Pepper Box April Fools 2023

Pepper Box April Fools Edition

April 1, 2023

PEPPER BOX STAFF

Visual EIC: Danielle Haynes Content EIC: Chloe Sapp Production EIC: Jennifer Huerta Lopez Online Editor: Leanna Duncan Opinion and A&E Editor: Tori Pratt Social Media Manager: Julia Lohnes News and Spotlight Editor: Caroline Groceman Special Edition and Sports Editor: Layla Fouche Adviser: Ron Steinschriber Staff Members: Evelyn Araiza Garcia, Mya Cates, Elizabeth Dobbs, Billie Ford, Caden Gaither, Jaden Gavin, Peyton House, Zoha Iqbal, Jack Jamison, Kaylee Jorke, Allison Madrid, Jordan Matthes, Kya Merriman, David Moore, Amareona Muhammad, Mariam Neeb, Alivia Pearia, Skylar Powers, Amanda Salazar-DeLoyola, Margaret Susovica, Ashlin Thomas, Hallie Thornburgh, Klayton Wilkinson, Koby Wilkinson, Virginia Williams

Editorial Policy: The Pepper Box is designed and created by members of the newspaper staff of Ritenour High School. However, this is not the Pepper Box, it is an April Fool’s issue. The purpose of the newspaper is to provide a forum for the students to focus on issues, give opinions, and share information with the Ritenour High School community. Except in this issue, we are literally doing the opposite of that. The opinions expressed in this paper do not reflect opinions of our faculty or administration. I would hope not!

Comics by Klayton Wilkinson

She’s the one who started the fire It was always burning, since the world has been turning Written by: Hallie Thornburgh One of Ritenour’s culinary teachers, Beth Seibold, has been working here for 13 years.

She monitors her students and refrains from having any dangerous situations igniting, all while teaching her curriculum well. Her student, Hailey Ebert, described her as “bubbly” and another student, Kailey Olson, said, “she is super nice”. They both agreed that Seibold is a caring teacher that would “help anyone in a heartbeat”.

In her time working, only one student has gotten a cut and she nearly passed out. The blood was too much for her to handle and wasn’t a pleasurable sight to see.

However, fires are a lot different than blood.

There has been a recent trend the past few months where students had to gather outside in their teachers’ respective places, in order to get a headcount to make sure everyone made it out of the building. The fire alarm has gone off several times in the past two or three months when it typically only goes off for assigned drills throughout the school year.

The assumed cause was either students pulling the fire alarm to get out of class or electrical malfunctions. Although, in a more recent event, bypassers walked past the culinary lab feeling an extreme wave of heat, as well as spotting Seibold by one of the ovens. Olson was one of the students and she watched Seibold a bit more closely.

“All the ovens and some stoves were turned on and she kind of

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Photo by: Hallie Thornburgh Culinary Arts teacher Beth Seibold stares at the mesmerizing flame in her classroom.

looked like she was making some sort of concoction, it was weird,” said Olson.

When everyone went back into their classrooms that day, Seibold was in her own class, no ovens were on, and everything in the lab was spotless. Olson took it upon herself to report what she had seen and that’s when Seibold got questioned.

At first, Seibold attempted to play it off.

“We didn’t turn the ovens off because we were using them every hour,” Siebold said.

There was further questioning about the stoves being on and why everything was suddenly turned off. It led to Seibold admitting that she was a pyromaniac, purposely wanting to start a fire.

“Look, everything was on because I love seeing the fire blaze,” Siebold said. “The only problem was I didn’t have a chance to leave the lab quick enough this time.”

Staff found out that this wasn’t her first time turning on all of the stoves and ovens. She said she “felt guilty,” and she confirmed, “I’m the problem, it’s me.”

The board was shocked at the discovery and the state of Seibold’s position at Ritenour High School is to be determined.

Killer Queen 4 Written by: Billie Ford

Authorities arrived at the scene of students barricaded in the auditorium hiding from the former Queen Elizabeth.

Several eyewitnesses accounted that, during third lunch, screaming and loud thuds were heard from the cafeteria.

Then, students saw little doggy arms breaking through the boarded doors on the far end of the cafeteria. The Queen has the high school surrounded by many flesh-eating corgis who have been made plump by the tender juices and flesh of the Ritenour

youth. The few who had made it on the outside of the building met a gruesome and graphic demise; they can only be identified by their pristine dental remains which were being heavily guarded by the rabid and crazed canines.

Authorities were unable to penetrate the thick mass of corgi bodies to enter the school and save the students and staff trapped in the auditorium. Waiting outside in the parking lot, SWAT teams, bomb squads, and terrorist negotiators set up camp while trying to figure out how to save these young victims, but there was luck.

Photo created by mage.space The queen poses for an official portrait with her army of bloodthirst corgis. These were the dogs that helped her attack the high school as she returned from the grave.

Unable to contact or reach the leader of this attack on the school, authorities were left confused as to why this was happening a normal suburban St. Louis high school. Desperate for answers, there was only one thing left to do.

The authorities decided to send someone in to negotiate.

There was clearly only one choice to who the negotiator will be; Ritenour student Robert Chamberlain, who just happened to be late to school that day and was not trapped in the building.

There was a unanimous decision to put the eager and reckless boy on the line. Chamberlain was interviewed and asked how he felt about being Ritenour’s “last hope”.

