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Betty Mullin-DiProsa Talks About Her Retirement

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Bruce Frassinelli: What to Recommend When Your Grandkids Turn 18 First employee at Paychex still on the job—40 years later Group from Avon exploring the world

PLUS Issue September / October 2013

For Active Adults in the Rochester Area

Men’s Club Organization in Perinton perfect setting for social interaction

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Things To Do This Fall in Rochester

TOP MODELS

More Rochester residents over the age 55 are obtaining modeling jobs


LOCALLY OWNED You will have peace of mind knowing that your mom or dad are living in a place where they are treated with respect and dignity by a dedicated team of service providers and that the communities are owned by a local family whose roots are entrenched in the Rochester Area. ALL INCLUSIVE means that your mom or dad can enjoy all of the amenities that are available at our Legacy communities for no additional monthly costs or fees. NO ENDOWMENT FEES means that many of our local competitors charge large upfront fees. You won’t have that expense at a Legacy community.


University

Financial Workshops REGISTER TODAY! www.SageRuttyUniversity.com 585.512.2309

September / October 2013 Member - 55 PLUS FINRA/SIPC. 3


A Research Study for people with RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS

My joints are so SWOLLEN and PAINFUL I’m ready for another RA option. RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS joint damage is potentially crippling. Learn more about a local clinical research study for people with RA. No-cost study-related visits and lab tests. Compensation up to $550 for time and travel.

AAIR Research Center 300 Meridian Center Suite 305 • Rochester, NY 14618 • 585-442-1980 research@aair.info www.aairresearch.com

Pssst. À La Carte Services. No Entrance Fee. But You’d Better Act Fast. At Brickstone, the area’s newest senior living community, you’ll find more than just affordable apartments. Scheduled to open in January, but if you act now, you’ll still get your choice of prime spots. On top of uncommonly spacious designs, impeccable finishes and the natural splendor of the community, you can choose from a variety of services. Call or stop by today. But don’t tell anybody else.

Call Dawn at 585-271-1000

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© 2013 Brickstone and its associated logo are trademarks of St. John’s Senior Services, Inc.

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55 PLUS

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September / October 2013

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PLUS

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11 Savvy Senior 6 CAREERS Real Estate 8

• First employee at Paychex still on the job, 40 years later

Financial Health 10 14 NOSTALGIA My Turn 38 • Oh, those fads. They come and go 16 Long-Term Care 45 ACTIVITIES Visits 48

•Seven things to do this fall

36

31 SOCIALIZING

• Perinton Retired Men’s Club is a perfect setting for socialization

34 LEARNING

• Local author discusses how to revitalize your legacy writing skills

36 GRANDPARENTS

18 RELATIONSHIP

• Grandma shares games you can play with the little ones

20 OUTDOORS

• Should you consider a do-ityourself will?

24 COVER STORY

• Author explores how people survive through harsh tragedies • Author discusses the “Last Generation of Women Who Cook”

• If you think a bad break up is embarrassing at 20, try it at 55

CEO Betty Mullin-DiProsa, 67, discusses her upcoming retirement life Page 50

CONTENTS

Got a story idea? editor@roc55.com

• Avon residents embark on many adventures

• Models enjoy life in the limelight

39 PREPARATIONS 41 REVIEWS

September / October 2013 - 55 PLUS

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savvy senior By Jim Miller

Resources for Older Job Seekers

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hile the U.S. job market has improved slightly over the past year or so, challenges persist for many older job seekers. Fortunately, there are a number of free online tools and in-person training centers scattered across the country today that can help you find employment. Here’s what you should know.

Online Resources If you have Internet access, there are a number of 50-and-older online employment networks that can help you connect with companies that are interested in hiring older workers. Two of the best are workreimagined. org, a resource developed by AARP that combines career advice, job listings and online discussion tied to LinkedIn’s professional networking platform. And retirementjobs.com, which offers a job search engine that lists thousands of jobs nationwide from companies that are actively seeking workers over the age of 50. Some other good 50-plus job seeking sites to try are workforce50.com, retiredbrains.com, retireeworkforce. com, and encore.org a resource that helps older workers find meaningful work in the second half of life.

In-Person Help Another good place to get help finding a job is at a Career OneStop center. Sponsored by the U.S. Department of Labor, these are free job resource centers that can help you explore career options, search for jobs, find training, write a resume, prepare for an interview and much more. There are around 3,000 of these centers located throughout the country. To find one near you, call 877-348-0502 or go to careeronestop.org. Depending on your financial situation, another program that may help is the Senior Community Service Employment Program (SCSEP). Also 6

55 PLUS - September / October 2013

sponsored by the Department of Labor, SCSEP offers access to training and part time job placements in a wide variety of community service positions such as day care centers, senior centers, governmental agencies, schools, hospitals, libraries and landscaping centers. To learn more or locate a program in your area visit www.doleta. gov/seniors or call 877-872-5627.

Work at Home If you’re interested in working at home, there are many opportunities depending on your skills, but be careful of rampant work-at-home scams that offer big paydays without much effort. Some of the more popular workat-home jobs include “customer service agents” who fields calls from their employers’ customers and prospective customers — you don’t place telemarketing calls. Agents earn an average of $8 to $15 an hour and many also receive incentives and commission, too. To find these jobs see arise.com, alpineaccess.com, liveops. com and workingsolutions.com. If you have good typing skills there are “transcriptionist” jobs that pay around $10 per hour for typing verbatim accounts of board meetings, presentations, conference calls, etc. Companies that hire transcriptionists are tigerfish.com, ubiqus.com, ctran. com. And if you have a college degree, online “tutoring” or “proofreading” jobs are always available. See tutor. com to find tutoring opportunities, which pay between $10 and $15 per hour. Or, if you have some writing or editing experience, proofreading pays $12 to $20 per hour. See firstediting. com and cactusglobal.com to look for proofreading jobs. For more work at home ideas and resources, see retiredbrains.com and click on the “Work from Home” tab on the left side of the page.

55PLUS Editor and Publisher Wagner Dotto

Associate Editor Lou Sorendo

Contributing Writers

Deborah J. Sergeant, Ernst Lamothe Jr. Jason Schultz, Ken Little Deborah Graf, Mike Constanza Laura Thompson, Jay Scott Janet Schwan

Columnists

Jim Terwilliger, Susan Suben Jim Miller, Kimberlie Barrett Bruce Frassinelli

Advertising

Donna Kimbrell, Amber Dwyer

Office Manager

Laura J. Beckwith

Layout and Design Chris Crocker

Cover Photo

Chuck Wainwright 55 PLUS –A Magazine for Active Adults in the Rochester Area is published six times a year by Local News, Inc., which also publishes In Good Health–Rochester–Genesee Valley’s Healthcare Newspaper.

Health in good

Rochester–Genesee Valley’s Healthcare Newspaper

Mailing Address PO Box 525 Victor, NY 14564 Subscription: $15 a year © 2013 by 55 PLUS – A Magazine for Active Adults in the Rochester Area. No material may be reproduced in whole or in part from this publication without the express written permission of the publisher. Third class postage paid at Syracuse, NY. Permit Number: 3071

How to Reach Us P.O. Box 525 Victor, NY 14564 Voice: 585-421-8109 Fax: 585-421-8129 Editor@roc55.com


A Legacy of Love for Your Community, Annual Payments for You.

The Salvation Army Charitable Gift Annuity provides you with a degree of financial stability while assuring that your concern for others will be your legacy. Here are some representative “one life” rates:*

Here’s How it Works:

You receive a tax deduction for the charitable portion of the gift. You receive fixed annual payments for life, a portion of which may be tax free. The rate is determined by your age. The older you are, the larger the payment. You can enact a Charitable Gift Annuity for yourself OR for yourself and another loved one. Payments continue until the death of the last annuitant. The payment rate is locked in at the time the annuity contract takes effect and NEVER CHANGES!

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AGE 65 70 75 80 85 90+

RATE 4.7% 5.1% 5.8% 6.8% 7.8% 9%

A Charitable Gift Annuity is an irrevocable gift. As always, The Salvation Army recommends that you consult your advisors to weigh personal and income tax benefits.

*The Salvation Army adopts annuity rates recommended by The American Council on Gift Annuities

For Free and Confidential Information or a personal illustration contact: John P. Gleason CFRE - Director of Gift Planning for The Salvation Army Phone: 888-434-1391 Email: John.Gleason@USE.SalvationArmy.Org September / October 2013 - 55 PLUS

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55 PLUS - September / October 2013

real estate By Kimberlie Barrett

A Great Time To Build A New Home

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omething happened in 2006 that drastically changed our national and local economy causing many of our mediumsized builders to exit the building industry to pursue retirement or another career path. The stock market hit rock bottom. Companies went out of business, unemployment rose dramatically and, as a result, short sales and foreclosures followed closely behind. The real estate market became a buyers’ market and remained so until only last year when the inventory of homes nationwide began to dwindle and it finally became a sellers’ market for the first time in six years. A sellers’ market is great for sellers as we’ve seen with homes listed experiencing shorter days on market, multiple offers and higher than average sale prices. But from the buyers’ perspective, the current market has created fewer housing choices and premium pricing; two reasons why now is a great time to build a new home! Here are some common misperceptions about building: • I will save money dealing directly with the builder. False. Unless you know exactly what things cost, how do you know if you are saving anything? A knowledgeable real estate agent who understands blueprints, new construction contracts and the cost of building will lead you through a smooth transaction. • All builders are created equal. False. There are portfolio and custom builders. There are builders with many years of experience and a solid reputation and builders you need to thoroughly research. Asking for references is key. • The process starts with the architect. False. The process starts with identifying how much home you can afford in terms of square footage, considering that there may be structural amenities you will want to dress the front of your home, a premium for that one-of-a-kind wooded or over-sized lot

Part I

you will undoubtedly fall in love with. I call those “puffing” or upgrades you don’t anticipate from the start. • Architects know what things cost. Don’t count on it. They may know a hip roof is more expensive than a gable roof but their job is simply to design according to your specs. • If I have an existing home to sell, I will have to move twice while waiting for my new home to be built. False. Over a period of 25 years, I never moved a buyer twice while waiting for their new home to be built. The right agent will locate the right buyer who will be willing to wait. • A shorter build time compromises the quality of the home. False. It doesn’t take that long to build a home. The shortest build time I’ve ever seen was 45 days for an 1,800 square foot, four bedroom two-story home. Homes that take longer are larger and more complicated but the down time generally occurs waiting for contractors to jump from one job to another. • Bigger is better. False. You may be paying for wasted space! At the end of the day, it’s all about getting the floor plan you need, the space in the right places, the amenities that are most important to you (not the 6 page wish list) at the price you are willing to pay. Right? • I can’t build within my budget. Maybe yes and maybe no. What is your budget? The right agent will help you determine your best options. In the next issue, I will share the advantage of building and working with the right agent. Kimberlie Barrett is president, broker and owner of Magellan®, Inc. Real Estate & Relocation located in Brighton. She has more than 31 years of experience serving the Rochester real estate market. For more information, contact her at Kim@1Magellan.com or 585-233-6111.


Is Dad still shoveling the driveway? Is Mom still driving? Don’t let the stress of planning senior housing arrangements for you or a loved one, keep you from exploring your options. Put your mind at ease and see for yourself, all that Hilton East Assisted Living Facility has to offer.

