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The Best of St. Louis is back! The Best of St. Louis is back, and weird as it may seem, this could be our most important year yet. We’re deep enough into 2020 to have picked up a few tricks for living. The best curbside cocktails — our new favorite term. The best way to hear live music when concert venues are shut down. The best places to go when you just have to get out. This has been a hard year for the people, projects and businesses we cover, but it’s also a year when their inge-
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nuity and spirit has shined. It’s a year when we’ve thought harder than ever before about what we love, what we miss and what we can do to enjoy our lives. The RFT’s reporters, editors and photographers have been digging into their lists, and you’ve cast your votes in our Readers Poll. Now, we’re putting all together for the big reveal. Check out the winners on October 14.
hits the streets october 14th! RIVERFRONT TIMES
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THE LEDE
“I am not going to say that some of the things that [President Trump] says are not divisive. But you got to be a policy voter. I mean his policies have been so good for America. We have been dying to have somebody who actually fought for us, and he’s willing to do that. And it’s his personality, it’s the way he is. I don’t think it’s ever going to change. But his policies are fabulous.”
PHOTO BY THEO WELLING
JEANNE LOMAX MARCHING ON HIGHWAY 94 DURING A TRUMP PARADE IN ST. CHARLES ON OCTOBER 3 riverfronttimes.com
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THE COST
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e quantify COVID-19 now. More than 210,000 dead in the United States. More than 7 million positive tests. We break it down by state, county, city and race and age. But to really understand it, you have to listen to Angela Kender talk about the death of her mother Gaye Griffin-Snyder. You need to picture the no-visitors-allowed hospital room and those final video conferences. In this week’s cover story, reporter Mike Fitzgerald brings us back to the heart of the pandemic through Kender’s experience while examining the growing movement to document the true cost of the coronavirus — and move our elected leaders to act. Without those stories, it’s too easy to read past the numbers. And now is not a time to avert our eyes. — Doyle Murphy, editor in chief
TABLE OF CONTENTS CAN’T
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Publisher Chris Keating Editor in Chief Doyle Murphy
E D I T O R I A L Digital Editor Jaime Lees Interim Managing Editor Daniel Hill Contributors Trenton Almgren-Davis, Cheryl Baehr, Eric Berger, Jeannette Cooperman, Thomas Crone, Mike Fitzgerald, Judy Lucas, Noah MacMillan, Andy Paulissen, Justin Poole, Christian Schaeffer, Theo Welling, Danny Wicentowski, Nyara Williams, Ymani Wince Columnist Ray Hartmann Interns Steven Duong, Riley Mack, Matt Woods A R T
& P R O D U C T I O N Art Director Evan Sult Editorial Layout Haimanti Germain Production Manager Haimanti Germain M U L T I M E D I A A D V E R T I S I N G Advertising Director Colin Bell Account Managers Emily Fear, Jennifer Samuel Multimedia Account Executive Jackie Mundy Digital Sales Manager Chad Beck Director of Public Relations Brittany Forrest
COVER COVID Diaries
C I R C U L A T I O N Circulation Manager Kevin G. Powers
How will we remember the pandemic, and the cost it has exacted?
E U C L I D M E D I A G R O U P Chief Executive Officer Andrew Zelman Chief Operating Officers Chris Keating, Michael Wagner VP of Digital Services Stacy Volhein www.euclidmediagroup.com
Cover photograph by
N A T I O N A L A D V E R T I S I N G VMG Advertising 1-888-278-9866, vmgadvertising.com
STEVEN DUONG
S U B S C R I P T I O N S Send address changes to Riverfront Times, 308 N. 21st Street, Suite 300, St. Louis, MO 63103. Domestic subscriptions may be purchased for $78/6 months (MO add $4.74 sales tax) and $156/year (MO add $9.48 sales tax) for first class. Allow 6-10 days for standard delivery. www.riverfronttimes.com The Riverfront Times is published weekly by Euclid Media Group | Verified Audit Member
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HARTMANN Dirty Tricks Amendment 3 is a deceptive attack on voter-approved Clean Missouri BY RAY HARTMANN
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f you’re one of those Missouri voters who carefully pores over ballot wording before you show up at the polling place, good for you. For the other 99 percent of us, it’s red-alert time. In one of the most bodacious electoral con jobs in history, Republican politicians are openly and shamelessly trying to trick voters with a little monster called Amendment 3 on November 3. Long story short, a vote for Amendment 3 of 2020 is a vote to repeal Amendment 1 of 2018 — better known as Clean Missouri — through which an astounding 62 percent of state voters spanked
the political class. The mandate was so overwhelmingly nonpartisan that it won its landslide despite being opposed by U.S. Senator Josh Hawley, who was tragically inflicted upon the nation by 51.4 percent of those voters on the same ballot. Clean Missouri enacted restrictions designed to rein in lobbyists, strengthen Sunshine Laws, reduce campaign donations and curtail gerrymandering of legislative districts. Or, as GOP lawmakers say, party pooping. Want to see a couple of smoking guns to see how badly the Republicans resented the attempt to clean them up a bit? Want to see how stupid they think you are? Consider the ballot language, which after judicial review is less fraudulent than the original version drafted by the politicians but still miserable thanks to some weak judging at the state Court of Appeals. Here’s the very first bullet point that voters will read in the ballot summary of Amendment 3:
“Shall the Missouri Constitution be amended to ban gifts from paid lobbyists to legislators and their employees?” Well now, that sounds pretty appealing to the casual reader. Nothing like cracking down on those creepy lobbyists. But guess what? We already did that with Clean Missouri, which imposed $5 limits on those very gifts, pissing off givers and receivers alike. Republican politicians are trying to sell Dirty Missouri by making it look like Clean Missouri. Boy, those politicians were selling their very souls for those handy little $5 pearls. Now, I don’t care what your politics are. If someone is trying to trick you by making you think you’re doing something that you did two years ago — for the purpose of repealing what you did two years ago — do you really want to buy what they’re selling? Clean Missouri had established the $5 threshold so that it wouldn’t place politicians in the position of
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violating state law were they to accept a little plaque or a cup of coffee from a lobbyist. I learned that from Sean Nicholson, statewide campaign director for Clean Missouri and now “No on 3.” Now consider the second bullet point of Amendment 3, which is also the second con job of Amendment 3. It reads as follows: “[Shall the Missouri constitution be amended to] reduce legislative campaign contribution limits?” Once again, a worthy aim that sounds appealing to just about any normal person of either party. But they left out this part: All it would do is reduce to $2,400 from $2,500 the amount one could donate to politicians seeking one office, that of state senator. Why pick on state senators? Clean Missouri set new campaign limits at $2,500 for senators and $2,000 for state representatives. Republican politicians are so averse to parting with campaign money that all they could bear
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was trimming the former by $100 as part of a fake reform. I’m surprised the new limit isn’t $2,499. That sets up the third and final bullet point — and the only reason the pols went to the trouble of placing Amendment 3 on the ballot, which is to restore the Republicans’ God-given right to gerrymander. Here’s what voters will read: “[Shall the Missouri Constitution be amended to] change the redistricting process voters approved in 2018 by: (i) transferring responsibility for drawing state legislative districts from the Nonpartisan State Demographer to Governorappointed bipartisan commissions; (ii) modifying and reordering the redistricting criteria?” Had they, say, a molecule of collective integrity, the Republican politicians could have made this item their sole bullet point instead of cloaking it as part of a threepart initiative, the first two being the aforementioned pathetically obvious dirty tricks. They don’t and they didn’t. Now, they do have a counterargument. They had screamed at the time that Clean Missouri was a scam because it housed unrelated reforms under one roof. In this telling, the poor voters had no idea what they were doing in 2018. There’s some truth to that: Hawley did get elected. But Clean Missouri actually enacted sweeping reforms across a broad spectrum: The politicians picked off the ones they could weaken themselves, notably the transparency laws, in their subsequent two legislative sessions. In the 2020 narrative of Dirty Missouri, redistricting reforms had been snuck in under the cover of darkness. To the contrary, Missouri was part of a national cause: Voters in Ohio, Michigan, Colorado and Utah also enacted redistricting reforms in 2018. Clean Missouri’s new restrictions on lobbyists were not a con. Same for its other provisions on tightening Sunshine Laws, lowering donation limits and more. And redistricting reform was always a known part of the deal. Two days before the 2018 general election, KSDK — hardly obscure — prominently reported this: “Clean Missouri aims to replace Missouri’s system for drawing state legislative districts with a model designed to have the number of seats won by each party more closely reflect its statewide vote.” This was not a secret mission.
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The third bullet point restores the Republicans’ Godgiven rights to gerrymander. This was also not confusing, even as its details are necessarily complex. Again, from KSDK, before the election: “Amendment 1 would create a new position of nonpartisan state demographer who would propose maps to commissioners that reflect the parties’ share of the statewide vote in previous elections for president, governor and U.S. senator. Criteria of ‘partisan fairness’ and ‘competitiveness’ would outrank more traditional criteria such as geographically compact districts.” The Republicans are now claiming — with amazing audacity — that what KSDK and others meant to say was that State Auditor Nicole Galloway would be personally redrawing Missouri’s legislative districts. This is a lie. The state auditor was tasked with presenting names to legislative leaders of both parties, who would then agree on someone. The demographer would submit maps to the existing bipartisan commissions. The need for this is obvious. Just look at the results of what the previous system wrought with redistricting in 2011. (Maps are redrawn every ten years, after the census.) Today, Republicans control 71 percent of both the House and the Senate in the General Assembly. A win like Hawley’s — at less than six points over Senator Claire McCaskill — is considered a thumping at the statewide level. A tenpoint win is a landslide. Good luck finding the last 71-29 victory margin in a statewide election. Gerrymandering is alive and well in the state, and Clean Missouri was a noble course correction. Dirty Missouri, a.k.a. Amendment 3, would cancel that out and make things even worse than before. Its authors have no shame. They should have lost everyone at the second lie. n Ray Hartmann founded the Riverfront Times in 1977. Contact him at rhartmann@sbcglobal.net or catch him on St. Louis In the Know With Ray Hartmann and Jay Kanzler from 9 to 11 p.m. Monday thru Friday on KTRS (550 AM).
