Riverfront Times, November 18, 2020 by Riverfront Times

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NOVEMBER 18-24, 2020

RIVERFRONT TIMES

NOVEMBER 18-24, 2020

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MARCH 6-12, 2019

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THE LEDE

“My dad’s been gone for almost twenty years now. I’ve come here for a long time. My husband’s only been gone a couple. When I get up there, I’ll be bawling. But I like the deer. They help quite a bit. I think they’re pretty cool. I know not everybody agrees with me, but it’s like they’re not alone.”

PHOTO BY THEO WELLING

CHERYL ROY, PHOTOGRAPHED WHILE VISITING THE GRAVES OF HER PARENTS AND HUSBAND AT JEFFERSON BARRACKS NATIONAL CEMETERY ON VETERANS DAY, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 11. riverfronttimes.com

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SHOP LOCAL, SHOP NOW

t the beginning of the pandemic, we became scavengers, scouring the landscape for routine cleaning supplies and baker’s yeast. Thankfully, the bleachwipe-hoarding savagery of those early weeks and months has mostly subsided as we’ve refined our procurement skills. But we need to continue to search beyond Amazon deliveries and Target pickups. We need to look deeper into our neighborhoods to the shops that don’t have Bezos-backed algorithms feeding them customers, to the small business owners who miss seeing our (masked) faces. That’s what our Shop Local issue is about. Those businesses need us. Don’t wait until it’s too late to realize that we need them, too. — Doyle Murphy, editor in chief

TABLE OF CONTENTS CAN’T

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Publisher Chris Keating Editor in Chief Doyle Murphy

E D I T O R I A L Digital Editor Jaime Lees Interim Managing Editor Daniel Hill Staff Writer Danny Wicentowski Contributors Cheryl Baehr, Eric Berger, Jeannette Cooperman, Thomas Crone, Mike Fitzgerald, Andy Paulissen, Justin Poole, Theo Welling, Ymani Wince Columnist Ray Hartmann Interns Steven Duong, Riley Mack, Matt Woods A R T & P R O D U C T I O N Art Director Evan Sult Editorial Layout Haimanti Germain, Evan Sult Production Manager Haimanti Germain M U L T I M E D I A A D V E R T I S I N G Advertising Director Colin Bell Account Managers Emily Fear, Jennifer Samuel Multimedia Account Executive Jackie Mundy Digital Sales Manager Chad Beck Director of Public Relations Brittany Forrest

COVER Save Our Stores!

C I R C U L A T I O N Circulation Manager Kevin G. Powers E U C L I D M E D I A G R O U P Chief Executive Officer Andrew Zelman Chief Operating Officers Chris Keating, Michael Wagner VP of Digital Services Stacy Volhein www.euclidmediagroup.com

Now more than ever is the time to buy local. We show you where to start

N A T I O N A L A D V E R T I S I N G VMG Advertising 1-888-278-9866, vmgadvertising.com

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INSIDE The Lede Hartmann News Feature Short Orders Culture Savage Love 6

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HARTMANN Send a Message Democrats should boycott Parson’s horrible special session BY RAY HARTMANN

issouri Governor Mike Parson has outdone himself. At the very moment the COVID-19 pandemic was engulfing issouri in deaths and suffering at unprecedented levels, Parson decided the time was right for a possible superspreader event. He announced last week he was extending a special session of the General Assembly so Republican legislators could run a non-urgent political errand. That hit a detour Monday when Senate leaders postpone the ses-

sion because a senator and some staffers had contracted the virus. If you’re thinking the postponement was a show of responsibility, think again. By announcing they are still planning to pick up on a special session after Thanksgiving, the Republicans just made a disgusting situation worse. The regular session of the legislature convenes on January 6. Special sessions — which cost the taxpayers tens of thousands of dollars per week — are supposed to be reserved for matters that can’t wait. The closer the special session gets to January 6, the less ustifiable its existence. In this case, the Republicans have revealed they are willing to risk their health and that of others to appease some business benefactors who seek extra protection from liability for negligence during the pandemic. That would be crazy in normal times, but now Really? Do the leaders believe the pandemic will go away like magic

right after Thanksgiving? Democrats can become the grownups in the room — or in this case, outside of the room — by refusing to participate in this abomination. They should insist on doing the only responsible thing, just like most of the rest of us are doing in a pandemic: Stay home. They should boycott this nonsense, and make a big point of doing so. The gatherings mandated by Parson during this pandemic would violate public health regulations in any Missouri county that has rules at all. Cole County, where the state capitol building is nestled in Trump country, has none. Its health department announced 100 new cases in two days last week, and that was before a Saturday rally at which 100 maskless Trump supporters gathered in the capitol for a political rally to support him. Brilliant. Like the rally, a special session is just the epitome of recklessness. It’s indoors, with legislators often less than six feet apart and

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no mask mandate in the building — a freedom gleefully aunted by Republican lawmakers. At risk are the 194 current members of the General Assembly, their staffers and the many others employed inside the capitol itself — not to mention the lobbyists for whom the party has been thrown and media members in attendance, among others. The potential health consequences to legislators and staffers extend to their families and friends and the residents of districts to which they will return from the ominous gathering. In the early days of the pandemic within the regular legislative session, great care had been taken to observe social distancing, with legislators working from their offices, watching proceedings and coming to the chamber one at a time to speak or vote. That’s all gone out the window now. The crass politics makes it worse. If special liability protection were truly needed for nursing homes,

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drug companies and other big businesses, the Republicans could have enacted them during the regular session last spring. Indeed, Parson clumsily played his political hand in moving to call for a special session right before the election without any mention of COVID liability. Then, in the safety of his election victory, Parson suddenly discovered the “emergency” need to protect some business benefactors from nasty litigation. If you can be conned into believing this is about momand-pop establishments, you have my sympathy. Traditionally, “tort reform” has been a fine issue for epublicans in Missouri. That’s why new laws in the past decade have rendered Missouri one of the safer states in the U.S. to get away with negligence. But were people to realize these “emergency” measures would, for example, protect nursing homes with a COVID-exemption fig leaf ust in case they kill grandma through neglect, it might not seem so sexy politically. As of Monday, there have been 253,627 COVID cases and 3,480 deaths in Missouri since the beginning of the pandemic, the New York Times reports. If Parson and other Republicans had reacted eight months ago with the same urgency they display for the health of miscreant businesses, those numbers might be much smaller today. That’s why Democrats need to plant their ag for doing the right thing with actions, not words. It’s not enough to condemn Parson in press releases and campaign messaging. Their elected leaders need to act with passion and purpose. The national media might even show up for that. Short term, boycotting the special session might constitute poor politics for Democrats, as it might enrage the governor and his legislative allies, with paybacks to follow. Also, Trumpism still runs amok in issouri. But none of that matters for the long game. Democrats need to get back into the habit of going to the mat for what’s right. ’m thinking of the late Governor Mel Carnahan right now. If he could show spine on raising new taxes, they can show spine about a deadly pandemic. It would be nice if all Americans embraced President-elect Joe Biden’s message of ending partisan bickering. ut you can scratch that one off the list for Missouri,

