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THE

The Entertainment Weekly of Wedge Antilles

MEDIUM www.themedium.net

Wednesday, May 1, 2002

“Ooncha coomba leia congee ya me eatma lo conagee.”

You’re gonna fail them all, anyway!

Screw your finals! It’s our....

SPECTACULAR!!!!

Anakin Kills Sandpeople After They Kill His Mother! Yoda kicks Darth Tyrannus’ butt!

Amidala shows some SKIN!!! oh yeah... SPOILER ALERT!

Boba Fett is Jango Fett’s CLONE!

Jar-Jar saves the day!


EDITORIALS “ BANG.” Wednesday, May 1st, 2002 (Look for the subliminal message in this article! It’s Fun!)

the EiC’s quadrilateral! Well, this semester’s past and once again, that fool Minus has left me w/ hardly any space on this page. I hope you’ve been as entertained w/ his half-assed opinions as I have. In closing, I hope I’ve touched as many of you as I’ve wanted to and the restraining order will allow. Be on the lookout in early September for another Volume of THE MEDIUM and stay depraved! hugs, EiC

Rutgers

Joh n

One More Thing...by John W. Minus It’s over. It’s finally over. This nigga is about to be up out this bitch. My undergraduate career is finally going to be over. And it has been so long that it actually qualifies as a career. I now lay bare my soul. I John William Minus, 24, graduated from JFK Memorial High School in 1995. Because of various setbacks, clusterfucks, deaths in the family, and college transfers, I am only now about to graduate from Rutgers College with a degree in Psychology. To tell you the truth, I really liked it here at Rutgers. Honest. The buses, the cafeteria food, paying my term bill late every semester, trying desperately to stay registered; it was all one big adventure for me. Do not get me wrong, if I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t, but I liked it all the same. I spent most of my time playing games. I played the chase the girl game many, many times. I earned a few small victories over the years, but truthfully, I only won once. I played Mage and Werewolf and yes, occasionally Vampire, to the delight and horror of those who only met me recently. I lived through more of Frank’s games with my sanity and soul intact than almost anyone else around. I deserve a medal for that. I briefly flirted with being a member of RU Gamers, but that didn’t last long at all. I eventually realized that there were people even geekier than me in the world, and that they were SCARY. I’ve been going to JCA meetings on and off for these past four years, and that is the only reason I have not forgotten Japanese entirely. I owe them a lot for introducing me to Excel Saga and GoldenBoy, and a ton of other little anime shows that I now love, or at least like a lot. I went to my first Con this semester and it taught me the lesson again, that there are people in this world far geekier than I am. That’s a good feeling. I’ve been a Community Service officer for damn near two years, bravely protecting your belongings from lumbering contractors. It’s the most boring job I have ever had in my life, but I’ve met some of the most interesting and damn cool people I’ve met at this school on the job, so for that I am grateful. I am also grateful for the $10 an hour. Most of all I figured out how I feel about people, once and for all…I found out a lot about myself. I figured out that a lot of the infatuations I had with certain groups of women where just passing fancies, and when it came down to it both of my girlfriends were black. I learned that Keeping up a friendship requires both friends to maintain communication. I learned that when a girl says she has a boyfriend, leave her the hell alone. I learned that girl friends are better than girlfriends…and cheaper too! I learned that I can be somewhat independent, but not for very long. I learned that I will never run out of strength, no matter how miserable life gets. I learned how much I really needed my Mother when she took her own life, and I learned how much my brother needs me for some kind of stability. I learned that I need stability. I learned that I’ve fucked up a good thing no less than three times in my time here; and I’ll probably fuck up more. I really learned the value of a dollar, especially when I didn’t have one. Mostly I learned to learn from the mistakes of others. I hope all of my readers (all 3 of you) have learned something from me, cuz I have learned from you. I have a dual personality, half pure love, and half pure Rage. I try to suppress the Rage, but it won’t stay down. I know it is there and I have to deal with it constructively. The same with the frustration that occasionally explodes into bouts of absolute misogyny. I’ve come to terms with myself. Over these past few years, the Medium has become a bigger and bigger part of my life. It has helped me become who I am. I know that my opinion matters. I know that I at least have some small bit of talent; lurking in me, some bit of talent that can be developed into something great if I can put my mind to it. I know that I can attract women and keep them for small periods of time. I know that I can make friends and impress people who are easily impressed. The Medium is made by the biggest freaks you will ever meet in your life, and I would not have it any other way. I’ve learned all of these things from Rutgers, which is why I am grateful for having come here. For me to truly feel that my time here was worthwhile, I hope that you learned something from me too. I don’t really have any cool words to go out on, so I guess I’ll just say so long, and thanks for all the fish.

Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5 Page 6 Page 7

Lando Jar Jar Obi-Wan Luke Leia Han

Page 8 Page 9 Page 10 Page 11 Page 12

Yoda Sidious Maul Vader What’s Shakin’

Cover by: Troy “Red 5” Crowder

MEDIUM

CONTENTS

THE fnord

Editor-in-Chief Managing Editor Business Manager Opinions Editor News Editor GMG Editor Arts Editor Faculty Advisor

Michael Wyzard, MA Mike Ryan, MS Jessica Chandra, GG John Minus, HNIC Ryan Beckman, TnA Martin Babitz, esq. Amy Groark, DC Jeff Buechner, MD

Personals Editors

Carol Hu, UMDNJ Ritch Boblenz, KLF What’s Shakin’ Editor Aija McKenzie, RugB Online Editor Ian DeLorey, TCP/IP Advertising Manager Jessica Chandra, GG Staff Artist Oleg Zeylikovich, OZ Staff Photographer Elizabeth Finelli, RAT Senior Editor John W. Minus, HNIC

THE MEDIUM is the entertainment weekly of Rutgers University. All articles are the opinions of the authors and are not necessarily shared by THE MEDIUM. Submission and business deadline is Sunday at 12:00 pm. The office of THE MEDIUM is located in the SAC Cubicle N. All correspondence may be addressed to THE MEDIUM SAC Box 78, New Brunswick, N.J. 08903 or emailed to wyz@eden.rutgers.edu. Our phone number used to be (732) 373-7085. Summer!


OPINIONS “ Seeya Space Cowboy...” SETTING THINGS STRAIGHT IN THE ‘02

Wednesday, May 1st, 2002 I wonder, how many people I’ve gotten laid? I wonder how many people I’ve de-virginized thanks to my column, the Hetero Qorner. I’ve been helping people have more and better sex for about three years now, AND WHAT THANKS DO I GET, NOTHING! But I digress; I really have enjoyed sharing my sexual experience with you. You see, I have read the Girl on Top thingy in that other paper, and it’s all right. The problem is it’s a big old cock-tease section. They get you all hot and fired up with some girl on girl action, then they don’t give you any tips on how to get some of that action yourself in a three-way free-for-all. Nothing but a tease. And don’t even get me started on that other Qorner they have. I don’t get that at all. I mean that section just doesn’t speak to me you know? I mean, I’m all for chicks getting with each other, but the whole man/man thing. Honestly, what man can overcome the inherent of the male form enough to want to have sex with a man? I don’t understand how girls do it, I really don’t. If I were a chick I’d be a Dyke too. Girls are so much nicer, snugglier, softer, curvier, sexier, and prettier than any man can ever be. So therefore, homosexuality is wrong not for any moral reasons, but because men are so aesthetically displeasing. I love women…some say that I am obsessed with women, and I guess they would be right. But really, is there anything better in the world to be obsessed with? Some people find beauty in nature, in the sky, in the Earth, in the waters of the oceans and lakes we live near and on. Those things are all right, but what can the mountains compare to a woman’s breasts? There is no competition, I say. The perfect curve of a woman’s behind is far lovelier to me than the twists and turns of even the mightiest river. A woman’s skin is smoother than any river stone you may find, and a lot more fun o run your fingers across. A long pair of legs is grander than the redwoods or oaks of any old-growth forest. Girls are just my bag baby, my thing, my life; they’re what I do. I can’t change that any I HEREBY GIVE THE FACULTY, STAFF, STUDENTS, AND ALUMNI more than I can stop OF RUTGERS UNIVERSITY THE DISTINCT AND UNIQUE HONOR AND needing oxygen to breathe. PRIVELAGE OF KISSING MY SHINY BLACK ASS. THIS TICKET I’ve accepted that; women DOES NOT EXPIRE AND IS GOOD WHEREVER AND WHENEVER YOU drive me insane, and I’ve SEE MY ASS EXPOSED FOR ALL TO KISS. come to terms with that SPECIAL OFFER! FROM NOW TILL ETERNITY, ANY MEMBER OF also. And you should come THE ADMINISTRATON OR IN THE SERVICE OF PARKING AND TRANSPORTATION DEto terms with hat also. Men PARTMENT CAN NOT ONLY KISS MY ASS, BUT LICK MY BALLS AND SUCK MY DICK AS are bad for women, and WELL. THANK YOU, AND ENJOY. women are bad for men, but SINCERELY _____________________________ John W. Minus we are all we have, and I would not want it any other way. MEDIUM MEDIUM MEETING MEETING 9:15 9:15 LIVINGSTON LIVINGSTON STUDENT STUDENT CENTER CENTER WEDNESDAY WEDNESDAY NIGHT. NIGHT. SEE SEE History Has Seen This Before ME ME NAKED! NAKED! By Troy Pickard Envision a troubled country. People are desperate; the economy has turned sour; except for the very rich, everyone else is struggling and doing terribly. The people want change. A charismatic, right-leaning leader, who had failed at almost everything he’d done up until now, seizes the opportunity to become the unelected ruler of the country. At first, some people resist this seizure of power. The leader realizes that his position is indeed in jeopardy, so he takes advantage of a tragic situation that will rally the people behind him, and simultaneously allow him to entirely restrict their civil liberties: one of the country’s major buildings burns down, and even though his government may have been involved, he blames it on his political enemies. Next, he takes steps to assure that people he considers ‘traitors’ be put on trial, not in a civilian court, but in a special tribunal, which is almost certain to convict people of any illegal act, simply because the tribunal’s judges will be entirely biased. Then, he ramrods new, broadly-worded laws through the legislature, which gives him, and the rest of his executive branch, vastly increased powers, specifically in the areas of surveillance, and harsh repression of those who speak out against the government. In this streak of new legislation, he also creates new governmental departments meant to provide strict internal security. These new security departments are mainly intended to disorganize or otherwise silence people who disagree with his government. He manages to get the press in his pocket and, even though thousands, or perhaps even millions of people take to the streets to protest this man’s seemingly tyrannical rule, the press reports almost none of it. And, eventually, Time magazine names him “Man of the Year”. What country is this? When in history? And, who is this man? Two sets of answers: The first is Nazi Germany, in the late 1930s, led by a man named Adolph Hitler. The second is the present-day USA, early 21st century, led by a man named George W. Bush. The similarities are shocking. Before Bush and Hitler took power, their respective countries were economically not-so-well-off, had tremendous amounts of debt, and the distribution of wealth was very similar. Currently in the USA, for example, the top 1% of the population control 45% of the wealth. Before coming into national office, both Hitler and Bush had proven to be failures in most of what they’d previously done. Hitler struggled through elementary school, and eventually dropped out altogether at age 16. Time magazine described Hitler as a man “whose reading has always been very limited”. Bush clearly has difficulty speaking English, and when asked what his favorite book as a little boy was, he answered “The Very Hungry Caterpillar”, which didn’t even exist until after Bush was at Yale. Bush was also an utter business failure. He directed two oil companies, Arbusto and Spectrum 7, both of which he completely ran into the ground. In fact, between 1979 and 1994, all the businesses that George W. Bush had run lost a combined $371 million. Also, there’s the little fact that in 1991, the Securities and Exchange Commission reported that Bush had violated federal securities laws four times. Both Bush and Hitler came into office without the consent of most of the citizens in the