NEWS Landlord Tries to Evict Whistleblower Tenant Written by
MIKE FITZGERALD
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woman who lives in the longtroubled Southwest Crossing apartment complex, in south St. Louis, says she and her family have been told to leave by the apartment owner because she spoke to the Riverfront Times for a story. The RFT story, published in late August, was about the wave of evictions facing St. Louis because of the economic recession caused by the COVID-19 pandemic. In the story, the woman — Janica Washington — said she and her four children would have nowhere to go if they were kicked out. Washington received a letter on September 18 from the Sansone Group informing her she had com-
Needles Out in Quilting Suppliers’ Rivalry Written by
DANNY WICENTOWSKI
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he outline of a stitch and a circular color pattern featured in the logo of a Missouri-based quilt-box subscription service is at the center of a trademark dispute launched in federal court this past week. Cotton Cuts, a Chesterfield company that also operates a retail location in the Chesterfield Mall, is now asking a federal judge to decide whether its “Rosa” logo, a circular swirl of colorful fabrics, is being infringed by the logo of a competing quilt-box subscription service. That company, Kentucky-based Paper Pieces, runs a service called Quilty Box.
Terrell Porter holds the eviction letter he received from Sansone Group. | MIKE FITGERALD mitted an infraction of tenant rules “due to over occupancy for a two bedroom apartment home per publicized Riverfront Times interview.” Four days later, Washington and her husband Terrell Porter received a letter of termination of vacancy from Sansone informing them they had 30 days to vacate for non-payment of rent. “The first thing that came to my mind was, ‘They can’t do this,’” Washington says. She and Porter acknowledge they have not paid rent in recent months. But that’s because they Its logo features a stitched outline and a color arrangement that, as described in an August 18 cease-and-desist letter from Cotton Cuts, represents a “blatant copy” of the Rosa design. “Clearly, Quilty Box’s continued use of this infringing logo will lead to confusion among consumers,” the letter stated, noting that Cotton Cuts had registered its design in 2016, while Paper Pieces launched its Quilty Box service in 2019. Among the infringing elements, Cotton Cuts argued that Quilty Box had lifted “external stitching fully encompassing the rainbow elements” and “rainbow patterned elements emanating from a white center.” Cotton Cuts’ letter demanded that Paper Pieces remove its Quilty Box logo from the web and social media. But ten days later, Paper Pieces fired off its own cease-and-desist letter, accusing Cotton Cuts of essentially committing the same infringement. The letter from Paper Pieces’ attorney began, “Thank you for making us aware of your infringe-
have joined the apartment complex’s few remaining tenants in a rent strike in response to what they say is Sansone’s failures to repair a wide range of health and safety problems since the company took over management last December. These defects include mold growing on many apartment ceilings walls, leaking pipes, crumbling plaster and drywall, flies in refrigerators and the strong odor of feces emanating from the ground floor of the apartment building where Washington and Porter live with their four kids.
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“I don’t know what’s happening down there,” Washington says. “I just know it smells like feces.” Other tenants interviewed for this story recite a litany of other problems in the apartment complex, including accounts of the many vacant and boarded-up apartments being used as venues for drug dealing, prostitution and the sheltering of homeless people. Jim Sansone, the designated spokesman for Sansone Group, did not return multiple calls seeking comment. Washington and Porter plan on talking to the ArchCity Defenders, a local legal aid group, to challenge the order to vacate. “I know this was not right,” Porter says. “I know you can’t evict us for having an interview with the Riverfront Times. That’s not right at all.” Washington and Porter still have a few cards left to play. St. Louis city officials extended the city’s eviction moratorium until Nov. 6 — the second month in a row they took that step. In addition, Washington and Porter have not received any court paperwork, signed by a judge, ordering them to leave their apartment, as required by law. Porter called Sansone Group “heartless” for seeking to evict a family during the middle of a nationwide pandemic. “This is just wrong,” Porter says. n
Logos of Cotton Cots (left) and Paper Pieces are at the center of the quilting beef. | SCREENSHOTS ment of our trademark.” In its response, Paper Pieces noted that its Quilty Box logo was based on the company’s older logo design, which it had been using since 2002. “Our Quilty Box logo is derived from our branding,” the letter stated. “As you can clearly see, your logo is very close to our registered trademark.” In its lawsuit filed this week, Cot-
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ton Cuts countered once again with its claims that its Rosa design is the one being infringed; the company wants the judge to resolve the “actual controversy” over which logo is violating the trademark of the other. Messages left last week with the attorneys representing the companies were not immediately returned. n
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COVID-19 Surges at Veterans Homes Written by
DOYLE MURPHY
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eterans homes across Missouri are battling an outbreak of COVID-19 cases, state officials say. There are seven homes and a total 1,238 beds operated by the Missouri Veterans Commission. For months of the pandemic, the state’s homes saw few cases, but that changed in September. As of Friday, there were 122 veterans and 33 staff members with active cases of COVID-19, according to the commission. That includes veterans at five of the seven homes and staff at six of the homes. Missouri Governor Mike Parson announced on Friday he was ordering a review of all seven homes and was bumping up the supply of tests, starting with a shipment of 2,400 delivered last week. “The recent sudden positive case growth among staff and residents in our Veterans Homes, and most importantly, the tragic loss of lives of veterans in our care are, in my opinion, unacceptable,”
Ex-Kirkwood Teacher Charged with Sodomy Written by
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former Kirkwood High School drama teacher has been charged with sex crimes dating back to alleged abuse in the late 1990s. Christopher Stephens, 54, is facing two counts of statutory rape and three counts of statutory sodomy, all felonies. The charges followed explosive allegations that were posted this summer by former students. Riverfront Times reporter Cheryl Baehr spoke to multiple alumni in July who alleged that Stephens had taken advantage of them when they arrived in his drama classes as shy underclassmen. Katie Pappageorge told Baehr that she was a twelve-year-old freshman when she first took Stephens’ class after skipping
bers could only visit on the other side of window glass or through video chats. Only since August has the commission relaxed some of the restrictions, allowing masked visits outdoors. Parson visited two of the homes last month, entering the Mount Vernon Veterans Home on September 15 to speak to staff. In the weeks since, cases have spiked. In Mount Vernon, there are now 27 veterans and four staffers with the coronavirus, according to the commission. Parson and his wife Gov. Mike Parson tweeted this photo on September 15, Teresa tested positive for showing him inside Mount Vernon Veterans Home. | COVID-19 on September MIKE PARSON/TWITTER 23. The governor’s spokeswoman told the RFT last week there was “no connection” between Parson’s visit Parson said in a news release. All the homes immediately and the recent surge of cases. “A screening process was done began following new protocols when COVID-19 hit Missouri and before entering, social distance have worked to keep veterans and was practiced, and masks were staff safe throughout the pandem- worn,” spokeswoman Kelli Jones said in an email. ic, according to the commission. The governor and his wife had “From the first day that COVID-19 was detected in Missouri, mild cases of the virus, and Parson the Veterans Homes implemented said in a video filmed on Sunday an extensive plan based on best at his farm in Bolivar that he and practices to attempt to keep the vi- Teresa have recovered and were rus out of our homes and protect headed back to Jefferson City, elevour veterans,” the commission’s en days after they tested positive. “Thanks, everybody. Looking executive director Paul Kirchhoff forward to being back at work,” said in a news release. In early March, the commission said Parson, who is running for announced visitors would not be his first full term after replacing allowed inside the state’s veter- Eric Greitens, who resigned amid ans homes in hopes of limiting the a sex scandal. “See you on the trail spread of the virus. Family mem- before long.”