For more information, please contact Admissions Coordinator, Amber Leonard at: 585-392-7171 Or visit Hilton East Assisted Living Facility at: 231 East Ave., Hilton, NY 14468

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September / October 2013 - 55 PLUS

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financial health By Jim Terwilliger

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When Social Security Behaves Like Insurance

e previously published articles dealing with preferred strategies for claiming Social Security retirement benefits. What is not appreciated by many is that by managing claiming strategies carefully, it is possible to build the equivalent of a sizeable longevity insurance benefit and life insurance benefit into a married couple’s retirement wealth picture — all at the same time. The opportunity is greatest when one member of the couple has a significantly higher earnings record. Let’s look at an example created by certified financial planner Elaine Floyd, who serves as director of retirement and life planning at Horsesmouth, LLC to see how this plays out. Bob and Jane are both age 60. Bob was a high earner throughout his working years. His full retirement-age (66) monthly benefit is $2,500. If he files early at age 62, his monthly benefit will be reduced to $1,875. But if he delays to age 70, he will maximize his monthly benefit at $3,300. Jane worked parttime for a portion of her working years. Her full monthly retirement-age benefit is $1,400, her reduced age 62 benefit is $1,050, and her delayed age 70 benefit is $1,848. These numbers do

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55 PLUS - September / October 2013

not include COLAs. Both live to age 95 — If they both apply early at age 62, they will receive a total of $1,158,300, assuming no change in the current Social Security benefit formula. If they both wait and apply at 70, with Jane receiving a spousal benefit from 66 to 70 (requiring Bob to “file and suspend” at age 66), they’ll receive a total of $1,604,400, a difference of $446,100. This can be considered the value of Social Security’s longevity insurance feature — enhanced protection for both spouses in case they both live to ripe old ages. But the opportunity requires waiting until age 70 to claim their own benefits. Bob dies at age 70, Jane lives to age 95 — Jane’s benefit will cease at Bob’s death and be replaced by Bob’s benefit at that time, the survivor benefit. If they both had applied at age 62, the household would receive $843,300 over their joint lifetimes. Again, if they both wait until age 70 before applying for their own benefits, with Jane receiving a spousal benefit from 66 to 70, the household would receive a total of $1,050,000 over their joint lifetimes, a difference of $206,700. If Jane had started her own benefits at age 62, the difference would be $247,500, a bit greater, given that Bob died before Jane reached her “breakeven” age of 7879, beyond which it would have been better for her to delay benefits rather than start early at 62. This can be considered the value of Social Security’s life insurance feature — enhanced protection for the surviving spouse in case he/she lives to a ripe old age. Here, the opportunity requires the higher earner to wait until age 70 to claim own benefits. The above examples

do not consider annual COLAs. When factored in at, say, a 2.8 percent assumed annual rate, the longevity and life insurance features are close to three times the above numbers. The last illustration above deals with when Jane should start benefits. This depends on Bob’s life expectancy. If his health is poor and he is not likely to live long, Jane might better start benefits early at age 62 because her reduced benefit will not be permanent. The same is true if he is significantly older. Jane likely will switch to the survivor benefit before her “breakeven” age. But if Bob is in good health with a strong family health history, Jane will likely receive her own benefit for many years before switching to the survivor benefit. In this case, it may be prudent for Jane to delay her own benefits to age 70 and take spousal benefits between ages 66 and 70. Regardless, it will be to the couple’s advantage for Bob to delay starting his benefits until age 70, since his higher benefit will be the survivor benefit regardless of order of death. The delayed-filing strategy would not work if both die early. This is why factors such as health, family history, need for cash flow, among others, must be considered when mapping out a Social Security claiming plan. Relative ages of the two spouses also must be taken into account. The above strategies are not as straightforward, for example, if the higher-earning spouse is younger. As always, we caution folks not to try this without seeking competent advice from a trusted financial planner. James Terwilliger, CFP®, is senior vice president, Financial Planning Manager, Wealth Strategies Group, Canandaigua National Bank & Trust Company. He can be reached at 585-419-0670 ext. 50630 or by email at jterwilliger@cnbank.com.


55+

careers

First Employee By Ernst Lamothe Jr.

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hen Kathy Angelidis walks into the Paychex office in Webster, she is surrounded by hundreds of employees. That’s a stark contrast to her first day working at the payroll, human resources and benefits company 40 years ago. That day, Angelidis was the only employee at the start-up business, which was then called Paymaster. Wait, there was one other person who worked there—founder and chairman B. Thomas Golisano. She went from sole employee to senior manager where she now handles the information architecture group responsible for designing application databases and data quality. It’s an incredible ride and story that sometimes still surprises her when she thinks about it. “The next employee hired after me started a year and half after me,” said Angelidis, 62. “I can’t imagine working anywhere else. I am very proud to tell people that I work at Paychex.” The funny thing is that she didn’t really apply for the job. She owes working there to Golisano’s first wife, Gloria, who put the bug in his ear to hire this young, liberal Simmons College economics and mathematics graduate. Angelidis knew of Gloria because her boyfriend’s parents at the time lived next to the couple. Gloria believed in her and pushed her husband Golisano to make the hire. When she first started, Paychex had one office in Rochester on Alexander Street and 43 clients. At the time, the one-room office was simply occupied by both of them. The two-person crew handled everything from talking to client to payroll. Most of the payrolls processed on either Monday or Tuesday so by

Paychex first employee, Kathy Angelidis is celebrating 40 years on the job. Angelidis July / August 2013 - 55 PLUS September / October 2013 - 55 PLUS 11 11


First Employee

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55 PLUS - September / October 2013

Friday things were pretty quiet. “Fridays were spent preparing for the next week’s activity. That is when many of our more spirited political discussions occurred,” said Angelidis. Golisano was a conservative Republican and they would have no problems passionately debating their viewpoints. But they were always considerate even when they were heated. “I think we respected each others’ opinions,” she said. The company now employs about 3,800 in Rochester let alone 12,000 nationwide. They have grown from the four dozen clients during Angelidis early days to almost half a million. Golisano founded the company in 1971 with just $3,000 and a good idea — to make payroll outsourcing easy and affordable for small businesses In the beginning, nobody really had an official title. They were all generalists filling in whatever role was necessary. Then over the years, she focused on payroll, prepared tax returns, wrote programs, and even made some sales calls. “That last one was not my choice, but Tom wanted me to at least have an appreciation for the sales side of the business,” said Angelidis. She said she respected Golisano’s ability to be creative, interesting, pioneering and well rounded. But the respect goes both ways and her coworkers laud the efforts she has made everyday she has worked there. “Kathy’s value to Paychex is unmatched,” said Joel Karczewski, Paychex director of architecture and automation and Angelidis’ current supervisor. “Her business expertise, background, and experience with the firm enable her to be successful on many of the projects. Her rich background and subject matter expertise around our data, the rules that are required to ensure the quality of our data, and its processing are critical to our day-today operations.” When Angelidis took the position, she didn’t really know if she would be

a short timer or there for the long haul. She has even survived the other first employee since Golisano retired from the CEO position nine years ago. He remains chairman of the board. She left the company for sometime to form her own business with a few former Paychex employees. It was a retail computer sales business at the time when people were starting to get into the technology. They eventually sold the business and the lure of coming back to Paychex arrived in her mind. “I’m not sure that I thought about how long I would work at Paychex,” she said. “When I did leave after 13 years to pursue another business opportunity, I fairly quickly decided that I wanted to return. I remember at one point after returning, reflecting on the fact that I had been back longer than my original tenure.” Slowly, Paychex became more than a 40-hour a week position. It became a chance to grow as a person and be associated with something she considered great. “At some point I realized what an incredible opportunity this was,” she said. “I was given an opportunity to be in on the ground floor of a business that has proven to be successful beyond any expectations. Tom mentored me and gave me the opportunity to grow with the business. I continue to love what I do, especially the challenging work and the wonderful people I work with.”

Hobbies Angelidis’ life is not only about work. In her spare time, she has a passion for sailing. She has a 43-foot racing sailing boat at the Rochester Yacht Club. In July, her team won the division and were first overall in fleet at the Youngstown Level Regatta, the largest regatta held on Lake Ontario. This year, there were 210 boats from Canada and the United States, with some boats traveling from as far as Florida. She is also lucky enough to have her 24-year-old daughter Caitlyn share her passion for sailing.


55+

letters

Is Upstate a Good Place to Retire?

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he July/August 2013 edition of 55 PLUS magazine carries an article titled “Is Upstate a Good Place to Retire?” written by Ken Little. It cites an AARP/ MoneyRates.com survey that includes New York among the “10 Worst Places to Retire.” High tax rates, challenging winters and a lack of nearby medical services are mentioned as reasons for New York’s dismal ranking. Of all places, Arizona and Florida are in the 10 top places to retire, according to this survey. Why is there no mention of the harsh summers, with over 100 degree temperatures, sandstorms, fires and lack of water in Arizona? Why is the relentless humidity, bugs and poor

medical care in Florida, as well as the flat landscape with dried-out palm trees not mentioned? Hawaii? Certainly a beautiful place, but very expensive cost of living, limited medical facilities, long distances to many services. Utah and Idaho? Both beautiful places if you like being outdoors but, really, miles from essential services and harsh winters! Alaska? Again, a place with harsh winters and expensive. Finally, the article states that Ithaca is “affordable.” Obviously the surveytakers have never been to Ithaca. It is a beautiful place with a vibrant cultural scene and certainly an academic vibe, but affordable? Home prices and apartment rents are at least 10 percent higher than similar properties in the Rochester area. The price of food in the

welcome.

renowned Ithaca farmer’s market is 20 percent higher than similar markets in Rochester. Vehicle insurance rates are much higher. And, of course, it is 90 miles to full-service medical facilities in Rochester or Syracuse. Ithaca is affordable for a full-tenured, retired university professor, but hardly for the average retiree. The 55 PLUS article, and the AARP survey, only reinforce the negative perceptions about Western New York state and offer no realistic expectation for anyone considering where they might retire. A wasted opportunity for factual information! Will Condo Rochester

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55+

nostalgia

They Come and Go Fads: Gone but not forgotten By Ken Little

R

emember drive-in theaters, letter sweaters and flat tops? If so, it’s likely you were around in the 1950s. Those were just a few of the fads popular during the decade when Ike was president and cars had massive fins and plenty of chrome. Other popular fads of the 1950s, according to www.CrazyFads.com, included colored streamers for bicycle handlebars, TV dinners, diners, sock hops, Tupperware, Hula Hoops and baseball cards in the spokes of bicycles, to make that distinctive “fwap-fwap” sound. Carhops and waiters and waitresses on roller skates were popular. So were beehive and poodle cut hairdos and skirts. Remember Silly Putty, boomer-

angs, Mr. Potato Head and Whiffle Ball? Fast food was beginning to make a big dent in the diet of American teenagers, for better or worse. Kids were armed with Hopalong Cassidy guns, wore coonskin caps and looked forward to weekly TV shows like Davy Crockett. Baseball was still the great American pastime. Of course, few people need to be reminded of icons like James Dean and Elvis. “American Bandstand” was a staple of teens across the country, as was “The Mickey Mouse

Club” for their younger siblings and shows like “Gunsmoke,” “Wagon Train” and “The Twilight Zone” for their parents. And let’s not forget 3-D movies, Studebakers and telephone booth stuffing.

The 1960s The 1960s turned out to be a very different decade, both in tone and style. One popular TV show, which spanned both decades, was “American Bandstand,” hosted by the everyouthful Dick Clark. As the decade progressed, 1960s fads took on a flavor of their own. Remember The Twist, lava lamps, Twister, surfing music and the Motown sound? Not everyone who was young in the 1960s will admit to wearing bell bottom pants, Nehru jackets, granny glasses, mood rings and tall platform shoes. And what about flower power, the “Counter Culture” and TV shows like “Laugh-In” and “The Smothers 14

55 PLUS - September / October 2013


Brothers?” The Woodstock Festival was a defining moment for many members of the 1960s generation, paving the way for the 1970s. The Beatles continue to resonate in popular culture today, even though they broke up more than 40 years ago. Many “British invasion” bands, including The Beatles, made their U.S. debut on the “Ed Sullivan Show,” a must-watch for the family on Sunday nights. There was the summer of love, women’s lib and the Hell’s Angels. Pop art, bubble chairs, peasant skirts, black lights, hippies, miniskirts, sit-ins, superballs and the “mod” look. James Bond and spy movies and TV shows were all the rage, including comedy spoofs like

“Get Smart.” Spooky comedies like the “Addams Family,” “The Munsters” and “Bewitched” were also popular, as were TV shows with country themes like “The Beverly Hillbillies,” “Green Acres” and “Hee Haw,” which premiered in 1969 — the same year as Woodstock. Remember wide belts, hip-hugger pants and bouffant hairdos? How about the Boogaloo, the space program and go-go boots? Kids rode bicycles with banana seats. Teens and adults wore turtle-

neck sweaters and paisley shirts. Army/Navy surplus clothing was popular, along with the Jackie Kennedy look. There were Ouija boards, troll dolls and STP stickers. Tie-dye clothing came into being. There was the ubiquitous peace symbol, Barbie dolls, love beads and women with Twiggy haircuts. And the term “baby boomer” made its debut to describe a generation that never thought it would age. Maybe those optimistic youths of the 1960s were on to something.