country. In order to gain legitimacy, rally the people behind them, and enact repressive laws, both Bush and Hitler were very suspiciously assisted by the destruction of a famous building. In 1933, the Reichstag (the German parliament building) burned to the ground. Hitler used this as an excuse to arrest thousands of communists, who he blamed for the arson. He also began arrests and repression of tens of thousands of people he claimed were communist sympathizers. In 2001, the World Trade Center crumbled to the ground. Bush used this as an excuse to arrest, or ‘detain’, thousands of ‘possible terrorists’, who he blamed for the attack. He also began arrests and repression of tens of thousands of people he claimed were terrorist sympathizers. The media in Nazi Germany were happy not to comment on any of this. Hitler’s right-hand man, Goebbels, wrote that the “press are at our disposal”. Some may remember Bush’s right-hand man, Ashcroft, asking the major TV networks and newspapers to selectively report the news. Even though thousands of people took to the streets against Hitler, and spoke out against him, he made sure that the press only minimally reported it, and that the demonstrations were quickly broken up by his newly created security forces. The exact same thing is happening in the U.S. right now. Along with the creation of new security forces, called the SS and the SA, Hitler rammed through his “Enabling Acts”, which were broadly-worded legislation that gave the executive branch vastly increased powers over surveillance and action against those that the government didn’t like. These Enabling Acts are essentially mimicked by Bush’s USA PATRIOT Act. Both acts serve to severely limit civilian freedoms, specifically the right to due process, and the writ of habeus corpus. Hitler was named Time’s Man of the Year in 1938, and Bush had that same dubious honor in 2000. Just remember what Bush said: If he could run the government his way, “it’d be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I’m the dictator.” Afterword Let’s not neglect to mention the fact that W’s grandfather, Prescott Bush, and great-grandfather, George Herbert Walker, were both involved in directing the Union Banking Corporation, and who, through the UBC, supplied the Nazis with millions of dollars. But, let’s not forget something else very important: I’m not saying Bush and Hitler are the same person! Not at all! For one, Hitler honorably served in the German military in World War I. Hitler is also recognized as being one of the greatest orators ever to live, whereas we all know that Bush can’t even spell Hitler’s name. Finally, Hitler has gone down in history as one of the most influential leaders of the 20th century. Hopefully and probably, Bush will never be remembered with such notoriety. Stay in Touch: HETEROFRENZY@YAHOO.COM


News & Obituaries

“Smell my fucking seatbelt!”

Wednesday, May 1st, 2002

“Chris DeSarno, he’ll live on in our hearts and in the What’s Shakin’ page.” Christopher “B.C.” DeSarno has left our world. by Michael (I am the God Ryan Beckman Worships) Stanley It would be nice to say that we would miss him, The semester is coming to a close and it’s but I’m no liar… and he was a terrible person. about damn time the University made up A few months ago Chris walked into a cornfield its mind who its new president will be. The saying that he needed to “find himself”. Last votes are in and it’s unanimous. Dennis week someone claiming to be Chris emerged Haskins, Mr. Belding from “Saved by the from the cornfield with squirrel blood all over Bell,” is the University’s new president. his naked body. It seems that Chris, now After three months of agonizing over whom unrecognizable without his 2600 hat, had to choose, the University decided to choose reverted to the ways of his younger self, torturing the furry woodland creatures a man who wasn’t affiliated with the school for no good reason. because representatives said, “He would do much better, and not know what he was

(I like to massage my tes- getting himself into.” They also said, “He ticles and ejaculate into wouldn’t want much money, and would be Screech’s eyes.) a great PR move. Everyone loves actors because they’re so well-tempered and especially ones from Saved by the Bell, it’s a classic.” When asked why they chose the actor to represent the University officials responded, “He always seemed like so much fun on TV, he was always joking around with the students and made Bayside seem like a real school. We think Dennis has what it takes to turn Rutgers into the Berkeley of the east… or well, the Bayside of the east.” After the students found out about Haskins some held a rally opposing the decision to hire Haskins, saying he wasn’t qualified enough to be the president of Rutgers. On Haskins’ first real visit to campus he was met face-to-face with about five irate students who held up signs protesting his hiring. Haskins replied, “I’m used to this, it reminds me of the early 90s when I’d have to deal with Marc-Paul (“Zack Morris”) and all his malarkey; it’s nothing new. I actually miss Marc-Paul. He’s moved onto bigger and better things like NYPD Blue.” Haskins was later told that no matter what, a few students are going to complain about something, even if it doesn’t involve the campus. The protesters are like the Vietnam Vets at the bus stops; everyone knows they’re there, but they’re unimportant so they are forgotten about. Haskins plans to bring the good times of Bayside to New Brunswick. He’s taken to calling it New Bayside. Haskins is quite excited about his new job, and rightly so. It’s certainly a lot better then his current position as manager of a Jack-in-the-Box in Tennessee. Haskins also plans to bring in special advisors to help him with any tough situations at the University. Dustin Diamond, aka. “Screech” and Mario Lopez, aka “A.C. Slater” were seen with Haskins last week in the Student Center planning next year’s New Student Orientation. Haskins first official action as President will be changing our university song to the theme from “Saved by the Bell.” All is finally well at Rutgers University.

“Jesus Fucking Christ, I’m finally alive!” Chris said after explaining that living among things thinner than him (corn) for months showed him how precious life could be. Unfortunately moments after saying that, a wild boar fell from the sky and crushed him. Even more unfortunately is that he hadn’t died, but nobody cared enough to get help… so he just lay there bleeding to death for 3 days. He leaves behind 4 wives, and no children because of his inability to maintain an erection… he was such a good sport. “John always did have a thing for sex... he liked it.” April 29th , 2002 is a date that John Q. Minus will never forget; because that is the day he died. After years of telling himself that he could do anything, John convinced himself that he was more than just a mortal man. He had been trying to use telepathic powers to plant thoughts into feminist’s heads that they all wanted to make out. After succeeding with that task, he used telekinetic powers to transport the militant lesbians to his lap for some good old-fashioned fun. Unfortunately, while he had developed his mind powers he became weaker than a baby kitten and the angry feminists tore him limb from limb. To add insult to injury the cut of John’s massive black dong. It is currently being worn as a necklace by the leader of this millitant group. “Well at least she didn’t eat anyone’s brain.”

