CALMzine Issue 15

zine

CALM

FREE

CHARITY REG. NO. 1110621 & SCOT SC044347

JORDAN STEPHENS

RIZZLE KICKS

PLUS... LITTLE COMETS // RITCHIE NEVILLE // INNER LIFE // THE RANT // DEAR JOSH

CALM

CONTENTS

GREETINGS.

Chris Sav’s Everyman .................................. 4.

MANifesto .................................................... 5.

David Adam: The reality of OCD .................. 6.

CALM’s ‘How To’ Guide ............................... 8.

Inner Life ...................................................... 10.

Sing, Then You’re Winning .......................... 12.

INTERVIEW: Jordan Stephens ...................... 15. #mandictionary ............................................ 18.

Freshers Pressures ...................................... 20.

INTERVIEW: Matt Hall ................................... 22.

Ambassador’s Reception ............................ 24.

Art Show: Ben The Illustrator ...................... 26.

CALM Competition ........................................ 29.

CALM at Secret Garden Party ...................... 30.

The Rant ........................................................ 32.

Dear Josh ...................................................... 34.

So here we are. End of summer 2014, and what a summer it’s been! We’ve been hanging out in our Tea and Secrets tent at Secret Garden Party for the second year running (check out our pics on p30) and we’ve also just launched our new CALM webchat service (thecalmzone. net/get-help) which offers a new channel of support for guys all across the UK. It’s free, confidential and open every day of the year. We’ve also launched our #mandictionary campaign, encouraging blokes to redefine masculinity on their own terms, so get involved: thecalmzone.net/mandictionary Sadly we had to say goodbye to our Assistant Editor, Molly Taylor, who is moving onto pastures new, but we say hello to Jack Rooke, who’ll be assistant editing the hell out of these pages from here on in.

In this issue we pin down one of the busiest men in pop and one half of Rizzle Kicks, Jordan Stephens, who swung by for a chat at Secret Garden. Also up is Matt Hall from rising stars, Little Comets, and our cover comes from the very talented Ben The Illustrator, so check out Art Show to see more of his work. Finally, if you like what you see at SGP, you could be in with the chance of winning a pair of tickets for next year’s festival in our competition on p29. All of this alongside the usual bantz from The Rant, Disappointman and our resident agony uncle Dear Josh. S’all good.

Need Help? Call CALM. London: 0808 802 58 58 Nationwide: 0800 58 58 58.

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Email editor@thecalmzone.net CALMzine is printed on paper from sustainably managed sources. Printed by Symbian Print Intelligence, paper from Gould International UK.

CREDITS EDITOR: Rachel Clare DEPUTY EDITOR: Jack Rooke DESIGNER: Silvina De Vita COVER ART: Ben The Illustrator VAN DRIVER’S ASSISTANT: Bríd McKeown MANAGERIAL DIRECTOR OF OMGZ: Niamh Brophy THE MAN WITH A PLAN: Nate Woodbridge LA PRESIDENTE: Jane Powell Contributors: Chris Owen, Chris Sav, Joshua Idehen, Ben The Illustrator, Rachel Clare, Jack Rooke, Hannah Goodwin, Jonathan Coll, Joel Cockram Special thanks to Topman and JC Decaux for their continued generosity and support.

CALMzine is the first port of call for all your manspiration needs. We all have issues at the end of the day, so what do you want to talk about? Who do you want us to talk to? We want to hear from YOU. Email us your ideas and views at editor@thecalmzone.net If you want the hard stuff, go to the CALM website: www.thecalmzone.net or follow us on twitter @CALMzine thecalmzone.net - CALMzone Helpline London: 0808 8025858 Outside london: 0800 58 58 58

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Everyman by chris sav

CALMZINE

NEEDS YOU

r Would you like to write for CALMzine? Do you have a photographic eye? We want great writers, interviewers, bloggers, tweeters, artists and photographers for CALMzine and the CALM website. r What’s your obsession, your passion? Music, sports, arts, gadgets, fashion, comedy, gaming – or something further out of the box? Can you write about it, picture it, tweet it? Can you conduct a gripping interview? r We’d love to hear from you, and in no time your work could be on our website and in these very pages.

