisitive-let them navigate their way through discussions regarding big life changes. You may just be surprised by how much they actually know. I’m now into my sixth month of the pregnancy and it is the calm before the storm. We have since abandoned the watching of any reality shows (at least until after the kiddos go to bed) and have ceased bringing the kids to any sort of ultrasound appointments. Caitlyn will occasionally ask to feel my belly and she and her little brother still accompany me to doctor’s appointments. For the most part, the kids play and laugh with no worries in their beautiful hearts. Until this baby comes, my day is spent chasing after Caitlyn who is chasing after her brother with squeals of laughter echoing off the walls as he tosses her baby dolls across the room.

Women's Work

Dear Melanie, You mention you are recently separated. The process of the end of a marriage is a journey, with many twists and turns in the road. Each of you is coping with the loss of a dream (assuming you both intended this marriage to last), no matter what brought you to the point of seeing your marriage as no longer workable. It is very natural to have myriad feelings, not the least of which is the longing that the marriage did not have to end. The amount of contact and the quality of the contact will reflect the different feelings you are both having as you move through this process, including the well documented stages of loss such as anger, denial, guilt, bargaining and acceptance.. One of the aspects of the adjustment is experimenting, not only with dating other people, but experimenting with your own feelings and actions, to double and triple check whether you are secure that you are doing the right thing. It also sounds like you have a very amicable relationship, which is not only important for your children and the relationship you will always have as co-parents, but also indicates the marriage was not a total disaster. This gives rise to more doubts about whether you are clear in your decision. It is also possible that at least one of you might be interested in further exploring the possibility of finding a way back together. There is no one “right� way to do this, each relationship has its own unique dynamic. The real answer lies in evaluating the benefits and costs of how you are conducting yourselves. Again, it is a process, and you need to move through each of the stages without cutting them short for the sake of expediency. If you listen to your head and your heart (and not to everyone else who is bound to have an opinion), you will find the right answers at the right time. Dear Shelli, My husband and I have decided to work together in a very successful business that I started and have managed myself for many years. My husband and I think that because we have both

Dear Hilary, Congratulations to you for wanting to work together and for noticing the potential hazards. One of the important questions is how much of threat could this potentially be to your relationship? Are you both willing to take that chance? Before you make any decisions on proceeding with this plan, it would be very important for the two of you to take sufficient time to think this through together. Before you engage in discussion, I would suggest each of you put down in writing your business plan and how it would look in action. Also write down what each of you see as the specific obstacles of your different work styles, how they might present problems, and what might be some of the solutions. Then share your thoughts and ideas to get a clearer picture as to where the differences and possible hazards might be. Are the issues ones of substance or style, or both? Would you each have distinct areas of responsibility? How good are the two of you at problem solving together, in general? This is quite a different situation than having someone buy into the business who is not your spouse. A business partnership is a marriage, and has the potential for falling prey to the same kinds of roadblocks that can break up a relationship. As you can readily see, the failure of a partnership, while difficult, does not have the same implications and consequences as the failure of a marriage. When you are in a marriage and a business partnership, the dynamics of each affects the other, and the hazards are greater because of this. Even with the best thought-out plans and intentions, there are many unforeseen situations that could get you into trouble. You both need to seriously weigh the benefits and the risks, and make your decision based more on the welfare of your marriage than the welfare of your business. Perhaps you can consider other arrangements besides a partnership, e.g. a consulting relationship, or a more informal association. You would also need to agree on who has the final say when there is disagreement. It might also be helpful for you to meet with a third party, someone who has had experience with these types of situations, or a professional coach who could be more objective and perhaps give you the benefit of an impartial observer. Please send your questions to: Shelli@SanDiegoWoman.com

San Diego

--Melanie from Escondido

worked in the same field that we can make it larger and better with both of us working together. I worry because my husband and I have very different work styles. I have read that many businesses fail when someone buys a business and tries to make it different or better. Can you suggest anything that might help or issues that we should consider. --Thanks, Hilary


Dear Shelli, I am recently separated and on the road to divorce. I am happily dating as is my ex. However, we are extremely friendly with each other, almost to the point of flirting with each other. I know that having two parents who get along well is the very best situation for my children, but I am wondering if it is truly healthy for the two of us. We both know that we can no longer be together, but I worry that our daily contact and emotional dependence on each other is a bad idea in the long run. Is it keeping us stuck in some way? Thanks for any insight you might have...