Jessica Chandra would never hurt a fly, but she would kill Rue McClanahan of “The Golden Girls”. “It is a shame that a once peaceful fan of the hit television show could turn into such a psycho over night.” said Jessica’s mother. After spending way too much time trying to be like Blanche, her favorite character, Jess drove to a nursing home and pretended that she was surrounded by the rest of the cast. By the end of By John Minus the ordeal she was yelling at random elderly The UN declared that 2 45000 acres of the Middle woman saying, “Hey Rose you dumb bitch, come East would be declared a homeland for Gays of back here and bring the lube.” The most terrifying moment arose when Jessica all countries. The new country has been named realized that Rue McClanahan (the real Blanche) was a resident at the nursing Kweeristanopolis, and is situated right in between home she was currently terrorizing. After finding her and tearing Rue’s face off Iran and Iraq. The new gay homeland has declared Jessica danced around wearing it like a mask and jumped out of the 8th floor that all gay peoples around the world are citizens window. It is comforting to know that she finally succeeded in assuming the of Kweeristanopolis, and should consider them as identity of her favorite Golden Girl. such. Preliminary reports already put the presidential Palace of Queen Hank Leonardis as “Troy Crowder? Yeah I remember that guy... what a dick.” one of the grandest, most opulent homes of any world leader. Kweeristanopolis is on good terms Since September 11 th , Troy Crowder has not been (Don’t fuck with the with all of its neighbor nations by virtue of the fact the same. Moments after he saw the Twin Towers that it provides some of the best interior decorators, thithterthhhhhhh collapse he set out on a mission, a crazy mission. “I Broadway actors, retail store managers, male beotch) can’t let it happen.” he said as the ash cloud began to cheerleaders, and hairdressers the region has ever settle. Troy began to build a time machine in hopes of seen. Contrary to popular belief, the Kweeristanopolis army is among the righting the wrongs done, and while it took him over fiercest in the world. This is due apparently to the fact that there is no stopping half a year to do so, he finally succeeded last night. an enraged queen. Israeli spokesman Aari BinEvil had this to say about Israel’s “Silly me” he said, “I forgot to plug in the flux competitor for most oppressed nation, “Yes, this Kweeristanopolis problem capacitor… otherwise I would have been done months will have to be taken car of…PERMENANTLY.” He then proceeded to ago.” laugh maniacally for 15 minutes before curling his handlebar mustache, donning Well he did take that trip back to September 11 th and he did fix the wrongs. He his black top hat and cloak, and skulking suspiciously out the door. brought his parents there for a “tour” so he could profit from their deaths. Kweeristanopolis Prime Minister Stan Damaan had this to say, “Those sexy Unfortunately for the Medium staff… he did not make it out alive, but he would Hebrews can call me a hora anytime!” have wanted it this way.

?


Wednesday, May 1st, 2002

News

“Humans are one of the few creatures who have sex with ducks.”

Come to the last Medium meeting of the year and learn why fat people can’t wear stripes.

Proceeds from David Hasselhoff’s US Tour to be donated to WTC Fund By Anish Mehta, guy who makes out with my sister In a press conference yesterday, David Hasselhoff, an internationally celebrated musician, announced via satellite from Austria that all of the money earned on his recent US tour and the North American release of his new live album and DVD will be donated to the September 11 th fund. Hasselhoff smiled as he held an oversized cardboard check made out for $8.52. “He is donating 100% of his earnings. This is an act of generosity unparalleled by any other major, world famous celebrity”, said Udo Shoemaker, the pop star’s long time “writing” partner and world-renowned maker of shoes.

The Livingston Student Center tonight at 9:00 in room 113. Oh my by Ryan Beckman New Brunswick - Today the Rutgers university was amazed to find out that not enough news submissions were sent in. To continue the confusion the news editor Ryan Beckman said, “This article is in italics and there is nothing I can do to change it... because I’m just too fucking lazy.” And after all why shouldn’t that sexy young ragamuffin be lazy... you cocksuckers were too... that’s right you were, weren’t you? So to conclude I’d like to say I enjoyed being the News editor, but instead I think I’ll just say “FUCK off you limey pricks!” The End.

Hasselhoff’s new live album and DVD were recorded during the Live Ass Fag tour which was done in support of the Lord Ass Fag CD. While going multiplatinum in Europe, it sold 4 copies in the United States. “The Americans have been slow to recognize the genius of Hasselhoff”, Shoemaker explained. “Everyone here knows that he invented Latin Pop and Punk Rock at his studio in Duselldorf, Germany.” “We decided to record the shows because we felt the Live Ass Fag tour was special. It’s the first time in 17 years that we’ve played in our original, full KISS make-up. It’s what the fans wanted”, said Hasselhoff. The album is also special because, in addition to his old classics, there are also new studio tracks written with Shoemaker and Tony Wang. Mr. Wang, after years of being an ultimate frisbee champion in his native Vietnam, formed the legendary band, Wang Chung, with Vinny Chung (who is now the South Korean Foreign Minister) before teaming up with David Hasselhoff. The first new track, “Günter”, is a gut-wrenching, moody epic about the societal pressures on plus sized male models in modern Germany. “I think we all cried and held each other for hours when we first heard the finished product”, said Shoemaker. The other studio track, “Hairless Boys of Belgium” is a touching tribute to the World Trade Center disaster and shows the kind of musical depth that American music audiences have been missing out on.

Startling Realization Rocks RU by Brian Benson After two more University bus crashes last week brought this school year's accident total to 4, Rutgers has vowed to remedy the accident problem as soon as possible. Outgoing University President Fran Lawrence announced new stringent and unprecedented safety plans to take effect this fall so that, as he said, "Up to 89% of campus busses arrive without smashing into a building or other vehicle" Highlights of the new "RU Really Safe On That Bus?" campaign will include requiring all drivers to refrain from drinking alcohol and smoking methanfedamenes while on duty. Campus bus managers will also no longer be encouraged to recruit drivers from other bus companies accident scenes. Other bold safety moves will be the retiring of infamous campus busses, "The Doomed #7","The Widow Maker" and as Lawrence put it, "That one LX bus that leaks gas".

Some students, weary of the RU screw, seemed skeptical of the University safety promises. Senior Bobby"lucky" Brower, who has been injured 9 times in bus accidents while on the banks, quipped, "they say that they are working on bus safety after every major crash, but never do it. Just this morning my H bus driver tried to race a camaro down college ave. then he told me to take the wheel cause he spilled his flask of scotch,problem was I was in the back row!!!" Student doubts aside, Lawrences plan is a far cry from his safety stance after last falls bus crashes. At that time he merely said that RU busses prepared students for real world challenges like,"taking risks" and "trying to get someplace without being horribly crushed or burned alive". When asked to be photographed riding an LX bus to eliviate student fears, Lawrence laughed nervously and yelled "look over there!" when the gathered reporters turned to look, Lawrence ran away screaming, "so long suckers!"

by a girl, both a slut and a feminist New Brunswick, NJ - - An army of male Rutgers students ran to the Sexually Transmitted Infections Clinic on Bayard Street when they realized that the skanky, STD-ridden “Rutgers sluts” most probably received their STDs from guys such as themselves. “The thought never occurred to me,” said one student. “I mean, yeah, I try to bang as many girls as I can, but I guess I never realized that I was spreading the very diseases I mock in the female RU population.” The students sat in the clinic arguing over which one of them fucked the most Douglass girls. One young man (Above a woman is who had just exited the examination room could only doing as her man tells whimper softly - - something about a cotton swab being her and baking some stuck up his dick. pie.) But they all agreed on one thing: warm weather at RU rules.

POLICE BLOTTER • A one dimensional figure was seen walking down college ave this past tuesday. Police were going to arrest him but chose to beat him to death instead.... He will not be missed seeing as he was

merely a line. • A drunken University student was arrested for trying to hump one of the “One Trick Ponies” on Cook. When asked why he would try to do such a thing he replied, “I don’t

they reminded me of My Little Ponies... and I needed something to donkey punch. -George Baxer (The above info was provided by a blind mime who lost the will to live two days ago.)


GMG

“For those about to rock... We Sal-ute You! ”

Wednesday, Wednesday,April May24th, 1st, 2002 2002

(Interesting Note: This arrived a few weeks ago at the EiC’s box. Thought it was worth sharing.-ed)

A Cry for Roman Hands

Fwd: In Response to Your Recent Feature About Me

Ben “Haha” Schachtman – Generic White Male Staff Writer

By Mindy Cohn (Natalie from “Facts of Life”)--ed

mbabitz@eden.rutgers.edu

Brian Benson, Medium Staff Writer, Dead at 38

Violent. Vengaboys Fan. Sick Pervert. Popular 80’s icon. All of these phrases describe the late, enigmatic Brian Benson, who at the tender age of 38, was found dead in a scene that has shocked and confused even hardened detectives. Covered in moist marshmallow peeps, diesel fuel, and his own foul reapings, Benson quite possibly died happier than he had ever been. Send Features to:

THE END or DAS ENDE!

Is it ok to like a German girl, If I happen to be a Jewish boy Cause I know the history of the world I could easily become her bitchtoy

Usually, a baby in the oven Means a girl is pregnant in America But in Germany, I should just mention, There's a baby in the fucking oven-a!

The first German girl I totally liked A figure skater, Katarina Witt But when I found out later that same night, That she was German, I said Holy Shit! or Heilige Scheiße

But I think it could be very kinky She'd make a really great dominatrix I'd thoroughly enjoy her spanking me And calling me her Jew bitch slave Alex

Is it ok to like a German girl, If I happen to be a Jewish boy Cause I know the history of the world I could easily become her bitchtoy