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with its 70 percent Republican mega-ma orities in both chambers and Democrats holding ust one statewide office. If the Democrats want to earn back the trust of issouri voters, they need to become once again a party unafraid of a fight. They need to engage Missourians by showing they’ll make a public stand for their health. Democrats win on health care. On August 4, they won a historic victory when the voters of red issouri finally approved edicaid expansion over the screaming ob ections of the epublican political class. Rural hospitals are tragically overrun with COVID-19 patients and understaffed in health care professionals. Their counterparts in St. Louis have similar woes and limited ability to help out. It’s a dreadful way to bring a divided state together. But people are starting to get it, literally and figuratively. This is a sub ect on which Democrats can reconnect with some Missourians who have tuned them out. But not if they cower when Republicans raise their fists. Parson was cornered about the pandemic last Thursday. Predictably, the questions were about Missouri being one of sixteen states not to have a statewide mask mandate, and arson continued to demur. Recently, the woke- ocialist epublican governors of orth Dakota, tah and West Virginia enacted mandates, but Missouri’s not quite there. “ t’s time for all of us to take responsibility,” Parson said at a news conference, reported the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. “ e know in the last 30 days these numbers have increased — more than we ever thought they would. That is the hard fact of where this virus is going. We have to do our part.” With no sense of irony, he went on to discuss his plan to extend the special session. Apparently, Parson’s part is to proceed as if the virus were no big deal, and the media’s part is not to question him about it. The Democrats’ part, on the other hand, might be to con ure memories of iconic President Harry . Truman. f this buck isn’t going to stop with Parson, perhaps it could stop with them. n Ray Hartmann founded the Riverfront Times in 1977. Contact him at rhartmann@sbcglobal.net or catch him on St. Louis In the Know With Ray Hartmann and Jay Kanzler from 9 to 11 p.m. Monday thru Friday on KTRS (550 AM).

NEWS St. Louis Pandemic Docs Beg Parson for Mask Mandate Written by

DOYLE MURPHY

he worst is yet to come. Dr. Alex Garza, incident commander for the St. Louis Metropolitan Pandemic Task Force, last week delivered a bleak report on the spread of COVID-19 as patients from across the state fill hospitals that are rapidly nearing capacity. “We know we’re still going to get hit,” Garza said during a Friday briefing. “The question is how much and how long.” The variable, according to Garza, rests with the state’s leadership. He and a coalition of doctors, nurses and hospital representatives from across Missouri pleaded with Gov. Mike Parson to impose a statewide mask mandate and other basic measures to slow the spread. If Missouri continues on its current path, with hospitalization graph lines bending to nearly vertical, hospitals will overrun intensive care unit capacity by the first week in December, Garza said. Coronavirus deaths neared 3,500 in Missouri by Friday afternoon, but once ICUs hit max capacity, the consequences will spiral out, health experts predict. Garza said we’ll see what doctors call “excess deaths,” people dying of other unrelated ailments because hospitals and health care workers will be stretched too thin to properly care for everyone. “Our health care workers have fought valiantly day after day, but we have no reserves,” Garza said, choking up. “We have no backup that we can suddenly muster to come in and save the day. If we

Masking up saves lives, but Missouri has no statewide mandate. | DOYLE MURPHY

“The individuals who say it’s their personal liberty not to put a mask on are actually doing something that’s a fundamental violation of what we consider the norms of society.” stay on the path that we’re on even just two more weeks, we will not have the staff we need to care for patients.” During Friday’s briefing, Garza said seven-day averages for hospitalizations have hit new highs in recent days, tripling what they had previously thought were unsustainable levels. He called on Parson to impose a statewide mask mandate and issue a “safer at home” order, which would restrict travel outside the home to essential trips for things like work and picking up food. But Parson has repeatedly stiffarmed health experts’ requests for leadership at the state level, preferring to leave it to counties, cities and small towns to create their own rules. In statements to media last week, the governor’s spokeswoman indicated Parson has no intention of changing course. The result is a patchwork of rules that vary across the state. Municipalities, and even individual businesses, that have im-

plemented mask rules have had to battle on their own the antimaskers who’ve been encouraged by a number of political leaders who’ve been hands-off or even outright hostile to masking. After St. Louis County Executive Sam Page announced new restrictions that included a ban on in-house drinking and dining at county establishments and a ten-person limit on private gatherings, state Sen. Andrew Koenig opened fire on Twitter. “Telling families they can’t gather for Thanksgiving in their private home is unacceptable and only something a tyrant dictator would do,” tweeted the far-right politico whose district includes west and south St. Louis County. “I will be having #Thanksgiving with my family. Come and get me @DrSamPage.” Doctors at Friday’s pandemic task force briefing were asked about dealing with not only an outof-control virus, but elected officials and a swath of the population

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that continues to actively resist their advice on even basic ways to combat a deadly pandemic. “The individuals who say it’s their personal liberty not to put a mask on are actually doing something that’s a fundamental violation of what we consider the norms of society,” Dr. Clay Dunagan said at the briefing. “There’s nothing about our country that says it’s OK for people to do things that put other people’s health at risk.” He said he understands the desire to gather in large groups for Thanksgiving, but the risk is too great. “Gathering for Thanksgiving is something wonderful,” Dunagan said. “I have four kids and nine grandkids. I would love to be with all of them over the Thanksgiving holidays, but in doing that we increase the risk that one or more people in that group will contract COVID and will take it to some other place and infect someone who is at risk of a serious outcome.” Convincing others to make that sacrifice — or even that the virus is real and serious — is difficult. Dunagan said the people who don’t believe in the evidence of the virus’ spread demonstrate why statewide orders are crucial. “They’ve already seen and dismissed the science,” he said. “It’s up to us to find mechanisms to compel these people to help us save lives.” Garza said they’ve had to learn to craft their message to reach audiences that aren’t swayed by statistics showing the growing threat. “We argue with data; a lot of people argue with emotion,” he said. “And so we have to be able to craft the message for both of those — for the logic side and the emotional side. We’re clinicians, we’re scientists. We look at the data, and we’re like, ‘Of course, that makes sense.’ But we know we have to convince other people in other ways.” Garza said it would make a big difference if the state’s leadership spoke with one voice and explained to their constituents what needs to be done. He doesn’t think a mask mandate is too much to ask to save lives. “I don’t, I don’t understand sometimes why it’s this difficult,” he said. “But we all need to be doing the right thing. History will judge us. It’s time. It’s time to do it.” n

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St. Louis County restaurants are returning to takeout and delivery only. | TRENTON ALMGREN-DAVIS

New COVID Restrictions for City and County Written by

DOYLE MURPHY

t. Louis and St. Louis County are imposing new restrictions as COVID-19 hospitalizations surge to record highs. The county is temporarily banning in-person drinking in bars and eating in restaurants while limiting private gatherings to ten people. The new rules instruct everyone to stay home except for limited purposes, such as going to work, buying food or going out for health care. An update to the county’s mask policy now requires all persons five and older to wear masks in most situations outside the home. The mask policy includes people working out in gyms. “I wish this isn’t where we had to go, but it is,” St. Louis County Executive Sam Page said on Friday during a briefing. The “safer at home” order also drops the number of people allowed inside businesses, including grocery stores, to 25 percent capacity. The previous limit had been 50 percent capacity. While pushing harsher restrictions on capacity and mask-wearing, the county still allows takeout at bars and restaurants along with outside dining. Last Thursday night, St. Louis Mayor Lyda Krewson posted on Twitter the city’s latest order with new restrictions. Krewson announced that all private gatherings of more than ten people will be prohibited. The new rule was outlined in the health department order issued by the city’s acting health director, Dr. Fredrick Echols, and went into effect on Saturday. It is expected to extend through Thanksgiving. “This means no house parties, dinner parties, celebrations and/or any other type of private social event or gathering,” Krewson said.

