Nurture Curriculum

ROOTS

Nurture

GUIDEBOOK

ROOTS VIDEO SERIES with Amy Kemp

VIDEO 1: I See You

VIDEO 2: Embrace Structure

VIDEO 3: Self-Sacrifice

GROWTH

GROWTH VIDEO SERIES with Lisa Graft

VIDEO 1: Self-Care vs. Self-Medication

VIDEO 2: Take Hold of Hope

VIDEO 3: Growing Season

WINGS

WINGS VIDEO SERIES with Nadine Dyer

VIDEO 1: (Re)Discover Your Identity

VIDEO 2: Own Your Story

VIDEO 3: Build Your Community

www.rootsandwingslegacy.org

ROOTS

VIDEO 1:: NOTES AND REFLECTION

I SEE YOU

You were created to be seen, known, and loved. It’s natural to desire deep connection in your relationships; however, life and its circumstances have probably muddied this reality.

The idea of being seen - really seen - for who you truly are typically falls somewhere on the spectrum between comfort and sheer panic.

Take some time to work through the following questions, seeing yourself as best you can in the process.

Ask Yourself

Doyoufeelseen? Whetheryes,no,orsomewhereinbetween,howdo youfeelaboutyouranswer?Whataresomewaysthatyoucouldchange that? ______________________________________________________

Whatdoyouthinkpeopleseeinyou?

If you do not feel seen enough, how can you begin to change that?

Is there insecurity or past pain getting in the way of your vulnerability?

What would it mean to you to be seen as you are?

“Connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued - when they can give and receive without judgment.”

Brene Brown

SEEING OTHERS

Some of us are terrified of being seen, but are amazing at seeing others. Others are a wide open book, but struggle to see others.

Likely, you fall somewhere between these two extremes. Let’s see where you are!

Do you feel like you see the people in your life? Who do you see the most?

If yes, what allows you to give others the gift of being seen?

If no, what is getting in the way of you giving others the gift?

Nurture with Amy Kemp ROOTS

EMBRACE STRUCTURE

VIDEO 2: NOTES AND REFLECTION

STRUCTURE

Structure is the path to freedom.

Many of us resist structure because we fear it will steal our freedom.

Others become a slave to structure, which does limit freedom.

Where are you on this continuum?

fFreeor-All SSupertructured

Explain why you chose your location on the structure continuum.

Are you where you’d like to be on the line? Or do you desire a change?

“It's hard to be fully creative without structure. Try to paint without a canvas. Creativity and freedom are two sides of the same coin. I like the best of both worlds. Want freedom? Get organized. Want to get organized? Get creative.”

David Allen

VALUE VS. PERFORMANCE

One of the reasons we can feel stuck (either in free-for-all or structure--slavery) is we tie our value to our performance.

In order to create what we want with our lives, we have to recognize that our value is separate from our performance.

Work through the questions below to see how connected or separate you ’ ve treated these two.

Ask Yourself

What is your value?

Do you operate more in value or performance mode?

In times of grief, it may be easy to fall into performance mode. When you’re struggling, do you find yourself trying to act like you have it all together?

DIG DEEP CHALLENGE

Stand in front of a mirror, and tell yourself the below truths. Want to take it one step further? Flip to page 44 for a cut-out version to hang on your mirror so you can see it regularly.

Tell Yourself

My value is unconditional. Nothing I do or don’t do can subtract from my intrinsic value as a person. There are no conditions placed on my value. I am, therefore, I am of value.

My performance does not affect my value. My performance in any area of my life does not increase or decrease my intrinsic value. I am not what I do or how well I perform. I simply am, and that is enough.

When I make this distinction and keep my performance separate from my value, I am free to create and work without pressure or fear.

I am unique.

No one else in the world can create what I am supposed to create. I have a blend of talents and gifts that are mine and mine alone. The more I use and celebrate them, the more the world benefits.

I have everything I need to fulfill my unique calling in life.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

CAN’T SUSTAIN STRUCTURE?