"I'm Jewish and I Like A German Girl" by Alexander The Poet 04/25/02

Today I saw the following headline on a newspaper: “Priests Blast Gays.” Now, knowing that this is the Medium, you would think I’d take the easy way out Dear Mr. Babitz: on this one. But I won’t. No, you bastards, I wouldn’t do it. I won’t name check Recently, your “newspaper” wrote an article that featured me, entitled semi- the long list of taboo bodily excretions just to amuse you. You can do that for humorously “Mindy Cohn to Eat Seven Babies.” Somehow the link to your yourself, and who wouldn’t after having seen that headline. So what I want to webpage was forwarded to my agent, who passed it along to me. After reading talk to you about is the fundamental force behind this controversy – the idea that it, I have to say that I find your lack of fact checking abhorrent. I am not now, and touching little boys is wrong. Is this a free country? Or is it? Or is it really? Does NAMBLA not have nor have I ever been signed to eat any number of small children for the FOX the right to believe that tiny boys are sexually attractive, and that they should love network. I cannot stress this fact enough. their elder men? Priests are only the latest to jump on the boy bandwagon. The My career has been built on my wholesome demeanor and cheery disposition. To Roman civilization, whose rubble gave birth to the Holy Roman Christian Empire, introduce a rumor of this magnitude into the Hollywood community would be the second Reich, had a tradition, a beautiful tradition. Men of position and power literally devastating, and I am hoping to resolve this matter without legal assis- had slaves, and took them in to educate them, train them in the ways of the world, and have sexual intercourse with them. Whereas Roman women needed to be tance. wooed, pleased, constantly checked up on, and maintained emotionally, young After scanning through the remainder of the newspaper, I have found a number boys are ripe for nearly constant penetration. Using their position of power, the of similar articles that include information that is knowingly false. I do not know Roman elite would bewilder young boys with the promise and spectacle of Roif your editors find this to be some attempt at humor, but I can assure you that man aristocracy. While they were blinded by that light, the Roman men would sneak up behind with a mortar full of ground cornstarch and whale blubber. neither I, nor my attorneys find these very funny. However, the Romans only followed in the illustrious traditional customs of the Greeks. When Romulus and Remus came to Rome they brought with Thank you very much, them the tradition of boy love that fortified Greek society for centuries. The Greek city-state of Sparta had the most effective system of boy love, elevating Mindy Cohn the custom to the height of education, philosophy and warfare. In the 4th century B.C. Greek women of Athens and Sparta went on a sex strike to protest the c/o Leo Farber Associates Athenian-Spartan war as documented by Aristophanes’ Lysistrata. In the end, 376 Commerce Avenue only the Spartans, sustained by the reciprocal love of small boys, were able to Jefferson, WI 48755 carry on to victory. In the times before the Attic Greeks, in the hazy dawn of recorded his(Last Thursday, we got a letter from a lawyer. Why can’t people take a joke?-ed) tory, erotic tableaus discovered from 17th century BC Shang Dynasty China April 22, 2002 reveal that the ancient Indo-Chinese practiced boy love. It was practiced even earlier, by the “Peking men” in the Huang River settlement as early as 3000 Dear Mr. Babitz: B.C. Material from the Hebrew Old Testament and Kabala suggesting that world My law offices are representing Mindy Cohn (“Mindy Cohn”) on the matter of a lawsuit was created about this time contains numerous admonishments against boy love. pending against yourself and your organization, The Medium (“The Medium”), for The question must be asked, how necessary would these admonishments be slander, harassment, and defamation of character. It is my understanding that she has were boy love not the popular modus operandi of the day? previously contacted you, and due to your lack of response, she has entrusted us with Now, some five thousand years later, men and women must ask ourpursuing all legal avenues at our disposal. selves honestly, don’t we all find little boys just a little too attractive. Can Haley Ms. Cohn has taken great pride in being a role model for youngsters since her Joel Osment really be that talented, or is it more so that his soft boyish flesh calls involvement with the television show “The Facts of Life” (“The Facts of Life”), and, to us in a way that is just too delicious to resist? Women, ask yourself, is it the until this day, considers herself the wholesome embodiment of traditional family values. chiseled form of the Greek sculptures you desire, or the boyish features that Her reputation as such was thus seriously and perhaps irreparably damaged by your those artisans found true happiness in? Are you really ready to mindlessly give recent article, entitled “Mindy Cohn to Eat Seven Babies.” your body to another thickheaded Neolithic savage, or are you ready for the tender caress and delicate breathe of a tiny boy? Lesbians, were you to lose a We are prepared to settle this matter out of court in exchange for monetary compensation bet, perhaps one over a game of kickball, and in lieu of cash settlement choose to of $100,000. I should like to point out to you that similar lawsuits brought against you give men one more try, would you want the hulking and hairy beasts you’ve and your organization have established a substantive body of legal precedent which turned your backs on so wisely, or the almost female form of the cherubic little leaves no question about your civil liability in this matter. I refer you to the recent rulings in Stamos v. Babitz 367 U.S. 290, 298 (1999), Ribiero v. Babitz et al 402 U.S. 415 boy? Men yourself, look in the mirror. Can all the muscle and hair be anything but (1999), Saget v. The Medium 873 F.2d 213, 217 (9th Cir. 2000), The Medium v. The Medium a complicated and destructive form of self-loathing? Do all those hours in 862 F.2d 1355. 1362 (9th Cir. 2001), Coulier v. The Medium 509 U.S. 544.550 (2002), and the gym make you happy? Can it ever give you back the unbridled happiness and Roe v. The Medium 679 U.S. 687 (2002) if you are in need of further clarification on this innocence of your childhood before you learned the God was a cruel old man and point. the world is nothing but a revolving door for accountants, lawyers and psychopaths? Very Truly Yours, Hey Hulkamaniacs! These questions are all, of course my dear readers, rhetorical. You know Wish you got the big the answers before the tiny black words crawl through your retina into your Leo Farber SlimJim deal last summer? subconscious. They will find their kin in your own mind, and you will agree, LEO FARBER AND A SSOCIATES This summer, go to silently, longingly, knowing only what will truly set you free and make you happy. www.themedium.net to So you know why you hate those Priests. It isn’t because of that peruse the Medium artime Father Thomas spanked you behind the manure shed. It isn’t because the chives, post instant personsame missionaries who left your brother Apu in a traumatized coma and wiped als on our message board, out your culture now point the finger at you and call you a heathen. It isn’t or submit new articles for because you think, as a good Catholic, that they have abandoned their vow of our Online Edition. celibacy. It is because you are jealous, that is why you feel such anger. Because for one sweet moment those priests tasted sweet ambrosia, and you’d die to be so lucky, you feel the frustrated rage of those who force themselves to control their roaming hands.

While according to police, no one was surprised about Benson’s demise, the evidencea screwdriver, a ruined copy of the adult film “Logjammin,”and a number of love letters to one “Bryan M” has the authorities baffled.


Ludacris

Michael Ciriaco’s Annual List O’ Death

Friday, May 10th at Rutgersfest.... "Because you can't spell RAPE without RAP"

By Michael Ryan Apollo Gabriel Kuntakeenteh Ciriaco

-Francis Lawrence Ok, I have no explanation for that whatsoever. I apologize on behalf of the person who sent it. That man, Francis Lawrence (of course) is having a rough time, what with the big job changes and all.

Grandma

By Carl Hungus

you bake me cookies..... you are so old.... I want your saggy body your pussy’s cold Grandma please.... be my girl Grandma please... rock my world!

Mom and Dad they would never think its right The way I whack off to your wrinkles every night Your 81 but I bet you screw like your 18 under those bulky Depends..... I’d lick that cooter clean!

I’d cum over to your place late on Christmas Eve After I bang your Alzheimer’s ass I’ll never want to leave That day you die Ill cry and cry And wish that you’d come back... It’s a really good thing for both of us... That I’m also a necrophiliac!

The Medium supports your voice to say whatever the fuck you want, when you want. We will always continue to do that, regardless. We continue to operate under our creedo “Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.” That is our promise to you. Take advantage of this!!!

‘Ode To Pat’ By Blake Nixon

Features

“Gooooooooodbye Features!”

Wednesday, May 1st, 2002

This is the last issue of the semester, but there is hope! The Medium continues to publish articles submitted over the break on it’s ONLINE EDITION, found at www.themedium.net!

This is my ‘Ode To Pat’. I know what most of you are thinking, what’s a Pat. Well…I’ll tell you. Pat is my, well, I guess he’s my stepbrother…he’s also the stupidest human being I have EVER encountered…despite my best efforts. Pat, you see, is white trash…fresh out of a trailer park campground in the boonies of Pennsylvania. Until one faithful day when his gap-toothed, fat-assed mother started fucking my father. And I know she’s fucking him, because I hear giggling from the bathroom, and they both come downstairs wet and warn me I may want to rinse the tub out before I get a shower. Now as pleasant as that is…it’s a rant for another tail. But Pat…Pat was then brought to the semi-ghetto of Trenton, New Jersey. Where he encountered his first black person. ::gasp:: Now, this was new and scary to him, unlike smoking when he was nine. Black people, and they were everywhere. How did he handle this? He walked around kind of glassy eyed with his little trailer trash accent trying to make friends. He quickly adapted to the lingo though and things became “madd tight yo”, and he started to play basketball…in which he found he had “mad pervert skillz” in. Now, I was in utter amazement at his ability to try and speak ebonics and hick at the same time and come out sounding even more stupid than before with his little accent. It was beautiful. I questioned him in the early stages when he mangled the words almost unintelligibly into the wrong vowel sounds and such, and he repeated it and defined what he meant, like I wouldn’t know what they meant. The crowning moment of stupidity was when he referred to me as a “honkey.” Do I even need to point out what’s wrong with this? The only way a person could possible be any whiter would be to actually be from the deep south, and he’s calling me a honkey. I thought about calling him cracker just to see the look of paradox on his face as his head exploded…but decided against it for fear he might deny it. Next, to express the joy that is Pat, I will explain his views on social ethics. Glorious little Pat who probably hadn’t worn shoes since the first time he fucked his cousin, quickly developed a must have need for the newest Nike’s on the market. I asked him, “Pat, you got brand new shoes a month ago, what’s wrong with them? They look pretty much the same as the Nike’s.” Well, he quickly explained to me how he couldn’t possibly be seen in a nonname brand sneaker, and if he wasn’t wearing his name-brand shoes, he couldn’t join in the torment and torture of those who weren’t wearing them. I stood quivering with rage as he explained the “joy” of making the smaller and weaker kids feel like shit because they didn’t have the right pair of sneakers on. To give you an idea of how “cool” he really is…Pat heard one of my friends cursing at a video game one day. He walked up to them and said “You guys like to say bad words? I say bad words sometimes too.” He then proceeded

Greetings faithful readers, Many people may not know this but recently The Medium has been under attack from the Rutgers Hillel. They claim that our newspaper encourages anti-Semitism and violence towards minorities. I can’t over stress the misjudgment of these misguided crusaders. We, the staff of the Medium, are for the most part a group of peaceful, tolerant, fun loving writers who respects everyone’s equality. I don’t want you to get some far-fetched impression that we want to see everybody die violently. That’s why I’m publishing this detailed list specifically acknowledging who I want to kill, and in what cruel and unusual manners I intend to kill them. Then, they can burn in the merciless lava pits of Hell… little baby Hell!