“This means no house parties, dinner parties, celebrations and/or any other type of private social event or gathering.” The city’s new restrictions stopped short of a full stay-at-home order or a shutdown of in-person drinking in bars and eating in restaurants. Late last week, the St. Louis Metropolitan Pandemic Task Force released disturbing new numbers, including new records for the seven-day averages in hospital admissions and hospitalizations. Both were eclipsed over the weekend. Krewson said about 50 percent of new cases in the city are among people in their 20s and 30s. “In the city, contact tracing tells us transmission is primarily happening among friends, families, and neighbors via informal gatherings around homes and neighborhoods,” she said on Twitter. Page says that along with limiting inperson gatherings to ten or fewer people, they should be the same ten people. These “bubbles” shouldn’t mix with other bubbles, and if anyone within one gets sick, the infected person needs to inform all the others. The responsibility of infected people to inform others extends to anyone with whom they’ve had close contact, defined as being within six feet for at least fifteen minutes. All those people are then expected to quarantine for two weeks. Page says the virus is now so widespread the county’s health department can’t trace and inform everyone, so it will fall to individuals. n

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! s p o h r u S e v O a S it’s Our buy Local Issue

It’s Our buy Local Issue

The reasons for spending your money where you live have always been good. The quality of what you buy is often better than what you’d get at Walmart. You are protecting what makes St. Louis unique. You are supporting your neighbors.

We’ve always known all of that. But it feels more urgent now. Virtually every small business you love, if you were to talk to the owners, you’d find they are fighting off catastrophe.

You probably know some that have closed already, but we don’t yet understand how many others are at the edge. Businesses that have tapped every resource in hopes of outlasting the worst of the pandemic are reaching the limits of the ingenuity and ferocious spirit that have kept their doors open this long. Congress remains gridlocked on a new stimulus bill, sitting on the life preserver that could keep untold numbers of small businesses open and people employed. The only thing left is all of us. Yes, we’ve always known it’s good to spend our dollars in our neighborhoods. It’s one of the reasons the

RFT publishes a Shop Local issue. But this is the year, more than any other in generations, when it is absolutely critical. If you want St. Louis to be more than a collection of chain stores and empty storefronts on the other side of this pandemic, these businesses need your help now. n the pages that follow, you’ll find profiles of a few to get you started. They’re part of what we love about this town. Think about what you love, and visit those, too. They’ve got cool stuff, just waiting for you. But they won’t be able to wait forever. — Doyle Murphy

Healing Forces Orlandez Lewis, marketing and promotions director for Vintage Vinyl (6610 Delmar Boulevard, 314-721-4096), has seen the videos and read the horror stories. Retail workers across the nation berated and harassed by frothing vectors of disease for the simple act of attempting to enforce simple mask mandates. Grown men and women throwing absolute toddler tantrums about being asked to do the easiest thing in the world to help keep people safe as a virus rages out of control. In some cases, even outright violence. He’s seen plenty of that incomprehensibly selfish behavior, sure. Just not in his store. “We haven’t really come across any kind of problems or anything like that with customers,” Lewis says cheerily. “People have been more than compliant, and more than willing to shop and be safe, just like us.” After a pause, he offers a potential explanation for Vintage Vinyl’s good fortune in this regard. “I think it might be the music,” he says. “Because we do say, our motto is: ‘Music is the healing force.’” Ever since the beloved record

store that has served as an anchor in the Delmar Loop for some 40 years reopened its doors in June after COVID-19 forced them closed in March, Lewis says things have been going surprisingly well, all things considered. Its pandemic safety measures — which include plexiglass dividers at registers, mandatory masks, enforced social distancing and frequent sanitization — have been well received by the store’s loyal customers. “Surprisingly enough, there’s been a really good abundance of people who are still wanting to get out — following safety precautionary measures of course,” Lewis says. Part of that, he reasons, could involve the airing of Papa Ray’s Vintage Vinyl Roadshow on the Nine Network back in August. A documentary focused on the independent record store as a cultural entity, with Vintage Vinyl owner Tom “Papa” Ray playing host, the show was a hit, Lewis says, and brought customers ocking to the store. “The first airing went great. We had tons of people coming in afterwards who were just like, ‘I saw you guys on TV,’ and you

Orlandez Lewis figures the music itself helps Vintage Vinyl customers keep their cool. | DANIEL HILL

know, such a great response,” Lewis says. “And we actually have the D D for sale of that first episode for customers to buy. But it really went awesome. There’s tons of people still coming in and talking about it. There were even some people coming from out of town who said they’ve seen it as well. So it’s been getting a really good reception.” Additionally, the store has rolled out an impressive revamp of its website, vintagevinyl.com, that encourages online ordering. Those items ordered through the web can then either be picked up via the store’s curbside option or, if preferred, customers can opt to have them shipped right to their door. “The website’s going pretty great; it’s getting a really good response,” Lewis says. “Tons of people are using it. t’s definitely been a great alternative for people to have as opposed to those who still don’t really feel comfortable going to places or coming out to places.” In a year that has been an absolute nightmare across all industries — and in some ways especially retail — Vintage Vinyl seems like a rare story of success. Credit that to its status as a bona fide local institution, to its adaptability in the face of adversity, to its

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stellar safety precautions (Lewis notes with pride that the store has seen no coronavirus cases among its staff) and yeah, to its recent appearance on television. But maybe Lewis is also just right about the power of music to heal, especially when illness seems otherwise inescapable. “When people come in here, there’s no kind of hostility or anything like that,” Lewis says. “I think everybody’s just here for the main purpose to somewhat escape and have some kind of comfort during these trying times.” — Daniel Hill

Play Another Song

• Euclid Records, 19 North Gore Avenue, Webster Groves; 314-961-8978 • Planet Score Records, 7421 Manchester Road, Maplewood; 314-282-0777 • Music Record Shop, 3116 Locust Street, 314-675-8675 • The Record Space, 8716 Gravois Road, Affton; 314-437-2727 • Dead Wax Records, 1959 Cherokee Street, 314-833-5565 • Wax Rats, 2308.5 Cherokee Street, 303-524-5729

