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“I feel like I’ve almost made friends with some of the customers, where we both really love the same puzzles and we find out we like other things. When it’s slow, you can chat a little more. It can be a really enriching experience. Even though you’re the one helping them — really, in some ways, they can help you. It’s been nice to connect with people. I know a lot of people have been really isolated right now.” CASSIE HAMM, EMPLOYEE, PHOTOGRAPHED AT PUZZLE WAREHOUSE IN KIRKWOOD ON MARCH 11 4

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Onward

t feels like, maybe, fingers crossed, we’re heading toward the end of the pandemic. More St. Louisans are getting vaccinated in spite of Gov. Mike Parson’s dogged insistence on fucking up the rollout — OK, the state’s entire pandemic response. And people are starting to make plans for a future that involves spending time together again, returning to public spaces and even traveling. It won’t be the same, as anyone grieving the more than 535,000 Americans who have died as a result of COVID-19 can attest, but we’ve learned some things in the past twelve months. In this issue, we look ahead in the context of those hard-earned lessons to what could be. We couldn’t go back to “normal” if we tried, so we might as well try to make the future better. — Doyle Murphy, editor in chief

TABLE OF CONTENTS Publisher Chris Keating Editor in Chief Doyle Murphy

COVER COVID Keepers After a year of living the pandemic life, what hacks, tips and tricks should we carry into the new world — and what should we leave behind?

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HARTMANN

Out of Bounds Republicans are attacking trans kids for sport in Missouri BY RAY HARTMANN

he most telling witnesses last week in testimony over House Joint Resolution 53 were the ones who didn’t show up. HJR 53 would put to voters in November 2022 a red-meat constitutional amendment to prohibit transgender kids from participating in Missouri high school sports based on their gender identity as opposed to their gender assigned at birth. Its supposed intent: to protect future athletes from becoming harmed by unfair competition from future transgender athletes. But not a single high school athletic director, coach, athlete or interscholastic sports official showed up to lend their voice in support of HJR 53. Most witnesses who testified at hearings on the bill were trans kids and their parents making the simple pleas they should never have had to make: Just let us be ourselves. Just let us enjoy the same opportunities for sports participation that other students do. The silence of the state’s high school sports community spoke volumes. There have been no recorded cases suggesting that past or present athletes in Missouri have faced unfair competition from transgender kids. That hardly cries out for the need to protect future ones. The subject is addressed by the Missouri State High School Activities Association in its rules. While Missouri hasn’t gone out of its way to be especially friendly to trans athletes by the measure of trans advocates, no one outside the political class seems to have found a crisis. This is the dictionary definition of a solution in search of a problem, aimed at pushing the heartstrings of base voters not fond of dictionaries, much less LGBTQ

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people. All politics and no substance, the effort to make a stand for transphobia is the Missouri GOP’s obedient contribution to the national Republican culture war. The state perpetrators need not be accused of having advanced independent thought. That said, Missouri Republicans have advanced an interesting wrinkle that is most revealing. Rather than use their overwhelming supermajorities to attack trans kids through legislation now, the Republicans have decided to wait to make it a bigger political show. HJR 53 does nothing for the moment. Rather, it would place on the November 2022 statewide ballot a constitutional amendment to limit transgender students to participating only on sports teams matching their gender assigned at birth or — in the words of the bill — their “biological sex.” That’s another way of telling trans kids “you are who we say you are.” How convenient: a red-meat ballot item to coincide with the next general election in which the next statewide Republicans will need to muster the troglodyte wing of the party. There’s your canary in this particular coal mine. Somehow the cultural emergency that has righteous Republicans foreseeing End Times for high school athletics isn’t such a crisis that it can’t wait a couple of seasons. Rather, the bill advanced by Rep. Chuck Basye of Boone County is designed to wait until it can provide maximum political punch. But the bill also exposes a different kind of crisis: the battle for the soul of the Republican Party. As far right as the party has drifted in recent years, there are some “brave souls” — in the words of Democratic state Rep. Ian Mackey of St. Louis County, a leading LGBTQ voice — who might keep it from passage. Mackey called out Rep. Shamed Dogan (R-Ballwin) among others as an example. So it remains to be seen if voters will be voting to attack trans youth in 2022. Regardless, the emotional testimony at the hearings last week showed that the plight of transgender students is real and present. “I just don’t understand why for some reason, my gender, because

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Transgender students aren’t trying to cheat anyone or get an unfair advantage. To the contrary, they’re just hanging on. As is widely known, the rates of depression and suicide are dramatically higher for this vulnerable population. of my friend’s gender, we are seen as undeserving of the opportunity to play sports,” Miles, a transgender boy, told lawmakers, according to Fox2News.com. “I’m just a kid. I just want to have fun. That’s what my friends want. That’s what my community wants. We just want to play sports; we just want to have friendships.” Brandon Boulware, who has a transgender daughter, struggled to accept the change but realized the damage the bill could do, according to the Fox 2 report. “This language, if it becomes law, will have real effects on real people,” Boulware said. “It will affect my daughter. It will mean she cannot play on the girls’ volleyball team, dance squad or tennis team. It will mean she will not have the opportunity that all of us had to be part of a team.” Those comments are particularly on point because they speak from the heart about the underlying reality that the Republican politicians so callously and arrogantly deny — with stunning irony — in the name of their Christian faith: that these are just high school kids who want to be treated like any other high school kids. Transgender students aren’t

trying to cheat anyone or get an unfair advantage. To the contrary, they’re just hanging on. As is widely known, the rates of depression and suicide are dramatically higher for this vulnerable population. Special treatment? This is more about survival. In a 2017 study, the Human Rights Campaign found that while 68 percent of all youth played on a sports team, just 14 percent of transgender boys and 12 percent of transgender girls did. So is it really a good strategy to put up extra hurdles beyond the ones with which they are confronted every day? The Republican talking points in the culture war suggest that transgender people are on some mission to destroy the concept of gender in America. But what the testimony of HJR 53 laid bare is just the opposite: Transgender students and their families are concerned with living their own lives and pursuing their own passions and happiness, just like their peers. “This is just a nasty, ugly attack on transgender youth in our state,” says Mackey. “We know that trans kids have an unbelievably disproportionate percent of suicide attempts and actual suicide completion in comparison with non-transgender kids of the same age group. We also know that laws that essentially erase these kids and that tell them they don’t exist just make it worse. “I think that, thank goodness, being homophobic is no longer in vogue. But somehow attacking trans kids is. Trans kids are the new target, the new political red meat. It’s crap.” Yes, it is. And it’s going to get worse before it gets better in states like Missouri unless and until people realize a basic truth exposed by HJR 53: The problem isn’t transgender people just trying to be who they are. It’s Republican politicians doing that. n Ray Hartmann founded the Riverfront Times in 1977. Contact him at rhar tmann1952@gmail.com or catch him on Donnybrook at 7 p.m. on Thursdays on the Nine Network and St. Louis In the Know with Ray Hartmann from 9 to 11 p.m. Monday thru Friday on KTRS (550 AM).

NEWS The Miracle and Mystery of Parson’s Clemency Campaign Written by

DANNY WICENTOWSKI

n December 21, 2020, Missouri Gov. Mike Parson met with an unusually elite group of criminal justice reform advocates. There was billionaire e in efield his da ghter Katie and former U.S. Senator Jim Talent. The group also included Columbia attorney Jennifer Bukowsky, who tells the RFT that they had sought the meeting “to encourage the governor to take advantage of the pardon power” and push him “to not neglect it as some predecessors have done.” But the meeting appears to have produced more than just a general discussion about clemency strategy and the group photo with Parson that Bukowsky later posted to Facebook: It was also a moment when the governor was told about Dionysus Soubasis, a prisoner serving a 30-year sentence for a nonviolent drug crime. “He just happened to be one of the people that I mentioned to illustrate the problem of these drug crime offenses,” Bukowsky says, explaining that she’d only learned about Soubasis “by coincidence” through a stranger’s Facebook message she’d read the night before the meeting. Soubasis was one of several cases Bukowsky mentioned during the December 21 meeting, she says. Later that same day, Parson announced that he’d issued four commutations and 25 pardons — though none of the cases were drawn from her suggestions. (Parson s office wo ld later p t o t a statement that claimed the day’s earlier meeting “had no impact on those decisions.”) But life was about to change for

Attorney Jen Bukowsky (second from right) posted this photo from the meeting to Facebook after Gov. Parson (center) met with the group.. | JEN BUKOWSKY FACEBOOK

Dionysus Soubasis was sentenced to 30 years for drugs. | COURTESY OF DIONYSUS SOUBASIS Soubasis. Three months later, on February 26, Parson announced a second wave of clemencies that included a commutation for Soubasis. While not an order for immediate release, the governor had given the 45-year-old inmate the very thing Missouri law had denied him at sentencing in 2005: eligibility for parole. Some 270 miles away from Jefferson City, in a cell within the Missouri Eastern Correctional Center, Soubasis had no idea that his name had een oated d ring the ecember 21 meeting with the governor. The news took him completely by surprise. “I just lost it,” he says in a phone interview from prison. “They gave me the piece of paper that said, ‘Your prior release date for 12-29-2029 has been canceled for a parole hearing March 18.’ It’s

just been a whirlwind.” Soubasis’s 30-year sentence for drugs is egregiously long — the equivalent of a life sentence, a punishment Missouri law also designates or first degree rder t his case is just one among hundreds of Missouri drug offenders whose sentences have been “enhanced” by a uniquely harsh sentencing law known as the “Prior and Persistent Drug Offender” statute. Triggered by two previous drug convictions, the law erased a defendant’s parole eligibility and upgraded mid-level felonies to Class A crimes with mandatory prison sentences starting at ten years to life. Effectively, the law allowed prosecutors to easily turn a few grams of drugs into decades of prison time, and it was particularly easy when, as in Soubasis’s case, the defendant had been busted with meth in a hotel room. The location of the arrest gave prosecutors an additional weapon at trial an enhance ent specifically written to upgrade charges against defendants busted for methamphetamine crimes in “any structure or building which contains rooms furnished for the accommodation or lodging of guests.” It wasn’t until the end of his sentencing that Soubasis says he understood that his 30-year prison sentence would be a “mandatory term,” meaning he would never have the opportunity to face a parole board or have his rehabilitation evaluated for early release. At the time of his arrest, Soubasis was 28, heavily into drugs, and had already been “in and out of prison for years” through earlier