1.) Vegans- Yeah, like dirty ass hippie vegetarians weren’t annoying enough. Now those bandana -wearing fucks think they’re too good to eat cheese. What the shit! I fully intend on nerve gassing their next ‘Food Not Bombs’ protest then dragging their filthy corduroy clad cadavers into a large bathtub. Its about time those scheevie dead heads washed!

2.) That Sassy Black Woman Who Serves Me At The D. Café- Okay, when I ordered that Cheese Burger, I don’t recall asking for a side of your sassy black attitude! Bitch! I know you’re bitter because you got knocked up and had to drop out of school and take this half assed job, but don’t take it out on me. Don’t hate just cuz I know the man you’re porking ain’t yo’ baby’s daddy! Yeah, you heard me! And don’t talk like you know me cuz you don’t. That’s it! We’re taking this out side!

3.) Liat Perlman- You know why! 4.) Poor People- Wow, there are so many minorities to hate. How can you pick just one to hate the most? Its like choosing which of your children you hate the most. But, if I had to pick just one, I’d have to go with Poor People. Normal folks always underestimate the dangers that the impoverished impose. I’m not talking about their smack addictions, or their public drunkenness, or even their tendencies to urinate on my front stoop. No, no, no. I’m more concerned with constant panhandling. If that toothless junky couple tries begging me for that ‘75 cents they need to pay for their train ticket’ outside the Picken Chicken one more time, I swear to Jesus Gold Plated Christ I’m gonna kick their destitute asses!! What this country needs is a giant camp where we’ll round up all the Poor People to get them out of our way. Hey, if the camp gets too crowded, we can always burn them for fuel or something. Sounds like a plan!

5.) Betty White- Although the retarded may not rule the night, don’t look them straight in the eye. It puts them on edge, and they will attack. When they strike, its all wrists and elbows. Although you may be screaming “no, No, NO!” , all they can hear is “Who wants cake?” They all do, they all want cake! to put the biggest, dumbest grin of pride on his face. My friends of course laughed in his face. So obviously he has this right to do so. Now, just so you know, I wasn’t a large kid in middle school, I was rather small, and intelligent, which immediately meant I got picked on non-stop. Well…until I pummeled a couple of them. I quickly explained to Pat that this was a really shitty thing of him to do, and if he wasn’t careful the kid was just going to snap one day and kill him. He said, “nah, he’s smaller than me, besides I got my crew.” That’s right for those of you keeping score at home…a crew…like a gang. Only it’s a mostly suburban school with a lot of kids from the edge of the city. So we’re talking middle class kids who’ve never seen a harder time than momma won’t let them play outside after dark because they got a C in science. So, apparently, it’s ok to pick on the little kids as long as you have enough friends to make sure you can kick his ass…just in case he ever does learn to stand up for himself. I mean, you have to cover your ends. You never know when the kid you singled out because he looks to small to defend himself might try and fight back…better have 8 or so friends to jump him. It’s great when he thinks he has a hard-knock life, cause the man has put him down. And he makes comments about he never had a chance. On these occasions, I hold his arm up to eye level, and go…YOU ARE WHITE. His exact response is “sheet, I know, you trippin, I always gon’ be white, ain’t never gon change, I’m just reprezentin my peeps yo, we got it ruff, ::barks to his dawgs…who flash a WEST side::” At which point I yell at them “THIS IS JERSEY…WE’RE THE EAST COAST!!!” They look at each other, confused of course, and I begin to rub my temples and fight the urge to just obliterate them all. Pat, obviously having some survival instinct, gets well out of reach before saying, “yo man, you crazy.” Now, I have to ask all of you wiggers out there…is this a normal thing? Is this what you all had to go to be the ignorant pieces of shit you are today? Or is it just cause he’s retarded. This concludes my, ‘Ode to Pat’. So, when you look at that racially confused idiot next to you in your classes, I want you to remember to point and laugh, and think of little Pat. And then kill them.

Submit summer articles at: www.themedium.net


www.themedium.net

Arts

“Sorry I’m late...I was poopin’.”

Here Is A Poem by ANIME JAN My boyfriend was tired of felatio. Sucking and licking was boring him so. Besides oral sex, I’m pretty useless, So I wasted no time fixing this mess. I went to Shop Rite and looked down the aisles, I saw some candy and thought for awhile. Marshmallows...twizzlers? Already been done. I needed something to make my man cum. That’s when it hit me, like cum in my eye I found something more exciting to try. I picked up the Pop Rocks triumphantly, And drove to my boyfriend's house, full of glee. “Give me your penis!” I screamed with delight. He had to be coaxed, but then sighed, “Alright.” I unzipped his jeans and started to go. My little surprise he did not yet know... When I added the Pop Rocks, he screamed loud, “Get off me, you bitch! It's burning me, owwww!” The Pop Rocks reacted with his Herpes... From now on, he bleeds whenever he pees.

Bus Drivers: Artists Of the Road by Ernesto Von Molestadoasdfjkl; God bless the good Academy Bus drivers of Rutgers University, for they are truly artists of the road. My heart beats in time with the blinking of their collective turn signals. They paint the picture of daily life here at Rutgers with shades of acceleration and an iron foot. They know. They see all from their high perch atop the black thrown at the helm of the paintbrush voyage. “Oh my god, they hit another bus... or a Pepsi truck... or a building on Busch!” the critics whine! Who are we to criticize their art? Their declarations to modern academia? Perhaps these so called “accidents” were really just statements... a protest of traditional sexist traffic laws. A defiant cry that no! we will no longer hold blatant regard for human life and property. They are true rebels of the road. They are the original rock stars of parking and transportation. The wheels on the bus do indeed go round and round and I hope they NEVER stop! Some say that variety is the spice of life but they’re wrong... it’s oregano. And you, noble artists are my oregano. Ignore those who would have you replaced with robotic bus drivers who drive with perfect performance every time; for it is “hitting the curb” which makes you human and organic... and this is your celebration of life. Yes, it is true that a robot never gets drunk... but it also never loves. Bravo, bus driver. Bravo!

Two road-artists collaborate on a particularly impactive piece.

Wednesday, May 1st, 2002

Last Ride by John Minus Johnny half turned around as if he were going to walk away. He wasn’t of course. He turned around and hit Bull with a right cross that echoed across the courtyard to Lucy Stone and back again. Bull wobbled, then fell right back down where he was sitting. Johnny had the room’s attention now. “Okay, listen up. This campus has gone to hell lately, and I’m going to put a stop to it. I intend to find the source of all the shit that has been happening around here and throw him off of the top of South Tower. Now I know this little punk you all look up was running shit, but now, I am. I am declaring myself Head Nigga in Charge of this shit, and anyone who has a problem with that can step up and try and fill this unconscious motherfucker’s shoes right now!” A short guy in the back asked, “What’d he say his name was?” Johnny tossed the unconscious lump of a man onto the floor, and ascended his new throne. “Taurus. Call me Taurus.” The music started up again, and the assemble crowd danced to the beat of a new drummer, chanting “Taurus, Taurus” into the warm night air. In the morning, Johnny woke up with a bit of a hangover, and several girls he did not know. This was not unusual, but the fact that he woke up in the Quadjects was. There were gangs of little Hood Rats playing outside in the burnt out husks of old cars rusting in the courtyard. RUPD was cleaning up yet another murder scene as the sounds of the previous night’s gang fights slowly died down. He put his clothes on and tiptoed over the scattered women laying about him. He had to get this over with today. He had finals the next day, and he damn sure wasn’t going to get left behind. He was graduating, and God help anyone who stood in his way. It’s amazing how talkative some of these chicks get for a little Courvosier. It turns out that all the crack and heroin that had flooded Livingston recently wasn’t coming directly to the dealers from the Chinese Drug Cartels on Busch. Turns out that there was one middleman between them, one guy who has been trafficking smack, X, and Rohypnol for the past three years. The head of the TSF, Commander Roscoe P. Biggs, apparently has a deal with the Drug Cartels to supply Livingston with all the Crack and Coke it could ever want. He gets a huge slice of the cut and lives comfortably off of the misery he sells. Livingston goes down the shitter, and Rutgers gives it even less money, which means less money for RUPD and the TSF, which means there is even less and less chance that the under-funded, overworked police forces will ever find out who is behind all of the drugs. Unfortunately for him, Johnny was much better equipped, trained, and funded than any police force in the country. He called up Briggs and had a little talk with him. “Yeah, Briggs?” “Yeah, this is Briggs, what do you want?” “This is Taurus. I just took over the Alphas. We’re not going to be running your drugs anymore. You’re not getting your money from the Busch Cartels anymore. And in about 15 minutes, I’m going to throw you out of your office window.” Johnny hung up his cell phone and looked up at the 30-story structure before him. Tower South. Johnny entered the building and was immediately besieged by TSF troopers armed to the teeth. He knocked out the first two fairly quickly and then grabbed their guns. Being Captain Hetero, he could have easily taken them all, but it would also blow his cover. He had to keep his heroics somewhat reasonable, or the shit really would hit the fan. Dressed in black leather pants and a black wife-beater, he shot, stabbed, kicked, punched, and trampled his way through the troopers in a manner that would make Keanu Reeves say “whoa.” When he got to the top floor, he was shot up, and a little tired. But that didn’t matter at all; his target was in sight. A few more troopers stood between them, but they were easily dispatched. Briggs looked exactly how Johnny expected him to: fat, slovenly, like a reject from the Dukes of Hazzard. “Now, now you get away from me, ya hear? I ain’t never done nothing to you.” Johnny picked the pig up by the neck and said, “Me, no. My people, yeah. I’d say you’ve got about 20 seconds left to think about what you’ve done. Use it wisely.” And with that, he through the pig out the window. Twenty seconds later he hit the ground with a wet splash that woke up two or three people. Johnny stood looking over the edge, contemplating his future. He had saved Livingston…sort of. The rest was up to them. He was graduating, and had a lot to think about. Rutgers was fun, while it lasted. But like a cheap date after he’d had his way with her, it was time to move on.