By Shelli Chosak, Ph.D.


Bitchin’ & Moaning Big Hair

By Judith A. Habert

The Look of Love

By Janice Booth

There is not an episode of Jersey Shore, Jerseylicious, Jersey Couture, or the Real Housewives of New Jersey where there isn’t someone taking credit for ’Big Hair.’ Having relocated from New York to San Diego almost 11 years ago I can honestly say, Jersey was not the only place that savored the ’Big Hair.’ I grew up in a part of New York known as Queens. Queens is one of the five boroughs of New York and if you ask me it was responsible for much of what other boroughs, counties and states are attempting to take credit for, especially ‘Big Hair’ I know this is dating me, but when I was growing up the more you teased your hair the more ’hip’ you were. Okay I just dated myself again with the use of the word ’hip.’ Actually, perms were the rage, and if there is one way to create ’Big Hair,’ it is with a perm. Just about every woman around my age has at some point

A man and a women across a crowded street. Searching, finding each others eye... Under a spell cast with intensity, ever so sweet Can't look away, why even try.


in her life had a perm. Sometimes they referred to it as a ’body wave,’ but all in all it was just a perm. We would chemically treat our hair using the most foul smelling concoction and count down the time necessary to become the next Shirley Temple. But of course the perms never came out the way they looked on the box: The flowing mane of curly hair ended up being a frizzy head full of fuzz. The fix for that was mousse, which would be applied after we got out of the shower, but before we began the blow drying process. To determine what styling products were necessary one had to take into account the amount of perm remaining in ones hair: Immediately after the perm, mousse was a necessity to tame that wild frizzy mane and three weeks later it was back to teasing it high and using hair spray. Those of us who have endured thin, straight, and flat hair have always found the necessity to get some ’volume’ and the only way to do this at the time was by use of the perm. One day we would leave the house with thin lifeless hair and the next day we looked like a bad Saturday Night Live skit depicting the 1970s. You see, the key to ’Big Hair’ was to get a perm and then use a pick to tease it as high as it would go. Alright so we didn’t call it a bump or a poof but we had one. Now decades later with the over abundance of New Jersey based reality shows the entire world credits New Jersey with the concept of ’Big Hair’. Well I want to make it known that Queens girls were the first to realize that in order to be attractive our hair had to be big and eyes had to be smokey. It is exactly what they say, “The higher the hair, the closer to heaven.” So back off Snooki.

So many minutes is the stare all atoms explode into space No other feeling can compare For there is only one face. Even though their twenty feet apart Their eyes sear each others soul, They hear each others beating heart... How can they keep this soaring role. Why question this spell that's cast Please, Oh please, don't turn away. Oh, but she did,. No it has to last..... Such attraction, she couldn't help but look his way.. Now their eyes, again meeting This time longer is the trance Two hearts sway as one, in loves universal dance.

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San Diego



Designs by Yesenia’s Story

Yesenia Lucatero

Like most girls growing up, I loved Barbie dolls. I loved how she had so many clothes and would spend hours styling my dolls. I always tried to change the clothes some way. When I was in fourth grade, career day was coming up and I had no idea what I wanted to dress as. My mom mentioned that I could be a fashion designer. I had no idea that option even existed and jumped at it! I cut fabrics from different old clothes we had and put together a “portfolio” with sketches. As I got older I didn't see this option as reality until my cousin invited me to a workshop that The Art Institute of California- San Diego was having and told me about the Fashion Design program. Needless to say I fell in love with the school and suddenly saw my future coming together. A couple of months later I graduated Marian Catholic High School. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant. My relationship with my boyfriend had already been suffering due to his manipulative nature, but I thought I would still work on it now that we had a baby coming into the picture. My parents were incredibly supportive and told me they would support me until I graduated college. I remember my mom driving me to school and getting morning sickness during the car ride. I never wanted to miss school so I kept plastic bags in the car. Shortly after I gave birth to Beila I began to have complications due to the amount of hormones in my new birth control. I ended up getting Pancreatitis and the muscle spasms that came after every meal I ate were excruciating. One day the muscle spasm lasted for about an hour. I was curled up on the floor crying in pain, so I asked my mom to take me to the emergency room. We learned that my liver was failing and had I waited a bit longer, I could have died. They had to admit me. I was in the hospital for the longest 10 days of my life. I wasn't allowed to eat, I had to be fed through IV. I was in constant pain, and on pain meds 24/7. That event, along with my pregnancy, were eye opening experiences. But it wasn't until after I had my son, 2 years later, that I learned who my real friends were. I learned who cared about me, and who didn't. I broke up with my boyfriend, who had been my first real love. It really shattered my world to think that I was now a single mother of 2, and my small family still lived in my bedroom at home with my parents. I dealt with constant judging eyes for the first time in my life. Having one unplanned child could be seen as a mistake, but a second changed everything. I had always seen myself as a good girl, so having my scars, and flaws put in the spotlight for the world to see, was especially hard for my pride and humbled me immensely. I suffered from depression and anxiety, and I am barely starting to pick myself up from these emotions. During this time I struggled with school for the first time in my life. My grades suffered and I was lacking inspiration. It took a lot of soul searching, and a lot of support from my sister, to help me realize that it's all on me. I am a single mother at 21 and I can't blame anyone for that but myself. I have been struggling, and the only person who can change that is the girl in the mirror. I started to, and one day at a time I am starting to reorganize myself and dig myself out of this hole I have been in. I am more inspired than ever now and in perfect timing.