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drug possession and burglary cases, he says now. “It really hit me,” he says, describing his arrival in state prison in 2005. “When you’re looking at 30 years, no parole, you don’t see an ‘out’ date. One day I was just sitting in my cell, I put my hands on my face, I put my head down, and I’m thinking to myself about how I could possibly die in prison. And I think, ‘You know what? This place offers every opportunity to change myself, and even if I die in here, at least I have done something to better myself.’” Over the years, Soubasis made good on his resolutions. He reconnected with his daughter, who had been in middle school when he went away to prison. He took college courses and graduated with a degree in theology, spent years as a prison barber and amassed dozens of hours in various rehabilitation and leadership programs. He met his two grandchildren. But he was still trapped without a chance for parole. In an interview, Soubasis’ daughter, Bree Wingerter, says she’d spent the past several years trying to contact state legislators and officials to disc ss her ather’s case. She posted a petition on Change.org in January that’s garnered nearly 2,000 signatures, but she wasn’t aware that anyone in a position of power was actually paying attention. wo ld find people in office mayors, the governor, and I would tweet them or email them. I never heard anything back,” Wingerter says. “It’s so sad to me, because my dad has been gone seventeenplus years, and there are so many people in that situation. It blows my mind.” Indeed, as an RFT investigation revealed last month, Missouri prison data show more than 230 men and women are serving noparole drug sentences under the same law that locked Soubasis into his three-decade punishment. Although the Missouri legislature had voted to repeal the “Prior and Persistent Drug Offender” statute effective 2017, the state Supreme Court ruled in March 2020 that the repeal could not be applied retroactively. That’s when Parson entered the picture. That same spring, he commuted the sentences of Dime-

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CLEMENCY

Continued Continued from from pg pg 89

trious trious Woods Woods and and two two other other “pri“prior or and and persistent” persistent” drug drug offenders. offenders. On On December December 21, 21, he he commuted commuted the the sentences sentences of of three three more. more. Soubasis Soubasis makes makes the the seventh seventh commutation commutation related related to to the the same same repealed repealed drug drug law. law. As As Bukowsky Bukowsky noted, noted, his his case case is is an an example example of of the the devastating devastating impact impact felt felt by by drug drug offenders offenders forced forced to to serve serve evevery ery year year of of their their sentence, sentence, even even as as the the state state paroled paroled more more than than 5,000 5,000 prisoners prisoners in in 2020. 2020. But But Soubasis’ Soubasis’ case case offers offers few few insights insights into into who who gets gets picked picked and and why. why. Allies Allies and and family family members members of of those those left left behind behind by by the the 2017 2017 rerepeal peal ha ha ee spent spent years years trying trying to to figfigure ure out out what, what, exactly, exactly, they they have have to to do do to to land land on on the the governor’s governor’s radar. radar. After After seven seven commutations, commutations, they they still still have have no no clear clear path path to to follow. follow. One One offender offender given given aa commutacommutation likened the tion likened the process process to to “hit“hitting ting the the lottery.” lottery.” For For Soubasis, Soubasis, that that doesn’t doesn’t seem seem that that far far off. off. In In aa follow-up follow-up interview, interview, he he says says he’s he’s not not sure sure what what it it was was that that thrust thrust his his case case to to the the top top of of the the pile. pile. A A friend’s friend’s text text to to an an attorney? attorney? His His clemency clemency petition? petition? His His daughter’s daughter’s online petition? online petition? He He can can only only conclude, conclude, “Some“Somebody, body, somewhere, somewhere, said said something.” something.” (In (In aa previous previous statement statement to to the the RFT, RFT, the the go go ernor ernor ss office office declined declined to to pro pro ide ide specifics specifics aa oo tt the the go go erernor’s nor’s clemency clemency selection selection process, process, writing, “the Governor’s writing, “the Governor’s legal legal team team works works to to review review pending pending clemency clemency applications applications including including requests requests for for pardon pardon and and commutation” commutation” and and “an “an offender’s offender’s behavior behavior in in prison prison and and participation participation in in rehabilitative rehabilitative and and restorative restorative justice justice programming programming are are also also factors.”) factors.”) In In any any case, case, Soubasis Soubasis has has aa future future to to plan. plan. Pending Pending approval approval from from the the parole parole board, board, he he hopes hopes to to move move in in with with aa childhood childhood friend friend who who runs runs aa construction construction business business in in Illinois. Illinois. The The setup setup will will give give him him aa job job and and proximity proximity to to his his daughter daughter and and grandkids. grandkids. The The possibilities possibilities give give him hope — but him hope — but he he says says he he can’t can’t help help but but think think about about those those he he will will leave leave behind, behind, the the drug drug offenders offenders locked locked into into multi-decade multi-decade prison prison sentences sentences without without hope hope for for parole. parole. “I’m “I’m not not the the only only one,” one,” SoubaSoubasis sis says. says. “I “I look look around around here, here, and and there there are are aa handful handful of of guys guys that that are are literally literally the the greatest greatest guys guys II have have ever ever met. met. They They came came to to prisprison on and and they they absolutely absolutely changed changed their their life, life, and and now now they they are are rerespected spected by by staff staff and and inmates.” inmates.” “People “People here here can can change change here,” here,” he he argues. argues. “It’s “It’s just just that that nobody nobody gets n gets to to see see it.” it.” n

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Cut Cut and and broken broken pieces pieces of of the the “Homeless “Homeless Jesus” Jesus” sculpture sculpture were were recovered recovered following following the the surprising surprising theft. theft. || NEW NEW LIFE LIFE EVANGELISTIC EVANGELISTIC CENTER CENTER

The The sculpture sculpture was was installed installed about about five five years years ago. ago. || NEW NEW LIFE LIFE EVANGELISTIC EVANGELISTIC CENTER CENTER

‘Homeless Jesus’ Sculpture Found, in Pieces Written Written by by

DOYLE MURPHY

he he good good news news is is that that the the “Home“Homeless less Jesus” Jesus” sculpture sculpture has has been been recovered. recovered. The The bad bad news news is is that that itit had had been been chopped chopped into into pieces. pieces. Pastor Pastor Larry Larry Rice Rice of of New New Life Life EvanEvangelistic gelistic Center Center says says that that someone, someone, pospossibly sibly the the original original thief, thief, tried tried selling selling the the whole whole sculpture sculpture last last week week at at aa scrapscrapyard yard in in north north St. St. Louis. Louis. He He was was refused refused but but quickly quickly found found aa buyer buyer in in the the parking parking lot, lot, according according to to what what police police told told Rice. Rice. The The parking-lot parking-lot exchange exchange was was capcaptured tured on on video, video, and and the the buyer buyer later later turned turned

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up up across across the the Mississippi Mississippi River River at at another another scrapyard scrapyard in in the the Metro Metro East. East. Rather Rather than than try try to to sell sell aa whole whole sculpture sculpture for for scrap, scrap, which which might might raise raise aa few few eyebrows, eyebrows, the the man man was was selling selling chunks chunks of of the the sliced sliced bronze bronze figure. figure. According According to to Rice, Rice, the the man man was was apapparently parently well well known known for for trying trying to to peddle peddle suspicious suspicious metals, metals, and and police police were were called. called. Parts Parts of of the the sculpture sculpture were were recovrecovered ered there. there. Rice Rice says says other other pieces pieces were were found found somewhere somewhere else, else, but but he’s he’s not not sure sure where. where. St. St. Louis Louis police police say say detectives detectives were were able able to to locate locate some some of of the the pieces. pieces. No No one one has has been been charged charged in in the the case. case. Stealing Stealing the the statue statue took took some some work. work. ItIt began began the the night night of of March March 22 when when aa man man was was spotted spotted using using aa gas-powered gas-powered saw saw to to cut cut away away the the legs legs of of the the bench, bench, where where the the figure figure of of Jesus Jesus was was depicted depicted as as sleeping sleeping underneath underneath aa blanket, blanket, symbolsymbolizing izing his his connection connection to to the the homeless. homeless. After After aa neighbor neighbor called called police, police, aa 57-year-old 57-year-old was was taken taken into into custody custody but but later later released released pending pending an an application application of of

An An image image of of the the truck. truck. || COURTESY COURTESY SLMPD SLMPD aa warrant. warrant. On On March March 5, 5, New New Life Life staff staff found the sculpture in the middle found the sculpture in the middle of of the the street. street. They They tried tried to to drag drag itit back, back, but but itit was was too too heavy heavy to to bring bring inside. inside. While While the the staffers staffers were were on on the the phone, phone, figuring figuring out out their their next next move, move, aa thief thief or or thieves thieves rereturned turned and and hauled hauled the the sculpture sculpture away. away. Police Police later later released released an an image image of of aa white white pickup pickup they they believe believe was was connectconnected ed to to the the crime. crime. So So far, far, no no one one was was been been arrested for the March 5 theft, arrested for the March 5 theft, St. St. Louis Louis police police say. say. Rice Rice says says he’s he’s been been speaking speaking with with an an artisan artisan who who repairs repairs sculptures, sculptures, and and he’s he’s reached reached out out to to the the original original artist artist to to see see ifif itit can can be be repaired. repaired. He He says says itit could could be be symbolic symbolic of of New New Life’s Life’s mission mission to to rebuild rebuild the the lives lives of of unhoused unhoused people people to rebuild the Homeless to rebuild the Homeless Jesus Jesus statue. statue. “It “It becomes becomes symbolic,” symbolic,” Rice Rice says, says, “if “if we’re we’re able able to to put put itit back back together.” together.” Even Even ifif they’re they’re able, able, Rice Rice thinks thinks he he will will move move the the sculpture sculpture out out of of St. St. Louis Louis to to another another New New Life Life location location in in Springfield, Springfield, where n where he he thinks thinks itit would would be be safer. safer. n

An Anonymous Prison Watchdog Steps Forward Written by

RYAN KRULL This story was sponsored in part by a Fund for Investigative Journalism grant.

n December 2019, Lori Curry’s boyfriend, who has been incarcerated for almost two decades, sought medical treatment from prison medical staff. The health-care workers told him his condition wasn’t serious and that he risked being written up for a disciplinary infraction if he sought help again. When Curry, 39, of Joplin heard what happened she was incensed. Wanting to vent her frustration at the Missouri Department of Corrections but worried her criticism might blow back on her boyfriend, she created a new twitter handle @MissouriPrison and tweeted anonymously about the ordeal. She didn’t know the project would dominate her life in 2020 and become a bona fide advocacy organization in 2021. In those first weeks, Curry tweeted mostly about her boyfriend’s issues with Corizon Health, the health-care provider for prisons in the state. She soon began hearing from others with incarcerated loved ones dealing with similar issues. She tried to spread awareness of what she saw as inadequate health care for prisoners, hoping the right people would become aware of the problem and fix it. Then something unexpected happened. She started getting messages from current and former MODOC employees, corrections officers in particular, who

Navy Reservist Charged with Abusing Girls Written by

DOYLE MURPHY

Navy reservist from St. Louis County sexually abused three young girls multiple times over a decade, prosecutors say. Ephriam Granderson, 52, of Berkeley was arrested last week in Atlanta as he returned to the United States from a deployment in South Korea. St. Louis County Prosecuting Attorney Wesley Bell said at a news conference his staff began investigating Granderson after receiving a letter describing allegations against the longtime sailor. Granderson is accused of abusing girls between the ages of nine and six-

