PTSD Survivor Finds Peace as Salvation Soldier
God Keep Our Land: After the Election
Untying the Knot: When Divorce Hits Home
THE VOICE OF THE ARMY
Holier Matrimony Two Salvationist couples share secrets of a successful marriage
2 November 2015 Salvationist
Salvationist November 2015 • Volume 10, Number 11
5 Frontlines 17 Spiritual Life The Story of Me by Major Sheila Davisson
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18 Point Counterpoint
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Untying the Knot by Colonel Bob Ward and Major Amy Reardon
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24 Leading Edge Don’t Fight—Negotiate by Major Mona Moore
25 Cross Culture
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26 People & Places 30 Salvation Stories As Wide as the Ocean by Vanessa Hatzioannidis
Columns 4 Editorial A Change of Heart by Geoff Moulton
8 Chief Priorities The Sacrifice by Colonel Mark Tillsley
22 Talking Points God Keep Our Land by Major Juan Burry
23 Ties That Bind New Day Dawning by Major Kathie Chiu
Features 9 Holier Matrimony Two Salvationist couples share their candid take on what does—and doesn’t—make a marriage work Interview by Kristin Ostensen
12 Flying Solo Don’t overlook singles in the church by Captain Brenda Hammond
14 Hope for a Hurting Heart When my husband passed away, my world imploded. But I knew I was not alone by Lt-Colonel Susan van Duinen
@Salvationist Follow us on Twitter for the Army’s breaking news. Use hashtag #SalvationArmy for your own updates and photos Cover photo: Brandon Laird
Read and share it! November 2015
frıends Inspiration for Living
16 How to Save a Life The approval of RU-486 makes abortion easy and private. What’s the best way for the church to respond? by Aimee Patterson
20 Hidden Battles After a lifetime of battling post-traumatic stress, a former military medic finds peace as a soldier in The Salvation Army by Brianne Zelinsky
Time is running out for trapped miners in new movie
Remembering My Soldier Father
NFLer Teams Up With Salvation Army to Fight Poverty Are You Ready for a Disaster? SEE PAGE 14 TO FIND OUT
Salvationist November 2015 3
A Change of Heart
arlier this year, a group of hackers, calling themselves The Impact Group, released the private information of millions of users from the website Ashley Madison. Designed to facilitate extramarital liaisons, the website’s slogan is “Life is short. Have an affair.” Not surprisingly, one investigative report discovered that Ashley Madison’s temptations are built on pure fantasy. Analysis of the data showed that only 12,000 of the 5.5 million registered female accounts were used on a regular basis. In addition, many users were set up from the same Internet address, suggesting that millions of profiles had been faked. The world sells us a lie. The fallout from the data breach was swift and ugly. Tragically, one American pastor outed on Ashley Madison even committed suicide—though his family told CNN that forgiveness and reconciliation could have been possible if he had just come to them with his pain. If there is a lesson to be learned from the Ashley Madison scandal, it’s that churches must extend grace instead of judgment. While no one would condone extramarital affairs, we must ask ourselves: How are we helping others to be faithful—to their spouses, families and God? To answer this question, Salvationist invited two Army couples to visit us at Salvationist
is a monthly publication of The Salvation Army Canada and Bermuda Territory André Cox General Commissioner Susan McMillan Territorial Commander Lt-Colonel Jim Champ Secretary for Communications Geoff Moulton Editor-in-Chief Giselle Randall Features Editor (416-467-3185) Pamela Richardson News Editor, Production Co-ordinator, Copy Editor (416-422-6112) Kristin Ostensen Associate Editor and Staff Writer 4 November 2015 Salvationist
territorial headquarters so they could share what makes their marriages work. With humour and wisdom, Lori and Dave Wilson and Joanne and Peter Park talk about finding love, resolving conflicts, raising kids and putting Christ at the centre of their marriages.
Churches must extend grace instead of judgment After you read the “Holier Matrimony” article (see page 9), check out the accompanying video interview on salvationist.ca and our YouTube channel (youtube.com/salvationistmagazine). You’ll find additional insights and a hilarious “speed round” Q&A that shows the lighter side of wedded bliss. Of course, marriage is not everyone’s reality. That’s why elsewhere in this issue, we examine a variety of other relationships. Our Cross Culture book reviews reflect on the challenges of modern dating. Lt-Colonel Susan van Duinen shares the pain of losing a spouse. Colonel Bob Ward and Major Amy Reardon discuss the church’s response to divorce. And Captain
Timothy Cheng Senior Graphic Designer Brandon Laird Design and Media Specialist Ada Leung Circulation Co-ordinator Ken Ramstead Contributor Agreement No. 40064794, ISSN 1718-5769. Member, The Canadian Church Press. All Scripture references from the Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV) © 2011. All articles are copyright The Salvation Army Canada and Bermuda Territory and can be reprinted only with written permission.
Brenda Hammond advises how we can affirm single people in the church. What about us? Are we living faithfully? Do we need a change of heart? Collectively, this month’s articles encourage us to live with truth and tenderness in all our relationships. If we want to love well, we can start by looking at the Source: “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God” (1 John 4:7). Life is eternal. Live with integrity. GEOFF MOULTON Editor-in-Chief
Annual: Canada $30 (includes GST/ HST); U.S. $36; foreign $41. Available from: The Salvation Army, 2 Overlea Blvd, Toronto ON M4H 1P4. Phone: 416-422-6119; fax: 416-422-6120; e-mail: email@example.com.
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The Salvation Army exists to share the love of Jesus Christ, meet human needs and be a transforming influence in the communities of our world. Salvationist informs readers about the mission and ministry of The Salvation Army in Canada and Bermuda. salvationist.ca facebook.com/salvationistmagazine twitter.com/salvationist youtube.com/salvationistmagazine instagram.com/salvationistmagazine
New Gifts of Hope
n time for the Christmas season, The Salvation Army’s Gifts of Hope program has been updated with new gift items and categories. Instituted and operated by the territorial world missions department since 2007, Gifts of Hope supports the needs of the international community. The Gifts of Hope are now grouped into four categories: Hope Through Farming, Hope Through Education, Hope Through Health and Hope Through Resourcing Communities. New gift options include planting a garden, training a farmer, fish, vocational training, bush ambulance, bicycles, sports and recreation, and an ox cart. “All of our options contribute to sustainable growth to break the cycle of poverty, provide education and livelihood training and support healthy lives,” says Major Gillian Brown, director of world missions. A complete list of gift options and descriptions is available in a new fourpage c at a log ue, available at any ministry unit and online at salvationarmy.ca/ giftsofhope.
A family in Pakistan receives livestock support through the Gifts of Hope program
Drumheller Army Stuffs the Bus
A recent fundraiser in Drumheller, Alta., raised more than $4,000 for The Salvation Army
he Salvation Army in Drumheller, Alta., closed the summer with a successful “stuff the bus” event, which brought in 1,058 kg of food and more than $4,000 for the Army’s food bank. The Army had ample support from the community. Residents and businesses dropped off monetary and food donations throughout the day. Encana, the event’s major corporate sponsor, pledged to donate $2 for every pound of food collected and to match cash donations dollar for dollar at this year’s event. The local Alberta Treasury Branch staff made a monetary donation, while the local Super 8 hotel staff showed up with a carload of groceries. “We are so grateful for the donations that were made that day,” says Captain Jennifer Hillier, corps officer.
Army Corps Back Freedom Road
innipeg’s Heritage Park Temple is lending its voice to an inter-church campaign to support the Shoal Lake 40 First Nations band. In September, the corps publicly affirmed its support, unfurling a banner in favour of the building of what has been called Freedom Road. The campaign stems from a historical disparity in water quality for the band and Winnipeg. The City of Winnipeg receives clean water from the Shoal Lake 40 First Nation, without compensation, while the people at Shoal Lake have been on a boil water notice for 18 years. Moreover, the access corridor for the water through their land is a barrier that creates negative consequences for the community. These problems could be largely alleviated by a 27-kilometre
road connecting Shoal Lake 40 with the Trans-Canada Highway, at a cost of $30 million. The City of Winnipeg and Province of Manitoba have committed $10 million each, but the federal government has yet to commit to supporting the road. “Churches for Freedom Road is committed to raising a respectful but firm
voice in support of Shoal Lake 40, calling our government to honour its fiduciary responsibility to First Nations, and build the road,” explains Gary Robson, corps member at Heritage Park Temple. More than 60 churches have joined the campaign to date, including Heritage Park Temple and Meadow Lake Corps, Sask.
Heritage Park Temple shows its support for Freedom Road
Salvationist November 2015 5
Youth Grow in Faith at National Music Camp
oung Salvationists gathered in Jackson’s Point, Ont., this summer for the territory’s 47th annual National Music Camp. This year’s participants included 128 students and 41 faculty members from Canada and Bermuda, the United States, Mexico, Argentina and France. The camp offered three primary streams—brass band, women’s chorus and worship team—as well as a variety of electives, from timbrels to Salvationism to kung fu. Among the campers were a group of 12 youth from northern British Columbia’s Camp Mountainview. Led by Damian Azak, corps leader at Gitwinksihlkw, B.C., and Erica Azak, director of Camp Mountainview, they represented the Nisga’a, Gitxsan and Tsimshian First Nations, and gave a moving demonstration at the camp’s Tuesday night talent program of how Indigenous Salvationists worship in northern British Columbia. This year, Bible study was led by Majors Norman and Lois Garcia, corps officers, Mississauga Temple Community Church, Ont., who focused on the life of Abraham. At the Sunday morning meeting, Commissioner Susan McMillan, territorial commander, challenged campers to live up to their God-given potential, and to use their week at National to explore that potential. For Daniel Ho, a senior soldier at Toronto’s Yorkminster Citadel, attending National was an opportunity to renew his faith. “The outside world has lots of magnets that pull you, and to come to camp and make contact with a lot of people who have Christ at the centre of their lives really grounds you,” says Ho, who came to the Army through the musical influence of his high-school music teachers, Cameron Rawlins and Greg Colley. This year’s camp was the last for Major Kevin Metcalf, corps officer at London Citadel, Ont., who directed the camp for nine years in his previous appointment as territorial secretary for music and gospel arts. “For his own reasons, the Lord has chosen to bless the ministry of National Music Camp,” he says. “National has become a place for healing, restoration, redemption and life-transforming spiritual motivation.” 6 November 2015 Salvationist
Craig Lewis, territorial secretary for music and gospel arts, thanks Mjrs Loriann and Kevin Metcalf for their years of service at National Music Camp
His wife, Major Loriann Metcalf, corps officer at London Citadel, has also had a significant impact on the camp over the years, starting a Fun Run/Walk to raise money for world missions projects. This year, $2,000 was raised, and students and faculty raised an additional $2,000 for world missions through donations throughout the camp, as a farewell gift for Majors Metcalf. These funds will support a project in the Latin America North Territory. Majors Metcalf were publicly thanked for their years of service at the camp’s final program, held at Toronto’s Scarborough Citadel on September 5. After remarkable performances from all the groups assembled at National, the evening concluded with the singing of Total Praise, a fitting end to a week of musical and spiritual growth.