“It feels natural because I’m pretty much a natural born representation of Ritenour’s core values,” Chamberlain said.

Several hours later the authorities devised a plan.

Chamberlain was strapped to a rope dangling from a helicopter and lowered onto the roof of the high school, where he entered through a door leading from the roof to the upper balcony above the lower lobby, right next to the auditorium. Duct taped to his chest was rows of bacon to grab the attention of the targets. Once inside, he radioed back, giving a detailed account of the goingson inside of the building. After lowering Chamberlain into the building, the authorities, parents, and community waited with bated breath for any sign over the walkie-talkie.

But, something went amiss.

Several minutes passed and Chamberlain had yet to

Returning from the grave, the queen rampages through Ritenour, mauling young students communicate. Until they heard a crackle over the walkie-talkie, but it was not Chamberlain. It was an evil voice with a British accent that people immediately recognized as the voice of the recently departed, Queen Elizabeth.

“Here are my demands” she said. “I want the dental care I was promised before I kicked the bucket for my precious corgis. I also want one of those amazing American hot dogs I’ve been hearing about pronto or I sacrifice the boy you sent in as delectable bait.”

Of course the authorities responded with “absolutely not.”

That decision set off an extremely distressing chain of events, which started with the Queen being enraged by the rejection of her insane demands. She was so enraged that after dragging Chamberlain outside the building and body slamming him into the mass of flesh-eating corgis, she proceeded to scream like a banshee while scaling up the side of the building onto the roof like a spider monkey, reached into her handbag and chucked a hand grenade off the roof, causing a massive explosion demolishing the Radio Room. An ear splitting mournful wail was let out across the parking lot as media teacher Jane Bannester fell to her knees sobbing and hyperventilating.

Unfortunately, because of the bacon strapped to Chamberlain’s body, the corgis immediately tried to maul him, but he was not going down without a fight. By drop kicking the tiny canine bodies and upper-cutting them in their snouts, Chamberlain was able

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to fight his way free.

But, as he emerged, he was clutching his eye screaming, “AHHHH MY EYEBALL MY EYEBALL!!!” His eyeball had been scratched out by one of the bloodthirsty corgis.

Fueled with inhuman rage, Chamberlain let out a celtic battle cry, ran up the side of the building, hopped on top of the roof and ripped a pipe up, sending it sailing through the air right at the Queen, Photo created by mage.space effectively yeeting her into the sun. The Queen Elizabeth’s zombie form stares at herself in her special corgi mirror that she had created before she died. corgis immediately were assailed by grief and broke down into decided to not rebuild the radio depressed heaps on the concrete, room, ceasing the existence of where they were locked in doggy KRHS forever. Bannester then chains and filed one by one into resigned her position as a teacher armored animal control cars. at Ritenour High School. She The authorities and the parents currently stays at home, hoarding in the crowd gathered outside the salvaged KRHS memorabilia immediately erupted into applause, and crocheting granny squares for screaming “ROBBIE ROBBIE!!” He her cats. was dubbed the hero of Ritenour.

Other teachers were also After being wheeled off to the interviewed about how they felt hospital, Chamberlain received a about the situation, like German hero metal and an eye patch. From teacher Daniel Jones. now until the end of time, he will ” YA by predpochel, chtoby forever be known as “One-Eyed detey s”yeli bigli, a ne corgis,” Rob: The Zombie Queen Slayer”.

Jones said.

After the catastrophe, This roughly translates to “I Bannester was interviewed on would have preferred the children how she felt about her beloved be eaten by beagles instead of radio room being decimated. corgis.” He also is no longer “I just wish they took me with working at Ritenour High School. it. Bury me under the rubble,” Let’s hope and will a full recovery Bannester said. to the recovering victims of this After Bannester’s disturbing horrible incident. comments, the school board

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We’re not in Kansas anymore

Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?

Written by: Kya Merriman Ritenour High School Child Development teacher Jennifer Wilson has recently been accused of using magic powers to turn her students into the simulation dolls used in class.

Wilson admits to transforming students into plastic babies for her Child Development classes to use.

When asked what her reasoning was behind this malice, she had a simple response.

“They were bad,” Wilson said.

“They flick boogers at me and sometimes they don’t do their work.”

Students report seeing Wilson transform students after school in her classroom. Students Ava Verhoff and Cherie Brian have come forward to divulge their personal experiences and encounters with Wilson.

“I stayed after school to get help from another teacher and

I saw her shoving some kid in a box,” Brian said.

Brian has developed a fear of Wilson as a direct result of this experience.

“When I walk into her room I break into a cold sweat,” Brian said.

Junior, Ava Verhoff, has also witnessed these transformations.

“I was trying to turn in a permission slip and saw her using magic and her nose to change a kid into a baby,” Verhoff said.

Wilson has selected other students to help her in these tasks. Their contributions are not fully clear but it is believed that the students are used to help conceal the acts. Verhoff decided to join Wilson.

“I’m not scared of her because I help her,” Verhoff said.

According to Verhoff, Wilson allows students to use the bathroom pass/extra credit punch cards to choose students to turn

Photo by: Kya Merriman Sophomore Kalen Connor is about to suffer the consequences of his actions in Jennifer Wilson’s class. Wilson has been discovered to be turning students into her plastic doll babies.

into simulation babies. Wilson targets students who behave and or perform “poorly” in her class.

