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FEATURES Storytime: Angst, Agony, and Adorable Babies My Attention is Broke Where Viral Dreams Go To Die

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COLUMNS Liquid Knowledge The F Word Mauri Ora Shit Chat Token Cripple SWAT PSC: One Ocean Ngai Tauira Dream Diagnosis

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REVIEWS Art Television Music Fashion Food

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ENTERTAINMENT Procrastination Horoscopes

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buffering This year we decided to introduce a new member of staff, @yung_bluray (a.k.a. Callum), the Social Media Co-ordinator. Paper is dying, and our carbon footprint isn’t getting any smaller. Editors from other magazines tried to persuade us to spend the money on something else. Another writer, a dog, or even just a party. Despite what others told us, we decided to take the dive into establishing ourselves on social media. People don’t know where we are. We had someone call the office yesterday and ask what time we open on Fridays. The magazine, for the last century, has been focused on what we put on paper—not how we make ourselves appear online. Through Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn, we decided to create strategies that would allow us to reach more students around New Zealand, with stories that are more relatable than Nexus’ Mullet of the Week. This shit is hard. We’ve gained followers. Likes on Facebook. Disciples on Twitter. We’ve been high off the fragrance of social media, and have neared the reach some influencers make in a week. Admittedly, we get lost in Callum’s algorithms: The prime time post that increases reach by 30% and engagement by 70% but only pops when shared in Wellington, NZ; doesn’t make sense to us, but apparently it’s porn to Callum (and half of the Marketing graduates this year.) One thing we can grasp: elements like Insta Stories have allowed us to understand our readers like never before. We’ve asked you questions. You’ve gotten personal. And vice versa. The story feature allows you to see the inner workings of our humble mag, beyond a weekly editorial photo shot on an old iPhone.

It’s made us more approachable, too. When people say they’re intimidated to come into the office, we’re thrown. Come on in! Come be in our Insta story. Add to the digital and print mediums we’re pouring our days and nights into. We often find ourselves sneaking up on students and staff who are reading the magazine and asking them what they think. Throwing shade at us over Instagram or Twitter means nothing if we can’t hash it out over coffee. While Callum gets lost in the numbers and statistics, we often got lost in the paper. This week, we encourage you to get outside and meet in the middle. Touch a face and then touch your own. In other news, we had to see off the marvellous Emma Houpt last week, our chief news writer. Although she didn’t study at Vic, and only worked part-time outside the office, Emma managed to crank out a set of solid articles on tricky issues. Her meatiest work includes initial coverage of the Fountown Liquor Ban, the new draft sexual harassment policy, and the mid-year assessment period changes (she got to interview Wendy Larner). Not bad for a Massey graduate. She also broke the story on inappropriate, drunken behaviour from staff at Uni Hall. Without trying to make it sound like she died, she’ll be missed— though, to be fair, death is probably a better fate than working up in Tauranga.

Kii Small & Taylor Galmiche

FIGHT OR FLIGHT A FILM ABOUT ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION Fight or Flight is a documentary film project that has been funded by the New Zealand Mental Health Foundation to explore anxiety and depression in people aged 16 to 28.

Send your notices to

In the first phase of this project we are looking for people aged 16-35 who are willing to share their stories in a conversation about depression and/or anxiety in either written or video interview form. We are also looking for artists who would be interested in interpreting people’s stories for animated sections of the documentary.


All who would like to participate can nominate a charity to whom we will donate a small portion of money to, and authors of selected works will receive a grocery voucher worth 50 dollars.

Meetings are Tuesdays, 6:30 p.m. in SU218

The film is being co-produced by Shona Jaunas who recently finished the MFA (CP) at VUW. For any further information please contact Michelle Cameron, or text/call: 021 990 661

CEILIDH WITH VICFOLK 8th June, 7—10:30 p.m. Thistle Hall (corner of Cuba St and Arthur St) There’s a chill in the air, nights are drawing in...let’s kick those winter/exam blues with a ceilidh! Vicfolk brings you another evening of super easy, warmthinducing, and social dancing to cracking live music. Don’t worry if you’ve never danced before; we have callers on hand to explain the dances step-by-step. Bring all your friends, and meet some new ones! Advance discounted tickets from


Door sales (cash only): $10 students / $15 general.

I was much saddened to find no crossword answers in the last edition. Perhaps you think nobody's lame enough to do the crosswords every week? Well, I'm here to tell you some of us are just that lame, and I am one of those somebodies. How am I supposed to figure out which mythological figure found hope at the bottom of a box? Don't say google it - that's an outright violations of the crossworder's code. I eagerly await a double-edition of solutions next week. Sincerely, Cross and puzzled

Send your letters to

Hi Salient team, The reviews section this week looks absolutely beautiful. Bless you guys~ Best wishes, Lara van der Raaij

Correction to News in Issue 9: Last week Salient ran a story on Operation Burnham, titled “Activists Say SAS Raid Inquiry Lacks Transparency”. The story misattributed statements about the inquiry’s procedures to the NZDF, rather than the inquiry itself. The story was also filed and submitted prior to the date of the second hearing being made public, incorrectly stating that the date had not yet been released. The second hearing will take place on May 22 and 23. The third hearing will take place on July 29 and 30. Salient apologises for these mistakes, and any confusion it may have caused. The online article has been updated to contain the correct information.


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What is a benefit (momentous or miniscule) of social media? Send your replies to our Instagram stories @salientgram

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Streaming Frank Ocean Twitter was the only thing I could consume when depression REPLY destroyed my ability to concentrate



It's a free way to communicate with friends and family Keeping in touch with friends and family all around the world



Instagram is a nice visual scrapbook It has made me more aware and engaged with content about climate change



When you miss your dog and your mum sends you photos


Video calls with my long distance girlfriend REPLY





News. MONDAY , 20 MAY 2019

VUWSA Responds to Provost’s Mid-Year Assessment Changes FINN BLACKWELL In 2016, Victoria University announced a “redevelopment” for Trimester 3, extending it to 12 weeks.

Habgood responded, stating “It is not enough that students have the onus of ‘thinking differently’ about how to handle exams, or that only long-term solutions are in place.”

As part of a previous article on the issue ("Concerns around Shortening Exam and Marking Period" by Emma Houpt), Salient interviewed Provost Wendy Larner about the changes.

The university’s solution is to spread out exam timetabling, regardless of the shorter time span in which they are to be completed.

The extensive interview brought up a number of points that may have been of concern to VUWSA and students themselves. Salient provided VUWSA’s Student Representation Co-ordinator Joseph Habgood with the interview for comment.

Concerns for both students and staff seem to be shared by many around the university, and VUWSA urges VUW to find immediate solutions “that would mitigate the risks brought about by the condensed mid-year timeline for Trimester 1, 2019.”

In the interview, Larner outlines VUW’s position on extending Trimester 3 to a full 12 weeks, justifying its necessity.

Salient brought up other issues from the interview to VUWSA. These included: VUWSA’s role and actions following the 2016 decision; whether they had information on additional resourcing for struggling tutors alluded to by Larner; if VUWSA held any concerns about Larner’s apparent doubt that exams would not be marked on time and whether such concerns had been taken into account; and whether VUWSA had any stance on the university’s desire to create a 12-week third trimester.

“That [...] decision was to regularise our year dates,” said Larner. “There are some teething issues,” continued Larner, “in part because we made the decision in 2016, then people sort of just didn’t think about it.” This caused concerns at the time, with some student tutors finding it unfair, as mentioned in our previous article.

Habgood’s written response did not address all of these specifically. However, he said that “VUWSA remains extremely concerned about the implications of the condensed exam timeline, and marking deadline, to both students and staff.”

Habgood expressed VUWSA’s concerns to Salient, saying that, “Given that faculties have been putting in place more robust marking and moderation procedures, we also remain concerned that these [...] would either be ignored or push faculties past the grade entry deadline.”

Salient also asked if VUWSA had plans to get students informed about the changes that would be occurring. This was addressed in a previous VUWSA exec meeting, where Rinaldo Strydom and Geo Robrigado indicated messaging would begin around the time the timetable was released.

Larner appeared unconcerned about the impact that the changes would have on students, despite acknowledging students now face a shortened (and more intensive) exam period.

“The university has a responsibility to mitigate the risks to students that arise from these changes.”

“There was an agreement that the scheduling [of exams] would take place so no one would be forced to take three exams in two days,” remarked Larner.

The university’s assessment handbook, which outlines requirements around assessments, is available on the university website.

Regarding the (now much shorter) three-working-day marking period, Larner again appeared to play down concerns, “We are [changing scheduling] for the first time.”

If you have questions and concerns about the upcoming exams, you can talk to VUWSA’s student advocate Erica Schouten, your Class Rep, and/ or your course co-ordinator.

She continued, “I think it will require students to be thinking a little bit differently as well, so the idea that you can do your exam and then study for the next one, and do [another] exam then study for the next one.”

The full transcript of the interview with Provost Wendy Larner can be found on the Salient website.



"Whakahokia te reo mai i te mata o te pene, ki te mata o te arero" - Te Wharehuia Milroy Dies Aged 81 MASON LAWLOR He mea rongonui a Te Wharehuia ki ngā kaupapa o te reo Māori, tana panekiretanga, tana whakarauora.

Matua o Te Kōhanga Reo me te Rōpū Whakamana i te Tiriti o Waitangi. Nā Wharehuia rātou ko Tā Tīmoti Kareti, ko Ahorangi Pou Temara, e karangatia nei ko te ‘Tokotoru o Paewhiti’, te Panekiretanga i whakatū.

I tipu ake a Wharehuia, he uri nō Tūhoe me Te Arawa ki roto o Ruātoki, hei tāna “nā Tūhoe au i poipoi, nā Tūhoe aku whakaaro i whāngai mai ki ahau.”

E ai ki Pou Temara “he iti ngā tangata pēnei ināianei” ā, i tāpiri atu ia, “he tipua, he tipua ia.”

I whakapau kaha tēnei tētēkura mō te reo Māori. I whiwhi ia i te tūranga pūkenga i te Whare Wānanga o Waikato, i āwhinatia te whakatū i te wāhanga Māori i reira.

Hei tā Kahurangi Maxwell, he tauira a Te Wharehuia, “Ehara i te mea i pupuri ia i ōna mātauranga, i hora ki te motu.”

I te tau 2012 i whiwhi ia i te Tohu Hapori mō āna mahi nunui ki te reo Māori.

Ko ia tētahi manutaki i te ope whakarauora i te reo.

Hei tā Peeni Hēnare “ko ōna tapuwae nui ki runga i te mata o te whenua.” I tomo ia ki ngā tūranga maha, otirā ki ngā poari pēnei i te Te Taura Whiri, Te Poari

I mate atu a Te Wharehuia i te ata o the whitu o Mei, nā te mate i roa i ngau i a ia. Kei te takoto ia ki te taha o tana makau a Niwa, ki Mātaatua marae.

To many, the name Te Wharehuia is synonymous with Te Reo Māori, its excellence, and its revitalisation.

National Trust, the national board for Māori immersion early childhood centres; as well as the Waitangi Tribunal.

A descendant of Ngāi Tūhoe and Te Arawa, Wharehuia Milroy grew up in Ruātoki. He stated “it was Tūhoe that raised me, and framed my world view.”

Wharehuia, along with close friends Professor Pou Temara and Sir Tīmoti Karetu, started Te Panekiretanga, The Institute of Excellence in the Māori Language.

This stalwart spent much of his life dedicated to Te Reo Māori. He was given a professorship at the University of Waikato, and assisted them in establishing their own school of Māori Studies.

Professor Pou Temara stated ”there are not any other like him in this day and age,” and went on to state that he was a “tipua”—a legend.

In 2012, he was appointed as a companion of the Queen’s Service Order for his services to the Māori language.

"Whakahokia te reo mai i te mata o te pene, ki te mata o te arero." - Wharehuia Milroy, seen here after receiving the New Zealand Order of Merit. Photo retrieved from the Governor General’s website.

He was a man “who didn’t keep his knowledge to himself, rather shared it to his people, to everyone,” stated Kahurangi Maxwell, a student of Te Wharehuia.

Labour MP Peeni Hēnare said “he had left an impression on Māori Society as a whole.”

Wharehuia was at the forefront of those people who encouraged this generation in its journey to reclaim what has been described as a taonga.

He held numerous positions, and sat on numerous boards, including Te Taura Whiri, the Māori Language Commision; the Kōhanga Reo

Wharehuia passed away early in the morning of May 7 after a long battle with illness, and is buried by his wife Rangiāniwaniwa.