One of the student worship teams performs at the mid-week program
Madeline Rawlins, of Richmond Hill CC, Ont., plays at the mid-week program
New Music Secretary Shares Vision for Territory Recently appointed territorial secretary for music and gospel arts, Craig Lewis comes to the position with a lifetime of musical experience, within and outside the Army, including more than 20 years with the Canadian Staff Band. He assumed the role on September 6. How does music serve the Army’s mission?
We are extremely fortunate to have the musical heritage that we do. But the good news is that our musical identity is not a thing of the past. It is a firm foundation upon which to build. Methods, styles and genres may change, but music is a key component of corporate worship and fellowship among believers. It also serves our mission by providing opportunities for outreach, discipleship and service. A key feature of all these outcomes is that they are multi-generational and relationship-focused. What are the challenges for this ministry?
Finding, training and supporting leaders at the ministry unit level. Although there are many resources available for music groups today, many groups find themselves desperate for leaders. Being a leader is a sacrificial commitment of time and energy, and we need to find ways to develop and nurture them. I also want to see us return to being a Tyler (T.J.) McInnes plays with a worship group at the mid-week program of “singing Army.” When National Music Camp we join our voices with other believers, we are publicly reaffirming our faith and reinforcing our doctrinal beliefs through a hymnody that has stood the test of time.
Army Provides “Lifeline” to Community After Fires
hen a severe wildfire broke out near Rock Creek in British Columbia’s southern interior in August, The Salvation Army leapt into action. An evacuation centre was quickly established at the Army’s Kelowna Community Church, B.C., where emergency support services registered 100 evacuees, assisted with the fostering of animals (with the Canadian Disaster Animal Response Team) and referred evacuees to various agencies for support. The Army’s response team also provided emotional and spiritual care, as well as food and beverage service for evacuees for more than a week. In addition to the evacuation centre, the Army provided assistance to the community of Beaverdell, B.C., which was affected indirectly by the fires. “This part of the disaster was largely overlooked, because the community of Beaverdell was not on evacuation alert,” explains Lieutenant Darryl Burry, corps officer at Kelowna Community Church. “But due to the fires, they lost all power, water and communication, and were essentially cut off from the rest of the world because the highways in and out were closed.” The Army provided two hot meals and one snack daily, serving 620 meals and 200 snacks during the response. The Army also assisted with co-ordinating the delivery of water, prescriptions, pet food, diapers and groceries, as stores in town were closed. But one of the most important services the Army provided was communication. “Because there was no phone or internet service, people didn’t know what was going on,” says Lieutenant Burry. “Our teams were going in twice a day and could provide updates on the fires, and what the power company was doing to get the power and water back up. We became a lifeline for people.” During the response, 33 volunteers and staff spent more than 415 hours serving families affected by the Rock Creek fires.
What is your vision for music and gospel arts in this territory?
My vision is to have vibrant and healthy expressions of worship that draw people into our buildings and allow us to build relationships with them; where musicians and artists are sold out for Jesus and see their contribution not as a performance, but as a vessel to be used by the Holy Spirit. I believe the best days are ahead for Salvationist musicians, with tremendous opportunity for kingdom impact, and I am excited to partner with them to reach the lost and grow saints.
Karen Haddrell, Bob Sander and Larry Weatherly assist with the Army’s relief efforts
Salvationist November 2015 7
The Sacrifice Remembrance Day reflections on the empty tomb BY COLONEL MARK TILLSLEY
8 November 2015 Salvationist
Photo: © dbp images/stock.Adobe.com
n November 11, Salvation Army leaders from across the Canada and Bermuda Territory will be honoured to participate in Remembrance Day observances. The televised national service on this day takes place in Ottawa at the National War Memorial (also known as “The Response”), which is usually referred to simply as the cenotaph. The word cenotaph derives from two Greek words that mean empty and tomb. A cenotaph is an “empty tomb” that honours a group of people whose remains are elsewhere. For the brave men and women of the Canadian Armed Forces, the cenotaph in Ottawa has been constructed to remember the nation’s war dead from the First World War and all later conflicts. Cenotaphs have been erected in many other cities and towns throughout Canada to honour those who served and paid the ultimate price. The Bermuda cenotaph is a replica of the one in Whitehall, London, England, and commemorates Bermudians who served in the Royal Navy, Royal Air Force and the British Army. Two years ago, it was my privilege to lay the wreath at the National War Memorial on behalf of The Salvation Army. A wave of emotion came over me as I witnessed the solemn procession of our most elderly down to the youngest recruits of the Canadian Forces. For some, memories would be stirred of the comrades they fought alongside. For the youngest recruits, perhaps the day served as a sobering reminder of their commitment. The cenotaph—the empty tomb—moves us as we contemplate those who have given their lives, and those who may be called to sacrificially give
in the future, to protect our freedoms. The Bible shares how Jesus Christ put himself in harm’s way for you and for me. He was abused, tortured and killed with a barbaric savagery that we must not gloss over, but remember with deep sorrow. As Isaiah 53:5 prophetically reminds us, “the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” The gospel message, however, does not conclude with the cross, but introduces us to an empty tomb. The Resurrection of Christ was God’s verdict upon his Son’s perfect obedience. Because Christ humbled himself, took the form of a servant and became obedient to death, even death on a cross, God has exalted him and given him a name that is above every name. Hallelujah! Humanity showed what they thought
of Jesus by crucifying him; God showed what he thought of Jesus by raising him from the dead. Jesus’ empty tomb has introduced a new resurrection reality into our lives; we not only look forward to a day when we will experience new life, but the resurrection can be experienced now as women, men and children give themselves to God in trustful obedience. This is what Jesus meant when he said, “The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die” (John 11:25-26). This year, let the cenotaph remind you that God has demonstrated victory over death in the empty tomb of Jesus. Colonel Mark Tillsley is the chief secretary for the Canada and Bermuda Territory.
Holier Matrimony Two Salvationist couples share their candid take on what does—and doesn’t—make a marriage work
Dave and Lori Wilson
do.” Two simple words that begin a sacred partnership, a lifelong journey of faith, hope and love. But then life hits. Children are
born, careers change and priorities shift, creating obstacles that can challenge that initial promise. So how do you get from “I do” to “till death do us part”? To find out, Salvationist associate editor Kristin Ostensen spoke to two couples—marriage pros Dave and Lori Wilson, with 23 years of matrimony and three children behind them, and relative newlyweds Peter and Joanne Park, married six years with a toddler. Both officers’ kids, Dave and Lori are leaders at Richmond
Hill Community Church, Ont., while Peter and Joanne are Salvation Army
camp veterans who attend Northridge Community Church in Newmarket, Ont.
Photos: Brandon Laird
INTERVIEW BY KRISTIN OSTENSEN
Joanne and Peter Park
How did you meet? Dave: We met at Urbana 1987, an Inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship conference with about 17,000 people, just outside Chicago. Lori came over and introduced herself. I was wearing a Salvation Army uniform and sitting with a couple of delegates from Toronto. Lori: I was living in Seattle, Washington, at the time and was at the conference with a delegation of Salvationists. I actually went because I thought it was a “meet a man” conference. [laughs] Dave and I started hanging out at the sessions, and then at the end, we said goodbye and that we would see each other again. We kept in contact, and we came to visit back and forth. Peter: It was Canada Day in 2005. Joanne: We were both working at camp. Peter: I think our first official date was July 19. It was just like the movie Hitch. I elbowed Joanne in the face by accident. I had an allergic reaction so I
was drowsy from Benadryl. And then our date ended with me over the toilet because I was really sick. Joanne: It was great. [laughs] How did you know they were the one for you? Dave: The conference focused on missions, and Lori had spent time in Central America doing missions work. She’s fluent in Spanish, smart, educated, athletic—all the things I liked. Over the course of the week, we got pulled together. But the real clincher for me was the first phone call after the event. As the conversation came to an end, Lori said, “Let’s pray together before we go.” That was really significant for me. It was an affirmation that this girl was very special. Lori: At one point when we were dating, I felt like maybe God was moving me in a different direction and we broke up. Then I went for a walk with my dad one night and he said, “What are you looking for?” There was Salvationist November 2015 9
a confirmation, a feeling that God was saying, “Take the risk. He’s all that you need.” I had peace about it. Peter: Two things stood out to me. One was that throughout the summer, and the first year while we were dating long distance, Joanne never let me stay spiritually stagnant. We were always challenging each other, whether it was through devotions, prayer or study. The second thing was, I went to see Joanne at Christmastime, and when I came back I thought, That’s someone I want to fight for. That’s someone I want to build a good relationship with. When I left, I felt like I was leaving a part of me behind. It didn’t feel right not being with Joanne. Joanne: That summer at camp, I did a lot of interrogating. I wanted to find out where he was on a lot of different levels—spiritually, morally, familywise. So I did and by mid-August I was sure that he was the one. How would you describe your first year of marriage? Peter: A roller-coaster. We had our ups and downs. One funny example: The second month we lived together, on every single bill that we got, it said we hadn’t paid the past month’s bill. Joanne: Peter came to me and said, “Why aren’t you paying the bills?” And I said, “Why aren’t you paying the bills?” Peter: Growing up, my mother always handled the finances. Joanne: And my dad handled them. Peter: We just assumed that the other would do it. [laughs] So that first year was definitely a learning experience. What was the biggest thing you learned that year? Peter: For me, that year was a selfawareness journey, more than anything. Perfect example: I learned that when we get into an argument, I need to walk away from the situation. I need time to process the situation and then come back and have a mature conversation. Joanne: It was eye-opening. You know going into marriage that it’s not going to be perfect but there were a lot of times when I had to sit down and think, Was this the right choice? Of course it was, but you still have to go through that experience—allowing 10 November 2015 Salvationist
Peter and Joanne with their daughter, Hannah
yourself to recognize the fact that it’s not great right now, but it’s worth the effort and the work. What strategies have you developed to get through conflicts? Lori: We’re still working on that, 23 years later. Dave: It’s about understanding our own personalities and the way we approach things. It’s asking, When do I give space? And when do I support? Like most men, I go into problemsolving mode. Lori presents me with a problem and I’ve got the solution by the end of the conversation: “Here are the three steps. Do these steps and the problem will go away.” Lori: And I just want him to listen. Dave: So I’ve had to learn to stop driving the solution because all Lori really wants to do is vent and she wants to know that she’s heard. Joanne: The best thing I learned is to talk about conflict when you’re not in conflict. Learn about each other’s conflict styles when you’re not in the midst of it, so that the next time you are in conflict you can remember those things. I don’t always understand why Peter handles things the way he does, but I respect that he handles things differently. Peter: One of the most important conversations we had was about red flags. What are those red flags that make us stressed out and can lead to an argument? When Joanne was in university, her stress outlet was baking. So whenever I’d get to her house and there were muffin trays all
over the kitchen counter, I knew she was stressed. Joanne knows that I’ve had a rough day at work if I’m pulling out my guitar. Lori and Dave, how has your relationship evolved as your children have grown up? Lori: When you have kids, you appreciate each other so much, but then there’s having to work through so many things and figuring out how to parent. We are on the same page a lot, but you get less time with each other because your children become so much of a focus, so you have to work at making time for each other and communicating. Dave: Kids inherently will try to divide you. Even great kids, followers of Christ—if they want their way, they want their way. We’re blessed and fortunate that our natural responses are very in sync, although as the kids get older, sometimes it’s more of a challenge, so we have to have discussions. Lori: You have this overwhelming love for your child and you want the best for them, but sometimes your counterpart, your balance, knows— hey, that may not be the best. Dave: We don’t contradict each other in front of the children. If we disagree over a decision, it becomes a oneon-one conversation and the spouse that made the initial decision has the opportunity to change that decision, as opposed to the other spouse changing it on them in front of the child. It’s important that the children see alignment in parenting.