The commission says it’s not yet clear how many veterans at the homes have died as a result of COVID-19. On Friday, Parson said in a news release that there have been deaths at four of the facilities. Parson regularly encourages people to wear masks and maintain social distance, but he has also rejected calls for a statewide mask mandate and has at times downplayed the severity of the pandemic. He has also attended multiple large events without a mask, interacting with similarly unmasked attendees. In May, he tweeted out photos of himself, posing maskless with masked members of the Disabled American Veterans in Joplin. Meanwhile, Missouri’s COVID-19 rates have risen to among the worst in the nation. More than 2,100 people in the state have died as a result of the virus and more than 132,000 have tested positive. Among the veterans homes, facilities in Cape Girardeau, Mount Vernon and St. James have been hit the hardest. Cape had 57 veterans and twelve staff members with COVID-19 as of Friday, according to the commission. St. James had 24 vets and nine staff members with active cases. Kirchhoff said the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs is helping to provide more staffing and other resources in the Cape and St. James homes. Only the home in Mexico, Missouri, was reporting zero cases. The St. Louis Veterans Home has two staff members and no veterans with COVID-19. n
two grades and entering high school early. She said the teacher latched onto her almost immediately, manipulating her into rehearsing sexual theater scenes one on one as he twisted his role as a mentor to draw her into an illicit sexual relationship that lasted into her junior year. “I was very confused,” Pappageorge says. “I thought I was in love with this man. He’d completely isolated me. This whole time, I thought I was participating in drama, but the only person who knew about it was him.” Another former student, Kate Hurster Espinosa, says she was abused by Stephens during the same time period. She says she was a young teen in the late ’90s when the teacher first made inappropriate contact with her. “I can look back on it now and say, ‘Oh, that wasn’t OK,’ but I was fourteen years old and a freshman,” Hurster Espinosa told Baehr this summer. “It was shocking, but no one acted like it was wrong, and I figured this was how things were done because I’d never done a play before. I was the youngest person in the
pageorge told Baehr it took her years to come to terms with the abuse. Even after she did, contacting police and Stephens’ new employers, it was difficult to get anyone to act, she said. Her post in July on a Kirkwood High School alumni page inspired others to come forward, revealing allegations of abuse by Stephens and at least one other former teacher. Charges against Stephens were filed under seal on September 16, but the indictment was unsealed October 1. Stephens’ attorney Bill Margulis told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, which first reported the charges, that his client turned himself in on Monday, posted bond and planned to plead not guilty on Friday. “My client adamantly denies the allegations and maintains his innocence and looks forward to his day in court,” Margulis told the Post-Dispatch. After the allegations against Stephens surfaced in July, the Kirkwood School District said it would conduct an investigation and asked anyone with information to come forward. n
Ex-Kirkwood teacher Christopher Stephens. | COURTESY OF ST. LOUIS COUNTY POLICE room and the one with the least amount of power.” Stephens was forced out of Kirkwood in the late ’90s when word of misconduct surfaced, and the women say the school’s leadership washed their hands of the allegations, offering them no support, counseling or even the acknowledgment that they had been abused. Pap-
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DIARIES Every life has been affected by the coronavirus — some forever. How will we remember this time and the way it changed us and the people we love?
BY MIKE FITZGERALD
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he scene: the intensive care unit at Barnes-Jewish Hospital. Gaye Griffin-Snyder lay in an ICU bed as the rays of a late-afternoon June sun gave way to dusk. Two days had passed since Griffin-Snyder had been admitted to the ICU with symptoms of COVID-19: rapid heart rate, shortness of breath, fever. Griffin-Snyder, a retired psychologist, stared upward, her eyes focused on a large monitor bolted to the wall. A woman’s voice emanated from the speakers GriffinSnyder listened intently. She was having her last real conversation, a video chat with her daughter and only child, Angela Kender, of Oakville. Griffin-Snyder’s voice was faint, her breathing labored.
The video chat neared its end. “I’m fighting,” she said to Kender. “It isn’t going to win.” Kender felt apprehensive, but optimistic. “I got off the call, and I said to my husband, ‘She’s sick, but she’s going to be OK,’” Kender recalls. The next day she tried to video chat with her mother once more. “And it was like a 180 degree change ,” Kender says, “a totally different situation. She was no longer putting sentences together. I could no longer understand what she was trying to say to me. It was the lack of oxygen. She was so low on oxygen for so long. She couldn’t think straight.” Gaye Griffin-Snyder grew up in Springfield, Missouri, a devout Christian and a proud liberal in one of the reddest slices of the
A photo of Gaye Griffin-Snyder and her daugher Angela Kender. | STEVEN DUONG
American pie. She raised her daughter as a single parent, and she spent her career counseling people with addiction problems. In her final years she lived in a Glen Carbon, Illinois, nursing home while she battled multiple sclerosis. A few days after those video chats with her daughter in June, Griffin-Snyder passed away. She was 71.
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n the months since her mother’s death, Kender has tried to make sense of this sudden, profound loss. To honor her late mother, she has started a campaign to convince Missouri’s Republican governor, Mike Parson, to issue a statewide mask mandate. Kender so far has not succeeded in making contact with Parson or his staff. During the General Assembly’s special session in early
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August, she held press conferences and handed out fliers pushing for a mandate, but so far Parson and his fellow Republicans, who control both of the state’s legislative chambers, have shown zero interest. “It is just basic human decency to try to take care of each other,” she says. “Let’s say it helps protect only 20 percent of the people you come into contact with. I think that’s still worth it. Especially for people who claim to be such good, socially responsible people, right?” Parson, who is running for his first full gubernatorial term after being appointed to the job in 2018 following Eric Greitens’ resignation, has been accused by Democratic challenger Nicole Galloway, the state auditor, of doing “so little” to fight the lethal pandemic in Missouri. As of late September,
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Life and Death in a Pandemic The Missouri Historical Society has been documenting the era of the coronavirus, gathering submitted photos and stories so that the tragedies, joys and even the everyday moments are not forgotten. We’re sharing a few that were graciously provided by the society.
My daughter, Samantha Stitch, and her fiance, Chris Beseau, had a wonderful ‘courtship’ which ended when he got down on one knee at Mascots Bar and Grill where they both worked and asked her to marry him. They planned for almost a year to be married on April 5, 2020. Save the dates were sent, wedding showers were held, and invitations were delivered. Then COVID-19 hit and the venue where they were to marry had been shut down by social distancing rules. At first they mourned the loss of their dream wedding, but then they decided love was stronger than a pandemic and they began planning an outdoor wedding in front of just their parents. While the day wasn’t what they expected, they had a wonderful, relaxed time sharing the vows they had written for each other and a love song that was recorded years ago when Chris’s dad sang ‘Love Me Tender’ to his mom! There were fun pictures and lots of laughter, even though there were less than 10 people in attendance. Everyone dressed up and the newlyweds ordered a take out dinner to eat by candlelight, just the two of them. There may be a reception someday when we can all gather together again, but we are so proud of them for remembering what was really important in their lives! — Susan Stitch
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Missouri was ranked fifth nationwide in COVID-19 case rates, with the addition of 179 new cases for every 100,000 residents, according to the White House Coronavirus Task Force. A recent TV spot for Parson’s campaign, which is airing only in St. Louis, shows the 65-year-old governor touring a hospital while in a face mask. The ad touts his handling of the pandemic with a “balanced” approach. Nonetheless, Parson has been widely lambasted for refusing to impose a statewide mask mandate, as well as leaving it up to local officials to decide on measures such as requiring masks in public spaces and the closure of bars and restaurants. Kelli Jones, Parson’s spokeswoman, wrote in an email to the RFT that “Governor Parson is sorry to learn of Ms. Kender’s loss. He sends his condolences to her and to all families and friends who have lost loved ones.” Jones added, “Governor Parson reminds and encourages Missourians, almost daily, that they need to social distance, wear a mask, and wash their hands. He has always supported wearing a mask.” Parson has made no secret of his devotion to and support for President Donald Trump. The governor’s choice of a role model matters greatly for Missourians, since Trump — obsessed with reopening an economy that he sees as key to his reelection in November — has used his global pulpit to lie about and downplay the dangers of COVID-19. As recently as September 21, the president told an arena full of tightly packed fans at an Ohio campaign rally that the coronavirus “affects virtually nobody,” even as the number of Americans dead from COVID-19 closed in on 200,000. Trump has bragged about slowing down coronavirus testing efforts, installed officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention to censor COVID-19 reports and mocked reporters and elected leaders for wearing face coverings. Trump himself has resisted wearing face masks, donning them in public only rarely. In addition, Trump has continued to hold mass campaign rallies during which thousands of true-believer fans are crammed together with few bothering to wear face coverings — occasions that some public health experts label as “super-spreader events.” Trump himself is a super-spreader of misinformation about the pandemic, according to a new Cornell University study. The study’s authors found that out of 38 million news articles about the pandemic in English-language media around the world, mentions of Trump
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made up 38 percent of the overall “misinformation conversation,” making Trump the single largest source of falsehoods about the epidemic, according to the New York Times. Sarah Evanega, the study’s lead author, told the Times that Trump’s lies and frequent promotion of quack cures “have real-world dire health implications.” This past Friday morning, most of America woke up to the stunning news that Trump and his wife Melania had tested positive for COVID-19, followed shortly after by an announcement that the president was being airlifted to Walter Reed National Medical Military Center. Trump and his team of advisers have spent the days since in a jumbled attempt to project an image of strength, even as it was revealed Trump had been treated with experimental drugs, typically reserved for those who are severely ill. U.S. senators, advisors and journalists who were with the president, have now tested positive as well, adding new angles to the story. By the time Trump was transferred back to the White House on Monday evening, the 74-year-old was battling not only COVID-19, but perceptions that he was far sicker than he was willing to admit. That howling sound you’re hearing off in the distance? The gods of karma laughing in sheer, unbridled glee.
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ender is once again trying to get the attention of the governor. On Sunday, she began what she is calling a Week of Mourning, recognizing the victims of COVID-19 at the state capitol in Jefferson City. Meanwhile, more than 133,000 Missourians have tested positive for the virus and more than 2,100 have died from it. Nationwide, more than 210,000 have died — the highest death toll worldwide — with another 200,000 projected to die by early 2021. The estimated number of Americans who have tested positive has surpassed 7 million, also the highest in the world. To help with her lobbying efforts, Kender has printed out dozens of fliers with photos of some of the Missourians who have died of COVID-19. She also helped make a short documentary, Sunsets and Me, about her mother’s life and Kender’s subsequent fight to pass a statewide mask mandate. The documentary closes with Kender looking fatigued and exasperated. The scene is filmed at the end of a long day of fruitlessly trying to meet with Parson and other GOP lawmakers during the August special session. Kender stares into the camera wearily, her face a mask of frustration and disbelief. “It’s really shocking to me how many
people at the capitol don’t care and aren’t taking it seriously,” she says. It’s not a big ask, she adds. “Treat people with the same decency you want them to treat you with,” she says. “Actually, I am infuriated I have to say these things. That it’s even necessary to go and do this is insanity to me.” Kender sometimes wonders why so many people — intelligent, educated, decent people — choose not to wear face masks, a decision that puts themselves and loved ones at such an easily avoidable risk. “It’s a big thing, but also a small thing, I guess,” she says. There are many reasons for the refusal to wear face masks, including politics, even though the masks have been conclusively proven to be the single most effective way of deterring the virus’ spread and keeping people safe. But the bottom line is that many people have come to believe they can’t control the virus, along with other things in their lives, she says. “So you just choose to believe, ‘Oh, well, it’s not that big a deal,’” Kender says. “Because it’s a more comfortable way to live. Instead of living in fear, people want to live comfortably, I guess.” One image sticks with Kender after her frustrating day of lobbying at the state capitol. She was eating lunch in the building’s cafeteria. A short distance away sat a group of Republican lawmakers. None of them practiced social distancing or wore face masks. “It is offensive when you lost someone to the virus, and you’ve seen what it does,” Kender says. “And to know you are looking at me from across the room without a mask on, and you know putting a mask on could protect me and you’re choosing not to.” Kender pauses, seeming to search for the words to describe how she feels. “It is a slap in our faces, those of us who lost someone.”
