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Cassie Cardelle March Cover Model 20 questions with Cassie Photography by Andrew Gates Makeup & hair by Kimberly Hill

14 All Access

The Latest Albums Reviewed Albums Reviewed: Rick Ro$$ Mastermind

By Jeremy Weeden

311 Stereolithic

By Silas Valentino

18 All Access Spotlight Artists/Bands Featured:

20 Live & Loud

Live Show Reviews Featured Artists/Shows: The Sounds

By Nicolas Bates and Dan Sinclair

24 Coming Up

Models To Keep An Eye On Featured Models: Gabby Jeanne West Covina, CA

28 Game On

The Latest Games Reviewed Games Reviewed: Titanfall

By Jesse Seilhan

Comeback Kid, Young Money & Fuel

South park: The Stick of Truth

On The Cover

This Page

March 2014 • RUKUS

By Samuel Wendel

Photo by Andrew Gates Make-up & hair by Kimberly Hill

By Josh Schilling

Photo by Andrew Gates Make-up & hair by Kimberly Hill


Shoot. The Messenger. A sleek, lightweight, street-smart satchel that hugs your body, moves with you, and doesn’t cramp your style. Carries a DSLR, 3-4 lenses, laptop and accessories. Removable photo insert lets you convert it quickly from a camera bag to a book bag, school bag, briefcase or general-purpose carryall. Available in small and large sizes to hold laptops up to 15 and 17 inches. Pack what you need. Shoot what you want . Tenba


Available at:

S e e i t f o r y o u r s e l f a t Te n b aT V. c o m




Andrew Gates Live & Loud Editor

Nicolas Bates All Access Editor

Silas Valentino Games Editor

Jesse Seilhan Art Director

Andrew Gates All Access Contributors

Silas Valentino, Jeremy Weeden & Samuel Wendel Live & Loud Contributors

Nicolas Bates & Dan Sinclair Pit Pass Contributor

Andrew Gates Game On Contributors

Jesse Seilhan & Josh Schilling Contributing Photographers

Andrew Gates & Nicolas Bates Contributing Videographers

Nate Olson & Miguel Ordaz Contributing Make-up Artists

Bioanca Robinson & Kimberly Hill Contributing Hair Stylists

Bioanca Robinson & Kimberly Hill Advertising

Andrew Gates Mailing Address

RUKUS MAGAZINE 11304 Chandler Blvd. #6131 North Hollywood, CA 91603

Copyright © 2008-2014 RUKUS MAGAZINE & All Rights Reserved! March 2014 issue, Volume 6, Number 3. ISSN 2161-4369 (print) ISSN 2161-4377 (online) Visit for more images and content.

Cassie Cardelle Photography by Andrew Gates Make-up & hair by Kimberly Hill


assie Cardelle comes to us from Boston, Massachusetts, although she now resides in Los Angeles, California. Her gorgeous looks are a perfect blend of Italian, Lebanese and English. She’s been dancing ballet for over 15 years and loves writing songs and performing them as a hobby, but wants to take it to the next level. You can find her hit song Radar on YouTube with over 2 million views and counting. Cassie moved to LA about three years ago after getting her feet wet while attending NYFA, New York Film Academy, for some summer acting programs, this helped her network and hone her craft at the same time. Since moving to Los Angeles she has dabbled in TV, modeling and hopes to put out a full-length LP in the near future with all new songs. You can find Cassie doing her thing and making a name for herself via music videos, photo shoots, blogging, TV and print work. This bi-coastal beauty is on fire and she’s only getting hotter.


