Lisa Pawlak
Encouraging Peace Between Siblings Our Cover Kids: At ages 8 and 10, we try
to structure the girls’ time together around completing a task that reinforces the belief that “sister is on my team.” For example, we may ask them to complete a transaction in a business while we wait outside. When they return to the car, they are raving about how one spoke bravely to adults in public or how the other remembered correct terminology! ~ Mom, Crystal Grobner
Anyone with multiple children
(or their own siblings) knows that sibling squabbles are a normal — albeit exhausting — part of childhood. Even so, any type of ongoing or escalated family conflict will wear parents down. While it may not be possible to end all disagreements, there are plenty of triedand-true techniques to foster more peaceful, loving relationships among siblings. To compile helpful tips, we sought advice from Lindsay MacMaster, PsyD, a clinical psychologist who works with children, adults and families in San Diego; a local mom of multiple children; the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP); and Love and Logic, a research-driven approach to developing
20 • SanDiegofamily.com • February 2024
healthy relationships. Here’s what the experts say: Spend quality time with each individual child. Children often fight to gain the attention of parents. (Have you noticed how kids act up the moment you get on the phone? Case in point.) According to Love and Logic, having healthy relationships between parents and kids is a key element in resolving sibling rivalry. To improve parent-child relationships, try scheduling regular, focused one-on-one time with each child (let kids choose the activity). Even 15 minutes a day allows you to run around the backyard, play a quick game of cards or share a sweet treat together.
Read more about this topic in our article Parenting with Purpose: Why Parent/Child Dates Are So Important at www.sandiegofamily.com/parenting/ why-parent-child-dates-are-important. Don’t compare your kids. Every child has strengths and weaknesses. To discourage competition, avoid comparing siblings to each other, as tempting as it might be. Instead, focus on (and celebrate) each child’s individual interests and attributes. The AAP states it perfectly: Each child is special. Let each one know that. Hold family meetings. Facilitate open communication about family expectations, goals and
