Parenting with Purpose Jody Lee Cates
Multigenerational
Holiday Gatherings A recipe for success When multiple generations gather
together at the holiday table, there are more good things on the menu than favorite family recipes. Growing healthy emotional bonds between generations helps children develop a sense of identity, continuity and an understanding of their place in family history. Kids who regularly interact with older and younger generations enjoy the security of knowing they belong to an extended tribe who cares about them and each other. But it’s not just about kids. Penn State researchers report that people with successful relationships—both within their own generation and with older and younger ones—have a better chance of maintaining well-being and happiness throughout life. When generations gather around the table, it can be a time of sharing, laughter and fun. It can also be stressful, frustrating and tense when
those generations don’t understand the needs and concerns of the others. Whether your family only gathers for the holidays or is one of the estimated 20 percent of American households with multiple generations living under one roof, here’s what to serve in generous portions to minimize stress while strengthening bonds between all ages.
For the Kids: Healthy Role Models Little eyes are watching as grownups work together in the kitchen, cooperating and compromising over the best way to roast a turkey or prepare gravy. They hear voices change when controversial topics come up, and they learn that peace is restored when people let things go. Point Loma mother of two, Cari Pavao, says learning to move on from disagreements is one way her large
Dear Grandchild, This is Me: A Gift of Stories, Wisdom, and Off-the-Record Tales is a keepsake journal in which grandparents can share funny moments, life experiences and words of wisdom with grandkids. Includes questions, memory prompts, keepsake envelopes and more. It’s a thoughtful gift for a child to give a grandparent, with the idea that they’ll get the book back once it’s filled with their loved one’s photos and treasured stories.
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multigenerational family stays on solid ground. “None of us hold grudges,” she says. “We disagree, maybe yell a bit, then we move on with our lives.” Pavao credits her mother with setting the standard. “My mom is the rock who holds us together. She really believes that family is important. So whether we agree or not, it is understood that you get on with your life, and you’re still family. One disagreement can’t break that apart.” Kids learn relationship skills by watching adults, so be a healthy role model: Demonstrate how to handle challenges by keeping a sense of humor, staying flexible and modeling grace.
For the Older Generation: Patience and Empathy Grandparents and other seniors come to the table with wisdom and perspective from a lifetime of experience. Encourage them to share their stories—show interest and offer patience. “While older people are often excellent conversationalists,” says author Mary Pipher, “they may need a little help getting started.” In her book, Another Country: Navigating the emotional terrain of our elders, Pipher encourages family members to ask seniors questions, converse slowly, and give them time to remember and develop ideas. Some seniors may need physical