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THE YOGIS “Inhale.” It is a Monday evening in November, and after eight months of silence, the sound of breathing is once again echoing inside a yoga studio in Old North St. Louis. Before the pandemic lockdowns, the studio’s wood-paneled oor could fit as many as students at a time. Today, the class numbers ust five. Alonzo Nelson walks back and forth between his socially distanced students. He walks by a young boy, the son of one of the students, who is playing on an iPad near his mother’s mat. The temperature for the class, marketed “Power to the People,” is set to a toasty degrees. Nelson’s voice is soft but direct. A schoolteacher by profession, his pace is that of a drill sergeant. After leading the class in some breathing exercises, he gets to the real stuff: “Inhale, halfway lift,” he begins, watching his students bend into their poses. “Exhale … now walk those hands to the front of the mat, good … high plank … lower yourself down … up dog, lower yourself down, press up and back into down dog … inhale.” By the end of the hour-long class, the students are sheened in sweat, but they’re laughing as they shake and stretch out their limbs. It’s a moment of almostnormalcy, a rare thing at a time when a coronavirus surge is threatening to once again shut down yoga communities like Collective STL (1400 N Market Street, 314-200-5796). But for Nelson, who co-founded the nonprofit in , this is a moment he’s yearned for. “The reality is yoga is seen as

something that a uent, skinny white women do,” he says during an interview after the class. “You very seldom see a Black person in this kind of space. You very seldom see a person with a bigger body in a yoga studio.” Nelson, a high school math teacher in the Metro East, met his future fellow co-founders of Collective STL in a yoga teacher training course. He remembers bonding with the three Black yoga teachers over their shared love of the practice, but they also shared the feeling of alienation in those same spaces: It was the feeling of walking into a studio and realizing they were the only Black person there. Through Collective STL, Nelson, Melinda Oliver and the married duo of Terry and Ericka Harris united around a shared hope: to bring Black people in St. Louis to yoga. To do that, Nelson says they had to strip away the alienating pressure that followed Black yoga practitioners in mostly white spaces. The next step was offering classes on a pay-what-you-want basis and providing free mats and equipment to anyone who showed up. “ e first need to give them a space where they don’t have to prove themselves. So, check: All your teachers are Black,” Nelson says. “Then we removed all the barriers. We gave them a space, and we gave them everything they needed to practice. All they had to do is bring their bodies.” ut in the summer of , t. Louis’ Black yoga community wasn’t just contending with the virus its students might inadver-

tently bring into the studio: There was the mental and emotional weight of police violence, as protesters filled the streets in t. Louis and across the country in response to the police killings of George Floyd in Minneapolis and Breonna Taylor in Louisville. On streets and livestreams came the cry, “I can’t breathe.” By July, Collective STL had moved its weekly yoga classes to Zoom streams and the grassy lot next to the studio. But the group didn’t want to just get by with replacing their regular programming. “We’re all living through a pandemic, and we’re all impacted and affected by that. We have witnessed these murders via social media, we’re feeling the effects of that too,” notes Ericka Harris, a Collective STL co-founder and longtime yoga instructor. In July, the group launched a five-week series of public yoga events. They called it the Just Breathe Summer Series, and from its start at the Missouri History Museum, the event eventually attracted hundreds of people to the wide grassy area beneath the legs of the Gateway Arch. There, first-timers practiced yoga alongside veterans. The event drew families and singles, the old and young. For Harris, the event showed just how far St. Louis’ Black yoga community had come – and how they could come together to heal. “We needed to create space for people to just breathe, to create a space to feel and process these feelings. That was very inten-

tional,” she says. “Sometimes, we don’t realize how much we need to slow down and be still; we don’t realize what we need until we actually access it.” Harris acknowledges that they can’t predict what the near future will bring for the studio, which restarted its in-person classes the same week that local officials in St. Louis warned that coronavirus trends could soon send the city into yet another lockdown. ut even if t. ouis finds itself quarantined once again, the Black-led yoga classes at Collective STL will continue, whether that means more outdoor events (weather permitting) or moving back to livestreaming classes. “Our mission is to bring yoga to Blackness,” Harris notes. “Even if we have to shut down the studio and do that on Zoom, that’s something we can continue.” — Danny Wicentowski

Get Twisted • Yoga Instructor Donna Rae Jones, donnaraejones.com • Yoga Buzz, yogabuzz.org • The Bee’s Knees Yoga, thebeeskneesyoga.com For more info on Collective STL, check out thecollectivestl.org. Yoga classes are open to all. All sign-ups are made through the Collective STL app, available on Android and iPhone. Although classes are free, donations of $10-20 per class are suggested for those who are able.

The Just Breathe Summer Series took place under the Arch, with plenty of space and fresh air. | TYLER SMALL, COURTESY COLLECTIVE STL

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Personal Shopper If you’re looking for a one-of-akind gift for that special someone, one of the best places in St. ouis to find unique and personalized gifts is Daily Disco (2103 Marconi Avenue, 314-802-7575). This local chainstitch embroidery shop cranks out custom wearables and other designs from its headquarters in the bustling ill neighborhood. Shop owner and founder Abbey Eilermann works there with a small crew to produce made-to-order gifts like tea towels, patches, face masks, bandanas, bucket hats, clutch bags, beanies, berets, eye masks, jean jackets and more. Daily Disco’s storefront is currently closed to the public, but in addition to shipping items they

also offer curbside pickup from 9:30 a.m. until 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday right outside their happy little factory located near St. Ambrose Church and the popular Piazza Imo. You can order and then pick up most personalized items the same day, making Daily Disco the perfect shop for the impatient shopper. But if you want to place a large custom order (like having a large photo or logo stitched onto the back of a vintage jean jacket), you should make sure to call them up and reserve your spot soon. “Our slots for larger pieces are filling up fast,” says ilermann, “so if people want a larger piece done in time for the holidays, they should call in as soon as they can.”

Daily Disco does made-to-order gifts — but their holiday slots are filling up fast . | JAIME LEES

Though it usually takes about a week to get a big, elaborate design finished, most of the items they sell are designed to be customized in just a few minutes with just a name or a short phrase. The word “vote” stitched on a face mask was a recent hit, and many customers are eager to get a face mask stitched with their own name, so people know who they’re looking at behind the cloth. Eye masks are their newest offering, but the shop is about to launch a line of bags and pouches, too. And in addition to these personalized items, the store also sells other fun little gifts like retro hotel keychains, pins that look like a margarita, earrings featuring Dolly Parton and patches with the Gateway Arch styled as a big rainbow. If you want to get a custom item but you’re at a loss for inspiration,

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visit DailyDisco.com and click on the “personalization inspiration” tab for design ideas like symbols or social justice phrases or funny expressions like “aspiring retiree.” And if you know that your loved one would love the shop but you’re unsure which item they’d like best, Daily Disco also offers gift cards so they can pick the perfect gift for themself. — Jaime Lees

Treat Yourself

• Raw Blend Custom Apparel, 1408 North Kingshighway, Suite 106, 314-398-1585, www.rawblendcustom.bigcartel.com • Lovin My Melanin, lovinmymelanin.com • Klutch by Khadejah, www.etsy. com/shop/klutchbykhadejah

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Bookworms In October, Subterranean Books (6275 Delmar Boulevard, 314-8626100) turned twenty years old. Two decades as an indie bookshop in the ever-changing Delmar Loop is an accomplishment. “We had plans for a big public birthday bash,” longtime manager Alex Weir says. “That got shelved.” Like a lot of other small businesses, Subterranean is doing everything it can to ride out the pandemic. During months of shutdowns, Weir was one of two employees laboring behind locked doors to pack orders for online shoppers, local delivery and curbside. One of the hooks for Subterranean has always been the pleasure of walking in for a leisurely browse through the aisles, picking the way across sections that range from architecture to the latest big novel to young adult. The small space feels like a dream treehouse or a cozy ship’s cabin, the walls

neatly stuffed so that an interesting title is always within reach along the main oor. pint-sized perch atop a ight of stairs at the back of the shop is an irresistible stop, even if you need nothing up there. And Teddy, the shop dog, is on duty five days a week. It’s a great place to hang out, but the pandemic made that impossible for six months. And even after reopening to walk-in traffic in September, they’ve had to limit the number of people in the shop at one time. So how have they kept going? A core group of customers knows we’re better off with Subterranean in St. Louis. The shop has had a frequent buyer program since the day it opened in October 2000, and members have supported the store through thick and thin. “This year, it’s been a lot of thin, but they’ve just been very loyal,” Weir says.