With graduation and a bachelor’s degree coming to me in March, I know that despite everything I brought myself here, and I do deserve to succeed. The collection showed here is called Tropic Class. I made it early this year, and was inspired by vintage swimwear. Struggling with weight after my pregnancy I hadn't been to the beach or pool in years, so I decided to make a collection that was sexy enough to look good in, and classy enough to flatter your figure, and leave something to the imagination. Right now I am working on my portfolio, and I landed a job as a production assistant to a small casual wear company that just moved to San Diego. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's getting closer. I can't wait to move out and give my kids their own bedroom and build a home for us. My ultimate goal, after graduation, is to continue to work on the creation of my own line of clothing and eventually own a boutique featuring my clothing and that of local designers.

San Diego

Woman 41

Alexandria Lucatero

Yesenia Lucatero Yesenia Lucatero


Alexandria Lucatero

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REARVIEW MIRROR By Diane Netter A hot August sun browns the tall, dry grasses of the nearby hills, an ominous reminder that it’s fire season once again. Four years ago the Witch Creek Fire of 2007 burned more than a thousand homes and turned our world upside down. The phone rang at 4:30 on an October morning, a reverse 911 call, demanding we evacuate our home immediately. The voice was loud and insistent, echoing through the halls of our quiet home, jolting my family into sudden urgency. A raging wildfire was headed our way and we needed to leave now. We stumbled into the hallway, wondering what to take with us. How do you choose from lifetimes of memories? Our house was filled with photo albums, journals, books, art work, and irreplaceable treasures spanning three generations. In our panic and confusion, we focused on getting our children and pets to safety, certain we would be back soon. Our house was huge and solid and felt safe. We had lived there for over fourteen years and I still remember the realtor’s emphatic words: “and it is BUILT…TO…LAST.” We had hosted numerous parties there and even a wedding. It was our haven and the only home our two children had ever known. My artist father created many beautiful paintings of oceans, Indian pueblos, and family portraits to decorate our walls. Dad and I shared a love of John Wayne and he had given me a framed picture of “The Duke” to hang in our entry way. He typed the words “Well howdy, Pilgrim!” and stuck them in the bottom of the frame. Fragile chalk drawings of my ancestors were carefully framed and also held a special place on our walls. In the dark hours before the wakeup call, the winds, an unsettling 100 miles per hour, were blowing hard and our wind chimes thrashed and clanged loudly. I heard the patio furniture slide across the balcony, the roaring wind, and then a subtle voice in my head: get up and pack your jewelry and some clothes. Later on I would realize these suggestions were meant to guide me – get up and get your things together! but I ignored them, rationalizing I just needed to sleep and we would be fine. Tossing and turning a short time later, I stole a glance out the bedroom window and gasped at the sight of tall orange columns marching relentlessly down the side of the mountain like avenging warriors. I felt a wave of terror crawl up my spine at this spectacular sight, though I was sure the fire was too distant to harm us. Then came the reverse 911 call. Now everyone was up and trying to function. My mind was still stuck in a thick fog of uncertainty and confusion. I stood stupidly in my closet, unable to think. I left clothes, jewelry, everything behind and only took an extra shirt, thinking we would just be gone a few hours. I stood uncertainly in our entryway as another wave of fear crept into my foggy brain. Would this be the last time I looked at these walls? My father’s beautiful paintings seemed to beckon to me. Framed pictures of ancestors stared down at me. Take me with you. No, I thought. All these wonderful things will be ruined in the car which was already full with kids and pets. This is just a precaution and we will be back in a few hours. My husband hugged me and said nervously, “Sure hope we don’t lose our house.”

