55 Plus of Rochester, #09: May – June 2011

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Octogenarian Travels the World as a Backpacker

Jim Terwilliger: Early Retirement? Careful Planning is Required

55 PLUS Issue 9 May / June 2011

For Active Adults in the Rochester Area

A Successful Second Career Sports writer Scott Pitoniak lost his job after 25 years with the Democrat and Chronicle. Now he’s enjoying a great second career

Online Dating Number of seniors using online dating services expected to skyrocket PLUS Diving into the dating pool: exhilarating, scary

Caring for Grandchildren with Autism

May / June 2011 - 55 PLUS

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SPECIAL Advertisers Waking Up to Seniors’ Market

r u o y n o s st e u g e b r e v e n Will favorite late night talk show.

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55 PLUS - May / June 2011

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ROCHESTER Healthcare Profiles

Key Steps to Keep Your Skin Safe Numerous studies now exist showing the relationship between the development of melanoma and the practice of tanning. While less concentrated, frequent outdoor tanning is no less risky.

The incidence of melanoma has nearly doubled over the past three decades, and it is estimated that in 2010, 68,000 individuals were diagnosed with the disease and nearly 9,000 will die from it.

With the warmer weather here, Pluta Cancer Center Medical Director and Radiation Oncologist Jan Dombrowski provides the following four tips to protect your skin from the damaging effects of the sun’s rays and tanning beds: 1. Know your ABCs: Evaluate the moles on your body to check for any irregularities. If a mole is Asymmetrical, has a poorly defined Border or a Color that is inconsistent, have a doctor check it out.

2. Note Changes: Regularly check your skin and if you note

The incidence of melanoma

HAS NEARLY DOUBLED over the past three decades... any changes to moles or notice any new moles, schedule an appointment with your doctor to check them out.

3. SPF: When you go outside, regularly use a sunblock of at least SPF 15 and limit your exposure to intense sunlight.

4. Self-tanning Creams: If you have to have that tanned look, use self-tanning creams or lotions. You will get a great look without the damaging

effects of tanning that, beyond cancer risks, include leathery skin, wrinkles and sun spots.

Dr. Dombrowski adds, “To put a twist on a line from the band Procol Harum, we would all do better to be a lighter shade of pale.”

Your Cancer.

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55 PLUS - May / June 2011

125 Red Creek Drive Rochester, NY 14623

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May / June 2011

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HealthWatch 6-7 Financial Health 8 Golden Years 15 Long-Term Care 20 My Turn 39 Last Page 42

11 NETWORKING

• Helping the widowed build a new life

17 ADVENTURE

• Octogenarian travels the world as a backpacker

22 COVER STORY

• Scott Pitoniak: He is enjoyiung a successful second career

27 DATING.I SUBSCRIBE SUBSCRIBE TO 55PLUS

Only $15. Check to 55PLUS P.O. Box 585 Victor, NY 14564

CONTENTS

SUBSCRIBE roc55.com Find Us Online at

• More seniors using online dating services

29 DATING.2

• Diving into the dating pool can be exhilarating, scary

32 VOLUNTEERING

• Journeys of Solutions, Inc: Reaching overseas to help

34 GRANDPARENTING

• Grandparents offer perspective on autism

37 NEW HORIZONS

• Golden Wishes Program helps active adults realize their dreams

40 DEMOGRAPHICS

• Seniors: A niche advertisers find hard to ignore

May / June 2011 - 55 PLUS

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HEALTH WATCH

55PLUS

Moderate alcohol consumption linked to healthy hearts Moderate defined as one drink for women a day, and two for men

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wo reports have been recently published linking moderate alcohol consumption with significantly lower risks of developing heart disease. The two reports from the University of Calgary, both published in the British Medical Journal, concluded that people who drink in moderation are 14 to 25 percent less likely to develop heart disease than those who don’t drink at all.

One of the studies says the reason is likely because alcohol raises a person’s high density lipoprotein

cholesterol, or so-called “good cholesterol.” This has a protective effect on the heart.

The researchers acknowledged that previous research linked moderate drinking with reduced heart disease risk, but they said in a statement that those studies were out-of-date and needed updating.

The researchers also stressed moderation. This means about one glass of wine, beer or other alcoholic beverage a day for women and about two for men.

High blood pressure, cholesterol linked to memory problems later in life Risk goes beyond developing heart disease

M

iddle-aged men and women with high blood pressure and high cholesterol may not only be putting themselves at risk of heart disease later in life, but also cognitive and memory problems, according to a recent report.

Researchers with the French National Institute of Health & Medical Research studied 3,486 men and 1,341 women with an average age of 55.

The participants underwent cognitive tests three times over 10 years. The tests measured reasoning, memory, fluency and vocabulary.

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55 PLUS - May / June 2011

The participants also received a score that assessed their risk of a cardiovascular event based on age, sex, HDL cholesterol, total cholesterol, systolic blood pressure and whether they smoked or had diabetes.

The researchers said participants with higher cardiovascular risk were more likely to have lower cognitive function and a faster rate of overall cognitive decline than those with the lowest risk of heart disease.

The study results are being presented at the American Academy of Neurology’s 63rd Annual Meeting in Honolulu, Hawaii in April.

Editor and Publisher Wagner Dotto

Associate Editor Lou Sorendo

Writer

Mike Costanza

Contributing Writers

Deborah Jeanne Sergeant Karen Boughton Siegelman Ken Little, Aaron Gifford

Columnists

Jim Terwilliger, Susan Suben Bruce Frassinelli Harold Miller

Advertising

Marsha K. Preston, Marlene Raite Beth Clark

Office Manager

Laura J. Beckwith

Layout and Design Chris Crocker

Cover Photo

Chuck Wainwright 55 PLUS –A Magazine for Active Adults in the Rochester Area is published six times a year by Local News, Inc., which also publishes In Good Health–Rochester–Genesee Valley’s Healthcare Newspaper.

Health in good

Rochester–Genesee Valley’s Healthcare Newspaper

Mailing Address PO Box 525 Victor, NY 14564 Subscription: $15 a year © 2011 by 55 PLUS – A Magazine for Active Adults in the Rochester Area.

No material may be reproduced in whole or in part from this publication without the express written permission of the publisher.

Third class postage paid at Syracuse, NY. Permit Number: 3071

How to Reach Us P.O. Box 525 Victor, NY 14564 Voice: (585) 421-8109 Fax: (585) 421-8129 Editor@GVhealthnews.com

HEALTH WATCH Zinc may shorten duration, severity of common cold More research needed to recommend dosage

T

aking zinc supplements may reduce the length and severity of the common cold, according to a new study.

The health research group the Cochrane Collaboration found zinc inhibits the replication of the rhinovirus, the virus responsible for colds.

The researchers said that taking zinc within 24 hours of the onset of cold symptoms reduces the duration and severity of the illness in healthy

people. People taking zinc are also less likely to have persistent cold symptoms beyond seven days of treatment.

The researchers also said taking zinc on a regular basis reduces the incidence of colds, school absences and prescription of antibiotics in children.

Taking zinc in lozenge form is most likely to result in side effects, including bad taste and nausea, the researchers said.

Surrogate grandma produces baby grandson for daughter

A

61-year-old grandmother from Illinois gave birth to her own grandson after serving as surrogate for her infertile daughter. Kristine Casey gave birth to grandson Finnean Lee Connell

by Caesarean section in February at the Prentice Women’s Hospital in Chicago. The baby was produced via

in vitro fertilization using an embryo created from Sara Connell’s egg and her husband’s sperm. Casey, a retiree living in Virginia, decided to serve as her daughter’s surrogate in 2009 calling it a spiritual act.

Casey is already at her post menopausal stage but was physically and psychologically healthy to

carry the baby to full term. Her last pregnancy was 30 years ago; she has three daughters.

The last known post menopausal woman to give birth was in 2008 when 56-year-old Jaci Dalenberg of Wooster, Ohio, serving as surrogate for her daughter Kim Coseno, gave birth to triplets.

Report: People in the South most inactive in U.S. Almost 30 percent report getting no exercise

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mericans who live in the South and parts of Appalachia are the least likely to be physically active, according to newly released government statistics. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said in a statement that in many counties in those regions, more than 29 percent of adults reported getting no physical activity or exercise other than at their

regular job.

States with the highest physical inactivity during leisure time include Alabama, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Oklahoma and Tennessee.

The CDC report said more than 25 percent of U.S. adults did not spend any of their free time being physically active. This includes activities like walking, gardening,

golfing or running.

Areas where residents reported getting the most exercise are on the West Coast, Colorado, Minnesota and parts of the Northeast.

The CDC encourages Americans to be more physically active to help control weight, reduce the risk of type 2 diabetes, heart disease and some cancers, strengthen bones and muscles and improve mental health.

SUBSCRIBE May / June 2011 - 55 PLUS

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financial health

By Jim Terwilliger

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Early Retirement — Are You Sure It’s What You Really Want?

a r l y re t i re m e n t s o u n d s tempting. It’s a goal for many folks. But for some, it falls into the category of “Be careful what you wish for. You might just get it!”

Planning for retirement, particularly early retirement, tends to focus mostly on financial factors.

What are my income needs? How much will be supplied by my pension and by Social Security? When should I start Social Security? How fast should I draw from my retirement funds?

Should I draw first from pre-tax or post-tax accounts? How do I protect my assets if I need long-term care?

How do I ensure my spouse is secure at my death? Will I run out of money?

What about inflation?

That’s a lot to think about!

Fortunately, these issues can be addressed readily by working with a trusted financial planner to map out a workable retirement plan.

But money is only a part of the picture. Let’s assume that your finances are in order and you can retire safely. What about the “soft stuff?” Are you really ready to retire?

Let’s explore some of these nonfinancial issues.

How will you spend your time?

Daily rounds of golf and the longoverdue painting of the bathroom can get old quickly. It is a particular challenge for early retirement, having just left a 25- or 30-year working career where you had an active, daily, structured routine in which you likely were called upon to innovate and contribute continuously.

Remember, you may be looking at a 30 to 40 year retirement period — quite possibly longer than the total of your prior working years.

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55 PLUS - May / June 2011

What are your spouse’s plans?

It is common — particularly with early retirement — that spouses will not retire at the same time.

This can present challenges. The working spouse may have increased expectations of the retired spouse regarding responsibilities around the house or may become resentful if the retired spouse sleeps in every morning.

Also, the retired spouse, given newly found free time, may want to travel more, go south for the winter — something the working spouse is not as free to do.

Are you prepared for a change in social contacts? Work is a ready-made, automatic source of social contact.

Losing touch with co-workers can be difficult under normal retirement circumstances. Early retirement may amplify the problem. Replacing such contacts with a new or expanded social network takes time and energy.

While these and other nonfinancial issues may be on your mind as you plan for early retirement, there are some things you can do to avoid or minimize these hurdles: • Prepare now. Think about what you truly want to do and how you’ll handle some of the issues noted above.

• Don’t retire from work, retire to something else. Simply quitting work may not necessarily create a fulfilling, enjoyable retirement.

• Practice your retirement before you retire. Hobbies are a good example. Your best chance to make this work is to develop outside interests and hobbies well before you clean out your desk and turn in your employee badge.

• Consider volunteering.

Whatever your capabilities are, it’s a good bet there are plenty of non profit organizations that have the perfect fit for your time and talents. As with hobbies, cultivating these interests during your working years will make your community service choices easier to make and more rewarding.

• Talk it over carefully with your spouse and reach a common agreement on expectations.