Get in touch with Rachel at: editor@thecalmzone.net

David Adam and the reality of

“You’re going for a coffee with a guy with OCD? Wear a wonky tie! Use two spoons for sugar and leave them skew whiff on the saucer”.

When I told friends I was meeting David Adam, an awardwinning journalist and author of ‘The Man Who Couldn’t Stop’ – one of the most honest, engaging, and erudite explanations of OCD in recent times – jokes about counting, hand washing, and clothing at jaunty angles abounded.

OCD has become a cliché, and one which has a rich vein of comedic routines dedicated to it – Adam cites the Mary Whitehouse Experience sketch where David Baddiel joked about tying drastic outcomes to his ability to throw balls of paper into a litter basket, one which ends with a Lee Harvey Oswald character throwing paper into a bin: “right, if this goes in, I’m assassinating the President.”

Unfortunately, the trivialisation of OCD does little other than self-perpetuate a myth of it being an absurd quirk of the mind, rather than the debilitating, life shattering problem it really is.

The basis of OCD lies in the intrusive thoughts which everyone gets, and this is part of the problem; “what if I’ve left the gas on?”, “what if my partner has had an accident?”, “what if I’ve caught tetanus from that nail I stood on?”. The majority of people dismiss these thoughts, their internal processes are able to switch the circuit off and move on, but not those with OCD. As David explains, “imagine that thought, but having it constantly. And I mean constantly. Not once in a while, but over and above every single activity you

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O

do throughout the day, from the moment you wake, until the moment you finally drop off to sleep.”

David’s own OCD developed in his late teens and focused on the fear of catching HIV – a not uncommon form of the problem, given the intimidating nature of the AIDS awareness campaigns in the ‘80s. This manifested itself in constant visits and revisits to places where he may have touched blood, or where residues of it may have been left where he had been, as detailed in his book. It was the arrival of David’s first born when he was in his early thirties that gave him his own ‘this has to stop’ moment and made him seek help.

The gap between David’s diagnosis and seeking treatment is not unusual. “The average age of diagnosis is under 20 and average age to seek help is over 30,” explains David, “this means there’s a decade or more of suffering which could be avoided if there was more understanding.”

So what held him back from tackling it earlier? Like many mental health issues, not being able to talk about it is part of the problem and suffering alone is common. “The only thing that would have made me get help earlier was if I knew someone who had sought help and showed me that it worked. Or perhaps if I had told other people and they encouraged me to get help,” he explains. “Dealing with it alone, it’s too easy to put it off and hope things improve on their own.”

There is still much mystery about what causes OCD, how it interrelates with other mental issues and which

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OCD

By Chris Owen

elements of brain damage or illness it shares with addiction, schizophrenia, and psychosis among others. It undoubtedly creates some of the same subsequent problems – anxiety, stress and depression are all illnesses common to OCD sufferers.

Alarmingly, this naivety is also why a lot of treatments for OCD have remained relatively primitive. “In the mid20th Century, when we were putting men on the moon, understanding the structure of DNA, and splitting the atom, doctors were still hammering metal spikes through OCD patients’ eye sockets and waggling them around the brain to try and remove the ‘OCD affected’ parts of the brain,” David explains. Yes, ‘waggling’ – there’s no other word for it. Lobotomies remained all too common for OCD treatment up until the latter part of last century. They still happen today.

Science still doesn’t understand OCD, and part of this is down to it still being treated as a bit of a joke, a quirk of nature. Unfortunately, this means that when funding is being sought to address the problem, the public perception of it means those looking to explore are not seen to be treating a genuine problem. This has to stop.

David hopes his book, which intertwines his own story with a fascinating history of OCD, will help to get more people talking about it in a manner beyond jocular clichés. He also hopes it can encourage more people to seek help sooner, rather than suffer for the decade most do.

“A lot of GPs still fail to diagnose OCD properly,” he states, “you really have to explain that, if you have these thoughts to

such an extent that your life is never free of them, you need help.” Help is definitely out there though – David sought CBT as well as being put on medication, and together they’ve changed his life.