Many Ritenour students with bad behavior reputations have gone missing recently and Wilson and her goons are the main suspects.

Brian is scared of becoming a victim due to her performance in the class.

“Recently my grade has dropped to a C, so I’m pretty sure I’m next,” Brian said.

Wilson allows students to bring her bribes in the form of apples to avoid punishment.

“I think we’re too soft on kids who don’t bring apples to their teachers,” Wilson said.

Wilson feels no remorse for her actions and sees it as fair discipline.

“They should be bringing me apples and doing their work,” Wilson said.

On top of performing magic through her nose and her wand, Wilson has revealed that she is immortal and has been a child development teacher for 80 or 90 years. She learned the skill of turning people into babies through her own experience in high school child development courses back in the 1900’s.

“It was a part of the curriculum back then, I guess they just don’t do it anymore,” Wilson said.

She has decided to bring back the art of transfiguration and get even more Ritenour students involved as well.

In the case of being caught by authorities, Wilson plans to turn herself into a simulation baby or disguise herself as a student to avoid any possible consequences.

Fish are friends,, not food Sharkbait, ooh ha ha Written by: Mariam Neeb Starting next school year, a new marine biology class will come to Ritenour with the addition of a giant aquatic tank in the cafeteria.

A new teacher is also joining the staff population. Brian Aguado is a shark researcher from Sea Shepherd Conservation Society in Washington. He has spent five years living on the southeastern coast of America studying various sharks in the area. He has particularly been tracking one female great white shark, named Maybelle, as she swims in the Atlantic ocean throughout the year.

When he learned of the new job, with continued access to sharks, Aguado decided to take a break and continue his career through education.

“I want to help others experience the same knowledge that I have been taught.”

To coordinate with the new class, a giant aquarium will be installed in the center of the cafeteria. With the canopy, or top of the aquarium, reaching to the ceiling and a new class room situated on the roof, the giant tank will be a new home for many marine animals, including an advanced learning space for marine-biology students. The aquarium will be 32 feet tall and 12 foot circumference, giving the fish and other creatures plenty of space to live freely while also giving students enough room to eat and mingle comfortably.

The school will provide all of the safe necessities needed for marine education. Students will have roof access to the aquarium

canopy as part of the class to feed, clean and take care of the mini marine ecosystem. Many different types of creatures will call the Ritenour cafeteria their home, including various types of reef fish, crabs, eels, an octopus and even a reef shark. It will be an interesting experience to watch the animals swim around while students eat their food.

There will be temperature regulators inside the tank to ensure the animals won’t get too hot or too cold. And Mr. Aguado will check in on the tank regularly to make sure the habitat is thriving smoothly.

Admin have been discussing having something put into the middle of the cafeteria with it feeling open and empty. They sent the idea of the new learning space to the school board and ultimately got permission to start the installation. The construction of the aquarium will begin as soon as the school year is over in May 2023 and will most likely

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continue into the next school year.

If so, students will eat breakfast and lunch in the upper and lower lobby and possibly in classrooms if needed.

Many students are delighted with the idea of new learning opportunities.

“I think its so cool and I can’t wait to dive into the new year with the new tank,” junior Elizabeth Weissler said.

Not many high schools offer a class for such a specific field of study, so the addition of this class will give students a jump-start into their marine-biology career without having to pay any extra money for college classes.

“I think I’d take the class. It seems like fun,” says Senior Roi Mundin. “I would love to take care of the aquarium.”

Mundin also shared his thoughts about the new teacher.

“The new teacher is scary and intimidating, but he’s cool and nice.

But he does have a fishy smell,” Mundin said.

Photo Illustration by Ron Steinschriber.

Photos courtesy of Ritenour School District and Wikimedia An artist’s rendering of the new cafeteria with the aquarium set to appear in the middle.

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Written by:Allison Madrid

Smooth like butter Hernton goes Dynamite

Blake Hernton, Ritenour High School’s orchestra teacher of two years, has decided to quit and become a part of world renowned Male K-pop group, BTS. Hernton decided to give some information about how he was scouted by BTS’s manager.

“They found my music, and decided to collab with me. Their oldest member had to leave to go to the military, but they didn’t want to leave a hole in in the group.

So they came to me,” Hernton said.

BTS is known for it’s diverse music genres with their sound ranging from “radio pop” to “oldtime rap,” so when they came across Mr. Hernton’s music that had a blend of both classical music and modern beats, they thought the fusion would be

a perfect fit for their music style.

“I contribute a level of artistry, culture, and someone who is beloved by both their fans and my fans,” Hernton said.

When asked how Hernton deals with mega-fans bombarding him while he’s out and about, Hernton said he has just learned to embrace it.

“I try to just relax and take it all in. And I like to thank the fans for their immense level of support everytime they come out to adore me,” Hernton said.

Undoubtedly, making the switch from Orchestra teacher to K-Pop mega idol was a tough decision to make, so Hernton had to spend a lot of time thinking about it.

“The decision was quite difficult because they were very big shoes to fill,” Hernton said.

If you take a look at how the

orchestra students vs students that are not in orchestra are taking the sudden change, the responses are drastically different.

Orchestra student Cailin Wooten has bittersweet feelings.

“I’m very devastated that he’s leaving us, but I am happy that he’s following his dreams. If, for him, being a K-Pop idol means happiness, then I am one-hundred percent for it. I’ll always support his group,” Wooten said.