Last meeting of the year! Tonight at 9, LSC 113


Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay (Gay)

“Funny, she doesn’t look Druish.”

Wanted: Medical-grade mes- YOU CAN’T SPANK HULKAMANIA (if you actually read this thing, you’re my new hero.) caline from discrete and reli- THAT’S RIGHT BROTHER HULK HOGAN AND ALL THE HULKAMANIACS WILL RUN WILD ON HULK HOGAN HAS THE 24 INCH PYTHONS BROTHER THE LARGEST ARMS IN THE WORLD able dealer. Willing YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!! WHICH HE USED WITH ALL THE POWER OF THE HULKAMANIACS TO BODY SLAM 700 POUNDS OF ANDRE to negotiate bulk rate purchase. THE GIANT BROTHER!!!!...THERE IS NO STOPPING HULKAMANIA BROTHERRRRR! ONE YEAR AGO THE AND HULKAMANIA WERE TOGETHER AS ONE THE MEGA POWERS WERE UNITED AS ONE...BUT Reply to “Ben” through the MEDIUM THE MANIA WAS A LITTLE AHEAD OF THE MADNESS AND THE MEDIUM GOT JEALOUS WELL WHATCHA Medium... ABSOLUTELY GONNA DO WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU???? THE HULKSTER BECOMES CHAMPION AGAIN AND HULKAMANIA LIVES FOREVER APRIL 21 BUT WHEN ALL THE SMOKE WAS FINALLY CLEARED AND NO NARCS! EVEN THOUGH THE WARRIOR WON THAT FATEFUL NIGHT IN TORONTO...THE LEGEND OF HULKAMANIA ON AND IT CONTINUES TO LIVE ON TO THIS DAY BROTHER. HUNTER YOU ARE NOT EVEN IN THE (I was debating whether to LIVED HULKSTER’S LEAGUE BROTHER, SUNDAY 4/21 YOU’RE GOING DOWN AS HULKAMANIA RISES UP ONCE AGAIN print this or not... IN A CLOUD OF GLORY BROTHER!!!! HULKAMANIA IS FOR EVERYBODY WHITE, BLACK, GREEN, POLKA WHATEVER BROTHER ALL THE HULKAMANIACS ARE WELCOME AS LONG AS YOU KEEP TRAININ Seeing how it discriminates DOTTED, SAYIN, YOUR PRAYERS, AND EATIN YOUR VITAMINS! WHEN THE BIG DUDE UPSTAIRS SPILLED HIS BLOOD against Narcs and all...) ON THIS CROSS IT WAS A SIGN THAT HULKAMANIA WAS TO INSPIRE CHILDREN OF ALL AGES TO DO THEIR BEST TO SAY THEIR PRAYERS AND LIVE LIFE THE WAY OF THE HULKSTER BROTHER!!! YOU CAN’T GET The river that runs through THE LARGEST ARMS IN THE WORLD BY EATING SPAM BROTHER!!!!...WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN HULK rutgers is the size of XQ or HOGAN AND ALL HIS HULKAMANIACS RUN WILD ON YOU!?!?!? YA KNOW SOMETHING MEAN GENE WHETHER ITS CHRISTIAN GUY, MOLINO, DESARNOC, IT DOESN’T MATTER ONE WAY OR ANOTHER BECAUSE AFTER A number 3.14159265 on the BODY SLAM A BIG LEG DROP AND HULKING UP WITH ALL THE HULKAMANIACS THERE NOT GONNA DO TO DO WHEN HULKAMANIA STARTS RUNNING WILD!!! TRIPLE H EVERYONE WANTS TO SEE basketball teams asshole, and WHAT HULKAMANIA DIE...BUT WHENEVER EVERYONE THINKS HULKAMANIA IS DEAD BROTHER IT RISES UP he has a super small penis AGAIN AND DEFEATS THE NEXT GRAVE CHALLENGE BROTHER...AT BACKLASH THE HULKSTER WILL RETAKE WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY MINE AND THE HULKSTERS BROTHER YOU MAY BE ON TOP NOW BROTHER (Yes, but at least he BUT YOU ARE DEFINITELY THE FLAVOR OF THE WEAK AND NO WHERE NEAR THE LEGEND THAT IS gets action with that HULKAMANIA!! BROTHER THE HULKSTER SLIPPED ELIZABETH HIS SLIM JIM MANY TIMES AND TO THE NEWS GUY BROTHER WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN HULKAMANIA AND ALL OF ITS FOLLOWERS ON THE super small penis.) BOARD RUN WILD ON YOU BROTHER?!?!?!?!?! HULKAMANIA IS GOING TO BODYSLAM AND LEG DROP ITS I just wanted everyone to know that QX or Number 99 on the basketball team is a homo.The reason the sexy blond benchwarmers hair sticks up is because hervy nuts on it everymorning, and his girl is actually a man, disguised as a women

WAY ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP BROTHER WHATCHA ALL GONNA DO?!?!??! THE HULKSTER IS GONNA RUN WILD ON ANYONE THAT TRIES TO MESS WITH THE GOALS AND DREAMS OF ANY OF THE HULKAMANIACS...THE HULKSTER IS A REAL AMERICAN BROTHER AND ALL THE HULKAMANIACS HAVE TO FIGHT FOR THE RIGHTS OF EVERYBODY BROTHER WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN HULKAMANIA STARTS RUNNIN’ WILD?!?!?!?! THERE ARE HULKAMANIACS ON BUSCH, COLLEGE AVE, LIVINGSTON, AND COOK DOUGLASS BROTHER AND IF YOU DONG WATCH YOUR MOUTH THAN HULKAMANIA AND ALL THE RUTGERS HULKAMANIACS ARE GONNA RUN WILD!! ONLY ONE WEEK UNTIL HULKAMANIA TAKES BACK THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP BROTHER!!! YOU KNOW IT BROTHER!!! THAT WAS SUMMERSLAM ’91 AND THE HULKSTER AND THE WARRIOR TEAMED UP TO TAKE ON MUSTAFA, ADNAN, AND THE TURNCOAT SGT. SLAUGHTER IN A MATCH MADE IN HELL!!! THAT HAS TO SERVE AS A LESSON BROTHER THAT IF HULKAMANIA CAN RUN WILD ON THE ELITE OF THE IRAQUI MILIATARY WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU BROTHERRR??? YA KNOW SOMETHING BROTHER HULKAMANIA IS STILL RUNNING WILD AND ALL THE HULKAMANIACS ARE COMIN’ BACK TO THE HULKSTER BROTHER...BUT WHERE IS MR. PERFECT RIGHT NOW HE’S TRYIN TO RIDE OF HULKAMANIA AND IT JUST WONT WORK BROTHER YOU ALL GOTTA FEEL THE POWER AND START SAYIN THE PRAYERS AND EATIN THE VITAMINS OR HULKAMANIA IS GONNA START RUNNIN WILD BROTHER!!!!! YOU KNOW SOMETHING MEAN GENE THIS JERK OBVIOUSLY IS JEALOUS OF THE POWER OF HULKAMANIA WELL WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THE HULKSTER AND ALL THE HULKAMANIACS RUN WILD ON YOU?!?!?!?!? BROTHER YOU GOTTA BE LIKE THE HULKAMANIACS...WE’RE HAPPY WE’RE HEALTHY WE’RE EATING RIGHT AND WE’RE TRAINING HARD DUDE THATS ALL YOU GOTTA KNOW AND PRETTY SOON YOU AND HULKAMANIA WILL BE RUNNIN WILD BROTHERRRR!!!! BROTHER THE HULKSTER IS TOUCHED BY THE THIS IS YOUR LIFE HULKAMANIA DUDE YOU DEFINITELY KNOW WHAT ITS ABOUT TO TRAIN SAY YOUR PRAYERS AND EAT YOUR VITAMINS BROTHERRRRRR!!!! BROTHER START COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS TO WHEN THE HULKSTER AND ALL THE HULKAMANIACS RUN WILD ON TRIPLE H AT BACKLASH AND THE HULKSTER RECLAIMS WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY HIS BY BECOMING THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION BROTHER WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THE HULKSTER AND ALL THE HULKAMANIACS RUN WILD ON YOUUUUUUU?!?!?!?!?!?

