4-17-13

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Rutgers Entertainment Weekly www.rutgersmedium.com

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April 17th, 2013

Volume XLV Issue XIX

WAIT, THERE WAS A RIOT?

QUICKIES

"Iron Chef" Competition at Brower seeks to make dining food more palatable

"WELL, WE FUCKED UP AGAIN," SAYS EVERYONE WHO WASN'T AT DELAFEST BY SUM DUM JOO EDITOR IN CHIEF

NEW DRUNKSWICK--In what appears to be only the latest in a series of errors in behavior made by the student body of Rutgers University, hundreds of students over the weekend participated in an off-campus party called ‘Delafest’ that resulted in multiple arrests, arson, and riot police using mace and tear gas. Oblivious to irony and the fact that the news vans had only just left the College Avenue Campus, web videos of students burning a couch were peppered with a loud ‘RU RAH RAH’ chant from various participants. “You know that joke where someone yells, ‘THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS?,’ asked Michelle Obivalon, SEBS Freshman. “Well, this is one of those times.” Students took to Twitter and Facebook, fueled by alcohol and a strong lack of understanding that social media can be seen by almost anyone who can bash

Pants party turns into sausage-fest Couch wondering what it did wrong Student eagerly moves backpack from adjacent seat as hot girl walks onto bus RUTGERS' INFERNO

their head against a keyboard. In New Brunswick, #Delafest became one of the most popular trending topics of the day, beating out other popular trending topics offering positive images of the university such as ‘#FTK’

NEWS IN PICTURES

Oblivious Hot Dog Stand Opens Up Between "BJ's" & "Dick's"

Ed Reep thinks Anne Frank would've also liked his opinion articles

Burn, baby, burn!

and ‘#pleasedontscrewanythingupthisweekendrutgers.’ The police, reportedly sighing and muttering slurs under their breaths as they trudged back into the heat of drunken revelry, Continued on Page 2

New Fall 2013 Course: Hexpos, Writing for Witches

HEAVENLY INDIFFERENCE

“How Should I Know What To Do With Your Problems?” Says God BY EVERYDAY I'M TRUFFLIN' STAFF WRITER

IRONY IN LOT B6 "I'm so happy I got the permit for this lot, the alternative was pitching a tent!" - Hugh G. Rection

GATES OF ST. PETER --In response to a recent outpouring of curses and prayers over the past weekend, the Creator of Heaven and Earth issued a brief statement to the general public saying, “Look guys, I don’t know what you want me to do about the world’s problems.” “I mean, I am He, but I’m not a miracle worker,” continued God “I gave humans the free choice to do whatever they want, so I can’t help it if there’s road construction on the one day you have off, or you spill mustard on your favorite shirt, which honestly you have to be pretty stupid to do.” Our Eternal Lord’s defense

Watch out for the Po Po ESTABLISHED 1970

team also issued statements saying "The moment God created Man there was an unspoken understanding amongst the two parties that responsibility of our aforementioned Creator wouldn't be to worry about the Continued on Page 2


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