We backed out of the driveway and headed up the hill, unaware that our lives were about to be changed forever. We evacuated to a nearby high school parking lot and wondered what to do next. A blood red sun rose ominously over the horizon, shrouded by dark clouds. As the sun rose higher in the sky, the temperatures soared into the 90’s and we were sweating and choking in the smoke filled air. Realizing we could no longer stay there, we headed north to a nearby town. A few minutes later, we were shocked to see towering flames and billowing black smoke lurching over the freeway, forcing all cars to exit and find alternate routes. We drove slowly and impatiently on freeways and back roads clogged with traffic. What should have been a 40 minute drive seemed to last forever. In fact, it took us over 5 hours. We were exhausted when we arrived at the hotel around 9:30 PM. We dragged our dogs, birds and bunnies into the lobby, past a big sign which clearly stated SORRY NO PETS. Everyone understood. We had become refugees. We were unable to return to our home until four days later. Driving down the freeway we could see the fires had scarred almost everything within sight. The hills on both sides were charred black and many homes were missing, some still smoldering. We stopped at the top of our driveway and got out of the car. Our grand “built to last” home was gone, replaced by a pile of rubble. In disbelief, we walked down the driveway among blackened 80 foot palm trees. A couple of hot spots on the hill still smoldered. A wall or two still stood, but the beautiful red tile roof from two stories above lay in broken shards where the floor should have been. A sundial on the front patio, an anniversary present, with the words “Grow old with me. The best is yet to come” had melted away with all our hopes and dreams. Stumbling through the piles in disbelief, we found nothing of value, but my daughter found something very unusual. The fire burned so hot it melted columns, pillars, metal, but, somewhere in the vicinity of her bedroom, one lonely sheet of paper fluttered in the breeze. It was a page from a book I had enjoyed reading to my children years ago. What are the odds that a piece of paper would survive? The edges were charred and only the middle of each sentence legible, but on both sides was, oddly enough, a description of a fire. I took the page with us and placed it in an acrylic frame, a symbol of survival. A friend listened to me lament how I couldn’t stop thinking about all

I know it’s important to be grateful. I thank my daughter for cleverly packing some photos in spite of my objections that “we can’t take all of them”. I’m grateful for my sensitive young son who said to me afterwards, “Mom, I’m really sad I lost all my books, but I think you and Dad lost a lot more.” I realize how lucky we are to be safe and unharmed. The fire has cruelly robbed us, but can’t take away our memories. I try to stay focused on the present and not worry about the future because there are no guarantees. Relationships dissolve and structures collapse, dispelling the illusion of security. It’s so easy to let possessions define who we are, but they can disappear without warning. The house that was built to last was destroyed in minutes. I’m not sure I’ll ever stop missing all we’ve lost but I have to move on just like anyone else who’s suffered. So I move forward into an

San Diego


I’d left behind, and she recited a German proverb: “If you’re always looking in the rearview mirror when you’re driving, you will never get very far”. I knew this was good advice but found it impossible not to stare longingly into the rearview mirror of my life. I am tortured with imagery of fire burning all the things I cherished. I see flames illuminated on the faces of my favorite dolls, stuffed animals, the chalk faces of my ancestors. I imagine fire licking at my father’s painting of the ocean, the Indians in the Taos pueblo, John Wayne. I see those towering flames roaring up the beautiful tile stairway, engulfing the sturdy pillars, devouring clothes, jewelry, books, our whole magnificent house, and turning it all into ash and rubble. Our home, family life, everything we once knew, was turned to dust by the flames. It seemed the fire was a catalyst for a series of unfortunate events which tumbled us down like dominoes. Plans for rebuilding and moving forward fell apart as relationships started to unravel. We no longer had the luxury of leaning on each other for comfort as our family split apart, wandering in different directions. As I scrabble to pick up the pieces of my life, I search for the meaning in all of this. What lessons am I meant to learn?

uncertain future, brushing off my demons of fear that grasp and pull at me. It’s a constant effort to focus on the present and not dwell on the past, something I must be mindful of every day. After all, if I keep looking in the rearview mirror, I’ll never get very far.