Vigil Held For Victims of Sri Lankan Easter Sunday Attacks THARISHEKA MOHAN A vigil for the lives lost in the Sri Lanka Easter Sunday attacks was held in the Hub on May 8. In the Easter Sunday attacks in Sri Lanka, suicide bombers targeted three churches and three luxury hotels, leaving at least 250 people killed and hundreds injured. The vigil was organised by the Sri Lankan student community at VUW, and started with a short clip about Sri Lanka. The national anthem was then played, followed by Anglican, Islam, Hindu, and Buddhist prayers from religious leaders, as well as speeches from various leaders to commemorate the victims. The vigil concluded with a two-minute silence, and thoughts written on a blackboard. Miniruwani Samarakoon and Pavithra Jayawardena, two of the vigil organisers, told Salient the Sri Lankan students at Victoria were shocked and devastated by the news. “Since we are living miles away from our home, we wanted to get together and do something that would bring prayers and

blessings for the victims of the terror attack.” “This is why we thought of a multi-religious vigil because Sri Lanka is a multi-religious and multi-ethnic country.” Those who gathered for the prayers felt blessed to hear all the prayers and were encouraged to be strong during difficult times. VUWSA President Tamatha Paul told Salient that they send “their aroha and tautoko to the people of Sri Lanka and our Sri Lankan student community here at Vic.” She added, “we cannot let hatred win, and we hope with the launch of #iTooAmVic we can celebrate our diverse student community even more and show every single student [...] that we care about them and will support them.” The university also extended their support to the Sri Lankan community and thanks for organising the vigil. Provost Professor Wendy Larner told Salient, “Gatherings like this remind us that we are a single community and that regardless of nationality, ethnicity, or religions of the victims, we all share a sense of outrage at the violence that has occurred.”

Eye on the Exec FINN BLACKWELL Another month, another tantalising VUWSA executive meeting. With the name change out of the way, the students’ association was able to turn their focus to new issues that needed their immediate attention.

The aim is to create an “open, cross-racial discussion forum” in which students could feel comfortable to share their own cultural heritage while also learning more about others.

Living Wage @ VUW The meeting kicked off with guest Lyndy McIntyre discussing with the how students and staff can get involved with the Living Wage Movement NZ at VUW. “Our pressure is on wealthy corporates”, commented McIntyre.

Student Assembly The exec continued their discussion on the implementation of a uniwide Student Assembly, aiming to bring heads of clubs, staff, and of course students, together to talk on pressing issues. This would take the place of the many (“ineffective”) student forums that VUW holds, which VUWSA President Tamatha Paul thinks is a necessary sacrifice, remarking “the word [forum] has become an empty signifier”.

With VUWSA being long-time members of the movement, there’s a real push for students to get involved. With Living Wage Day taking place in the Hub at noon on May 22, it’s the perfect opportunity to come and show support.

Fountain Town Lives on It was announced at the exec meeting that there had been 470 submissions in the vote deciding whether or not to place a liquor ban on Kelburn park. A whopping 380 of those votes were against the liquor ban, meaning Fountown may live to see another day.

#ITooAmVic With the launch of #ITooAmVic last Wednesday, VUSWA discussed the importance of the event and how celebrating diversity and belonging at Vic was crucial for a mutual appreciation of the many cultures at the uni. *

*the engagement committee advises you to “get really fuckin’ engaged” with activities around campus



Draft Sexual Harassment Policy Consultation Seeing Mixed Responses ANNABELLE MCCARTHY

VUWSA’s consultation suggested that a behavioural, rather than “legalistic” approach to definitions would be preferable. This would mean that instead of limited and prescribed definitions, the definition section should be framed around survivors’ experiences.

The consultation process on a stand-alone ‘Sexual Harassment Prevention Policy’ is underway at Victoria, with praise and criticism for both the policy and the process. Salient attended student forums held at Kelburn, Pipitea and Te Aro campuses in early May. A separate forum was also held for staff members. Provost Professor Wendy Larner chaired the discussions.

Morar illustrated this with a proposal from VUWSA’s own consultation, that sexually harmful behaviour be defined as “what the victim or survivor says it is”. Morar acknowledged this would be practically difficult to apply.

Responses to the policy itself have varied, with some elements gaining positive responses and others negative.

When asked if the policy accounts for sexuality and diversity amongst students and staff, Larner acknowledged the rate of sexual harassment was higher against certain vulnerable communities. The policy does not explicitly recognise this, however.

Many students who attended the forums praised the policy’s distinction between disclosures and formal complaints. VUWSA’s Welfare Vice President Rhianna Morar also thought this change was a positive one, as it “gives survivors more autonomy” on the issue.

On the policy’s consultation processes themselves, Larner said the university is “committed to developing this policy in partnership with […] staff and students”. She also reported a high quality of questions and comments from both students and staff.

A key area of concern was the proposed name of the policy. Several students pointed out that the policy does not commit students or staff to any preventative education or training, despite “prevention” being in the title.

However, the student forums were poorly attended. Morar said that there were approximately seven students at the Pipitea forum, around 15 at Kelburn’s, and nobody at Te Aro’s.

Jahla Lawrence, a sexual violence academic and Co-President of Victoria University Feminist Organisation, told Salient that the term ‘sexual harassment’ does not reflect academic, legal, or activist language.

Morar was critical of the consultation process in general, describing the student forums as “unhelpful”, and comparing them to the “also poorly attended” name change forums.

She suggested that ‘sexually harmful behaviours’ would instead encompass all forms of sexual harm and avoid downplaying the significance of such experiences.

She suggested that the university needed to go further than just using student forums and VUWSA to consult.

Similarly, the draft policy defines “sexual harassment” as behaviour which is “significant enough to have a harmful effect on an individual's study or employment environment, study or job performance or satisfaction”.

When asked about the written submission period, Morar said she was very happy the period had been extended. However, she said there needed to be more work done to get students engaged enough to actually submit on the policy.

Some students felt this did not capture all consequences of sexual misconduct, particularly ones which are not easily observable.

She pointed out that VUWSA had done work on promoting the consultation to the student body, but with limited resources it was questionable whether VUWSA “should be doing the university’s job for them”.

Morar indicated that consultation with clubs and the Student Equity and Diversity Committee reflected concerns about the policy’s definitions. Specifically, that the variety of qualifications on what constituted sexual harassment limited the scope of the policy.

Both VUWSA and the university encourage anyone who would like to submit feedback on the draft policy to do so. The submission deadline is May 31. Until then, you can make submissions or ask questions at




Te Papa’s Squid is Back and Better Than Ever SHANTI MATHIAS Te Taiao Nature, a brand-new Te Papa exhibition foccused on natural history, opened on Saturday, 11 May.

of different people’s needs.” Workshops were held throughout the country to test concepts to allow for broad appeal.

The exhibition has “everything from collection items, to hands-on interactive exhibits, to deep-level content and digital labels,” according to Frith Williams, Te Papa’s Head of Experience Design + Content.

Te Taiao is a bilingual exhibition; all text is written in both English and Te Reo Māori. The exhibits incorporate Te Ao Māori into its displays. The ‘Whakarūaumoko Active Land’ display incorporates Māori myths about volcanoes, and a ‘mauri activator’ asks visitors to place their hands on a spiral to bring a screen to life.

The themes sections incorporate New Zealand’s unique wildlife, volcanoes and earthquakes, birds and extinction, and climate change challenges and the future. The exhibition updates much of the science from the previous nature exhibition which it replaces. The exhibition is designed progressively, so that New Zealand’s unique plants and animals are displayed before exhibits about threats to their existence. Susan Waugh, Head of Science at Te Papa, said, “We really wanted people to get the thrill of seeing biodiversity.” Frith Williams said that developing the climate change space was “a challenge”, in terms of interactivity and being “uplifting”. According to Williams, Te Taiao was designed “in aware[ness]

Waugh said that one of the key questions in developing Te Taio was “How do we get the public to care about nature?” While information about extinction and climate change can be depressing, she said that there is a “focus on things that the public can take home, as well as the collectivity of action required.” Survey questions, such as “Petrol cars should be banned by 2050” gauge public views on various topics; the data gathered is open source and provided to researchers. Te Taio’s redevelopment cost $12 million. Entry is free.

Entrance to the Te Taiao exhibition. Photo provided by Shanti Mathias.



Opinion. The Rainbow Tank LUKE REDWARD


The biggest thing to have come out of Pride was an unnecessary witch hunt. I mean, to be fair, we only had one protestor, and people hurling abuse and rude gestures at the National Party isn’t exactly news. However, the so-called “tank” being the focus of the parade has left me fuming.

There was a tank at Pride last weekend. Decked out in rainbow flags, driving down Courtenay Place. I wasn’t aware that we’d decided to overcompensate for what happened around Auckland’s Pride Parade—but is this what we are now? Pinkwashing the military? It is fetishistic, almost, to look at Pride—what was originally a protest and should always be a symbol of queer liberation—and decide that one’s sole contribution is to contribute to everyday militarisation alongside it.

First off, it isn’t a tank, it’s a LAV-25 which is used as a lightly armoured transport vehicle. To that end, I fail to see how them bringing a vehicle is any different to other organisations bringing their industrial vehicles—I had the misfortune to be stuck behind several, and the liberal use of their horns still gives me headaches.

I’m fine with queer members of the military and police walking in the Pride Parade—provided they’re not in their uniforms when they do it. When I go to Pride, I go dressed as myself—I would never show up and start spouting workrelated nonsense—and members of the military should not be permitted to do so either.

What I think is the most appalling is the fact that the real message was lost in translation. This year marks the 25th anniversary of the New Zealand Defence Force welcoming openly LGBT members. Not only that, but attending this parade was the chief of every branch of the military. Alongside them was the world-famous air force band with their rendition of “Amazing” by Bruno Mars. In what other country outside New Zealand would you see the chief of the Defence Force out celebrating at the Pride festival?

What does a tank at Pride say? “Don’t worry, you can be gay and contribute to the furthering of global conflict and nationalism too!” Pride is a symbol of queer liberation, of the historic bricks that our forebearers threw to give us the rights that we have today, and it should not become a place that allows for corporations to recruit.

I continue to think that the LGBT community has become too politicised. Can’t we accept the fact that our defence force is one of the most accepting in the world, and be glad that our family who are in the force can walk with pride alongside their leaders?

In New Zealand, there are countless examples where takatāpui, other-identifying queer people, and people of colour have been maligned by institutions like the police. Up until the 50’s it was legal for gay men to be whipped or imprisoned for consensual sex, and there are countless examples of homophobia and discrimination that stem from such organisations to this day. “Police uniforms represent oppression and violence to many rainbow folk and people of colour.” (The Spinoff, 2018). It should not be too much to ask that these organisations don't smooth over their past with a rainbow-tinted veneer. O'Connell Rapira, Laura. (2018). Why uniformed police won’t be part of Pride. The Spinoff. Stryker, Kitty. (2018). Why Police Aren’t Welcome at Pride. Teen Vogue.






Which is the best stall at the #ITooAmVic food fest here today?


What is your favourite social media platform?


What is your least favourite social media platform?


Where do you go for your wholesome online content?




1. The Vietnamese one with spring rolls.

1. Ngā Taura Umanga, because of the fried bread.

2. Instagram.

2. Instagram.

3. Make it so you can’t see people’s likes.

3. Follow me on @te.mahara to find out.

4. Facebook, fuck echo chambers.

4. Snapchat.

5. Radio New Zealand.

5. @ngaitauira_vuw.



If you could make one change to improve said platform, what would it be?

1. The karaoke stall.

1. The Filipino stall.

2. YouTube or Instagram.

2. Instagram.

3. Get rid of all the money involved in it. Fuck influencers.

3. Make timelines chronological. 4. Twitter.

4. Snapchat. Snapchat needs to die/is already dead.

5. Instagram.

5. Bon Appétit (@bonappetit).


MATTHEW, 19, BA 1. The VUWSA local body election enrollment table.

1. Vic Muslim Club stall. 2. Reddit.

2. Instagram.

3. It's perfect.

3. More emphasis on likes.

4. Facebook.

4. Google+ 5. Political meme pages.

5. Twitter. Donald Trump’s account because it’s so weird seeing a president actually saying stuff like that.



Politics. The Party Line The Party Line asks political parties’ youth wings a question every week. We publish their responses unaltered.

Should the government be doing more about hate speech and other harmful content on social media platforms?


Young New Zealand First


Combating hate speech across social media is difficult as platforms are owned by international companies. No isolated law will be effective as companies will simply move their country of operation and escape liability. Jacinda’s efforts to build a global movement to develop international standards is exactly what we expect of any responsible government. Christchurch Labour branches have clamped down on hate speech on social media platforms, and VicLabour will follow. We must improve our prevention of hate speech, checking ourselves and deleting or reporting it. Ultimately, media platforms must act to make the world a safer, more inclusive place themselves.

You’re zipping along the motorway and some imbecile pulls in front without indicating, narrowly evading a crash. You hate that. You find out your sister’s been stealing your cash. You hate that. John Key’s government raised house prices astronomically high. You hate him for that.