Add in plenty of hustle and a growing number of people who’d rather spend their money with a local business than Amazon, and Weir says Subterranean has a lot to be grateful for during what has been a rough stretch. The shop is now open 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. every day for in-store shopping and 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. for curbside pickup. You can also order online (store.subbooks.com) 24 hours a day. The personalized service hasn’t

changed throughout the pandemic, and you can still find their book recommendations on Subterranean’s website or by calling. And some day, they’ll have that birthday bash, Weir says. “We feel just lucky to still be here,” he says, “and we’ll do the celebrating later.” — Doyle Murphy

Further Reading

• Dunaway Books, 3111 South Grand Boulevard, 314-771-7150, www.dunawaybooks.com • Left Bank Books, 399 North Euclid Avenue, 314-367-6731, www.left-bank.com • The Book House, 7352 Manchester Road, Maplewood; 314-9684491, www.bookhousestl.com • EyeSeeMe, 7827 Olive Boulevard, University City; 314-3491122, www.eyeseeme.com

Subterranean is open, though the number of customers allowed inside is sharply reduced. Teddy, above, is always ready to help sniff out a title. | STEVEN DUONG

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• The Novel Neighbor, 7905 Big Bend Boulevard, Webster Groves; 314-738-9384, thenovelneighbor.com

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The Local Local Amy Schafer and Mary Hennesy, owners of Urban Matter (3179 South Grand Boulevard, 314-7699349), had just opened a second storefront two doors south of their main shop when the pandemic began ravaging small businesses across the country. “When that opportunity became available in January, we signed a lease and started planning,” Schafer says, “and then COVID happened.” For four months, both locations were closed to customers. Slipping by through what they deemed “window shopping Urban Matterstyle,” people ordering items over the phone or email from window displays, they worried that the pandemic would mean permanent closure. Today, through fighting spirit and their community of support, Urban Matter is back open to the public with both storefronts — and just in

time for holiday shopping, too. rban atter is filled with perfect gifts for anyone on your list. The store is best known for their Instagram-worthy home décor, spunky homemade jewelry and cards so notable that Chelsea Handler posted one on her Instagram. Their first outh Grand location, a corner shop at the Connecticut Street intersection, is focused on home goods. Handcrafted furniture, bar goods, kitchen supplies, pillows, books and candles are just some of the items shoppers can find at the quirky and eclectic storefront. Their new location (3189 South Grand Boulevard, 314-833-3223) was created with the wants of outh Grand shoppers in mind The store specializes in pet items, women’s clothing, jewelry and bath and body goods. Regardless of the type of product, one thing is assured when

Urban Matter brings local goods to local shoppers . | STEVEN DUONG

purchasing at Urban Matter — the money will go towards helping the local economy. “We’re not buying most of our goods out of a catalog — we’re buying most of our goods from a person,” says Schafer. With each product that they purchase for the store, they try to meet the makers and form a relationship. Through the success of their business, the owner says, they hope to support other local businesses along the way. The store has a staff of ten, including the owners. Schafer says that the money they earn is also paying the salaries of other St. Louis residents. “So, your money is sort of doing double/triple duty in staying local, because the people that we’re buying from are also here in St. Louis,” she says. Many customers report that the store’s small, friendly staff similarly makes the shopping experience worthwhile. It’s typical for visitors to make themselves at home, sit on their couches and

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spend time in the store. That’s the kind of community Urban Matter offers, says Schafer. While the effects of COVID-19 certainly aren’t over for small businesses, Urban Matter’s employees maintain hope that people will see their mission and support them. “We aren’t as busy as before,” Schafer says, “but we feel very confident we will be around on the other side.” — Riley Mack

Also Gifted

• Union Studio, two locations, including Tower Grove ve, 314-771-5398, stlunionstudio.com • Golden Gems, 3156 Cherokee Street, 314-925-8931, shopgoldengems.com • Civil Alchemy, 8154 Big Bend oulevard, ebster Groves 314-801-7577, civilalchemy.com

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Collectors Randy Fauth has more than six million sports cards in his store, from baseball to hockey, football and basketball. His stock comes from more than 30 years of collecting. Fauth, owner of the Sports Card Dugout (8041 Watson Road B, Webster Groves; 314-963-9666), started collecting cards as a kid. e saw the business firsthand when he started working at the World of Baseball Cards, a local shop, in 1982. When the owner passed away in 1990, Fauth decided to start his own shop. As a kid, Fauth collected the cards of his heroes. Those few cards turned into a few million from America’s top sports. “I was always a person that wasn’t just going to buy a few packs of cards and be happy with what I got,” he says. “I wanted to get one of every card.” e’s picked up some rare finds over the years, such as a Joe Namath rookie NFL card that Fauth has for sale with a current price tag of $4,000. That one is an eyecatcher, but St. Louis sports fans show much more interest in baseball and hockey. Fauth says vintage baseball cards have remained his favorite part of the hobby and job. One of his most cherished is a 1934 Lou Gehrig card that a customer walked into the store with about ten years ago. Goudey, the card’s brand, was the first company to sell baseball cards with a stick of gum inside. Fauth says he does not want to sell the 86-yearold card just yet. He also carries much more affordable cards for the novice collector. The good part about collecting sports cards, Fauth says, is that you can spend at any level you want.

He has seen an increase in popularity for what he calls “junk era” cards. These were produced in the late 1980s and early 1990s, and people can buy unopened boxes of them. These types of cards give older generations a chance to introduce sports cards to younger relatives. Fauth says second- and even third-generation customers come in the store and are introduced to the sports card hobby. Recently, the popularity has shifted from baseball to a sport that hasn’t been played professionally in St. Louis since 1976: basketball. The demand for basketball cards has been high after a wave of COVID-19 shutdowns. It’s hard to say why, but Fauth thinks some of the money that would have been spent at major sporting events is being redirected to sports memorabilia. He expects basketball cards to be a hot product for as long as the pandemic lasts, especially with the holiday season around the corner. After the initial gut punch of lost traffic, the coronavirus might actually help business in the long run with those homebound sports fans. The Sports Card Dugout is open Tuesday through Friday 12 p.m. to 8 p.m. and Saturday 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. — Matt Woods

Collect Them All

• Dogtown Sports Collectibles & Framing, 6410 Wise Avenue, dogtownsports@yahoo.com • 1,000,000 Baseball Cards, 14560 Manchester Road #23, Manchester; 636-527-4424, www.onemillionbaseballcards.com • RbiCru7, 629 Salt Lick Road, Saint Peters; 636-387-0987, rbicru7.com