As with many mental health problems, there’s no magic cure, but with the right support and therapy the illness can be managed – the individual can gain control over the OCD, rather than it being the other way around. “There is the worry, pre-treatment, that it won’t work, but you have to take that risk. While the option to tackle it is there, it has to be explored,” he explains.

Knowing there are others who have the same problem can help shake the burden. Tackling it on your own won’t work, neither will hoping it will go away or thinking it’s just you who is feeling this way. OCD, to varying degrees, is very common, it’s just the more it’s hushed up and no-one talks, the more it self-perpetuates into an illness which doesn’t exist beyond the parody of tins of beans perfectly aligned on the shelf.

David sums up the importance of talking about it perfectly: “You walk around in this kind of meta-life, watching yourself from above as OCD takes over everything. But once you talk, you realise others have dealt with the problem. You can’t spend your life comparing your insides to everyone else’s outsides – it just doesn’t solve the problem.”

‘The Man Who Couldn’t Stop’ by David Adam is out now, published by Picador.

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HOW TO...do “Th We’ve all been there. You’re at a club/wedding/bah mitzvah.

Everyone’s shuffling round the dance floor, arms flailing about to Come On Eileen, when all of a sudden Herbie Hancock’s ‘Rockit’ comes on and the crowds part to give you room to perform the coolest break dance to ever grace the sticky parquet floor of Aylesbury Civic Centre. But, sadly, you realise that you HAVE no break dance moves and slowly back away into the crowd, returning to your can of Bass Shandy in shame. Well, fret not, dear friend for those days are over. Here we have a handy guide to executing the classic breakdance move ‘The Robot”. Your dance floor shame is over…

Step 1.

First up, pick your choon. Early hip-hop is your friend. Think Grand Master Flash, Sugarhill Gang and Run DMC. See also Kraftwerk’s Robots and anything by Daft Punk. If pickings are slim, songs that feature robotic voices or vocoders are also acceptable, except that song by Cher where she sounds like an alien on speed. Don’t choose that one.

Step 2.

Stand with your arms at your side, bent 90 degrees at the elbows as if you are holding a box that has been nicked and you haven’t noticed.

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he Robot” Step 3.

Now imagine that you have no vertebrae or cartilage in your joints, and start to walk stiffly around the dance floor, moving your arms alternately in a chopping motion. Stop still occasionally, and hold an arm out in front of you, swinging your lower arm limply as if you have run out of batteries. It’s a little known fact that this move is, in fact, a survival tactic for robots in the wild when being hunted by predators. See also: Possums.

Step 4.

Now repeat until your audience is in raptures at your extraordinary robotic dancing skills. Feel free to throw in a ‘caterpillar’, a spot of windmilling or some freestyle popping and locking that makes you look like your torso is trying to separate itself from your legs.

S’all good.

Step 5.

Await influx of high fives, offers of sex and invitations to go on Britain’s Got Talent.

You’re welcome.

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It’s fair to say that I was a reasonably ‘streetwise’ younger man. I’d had a few brushes with the law for minor misdemeanours, but on more than one occasion I’d managed to escape punishment for more serious breaches of the law.

I’d received a couple of fines for assault and breaches of the peace in my late teens and had also been given community service for a drugs offence as a direct alternative to prison which gave me a bit of a fright.

I’d visited friends in prison a couple of times and during those brief visits I’d look around the prison visiting halls and always be struck by how bleak and depressing it was. However, there was also something fascinating about the prison environment – all those men locked up in a confined space together. But even that vague fascination didn’t leave me with any desire to try it out for myself.

When my time did come, I’d been out of trouble for years. I was 24 and had a good job with a large recruitment agency. My wilder days were behind me and I’d ‘screwed the nut’ as we say in my native Scotland. I was in the process of buying my first flat and had a new circle of friends in a different city – they were all professional ‘upstanding’ people who tended not to get in trouble with the law. Life was going well.