However, when Robert Chamberlain - a student unrelated to orchestra - was asked how he felt about Hernton’s decision, the response was a bit different.

“Bro, I’m so excited, like I’m literally going to make a bunch of fancams for him and run my own Mr. Hernton fan page. Basically, I’m going to listen to all of his music and be part of the Mr. H Army.”

(Army is the name of the fans that support BTS.) Chamberlain also mentioned how he was going to “make edits” of Hernton and, “Get another poster of Mr. H,” since he “already has one.”

Hernton has already been officially announced as part of the new BTS lineup by their company HYBE Corporation via a social media post, but he won’t be leaving the Ritenour music group until the end of the 2022-2023 school year.

There is currently a search for a new Ritenour Photo Illustration by Ron Steinschriber. orchestra director.

Photos by: Allison Madrid and Stephen Lavoie via Creative Commons Hernton has already started performing with the K-Pop group ahead of his full time post in the band.

NEW SOCIAL MEDIA SITE New Ritenour Social Media service allows for “truth” Written by: Jack Jamison After the sudden outbreak of “exposed” pages on Instagram last year, the Ritenour School District realized that the students needed a new platform to share their thoughts about the school.

After several months of development the district has finally announced the release of their new school based social media application.

Ritweet is a social media not too dissimilar to Twitter; however, it is heavily moderated and accounts are only granted to students above the age of 16. The social media plans to provide a platform for students to discuss their classes and different schools events in a safe, sanitized way.

The change was made in response to constant complaints from teachers about students using social media in class, disrupting the learning environment.

The school hopes that with its own social media that students will stray away from sites with more disruptive content.

Currently the website has just been released and user accounts are limited. Students who already have gained access to the app have a lot to say.

“It’s terrible, they’re censoring my freedom of speech and freedom of expression about Ritenour,” junior Robert Chamberlain said.

The Game Changers club has been chosen to help moderate the site due to their expertise in social justice issues.

Ron Steinschriber, an English

teacher and sponsor of the club, gave some details about the site’s first few days and how the group prepared to moderate the new website.

“We looked at other social media sites and analyzed every terrible comment we saw, and we had groups of what sort of bad comments we would allow and which ones we would remove,” stated the group sponsor.

For best efficiency and accuracy in filtering posts, the moderators have been split into groups based on their area of expertise.

“Yes, we have a misogyny category, a homophobia group, just a general language group, a troll group, and a weird photos of dogs group.” said Steinschriber.

Luckily for Steinschriber and the group, no posts have needed to be deleted yet.

“Shockingly we’ve not found any posts that need to be deleted, everybody at Ritenour just loves the school so much that they don’t want to post anything bad.”

The school itself has been sharing various

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screenshots of the success of their new website and sharing it all over. They are continuing to point out how amazing the site is and how everyone shows support for their school on it.

Many of the posts on the website however, seem to repeat themselves occasionally.

“I love Ritenour, I have learned so much here, and yes I am a real high school student at Ritenour.” was suspiciously posted more than ten times on the site.

If you would like access please contact realritenouremail@

Photo Illustration by Jack Jamison

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This district Aint big enough for the both of us

Written by: Alivia Pearia 13 years ago, when English teacher Ronald Steinschriber first began teaching at Ritenour High School, he entered with the nickname he went by in college, “Stein.”

“I used to keep a list of all of my favorite mispronunciations of my name throughout the years.

My favorite was Mr. Skyscraper. In college it was lovingly shortened to Stein, and it has remained to this day,” Steinschriber said.

It was then that he heard the ancient Ritenour prophecy that he thought was referencing him.

“In the school of Ritenour, where the one called Jones stalks the halls. There will be one Stein to rule them all.”

But that all changed when a new teacher by the name of Christopher Stein showed up as a history teacher. Not wanting

Fight for the right to Stein to lose the title of the true Stein, Steinschriber challenged this imposter to a battle of the Steins.

When this challenge was brought to Stein’s attention, he had something to say.

“I think I can fight anybody, but whether or not I win is up to the hands that are thrown,” Stein said.

When told about his opponent’s special move, The Dreidel Kick™, Stein laughed at this revelation and shared his skills.

“Not only did I box in college, but I was also a soccer player, which means I can break legs,” Stein said. “We’ll see if [Steinschriber] will bust out his Dreidel Kick™.”

Steinschriber remained unconcerned, and believes that what he lacks in physical fighting ability, he fully makes up for in other areas.

“What makes me better is that, I’m the original, I’m taller, I’m not encumbered by facial hair, and I actually teach a class that matters

Photo by: Hallie Thornburgh Social Studies teacher Chris Stein and English teacher Ron Steinschriber stare each other down before the official battle of the Steins. They are battling for the rule of Ritenour.

to students’ lives,” Steinschriber said.

Stein countered with the fact that the name Stein means stone in German, and that by default, that made him stronger than Steinschriber.

“My name actually means stone writer, this means I’m in control of all stones,’ Steinschriber said. “The fact that he’s just a stone means I have control.”

To get an insight of how those around the school are taking this matter, (mainly how it will affect students and learning) long-time Ritenour Husky Grayson Berry shared his thoughts on the matter.

“In the matter of the Steinschriber v. Stein, Mr. Stein would win for sure,” Berry said.

He paused for a moment to choose his next word carefully.

“He looks like a lumberjack, have you seen his arms?” Berry said.