Randy Fauth has put a lifetime of collecting into Sports Card Dugout. | MATT WOODS riverfronttimes.com

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SHORT ORDERS

[SIDE DISH]

Full Circle For Executive Chef Dakota Kolb, helming Quincy Street Bistro’s kitchen marks a homecoming Written by

CHERYL BAEHR

akota Kolb vividly remembers the first time he walked through the doors of Quincy Street Bistro (6931 Gravois Avenue, 314-696-2269). t was , and he was a young culinary student there for lunch and an interview with the restaurant’s thenchef, ick ewis. ntimidated — ewis had ust been nominated for a ames eard Foundation ising tar hef award — olb took a deep breath and gave it his best shot. “ t was my first restaurant ob — my first ob out of high school,” olb recalls. “ walked back into that kitchen thinking had no business being there and talking to ick and hris Tirone. They were the guys wanted to be one day. When they offered me to come in and stage, then wanted me to come work for them, couldn’t believe it.” ow back at the reanimated uincy treet istro as its newly named executive chef, olb can’t help but re ect on how far he’s come since that day in . From those humble beginnings as a young culinary student learning how to cook on a line, olb is now tasked with helping the restaurant’s new owner, Todd Tiefenauer, bring his vision for the restaurant to life. Together, they’ve figured out a way to balance Tiefenauer’s long-held restaurant dreams with maintaining the spirit of the first iteration of uincy treet, a task olb feels uniquely suited for because of his history with the place, as well as his ability to listen and adapt. That skill has served him well in the kitchen, even at a young age. hen he was ust five years old, olb would regularly watch the Food etwork with his mom and sister, and was immediately taken with chef meril agasse, thanks

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Now executive chef at the new Quincy Street Bistro, Dakota Kolb is happy to be back where it all began. | ANDY PAULISSEN in large part to his penchant for yelling the word “bam.” s a kindergartener, Kolb thought nothing was more exciting than seeing the animated agasse yell out in excitement as he worked in the kitchen, so he found himself poking around when his grandmothers would cook, hoping to get in on the action. “My grandmother and greatgrandmother were really inspirational to me,” olb says. “They were always cooking, and was a curious kid, so wanted to get into the kitchen and see what was going on. en oyed being hands-on. ost kids my age loved playing with illy utty and lay-Doh and making stuff like that. n my way, this was real-life lay-Doh. y passion really started there.” Kolb got an early start on his restaurant career. s a high school student at outh Technical igh chool, he took cooking classes and even got to compete on a team that allowed him to form relationships with his future instructors at t. ouis ommunity ollege-Forest ark, where he

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“Most kids my age loved playing with Silly Putty and Play-Doh and making stuff like that. In my way, this was real-life Play-Doh.” attended culinary school. During that time, he also worked at uincy treet, where he learned from the kitchen’s talented team how to cook well and fast for a busy, highprofile restaurant. From there, he took that knowledge to astaria, and eventually to the orner utcher in Fenton. Though he loved the craft of butchery, olb missed cooking on the line, and found himself back

at uincy treet before moving to ansas ity in . arlier this year, he decided to return to t. ouis, so he reached out to his former boss, ewis, to see if he knew of any opportunities. ewis informed him that Tiefenauer was getting ready to reopen uincy treet and that he was looking for people to oin his team. The two met, clicked and have been working together ever since to breathe new life into the storied space. For olb, doing ustice to a place that is so near and dear to his heart is a dream come true. “This place has always had a strong pull on my heart,” olb says. “ t’s the first place really solidified myself in the industry and people started to know me. To come back, walk through these doors and see the same structure has made me realize that ’ve come a long way. t’s interesting being here at this time and space. love it, and love being back. can’t wait to see where this goes.” olb took a moment away from the kitchen to share his thoughts on the current state of the t. ou-

is dining community, the oys of usch beer and hinese takeout, and why the tight-knit nature of the restaurant scene gives him hope. What is one thing people don’t know about you that you wish they did? t is a goal and a passion of mine to shape and mold the minds of young chefs in the industry. was, and still am, a young chef, and want to be able to give and supply the next generation with as much information that I have and the experiences will have had in this industry. What daily ritual is non-negotiable for you? start my day with a hot shower, and will not leave the house unless do my hair, even if will be putting on a hat to work in the kitchen. If you could have any superpower, what would it be? would love the ability to stop time or freeze time. Who is your St. Louis food crush? This is unfair to pick ust one. y crushes would have to be ick ewis of Grace eat Three, rian oxey of astaria and ui Tran of udo ouse ai ee. They are so incredibly talented and have been chefs ’ve looked up to for a long time. Which ingredient is most representative of your personality? would say a alape o. t’s a vegetable that is bold and versatile. t’s mild but still strong, much like how am every day. If you weren’t working in the restaurant business, what would you be doing? would probably be an electrical engineer. hen was going to outh Technical igh chool, would always drop into a class or two, and the stuff they were learning was very intriguing to me. As a hospitality professional, what do people need to know about what you are going through? wake up every morning hoping that this has all been a bad dream. This is a pandemic for the ages. y perspective on life has changed much like the perspective of the hospitality industry has changed. The hospitality industry is based off of service, and if we can’t serve people we aren’t doing our ob if we can’t do our ob, we can’t support ourselves and our staff. t’s very hard to come in, look around you and think that it can all change

the next day. That’s the world we are living in now. get up and walk in to work with hope that can make a living for myself and that my staff can also do that. ut it’s a dangerous game we are playing. eople don’t want to go out and be exposed, but we don’t survive as a restaurant without patrons coming and dining with us. What do you miss most about the way you did your job before COVID-19? miss the consistency of business and knowing what to expect on a given day night. also miss the people-to-people contact. e can still have that, but you can’t see the happy faces and the great experience in a curbside format. What do you miss least? The hours. This the first time in my career where ’m not working from noon until 1 a.m. I get off at a reasonable time, and that is something that haven’t had the pleasure of doing in a while What have you been stress-eating/drinking lately? I may or may not have indulged in some usch beer and hinese takeout. ’m a sucker for hinese food. ’m slowly working off the quarantine weight What do you think the biggest change to the hospitality industry will be once people are allowed to return to normal activity levels? think overall business will be the biggest change. n arch, we had to switch our structure of how most restaurants are built and transfer everything to curbside. think it will be a welcome change but a change that all of us in the industry are excited to see. think those of us in the industry will be way more careful, and think a lot of the cleaning procedures we’ve had to adopt will most likely be used going forward. What is one thing that gives you hope during this crisis? ow close and how tight the t. ouis hospitality industry truly is. e were all unsure and scared of what this pandemic might do, and during these last eight months, the local restaurants and owners have come together to try and help each other out as best as they could. The community of chefs and hospitality professionals that we have in t. ouis are some of the most genuine people, and it has been shown off now more than ever. n

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RIVERFRONT TIMES

CULTURE

If you enjoyed A Late Summer Night’s Stroll, catch A Walking Xmas Carol . | NICHOLAS COULTER

[ S TA G E ]

The Ghost of Christmas Recast St. Louis Shakespeare Festival announces new walking tour based on A Christmas Carol Written by