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7 55+

activities

Fall Pick Me Ups

With autumn comes plethora of activities in Rochester area By Mike Costanza

T

hough the days grow shorter and temperatures drop in the coming months, there are still lots of fun activities in store in the Rochester area. Trails beckon, actors are ready to bring their characters to life, and the grandkids are jumping up and down, waiting for you to take them out for a day of wonders. No matter what your age, just don that sweater and go!

The sweet taste of autumn Aah, the crunch of an apple freshly picked from the tree! Huge numbers are ready to be harvested in the fall, and u-pick farms dot the region, just waiting for folks to stop in. You can fill up your bags at bargain

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prices while enjoying the autumn’s crisp air and bright sunshine. Some farms also press their apples into juice right in front of you, and offer fritters hot from the deep fryer, home baked pies, apple butter and other tasty treats. Larger u-pick farms have mazes, petting zoos, and hayrides, giving all in the family a chance to have a good time. Best of all, you can return again with the grandkids in October to pick pumpkins and enjoy the hayride again, though by then it might be haunted! To find out where the apple pickings are good, go to http://www. nyapplecountry.com/pick.php.

To market, to market Rochester ’s Public Market can

be just like a festival — with fresh produce for the offering. Open three days a week year-round, the market also features hot foods ready to eat, live entertainment for shoppers during the warmer months, and special events after the stalls close. This September, you can taste a variety of cuisines at the Food Truck Rodeo, examine paintings, sculptures and other works at Artists Row, bop to the music of the popular band the Coupe De’ Villes, and enjoy yourself in other ways at the market. In December, the market hosts “Holidays at the Market,” a three-day celebration of the holiday season. Admission is free for almost all events. For more information, go to www.cityofrochester.gov/ publicmarket.


Fruit of the vine For another taste of the area, consider heading out to some of area’s many wineries. Award-winning vintages await you no farther away than Fairport or Hilton. If you’re ready for a road trip, consider taking a tasting tour of Finger Lakes wine country. More than 100 wineries have sprouted in that region, from small boutique operations that produce hundreds of bottles a year to those that annually ship millions. You can sample the area’s wares at individual wineries, but might enjoy coursing one of the region’s three wine trails. Wineries often give visitors an inside view of the winemaking process through tours of their production areas, and may offer concerts, festivals or other forms of entertainment as well. If you tire of sipping exotic vintages, you can head off to some of the areas other attractions—the Finger Lakes region boasts terrific restaurants, museums and other offerings. Designated drivers are a must on wine-oriented excursions, and local companies offer bus tours of Finger Lakes wine country. Some wineries shut down their public operations for the winter, so check to see whether they’re open before you head out. For more information on Finger Lakes wine country, go to fingerlakeswinecountry.com.

Take a hike There are fewer ways to enjoy the rich colors of the fall than in one of the region’s many parks. Just a few minutes walking down one of their trails can take you deep within fragrant woods, and far from the hubbub of civilization. Monroe County alone boasts over 20 parks. Backwoods trails can also lead to companionship. The Genesee Valley Chapter of the Adirondack Mountain Club organizes weekly hikes through local parks that are open to the public, along with mountain climbing, skiing, kayaking, and canoeing trips for the more adventurous. Huggers Ski Club, another local club, organizes bicycling trips on the region’s roads during the warmer months, and ski trips after the snow flies.

You need to have the right kind of equipment to enjoy the outdoors— warm clothing and good boots are essential for trail hiking, for example. Beyond that, look over planned activities to make sure they’re for you. For maps of Monroe County’s parks and directions to them, go to http:// www.monroecounty.gov/parks. For information on Huggers or the local ADK chapter, go to huggersskiclub. org/ or www.gvc-adk.org/.

Indoor adventures When the weather turns icky, you need only head out to the area’s many indoor attractions to enjoy your day. There are museums, historic sites and artistic exhibits for just about every taste within a fairly short drive of downtown Rochester. A few snapshots should present the richness of the region’s offerings. Photography buffs can focus on the world-famous George Eastman House, the world’s oldest museum dedicated to film. For the grandkids, there’s the Strong Museum of Play and the Rochester Museum and Science Center, where interactive exhibits wait to bring on smiles. Those seeking a greater understanding of the Seneca can take a short drive to Victor to tour the Ganondagan state historic site, which was the home of a flourishing Native American community centuries ago. To further immerse yourself in history, visit the Genesee Country Museum & Village, a recreation of a 19th century village complete with reenactors who demonstrate everything from blacksmithing to cooking. If the gleam of exquisite crystal draws your eye, you might head south of the city to the Corning Museum of Glass, where artisans stand ready to demonstrate glass blowing and cutting. For more information on the area’s museums and other attractions, go to www.visitrochester.com.

Bring the stars out Hot footlights could be just the ticket on chilly nights in the Rochester area. The region hosts a variety of live theater venues, including the elegant Geva Theatre Center, the exotic site

of the Downstairs Cabaret, and the converted storefront that the Village Idiots Improv Comedy troupe calls home. Geva and the Downstairs Cabaret are known for presenting excellent works, but don’t let the addresses of any of the other troupes fool you—they can produce gems. The multi-use Community Cultural Center, which is housed in a former church on Rochester ’s Atlantic Avenue, has padded pews for seats, but a recent performance of the courtroom classic “Twelve Angry Men” was so powerful that the rest of them sold out. For more information on live theater in Monroe County and the surrounding area, go to www. visitrochester.com.

Fun afloat Summer is over, but most of the Rochester area’s tour boats will ply local waters through October. You can enjoy local lakes, the Genesee River, or the Erie Canal aboard authentic recreations of canal packet boats or of paddle wheelers of the type that cruised the Mississippi River years ago. Here’s a partial list of local tour companies and their websites: • Harbor Town Belle, www. harbortownbelle.com • C o l o n i a l B e l l e , w w w. colonialbelle.com • Steamboat Landing, www. steamboatlandingonline.com • Corn Hill Navigation, samandmary.org Now that you have a few suggestions for enjoying the fall, where’s that sweater? September / October 2013 - 55 PLUS

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55+

relationships

Blundering Love If you think a bad break up is embarrassing at 20, try it at 55 By Laura Thompson

A

t a certain point in time, and quite possibly it’s this one, we are expected to know certain truths, to have a certain body of wisdom and knowledge available to us. But when it comes to matters of the heart, even the most mature among us can misstep, and forge love alliances that are not, ultimately, in their best interests. After all, we’re not dead yet. No matter what our age, we crave social contact, companionship, and the human touch. While the Boomer generation is beginning to thin, those of us left behind still long for that special relationship. We may be the widow or widower, we may be the newly divorced. We may finally be at a point in our lives where we are only responsible for ourselves, and want a little joy and pleasure in our lives. But with all of our accumulated life lessons, we may not be any wiser than a dewy-eyed 20 year old when it comes to the matter of romance. 18

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Here’s a cautionary tale of love in the middle ages…. Three years ago, a man began ardently pursuing me. His eyes and face lit up whenever we ran into one another; he glowed in his interest. He was handsome, in the rugged, roughhewn way of sailors and Vikings. His silvery mane of curls rested on top of a massive, well-formed head, and his sea green and blue eyes stood out against his deeply tanned skin. He was handsome, he was charming, he was employed. Oh, and he drank a little. For four long months, I resisted him. I enjoyed his company, I told him, but we had very different values and backgrounds. Opposites attract, he responded. We batted this conversation back and forth on numerous social outings, until one day he turned to me and said, “I don’t know why you won’t give me a chance!” He spoke so vehemently it struck a chord deep within me, and why, I wondered,

wouldn’t I? What harm could giving him a chance do? How dangerous could this possibly be? Wouldn’t it be nice to be adored, for a while? Had I really become so old, so careful, so safe that I could not give the man a chance? So he got his chance. And I fell madly, head over heels in love with him, in short order. We discovered many similar interests…American history, particularly the Civil War, WW II, and the Roaring Twenties…we were both avid readers, devouring books and magazines, as well as the daily paper….we were interested in local history and touring the back roads of the region….I loved to cook and he loved to eat. We were having fun, life was good, and oh, yea, he drank a little. We finally decided we were so compatible that we should move in together. After all, our combined rents exceeded $1,000 monthly. Two can live as cheaply as one, it is said,


and we were sailing along so well. We had only been together a few months at that point, but as wiser, older and more mature adults, we knew what we were doing. Right? Even if he did drink a little more than I had realized. Flash ahead three years….I am 100 pounds heavier, and so depressed there are days I don’t get out of my bathrobe. He is unhappy as well; he drinks a lot more than a little, and always secretly did….He’s having blackouts nightly, and the problem can no longer be denied. Nothing, nothing I do pleases him. He is exhibiting signs of dementia, possibly due to his excessive drinking and, yes, there are moments when he becomes aggressive. Sometimes, I am afraid of him. I no longer recognize either one of us. Where are those two people who were so happy together? Finally, there is a very difficult scene, and he is more than aggressive than usual. Finally, there are lights, cameras, actions taken, police, lawyers, and a hasty move apart, leaving everyone angry, exhausted, bitter and broke. If you think a bad break up is embarrassing at 20, try it at 55. You will never, ever get that egg off your face. Complete strangers will feel free to pass stern judgment on you, and to suggest you are one damn fool, right in front of you. After all, you should have known better — at your advanced age and all. Love can be as difficult in the middle ages as at any earlier time in life. I, for one, simply don’t bounce as well. Romance gone wrong at my age can be an expensive proposition, involving not only financial risk and loss, but loss of reputation as well. Broken hearts can exacerbate physical problems and health issues. Daily, I think the stress alone may kill me. And who needs stress and heartache with all the other issues confronting us? Love in the middle ages may not be for me. For the rest of you, I advise caution. While the temptation to throw it all to the winds may be strong, resist it. Step lightly in love, enjoy yourself but guard your life as well. Blundering love is painful at any age and never more so in these middle years.

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55+

outdoors

Outdoor Adventurers Every year for at least the past 30 years, five Avon area residents and former boy scouts embark on adventures that can take them to Ireland, Utah, Alaska and other places

Quebec canoeing and fishing trip. Left to right are Bob French, Bill Shaw, Bob Wright, Steve Stephenson. The group has traveled each year for the last 30 years.

By Ernst Lamothe Jr.

it up a notch. “It is a sense of accomplishment still being able to do the kinds of things we can do at our age,” said Steve Stephenson 77. “There are many people our age who can’t do half of the things we can do, and we feel a sense of pride with every trip.” One of Stephenson’s favorite trips was going to Utah and experiencing The Maze. Known as one of the top 10 dangerous hikes in the United States, you’d better be map-savvy if you want to wander into the high cliffs and canyons. Typically only 2,000 people navigate through the terrain each year. It’s big, wild, remote and untamed. There are no amenities — no food, no water, no gasoline.