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ender’s efforts to memorialize her mother and other COVID-19 victims are part of a fast-growing movement nationwide to preserve memories of those lost, as well as tell the story of what life was like for everyone else during the worst American health crisis in more than a century — a human catastrophe that has upended every facet of life. Most of these efforts flow from inspired amateurs like Kender, who want to preserve the legacies of the people who left life too soon. But there is also a political motive. The people pushing this campaign want to remind the public and politicians of a crucial fact: Those lost to COVID-19 were real people who loved and were loved, who mattered, who left behind devastated friends and family. And in their honor, they are de-
manding that politicians pull together and demand that everyone wear face masks — the surest way to prevent COVID-19’s spread and save lives until an effective vaccine arrives. Kristin Urquiza, of San Francisco, founded the national group Marked By COVID on July 8 — the day she buried her 65-year-old father Mark Urquiza, a Mexican American aerospace worker who had caught the virus a few weeks before at a Phoenix karaoke bar. The elder Urquiza, a lifelong Republican, made the mistake of believing Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey and President Trump, both of whom proclaimed it was safe to return to normal activities at a time when COVID-19 cases were spiking in Arizona, according to Urquiza. “I launched it because I wanted to personify the loss of life that we’re seeing,” says Urquiza, who told her story to the nation during the Democratic National Convention in late August. She caught the attention of the DNC after the searing obituary she wrote in honor of her father was published in a Phoenix newspaper and went viral. Urquiza blamed her father’s death on “the carelessness of politicians who continue to jeopardize the health of brown bodies through a clear lack of leadership, refusal to acknowledge the severity of this crisis, and inability and unwillingness to give clear and decisive direction on how to minimize risk.” She later told a newspaper that “Despite all the effort that I had made to try to keep my parents safe, I couldn’t compete with the governor’s office and I couldn’t compete with the Trump administration.” Urquiza started an ofrenda, an altar with photos of those lost to the pandemic, outside the Arizona State Capitol. The public was invited to bring their own pictures of those suffering from the coronavirus’ effects or who had died from it. One goal of Marked By COVID — a play on her father’s first name — is to bring greater honesty to obituaries written to honor those who’ve died from COVID-19. Marked By COVID is raising money “to sponsor the obituaries of folks who want to tell the truth about how their loved one died,” Urquiza wrote in a recent essay for the Huffington Post. “It’s important to me that we find ways to uplift the stories of people like my dad: everyday people whose lives were cut short because our leaders refused to lead or put politics above human life.” The efforts of Kender and Urquiza to remember those lost to the pandemic and to call leaders to account flow into a swelling torrent of collective memorialization. It seeks to document and explain this seismic moment in American Continued on pg 16
On April 1st, 2020, our very tight-knit family anxiously awaited the news that our second daughter, Hayden, had arrived. Of course this was done via text/call since only one visitor was allowed to be with me in the hospital. This is the first baby that has been born into the family since my dad passed away in October 2019. This being the 7th grandbaby, we have quite the tradition when babies are born: grandmas/grandpas, aunts and uncles, and cousins all gathers in the waiting room, multiple pizzas are ordered, and everyone rushes in to welcome the new bundle of joy. What unfolded was very different from that. We decided people would allow “window visits” until this pandemic was over. — Melissa
This photo shows how a family, all separated, is keeping in touch with their 95-year old father, a WWII veteran, who is isolated in a local assisted living center. Dad doesn’t know how to use Skype, but his nurses do, and we’ve been able to talk to him and see each other. It speaks to the changing ways in which we care for our elders, which has gotten increasingly difficult during these times of COVID 19 isolation. It reminds us of the important role that front-line caregivers in assisted living centers play,not only by putting their own lives at risk but by providing compassionate care through small kindnesses, like keeping a family connected to its patriarch. Even though Dad was born in 1925, after the Spanish Flu, he has never experienced anything like this in his long life, and he is adapting. — Jim Kemp
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My husband and I were discussing the fact that the CDC was now recommending all people wear face masks and my daughter, Ever, got an idea. She ran to her playroom and got all of her doctor equipment and said she was going to cure Coronavirus. She started examining her big chick stuffed toy first and then she did me, my husband, the dog, and the cat. We all got a shot after that and she declared us virus free.
history — a volatile inflection point in the national narrative that encompasses a monumental loss of life; political chaos and attacks on democracy; lockdowns and quarantines; Zoom for school, work, weddings and funerals; economic collapse and mass joblessness; and a far-reaching reckoning on racial justice and police accountability that has resulted in violence in America’s major cities. An era of cheap and super-abundant social media and high-speed internet coincides with a time when almost every cellphone has a camera. It all adds up to a list of resources to document life and national history that is many magnitudes greater than was ever available before. The comparison to the storytelling tools available during what’s been termed the Spanish flu pandemic of 1918 — when almost all news traveled by telegraph, newspaper and handwritten letters, and when women were forbidden to vote — could hardly be more stark, according to Kender. “My ultimate view is that we are much better documenting things in a variety of ways,” Kender says. “Women now have a voice. We didn’t have a voice back then. We have more people from different heritages. And more of us will be able to do something to keep this remembered and visible. And hopefully in the next 100 years when something like this happens, we’ll have a better response.”
P So this just happened March 30, 2020, my grandma’s funeral in St. Louis, MO was held through a Zoom meeting. Due to current Coronavirus regulations only 10 people could be in the building. So it was my mom and me and my lap top. I have attended but never been the administrator before. If I weren’t introduced to this platform with eXp Realty I wouldn’t have known how to adapt in this stressful situation, or even where to begin. Our family and friends were able to remotely attend the visitation, service, and entombment. My grandma was respectfully laid to rest and later once social distance is suspended we’ll get together to celebrate her life. This was the first virtual service the funeral home has held and watched closely as I navigated unchartered waters. Never in her wildest imagination would the thought have crossed my grandma’s mind. I can see her shaking her head now. — Kimberly Spell
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rofessional historians and preservationists have also started collecting artifacts to memorialize COVID-19. Angie Dietz, the director of digital initiatives for the Missouri Historical Society, began five months ago to collect first-person accounts and photos to document how the pandemic is affecting people in the St. Louis area. As part of her research for this project, Dietz says she’s been reading diary entries of people who lived through the flu epidemic of more than a century ago. “There is some resonance there,” Dietz says. “I think when we go through these kind of moments when we try to figure out our place in this moment of history, how to deal with it as a family, as a community, as a society, we just need to be able to tell stories about it.” Stories are important, Dietz adds, because “I think it’s a way to try and make sense of a moment. It helps to understand that you’re not the only one going through that. That there are other people who have similar stories.” The vast outpouring of materials about the pandemic being collected and displayed is thanks to the super-
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proliferation of online resources such as emails as well as social media platforms including Twitter and Facebook. But it’s also an effort to avoid the memory hole that came to surround the 1918 pandemic, which killed nearly 700,000 Americans within a few years, and as many as 100 million people worldwide. Part of the reason there is so much collective amnesia about the 1918 pandemic stemmed from the fact that the U.S., early after the first cases were reported, kept this information secret out of fear of giving an advantage to military opponents during World War I, according to Dietz. Another reason for the collective amnesia was the federal government and the news media’s relentless focus on the war, said Katie Foss, a professor of media studies at Middle Tennessee State University. Foss is the author of the newly published book Constructing the Outbreak: Epidemics in Media and Collective Memory, which focuses on how American society is affected by pandemics and recalls them. “Why we didn’t see more in the moment is just because it was overshadowed by war discourse,” Foss says. “There was so much emphasis on World War I at the time, that to do even a little bit of coverage on the pandemic, it was perceived as taking away from it.” Case in point: President Woodrow Wilson never once mentioned the Spanish flu — even though it was killing on average about 7,000 Americans per week — in any of his public utterances, according to the Washington Post. Wilson caught the flu himself during the pandemic and nearly died in 1919 while negotiating the Treaty of Versailles. Another case in point: As part of the research for her book, Foss says she bought a 1919 University of Kansas yearbook. The only mention of the 1918 Spanish flu in the yearbook was confined to one page, “as to explain why the football season was delayed,” she says. “There was nothing else in there, even though a number of students and faculty died from influenza and a number were quarantined on campus. They didn’t mention it at all.” When the Spanish flu peaked in late 1918, the public’s focus was on celebrating “the end of the war, rather than to dwell on the tragedy of the pandemic,” Foss says. “Even during its worst months the focus was on the war.”
