A new voice to listen to!

When you were a kid, so many people commented on who you were and what you should be doing that their words undoubtedly affected how you viewed yourself then - and even now.

Maybe your big brother told you to “toughen up kid; you’re too sensitive.” Or, kids in school called you “a ditz.” Or, your mom’s criticisms kept reminding you that “you weren’t good enough.” Or, your dad constantly reminded you how “lazy” you were. Could those voices from many years ago still echo in your mind?

Yes, messages from another era can have sufficient staying power to undermine your self-worth, drowning out the positive voices you hear today. It’s likely that for each person who thought you were too sensitive then, there could be twice as many now who appreciate your smile to your face - the ones that are valid in today’s context. Consider that for every aphorism, another one asserts the opposite. Which one is right?

■ “A stitch in time saves nine” or “Haste makes waste?”

■ “Opposites attract” or “Birds of a feather flock together?”

These contradictory aphorisms may both be good advice - depending on the context. The same holds true for comments people make about you. For this reason, make sure that the voice you listen to is helpful at this time, in this context. that offer ner. “Try not to rush your words. Take your time, slow down, and it’ll be easier for people to understand what you’re saying.”

It’s also important to discover your own voice. When Eva’s mom said, “Don’t waste your money going to college; it’s too expensive and not that important for girls,” Eva instantly knew that she had to go.

Once you free yourself from early childhood messages, your own voice emerges. You acknowledge that the other person’s way is not your way.

Yes, I know, it’s not easy to make a negative voice disappear just by wishing it away. In fact, the more you wish something isn’t there, the more you reinforce its presence, making it the elephant in the room. Hence, if you’re struggling with letting go of a negative voice, give credence to a positive person’s voice. Let’s do a simple exercise to reinforce this idea:

1. Write down the name of a person you look up to.

2. Write down what you hear him/ her saying to you.

3. Tell yourself why these words are important to you.

4. Now make those words your own. Say them to yourself whenever you need reassurance.

Congratulations, now you’re on track to letting go of messages that inhibit your growth and undermine your selfconfidence. You’ve replaced them with messages that stimulate your growth and build your self-confidence. How fantastic that feels!!!

©2023

Linda Sapadin, Ph.D., psychologist, coach and author specializes in helping people improve their relationships, enhance their lives and overcome procrastination and fear. Contact her at DrSapadin@aol.com. Visit her website at www.PsychWisdom. com.