With an extremely serious look he relays these words of caution.

“You can take his kindness for weakness,” Berry said.

A battle of wits and brawn was held to determine the true holder of the title of Stein. Both of the champions emerged from the dust, faces unreadable as to who won.

Some pick who they thought would win, others say that the prophecy was a hoax. There are whispers in the halls of a secret council deciding a victor and then making both parties swear an oath, not to be shared with others. In fear of destroying the balance within the school, this might just be another secret lost in the empty halls and dark corners.

Mrs. Tripp, the science chick Chemistry teacher Rachael Tripp discovered a new substance Written by: Amareona Muhammad Ritenour High School students are suffering the results of a newly discovered element.

On Dec. 14, 2022, Ritenour staff were informed of a new element being tested in the school’s chemistry lab by the chemistry teacher Rachael Tripp.

Tripp stated that she had been cleaning out her newly moved classroom when she moved a few boxes and found a mysterious vial. Of course, as any responsible chemistry teacher would do, she picked up the vial and decided to

run some tests on it.

This mystery vial proved to be highly reactive to other substances, but just testing on other chemicals and compounds was not enough. She needed human test subjects.

Tripp said that she initially targeted only students who would give consent, but others joined in with some incentives.

“I choose them mostly through volunteer work, but there have been some students who have been really bugging me about extra credit work.”

Unfortunately, there seem

Photo by: Amareona Muhammad Science teacher Rachael Tripp is shown working with her new substance in the lab. There have been conflicting reports of its effects on humans after the initial experiments.

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to be some contradicting views concerning Tripp’s selection process.

“I didn’t ask for it. It’s against my will,” junior Robert Chamberlain explained.

When asked to recount the mental and physical effects of the testing, Chamberlain recounted that his depression was cured.

“Instead of crying myself to sleep in a bad way, now I cry myself to sleep in a good way,” Chamberlain said.

He also stated that he has developed an allergy to cucumbers, but he will continue to eat them.

Another student, Senior Enrique Castillo, was questioned as another test subject. He said the effects this substance had on him has changed his views on his science teacher.

“I am very wary of that woman.

I no longer trust her and her ideals, she is a crazed woman.

Ever since she tested that new element on me, I get nauseous whenever I see the color green, and my skin sheds off every night.

Sometimes it feels as if there is another entity controlling my body and I cannot move or think for myself,” Castillo said.

According to Tripp, these symptoms do not exist, or her students simply have not told her about them.

This element is still in the works of being tested so it is unclear what effects it causes.

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ONCE AGAIN, GOING 3 FOR 3

ON THE TOP OF THE PYRAMID

Written by: Skylar Powers During the 2022-23 school year, Ritenour’s KRHSmedia has had to start filming a reality series similar to that of “Dance Moms” due to their following dropping drastically in the recent months.

Maggie and Jane Bannester both love “Dance Moms” and this has led to the creation of “Ritenour Moms.”

“We thought it would be a good fit for a new activity at school that the KRHSmedia department could work on in class to film,” Jane Bannester said.

However, star of the team, Maggie Bannester, saw this start from a different viewpoint.

“Ms. Bannester (my mom) saw all of the tryhards and wannabes in the school and wanted to give them a chance to dance with such an amazing star like me,” Maggie Bannester stated.

The series “Ritenour Moms” follows dancers Maggie Bannester, Charli Holmes, and Jayden Bock being coached by Jane Bannester in all things dance.

Holmes learned about the series as a way of Jane Bannester spotlighting her and her teammates.

“Miss Bannester saw the talent around the school and wanted to highlight us while having fun with

it,” Holmes shared.

Early on in the show is when core memories are made for many of the cast members.

“Seeing students like Charli Holmes psych out the competition or Jayden Bock break down in tears, you could see the possibilities for real cat fights and drama. Now let’s see if they can dance,” Jane Bannester said.

While there is plenty of drama between dancers, they spend so much time together that they are bound to have strong feelings about one another.

“My most impactful memory was getting to work with THE Charli Holmes, she is hands down one of the best dancers I’ve ever met,” Bock said.

The most memorable part for any viewer of the show is the amount of drama.

Maggie Bannester shared one specific instance while at a Pattonville competition she broke her femur and couldn’t dance.

Jane Bannester then pulled their dances from the competition entirely.

“All of the dancers were mad and tried to jump my mom. So my mom fought 20 teenage girls and won,” Maggie Bannester said.

Regarding this instance, Bock shared how they “all want to get that Maddie spotlight, but Maggie

gets the upperhand with her mom being the coach”.

Along with the drama, the iconic pyramid which includes the dancers’ placements is also one of the most standout parts of the Ritenour Moms series.

These placements are often very controversial among the performers.

“The typical pyramid placements is Maggie at the top, and me wrongfully second to her,” Holmes said.

Many of the dancers and viewers of the show have expressed how harsh they see Bannester as.

“If they can’t take it then that’s on them,” Jane Bannester said.

Photo by: Chloe Sapp The promotional poster put out by KRHS for their new series, “Ritenour Moms.”

She wants to be where the people are

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Wanderin’ free, wish she could be, part of our world Written by: Elizabeth Dobbs The mermaid has been captured!

After her long reign of terror, the monster was finally unmasked as Jennifer Wakefield. In the eyes of many, she was the obvious perpetrator. Wakefield is a health and aquatics teacher here at Ritenour, not only that, but she is also the head coach of the boys swim team as well as the assistant coach for the girls swim team.