RUKUS • March 2014

March 2014 • RUKUS



RUKUS • March 2014

20 QUESTIONS 1.What’s your Ethnicity? I’m Italian, Lebanese and English. 2.What’s your zodiac sign? Pisces 3.Where are you from originally? Boston, Massachusetts 4.What did you like most about growing up in Boston, MA? I grew up in the suburbs on the south shore of Boston in a beach town called Cohasset. The summers were fun because we would have beach parties, fairs would be set up and of course who could forget the baseball games at Fenway. 5.What kind of mischief did you get into while growing up? I was never much of a morning person so in high school I would be tardy quite often. 6.What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done? I surfed during a winter storm when the waves were massive, lets just say I haven’t been surfing since then. 7.What’s your favorite hobby and why? I love to write songs and sing, mainly because it’s a great way vent. Through my lyrics I can express many different emotions. 8.What’s your guilty pleasure? I really like chocolate and wine occasionally. 9.Who do you admire and why? I admire Beyonce, I mean, who doesn’t admire beyonce? She is a talented boss lady. 10.If you could change one thing in the world what would it be and why? If I could change one thing, I would make school start later for teens these days and have classes teach more things about real world situations and overall, just more fun instead of a drag. 11.What’s one of your personal goals? My main goal right now is to land a record

deal and as soon as I get my “big break” I want to give back to different charities. In the meantime I am interested in helping as much as I can with different charities and organizations; animal shelters, human rights, child abuse, children’s hospitals, food drives, cancer walks, etc. 12.What do guys compliment you on the most? I definitely get most of my compliments for my curves since I’m such a petite girl. 13.What’s your favorite body part on yourself? I like my legs and my bubble butt. [laugh] 14.What do you look for in a guy? Where do I begin? [laugh] I have a long list, but I would have to say; making me laugh, a food lover, but staying in shape, hard working and doesn’t party or go clubbing too much that’s very important to me. 15.What’s the first thing you notice about a guy? I’ve realized looks can be deceiving, good looks don’t mean he’s a good guy. Physical features I tend to notice right away are; eyes, hair, biceps and then if they smell good . 16.What’s your ideal first date? My ideal first date would be a candle lit dinner on the beach with some good food and music or we could always just go shopping. [wink] 17.What turns you on? When a guys personality and brain can match up to his good looks. 18.What turns you off? If they bore me or are lazy. I don’t need a pretty boy who can’t hold a conversation or doesn’t bring anything to the table. 19.What’s your biggest pet peeve? If a guy parties or goes clubbing way too much, that’s a deal-breaker. 20.Who’s your celebrity crush? Dave Franco. March 2014 • RUKUS




RUKUS • March 2014

March 2014 • RUKUS



I don't need a pretty-boy...



RUKUS • March 2014

STATS: Birthday:

March 17







See more of Cassie at

March 2014 • RUKUS


Ross Tha Boss Written by Jeremy Weeden

Perennial hip-hop heavyweight Rick Ross returns with his 6th studio album, Mastermind, and it may be his most complete work yet. Rick Ross has come a long way since his debut album, 2006’s Port of Miami, to become one of the biggest names in the rap industry. With Mastermind, he also hopes to cement his place as one of the most talented. Mastermind is a throwback to the 90’s golden age of rap and one of the few records to come out today that could hold its own in that era. Mastermind begins with the soulful “Rich Is Gangsta” produced by Black Metaphor. The next track, “Drug Dealer’s Dream” finds Ross rapping about the ups and downs of drug dealing with lines like “Is this a drug dealers dream/Cause all I ever see is niggas dyin from disease/Mansion on the water, home in the hills/Let the Fed tell it, it really isn’t his.” Following a skit where a lady calls the police during Rick Ross’s 2013 incident where he was shot at in Fort Lauderdale, comes the track “Nobody.” This song samples Biggie’s “You’re Nobody (Til Somebody Kills You)” and features the original Bad Boy himself, P. Diddy along with French Montana. The album continues with the outstanding track “Devil Is a Lie” featuring Jay Z. Rick Ross and Jay trade barbs over a hardhitting, horn-heavy beat. Jay Z does what Jay Z does best and delivers an excellent verse with clever lyrics like “You seen what I did to the stop and frisk/Brooklyn on the Barney’s like we own the bitch/Give the money to the hood, now we all win/Got that Barney’s floor lookin like a VIM/Black hoodie, black skully/Bravado like Mavado, boy I’m that gully/Gettin white money but I’m still black/All these niggas claiming king but I’m still that/King Hova, Mansa Musa/From a lie the devil is a lie, I’m the truth yeah.” “War Ready” features Ross’s longtime adversary Young Jeezy. The beef is over between the two and they come together on this bass heavy track that is sure to be a club favorite. “What a Shame” featuring French Montana has a chorus that reinterprets both Wu-Tang’s “Shame on a Nigga” and Camp Lo’s “Luchini.” This classic boom bap track is easily one of the album’s best. Rick Ross slows things down with “In Vein” featuring The Weeknd. This track has a catchy chorus and is probably a future single. “Sanctified” features Betty White along with Kanye West and Big Sean. This melodic track features verses from both Ross and Kanye West. Rick Ross gives a shout out to Cash Money and B.G. with the lines “Double M that be the Army, better yet the Navy/Baby seen me in that Wraith, wanna have my baby.” “Thug Cry” is another of the many standout songs on Mastermind. The song’s beat samples Billy Cobham’s “Heather” best known for its use on Souls of Mischief’s hit “93 Til Infinity.” Over another beat that is classic boom bap at its core, Lil Wayne and Ross both drop worthy verses. “Blessing in Disguise” features southern rap legend Scarface and fellow Texas rapper Z-ro. Scarface shows he hasn’t lost a step with lines like “You was doing 50 in the 35, the ending is/You fit the description of the subject in this incident/We gone have to take you downtown for some questioning/Damn a blessing in disguise if you ask me/I was just about to hit the highway with my last key/Could it be that maybe God is intervenes/With my life like he did so many times in between/A half a block away from the crime scene/A minute earlier and that was me, think.” Mastermind is an excellent wide-ranging album with good beats and lyrics. Unlike some of Rick Ross’s other albums, Mastermind is not mostly composed of club singles. The album has a lot of quality songs that will become hits and will help ensure Rick Ross continues to be known as not only one of the biggest names in rap, but also one of the most talented.


RUKUS • March 2014

March 2014 • RUKUS



RUKUS • March 2014

The Comeback? Photo by Marcello Ambriz Written by Silas Valentino

Who could have guessed that Omaha, Nebraska would be the home to one of the most successful reggae/ska rock groups of the past few decades? For over 25 years, 311 have been blending their Caribbean smoothie of rock, reggae and rap into a unique mold that saw great success in songs like “Amber,” “Down” and “All Mixed Up.” Those hits were released a decade ago and since then the band has released relatively forgettable records that left many fans disappointed. This month 311 release Stereolithic, their 11th studio effort, and so far it’s been a gleaming beacon of hope for their loyal legion of fans who have been waiting for a solid comeback. Within the first 10 seconds of opening track “Ebb and Flow,” 311 release a can of worms filled with crisp guitar riffs. Guitarist Tim Mahoney’s use of palm-muted distortion can drive a song without taking over the wheel and it’s used frequently on Stereolithic, but not enough to call him a one-trick guitarist. He lets loose on “Friday Afternoon” switching up his guitar tones and styles like a fidgety GPS monitor. Beginning with some smooth riffs, “Friday Afternoon” moves around before landing in an almost metal-like climax and finish. Stereolithic’s lead single is “Five of Everything” and serves as an appropriate appetizer to the rest of the record. It offers a danceable groove and a nice contrast of vocals between lead singer Nick Hexum and Doug “SA” Martinez. Lyrically, “Five of Everything” can be interpreted as a call against commercial living with a pessimistic viewpoint. Maybe Hexum hasn’t caught the end to True Detective and can’t see the light winning? There are a few left turns on Stereolithic including the bubbly track “Sand Dollars.” The guitar sound is something out of a wa-wa pedal fantasy and reaches its highest peak after the first chorus where the chill waves of blues and funk collide. Another track that catches your attention due to its irregular craft is “Simple True.” Commanded by a slap bass direction, the track recalls that of early Incubus where funk and metal played together side-by-side. Closing out the album is the distinctive cut “Tranquility.” Aptly titled for it sounds like the most relaxed cucumber by the sea, “Tranquility” is marked by an “Ooo” lathered chorus and laid-back bravado. For either the setting or the rising of the sun, the song washes over you with a calm comfort. For me it was “Amber.” That was the track that grabbed me by the ear lobe and lead me to a restless lounge that gave life to 311 in my collection. (Also, doesn’t the chorus of “Amber” sound like he’s singing “Jay and Silent Bob displayed naturally” instead of “shades of gold displayed naturally?”) But the past 10 years haven’t produced much for 311 in my repertoire. But this album isn’t for me, the casual listener. Stereolithic is for the fans of 311, the groups of people who joined them on their Caribbean Cruise and Pow Wow Festival. These people have been waiting for an excellent release from 311 and they can find it in Stereolithic. The record strikes when it needs to and knows when to lay back from over stepping any reestablished music boundaries. 311 are still the same alternative reggae rock band we’ve known for 25 years.