Our country is in mourning and our hearts go out to the people of Christchurch. The events of the 15th were an unprovoked attack on the very freedoms we hold dear, and the Young Nats condemn those who would use violence against our fellow brothers and sisters. No one in our country should live in fear. No matter their race, religion or beliefs. Terrorism and extremism have no place in New Zealand, and together we will defend the Kiwi values of peace, compassion, and hope. We stand ready to support the Government in any way we can.

ACT on Campus Wellington


TOP on Campus

No. The government should not be regulating speech on a private platform. These platforms rely on us, as the consumers, for their business. Real change comes from direct consumer action. We should be defining what we want on our platforms, not politicians. As we’ve seen with the dismal results from an overhyped government, this is not the 'year of delivery’ Ardern promised the country. If we can’t trust this government with housing, education or the economy, how can we ever trust them to properly define ‘hate-speech?’

Freedom of expression is justly held up as an important fundamental right. However, it is not unconditional, and must be balanced against the right to freedom from discrimination. Hate speech has real consequences that can be invisible to those of us privileged enough to be spared it. The anonymity of social media makes it easy to spread hate speech. As companies such as Facebook and Twitter have historically demonstrated their unwillingness to intervene when hate speech festers, we believe that greater government intervention is necessary. Greens@Vic believe that everyone should feel welcome in Aotearoa.

He aha te mea nui o te ao? He tangata, he tangata, he tangata. What is the most important thing in the world? It is the people, the people, the people. In Aotearoa we lack fields of knowledge about one another. The government's best chance to combat these issues is prevention with education. To create laws that punish without uprooting the problem creates more divide with the people and the state. The state should serve to protect and do so with educational reform.

Since when did the term ‘hate’ become taboo? Hate is merely another selfpreservation mechanism. It’s natural to hate anyone or anything that threatens to your well-being, and it’s within your rights to express it. A government that colloquially determines ‘hate speech’ silences those oppressed by it. You have the right to free speech – especially [removed for breaching prescribed word limit].


- Grahame Woods

Other landlords appear to be in similar positions.


The WPA estimates that 69.42% of students flatting in Wellington have one or more Ghost Flatmates. Although students agree that if rent prices were to drop, they’d be less likely to accommodate Ghost Flatmates, landlords remain adamant in their refusal to make housing close to liveable.


Salient can reveal that after months of developing easily digestible, list-based content, University of Otago student magazine Critic Te Arohi will attempt a hostile takeover of internet giant, BuzzFeed.


Documents leaked to Salient by OUSA Finance Officer Bonnie Harrison indicate the magazine was developing a long-term strategy to merge with, if not subsume, BuzzFeed as early as 2016.


With the government’s war on landlords forcing rent up in the Wellington region, students are resorting to Ghost Flatmates in order to combat exorbitant rent payments.

An email with details of the plan was accidentally sent to Victoria University of Wellington’s student media, instead of BuzzFeed’s nearest office in Melbourne, Victoria—apparently confused by the name.

The Wellington Psychics Association (WPA) characterises a Ghost Flatmate as “a person who you never see, who makes their presence known only by dirty dishes that appear in the sink and strange noises in the night.”

Evident in Critic’s content from 2017 onwards, the student paper has attempted to expand its influence by increasingly publishing list-based articles, also known as “listicles”.

Students are covertly advertising garden sheds and cupboards as viable rooms to Ghost Flatmates, who need somewhere to shelter storage, but typically prefer to never meet the other tenants.

A search on the Critic website for “list” produces 2146 results. Possibly a consequence of a faulty search bar.

The demand for Ghost Flatmates has increased significantly in recent months, as renters need to spread the cost of living in Wellington, but generally acknowledge that early-morning small talk is abhorrent.

A casual 1 a.m. flick-through of Critic’s content from 2017 through to 2019 indicated a large number of listicles. Some appeared to be regular columns.

The WPA has issued a statement warning regarding “Ghost Flatties”, due to the perils of getting rid of them at the conclusion of a tenancy.

This, of course, is not to mention Critic’s most famous child, “Critic Booze Reviews”. The regular coulm in the magazine became a national munter stalwart by assessing various types of jus de pisse.

Students are aware of the problem. “I think I have a Ghost Flatmate,” commerce student Ben Spirit told Salient.

Despite a revenue of USD$167 million in 2015, BuzzFeed recently had to lay off 15% of its staff, raising concerns about its viability.

“But because he wasn’t on the lease, we needed to bring in a priest to perform an exorcism when he stopped paying rent.”

Critic, which has some 16,179 likes on Facebook, could mount a solid attack on its now main rival. Especially so with Critic Booze Reviews bringing a hefty 43,044 page likes to the table.

The WPA is licensed to perform exorcisms, which involve ingesting corner-of-the-room mushrooms, sacrificing postexpiry date milk, and ripping contaminated insulation out of the walls.

Salient insiders have also revealed that the VUW student paper could itself make a move to take over BuzzFeed, with a respectable 7506 page likes and an upcoming “Top 10 Critic Top 10 Lists”.

“I hate ghost renters,” said Chad Benedict, Wellington landlord. “They’ve exacerbated the already abysmal state of my 21 rental properties."

Critic editor Charlie O’Mannin was unavailable for comment, with Critic staff indicating he was too busy yelling down the phone at BuzzFeed owner and co-founder Jonah Peretti that he was “going to fucking destroy” him.

"I'm contractually required to clean up the so-clalled 'ectoplasm stains'. I wouldn't usually bother but this stuff freaks me out.” 14

“Mr Ratburn is a top” - @johaganbrebner “Spiderman is unrealistic because he's a freelance photographer selling photos to a legacy newspaper who can afford to pay rent AND eat.” - @kilbrniesanders

“how good would it be if the joker turned up in the final episode of game of thrones. haven't seen a single moment of this season, but sounds like there's been a whole lot of chaos, and we all know who's usually behind that” - @joan_unweek


“whenever anyone defends something unnecessary & horrible happening on a show set in a medieval-themed fictional society with a 'that's just how it was at the time' justification, i picture them angrily masturbating as they type it out” - @shaun_jen

@em_ma_maguire “It’s gonna be weird in a year when Daenerys is playing an American attorney in a legal drama called HOPE MADISON or something.” - @JamesUrbaniak “In the middle of my show last week, where I use my laptop for a powerpoint, a notification came up to say that my illegal torrent download of adobe premiere pro had failed.” - @meladoodle

“happy mother's day to the woman who called the cops on me when she didn't find me in my room sleeping in the middle of the night and thought I snuck out of the house. I was downstairs in the kitchen eating cereal and also 22” - @lameravioli

“I had a lot of crazy predictions for the future but everyone loudly wanting to fuck their own Snapchat gender swaps was not one of them.” - @Soren_Ltd

“The only good way to use the internet is how my grandpa did: booting up his computer every morning, yahoo image searching the ship he was stationed on in the coast guard, looking at it for a moment, and then immediately turning off the computer by ripping the plug out of the wall” - @Brendan_Krick

“my gpa boutta drop like James Charles’s subscriber count after these finals” - @jadesvirgo

“I'm going to nominate someone in my will to return all the company t-shirts I've accidentally stolen from temp jobs. so far: 5 + one high-vis” - @em_ma_maguire “My high school boyfriend just graduated from med school, and I? So glad you asked. I refuse to stop eating Domino's pizza once a week despite the fact that it gives me earth-shattering diarrhea every time I eat it. Who's the doctor now?” - @tweetrajouhari “Tonight’s WOOP meal is fish tacos... excuse me I’m gay???” - @maxbtweedie “Looks like straight people had a good time at pride today” - @SaigonSyl

Shanti Mathias

STORYTIME: ANGST, AGONY, AND ADORABLE BABIES IN TEEN MOM YOUTUBE A perky young woman waves to the camera. She has long shiny hair—maybe there is a hint of exhaustion in her eyes, but who can tell? The refrain comes: “Hi guys, and welcome back to my channel!” She tells us her name, and the name of her child; perhaps the child is just out of frame, occasionally making noises so we know that she’s there. This woman is a teen mum YouTuber.

The ‘teen’ aspect of Teen Mom YouTube is consistently emphasised. For one thing, the title of videos almost always includes the words ‘Teen Mom’, highlighting the age of their creators. ‘TEEN MOM CONTROVERSIAL PARENTING TAG’ or ‘My 16 and Pregnant story | Teen Mom vlogs’ abound. There are thousands of videos containing “and pregnant” in the title, modelled after the MTV show Sixteen and Pregnant. After “20 and pregnant”, the ages die out. The emphasis on age is inherently dramatic, and thumbnails illustrate this. Gemma’s labour story video contains the words “I ALMOST DIED”, with horror movie-style red lettering over her face; other teen mom videos may be a Q and A, but the thumbnail will offer another incentive to click: “+hot new bikinis” in pastel letters. This strategy is clearly working with the YouTube algorithms; teen mom content has found hundreds of thousands of viewers.

I discovered Teen Mom YouTube by merit of YouTube’s algorithm a few months ago, and spent several beautiful summer days inside, watching the lives of other people on my screen. There’s a lot of typical teenager stuff on there: trips to the mall in the form of ‘travel vlogs’, Q and A’s with questions about managing school with social life, Get Ready With Me (GRWM) videos populated with makeup tips. But this content is interspersed with footage of using a breast pump between classes, babies’ first words, videos about body confidence after giving birth, and unboxing merchandise from various brands. One day, I was watching the videos when a revelation struck me: I only had a few weeks to become pregnant if I wanted to be a teen mum. Logically speaking, I don’t want to be a teen mum; I’m not financially, emotionally, or relationally set up for a child in any way. But babies are cute! And on the internet, it looks so good.

They attract a diverse audience. You are just as likely to find comments reading “she’s the hottest mom I’ve ever seen” as you are to read a comment saying “you're a very strong and amazing person and ur videos always make my day.” Other people will post comments saying “I want a baby!!!” or “that’s the cutest baby omg”. The best comment, spotted under a labour vlog: “I’m gay af and don’t need a reminder but this [labour] story is THE BEST reminder to use contraception.”

If I had a baby, I would be inspired: I could write about motherhood instead of my clichéd angsts and curiosities. More than that, I would have a purpose. Being a mother is straightforward: Each day, you are responsible for your child’s survival. If I had a baby, then I could call that enough—instead of stressing about grades and work, and, most frightening of all, destiny.

Gemma McKinstry has 14,000 subscribers. Her first video, about finding out that she was five months pregnant, has over 600,000 views. However, even bigger YouTubers—most of whom, as the ‘teen mom’ term indicates, are based in the US—may have hundreds of thousands of subscribers, and brand partnerships.

Teen Mom internet content is perhaps geared at people like me. People who are wondering about the might-have-been’s of a life with a child. I talked to Gemma Rose McKinstry, a YouTuber who makes videos about, (among other things), her experience as a teen mother. She’s a student at Victoria University, and according to her, “[the audience is] interested in this alternative life that some people the exact same age are going through… Say you want a baby, but you're like ‘I would never have a baby at this age, it's crazy, you can’t do that’. [Then] there are literally other people out there that are living this life that you can't believe.”

Estimators online calculate that over USD$1000 could be earned for videos like Gemma’s labour story. Brand partnerships could bring more, especially in conjunction with the free stuff that comes with such deals. But though Gemma has been approached by lots of brands, she’s “not interested” in brands “telling [her] to do this and this and this.” She’s tried to monetise her channel (i.e. to get ad revenue), but it consistently gets demonetised because she uses copyrighted music. “I'd rather put out quality content with music that I like, than content that I put up just for money.”



Gemma says that she started YouTubing to explain her situation, and help other people in similar situations feel less alone. “I got so tired of telling the story over and over again. I was like, fuck it, I’m just going to make a video.” Gemma didn’t expect the video to be a hit. After about a month, the views started stacking up, and strangers in similar situations started messaging her, telling her how alone they felt. Gemma reckons that the raw honesty of that first video drew an audience; when she talked about how afraid and confused she felt, as well as considering an abortion, many people felt less alone. The massive audience pull has spilled into Gemma’s personal, ‘real’ life, too. When out on the town in her home city, Gemma has been recognised. “I'd go out with my friends and they'd have to fend off all these drunk girls that would come up to me and be like ‘Gemma, Gemma!’” Kaitlin Drislane is another teen mom YouTuber. She lives in New Hampshire in the US, and got pregnant when she was 19. Her videos haven’t found the kind of reach that Gemma, or any of the other big teen mom vloggers have; they’re mostly for her family and friends. She started posting videos “because I wanted to see if there were any other young moms… in my similar situation. I wanted to see if my words could help someone.” Though Kaitlin’s videos don’t yet have a big reach, she says that the YouTube influencer economy has contributed to her life. “My son slept in the snuggie […] a lady on YouTube had recommended, and I watched many videos about it before I purchased it.” All this baby content can create what YouTube commenters call ‘baby fever’. Within Teen Mom YouTube, there is a video that many mothers feel compelled to post once they reach a certain clout: the ‘Reasons Not to Be a Teen Parent’ video. The reasons cited seem obvious: babies are expensive, derail pre-conceived life plans, and often mean that you have to be dependent on others.