• Consider a second career. This is becoming a more popular option these days as people retire from their first careers earlier. An AARP survey of 1,500 employed workers, aged 45 to 74, showed that nearly 70 percent plan to work in some capacity in their “retirement” years. Many articles in the current and past issues of 55 PLUS magazine highlight second and thirdcareer choices made by local “retiring” workers.

Looking back on decades of work and life experiences, this is an ideal time to consider what you most would enjoy doing in the next chapter of your life — what you “really” want to do.

Once you’ve decided, get the necessary training or education, if called for, then just do it! This may be part- or full-time work, hobby pursuits, or volunteering. Retiring to something meaningful provides a great psychological transition to ultimate full retirement as well as additional financial benefits if a follow-on career is chosen.

James Terwilliger, CFP®, is vice president, Financial Planning, Wealth Strategies Group, Canandaigua National Bank & Trust Company. He can be reached at 585-419-0670 ext. 50630 or by email at jterwilliger@cnbank.com.

Social Security

Q&A

Q: I’m retiring early, at age 62, and I receive investment income from a rental property I own. Does investment income count as earnings?

A: No. We count only the wages you earn from a job or your net profit if you’re self-employed. Non-work income such as annuities, investment income, interest, capital gains, and other government benefits are not counted and will not affect your Social Security benefits. Most pensions will not affect your benefits. However, your benefit may be affected by government pensions earned through work on which you did not pay Social Security tax. You can retire online at www.socialsecurity.gov. For more information, call us toll-free at 1-800772-1213 (TTY 1-800-325-0778).

Q: Is it true I can save about $4,000 per year if I qualify for Social Security’s Extra Help with the Medicare prescription drug program?

A: Yes if your income and resources meet the requirements, you can save nearly $4,000 in prescription costs each year. Income limits for 2011 are $12,640 (or $25,260 if you are married and living with your spouse), Resource limits are limited to $16,335 (or $22,065 if you are married and living with your spouse). If your income and/or resources are just a bit higher, you might be eligible for some help with prescription drug costs. To learn more, visit www.socialsecurity. gov/prescriptionhelp.

Q: I was turned down for disability. Do I need a lawyer to appeal?

A: You are fully entitled to hire an attorney if you wish to, but it is not necessary. In fact, you can file a Social Security appeal online without a lawyer. Our online appeal process is convenient and secure. Just go to www.socialsecurity.gov/disability/ appeal. If you prefer, call us at 1-800772-1213 (TTY 1-800-325-0778) to schedule an appointment to visit your local Social Security office to appeal.

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Do you like making new friends?

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networking

Past and present members of Circle of Hope, a group that meets the social needs of widowed people, reunite at the group’s recent St. Patrick’s Day party. Front row (seated from left) are Pat O’Shea, Carl Sauer and Jim Hart; second row (standing, from left are Elaine Jezsik, Dolores Sauer, Irene Shevlin and Rose DiBella.

Helping the Widowed Build a New Life Circle of Hope provides a place for widowed to socialize

By Karen Boughton Siegelman

R

ose DiBella was only in her early 50s when her pastor at St. John The Evangelist Church in Greece asked if she could help form a group that would meet the needs of the parish’s widows and widowers.

Since it had only been about a year since DiBella lost her own

husband, she was well aware of the void that the loss of a spouse creates.

“There are times when you just want to sit in a corner and cry,” said DiBella, 72, of Greece. “You think that you cannot make it through one day.”

“It takes at least a year to get yourself together,” DiBella

continued. “Also, at first you think you are never going to lose your friends, but then you realize it’s difficult to go out as a non-couple. It gets to the point where you realize that you need to meet new friends.”

Although DiBella, and Alice Brookins, a widowed friend of hers who agreed to help form this new May / June 2011 - 55 PLUS

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55+

networking

group, already knew so much about the needs of widows and widowers, they still went out and searched for existing groups throughout the city of Rochester that served this unique population.

“We found there were only a few groups,” recalled DiBella, “and some of them limited their membership. For example, one was only for women, while another was only for Catholics. We decided we didn’t want to turn anyone away.”

At the first organizational meeting that DiBella and Brookins held to discuss the formation of the new group, a total of 25 people showed up.

“We asked those who attended if they wanted a bereavement group or not,” DiBella said. “They all agreed that they already had been through that process, so they wanted a social group instead.”

At that first meeting, held about 16 years ago at St. John’s Parish Center, the group’s name, Circle of Hope, was chosen, and 14 of the 25 attendees stepped up to serve on the board.

Since the beginning, the purpose of the Circle of Hope has remained the same.

“We are a social and support group,” said DiBella. “We provide a comfortable place for widowed people.”

The members recognize that some of those who are interested in joining the group are still going through the bereavement process.

“If that is the case, we point them in the right direction,” said DiBella. “I have worked with Lifetime Care from the beginning, and I refer people to the eight-week bereavement session that they offer there.”

“Some people call me right after

55 PLUS magazine

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55 PLUS - May / June 2011

Want to Join the Circle of Hope?

For more information on Circle of Hope contact Rose DiBella at (585) 225-0328 or Mickey Slattery at (585) 227-2023. Anyone interested in finding out more about the group is also invited to attend the Circle of Hope’s spring banquet, to be held May 20, beginning at 6 p.m. at Red Fedele’s Brook House. For more details, contact Rita Ridley at (585) 225-5032. they are widowed,” Dibella added. ”I may visit them, but I do not push them to come to our group because they usually are not yet ready to walk in and see people laughing and enjoying each other’s company.”

When someone is ready to join the Circle of Hope, DiBella and other member go out of their way to make them feel welcome.

“We walk them in and introduce them to someone who will be very cordial and understanding,” said DiBella. “In fact, I could pick almost anybody in the group because nearly all of our members fit this description.”

Circle of Hope has grown to about 120 members, with about 55 of them attending each meeting. The membership includes many faiths, more women than men and an age range from 55 to 80 years old. The meetings are held the third Friday of each month, from 7 to 9 p.m. at St. John’s Parish Center, 2400 Ridge Road W., in Greece.

The group’s calendar for the year includes activities such as

a card party, ice cream social, clambake and video night.

Speakers, addressing topics such as personal safety, self-medication and insurance, are featured at many of the meetings.

Unfortunately, the economy has forced the group to reduce the number of trips it organizes for its members. In the past they have traveled to Alaska and the Caribbean, but now most of the group’s destinations are closer to home.

Once a year the group holds a Day of Reflection and a Memorial Mass, which is held in memory of the members’ spouses. DiBella said that even the non-Catholic members attend this mass, and everyone is invited to bring their family members.

“We do not forget our spouses,” said DiBella. “This mass serves as a way to remember them.”

DiBella said one of the most gratifying aspects of her involvement in Circle of Hope is witnessing the many friendships that have developed over the years.

“One woman told me that she would have never met her best friend if it wasn’t for our group,” said DiBella. “We also have had four weddings of couples who met here.

Unfortunately after they get married we often don’t see much of them.”

However DiBella points out that it can be a positive sign when members choose to leave the group.

“It shows that we served our purpose,” DiBella said. “We were there to help them through the bad times, and now they feel independent and strong enough to go out on their own. It is all worthwhile when you receive thank you notes that say, ‘Your group is the only reason that I kept going.’”

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golden years

By Harold Miller E-mail: HMillerMOD@aol.com.

Retirement: A Whole New Ball Game Long life expectancy has skewed every pension plan, every retirement program, social security benefits and even Medicare

I

n my generation, it was not uncommon to join a company right out of school and retire from that company. We were taught that if you applied yourself and excelled at your job, you would be rewarded with pay raises, promotions and a pension for the “golden years.”

All of this has gone away on the winds of corporate greed, merger mania and simple financial survival.

Fifty years down the line, it is a completely different picture for the potential retiree.

According to data compiled by the Center for Retirement Research at Boston College for the Wall Street Journal, the median household headed by a person 60–62 years old with a 401(K) account has less than one-quarter of what is needed for that person, or persons, to maintain their standard of living in retirement. This discouraging situation has been caused to a great degree by the collapse of the housing and stock markets, but there are other factors such as demographics that play into the picture.

According to Michael Hurd, director of the Rand Corporation’s Center for the Study of Aging, almost 40 percent of Americans have foreclosures or are upside down on their mortgages or behind in payments. They are also unemployed or underemployed.

Financial planners estimate that today’s retiree needs about 85 percent of their pre-retirement income to maintain their standard

of living and only 8 percent of Americans now reaching retirement age qualify.

The retirement condominium market in Florida has crashed, taking Florida’s economy down with it. Some realtors predict it will take 20 years to absorb the present inventory. Of course the local politicians aided and abetted the situation by tripling property taxes for snowbirds starting in 2003 (nothing exceeds like excess). The good news is that there are some excellent housing bargains to be had. The bad news is that it’s mostly a cash market. Banks are reluctant to take mortgages on condos because

Another option in retirement is to sell your house and rent.

Our government has seen fit to burden homeowners with carrying virtually all of its operating expenses. If you no longer have children in school, why should you have to support the schools?

it’s too risky. Effectually, Florida has killed off the retirement condo market. Many retirees living on fixed incomes have abandoned their winter getaway and moved back home. The banks don’t want to foreclose because they will have to take over the maintenance fees and property tax payments, so thousands upon thousands of condo units just sit there as a testament to our increasingly dysfunctional governments.

The retirement crisis is further exacerbated by the fact that we are living much longer. The life expectancy for my generation in 1933, the year that I was born, was about 65. However, advances in medicine and better living habits have significantly extended everyone’s lifeline. Consider this amazing statistic: My actuarial life expectancy, for the purpose of IRA distribution, is now 95. This factor has skewed every pension plan, every retirement program, social security benefits and even Medicare.

Now the chickens are coming home to roost, and most of these programs are severely underfunded.

The simple fact of the matter is that too few workers are supporting too many retirees and other nonworkers. The die may be cast for many 55-plusers reading this, but for many others who have not yet reached retirement age, and for the younger generations, here are some tips from the experts on how to head off the retirement crisis. I have added a few tips based on my personal experience (you know the May / June 2011 - 55 PLUS

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Older and Stronger Study: Progressive resistance training can build muscle, increase strength as we age

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etting older doesn’t mean giving up muscle strength.

Not only can adults fight the battle of strength and muscle loss that comes with age, but the Golden Years can be a time to get stronger, say experts at the University of Michigan Health System.

“Resistance exercise is a great way to increase lean muscle tissue and strength capacity so that people can function more readily in daily life,” says Mark Peterson, Ph.D., a research fellow in the U-M Department of Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation.

Normally, adults who are sedentary beyond age 50 can expect muscle loss of up to 0.4 pounds a year.

“That only worsens as people age. But even earlier in adulthood — the 30s, 40s and 50s — you can begin to see declines if you do not engage in any strengthening activities,” Peterson says.

“No matter what age an individual is, they can experience significant strength improvement with progressive resistance exercise even into the eighth and ninth decades of life,” he says.

Progressive resistance training means that the amount of weight used, and the frequency and duration of training sessions is altered over time to accommodate an individual’s improvements.

A review article by U-M researchers, published in The American Journal of Medicine, shows that after an average of 1820 weeks of progressive resistance training, an adult can add 2.42 pounds of lean muscle to their body mass and increases their overall strength by 25-30 percent.

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over age 50 should strongly consider participating in resistance exercise.

A good way for people to start on a resistance training program, especially for people who are relatively sedentary — and after getting permission from their doctor to do so — is to use their body mass as a load for various exercises.