T

hey all started with one common bond: having a son as a Boy Scout member in Avon. Before that, most of them never knew much about each other or just had basic passing knowledge of the other person. But soon after having conversations about their boys, the outdoors and reminiscing about their own young memories in the scouts half a century ago, they formed another common bond. Every year for at least the past 30 years, Steve Stephenson, Bob French, Bill Shaw, Gary Keenan and Bob Wright have saddled up and embraced a rugged outdoor adventure. They all 20

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live in Avon area. They biked 600 miles in Ireland and Utah, backpacked in the Canadian Rockies and the Sierra Mountain in Nevada and kayaked the length of the Everglades to name a few. They have rented llamas and hiked along the Rocky Mountains. Some of the trips last as long as three weeks with most at least last seven days. When they chaperoned their sons’ Boy Scout troops, they were often jokingly called “The Old Men’s Patrol.” They wore it as a badge on honor, feeling proud of being able to do anything their young offspring could perform. Yet there was a desire to take


“Very few people have been there and that is something that makes it exciting. Going someplace obscure has always been a draw for us,” said Stephenson. “Millions of people go to Mt. Rushmore but only thousands of people can say they have done The Maze.” Then there are the inevitable times when they have gotten lost from their intended route, but eventually found their way back on path. “We’ve had some hilarious stories and we had some scary stories, but it has always been a good time,” said Stephenson. This past June, they went on a voyage to the 68-mile French River, located northwest of Toronto. They did some fishing, tried to avoid black flies and mosquitoes, and just partook of the green pastures, enclosed steepwalled gorges and falls. For Bob Wright, fishing and canoeing in the Boundary Waters off of Lake Superior in Canada offered the fantastic combination of active outdoors and majestic scenery. He also enjoyed a trip where the men

rented llamas to carry their backpacks and they toured the landscape of Colorado. And then there was the time they were marooned on an island in Ireland. “We took a ferry boat that day onto the island but nobody told us that the ferry would be leaving from a different boating dock,” said Wright, 76. “When we walked back, we could see the ferry leaving. Luckily there was a bed and breakfast on the island so we spent an unscheduled night there. So I guess we do know how to relax in a comfortable bed once in a while.” The only issue he ever had was having kidney stone problems in Yellowstone and the Toiyabe Mountain of Nevada. But he made it through both times. Bob French, dubbed the fearless leader and organizer of the trips, has been involved in scouts for 66 years. His four sons went through the organization and he always had an affinity for the outdoors. “The guys jokingly gave me backlash for putting us in these

different predicaments and they said we were getting too old to backpack so that is why we planned the trips with the llamas,” said French, 77. He said the men have survived many adventures like the time their sleeping bags and food were getting washed away into the Alaskan river. Luckily, they got it back. Also there was the time a small plane had to buzz back and forth, left and right several times to get cows out of The Maze so the men could land. “As soon as we landed, I told the guys to get out of the way because I jumped out of the plane and threw up,” said French. “But after the queasy feeling, I was good. I’m going to keep doing these trips as long as I can.” Gary Keenan, who does a good amount of the cooking on these trips, was one of the original members and continued with the group until 2001 when he had a knee replaced, which made it difficult to hike and climb. He had always been an outdoorsman working as a phone line repairman for his career. So whether it was a rafting trip to Alaska or the time

Canoe trip on Missouri River in Montana following the Lewis and Clark Trail. Pictured are Bob French and Steve Stephenson.

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that Wright almost got bitten by an alligator, he said the Old Men’s Patrol have stories that will last a lifetime. “We thought we might have to sacrifice Bob for the good of the group to that alligator,” joked Keenan. “We laugh about stories like this and others all the time. We never think about what we are doing at the time because we have so much fun.” Bill Shaw got into the group late, participating for the past 10 years. He also knew the guys from when his son was in Boy Scouts, but his schedule never permitted him to go on these long voyages. But because all the men were friends and played tennis together, they kept nudging Shaw to

Some Trips Made by the Group Here are a few other trips the men have made. • The group canoed 200 miles along the same route that Lewis and Clark took along their way to Montana. • They have gone horseback riding in the Bob Marshall Wildness in northwest Montana. The area has more than one million acres and is terrain for many dangerous animals such as the grizzly bear, lynx,

Arches National Park in Utah Left to right, Bob Wright, Steve Stephenson, Bill Shaw and Bob French.

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wolverine, deer, elk, gray wolf, moose, black bear and mountain lion. • They backpacked through the Blue Ridge Mountains named because its peaks and ridges often appear wrapped in a soft blue haze. It consists of a nearly unbroken chain of mountains stretching from Virginia and North Carolina.


Hike in Colorado with lamas. join, especially when Keenan had to leave because of his knees. Shaw jokes that while he enjoys the outdoors, he has been the one member trying to get the guys to enjoy the easier life of the outdoors. “One time we went to Lake Powell, which is half in Utah and half in Arizona and rented a houseboat for a week,” said Shaw, 76. “That was fantastic because camping outside leaves you exposed to bad weather. I remember a trip where we were outdoors and it rained basically every day. I always tell them we could consider staying in a motel or hotel more often, but I get outvoted.” Shaw said despite the bad conditions, the trips are always exciting and creates memories that the men talk about all the time. “We usually plan our next trip a year ahead of time and we often can’t wait,” added Shaw. “A lot of people tell us that they can’t believe we are doing all these things at our age. But in life you just have to go out and do what you want to do instead of just talking about it and letting life pass you by.”

Two hiking in Dark Canyon in Utah: Steve Stephenson and Bob Wright.

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55+

cover

r e t s e Roch Top s l e d Mo

Rochester-based models enjoying life in the limelight By Debbie Waltzer

K

Models Kathleen O’Shaughnessy, 78 and her husband Richard O’Shaughnessy, 83, seen in the promotion for the Strong Play Ball Event. 24

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athleen and Dick O’Shaughnessy’s neighbor was worried. First, the neighbor saw a television commercial for Ferris Hills at West Lake in Canandaigua, featuring Kathleen. The next day, she opened a magazine and noticed a print ad featuring Dick smiling broadly, extolling the virtues of life at Cherry Ridge, a nursing home in Webster. Did Kathleen put Dick in a nursing home and plan to move to Canandaigua, the neighbor wondered? The couple laughed and explained that life as seniors who model is sometimes filled with adventures like this one. The O’Shaughnessys are among a growing number of Rochester residents over age 55 who obtain modeling jobs through Mary Therese Friel and her husband, Kent Friel. Pittsford native Mary Therese, Miss USA 1979 and a former Ford model, has operated MTF Models for the last 30 years. Kent joined her in the business shortly after their marriage in 1996. Together, the Friels represent 300 models worldwide, aged 5-95. Working with seniors is one of her favorite parts of the job, says Mary Therese, whose parents are deceased. “I love seniors so much,” she says, explaining that she watched beauty pageants as a child with


cover 55+ 55+ cover Hilton resident James Millet, 69,

Janice Mahoney, 68, lives in Rochester.

Gail Turzillo, 59, who lives in Rochester’s Maplewood neighborhood. September / October 2013 - 55 PLUS

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her grandmother, and regularly visits an 86-year-old gentleman who resides at the Friendly Home in Rochester. “Seniors are so classy. It is an honor to work with them.” As the United States population continues to age, marketers are increasingly relying on images of seniors to help sell products and services, notes Kent. As a result, modeling opportunities for older adults is on the rise and that trend likely will continue. The Friels offer a 10-session training program for prospective senior models. Topics covered include appropriate make-up and hair for commercials and still-photo shoots, public speaking skills, learning to read teleprompters, developing effective voice and acting skills and more. Attendees also obtain a portfolio of photos, along with composite cards to promote their talents. Then, the Friels begin promoting the models to marketing communications firms and advertising agencies that make the hiring decisions. Many of their senior models have been successful in landing multiple gigs.

Faces in the media

James Millet in a billboard ad for Highland Hospital.

Second career Hilton resident James Millet, 69, is one of them. A retired tool and die maker who previously worked for companies such as Xerox Corp. and General Motors Corp., Millet has been represented by the Friels since 2004. During that time, he has played the role of the Genesee beer man, and has done still work for Xerox and Eastman Kodak Co., as well as for area banks and car dealerships. Millet recently portrayed a nursing home administrator for St. Ann’s Community, Rochester. He also has played the part of a detective on a few occasions. In one spoof ad, he played a cop interrogating a clown. Another gig found him on a motorcycle promoting Kodak products. The work is a ball, Millet says. He earns roughly $100 per hour of work and says the Friels are extremely organized and fun to work with. The O’Shaughnessys, residents of Pittsford, also greatly enjoy their modeling experiences. Kathleen, 78, a retired training consultant, has done print work for newspapers, annual reports and local magazines. 26

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Kathleen O’Shaughnessy in an print ad for Ferrris Hills at West Lake in Canandaigua.

Advertisement featuring Jim Millet (he is the firefighter) for Harris RF Communications.


Dick, 83, a retired manufacturer ’s representative, has had similar gigs. Together, the couple portrayed a pair of grandparents playing with their grandchildren at the Strong Museum in Rochester.

Time for interaction

Advertisement for Finger Lakes Casino and Race Track featuring Gail Turzillo (left) and Janice Mahoney both from MTF Senior Model.

Models Kathleen O’Shaughnessy, 78 and husband Richard, 83. Photo used in an annual report for Lifetime Health.

Model is Gail Turzillo in a co ver shot for “Y by The Democ our Health,” pu rat and Chron blished icle newspap er.

Each of them appreciates the amount of work that art directors, photographers and other crew members go through to set up a shoot. “Modeling is a marvelous experience,” Dick says. “The pay is good, and I enjoy interacting with the young people who are doing all of the work.” One of his favorite assignments was a pro bono job. Some Rochester Institute of Technology students needed an older model to portray an elderly patient at Monroe Community Hospital, and Dick happily volunteered. “I’m bald and gray, so I fit right in,” he jokes. Kathleen also enjoys working with young people, and has fun with the last-minute gigs that occasionally crop up. A photo or commercial shoot can be an extremely festive occasion. Regarding her all-day shoot at Ferris Hills, she states: “I don’t know when I’ve enjoyed myself more.” Rochester resident Gail Turzillo, 59, who lives in the city’s Maplewood neighborhood with her husband, Jay, started modeling roughly 10 years ago at the suggestion of a friend who is an actor. Both Gail and Jay are retired probation officers. They enjoy hiking, golf and horseback riding and spend winter months in Tuscon, Ariz. When Gail retired in 2009, she contacted the Friels with an interest in increasing modeling opportunities. To date, she has done work for retailers, an out-of-town HMO and local corporations. Gail hopes for more modeling opportunities as she grows older. For their part, the Friels enjoy interacting with seniors and helping them discover a new career. “We are always looking for people with a good sense of humor and a sense of adventure,” Mary Therese says. “It’s never too late to start something new, and modeling is a lot safer than skydiving!” To learn more, call Mary Therese and Kent Friel, co-owners of MTF Models, at 585-624-5510. September / October 2013 - 55 PLUS

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Want to Slow Mental Decay?

Play a Video Game

T

here may be a way for older people to prevent natural aging of their minds, and it could be as simple as playing a video game. That’s according to a study from the University of Iowa, which found that elderly people who played just ten hours of a game priming their mental processing speed and skills delayed declines by as many as seven years in a range of cognitive skills. “We know that we can stop this decline and actually restore cognitive processing speed to people,” says Fredric Wolinsky, professor in the UI College of Public Health and lead author on the paper published in May in the journal PLOS One. “So, if we know that, shouldn’t we be helping people? It’s fairly easy, and older folks can go get the training game and play it.” The study comes amidst a burst of research examining why, as we age, our minds gradually lose “executive function,” generally considered mission control for critical mental activities, such as memory, attention, perception and problem solving. Studies show loss of executive function occurs as people reach middle age; other studies say our cognitive decline begins as soon as 28 years of age. Either way, our mental capacities do diminish, and medical and public health experts are keen to understand why in an effort to stem the inexorable tide as much as possible. Wolinsky and colleagues separated 681 generally healthy medical patients in Iowa into four groups—each further separated into those 50 to 64 years of age and those over age 65. One group was given computerized crossword puzzles, while three other groups were exposed to a video game called “Road Tour.” Briefly, the game revolves around identifying a type of vehicle (displayed fleetingly on a license plate) and then reidentifying the vehicle type and matching it with a road sign displayed from a circular array of possibilities, all but one of them false icons. The player must succeed at least three out of every four tries to advance

to the next level, which speeds up the vehicle identification and adds more distractions, up to 47 in all. The goal, naturally, is to increase the user’s mental speed and agility at identifying the vehicle symbol and picking out the road sign from the constellation of distractors (which are rabbits, by the way). “The game starts off with an assessment to determine your current speed of processing. Whatever it is, the training can help you get about 70 percent faster,” says Wolinsky, who has no financial stake in the game. The groups that played the game at least 10 hours, either at home or in a lab at the university, gained at least three years of cognitive improvement when tested after one year, according to a formula developed by the researchers. A group that got four additional hours of training with the game did even better, improving their cognitive abilities by four years, according to the study. “We not only prevented the decline; we actually sped them up,” Wolinsky says. Improving people’s processing speed is considered important for a host of reasons. One widely accepted benefit is widening a person’s field of view. “As we get older, our visual field collapses on us,” Wolinsky explains. “We get tunnel vision. It’s a normal functioning of aging. This helps to explain why most accidents happen at intersections because older folks are looking straight ahead and are less aware of peripherals.”