Teen Mom YouTube makes teen mums more visible—the good and beautiful parts, mostly, but also the bad and the ugly. New Zealand has one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in the OECD, at 22 births per 1000 women aged 15–19. This number isn’t big enough for teen parents to find each other, however—especially as parenthood is isolating and frightening, and classes and books on are geared towards people with their own homes and partners. YouTube offers an alternative to the despair and the narrative that demonises teen parenthood. Gemma felt alone when she found that she was pregnant. She didn’t know other teen mothers. She wasn’t ready. She felt invisible when trapped at home, and hyper-visible outside, pregnant or with her baby, provoking questions. She watched YouTube to see how other people figured it out. Anita Brady, a Media Studies lecturer at VUW who specialises in gender and sexuality, says that “The opportunity to see someone who is going through what you’re going through, doing it in a way that looks like they’re happy and successful, but also the communities that develop underneath that, can be a really important source of support for people. And an important source of information.” The fact remains, though, that most teen mom YouTubers are conventionally attractive young women who usually have some family support for their child. Comments often acknowledge “hotness” or sex appeal, and videos lean into this. Many teen mom YouTubers have brand partnerships with bikini or lingerie companies. Brady characterises this as an example of how phenomena are often only relevant for certain demographics. “It’s setting up a model of what you can be or how you can succeed... [one that includes] attractiveness and sexuality, which is not accessible for a lot of people.” Many teen mothers don’t have time to post videos. Other don’t have the money for video equipment (although many videos are just filmed on phones), or relatives who can look after children so that they have silence and time to edit, upload, and promote on social media. And then, of course, there are legions of teen mothers for whom pregnancy is not an aberration: beyond the developed world, teen parenthood is normal. According to the CIA World Factbook, there are over 30 countries where the average age of first pregnancy is under 20. Many of the commenters on teen mom videos are other teen parents, asking specific questions, sharing their own stories, or just feeling seen. Some of these people have their own channels, and others don’t. It’s a community. Some ask questions about the clothes the YouTuber is wearing, or baby buggies. There’s space on YouTube for talk about topics that teen mothers—and their young, female audience—may not have information for elsewhere. One of these taboo issues, perhaps a little ironically, is abortion. Several teen mom YouTubers have said, explicitly, that they’re prochoice. Others don’t agree, but opinions are heard with respect. This is a sharp contrast to the vitriol which characterises discussion of abortion in most spaces.


Vitriol still exists, of course; Gemma received a lot of negative comments in her initial pregnancy video for mentioning that she would have aborted the baby if she had known of her pregnancy earlier. “It’s a really hard topic to talk about, it’s a battle that society is going to be facing forever,” she says, but she doesn’t regret being honest. The discussion of abortion is part of her story. Although she’s stopped reading the comments, she doesn’t let them affect her actions, because “fuck what other people think”. Other teen mothers talk about abusive exes (one particularly vivid story that has stuck with me was of how a ‘baby daddy’ manipulated birth control so that his girlfriend would stay with him) and how they escaped difficult discussions. There are lots of videos about how to tell parents that you’re pregnant, or how parents reacted. Teen Mom YouTube also has space for discussion around vaccines (in the interest of protecting their children, most mothers are overwhelmingly for it), co-sleeping, STIs, drug addictions, and mental health. Anita Brady characterises this as an example of how the internet can be “a positive force”. “I guess lots of these issues are ones that are replicated in relation to so many other topics across the media ideas and conversations that [teenagers] may not have other forums for.” In every Teen Mom video, there is the underlying implication of the most taboo topic of all: sex. Babies are the result of sex. Teen pregnancy is often attached to a certain degree of moral panic about children having sex with other children and then having children of their own. Gemma is still decidedly sex positive. “If you want to have sex, just fucking go for it,” she tells me, but she has been accused (on- and offline) of sleeping around. After saying this, she adds a caveat: “if you feel comfortable, safe, and ready to explore your body.” Gemma thinks that there isn’t enough knowledge and language for young people to talk about how sex can go wrong. “I just wish they’d


educate girls more about what to do with sex when it goes wrong, relationships when it goes wrong,” she tells me. She wants to change that with her channel; she’s started to talk more about mental health (in the hopes of eventually making it a place for her psychology career), offering language and frameworks, and—maybe most significantly of all—an example of the consequences of sex. Discussing complex topics online can lead to intrusive personal questions. “Where do you live?” is a common one. “Can we see pics of you with a bubba belly?” or “Did you shave down there before you gave birth?” I found all of these comments beneath Gemma’s videos. Gemma gets a lot of questions, particularly, about her daughter’s father, about whom she has remained circumspect. “Online there were a lot of questions that people keep asking [and] I've never said much... about who her father is.” YouTube commenters have also often, ironically, told Gemma that she shouldn’t be putting so much of her life out there. She has privated a number of her videos, particularly the ones that have received a lot of negative feedback; a video about her moving to Australia (away from her daughter) received a lot of hate, so much that Gemma stopped posting for a while. Teen Mom YouTube can be seen as the successor to shows like Teen Mom and Sixteen and Pregnant; like these shows, it harvests the inherent human interest of children having children, the heightened drama of reproduction combined with school or university, transient relationships, budding independence, and parenthood. But it also offers conversation in a way that television doesn’t: YouTube offers teen mothers a space to control their narrative, even to turn it into a career. I’ve run out of time to be a teen mother, and not having to think about a baby on top of everything else is definitely a blessing. But teen mom YouTube is still out there, a reminder of who I could be with a baby. These gorgeous young women still live on my computer, talking about things that matter, not as glossy TV shows or demoralising statistics—but as people, finding their own way.

Jamie Dobbs As a kid, I would always get in trouble for talking with my mouth full.

Yet, I think there's a fine balance between being able to multitask and being able to multitask smart.

I’m sure most of us have been there, stuck in this dichotomy of wanting to comment on absolutely everything, while catering to a child’s perpetual hunger. Without realising, I was a juvenile multitasker. I wanted the best of both worlds. I craved not only the attention of my mum, but the indulging flavours of her untouchable homemade lasagne.

Broadbent's model of attention splits this informationprocessing tool we call “attention” into three stages: Input (analysing what we attend to), storage (what we do with what we've attended to), and output (how we respond to what we've attended to). The 'storage' stage here is key. This includes how we use the information we've taken in, how we interpret it, and what we remember. The 'input' stage is crucial in not only determining this, but how we act on what we've attended to through our 'output'.

Now, at 22, my efforts at multitasking are somewhat more mature (don't worry Mum, I developed the patience to swallow before speaking). Because I'm such a millennial, I immerse myself in the world of podcasts. But not very often will I only listen to a podcast. A host of other activities hijack a portion of my attentional capacity. Whether that's exercising, cooking, walking from place to place, or even trying to sleep, I scarcely give my attention a cup of tea and a lie down. But is this truly productive? Am I really retaining the knowledge Brian Cox is feeding me about how we measure the universe if I’m simultaneously maximising my cardiovascular burn? In the current social climate, leaders and influencers flood our news feeds with the mantra of “Time is precious”. It’s akin to a propaganda slogan. The recent rise in entrepreneurship has seen a surge in this auspiciously natured message. They wax lyrical about maximising our time, so we pair multifarious tasks. In the case of pairing it with exercise, you have the opportunity to learn, and improve your fitness, in the same pocket of time. This is efficiency, right? But I’m not convinced that it's so black and white. Humans have a limited cognitive capacity. Neurologically, we can't do everything at once—at least not to an efficient degree. We often overestimate our abilities. We're an efficient species, sure, but sometimes this is let down by our audacity. We are information processors. Every day our senses get drowned in information from what's around us. One of the processing systems we use for this is 'attention'. So, when we listen to a podcast, or music, we attend to what we are hearing. Usually, this is underpinned by the motivation to learn. Obvious, right? But sharing this process with another task reduces what we can attend to, and how our working memory processes new information for learning. Many aspects of our modern social climate play into this multitasking narrative. The internet is a playground for our attention to swing, and see-saw, from one place to the next, rapidly. Music is so often present in the background when cooking, socialising, dancing, or to generally create ambience. Our phones take our attention hostage, whether it be when talking with others, driving, at work, in class, and so on. These are man-made tools, designed to serve the modern-day multitasker.


Attention is currency, and our budget is tight. Usually, the more we attend to something, the greater the value we get out of it—it's a relationship of reciprocity. The less attentional currency we spend, the lower the quality of, not only the way we process the information, but how we respond to it. Thanks to Dr Sophie Leroy, we now understand this little thing called ‘attention residue’. This phenomenon rears its vexatious head when we’re unable to focus on the task at hand, due to our mind latching back on to a previous task. It’s like that friend who can’t move on with a new partner because they’re still hung up on their ex. Dr Leroy’s 2009 study on attentional residue showed that attentional disengagement from one task is conducive to better performance on a subsequent task. If we’re still sharing our attention with another task, while trying to optimise our engagement with another, our attention becomes fragmented. This leads to stress. Stress is bad. Stress decreases performance even further. We don’t need this. Multitasking can be useful, and we so often don't even realise we are doing it. Exercising would be far less enjoyable if I didn't pair it with the hard kicks of Pusha T's King Push Darkest Before Dawn: The Prelude, or the silky tones of the BBC's Football Daily podcast. It can allow us to knock off that lingering to-do list, to feel as though we’re reducing our levels of stress. It's important to acknowledge these good elements, and to reinforce that not all multitasking should be avoided. But, we ought to multitask within reason. We should be mindful of how we do so, what tasks we can allow ourselves to divide our attention on, and what we should give all of our attention to. Life is all about balance, and multitasking is no exception. Developing a good level of introspection, sprinkled with selfawareness as to what works best for us individually, and how much we can take on, is key. No one’s approach can be a blueprint for anyone else.


Dreams of stardom are easy, fulfilling, and most often, fairly fleeting. It’s not very hard to look at a person in the media who’s doing well for themselves, and decide that you want that life.

My channel lies as a barren wasteland now, full of shitposts and showreels, and not much else. It is hard to find the motivation to create work on a platform that actively campaigns against its smaller creators, and sometimes, I just can’t even be bothered trying.

I should know. I did. And it turns out, I’m not alone. My name is Emma Maguire, and I’m a reformed YouTube vlogger. I’ve been making videos for ten years, over five accounts and two platforms—and for the most part, they’ve been total shit. Yeah, there Dreams were points of stardom in my are pasteasy, whenfulfi I was lling,publishing and most often, content fairly every fleeting. few It’s not very weeks, and hard I managed to lookto at get a person a Filmindegree the media out of who’s it all,doing but there well for themselves, are very few things and on decide my channels that you that wantI actually that life. like. I should know. I did. 22

A Verge article (2019) suggests that there are multiple reasons for the decline of YouTube. Well-meaning but ultimately ineffective My moderation name is policies, Emma Maguire, a pivot towards and I’mpromoted a reformed content YouTube thatvlogger. benefits I’ve advertisers, been making an oversaturation videos for ten of videos years, over on thefive platform… accountsWhatever and two platforms—and the reason, it’s fucking for the most overpart, creators they’ve large been and total small. shit. It’s Yeah, justthere that were those points who are in more my past popular whenhave I was lesspublishing to lose. content every few weeks, and I managed to get a Film degree out of it all, but there