The weekend trip to Dublin was supposed to be a laugh. I’d been there before and I loved the place, so I was really looking forward to it. A load of my old mates were working in the building trade during the Irish construction boom, so I went over to visit them. After a great couple of days spent drinking heavily around Temple Bar, I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

Even though I’d calmed down a lot as I emerged from my teens, I hadn’t quite shaken off my ten-

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dency to operate with a short fuse. The skirmish in the curry house started from practically nothing and was relatively minor compared to some of the situations I’d found myself in as a younger man. However, it was to have serious consequences for me.

A few punches were thrown before the restaurant owner locked the doors and called the Police. The kitchen staff emerged to calm the situation with the help // of some large knives.

THERE WAS LITTLE It’s amazing how ROOM FOR EMOTION, quickly a foot-long SO IT ALL GOT PENT UP machete can stop you AND CREATED AN in your tracks OPPRESSIVE Before I knew it, I’d MASCULINE ENERGY. been arrested and // was appearing in front of a judge in a Dublin court and was remanded in custody until a trial date could be set. To this day, I maintain that I was only defending myself, but it would have been so much better to just walk away. Hindsight, as they say, is a wonderful thing.

My solicitor at the time maintained that the whole thing was a huge overkill, but not an entirely uncommon one in a country with a dim view of outsiders coming over and causing trouble. I was struck by how different the Irish legal system was. I appeared in front of the judge without the offer of legal representation and then I was in the van on the way to prison.

It proved to be a very harsh lesson.

I was on indefinite remand in Dublin’s Mountjoy prison. At the time, conditions in Mountjoy were among the worst in any prison in Western Europe. There were no toilets in the cells, so

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INNER LIFE

A Short, Sharp, Shock

by Anonymous each one had a slopping out bucket. Remand prisoners spent 23 hours a day locked up in severely overcrowded conditions. We slept on dirty mattresses that were tossed into the cell. It was a brutal environment and I gather it hasn’t changed much in the fourteen years since.

I was struck by the unwritten and unspoken rules in a place like that. Normal human etiquette didn’t apply. The prisoners were treated like animals and, in certain ways, behaved like them too. Progressive human values, like fairness and empathy, were in scarce supply.

Just like in the animal kingdom, the strongest thrived and usually did so by preying on the weak.

There was little room for emotion, so it all got pent up and created an oppressive masculine energy that bubbled away under the surface. I only spent seven days in there, but they were some of the worst I’d ever experienced. I was convinced that I’d lost my job and I had no idea when I’d actually get out.

My first cellmate was a very strange and unnerving character so I begged to be moved to a new cell. Mountjoy was so overcrowded that I was moved on to a wing for sentenced prisoners. That was where I met Adam, who was a prison veteran doing seven years on a drug trafficking charge. He must have spotted my inexperience immediately, but rather than preying on my vulnerability, he took me under his wing.

He was big and strong enough that he didn’t have to worry about showing a softer side. He was well respected on the wing and introduced me to a few people who also looked out for me. Adam and I struck up a good friendship

and I quickly felt comfortable telling him just how much distress my prison stay was causing me. Without that outlet, the whole experience would have been so much more difficult. I was so lucky to end up in his cell.

Ultimately, prison was probably a good experience for me in the long run. I learned some very valuable lessons – the main one being that I didn’t belong in that environment and that I would make it my life’s aim not to end up anywhere like that again. During my short time in prison, I saw a few glimmers of humanity, which seemed to shine out among the despair and occasional brutality. I met a few people like Adam who were strong enough to reject accepted behaviour and show empathy. It’s something I’ve never forgotten.

It seems to me that empathy can be knocked out of people by the environment they exist in and the people they interact with. When a person, or indeed wider society, repeatedly shows you a lack of care, it becomes harder and harder to care yourself. It also becomes harder and harder to show vulnerability and emotion.

In some people those shows of emotion can be seen as weakness, something that is very dangerous in a harsh prison environment.

I emerged from my prison experience relatively unscathed. I was lucky that I worked for a multi-national company with an office in Dublin. If my employers hadn’t been so sympathetic and paid for a good solicitor, I could have easily ended up trapped in an indefinite cycle of prison remand and court appearances. I got out after a week with a firm promise to myself that I wouldn’t ever be going back. I’ve managed to keep that promise and I fully intend to continue on that path.