Variet y is the Spice of Life By Sherry Coleman

Women have enjoyed the art of adornment for centuries. Beautiful gems and jewelry tell us about the people of the time. What does jewelry in today’s time tell us? Diversity reigns in the art of jewelry as it does with people. We have metals ranging from the standard gold, silver and platinum to the ‘’newbies’’, titanium, tungsten and steel just to name a few. The gem family is even more diverse not only in what nature produces but also the wide array of synthetic or lab grown gems. Did you know that manufacturing synthetic gems dates back to the very early 1900’s? Many ask, “Isn’t a lab grown gem a synthetic?” No. I use the analogy of a test tube baby. The test tube baby is chemically identical to any baby naturally conceived. Same with lab grown gems – they are chemically identical to nature’s creation but grow contained in a laboratory environment.


Did you know that garnet’s come in all colors except blue? Did you know that the mineral, corundum encompasses both rubies and sapphires? Did you know that orange or, padparacha sapphire, is the rarest? Did you know the beryl family has emeralds and aquamarines? Quartz also comes in practically every color. Often times when seen in it’s natural state before cutting, it’s hard to imagine that what’s inside a seemingly unattractive geode could be so beautiful. Amethyst forms in air pockets inside volcanic lava tubes and depending on how fast the mixture cools determines the size of the crystals. In this case the outer geode is craggy and green. Slice the geode open and you see a marvelous array of purple crystals that

look like they’ve already been cut. If the geode had heated up several hundred degrees more the forming mineral would have become citrine. Taking care of your precious heirlooms involves common sense. Soft gems such as opals, pearls or turquoise need to be segregated from other jewelry so as not to get scratched. They also need to be protected from everyday creams, perfumes and hairspray we may use. These substances can penetrate the porous stone and cause permanent damage. One has to use care when cleaning jewelry. I remember when I was a kid my Mom boiling some water on the stove adding ammonia and a splash of dish detergent and throwing her diamond engagement ring into the brew! Fortunately her jewelry didn’t sustain any damage, but a little too long of a soak or too much ammonia, and she could have tarnished the gold. I know one lady who soaked her pearl ring in vinegar overnight to clean it and wondered why her pearl dissolved! Another old wives tale to avoid is using toothpaste to polish gold because the abrasives dull the gold. I’ve also had people ask why their clean jewelry, gold in particular, is turning their skin black. This is usually a reaction to the body’s chemistry. Eating an overly acidic diet or taking particular types of medication can cause this effect. Of course, having your jewelry professionally cleaned helps too. Unfortunately the vast majority of ultrasonic jewelry cleaners don’t really have the true ultrasonic cleaning power of the industrial variety. Going hand in hand with professional cleaning and rings is that the ring be properly sized. If a ring is too tight it can cause bacterial skin issues and even worse might have to be cut off because it can’t clear the knuckle. Visit Sherry at PAR Jewelry for more information and to see their beautiful collection of custom jewelry.

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Woman San Diego


u S di . r D k s A Q: Dear Dr. Sudi, I am 50 years old and had a hysterectomy when I was in my 40’s after having my children. My girlfriend who is also in her 50’s goes to her gynecologist every year for her annual . I haven’t been to the gynecologist since my hysterectomy. I thought since I don’t have my uterus anymore I did not need to see my gynecologist. What is your advice?