March 2014 • RUKUS


Written by Samuel Wendel

Comeback Kid, Die Knowing

Die Knowing, the fifth studio album from Winnipeg’s Comeback Kid, is a frenzied jolt of hard-hitting hardcore punk. In the four years since their last release, 2010’s Sypmtoms + Cures, it would’ve been easy to think the group would’ve lost their edge, but the album starts with the frantic title track and then the band doesn’t take a single look back across the next 11 songs spanning roughly 30 minutes. As always, Comeback Kids’ music is reminiscent of groups like The Offspring on ten different kinds of steroids, and was made for people who want to sweat buckets in a mosh-pit. Die Knowing doesn’t find the band changing their formula much —it’s pretty much business as usual with near-hysterical anthems, but that doesn’t matter much because what they do they do well. Standout tracks include “Wasted Hours,” “Should Know Better” and especially “Unconditional, ” which is probably the album’s bets track. On a whole, Die Knowing probably isn’t for everyone, but for fans of polished and catchy, but still grimy hardcore punk, this album is probably one you’ll regret missing.

Young Money, Rise of an Empire

To build and empire you need to expand and dominate foes, but Rise of an Empire, the second compilation album effort from hip-hop label Young Money Entertainment, doesn’t do either. Featuring artists like Lil Wayne, Drake, Nicki Minaj, Tyga, Mack Maine and numerous others, it packs plenty of star power and quality tracks, but it doesn’t bring a whole lot more to than the table than we’ve already heard. The first installation in the Young Money series, 2009’s We Are Young Money, was a boisterous rollercoaster of an album that established its artists as some of the best and brightest young stars on the hip-hop scene. The only new blood featured on Empire is Euro, and though he takes full advantage of the spotlight on “Induction Speech,” beyond that the album fails to equal its predecessor in freshness and innovation. There are couple standout tracks, like the Drake-dominated “Trophies,” and “Senile” with Tyga, Minaj and Wayne, but as a whole this album feels more restrained, like they’re holding back. Empire has some decent parts, but it isn’t the best showcasing of the considerable talents of the stars it features.

Fuel, Puppet Strings

Fuel’s newest album Puppet Strings is a rebirth of sorts. Not a single band member responsible for 2007’s Angels & Devils shows up on the new album, and with singer Brett Scallions back at the microphone it, naturally, sounds more like the “Hemorrhage (In My Hands)” Fuel we all remember. But it’s not all the same. Scallions’ voice is still as powerful as ever, and he carries songs like “Wander” and “What We Can Never Have,” but the backing musicians leave a definite mark on the album that shows this isn’t a Fuel tribute band —especially since Robby Krieger, the former guitarist of The Doors, shows up on the title track and shreds. As whole this album isn’t heavy as some Fuel’s earlier work; it trends more towards the middle-of the-road hard rock, but with plenty of solos and loud guitars. Standout tracks include the aforementioned title track, “Time For Me to Stop,” “Cold Summer” and “Soul to Preach.” The fifth studio album from Fuel might not win them a ton of new fans, but it should be a combination of new and familiar enough to appeal existing ones.