Lori Curry has become a conduit of inside info on Missouri prisons. | COURTESY LORI CURRY had their own gripes with the department but were wary of airing them publicly. “I remember the very first message I got from an employee,” Curry says. “I thought, ‘Is this some practical joke?’ I was very taken aback. I just, I did not expect them to want to work with me or give me information.” Curry found herself to be a rare pipeline for inmates and corrections officers to get information to the public without fear of retribution. She quickly discovered the interests of the two groups were not always as opposed as they might seem. Inmates who contacted Curry often complained of a lack of access to resources and programs. The COs complained of being understaffed, stretched thin and continuously asked to do more with less. The information Curry makes public is often of the sort that may not be newsworthy to the general public but is hugely important to incarcerated people and their families. For instance, last week

teen. The charges detail a period of time from 1993 to 2003. He is charged with twelve crimes, including rape, statutory rape and sodomy. The victims are identified only by their initials in court papers, and Bell would only say that the girls were familiar with Granderson. Bell said the case was handled within the prosecutor’s office by chief investigator Ron Goldstein and Maureen Baker. Some of the allegations against Granderson previously had been reviewed by prosecutors years before Bell’s tenure, but no charges were filed at the time, Bell added. He said that wasn’t necessarily the wrong call back then, given a variety of factors, possibly including the challenges faced by young victims. Once prosecutors were ready to charge Granderson, they worked with the U.S. Marshals and the St. Louis County Police Department’s intelligence unit to bring him into custody. The charges were originally filed on March 1, but authorities waited for his return to the U.S. to unseal them and

Curry posted a story to the Missouri Prison Reform website about inmates not having access to grievance forms, the primary means by which an inmate can seek redress for mistreatment. Much of what she currently posts about is COVID-related. She’s made public numerous messages from inmates who say they’ve been in close quarters with those who have tested positive or are showing symptoms of COVID. Earlier this month, she posted a letter from a person who until recently worked for the MODOC claiming that the department was not following its own viral containment plan. The @MissouriPrison account has also become one of the most accessible ways to track the daily changes in COVID cases in the system. Curry says she’s able, to some extent, to vet the sources of information she receives because public employee and inmate identities are publicly available. If she does pass along something that’s shown to be inaccurate, she posts a correction immediately. Journalists from Kaiser Health News, the Kansas City Star and the RFT have used information posted by Curry as a basis for further reporting. Earlier this year, the St. Louis-based civil rights attorney Chelsea Merta gave Curry a crash course in submitting Sunshine requests, which Curry now does regularly for information on inmate deaths. “She is such a force of nature,” Merta says. “I can show her how to do something, give her a tool, and she just runs with it.” Curry has also recently connected with Sami Abdel-Salam, a Bolivar, Missouri, native and professor of criminal justice at Westchester University in Pennsylvania. He offered Curry his help after coming across her account on social media. “I’m more likely to run into somebody who’s been incarcerated that has come out that’s trying to do something to change the system,” Abdel-Salam says. “I don’t

Ephriam Granderson. | COURTESY ST. LOUIS COUNTY PROSECUTING ATTORNEY make the arrest. A St. Louis County judge set Granderson’s bail at $200,000. Bell asked anyone who may be a victim or know about a crime to contact their local prosecutor’s office. n

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think I’ve ever encountered anybody, personally, who has not been incarcerated that has gone as far as [Curry] has, in terms of advocacy for people who are. I’m sure they exist. But she’s the first I’ve met.” Curry previously worked a series of caretaking jobs including with adults who have developmental disabilities and children with autism. She made a career change to medical coding and billing but experienced seizures and had to stop working. Around the same time, a friend whose boyfriend was in prison said her boyfriend knew a guy on the inside looking for a pen pal. Would Curry be interested? Newly out of work and with some free time, she said, sure. Why not? She didn’t know how old he was or what he was in prison for. They exchanged letters, then talked on the phone. “He was so positive,” she says. “I think about that and to this day, I’m always like, ‘How are you so positive in your environment that you’re in?’ I get down, and I’m out here.” She met him a little more than a month after they started communicating. Curry adds, “He was really handsome.” Curry asked for his name to be kept out of this piece but did say that he’s been in prison almost twenty years for an armed robbery committed as a young man. And he has almost twenty years left on his sentence. Neither he nor Curry make any excuses for his crime but, she says, “I don’t know what good it’s doing to keep him in that environment. He’s long ago a changed man.” In recent weeks, Curry faced the dilemma of her anonymity. It had allowed her to post freely, but it also limited her in growing her work. As more journalists, activists and academics reach out to her, she envisions a more formal role for her advocacy. But that’s nearly impossible while operating as a faceless Twitter account. Even simple exchanges are tricky. She recently found herself at a very modern crossroads: She had scheduled a Zoom meeting with a lawyer and had to decide if she was going to turn her camera on or not. She chose to turn it on. Curry has decided to make Missouri Prison Reform into a 501c3 nonprofit, enabling it to seek donations and grants. She hopes to use the money to set up a pen pal program for inmates and help families of incarcerated people with small expenses, among other goals. But registering a nonprofit also means putting her name in the public record. So she is stepping out from behind the shield of anonymity in hopes of advancing the work she began more than a year ago. “In order for us to move forward and do the things we want to do, it’s just going to happen,” she says. “People are going to find out who I am. I’m ready to be able to do more. And not hide.” Ryan Krull is a freelance journalist and assistant teaching professor in the department of communication and media at University of Missouri-St. Louis.

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THE BIG MAD Funda-Men-talism The Missouri Manhood Challenge, undead trolleys and vaccine skepticism Compiled by

DANIEL HILL

h, March. A time of rebirth, as the sun lingers a little longer, enveloping us all in its warm embrace. It would be beautiful, it could be serene — if not for the madness. No, we’re not talking basketball: The March Madness to which we refer is the unbridled rage you feel every day. Your fury is so great, and yet you cannot put a finger on what it is, exactly, that you’re furious about. But fear not: We’re here to help. Welcome back to the Big Mad, RFT’s weekly roundup of righteous rage. Let’s dive in! GRAB ‘EM BY THE MANHOOD: The Missouri House of Representatives, having conquered all of the state’s more pressing woes [EDITOR’S NOTE: FACT-CHECK THIS], is rolling up their sleeves to take a crack at the larger ills of society — namely, the sheer lack of manliness in our population. Apparently not enough MO residents identify as manly men interested in the noble pursuits of manliness — far too few for Clay County Rep. Doug Richey, who late last month introduced House Resolution 288, formally instating a “Missouri Manhood Challenge” for the state’s population. The language of the resolution calls for the “exemplary men” of Missouri to be commended for their “vigorous manhood” (that whole “Show Me State” motto has taken a concerning turn). Kudos to the Missouri House for hanging the legislative equivalent of a pair of truck nuts onto our state — now can St. Louis have some goddamn vaccines please? DAWN OF THE TROLLEY: 2020 brought a whole lot of awful shit into our lives, but if there’s one thing it (mercifully) was light on, it was Loop Trolley news. Fret not, insatiable trolley fans (all six of you) — your favorite transportation boondoggle is back, and ready for the public to deposit more money into its bottomless coffers! As reported by the Post-Dispatch, backers of the rolling unmitigated failure have submitted a request to the EastWest Gateway Council of Governments, which oversees the disbursement of federal transportation money in the St. Louis area, for a scant $1.26 million

more dollars to keep on clanging down the line. It’s mere pennies compared to the $33.9 million in federal funds already gobbled up, and if the Sunk Cost Fallacy has taught us anything, it’s that things are bound to turn around if we just put a liiiiittle more money in. Here’s hoping the trolley’s board of directors get what they’re asking for — after all, these parked cars ain’t gonna hit themselves. COME ON, SHEEPLE: It’s amazing what can be accomplished by little more than decades of anti-vaccine griftwork and a president who treated COVID-19 like a nightclub bouncer who could be bought with a couple wadded-up fives: A recent poll, conducted in the past month of vaccine rollouts, suggests that around 25 percent of Missourians would reject a coronavirus vaccine even if available. That doesn’t mean they’re waiting to see if the shot makes people grow forehead tentacles — they are simply “not interested.” This is deeply bad news for all of us, including Governor Mike Parson, who acknowledged, “Some Missourians are less interested in receiving a vaccine than others.” Rich words to St. Louisans driving hours to rural distribution sites for a chance at a shot — while the “Plandemic” crowd refreshes their YouTube comment sections to see if “PatriotSKULLBONERZ1776” has any new insights on immunology. AMERICA, MEET JEFF ROORDA: On March 14, CBS’ 60 Minutes introduced a national audience to St. Louis’ police union spokesman, Jeff Roorda. While the segment effectively presented Roorda’s opposition to Circuit Attorney Kim Gardner, his response to a question about St. Louis police shootings stood out like a rotten apple: “We don’t shoot,” his explanation began. “We shoot back.” So, yes, that sounds like a benign tough-guy response, but it’s deeply revealing of Roorda’s commitment to the idiocy of the “War on Cops.” It’s more than just the fact that Roorda is wrong — just to name a few, in the police killings of Anthony Lamar Smith, Kajieme Powell, and Mansur Ball-Bey, it was the cops who shot first — but his refusal to accept a more complex world than “cops good, criminals bad” is actually terrible for everyone, cops included. In the real world, police shootings are the product of complex interactions, tragedies that, even if ruled “justified,” traumatize officers and devastate community trust. St. Louis voters just approved two mayoral candidates whose platforms feature new ideas based on the notion that an armed cop isn’t always the best tool for an emergency. And yet, we still have Roorda, who never seems to miss a chance to prove himself the biggest tool of all. n