Emma Maguire In January 2018, YouTube enforced restrictions on their YouTube Partnership Programme, limiting ad-revenue earners to channels that received over 4,000 watch hours a year, and had over 1,000 subscribers (Polygon, 2018). This essentially kicked any sort of smaller channel out of the running for monetisation. A lot of people just don’t have the time to spend hours making a video when there’s no kind of reward in return. However, lack of income is not the only thing that’s pushing former YouTube creators away from the platform. I spoke with a group of disillusioned content-makers, all of whom have different reasons for leaving the site. SAM* Sam* started her first channel ten years ago, because she loved to sing and wanted to create music. She enjoyed the editing and creating process, though she didn’t have much time to dedicate to it. It was YouTube’s dramatic decline into monetisation that pushed her away. “It went from being a platform where I could just goof around with my friends to ‘how many views could I get from this?’” She felt that such a change was toxic and something that she didn’t need. When asked whether or not she would consider coming back to the platform, she said, “I’ve considered getting back into it just so I can release my creative side, and staying away from the rest. There’s too much drama in being part of the YouTube ‘community’. It’s a bloodbath out there now.” As I write this article, there’s a shitstorm over on stan** Twitter, where James Charles (a prominent beauty YouTuber) is losing subscribers by the second for a harassment case. Two days ago, ProJared, another prominent YouTuber, was ousted from the community because he cheated on his wife, and then they aired the whole dispute over Twitter and YouTube. From shipping*** real people together (I think we’re all glad that Phan and Septiplier seem to be dying out) to sexual assault cases, and risky pranks gone wrong, the YouTube “community” has seen some of the ugliest cases of ‘celebrity’ out there, and it only seems to be getting worse. TROY - @PtruePteresa on Twitter Troy’s always had an overactive imagination. “Coming from a small town, there was nobody weird enough to write and act in plays with me.” Unable to find substantial creative output around him, he turned to YouTube, where he found content creators turning their unusual lives into videos anyone could enjoy. “I wanted to create videos that allowed me to express myself, and experiment with a variety of characters, impersonations, genre, and techniques.” He made variety shows, drag performances, short films, and even some gameplay videos. However, without the technology and experience that so many other creators were lucky enough to be gifted, he lost inspiration and motivation to continue on the site. With a film degree and some experience under his belt, he hopes that he can begin making the kind of content he’s always wanted to. Money makes everything easier, and YouTube is no exception. For the vast majority of popular creators, they’ve been lucky enough to start with money or resources that others don’t get—that “my father gave me a very small loan,” schtick sound familiar to you? If you’re coming from a small town, or from a background that isn’t so privileged, you have to work a lot harder to get results. Often,


however, longevity on Youtube, or other video platforms, just comes with the luck of the draw. One creator who still makes work on the platform (you might have seen him around on Vic Deals when the Metlink bus shitstorm was really kicking off) is Saeran Maniparathy. SAERAN - “I started watching Casey Neistat when I was in high school, and kinda thought, ‘I can do this too.’” It wasn’t that easy, however, and Saeran made over 140 vlogs in high school and over the summer, which kickstarted his video-making career. Although he mostly vlogs, he’s beginning to make other videos around deeper topics if he thinks that he has some value to add. He has not used YouTube as much recently, because he finds that, ”if you're spending a lot of time in front of an editor for [your 9-5 job], it's hard to do that again in your spare time,” although he hopes to get back into it soon. Based on these three creators’ experiences, it would seem that a fulfilling experience as a creator on YouTube is often what you make it. Speaking personally, I stepped away from YouTube because of the site’s iffy algorithms, pushing inane or problematic content in the name of ‘views’. I also just don’t have time to spend on making things that I don’t enjoy, all in the name of increasing my watch time or viewership. If you want to become a prominent YouTube creator, you have to enjoy making videos that fit into a very specific box, that don’t piss off advertisers, and that look legit enough so you can hit an ideal market, regardless of creativity or effort spent on the work itself. Do I still have dreams of going viral, or finding adoring fans through my quality skits and sketches? Absolutely. But in this sort of marketplace, it’s just not for me. Alexander, Julia. (2018). YouTube’s lesser-known creators worry for the future after major monetization changes (update). Polygon. Alexander, Julia. (2019). The golden age of Youtube is over. The Verge. *Name changed. **A crazed or obsessed fan—usually used in reference to fans of a thing who are really wild in their fandom worship. ***From “relationshipping”—writing fanfic, fanart, and harassing people or actors on Twitter because you want them or their characters to be in a relationship.

Vincent Owen, Untitled, Digital Il

llustration, 297 x 420 mm, 2019

Taylor Galmiche

Interview With Claudia Jardine Digital platform-au fait musician and poet Claudia Jardine talks dog is a wee bit like a sibling and you're kind of like, “You dickhead, about her new EP, North, and her sister’s pug, Frank the Tongue. stop doing that.” Thankfully, Martin was so patient. t: Tell me a little bit about your journey.

Sometimes it was really easy to get Frank to do stuff on cue with treats. He loves apples. So if I had an apple in my hand he would c: I grew up in Christchurch. I taught myself guitar when I was 11. I just be on me like a magnet. And he quite likes being held. So the came from really musical family. I've been singing since I was really shots where I hold him were easy. Other times we just let Frank do young. And I started writing songs when I was maybe like twelve. his thing and Martin just kind of followed him and filmed him. They weren't very good. [It was] a bit of trickery and a bit of free will. And every now and t: Do you remember some of the things you wrote about? again there’s an added chaotic element of a cat. c: It was usually about nature. Leaves and trees and grass and that t: As a poet and a musician, what comes first: the poem or the song? kind of stuff. I remember my dad being like “oh gosh it's very John Lennon”. I was like, “Yay!” because at that time I thought the Beatles c: Often I get an interesting thought. I write down and kind of juggle were the best thing. it around in my head. If a melody doesn't come soon, or if I can't see how the thought could turn into a song, then often I make it into t: You’ve been promoting your music on YouTube and Facebook a poem. since you were 14, which is almost a decade. How have those platforms affected you as an artist? Poems tend to give more freedom to explore more than one kind of thought, whereas I feel like with a song, you have to start with a core c: When I was like 15 or 16, I was on Tumblr. Everyone was on idea and build a narrative. Tumblr—this sort of shrine of adolescence where you were figuring yourself out. Making opinions without your parents hanging over t: What ideas and themes do you tackle in your music and in your you. I used to post videos of me doing covers of songs by the Arctic poems? Monkeys or the Beatles, or Bob Dylan—or the Strokes, my favorite band. Fan blogs would pick up on them, and they'd get a bit of c: A lot of the songs that are coming out on this EP are from a few traction overseas. You know, just people like me. Nothing serious, years ago, so they're a lot about relationships and emotions. Often I guess. But it was enough to see people's opinions and find them confusion. The song “Hide” that's coming out the music video is sort gratifying. of about me. It's my complicated relationship with self-esteem and self-image. How you always want to be growing and learning, but So I started to put the covers on YouTube. They were pretty often well- also sometimes it gets a little bit tough always hearing criticism. received. I think there’s a good hundred videos out there, and I've always wondered whether I should take them down now because And you kind of just want to roll away into a ball and take a break. now I’m 23. But I guess it's important for people who are interested in But then with poetry, I write about all sorts of stuff: nature, sex, pursuing careers in the arts to know that it doesn't happen overnight. relationships, pets, family. It would be kind of weird to write a song about my family. But they seem to fit into poetry quite well. You t: Let's talk about your “Hide” music video and Frank the Tongue. know. These are things I'm still figuring out and maybe I'll surprise myself. Maybe I will just start writing songs about my family, and c: Frank is my sister Lisa’s dog. He just has this enormous tongue, it'll be fine. But for now, it feels a bit more complicated than what a purely by mutation. I reached out to Martin Sagadin, who is quite song can get across. famous, and I was like, “I have this hilarious dog and I have this song and I think that the two could go quite well together.” So I sent Claudia’s EP North is now available for streaming and downloading Martin a video of Frank doing a poorly executed forwards roll. And on Bandcamp. Her new music video can be found on her prevailing Martin, thankfully, was so keen. YouTube page. As the ideas for the music video whittled down, we were like ‘Boy Scouts’, ‘Wes Anderson’, ‘Moonrise Kingdom’. I made boy scout uniforms [for Frank and me]. Frank and I feel like we've had enough of the world and going off camping by ourselves. Meanwhile, Cilla (supporting actress and black labrador) was the scoutmaster who's trying to get me and Frank up to code. t: And how was it working with dogs? c: Frank is Frank, and he has a very short attention span. We were trying to get him to sit and stay for shots, and he would always fidget. Or hear noise. I got a little bit frustrated with Frank because, I guess, a



SUBSCRIBE TO PEWDIEPIE Felix Kjellberg—better known as PewDiePie—is the 29-year-old Swedish YouTube sensation. With over 95 million subscribers, ‘Pewds’ has cemented himself as a veritable icon in the online world. His content is so universally consumed that three successive claps spaced just-enough apart will turn the knowing heads of half a Victoria University lecture theatre. PewDiePie fans range from a “nine-year-old army”, to individuals as disparate as Elon Musk, who featured in a 2019 episode of Meme Review, a weekly segment on Felix’s channel. Since early 2018, Felix’s popularity has exponentially increased, not least of all thanks to the David and Goliath-style battle he has fought to be the most subscribed YouTuber on the platform. T-Series, his adversary, is an Indian music record label and film production company. T-Series uploads Bollywood music and Indi-pop videos, as frequently as several times a day. When T-Series looked poised to usurp Felix as the most-subscribed creator, internet memelords conspired to construct the Subscribe to PewDiePie (S2PDP) ‘meme’—one of the most absurdly unifying events to occur in internet history. The meme gained so much traction that in October 2018, Felix released “bitch lasagna”, an upbeat diss track which would become the internet anthem of the year. To date, the lyrics to “bitch lasagna” have struck a chord with over 191 million viewers. The S2PDP campaign became synonymous with the anticorporatisation of internet platforms, attracting millions of staunch supporters. Most of Felix’s subscribers (who wouldn’t be old enough to vote in their own countries) led sophisticated campaigns from their computers and cellphones. A mass plea that individuals change their bios to “Subscribe to PewDiePie” contributed to Felix’s gain of over six million subscribers in the month of December 2018 alone, compared to the seven million gained over the entirety of 2017. When the subgap grew smaller in November 2018, an individual using the pseudonym Hacker Giraffe accessed 50,000 unsecured printers worldwide and printed a message calling people to action. “##ATTENTION!##” it read,


“PewDiePie is in trouble and needs your help to defeat T-Series!” alongside a list of steps to take to support the cause, notably: subscribing to Pewds and informing “everyone you know” to do the same. The rallying cry of “Subscribe to PewDiePie” was answered by high-profile YouTuber MrBeast, who made a number of videos in support. MrBeast posted an 11-hour-and-48-minute video in November 2018 where he said “PewDiePie” 100,000 times. In October, he purchased every billboard in his city to advertise the cause. Felix even attracted political endorsement, when the UK’s Independence Party (UKIP) encouraged Twitter followers to subscribe to him in a tweet championing free speech and internet anti-corporatism. While the call-to-action united the internet, it also became associated with harmful right-wing discourse: In March 2019, a World War II memorial in Brooklyn, New York was repeatedly spray-painted over with the infamous slogan. The competition also fuelled antiIndian sentiment, leading Felix to raise over £172,000 for the Indian charity Child Rights and You. After the release of a second diss-track, the Indian High Court issued a temporary injunction in April 2019 in favour of T-Series, who alleged that the songs were “defamatory, disparaging, insulting, and offensive”. Access to the videos was terminated in India. In a video made late April, Felix calls on his subscribers to end the S2PDP movement. He condemns the actions of those who associated a light-hearted, unifying movement with acts of divisive hate. “This movement started out of love and support,” he concludes, “so let’s end it with that.” As it stands, T-Series’ subscriber count has surpassed PewDiePie’s, with over 97 million at the time of writing. At its core, however, the S2PDP meme was antiestablishment. The underlying objective was to protect an independent creator from being overshadowed by a corporate conglomerate. It’s a firm message from the youth of today, whose lives are conducted over wifi waves, that they demand authenticity and humanity.





“I believe in equality but I am not a feminist”

Stress impacts your body, especially your ability to learn and make decisions. You are not alone—more than half of university students feel stressed. NZUSA’s recent Kei Te Pai? report on student mental health highlighted that stress, anxiety, lack of energy, and feelings of worthlessness are the most common selfreported issues. Stress affects the prefrontal cortex in your brain—the part of you that manages your feelings, thoughts, makes decisions, and enables you to stay focussed and flexible. All these processes are relevant because university study requires you to stay focussed and engaged with complex information. Practise managing stress with a set of easy steps. In time you will develop mastery and your own bespoke solutions to managing stress.

I’m sorry what? In case any of y’all need reminding: fundamentally, feminism is about the social, political and economic equality of all the sexes. Feminism is inherently about equality. What people who espouse this kind of rhetoric are really saying is ‘I believe in equality, but only insofar as it doesn’t impact my own life’, or ‘I believe in equality, so long as it doesn’t compromise my privileges or make me feel uncomfortable in any way’. I know it is a revolutionary concept, but nobody cares if you’re uncomfortable, people are dying. “But all feminists are aggressive feminazis!” Not only does that trivialise the harm committed by actual, real-life Nazis (who are a thing even in 2019), but it’s also your privilege screaming how blatantly ignorant you are. Google feminism, read Clementine Ford, talk to the women in your life, reach out to your resident feminists—I guarantee you that you will learn something. Shockingly, you might find that a feminist looks like your best friend, your mother, that girl that sits next to you in class, your local barista, or the guy on your basketball team.

Self-discipline – practice the art of focus by reducing distractions—try reducing access to your phone with apps like Forest, and gradually expand focussed study time. Realistic expectations – know your limits, how far you can push yourself and when to ease up. Balance – set aside personal time to recharge your batteries. Stay connected with family and friends. Nurture the inner introvert with solitary activities that energise you.