RUKUS • March 2014

The Sounds Photos by Nicolas Bates Written by Dan Sinclair

Don’t worry, sweet readers, your dedicated writer wasn’t going to let a little LA Clippers traffic Downtown get in the way of his coverage of Sweden’s poppy retro-new-wave phenomenon The Sounds. I even braved the company of the Los Angeles metro’s shadiest subway clientele all the way from Universal City (that’s the red line to the blue line for all you keeping score at home). Why? Because I love you all. You’re welcome. Club Nokia was full of mostly young ladies clapping and dancing around in high anticipation of the Maja Ivarsson-fronted Scandinavian indie rockers. Before long, the lights went down and a big black banner was raised. It did take some doing to get it straight, but finally they did and Miss Ivarsson took the stage along with the wife-beater donning guitar player Félix Rodríguez, bassist Johan Bengtsson, drummer Fredrik Blond and keyboard dude/second guitar player Jesper Anderberg. The young crowd screams. Glass breaks somewhere. The Sounds kick things off with “No One Sleeps When I’m Awake.” Maja wears tiny little short shorts with a leather jacket. She shakes her hips from side to side as she sings “I don’t think you know what it’s like/You should be careful what you wish for.” And though everything seems to be going right for the fans in attendance, all is not perfect as Maja yells to the side of the stage for more vocal volume at the end of the song. But when the song ends, the young audience explodes with appreciation. And the appreciation is returned from their favorite lead singer. “I missed you guys. Did you know that?” And they must’ve known because the cheers get even louder. Anderberg jumps up on the drum set and starts to clap his hands over his head. The Sounds fans take their cue and return the steady beat with force. At end of “Song with a Mission,” Rodríguez offers his guitar to the Sounds’ faithful fans and almost loses it as dozens of dainty manicured hands grab at it. Maja continues with the Los Angeles love. “We love you, truly from the bottom of our hearts. We fucking love you!” Then she lights a cigarette as she demands applause from the audience over an electronic intro. The crowd obliges and everyone enjoys “Shake, Shake, Shake.” By the end of the song, Maja starts to shake, shake, shake herself in an odd freak-out of a dance that I couldn’t imitate if I tried a million times. And truly fitting as “Something to Die For” begins, the energetic leading lady gives the crowd a nice, pleasant giant cloud of smoke to breathe in. Never knew it, but apparently second hand smoke is pretty popular around these parts. Perhaps the smoking catches up to Maja when she sit downs on an amp for the beginning of “24 Hours.” She eventually gets up to sing the song, but rests on the drum set for the percussion-heavy intro to “Dorchester Hotel.” But she’s shortly up and about again, stretching out those vocal chords as the fans pump their fists in the air for the chorus: “And we pray/bless our hearts/back to the abnormal life.” Maja makes it known that she wants to see everyone in the air for this one and soon everyone is jumping up and down, singing along. It’s then that Maja says, “Fuck, man, we’re just warming up. You ain’t seen nothing yet!” And she’s right. On “Painted by Numbers” she demands “I want you motherfuckers to sing for me. Bitches, follow me!” They do. Over the cool piano for “Wish You Were Here,” Maja is happy to report that she’s “A little drunk, a little sweaty” and that she likes it. Next is “The Best of Me” followed by “Weekend,” because according to Maja, “Every day is a weekend to me. Enjoy it!” She does start to stumble over the opening lyrics for “4 Songs and a Fight,” but after she yells out, “Fuck it,” it’s business as usual and everything’s rocking again. She even does a nice, almost-slow-motion crotch rub at the end to add an exclamation point. And the night keeps going with the band pumping out “Emperor,” “Take it the Wrong Way,” “Living in America,” and “Outlaw” before finishing the set with “Ego.” And then there’s the encore of “Tony the Beat,” “Rock N’ Roll,” and finally “Hope You’re Happy Now.” Braving the traffic was worth it for all to hear all the sounds of The Sounds. Especially when a certain audience member got a ride home and didn’t have to get back on the scary subway.