Exercises you can do using your own body weight include squats, standing up out of a chair, modified push-ups, lying hip bridges, as well as non-traditional exercises that progress through a full range of motion, such as thai chi or pilates and yoga.

Transition to the gym—After getting accustomed to these activities, older adults can move on to more advanced resistance training in an exercise and fitness facility. A certified trainer or fitness professional that has experience with special populations can help with the transition.

Peterson says you should feel comfortable asking a trainer whether they have experience working with aging adults before you begin any fitness routine.

“Working out at age 20 is not the same as at age 70. A fitness professional who understands those differences is important for your safety. In addition, current recommendations suggest that an older individual participate in strengthening exercise two days per week,” Peterson says. “Based on the results of our studies, I would suggest that be thought of as the minimum.”

“You should also keep in mind the need for increased resistance and intensity of your training to continue building muscle mass and strength,” he says.

saying, “Good judgment is the result of experience — which is the result of bad judgment.”)

• Money managers now urge their clients to contribute 12 to 15 percent of income to their profit sharing or 401(k) programs. This is due to the stock markets weak returns (likely to stay that way) and uncertainty about Social Security and Medicare.

• Many potential retirees are going to have to work longer or take a part-time job in retirement.

• One alternative to the stock market is the bond market. Most brokers do not push bonds but the fact is that the bond market is four times bigger than the stock market.

The heavy hitters among investors will tell you that at age 50, 50 percent of your portfolio should be in bonds, and at age 70, that figure jumps to 70 percent.

• Another alternative is tax-free municipal bonds. Some are yielding up to 6 percent, which is the beforetax equivalent of a 9 percent return for those in the upper tax brackets.

This is particularly important for New York state residents who are nailed with one of the highest state personal income tax rates in the nation.

• Many New York residents are moving out of the state upon retirement. This is a sad situation, but it must be considered as an option.

• Another option in retirement is to sell your house and rent. Our government has seen fit to burden homeowners with carrying virtually all of its operating expenses. If you no longer have children in school, why should you have to support the schools? Perhaps a little callous, but charity begins at home.

Sadly, the days of upper middle class retirees enjoying a second home in the sunshine belt appear to be over for the foreseeable future.

This luxury is now reserved only for the well-to-do. The only silver lining is the fact that American retirees are living longer, healthier and more active lives, and no one can take that away from us.

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At China’s Great Wall last year.

Octogenarian Travels the World as a Backpacker 83-year-old experiences journey into Asian cultures

By Concetta (Connie) Tuori

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usually travel abroad in September every year for six weeks. This year I decided to travel in China and Japan. I had not been in China since 1999 and wanted to see the many changes that had occurred, and also the Shanghai Expo that had opened in May. I had not seen Japan since 1982, except for Tokyo for five days last year. My plan was to spend four weeks in China and then take the weekly ferry from Shanghai to Osaka and spend the last two weeks in Japan.

Some of the places where I

stayed were recommended in Lonely Planets guidebooks on China and Japan. However, this time I found the Internet had cheaper options and more up-to-date suggestions.

Also, it was possible to make reservations at various places such as hostels and teahouses using the Internet and “Travel World.”

In China, I found there were many hostels affiliated with International Hostelling and most gave a 5 percent reduction with my hostel card. In past trips to China when I stayed in hostels

and other backpacker places, other travelers were always Americans or Europeans. However, on this trip, I found myself sharing a four-bed room with mostly Chinese travelers.

They now have more disposable income to travel. Most spoke some English, and I was able to talk to them about changes in China.

In Japan, I used a Japan Rail Pass that I had bought in the United States before leaving. I found it to have good value. I checked the fares between places and found I had surpassed the 28,300 yen ($332 plus $10 for Fed Ex) I had paid for May / June 2011 - 55 PLUS

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it by 17,000 yen. I had a one-week pass but planned my trip so I did not activate the pass until I began traveling after leaving Kyoto. This way I was able to travel to Nara for a day, then Hiroshima and Miyajima, then Takayama, and reached Tokyo the last day before my pass expired.

The language barrier The biggest difficulty was language because my knowledge of Chinese and Japanese is limited to a few greeting words. Chinese is a tonal language and if you don’t pronounce a word correctly, you will not be understood. I asked the English-speaking staff to write in Chinese where I wanted to go on a piece of paper. Then I would show it on a bus to a driver, or in the street to someone who helped me find the place.

In Japan, the language is phonetical and the Latin alphabet is widely used so I pronounced or showed the place name in Latin letters and got around fairly well.

English is more widely spoken in Japan. It seemed easier to make myself understood.

I have been in China six times since 1982 and traveled all over the country. I decided to limit my travel to the east coast. China is no longer cheap to travel as it was in the ‘80s and ‘90s. Airfare within the country is quite expensive so I traveled mainly by bus and train and once by hard-sleeper train from Beijing to Shanghai.

I also visited Suzhou, Nanjing, Hangzhou, and two small cities called Tunxi and Wuyuan. With the exception of Nanjing and the latter two, I had been in all the other cities in the ‘80s and ‘90s.

Beijing had a new subway system that had been built for the 2008 Olympics, and it was quicker and easier to get around. Stores and businesses were bustling and thriving. Gone were the “friendship” stores run by the government where foreigners could find all kinds of Chinese goods and electronics. The silk market that had 18

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been an open street with little stalls offering bargains in wearing apparel and other Chinese goods was now a five-story building with sales people who heckled and harassed tourists.

There were no longer fixed prices as in the friendship stores and the easy-going dealers in the silk market. I had to bargain hard because they started with outrageously high prices and I had to bring them down.

The greatest change was Shanghai that I had not seen since 1988. It was a world city now with skyscrapers, new hotels, fancy restaurants, boutiques, and tourists making records to see the Shanghai Exposition that opened May 1 and ran until The author traveling in Mahabalipuram Oct. 31. The theme of the south India in 2010. expo was to create a better city and better life.

Nanjing, one of the places

Popular destinations

The three- or four-hour wait and lines to get into some pavilions made it a challenge. Two Chinese girls from Guanzhou who shared the room with me in the hostel went to visit the Expo and stayed four days paying 140 yuan ($21) each day to enter. They worked as interpreters and tour guides and were able to afford this.

Suzhou and Hangzhou, which I had also visited in 1988, were also different from the laid-back, quiet spots of 22 years before. Now there were busloads of Chinese and Western tourists to visit the lovely gardens and to travel the canals and waterways of Suzhou.

Hangzhou, one of the most beautiful cities in China renown for its beautiful West Lake and scenic beauty and temples, was a quiet place in 1988 where I had a large dorm with 20 beds in a hostel all by myself. Not anymore.

My last night in Hangzhou, a mixed group of young people arrived late and came in my eightbed dorm at 11 p.m.

I had never visited before, had a star attraction, the famous museum, “The Rape of Nanjing”, an enormous museum filled with pictures blown-up of the Japanese invasion of 1937, and the rape and killing of 300,000 Chinese people.

It was filled with young people on a rainy day I visited. The second attraction was the memorial to Sun Yat-Sen, the leader of the 1911 overthrow of the Chinese Emperor and the first president of the Chinese Republic. Everywhere the crowds were overwhelming.

I went to Tunxi and Wuyuan because my guidebook suggested these scenic old villages to see what Chinese village life was like.

They were a welcome change after big cities but still the narrow streets were filled with tourists.

Walking in the narrow streets with whitewashed buildings, I found a similarity to ones I had seen in Italy and Greece years ago.

In Japan I wanted to revisit Kyoto, the cultural capital of Japan, which I had not seen since 1982.

The gardens and temples were still

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the only building left to stand after the A-bomb attack in 1945. Nearby in the Inland Sea is Miyajima, the most photographed scenic spot with its famous vermillion torri.

I went to Takayama, a charming little city in the Japanese Alps in the central Honshu Island in the Hida district. My final destination was Tokyo where I spent the last two days.

My favorite spot is Asakusa because it has a compact neighborhood and its temple Sensoji is in the heart of the main market.

In the evening, it was all lit up and presented a beautiful sight.

In China, I was often asked, “How old are you?” When I Solemn reminder answered 83, they smiled and said their grandmother or mother would In Hiroshima, I saw the Peace Memorial Park that had not yet been not venture on a trip alone as I was.

In my Beijing hostel, a lady from built in 1956, the first time I visited.

Venezuela remarked, “You come to The Atomic Bomb Dome was still China alone at your age?” A young there as I had seen it in 1956. It was German traveler in Japan was very interested that an 80-something person would stay in a hostel and sleep on the floor on tatami mats Japanese style. In Japan, I was not asked how old I was very often mainly because there are so many old people walking about, and I was not so conspicuous.

Under Confucianism, in China an older person is treated with special respect, and people go out of their way to help them. In China and Japan, many older and younger people tried to help me find a place when I was lost, which was often.

“Apple”, the lady at the Backpacker hostel in Beijing, sent me in a van to the train station the night I left for Shanghai and said it was on the house.

In Nanjing, I couldn’t An elephant trip in Chiang Mai, Thailand, in 1977. there, but the entrance fees were high ($6.80 or $7.60) and there no reductions for seniors as there were in Chinese temples and museums.

I was surprised that such a rich country like Japan cannot lower its entrance fees for older people, and even charges its schoolchildren (although they offer reductions to them). They are constantly on school trips.

A new spot in Kyoto I had not seen in my previous trips was Nishiki Market. It is in the center of town. The variety of foods on display is staggering. I saw the wonderful foods that go into Kyoto cuisine.

find my hotel even though I had the address written in Chinese. The taxi driver just left me in the street. A middle-aged man who was nearby took the paper and kept asking people until he found it across the street.

The Japanese are probably the most polite people in the world.

They would bow and smile and even if they had limited English, they tried to help me. In Hiroshima, I had to climb a hill when I got off the bus to go to the hostel. A nice old man grabbed my suitcase and rolled it up the hill to the hostel for me.

Country on the move My trip gave me insight into the phenomenal changes in China in the past few years. China is very wealthy and very changed from 1982, my first trip, when people were dressed in Mao suits that were grey and blue, and bicycles were the main transport.

In Japan, I saw a different country from 1956 and 1982, my last trips. In 1956, Japan was still poor after the war. In 1982, it had developed miraculously and was booming. This time, I saw an aging society and felt it had reached its peak, and China would surpass it in a few years.

Japan is a fascinating country to travel in because it has blended their Japanese culture with Western culture, and it is the first Eastern culture to become completely westernized.

However, the exchange rate for the dollar today makes it extremely expensive. The dollar dropped from 83 yen to 78 yen during the two weeks I was there. Some of the prices, such as $2 for one apple, are prohibitively expensive. Gone are the days of 1956 and even 1982 when the rate of exchange was 325 and 275 yen respectively and I could shop carefree.

Concetta (Connie) Tuori is a resident of Syracuse. A Syracuse University graduate and a former teacher, she has traveled extensively since 1948.

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long-term care

By Susan Suben

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Alzheimer’s, the Unpaid Caregiver and Long Term Care Insurance

ccording to the latest figures released by the Alzheimer’s Association, “there are nearly 15 million Alzheimer’s and dementia caregivers providing 17 billion hours of unpaid care valued at $202 billion.”

The Alzheimer’s Association “Facts and Figures” report finds that caregivers suffer emotional and physical stress that takes a toll on their own health. In 2010, $7.9 billion was paid for additional health costs. The report also noted that “60 percent of caregivers report high levels of stress because of the prolonged duration of caregiving and 33 percent report symptoms of depression.”

As the former director of programs and services for the Alzheimer’s Association of CNY, I spoke to caregivers who called the association helpline for assistance.