Join the club. We all have at least one area in our lives where we can’t seem to sustain structure. We try and try, but what we don’t realize is that under the resistance is often unhealed pain. No amount of self-discipline is going to allow us to embrace structure for a long period of time unless we heal.

With compassionate curiosity, work through the following questions.

Ask Yourself

What area in your life do you try to force yourself into submission? How often to you try to push through and discipline yourself?

Pause for a moment to get curious about what pain may be hiding underneath your resistance. Can you find it?

DO THE HEALING WORK

Your pain can lose its power when brought to the light. The first step in healing this pain is to tell the story.

Follow the prompts below to tell yourself the story, then take steps towards healing.

Tell the Story

Are the conclusions you’ve drawn from the experience...

Accurate? Yes No I’m not sure

Beneficial? Yes No I’m not sure

If you aren’t sure, ask a trusted friend or counselor to help you with this exercise.

Nurture APPLICATION

Re-write the Story

What is a different story you can tell yourself that will allow you to move forward? ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________

Nurture Promise:

Wewillholdspaceforyou.

Wewillsharevulnerablyand allowyoutodothesame.

Wewillcreateasafeand authenticcommunity.

SELF-SACRIFICE Nurture with Amy Kemp ROOTS

VIDEO 3: NOTES AND REFLECTION

THE GIVING TREE

You are a nurturer. It’s likely that you are a natural giver. Often, natural givers (like Shel Silverstein’s Giving Tree) experience seasons of unhealthy levels of giving, to the point of exhaustion and martyrdom There’s got to be a better way!

There is! But first, take a moment to draw yourself as the Giving Tree. Are you healthy, like the one on the left? Or are your branches bare? Are you down to just a stump?

Healthy Giving Tree My Giving Tree

How do you feel about the state of your tree?

APPLICATION

RESENTMENT AUDIT

The key to healthy giving is to give of your replenishable resources, lovingly and willingly. How can you tell if that’s what you ’ re doing? Do a resentment audit. Take some time to comb through your feelings in this eye-opening exercise.

Resentment Audit:

Nurture

A Boundary I Can Create Is: I Resent:

Always being the one to make dinner.

I Resent:

A Boundary I Can Create Is:

A Boundary I Can Create Is: I Resent:

Reminders for Healthy Giving:

Creating slowness in making decisions can help you pay attention to your body signals of how you feel about saying yes to something.

“No” is a complete sentence. You do not need to justify or explain your decision to others.

Progress cannot come from an unhealthy level of self-sacrifice, but an increased level of self-care.

FEELING STUCK?

It’s easy to feel stuck in over-giving mode. But that doesn’t mean you actually are stuck. Answer the following questions to help you decide where you are and what you need to do.

Ask Yourself

Am I stuck, or have I created a reality that causes me to feel stuck?

What would happen if I weren’t so available? Would anyone be able to step up? Can I ask anyone for help? Are there resources available? ______________________________________________________

Can I ask anyone for help? What are some resources or other solutions that are available?

VIDEO 1: NOTES AND REFLECTION

SELF-CARE OR SELF-MEDICATION

If you ’ re grieving, going through a major life transition, or navigating a season of overwhelm, it can definitely be a challenge to take care of yourself well

Many times, the line between self-care and self-medication can be blurry Other times, we know we’re choosing self-medication because it’s a much quicker “fix.”

Work through the exercises below to help you choose more wisely, more often. GROWTH

Vocab with Lisa...

Self-Medication: Self-Care:

Creating a life you don’t have to escape from.

Engaging in something temporary without addressing the underlying issue.

Escape vs. Engage

When tough, painful, or uncomfortable situations arise, what do you escape to or with?

What would staying engaged look like?

Numb vs. Nurture

What are your go-to numbing agents?

What could you nurture in place of the numbing?

Carelessness vs. Compassion

How have you been careless with your words or actions?

How will you course-correct with compassion for yourself and others?

APPLICATION

LIVING YOUR VALUES

In addition to calling out your temptations and tendencies, identifying your values can help make healthy decisions easier.