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COVID KEEPERS

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MARCH 17-23, 2021

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After a year of living the pandemic life, what hacks, tips and tricks should we carry into the new world — and what should we leave behind? By Riverfront Times Staff

er the co rse o a ew days in late e r ary watched thro gh y windows as wor ers e ptied o t y neigh or s ho se filling one ind strial d pster and then another with the contents

sweet older co ple had li ed there since long e ore arri ed in the neigh orhood didn t now the well t we wo ld wa e and say hello s y son grew old eno gh to toddle aro nd y ront yard the h s and wo ld eeline o er to coo at hi li e an adopted grand ather e ept o r distance a ter the pande ic egan t still wa ed nd then one day an a lance arri ed and too the wi e away The h sand le t not long a ter They ne er ca e ac later heard that the wi e had contracted he had s r i ed t in their wea ened state they had o ed o t o state to e closer to a ily The clean o t crew arri ed shortly a ter and egan piling what i agine were decades old elongings in the d psters t night saw the silho ettes o sca engers in the giant etal in the ea s o their ashlights sweeping o er old chairs and etal shel es as they ade rapid fire dg ents a o t what pieces o y neigh ors old li e still had al e and what wo ld e le t on the literal trash heap yo dro e down y street yo wo ldn t notice anything is di erent t y neigh ors e it is one o a illion ways the pande ic has changed o r li es This onth ar s a year since ericans at large egan to wrestle with the inco ing plag e eryone had a oent or day it eca e real re e er learning the t atric s ay cele rations had een canceled and thin ing ow t see ed li e the right o e t it still elt s rprising to see ig e ents p t on hold n those early days we elie ed that the sh tdowns and cancelations wo ld e short li ed and we d pic p where we le t o ow it s clear that we are ore er changed e will do things we sed to do again e ll go to resta rants witho t as s and pac sho lder to sho lder in concert halls tra el to see relati es and go to the grocery store on a whi t a ter twel e onths o li ing ore contained li es we e had so e ti e to thin a o t how we want o r new world to wor id yo spend ore ti e in the par hec in on yo r riends ore re yo entirely sic o oo s we headed into this pande ic anni ersary with accines rolling o t so slowly in t o is we wanted to consider not st what s happened t what o r t re will loo li e o e o it is o t o o r control t we anaged to s r i e this year y fig ring o t what is i portant to s e re not going ac to o r old li es t we can fig re what we want to eep and what to lea e ehind — Doyle Murphy

Illustrations by Jon Wilcox

KEEP

Respecting the Restaurant Employees, Delivery Drivers and Grocery Store Workers Who Kept Us Fed and Soothingly Drunk

Working Remotely

For a while there, we as a society irted with the idea o finally treating deli ery dri ers grocery store wor ers ser ers and the li e as the ns ng heroes they truly are. Employers were handing o t ha ard pay e ployees were cashing in on ses or wor ing in wildly ncertain circ stances and those c sto ers with any decency were tipping anyone they co ld li e their oney was on fire t d e nice i we co ld say it lasted t soon things see ed to slide ac to where they were at the start o all this and those good people were le t to end or the sel es financially and otherwise This cannot stand t s ti e we recogni e all those who help to ens re that o r ellies are ll o s stenance e re tal ing eys to the city ac ha ard pay ro when e ployers got ac to their greedy de a lt stat s tips o at least percent t why not to percent e erything not or those who were willing to charge into the reach and ens re that the asses were not h ngry we d e in ar worse shape today t s well eyond ti e we show o r appreciation —Daniel Hill

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ow that we e pro ed that people can wor ro ho e there s no reason to r sh to get ac to offices the o can e done at ho e there s no reason why doing the o at ho e sho ldn t e an option hile nder great psychological and financial press re ost o the co ntry was a le to transition to re ote wor ing with little to no warning or ing ro ho e sed to e considered a l ry sit ation t now that we now that it wor s it sho ld e the standard i at all possi le nd i an e ployee ails at ho e there are plenty o people o t there loo ing or a o who wo ld e happy to ta e their place a ing re ote access also nloc s a whole world o e ploy ent or disa led and re otely located people opening p positions to e filled y tr ly the ost alified not st whoe er can show p to an office —Jaime Lees

LEAVE BEHIND Zoom Happy Hours n the eginning o the pande ic oo happy ho rs were a h ge thing across the land n order to e in style d ring those first terri ying wee s one had to watch Tiger King try to a e so rdo gh

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spirit, even the best livestreams couldn’t touch the feeling you get from standing in front of a band or sitting in front of an orchestra and having your soul baptized with music. Future concerts are going to be epic, even if they’re shit. If your band is crappy, get out there as soon as you can before everyone remembers that live music can suck, too. —Jaime Lees

COVID KEEPERS Continued from pg 15

bread and engage in many Zoom happy hours. These online meetings were mostly just an excuse to get shifaced together because the world was ending. But now that we’re a whole year into this mess, we don’t need any excuse to get shitfaced. Who needs an audience to drink? This is not something that will continue into the After Times. In the After Times, we will drink to celebrate surviving, however broken. —Jaime Lees

KEEP Walking Alone in Your Neighborhood

LEAVE BEHIND Washing Our Hands, and All That Comes with It

For months, doctors were stumped as to why I was bleeding all the time. I was just a kid, in middle school, and the backs of my hands seemed to be in a constant state of scaliness, red and bumpy and cracking frequently at the knuckles t first y pediatrician s spected eczema, then allergies. Over the course of several attempts to get to the bottom of the matter, we tried just about everything. We switched detergents, I stopped eating grains, I was told I could no longer pick dandelions and blow the seeds off of them, and on and on. It would take those bloody knuckles being coupled with my mom coming home late from work one day — and the resulting full-tilt panicked meltdown I had before her eventual arrival, convinced something terrible must have happened — for us to fig re o t what was act ally wrong: I had obsessive compulsive disorder. The skin on my hands was cracking because I was washing them compulsively. My meltdown came because I was obsessively worried about my loved ones’ well-being. Over years of therapy that, for a while, included the use of medication, I was able to get a handle on my OCD. That’s not to say I was cured — I’m not certain such a thing is possible, really — but I was able to live for at least a decade with it serving as little more than background noise. But then, along came COVID-19. Suddenly, I was told that compulsively washing my hands was one of the most important things I could do to protect myself from the virus. Suddenly, worrying obsessively about my loved ones not only seemed far less irratio-

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nal than it had been, it was downright sensible. Suddenly, I was thrust by global circumstance to face down the full wrath of my anxiety disorder once again. When I look at the cracked and broken skin on my hands now, I can’t help but think about how mentally scarred so many of us are going to be from this COVID nightmare. We’re not out of the woods yet, and there will be plenty of time to survey the damage and pick up the pieces once it becomes naught but an ugly memory, but it’s important to recognize that these past twelve months have been nothing short of traumatic. I hope that the sky-high rates of anxiety and depression brought on by the pandemic fade. I hope that the people who are suffering from some form of PTSD after all o this find the strength to reach out and get help. For my part, I hope that I’m able to shove my OCD back into the closet again when this is all over. I would love for it to be relegated to mere background noise once more. And I really, really hope I can stop washing my bloody hands so damn much. —Daniel Hill

KEEP Adopting Lots of Pets The equation is simple. Animals at shelters need permanent homes,

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we are all inside for the time being, and we even have more time on our hands to train a new pet. For those who are able to, it’s the perfect time to welcome an animal into our homes. The so-called “pandemic puppies” may be the best thing to come out of this lockdown — while life has changed immensely for each of us, at least we’re clearing out local shelters in the meantime. And if you’re considering adopting a pet, why not adopt a farm animal from Long Meadow Rescue Ranch? Imagine showing off your new goat to all your friends that just got a standard pandemic puppy. You can oneup your loved ones, and get a pet goat out of it. That said, don’t let the Sarah McLachlan song playing over the photos of sad puppies fool you — if you are not ready to care for another being besides yourself, do not adopt a pet. The outcome of the pandemic puppy surge is yet to come. You could always just adopt a plant instead. —Riley Mack

LEAVE BEHIND Livestreamed Music If there was ever a case for the life-changing power of live music, it’s all the livestreamed sessions that have happened during the pandemic. While valiant efforts and a good show of

When we had busy lives and were always rushing somewhere, some of us used our homes as little more than a place to sleep and a place to keep our stuff. But the sloweddown life (combined with a feeling of being absolutely trapped) surprised us with simple joys like walking in circles around our neighborhoods. In addition to being a nice way to get in a little exercise and burn off some stress, neighborhood walks are thrilling in many unexpected ways. Walkers get to literally see the seasons change, covertly spy on their neighbors and see all of the ways that nature makes sexually suggestive plant life. Highly recommended. —Jaime Lees

KEEP Making Government Meetings Accessible

The Pandemic Year started differently for everyone, from canceled vacations and lost jobs to the creeping, encompassing sensation that this was the end of things as we knew them. For Andre Holman, the station manager for STL-TV, St. Louis City’s public access channel, the moment came when health authorities clamped down on gatherings of more than ten people — a category that included the very government meetings his crews had een fil ing or decades “It made us really have to pivot and think about how we do everything,” Holman says. “The Board of Aldermen was the number-one thing we had to make sure we kept moving.” T T has een fil ing the board’s meetings since 1991, but in a matter of weeks, Holman and his staff worked with the city’s IT department to set up multiple oo acco nts or officials and parallel livestreams broadcast on YouTube or Facebook.

tendance at in-person meetings in the county’s Clayton headquarters. No decisions have been made about the future of these systems, but Henderson believes there’s good reason to maintain them even after the pandemic restrictions are lifted. “We are recommending that they do keep it in place,” he says. “It enables that hybrid environment so that if you have a council person who is out of state, they can still participate. You also have a greater outreach with people, and more people are viewing this content.” Of course, the return to physical meetings raises additional complications, and the decisions about how to balance remote viewing, online participation and The process wasn’t always easy. Between slow internet connections, echoing rooms and various human errors — in addition to at least one attempted “Zoom bombing” from a disruptive troll — the crews had to cover as many as ten committee meetings and a handful of mayoral press conferences every week. “We were able to make sure residents didn’t miss a beat,” Holman says proudly. “If anything was taking place in city government, people had access to that information.” But with vaccine distribution steadily advancing across the state, we’re approaching the day when “normal” no longer needs hypothetical quotation marks — and that’s the day when local governments will be faced with decisions about what to do with the systems for remote participation they’ve honed over the past year. For reporters and civic watchdogs, the remote systems made covering government vastly ore efficient while also opening the door to anyone who wanted to watch two hours of aldermanic debate from the comfort of their home. Before COVID-19’s shutdowns, few regional governments did more than upload meetings to YouTube at a later date; now, people who may have never had the opportunity, time or mobility to attend in-person meetings can follow proceedings live and, in some cases, submit questions beforehand or through chat functions. Before the pandemic, St. Louis County made video recordings of its council meetings available on YouTube, but “there was no interactivity,” says county IT director Chuck Henderson.

was Caleb. Caleb and I were playing Hot Wheels one time in his backyard when a car jumped off the slide and hit me in the eye. His mom ran out and put a bandage on it. Another time we had a sleepo er and co ldn t find the bathroom so I peed my pants on accident. Friends are great. I do miss them. —Jack Killeen

LEAVE BEHIND Sharing Bowls of Food with Our Hands

Everybody loves snacking on tortillas at a Mexican restaurant while their orders are being prepared, but it’s going to feel really weird to do that after the pandemic passes. Why? Because it’s dirty. We always knew that it was dirty, but now we have proof. There’s no reason to spread germs like that. We can all still eat tortillas, but let’s eat them out of our own small bowls instead of one big bowl. That’s nasty. —Jaime Lees