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rs

Most of us have done it. Walking and texting. Either it’s a message we can’t wait to share with our kids or spouse or just checki ng emails or Facebook. It’s estimated that 1,500 pedestrians have been treated in emerg ency rooms in 2001 as a result of distracted walking — and officials expect this number to rise

A nurse puts self aside while dedic ating her life to the term inally ill Marge Donhauser hospice and geriat of Canandaigua is traine d in rics and has devot ed most of her life to caring for the elderly.

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55+

socializing

For Men Only One of the activities of the Perinton Retired Men’s Club is to organize field trips around the region so that members can learn more about different local organizations. Shown here, the group visit within the last year to the Mercy Flight Central in Canandaigua.

Men’s club in Perinton perfect setting for social interaction By Ernst Lamothe Jr.

R

oger Matyjakowski heard about a town of Perinton Retired Men’s Club about a decade ago and was intrigued. The main reason he decided to attend a meeting was to see a guy he hadn’t laid eyes on for a long time. Slowly, he got caught up in the camaraderie. What was supposed to be an interaction with one guy turned out to be acquiring a new group of friends. “You can describe us as a bunch of guys that drink a lot of coffee, eat a lot of doughnuts and tell a lot of jokes,” said Matyjakowski, 75, of Fairport, who has been the president of the club for the past five years. “It’s nothing too formal. We just enjoy telling stories, getting together and having a good time.” The 55 Plus Town of Perinton

Retired Men’s Club has about 40 members and meets regularly three times a month. Every first Tuesday they meet to discuss club issues. The third Tuesday of every month, they receive an exclusive behind-the-scenes tour of an interesting facility around the Monroe County area. The fourth Tuesday, they sit down for a filling breakfast at Durf’s Family Restaurant in Fairport. John Wright joined the club four years ago after reading about it in a Perinton community magazine. He was impressed with all the things the club had to offer and wanted to check it out. “I didn’t really know many people in Fairport so it was a chance to have some social interaction,” said Wright, 72. Like many of the members, the interesting field trips seem to catch

his attention. One of his favorites was visiting the United States Coast Guard station and seeing what goes on in a place that many people have never seen. Having a manufacturing and engineering background, he also enjoyed seeing the operation process of Gleason Works in Rochester. The company manufacturers highly specialized gear-machining equipment. “Some of the field trips we go on blow me away,” said Wright. “And it’s just fun spending time with this good group of guys.”

Field trips on agenda Bill Wickens was invited by a member of his Church of Assumption congregation to join the club three years ago. He has also been intrigued by several field trips the guys take September / October 2013 - 55 PLUS

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Members of the Retired Men’s Club at the Hoffman Clock Museum field trip.

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55 PLUS - September / October 2013

together. One included the Edgerton Model Railroad Club on Backus Street, which depicts the historic scenes of Rochester in miniatures. One scene shows the area around Jefferson and West Henrietta roads. The airport shown is the old Ray Hylan Airport. Other scenes include the Eastman Kodak building, Sibley Tower, the University of Rochester and Genesee River. He also enjoyed the behindthe-scenes tour of the 911 Center downtown and Mercy Flight, a nonprofit organization that provides air medical services to residents of New York state. “There are people who have been around the area for a long time and it’s just wonderful hearing about all the information they know. You just learn so much,” said Wickens, 75. “They can tell you things that you had no idea about. Going on these trips and having camaraderie with these guys are just ways to get us old people out and interacting. We enjoy it.” According to urban legend, the club began in a very interesting way. “The club started years ago with a wife telling her husband that he needed something to do and a place to go,” said Kim Zeck, senior citizen program supervisor who oversees the town of Perinton 55-plus programs. “No woman has ever tried to break up

that group, and because most of our seniors are women, it gives the men an opportunity to have guy time and tell their wonderful war stories.” The town of Perinton also has a universal 55-plus program for both genders. They plan fun-filled recreational, social and educational programs offered at the Perinton Community/Aquatic Center. Whether its arts and crafts, exercise programs, line dancing, chorus and band or health programs, the center is an active place for every individual. They break the activities into eating programs featuring breakfast, lunch and supper gatherings throughout the month. Then there are lounge activities that involve bingo, euchre and bridge. Then there is also a drop-in program such as pickle ball, cards, billiards and table tennis. Zeck said as people get older, there is an even greater need for social interaction. Many of the senior citizens are widowers and they come to interact with friends. “We try to give people a fun place that gives them incentive to leave their homes and meet other people. Staying around the house and doing nothing doesn’t keep you young,” said Zeck. “Having these 55-plus clubs gives people a purpose and we all need that no matter what age we are.”


Am I Prepared? By Gail DeLuca

M

any women end up managing their finances alone at some point in their lives. Unfortunately, the first time many of them get involved with financial matters is during a crisis, such as a spouse’s death or divorce. We’ve prepared a list of thoughtprovoking questions that pertain to financial fitness and crisis preparedness. It will be time well spent to review this list, determine what you have already done and talk with your financial advisor about any issues that affect you and/or your family.

Asset Management • Do I have a clear picture of where my assets are located? • Will my retirement assets provide a comfortable and secure retirement for my life expectancy? • Do I have a well-diversified portfolio?

• Are my investments appropriate in today’s economy? • Are my assets titled properly? • Do I have an emergency fund? • Am I taking advantage of techniques to reduce my taxes?

Estate Planning • Do I have a will? • Is my will current? • Have I determined what I will owe in estate taxes? • Have I funded my estate-tax liability? • Have I explored and taken advantage of wealth-transfer techniques? • Do I wish to provide for charitable giving? • Are my power of attorney and my living will up to date?

Debt Management • Do I know my credit rating? • Could I get a loan if I applied?

Medical/Insurance Planning

• Do I have enough insurance coverage to cover medical expenses?

• To provide for disability/longterm care? • To provide for family members’ security? • To fund estate-tax liability?

And... • Have I coordinated my advisers’ (attorney, CPA, banker) activities? • What changes in my life are likely to occur within the next three years? • Do I know the status of my parents’ financial situation and the implications for my financial wellbeing? • Would I be prepared for a family emergency if it happened tomorrow? Wells Fargo Advisors is not a legal or tax adviser. Gail DeLuca is an associate vice presidentinvestments for Wells Fargo Advisors in Rochester. She can be reached at 585-2417538.

That’s our guiding principle at Ashton place, and it’s why folks feel our community is simply one big family. It’s why you’ll be greeted with warm smiles at Ashton Place, whether they’re from residents or our friendly, helpful staff members. Families enrich each others lives, and that’s what our family does at Ashton Place every day. 190 Ashton Court • Clifton Springs, NY

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September / October 2013 - 55 PLUS

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55+

learning

Long-lasting Legacy Local author offers suggestions to help you revitalize your legacy writing efforts By Sue Barocas

F

or the past three years, I have worked with Rochesterarea seniors in an OASIS continuing education course titled “Elderwriters: Celebrate Your Life!” The course is pitched toward people who are not professional, or even amateur, writers. They are folks who would like to create some sort of written legacy that combines family history, fond memories, and personal wisdom. Even with a strong start and good intentions, it’s easy to get bogged down in the middle of the project. Here are some suggestions to make your legacy-writing efforts more productive and rewarding. • Full-length memoirs and autobiographies are best left to the experts. You need other options. Think in terms of a personal legacy document or I what I call PLD. A PLD is a collection of writings about your family history, fond memories, and personal wisdom. It is a gift to give to friends, family, and future generations or just keep for your self. I think of a PLD as a scrapbook of writings—a mosaic, a collage, a tapestry. The content is impressionistic: thoughts, feelings, positions taken, opinions held. What defining moments have brought you to where you are today? 34

55 PLUS - September / October 2013

How have you made sense of your life? W h a t matters? You’re not just looking back, you’re looking in. The PLD is a whole new look in legacy writing. It is not a book-length endeavor. PLDs average about 25 pages. With the aid of the computer and your local copy shop, you can produce duplicate spiral-bound copies of your document for about $5 each. • Concentrate on short pieces and varied formats A key feature of the PLD is short pieces — sometimes as short as a couple of lines, rarely longer than a page or two. Short pieces are manageable; they are easy to read. They are in step with today’s fast-paced electronic world. Short pieces are a can-do kind of writing. They are ideal for the nonprofessional writer. In the Elderwriters’ approach, you are encouraged to break away from traditional prose and explore a wide range of forms— anecdotes and epiphanies, paragraphs and poems, lessons learned, oneliners, lists, essays, letters and more — to help you collect your thoughts and celebrate your life. Varying the written landscape adds depth and richness to your work,

“Elderwriters: Celebrate Your Life!” which was published in May gives readers step by step instruction on how to write a memoir. It can be purchased at Amazon.com or the Lift Bridge Book Shop in Brockport. gives more options for self-expression, showcases your sense of humor, and draws the attention of the reader. Short varied pieces are a winning combo for the legacy writer. They are fun to write and fun to read. • Don’t worry about your writing skills Legacy writing is a come-as-youare endeavor. Whatever basic writing skills you bring to the table will work just fine. No one is going to go over your work with a red pencil. You will find your voice. Writing and remembering turn out to be good companions; the words come. You just have to write them down.


• Find a group. There are many benefits to working with a small legacy-writing group—a couple friends, your book discussion group, or members of your church or synagogue. From my experience with the Elderwriters classes, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. The collective sharing of ideas and remembrances gets everyone’s creative juices flowing. Reading your pieces aloud builds pride and confidence. The group provides energy and motivation when you get bogged down. Writing, which can be an isolating activity, becomes a social one. • Get a guide. You need timely advice that will frame, but not constrain, your legacy-writing experience. You need to be able to turn your good ideas into actual written pieces. You need information and suggestions about the planning, writing, organizing, printing, and preserving of your document. You need sample writings to peruse. You need to feel empowered. I have recently published “Elderwriters: Celebrate Your Life! A Guide for Creating Your Own Personal Legacy D o c u m e n t . ” T h e c h a p t e r s a re sequenced to take you from the beginning stages of legacy writing through the printing and preserving of your document. In addition to practical advice and helpful hints, the guide contains a wealth of sample writings from members of my classes. You’re still in the driver’s seat, but you’ll have a road map. For more information, visit www.elderwriters.com or amazon. com. • Have an exit strategy. Keep writing until you’ve said what you want to say then put an end to the project. Don’t let it drag on. Pack up your work and head off to the copy shop. You’ll be glad you did. So don’t give up too soon. I’ve streamlined the legacy-writing process to make it more accessible to a wide range of seniors. Personal legacy writing is energizing, engaging, enriching, and inexpensive. Tell them who you are. Celebrate your life!

Sure Barocas has taught a course at OASIS titled “Elderwriters: Celebrate Your Life!” where she guides readers on how to put to write their memoirs. In May she published a book about the topic.

September / October 2013 - 55 PLUS

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55+

grandparents

Games with

Grandma

The author with 4-year-old granddaughter Aubrey Elle Hardisky.