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s they collect materials for future exhibitions and to help the public make sense of this era, the professional preservationists are careful to keep politics out of the mix. “At this point what we’re really trying to do is capture as much as we can,” says Chris Gordon, the historical
society’s director of library and collections. When it comes to the reasons politics played such a big role in America’s response to the COVID-19 crisis, “Historians will make those judgments. They’re going to assess and interpret this down the road,” Gordon says. “But it is our duty as historians now, as archivists, as preservationists, to really grab as much of this material as we can to give as clear a picture of what’s going on now for future historians, whether it’s five years down the road or ten years. We really have to be as unbiased as we can in pulling all this stuff together.” No one could blame preservationists like Gordon for trying to go about their task in a neutral way that averts controversy. That’s just the nature of their work. Still, it’s tempting to consider how future historians will look at this moment we are living through and try to make sense of it. What, for instance, will the historians, social scientists and journalists of a future age say about a president who, obsessed with his reelection, continually lied to the nation, promoted quack cures, drew thousands of maskless supporters to campaign rallies and caused the needless deaths of tens of thousands of the very people he had sworn an oath to protect? How will they remember a president who absurdly downplayed the crisis, and then relentlessly hawked crackpot cures like the drug hydroxychloroquine, even suggesting that bleach injected into the bloodstream could be a possible cure? The historical record will surely reveal more bombshells of the kind that surfaced in journalist Bob Woodward’s book Rage — a recorded conversation of the president admitting that he knew COVID-19 was far more infectious and deadly than he was telling the public. And of course there will be the role of social media to dissect, especially giants like Facebook and Twitter, whose business models prioritize rage, fear, hate speech and unmoored paranoia. All of which has provided a gold mine, both literal and figurative, to an army of scam artists, kooks, trolls, Russian intelligence agents and bonkers conspiracy theorists. On that subject, how will the future researchers explain the right-wing, pro-Trump conspiracy cult QAnon, which claims, absurdly, that Trump is the leader of a secret campaign against enemies in the “deep state” and a child sex-trafficking ring run by satanic pedophiles and cannibals? An artifact that future historians will surely pick over and analyze to make sense of how far America went off the rails is the viral documentary Plandemic, released in May of this year. It’s a steaming crockpot of lies and claptrap featuring a discredited medi-
cal researcher named Judy Mikovits. The film makes a number of absurd claims, including such false assertions as vaccines and face masks make people more susceptible to COVID-19, and that hydroxychloroquine is an effective way to prevent the virus. Plandemic has been yanked many times from Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and other mainstream platforms. No problem. Crazy finds crazy. So far, nearly 10 million people have viewed Plandemic. Will any of this look less depraved with the passage of time? Will any of it somehow make sense to future generations? Or will it look even crazier and more out of control than it seems to our numbed-out and over-stressed brains?
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owever they choose to answer these questions, future historians will be sure to focus on the crucial role that political polarization has played in America’s disastrous response to COVID-19. Political journalist Ron Brownstein has described the great fault line in America today as the “coalition of restoration” — the 40 percent or so of Americans consisting of cultural conservatives in rural areas and small towns seeking to protect white privilege and supremacy in an era of rapid change — versus the “coalition of transformation,” the growing majority of Americans who are OK with the fact that non-Hispanic white Americans by 2040 will be a numerical minority after 400 years of social and political dominance. Because they feel left out and left behind, under siege and betrayed by such key American institutions as the news media, universities, science and the Washington political establishment, these culturally conservative Americans feel “their status quo has suddenly reached a point of instability,” says Foss, the author of Constructing the Outbreak. “Whenever anyone feels their status quo is threatened, it leads to a questioning of everything held up as truth — and a kind of clinging desperation for promises of return to that position of power or position of status quo.” Also contributing to America’s pandemic catastrophe is the Republican Party’s “ability to ignore and dismiss the truth about Trump and his campaign,” Foss says. “To kind of sweep away and gaslight all the things that happened there — that absolutely set up what we’re seeing now.” Urquiza, the co-founder of Marked By COVID, wants to keep the public focus on America’s failed leadership in combating the pandemic. She notes that a big part of her group’s mission consists of calling out “failed leadership, failed policy, and connecting those dots to real-life, on-the-ground impacts which are incredibly pro-
An era of cheap and superabundant social media and high-speed internet coincides with a time when almost every cellphone has a camera. It all adds up to a list of resources to document life and national history that is many magnitudes greater than was ever available before.
I am a registered nurse who works in the Emergency Department at Mercy Hospital South. I am also a grandparent to seven grandchildren who are all eight years old and younger. Because of my exposure daily to the virus, my husband and I made the difficult decision to socially distance ourselves from them to keep them safe. This has been one of the most difficult choices I have made. My husband and I are very involved with all of them, and my heart is breaking not being able play with them or to hug and kiss them. On April 5th, our grandson Hudson celebrated his 3rd birthday. We celebrated his birthday with him which included us staying outside on his porch while he was inside. My daughter set up a small table for him to sit right in front of their front door while we were on the porch. We were able to sing Happy Birthday to him and we were even able to get hugs and kisses from him through the door. I can’t wait for the day when I can hold him in my arms for a real hug! This at least gave my broken heart a little peace because he knew we were celebrating his special day with him. — Kimberly Whoberry
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Both our daughters were made aware from the get go of everything going on. They ask questions and are understanding as much as they can. But this day was a hard brush with reality for our 4 year old. She had the natural reaction and urge to want to embrace her cousins when we saw them through the screen door during a front porch drop off, but instead was told “no” multiple times. Then was told we weren’t staying and had to leave. Poor girl. I couldn’t agree more with her statement of “I just want this to be over” as she wiped away her tears. — Abby Eich
The picture was taken from inside my home in South Country. My mother was dropping off some groceries for us that we had ordered. She hadn’t seen my one-year-old daughter in about three weeks. We FaceTime every day but as soon as my daughter saw her through my front door window she immediately reached out her hand and my mom reached out hers as well. — Jessica Johnston
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found for the nearly 200,000 people who have passed to the 6 million people who are survivors.” Urquiza says it’s become alarmingly obvious that America needs “to have a leader in charge who is really the head cheerleader for the strong, coordinated response.” Trump has been anything but that. “As you can see, there has been misinformation and lies running about,” she says. “He’s creating a culture of confusion which is basically a petri dish for the virus to flourish.”
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t’s hard to overstate the depth of the horrors that the Black Death, otherwise known as the bubonic plague, inflicted on Europe nearly seven centuries ago. When it emerged on the continent in 1347, it swept through its central and southern regions like a ghastly wildfire, wiping out entire villages overnight in the form of a disease whose symptoms include bleeding from every orifice, blackened body parts, painfully swollen lymph nodes, and hellacious vomiting and diarrhea. The Black Death killed an estimated 50 million people in Europe — at a time when the population was only 80 million — in a four-year span, and another 150 million or so elsewhere around the world. The plague would periodically ravage Europe for the next four centuries, touching off waves of murderous reprisals against Jews and suspected witches and heretics. In 1665, the Great Plague of London killed as many as 100,000 people in a single year in Britain’s largest city at a time when its population was about 460,000. The plague ended after a great fire destroyed much of the city. Yet, despite the immense death toll, there are virtually no monuments to the Black Death in Great Britain. The closest you will find are weather-worn, usually barely legible stone crosses erected centuries ago in churchyards to mark mass graves or serve as simple memorials to the victims. In addition, the English countryside is dotted with “plague stones,” monoliths erected outside local markets showing where people could meet and transact business without fear of infection. “People have a very hard time, I think, wrapping their head around an invisible enemy,” says Gordon, with the Missouri Historical Society. It’s easy to vilify another country, or another group of people, he says. “People you can point to and say, ‘These are bad people,’ or, ‘These are the enemy,’ or what have you,” he says. “And it’s just a lot harder to just sit down and think about something that they cannot see. That doesn’t per-
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sonally affect a friend or family member, then they don’t get a true sense of how serious the situation is.” Some pandemics are so awful and so crushing to the human spirit that people just want to move on, according to Foss, the author of the book about pandemics. She thinks that could happen with COVID-19 in the years ahead. “I think you will have collective amnesia overall,” she says. “Because people will try to forget, since it’s been highly politicized.” But there will also be a strong pull in the direction of seeking to remember, Foss predicts. “I think there will be others who will tell that story,” she says, “and document what’s going on so we won’t forget the people who died.” Gordon says his department is seeking to make sure that doesn’t happen when it comes to documenting the COVID-19 pandemic. A major focus for his department is to collect primary source material. “We really jumped on this quickly, hoping we could capture their feelings, their thoughts, their experiences during the pandemic. And this is common across the country. “So the idea is, 100, 150 years from now, when people look back on this, hopefully we’ll have a much better understanding of what the country was going through at the time,” he says. The collective amnesia when it comes to pandemics even extends to the 1918 crisis’ greatest heroes, including Max C. Starkloff, the visionary St. Louis health commissioner. An early promoter of the concept of social distancing, Starkloff doubtlessly saved thousands of St. Louisans’ lives through his adamant demands that businesses and schools shut down and St. Louis residents practice social distancing to slow the influenza virus’ spread. Starkloff “was willing to stand up and push for so many restrictions when, just like now, people were angry and thought it was outrageous and counterproductive, and [that] sort of thing,” Gordon says. Yet no statues or other memorials have been erected to honor Starkloff’s heroic legacy. One example of the primary sources the historical society is collecting is a political flier Gordon received in August before the vote to expand Medicaid in Missouri. On the flier was the image of a man wearing a face mask with the Mexican flag printed on it, he says. “It was anti-immigrant, as well as anti-mask,” Gordon says. “It was interesting.”