RILEY MACK

s St. Louis heads into the winter months and events move indoors, ways to socialize while still social distancing will begin to dwindle. However, the crew who regularly brings us the St. Louis Shakespeare Festival is here to provide a little joy for your holiday season with a brand-new window-walk performance. This year, instead of their normal hibernation during the winter season, the St. Louis Shakespeare Festival organizers have decided to create A Walking Xmas Carol. The free, twenty-stop, outdoor holiday window tour will take place in the Central West End from November 28 through December 23. Attendees will walk past storefronts, each depicting a scene from the holiday classic A Christmas Carol. A windowwalk event is not new to the Central West End, as the neighborhood has put on a similar event for the past decade, but the Shakespeare crew plans to add their own twist to the tradition. As Tom Ridgely, producing artistic director, says, “This is not just your grand-

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mother’s Christmas Carol.” In contrast to the classically beautiful Central West End, the story will be a modern telling of the beloved Dickens tale. The crew is adapting the original narrative to reflect our new normal, particularly focusing on our relationships throughout the pandemic. Another contemporary alteration involves QR codes at each display for visitors to hear the Q Brothers’ hip-hop adaptation of the soundtrack. For the festival crew, the limitations of the coronavirus pandemic have actually served as a source of inspiration in creating the show. As office parties, Nutcracker productions, Christmas musicals, symphony orchestras and more are off the docket for this holiday season, Ridgely knew they had to step in. “We just realized that so many things that make this time of year not just special, but bearable, won’t be possible — the gathering, the travels, the celebrations,” Ridgely says. “We had to find a way to still live out our mission — we had to use art and stories to spread joy and understanding.” With COVID-19 emptying storefronts across St. Louis, the Shakespeare crew wanted to breathe some life into their city. In the Central West End particularly, they plan to incorporate the vacant spaces as part of their show. “Rather than have them sit empty, we can turn them into something beautiful,” Ridgely explains. So although usual holiday traditions may be canceled this year, a new and safe one can be made through the walking tour. Organizers believe everyone should come out to see the show and experience some well-deserved joy this winter season. “It just brings a little light,” Ridgley says. n

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Must-See Movies In pandemic times, it’s challenging to find things to do that don’t put yourself or those around you in danger. And while we’re inclined to suggest that the safest event is no event, we also know that sounds a lot like abstinence-only sex ed, and you guys are probably gonna fuck anyway. So consider these recommendations your condoms: not foolproof, but safer than other options. Live-streamed events are the masturbation of events in this way, because — you know what, we’re gonna go ahead and abandon this metaphor before we get in over our heads.

2020 ST. LOUIS INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL t’s been a long pandemic, and things are only heating up again. o you know what t’s time to make the most of this weird backwards opportunity you’ve been given. f you’ve always meant to actually go to the t. ouis nternational Film Festival but couldn’t find the time Tada ere you go This year’s FF is, of course, all online — which means you have a huge new batch of movies and shorts to tap into just as you get sick of poking through et ix yet again. The festival is a dazzling international smorgasbord, featuring over documentary features and shorts and more than 200 narrative features and shorts. t’s a giant and beautiful festival full of insight, comedy, magic, mystery, history, harrowing truths,

life-affirming stories, enchanted animations and so much more. hich can be overwhelming — so we’ve put together this list of suggestions to get you oriented. ost are available for viewing from now through unday, ovember , and virtual tickets can be purchased individually or via passes at cinemastlouis.org sliff festival-home. tay home, stay safe and stay entertained

Lucky Grandma

Grumpy Grandma ong Tsai hin is widowed and barely making ends meet in her tiny hinatown apartment when a fortune teller tells her that she’s about to hit a very lucky streak. She gets herself to a casino and finds out that her luck is real but not uncomplicated. efore long she has to hire a bodyguard, Big Pong siao- uan a , to protect her from a local gang’s predations.

The Black Artists’ Group: Creation Equals Movement. | COURTESY SLIFF

Lucky Grandma. | COURTESY SLIFF

While the stakes are high and the consequences are real, first-time feature director Sasie Sealy has a sharp eye for details both funny and Hitchcockian that keeps it thrilling and mysterious, in part by deploying a fantastic score. hin’s chain-smoking Grandma ong is tiny but implacable, with real comic chemistry between her and the hulking but babyfaced Big ong. till, it is cramped hinatown, reeking of fish and mystical secrets, that really shines.

The Black Artists’ Group: Creation Equals Movement

The lack rtists’ Group G was founded in t. ouis in the fiery days of the late ’60s and lasted until — but in that time, they managed a fierce burst of cultural and artistic activity. They were on the cutting edge of the Black ower movement, and many of the members had F surveillance records to prove it. They brought an arts-focused, interdisciplinary approach to their Black cultural activism, built around music, particularly azz, in radical co-invention with experimental dance and theater. Though G hasn’t received nearly enough attention to date — even and especially in t. ouis — the work done here in the city reverberated through the Black corridors of the segregated

merican experience. any of the artists went on to international music and theater careers, including such heavy hitters as liver ake, ulius emphill and amiet luiett, who formed the orld axophone uartet and became fixtures of ew ork’s artloft jazz scene of the ’80s. This showing is of a work in progress Director ryan De atteis is still finishing it up. The film features archival footage of a wide variety of G members including ake, emphill, luiett, harles “ obo” haw, ortia unt and hirley eFlore as well as Dennis wsley of “ azz nlimited.” For t. ouis musicians, music aficionados and the theater crowd, this is a rare opportunity to see history literally in the making.

The Penny Black

ome of the strangest stories are the true ones, and The Penny Black is an immersive adventure in the unlikely. t a dinner party in , the filmmakers encounter ill, who tells them that he was recently asked to hold onto a couple of books of stamps by his neighbor, a ussian man whom he only met that one time. The man then promptly disappears, leaving the stamps with ill. The problem The collection, which includes an infamously rare “ enny lack,”

is potentially worth millions, and ill has no idea what to do next, especially because he doesn’t even know the name of the mysterious guy who handed them to him. s weeks turn into months, ill has to decide what he wants to do about this potential fortune in his care — and remain ever mindful of the documentarians who are watching closely to see what happens.

Dramarama

t’s not a real movie about high school unless you’re squirming in your seat with discomfort on the kids’ behalf. Dramarama catches a group of senior-year drama nerds at their fever pitch throwing a murder mystery party together. True to type, they are as unbearably ridiculous as they are unselfconsciously delighted with each other’s pure nerd pageantry. ut Gene has his own drama e wants to come out as gay to his friends, even as he worries desperately about what that will mean for all of them. t’s a confidently directed debut by onathan Wysocki, and both he and the actors clearly revel in the mid-’ s world they create, free from the tyranny of social media but full of anxiety for anyone hiding the secret of their true selves.