RUKUS • March 2014

March 2014 • RUKUS


Gabby Jeanne Photography by Andrew Gates Make-up & hair by Bioanca Robinson


abby Jeanne is originally from West Covina, California, but moved to Los Angeles recently to realize her dreams of becoming a model. She’s had the dream of being a model since she was a very young girl and never let that dream go. It all started when she was asked to do a shoot via Myspace and accepted after a few months, from there she began getting multiple offers and her notoriety grew and grew fast. Gabby made the rounds as an import model attending many car shows throughout southern California. She has also been published in various car magazines including covers to features. Gabby also has a growing fan-base in the skateboarding world, since her image can be found on a few skateboard decks thanks to Sk8Mafia Skateboards. In 2014, Gabby plans to attend many southern California car shows to keep her fan-base growing and meet her current fans. Keep an eye out for her, if you are attending one of these shows.


RUKUS • March 2014

March 2014 • RUKUS



RUKUS • March 2014

THE STATS Birthday: November 17 Zodiac Sign: Scorpio Measurements: 32B-26-34 Height: 5’2” Weight: 100lb Ethnicity: Honduran and European Hometown: West Covina, CA Turn Ons: Intellectual conversations. Turn Offs: Egotistical people. Ideal first date: An amusement park is always fun, it’s a good way to vibe together. Guilty Pleasure: I have always been a huge fan of King Taco, although I do plan on giving it up one day when I’m ready to become vegan. Pet Peeves: Small minded people who don’t know how to think for themselves. Celebrity Pass: I don’t sit around fantasizing about celebrities, it’s just not my cup of tea. See more of Gabby at

March 2014 • RUKUS


Prepare for Awesome

Written by Jesse Seilhan

The Xbox One, in its short existence, has become the butt of many jokes. Some for the way it forces the kinect upon you, others for the lack of fortitude Microsoft showed in folding on their initial vision. But the one thing that can bring prestige back to any platform is a killer application. To date, only Dead Rising 3, Forza 5, and Killer Instinct were contenders for that title, but it all became so clear when Titanfall finally hit shelves. Titanfall is the first output of a brand new studio, Respawn Entertainment, created to make this game in the wake of founders Vince Zampella and Jason West departure from Infinity Ward, the studio behind the Call of Duty resurgence in the 2000’s. Their Modern Warfare series revolutionized the gaming industry and spawned countless sequels, competitors, and copycats. Luckily, Titanfall gave the creators a chance to start fresh with a new IP and with the power of the Xbox One, Microsoft’s server infrastructure, and a team of creatives dedicated to making an awesome new game, they succeeded in making Xbox One’s killer app. There are trappings within Titanfall that should be familiar to any shooter fan. The modes are standard (team deathmatch, capture the flag, etc.), the weapons are of the usual crop (rifle, shotgun, sniper), but there are a few things that are unlike anything you’ve ever played. The most obvious of these changes are the two-story mechanical fighting robots known as Titans. When you’ve killed enough, captured enough, or worked hard enough, you will be given the opportunity to drop one of these metal behemoths onto the battlefield. From there, you can use it like a robotic guardian, stomping around the battlefield around you, killing enemies and threatening anyone in the area. Or you can take a direct approach and enter the giant, smashing your way to victory using a combination of rifles, rockets, and cooler powers that are unlocked as you progress. The next biggest innovation is mobility. The game runs and plays like a mix between Mirror’s Edge and Tony Hawk Pro Skater, as pilots can wall-run, double jump, and parkour their way around the environment. This creates a level of verticality not found in virtually any other shooter and evens the playing field, as you can get above an enemy titan and rain hell down upon them before scuttling off when they catch on. Even better, you can hitch a ride onto a friendly Titan or grab an enemy Titan’s head and fill it with your ammo until it explodes. Ziplines abound on some maps, creating even more speed and movement, and when you add in active camo, x-ray weapons, and EMPs, you have a recipe for insane fun. Burn Cards are earned by hitting certain goals (number of kills, distance traveled, etc.) and these can be used once per life to increase certain stats, like amping up a certain weapon or making incoming enemies easier to detect. The variety in both combat and preparation is unique to this title and increases the fun tenfold. The game runs smooth, rarely dipping below its 60 frames per second, but when there are a ton of titans and pilots and explosions on screen, sometimes things get choppy. Microsoft is putting their servers on the line with this title, because Titanfall is an always-online game. There is a campaign mode, but it’s a six on six match with minor cutscenes, still requiring an internet connection. If your internet is weak or your router is on the fritz, it will be literally impossible to play this game. But if you don’t mind playing online, enjoy competitive multiplayer shooters, and want something just a little different than the modern military clones that have been pumped out year after year, give Titanfall a go. It’s the most fun you can have with a headset and a controller this year.