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SING,

then you’re winning

by Rachel Clare

The idea of singing in a choir can, for some, throw up memories of being forced to sing the harmonies to Jerusalem in school assembly, but community choirs have seen a recent renaissance and are a million miles away from school flashbacks. Following the success of TV shows such as ‘The Choir’, led by choral poster boy Gareth Malone, the idea of singing your heart out along side fifty others in front of an audience isn’t such a scary prospect these days, and in some instances could even be classed as being pretty damn cool (gasp!)

Singing and music can also provide both physical and mental benefits. According to Professor Graham Welch, Chair of Music Education at the Institute of Education, University of London, “Singing has physical benefits because it is an aerobic activity that increases oxygenation in the blood stream and exercises major muscle groups in the upper body, even when sitting. Singing has psychological benefits because of its normally positive effect in reducing stress levels through the action of the endocrine system, which is linked to our sense of emotional wellbeing. Psychological benefits are also evident when people sing together because of the increased sense of community, belonging and shared endeavour.”

So there we go. Singing can literally save your life. However, it is still often classed as something of a feminine pursuit with most amateur choirs seeing a predominantly female membership. One choir bucking this trend, and rocking the community choral scene, is the all male Chaps Choir, based in London and led by Dom Stichbury. We caught up with Dom to find out why he formed Chaps Choir and why it’s about more than just the music…

So, how did Chaps Choir come about and why all male rather than mixed?

Before setting up Chaps Choir I’d been working as a choir leader for around 5 years in a variety of settings, from school based singing projects to theatres to regular community choir groups. I was always leading groups that contained everyone apart from my own demographic - 20s/30s males. Where were they? Why was an activity like group singing more likely to appeal to women than men of the same age?

Knowing the transformative effect that group singing can have, and by using myself as the focus group, I began devising a format for a male voice group that would attempt to fill the gap for men who wanted to sing, but weren’t attracted to the established groups and approaches that existed. Chaps Choir was born. On our first rehearsal we had 50 prospective chaps come along. I thought it would be popular and presumed there was an untapped group of chaps who were looking for the right project to get them singing. It turned out that I was right.

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photo: Ollie Smallwood

A more compelling reason to set it up was that I believed many men were looking for something like this and possibly needing it as well. I was interested in how men usually congregate and whether there was a gap, not just musically, but socially to build something to contrast the usual pub or sports setting in which men often come together. Reflecting on my own experiences of being in male only groups, I found many were negative. Encouraging feelings of competition, one-upmanship, a suppression of empathy and ridicule of authentic expression. A lack of role models and our prevailing culture has a big part to play in these negative experiences and I felt there was some mending required in my ability to congregate authentically with other chaps and start to dismantle deep seated cultural expectations of masculinity; I made the mental leap that other chaps could be feeling the same way. This isn’t an explicit aim of the choir, nor do you have to be engaged with these questions to sing with us, but it has become a soft benefit for many through spending time together and conversing around similar issues.

Are you surprised by the choir’s success?

Initially I was very surprised. Our first year saw the choir grow to 60 members, with gigs at The Southbank Centre, Union Chapel, Natural History Museum, a sell-out 1st birthday party in Shoreditch (to raise money for CALM & The Choir With No Name) and now a waiting list that is almost as big as the choir. This was all a complete surprise and joy to witness. On reflection I could see that actually chaps who had come along were hungry for an experience such as this.

Who are the ‘chaps’ who join the choir?

We have a wide range of men who come together once a week to sing. A reason that many chaps are fascinated by the experience of being in the choir is that they’re meeting others they would never normally encounter and suddenly they have a common goal and are working together side by side. In chaps we have teachers, office bods, lawyers, musicians, chemists, designers, salesmen, writers, unemployed, students....the list goes on.

Do you have to be naturally musical or have experience to join?