Many of the callers asked about the availability of respite care.

Other callers were daunted by the task of finding services in the community to help them care for their loved one. They often wanted to know if their health insurance or Medicare paid for such services as bathing, dressing or toileting, adult day care or assisted living.

My answer disappointed many callers. Health insurance and Medicare do not pay for the services that most Alzheimer’s patients need such as help with their activities of daily living (custodial care) or supervision because of behavioral problems. Health insurance and Medicare also do not reimburse 20

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for respite care, adult day care or assisted living.

The only insurance that covers services for individuals afflicted with Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia is long-term care insurance. The policies cover all levels of home care, respite care, case management, adult day care and assisted living and, if necessary, nursing home care. However, it is important to note that if a person has already been diagnosed with the disease, he/she is uninsurable for the coverage. Long-term care insurance is a planning strategy to put into place before the disease occurs.

The two triggers to receive benefits from a long-term care insurance policy are an inability to perform two out of six activities of daily living (bathing, eating, dressing, toileting, continence and transferring) or the need for substantial supervision due to a severe cognitive impairment that is measurable and accounts for a significant deterioration of intellectual capacity.

As Alzheimer’s progresses, many primary caregivers provide assistance with activities of daily living, such as bathing and toileting.

This can often cause embarrassment for them and the person with Alzheimer’s. Long-term care insurance allows a caregiver to bring help into the home, either through a home health care agency or independent caregiver that can relieve them of these responsibilities.

Skilled care, custodial care, and homemaker services are covered. If

care is no longer possible at home, adult day care and assisted living are available options.

Long-term care insurance pays for respite care and, equally important, provide free case management, a source of support and advocacy for the caregiver as well as the policyholder.

Respite care is primarily for unpaid caregivers to take a temporary break from their caregiving responsibilities. The respite care feature in a longterm care insurance policy offers caregivers a “reprieve” to go on errands, take a vacation or just go out to lunch with friends. It gives them the chance to alleviate some of their emotional and physical stress so that they do not become ill. They can recharge their batteries.

The case management feature is generally provided by local professionals who are familiar with services available in the community. They can assess the functional and cognitive capabilities and personal needs of the person with Alzheimer’s, identify specific services and care providers, develop and suggest plans of care, and monitor care needs on an ongoing basis.

Case management can be especially valuable to long distance caregivers who want to make sure that their loved one is receiving proper care and attention.

As the Alzheimer’s report points out, most caregivers are unpaid and many have to leave their jobs, which can have a lasting effect on career advancement, savings and projected

income in retirement.

There are several long-term care insurance policies on the market that pay family caregivers as well as friends or neighbors. These policies are either cash plans or have a cash component that allows the policyholder to pay anyone to take care of him/her. Not only will care cost less than paying a licensed or certified caregiver but it gives the policyholder a sense of comfort in having someone they know care for them and at the same time offering that person compensation.

Even though there is no cure or prevention for Alzheimer’s right now, there are long-term care insurance policies that can be incorporated into a retirement plan that will alleviate the physical, emotional and financial stress on a family should the disease occur.

Susan Suben, MS, CSA, is President of Long Term Care Associates, Inc. and a consultant for Canandaigua National Bank & Trust Company. She can be reached at 800-422-2655 or by

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Scott Pitoniak A Successful Second Act Since losing his 25-year job at the Democrat and Chronicle, he has written three books, created a Web page and sports blog and is about to publish a biography of Syracuse University basketball coach Jim Boeheim. What’s next for him?

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cott Pitoniak was hooked the first time he saw one of his sports stories in his hometown newspaper.

“I could hold that in my hand, and know that that was part of some creative process,” he says.

The lure of that byline in the Rome Daily Sentinel helped propel him down a path that has taken him from local ball fields to the Olympics. Over nearly 35 years as a sports reporter, feature writer, columnist, television and radio co-host and author, Pitoniak has brought sports and those who play them to life for his readers and audiences. Professional organizations at the local, state and national levels have long recognized the 55-year-old’s work, presenting him with more than 100 awards for sports writing.

“He’s a talented writer who cares enormously about what he does, both getting it right, and also getting the tone on target,” says Jim Memmott, former managing editor of

By Mike Costanza Rochester’s Democrat and Chronicle, where Pitoniak spent most of his working life.

Pitoniak was born into a workingclass family in Rome in the Mohawk Valley, the youngest of three brothers.

Andrew, his father, was a mechanic.

His mother, Edna, was a voracious reader who often sat down with him to talk about what she’d read.

“She could really boil it down, and tell me what was compelling about the story,” he says.

Years later, he put the skills she’d helped him learn as a child to use as a reporter.

Many in Rome worked in the local copper and brass mills or the now-defunct Griffis Air Force Base.

Huge B-52 bombers used to shake the dishes in the family cupboards as they ran up their engines, Pitoniak says.

Neighborhood kids played sports of one kind or another throughout the year under the watchful eyes of those nearby.

“It was just a very close-knit community where people looked out for one another,” he explained.

As a young boy, Pitoniak would hang his baseball glove from his bicycle’s handlebars on summer days, and pedal the three or four blocks to the local sandlot. Using their bikes as “fences,” he and his friends would set out a ball field, often using the original Yankee Stadium as their model. In those days, which seemed so much safer than they are now, kids often played until dark, breaking only for meals. After bedtime, he would listen to ball games on his transistor radio.

“I would listen to Scooter call the games, and Mel Allen and Red Barber,” Pitoniak says. “Scooter” is Phil Rizzuto, a legendary Yankee shortstop who went on to announce games for the team on the radio and television.

Pitoniak went from sandlot teams up the amateur baseball ladder, playing on Little League teams, Pony May / June 2011 - 55 PLUS

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Pitoniak and his wife of four years, Beth Adams, who co-hosts “The Morning Show with Chet and Beth” on radio station 1180-WHAM. “She is the bettter half and the love of my life,” he says.

Baseball teams, and others as he grew older. Each month, he pored over such publications as “SPORT.” The monthly, which was then the top magazine for sports fans, featured huge, in-depth profiles of prominent athletes.

“I wanted to know that Roger Maris broke Babe Ruth’s home run record for a single season—yeah, that was tremendous—but I also wanted to know some stuff about Roger Maris,” Pitoniak says.

Pitoniak credits that kind of reporting for helping instill in him the desire to become a reporter.

Every now and then, Pitoniak would get a real treat—a trip to the House that Ruth Built. His father would take him to a Yankees game— even though he was not much of a baseball fan.

“He would make the sacrifice, and drive down from Rome to the south Bronx and back the same day,” Pitoniak says.

The sacrifice transcended the drive itself. Andrew Pitoniak suffered from diabetes and a heart ailment, and suffered several heart attacks. Father and son traveled to Yankee Stadium

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for their last game in 1970, the day that the Yankees retired Casey Stengel’s No. 37 jersey. Andrew Pitoniak died six months later. Neighbors and friends helped 15-year-old Scott deal with the traumatic loss.

“I remember how good the other kids’ fathers were to me,” he says.

By the time he’d graduated from high school, Pitoniak had decided to become a sports writer. He dove to make a catch while playing third base on a local American Legion team, and tore a ligament in his thumb. Knowing that his disabled third baseman hoped for a career in sports writing, the team’s coach offered him the chance to write up its games for the hometown paper. Years later, Pitoniak remembers sweating over that first article.

“It took me forever to write this short, six- to eight-inch story,” he says.

The next day, he headed to the Rome Daily Sentinel’s offices to see his handiwork, where a news editor noticed his enthusiasm.

“He said, ‘Oh, no, this kid’s got ink in his blood,’” Pitoniak says. “He was right.”

That September, Pitoniak entered

the prestigious S. I. Newhouse School of Public Communications at Syracuse University. After graduating magna cum laude in 1977, he took a job with The Evening Times, a newspaper in Little Falls, east of Utica, for the munificent sum of $100 a week. He was assigned coverage of the nowdefunct Little Falls Mets, which was one of the New York Mets’ minor league teams.

“It was the lowest rung of the professional baseball ladder,” Pitoniak says.

Unlike the major-league Mets, the Little Falls variety had none of the perks of pro ballplayers. All were recent high school or college graduates who hoped for a shot at the majors, Pitoniak says. To get that, they played a grueling schedule of 78 games in 76 days, and put up with fatigue, boredom and other tribulations of the road. Day after day, they’d board the team bus and head to Niagara Falls, Jamestown, Geneva, or other Upstate New York cities or towns. Once there,

Jim Memmott, former managing editor of Rochester’s Democrat and Chronicle, where Pitoniak spent most of his working life.

“He’s a talented writer who cares enormously about what he does, both getting it right, and also getting the tone on target,” Memmott says.

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Rochester Press-Radio Club President Patricia Grover: “We raise about $50,000 at our dinner every year, and distribute it to local children’s charities,” she says. they’d relax a bit, eat—generally fast food—then head to the ballpark for a night game. After playing, they’d stop for the same toothsome fare, and then head out to their next game, sleeping en route, Pitoniak says.

Traveling with the team from ballpark to ballpark, Pitoniak shared their bumpy bus rides, bad food, and constant pressure to perform, he says.

With them came the camaraderie of shared dreams.

Five Things You Didn’t Know About Scott Pitoniak…

A five-year plan. He and his two brothers were all born five years apart on holidays—he came into this world on Easter Sunday.

A magic time. Former heavy-

cover

“Their dreams were to be in the major leagues. My dream was to write for a big city newspaper, or Sports Illustrated,” Pitoniak says.

After covering the Little Falls Mets for 48 games, Pitoniak moved on to write for a succession of larger newspapers. In 1985, he came to Rochester to cover sports for the Democrat and Chronicle and its sister publication, the Times-Union. The Democrat and Chronicle was then known as the flagship of the Gannet Co., Inc. “I went there with the idea that I wanted to cover the Buffalo Bills,” he says.

The Bills were doing so poorly back then that they’d become the butt of talk shows, he says. Then, quarterback Jim Kelley joined the team, eventually taking the team to four straight Super Bowls, though the team never won the championship.

Pitoniak covered every game, developing an enduring friendship with head coach Marv Levy. Levy, a Harvard graduate with a deep interest in history, was known for his sense of humor. As the Bills approached their fourth Super Bowl in 1994, a reporter asked Levy whether the game was a “must win,” Pitoniak says.

“He said, ‘No, I don’t consider this a ‘must win.’ World War II was a ‘must win,’’” Pitoniak says.

During his 25 years with the Democrat and Chronicle, Pitoniak covered a total of eight Super Bowls, five World Series, high school games,

and even youth sports, he says.

Exciting as it was to report from the sidelines, he was also drawn to the quieter stories that did not scream for headlines, but whispered to the heart.

“The main emotion that Scott is worried about in his writing is almost more the need to evoke concern, passion and empathy,” Memmott says.

A baseball cap, a memento of those years with Gannett, reflects that desire to touch and reveal sports’ human elements. The cap, which sits on a shelf in Pitoniak’s home office, bears the number “55,” and the words, “NEVER GIVE UP.” “55” is the number that Mike Fennell, a beloved McQuaid Jesuit High School varsity basketball coach, wore on his uniform while battling cancer. After chemotherapy left him bald, the kids on the team shaved their heads in support of their coach, and wore baseball caps bearing his number and that slogan. Fennell continued to fight the disease while he led the team to a Section V title in 2001.

“He knew he was going to die, yet he showed such incredible grace under pressure,” Pitoniak says.

Fennell died in 2002. McQuaid presented the baseball cap to Pitoniak in honor of his coverage of the man, his struggle against cancer, and the young men whose lives he’d touched.