(Speaking of cum making hair stick up, have the Farrelly Brothers made a good movie since There’s Something About Mary? Shallow Hal, Me Myself & Irene, and Say It Isn’t So don’t exactly qualify as classics. Those guys suck. Oh To the mother-fucking full of yeah, and I love gay men.) himself shithead on Clothier 2: Stop coming around where To the person on Hamilton St. you’re not wanted and where who wrote to ‘Tang boy’ last you’re skinny, no-good white week...I’m sure that there are ass will never be wanted. You many other boys here at may think you’re the shit, but Rutgers that would be more you are sadly mistaken. Instead than willing to satisfy your of trying to get with the girls, conniving desperate thighs you should do us all a favor and so please try not to stay home on Saturday nights contaminate the loins of the boy and stick your hockey stick up whose heart I so yearn for... your ass and ride it all night long To ‘Tang boy’ as it seems that just the way you like it. you are being referred...I know that you are an intelligent (Sounds like my prom night.) person, so I don’t see why you To that hot, sexy, beautiful, indon’t know that I like you...Oh credible-bodied, raven-haired, well. I guess I’ll never get to milky-white-skinned Heather... kiss your sweet lips or hold I’m sorry i didn’t make it to the your tender hands.....sigh..... party on saturday, you have no (Just to clue you kids in, the idea how much I am kicking original personal in this se- myself. maybe one day, one ries said “orange sweatshirt day, one day, we can begin boy” but I edited it to say something... something beauti“Tang.” Sorry to spoil ful... Something special... your fun you assholes.) I like to eat personals. & poo

To Stan the man: You must be commended for all the personals you’ve shelled out this semester. You are truly a good guy. And by “good guy,” I mean “good in the sack.” And by “good in the sack,” I mean “good in my sac.” yeah. to my cock, you have always been there for me. every sweaty asshole i’ve stuck you in, you’ve braved it for my pleasure. you are truly an inspiration to the masses and mastadons everywhere. i love you, i loathe you, i lust for you. oh cock... cock... cock. i have the hiccups why won’t they go away why why go away why?! stars tarst atsra

My little brother says that when we’ve had some good times this certain people wipe their asses, year, and we’ve also had some it sounds like sand paper. Does anyone agree? bad times. i’d say the bad times (Your little brother is a filthy outweighed the good, by a lot. for me, anyway. nevertheless, fucking liar. I’m going to find this little kid and make here is a picture of your trusty him watch me wipe my devilish personals editor in ass to show him the damn happier, hairier times. truth. Touch typing!)

To that big, burly, buttery black man two seats away from me n the computer lab... you have such a beautiful face and a beautiful cock. i love it when you speak your mind at crazy free speech functions, even when quasi-brindians put you down in the wall street journal. i have to pee.

Personals To Lara from Jameson...I thought that being straight edge meant that you didn’t fuck anyone, so why then do you fuck your boyfriend?? Doesn’t that go against your whole straight edge bunch of shit?? If you ask me you should go and have yourself checked out for diseases you dirty, STD infested, dick sucking slut.... (Sounds like my kinda girl.) I hate Rutgers. I hate how every single day of my life I have to get yet another ticket. What’s really amusing is how I can get two different tickets in two different lots on two different campuses at the same time when I only have one car. This school’s damn Parking & Transportation department is the culmination of all things wrong at Rutgers put into one little house on Mine St. How is it possible to culminate more tickets than the amount it would cost to live on campus? Why the hell did I even pay $60 for a parking permit? How is it that the one day I decide to get off my ass and study I get a ticket at the library? Shouldnt the library at least be some sort of sanctuary? I’m in college, I can hardly afford lunch and they swindle yet another $25 out of me every chance they get. And then when I park off Rutgers territory I get tickets from the fine officers over at the NBPD. I would take a bus, but I dont have an hour to wait for a G, when i! t only takes 10 min to get there. What the fuck is wrong with this place? How is it that if there’s a week space is alloted for finals, all my finals are within 2 hours of each other? How is it that in the first hour of my first date at Rutgers, the guy drags me to the Ramada and then asks if I like to sleep with random guys? Why is it that when I finally fake ID my way into Harvest Moon, the first person that hits on me is a lesbian? Maybe I’m just mad cuz my bf left me for some blonde college ave whore. Maybe I’m mad cuz my GPA’s a 2.0 and I’m gonna be kicked outta this place. Maybe I’m just PMSing...or maybe we’re all just fucked up.

(One time, my girlfriend and I were tit-fucking, and we used butter as a lubricant. The buttery smell permeated throughout the house and my mom asked if we had made popcorn. Ahhh, (Yeah, but at least you those were the days.) don’t go to Livingston.)


Personals

(wow, that’s really really mean, you must really really hate this potato nose girl. I feel so bad for this poor poor raped albino goat with a tumor for a head. sigh, such mean people.) to john minus: i am really sorry that i am mean to you, but i do not want a kiss on the lips. anna would like one though. haha you scared the shit out of her. that was funny. i hope john doesnt hit his eye on the advil again. damn i hate anna she sucks ass.

ATTENTION: To the bright young lad who offered to collaborate with Mr. Minus on drawing for Captain Hetero and Iron Dyke, PLEASE email me at heterofrenzy@yahoo.com because I lost your email, and am an idiot. (john minus is the savior please give him your address please before his licks me.) to that hot girl sarah in frelinghuysen with the tongue piercing and the cute ass. i wanna get a threesome with you and that pattycake girl. (oh sarah I see you and want you too, that tongue piercing makes me think of what you wonders you could do. I heard it doesn’t feel any better. Wanna prove me wrong?) to ritch: can i lick you? just once. nah i change my mind. hope i didnt scare you sucka! bye.

personal: John Minus wants to have sex with many chinese boys age 12-16

to that guy in my philosophy class, you are so hot, you (john minus actually sent me remind me of this that personal himself, I’m guy that i just want glad he’s come out of the to fuck so bad, oh closet with his need for little well, i did fuck him, but i wish i could boy penis.) fuck you. damn i To our friends from Hillel: wish i could just thanks for the meeting, we get you into my learned a lot. luv, the medium bed and straddle you and fuck your (man, john can’t resist the brains out. cock, I guess he doesn’t have a preference, he just enjoys Anna Banana cock of all colors and sizes. thinks Mike Stan is do to your girl friend as you would So glad he doesn’t discrimi- cute, Mike Stan chicken - they are the same. nate:-) thinks Anna Bancockahomo where the hell are nana is cute. How cute. Sau- Look at his crotch! They don't call him "STAINEY" for nothyou? why don’t you call me or sage time! something, I hardly see you. I john is simply amazing, i never ing! hope you haven’t died or knew someone could type so captain hetero to the rescue did something, lalalalala so this is it fast with just 2 fingers. it make you know that john really is a me think what else he can do super hero? wow! he really is! for the year.

yes, those are tampons.

to my munchkin sister, don’t get corrupted by those crazy abercrombie shirts. “did you cut the sleeve off? what is that?? is that even a shirt?” haha. john has perfect breasts. ritch wants to suck his tits. and then lick his vagina. yess! Attention all Garden State Parkway drivers: get the fuck out of the left-hand lane if you drive less than 80 miles per hour, decide to look for your 35 cents right as it’s your turn at the exact change booth (this usually take these assholes a while to find their change), and or have a fucking mini-van with a screaming youth soccer team that’s all watching a happy little video on your car’s new television that’s also distracting me and everyone else tailgating your ass until you decide to change lanes.

Dykeday, dyke 1, 2dyke 0dyke 0dyke 2dyke

Why do people have those stupid sticker-type things on their cars? Not bumper stickers or shit like that, but those huge decals usually on the back window? They’re fucking gay. I think anyone who purposely puts that shit on their car is too much of a pussy to get a real tattoo on their body. So insetad, they put some gayass decal of HONDA and a muscleman on their back window. I would personally like one that says RUTGERS so everyone on The Turnpike can know what a piece of shit school I go to. They should sell (that left lane speed also goes them at New Jersey Books. for the nj turnpike, damn them slow drivers that actu- (wow, that was really funny ally pay attention to the and I’m not being sarcastic. speed limit and being care- I agree. haha shitty school. ful. damn those safe minivan sooo funny. stupid sticker type things, it’s so true!!) drivers.)

All semester we have challenged the Caellian staff to a friendly, fun game of kickball and we even invited the staff to a party and they didn’t even bother to show. The Game was scheduled to take place last Sunday at a park near College Ave. (neutral territory), BUT as usual the Caellian chickened out. They wanted to take over this issue, but since they were such chickens, they didn’t get it. Oh well. I guess we’re the winners and always will be better than the Caellian. Now they just have to come to the realization that this paper is BETTER. http://www.hotornot.com/r/ ?eid=KSEMBQO&key=RBG dear mr. & mrs. beckman, I really don’t have an editorial version of turrets syndrome. hi! I hope you like the Picasso. Carol

unibutt@mad.scientist.com

To that POTATO NOSED, BLONDE RAT HAIRED, WHITE TRASH TROLL in my S & P class. You are so incredibly annoying to look at. at one glance you astonish mankind with how you test the boundaries of human fuck ups, mishaps, and once scheduled abortions. your grotesque appearance, with those rat teeth, rubber band lips, washboard ass, and geometrically perfect flat plane of a chest...i didnt think something that isnt fat can soak with so much cellulite. I didnt ask for cottage cheese with my morning bagel. Nice shorts, did you steal them from Kids R Us?? i thought i was in college, not 4th grade. hit puberty yet infantile rat girl? And what the fuck is up with you trying to dress bad ass on rainy days? My little handicap cousin can beat you with his 2 inch thick arm and run you over with his wheelchair. most of all, i am amazed by your deformed, misshapen, gourd head. What in the fuck is that? I’ve seen you around campus with your fat boyfriend. I bet he’s only with you because fat people have low standards. I know your kind, nothing in high school and now a born again fucking pathetic, ugly loser. NO LIFE with 2 cents to your intellect. A failure at first glance and an inexcusable pile of excrement that is a complete waste of space. an absolute nothing in everyones eyes no matter how you dress. you think you can leave all that behind you in shit stain, NJ but when you try to dress sexy, you end up looking like a raped albino goat with a tumor for a head. i can even smell how stupid you are at the simple sight of your gaping mouth. i hope you get raped anally with a blowtorch by a group of 9-year-old quadriplegics with elephantitus.