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hat happens when we die? Leave it to the Canadian sage and actor Keanu Reeves, the star of those Matrix and John Wick movies, to give the Continued on pg 21
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October 19-26 Alta Calle Amigos Cantina The Blue Duck Carnivore J. Smugs Gastro Pit Taco Circus Taqueria Z
The Wood Shack OG Palmas Pit Stop El Burro Loco La Bamba Taco Buddha Red Knot Culinary
Hacienda Mexican Restaurant BLT’s Breakfast Lunch & Tacos Alpha Brewing Company El Toluco Taqueria Diablitos Cantina
more restaurants to come!
e v e r y day i s taco t u e s day d u r i n g taco w e e k . w w w . s t ltacow e e k . co m 20
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truest answer you could possibly give about this most quintessentially human of questions. It happened in May 2019, when Reeves made an appearance on “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert.” “What do you think happens when we die, Keanu Reeves?” Colbert asked. Reeves pondered the question for a moment. Then, oracle-like, dropped this pearl: “I know that the ones who love us will miss us.” So it is with Gaye Griffin-Snyder. The woman who sent Angela Kender on her mission to make face masks mandatory in Missouri was born in 1948 in Springfield, Missouri. She loved sunsets. In the documentary, Kender recalls that’s “how she finds peace in the world: sitting and watching a sunset. She’d just do it every day.” Mary Ellison, who knew GriffinSnyder for 23 years after meeting her at a church function in their native Springfield, has one word to describe her old friend: fierce. “She was a fierce friend,” Ellison recalls. “She was tremendously faithful. … She was tough as a mule. She’d get something in her head, this was the way she’d do something and she’d do it.” Another of Griffin-Snyder’s loves: long road trips. “She loved to drive,” Ellison says, “to take road trips and look at the scenery. Eat a chocolate chip cookie. Eat a hamburger. She loved to do that.” More than ten years ago, GriffinSnyder began experiencing problems with her balance. After a diagnosis of MS — a progressive neurodegenerative disease that causes the loss of muscle control — she tried as hard as she could to keep it to herself, her friend says. “She struggled with that and tried to beat it at every turn,” Ellison explains. “She described it as evil. ‘If there is evil in the world’ is one of those things she’d say.” Her worsening struggle with MS sometimes sent her to the hospital. “She’d end up in the hospital and be near death,” Ellison says. “But then she’d come back. She attributed that time and time and time again to her faith in God.” Griffin-Snyder was also a proud Democrat in a part of Missouri full of hardcore conservatives, including members of her own family. “There was sometimes a bit of a rift there,” Ellison says. “Those were fun conversations and rantings.” In the end, she saw everyone as people because she believed “there is good in all of us. We tend to survive. And get mad,” she says. “That’s one of the beauties about having good
friends and talking things out.” Griffin-Snyder was cremated and her ashes collected in an urn that rests in her daughter’s home. A funeral has yet to be held. A church service was originally scheduled for July, but Kender decided to postpone it because COVID-19 cases were surging in Missouri at the time.
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he scene: the backyard of Kender’s home in a subdivision located in Oakville. Kender approaches the fence that stands at the edge of a steep, tree-filled ravine. She tries to make sense of the last six months. She had given birth to her infant son just before the COVID-19 lockdown began in March, which meant she and her family were prevented from visiting her mother in the nursing home or the hospital in the last months before her passing. So during the last six months of her mother’s life, the only way Kender could communicate with her mother was over the phone or through a computer screen. No touching, no hugs, no in-person contact of any kind. Kender points toward the ravine. Soon after bringing her mother’s ashes home in a red-colored urn, she scattered some of them in her yard and over the fence. “By putting her in the backyard, to me it feels like she can see our family,” Kender says, “her grandchildren growing up. She’s right there. I walk out there and talk to her several times a week.” As for her two young children, Kender knows what she will tell them about the coronavirus pandemic when they are old enough to understand. “I think I will emphasize the importance of listening to the science community,” she says, “even if it’s not what you want to hear. Listening and doing whatever you can to be a good planet citizen, to take care of each other.” Kender stares raptly into the ravine. She admits it’s been a hard week. Just the night before, at his Ohio campaign rally, Trump made his infamous remark about how COVID-19 “affects virtually nobody” — words that only exacerbate Kender’s grief. The subject turns to Governor Parson, leading Kender to muse about why, after the deaths of so many Missourians, Parson still refuses to impose a statewide mask mandate. “I just think he’s listening to the wrong people,” she says. “And he’s trying to appease a very ignorant base.” Two days later, Parson reveals to the media that he and his wife have tested positive for COVID-19 and will quarantine in the governor’s mansion. When texted about this development, Kender replies that she’s already heard about it. “Sadly not shocking,” she texts. n
My oldest daughter Emily (7 years old) and I heard people were trying to find ways to spread joy to others while keeping distance. She had the wonderful idea of making a rainbow suncatcher and hanging it in the front window for others to see. — Abby Eich
As Covid-19 started to spread in the Midwest, my brother Jon (a St Louis native) and his fiancée Julia (a Wash U grad and former St Louis resident) made a heartbreaking last minute decision to move their Chicago church wedding up by a week. A decision that would mean none of our family and only a few of her family would be there to celebrate with them. We love them both so much and tried to make the best of a surreal situation. We all put our wedding clothes onincluding my daughters in their flower girl dresses — and coordinated with Julia’s mom to Face Time the wedding for us! We are so thankful for technology that allowed us to “be” there for such a wonderful day! — Jen Huelman Odle
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SHORT ORDERS
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[SIDE DISH]
Business As Unusual Ryan McDonald of BEAST Butcher & Block leans into the restaurant industry’s new normal Written by
CHERYL BAEHR
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n early March, Ryan McDonald knew things were going to get bad. So did the rest of the management team at BEAST Butcher & Block (4156 Manchester Avenue, 314-944-6003), where he is executive chef. The group thought they were being proactive, setting plans into motion for how they would handle operating in the midst of a viral outbreak. The next thing they knew, they were shutting down for six weeks. “For me, I started keeping an eye on things in early March and thought the shit was going to hit the fan,” McDonald says. “We all started discussing things and were just beginning to prepare ourselves in case things hit pretty hard. We had all eyes on it, but by the time we could act, it still took us all by storm.” This is not what McDonald expected when he decided to jump back into the restaurant business and work with David and Meggan Sandusky for their BEAST Craft BBQ restaurant group about a year and a half ago. Back then, he was coming off the closure of Good Fortune, the restaurant where he worked as executive chef, and had taken about six or seven months off, doing construction and trying to figure out his next move. He wasn’t sure he wanted to get back into the industry, but David reached out to him and offered him an opportunity he couldn’t pass up. “Barbecue is something I’ve never done before, even if I’ve worked with meat a lot in the past,” McDonald says. “What sealed the deal is that we have a butcher shop and I love doing charcuterie, sausages and prepared foods. The Skullery
Ryan McDonald is helping to guide the BEAST Craft BBQ ship through these unprecedented times. | ANDY PAULISSEN was a huge draw, as was learning about what it’s like to work in a high-volume place and picking up barbecue techniques. But really, the one thing that was super important to me was quality of life and being able to work but still be with my family. David and Meggan really put that first.” By March, McDonald was really hitting his stride with BEAST, helping to turn the Grove location’s brunch into a must-visit experience, leading tasting events in the Skullery and offering his expertise on the restaurant group’s other concepts, including the forthcoming BEAST Southern Kitchen & BBQ — all of which led to his recent promotion as culinary director for the entire brand. However, in the face of the pandemic, he’s seen his role shift focus to helping the restaurants figure out what to do in the midst of so much upheaval. “For us, the first thing is the safety of our staff and guests,” McDonald says. “With so many unknowns, we made the call to shut down and see what happened because there were so many unknowns. It certainly wasn’t an easy decision, but we felt it was the right decision rather than to continue operating like everything was OK. But then we started having guests message us that they really wanted our food. We felt like it was a disservice not to let them eat our food when they were asking for it, so it felt right to reopen again.”
McDonald describes feeling as if the current way of doing business is a new normal that he and his team have gotten used to living. Though it’s an extra layer added to the daily restaurant routine, he’s been able to find little moments of joy in the midst of it all, like meeting butchery customers in person after developing a relationship with them over the phone for the past few months. It’s interactions like these that are getting him through for what he believes is the long haul. “I don’t see things going back to what we thought was normal before for a long time,” McDonald says. “We’ve been going through this long enough that we’ve developed these new habits. I think it’s going to be a very long time before the days of sit-down and fine dining come back. I think a lot of the restaurants that have pivoted and shut down concepts for ones that are more palatable for where people are at right now are going to continue with what they are doing. You have to meet people where they are right now and do whatever you have to do.” McDonald took a break from the kitchen to share his thoughts on what it’s like to be a hospitality professional in such a chaotic time for the industry, how he maintains a sense of normalcy and what gives him hope in the midst of the struggle.