KEEP Checking on Your Friends’ Mental Health

“If you wanted to interact with the council, you had to be in the room,” he adds. “That’s where we were a year ago.” Since then, Henderson says the county has moved to host its meetings through Webex, allowing administrators to balance interaction etween officials and iewers while controlling the ow so the meetings don’t devolve into crosstalk. (The meetings are still being streamed through social media platforms, though viewers there won’t be able to participate.) The improved access showed up in viewership, and Henderson says that the latest meetings have consistently attracted more than 150 participants — a number larger than the usual at-

in-person attendees will fall to the individual boards and committees in the city and county. The upside, though, is clear. The pandemic showed just how crucial government action can be when the world is falling apart around us, and, someday, when the world settles just a bit, it would be worse than wasteful to close the now-opened windows to democracy in action. Let the people see — and stream. —Danny Wicentowski

KEEP Friendship

Ah, friends. Don’t you miss them? I had a friend once. His name

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We’re only beginning to address the mental health crisis that happened to literally all of us over the past year. While our friends in health care are obviously exhausted beyond belief, tons of other people in our lives should be afforded some extra emotional care from loved ones in the future as well. It’s going to be a long time before anyone is back to any kind of “normal” mental health, so continue to check in on your friends in the future. Just because the pandemic is (hopefully) coming to an end doesn’t mean that the stress from the pandemic is ending, too. —Jaime Lees

KEEP Dressing for Yourself Zoom meetings and remote teleconferencing may be inferior to in-person communication in innumerable ways, but one manner in which it has been a damn blessing is when it comes to our wardrobes. Suddenly all of the rules for sartorial success were thrown out the window, and comfort became the only law of the land. As the old saying goes, “No one knows you’re

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COVID KEEPERS Continued from pg 17

naked on a conference call,” [EDITOR’S NOTE: IS THAT A SAYING?] and boy have we proven that timeless adage to be true again and again over the last twelve months. [WHAT?!] Working from home in nothing but a towel, coming up with new and exciting parts of the body to pull socks over, learning that a longsleeve shirt can function just as well covering the lower half of your body as the top (better in some bathroom-related ways, even) — it’s been a wild, wild ride. Heading into post-pandemic li e we sho ld definitely eep that energy up. I mean, who knew it was possible to go a full year without wearing pants? [CALL ME WHEN YOU SEE THIS, DANIEL, WE NEED TO TALK.] — Daniel Hill

You meet their gaze with fear in your eyes, as they look in horror at their hand, now covered in the profuse secretions of your anxiety. You can kiss your hopes and dreams of casual Fridays and taco T esdays in the office goodbye. You will wake up in a cold sweat thinking about this moment for years to come. ac ing the esh o o r hands against a stranger’s hand is weird, no matter what illness is ravaging our society. The pandemic has fundamentally

from place to place. Imagine hitting the Loop for an afternoon of shopping, grabbing a cocktail from Three Kings and marching gleefully down the street with it. We at RFT have been saying for a while now that the one thing that could save the Loop Trolley would be to convert it into a rolling bar and phone-charging station — why don’t we seize the day and finally a e this a reality? The time is now. If not now, then when? —Daniel Hill

KEEP Expanding Sidewalks, Devoting Less Space to Cars

KEEP Wearing Masks If We Might Be Sick

Flu numbers were way down this season, and that’s because most of the country was keeping their ugly, germy faces covered. The best way to cut down on cooties of any kind is to strap some cloth to your face hole. Now that we all have masks, if you have to go out in public in the future while you ha e the sni es do e eryone a favor and slap a mask on that thing. —Jaime Lees

LEAVE BEHIND Squeezing and Pressing the Flesh of Your Hands with the Flesh of Other People’s Hands

Picture this: You walk into a job interview, nerves are high and you begin to feel self-conscious about the weird way you set down your briefcase next to your chair. You lean over the desk to greet your interviewer, arm jolting out from your side to meet theirs. Here comes the most pivotal moment of the interview: a fir handsha e with yo r potential employer, the handshake that will determine whether you deserve $50,000 a year plus health coverage and dental. Your palms slap together, and you clench your hand around theirs tightly o eel confident in your grip until that devastating moment arrives: The warm juices of your nervous inner palm are transferred to theirs.

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through a hard time right now because my girlfriend just broke up with me and it’s really been tough,” well, you should also turn your attention to this grieving soul and comfort them, not rudely glare before re-starting your aggressive germ exchange. And then maybe when that person gets up and sits somewhere else on the bus, don’t throw gum in his hair, because he’s self-conscious about his hair and that makes him think you don’t like it. It’s a public health crisis! —Jack Killeen

changed us all. I pray that it has changed our post-pandemic greetings in the same way. Let’s leave our germy handshakes to the clueless versions of ourselves from 2020. —Riley Mack

KEEP To-Go Cocktails (It’s a Start)

To-go alcoholic beverages came to St. Louis at just the right time. Granted, we’d have been happy to see them come along at any point since it’s been legal for us to drink — but right at the start of a global pandemic? We were really damn thirsty, and that timing was perfect. As COVID-19 begins to fade from our lives and things settle back down, why don’t we take our new love of alcohol on the go to the next level? It’s time for this city to embrace the NOLA concept of walkaround drinks. Imagine bar-hopping in the Grove or on Cherokee Street with full rein to bring your beverages with you

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LEAVE BEHIND Tongue Kissing Ew. Absolutely abhorrent. “Tongue?!” everyone should be saying. “No thank you. I learned my lesson about germs during that pandemic.” I’m not certain of the number of bacteria transmitted every year through French kissing, but I’m sure it’s a lot. Think about all of the other ways you can tell someone you like them: a nice card, a pat on the back, an affir ing s ile at st the right oment. And none of those things makes someone whose girlfriend recently broke up with them uncomfortable if they’re sitting behind you on the bus while you perform them. Yes, French kissing is really unsafe and we should get rid of it. It will be like wearing a bike helmet, except it involves the lack of doing an activity — all the easier to achieve! And if said person on the bus taps your shoulder and says, very softly, kindly, “Excuse me, could you not do that? I’m going

It was two years ago on the sidewalks of Paris, as I lolloped along with a crepe in hand, that I realized the structural malpractice besetting our nation: Our roads are too big, and our sidewalks are too small (Paris seems to have found an equilibrium between the two). I think of this problem especially in commercial districts. Take the Delmar Loop. Parking spots line nearly every section of road from Kingsbury to Skinker. Cars dispute with jaywalking pedestrians over the right of way. Restaurants reach the end of their sidewalk after a few tables and chairs. With the pandemic, we’ve had a break from this. As anyone who’s been to the Loop in the past year has seen, restaurants like Salt + Smoke have been allowed to advance their dining tables into the street, behind barriers, for the sake of safer dining. And it’s really nice. Sitting there with a pint and a mask, things seem more committed to being rather than going. The discussion of city planning and cars can continue ad nauseam (cars, cars, cars, cars), and while it deserves a thorough examination — especially in St. Louis, where public transit is laughable and the sight of Manchester Road, with its sprawling asphalt, endless cars and tree-less horizon, incites a tenacious depression — this is not the time or place. For now, let’s hope that what’s happened in the oop shows the enefits o prioritizing pedestrians over traffic ter all it doesn t ta e ch math to realize that the economic gain from giving a restaurant two parking spots’ worth of sidewalk outweighs that of reserving the space for cars. And, like I said, it’s nice. —Jack Killeen

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CAFE

[REVIEW]

Poor Taste Existential dread creeps in as COVID-19 claims a food critic’s crucial senses Written by

CHERYL BAEHR

was four bites into my bagel when the COVID kicked in. It had been three days since I was diagnosed with the insidious virus, and, having absolutely no desire to eat nor energy to fight ac ga e in to y se en year-old’s insatiable appetite for St. Louis Bread Co. delivery. She thinks their mac and cheese is manna from heaven; I’m less impressed — which is why I wasn’t quite sure whether my trouble tasting the bagel was my palate or just the food. As an empathetic human, I’d watched with sadness over the course of the pandemic as COVID-19 long-haulers detailed what it was like to lose their senses of taste and smell without any clue as to if, or when, they would return. My uncle is one of them. A passionate home cook whose ac yard por stea s are the avor of my youth, he lost his ability to enjoy food shortly after testing positive for the virus this past July. He hasn’t tasted a thing since. And here I was, a quarter-eaten asiago bagel in hand, wondering if I, too, was to suffer this fate. As a food critic, my mouth is my moneymaker. Not being able to taste wasn’t simply a source of personal angst; it called into serious question whether or not I could continue on in a role for which I was no longer equipped. Will I have to quit my job? Can I even be in food journalism at all? What am I going to do for work? A series of worst case scenarios ooded y mind quicker than I could utter the words “You Pick Two.” However, the professional questions were nothing compared with the existential dread I felt at not being able to enjoy eating. If I couldn’t taste, who was I? Food has been an integral part of my life

RFT food critic Cheryl Baehr depends on her senses of taste and smell. She lost both after contracting COVID-19. | TRENTON ALMGREN-DAVIS since as early as I can remember. Growing up, my parents weren’t exactly gourmands, opting for econo y o er a or a rger Helper was in regular rotation and Olive Garden — where we’d go only for the most special occasions — was considered haute cuisine. Still, I caught glimmers of greatness here and there: The Schnucks Station restaurant’s beef frankfurter, split down the middle and covered with grill marks, made e reali e that the accid oiled store-brand pork hot dogs I was normally served were an inferior version of the form. The gorgeously marbled ribeye that accidentally came out medium rare one time at Western Sizzlin was so juicy and salt-crusted it made me question, or the first ti e e er why y dad insisted on ordering his well done. I never went back. It was no surprise that once I was old enough to earn money and start making my own decisions about where and what I wanted to eat I went down the food rabbit hole. Equally unsurprising is that I ended up in the restaurant business. For more than a decade, I soaked up as much knowledge as I could, tasting my way through

I could’ve been tasting water when I gulped the spoonful of hot sauce — no tingle, no burn, no saliva from its vinegary heat. Nothing registered except the cold temperature and liquid texture. a never-ending banquet of culinary pleasures courtesy of chefs, managers and talented coworkers who would serve as both the foundation and inspiration of how I think and write about food. These are the things that ash through your mind when faced with the sudden, traumatic experience of losing your taste. But

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rather than a recounting of where I’d been, I was more consumed with where I was never again to go. It was entirely possible that I would never enjoy food again, a disorienting thought for even the casual eater. For someone who’s dedicated their life and work to Dionysian pursuits, it was a spiritual death knell. I hadn’t even set down the bagel before I began the accounting of what was to be lost. Prosciutto was the first thing that ca e to mind. Having cried actual tears of joy about Parma ham on multiple occasions spent those first ew minutes of loss grieving that I’d never again taste that sweet, salty miracle. Next was coffee — that soothing daily constant that fills my kitchen with its intoxicating aroma and the luscious texture it gets when I pour in a healthy bit of half-and-half (or, if I’m feeling really wild, heavy cream). Cheese garlic bread, beef shish kebob, the garlic puree from Al Tarboush — I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye. I was scared, but not yet convinced that it wasn’t simply my mediocre lunch, and not my taste buds,

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A flavorless asiago bagel was the first sign of trouble for Baehr.