There are many rules that Wakefield has for her pool deck; some are stranger than others, but nevertheless, they are her rules.

In her time at Ritenour, no student has ever drowned. Considering Wakefield watches the pool hawk-

eyed, no students will be drowning in the foreseeable future either.

When the girls swim season had just begun to pick up, so had the weird occurrences surrounding the pool. Of course, it would be easy to blame the odd happenings on the swimmers, but those girls are only in the pool for a span of two hours a day, certainly not enough time to wreak havoc.

Wakefield’s counterpart, Andrea Rivera, also had some things to say about ongoing speculations.

“Wakefield is always consuming a special drink to boost her workout. It looks like a normal V8 energy or sometimes Celsius, but it seems to change something about her when she gets in the water,” Rivera said.

Photo Illustration by Ron Steinschriber.

Photos by Elizabeth Dobbs and Wikimedia Research uncovered this photo of Jennifer Wakefield as a mermaid in her personal effects.

In an attempt to gather more information regarding these strange events, the school turned to Social Studies teacher Zach Buxman. Every year he participates in the e-boat races, an event that requires students to build a boat, then race it across the pool. When being interviewed about the occurrences, Buxman became pale.

“I almost had to reschedule the e-boat races last year because of it,” Buxman said.

Buxman also stated that when he would be setting up for the races, he would notice strange things happening when it was just him on the pool deck.

“When I was in the pool, I felt something brush my leg and I saw a blur quickly swim away from me, followed by an awful shriek,” Buxman said.

Senior Jayden Bock is a returner to the boat races year after year. When asked if there were any strange things she could have witnessed, she immediately spoke up.

“Wakefield never lets water touch her while she is standing outside of the pool. She stands very far away from us while we are in the pool,” Bock said.

As shocking as it is extraordinary, she has hidden it well and does not seem to impose any real threat to the students or staffs safety. The Ritenour Board of Education has yet to make a decision on whether or not they will be letting Wakefield go.

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GUYS, WE’RE EATING JUNK AND WATCHING RUBBISh

Written by: Margaret Susovica All of the quiet rumors surrounding Ritenour teachers’ overnight stay were confirmed as junior Zoha Iqbal entered an unexplainable sleeping scene.

On a quiet night, a Ritenour High School student planned to sneak in to quickly collect her uncomplete sculpture left behind.

If sneaking in wasn’t rule breaking enough, she entered the third level art room to see a number of teachers slumbered away.

“I left my sculpture project in Kennedy’s classroom and I opened the cabinet to find him as if he was lying as a coffin,” Iqbal said.

Explaining the mass amount of teachers in one room could simply be justified as them having a fun sleepover, but seeing many bags and toiletries spread around the room shows this is a more regular occurrence.

“I saw at least 20 teachers all in one classroom, some were even sleeping on the tables. I was so spooked because they were all in sleeping bags and they were wearing monkey pajamas,” Iqbal said.

Now knowing that this secret was revealed by Iqbal, she has to adjust to this fragile relationship with anyone she saw on this revealing night.

“Its a little embarrassing looking at them because they all give me these really weird stares and they’re scared I’m going to tell somebody” Iqbal said.

When speaking with the social studies teacher Katie Davis, she confirmed to there being a group of teachers coming together on

TEACHER LOCK IN...FOREVEr

nights in Kennedy’s spacious room.

“I like to join the sleepovers in Mr. Kennedy’s room,” Davis said.

During Davis’ normal nightly routines, she has find it to be difficult with freezing temperatures and not many resources available.

“I have a cot under my desk for when I don’t have the willpower to leave. I use my student’s turnedin work as a blanket to keep me warm. Sadly I’ve been quite cold lately…” Davis said.

There has been struggle in some early teachers, as hiding behind the kindness and punctuality, there is more reason for needing to stay in the school at night.

“I have been sleeping at school since I was a student teacher because I didn’t have an access card and I like to be here by 7:00am,” revealed Davis.

When asking the main culprit of the scandal, Kennedy confidently and comfortably believes this is his forever home as it always has

and will be.

“The space is livable because of the energy that was created by multiple realities coming together.

The school was built at the confluence of three realities, this seemed like the best palace at the particular “space/time” to “move in,” Kennedy said.

Kennedy revealed the enormous amount of time he has been here.

“The secret has been kept for multiple millennia, the whole area is my home not just the school.”

The confidence Kennedy inputs with getting away forever sleeping at Ritenour High School, as he mentions, “I will truly never be caught.”

There will always be more secrets to reveal from this interesting school. With an ominous thought, Kennedy left the interview.

“I am sorry, but unfortunately you, the reader, can only perceive part of the story, sadly you will never fully grasp the whole story,” Kennedy said.

Photo by: Kaylee Jorke Art teacher Paul Kennedy is found sleeping on his tables after school. Kennedy believes that he is the sole owner of the school, and has allowed other co-workers to have sleepovers.

A fairly odd uniform change

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Look at the band, twerp Written by: Virginia Williams The Ritenour marching band is undergoing a lot of changes next year, as current electronic guitar teacher Emma Kanerva will be taking over the band when Hadley Haux retires.

Kanerva is planning to bring a lot of new ideas to the band, but some band members are unsure about her taking over as band director after they heard she was changing the colors of their uniforms to lime green and hot pink.