As a hospitality professional, what do people need to know about what you are going through? These are some crazy unprecedented times for all of us in the hospitality industry, but I honestly feel very lucky to work for a company that is willing to go for it and push for more. With a new restaurant opening, expanding wholesale in the butchery, brunch and ghost concepts, we’ve been keeping pretty busy. I’d like to reiterate to the public that it is very important to give your continued support to all of the local restaurants that you would like to be able to get back into once this is all over. We’ve been there for you, and now we need your help. What do you miss most about the way things were at your job before COVID-19? I really miss seeing our guests in the space — being able to watch people enjoying their food and company, talking to them about their experience and getting to hear the sounds of a full restaurant. All are things I seemed to have taken for granted before the pandemic. I also really miss the chance to do our live fire tasting menus and collaborative dinners in the Skullery. What do you miss least? I miss it all. What is one thing you make sure you do every day to maintain a sense of normalcy? Continued on pg 24
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RYAN MCDONALD Continued from pg 23
I’ve tried to keep a lot of the same routines at home and work. Maybe it’s taking extra time each day to communicate with my family and staff alike, to make sure they’re all feeling safe and loved and supported during these times. If the people around me feel good, it makes me feel good. What have you been stress-eating/drinking lately? When quarantine began, I got super into making classic cocktails for the first time. Negronis, boulevardiers and tiki drinks have stolen my heart. What are the three things you’ve made sure you don’t want to run out of, other than toilet paper? Good local pork, bourbon and firewood have definitely been staples of our house. You have to be quarantined with three people. Who would you pick? My family. We have really just become a lot closer than ever during this whole mess, and I wouldn’t choose anybody else. Once you feel comfortable going back out and about, what’s the first thing you’ll do? Travel. My wife has family in
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Washington, so we would love to see them. Also, the ocean is calling my name ... maybe Costa Rica? What do you think the biggest change to the hospitality industry will be once people are allowed to return to normal activity levels? I really don’t know what the new “normal” will be or when it will happen, but I believe that we will start to see a lot more small spaces doing a lot more takeout, delivery or prepared meals. Even when the threat of the virus is under control, it may take people a while to readjust. What is one thing that gives you hope during this crisis? One thing I have learned over the years in restaurants is that everything works itself out. You can have a horrible service, but you get the chance to start anew the next day. You can lose a great team member, but you will find another awesome person to fill the role. You can close a restaurant, but then new opportunities await you. I feel the same about our current situation. We are fortunate to have such an awesome, tight-knit industry in St. Louis, where people truly care for each other and are willing to fight together and help each other however we can. This may suck, but we will pull through. n
OCTOBER 7-13, 2020
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Mission Taco is just one of the restaurants in RFT’s Taco Week. | JENNIFER SILVERBERG
[BUENA COMIDA]
RFT’s Taco Week Starts October 19 Written by
JAIME LEES
T
he first-ever taco-themed restaurant week is coming to St. Louis in just a couple of weeks. Following the success of the Riverfront Times’ Burger Week, we’re launching a similar event in celebration of the humble taco. From October
19 through 26, St. Louisans can look forward to consuming as many $5 taco specials as possible during St. Louis Taco Week — which is to say, all of the tacos. We have fifteen restaurants already scheduled to participate, with more to be announced soon. And, like with the RFT’s other restaurant weeks, there will be a stamp-able passport to help keep track of your weekly taco consumption. Passport stamps will also make you eligible for a variety of prizes. Four stamps makes you eligible for a grand prize. To see participating restaurants, find out more about St. Louis Taco Week and sign up to participate in the event, visit STLTacoWeek.com or follow us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. n
CULTURE [VENUES]
The Pageant to Reopen in October Written by
DANIEL HILL
A
fter closing for almost seven months due to guidelines meant to stop the spread of COVID-19, one of St. Louis’ most celebrated venues is gearing up at long last to welcome music lovers back. The Pageant (6161 Delmar Boulevard, 314-726-6161) recently announced its Glimmer of Normalcy series, with new in-person shows on the books beginning in late October — the first such events at the venue since the coronavirus pandemic upended the entire live entertainment industry back in early spring. The series is cosponsored by KSHE (94.7 FM) and, in keeping, the music on offer mostly tends toward the classic rock genre, with a slate of tribute acts performing the music of the Allman Brothers, Tom Petty, Electric Light Orchestra and more. But the series will see some original music from some of St. Louis’ local scene stalwarts as well — a dual album release show from the Sleepy Rubies and John Henry, which had originally been slated for July at Off Broadway before it (like everything else) was postponed, as well as a performance by Beth Bombara. According to Robert McClimans, talent buyer for the Pageant, the venue plans to play host to live music every weekend through the end of the year. And, of course, the venue will have extra health precautions in place due to the ongoing pandemic. “We are EXTREMELY socially distant — 332 tickets in what can be up to a 2300 capacity building — and all conceivable precautions are being taken,” McClimans writes in a social media post. “If you’re anti-mask, don’t bother coming — we won’t let you in.” In addition to the mask mandate
Live bands are coming back to the Pageant, and so are live audiences — or a fraction of them, anyway, while conditions demand social distance. | FLICKR/PAUL SABLEMAN and significantly reduced capacity, the venue will conduct temperature checks upon entry and enforce social distancing throughout the show. Seating will be reserved, and guests are required to remain in their seats unless they are getting up to leave or use the restroom. Standing or dancing, even at your seat, is not permitted. (A full list of the venue’s COVID-19 precautions can be found at thepageant.com/coronavirus-updates/.) Much like other venues in town that have recently begun to host live music again, including Old Rock House, the Sheldon and the Dark Room, the Pageant’s programming will lean heavily to[RECORDS]
Dead Wax to Expand to Second Location Written by
JAIME LEES
W
hen we first saw that the beautiful (and gigantic) property at 1957 Cherokee Street was for sale, our first thought was to wonder what was going to happen to Dead Wax Records, which currently inhabits a storefront on the ground floor. But there’s no need to worry, says Dead Wax owner Jeremy Miller. The business is not only not planning on closing — the owners are expanding their music retail operation into a second storefront. Miller and Jake Kamp will soon be opening a brand-new record store in
ward local acts for the time being — an economic necessity as much as it is a practical one. Simply put, shows featuring more inexpensive local artists are cheaper to put on than those with touring acts, a financial reality that becomes inescapable when ticket sales are down drastically due to reduced capacities. “The costs for us, for utilities and tech crew and rent and all that stuff — that doesn’t just go away,” McClimans said of hosting touring acts in an interview with RFT back in May. “So if we can only open to a quarter of it and our expenses are staying reasonably close to the same, from the Princeton Heights, pending their approval for a business license after they have a virtual hearing. They expect to open the new spot in just a couple of weeks at 6015 Gravois Avenue near Christy Boulevard. Instead of just focusing on LPs (the specialty at Dead Wax Records), this as-yet-unnamed record store will also sell cassettes, CDs and 45s. The pandemic has put a huge dent in their business this year, and Miller said they’ve been “trying to not go totally online” to make up for lost sales because they believe in the importance of community fostered by public spaces like record stores. So despite the low foot traffic on Cherokee Street lately, they have no plans to part with their current storefront in that neighborhood and are hoping that the new owners of the building see fit to keep them anchoring the corner of Cherokee and Wisconsin Avenue. Miller stresses that because of an anticipated increase in business at the new location, they are currently very
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business perspective, opening up at that level doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense.” In all, nothing about 2020 could possibly be what the Pageant imagined its twentieth(!) year in operation would look like. But at least it’s finally able to open its doors and allow people to see music on its stage again. “COVID-19 is very real. If you’re not comfortable coming to a show, we get it,” McClimans writes. “But if you are ready to try seeing live music again, give us a shot!” Check out the Pageant’s current slate of shows below, and keep checking back for additions at the venue’s official website. • October 24: Anthology: A Tribute to the Allman Brothers Band • October 30 and 31: The Hard Promises: The Definitive Tom Petty Songbook • November 6: Mr. Blue Sky: A Tribute to Electric Light Orchestra • November 7: Dogs of Society: Ultimate Elton Rock Tribute • November 13: John Henry & The Sleepy Rubies Dual Album Release Show • November 14: Street Fighting Band: A Rolling Stones Tribute • November 20: Beth Bombara • November 21: Jake’s Leg: A Grateful Dead Tribute • November 24 and 25: Celebration Day: A Tribute to Led Zeppelin • November 28: Steve Pecaro’s Annual Stevie Ray Vaughan Tribute
Dead Wax is not only not going away, it’s doubling down. | MABEL SUEN open to buying music collections (and looking for names for the new joint). You can contact Miller on the Dead Wax Records Facebook page at facebook.com/ deadwaxstl. That’s also the place to find updates on progress at the new store. n
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Andy Frasco & the U.N. | VIA TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS PR
Pandemic Pastimes In pandemic times, it’s challenging to find things to do that don’t put yourself or those around you in danger. And while we’re inclined to suggest that the safest event is no event, we also know that sounds a lot like abstinence-only sex ed, and you guys are probably gonna fuck anyway. So consider these recommendations your condoms: not foolproof, but safer than other options. We only recommend events that take precautions, but ultimately you’re in charge of your own health, so proceed with care. We also list live-streamed events, which are the safest of all, though admittedly not the same. Live-streamed events are the masturbation of events in this way, because — you know what, we’re gonna go ahead and abandon this metaphor before we get in over our heads.
THE UNION STATION HALLOWEEN EXPERIENCE Various times by reservation, October 9 through 31. Union Station, 1920 Market Street. $20. 314-421-6655 Not sure what to do with your kids this Halloween? You are not alone. Nobody knows quite how to celebrate this fun holiday now that COVID-19 means we can no longer encourage our wee ones to accept candy from strangers. (Man, what a weird tradition, if you think about it.) But St. Louis’ Union Station is coming to the rescue. The Union Station Halloween Experience will see the whole building overhauled to offer spooky treats around every corner and fun for the whole family. They’ll have haunted trains, and the St. Louis Wheel will be turned into the “Wicked Wheel.” And in addition to the “Scary Sea Creatures” exhibit at the St. Louis Aquarium, there will also be a maze, hosted tours and Halloween-themed food available if your little ghoul gets hangry. Costumes are encouraged, and kids under two get free admission. Masks On: Halloween events should make for an easy sell when it comes to masks — they are, after
all, baked into the holiday itself. But regardless of whether your particular costume calls for it, everyone nine years old and older will be required to wear a mask as part of Union Station’s COVID-19 precautions. Additionally, the space will operate at reduced capacity in order to provide for social distancing, and all attendees will have their temperatures checked upon arrival. For more information on the event and the steps being taken to prevent COVID-19 transmission, visit stlouisunionstation.com/halloween-faq.