“Most people will say their marriage is important. But if you’re spending more time on the golf course than you are with your spouse, something’s wrong” What do you appreciate most about your spouse? Peter: Joanne has this overwhelming desire to care for people. I am so grateful to see that in my own life— that she still wants to care for me after six years. She has this passion for life— that’s what fuels her, and I love that about her. Lori: I know that Dave loves me unconditionally, no matter what I might do or say or think. He also tries to figure me out. Even now, he’s trying to find out new information so he can understand me better. And he’s a great father. Every time we’ve had a child, when I looked at the baby, I felt this incredible love and respect for him because he’s been a part of creating this beauty. What is the best marriage advice you’ve received? Dave: Find time for each other and go on marriage retreats—proactively look after your marriage. Joanne: Don’t wait till something happens. You can find time to watch TV, you can find the money to spend on going out for dinner, so you can find the time to invest in your marriage, you can find the money to buy books on marriage and read Lori and Dave
them. Ignore the stigma—if you want counselling, go for it. Whether you think you need it or not, everyone needs it. It’s an opportunity to open up and learn more about your spouse. Dave: If you want to know what’s important to you, figure out how you spend your time—literally, sit down, look at the past week and put hours to it. Most people will say their marriage is important. But if, for example, you’re spending more time on the golf course than you are with your spouse, something’s wrong. How does your faith impact the way you live as a spouse? Lori: Because Christ is the centre, everything that I do is measured to line up with Christ. So the love that Christ has for me is the love that I want to have for my spouse. And when I haven’t made good choices, I look at Christ and know his forgiveness and know that he can be my strength in all things. It helps me to love myself, serve him and serve others. Peter: I’m a sinful person with lots of problems. But what faith has done for me—and for our marriage—is it’s helped me to see the person of Jesus. When you’re married, you’re with someone you’re going to be the most
vulnerable with, who will see what no one else sees. My faith has been enriched in seeing how much Joanne forgives. And when I hold onto the little things I can’t forgive, I think, Man, I can’t forgive this, but Christ forgave that. Marriage has helped me appreciate the gift of love, but it’s also taught me to appreciate the journey of holiness. I know I’ve been saved and now, through marriage, I can work through my sanctification. Based on your experience, what would you say is the key to a successful marriage? Lori: Commitment, because there are going to be times in your marriage when things are tough, and you love the person, but maybe you don’t feel like you’re in love. Dave: I would echo that. Marriage is a working relationship. It’s about learning to understand yourself, and striving to learn to understand your spouse. Joanne: One thing that really resonates with me is the idea of covenant. A lot of people nowadays— especially people our age—get married based on a feeling of love. And there are times in your marriage where that feeling isn’t there and that’s OK; it doesn’t have to be. But the idea that you have an unbreakable covenant with your spouse, one that God has created and presided over—that, for me, is the foundation. Peter: You need to keep God first in everything. It’s not about me, it’s not even about my wife. It’s about how I glorify God through our relationship— getting into that mentality. That’s what gets us through the day. “Who’s more likely to … ?” Joanne, Peter, Lori and Dave answer a series of fun—and serious—questions in a new video on our YouTube channel. Watch at youtube.com/salvationistmagazine.
Salvationist November 2015 11
Don’t overlook singles in the church
Photo: © Marcus Lindstrom/iStock.com
BY CAPTAIN BRENDA HAMMOND
t’s not easy to be single in the church, where the emphasis is usually on marriage and family. Singles, whether never married, divorced or widowed, are often pushed to the margins—or can even be objects of curiosity. I was grateful to be rescued from one awkward conversation by a wise church member who overheard the uncomfortable exchange and realized my boundaries were being crossed. Other singles have shared with me questions they’ve heard: Why aren’t you married? What happened? Have you heard of the dating website Christian Mingle? As a single mother, I wonder why the 12 November 2015 Salvationist
church isn’t filled with single parents. Shouldn’t it be a refuge from the guilt of failing at marriage, the loneliness? A place where they are loved and rejuvenated as they spend time with mature Christians, while their children are being cared for by a Christian youth worker and growing in faith? Perhaps it’s because they don’t feel “safe” in church. Even when judgments remain unspoken, they are still keenly felt. Singles are one of the fastest-growing demographics in Canada. In 2011, there were more single-person households than family households for the first time in history. And our churches reflect our
culture, which has been overwhelmed by the impact of divorce over the past 50 years. God has brought these single people through our doors and it is our job to discover how to love them. We can begin by finding gentle ways to let them know they are safe and welcome in the church. Discovering God’s Purpose First, we need to remember that marriage is not the only path to holiness or Christian maturity. Jesus, after teaching about divorce, said, “Marriage isn’t for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons” (Matthew 19:11-12 The Message). In Corinthians, Paul writes, “The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I’m trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions” (1 Corinthians 7:34-35 The Message). These passages encourage singles to embrace their freedom and live their best lives. Some singles come to church hoping to explore what Paul is talking about. Perhaps they have never married, or perhaps they were married and are trying to put the pieces back together. But I can’t remember ever hearing one of these passages preached in church, inviting singles to stay single. Choosing to be single takes courage, and we should respect and support people as they discover God’s purpose for their lives, and celebrate their gifts. Other singles may want to marry, but are waiting for God’s timing. Whatever the reason, coming to church alone is not easy, especially when you are new. We need to encourage conversation in an inclusive way, maintaining appropriate boundaries. If we don’t feel safe, we don’t share. And if we don’t share, it is difficult to build relationships. But when we do achieve communication, the room shifts, the gathering relaxes and love enters. The Richness of Solitude In my own journey as a single, I started to crave a quieter, more contemplative life. Looking back, I see that I was trying
to have it all—a social life and a time for prayer and meditation. But the Spirit within me was not at rest. I needed to clear a path through the world to get to that still, small voice. I had to sacrifice some of my precious personal time and let the world rush by me. I had to learn patience with the world, patience with God and patience with myself. Every year, I became more comfortable with solitude as God showed me how to live my best life. As I journeyed, God brought to mind the areas I could strengthen and how he wanted me to be in the world. I discovered that I needed to be kinder and gentler with myself, as God is gentle with me. In the deep richness of solitude, I found my creative side and learned how to embrace my calling and my singleness. Everything I do and say—ministry, recreation, finances and family life—has been influenced by this foundational shift. Investing in Relationships But along with my journey into solitude, I have also invested in relationships that have strengthened my faith. When married people are struggling and need to debrief, they can encourage each other. Singles have to develop ways to motivate themselves. I began to seek out support when my children entered their teen years, and I have continued this practice for the past 30 years. I have been blessed to have a series of mentors and accountability partners who have come alongside me as a single. It’s important to develop a support system before crises come. As a single Salvation Army officer, these support systems have strengthened me through every posting. Learning how to begin, maintain and end healthy relationships such as these has taught me to trust myself and trust God’s purposes. When there is a crisis in my life, ministry or family, I have a team of people guiding me in ways I never thought possible. Single people are like everyone else— we want to be loved. When we choose God’s love, we get more than we thought possible. His love strengthens us, until we learn to live out of that love. Then, finally, we begin to share that love with others, and discover the secret. We are surprised to find that the lavish love of God creates resilience within us, so we can go forward, loving more. Captain Brenda Hammond is a chaplain at Dinsdale Personal Care Home in Brandon, Man.
Five Tips to Welcome Single Adults 1. Listen If you married in your early to mid 20s, your understanding of singleness is limited—don’t assume you know what it’s like. The challenges of the single life are different from those of marriage, but just as complex. Listen to the experience of others with humility. 2. Keep Perspective The church has responded to the rise in the divorce rate and cultural breakdown of the family by focusing on marriage. But it’s important to remember that marriage is not the goal. In Matthew 12, Jesus is speaking to a crowd when someone tells him his family is waiting outside to see him. He responds, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Then he points to his disciples. “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” In the kingdom of God, the church is our family—one we enter not by marriage but by faith. 3. It’s OK to be Single God uses both marriage and singleness as a way to produce holiness in our lives. Whether married or single,
we bear fruit when we are connected to God: “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). 4. Create Community Single people are often overlooked—be intentional about including them in the life of the church. Invite a single friend over for dinner. Make sure single people are represented in leadership. Plan projects that allow people with similar interests to serve together, rather than separating people into silos. Schedule Bible studies so single parents can attend. Focus on the spiritual life, not just relationships, for men’s and women’s ministry. 5. Celebrate Single People Single people are valuable members of the church, but their gifts and accomplishments are not often recognized. Celebrate what God is doing in their lives. Completing a degree, starting a new job, launching a business, faithfully serving in ministry? Find reasons to remember and encourage the single people in your community.
Relive the excitement, fellowship and experience of the momentous days of The Salvation Army’s Boundless - The Whole World Redeeming international congress held at London’s The O2 on 1-5 July 2015
Salvationist November 2015 13
Hope for a Hurting When my husband passed away, my world imploded. But I knew I was not alone BY LT-COLONEL SUSAN VAN DUINEN
Beginnings Dirk and I first met in August 1970 at the training college in Toronto. I was starting my first year at the college while he was in his second. Despite the fact that we were strangers, we fell madly in love and were married five weeks later. It was as if we’d always known each other, and we firmly believed the journey that brought us both together and into officership was God-led. We duly went through our training and were commissioned. Our first appointment was in Montreal, and then we served in a variety of postings both in Europe and across the territory. In 2011, the Army asked us if we’d be 14 November 2015 Salvationist
Photo: Timothy Cheng
hen I look back, it was one of the most peaceful Sundays my husband, Dirk, and I had experienced in a while. As we were not leading services elsewhere, we went to worship at Cedarbrae Community Church in Toronto. That morning, there were two cadets there, Tina and Keesom Phanthaamath. Keesom asked Dirk if he could evaluate his sermon. After that was done, Dirk went over to him, had a word of prayer and gave him some feedback. His ministry responsibility completed, we went home, had lunch, took a long, quiet walk, then went to bed. Little did we know that this would be his final ministry responsibility, for that night, Dirk passed away in his sleep. And everything changed.
“When I most needed him, God was there, constantly shining through,” says Lt-Col Susan van Duinen
willing to consider trying a new model where the wife, not the husband, is the divisional commander, for the then Manitoba and North West Ontario Division. Commissioner Christine MacMillan, then the territorial commander, was concerned that Dirk wouldn’t buy into the plan. That was the furthest thought from his mind. He sincerely believed that the right individual should be in the right spot. But to make this new paradigm work, both partners had to be engaged in the new venture. The important question she asked each of us was, “Is your marriage strong?” And there was absolutely no doubt about that.