Pitoniak’s body of work includes more than 500 freelance articles for publications that range from The New

weight champion Muhammad Ali entertained Pitoniak and a friend in his hotel room with magic tricks and poetry recitations during the 2000 Summer Olympics in Sydney, Australia.

out their impromptu ball fields along the old Yankee Stadium’s asymmetric lines. Center field was always, “Death Valley, where triples go to die,” he says.

Made in heaven. He calls sports writing the perfect marriage of two passions for him, “writing, or storytelling, and sports.”

Good enough for the Bronx. As a kid, Scott and his friends would set

The pen is mightier. Pitoniak calls sports writing a “double-edged sword.” Though you love seeing your byline, if you’ve made a mistake, “You can’t go and retrieve all those papers.”

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Pitoniak at his Penfield office York Times to ESPN.com. The prolific author has also penned 13 books on sports—the 14th, a biography of Syracuse University basketball coach Jim Boeheim, is due out in the fall. He has also co-hosted numerous radio and television shows on sports, and taught journalism courses at St. John Fisher College, he says.

Gannett reduced its nationwide workforce by 10 percent in 2008, letting Pitoniak go in the process.

Though the blow was hard to take, he responded to it by writing three books about sports in the space of a year, and created a web page and sports blog.

His latest book, Jewel of the Sports World: the Hickock Belt Award, was just published in 2010. The book, with a foreward by Muhammad Ali, presents the story of the prestigious S. Rae Hickok Professional Athlete of the 26

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Year award, Pitoniak says.

That story is interwoven with Rochester’s history.

Ray and Alan Hickock created the award in honor of their father, Stephen Rae Hickock, the founder of the Hickock Manufacturing Company, after his death. The brothers intended the goldbuckled, diamondstudded award to honor outstanding athletes. Each year, from 1950 to 1976, a panel of sports writers and sportscasters would select one person to be the recipient. Ali, Mickey Mantle and football great Joe Namath were all selected for the honor, according to the book. For many of those years, the award was presented at the Rochester PressRadio Club’s annual gala charity dinner and fundraiser. Sports stars and other famous personages from around the country trooped to the affair.

“The dinner was known as the ‘Academy Awards of sports,’” Pitoniak says.

S o o n a f t e r t h e a w a rd w a s discontinued, Hickock shut its doors.

Though the award is no more, the Rochester Press-Radio Club is vibrantly alive. Its annual fundraiser, the Rochester Press-Radio Club Day of Champions Children’s Charities Dinner, can bring in 1,200 guests, says club president Patricia Grover.

“We raise about $50,000 at our dinner every year, and distribute it to local children’s charities,” she says.

Pitoniak has served as the PressRadio Club’s president, co-chaired its annual dinner, worked on its

programs, and given his time to the club in other ways, Grover says.

The program, a souvenier of the fundraiser, can come to 70 pages.

“For the most part, Scott has been the sole worker on the program the last few years,” she says.

Pitoniak also gives his time and energy to other good causes, especially Challenger Little League Baseball.

The program gives kids 5 to 18 years old who have physical, mental or emotional challenges the chance to play baseball, Pitoniak says. Fairport, Greece, Webster, Penfield and Geneva all have challenger leagues, and each summer Challenger teams come together at Frontier Field for the Challenger Baseball World Series.

Each player on a Challenger team takes to the field with the assistance of an able-bodied “buddy” who stands by to help throughout the game. Pitoniak has served as a buddy and a relief pitcher, and joined other Press-Radio Club volunteers to serve ballpark-style meals to the players and their families at Frontier Field.

“It’s a program that’s near and dear to my heart,” he says.

When not busy on one of his many projects, Pitoniak enjoys spending time with his two grown children and with Beth Adams, his wife of about four years.

“She is the bettter half and the love of my life,” he says.

Adams co-hosts “The Morning Show with Chet and Beth” on radio station 1180-WHAM. Pitoniak also enjoys reading meaty biographies—David McCullough’s biography of former president Harry S. Truman is a particular favorite— and playing baseball in the style that the game had when it emerged. His team takes to the field at the Genesee Country Museum in full 19th century regalia, he says.

What’s next for Scott Pitoniak?

Though he admits he’s still figuring that out, he says he’d love to become involved in a documentary.

“I just want to continue to do things that I could be passionate about, and things that are creative,” he says.

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Online Dating The number of seniors who use online dating services is expected to skyrocket in the coming years

By Aaron Gifford

T

he Quality-Singles.com website claims that there are 20,296 single people in Rochester between the ages of 50 and 59, and 12,871 singles in the 70–84 age group.

The site contains links to, and reviews of, well-known dating sites like eHarmony, Chemistry. com, Match.com, Spark.com and SingleSeniorsMeet.com, where for about $20 a month members get access to live chat rooms, photo galleries, message boards and an instant messaging service to

communicate with other singles. For now, SingleSeniorsMeet.com is the only listed service on the site aimed directly at seniors, but that’s likely to change someday soon.

The number of seniors who use online dating services is expected to skyrocket in the coming years due to a number of factors: Divorce is still fairly common in the United States, more seniors are becoming computer literate, and it’s no longer commonly frowned upon for older adults to seek mates after their spouse dies.

Tom Blake, a newspaper columnist with The Orange County (Calif.)

Register and author of several books about finding love after the age of 50, said more than half of the 50 couples he surveyed for a recent book indicated that they found their current significant others on Internet dating sites.

“I was surprised by that,” said Blake, who also publishes a free eletter for older singles simply called the Tom Blake Newsletter. “And

even more interesting was that one site [Match.com] blew away the competition, based on what the people said about their experiences with different sites.”

“Changing attitudes are a big part of why so many more people over 50 are dating again,” Blake said. “Some people may elect never to marry again after a divorce, but they are looking to cohabitate. And you do see a lot of people who get divorced much later on [after their kids are grown]. They decide that they want the last years of their lives to be very precious to them. “ Blake said online dating sites can be a useful tool, but not the only tool, for finding love as you grow older.

Online sites, Blake added, have two major drawbacks. First, users who are looking to meet someone quickly often start with a broad search, meet someone who lives in another state and soon become emotionally attached in a long-distance relationship. And second, these sites often attract people May / June 2011 - 55 PLUS

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who are looking to scam vulnerable, lonely singles.

“The next thing you know, you’re wiring money to someone who says they need funds to buy a plane ticket,” Blake said. “Loneliness makes for bad decisions sometimes. And on the Internet, anyone can be anyone.”

Most online dating sites have free introductory offers, but they’ll eventually ask for money. Seniors who want to sign up need to be sure that they have anti-virus protection, and if they are using a Wi-Fi connection outside of their home, they need to be sure the network is secure.

Corinda Crossdale, director of Monroe County’s Office for the Aging, said her employees and the agencies that they interact with are still learning about online dating sites for seniors. She believes adults 55 and over are highly marketable for those services, and the senior network needs to get up to speed in order to guide their patrons on how to use the sites safely and effectively.

“For now,” she said, “Seniors need to do their homework before they try these sites out. Is it reputable?

Is it a well-known site? If it’s now well-known, there must be a reason.

These are the questions they have to ask.”

Joel Elias, coordinator of the TechAge Adult Computer Learning Center at the Jewish Community Center in Brighton, has been teaching computer literacy and safety courses to seniors for 11 years now. So far, his program has not offered any instruction on dating sites because there is still much to be learned about them. But he acknowledged that there will be an important need for classes on this topic in the years to come.

“Definitely,” he said, “because seniors are becoming more computer literate. The message will be the same: We teach them that they have to be cautious.”

Elias has advised seniors of the dangers of email phishing scams. As for chat sites, he cautions his students not to engage with anyone they don’t know. The same goes for Facebook — “If they try to friend you, don’t do 28

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it unless you know who they are.”

“Seniors can be vulnerable,” said Elias, 67. “They tend to be more trusting. They need to be made aware of the fact that there are security risks out there. If I can have them take away anything from my class, it’s that they need to play it safe.”

Still, online dating sites can be a great service for older folks who want to meet like-minded individuals but don’t have the ability to drive to gatherings or meeting places. They are also good for folks who might want to take the process very slow and chat periodically before they commit to meeting someone in person. Blake thinks there are potentially millions of seniors across the country that desperately want to meet others but hesitate to use a computer.

“I think the older generation is getting more independent and wiser, but there are still many older folks who are afraid to use these sites,” he said. “They’re still of the belief that someone is going to come knocking at their door, and that’s now going to happen.”

Blake personally recommends Meetup.com, which isn’t even a dating site. The free service allows users to search for groups, clubs and activities in their area. A recent search of the Central New York region in Meetup generated bulletins from about a hundred different groups, ranging from a hiking organization in Hamilton to a business networking club in Syracuse. There was nothing specifically noted for senior citizens in the region, but the results did include a senior singles mingle event in Victor.

Blake said searches should be conducted based upon interests, not age.

“Getting off of your couch, out of your home and some place where you are meeting people is the best place to start, even if the reason for going there isn’t romance. It’s amazing the activities that get formed. You’re finding people who have a shared interest. That’s a great start,” Blake said.

Blake said most of the online

dating sights he’s familiar cost between $20 and $30 per month to use, though many have introductory offers and will allow a limited number of matches before fees are rendered.

Being single and trying to meet a mate is an investment, he added, “of not just money, but time and effort.”

The Quality-Singles.com site only lists the most known dating sites.

A quick Internet search revealed that there are dozens of others, including some that are specific to location, religion, ethnicity and sexual orientation. There are sites for overweight singles and single parents.

There’s also TheUglyBugBall.com, which proclaims to be “real dating for real people.”

O t h e r 5 0 - p l u s da t i n g si t e s include MatureSinglesClick. com and SeniorPeopleMeet.com.

The highlighted testimonial on SingleSeniorsMeet.com is from “Sfsandra,” who said she later fell in love with the first man who sent her a mingle mail the day she signed up with the site in January 2004.

Sfsandra wrote on the site: “Because of that mingle mail, I took notice of him in the chat room and found him to be a funny, witty person.

I began to look forward to seeing him in the room. Every once in awhile he would send me a little mingle mail — nothing too forward, just a kind hello…As the months went by, I found myself checking to see if he was in chat and, if he was, I was very pleased to go in and chat with him and the other people. In March, I was out of the country for about three weeks, but I would occasionally stop at a cyber café, just to check in, give a little travelogue on the board, etc.., still hoping to happen on him in the chat room. When I returned, we started talking a bit more intimately, which led to talking on instant messenger and on the telephone. Once we made that leap, things progresses rather quickly, and on May 22 I flew to New Orleans to meet him. By that time, we were totally involved and in love, and the actual meeting didn’t change any of that.”

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Second Time Around

If you were married for 30 years or more, diving into the dating pool can be an exhilarating, scary experience

By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant

D

ating at 55-plus is a whole ‘nother ballgame. You’ve probably been married before and a spouse’s death or divorce has abruptly dumped you back into singlehood. Now that you’ve recovered, and realize you’d like to date again, it can be a little overwhelming. Especially if you were married for 30 years or more, diving into the dating pool can feel like plunging into the deep end of the pool as a kid who can’t swim, both exhilarating and scary at the same time.

Things may be different now, but in some ways, that’s good.

Here are a few tips that will give you water wings.

“In my experience, dating for people who have been married, have children, and who have been experienced at love before can be quite fulfilling,” said Dan Rosen, licensed clinical social worker practicing i n R o c h e s t e r.