A little bit of creativity goes a long way with toddlers By Janet Schwan

Y

our 2- or 3-year-old grandchild has come to visit. How do you play games with a toddler? That’s not something you do everyday. Perhaps it’s been a long time since you’ve had that opportunity. They can’t play the card games and board games that are so much fun for the older kids. But there are many games that they can enjoy if we just simplify, simplify, simplify. One of my granddaughters’ favorites was, “Hide The Red Cards.” Cut 10 cards out of brightly colored card stock and put a favorite sticker on each one. You can start playing by hiding five cards in the room while he or she covers their eyes and counts as far as they can. It usually will sound like,” 1, 2, 3, 9, 10” at first. You will probably need to say, “Count again slowly because Grandma needs time to find good places.” Of course, you leave a little bright 36

55 PLUS - September / October 2013

piece of the card visible until they learn how to find good hiding spots. Walk around the room with them and give hints if needed. Next it’s your turn. Count to 10 slowly. Eventually the child will imitate your numbers while having fun. The cards can be increased to 10 as they become more skillful. They can also be made in the basic shapes that preschool children are taught and you can talk about these as you find them. Another set of cards can be made with the numerals 1 to 10 written on them. Mentioning the numbers as you find them also helps them begin to learn number recognition. This simple hide and seek game is easily made more challenging as they grow. Four-year-olds begin to understand that “hot” and “cold” mean that you are very close or far away, respectively. Confine the hiding

to one room at the beginning. Another favorite was “Bounce The Balloon.” All you need is an inflated balloon. And the only direction is, “Don’t let it touch the floor!”

Motor skills development They soon learn that hitting it lightly gives us the best control. Their motor skills improve as Grandma and Grandchild scurry to keep it in the air. The game can increase in difficulty when you say, “It can’t touch the walls or the furniture.” A muffin tin can be a container for a toss game. Borrow chips from a board game or use coins. Put colored paper circles in each cup so the player can say, “I got yellow or I got blue,” as he or she gets a chip or coin into a cup. Let them stand as close as they need. Really young ones may have to begin by dropping the chip or coin into the cup. Stickers, treats, or privileges may


be given as rewards. Any medium or large ball may be used for “Floor Basketball.” Place a wide cardboard box on the floor and take turns trying to throw the ball into the box. How far away can you stand and still get it in? How many times can you do it? “Wiggly Snake” is a game that keeps our feet moving. A jump rope is laid on the floor and Grandma holds one end wiggling it like a snake as the toddler tries to jump over it without touching the rope. “Uh oh! You got bit by the snake, try again,” she might say. Use the “memory” board game to practice matching. Start with just half the cards making sure that all are pairs. Spread them on a table with all the pictures showing. Begin by checking them out together, commenting on what they are and noticing that there is two of each. When the pictures become a little familiar, introduce the challenge. Who can find the most pictures that match? Play slowly so that the child has time to study them. Each player keeps his or her matches in a pile. Before long, he or she will be finding matches faster than Grandma.

Have fun outdoors

The Magazine For Active Rochester Area Adults

Rochester’s first magazine to celebrate life after 55. Don’t miss out on future issues. Focus on health, finances, travel, housing, family, leisure. Subscribe today and get 55 PLUS magazine mailed to your home!

Name ____________________________________________________

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City / Town ________________________State ________Zip ________

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55 PLUS

Janet Schwan isa retired elementary teacher who has been caring for her granddaughters since 2006. She used to own Children’s Corner Nursery School and Daycare in Greece.

55 PLUS

P.O. Box 525, Victor, NY 14564

There are simple games that can be played outdoors also, even if your living facility doesn’t have a p l a y g ro u n d . Our apartment building has a large lawn with several wellspaced trees in front. They are great for “Tree Tag.” The

only rules are, “when you are touching a tree, Grandma can’t catch you,” but “if you are running, she might catch you. Then you need to catch her.” When my granddaughter was 2, it was easy to catch her. But now that she’s 4, I can rarely tag her or get away from her except by trickery such as, “Oh my! Is that a bunny over there?” But even this doesn’t work very often. She has learned to play tricks on me. Laughing at each other is probably the most fun. Pinwheels and bubble wands are always great fun especially on a breezy day. Hopscotch with colored sidewalk chalk fascinates them too. We pick up some pretty stones from the entrance road or use big buttons to toss into the hopscotch boxes. And then she tries hopping from box to box and picking up the stone on returning to start. Beginners do not abide by many rules but love getting it in the boxes and trying to pick it up without toppling over. Grandma walks the boxes because she has old bones and can’t hop so well. They love to try games they see the bigger kids do and often pretend that they are older. Almost any game can be simplified for a toddler if we just think about what is fun for them and don’t worry about teaching too many rules yet.

September / October 2013 - 55 PLUS

37


my turn By Bruce Frassinelli Email: bruce@cny55.com

What You Should Recommend When Your Grandkids Turn 18

M

y wife, Marie, and I have three grandchildren who have reached the magic age of 18 or will later this

year. We of the mature generation freely offer our advice — solicited or otherwise — so I have been pondering what pearls of wisdom I can offer. As best I can remember, no one gave me any advice when I turned 18, which was not such a milestone age, because, back then, 56 years ago, I could not vote for another three years. Living in Pennsylvania, though, I could drive to Port Jervis, N.Y., and have a beer legally, something my grandkids can’t do today. (Thank goodness!!!!) I recommend to my grandchildren that one of the first things they should do is register to vote. If they prefer alliance with one of the major parties, fine, but if they want to be like their grandfather and register as an independent, that is OK, too. One drawback, though, is not being able to vote in primary elections. I proudly told them, however, that I have voted in 52 consecutive general elections, never failing to cast a ballot since I turned 21 in 1960. I gave my first presidential vote that year to John F. Kennedy, but I have voted for Democrats and Republicans since then, depending on the qualifications of the candidate. Realizing that many 18-year-olds are wise beyond their years, I know that my advice may be met with rolled eyes and impatient shuffling of the feet. That’s why I am trotting out an Alexander Pope couplet to set the scene. This 18th century English poet hit a home run when he said: “We think our fathers fools, so wise we grow; “Our wiser sons no doubt will think us so.” 38

55 PLUS - September / October 2013

With Pope’s wisdom as a cornerstone, here is my grandfatherly advice — note there are 10 “pearls,” but any comparison to another document with 10 planks is purely coincidental: • Learning is a life-long process. Embrace and respect the diversity of our society, and learn from what those of all races, nationalities and religions can teach us. Rejoice in the excitement of learning, but don’t be a know-it-all. • Avoid extreme criticism of others; make suggestions with caution and gentleness. • Just about all successful people set up new goals for themselves, so when they reach a goal, they move to the next one and rarely get caught up with their previous success. Don’t get too full of yourself. • Certainly your success is important, but celebrate the success of others in your life, too. Don’t be jealous or vindictive because of the accomplishments of family members and friends. • Don’t get so caught up in the treadmill of life that you forget family and friends. (This includes your grandparents. Come visit us and chat with us as you did when you were younger. And, oh, by the way, if we repeat a story you’ve heard about 10 times, pretend you are hearing it for the first time.)

• Live an ethical life. Since I teach a college course in communication ethics and have my students develop their own codes of ethics, I am recommending that you commit to writing a personal code by which you will conduct your life. This will be, by definition, a work in progress that will need tweaking, editing and modification as you go through life. • Love is a many-splendored thing, but don’t get so caught up in the excitement of love that you forget the important components of a relationship. To have a great relationship with someone you love requires you to have a great relationship with yourself first. • Be safe. If you want to be considered an adult, act responsibly. Don’t drink and drive; don’t use your smart phone while driving, and, don’t drive recklessly by showing off. Remember, the persons in the other car may be someone’s grandchildren whose grandparents would be devastated to get that dreaded phone call that they were in an accident and seriously injured or worse. Just imagine our getting such a call about you, too. • Be a role model to your children. Setting an example for them will pay rich dividends when it’s their turn to be parents. • Money is important, true, but it is not life’s be-all and end-all. Finding and loving your life’s work will mean more to you throughout your career than you can ever imagine now. I knew from the fifth grade that I wanted to be in the communications or education fields. I was in both, simultaneously, most of my entire adult life, even now well into retirement. How cool is that? I wish the very same incredible satisfaction for you when you pursue your chosen calling.


55+

preparations

Do-It-Yourself Will.

Should You Go For It?

By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant

Y

ou can save time and money by doing things yourself. You also receive a sense of satisfaction to know the task is done right and in a way that suits you perfectly. Many people like tackling a job themselves for these reasons. But should you put together your own will? While drafting your own documents or filling out a pre-written form may save you a few bucks, doing a will yourself can be fraught with financial hazards, experts say. Andrew Randisi, attorney and partner with Weinstein & Randisi in Rochester, is glad that the websites and advertisements offering DIY wills at least bring attention to the need for final arrangements. “Having something is definitely

better than nothing,” he said. “About 60 to 70 percent of Americans don’t have anything in place. Do-it-yourself opportunities at least get them talking.” What he’s not so pleased about is that although the technology does help a person make out a legal will in some cases, it may not be binding and it may not take into account a person’s particular situation. It cannot give legal advice. For example, someone creating a trust must not only fill out the proper legal paperwork, but also re-title the assets they’re placing in the trust. If they fail to do this, the trust is not binding. Gregory Piede, Attorney and partner with Piede Law, LLP, with offices in Rochester and Palmyra, said

that the formalities required by law for wills can be tricky to follow. “Sometimes if you don’t follow those formalities correctly, it will be declared null in a probate court,” Piede said. “It can leave people embittered and squabbling if there’s not enough thought put into it. “Sometimes the best reason to talk to an attorney is to find out what you need to look for. Meeting with an attorney helps you realize that.” That could cost roughly $500 compared with $200 people may spend on different DIY wills offered by various websites, depending upon the client’s assets and wishes. Some people also don’t want to go to an attorney’s office and would rather take care of their plans themselves; however, not all software September / October 2013 - 55 PLUS

39


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is up-to-date. DIY will software may not be specific to location. John V. Shepard, attorney and owner of Upstate Legal Center Of John V. Shepard in Syracuse, said that estate planning software gives “generalized forms not relating to the state they’re in. “The biggest issue is that if you do make a mistake, fixing the problems you’ve created is often more expensive than going to an attorney’s office if the problems are even correctable.” Some estate planning websites offer to connect users with an attorney to review the will for an extra fee; however they may not be attorneys who specialize in estate planning. If you DIY, you run a much higher risk of making goofs, but even if it’s done perfectly, other problems may arise, such as the will being misplaced or falling into the wrong hands.

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End-of-Life Documents It’s important to understand the differences among end-of-life documents: • Will. It determines where your assets go after you die. • Power of Attorney. It designates an individual to make legal and financial decisions for you should you become incapacitated. • Health Care Proxy. Designates an individual to make health care decisions for you should you become incapacitated. 40

55 PLUS - September / October 2013


55+

review

Food for Thought Rochester author spreads a feast before readers

By Mike Costanza

A

pasta maker represents the gulf between a woman and her new husband and thoughts of white rice drive a young man from the altar in “The

Last Generation of Women Who Cook,” a book of short stories by Rochester author Kathy Johncox. “Food is a m e t a p h o r, ” Johncox said. “My white rice story is really about fear of commitment.” Through such metaphors, Johncox shows the connectedness—or lack of it— between her characters. Even spices play special roles when they flow out of her pen— fennel figures prominently in a breakup. “The Last Generation of Women Who Cook” began to take shape many years ago, when Johncox shared a writing exercise with another author. The two would sit down, pick a topic, and write about it. Johncox found herself writing about food. “Part of the reason I enjoy writing short stories about food is that food can mean so much more,” she said. “It’s beyond giving people the protein, fat, and carbs they need.” E v e n t u a l l y, J o h n c o x expanded those small pieces ����������

Johncox

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into 16 short stories, a genre that has drawn the author since she began writing back in high school. “I got to like short stories a lot, the way you had to get your protagonist and antagonist and your plot to work together very, very quickly,” the writer said. Johncox said she traveled the world as an “Army brat” and as the wife of a United States serviceman, and her stories are filled with her observations. An Amish family she watched enjoying the beach in jeans and long skirts became part of one story, and another is set in Denmark, where her father was stationed at one time.