Journey’s End In retrospect, I don’t think we were ever as happy as we were that June Sunday in 2013 when we visited Cedarbrae. Dirk had been in perfect health before his sudden death. Even our family doctor was dumbfounded. He contacted me a couple of days after looking through the files. “I’m mystified,” he told me. “Dirk was always full of life and energy. There was no indication that something was wrong.” After dialing 911, I immediately called our sons, Peter, who was in Parry Sound, Ont., and Richard, who was in Winnipeg. The paramedics arrived and took over from me, but though they tried
their best to resuscitate Dirk, I knew he was gone. In that awful moment, however, I was not alone. Almost before I knew it, Major John Murray and Commissioner Brian Peddle arrived, as well as our good friends Majors Len and Heather Ballantine. They stayed with me until the coroner took Dirk away at four in the morning. Opportunity to Witness Dirk’s passing stunned everyone at divisional headquarters, but I will never forget how they rallied around me in the days that followed. I’d get up in the morning and while my sons and I were preoccupied with the myriad funeral arrangements, people would be at the house, cooking meals, cleaning up, putting food in the fridge, even making sure there was enough toilet paper on hand—those practical pieces that no one can grapple with in their deep, unexpected grief. In my numbness, I felt a nothingness, not even the presence of God. Yet when I most needed him, God was there, constantly shining through, and it was how those people interacted in my life that demonstrated his presence. That’s what kept me connected to God in those early days and months. It was not so much the feeling in my heart of God with me, but the knowledge in my head that he was, and the demonstration of it worked out through those practical acts of kindness. Of course, my letter carrier knew
Dirk and Susan at East Toronto Corps, Christmas 2012
something was up as he delivered card after card to my door, hundreds and hundreds of cards from all over the world. One day, the letter carrier saw me from across the street and walked over. “These are not Christmas cards I’ve been delivering, are they?” he asked. “No, they’re not,” I said, and I told him what had happened. “I’m so sorry,” he said. “I can’t understand how you can go through something like that.” “I’m a person of faith,” I replied. “And I know that the Lord is with our family right now and looking after us.” Even in my time of grief, God used that as an opportunity to witness. Living With Hope June is always a hard month for me to get through. Besides Dirk having passed away that month, there are a lot of anniversaries: his birthday, Father’s Day, our commissioning and our wedding anniversary coming up in the fall.
Yet even now, I still receive text messages and e-mails from active and retired officers around the world with lines such as, “June the second will never be the same in our family” and “We’re thinking about you on this day.” My faith is grounded in Lamentations 3:22-23, which talks about the faithfulness of God, how his favours are not all past and done: “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Are there still tears? Absolutely. Are there days when there are no tears? Yes. But the grief is always there. What people don’t realize is that you’re always in grief. It becomes part of your life. It’s not that it holds you down or makes you dreary to be around, but it’s very much a part of you, the pain of who’s missing, the hole that’s left because there’s been deep love shared for so long with another person. Recently, somebody asked me, “What’s good now about your life?” I replied, “What’s good now about my life is heaven.” Because I know that while Dirk’s in the presence of God, there will come a time when we’ll be reunited. That’s our belief. And I know that it’s possible to live with deep pain, with a gaping hole in your heart, because you can still have that promise. There is hope for a hurting heart. Lt-Colonel Susan van Duinen is the dean of the School for Continuing Studies at Booth University College in Winnipeg.
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How to Save a Life
The approval of RU-486 makes abortion easy and private. What’s the best way for the church to respond?
Photo: © Ding Dong/stock.Adobe.com
bortion has made the news again with the approval of a new combination drug, RU-486, also known as Mifegymiso. According to Health Canada, RU-486 provides a safe, effective and accessible alternative to surgical abortion. The Salvation Army, along with many other Christian denominations, is unambiguous in its moral evaluation of elective abortion. Its international position statement on abortion claims that unborn human life is personal life; it bears the image of God and deserves to be protected and cared for. At this point, it’s tempting to wade into the pro-choice versus pro-life debate. But I find this debate often doesn’t address the complicated reasons behind the decision to undergo abortion. Moreover, it tends to portray women either as liberated heroes of reproductive rights or wicked witches out to destroy anything that gets in their way. Both are metaphors of power. It is rare that this debate turns us toward women who consider abortion from a place of vulnerability. Some are pressured by their sexual partner, whether a boyfriend or a spouse. Others are financially insecure or unable to care for a child on their own. Still others fear they will be shamed and shunned by their family or social community. In many cases, the motivating factors behind abortion are multiple, interconnected and complex. None of this means that abortion is morally good or even morally neutral. The intention behind abortion is not merely to end a pregnancy but to end a life. Even when abortion is morally permissible—for instance, when conception is the result of rape—it doesn’t tie things up neatly. It is a tragic act. That said, the approval of RU-486 does reflect something of our larger society. Mifegymiso promises greater 16 November 2015 Salvationist
BY AIMEE PATTERSON patient privacy. The prescription can, in part, be taken at home. And no one but the physician, pharmacist and patient need be involved. The drive to offer greater privacy for those undergoing elective abortion reflects a society that values autonomous decision-making, free from the evaluation of others. But this also lets the rest of us off the hook. By enabling private abortion, we are no longer required to assist in decisions of profound vulnerability. What witness does the church bring to such a society?
Although we recognize abortion as something wrong, the business of the church isn’t ultimately about sniffing out moral evil. Theologian Stanley Hauerwas argues that the practice of recognizing something wrong helps train us “to see and to practise its opposite.” What is the opposite of abortion? In a word, hospitality. The Scriptures call the church to be hospitable to those who are vulnerable, not the least of whom are women and children. Followers of Christ are the kinds of people who are always ready to celebrate and welcome new life, regardless of its condition or how it was conceived. We are the family of God. Among us no child is illegitimate. But that’s the easy
work. How do we show hospitality to women who are considering abortion, or who have undergone it? The practice of hospitality speaks to the underlying conviction that we are not created to live in isolation from each other. We are created for community. A community depends on mutual engagement in deep, meaningful relationships. Christians, in particular, are called to welcome vulnerable persons into relationships and say, “You are not alone.” Living in relationships with others requires that we understand the difference between, on the one hand, making a moral judgment about an activity like abortion and, on the other hand, shaming or marginalizing those who consider or undergo abortion. Pastors must be ready to provide sensitive, intelligent and respectful spiritual counsel to those who ask. Ours is a message of good news that offers grace and hope. A healthy church community must be spiritually prepared to provide a sustained welcome to those who seek to follow God in their struggles. Consider those adolescents and teenagers among us who navigate a sex-saturated culture with their emerging Christian faith. Also think of those women who are more mature, and who may be in unstable marriages or partnerships. Do our churches provide safe environments for education and discussion about sexuality for women of a variety of ages and situations? It’s too simple to say that if the church were more welcoming, fewer elective abortions would happen. But if we are to witness to Canadian society that there is a different path, we must be able to say with all integrity that the church is a community that practises hospitality. Dr. Aimee Patterson is a Christian ethics consultant at The Salvation Army Ethics Centre in Winnipeg.
The Story of Me Keeping a journal helps us reflect on our relationship with God BY MAJOR SHEILA DAVISSON
few years ago, my daughter gave me a thoughtful Christmas gift, a book called 100 Journeys for the Spirit. On each page, there was a photo of a sacred place—ancient trees and beautiful waterfalls, churches and temples. And on each page, she attached a personal note with a Scripture reference, quote or question to ponder. This gift spoke to me in the giving, but also as I explored the places in the pages and wrote about them. Even though I do not consider myself a writer, I have kept a journal for more than 35 years. Writing down my thoughts and prayers helps me move through the day with fewer burdens and stay focused as I think about others. It helps me connect with God and has deepened my faith. Sometimes I go back and reread entries, and have been pleasantly surprised by the scribblings. They have made me laugh and cry and encouraged me on my faith journey all over again—a double blessing. Author M. Robert Mulholland Jr. defines spiritual formation as “a process of being conformed to the image of Christ for the sake of others.” This process of transformation becomes visible as we keep a journal—it is a tangible way to see how God is working in our lives over time. In Spiritual Disciplines Handbook, Adele Calhoun writes, “Journaling is a tool for reflecting on God’s presence, guidance and nurture in daily comings and goings.” If you have never considered keeping a journal as a spiritual discipline, I encourage you to give it a try. It can take many forms, so experiment and
“Journaling is a tool for reflecting on God’s presence, guidance and nurture in daily comings and goings” find what works for you. Here are some suggestions as you begin. Start small. Don’t try to go from zero to 60. Be modest in your plans for frequency and length of entries. Start with a goal you can build on, rather than so lofty you fail within the week. Try writing something short, even one sentence, during your devotions. Make it yours. Write out poems, prayers or Scripture verses. Draw or doodle. Collect magazine clippings. Or try an online journal program—I like Penzu. Some keep a journal for a loved one. I know one grandmother who is reading through the Bible with her grandchild in mind, highlighting verses and scribbling prayers and thoughts in the margins. Don’t worry about catching up. Keeping a journal is less about recording your day’s activities and more about creating a rhythm for connecting with yourself and God. It’s OK if there are gaps between entries—sometimes those gaps can speak to you. Stay with it. Even when you keep it simple, there will be days when your motivation is low. This is a normal part of forming a new habit. Pray and ask
for “the strength God provides” (1 Peter 4:11), remembering “all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me” (Colossians 1:29). Often the hardest part is opening your journal and starting a new page. Journal with purpose. Keeping a journal could be writing your story of “exodus.” It could be where you reflect on your joys and disappointments. Bring everything you write to God and allow him to speak into your life. When you keep God at the centre of this practice, it becomes a spiritual discipline. A journal is a record of your relationship with God, an opportunity to grow in faith as you see how he has guided you and answered prayer. Let your mind and heart be transformed as you find your story in his story. For Further Reading: • Invitation to a Journey: A Road Map for Spiritual Formation, by M. Robert Mulholland Jr. • Journaling with Jesus: How to Revolutionize Your Devotional Life Through Journaling, by Laurie Snyman Major Sheila Davisson is a training officer at the College for Officer Training in Winnipeg. Salvationist November 2015 17
Photo: © 4Max/stock.Adobe.com
A journal is a place where we give expression to the fountain of our heart, where we can unreservedly pour out our passion before the Lord. —Donald S. Whitney, Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life
Untying the Knot
Photo: © WavebreakmediaMicro/stock.Adobe.com
How do we care for families affected by divorce?
