Parenting with Purpose
Jody Lee Cates
Parent+Child Dates The best investment parents can make in kids Valentine’s Day is a great time to start thinking about how to make parent/ child dates a regular part of your family’s routine.
Scheduling regular one-on-one
dates (outings) with kids is a fun way for families to build lasting bonds while setting kids up with the skills and experience they need to grow healthy relationships for life. Every parent knows there are a multitude of forces pulling at the hearts of children and that if parents don’t give kids the time and affection they crave, someone or something will come along to fill that space in their lives – especially as kids grow more independent. Parents strengthen bonds and help kids become confident, caring adults by modeling love and respect. There’s no better way to deliver the message, “You’re special and I love you” than a regular outing with Mom or Dad.
How Kids Benefit Leo and Suzanne Brendis of 4S Ranch are the parents of three young adult daughters. Leo started having regular dates with the girls when they were
about 7 years old, with a simple intention: “I wanted to set the bar for how they should be treated,” he says, “by pulling out the chair, having manners and holding the door. But their takeaway was different from what I was trying to teach.” “The girls felt important and understood, which is a huge thing,” says Suzanne. “They felt [their dad] was truly interested in what mattered to them.” Feeling heard, seen, loved and valued are necessary ingredients for kids to develop healthy self-esteem and unshakeable confidence. When kids experience what it feels like to give and receive honor and respect, they learn to expect the same from others. Sharing these values happens naturally when parents model how to prioritize the people they care about. East County father of five, Brian Berry says, “Hands down, one-on-one time with my kids is the single best
parenting investment I’ve ever made. It has built bonds. It has produced amazing conversations. It has blessed us and our kids so much that they complain when we miss.” One-on-one time helps parents get to know kids outside of family roles and birth order and gives kids a chance to talk about things they might be too shy to bring up at the dinner table or in front of siblings. “It gives my kids no excuse to say ‘We never had a chance to talk about that,’” says Berry, “because they have regular opportunities to share their fears, concerns, joys and hopes with me.”
Time Well Spent Making room for individual dates with kids in an already full family schedule requires two things: commitment and flexibility. “We have had one-on-ones after school, on weekends, in the evening and even in the morning on latestart Wednesdays,” says Berry. “[The cont. on p. 28
26 • SanDiegofamily.com • February 2019