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that was the problem. Hopeful, I headed to the refrigerator, poured myself a large spoonful of Frank’s Red Hot and closed my eyes. Nothing. When people say that COVID causes you to lose your sense of taste and smell, they don’t mean it subdues it. It’s gone. One minute you’re slurping down some mediocre ten-vegetable soup, and the ne t a light switch gets ipped o could’ve been tasting water when I gulped the spoonful of hot sauce — no tingle, no burn, no saliva from its vinegary heat. Nothing about it registered except for the cold temperature and liquid texture. I headed up to the bathroom and proceeded to stick my nose in a bag of super fragrant lavender Epsom salt, thinking that maybe it was just my taste and not my smell. It was wishful thinking. For a couple of days, I lived like this h ffing sha poo and tasting weird things in my refrigerator in the hopes that something would break through. As the days turned into a week, then another and another, the feelings of desperation turned to resignation. It was like a bad acid trip, one where you’re convinced you’re never coming down and will have to live your life in a permanent hallucinogenic state definitely not spea ing from experience, Mom). I let go of the fear and tried to embrace life without taste. I could do this. Sure, I would be missing out on one of the biggest sources of joy in life, but there were others. I have my daughter, who is the light of y li e and y partner who fills my world with delicious pleasure. The body-insecure side of me, I’m

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ashamed to admit, thought wistfully of what it might be like to finally get ripped ter all why bother eating anything decadent when you can’t enjoy it? Then, about three weeks after COVID turned my world upside down, I noticed something when I was drinking my morning coffee. I’d been drinking it black since I’d lost my taste and smell, and on this particular morning, that initial sip tasted god-awful. I put in cream and sugar and could detect just a hint of sweetness. Later that day, I could sense salt and vinegar — very asic a ors t it was a start nlike the speed with which it left, it took a while to begin experiencing n ance in a ors t now grad ally, they returned. Two months later, I’m happy to report that my senses have made a full recovery. I can’t imagine the despair those who haven’t recovered from this experience might be feeling. I caught a glimpse of a life without taste and smell, and it was like living in black and white. In my spiral, I Googled every bit of information I could about the phenomenon, and fear-read numerous stories about the long-haulers who have been unable to enjoy food and drink for nearly a year. As of now, there’s no cure for it, and because it’s not considered a life-or-death matter, people are being treated with a “that sucks; try smell therapy” approach. But while it may not actually kill your body, I can tell you that it sinks you into a pretty dark place where you lose the light that illuminates life, each day living on the hope that the next bite you take will be the one that brings it back — and when it does, you’ll never again complain about eating Bread Co. n

SHORT ORDERS

[SIDE DISH]

The Sweet Life St. Louis’ Erica King is living the dream with her Shorty Mix Gourmet Cookies brand Written by

CHERYL BAEHR

rica King was walking around Chicago, soaking in its summertime splendor and eating some Garrett popcorn, when she realized just how much she was going to miss her adopted city. Preparing for a move back home to St. Louis, King began taking stock of everything she’d miss: the gorgeous months of June, July and August, the scenery, and the sweet and salty taste of that popcorn. She was trying to think of any other food that perfectly capt red that a or when it hit her and then it struck her: Why not create one herself? “I was walking around with my friend thinking, ‘Oh man, what else is there that has this magical cheddar cara el a or can indulge in when I leave?’” King recalls. “I couldn’t think of anything. Popcorn has this mix of cra y di erent a ors t then thought, ‘What if it was in a cookie?’ My friend looked at me like I was crazy. I’m always that one in the friend group who has those crazy ideas, but sometimes, those crazy ideas actually work.” When she looks back, King now sees that the path to starting Shorty Mix Gourmet Cookies (www.smgcookies.com) started way before that revelation in Chicago in 2014. Growing up, she was incredibly close to her grandmother, and has fond memories of being at her house, smelling the incredible aromas coming out of her kitchen as she tried to snatch Danish butter shortbread cookies out of their characteristic blue tins — though, she says, they were s ally filled with spare change or sewing materials and not the

Erica King of Shorty Mix Gourmet Cookies is the kind of neighbor everybody wishes for. | ANDY PAULISSEN sweet treats she was hoping for. Those memories stuck with her even as she went off to college and began her career in marketing. Baking was always a source of stress relief for her, and she found herself coming back to the kitchen when she needed to decompress. Those culinary skills were especially useful once she moved back to St. Louis and found herself without a job and living back home with her mother. Unsure of what the next step was, she found an old cookbook her grandmother gave her and took it as a sign that she should put her energy into baking. Using her mom, brother and neighbors as taste-testers, she began doing research and development on what would become her cookie brand. “At the time, baking was my sa ing grace ing says figured that I had this idea, so now I needed to do the actual science of it. I began doing testing and research and was a perfection-

ist about the products. My mom and brother were tasters, but I also went around my neighborhood, knocking on people’s doors — I was this strange person asking them if they wanted to try my cookies, but they loved it.” Though King was passionate about baking, she still was not quite ready to go all in, so she put her cookie business on the back burner. She went back into the ar eting field where she worked for a couple of years in a job that she enjoyed, even as she could not shake the feeling that something was missing. About two years in, that feeling became too strong for her to ignore. “I felt so unhappy and felt that there had to be something more,” King says. “I started traveling again — I used every work vacation to go somewhere. Looking back, I see that I was in search of something and wanted something better in life. About a year later, I found my grandma’s cookbook again, and

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that’s when I said, ‘OK Grandma. I hear you. I’m going to do it.’” King quit her marketing job and dedicated herself fully to setting up Shorty Mix Gourmet Cookies. Drawing upon both her grandma’s in ence and her own e periences acquired through traveling the world, King concocted several shortbread-based recipes and began building her brand. With the help of local startup incubator Square One’s business bootcamp and local commissary and food incubator STL Foodworks, King got the entrepreneurial know-how and guidance to get her business up and running. Now, with several farmers’ markets and pop-ups under her elt she is confident she s living out her life’s calling: bringing others joy through delicious food and, in turn, bringing herself joy by doing what she loves. “I am the kind of person that just likes so many different things — the word ‘cosmopolitan’ hits

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home because I just like so many different things,” King says. “For a long time it was hard, because people would say that I had to pick one thing to do with my life, and I struggled with that for the longest time. With these cookies, no one is going to make me pick just one thing. I’m going to create 500 diferent a ors not really t li e ha ing that as a goal eca se it gi es e a place to start King took a break from making her signature shortbreads to share her thoughts on the state of the t o is ood and e erage co nity her passion or tra el and why her grandmother remains a part o e erything she does What is one thing people don’t know about you that you wish they did? When I go out and sell my cookies, I feel the pride of my grandmother and ancestors. My grandmother, Earlie B. King, retired from Lambert St. Louis International irport as a ight ood coo and was celebrated for her extraordinary talent. She also often ga e her last to help e tra el to new places that sparked my cookie business concept. Her passion,

s ill and lo e or ood li es in e I feel empowered by our country’s greatest Black cooks and bakers to do what I do. What daily ritual is non-negotiable for you? Morning meditation with essential oils and burning sage. My day just doesn’t feel as focused or pleasurable without it. Who is your St. Louis food crush? o any ceano o thern and Sauce on the Side. Which ingredient is most representative of your personality? Spice, because there are so any arieties and they add s ch old a or If you weren’t working in this industry, what would you be doing? I would be a singer, touring the world with a band. As a hospitality professional, what do people need to know about what you are going through? Right now is tough, but it feels optimum. I’m used to tough conditions. I was a college graduate during the recession. I’m the older millennial that seems to meet life as e erything shi ts and changes so fast. As a hospitality startup looking to grow, I’m not allowing ysel to o e as ast as the rest of the world in order to be trendy. t s satis ying to o e at y own pace, because my goal is to learn

from today for the future. I’m looking to bring my business to people in a way that’s here to stay. People need to know that not all o s are riding a wa e we are serious about what we do and want to be a part of the community. What do you miss most about the way you did your job before COVID-19? I miss people! I miss being able to freely talk to them without a mask, shake their hands and hug them. I’m a touchy-feely person. Doing pop ups was great for me when first started eca se got to watch people ta e that first ite o y coo ies was ne er le t disappointed as I got to experience that with them, and neither were they. What do you miss least? Meetings! I do not miss getting in ited to tons o in person eetings. Meeting from home suits me st fine What have you been stress-eating/drinking lately? My stress-eating includes anything fast and drinking all the sugary drinks that come with the combos. Most times I cook my own meals, but when I’m stressed I just want to eat something quick. don t ha e to thin a o t it or plan for it, I just go and get it. The only problem is, I always feel bad afterwards ... but it seems I forget

[FOOD NEWS]

Boardwalk Waffles Launches Brunch Service Written by

CHERYL BAEHR

ven before he opened the doors to his original location of Boardwalk Waffles & Ice Cream (7376 Manchester Road, Maplewood; 314449-1209) in 2017, Eric Moore dreamed that brunch service would be part of his business model. Now, he’s making that vision a reality at his Maplewood restaurant with the launch of weekend brunch, which kicked off this past Saturday. “This is the third piece of the trifecta — brunch, live music and liquor,” says Moore. “It was always in my head to put these together with the single concept of the waffle once I got a bigger space. Now that we have it, this is the final piece of the puzzle.” The newly launched brunch offerings at Boardwalk Waffles & Ice Cream include savory dishes, such as the Spicy Mexican, a jalapeño cornbread waffle topped with cheddar cheese, chorizo, cilantro and spicy maple syrup, as well as

RIVERFRONT TIMES

Boardwalk Waffles & Ice Cream’s weekend brunch service will feature a variety of sweet and savory offerings. | SAM REED CREATIVE the Bacon Cheddar Chive waffle paired with maple syrup. Sweet selections will also be available, including the Chunky Monkey, which pairs a chocolate waffle with bananas, chocolate syrup, walnuts and either maple syrup or a bananaliquor-infused syrup (adults only!). Another grown-up dish consists of a waffle topped with bourbon-soaked apples and walnuts. In addition to the food, guests can