In this series, Colonel Bob Ward, who retired in 2013 as the territorial commander in Pakistan, and Major Amy Reardon, corps officer at Seattle Temple in Washington, U.S.A., discuss issues of the day. DEAR BOB,
hen I was a young woman, I went through a divorce. I never dreamed divorce would happen to me. Although I was glad to be out of an oppressive, harmful relationship, I felt a deep sense of shame. And there were other feelings I didn’t anticipate: resentment toward women who were loved and valued by their husbands; having no one to share moments of pride when my son reached a milestone; vulnerability in a myriad of situations—Was the plumber ripping me off? Did men assume I was desperate because I’m divorced? Divorce is devastating and impacts every corner of life. For me, if the painful marriage followed by the emptiness of divorce wasn’t bad enough, the misunderstanding of the church just about did me in. Many things can lead a couple to divorce. In my opinion, what leads to the divorce should inform the church’s response. Was there an affair, and, if so, did it come out of the blue, or was there already a deep rift in the relationship? Was it a drifting apart, or did one person suddenly and inexplicably want something different? Was 18 November 2015 Salvationist
there physical or emotional abuse? Was there mental illness that became unbearable? Whatever the reason, both people should be treated with love and grace. In the church, it is very easy to welcome repentant sinners while penalizing wounded saints. Even if the leadership of the church responds appropriately (as mine did), it is important that corps members try to do the same. But when the details of divorce are private, how do we know how to respond? So here is my question: When something dramatic and life-altering happens to a member of the corps, what is the role of the corps body? Since we live in community together, how much do we need or deserve to know? And if details aren’t forthcoming, how should fellow soldiers approach the people involved? AMY DEAR AMY,
n some ways, the loss and pain of divorce can be as traumatic as grieving a death. You’re left dealing with the legal and financial fallout, facing huge questions—What happens to the children? Do we need to sell the house? How will my friends, family and church community respond?—while trying to recover from the shock of rupture, perhaps with little support. What is worse, many people choose sides and lay blame. Canada relaxed its divorce law in 1985, adopting a “no-
POINT COUNTERPOINT fault” approach. Since then, the number of divorced people within society, church and the ranks of The Salvation Army has significantly increased. Our family gatherings include parents and children affected by divorce, putting flesh and blood to this issue. Some members of our church, including uniformed soldiers, have been divorced, sometimes two or three times. At officer gatherings, we worship and fellowship with those who are divorced, sometimes with their former spouse in the same room. They are our brothers and sisters in Christ, and in service. This would not have been the case when I started out, but divorce has become part of the family, so to speak. It’s no longer helpful to view it as the enemy. So in answer to your first question, the church (along with The Salvation Army) should assume a significant role in caring for families affected by divorce. In principle, our Army makes provision for members and officers who have been divorced. This provides scope for ministry to and by those who are divorced. No one needs to feel a door has been slammed in their face. But I acknowledge that the Army is still feeling its way through the issue. Our position statement on marriage is unequivocal: “The Salvation Army believes marriage is the covenanting together of one man and one woman for life in a union to the exclusion of all others,” concluding, “The Salvation Army affirms that marriage is the basis of sound family life and foundational to a healthy society.”
The loss and pain of divorce can be as traumatic as grieving a death Our position statement on the family affirms the traditional concept, but also provides room for continuing ministry to those who have been affected by divorce: We seek “to strengthen marriage and enrich family life, extending appropriate ministries of a caring Christian community to all people in all types of family relationships.” Trying to catch up with the current realities of family life does not excuse heavy-handed response to divorce by various representatives of the church who support marriage at all cost. Yes, we should support family life, but we can’t cut the cord when a marriage fails. This challenge becomes more evident when those involved in a divorce are active members in their congregation and share common friends and relatives. Your own experience shows that more intentional work needs to be done to encourage compassionate responses to people who have been divorced, and to develop practical ministries. Otherwise there is no safe or appropriate place for those who need to tell their story and receive support as they recover from this traumatic experience. The circumstances leading to divorce belong to both spouses and need not become general knowledge, except to people in a position to offer counsel and support. Sometimes it is difficult to sort the friends from the gossipers! I am glad you met Rob, remarried and have a lovely family and meaningful ministry. Someone did something right along the way. Scripture reminds us that we have both a message and a
ministry of reconciliation (see 2 Corinthians 5:18-19). When it is impossible to reconcile two individuals to each other, we should still be able to pave the way for each to be reconciled to the church and the hope that can give them. I suggest this is how members of a corps should approach those who have experienced the trauma of divorce. BOB DEAR BOB,
hank you. I am glad I found my husband, Rob (a good Canadian!), and have just celebrated 20 years of marriage this summer. God has been good to us. I appreciate your tender approach to the subject of divorce and your desire to reconcile people. One thing you’ve said, however, really troubles me. You said that divorce isn’t the enemy of the family, but part of it. I can’t disagree that divorce is normal, but I would have to say that it is still the enemy of the family. Families were not meant to be split apart. I don’t mean to imply that it is never necessary. But every time it happens, it is a reflection of the fact that this world and the people in it don’t always function as God intended. Even when divorce is the only reasonable option, it hurts. Kids struggle to relinquish the dream of a happy family. Their home life may have been filled with strife, yet they fantasize about their parents staying together in marital bliss. A person leaving a bad marriage can still be devastated by the loss because, generally speaking, the relationship was initially built on love. Even a spouse who has been victimized in some way may grieve for what their partner could have been, for what they once believed they would have together. The feeling that surprised and overwhelmed me when my first marriage ended was that a mystical union had been cleaved apart. I believe I was outside God’s will when I married, and we were never happy. But when the vows were made, something supernatural occurred. I didn’t really understand how much marriage binds two people until mine unravelled. Now I know what covenant means. What is most critical for the church is prevention. I don’t mean we should prevent people from exiting toxic marriages. I mean we should do our best to prevent them from entering such marriages in the first place. Maybe we should ramp up our premarital counselling, and formalize couple-to-couple mentoring. These things are often done on an ad hoc basis, rather than intentionally. We might also educate people about how much divorce hurts, regardless of the fact that it is commonplace. AMY DEAR AMY,
agree—divorce will always hurt, and in more ways than most understand. I hope more misguided marriages can be prevented through good counselling. Can counselling overcome the sense of optimism at the beginning that “love will conquer all”? Can we buck the trend where couples subconsciously change the traditional words of the marriage vows to “so long as we both shall love”? I hope that seeing engaged, married and divorced couples as part of our church family will open up a more fruitful and intentional source of support and guidance through the various challenges marriages face. Happy anniversary! BOB Salvationist November 2015 19
Corey Pardy as a soldier in the Canadian Armed Forces; right, as a Salvation Army soldier
After a lifetime of battling post-traumatic stress, a former military medic finds peace as a soldier in The Salvation Army
BY BRIANNE ZELINSKY
ifty kilometres from the front lines of the Persian Gulf War, 20-year-old Corey Pardy lay awake in his bunker, unable to sleep through the deafening sound of jet engines and shell blasts in Kuwait. A military medic, he couldn’t shake the disturbing images of those he treated, both soldiers and prisoners of war. As Pardy trembled in his bunk, he prayed, God, if you’re out there, please take me home. “When you see people getting killed you look at things differently and you value life, but when you’re a Christian, you also value eternal life,” reflects Pardy. “At any given time, my life could have ended over there. I don’t know what would have happened if it did because I wasn’t a professing Christian.” No Place Like Home Pardy, a Salvationist from Conception Bay South, N.L., was only 18 when he enlisted in the Canadian Armed Forces. “I always wanted to be part of a uniform organization growing up,” says Pardy. “My brother was in the military and 20 November 2015 Salvationist
served five years before I enlisted. Seeing him in this service encouraged me to join.” Pardy, whose father was a conservation officer with the provincial government, grew up in a uniform environment, surrounded by RCMP officers and soldiers—both in the military and in The Salvation Army. Upon graduating from high school, Pardy left the comfort of his home in Grand Bank, N.L., to start boot camp training. “I was used to my mom’s home-cooked meals and getting up in the morning without having to make my bed,” he says, “but in the military you’re ordered to eat fast and never complain, so I would swallow my food whole sometimes. It was a fast-paced environment.” Without any previous medical training, Pardy was assigned to train as a medic during a hospital placement in Borden, Ont., just one year before serving in the Persian Gulf War. “I was young to be seeing people dying of cancer and other ailments. I don’t think I was prepared for that,” reflects Pardy. “You grow up a lot quicker when you see things like that.” Mercy for the Enemy Pardy was deployed to Kuwait in January 1991, where he served as a medic with 1 Canadian Field Hospital for four months. With a high-school diploma and one year of training under his belt, Pardy had no idea what he was in for. “It was like a scene out of M*A*S*H,” says Pardy, referencing the 1970s war-time sitcom. “I can remember calling home on a payphone at the base. There was a tank driving behind me and helicopters flying over my head while I was trying to talk to my mom. She said, ‘There’s so much noise there,’ and I said, ‘Well, I am at war, Mom.’ ” It wasn’t long before Pardy realized that the sound of active artillery would ring permanently in his head. “You brush it off
Photo: Matthew Osmond
Life After War When Pardy returned home from the war, he sought counselling and was eventually diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Tormented by his memories, Pardy distanced himself from his family and friends and took refuge in his work. He swapped his military uniform for a placement as a fishery guardian, patrolling inland reserves for poaching violators. From this, he began working with forestry and wildlife as a forest-fire dispatcher and eventually landed a job as a police dispatcher, receiving 911 calls. “The calls ranged from store theft to street fights, breakins, assaults and armed robberies,” he explains. “I felt helpless because I couldn’t respond or act on anything other than what I did on the phone. I would hang up the phone, go on to the next call and oftentimes wouldn’t know the end result.” When working as a police dispatcher caused his traumatic past to resurface, Pardy knew it was time to retire. “The doctor told me to retire because the jobs I worked were too stressful,” says Pardy. “I didn’t think anything was bothering me, but subconsciously it was. I was more agitated and more of a bitter person, sometimes withdrawn from family and friends.” When the haunting memories became too much to bear, Pardy decided to give his life to God. In 2002, he accepted Christ and began living as a Christian. “It was a conviction,” he says. “I needed to change my ways because I was raising two boys and I wanted to be a role model for them. “When other veterans turned to booze, gambling, drugs and abuse to deal with their trauma, I turned to the church—I turned to God,” he adds. “I still have PTSD—it’s something that doesn’t go away—but with prayer and the help of God, I can get through things a lot easier.” A New Soldiership Ten years after committing his life to Christ, Pardy committed his service to his home corps at Conception Bay South, enrolling as a senior soldier of The Salvation Army alongside his wife, Ellen. “Corey does a lot behind the scenes,” says Major Lorne Pritchett, corps officer at Conception Bay South. “It’s not uncommon to see him at prayer meetings, chatting with young people or visiting lonely people. He also provides moral support and encouragement for RCMP officers. It all flows from
his own covenant with Christ. “Corey has faced his battles in a very significant and transparent way,” adds Major Pritchett. “To see how his life has been transformed is very helpful to those around him who may be struggling with their own challenges.” Though he retired from his job as a dispatcher, Pardy volunteers as an auxiliary constable with the RCMP, patrolling neighbourhoods and teaching a drug abuse resistance education (DARE) program in schools. “I’m not ashamed of being a Christian and telling someone that I’m a soldier of The Salvation Army. Because of that, I am able to be a witness to youth in the schools,” he says. “This is my calling.” Pardy’s passion for youth outreach has compelled him to serve as a youth leader at the corps and in the DARE program. “When students ask me questions about my experience, I can be honest when I say that I don’t drink or smoke because of my beliefs and I can be proud of that,” he says. “The DARE program is very similar to the teachings of The Salvation Army because the Army also prevents and helps those with addictions.” Pardy’s service in the military, RCMP and The Salvation Army has made him a witness for God in all areas of his life. “As an auxiliary constable with the RCMP, I’m helping people in trouble and teaching them right from wrong,” he says. “The Salvation Army does the same thing. We help people by showing them God’s love. “All of my uniforms are related and they impact people in similar ways, but to me that’s all God’s work.”