The use of metaphors Johncox’s experiences with women who refuse to cook became a metaphor for the gap between older and younger women, and the basis for the title story. Though colorful, her stories did not September / October 2013 - 55 PLUS

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catch a publisher’s eye. “The market for short stories is not huge,” she said. “You send them out and get them back with a pink post-it note attached, ‘These stories are lovely but I don’t think I can publish them.’” The collection languished in a drawer until Johncox hit on the idea of self-publishing her work in book form at the age of 56. “The market for books is huge— particularly e-books,” she said. Readers have given “The Last Generation” good reviews on Amazon, where it is available in paperback or as an e-book. Fans of the work have presented their own stories about the special moments that they’ve had in the kitchen or at the table at book signings and readings at Barnes and Noble at RIT Bookstore, Writers & Books and other sites. “People come up to me and tell me a story about food from their experiences,” Johncox said. “Everybody has a story about food.” Johncox spends her days as a marketing communications specialist and writer for the Rochester Institute of Technology’s National Technical Institute for the Deaf. Though she just welcomed her second grandchild, she’s already working on her next book—a humorous “chick lit” novel about women in their 20’s and early 30’s who are, as she puts it, “looking for relationships, jobs, and a place in life.” As if that isn’t enough, she’s also in the midst of writing a domestic drama. “It’s about family, baseball and religion,” Johncox said.

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55+

review

Hurdling Hardships Author explores how people survive through harsh tragedies By Jason Schultz

A

firm believer in second acts, Spencerport author David Seaburn, 62, says that no matter the trauma a person faces, there is always hope for healing and building after tragedy besets them. Seaburn draws from his experiences working as an ordained minister as well as decades as a family psychologist to create the emotional bedrock for his stories of people coming to grips with personal tragedy. In his professional work, Seaburn works at Strong Memorial Hospital in Rochester, advising physicians on their interpersonal skills with patients and family members. More recently, he had directed the Spencerport School District’s family counseling center, up until his retirement in 2010. Although viewing issues through a different lens during his time as a minister, much of that job was listening to people’s experiences dealing with difficult times and inspiring them to rebuild and grow from that hardship spiritually. All of these careers mold the tone and subject of Seaburn’s stories, which focus on the response to personal tragedy. “My experiences brought me into contact with people’s hardships, as well as the way the coped with their problems and rebuilt their lives following a setback,” Seaburn said. His latest novel, “Chimney Bluffs,” was inspired by a harrowing true story he read involving an English couple jumping to their deaths in a suicide pact after losing their young son to an illness. “The detail of the story which struck home the most was the fact they carried two sacks with them—one containing the body of their son, the other their son’s toys,” Seaburn recalled. “The questions I wanted to examine with this novel were, ‘How does an act like this become a reasonable decision, and what if someone survived that decision? How would they live with the consequences?’” September / October 2013 - 55 PLUS

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While other authors might have focused solely on the shocking end to this story, Seaburn liked to believe that how we react to something as horrible as losing a son is a starting point for healing instead of the end of the story.

Hope and healing Set at the famous peaked bluffs on the shoreline of Lake Ontario near Sodus Bay, Seaburn’s book shows how even in our darkest hour, human relationships form the source of hope and healing after a traumatic incident. Re-enacting the true-life tale of a lover’s leap, protagonist Kate survives the fall that kills her husband Mitch, and is found by a pair of park rangers named Bobby and Clancy facing hardships of their own. During Kate’s recuperation from her fall, the three characters spend time getting to know one another and learn to help and heal each other in their time of loss. Kate learns to deal with the tragic loss of her son Danny, while at the same time reconciling the choices that lead to her and her husband

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attempting suicide. Seaburn said this is the fourth novel he has written, although he has had experience writing for academic research publications and creative nonfiction. As sources of inspiration, he cites the work of Holocaust survivor Ellie Wiesel, “Zorba the Greek” author Nikos Kazantzakis and the writings of Catholic monk Thomas Merton. He says the personal narratives and themes of overcoming tragedy found in those works serve as inspiration for his own novels. “From my life experiences, I’ve found we make sense of the things that happen to us by telling stories and forming narratives,” Seaburn said. “Part of my job as a psychologist is to work with the patient to make a new story following a traumatic life event and to move on with their lives.” He explains his favorite part of fiction writing is the expanse of time he has to work on his characters and exploring their interactions. “I have an idea, and I know that for the next 14 months, 18 months, I have time to examine the story and the people it touches as it unfolds,”

he explained. “The inspiration I feel when I am writing is part of the creative process. I don’t know how the book will end when I begin writing. It’s a journey I take along with the characters.”

Hard-hitting novels His previous novels share the thread of love, loss and rebirth that form his overall creative vision and philosophy. His first novel, “Darkness is as Light,” which he wrote 10 years ago, deals with a man who moves in with his alcoholic father following the man’s attempted suicide. During this dark time in the man’s life, he discovers his father his cancer and will soon die. While taking care of the man he believes to be his father, the protagonist learns the man is not his father, but raised him as his son. With this information, the two are able to make peace before the end of the “father’s” life. “Charlie No-Face,” set in Seaburn’s hometown of Ellwood City, Pa., during the 1950s, tells the story of a boy befriending a disfigured hermit nicknamed “Charlie No-Face,” and the story behind how the man was hurt, and how he overcame this accident to open up to another person. Seaburn said there is a strong autobiographical thread running through this novel and the setting and time period it evokes. “Pumpkin Hill” tells the story of a man involved in a car crash who dies, but doesn’t know it yet, and how he tries to communicate beyond the grave with the ones he loves. This novel represents the one appearance of the supernatural in Seaburn’s books, as he says he likes to usually keep his stories very grounded and realistic, as he feels relatable narratives give more meaning to his writing. “When I’m writing, I’m not thinking of the readers,” he says. “I’m thinking about what in that story is meaningful and important for me.” Those interested in “Chimney Bluffs” or any of Seaburn’s other three novels can find him listed on www. amazon.com. Copies of his novels are also for sale at the Lift Bridge bookstore in Brockport. Seaburn says the Lift Bridge bookstore is known for supporting and nurturing local authors in their endeavors, and is well worth a visit for any interested bibliophiles.


long-term care By Susan Suben

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Generational LTC Planning and Aging

have been in the long-term care planning industry for over 18 years. During this time, I have counseled diverse age groups with varying life experiences, and learned that each generation approaches longterm care planning differently. What motivates baby boomers in their 50s and 60s to plan for a longterm illness is very different from those of their parents. However, certain barriers to planning are prevalent for both generations — denial and fear of aging. With the nation’s approximately 75 million baby boomers moving into their middle ages, and Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security needing total overhauls to remain sustainable, it is important for baby boomers to have the confidence and tools to take care of their own parents in order to have the motivation to plan for their future. The LTC industry, its professionals and services, need to be fine-tuned to assist each generation. Understanding the mentality of baby boomers and their parents, and their views on aging and long-term care is necessary to be able to provide meaningful, qualitative solutions. Baby boomers were born in a time of great hope and prosperity. They grew up believing that anything is possible. Their parents, known as “the greatest generation,” had just won a war, women were entrenched in the workforce, and there was a strong sense of optimism and purpose. Their parents wanted to make sure they had better opportunities in life, especially going to college. This older generation learned to save their money and make the best of everything even if they were going through rough times. They kept their feelings to themselves. This can explain why many baby boomers find it difficult talking to their parents today

about financial issues, especially longterm care. Their parents are proud and strive to remain independent. In the ‘60s and ‘70s, baby boomers were a pro-active group that protested the Vietnam War and practiced selfindulgence. Unlike their parents, they are verbally and emotionally expressive. Many of them are professionals trying to make a difference in the world. In the ‘80s, they had large amounts of disposable income that influenced market trends and were ultimately dubbed the “Me” generation. In the ‘90s and today, they are called the sandwich generation taking care of both their children and parents. The realities of caring for an aging parent caught them totally by surprise. Many feel overwhelmed with legal, financial and medical tasks that consume much of their time. They are hungry for information and struggle to find a way to balance their own needs with the self-worth of their parents. As baby boomers go through this caregiving crisis, they begin to see their vulnerability. Degenerative diseases, such as Alzheimer ’s and Parkinson’s force them to think about their future. Denying the possibility that they might become ill is no longer an option. Remember what Bob Dylan once wrote? “It’s not dark yet but it’s getting there.” Boomers are especially confused about Obamacare and the changes that are coming regarding Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security. How can the LTC industry successfully provide planning solutions for both generations while taking into consideration that long-term care and aging are intertwined? Our entire health care industry is at a crossroads. Traditional LTC services, such as nursing homes are not considered the first and only choice. Assisted living and programs such as PACE or the Eden Project, which help individuals stay at home or in a home-

like environment, are more desirable. Medical students and social workers need to be encouraged to enter the field of geriatrics. In order to deal with future supply and demand, home health aides need to be trained and compensated appropriately so that more will enter the profession. There need to be more information, referral and counseling services. Businesses and associations need to promote the creation of resource centers that adult children and their families can utilize for guidance. Communities need to improve housing options, transportation, and social programs for seniors. Churches and synagogues need to offer respite programs for those caring for an ailing family member or friend. But dealing successfully with long-term care is only possible if aging is viewed in a much kinder light. Aging is not a stigma but a process we all go through. Baby boomers need to be given the social, emotional and financial tools to develop a rapport with their parents that promotes the exchange of ideas and feelings as well as planning. This, in turn, will help them learn to deal with their own aging process and, most importantly, create an atmosphere for future generations that teaches respect and love for our elders. If we as a society learn to respect old age and not be afraid of it, then planning for the future will no longer be a frightening frontier that no one wants to recognize, accept and embrace.

Susan Suben, MS, CSA, is president of Long Term Care Associates, Inc. and a consultant for Canandaigua National Bank & Trust Company. She can be reached at 800-422-2655 or by email at susansuben@31greenbush.com. September / October 2013 - 55 PLUS

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living

Romantic Getaway Close to Home Bed and breakfast on the shores of Lake Ontario if filled with history, and a unique lighthouse By Jay Scott

Donald Town on the steps of the old keepers home produced live shows and events at Walt Disney World in Orlando for 20 years. Photos by Terry Hancock. 46

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here is something romantic about the vision of the lighthouse keeper living with his family in some secluded shore maintaining a beacon that warns ships and sailors to a hazard on the sea. Nandy and Donald Town are capturing and tapping into that romantic idea with the Braddock Point Bed & Breakfast in Hilton on the shores of Lake Ontario. The working lighthouse caters to visitors looking for a peaceful weekend peppered with nostalgia and season with a touch of adventure. “It’s the best kept secret in town, I attract people form all over the world,” said Donald Town. “People stop in from Poland, Russia, Hawaii, Alaska but no one in town has heard of it. “The draw is the history, the romance, the mystique, and because our lighthouse is unique in a number or ways.” The Braddock Point Lighthouse was built in 1896 and at the time was the tallest and brightest light on Lake Ontario until it was decommissioned in the 1950s. When the light was closed by the United States Coast Guard, the top of the light was removed and capped. The lighthouse was eventually sold to private owners who worked to restore the keepers house and rebuild the light tower, which was eventually re-commissioned by the Coast Guard. The Towns purchased the property five years ago and turned it into a bed and breakfast. “It’s a working lighthouse, one of the few still lit in the United States that is still maintained by the United States government, it’s also privately owned, and is run as a bed and breakfast,” said Town. “If someone wants to stay in an active, working lighthouse, your choices are extremely limited.” The lighthouse is located just west of Braddock Point in an area known as Bogus Point. When built, the beam of light could be seen from more than 14 miles away. Today the lighthouse continues to be a beacon for people who search out the historic structures across the nation and around the world. The inn was even a grand-prize getaway this


year on the game show, “The Price is Right.” Braddock Point Bed & Breakfast participates in the United States Lighthouse Society’s passport program. This nonprofit organization is dedicated to the preservation of lighthouses. Members can obtain lighthouse passports, similar to an official United States passport, so that stamps can be obtained when visiting lighthouses throughout the country. “Lighthouse enthusiasts seek us out,” said Town. “We have guests who have been to four or 500 lighthouses all over the world. We have bus tours throughout the summer, when 100 people get off the bus from all over the country.” The accommodations inside the Victorian keeper ’s house featured contemporary restoration decorated with antiques and a European dining room set with hand-carved figurines on each piece. The couple also found an upright piano originally used in the Hotel Syracuse. When the Towns researched its history, they learned the piano was used by Nandy Town’s aunt, who was a piano player in a jazz band in the 1930’s. “People all the time ask me, I didn’t know you could buy a lighthouse, I say — more importantly, I didn’t know that you couldn’t,” said Nandy Town. “I always tell our guests as they are leaving to go out to dinner, we’ll be sure to leave the light on for you.” The Towns are snowbirds. They own and operate Town Manor on the Lake Bed and Breakfast in Auburndale, Florida, where the main focus of the business is weddings. The couple has connections in Florida. They are originally from Oswego, but relocated to the “Sunshine State” where Donald produced live shows and events at Walt Disney World in Orlando for 20 years. Nandy and Donald went to a bed and breakfast apprentice school before purchasing their business in Florida. “We wanted a small summer cottage on Lake Ontario and found this old Victorian house, then we learned it was a lighthouse and right where we wanted to be,” said Town. “We looked at it, fell in love with it, and bought it. We found it on our wedding anniversary, so it was serendipity.” For more information, visit www. braddockpointlighthouse.com.