Kanerva has flipped the marching band on their heads with her new decisions. She’s making a statement with these new colors, but not everyone agrees with her.

Some people are considering leaving marching band to save themselves from embarrassment.

They are also worried about how McDaniel (McD) will react and if he’s okay with all the changes.

Underclassmen will have these new uniforms by their senior year.

They aren’t convinced the new colors are a good thing.

“Other schools will think we are weird or out of place for not matching the football team anymore,” sophomore Brandon Harvey said. “But I guess we’ll have to see how the band reacts to it.”

Sophomore Ronald Johnson is also unsure, but he trusts Kanerva after getting to know her this year.

“I feel like it isn’t right to change the colors, they should be orange and black, but it might go well depending on how accepting the

band is of Kanerva’s decisions,” Johnson said.

Current juniors and seniors will not be here for the new uniforms but the current sophomores and freshmen will. The current upperclassmen do not feel much empathy for underclassmen.

“It doesn’t affect me so I don’t really care, but I am curious to see them,” junior Braden Alanis said.

“McD would probably want to keep it original, but he also might not care since he doesn’t have to wear them either.”

Junior Ayden Simino believes a change is in order, but is still trying to figure out what the green and pink are going to look like.

“I’m glad they are changing, because the current ones suck.”

Simino said. “I don’t know how to feel about the green and pink.”

With Kanerva stepping up and having to fill some big shoes, she feels that the uniform color change is the best way to go.

Kanerva chose these colors very carefully. She wants the band to stand out and look good. She chose the bright contrasting colors to draw that attention, so people notice the band more on the field and in events.

“I really feel like I need to make a statement and make my mark, especially after coming in after Mr. Haux who’s been here for 30 years. I really need to stand out.”

Kanerva said. “I think Mr. McDaniel will (back me up), he’s been very supportive of everything so far.”

Photo by: Chloe Sapp Freshman Gabriella Kuhn tries out the new pink and lime green colored uniforms that were chosen by new band director Emma Kanerva. Kanerva wanted to make a bold statement as she took over the band, and hopes that it sets her group apart for years to come.

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Written: by Evelyn Araiza Garcia New bathroom monitors are being sent into all bathrooms across the school and people have mixed feelings about them.

There have been repercussions taken in the past such as hall sweeps and bathroom locking, but they have not been effective enough in stopping the issues happening in the bathrooms. Many complaints from students and staff led to a meeting in which the idea of having a monitor in the bathrooms at all times in order to enforce proper usage of the bathroom was formed.

In addition to controlling the traffic in and out of the bathrooms, the new monitors will also keep an eye on cleanliness, and even offer patrons amenities such as fresh hand towels and mints.

“That’s ridiculous bro… I get a

They will be there on the double Potty Patrol, they are on a roll

little shy when I’m in the bathroom so if there is another student trying to interact with me in the bathroom, it’s going to make things harder,” junior Robert Chamberlain said.

While many might see this as an inconvenience, there are people who see this as a positive thing.

“Honestly I like the idea because I’m tryna go use the restroom in peace. I don’t want there to be a party in the bathroom,” freshman Christina Vo said.

Students are going to be able to take their place for volunteer hours for the A+ program, as well as for Leadership and NHS volunteer hours.

“If they want to, but like, who would willingly want to do that,” junior Luis Alvarado said. “If the person is friends with other students in the bathroom then they

can let them do whatever”.

The school is exercising their full efforts in order to make this new rule a positive change for the school, making the bathrooms a five star experience for those using it correctly. Chamberlain believes it will just force students to find a new place to escape, and may even force some students to avoid the bathrooms altogether.

“This won’t personally benefit me. It’s going to make people either not go to the bathrooms, which is going to cause restlessness or it’s going to force people to become more innovative with how they get away with things,” Chamberlain said. “Maybe I’ll just wait until I get home,” Chamberlain said.

Photo by Chloe Sapp Some of the bathrooms have already started construction to add new features, such as the amenity station, the hot towel bar, and the bathroom monitor post. This will ensure the safety and enjoyment of all patrons and bathroom monitors.

The rainbow ends in 333 Mueller's magically suspicious

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Written by: Ashlin Thomas Dan Mueller, who is not located under a rainbow, but in room 333, is one of the many biology teachers and only botany teacher at Ritenour.

Some of Mueller’s students have given some promising evidence of his existence as a leprechaun. Junior Max Beaird pointed to one obvious clue in Mueller’s classroom “The Lucky Charms box in his room is proof,” Beaird said.

Junior Chris Johnson noted that Mueller had a very odd habit, and that it is probably explained by his leprechaun heritage.

“He is one of those leprechauns who like, straight up comes up to you, pinches you, and then runs away,” Johnson said.

Senior Acacia Helton started to get suspicious about Mueller when she noticed that he always sat on his stool in the classroom, a common trait of leprechauns who sit on stools underneath bridges.

She has also seen some crazy things that Mueller has done.

“Mr. Mueller has the powers to make rays of light shoot out of his palm to make his plants grow,” Helton said. “He always has plants growing in his room, and they always stay alive.”

While all of the accusations were flying about Mueller, his secret identity was seemingly unveiled on Monday, March 13th at 2:04 p.m. Mueller was spotted in the teachers lounge in action, going into the cabinet for his box of Lucky Charms with a green hat and his big bright orange beard.