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and let those noises roll off your back, but down inside, they stay with you,” he says. Pardy’s base was a mere two kilometres from the prisonerof-war camp where the British and American troops held Iraqi soldiers, aged 14 to 70, hostage. “The prisoners were dressed in rags and you could see their feet through the holes in their boots,” remembers Pardy. “They were so feeble and harmless, but you had to be firm with them because we were commanded to show no respect to them. Looking back, I would have shown compassion by clothing them at the very least.” Canada, being a part of the Geneva Convention, was under orders to medically treat wounded enemy soldiers. “I wondered why I was treating the enemy when our soldiers were dying, too,” admits Pardy. “If I were there now, I would treat them totally different and show them the love of God as a Christian, as opposed to being a soldier.”
God Keep Our Land Christian responsibility doesn’t end with marking a ballot BY MAJOR JUAN BURRY
22 November 2015 Salvationist
Photo: © ericsphotography/iStock.com
y the time this article is published, the federal election will be over. If you’re like me, you find that trying to choose the right candidate is an elusive goal. There is never a perfect match between the values of a political party and our own Christcentred ideals. We may find that a party’s values align with ours in some instances, but not in others. When we vote, we do so with the sober realization that we are not going to get everything we want in a candidate. So we should probably abandon the idea that voting for a particular person or party is going to be a perfect Christian decision. Since the fourth century, when the Roman Emperor Constantine made Christianity the official state religion, there has been an unhealthy relationship between our faith and politics. We have often lived under misguided notions about the piousness of our homelands, particularly here in the West. We talk about our democracies being “Christian nations” or having been built on “JudeoChristian values.” But when we take for granted that our country is Christian, we neglect our responsibility within our community and leave it with government. Our main focus becomes individual salvation rather than influencing and changing social or political structures, when both are equally important. Jesus not only preached about individuals being born again, but also about the reign of God in this world—both present and future. Jesus was as concerned about social problems and the political systems that oppressed people as he was about individuals and their need of forgiveness. The most common theme of his ministry was the kingdom of God. It was the subject of many of his parables and homilies. In a nutshell, the kingdom of God refers to what life would be like here on earth if God were king, instead of those who currently rule. What would such a kingdom look like? Through various gospel passages, particularly the Lord’s Prayer and the Beatitudes, we see a glimpse of what God has in mind—a world without hun-
The gospel cannot be mandated by government. And yet, the gospel is political ger; a world in which debts are forgiven and no one is kept under someone else’s thumb; a world in which the sad and lonely are befriended and given comfort; and a world in which everyone acts with integrity toward one another. For the poor peasants of Jesus’ day living under Roman oppression, what better news could there be than that? Many people try to spiritualize Jesus’ messages about the kingdom of God to say they mean more than making a better world here and now. While that may be true, it is not less than that. This is the ironic thing about religion and politics. Most of the time, we want to keep them separate. State-sponsored religion is a bad idea. It’s also a bad idea for religious organizations to align themselves with a particular party or system. This is why The Salvation Army is pol-
itically neutral. The gospel cannot be mandated by government. And yet, the gospel is political, if politics is defined as the social system in which we live. The gospel message has much to say about government structures, including our economic and legal systems. Our Christian responsibility in the political sphere does not end with marking a ballot. The Christian, living under the reign of God and familiar with his principles, has an obligation to work each day to build a better world—to help remove any unjust social systems that exist in our land. Who we vote for is just the beginning of our responsibility. We build a better society by advocating with all levels of government, regardless of party affiliation, for the poor and marginalized in our society. We pay better wages than retail chains so that our employees can be healthy and happy. We take care of our environment for future generations. That is preaching the good news. But we must start by raising awareness, in our homes and churches, of these social and political issues. Election 2015 is over. Now the real work begins. Major Juan Burry is the executive director of Rotary Hospice House in Richmond, B.C.
TIES THAT BIND
Photo: © dfikar/stock.Adobe.com
New Day Dawning
Learning to walk in faith—even in the desert BY MAJOR KATHIE CHIU
he singing was incredible. The worship leaders were great. People were lifting their hands in praise. It seemed like everyone in the room was experiencing something special, except me. I wasn’t feeling it. Nothing. Niente. Nada. I forced myself to sing, blending my voice in harmony, hoping that I would begin to feel it. Fake it till you make it, they say. But still—nothing. I felt dry as dust, emotionally and spiritually. I wasn’t alone. After my son came home from camp, we had a talk. He told me they had been instructed to meditate and wait for God to show them a vision. Everyone was talking about the pictures they received. And my son? Nothing. He questioned whether God was real. I’ve read that Mother Teresa couldn’t hear God’s voice or feel his presence throughout most of her spiritual journey. But she kept on going in faith, remembering that at one time she had heard him speak. I wonder why this great woman of God was unable to experience the presence of God. How do we get to such a state? Shouldn’t I know how to stay close to Jesus and hear his voice? Many years ago, I attended a women’s camp where Major Catherine Spence was the guest speaker. I remember her drawing three intersecting circles, with a word in each circle—spiritual, mental and physical. She explained that they are all connected, and what’s happening in one
affects the others. Was this my problem? I thought about my life. In the past year we changed jobs, homes and cities for the fourth year in a row. I also had several infections and a long bout of food poisoning. It had been one stress after another, with no time to recover. It was the same for my son. Four schools in four years, unable to build friendships. Several bouts of illness during the past year. The stress was accumulating. No wonder we were having trouble connecting spiritually. Perhaps this is what happened to Mother Teresa. How many years did she toil and labour, helping the “least of these” in one of the poorest communities in the world? Did she ever take a break? The emotional impact must have been overwhelming. I don’t think I could do it—it would be exhausting. What can we do when this happens? How can I climb out of this valley back to the mountaintop again? I’m not sure I want to. After many years of ups and downs, I’ve learned that most of my spiritual growth has occurred during the struggles and the dry, desert places. During these times, I’m often drawn to Psalm 13 (CEB): “How long will you forget me, Lord? Forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long will I be left to my own wits, agony filling my heart? Daily? … But I have trusted in your faithful love. My heart will rejoice in your salvation. Yes, I will sing to the
Lord because he has been good to me.” The psalmist, feeling alone and abandoned by God, still stands in faith. It’s the same for me. I know God has been there in the past. I have been on the mountaintop and tasted the sweet goodness of the Holy Spirit. I will continue to walk in faith. We also need to take care of ourselves— not only when we’re in the desert, but before we get there. How do we do this? 1. S tay close to Jesus. Many Christians are rediscovering the contemplative discipline of meditative prayer. Breathe deeply and let God’s grace wash over you. 2. B e transformed by the renewing of your mind. Do more than read— study and pray through Scripture. 3. Take care of your health. Eat well, get enough rest and exercise. These three things impact your overall health as well as your emotional and spiritual life. In the end, a song by Matt Redman keeps coming back to me. “The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning, it’s time to sing your song again.” No matter how dark the valley or how dry the desert, no matter how low you feel, a new day is coming. Stand on the promises of God. Walk in faith, for God is faithful and his love endures forever. Major Kathie Chiu is the corps officer at Richmond Community Church, B.C. Salvationist November 2015 23
Don’t Fight—Negotiate How skilled leaders manage conflict
hen dealing with conflict, a phrase Kym Elder’s father used to say has always stuck with her: “Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean.” Elder is the executive director of Lakeview Manor in Riverview, N.B., a Salvation Army long-term care facility for seniors, where the employees are unionized. A committee made up of employees and management meets each month to discuss issues related to the collective agreement. “This provides opportunities to develop and practise conflict-management skills,” Elder says. “The positions taken on a topic initially appear to be oppositional, but with time taken to inquire and explore, we have found some common ground.” Exploring the reasons—the fears, hopes and concerns—behind a position is an important part of the negotiating process, according to a ground-breaking study by the Huthwaite Institute. When researchers analyzed more than 35,000 sales calls from around the world, they found that skilled negotiators—those who were able to produce wise agreement and improve, or at least not damage, the relationship—employed four major behaviours: initiating, reacting, clarifying and control. When initiating a conversation, skilled negotiators propose an idea or build on someone else’s suggestion, but they don’t counter proposals. They react positively to other people’s opinions, 24 November 2015 Salvationist
Photo: © shironosov/iStock.com
This series of leadership articles, offered by the Territorial Training and Education Council (TTEC), focuses on individuals who reflect The Salvation Army’s commitment to models of leadership that are collaborative, support innovation and achieve accountability. For this article, Major Mona Moore, assistant officer personnel secretary, spoke with Kym Elder, executive director of Lakeview Manor in Riverview, N.B., about her experience with managing conflict.
explain their reasons before expressing disagreement and avoid defending or attacking. Compared to average negotiators, skilled negotiators spend more than double the time seeking information. They clarify and test their understanding by asking open-ended questions, probing for concerns and paraphrasing what has been said. Finally, they control their emotions, setting aside their immediate reaction to the other point of view. At a recent committee meeting, the union representative brought forward a concern that staff were regularly missing their breaks. “And the tone was—you as employers don’t care,” says Elder. “The labour reps see themselves as advocates for the workers. But I don’t come from the school of thought that employers and labour have oppositional roles. We’re all leaders. We all have responsibilities and we all care about who works here.” The management team’s first response was to listen and affirm the value of breaks. “We absolutely have the same value. We don’t want people missing their breaks—that would be exhausting. We need people to be well—they’re supporting very vulnerable people,” says Elder. “So that was part of the negotiation, making sure there was a shared expression of concern.” The next step was to get more infor-
mation. “We look for data,” says Elder. “When does this happen? What time of day, what day of the week? Were there exceptional circumstances, or do we have a system error?” Elder asked if the union rep would be willing to track missed breaks. “I explained we can make organizational improvements when we have more specific information. I invited them to be curious, rather than jump to conclusions.” Looking for trends and patterns helps move the conversation out of the realm of emotion. “We weren’t defensive at all,” says Elder. “We could have just dug in our heels and said, ‘How dare you accuse us of not caring about breaks.’ But our approach was—let’s find a way to make sure this doesn’t happen.” Having the agenda item a few days before the meeting gives time for the management team to express their reactions and go into the meeting with a clear head. Conflict is never easy, and sometimes it seems easier to ignore it—“to be in wishful-thinking land and hope it goes away,” says Elder. “When you engage in difficult conversations, you’re going down a road that will have some bumps and uncomfortable spots. “It’s a risk to be vulnerable. But my experience has been that it’s worth it, even if it’s difficult. I have confidence that we’ll make it through together.”