Take the free Values Assessment online at www rootsandwingslegacy org/assessment

Write your Top 5 or 6 Values in the spaces below, followed by a couple examples of what self-care or boundaries could look like in that category.

GROWTH TAKE HOLD OF HOPE

VIDEO 2: NOTES AND REFLECTION

CREATE YOUR FUTURE

It’s so exciting (and kind of a relief, if you think about it) that we get to create our own future. We get to choose our next steps.

However, we can’t do that until we have a clear understanding of where we actually are, right now.

Work through the following exercise to find your starting point. Rate your health or satisfaction in each area of your life by shading in the stars. (We’re shooting for 5-star ratings here!)

Take Inventory

Physical Health

Mental Health

Relational Health

Financial Health

Spiritual Health

Occupational Health

“With each choice you make, you create your life.”

Albert Einstein

TAKING A STEP

Now that you have a decent understanding of where you are, it’s time to choose one of those areas to address and improve.

As you work through the questions below, keep an eye out for any “I am ” statements. We’ll get to those on the next page.

Ask Yourself

Which area of your life needs the most nurturing and why?

What typically keeps you from taking steps toward health in that area?

What are some small steps you can take to course-correct?

APPLICATION

THE POWER OF IDENTITY STATEMENTS

So often we remain stuck in our circumstances because of the way we feel. Meaning sometimes, we assign ourselves a label based on what we’ve been through.

Over time, that label becomes the name we call ourselves, the wall we hide behind, and the image we project to the world. The problem is, that label was not meant to have power over us.

It’s time to re-write our labels.

Label Maker

I am: I am: I am: I am:

(worst way you describe yourself)

I am: I am: (your circumstance)

(negative thing you say in the mirror)

DIG DEEP CHALLENGE

(a positive role you play in someone’s life)

(best way your friends describe you)

(what God says about you)

Look up the meaning of your name! You may find that it jumpstarts a new, healthy perspective on who you truly are.

There are affirmation cards waiting for you to fill out on page 42. Write your best truths, cut them out, and plaster them anywhere and everywhere you need to be reminded of how amazing you are!

VIDEO 3: NOTES AND REFLECTION

APPLICATION

CYCLE OF SEASONS

What season of life are you in right now?

If you ’ re in summer, you may feel like you ’ re living your best life. Maybe you ’ re feeling the vibrancy of fall or the hopeful, new growth of spring. Or maybe, you ’ re in a winter season, where the heaviness of grief or pain makes hope hard to find and growth seem impossible. For this exercise, through the lens of your situation, start at which season you ’ re in now, jotting down the feelings or thoughts you ’ re experiencing. Then, revisit the seasons that led to where you are and do the same.

If you ’ re in winter now, write down what you hope to be feeling and experiencing soon!

Summer Fall

Winter Spring

DIG DEEP CHALLENGE

Don’t do this alone! Share this exercise with a trusted friend. This shared language can become a powerful, safe space for your growth!

APPLICATION

YOUR ROOT SYSTEM

In the dead of winter, a tree’s root system not only remains, but grows!

Even if you ’ re looking around your life right now, thinking there’s no way anything could grow in your current climate, your roots can! And they are!

Leaning into your root system and maintaining the connection to your source are two ways to deepen and strengthen your roots and gain perspective on your growth.

Lean In: Fill the white space in and around the roots with names of your trusted family and friends. (Bonus points for adding something they could help you with next to their names.)

Lean In

Root Check

What source feeds your root system? How do you best get and stay connected to that source? Are you connected now?

WINGS (RE)DISCOVER YOUR IDENTITY

VIDEO 1: NOTES AND REFLECTION

MANAGING IDENTITY CRISIS

If you ’ re in the middle of pain, trauma, grief, or life transition, you may feel like you ’ re having a crisis of identity as well.

The first step in managing those thoughts and emotions is to remember that this is a normal part of life. Being kind, loving, and patient with yourself can make all the difference.

Balancing your emotions and thoughts will also be helpful We call these the heart and the head pieces.

Work through the heart questions below.

How often do you find yourself stuck in a particular emotion? What are you usually feeling and experiencing?