ROOFTOP WEEKENDS AT CITY MUSEUM 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. every Friday, Saturday and Sunday through November 1. The City Museum, 750 North 16th Street. $22 to $28. 314-231-2489. The coronavirus pandemic has, sadly, taken a toll on St. Louis’ beloved City Museum. According to a note on its website, more than 70 percent of its attendance comes from tourists during a typical summer season — but, to state the obvious, nothing in 2020 can be reasonably described as “typical,” including tourism to our city. In keeping, the art-installation-
The City Museum is opening its rooftop for weekend fun. | VIA FLICKR/PAUL SABLEMAN turned-playground is only open on weekends at this time, citing financial reasons. But there is good news: Each weekend from now through November 1 the City Museum’s rooftop is open for business as well, offering mischief and fall fun for the whole family (not to mention stunning views of St. Louis from its rooftop Ferris wheel). Tickets to the rooftop cost $22 and include access to either the museum or to its Pinball Hall, where all the games are set to free play. Or, for only $6 more, you get all three! There are few in town that can be expected to bring the Halloween merriment as creatively as the minds behind City Museum — in other words, as its website also states, “Expect lots o’ pumpkins and skeletons and other socially distanced mischief.” Safety First? Let’s be real: Safety has never been a particularly paramount concern at City Museum — just ask any adult who has ever smoked a child full-force in the face in its infamous dodgeball pit (sorry again about that, kid). It’s, frankly, one of the things we love most about the place. But safety in an age of coronavirus is a different animal altogether, and it’s something City Museum is taking as seriously as can be. That means mandatory masks, social distancing, reduced capacities and the closing of areas that do not allow for those restrictions. For more on the safety measures set in place, visit citymuseum. org/covid-19-update.
ANDY FRASCO & THE U.N. 7 p.m. Tuesday, October 13. The Lot, 714 Cerre Street. $144 to $164
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per four-person pod. No phone. Honestly, we here at RFT can barely remember what it is like to recommend to our readers that they attend a concert performed by a touring act. It’s been so long — way back in the Before Times, when our president was just downplaying the existence of a virus instead of downplaying his own infected body’s symptoms. But thanks to new pop-up outdoor venue the Lot, located just south of Busch Stadium at the corner of Seventh and Cerre, we’re excited to type some words that we thought we wouldn’t write until sometime next year: There is a national, touring band coming to town from somewhere else in the country this week, and you should consider going to check it out. Hot damn! In this case, it’s LA’s Andy Frasco & the U.N., coming through to deliver their unique brand of “Party Blues with a touch of Barefoot Boogie” to a crowd of eager St. Louis fans. Frasco and Co. will be performing in support of their latest, April’s Keep on Keepin’ on, a delightful offering blending elements of high-energy blues-rock, soul and pop. Man, what a normal, COVID-free two sentences that was! That was fun; let’s do more of it in the near future. Nothing Gold Can Stay: And now back to our depressingly usual pandemic programming: The Lot’s coronavirus precautions will include masks, temperature checks and social distancing. Tickets are purchased by the pod, a nine-foot-by-nine-foot square that can hold up to four people. Attendees are encouraged to bring chairs or blankets, and capacity will be capped at 248 people. For more information, visit jamopresents.com/the-lot. n
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SAVAGE LOVE QUICKIES BY DAN SAVAGE Hey, Dan: I was dumped in August by a guy I was seeing for ten months. He told me that he wants to work on himself and “needs to be selfish” right now. Since then, we have spoken every day, shared numerous dinners and gone on hikes. Our friendship is killing me. With him I hold it together. Away from him I cry all the time. I’ve started seeing a therapist and I’m on medication. I’m trying to be mature about the breakup and match his level of “coolness” but it’s destroying me. My friends tell me that I should stay away from him, allow some time to pass and reassess. But the thought of losing him is almost as bad as the thought of keeping him in my life. Simply Heartbroken And Talking To Ex Really Extending Depression P.S. I should also mention that I ended a ten-year relationship for the opportunity to date him. “Hey, Dan, what I’m doing is making me miserable — should I stop?” Yes, SHATTERED, you should stop. Your friends are giving you excellent advice: Stay away from this guy for at least a year — don’t talk on the phone (with him), don’t share meals (with him), don’t go on hikes (with him) — and then see how you feel after you’ve talked, shared meals and gone on hikes with other people. It’s always nice when exes are friends, but it’s not an easy pivot and it can’t be executed instantly. And transition to friendship is always much harder for the person who was dumped — because of course it is — and it’s even harder when a selfish dumper accepts or demands the kind of attention and emotional support from the dumpee that the dumper is no longer entitled to. P.S. If you ended a ten-year relationship to date someone — if you ended it for a romantic prospect, not a romantic certainty (and there’s no such thing as a romantic certainty) — then that ten-year relationship needed to end. If your ex-boyfriend implored you
to end that ten-year relationship and ten months later dumped you to “work on himself” and then did everything in his power to keep you all to himself even after dumping you, then that “friendship” needs to end too. At least for the time being. Hey, Dan: My name is a variation on “John Smith.” I met a woman and she liked me but then she did a cheapo background check on me and found a “John Smith” who had committed felonies — including assaulting a high school principal — and ended things with me. I am not that John Smith and I am innocent of these crimes! She had every reason to trust me: We met at my house and she viewed the premises without incident. What do I do? Not That Guy You had this woman over to your place, and she viewed the premises without incident. Okay … so you didn’t rape or kill her when she dropped in and that speaks well absolute bare fucking minimum of your character. But it doesn’t obligate her to keep seeing you. If you can prove you’re not John Smith, high school principal assaulter, and she doesn’t care, NTG, then there’s some other reason she doesn’t want to see you again. (Was there a MAGA hat on the premises?) But whatever her real reason is/real reasons are, you’ve been given a “no.” And like everyone else, NTG, you have to take “no” for an answer even when it feels unfair or arbitrary. Hey, Dan: I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost five years and everything is amazing except that he sees his ex-girlfriend when I’m not around. He says she wants to meet me but he never wants to meet up with her when I’m with him. Their “dates” are becoming more frequent. She’s a single mom and he has expressed to me that he wants to be in her son’s life. My feelings of discomfort are escalating and I’m having trouble believing him when he says he wants me to meet her. When I bring this up, he gets angry and says I’m being too emotional. Am I being a crazy jealous girlfriend? I need some help. I want to be a better person. Should I reach out to his ex-girlfriend directly since my boyfriend refuses to make it happen? Or do I bail on the rela-
“I am not that John Smith and I am innocent of these crimes! ... We met at my house and she viewed the premises without incident. ” tionship? I feel that uncomfortable. Ex-Girlfriend Looms Over Everything Bail. Hey, Dan: I’m in my early 30s and I’ve been struggling to make new friends. A lot of the people in my extended social circle are polyamorous/queer, and while I identify as queer, I’m in a monogamish relationship that isn’t poly. Lately I have been finding that I have been getting approached a lot by people who want a romantic/sexual connection. It seems like the only people who want me around lately want in my pants and they assume because I’m queer I’m also poly without asking directly. So people ask me if I want to “hang out” and I’m often unsure if they mean “hang out” in a date context or a friend context. I’ve ended up on dates I didn’t know I was going on! My biggest issue is that I don’t understand why people want to date/ fuck me but don’t want to be my friend. I’m pretty average looking and I am not overly flirty. So why is this happening? Noodling On This Problem Over Lattes, Yeah? There’s nothing stopping you from asking — asking directly — for a little clarity: “Hang out? I’d love to! But do you mean ‘hang out’ as in ‘spend time together as friends’ or ‘hang out’ as in ‘let’s go on a date’? I ask because I’ve wound up on a couple of dates that I didn’t know were dates and it was awkward.” As for why this is happening … well, either the poly people in your social circle assume — incorrectly — that all queer people are poly or you’re
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much more attractive than you’re giving yourself credit for, NOTPOLY, or some combo of both. Hey, Dan: I’m a gay man who, due to extensive BDSM play, has developed very prominent nipples. They’re always erect and very visible through my clothing unless I wear outrageous patterns or tape them down. Yes, I’m somewhat embarrassed by them. I don’t have gynecomastia (moobs), just really, really, really noticeable nipples. While they are a definite boon between the sheets, they’re a bane on the streets because I’m very selfconscious about them. Do people notice this sort of thing on men? Is their reaction negative? Am I being ridiculed behind my back? Mind you, folks universally treat me with kindness and respect, probably because that’s how I approach everyone else, but a little voice in my head keeps telling me there’s this shameful part of my body that’s being made fun of by everyone. Well, everyone except the guys who helped get me to this point. Your thoughts? Tortured In Tormenting Situations Only a small percentage of the people you meet will notice your nipples, TITS, and the thought processes for 99.9 percent of the people who do will go something like this: “Big nips. Eh, whatever”; the noticers will immediately file this useless-to-them information about your tits away and never give it/them another thought. (Unless you’re Andrew Cuomo.) I think you’re self-conscious about your tits because you know why they’re so prominent: extensive and, I assume, highly enjoyable BDSM play, TITS, and you worry other people — straight people, vanilla people, judgy gays — will take one look and realize you’re a kinky motherfucker. But most people won’t make that leap and the ones who do are either kinky themselves or, if not, they aren’t going to dwell on your tits are or hold them against you. Stop kinkshaming yourself. You earned those tits — you suffered for them — and you should be proud of them! mail@savagelove.net @FakeDanSavage on Twitter www.savagelovecast.com
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