Modern Romance Two perspectives on finding love in the 21st century BY KRISTIN OSTENSEN
here is now a dating app for bacon lovers. Created by the romance-loving people at Oscar Mayer, Sizzl helps meat-lovers everywhere find their meat-loving soulmate because, as the app says, why should you settle for someone who doesn’t love bacon? (Why indeed.) Sizzl may be little more than a (kind of brilliant) PR move on the part of Oscar Mayer, making headlines today and then forgotten tomorrow, but the search for true love is a permanent fixture of human existence. Sizzl is just one in a long line of apps and services that offer the promise of meeting “the one.” Yet that search is hardly as simple as swiping a photo or rating a potential mate on their “sizzle” factor. Modern Romance, a new bestselling book from comedian Aziz Ansari, explores the highs and lows of dating in the 21st century. Frequently both laugh-out-loud funny and thought-provoking, the book comes at the topic from social science, looking at trends in dating, rather than providing a how-to guide. Ansari begins by looking at how dating today differs from previous generations. Two trends are particularly notable: first, we are marrying outside our immediate surroundings (in the 1930s, one-third of couples who got married lived within five blocks of each other) and, second, we are marrying later (average age is 27 for women and 29 for men, compared to about 20 and 23 in the 1950s). “This gets into a fundamental change in how marriage
is viewed,” Ansari writes. Today, people typically marry for love and happiness, but for most of history, marriage “was about creating conditions that made it possible to survive and reproduce.” This fundamental shift
—from companionate marriage to soulmate marriage—has major consequences for how people date today. The search for the right partner takes longer and involves more options than ever before—in large part thanks to online dating. “Today, if you own a smartphone, you’re carrying a 24-7 singles bar in your pocket,” writes Ansari, where judgments are swift and success depends on crafting the right online persona. Ansari spends a good chunk of Modern Romance poking fun at the frustrations of digitized dating—choosing the perfect profile photo, agonizing over the wording of
every text message and getting caught in the paradox of choice (Am I settling down or just settling?). So many people are looking for love but can’t seem to find intimacy. In this sense, Scary Close by Donald Miller (author of Blue Like Jazz) is like an antidote to modern romance. Against the backdrop of our carefully curated, social media-driven lives, Scary Close is about learning to drop the act and find true intimacy. In contrast to Ansari’s book, Scary Close is deeply personal. Miller starts with his own relationship failures and shares his often-messy process as he learns how
to connect with others. For Miller, the root of his inability to have intimate relationships is the pressure to perform—to “play a role” to get people to like him. He goes back to his childhood to find the point at which he started believing there was something wrong
with him, when he started “wearing a costume covering who I was, my flaws and my imperfections and my humanity.” This costume—the “Donald” who is smart, funny and successful—eventually makes it impossible for him to be in a relationship. As Miller writes, “How can we be loved if we are always in hiding?” For him, the problem is never feeling good enough: “Those of us who are never satisfied with our accomplishments secretly believe nobody will love us unless we’re perfect.” This problem also has implications for his relationship with God: “Those who can’t accept their imperfections can’t accept grace either.” Ditching the costume means, above all, being honest: “Deception in any form kills intimacy … because intimacy is based on trust.” It also means giving up control, because “real love stories don’t have dictators, they have participants.” And it means refraining from judgment, which “shuts us down and makes us hide.” Miller argues that true love is not so much found as it is created by two people who know who they are, know what they want in a relationship and give each other the freedom to be themselves. While Ansari is coming at the topic of modern romance from a secular perspective, his conclusion is not so different. As Ansari writes, “There’s something uniquely valuable in everyone, and we’ll be much happier and better off if we invest the time and energy it takes to find it.”
Salvationist November 2015 25
PEOPLE & PLACES
WINNIPEG—Five young people proudly display their Junior Soldier Promises as they are enrolled at Heritage Park Temple. From left, JSS Debbie Clarke; Ruby Ritson; Talitha Budden, holding the flag; Levi Deacon; Emma Puddicombe; Abigail Puddicombe; Paul Deacon, children’s ministry co-ordinator; Claire Samson; and Mjr Sandra Budden, CO.
GRAND BANK, N.L.—Front, from left, Mildred Loveless and Mabel Elms are recognized for their outstanding commitment as songsters at Grand Bank Corps, with Mildred serving for 50 years and Mabel serving for 54 years. Celebrating with them are, back, from left, Mjr Kenneth Ritson, then DSPRD, N.L. Div; Mjr Catherine Ritson, then public relations officer, N.L. Div; Cpt Reid Colbourne and Mjr Phyllis Blundell-Colbourne, COs; and Calvin Foote, colour sergeant.
HAMILTON, ONT.— Music ministry at Mountain Citadel is in good hands as Nicole Downer and Matthew Barby are commissioned as bandmaster and deputy bandmaster, respectively. Supporting them are Mjrs Darryl and Cathy Simms, COs, and Nathan Downer, Nicole’s husband, holding the flag.
OTTAWA—Brenda Monkman is this year’s recipient of the Merkel Award at The Salvation Army Barrhaven Church, which recognizes the effort and progress of junior band members and includes a scholarship to attend National Music Camp. Hailey Ritson is honoured as the runner-up. From left, Carl Merkel; Mjrs Chris and Tina Rideout, then COs; Brenda Monkman; Hailey Ritson; Heather Abbott, Joshua Bulgin and Jonah Bulgin, junior band leaders. KINGSTON, ONT.—Standing under the flag held by Ken Pedlar, an adherent and three senior soldiers are enrolled and welcomed at Rideau Heights. From left, Lt Josh Howard, CO; Deborha Cousineau, adherent; Richard Atkinson, Liz Rudd and Norval Sears, senior soldiers; and Lt Tina Howard, CO.
KINGSTON, ONT.—During a special Sunday for children and youth at Rideau Heights, young people dress in costumes representing countries where the Army is at work. The young people shared stories and music from around the world to bring attention to this year’s Partners in Mission campaign.
26 November 2015 Salvationist
SPRINGDALE, N.L.—Two local officers are welcomed during anniversary celebrations at Springdale Corps. From left, Mjrs Calvin and Beryl Collins, special guests; newly commissioned CSM Irving Hale, who was recently enrolled as a senior soldier; Kevin Saunders, holding the flag; newly commissioned CS Joy Weir; Mjrs Jacqueline and Collin Abbott, COs.
PEOPLE & PLACES
CHILLIWACK, B.C.—Supported by their leaders and one fellow junior soldier, eight young people take a stand for Christ and are enrolled as junior soldiers at Chilliwack CC. Celebrating the occasion are, from left, Mjr Tracy Goyak, CO; Grace Frayn; Mjr Joe Bailey, holding the flag; Kylie Hernandez; Reid Wilson; Hailey Hulbert; Colten Goyak; Miranda Hernandez; Hailie Wilson; Kordelia Pfeifer; Taylor Pfeifer; Mjr Joan Shayler, junior soldier teacher; and Mjr Orest Goyak, CO.
SUMMERFORD, N.L.—Joyce Boyde donates an organ to the New World Island West Corps in memory of her husband, Roy Boyde. From left, CSM Viola Boyd, organist; Joyce Boyde; Mjr Brandi and Cpt Dwayne LeDrew, COs.
TORONTO—Supported by her corps officers, Mjrs Ron and Donna Millar, and CT Paul Thornhill, holding the flag, Lisa Baker is commissioned as the corps sergeant-major at Scarborough Citadel.
WINNIPEG—The ranks at Living Hope CC are reinforced as four senior soldiers and five junior soldiers are enrolled. Front, from left, Breanna Timmerman, David Trickett, Immanuel Solomon and Stavinder Parmar, junior soldiers. Middle, from left, Fred Blackburn, Prayer Parmar and Celeste Parmar, senior soldiers; Opi (Esther) Omatayo, junior soldier; and Nevil Parmar, senior soldier. Back, Adam Woodland, holding the flag.
Banding is Alive and Well at Carbonear Corps
CARBONEAR, N.L.—When a new Eb bass was purchased for use by the Carbonear Corps Band, members of the band chose to dedicate it in memory of former bandsman and bass player Malcolm Penney. The instrument was presented to Bandsman Neville Penney, Malcolm’s son, by CSM Chesley Ash, acting bandmaster. Ash acknowledged Malcolm’s contribution to banding and spoke of the way he reached out to people through his musical talent. Since the corps was established in 1886 by Cpt Albert Kimball, the musical support of a brass band has always been a prominent feature of worship services and continues to be an integral component of the corps’ ministry program. From left, Mjrs Wycliffe and Shirley Reid, COs; Neville Penney; and Chesley Ash.
NORTH VANCOUVER—Members of the Knitting and Fellowship Circle at North Vancouver Corps gather weekly under the leadership of Donna Hollwey to receive encouragement and spiritual support as they create handmade items to help others, including hats, slippers and face cloths for women’s centres and shelters in the Vancouver area. Salvationist November 2015 27
PEOPLE & PLACES
TORONTO—Scarborough Citadel celebrates as eight senior soldiers, four junior soldiers and one adherent are enrolled, and one person renews her commitment to senior soldiership. Front, from left, CSM Lisa Baker; Enid Alstrom, senior soldier; Rachel Wright, Lucy LeBlanc, Sean Millar and Shannon Wright, junior soldiers; Alison Moore, integrated and children’s ministries co-ordinator; and Mjr Donna Millar, CO. Middle, from left, Mjr Ron Millar, CO; John Anderson, adherent; Tammy Smallwood, Wayne Roberts, Jocelyne LeBlanc and Sudhakar Moganasandaram, senior soldiers. Back, from left, David Moore, senior soldier; CT Paul Thornhill, holding the flag; Barb Klein and Krisanth Moganasandaram, senior soldiers; and Linda Jacome, who renewed her commitment to senior soldiership.
GAZETTE INTERNATIONAL Appointments: Dec 1—Lt-Cols Kelvin/Julie Alley, CS/TSWM, Papua New Guinea Tty; Jun 1, 2016—Lt-Cols Kenneth/Cheryl Maynor, TC/TPWM, Japan Tty, with rank of col; Cols Kim, Pil-Soo/Choi, Sun-Hee, TC/TPWM, Korea Tty, with rank of comr; Lt-Cols Chang Man-Hee/Stephanie Chang, CS/TSWM, Korea Tty, with rank of col TERRITORIAL Birth: Cdts Joseph/Donna Ludlow, daughter, Elaina Joelyn Pearl, Sep 9 Promoted to major: Cpts Kwangsoo (Daniel)/Kyuhang (Sarah) Lim Long service: 35 years—Mjr John Goulding Retirements: Mjr Donna Goulding, Lt-Cols Junior/Verna Hynes Promoted to glory: Cpt Mrs. Merle Woodley, from Portage La Prairie, Man., Aug 21; Mrs. Mjr Margaret Walker, from Victoria, Aug 25; Mjr Rolf Paul, from Guelph, Ont., Sep 8
COBOURG, ONT.—Publicly declaring their commitment to Jesus Christ, five young people are enrolled as junior soldiers at Cobourg CC. From left, AYPSM Mike Graham; Drew Young, holding the flag; Matthew Simpson; Hannah Simpson; Lottie Gillespie; Katherine Fisher; YPSM Lisa Graham; Journey Leavitt; Cpts Michael and Carolyn Simpson, COs.