What would change if you labeled it according to one of the stages of grief? What if you reminded yourself that this is normal and will pass?

Imagine your emotion as a cloud passing by overhead. You can...

WWhat if we told you that just because an emotion arises, doesn’t mean you need to feel it? Tell yourself, “I don’t need to process this emotion.” Then, do your best to let it pass.

You need to feel it to heal it. Especially if a repeat emotion continues to bombard you. Now might be the exact right time to allow yourself to feel and process your feelings.

Sometimes it’s just not the right time to sit with your emotions. It’s ok to name the emotion, recognize you ’ re experiencing it, and carve out time to feel and process it later.

How do you feel about viewing your emotions this way? What will be the hardest part of implementing this emotional strategy?

“On the journey of life, emotions make great passengers, but terrible drivers!”

APPLICATION

DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING

We’ve made it to the head piece -- a relief for those who would rather live in logistics-land and an awesome stretch outside the comfort zone for those who reside in emotion-land. Getting stuck in any situation (emotional or otherwise) can take its toll. That’s why it’s important to remember some of the tips below. Read through the suggestions and reflect on the following questions.

The Head Piece

Take Action:

Ask yourself what the next right thing is for you to do. Even the smallest action steps can give you much-needed momentum.

Keep it Simple:

Don’t overthink it. Now is not the time for huge decisions or elaborate plans. Stay the course. Small steps can bring big hope.

Remembering who you are (and whose you are) can be a helpful grounding technique. It may sound overly-simple, but speaking or writing facts and truth can anchor you. Go ahead, give it a try!

WINGS OWN YOUR STORY

VIDEO 1: NOTES AND REFLECTION

APPLICATION

YOUR STORY MATTERS

Your story matters because you matter.

Honoring your past, present, and future is key to moving through your story with grit and grace and harnessing it for a greater purpose.

Work through the following exercises to heal, accept, and steward your story.

Your Past

Time to talk about it. What having you been through? (Remember, you need to feel it to heal it!)

______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________

You’ve got to name what you ’ re going through in order to heal from it!

Try This!

Ignoring or denying your pain can lead to emotional stewing and prolonged healing!

Your Present

ACCEPTING YOUR STORY

Are you ready, willing, and able to accept that your story can be used for good? Explore that idea in the space below.

Vocab with Nadine

The Japanese art of highlighting or emphasizing imperfections (often with gold), celebrating them as part of the object’s story.

Kintsugi

Your Future

Ask yourself, “What if my painful story can help someone?” What would that mean to you?

What steps can you take to begin using your story to usher purpose into your pain?

APPLICATION

YOU ARE INCREDIBLE

Like 1-in-300-billion incredible!

In his book, The Greatest Miracle in the World, Og Mandino writes about you.

Spoiler Alert! He’s convinced that you are a miracle, and he’s right!

“Fromyourfather,inonemomentintime,flowedsperm,morethanfourhundred millioninnumber.Allofthem,astheyswamwithinyourmother,gaveupand died.Allexceptone!

You.

Youaloneperseveredwithinyourmother'sbody,searchingforyourotherhalf,a singlecellfromyourmothersosmallthatmorethantwomillionwouldbe necessarytofillanacornshell.Yet,despiteimpossibleodds,youpersevered, foundthatcell,joinedwithit,andbegananewlife.

Your life.

Youarrived.Twocellscreatedamiracle.Twocells,eachcontainingtwenty-three chromosomesandwithineachchromosomehundredsofgenes,whichwould dictateeverycharacteristicaboutyou,fromthecolorofyoureyestoyour personality,tothesizeofyourbrain.Withallthecombinationspossible, beginningwiththatsinglespermfromyourfather'sfourhundredmillion,through thehundredsofgenesineachofthechromosomesfromyourmotherandfather, therecouldhavebeenthreehundredthousandbillionhumanscreated,each differentfromtheother.Butwhowascreated? You!

Youareoneofakind.Rarestoftherare.Apricelesstreasure.Youpossess qualitiesinyourmindandyourspeechandyourmovementandyourappearance andyouractionslikenoonewhohaseverlived,lives,orwilllive.”