“Often there can be more open communication in a relationship whereas younger, less experienced people often are embarrassed about honest talk about love and sex and commitment.

Rosen “So the benefit is honesty, openness, experience, clarity around boundaries, and the

ability to appreciate the genuine authenticity of their new partner.”

You don’t have to worry as much about appearance now as you did as a young adult.

“Don’t believe that the physical effects of aging make you less attractive,” said Ann Altoonian, a licensed psychologist with offices in East Irondequoit. “It is not true that this is a barrier. The other person will be dealing with the same effects of aging as well, and putting yourself down is not consistent with what is rated as the No. 1 quality that potential partners are attracted to, which is confidence.”

Though you’ve earned some gray hair by now, with the years have come experience that Altoonian can help you. But be careful that your self-assurance doesn’t make you too rigid over unimportant matters.

For example, if you’ve never tried boating but meet a charming sailor, don’t immediately shrug off the potential date. Perhaps you’ll like boating also.

Keep your expectations real as to how you will blend your life with someone else’s.

“You’re not going to change someone,” said Dorinda Groggin, a social worker at Independent Living for Seniors in Rochester. “This is who

they are. You need to be comfortable with them. Think about why you want to date and what you want to get out of it.”

Groggin earned a master ’s in social work with a concentration in gerontology from Syracuse University.

Your reasons for finding someone have also changed since you were in your 20s. “ Yo u ’ r e n o t picking a mate to raise children with,” Groggin said.

Goggin “You’re picking one who will have a life compatible with yours, but it’s not the same as a 20year-old.”

Even dating itself has changed a lot. Many women, for example, do not expect men to pick up the tab but anticipate paying their half. Dating is not as innocent as it used to be. One of the fastest-growing populations of those contracting STDs is the elderly.

“A smart woman who’s sexually active carries condoms,” Groggin said. “It’s equally true for someone 55-plus, not to prevent pregnancy but to prevent STDs. The dating world is a lot more promiscuous now than it was the last time you were dating.”

As you begin dating again, stay safe. Above all, do not give out personal information to a potential date. It may seem common sense to May / June 2011 - 55 PLUS

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never give your home address, phone number, full name and birth date to a total stranger, but it’s surprising how many people do just that and fall prey to identity theft. With the advent of online dating and speed dating, many people make the mistake of telling too much too soon in an effort to be personable.

Online dating can also make it easy to say too much too soon about your past. Those willing to do so indicate they’re still wrapped up in their previous spouse.

“They’re not emotionally available, especially if it’s ‘My wife and I,’” Groggin said. “If you want someone to carry their own weight in the relationship, that’s a bad sign.”

Use online dating is a prescreening tool, not an automated matchmaker. Only you can tell if someone’s for real and a good match for you, not computer software.

“If you are looking for a one in a million partner, you need to date hundreds of thousands to find him or her,” Rosen said. “If you are looking for a one in a hundred partner, you need to keep your chin up, actively search, and don’t be afraid to stay away from the wrong picks.”

If you try online dating, do not use your real name or physical address online. Be careful about giving your email address because it could be associated with your real name elsewhere online. You may want to use an email only for online dating that is not linked to your name. Remove or initialize your actual name from your email server’s account information so it does not automatically attach it to e-mails you send.

If you and your online friend agree to meet in person, make it a date at a public place you’ve been before and during daylight hours.

For example, you could suggest lunch or coffee at a place you like. It may seem chivalrous for the man to pick up the lady at her home; however, it’s best to avoid this scenario until you are sure about one another. If you’re pressured to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, back out.

If friends and family seem to discourage your budding interest, 30

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take their concern to heart.

“We all deserve to meet a new partner,” Rosen said. “Age is less the issue than your ability to be honest, clear, open to new experience, communicate effectively, and say ‘no’ when it’s not right.

It’s easy to let infatuation blind us to another person’s faults and going too far too fast is a recipe for danger or heartbreak.

“You have rose-colored glasses but you trust what you see when you take them off,” Groggin said. “Common sense is still very important. Listen to the words others use. Their words frequently are contradictions to what they want.”

For example, if a date says he loves family life, yet he hates attending picnics with children running around, he likely does not love family life. Or if she says she adores animals but is turned off by a few stray cat hairs on your jacket, it’s likely a warning that she really isn’t an animal lover.

As a dating relationship continues, make sure you talk about important issues such as your view of money, how your adult children and grandchildren are involved in your life, and how you picture spending the rest of your life.

With all the available partners available, it can seem overwhelming to meet, become acquainted and decide whether or not someone is for you.

Considering that the traditional route can take weeks, modern innovations in dating can streamline the process if you’re open to trying something new.

Speed dating involves a contrived meeting among as many people as possible to efficiently “weed out” people who have obvious incompatibilities without having to actually go on a date to find out.

Usually, the host times a two to fiveminute interaction between couples and then everyone changes places, like a dating version of musical chairs.

At the end of the event, the host lets participants know who would like to follow up with further contact. It may seem unorthodox, but its wild popularity attests to

participants’ enthusiasm for speed dating’s efficiency and minimization of rejection.

As with online dating, do not give away too much about yourself. Follow the event’s rules and allow the host to exchange contact information.

A safer way to find a date is among people with whom you are already acquainted or friends of friends. Does your church have a seniors’ group, for example? Get more involved and get to know other members better. Even if no one in the group seems attractive to you right away, someone might “grow” on you or know someone else who is a perfect fit.

If you feel like your current groups don’t include someone you’d like to date, broaden your social circles. Try a hobby club, civic group or class that interests you. Get back into shape by joining a gym. Volunteer for causes you care about. Attend local events that sound fun and be friendly.

If you want to attract someone interesting, you need to be interesting yourself. It’s fine to have solo hobbies, but joining a club gets you rubbing shoulders with those who share your interests. Search for your city at www. over40andsingle.com for more ideas.

If all these efforts fail to turn up a date, take heart. Just getting out and socializing is good for you and can help you shrug off the doldrums.

Numerous studies attest to the benefits socializing offers to physical and mental health. And who knows, perhaps you’ll meet a charming person the next time you go out.

“I’m 70,” Groggin said. “When I was 20, I thought I knew it all. Age brings wisdom if you listen to it. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.

You’ve got more experience to draw from.” When you find the right one, the rewards can be even sweeter now than when you were in your 20s.

“People do find each other and have wonderful, fulfilling relationships and it feels doubly good to be chosen by someone you want to have choose you,” Groggin said. “Not that you’re the prettiest cheerleader on the squad but that you appeal to someone who values you and you have a chance for a second or third start.”

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volunteering

Jim Coyne was on a trek through a remote part of Tanzania in 2007, when he and his nine companions stopped for the night near the Maasai village of Bulati. The group returned to Rochester and did a fundraising to buy school supplies for the students in Maasai. The effort paved the way to the creation of Journeys of Solutions, Inc. Shown with Coyne are two Maasai residents.

Reaching Overseas to Help Those Less Fortunate

By Mike Costanza

W

hile some older adults settle into easy chairs and reach for the remote, three in the Rochester area reach overseas to help those less fortunate.

“It’s a question of being useful, and adding value, and helping folks,” says Robert Kuehl, the 61-year-old president of the board of directors of Journeys of Solutions, Inc (JOS).

JOS is the brainchild of 72-yearold Mendon resident Jim Coyne and Rick French, the owner of Pack, Paddle, Ski (PPS), a South Lima company that arranges expeditions and treks around the globe.

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Since it was created in 2008, JOS has helped groups of volunteers repair Nicaraguan villagers’ homes, give Tanzanian school children better access to water, and helped other kids receive the schooling they needed, to name just a few of their accomplishments.

JOS came about as the result of a trip. Coyne was on a PPS trek through a remote part of Tanzania in 2007, when he and his nine companions stopped for the night near the Maasai village of Bulati, he says. As they camped, the headmaster of the village’s primary school approached them.

“The school headmaster had

pressed us to kind of provide them with some kind of assistance,’ Coyne says. “They had a lot of needs.”

Coyne and his companions decided to try to meet one of those needs—that for school supplies.

Upon returning to the U.S., he led the effort to gather them. Local schools, members of the group, and their relatives and friends all pitched in, while the supplies piled up in one member’s Livonia barn. By the time they’d finished, the group had enough to serve the needs of the school’s approximately 600 students, Coyne says.

This was not Coyne’s first effort to

55+ help others. The married grandfather, who works as an independent publishers representative, regularly volunteers in a Rochester soup kitchen, and gives his time to the maintaining of trails in the Adirondack Mountains.

While he was working on the project, Coyne noticed that even those who viewed it as worthwhile were reluctant to give money to the cause.

“They didn’t feel comfortable unless you were a conventional 501(c)3 not-for-profit,” Coyne says.

Coyne and French created JOS as a means of dealing with such problems.

The all-volunteer nonprofit supports the efforts of those that have set out to aid those in the Third World.

“If they want to start a project, we could provide the nonprofit structure to help them do that,” Kuehl says.

PPS sponsors the nonprofit, and French, who is known for his interest in philanthropic activities, sits on its board.

Here’s how JOS works, in a nutshell. An individual brings a project to the nonprofit’s board of directors for approval. To be eligible

Bob Kuehl is the president of the board president of the board of directors of Journeys of Solutions, Inc. A retired from the Eastman Kodak Company after a 35 year career in digital imaging systems, he is now an adjunct instructor at the Rochester Institute of Technology.

volunteering

for its support, the project should be designed to improve the selfsufficiency or quality of life of a community in the developing world.

If JOS approves the project, the nonprofit functions as a kind of banker for it, accepting and dispensing the funds raised to finance the project.

“The key to any of this is fundraising,” Kuehl says. “People are not going to donate unless they are sure there’s management of their donations, that the money is going to go to the cause.”

The donations are tax deductible.

JOS also helps connect the project’s organizer to others who have been involved in projects whose expertise might help it go more smoothly.

Beyond that, JOS is not involved in the actual work of the project.

“It’s really up to that [project] leader to make things happen,” Kuehl says.

For the latest infrastructure project in Bulati, Coyne and PPS raised $7,500 for the installation of a new water tank at the primary school, which is over six miles from the nearest water source. The school originally collected water in a single tank during the rainy season, and then dispensed it during the dry months. Unfortunately, the original tank was too small to serve the school effectively. Coyne used that money to pay a local construction company to install a second water tank at the school, he says.

Bonnie Yannie, co-leader of the 4 Walls Project, prefers more of a hands-on approach to philanthropy.

The 64-year-old registered nurse has led teams of volunteers to El Sauce, Nicaragua, to repair or renovate the homes of town residents. Most homes in El Sauce are built of adobe brick that deteriorates in the rain. As the adobe decomposes, those living in the homes patch them up with plastic sheeting, cardboard, or other materials. The result can be unsafe, she says.

Yannie and her team raised about $4,800 with the assistance of JOS. Then 13 volunteers—ranging from teenagers to those of retirement age—traveled to El Sauce last January.

Buying tools and building supplies in a nearby town, they pitched in with

Registered nurse Bonnie Yannie is co-leader of the 4 Walls Project, a group affiliated with Journeys of Solutions. She and her team prefer more of a hands-on approach to philanthropy. She leads teams of volunteers to El Sauce, Nicaragua, to repair or renovate the homes of town residents. local homeowners to pour concrete footers, set in new wood beams, and build new walls for their homes.

“Six families were able to replace their walls of black plastic or cardboard with bricks and cement,” Yannie says.

Though the work was hard, the personal connections team members made with local folk made it all worthwhile.