“That was proof that he is a

Photo by: Ashlin Thomas Science teacher Dan Mueller was caught hiding his leprechaun ways inside of Ritenour.

leprechaun, with the big bright orange beard that he has,” Johnson said.

Mueller is refusing to give straight answers, but slowly started to confess with more questioning. He ultimately admitted to being a leprechaun, but he was hesitant to give any extra information.

“I don’t know if my leader is gonna allow me to say that,” Mueller said.

Mueller is still unwilling to

reveal his real name or his real age. He did mention that there are different types of leprechauns, but within the community they don’t really care.

“I mean we are all the same species,” Mueller said.

Mueller admitted that he keeps the Lucky Charms as part of his leprechaun duties, but was offended when asked if they were magically delicious “That would be cannibalism,” Mueller said.

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You got,you got,the cinema

HELP.SOS-Stein is forcing us to write subheads and wont let us leave

Written by: Amanda Salazar DeLoyola

Ritenour High School decided to build a movie theater in the auditorium.

The district has made this decision official and is using this as a reward for kids who have a 4.0 GPA or higher. This is still in progress and will be up by spring of 2024.

RMC will be the new name of the theater, and the district will be taking the stage off and remodeling the whole thing, even the seats. The seats will have a built in screen and students will be

able to recline them.

It will be like any other movie theater. It would even play rated R movies, but only seniors can watch them.

In addition to having a 4.0 GPA or higher, students who have perfect attendance will get extra privileges. They can use it when they have free time in class.

Students can also recommend movies to put on. There will also be snacks that will be sold at the concession stand.

Students are excited to earn their spot and get to go to the movie theater.

“It’s going to be crazy. It’s going

Photo by: Mariam Neeb Renovations have already begun in the auditorium, with the new signage for RMC theaters being posted. It will become an interactive personalized movie theater for students.

to be fun, it’s going to be lit, it’s going to be a party. It’s going to be wild. We’re going to get crazy,” sophomore Geraldine Briones said.

As a result of the RMC being installed, the theater, band, orchestra and choir will now have to perform in the big gym.

Each of the groups was doing too well with their performances and their advisors were worried that the large audiences they were receiving were starting to get to their heads. They believed it was best to put them somewhere else and not give them a big audience.

“I think it might be a smart choice. Also, it keeps it open for all of us performing art,” Drama teacher Allison Butler said.

Ritenour believes this change will make the school look like a cool and entertaining school to be in. This will attract more kids to the district and it will become the most fun school in America.

“I am so excited to go to Ritenour High school next year.

We already know we are the most likable school,” Isabella Nerio said.

Some theater kids like this change and some do not.

“I mean, it’s pretty mid. Like, it’s good, but it’s not because there are kids who like to perform in musicals and plays also there’s band and orchestra and stuff like that. But the good thing about it is because you could probably just sit and chill and watch movies,” freshman Sanaiya Adkins said.

They will...they will shock you Allison - 0/10 - No subhead written Written by: David Moore As a way to combat the tardiness problems in the hallways, Ritenour has implemented a shocking new addition.

As a pilot program, certain teachers handed out special lanyards to their students. These lanyards are part of a new multistep process to clear the hallways.

Students who were part of the pilot program say that whenever they were out of class without a pass, they’d get an “electric current” through their body that would make them quickly want to get back to class.

Junior Jordan Matthes believes that it is a step too far.

“This is a breach of our human rights,” Matthes said.

The idea for the shocking lanyards was actually brought to the Ritenour administration by junior Robert Chamberlain, whose mother is studying psychology.

“I got really into Pavlovian conditioning when I got into my mom’s textbooks,” Chamberlain said.

At the same time that he was obsessed with the form of conditioning he was reading about, Chamberlain was at a friends house. That friend had a dog with a shock collar, and Chamberlain was curious about what it would feel like to get shocked by the collar. After taking it off the dog and testing it on his own neck, Chamberlain realized that the non-dangerous shock could definitely be combined with the Pavlovian conditioning.

“After I tried out the shock

collar, I decided to get on the good graces of the school and figure out how to get people under control,” Chamberlain said.

One change that Chamberlain made to the shock device was to combat people taking it off, he made it extra sensitive to the hands. Any students who attempt to take off the lanyard mid shock will experience a much more aggressive shock to their system.

Sophomore Bryce Jost was one of the students who had the lanyards tested on him. He made the mistake of trying to pull off the lanyard as it went off five feet from his classroom when the bell rang.

“This was, like, soooo not good,” Jost said.

Some students are actually on board with the idea, even if it is a little odd.

“I like it. It may be a little cringe,

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but I like it,” sophomore Lucas Wojtanowski said.

While there were rumors of students passed out around the school, nobody has been able to confirm them. Investigations are still ongoing, but that is not going to stop the plan to give out the lanyards to all students in the school.

Although Chamberlain will have to wear one of the lanyards, he has been told that he has the ability to turn off the shocks at any point.

“Nobody knows in the student body, so I could still keep my reputation, but I gave them the idea so that I’d be able to get away with stuff,” Chamberlain said.

“Wait, this is off the record, right?

Nobody is going to read this, are they?”

Photo by: Ashlin Thomas Students in PE were given a test trial with the shocking lanyards. The students had a variety of different reactions, so the district will recalibrate the frequency before rolling them out.

Hey, I’m on the cover!