RUKUS • March 2014

March 2014 • RUKUS



RUKUS • March 2014

Funny Fantasy

Written by Josh Schilling

South Park: The Stick of Truth was a hotly anticipated video game that was initially supposed to be released in 2012. After a bunch of delays, some bureaucratic morass, and a bankrupt publisher switcheroo, the time has finally come to explore that quiet little red-neck podunk white-trash mountain town made famous by the television show of 17 seasons from the creatively twisted minds of Trey Parker and Matt Stone. There have been a few attempts in the past to recreate the South Park experience in video game form, but none have come close to the quality that people have come to expect from the show’s progenitors. Trey and Matt have decided to throw their weight behind this new South Park game, and what results is pretty much in line with what you might expect. That is, of course, if you were expecting a well-written, completely over-the-top, laugh out loud experience. The Stick of Truth is a turn-based, role-playing game that stars you, the gamer, as the proverbial new kid in town. After you decide between Fighter, Mage, Thief, or Jew as your character class, the story starts when your parents implore you to find some friends. You stumble upon the kids in town locked in an epic fantasy war between the Cartman-led humans of the Kingdom of Kupa Keep (note the acronym please), and the elves led by the Elf King Kyle. When I say the war is epic, it is epic in a fourth-grade kids kind of epic. Large, bed sheet-tented forts in back yards make up the home bases and the weapons are rudimentary and mostly wooden. Bottles of water can cure you of ailments, tacos can revive a fallen friend, and “magic” consists largely of concentrated flatulence. The kids of the neighborhood are engaged in a good natured, but super cereal quest to obtain the titular Stick of Truth which has the imaginary ability to…well…do anything. The greatest part of this game is the ability to explore South Park during your quest. You get to see all of the major sites as you would see them on the T.V. show, rendered two-dimensionally as God intended. The locations look exactly like they should, and the entire game plays out in the style that made the show famous, which means it’s poorly drawn and poorly animated. Once you get acclimated to your surroundings and to the foundations of the story, you then learn how to fight. This game is a turn-based RPG, very much in the style made famous by classic Final Fantasy games. There is actually some good, strategic combat that requires some thought in the execution of battle, and the upgrades you decide upon can truly make a difference in the outcome. After some preliminary bouts against your rivals, things escalate rapidly. In the style that fans of South Park will be readily familiar, everything ramps up and takes about 10 left turns to places that are at the same time logical and unexpected. This game is an homage to South Park in general, and it seems like each and every episode of the TV show is referenced in some way, with just about all of the familiar and not so familiar characters making an appearance in one facet or another. While that may be great for fans, the uninitiated might be a little overwhelmed by the absolute craziness that transpires. As a fan of the show, there were still some points in the gameplay that shocked me. It’s as if Trey and Matt played Saints Row: The Third and said to themselves, “Yeah, we can outdo that,” and then went out and did it. This game would be jaw-dropping for people who have never seen South Park, and is definitely not for children or the easily offended, but for fans of the show, this game is an absolute must play. Anything and everything is on the table, and no one is safe from ridicule…just like you would expect.

March 2014 • RUKUS


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RUKUS March 2014  

RUKUS magazine March 2014 issue with cover model Cassie Cardelle. The featured girl is Gabby Jeanne. Albums reviewed for this issue are Rick...

RUKUS March 2014  

RUKUS magazine March 2014 issue with cover model Cassie Cardelle. The featured girl is Gabby Jeanne. Albums reviewed for this issue are Rick...