“Womyn seem to be really big chickens.”

john wants to fly from one building to another. “I am the guy from unbreakable, the bruce willis character.”-john minus alex is so cute he’s so cute oh my gawd he’s so cute. blyad he’s so cute. alex is so cute. “yeah i’d rather go out with this 19/20 yr old bobo’s who dont know the difference between their hand and their dick.”-banana

I want to have sex with Ryan...please please please please please pls please please please can i please have sexc with Ryan...please please please please please please please please please can I have sex with Alex cause he’s so cute? (no.)


God Hates You

“They looked at you like you had AIDS.”

God Loves You To all you cut-as-hell jocks and/or skinny heroin chic, indy rock men: I can tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue. I love to suck cock. My oral skills have been called “fantastic,” the best I’ve ever heard, uh, had, “great,” and I have brought a man to tears more than once. I ain’t talking about my singing, neither. But while I’m on the subject you can contact me when you cum to Deep Treble’s last concert. Special discounts for kids and seniors (boys 16 & younger & RU Class of 2002!) SHUT UP BITCH, I’M TRYING TO TALK. I AM THE WHITE BOY RAPPER AND YOU WILL RESPECT MY AUTHORITY. I am a golden god with a golden rod made for loving. It’s my big fat greek wanker co-starring the fat guy from Nsync. Love it this Thursday at the MPR at 8. Everytime you clap it gets bigger. Clap! Clap. I want the clap. I gave Tinkerbell the clap. Oh wah wah Tink, why don?t you call the wahmbulance. Any comments or complaints about the setlist from anyone other than my mistress can be emailed to my webpage www.lickmydick.com.Thankyou.

You dickfuck! You left me wet for that cuntrag after i took it up the ass! I hope you choke on her bleeding pussy. Maybe I fucking need to see a hard core coed orgy. With people sick enough to fuck anything . . . or anyone . . fuck that. .i’ll just see Deep Treble at their concerts later this week. love

cuando empieziemos no me dio cuenta, de que luego tuvieras que pagar. yo soy guapo y fuck this “you have to be good with your fingers. you have to use all of your fingers. right john? right rich?” <awkward silence> (A contribution from Staney.)

to that personals editor who likes anal with 10 year old boys. I know it's true, don't lie about it. We all know about your membership to www.littleboyanal.com (In the words of Shaggy... “I, in fact, have nothing to do with this situation.”) follow the

come to the most pointless medium meeting of the year! Tonight, LSC 113, 9PM (actually don’t. you didn’t come all year. why come tonight?)

We bought a baby, cause, the well because, when she, well, we thought it was for Christmas, but when we went to the s-s-store we didn’t have our jacket on, but I saw some dolly, and I yelled at my mother and said I want one of those dolly. So after we were finished with the store, we went over to the dolly and she bought me one. So I have one.

happy trail of

words til you find yr absolut happiness

To that hot freshman glee-club guy ? I want you. I fucking want you. Every night as I spoon with another man, I wonder why can?t it be you cradling me. Sometimes I dream of taking turns breast feeding each other with the maternal juices from our

come see

Deep Treble’s

Last Concerts Ever! Thursday, May 2nd at 8pm, $4.00 Rutgers Student Center Multipurpose Room with special guests: Orphan Sporks Kol Halayla First Light Persephonic Friday, May 3rd at 8pm, $5.00 Douglass College Center, Trayes Hall with special guests: University of Rochester’s Vocal Point See both nights for just $7.00 http://deeptreble.rutgers.edu

unrequited l o v e . When I can steal a moment, I do a frenzied masturbatorial session in y o u r honor. Take me away from this cruel world. I have no butt crack, I have my period and I want it in the Douglass Student Center, Friday at 8.

thanks to deeeeep treble for sending in so many fucking personals to plug themselves so here’s another. 5/2 RSC @ 8PM GO!!!!!!

last issue of the medium! all hiphoppers must go!!!

To Lisa’s Cunt Whore Roommates: First off, you’re all fat, ugly, dike whore bitches and you all need to get a fucking life. You’re all the most obnoxious, hideous, foul mouthed cunt rags that anyone has ever given birth to. Who the hell raised you? This world would be a much better place had your drunk ass dad had some sense and pulled out of your mom’s herpes infested twat in time. Maybe if you had some friends aside from eachother, you wouldn’t be miserable all the fucking time. It’s obvious that you all have nothing better to do than to try and upset someone who hasn’t done anything to you. There isn’t a thing on this earth that she could do to any of you that would make up for the horrid evil things that you have done. And for what reason? Does it make your vag tingle or something?? Because you all hate the fact that she’s happy, eventhough you’ll never admit it. And none of you will ever be happy because no one on this earth would ever want to put up with the shit that any of you do. You’ll all end up dikes in the end cause no guy would ever touch you. And if I were you, I’d watch the fuck out, because you all seem to stab someone new in the back every year... who’s it going to be this time???

(In the words of N Sync... “I just might happen to be the person that is ‘it.’”)

I’m only 17. But I know how to stroke a peepee and spank a pussy at the same time. My Italian friend taught me how. Yo Deep Treble sucks but the Orphan Sporks will be at the MPR Thursday at 8pm. They’re better. I just want to tell you, motherfucking bitch, that your cum tastes like shit, and your face looks like ass. remember when i puked as i sucked your pussy? yea, dyke, it’s cause you disgust me. i’m leaving you for the Deep Treble concerts the thought of those female hotties as rug munchers makes me cream my panties. love j Dear DT, I?m glad you all fell for this inane idea to pitch our Thursday and Friday concerts, at the College Ave. MPR and the Douglass Stupid Center respectively, in the Medium. Don?t you dumb fucks know that all it takes is one person to complain and it really will be our last concert? Ignorant assholes. I while I?m up on my box, and yes my box?s name is Hanna, you really want to know why I missed rehearsal? I LIKE VAGINA. Apparently none of you cocksmokers do. TWAT. You want some more punk?! PUSSYBOX. CUNT. NAPPY DUGOUT. GLADYS SEIGALMAN. There I said it. Let?s see ? Evil director John?s crusty ass or vagina? Hmm tough one. Being called ?like poop? or doing the surprise triple orgasm? VAGINA

To that special person between 56 and 356 lbs. reading this right now. If you have boobs, call me. Better yet, I’ll wait for you 8pm Thursday and Friday in the College Ave. MPR and the Douglass Student Center. I know you’re out there. MUTHAFUCKERS! I am gay. But so is Matt. goodbye goodnight goodluck


What’s Shakin’

“Never go punch for punch with drunk Irish kids....”

Somethin’ funky goin on Downtown...aka NYC Shit Wed 5/1 Wayne Bowery Ballroom Wed 5/1 Q And Not U Brownies Thu 5/2 Neko Case & Her Boyfriends Beacon Theatre Thu 5/2 Jump, Little Children Village Underground Thu 5/2 Amber Zero Population Fri 5/3 Bozo Porno Circus Kitsch Inn @ True Fri 5/3 minAsian Living Room Fri 5/3 Ol’ Yeller Mercury Lounge Sat 5/4 Tripping Billies Lion’s Den Sat 5/4 Firewater Bowery Ballroom Sun 5/5 Pedro The Lion Bowery Ballroom Mon 5/6 Jerry Seinfeld Beacon Theatre Mon 5/6 Monster Magnet Irving Plaza Mon 5/6 Alisdair C.B.G.B. Tue 5/7 Maria Muldaur Makor Tue 5/7 Luxx Arlene Grocery

Miercoles, el 1 de Mayo 2002

L a s t C h a n c e

Thursday 5/2 College Ave. MPR at 8pm Deep Treble’s Second to Last Concert ... Ever with the Orphan Sporks Kol Hayala Persephonic First Light and Deep Treble Friday 5/3, Douglass Student Center, Trayes Hall 8pm

Deep Treble’s Last Concert ... Ever

Amazing bands WRSU is putting on a two day fest that will feature: May 4th: Q and not U, Ted Leo, Capitol City Dusters, Radio 4, Am/Fm, Love Scene, Boggs, Palomar, Low End Theory, Atomic Missles, Drive All night and more... May 5th: Arab On Radar, Rye Coalition, Thrones, Orthrelm, Pixeltan, Ex-Models, Seconds, Realistics, Magnet City kids, Risk Relay, Home Alaskan, Mark, Robbers and more...

with Univ. of Rochester Vocal Point

you should have submitted your events to xenawrrprncs@hotmail.com. And o yeah, come to a Medium Meeting, tonight LSC 9pm

Last Rugby Shoutouts of the year...I promise... to everyone that comes to me on Thursday nights and makes me promise to put them in the Medium the next week, knowing full well that I’m DRUNK OUT OF MY MIND and won’t remember a Goddamn thing...and to everyone that came to games and saw that barbarianism and bloodsport really isn’t that bad (Just ask Lou - you missed him drag some skinny Chinese kid about 20 meters {yes, we use meters, asshole} down the field without even noticing)...to those girls in Fairfield that impersonated a rugby team, they didn’t know what the Rutgers women had in store...they didn’t fuckin’ know...to everyone in the RRFC and the RWRFC that’s graduating...ruck me, maul me, make me scrum...to my bunch of fucked

up assholes, my Rutgers RFC...

Sunday 5/5, 3pm – The Vibe, a hot 6piece dance, R&B and Hip-hop band is going to be at “On The Border” on Rt 1 for a big Cinco De Mayo party


05/01/02