A: Dear patient, I wish I had met you right after your hysterectomy; it seems like you may have a lot of catching up to do with your gynecologist. Here is my advice to you and to any woman in San Diego, regardless of whether or not they have had a hysterectomy. Being a woman, from birth to death, requires extra medical attention and care. The field of OB/GYN is dedicated to the health of women and their bodies as a whole. In 1997, American insurers finally recognized that women need to see a primary care doctor and a gynecologist on an annual basis and cover the visits as preventative care. The visit to a gynecologist can be done in addition to your regular annual visit with your primary doctor, as long as they work as a team. Every woman goes through hormonal changes during her life from puberty to menopause. These hormonal changes affect a woman’s health, including cardiac health, bone health, sexual health, mental health and memory in addition to the quality of her skin and hair. Remember the pelvis is a very complex part of your body with many parts in addition to the uterus and ovaries. A gynecologist is trained to examine the pelvis thoroughly and understand the changes that occur as a woman ages. These changes could include development of a pelvic organ prolapse, incontinence, or a tumor or cancer of the organs or the surrounding skin. In my practice, at an annual exam visit I check my patient’s hair, skin, thyroid, breasts and lymph nodes, abdomen and pelvis. I also collaborate with my patient’s primary care doctor and order labs in concert with him or her. I like my patients to have an annual visit to their primary care physician for their cardiac health and other health screenings that pertain to the non-reproductive parts of the body. If you do not have a primary care doctor, your gynecologist can also screen for primary care issues. I personally have a primary care doctor and a gynecologist who I visit annually and my insurance covers the visits completely. I always use the analogy that you want a doctor who does a lot of pelvic exams to check your pelvis and the same applies to your needs for a primary care visit.

Photography by Jaime V. Habert

San Diego

Woman 49

Palliative Care, Easing the Pain Most of us may have never heard of the term “Palliative Care,” but recent studies show that it is an approach to care that everyone needs to know exists. Often Palliative Care is associated with Hospice, and therefore end of life options. In reality, Palliative Care is not only for the terminally ill, but it can be a Godsend for individuals suffering serious illnesses. A recent USA Today article referred to Palliative Care as a little known program which can not only help prolong life, but also reduce suffering for many Americans who are struggling with serious illnesses.


What is Palliative Care? Palliative care (from the Latin Palliare, to cloak) is a specialized area of healthcare that focuses on relieving and often preventing suffering for patients diagnosed with serious and often debilitating diseases. In contrast to hospice care, palliative medicine is appropriate for patients in all stages of disease, including those which are curable, those living with chronic diseases, and even those approaching the end of life. The primary goal is to formulate a care plan to relieve suffering in all areas of a patient’s life. Addressed by this team are the physical, emotional, spiritual, and social concerns that often arise with advanced illness. A study of 151 patients published last summer in the New England Journal of Medicine made some very important points in regard to Palliative Care. It was shown that when lung cancer patients received this care they lived an average of 3 months longer, compared to those receiving only standard care. Other findings proved that Palliative care not only allowed patients to live longer it also helped them to live better with less incidents of depression and a higher quality of life. Studies show that patients treated in this manner, with a focus on relieving suffering, rather than living longer actually did outlive those receiving standard care. Currently about 80% of

large hospitals nationwide offer some form of palliative care, but there are outside agencies that offer this service as well. LightBridge Medical Associates (LBMA) is one of these organizations that provide this program to individuals throughout San Diego. This specialty physician group provides palliative care consultations and support to individuals in a variety of settings – hospitals, skilled nursing facilities, assisting living facilities and even in their own homes. “It helps guide the patient and their families through the often complex path of a serious illness from as early as the time of diagnosis to the end of life” explains Emmet W. Lee, MD, FAAHPM, and board certified in Hospice and Palliative Medicine. Often patients don’t know about Palliative Care, or if they do, feel it is only one step away from Hospice care and the admission that their lives are coming to an end. This is not true and the earlier a patient seeks this type of treatment the better chance they have for survival. Palliative Care helps to bring comfort and support to individuals during their treatment. It is, however, often necessary for the patients to request palliative care and in order to do so they must be familiar with what this form of treatment offers them. LBMA offers the chance for patients and families to sit down with a physician to explore options of care as well as to be evaluated for symptoms of disease to be palliated. “LBMA physicians and nurse practitioners have the time and expertise to manage these lengthy and complex conversations and they can provide those consultations in the privacy and comfort of one’s own home. We work collaboratively with the individuals’ primary care providers to maximize the opportunity for a better outcome. Palliative Care is appropriate at any age and at any stage in a serious illness and can be provided together with curative treatment.” says Dr. Lee. In some cases the issue of cost is brought up in regards to Palliative Care. LightBridge Medical Associates bills for their services as physician consults. Medicare, Medi-Cal and many insurance companies provide this type of coverage. Palliative Care also provides help and support to the caregiver and family. Just knowing that the patient is being made comfortable through their treatment is a relief to the patient’s loved ones. If you would like additional information on Palliative Care please contact LightBridge Medical Associates at 858 458 2992.


San Diego


Profile for Judith Habert

Media4Women issue  

October September issue

Media4Women issue  

October September issue