The short answer is no. There are some chaps in the choir who had never sung before joining, but were curious and willing to go on a journey of discovery. Others in the choir have sung regularly and been making music throughout their lives. This mix is important in making Chaps what it is and encourages a process of support throughout the group. thecalmzone.net - CALMzone Helpline London: 0808 8025858 Outside london: 0800 58 58 58

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It is a common mis-conception that people can either sing or not-sing. We all have a voice and there’s only a very small percentage who find it impossible to pitch a note. The most common story I hear is ‘I was told by my teacher I couldn’t sing’ (usually at primary school) and from there an idea is crystallised that singing isn’t for ‘me’. Then they turn up 40 years later to a choir to have another go.

What do you think are the greater benefits of joining a choir like Chaps?

There have been many studies over the last couple of decades that have consistently shown the benefits of group singing. The benefits aren’t niche or piecemeal, they touch on some of the most important elements that promote wellbeing and I believe the activity is a catch-all for treating symptoms of the modern malaise, amongst other specific ailments.

Reduction of stress, increased lung capacity, feelings of relaxation, boosting the immune system, improving posture and bodily awareness are some of the outcomes that singing can bring about.

Aside from the physical benefits, the most commons feelings expressed are those that result from being in a group and sharing a room where everyone is expressing themselves. If the idea that our modern culture encourages men to hide from and compete with each other rather than co-operate and share is true, then I believe one of the most potent benefits of group singing is experiencing being an equal amongst others and pulling together towards a common goal. A regular singing group can boost self confidence, enable people to explore and navigate relationships with groups and individuals and instil feelings of belonging.

Very often the lyrical content of a song or the way a melody falls unlocks feelings within people. If you are moved by listening to music, imagine how it would feel to be in the process of producing it using your own body.

Some people might see joining a choir as being a bit uncool, but Chaps Choir dispels that stereotype completely. Was it a conscious decision on your part to create a choir that was credible and appealing to the bloke on the street?

Yes, it was conscious. In order to try and grab the demographic I wanted to reach, I had to play the game and create a message that would be credible and try and smoke out the curious-but-cautious crowd who needed the promise of something modern to be part of.

What would you say to a chap thinking about joining a choir?

I would say take the leap and pop along to your local community choir. You’ll likely to find a supportive and friendly atmosphere where you can just have a go. Or try a one-off workshop. The Big Sing website (www.bigbigsing.org) has a list of local groups and workshops.

Chaps Choir has a waiting list at the moment and if you add your name you’ll hear about open workshops and spaces that come up in the choir. www.chapschoir.com/want-to-join @DomStich photo:Frank Gallagher

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CALM INTERVIEW

Words by Jack Rooke & Rachel Clare Since bursting onto the music scene three years ago, the UK’s favourite hip hop duo Rizzle Kicks, AKA Jordan Stephens and Harley Alexander-Sule, have made a platinum selling album, supported Dizzee Rascal and Ed Sheeran, worked with Norman Cook and Pharrell Williams and are about to embark on a spot of acting, so it’s fair to say that they are a busy couple of blokes. In between festivals and filming, however, we were lucky enough to pin down one half of the duo, Jordan Stephens, to talk fame, films and playing for Arsenal…

You guys experienced a pretty swift rise to fame – how did you deal with all the sudden attention?

Jordan Stephens: It was indeed pretty rapid. I found the whole ‘getting recognised’ element quite difficult to handle and had brief spells of quite intense paranoia. At times I found it hard to leave my house, but over the last couple of years I’ve found it easier to deal with. Bit of a paradox really, being the attention seeker that I am. Harley hasn’t found it so hard because he’s just generally more chilled out.

Both Harley and I have made sure that we’ve kept the same select groups of friends throughout, who

wouldn’t waste a second in telling us we were acting a little out of character. That’s been most important to deal with it all. Those friends also get free food on occasion though too, so they better keep us fucking grounded!

Is being a rapper/pop star all its cracked up to be and what have been the highlights for Rizzle Kicks so far?