CALENDAR Commissioner Susan McMillan: Nov 9-16 congress, Bermuda Div, with General André Cox and Commissioner Silvia Cox; Nov 18-19 Territorial Executive Conference/Territorial Leaders’ Conference, JPCC; Nov 21-23 CFOT, Winnipeg; Nov 26-30 Bolivian 95th anniversary congress, Cochabamba, South America West Tty Colonels Mark and Sharon Tillsley: Nov 1-10 Holy Land tour; Nov 12-15 congress, Bermuda Div, with General André Cox and Commissioner Silvia Cox; Nov 18-19 Territorial Executive Conference/Territorial Leaders’ Conference, JPCC Canadian Staff Band: Nov 14, Fall Festival, Mississauga Temple CC, Ont.; Nov 15 Santa Claus Parade, Toronto
28 November 2015 Salvationist
SUMMERFORD, N.L.—When three fires occurred in a two-week period in the New World Island area, The Salvation Army was called upon by local fire departments to lend assistance to the first responders at all three fire sites. Firefighters and RCMP officers received hot and cold drinks, snacks, baked goods and meals from Army personnel. From left, Cpt Dwayne LeDrew, CO, New World Island West Corps; Ruby Maidment; Mjr Brandi LeDrew, CO, New World Island West Corps; Angela Rideout; Maurice Hurley and Mike Barnes, firefighters; Terry Hann, fire chief; Viola Boyd; Ray Maidment; Goldie Brown; and Mike Jenkins.
PEOPLE & PLACES
TRIBUTES TORONTO—Brigadier Evelyn Clara Gwendolyn (Gwen) Hickman (nee Heffernan) was born in Port Blandford, N.L., in 1916, and grew up in Halifax. She accepted Christ as a young girl and entered into the activities of Halifax Citadel. Commissioned as an officer in 1941, Gwen served 12 years in corps appointments in the Maritimes and 28 years in divisional administration from coast to coast, participating in corps activities in each appointment. In 1961, Gwen married Major Fred Howlett in Hamilton, Ont., where she was corps cadet counsellor at the then Hamilton Temple. Following Fred’s promotion to glory in 1985, Gwen married Brigadier Garfield Hickman in 1988, and moved to Toronto where she led the seniors’ ministry at the then North Toronto Citadel. Soon after Garfield’s promotion to glory, she entered the Meighen Retirement Residence where she contributed items to their annual sale that she created through knitting and needlepoint. Gwen supported children’s ministries at North Toronto Community Church by providing gifts to celebrate moments in the lives of the young people. Gwen thanked God for his blessings and testified to his grace. Gwen is survived by her sister, Shirley Robertson; nephew, Richard (Heather) Leonard; nieces Judy Cyples and Debra (Patrick) Taylor, and their children. CALGARY—Born in Hazelton, B.C., as the youngest of three boys, Brigadier Sigvard Hägglund was promoted to glory at the age of 95. Sigvard came to know the Lord and entered training college in 1940. He married Captain Margaret Millman in 1947, and they served in corps for the first years of their marriage. They were blessed with three sons. Starting in the early 1960s, they moved to the men’s social department where they continued to serve until retirement. Following their retirement, Sigvard and Margaret moved from Toronto to Calgary, where he was able to garden, which he enjoyed, and produce beautiful fruit, vegetables and flowers. He did a monthly nursing home service until he was in his late 80s, and faithfully supported the Forrest Lawn Corps until he was 91, when ill health prevented him from attending. Sigvard’s quiet demeanor and beautiful smile reflected his relationship with God and love for others. The last few years he lived at Clifton Manor. Predeceased by his loving wife, Margaret, in 1999, he is greatly missed by sons Ralph (Jane), John and James (Gwen); granddaughters Lisa and Naomi-Lynn. TORONTO—Clifford John Kitchener Ash was born in Great Britain in 1916. When his father, a Canadian soldier, was killed during the First World War, his mother returned to Canada but died in the 1919 flu epidemic. Cliff and his sister, Kay, were raised in a loving home by the Dowding family, Salvationists in Toronto. Cliff married Ann in the late 1940s, and they had one son, Gord. Five years after Ann’s death in 1967, Cliff married Joan, with whom he joyfully lived for 42 years until he entered the Sunnybrook Health Services Centre K-Unit early this year. Cliff served with the Canadian Corps of Engineers during the Second World War and was a proud veteran. While the war’s impact took him away from an active Christian faith for a few years, Cliff became a faithful Salvation Army soldier. A man of simple faith, he played in the band for more than 50 years and supported children’s ministries at York Community Church in Toronto. Cliff retired after more than 30 years with the Toronto Transit Commission and then, as an ardent baseball fan, worked for the Toronto Blue Jays for five years. To the end, Cliff’s infectious smile and quick wit did not fade. He is missed by his wife, Joan; son, Gord; four grandchildren and four great-grandchildren.
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WHITE ROCK, B.C.—Olive Margaret Lillian Underdown (nee Gait) was born in Fort William (Thunder Bay), Ont., in 1924. Olive joined The Salvation Army with her husband and family in 1956. She gave leadership to the home league in Penticton, B.C., for several years, and was an active member of the league of mercy (community care ministries). Even after her retirement, Olive visited many seniors’ homes with The Salvation Army, helped with the Christmas toy distribution and Christmas kettles, and volunteered at the Army thrift store, where she was honoured for her customer service. Olive’s favourite volunteer job was assisting with the moms and tots summer camp at the Army’s Camp Sunrise in Gibsons, B.C. Always willing to help with a quiet, gentle soul, Olive will be remembered for her dedication to praying for others. Predeceased by her husband, Harold, in 1979, Olive “Nana” will be missed by children Margaret, Gerald “Jerry” and Nancy; grandchildren and great-grandchildren in the Underdown, Williamson, Tanizawa, Martin and Ngongo families. ST. CATHARINES, ONT.—Mrs. Major Gladys Boone was born in Twillingate, N.L., in 1931. When Gladys was very young, she accepted Jesus as her Saviour. Dedicating her life to full-time service to God, she entered the training college in St. John’s, N.L., and was commissioned in 1953. That same year, Gladys met Major William Boone and they were married in 1955. Their first child, Christine, was born in 1962, and three years later, David was born. Gladys was very proud of her children and overjoyed when she became a grandmother to Ian, Matthew, Stephanie and David Jr. Many people called her “Mother Boone” and “Grandma Boone” because of her loving and caring spirit. Throughout her 35 years of ministry with the Army, Gladys was appointed to corps throughout Newfoundland, corrections work in Kingston, Ont., the Eventide Seniors’ Home in Niagara Falls, Ont., and addictions and rehabilitation in Toronto. Gladys retired in 1991 but continued in voluntary service with the Army until she suffered a serious stroke in December 2014. Just the night before, she had recited Scripture and portrayed a Christmas angel in the St. Catharines Corps’ candlelight service. Gladys’ door and heart were open to all. OTTAWA—Born in Montreal in 1912, Elsie May Linklater (nee Byford) was promoted to glory at the age of 102. “Maisie” spent the majority of her life attending Ottawa Citadel and Gladstone Community Church in Ottawa. She devoted her life and skills to her church, family and friends. May’s Christian witness touched countless lives. She was commissioned in the Unity Session and served for a time as a Salvation Army officer in the Canada and Bermuda Territory. She led numerous timbrel brigades, singing companies and ladies’ vocal groups. May accompanied songster brigades and played the organ and piano for services for many years. May showed her love and compassion for people through decades of work with the league of mercy (community care ministries), home league, crisis line, Red Shield Appeal and family services. May also witnessed for her Lord through her skills at crafts and sewing and her wonderful sense of humour. Predeceased by her husband, Clarence, and son, Arthur, May is survived by her son, Geoffrey (Laurie), and sisters Betty Morris (Jack) and Dorothy.
Guidelines for Tributes Tributes should be received within two months of the promotion to glory and include: community where the person resided; conversion to Christ; corps involvement; Christian ministry; survivors. We reserve the right to edit all submissions. High-resolution digital photos (300 ppi preferred) or clear, original photos are acceptable (original photos will be returned). E-mail: salvationist@ can.salvationarmy.org.
Salvationist November 2015 29
As Wide as the Ocean A broken relationship led to a new love story BY VANESSA HATZIOANNIDIS
30 November 2015 Salvationist
Photo: Tina Hatzioannidis
y family is Greek Orthodox. I enjoy Orthodox culture and festivities, but we weren’t terribly devout. We went to mass with my grandparents at Christmas and Easter, standing up and sitting down when the rest of the congregation did, because my sister and I don’t understand much Greek. Then I started dating a man who had a relationship with God in a way I didn’t. Over four years, he talked about his love of Christ and how he wanted me to know God as well. He invited me to church with him from time to time, and that’s how I began attending Northridge Community Church in Newmarket, Ont. Everything at Northridge was new and unfamiliar, except the warmth I felt from the people. The corps officers were easier to understand than the priests I was accustomed to. They spoke about a great love I had never heard of, a relationship I didn’t have and a commitment like no other. I began to pray and read. C.S. Lewis became a good friend—his books were like letters from a wise, distant pen pal. When I started talking to my parents about my interest in Christianity, they encouraged me to stay open to different spiritual paths. My father is one of the most intelligent men I know, and I appreciated the “devil’s advocate” role he took. Sometimes I was frustrated that I couldn’t answer his questions, but they challenged me. Through it all, God’s Word continued to speak in my life. Still, I was stuck staring at the vast ocean that was the love of God from a safe distance on shore. It was clear to me that following Christ wasn’t a decision to make lightly, and so I hesitated. And then my heart was broken. The man I loved and dreamed of sharing my life with no longer felt the same about me. I wept and wondered why this was happening. It came to one painfully vulner-
Vanessa Hatzioannidis at her favourite place in Newmarket, Ont. “I like to go for a drive and listen to ‘80s music while I talk to God,” she says
able moment. I looked back and saw brokenness; I looked forward and saw giant question marks. In desperation, I searched for someone to help. Then I felt a force above me and my knees met the ground. I took a deep breath in and sent a broken cry out. God was there. Since that moment, my heart has been filled with the Spirit. Thinking about it often brings me to tears. My family has supported me with open arms and hearts. They continue to ask questions about my faith and are patient when I struggle to answer. They make sure the car is available on Sundays so I can get to church and they even attended a service to acknowledge my faith commitment. There are times when they worry about me, but it serves as a reminder that I come from a family of lion hearts, with strength and loyalty like the sun and stars. Sometimes I feel guilty that it took a
crisis to bring me to God. He was there the whole time, whispering in my ear and patiently waiting for me to turn to him, but I ignored him until I was desperate. I realize now I idolized my romantic relationship, relying on it to be my everything. I wish I could go back and reach out for God sooner, but that’s not how it works. His love is truth and grace—truth that points out I’m not the master of my own life and will always need him; grace that loves me despite my mistakes, more than I will ever deserve. As for my heart—it still aches for the love I once had. But now I know my life is in better hands than my own. My hope rests in Christ, and if I am certain of anything it is that our love story will last a lifetime. I’m doing my best to listen for his voice and surrender everything for his glory, giving myself to him each day to do his will.
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