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Stardust

t would be a fool’s errand to convey the life of David owie, one of the world’s most mercurial and opaque artists, in a single film, and director Gabriel ange knows it. nstead, Stardust is set near the outset of owie’s long and glorious career, when he’s still a mostly unknown young folk singer strumming an acoustic guitar in a dress and widebrimmed hat, ba ing his record company and anyone who tried to get near him. ith the help of grizzled industry vet Rob Oberman played by a very recognizable arc aron , he’s got to figure out how to convince merica to love his new album, The Man Who Sold the World. He clearly has the skills, but he lacks a personality — “character,” it’s sometimes called. f only he could become someone else entirely... ead actor ohnny Flynn’s own star has been on the rise over the last decade — he was conspicuously gorgeous in this year’s Emma — and the fact that he’s a legit musician in his own right helps the physical manifestations of the musical moments in the film immensely. ut mainly, it’s ust an undeniable pleasure to watch the difficult birth of one of the estern world’s wildest ciphers iggy Stardust. n

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SAVAGE LOVE ADD IT UP BY DAN SAVAGE Hey, Dan: I’ve always been excited by BDSM, but I’ve only minimally explored this side of myself until very recently. I’m a straight woman, and it was difficult to find men who wanted more monogamish relationships on the traditional apps and a challenge to be honest about what I am looking for where kink is concerned. I’d often get through a month or so of seeing someone before finding out they wanted a completely monogamous relationship and that they were very vanilla in the bedroom to boot. I was tired of wasting my time and needed to find a partner who wanted to enjoy a kinky relationship, so I moved from traditional dating apps like Bumble and Hinge to apps like #Open, Fetlife and KinkD. While I’ve had a few amazing conversations and meetups, they’ve primarily been with men in open relationships, couples or guys only looking to hook up. And it seems most people on kinky apps want to only talk about sex. While I do feel drawn to this lifestyle, I am also looking for a partner. I want someone to spend my life with who can also enjoy the kink community with me. How can I find a guy that wants a life partner and a fun and kinky sex life? Seeks Partner And Needs Kink P.S. One more question: I’m currently enjoying casual sex with a male partner who only buys magnum-size condoms but who does not need them. It’s like fucking a half-empty grocery store bag. How do I tell him regular condoms would be soooooo much better without making him feel bad? Whether you’re on kinky dating apps or mainstream dating apps or both, SPANK, you’re gonna have a lot of interactions with a lot of guys who aren’t right for you before you find the guy or guys who are right for you. And since there are plenty of kinky people on mainstream dating apps — you were one of them — you should be on both. Of the happily partnered kinky people I know, SPANK, half met their partners in “traditional” spaces bars,

workplaces, mainstream dating apps while the other half met their partners in kinky spaces munches, fetish parties, kinky dating apps . And while no one should be meeting anyone in a bar or at parties right now — there’s a pandemic on — the more places you advertise online, the likelier you are to line up a compatible partner for when this is all over. And you shouldn’t be surprised — or put off — when someone you meet on KinkD wants to talk about their kinks. When you meet someone via a dating app that brings people together around a shared interest, it’s only natural that your initial conversations revolve around that shared interest. If you were posting ads on Farmers Only or hristian afe, your first chats would very likely revolve around, I don’t know, the price of corn or the exact moment you sold your soul to Donald Trump. Whichever kind of app you meet a guy on, you’re going to have to do the same two things — the same work, the same vetting, the same screw diligence — just in a different order. When you meet a guy on Bumble, SPANK, you establish baseline emotional compatibility first and then eventually you have a conversation about sex. With guys you meet on KinkD, you establish baseline sexual compatibility first — by talking about your mutual sexual interests — and eventually get around to determining whether you’re emotionally compatible. And, again, since you could meet someone with whom you are emotionally and sexually compatible on either kind of dating site — mainstream or kinky — you should keep your ads up on both. P.S. Loose condoms come off and loose condoms leak, SPANK, so a guy who uses XXL condoms on a medium dick puts you at greater risk of contracting an STI or having an unplanned pregnancy. And for what? To impress the checkout clerk at CVS? Don’t worry about making him feel bad. Tell him he gets condoms that fit or he finds someone else to fuck. Hey, Dan: I’ve lived with my girlfriend for over a year now until about a month ago when she moved to the East Coast, so now we’re in a long-distance relationship. I supported her move because she’s fol-

There’s only so much time you should waste on a person who doesn’t have time for you. lowing her dream career, and we decided to stay together since communication nowadays is pretty easy. But every time I try to text or call she responds that she’s too busy or exhausted. I could understand if this was once in a while but it’s literally all the time. This has put a strain on our communication. I became irrational with these red flags and I looked up her address, and a guy’s name popped up including his phone number. Then I did perhaps the most irrational thing ever and looked up our phone bill, and his number is everywhere on her section of the bill. I asked her who this dude is and she states he’s her landlord and employer. That’s not a red flag, but him calling at 1 a.m. when I was working nightshifts before she moved is. I confronted her and she became defensive and turned everything back on me. She called me crazy and hurled more than one “fuck you” at me and threatened to call the cops on me. I’ve admitted to my wrongdoing in violating her privacy and I’ve repeatedly asked her to talk about it, but it always turns into a fight. We’ve been together two years, and I’ve never met any of her friends or her 20-year-old son. What do you think? I’m Getting Nothing Outta Relationship Except Drama I think there’s only so much time you should waste on a person who doesn’t have time for you — to say nothing of a person who isn’t particularly kind to you and, after two years, hasn’t integrated you into her life in a meaningful way. I also think you need to ask yourself what’s more likely, IGNORED: your girlfriend — who can’t take your calls now but could take that guy’s in the middle of the night when you two were living together — is living with and working with a guy she knew before moving away, or that your girlfriend is living with

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and working with and fucking with a guy she moved across the country to be with? I think the latter is far more likely. But even if she’s not fucking him — even if she isn’t holding on to you as a backup or doesn’t want to end things because you pay her phone bill — she doesn’t make time for you, and it doesn’t sound like she’s particularly kind to you when she can spare you a moment. I don’t know why she hasn’t done the right thing and ended it, IGNORED, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do the right thing for yourself and end it. Hey, Dan: I expect many of your astute readers will have written to you about this, but here goes anyway: You described the wannafuckmath when arranging a foursome as far more complicated than the wannafuckmath when arranging a threesome. But the wannafuckmath isn’t actually very complicated. For any n-some, the Wannafuck number = n • (n-1). So for the humble twosome, it’s 2 • 1. Two! Just what you’d expect. For a threesome, it’s 6. For a foursome, it’s 12. So a foursome is wannafuckmathematically six times more complicated than a twosome but only twice as complicated as a threesome. Even the rarely seen hundredsome only has a wannafuck number of 9900: large, perhaps unachievable, but not infinite. Math Is Sexy Today And Yesterday I was once in a room where at least a hundred people were having sex — in Berlin, naturally — so I have seen the elusive hundredsome with my own eyes. Or the hundred-and-then-some, I should say. nd to be clear was a witness, not a participant. ut unlike a threesome or a foursome, a hundredsome isn’t an arranged-inadvance/by-invitation-only affair. It’s more of a book-a-large-enoughspace-and-advertise-it-extensively-and-they-will-come affair. So paradoxically, hosting a by-invitation-only threesome or foursome — or even a by-invitation-only tensome — where you establish in advance that everyone is attracted to each other may be more difficult to pull off than hosting a Berlin hundredsome. mail@savagelove.net @FakeDanSavage on Twitter www.savagelovecast.com

NOVEMBER 18-24, 2020

RIVERFRONT TIMES

NOVEMBER 18-24, 2020

riverfronttimes.com

NOVEMBER 18-24, 2020

RIVERFRONT TIMES

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Riverfront Times, November 18, 2020

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