“It’s really an overwhelming experience to be so connected to somebody that you’d never have a chance to meet,” she says. “It nurtures me.”

These are not the only projects that JOS sponsors, or the only ones with which Yannie and Coyne are involved. To see the full spread of philanthropic works that the nonprofit supports, donate to one of them, go to.

You can also try to add one of your own. If you need a reason to do so, just think of Coyne’s words.

“It’s fun to help people.”

For more information, visit www. journeysofsolutions.com May / June 2011 - 55 PLUS

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Grandparents Offer Perspective on Autism Older generation can prove invaluable with resources, experience

By Deborah Graf

A

utism spectrum disorders may have been around for generations but have only recently come into focus.

Life can be greatly affected by this complex disorder for people with autism, their families, and the people who care for them. Grandparents of children with autism play a vital role providing help, both from their life experiences, and their unique perspectives.

Autism is a pervasive developmental disorder whose symptoms span a range of disabilities including impaired social communication skills, motor skills, and even intellectual skills. The way information is processed in the brain is different than a “neurologically typical”

child, and researchers, educators, and therapists are collaborating to advance understanding and treatment of this growing epidemic.

The meaning of the word “autism” and what that diagnosis means may seem foreign and confusing, especially for grandparents.

“While our children were growing up, we didn’t hear about autism,” says Judy Irvine, 72, of Perinton. “Children had behavioral issues but autism was not diagnosed or discussed.”

The Centers for Disease Control reports that one in 110 children in the United States is diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. It is four times more likely to occur in boys and can be diagnosed very early in life, or years later depending on the

Olivia Cole, 13, and grandpa Frank Giangiobbe, 82.

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symptoms. Early detection is valuable but not critical to long-term success.

Children on the autism spectrum may need support well into their adult lives.

Huge impact on families The challenges that autism spectrum disorders create touch everyone in the family in different ways, but grandparents have expertise from raising their own children and can become active participants even without knowledge of the disorder.

“Acknowledging the diagnosis is the first step,” says Mary Cavagnero, 63, of Rochester. Her 11-year-old grandson was diagnosed with autism when he was 2.

“Do a lot of reading, educate yourself, and talk to other people— parents, grandparents, teachers.

Share your thoughts and ideas,” she says.

Cavagnero turned to Unyfeat, Rochester’s leading nonprofit autism advocacy organization. Unyfeat offers ways to help families move forward in life after the diagnosis, including support groups, message boards, educational programs, clubs, and gatherings.

“Parents have to learn a lot really fast,” says Ann Cole, public relations director for Unyfeat. “Grandparents want to help. They watch their children and grandchildren go through this tremendous turmoil, and they feel helpless. We give families an avenue to help.”

Cavagnero’s first thought was about her own child, and doing what she could do to help her stay afloat to take care of her grandchildren.

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Mary Cavagnero, 63, and grandson Jack, 20 months. The photo was taken in December 2000 when Jack was about 20 months old. “He was diagnosed the following October,” Cavagnero says.

There are many clinical needs, such as speech, occupational and physical therapy, special educational requirements, psychiatric and behavioral appointments and learning about and tending to the ever-changing needs of a child on the autism spectrum.

“Grandparents have to learn to feel their way along,” says Frank Giangiobbe, 82, of Irondequoit. “Our older grandchild is interested in doing things with us; our younger one is more of a loner. It actually is surprisingly easy to care for them. I wish I was sharing equal time, but we don’t feel bad as we know things will ebb and flow.”

According to surveys done by the Interactive Autism Network, grandparents across the board are involved in supporting their grandchildren with autism, including taking them to appointments, caring for them on a regular basis, providing respite to parents, even helping to make treatment decisions. In many cases, grandparents move closer to their grandchildren, and even into the same household.

“It touches everyone in the family

in different ways,” Cavagnero says.

“Nobody knows the road ahead, so I stay proactive and work with this different dynamic.”

That dynamic can prove difficult at best when trying to manage day-today life of children on the spectrum.

“I see my daughter and her family struggle through the daily routine and events brought on by the challenges of this disability,” Irvine says. “I do all I can to help, whatever she needs me to do, even if it’s just making meals and tending to her other children so she can focus on taking care of her son.”

But Giangiobbe, a retired teacher familiar with special education, stresses the importance of not isolating yourself and making the most of the situation. “It’s not hopeless,” he says. “Kids grow and develop, even without special breakthroughs. They gain self-control. All children have their own time schedules, and you see signs of progress as they grow.”

Different approach Irvine had to learn through the years how to manage a different kind of relationship with her autistic grandchild, who is now 17. “I have

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From left are Doug Cole, daughter Olivia, 13, mom Ann Cole, Spencer Cole, 11, and grandparents Jan Giangiobbe, 82, and Frank Giangiobbe, 82. Olivia and Spencer have been diagnosed with autism. always tried to help him get into a better place of mind, and since he is now older, hope that will help him learn how to function independently as a young adult.”

Home environment, type of school, effectively trained professionals, and strong support systems are all factors in successful treatment of autism. A nationwide community is growing as we learn more about autism spectrum disorders. Grandparents are an integral part of that.

According to the Interactive Autism Network, grandparents are often the first to suspect a child may have autism and help the newly diagnosed families process their grief.

Grandparents of children with autism can provide insight into their grandchildren’s behaviors that parents are too exhausted or overwhelmed to see.

“My children are in the trenches and on the front line,” Cavagnero says. “But this immediately raised my awareness about disabilities, and I am there to encourage, support, and help in any way I can.”

“When things happen, and they will, try not to be disappointed, Giangiobbe says. “It will pass. Try not to let things become bigger than they really are.”

While a grandparent may not have direct experience with autism, they do understand the frustrations

of coping with difficult situations and can help create an understanding environment for their grandchild and family. Patience is key. They can learn about the disability and become an advocate. More and more resources are becoming available for grandparents with the increasing incidence.

“Grandparents are invaluable,” Cole says. “When they get together, they share their feelings, they learn, they feel productive, and they have a really good time.”

What’s the most important thing a grandparent can do for their grandchild with autism?

“There is so much joy,” Cavagnero says. “You just need to see it.”

Resources: Unyfeat 180 Linden Oaks Dr. Rochester, NY 14625 248-9011 • www.unyfeat.org Interactive Autism Network Kennedy Krieger Institute 707 North Broadway Baltimore, MD 21205 923-9200 • www.iancommunity.org Autism Speaks 1 East 33rd Street 4th Floor New York, NY 10016 (212) 252-8584 •www.autismspeaks.org

55+

new horizons

When Wishes Are Golden Through the Golden Wishes Program of Lifespan of Greater Rochester 98-year old woman to publish first poetry book

By Mike Costanza

I

n Helen MacPherson’s poetry, even the taillights of cars passing in the night take on a special glow. “They’re diamonds to me,” the 98-year-old Monroe Community Hospital resident says.

MacPherson has brought the special qualities of everyday objects, colors, and events to light with her poetry for over 62 years. Through the Golden Wishes Program of Lifespan of Greater Rochester, the wheelchair-bound poet could soon see her works in book form.

“She wants it published professionally,” says Lisa Cove, who chairs the committee of 12 volunteers that makes up Golden Wishes.

Cove is working with MacPherson to help that wish come true. At the time of this interview early April, she said she was hoping to have the first printed copy of the author’s book, “Poems of Princess Poppy,” ready for her by the end of April.

Golden Wishes helps older adults who are living in nursing homes or other residential facilities gain experiences that have been denied them by infirmity, cost or the absence of someone willing to arrange those experiences.

At 98 years of age, Helen MacPherson is about tho have her first book published through a program sponsored by Lifespan of Greater Rochester. The poetry book — “Poems of Princess Poppy” — describes a colorful life that has taken MacPherson to New Mexico and on Long Island before coming to Rochester.

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new horizons

Lisa Cove chairs a committee of 12 volunteers that makes up the Golden Wishes Program.

“We’re looking right now for the most needy people, people that may not have family, [or] people that may not have gotten out of a facility for a long period of time,” says Cove, who also sits on Lifespan’s board of directors. The local non profit serves older adults and their caregivers.

Golden Wishes’ volunteers pick a residential facility for the elderly in the greater Rochester area to serve during a given month, Cove says. They ask that facility to select candidates for the program, and pick those whose wishes are appropriate to grant. Each volunteer then selects one candidate, and meets with that person to determine exactly what he or she wants.

With that knowledge in hand, the volunteer then does all the work of making that wish come true.

Many of Golden Wishes volunteers get more out of helping others obtain their desires than the 38

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people they serve.

“Just to be able to make somebody smile like that is really an amazing experience,” Cove says.

Golden Wishes takes care of any expenses that arise while the wish becomes a reality, Cove says.

Much of the program’s funding comes from corporate donations and those from local foundations. The merchants, restaurateurs and others involved in making wishes come true often donate their services, as well, she says.

Many of the requests for services that come to Golden Wishes touch the heart. A 97-year-old woman came from Italy to the US for an arranged marriage many years ago, and asked Golden Wishes to give her the “first date” that she’d never had, Cove says. A gentleman on the committee took her out for a night on the town.

“They went to dinner, he brought her a corsage, they went to a movie, and he even ended the date with a kiss on the cheek,” Cove explained.

Cove, a nurse practitioner who works with geriatric patients, picked MacPherson to work with soon after she joined Golden Wishes in early 2010. When they began meeting, MacPherson handed Cove a thick stack of her poems. The poet often composes her works on the fly, writing them down on any paper that comes to hand.

“I went through backs of calendars and grocery lists from years gone by,” Cove explained.

The poems describe a colorful life. MacPherson was born in New York City, and lived with her family in New Mexico and on Long Island before coming to Rochester. She spent over two years stateside with the Navy during World War II, was married and widowed twice, and even lived for a brief time overseas.

“I went to Switzerland on a Belgian freighter,” she explained.

MacPherson composed “Spirit

Flower,” her first poem, on an early morning in 1938 when she was unable to sleep, she says. Decades later, she can still remember that moment.

“My soul was brand new jasmine, lovely and white as snow,” she says, reciting the beginning of “Spirit Flower” as if she’d composed it yesterday.

The works reflect what could be a native talent with the literary form.

Though she enjoys reading romantic poetry and prose, MacPherson says that she did not study the subject while in school.

Initially, MacPherson’s poems were to be available only online.

After Cove tapped them into her computer, MacPherson asked that they be put into a book form suitable for sale. The poet hoped to put the proceeds to good causes. Cove searched for a means to publish the works.

“I don’t know anything about publishing, nor do I know anything about poetry,” she says.

After months of work on the problem, Cove eventually found someone from the field of marketing who agreed to put the material into publishable form. As of this issue of 55-PLUS, work on “Poems of Princess Poppy” continued.

Whether “Poems of Princess Poppy” ever makes it into the public eye, just the act of writing the book gives its author the chance to shine as an individual. That can be very important for someone staying in a residential facility, says Johanna Lockemeyer, a medical social worker that works with MacPherson.

“It is our uniqueness that makes the difference in our interactions every day,” she says.

Cove says that Golden Wishes has granted about 90 wishes since January of last year, and hopes to attract more volunteers. For information on Golden Wishes, call Lifespan at (585) 244-8400.

my turn

By Bruce Frassinelli

Getting Embarrassed by the ‘N’ Word in ‘The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn’

T

he sanitized version of “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” came out earlier this year, but it comes nearly 50 years too late for this embarrassed former English teacher.

NewSouth Books published the revisionist copy of Mark Twain’s classic novel that eliminates the “n” word, which appears 219 times in the original, and replaces it with “slave.”