“I know you are brave, and I know your story’s not done yet. Step into it.”

Nadine Dyer

VIDEO 3: NOTES AND REFLECTION

WIRED FOR COMMUNITY

Community allows us to be the very best version of ourselves. Reflect on the community that is surrounding you using the following prompts

My Community

Talk a little bit about your community, its health, and your participation level. If you don’t have a community around you, what’s the reason for your isolation (circumstances, choice, etc.)?

Unhealthy Community Healthy Community

What does healthy community look like for you?

What does unhealthy community look like for you?

BREAK IT DOWN NOW

Taking your example from Jesus, a community-building expert, your relationships can be categorized as:

Core Group: the 2-3 people with whom you are the most vulnerable and authentic.

The 12: the consistent group of people who love and support you and vice versa.

Followers: the mass group of people who are in your life, but not necessarily in close connection with you.

Using the exercise below, add the names of your community in the appropriate spaces

WHAT DO YOU NEED?

In tough times, a community can rally around you. Often, they’ll ask what you need or say, “If you need anything, let me know.”

Therein lies the problem: Sometimes we don’t know what we need. If you ’ re going to build an authentic community of support, you ’ re going to need to identify what you need and then be brave enough to speak it. Use the exercise below to jot down some ideas.

My Needs Matter

Practical Needs:

(Help organizing? A ride to an appointment?)

Referral Needs: (Handyman? Attorney? Car repair shop?)

Relationship Needs: (Support group? Travel buddy? Conflict resolution?)

Physical Needs: (Meals? Exercise buddy? Help moving?)

Spiritual Needs: (Prayer request? Talk with pastor? Guidance?)

Financial Needs: (Budget advice? Will/Estate help? Funds to pay bills?)

APPLICATION

YOU GET OUT WHAT YOU PUT IN

Your community is what you make it.

Now that you ’ ve named what a healthy community can be for you, you ’ ve zeroed in on where your people fit, and you ’ ve identified some current needs, it’s time to bring it all together.

Answer the following questions to evaluate community health and identify community gaps.

Your Core

Is this a group that shares your values of a healthy community? If yes, what have you done to foster that environment? If no, what needs to happen to remedy that?

DIG DEEP CHALLENGE

If someone is in your core or 12 that disrupts your peace or works against your healthy community, you have permission to “love them from a distance.” What that looks like for you may vary, but addressing the issues and creating boundaries to protect the relationship is absolutely critical

Is this a group that shares your values of a healthy community? If yes, what have you done to foster that environment? If no, what needs to happen to remedy that?

What elements of your story, pain, or passion point to others’ needs in the world? Your

What opportunities to serve or give back, if available to you, would you consider saying yes to?

FINAL NOTES AND REFLECTION

“Joy and pain, they are but two arteries of the one heart that pumps through all those who don't numb themselves to really living.”

Ann Voskamp

WHAT’S TRUE ABOUT YOU

A cut-out for your mirror from page 8 (Roots Video 2: Embrace Structure)

See, read, and remind yourself of these truths.

Cut this Out!

My value is unconditional. Nothing I do or don’t do can subtract from my intrinsic value as a person. There are no conditions placed on my value. I am, therefore, I am of value.

My performance does not affect my value. My performance in any area of my life does not increase or decrease my intrinsic value. I am not what I do or how well I perform. I simply am, and that is enough.

When I make this distinction and keep my performance separate from my value, I am free to create and work without pressure or fear.

I am unique.

No one else in the world can create what I am supposed to create. I have a blend of talents and gifts that are mine and mine alone. The more I use and celebrate them, the more the world benefits.

I have everything I need to fulfill my unique calling in life.

AFFIRMATION CARDS

Fill in the blanks with what’s true about you, flipping back to the Label Maker exercise on page 23 (Growth Video 2: Take Hold of Hope) if needed.

If you ’ re having trouble, ask your core people for help.

Cut these affirmations out and post them wherever they’ll serve as a useful and timely reminder for you.

worthy

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. ” Ephesians 2:10 NLT