It’s great having money. The last job I had before getting a record deal was in the fast food kitchen at a greyhound stadium so pretty much everything since then has been a highlight. There have been some phenomenal gigs - one amazing show was Bestival 2012. One of our legendary techs, Grahame Merchant, also happens to be an amazing photographer, captured the moment well, so it always springs to mind. I love being dressed like an animal, and in amongst the thousands of people was at least a 30 strong group of our mates very near the front.

You must have some awesome highs when you’re playing a massive gig to thousands of screaming fans, for example, but the anticlimax when you’re stuck in a traffic jam on a tour bus must be pretty intense too. How do you stay balanced?

Ah, man, what a question. Well, to tie in with a previous

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answer, I reckon keeping yourself grounded is a significant part of staying balanced. I’ve always kept myself aware of the phrase ‘what goes up must come down’, so if I do ever find myself in a counter climatic scenario I just remind myself that if this is a down, I must be due an up.

Do you have a track that is guaranteed to make you feel better when things are a bit shit?

Lou Bega - Mambo No.5 Here at CALM we’re keen to get more young men using a creative outlet. We’ve seen you perform spoken word poetry too. What’s more satisfying, Jordan Stephens the rapper or Jordan Stephens the poet?

Both are satisfying in very different ways. Of course with rap, I’ve been able to travel and collaborate with exciting projects etc. Rap does, however, have a lot of limitations in terms of coverage, reception and also quite literally the confinement of a drumbeat.

At the moment I find spoken word the most desirable form of creative expression. You might have a time limit at an open mic night but ultimately once you begin your piece it’s completely down to you how you present it.

Both are satisfying in the way that you never really know what you’re writing about when you start but seem to have some kind of understanding by the end.

You’re a big fan of films and apparently moviemaking runs in the family. Would you consider directing a full-length feature anytime?

Yes! I’ve just finished a first draft of my first film script, so I’m pretty pleased with that. Need to give it another read though, or start another one. Not dead set on directing it though. I’d love to but it’s currently the writing that I really love.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

Funnily enough, my mum’s got this mate who’s a journalist and when I was about 11 I remember him saying he was about to interview Dizzee Rascal who was my favourite artist at the time. Anyway, this had been conveyed and the message left to me by Dizzee was:

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“You do you and let the world watch” Good, that.

So what advice would you give your 16 year old self?

None. You’ve got to learn as you go along right? Or - “Don’t worry, everyone gets the wrong hole at least once”.

We’re all about campaigning against misery - what stops you feeling miserable?

Being creative genuinely stops me feeling miserable, or escapism via a television series or film. I say series rather than an entertainment show, because I often find people choose to numb themselves with mindless television, which acts as a temporary solution but nothing more. If you choose to write, you’re releasing something. If you lose yourself inside a thought provoking series or film you might even find an answer you required in some one else’s words.

The chances those words will be said by a tangerine in Essex are quite slim.

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If you had to choose between playing for Arsenal or being in Rizzle Kicks, what would you choose?

I read that question thinking it was a no brainer but the more I think about it the more difficult it becomes. Give me four more years with Rizzle Kicks and, depending on how it’s gone, I would quite possibly say Arsenal.

You’re about to make your acting debut in new E4 drama Glue - tell us about what we can expect?

I’ve got no fucking idea but I’ve seen the first episode and caught myself a couple of times being completely engrossed. I think the show’s pretty exciting and very unique. It’s a murder mystery set in a small village encompassing the underbelly of bored youths, their destructive parents and gypsies. There’s also horses.

You’d have to make your own mind up about my acting, I think I’m alright.

So what’s next for Rizzle Kicks? Are there any other side projects in the pipeline?

Well, I suppose more music and then we’ll get to making House Party 3…

Rizzle Kicks new single ‘Tell Her’ is out now and available on iTunes ‘Glue’ will be shown on E4 in Autumn 2014.