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enjoy cocktails and live music during brunch at Boardwalk Waffles & Ice Cream. Boozy options include bottomless mimosas, liquor-infused shakes, Irish coffee and bloody marys. Brunch service will run Saturdays and Sundays from 7 a.m. until noon. “The shop itself is whimsical — you walk in and it’s like nowhere else in town,” Moore says. “We’re staying with that idea of fun with our brunch. When you come

that eeling the ery ne t ti e What do you think the biggest change to the hospitality industry will be once people are allowed to return to normal activity levels? elie e the iggest changes will be the regulation around what it looks like to operate, and in turn the costs and trade-offs with being co pliant i iting contact le els and touch points with people will still be a part of the experience. ptions or how we e change money for products is one aspect of the new process that shows how technology continues to shape our t re e all ha e to e tech sa y and pro ide ltiple ser ice structures for people to engage with us in the ways they are most comfortable and safe with. It will require constant decision-making considering many factors. What is one thing that gives you hope during this crisis? on ersations aro nd s pporting small, local, Black and minority sinesses gi e e hope lowly t s rely these con ersations are leading to changed eha iors and identities. It’s refreshing to see people eel li e they ha e options on where they can buy, and to see more people like myself feel empowered to join the enterprise. The cherry on top is seeing big business partner with us. n here, you know what you are getting.” The restaurant’s fast-casual setup will remain in place during brunch. Moore says that, though he wants people to enjoy themselves and take in the atmosphere, he believes that the counter-service setup and moving line will prevent people from congregating, something he is concerned about because of the pandemic. Though he anticipates people will have to wait in a modest line to have their orders taken, it will not be the twohour wait at a host desk as is typical of weekend breakfasts and brunches. It’s been a busy year for Moore, who has been expanding the Boardwalk Waffles & Ice Cream brand to include additional locations in Grand Center and south county. Though he has not formalized any arrangements, Moore is also considering franchising the brand thanks to several inquiries from interested parties in Florida and New Jersey. In the meantime, he’s taking things one step at a time in the hopes that what he creates now with brunch service will be a template for the brand moving forward. “Everybody raves about our waffles, so we figure why not take it up a notch and expand on that to fill a void on weekends,” Moore says. “People want to go out for brunch again, and the idea that you can get in and out at a reasonable pace for a reasonable price is what we want to offer.” n

“Hangar gives me creative freedom,” says executive chef Dakota Kolb. | ANDY PAULISSEN

[FOOD NEWS]

Hanging It Up Dakota Kolb is leaving Quincy Street Bistro for Hangar Kitchen & Bar Written by

CHERYL BAEHR

ig changes are underway at Quincy Street Bistro (6931 Gravois Avenue, 314-6962269): Executive chef Dakota Kolb is leaving the Princeton Heights restaurant to take on the role of executive chef of Hangar Kitchen + Bar (9528 Manchester Road, Rock Hill; 314-473-1221). Kolb’s last service at Quincy Street will be April 17. Citing the departure as a “career move,” Kolb says he is excited for the opportunities that will be afforded him at Hangar. The restaurant, which opened in Rock Hill last August, features an eclectic menu that he thinks will give him a great jumping-off point to be creative. “Hangar gives me creative freedom,” says Kolb. “This is a passion project for them [owners Chris and Courtney Sedlak], and their menu is set up like a walk down memory lane of the favorite eateries they’ve been at. That gives me the creative freedom to cook an interesting sandwich and then whip up a short-rib dish. The sandbox I’m playing in isn’t so small. I can do whatever I please.”

Kolb joined the Quincy Street Bistro team most recently this past fall, working with its new owner, Todd Tiefenauer, to breathe new life into the storied space. The original Quincy Street, which ran from 2011 until 2018, was a popular and acclaimed neighborhood staple, thanks to the culinary leadership of James eard ward se ifinalist che Rick Lewis. Kolb worked at the restaurant’s original incarnation for four years, which is why Tiefenauer sought his expertise, even as he works hard to put his own stamp on the place. “Quincy is doing great,” Kolb says. “I came here for the sole fact that this building reopened and this is where I spent so many years. I wanted to see it through and make sure it opened under the right mentality.” According to Kolb, the Hangar job was in the works for a while — even before he joined Tiefenauer at Quincy Street. Last year, after moving back to St. Louis from ansas ity ol rie y wor ed for the Sedlaks in their commissary kitchen. Though the gig didn’t work out at the time, the Sedlaks kept Kolb on their radar and recently reached out to him to see if he’d be interested in joining them at Hangar. After several conversations about the menu and their vision for the restaurant, he decided to take the leap. “It checks off a lot of boxes,” says Kolb. “I think Todd has a good vision at Quincy Street, but at the same time, I would like to pursue something with a little more ability to y n

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RIVERFRONT TIMES

CULTURE

[STREAMS]

Video Thrills The Sinkhole and ACAV team up for bonkers streaming series featuring St. Louis acts Written by

DANIEL HILL

att Stuttler says his experience recording for his band’s upcoming streamed show — one that saw him surrounded by hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of stage and lighting equipment on a recent afternoon — was unlike anything he’s ever done before. As the guitarist and vocalist of St. Louis garage-punk act Shitstorm, as well as the owner of the Carondelet venue the Sinkhole, Stuttler is far more used to performing in the corner of a dimly lit bar or perhaps the basement of a dilapidated punk house than on a topnotch professional soundstage. But thanks to an exceptionally odd con ence o nli ely e ents chief among them the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic — here he was. “It was really neat,” Stuttler says. “Personally, I hadn’t been on a lighting stage quite like that. We worked with in-ear monitors, which is also a new thing for myself and my bandmates. Everything involved was professional, so we adapted from our usual playing on the oor in a p n ar routine, and we found out that it turned out to be really cool to be able to hear yourself and all that.” It’s part of an ongoing trend in which DIY St. Louis bands with names like, well, “Shitstorm” are invited to perform shows to be streamed online with the backing and full support of the local Arch City Audio Visual production team — a group that, in normal times, is more used to lending its talents to such huge productions as that of El Monstero and the like. In recent months, St. Louis doom metal act Fister and the similarly local but dissimilar in every other way Le’Ponds have also stepped onto that soundstage for shows that have been professionally lighted,

RIVERFRONT TIMES

The Electric Toothbrush Sisters take full advantage of the ACAV setup. | CHRIS KEITH fil ed and edited y the gro p before being put online for fans to view. It’s an incredible twist on the livestreaming model most bands have been relegated to as live events remain on hold — one that breathes new life into the concept by allowing artists to perform with a level of production that would otherwise be unheard of for many of them. The latest iteration of this is the “I Watched Music on the Internet” series of events, presented by the Sinkhole and ACAV. That series will see four nights of music over the course of the next month: Shitstorm, Glory & Perfection and Electric Toothbrush Sisters on March 21; Choir Vandals, Cara Louise and the River Kittens on March 28; 18andCounting, Shady Bug and Jr. Clooney on April 4; and the Lion’s Daughter’s record release event with Hell Night on April 11. Stuttler, who curated the lineup, says that one of the members of ACAV’s team contacted him after wrapping up the Le’Ponds show. “So Chris Keith, member of local punk band Maximum Effort, reached out to me,” he explains. “Maximum Effort, of course, had done record releases and stuff at Sinkhole; I’ve booked their band for years. So him and [ACAV coowner] Robert Scahill wanted to do a series with a venue to copromote something, and Chris tho ght o the in hole first and asked if I’d be down for it. And I was. And then we started putting

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together the lineup, drawing from bands that have been a part of something that the Sinkhole has done or played shows there, but also bands that we felt would benefit ro getting the prod ct o this video, this high-quality professional video that maybe they didn’t have access to prior.” According to Chris Keith, who says his role at the company is that of event producer — he jokes, “it’s basically a title that they give you when they like you but you don’t know how to do anything” — ACAV got the idea to host local acts for streams in a professionally produced setting shortly after the pandemic began. It would take a few months of sorting out logistics, many related to pandemic lockdowns and restrictions, before they’d be able to get everything off the ground, but by November the production company had already done three wellreceived streams with local juggernaut Story of the Year. From there, they wondered, what next? y first tho ght was ister and that turned out to be great,” Keith says. “And from there I wanted to go in the opposite direction, so I found out about this local act Le’Ponds and I thought that would be a perfect followup for Fister. And after that one was done, I suggested maybe just going in a different direction altogether, and instead of working with a band maybe working with

a venue. And I spoke with Matt Stuttler and he agreed to do it, so we went to just picking out what it was we were gonna do and kind of piecing it together from there.” Stuttler got to work putting together a lineup. He says he deliberately chose acts that would complement one another, and many that he thought were on the rise or otherwise worthy of highlighting. “Night three is 18andCounting, Shady Bug and Jr. Clooney, which have shared bills in the past in some form such as the RFT fest, or spotlights with KDHX or something,” he says. “I felt like that community of people, bringing those three bands together for one night would be a cool thing to see. And the same thing with night two, Cara Louise, River Kittens and Choir Vandals — all three acts which I think are pretty high profile a ing a na e for themselves inside and outside St. Louis. And then night one, my band Shitstorm, which Chris really wanted me to include so I obliged, with Glory & Perfection, which is a new project from members of Bug Chaser, Dracula and Hoonbag Moonswag, which is a hootenanny of sorts, a country Hee-Haw style show with mini skits and stuff. So this will be their debut, this show. And also Electric Toothbrush Sisters, which is Nick Zengling from Maximum Effort and his daughter Nina as a duo that’s really, really cool, and the production for that turned out really awesome, too.” Following those three nights

[STRINGS]

St. Louis Symphony Resumes Live Shows Written by

DANIEL HILL

fter a months-long pause due to exploding COVID-19 numbers, the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra has announced that it will resume live concerts at Powell Hall (718 North Grand Boulevard, 314-534-1700) for its spring season. The in-person concerts will take place from March 26 through May 15, and will go forward in a socially distanced fashion with a limited capacity. Only 300 tickets will be available per performance, priced between $25 and $50, and each show will last an hour with no intermission. Masks will also be required for all attendees, Powell Hall staff and the orchestra’s string musicians, in an attempt to avoid the spread of coronavirus. According to a press release, highlights of the spring season will include: • Music Director Stéphane Denève leads five weeks of chamber orchestra concerts at Powell Hall, leading the SLSO

will be metal act the Lion’s Daughter’s record release, Stuttler explains, and pairing them with longtime cohorts Hell Night just makes sense. “They’re building a custom setup for that night,” Stuttler says. “But each set has a little bit of variance because of the light show, the color and the moods and stuff.” That lighting work will come via ACAV’s Kevin Kwater and Gerry Dintelman, the latter of who was recently profiled y the trade publication Projection Lights & Stage News for his work on Fister’s event. The rest of the team is rounded out by Keith and co-owners Robert Scahill and Michael Barton. The production company is in this for the same reason the Sinkhole is: to help local artists during an unprecedented time, and also to get the word out about what they do and how they’ve adapted. According to Keith, ACAV has stayed busy during the pandemic despite the drying up of live events, largely by doing installa-