“But they’re all angry and man-hating!” Doesn’t mean that they’re not deserving of equal human rights. If a man was angry and hated women, well, ‘he is entitled to his own opinion, don’t take it so personally!’ Women should not have to sanitise their feminist views in order to convince men that they are deserving of equal human rights; they should not have to make their opinions more palatable, or their bodies less offensive, just to live without fear. Besides, we don’t all hate men, some of us love them, many of us even marry them!

Connectedness – loneliness is huge for university students. Challenge yourself to join a club, say hi to someone in your class or tutorial. Remember that others around you are feeling lonely and finding this hard too. Positive self-talk – is your inner self-talk supportive and encouraging, or a bit of a bully? Notice your self-talk and catch yourself in the act. Counselling can help if you are struggling with this. Stress management – notice when you’re stressed, identify the sources of stress, and plan to solve or manage it. SMART goals help to chunk down overwhelming issues in to small action steps that are easy to tackle.

“They’re just so butch and unfuckable!” Surprisingly, the belief in our own equal treatment is more important than whether some man wants to fuck us—anyone who thinks otherwise needs to sort out their priorities.

Taking action – when you have identified what you need to solve or manage a problem, take a risk and reach out for help. There are over 30 helping services on campus as well as within your faculty. You’ve got this, you can do it.

“I believe in equality, but I am not a feminist” … Well why the fuck not?


# G R AT E F U L # B LESSED # LI VEL AUGHLOVE SASHA BEATTIE Social media is a fucking poison. It bombards us with unattainable images of perfection, with the highlight reels of people’s lives. We are constantly assaulted with snaps of happy shining people—the highly selective and curated nature of which would have us believe this is their constant state of being. And it’s just not. You see the cute beach-ready pose in Bali, but you don’t see the panic attacks that pervaded the trip. You see the joyous in-the-moment #candid from a festival, but you don’t see the molly-induced hospital trip that happened later. You see the proud grad snaps, but you don’t see the years of blood, sweat, tears and mi goreng dinners that got them there. The socials pressure us to consistently present our best selves, to constantly produce consumable content. We’re all guilty, whether we’re conscious of it or not. I know I am. I’m quiet all week, only to take a thousand fucking selfies before a night out, carefully select one, edit it to shit, post it up and wait for people I hardly fucking know to validate my existence—for the little dopamine hits that accompany the likes/faves/ reacts. The thing is, it doesn’t last. What does last is this pervading feeling that I’m not good enough, as does this relentless need to performatively display my worth. What does last is the unbalanced sense of humiliation when the likes/faves/reacts don’t come, or when I catch myself obsessively stalking an ex, or girls I wish I was, and then I’m filled with shame—like the internet and our lives are some fucking competition to be won, and I just don’t measure up. Social media is a fucking poison, but mostly that comes down to how we use it. We are the poison, really—social media is just the syringe we’re using to shoot it straight into our eyeballs. When I’m at my lowest mentally, I deactivate all social media. I can’t handle the constant comparison and competition that


I often unconsciously internalise, so I go dark. I’ve found the best way to avoid getting to that point is to be careful of what I’m consuming—to regularly purge my social media of accounts that don’t serve my wellbeing, that don’t impact me positively. It’s important to remind myself that it’s ok—good, even—to unfollow and block accounts that make me feel like shit. I’ve started to make a more conscious effort to be honest on social media, to use it in a more positive and constructive way, to connect with others rather than surrendering myself to the isolation that often accompanies it. Here are some social media accounts that make me feel better when I’m feeling like a big sad sack of shit: @urlocalcherub is a human who is exists unapologetically. #Content includes honest mental health chat, phenomenal outfits, cats, body positivity, and cute boogie videos. Also pasta. @davidfarrier (you know, of Dark Tourist fame) is not only hella cute, but posts a lot of bang-on social commentary and wholesome animal pics. @tobinaps is just timelapses of an 11-year-old pup napping. @chonky.animals is exactly what you’d expect. @awardsforgoodboys celebrates male mediocrity with “bad drawings of good boys”. @hugogrrrl, @therealhomo, @kellyfornianz, @robin_yablind, @harlielux: some of the most glamorous and talented humans you’ll ever set eyes on. @chloe.swarbrick, obviously. If you’re not already following @lizzobeeating, you’re doing yourself a disservice—in what world would watching Lizzo twerking and playing the flute simultaneously not make you feel like you can take on the universe? And y’all motherfucking thought I was going to plug my own gram. Haven’t you been listening? You don’t need that kinda negativity in your life. Love you, xoxo

ALICE MANDER In my early days as an angry person, I constantly revolved around the topic of disability representation in the media. I would spend hours telling people why it’s important that disabled people play disabled people. Why Me Before You is so dangerously shitty, or why the movie/book Wonder is really just fluff. It seemed obvious to me that disabled people aren’t inspiration porn, not there to make ablebodied audiences feel all gooey inside. And, really, Me Before You is not cute for having one of the only disabled love interests in popular media kill himself because being disabled is just soooo bad and he’s just such a burden on the woman who miraculously loves him despite his disabled Sam Claflin-body. Honestly, though, if a rich “paralysed” Sam Claflin doesn’t have a chance at love/life, then what the fuck should the rest of us do?

gay disabled person—the revolution begins!) that kind of leaves you thinking—“Am I secretly fucked up? Are there like layers of fuckedupness inside of me that I don’t even know exist?” Well, babes, there may well be. But let me be the Robin Williams to your Matt Damon and tell you that “it’s not your fault”. When we are constantly surrounded by messages that we’re not relevant, wanted, capable of love, or that we are a burden defined by our disability—or that we literally just don’t exist—we can’t blame ourselves for struggling to build a healthy identity in the “real world”. If you’re a child and can’t see yourself in any of your favourite movies or shows—then who can teach you to love your disabled self? If you’re a 14-year-old and the only disability representation you see is in something like Me Before You, how are you supposed to grow up in a way that enables a healthy loving relationship? How are you supposed to know that you’re worthy of life? And when you’re a young adult aspiring to be in the film industry, and Hollywood only ever lets you tell the stories of able-bodied people, how are you supposed to make a living doing what you love and what you’re good at?

These things just aren’t obvious to the people they don’t affect. Because it’s just a movie, right? Who cares? If it makes people happy, who cares? There literally aren’t disabled actors in our huge population, so who cares? But actually, maybe that is a good question to ask—why should we care? You see, there’s this cute little thing called internalised ableism. Basically, internalised ableism is exactly what it sounds like—being disabled, but also not liking/being afraid of disabled people because of the ableist narrative of our society, consequently disliking a huge part of yourself that you can’t really change. Internalised ableism manifests in many ways—not associating yourself with people “more” disabled than you; shying away from even calling yourself “disabled”; not wanting to date another disabled person (cue the guilt); not liking parts of your body that emphasise your dIsGuStInG disability, and ultimately just constantly trying to hide a part of who you are! Fun! Ultimately, to sum it up in a nifty quote I found in the new Netflix show Special (a show about a gay disabled person, played by a

If the mental health of young disabled people isn’t enough to make you care, then maybe you should think about the recent headlines in New Zealand about proposed cuts to disability care (which, by the way, may have been ‘cancelled’, but has been happening stealthily for years) or the exclusion of the disabled community in euthanasia debates. Maybe you should think about the fact that disabled people are excluded from compensation under ACC because it would be too ‘costly’. If you think that our pervasive media culture doesn’t impact on policy decisions like these, then you’re not thinking.






We’ve reached that point in the year when snaps of vorteke, K-ZONE, and a feed at Hunter Lounge are more frequent than attendance at lectures. When FB memes about last-minute assignments and guilty procrastination habits flood your timeline and where your Mrs (she doesn’t know it yet but...) posts “LESSGGOOO” on her story, followed by her bottle hitting the camera lens. Can you relate? Are your hands, eyes, and brain glued to your phone? Do you find yourself scrolling mindlessly into the late hours of the night? Social Media aye. It can be a bit much sometimes. But now—as we begin preparation for exams—is NOT the time. Below are three types of Social Media Players. After copious amounts of jack research, my team and I have put together some real talk that no one asked for. #motivation #remember #when #hashtags #were #athing

Anyone ever played Runescape? Because I TOTALLY did when I was a kid. And I didn’t just play Runescape—I made a whole bunch of movies with it, thanks to YouTube. I’m talking epic adventures, music videos, three-part sagas... In my mind, I was creating things with the gravitas of The Lord of the Rings and the emotional heart of Lion King! For a while, I was embarrassed about this prolific filmography, but now I kind of love it. Because making those movies was so much fun. It taught me so much about storytelling and creative expression. Through Runescape, I was able to tell any kind of story I wanted— all with the help of an unregistered screen recorder and that trusty editing suite, Windows Movie Maker.

‘Too much LESSGOOO, not enough take notes’ We get it. Uso aso uma. You were crowned drink dawg. But this home stretch is your road and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you. The partying will be just as good—once you’ve crossed that stage. Keep the same energy for your courses and witness your habits change for the better.

Heck, I remember in 2016, when I “reunited” with a friend during my first year at Vic. This was a friend I had only ever met and knew in Runescape, and while it had been years since we had last “hung out”, we were soon arranging a time to meet up over hot chocolate. I now look back on those movies I made with him and smile, thinking about this absurdly amazing connection I now have.

‘Still asks for shoutouts, obsessive kind of attention seeker’ The number of followers you have should not be your priority. Mindless scrolling and validation from likes are out. Educating and decolonising the mind is in. Insta accounts addressing climate change, Indigenous voices, systematic oppression, poverty, intersectional feminism, and LGBTQ inclusion are ABUNDANT. This isn’t 2015. We’re better. We’re pursuing higher-level thinking— online and offline. Here’s some to get you learning: @plantationconvos @talanoa_ @tatoutatouorg @ womenofoceania @fafswag

I think the internet can be a source of a lot of ill mental health. I’ve been through the “deactivate and activate” Instagram phases, the obsessive tracking of likes on a Facebook picture; I’ve had days where I spent too much time looking at a screen and too little time looking at the world. But the internet can also be a source of comfort and expression. For some, it’s the Neopets forum they roleplayed on, for others it’s a bodybuilding subreddit. These pockets of community foster creativity and enrich our lives.

‘I’m just here to curate an aesthetically pleasing gram’ Work to these artistic strengths. Use your talented eye to build community, connection, and representation for our online Pacific presence. Support your local, and get behind their mahi—or establish your own! With social media, you can build anything.

So use the internet wisely, find your community, and just have fun. And most importantly... Remember to like and subscribe to my old Runescape YouTube channel:

Good luck doko! Stay focused sis! While we’re on the topic… give us a follow, yeah? @psc_vuw



DON’T LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE TO MY CULTURE I am passionate about te reo Māori and fall in love with it every day. I am also blessed because my knowledge base and skills around it has provided me with employment. I work with amazing people who are just as passionate about our language, if not more, and being in an academic work environment like this has encouraged me to be a better and more critical thinker. They have empowered me to share these skills—not only with the wider world, but also to guide my growth as a rangatahi Māori. Things that I have learned to think critically of, include the current ‘like and subscribe’ theme that’s been going on in our society, in regards to our reo and our culture. In my opinion, a subscription to any kaupapa is just that—a subscription—and any subscription without action is fruitless, because there is no room or power to grow. Following a verified figure on a social media platform does not make you an advocate or friend, so what makes you think that doing the same with the Māori culture and language would be any different? Here is a short list of thought-provoking questions to determine whether or not you are a part of the ‘like and subscribe’ waka in regard to Māori culture and language: • Do you know that the Treaty and te Tiriti are two different things? • Do you understand them both? • Do you ever question the validity of a non-Māori voice speaking out about Māori-related kaupapa? • When asked about what Māori are known for, do you instantly think of negative statistics? • Do you keep quiet when kaupapa Māori are being criticised? • When the Māori voice is missing, do you ever realise, and ask why? • When someone mispronounces or makes a mistake in te reo, is your first instinct to criticise? • Do you only incorporate te reo into your day during te wiki o te reo Māori?

• Do you speak te reo so others won’t know what you’re saying? • If you have a Māori name, do you allow the mispronunciation of it? • As a Māori student, do you only go to the marae when it serves you? • Do you take tapu practices for granted when you’re not in a Māori space? • Do you compromise the way you introduce yourself in non-Māori environments? • Do you conform to societal pressures regarding the Māori culture? If you still think that you’re not on the ‘like and subscribe’ waka, think again. It’s up to us to constantly critique ourselves and our peers—not because we’re haters, but because we want the best, to learn and grow. In fact, society demands it. Subscriptions are seasonal; they change with the times, are influenced by trends; and eventually, subscriptions expire. Our culture will not. Growing up, kuia and koroua speaking te reo made me happy. Being young and naïve I didn’t understand why, but now I know. I know of the sacrifices that the generations before us made to put in place things that are today normal, things that we tend to take for granted. Among those things is our reo. People such as Ngoi Pewhairangi, Ngā Tamatoa, and so many others fought for their own tamariki and mokopuna to learn their own language. And before we move on from this subject—take a moment to think about how insane that is. Thanks to so many people and organisations, te reo has thrived—t’s taught in all levels of education, from kōhanga reo to whare wānanga. These learning environments are constantly working and churning out the speakers of tomorrow. But of course, there is always room to improve and expand. Nāku iti nei.