The Braddock Point Lighthouse survives and thrives with a new purpose as a bed and breakfast. It was built in 1896 and at the time was the tallest and brightest light on Lake Ontario until it was decommissioned in the 1950s.

The accommodations inside the Victorian keeper’s house feature contemporary restoration decorated with antiques. The lighthouse and inn draw people from across the nation and around the world. The 55-plus set is the primary democraphic for the unique inn on Lake Ontario. September / October 2013 - 55 PLUS

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visits Darien Lake is New York’s largest theme park with six roller coasters.

10 Things to Do in Genesee County By Sandra Scott

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enesee County is conveniently located between Rochester and Buffalo. Before the arrival of the first settlers it was the homeland of the Seneca Indians who are one of the members of the Iroquois Confederation. Before this vast territory could be opened for pioneer settlement, it was necessary to obtain the land from the Native Americans. The SullivanClinton Expedition, followed by the Big Tree Treaty of 1797 forced the Senecas to live on reservations and opened the area to settlement. The first land sales to settlers took place in 1801 and the county was founded in 1802. “Genesee” is the Seneca word for “beautiful valley.” Today it is still a beautiful valley with rolling hills and a plethora of attractions that draw people with a variety of interests. 48

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1

Historical: Learn about the history of the area at the Holland Land Office Museum, called “The Birthplace of Western New York.” In 1801 Batavia was the capital of the frontier with the land office selling land to settlers. The current building, built in 1815, was the fourth such office with displays that personify the pioneer spirit. Not far from Batavia, visitors can step into the 19th century at the Stafford Museum of History that features farm implements, household furnishings, a one-room schoolhouse, and a collection of Redware pottery from the Morganville Pottery.

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Thrilling: One of the area’s biggest draws is Darien Lake, New York’s largest theme park with six roller coasters, a huge waterpark with cabanas to rent for the day, live shows, and fun activities for the entire family. New additions include the Blast Off thrill ride, the

Anchor Bar Restaurant (Buffalo wings were invented at their Buffalo location), and more accommodations. For yearround water fun, the Clarion Hotel in Batavia is home to Palm Island Indoor Water Park with a 24-foot water slide and a lagoon with beach entry.

3

Winning: Try your luck at Batavia Downs with over 640 gaming machines, simulcast racing, and live harness racing on the half mile track from the end of July to December. It is the oldest lighted harness racing track in the United States. Or head to Dwyer Stadium to root for the Batavia Muckdogs, a minor league baseball team affiliated with the Miami Marlins.

4

Paranormal: How brave are you? The Rolling Hills Asylum was an asylum in the truest sense in that it served as a poor house and nursing home. Today it hosts a slew of


55+ paranormal experiences that allows people to explore and experience the otherworldly phenomena. Rolling Hills has been declared one of the most haunted locations in the United States and has been featured on the Travel Channel. Private and group ghost hunts are available but there is also a fascinating historical tour.

5

Parks: The Genesee County Park and Interpretive Center is home to the oldest county forest in New York. The Interpretive center is the place to learn about the natural aspects of Genesee County plus there are over 400 acres to explore. The Iroquois National Wildlife Refuge is considered one of the area’s best kept secrets with more than 1000 acres to explore. The varied terrain of Darien Lake State Park includes a beach, campsites and trail. They all offer year round activities.

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Alpacas: There is elegance to the stance of an alpaca that might be one of the reasons so many are drawn to raise them. Of course, there is a financial benefit to raising alpacas. Their wool-like fiber can be fashioned into sweaters, blankets and other spun items. Alpaca fiber is soft, durable, and silky. It is similar to wool

visits

but warmer, not itchy and lanolin-free making it hypoallergenic. There are several alpaca farms that offer tours and locally-made goods for sale.

7

Le Roy: The pretty little town of Le Roy is the birthplace of an American icon — Jell-O. Visitors can learn all about “America’s Most Famous Dessert” at the Jell-O Museum in Le Roy. Downstairs in the same building is a Transportation Museum with vintage vehicles on display. Both are located in a building behind the historic Le Roy House with three floors of period rooms along with an open hearth kitchen. Take note of a smaller version of the Statue of Liberty nearby.

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Art and more: Glass artists and students from all over the world come to Oatka School of Glass to teach and learn all aspects of glassmaking. They offer beginners and master classes. GO Art, run by the Genesee-Orleans Regional Arts Council, has four galleries at the historic Seymour Place exhibiting local artists. Located at Genesee Community College, The Roz Steiner Gallery exhibits works by regional artists, faculty and fine arts majors.

The pretty little town of Le Roy is the birthplace of an American icon — Jell-O.

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Golf: Golfers will love Genesee County. There are a several golf courses including Terry Hills ranked as one of the top places to play golf in Western New York and Chestnut Hill a “Golf Digest” 4-star course. The Sweetland Pines Golf Course, a Par 3 course, is perfect for the beginner, golfing with young ones, or those looking for a short round of golf. The Alabama Tee Off Driving Range is the place to practice between outings.

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Learn about the history of the area at the Holland Land Office Museum, called “The Birthplace of Western New York.

Driving Trails: Pick up or download the brochure for the Le Roy Barn Quilt Trail with about 100 quilt designs decorating local barns. Designs range from historic to whimsical. Look for The Star of England, Edith’s Star, the new Davis Freedom Star and the one of ice cream cones. Another driving tour visits sites that were part of the area’s Underground Railroad. The 350-foot Batavia Peace Garden is part of a 600mile cross-border trail that came out of the 1812 Bicentennial celebrating 200 years of peace between Canada and the United States. The 23 flags represent the countries where other official Peace Gardens are located. September / October 2013 - 55 PLUS

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By Ernst Lamothe, Jr.

Betty Mullin-DiProsa, 67 CEO of St Ann’s Community discusses upcoming retirement life

Q. What made you believe it was the right time to retire next year? A. I have been here at St. Ann’s for 16 years. I wanted to make sure that I retired early enough to have quality time to spend with my husband and really enjoy retirement while we are still healthy. This is something that we both have been thinking about for several years. We had two major construction projects here. First, we built a new skilled nursing facility that was a huge undertaking. Then we had to implode one of our nursing home buildings that was not up to date in its ability to provide care and services for people. I wanted to see both projects through. In the long run, this was the best decision for me. Q. Are there other factors that lead to you making this decision? A. My mother who is 93 years old and my two daughters live in Seattle. It was always difficult trying to visit them for more than a long weekend because I had to pay attention to my St. Ann’s schedule, which had committee meetings, fundraising and other events. And that made sense given the role I had at St. Ann’s. Now I can spend two weeks or even a month visiting my family in Seattle. My dad passed away five years ago and I know my mother won’t be here forever. I want to spend as much time as possible with her and make sure she has the support she needs. Taking care of older people has been part of my professional life for years so I want to take care of my mother as part of my personal life. Q. Are there any trips you are planning in the near future? A. I want to spend some time in Northern California and go to Napa Valley and enjoy the wine country there. I want to go to more places in Europe because you never see everything you want to when you go 50

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there for the first time. Plus we plan to visit Florida where you don’t have to worry about plowing snow all the time. Q. What will you miss about the position? A . Of course I have mixed emotions. Recently I went to an event and someone mentioned that this would be the last time I was at this event as CEO and that made me think. I have invested so much time and energy here. I put a lot of heart and passion into this organization for so many years so the decision to leave was hard. It’s like you are giving up something you birth so it is going to be a big change for me. I am going to miss seeing the residents. It’s always fun when they invite you to their birthday parties because you have become apart of their lives. I am just a child compared to some of my residents so some of them saw me as their daughters and I saw them as very motherly because many were the same age as my mother. They know they are not just a room number or just filling in space, but that we deeply care about people. Q. What do you want to say to the people who supported you throughout the years? A. I think I have the best staff anyone could ever ask for. They have made my job so much easier. I have been tremendously blessed to work with such fine people. And along with the support I have always gotten from the board of directors. They took a chance in bringing me from Seattle to here. They have taken a risk anytime I came up with a new project like the construction of our Cherry Ridge campus in Webster. They have been behind me through every fundraising effort because they believed in what we were doing. I am so glad they took

a chance on a West Coast girl with all these new ideas. Q. Even in a fantastic job there are things that are a struggle to deal with. What won’t you miss? A. I can tell you I am really happy that I won’t have to go to 7:30 a.m. meetings anymore when I retire. I also will enjoy that my schedule will be completely my own. Q. What accomplishments are you proud of? A. We have an inpatient hospice unit and we are launching a cardiac rehab program where we are working with cardiologist and surgeons so when people go home they have the necessary rehab from skilled exerts. We have an 84- bed transitional care program for shorter-term rehab after a person’s surgery, stroke or complex medical problems. When I came here our operating budget was $34 million and now it is $80 million. We have new buildings and new programs that help this community that never existed before. We really feel like we are making a difference Q: What are some activities you enjoy doing in your free time? A. I love to garden. The gardening season is somewhat limited in our area, but I still love to grow plants, flowers, vegetables and fruits. I love to read and enjoy spending time with family.


Private rooms. A hotel-like feeling. Makes you wish you had something to rehab right now. A revolutionary new approach to rehab from St. Ann’s. St. Ann’s is proud to introduce a whole new approach to rehab. Our brand new accommodations in Webster and Irondequoit make you feel like you’re in a fine hotel. With private rooms, private baths with showers, and flat-screen TVs, you truly feel like one of the most important people on earth. And St. Ann’s has the latest technology and the most advanced accreditations to accelerate your recovery. So whether

you’re recovering from joint replacement, heart surgery, a stroke—or anything else—you’ll have everything you need to get back to being your best. We’ll get you home fast. But we’ll make you feel like staying. Have a surgery that’s already scheduled? Remember, where you go for rehab is completely up to you. So preplan your stay by reserving your room at St. Ann’s.

Caring forThe Most Important People on Earth

Call 585-697-6311 for your FREE Transitional Care Planning Kit. Wegman Transitional Care Center – Irondequoit St. Ann’s Care Center – Webster


It takes commitment to build a long-term relationship. Since 1919, individuals and organizations have entrusted their ďŹ nancial future to the Wealth Strategies Group at Canandaigua National Bank and Trust. Our many decades of growth and success are a direct result of our commitment to offer clients the kind of personalized service that builds lasting relationships—ones that are measured not in years, but in generations. Today, our Wealth Strategies Group continues that proud tradition by providing exceptional education and advice, and a Pledge of Accountability* that sets us apart in the marketplace. For details, visit www.cnbank.com/wsg or contact the Wealth Strategies Group at 585-419-0670.

Investments are not bank deposits, are not obligations of, or guaranteed by Canandaigua National Bank & Trust, and are not FDIC insured. Investments are subject to investment risks, including possible loss of principal amount invested. *For our complete Pledge of Accountability and Fee Refund Rules, visit www.cnbank.com/pledge.

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