Welcome back, SLSO. | VIA ST. LOUIS SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA in works across genre and time including works by J.S. Bach, Ludwig van Beethoven, TJ Cole, Aaron Copland, Arthur Honegger, Ester Mägi, Felix Mendelssohn, W.A. Mozart, Arvo Pärt, Sergei Prokofiev, Camille Saint-Saëns, Dmitri Shostakovich, Richard Strauss, and Igor Stravinsky. • Stephanie Childress makes her debut as SLSO Assistant Conductor, leading works by Sally Beamish, Benjamin Britten, and Antonín Dvorák in concerts April 9-11 and conducting the SLSO again April 16-18 in works by Luigi Boccherini, W.A. Mozart, and Ottorino Respighi. She also makes her SLSO debut as a soloist in Bach’s Double Violin Concerto, March 26-28.

tions for churches and other organizations that are using the downtime to beef up their facilities. “There’s been enough work to eep e erything a oat and oth the bosses have got a good hustle going as far as keeping things going, doing installs here for different places,” Keith says. “When everything calmed down, a lot of venues and places decided they wanted to upgrade things. So they’ve been able to piece together work little by little.” But even when live events return, Keith doesn’t think the beefed-up streams they’ve come to specialize in will go away. “I mean, I hope the problem of getting back to where we were happens, because we love what we were doing before,” he says. “But I feel like this is kinda one of those situations where the cat’s out of the bag as far as livestream goes. I think they’re here to stay.” For tickets and more information about the I Watched Music on the Internet series, visit liveentnow.com. n

• SLSO Conductor Laureate Leonard Slatkin returns to the lead the SLSO April 23-25 in works by Benjamin Britten, Alberto Ginastera, and Maurice Ravel. • Five SLSO musicians are featured soloists during the spring: violinists Kristin Ahlstrom, Celeste Golden Boyer, Xiaoxiao Qiang, Erin Schreiber, and violist Shannon Farrell Williams. The SLSO will also continue offering digital concerts, recorded in front of a live audience in the fall, for those who are not yet comfortable venturing out into the world (or, even, for those who are simply extremely comfortable taking in some music at home). Additionally, the organization will offer an expanded col-

[SLIDES]

City Museum Rooftop Reopens Written by

DANNY WICENTOWSKI

ity Museum’s marvelously weird rooftop is now open, as the beloved local deranged art installation/ adult playground moves back to a sevenday-per-week schedule. The news should bring delight to those who have spent months waiting to share a reverent moment with a giant praying mantis statue, or wishing they could explore what only appears to be a precariously-dangling bus. “Rooftop access includes everything you love,” the museum said in a Facebook announcement Friday. “Exceptional skyline views, slides, climbers, Big Eli, people-watching from the bottom of the Ramp Slide, and the Rooftop Café.” Still, things won’t be quite back to the

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lection of educational resources including its popular Soundlab series, a fourpart digital affair that teaches kids about the science of sound. Even in the context of a press release, the excitement those in the organization have to be able to perform in front of a live audience again is palpable (note the liberal use of exclamation points). “‘Retrouvailles’ is one of the most beautiful French words to me,” SLSO Music Director Stéphane Denève says in a statement. “It perfectly describes the happiness of being together again, after too long an interval! At last, we are indeed able to welcome our dear audience safely back at Powell Hall. What a joy to reunite our family, including our Conductor Laureate Leonard Slatkin and also the exciting addition of Stephanie Childress, our new Assistant Conductor! What a thrill to share altogether the power of live music anew! Music is a precious balm for these times and its essential resounding gives me hope for the bright future that lies ahead.” All of the shows in the spring season will be recorded by the SLSO’s new highdefinition camera system, and each will be put online at a later date — so even if you can’t catch them live, you can bet you’ll be able to stream them down the road. For tickets for the live performances, more info about Soundlab or streams of previous concerts, visit slso.org. n

way they were in the Before Times. The reopening will allow only 120 guests on the roof at a time. Sessions will be limited to 1.5 hours. On March 20, the museum will host a rooftop “Bubble Dance Party” from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. That’s not all: The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports that Circus Harmony performers are returning on Saturdays and Sundays, and Art City will be on hand to set up an indoor and open-air station where guests can work on arts and crafts, marking “the first time the performers and Art City have returned physically to the museum since last year’s shutdown.” In all, it’s a sign of brighter days ahead — the shutdowns caused by the COVID-19 pandemic took a major toll on St. Louis’ most beloved institution. A message on its website last year noted that more than 70 percent of its revenue comes from tourists to the city of St. Louis, but since tourism was necessarily down dramatically due to the pandemic, the City Museum had to drastically cut its hours in order to save money, opening only on the weekends. But those days are now in the rearview mirror. For more info on upcoming events and rooftop rules, visit citymuseum.org. n

MARCH 17-23, 2021

RIVERFRONT TIMES

MARCH 17-23, 2021

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SAVAGE LOVE THE PHONE JOB BY DAN SAVAGE Hey, Dan: A male friend — not my best friend but a close one — told me his wife was really attracted to me, another male, and asked if I was attracted to her. His wife is an incredibly hot woman and I thought it was a trick question. I read your column and listen to the Savage Lovecast, Dan, so I know there are guys out there who want other men to sleep with their wives, of course, but I didn’t want to risk offending this friend by saying “FUCK YEAH” too quickly. After he convinced me it wasn’t a trick, I told him that of course I wanted to have sex with his wife. She’s incredibly beautiful and a really great person. I told him was that I not at the least bit bisexual and not into MMF threesomes and he told me he wouldn’t even be there. He just wanted to hear all the details later — and hear them from me, not her. I’ve slept with his wife four times since and the sex we’ve been having is phenomenal for both of us. But the talks I have afterwards with my friend make me uncomfortable. We’ve gotten on the phone later in the day or the next day and I give him the details and insult him a little, which he likes, and honestly none of that is the problem. What makes me uncomfortable is that I can hear him beating off during these phone calls. Which makes me feel like I’m having phone sex with a guy. I’m not comfortable with this and I feel like our friendship has become sexualized in a way that just feels unnatural for me. The one time we met in person to talk after I fucked his wife he was visibly aroused throughout our entire conversation. I would like to keep fucking my friend’s wife and she wants to keep fucking me but I don’t want to talk with my friend about it afterwards. Shouldn’t it be enough for him to just know I’m fucking her? Distressed Aussie Chafes Under Cringe Kink P.S. This is his thing, not hers. She loves having sex with me but the calls to her husband don’t do

anything for her. It’s obviously not enough for him to know you’re fucking his wife. If that was enough for him, DACUCK, he wouldn’t want to get on the phone with you afterwards. This is a consent question. If your friend consents to his wife having sex with other men on the condition that he hears about it afterwards — and hears about it from those other men — that condition has to be met for the sex she’s having with other men to be consensual. And while the calls afterwards aren’t a turn-on for his wife, DACUCK, if those calls make it possible for her to sleep with other men and she enjoys doing that, well then, the calls actually are doing something for her too. You’re not obligated to have these conversations with your friend if they make you uncomfortable — because of course you’re not — but if you were to refuse, DACUCK, then your friend might withdraw his consent for you to fuck his wife. Your friend and his wife might be willing to revise these conditions just for you, DACUCKS, so it couldn’t hurt to ask. But if he says no you don’t get to fuck his wife anymore. Or if he says no and his wife keeps fucking you, well then, she’d be cheating on him for real and not “cheating” on him for fun. Zooming out for a second: You knew this was a turn-on for your friend before you fucked his wife. You knew he was a cuckold, which means you knew he would be getting off on you fucking his wife, DACUCK, which means you knew he’d be out there somewhere beating off about you and your dick. Even if he didn’t want to hear from you directly afterwards, even if he was pumping the wife for the details, your friendship was sexualized pretty much from the moment he asked you to fuck his wife and you agreed. So the problem isn’t the sexualization of this friendship or the awareness that this dude is out there beating off about you. The problem is having to listen to him beat off when you get on the phone — or having to see him become visibly aroused when you meet up in person — and there’s a pretty easy workaround for that. (I love a solvable problem!)

You knew this was a turn-on for your friend before you fucked his wife. Your friendship was sexualized pretty much from the moment he asked you to fuck his wife and you agreed. Instead of giving him a call after you’ve fucked his wife, use the voice memo app on your phone to record a long, detailed, insultstrewn message after you’ve fucked his wife and send it him. You’ll still get to fuck his wife, he’ll still get to hear about it from you, and you won’t have to listen to him doing what you damn well knew he’d be doing after you fucked his wife, i.e. furiously beating off about you. Hey, Dan: I’m a 20-something hetero female living in the South. I’m having trouble with my boyfriend of almost three years. We are very happy together but our sex life is lackluster. The really strange part is that the sex, when we have it, is always good. It’s intense and satisfying. However, getting sex to happen is a challenge. My boyfriend has a lower libido, but it’s not a huge discrepancy. I want sex 2-3 times per week and he wants it maybe once per week. We have compromised on twice a week. However, the sex is routine and banal. It always happens on the same days — Sundays and Wednesdays — and there’s no spontaneity at all, which makes it boring for me. In addition, my boyfriend never initiates. He has a history of being promiscuous — he slept with about 100 women before we were together — and I am completely fine with that. But he has admitted to me that he misses his promiscuous life and that monogamy is

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difficult for him. He says he loves me and that he wants to make this work. He is the person I want to marry, but I feel like I’m settling sexually. Please help. Becoming Annoyed Now About Lovemaking The sex, when you have it, is intense and satisfying… but routine and banal at the same time because there’s no spontaneity. The obvious answer is obvious: If having sex at the same time and in the same place is ruining the intense and satisfying sex you’re having, BANAL, maybe don’t always have sex at the same time or in the same place? And since you’re the initiator and that’s unlikely to change — turning a cheater into a faithful partner is easier than turning a non-initiator into an initiator — that means you’re in charge of the when and the where. You’ve already compromised on having sex twice a week, which is your low-end preference and double his preference (so you got the better end of that deal), and now all you gotta do is initiate sex on different days, at different times, and in different places. Easy-peasy. Now for the non-obvious answer, BANAL: You need to listen to what your boyfriend is telling yo onoga y is diffic lt or e eryone, not just your boyfriend, t so e people find it ore diffic lt than others nd as ing so eone who finds onoga y e tre ely diffic lt to a e a onogamous commitment … yeah, that’s not a great plan. This isn’t entirely on you; someone whose libido tanks when they’re in a monogamous relationship and/ or someone who’s way more interested in sex when they’re free to sleep around shouldn’t be making monogamous commitments. Or not making them yet. Monogamy might not be right for your boyfriend at the moment, BANAL, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be right for him ever. Just like sex you have to schedule might not be right for you now, while in your mid-twenties, but that doesn’t mean scheduled/routine/maintenance sex won’t be right for you ever. mail@savagelove.net @FakeDanSavage on Twitter www.savagelovecast.com

MARCH 17-23, 2021

RIVERFRONT TIMES

MARCH 17-23, 2021

riverfronttimes.com

MARCH 17-23, 2021

RIVERFRONT TIMES

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Riverfront Times, March 16, 2021

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