The scene is my uncle’s house in Rotorua. We are sitting on beige lazyboyz. I don’t actually know that they were beige, but it somehow fits. We are having a family get-together and I realise that both my current boyfriend and my ex are variously placed around the room. My ex is wearing the get-up of the creepy guy from The Lovely Bones. The one with the vest and the combover. Maybe that’s why I think the couches were beige. Anyway, it’s a terrible look. That’s the end of my dream.

the first place? Robe up anyone, and I mean anyone, in that paedophilic filth, and you’ll be over them in a moment… It’s a dick move on your part, a petty ploy– but ah well, insecurities loom over us all. More importantly, within your 93-word submission you’ve managed to thrice mention the lazy boys were beige. Even though you’re not sure they were. What game are you playing? What madness hides in that colour? Obviously it signifies comfort, regression. Think cracked leather, broken chips, a dark patch where beer was spilled after the All Blacks fumbled a try. It’s worrying. And yet, take a breath, the fact you’re all on them together, sinking into a comfortable abyss provides one with hope. All three of you face mundanity, but your comfortably spread thighs are in it together. And maybe glancing at your ex—when he isn’t vested and combed over—still gets you wet. But don’t worry, that’ll fade. You’ll all soon be chums, waiting for the first bus out of Rotorua.

There’s an intensity to a dream where nothing happens. The building of tension, the reference to a murderous paedophile, Rotorua, the fade to black—all of it, and by all of it I mean the fade to black reminds me of The Sopranos’ final episode. Did Tony get whacked? Will you?? The double’s a common enough literary trope, but getting your dream self to incapacitate your ex with a vest–combover combo is worrying, at least for your current lover. To him I ask, does she clear her history? Does she lock her phone?

I just hope that smelly city is where your uncle actually lives, because if it’s not—if that’s some even darker symbolism, well then Christ…

Clearly, you’re trying to dismiss what used to exist, to belittle by disguise. “It’s a terrible look,” you write. Yet, who are you to shame him–you who dreamed it up in


Grass : After the Ice Age ended, when there was nothing left, there was grass A phoenix rising from the ashes; a first responder; what grew when nothing else would Like a disease, it spread over the most trying terrain and unwelcoming climate Mother earth refused to remain barren for long Spinning her own silk out of roots and vines Providing for every creature, big and small She tries to clothe me with her cloak of nature Refusing to let her child walk this treacherous path naked Like grass, my hair protects me, holds me when no one else will To you, it is a weed in dire need of extermination You would not shed your armour in battle because your enemy did not enjoy the colour of it So forgive me if I let my forest run wild You call my body a temple, assuming it open to visitors Foolish boy It is a fortress I fight to guard But I will tend to my secret garden and let it remain a secret no more If I offered you a rose and all you saw were thorns All the prayer in the world couldn't help you trace your steps back to me - Janhavi Gosavi

Send your limericks, elegies, and odes to




Back in my Auckland primary school days, we were once instructed to draw our personal definition of home, in the style of Friedrich Hundertwasser. My piece consisted of my two favourite parts of Wellington—the bucket fountain and Mr Bun. I was very proud of it. All the lines were wiggly, so that meant it was modern art. My parents did not support this wild, visionary (and incorrect) artistic leap into transautomatism by purchasing it as an overpriced calendar, but that’s okay—living in the city with the real bucket fountain is way cooler than my wiggly-lined pastel-and-paint primary school picture could ever be. Not everyone shares my enthusiasm. The Tripadvisor reviews are scathing: “This is no more an attraction than the trees, pavement and rubbish bin which line the same street,” writes Barny C. Level 6 contributor minimize940314 agrees—to him it is just “a tiny fountain at the Cuba street.” He goes on to say that he “did not find it interesting or attractive. Just normal small display that can be found any place in the world.” However, none of these match up to the bitter spite of Tripadvisor user Irsurfer. Typing as if he is under duress, desperately trying to sneak a secret cry for help out to the outside world, Irsurfer writes, “The bucket fountain, anywhere else in the world would be ripped out, but in Wellington it is an icon, to look at ummm yeh. You will find yourself following the buckets as they fill up with water and tip over. Do not suggest it should be replaced, that would be outrageous and probably get you locked up for suggesting it....” I’ve already tried to find a secret message in the capitalisations of that message. Don’t worry. I think he’s safe. I love the bucket fountain. If my seven-year-old brain ranked it on the same scale of importance as (may he rest in peace) Cuba Street’s Mr Bun—the source of my childhood culinary highlights of lolly cake and jam tarts—it must really be something. It’s an


unavoidable icon, in both a physical and emotional sense, and it’s here to stay. I decided to find out more about this controversial Kiwi landmark. Here’s a fun fact that you can share with your flatmates to seem quirky and cultured: Elijah Wood peed in it. Now that that’s over, here’s some actual, not-so-crass knowledge: Architects Burren and Keen erected this colourful kinetic work in 1969. It cost $2000 to build. That might seem like a lot, but honestly, in comparison to the usual amount spent on public art (e.g. the $300,000 Water Whirler), that price is dirt cheap. The bucket fountain is a political figure: In January 2014, it was affected by an oil spill—a home job protest against deep sea oil drilling around New Zealand. It’s also a much-loved artistic figure: In February 2016, it was tainted by the theft of the lower yellow bucket. In true Wellingtonian style, a plea was put out to have it returned, and it was—but with psychedelic additions to its formerly plain yellow interior. The new paint job was loved and hated, but ultimately kept. Art isn’t just kept in galleries—it’s spills down the streets. If you’ve never seen anyone taking a late-night drunken dip in the bucket fountain to cleanse the soul, whilst fleeing from the overly friendly hands of 121, you’re missing out. The bucket fountain is fun. Art can be fun. It’s allowed to be goofy and colourful. Art can be as academically stimulating as a packet of homebrand marshmallows, and that’s okay. I love and appreciate the bucket fountain for reasons that I would never write about for my 100-level Art History paper, and honestly? If you haven’t taken the time to appreciate this beast of a creation recently, I suggest you should. But bring an umbrella—the bucket fountain touches you, and not just in a metaphorical sense.


Killing Eve is a masterful television show that easily fits into the ‘Homoerotic Tension that’s Never Acted Upon**’ club, alongside Hannibal (which is fantastic) and BBC’s Sherlock (which is less than). Based on Luke Jennings’ Codename Villanelle book series, Killing Eve was adapted for television by Phoebe WallerBridge—who is now writing the next Bond film. It stars Sandra Oh as a dogged FBI agent, Eve Polastri, and Jodie Comer as ruthless assassin Villanelle. Eve becomes fascinated by Villanelle, and is given an assignment by her boss to hunt her down. At the scene of one of her crimes, Villanelle spots Eve and immediately becomes obsessed with her, going to the lengths of following her around, buying her clothes, and getting dopplegangers of her to call themselves “Eve” in bed. What I love about this show is the cat-and-mouse chase of it all. It’s like a slow-burn romance in some respects, with tension constantly held on a knife’s edge. But, underneath it all, it’s a crime show. Eve and Villanelle have a clearly toxic relationship, at least in a way that a sane person would describe it, but it’s enticing to watch, and really quite erotic—despite all of the murder. Eve is fascinated by Villanelle, and can’t seem to pull away, despite hating her guts. Killing Eve is also unashamedly queer, which is such a relief for a big work of popular fiction. It’s such a change to see main queer characters in a narrative that isn’t entirely about them being queer, coming out, dealing with relationships, and so forth. Villanelle is thoroughly bi, with a preference for women, and Eve is likely queer or questioning, herself. There’s a fantastic 37

scene near the beginning of series one where Eve and her colleague/long time friend, Bill, talk about sexuality in an amazingly modern way, and it’s just so refreshing to see. Also, let’s talk about Bill, and dudes in this show in general. Compulsory heterosexuality is a thing in a lot of television shows. The lead man and the lead woman in a show end up hooking up more often than not, or at least have ridiculous amounts of unresolved sexual tension before the show is cancelled. Killing Eve doesn’t go down that path with Bill, or with any of the other guys in the show. Bill and Eve are very close friends, they share their food with each other, talk about incredibly intimate things, genuinely love and care for each other, and never, ever fuck. It’s a nice change. Despite all of the gruesome murder (there’s at least one an episode, usually) Killing Eve manages to have quite a good sense of humour, and there are some genuine laugh-out-loud scenes. Villanelle is far from the stoic, Bondian assassins of yore—she might be incredibly talented at what she does, and she might pull off some insanely complicated murders, but she’s going to be a petulant-ass about the entire time. Plus, her fashion sense is incredible, and I’d happily watch this show just for the dresses alone. Killing Eve is a modern crime series for our modern times, and one hell of a good show. Between all its jet-setting, a unique palette and aesthetic, and some of the best writing I’ve seen in a TV show for a long time, it’s definitely worth a watch. **Season two is only halfway through, so I live in hope for some smooching.




Tangelight to the tastebuds would be sweet yet a little bit grainy, an amalgamation of syrup-like whimsy and pleasant bitterness. A unique pairing—something along the lines of Aeropress and fairy bread, perhaps. Wellington musician and general nice person Dom dedicates their time to creating a world of “beautiful music”. Their EP is an experience, consisting of three tracks all recorded through one mic from Dom’s humble 'Room of Doom'. Not to be wrongly associated with the *clears throat* riff raff of bedroom poppery, Tangelight is serene and thoughtful ambient music. Things are low-fi, but in a tasteful and non-conformist manner. Breath of the Wild is the only video game I have been playing lately. It has a reputation for its soundscapes, reminiscent of a Ghibli movie, though vaster. The tone of this EP would nestle snugly in the world of Zelda, especially the title track. White noise is lightly penetrated by the harmonious sounds of swirling guitar melody and samples of creatures rising with the sun. Through the vibrancy of loops, soft percussion, and colourful layering, “tangelight” blooms before us like flora in time-lapse. Remaining in a fantasy world, the second track “the dragon king” cuts the same serenity with dissonance. A stronger focus on distortion gives the track an engaging element of grit. A little bird told me that this song was completely improvised in a single take. That should impress you.

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I was pretty amused by the final song title “aero press & fairy bread”. I would like to interpret this as a metaphor for the nostalgia of childhood and the pragmatism of adulthood, though they’re probably just names of damn good edibles. Speaking of edibles… as the last track draws the experience full-circle, grab yourself some baked goods and put that shit on repeat. X/VAYZ definitely achieved their mission of producing gorgeous music. My only criticism would be that occasionally the samples of conversation distracted from my Zen. Also, that this EP perhaps could benefit with a bit more variety between tracks. I look forward to seeing where X/VAYZ travels beyond here, as though the foundations are great, there is certainly room for growth. For now, I would suggest purchasing their physical tape to hear a bonus track, and then pitying yourself because who the hell owns a cassette player anyway?


The King of the Met Gala award: Billy Porter would have won this award on his use of six men as a vehicle alone, but the gold wings, the sequin eye make-up, and the level of DahRama he brought cemented this title and his place in the Met history books. The cool aunty award: Celine Dion in a diamanté-tassled bodysuit and ostrich-feather headdress is the exact energy I want to be emulating, pulling up to my future niece/nephew’s christening.

Most creative interpretation of the theme: Ezra Miller went down that carpet with a makeup look that’s going to spawn thousands of copies this Halloween, wearing a diamond corset and waving around a mask of his own face. I really don’t know how the people behind him didn’t just turn around and head home. The award for being the absolute most: Diane Von Furstenberg dressed as the Statue of Liberty with her face printed on the dress, brought the exact amount of extra-ness I pray God will bless my future offspring with. The award for wearing black and not putting onlookers to sleep—or alternatively, the this-is-being-publishedin-Wellington-so-I-need-to-include-some-black-outifts award: This award is a tie between Laverne Cox (who I genuinely believe is the incarnation of Persephone) wearing the structural gown to end all structural gowns, and Harry Styles, who came for Melania Trump in a sheer, black lace pussy-bow blouse. Best subtle product placement: I’m giving Katy Perry the benefit of the doubt by assuming she’s doing a collaboration with Lighting Direct by coming dressed as a candelabra. This was the least “fashion” thing that walked the carpet, and that says a lot at a Met where someone wore a feathered fedora. Most likely to be blackmailing Anna Wintour: Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen consistently dress terribly, are incredibly irrelevant, yet are invited back every single year. Coincidence? Before I sign off for the week, let’s all take a respectful minute of silence for the Met cleaners, who are no doubt still vacuuming up feathers off the carpet, even as I finish writing this review a week later.