When I read the news, I wondered out loud, “Where the heck were you when I needed you?”

I endured my most-embarrassing moment as an educator in the fall of 1962 when I was teaching an English course at Washington (N.J.) High School, now a part of Warren Hills Regional in Warren County.

With a year’s teaching experience under my belt, I was hired at Washington to teach four sections of French, my major. The weekend before classes started, High School Principal James Evergetis also tossed me one freshman English course since I had an English minor.

With zero preparation time, I would literally have to keep one step ahead of the English students for most of the school term. Aside from the usual requirements of composition, grammar, spelling, syntax and sentence structure, there was a mandated literary component — “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.”

I had never read Twain’s novel, either as a boy or in school, so my plan was to take the weekend prior to the Monday class when we would start studying the novel and consume most, if not all of it, during the intervening 54 hours.

Little did I suspect that a series of events on that Friday before the

start of the weekend would leave me redfaced, soaked in sweat at the end of that day’s English class and properly chastened about the importance of class preparation.

I had finished the assigned grammar lesson about 20 minutes before the end of class.

To fill the remaining time, I distributed copies of “Huckleberry Finn,” announced to the class that we would begin studying this American classic on Monday and decided that I and several students would read the first few pages aloud to set the scene for Monday’s class. To be honest, I also wanted to kill the remaining time in the period.

I read the first chapter aloud cold turkey and was absolutely shocked when I encountered the “n” word, but I said it without any comment or change of voice. I assumed — incorrectly as it turned out — that it was a once-and-done aberration.

The student in the first row of the class of 25 and to the far right was Arnold Thompson, the only AfricanAmerican in the class. I asked him to start reading at the beginning of chapter 2. As he began, I skipped down the page speed-reading to myself and hoping not to encounter any other surprises.

My eyes widened as I saw a paragraph halfway down the page with the “n” word used six times.

Arnie Thompson, who went on to become a two-time New Jersey state wrestling champ in two weight classes, was closing in on this paragraph. I broke into a cold sweat.

Arnie came to the “n” word and stopped cold. I prompted him by saying the word aloud. Each time he came to the word in the paragraph, he did the same thing — stopped dead. Each time I broke the deafening silence by saying the word aloud.

The following week, after I had had time to do my homework, I introduced the novel properly, putting the use of the “n” word into context and explaining that Twain was a committed anti-slavery advocate who actually advanced the cause of equality through his writings.

I learned a valuable classroom lesson: Never try to bluff your way through a lesson without proper preparation.

As for Arnie, I tracked him down about 20 years later, when he was serving in a ministerial capacity for an area church and apologized for what I had subjected him to on that fateful Friday afternoon. He was gracious in his acceptance of my much belated apology, but I was convinced that for the rest of our lives, whenever we would hear of Huckleberry Finn, we could not help but recall the needless awkwardness and embarrassment that occurred that fall day back in 1962.

The decision to come out with a revisionist version of Huck Finn has set off a public firestorm, with purist and classicists decrying the change as censorship, but it has been hailed by others as a positive step that could allow the novel to be reintroduced to schools that had banned it because of the use of the n-word.

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demographics

Seniors: A Niche Advertisers Find Hard to Ignore As the population of boomers grows, advertisers are realizing how much buying power they wield

By Ken Little

O

n the surface, advertising on television and even the Internet seems geared toward those aged 35 and younger. But there is more to the story than what meets the eye.

For one thing, the 55-and-older population group grows larger every day. Baby boomers born between 1946 and 1964 are creating a niche advertisers find hard to ignore.

There is a perception that outside of certain products such as pharmaceuticals, insurance and “golden oldies” music CD sets, the mature audience is largely ignored, even though the over-55 group accounts for about 40 percent of all market demand.

“Yes and no — It depends on what the advertiser is selling,” said Robyn Federman, communications director for Catalyst Inc., a Rochester-based direct and digital marketing agency.

“It’s true that most traditional advertising focuses on the 25- to 35-ye ar-old demographic. But increasingly, as the population of boomers grows, advertisers are realizing how much buying power they wield, and are beginning to target advertising directly to them,” Federman said.

Seniors comprise the majority of mail-order buyers and subscribers, according to the Direct Marketing Digest.

A few more facts: The mature market constitutes 55 percent of all depositors in financial institutions, and individuals over age 55 own 77 percent of all the assets in the U.S. — and seniors have five times the net worth of the average American.

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“The problem is most of the advertising [geared toward seniors] tends to be demeaning, focusing on problems and issues experienced by the elderly,” Federman said.

Advertising often emphasizes the “frailness” of the 55-and-over demographic and “a perception that they need to be taken care of and are ‘helpless.’ It’s rarely effective,” Federman said.

Seniors aren’t always ignored by advertisers, said Carrie Riby, spokeswoman for Roberts Communications, a Rochester-based advertising agency.

“It depends on the product. This group has more disposable income than any other audience, so in many cases, marketers see this audience as a sweet spot,” Riby said.

In order to sell to baby boomers, Riby offers two prime words of advice.

“Be savvy,” she said. “This audience is smart and does not like sales hype.”

What does work is appealing to specific interests, such as hobbies, food and finance, along with community and family pride, Riby said.

“This audience is younger in spirit than their parents and they have more money to spend. Most of these folks do not even see themselves as ‘seniors’ and are offended when you speak to them that way,” she said.

Baby boomers “are often motivated by a need to give back to the community, to make a difference,” Federman said.

“Many care passionately about causes — environment, hunger, disease, poverty. They are the movers and shakers from the ‘60s.”

Boomers “make things happen, and if they are marketed to with respect and dignity, they will open their wallets,” Federman said.

The mature market is made up of numerous subgroups. It’s identifiable by three main segments, according to marketers: pre-retirees between the ages of 55 and 62, active retirees between 63 and 74 and seniors age 75 and older.

Marketing to each group should differ based on needs and preferences.

All three prefer a personalized buying experience, experts say.

Seniors like to be regarded as individuals. Advertisers should consider that their buying history began at a time when merchants knew their customers personally, a far cry from today’s mass-market world.

It’s possible to market a variety of products to a mature audience, Federman said.

“They are active consumers of virtually every kind of packaged good and service. Close to 70 percent are online regularly. They join social networks,” she said. “They are often caregivers for their elderly parents and have specific needs and desires in that regard.”

Many boomers and seniors “spend frequently and generously on their family members — think grandchildren. They fund college educations. They travel extensively and are active in many leisure pursuits,” Federman said.

Over the next 10 to 15 years, markets for service-related products will grow. Products relating to travel, health and fitness, household services, family activities, investment and

financial services, and safety and security fall within that area.

Online advertising will also increase, Riby said.

“Our work on some Medicare products suggests that this audience diligently does their homework online before making product decisions,” she said. “Additionally, their grandkids have forced them to communicate on Facebook. Matures are some of the fastest growing audiences as it pertains to Internet and social media use.”

Because they make educated decisions, seniors will often shop for a good deal rather than a specific brand name, Federman said. “[They] are not as loyal as you might think. It’s a stereotype that boomers are exceedingly brand-loyal.

It’s one reason why some marketers are reluctant to target them,” she said.

“They believe that those customers have been brand-loyal for so many years that it’s not easy to persuade them to switch.”

Not true.

“If you have a product of value, a message of clarity with emotional resonance, and an offer too good to refuse, boomers are as likely to switch allegiance as any other demographic,” Federman said.

Baby boomers are known for their independence, and many individuals of a certain age are reluctant to consider themselves both boomers and seniors. Just by sheer numbers, boomers will continue to be the center of attention in the marketplace as they age.

“They are motivated by messages of empowerment and hope. They don’t see themselves as frail, helpless, ‘old’ individuals and don’t want to be treated that way,” Federman said. “They don’t want to be seen as dependent. They do not define themselves by the term ‘seniors’ and don’t like being addressed that way.”

Members of the demographic “often avoid buying products that negatively stereotype older people.

And they are frequently motivated by relationships — with grandchildren, with caregivers, with peers,” she said.

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By Mike Costanza

Allen Hopkins, 67 A second career thanks to a banjo bought 50 years ago Q. What first drew you to folk music?

A. Coming up during the folk revival of the late 50’s and early 60’s.

You had groups like the Kingston Trio, the Highwaymen, the Weavers, and Peter, Paul, and Mary that were very popular, and Joan Baez. You could hear them on the radio; you could buy their records. When I went off to Harvard, there was an awful lot of folk music around the Cambridge, Massachusetts, area. It covered a wide range of subjects—it wasn’t just about teenagers in love.

It was against the war—wars in general, but the war in Vietnam specifically. It was for civil rights.

These were attitudes that I had at the same time. Folk was also simpler, it was acoustic, and the harmonies were easier to figure out.

Q. You were playing the flute at the time, but picked up the banjo.

Why use that instrument to enter folk music?

A. I really liked the Kingston Trio, and I liked the way Dave Guard played the banjo, so I thought it would be great to learn. I bought a no-name, cheapy banjo from an upperclassman at Harvard, and started to teach myself to play it.

I got enough interested in it that I could do it at a pretty mediocre rudimentary level, and I liked being able to do my own music. I now play more stringed instruments than anything else. If you want to accompany yourself singing, you can’t be blowing into something.

Since then, I’ve learned to play the harmonica, Autoharp, guitar, concertina and some of the other stringed instruments. I own about 80 stringed instruments and three concertinas.

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Q. And, you’ve continued playing folk down through the years since Harvard?

A. The stuff that I do is folk music, whatever source it came from. The way I play it, that’s how I see it. I consider bluegrass sort of an offshoot of folk music. The first real band that I had was a bluegrass band, the Flower City Ramblers. I’ve also played blues, I’ve played Celtic, and I play a bit of klezmer now with Bonnie Abrams, a trio called Love and Knishes. It’s klezmer “light,” but the tunes are there. Altogether, I do about 150–175 jobs a year, at a local level mostly, though I do a little touring.

I’ve also been in 12 or 13 recording projects, and done a fair amount of session work. I’ve been a backup musician for people not only here, but in New York City and Boston.

Q. As co-founder the Golden Link Folk Singing Society, you’ve helped folk music to flourish in the Rochester area. Golden Link will celebrate its 40th anniversary this May. How did it come to be born all those years ago?

A. Mitzi Collins had a guitar class. I knew Mitzi [a well-known folk musician and president of Sampler Records Ltd] and I’d done some stuff with her. Some of the people in her guitar class had been to local festivals, regional festivals especially Fox Hollow, which used to be held down near Petersburg, near Troy. There was a folk music club in that area that supported Fox Hollow. People came back and said, “We should have something like that in Rochester.” We got together 40 years ago—May, 1971. The first time we got together was probably

at Mitzi’s apartment on Colby Street [in Rochester]. There were maybe 10 of us.

It’s all sort of grown organically since then. We’ve got a couple hundred members, and we sponsor a weekly sing-around, a concert series, and a festival—the Turtle Hill Folk Festival. Of the 40 years since then, I was on the board 32 of them, or something like that, but I’m not on the board now. I’ve been president [of the society] three times. We’re going to have a concert in May that will have as many of the prior presidents of the club that we can get together.

Q. Many local musicians depend on day jobs to pay the bills while heading off to gigs. What was yours?

A. I am retired from a career in the city of Rochester in management—financial management, mostly. My wife and I have been married for 41 years, and I am a father of two grown sons and a grandfather. When I retired at the end of 2000, I immediately started trying to increase, inflate or pump up my musical avocation into what I guess you could call a second career.

I’ve all learned this through buying a banjo 50 years ago.

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