Weather Report

The Intellistar 1 was the fifth generation successor to the Weather Star systems. You know, the system that makes the Local on the 8s segments on The Weather Channel? The thing we all grew up watching and are all concerningly obsessed with. No, just me? Oh okay. Anyway, the Intellistar 1 is obviously the best iteration of the Weather Star systems, it built upon the foundation of the Weather Star XL and the Weather Star 4000 by adding the voice of Allen Jackson to announce the weather as it appeared on the screen. However, on November 16th 2015, tragedy struck as the Intellistar 1 was officially retired and the Weather Channel started using the Intellistar 2. A obvious fucking downgrade, as they replaced Allen Jackson’s voice with Jim Cantore. I understand that Jim Cantore has been working at The Weather Channel since 1986, but that doesn’t mean he is fit to be the voice of Local on the 8s! Just because someone works at a company for a certain number of years, does not mean that they get to just become the CEO. Whatever. Anyway, stream Intellistar 1 clips on YouTube.

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SAMANTHA BRAFF, MORGAN VOLKOVA, OWEN KEENAN energy too. Back in 1981 he said that ‘Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do’. I don’t even know how someone comes to that opinion, but it has since been obviously debunked”. When asked if this is a common occurrence, the representative told us, “He was at a pretty steady rumble from 2008 to 2016, but one of the worst spikes was on June 26th, 2015 with a magnitude of 6.9. “We had to make some repairs to the foundation after that.”

[Editor’s Note: If Grindr is not your gay dating app of choice, but you still want to get tested for HIV, go to takemehome. org where you can order free HIV, STI, and PrEP panel tests. All of these can be performed in the comfort of your own home, and they ship in discreet packaging. The website also has a support page where you can learn the next steps of what to do if you test positive for specific infections, and a link to another website where you can anonymously inform your partners to get tested, which you can find at tellyourpartner.org…

I have just been advised by the US Geological Survey to stop talking about this matter, as the earthquakes have been slowly worsening while writing this article.] rally in Waco, Texas.

“I gotta say, that Dick Justice guy, he knows how to write bills,” the former president said to a half-empty stadium of white people, “He makes good bills, the best bills (almost as good as mine). If this bill were my daughter, the hot one, and she was still young and hot, I would marry it.”

Given PEDO’s popularity, it’s likely to be signed by Jim Justice within the week, as the governor previously voiced his support for the bill on his Truth social page, saying in a truth last week, “PEDO represents a win for the people of West Virginia. Dick’s always had a good

DICK JUSTICE U.S. Senator (R, W.V.)

Dick’s always had a good head on his shoulders, and it warms my heart to see the public recognize him.”

Senator Justice is expected to reveal his bid for the 2024 presidential election any day now, as his Truth page has been particularly critical of the Biden administration’s proposed policies, including its recently announced plans to keep the sky blue, and have the sun continue to rise every day.

When asked for a comment, Justice simply answered “If Joe Brandon’s for it, then I’m against it.” He tipped his hat to me, gave me a wink, and rode off on horseback into the sunset, alongside his two muscular scantily clad platonic cowboy companions.

[Editor’s Note: Following our interview with Dick Justice, James Teri got a message on Grindr from a profile simply named ‘D.J.’.]