PERSONALS
Wednesday, September 19th, 2012
the Medium
“Is there cream on my face?”
WORD OF THE WEEK
SHOUTOUT TO...
To all the preppy bitches I know, why do you feel Insanity can come in good and bad situations. “We it necessary to instagram the jury find the defendant...” is not the kind of in- your nails? I speak for sane you wanna go for. That will have people lookig me and every other male at you weird and will probably never haVE a steady in the world when we job. Good insanity can come in the form of answering say we don’t give a shit your own emails; although it may give your editing about your fingers unless partner serious doubts about your well-being. Insan- they’re making us sandwhiches or strokin our ity is a good thing; how do you think I got this job? big dicks. Also, why does “Sanity and happiness are an impossible comibination” - the 3rd nail have to be a different pattern? Get Mark Twain -EVERDAY I’M TRUFFLIN’ you fucking shit together. This week’s word is: INSANITY
RANDOM BITCHIN
R.U. PROBZ
To the bro that kept on coughing in macro last week: shut the fuck up! Some of us are actually trying to enjoy listening to our professor insult you dumbass freshmen for 80 minutes. Why are you all so retarded any(We’ve sent countless letters way? I hope you cough to Mr. Undertaker but we up your lung on the have recieved no responses. street just as the bus is And Cena is a bitch doe.) pulling up so the tire I’m a freshman and I squishes it on the pavehave to say with all these ment and blood squirts crime reports, I may in- everywhere. vest in pepper spray or a taser. Or maybe you can To the studious girl in my be my bodyguard ;) ? poli sci class. We all know (No.) you did the reading. You To my douche bag neigh- don’t need to recite the bors on Huntington St. whole damn book and Stop throwing obnoxious ask a million questions. parties and blocking my The other 300 kids in our driveway. You and your class and professor don’t Indian frat bros are an- give a fuck. noying as fuck and you are all extremely unTo my office: I can’t eat atrractive. food at my desk? What To the hippie fucks who kind of orwellian nonthink that the swastika is sense is this? a sign for peace in Buddhism or some fucking religion. Get off your Really Rutgers? I now fucking high horse and have to have a ten charrealize that sign symbol- acter password? That’s izes ultimate hatred. Get longer than any word I your heads outta your have ever read in any of asses and stop being so my college readings? No way in hell I’m going to goddamn ignorant. remember that! To the older dude near Brower selling “NoBama” t-shirts. Those (Fuck it I usually just stick shirts are fuckin awe- with 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5) some, and I would by them, but I’m a Jew so To the two fools I sent to you’ll need to lower the 100 Somerset: that’s the prices to about $10 address of the bookstore. Yelling out ‘where’s the (Price shouldn’t matter at party?’ to strangers is that point. You should buy never ever advised. one purely on prinicple. Bush 2012.) (Clearly undercover cops.) How come during each third down I heard the undertaker intro theme song from WWE and he never came out? All I wanted to see was someone getting tombstone. P.S Cena is a bitch
PERCEPTION
#TWEETS
I must be maturing, looking at the freshman girls this year, they look attractive, but there’s just something that making me say no.. They look a little young.
I wish I could explain to girls how annoying it is to have hair grow on your face.
(Couldn’t have said it better myself, bro. They’re so fuckin hot but I’m afraid one false move and I’ll end up getting raped for 5 - 10. It’s just not fair.)
(Lets see how many guys Is it just me or does the read this and feel bad about gym smell more and more like curry with evthemselves afterwards.) ery passing year?
To the asshole editing To the pointy pig-nosed this page: fuck you. girl at work: did you know that you could pop (Lol anyways...) a balloon with that shyt? Also, I love hearing your To the sketchy group of stories about how many blacks who hung out at football players’ dicks the grease trucks and you sucked, as it makes student center. I’m not it easy to pinpoint you as buying your little scam another dumb biddie. about selling airheads for Reppin Slutgers well a fundraiser. 100% you’re I see. I wish you well gonna use the money sleeping your way to the for crack. I can’t believe top of NBC someday. a few people actually bought them from you. (Can neither confrim nor Well you ain’t gettin my deny that forementioned money. Next time to wanwoman blew me. That night na scam me try not to act was pretty burry.) like we’ve been bro’s for years. You’re better off spending time trying to To the trolls living in the Birchwood Apts. Could rape a white woman. you be any fucking louder with your giants ass (Pretty sure they read this... feet? I get it, you’re ‘Flwe’ll be recieving a crime yin Solo’ (cuz that’s all report from Kenneth B. Cop you’ve been playing for within the next 24 hrs.) the last hour) but I gotta get up early and actually To the couple sitting be- make use of my life. Go hind me at the rsc who get date raped by some asked about the smell: frat brothers you bitches. sorry, i farted twice. Why the fuck does beer To all the fuckin bitches make you sing off key? in Queens. Don’t give me that cute little laugh (Same reason why pot when I ask to dance. I makes you sing on-key.) may not know how to dance whatsoever but I To all you dumbasses do you you didn’t come who wear YOLO shirts... to a bar to just chill on how about you try and the sidelines. I’m doin fins out if thats actually the best I can not to look true? like a complete fool the least you could’ve done The Brower Music Suckwas accept a free drink. I ness Theorem: the volhope you catch the clap. ume at which a group Your friend was hotter or individual blasts their anyways. stupid ass music in front of Brower is directly proWondering why the spacportional to how much (Bitches’ girlfriends are aling on this page is fucked Why the fuck do the that group or individual up? It’s because the ass- grease trucks gotta move? ways hotter. That’s why you sucks at life. always go for the friend. hole editor ain’t know (Where the fuck have you That way you can’t be cock- (So 500 decibles = living at shit. blocked by her...) -The Managing Editor been the last yr and 1/2 ?) home with your parents? )
(Like, seriously, they don’t even know how fuckin itchy it gets after only two days of growing it out) Lol @ blacking out
TRIVIAL THOUGHT I’m a junior in college and I still sleep with my stuffed animal from childhood, do I have a problem? (Absoluetly not. I still have tea with my stuffed Orca and his baby’s mamma Mrs. Nesbit. It’s a fuckin blast.) I hate when you think about blinking and it becomes a voluntary motion instead of an involuntary one. I wonder if the people who only see me on Mondays and Wednesdays think that red shirts and black shirts are all I own. Can’t help that I lift those days. Is it Christmas yet? I’m itching for an ugly sweater party. (First of all its fucking September, come back to me in a few months. Second, nobody kills it at an ugly sweater party like I do. NO ONE.) This 3 hr Poli Sci seminar will be the fucking death of me. (Bring a pillow you little bitch. Be thankful you don’t have to do this fucking job.) Being peer pressured into belting out The Backstreet Boys’ “Shape of My Heart” makes me question my manhood all over again. One day when I grow up I want to be a South Korean rapper. (Horse Dance or DIE.) Guys who take selfies from their laptop camera are either gay, socially retarded, or gay. Save it for the professionals fellas.