The least-creative interpretation of the theme award: Cara Delevingne wearing head-to-toe rainbow stripes, rainbow platform heels, and a rainbow cane. Maybe I haven’t attained a high-enough level of lesbianism to appreciate this, but honestly… this is just ugly.



To recap the Met Gala for anyone who hasn’t watched Oceans 8: Every year, on the first Monday of May, the elite of the fashion world (and a spare YouTuber) gather at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City in their best robes to delight and inspire the peasants, and raise money for art. This year’s theme was “Camp: Notes on Fashion”. If Drama, Irony, and Glamour had a threesome, Camp would be its progeny. The word was first used in 1869 by a cross-dressing English Lord in a letter to his (male) lover, and is a concept which has since taken root and bloomed in the queer community. By displaying the multitude of queer influences within fashion, both historically and today, the directors of the Met have essentially raised a massive, bedazzled middle finger to a society that seeks to erase and silence this. While this theme could easily be criticised for commodifying and exploiting queer culture, I’m more than willing to forgive them, seeing as they gave several prominent members of the LGBTQ+ community a platform to sparkle on—amplified against the background of some extremely blandly-dressed Straights. Now we’re all educated, I present the Nina x Salient 2019 Met Gala awards—brought to you by Naomi Campbell’s leg and Cardi B’s jewelled nipples:


1. $20 big breakfast and coffee deal from Lola Stays: 106 Oriental Parade, Wellington, 6011 Early bird gets the worm! Grab the Bayside Breakfast or Bayside Vege plus a Havana Coffee Works Brew for $20 before 9 a.m. (this deal is actually valid every day of the week—Thursday lacks a bit of originality in deals, so chucking it in here). The staff are super friendly, there are often dogs, and you get your food with a view. Get in a walk along Oriental while you're at it, and you are set up for a perfect day! Bacon, eggs, mushrooms, potatoes, Kransky… need I say more (drool). The vege brekkie is the same, except the meat is swapped for HALLOUMI and tomatoes. YUM. 2. $10 lunch from the Little Beer Quarter: 6 Edward Street, Te Aro, Wellington 6011 LBQ is tucked away in the Edward Street Precinct (by Meow and Capital Market). A lil’ dingy on the inside, but it's always vibing and when the sun’s out you hit the jackpot for a groovy place to head for your arvo beer. Their $10 lunches on Thursdays are a serious bang for your buck! To name a few; Beer Battered Fish and Chips, Soba Salad, Vegetarian Pizzas, LBQ Salad, and their seriously good cheeseburger. Very student-friendly! 3. All you can eat tacos from Tequila Joe’s: 43 Vivian Street, Wellington 6011 Prepare your belly for ALL YOU CAN EAT TACOS. For $25 (with any drink purchase; $29 otherwise) you’ll have to loosen your belt for the unlimited tacos and Baja fries!! Kids aged ten and under get this for half price. The deal is from 5 p.m. onwards and tacos keep coming out until you're full. It's quite a

small establishment, so I would recommend going either earlier or later in the evening and not at the peak eating time between 6:30 and 7:30 p.m. (let's be honest—you hungry hippos will be there bang on five o’clock). There are five different flavours to choose from: Marinated Chicken, Beef Brisket, Crispy Fish, Pork Carnitas, and Mexican Sausage. There are both Vegan and Gluten Free options available. 4. $15 Sangria pitchers from Basque: 8 Courtenay Pl, Te Aro, Wellington 6011 A rooftop tapas bar situated at the end of Courtney Place, this bar has a great atmosphere and is the perfect place to grab some drinks with friends! They’re well known for their sangrias, with nine flavours in total, including: Margarita, Peach, Summer, and Beer & Ginger. To make things even more inviting, on Thursdays you can get a jug of their classic sangria for only $15—SIGN ME UP. 5. 241 cocktails at Beach Babylon: 232 Oriental Parade, Wellington 6011 Ooohhh yeah, my favourite deals will forever be two-for-ones, because you're basically saving 50%!! (Yeah, right, says my bank account). This deal is valid from 4 p.m. onwards on a Thursday. Absolutely amazing spot to park up on a balmy night (grrr winter but a cocktails a cocktail!) Also thought I would mention these guys do BYO wine every night if you purchase a main meal ($5 corkage charge). So if you’re a bit over cheap flavourless BYO food (food snob) then here’s a good alternative.


Bachelor of Communication (BC)

Study what you love BC Majors at Wellington & via Distance Study: • • • • • • •

Communication Management Expressive Arts (theatre, creative writing, making films) Journalism Linguistics Marketing Media Studies Public Relations.

These offer you choices in practice-based and creative studies in media and communication.

Find out more: Enquire now:

Join a communication degree with an excellent full-time employment record For a comprehensive report on Massey BC graduates’ employment, salaries, etc., email Massey University’s communication degree is recognised internationally

Massey has Asia-Pacific’s only communication degree accredited by the US-based ACEJMC

Study Digital Media Production in a degree with high full-time employment rates


Be inspired TAKE A CREATIVE WRITING WORKSHOP AS PART OF YOUR DEGREE OR TO DEVELOP YOUR WRITING CREW 253 POETRY WORKSHOP Leading poet James Brown will guide you through the art of writing poetry. James is an acclaimed poet with five collections published.


Award-winning short fiction writer, William Brandt, will offer ways to advance your short stories through writing exercises and intensive workshopping.


Renowned children’s author Eirlys Hunter will allow you to explore different forms of writing for the pre-adolescent child and begin to develop your own clear voice.


Acclaimed playwright Victor Rodger will convene this course. We welcome students who wish to produce fiction, creative nonfiction, plays, screenplays or poetry.


Laurie Winkless describes herself as a physicist-turnedscience-writer. Through CREW 352 workshops, she will help you tell creative, compelling stories about the science that matters to you.

CREW 353 WRITING FOR THEATRE Learn the craft of writing for the stage with celebrated playwright Gary Henderson. Gary’s work is produced locally and internationally and he is a renowned teacher.

APPLY NOW FOR TRIMESTER TWO 2019 Applications close 17 June 2019

To find out more about the creative writing courses offered by the International Institute of Modern Letters at Victoria University, go to

Victor Rodger to convene Māori and Pasifika Creative Writing Course Acclaimed Samoan-Scottish writer Victor Rodger will again convene Te Hiringa a Tuhi, the Māori & Pasifika Creative Writing Workshop at Victoria University of Wellington’s International Institute of Modern Letters. Victor’s career has included writing theatre, film television, radio and, most recently, fiction. ‘After over twenty years of writing, I’m still figuring it all out, but I’ve picked up a few things along the way and I enjoy sharing that knowledge,’ he says.

Te Hiringa a Tuhi is a practical writing paper for students who wish to produce fiction, creative nonfiction, drama or poetry that is informed by Māori or Pasifika perspectives, cultures and origins, the process of colonisation, or questions of identity and belonging. In addition, students with Māori or Pasifika heritage are free to write literature that does not directly address these subjects. Te Hiringa a Tuhi will run during Trimester 2 on Monday mornings from 9.30am – 12.30pm.

Laurie Winkless to convene Science Writing Workshop Laurie Winkless is a physicist and freelance science writer from Ireland. She first started communicating science and engineering to the public while working as a researcher at the National Physical Laboratory, and left the lab to pursue it full time in 2015. Laurie has appeared on national and international media channels, including Channel4, BBC World Service, and RadioNZ.

For more information and about applying for any of the IIML courses, please contact:

She acts as a consultant for a number of labs, regularly contributes to Forbes, and has had her work featured in Wired, Esquire, BBC Focus, the Economist, and the Guardian. Her first book, Science and the City, was published worldwide by Bloomsbury, and has been translated into Spanish and Korean. Laurie’s second book, Sticky, is in the works. The workshop will run on Mondays during Trimester 2: 1-4pm.







1. One who lives in Lillehammer (9) 6. Hypermasculine (5) 9. "Let me rephrase that..." (4,1,5,2,3) 10. Banded semiprecious stone that inspired the name of a rock Pokemon (4) 11. It's about 0.39 inches (10) 13. Chronological setting for Louisiana and Minnesota... and four other Across entries (7,4) 17. Like many Powerpoint presentations (10) 19. Stark child whose spooky mind powers haven't made this season of 'Game of Thrones' any less disappointing (4) 22. Treats with an exaggerated sense of nostalgia, maybe (15) 23. Backs of necks (5) 24. Old-timey circus performer who might wear a leopard-skin leotard (9)

1. Second novel in the 'Twilight' saga (3,4) 2. Truly; extremely (6) 3. 'The Wasteland' poet T.S. (5) 4. Animated series with the voices of Ray Romano and Denis Leary (3,3) 5. With no lethal effects (3-5) 6. Rita's job, in a Beatles song - we'd call her a parking warden now (5,4) 7. It came before the CD, and might come after VCR (8) 8. Homer's epic (7) 12. Stresses and fears (9) 13. Early winter blast (4,4) 14. Comes in again (8) 15. American philosopher Ralph Waldo, who wrote 'Nature' and the poem 'Uriel' (7) 16. Walk the Moon hit with the repeated lyric 'This house is falling apart' (4,3) 18. Babylonian equivalent of the goddess Astarte, or the name of a John Travolta flop (6) 20. Money for a kidnapping (6) 21. : (5)






F*CK YA LIFE UP Puzzle 1 (Very hard, difficulty rating 0.79)

Puzzle 1 (Easy, difficulty rating 0.45)





1 6

5 4













3 9













5 1




1 5



7 2








5 5


2 7

6 6


Generated by on Thu May 16 01:11:23 2019 GMT. Enjoy!

Generated by on Thu May 16 01:11:19 2019 GMT. Enjoy!







Conflict finds its way to you, and you will find your own aggression running high. There’s trouble in your romantic life, you may feel distant from a partner or particularly hateful towards an ex. Tuesday begins an emotionally fraught month, and your sense of self will waver. Fuck the pain away.

Any arguments you may find yourself in will loop and twist and only end up in a ball of tears and the hairs you pulled from your own head. Midweek is emotionally difficult, and you might find yourself feeling lonely. Find companionship in Leo’s sex cult.


Oh you saucy minx! Be careful who you give yourself to, any romance blossoming now will only get you hurt. Now is a really good time to become invested in environmental activism. Be kinder to your water sign compatriots (Pisces and Cancer), they’re the only ones who have your back.

Fun ‘n’ flirty times are ahead for Taurus, as the romance and creativity in your life are in harmony with one another. Sparks are flying, you’re feeling passionate, but you run the risk of running your mouth off. Perhaps join a cult for the stability.


GEMINI The coming weeks bring you a strong sense of self and sharpness of mind. Do things that make you feel alive. With your love life and sex life harmonising with one another, anticipate some steam rising from the cauldron that is your hot bod.

You might be feeling stupid right now, but don’t worry, that’s the one thing you’ll get right this week! Communication will feel stifled and forced. Avoid eating fish due to the risk of heavy metal poisoning. And whatever you do, do not step foot in Valhalla.



This week brings some emotional unsettledness, and it’s likely you’ll be feeling smothered by your relationships (particularly romantic ones). This is in conflict with a desperate desire for affection. Don’t say how you really feel. Not yet.

Sexy mama! You’re feeling romantic this week, buy yourself some candles. Life may feel like an uphill battle for you right now, but I promise things will get easier, so long as you ask for help in a direct way. Doing cartwheels in public doesn’t count as a personality trait.



Now is a good time to sow seeds for romance, but take the emotional side of things slow. Focus on the physical for now ;) but open up to your friends before you tell your Tinder matches too much. Starting a (consensual) sex cult is a good way around this.

Your emotional state is stable, tranquil, warm. Bt it will only stay this way if you learn to be alone. No one is good enough for you. Except you. P.S. Your high school arch nemesis is coming for you after all these years.



Sweetums, I love and support you always, but for the love of Poseidon—do something with your life. Start by taking your skincare routine all the way down to your titties. Romantic times are waiting for you, but I can’t guarantee the sex will be good.

It is advisable for you to avoid bodies of water. You don’t know what’s down there. However, the colossal squid is back at Te Papa. Create an elaborate plot to steal it, as a romantic gesture to your Tinder match. Any sex you have now will be good, but it will hurt you in the end.


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About Us Salient is published by—but remains editorially independant from—Victoria Univeristy of Wellington Students’ Association (VUWSA). Salient is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) and the New Zealand Press Council. Salient is funded in part by Victoria University of Wellington students through the Student Services Levy. The views expressed in Salient do not neceassarily reflect those of the Editor, VUWSA, or the University. Complaints People with complaints against the magazine should complain in writing to the Editors.

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Issue 10 - Like and Subscribe  

Issue 10 - Like and Subscribe