Rizzlekicks.com

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By Jack Rooke

You’ve done it. You’ve made it through the mountain of bullshit that is UCAS applications. You’ve had your college/sixth form tutors tear your personal statement apart and sell you as someone you’re not (mine said, “I am an incredibly organised individual” even though I still cant tie my own shoelaces properly or make meetings on time.) But now it’s September, you’re about to start university. For some you will rejoice in being able to copy your elder siblings tales of university debauchery, but for others it may be quite a nervous new chapter in the book of you. Well, worry not, chaps and chapettes, here’s some advice on how to deal with the Freshers’ pressures…

The first thing that will happen is you having to resign yourself to living with total strangers, but that doesn’t mean they are “strange”. I lived with 14 people in my uni halls flat, and only one was utterly bizarre as fuck, which left 12 beautifully normal and great people.

So don’t fear, odds on you will not be living with hoodlums and murderers.

If you think about it, it’s like being on Big Brother, except you don’t have the shame of being on Channel 5 every night. You might make the papers with a photo of you being sick out of a minicab – the student papers that is - but ultimately you will only be evicted if you break university rules and regulations.

It’s good to make friends with the right kind of people. Anyone who works with coffee, food or in security – make them

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your friend! They will often help you out if you need a caffeine fix in the morning, or let you off 20p on that flapjack you fancy or look out for you if you get completely smashed. University staff are your friends, not your foe.

I’d also strongly recommend trying not to sleep with anyone in your flat – especially not on a regular basis. It tends to be a doomed journey of awkwardness and eventual rejection. Whilst sharing a communal living space may make you think you are partaking in a conveniently located bit of fun, bumping uglies every week is not the same as sharing each others soya milk. Both will leave a sour taste in your mouth if you continue past the use-by date.

Word of warning: sex with a flatmate will only create an awkward atmosphere when some of their home friends come to visit. They will know that you’re the one their mate has been getting jiggy with, and in my case, they may spit in your soya milk #firstworldproblems.

Most importantly, find something cleansing to do, for both your physical and mental health. Chugging down 47 Jägerbombs and acquiring every cheap bottle of rosé in a 3 mile radius to campus, will take its toll on your body and emotions. Find something calming to do, whether its yoga, going on a regular walk/hike/explore or hit up a sunday service, and we’re not necessarily talking the ‘Jesus’ kind. The Sunday Assembly Group who put on events each Sunday morning with comedians,

speakers, authors and more, based upon topics that will leave you feeling good in body and soul!

Now drugs. Drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs.

All I’m gonna say is stock up on Lemsip and Paracetemol... BIG time. You don’t wanna be calling someone in your flat to nip to the corner shop and fetch you some flu sachets. You need to be prepared to feel like a human bag of poisonous shit on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday mornings. (Occasionally Weds & Thurs) Also Berocca is over-expensive, so just get some cheap zinc/vitamin c effervescent tablets from the supermarket and pretend its Berocca – its all a placebo effect anyway!

Also watch your language during Freshers. The phrases “what an epic fail”, “totes amazeballs” or “LAD” will not make anyone like you. This is not 2010 anymore. College is over, it’s time to use words like “Bring to the boil” or “Has anyone got any spare pesto?” or my personal favourite “Its 3:30am, lets have an early night.”

Finally its important to remember to have fun, make mistakes, say “amazeballs” if you REEEAAALLLYYY want to, turn up 54 minutes late for an hour long lecture, daydream during someone’s rubbish presentation on the future of sustainable communication networks within Norway, and make sure you finish Freshers Week with a smile on your face and a CALM bottle opener on your keyring. Good Luck!

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CALM MEETS

Photos by Faith Aimee

By Jonathan Coll & Joel Cockram CALM were lucky enough to grab some time with Matt Hall of rising indie stars, Little Comets to talk music, Radox and Alan Pardew…

CALM: How would you describe your musical style to someone who wasn’t familiar? I’ve heard Kitchen Sink indie mentioned…

Matt HalI: I suppose the only way to get an idea is to have a listen for yourself. Music is opinion, so it’s nice if people make up their own mind as to what they think. I suppose you could say it’s lyrically meaningful. I like to think everything has a point to it.

Who were your influences as your music progressed?

I was always really into the Beatles. My dad had a big vinyl collection, most of which I nicked. I was essentially an 8 year old playing with a Sgt. Pepper’s record, turning it over and over and over for hours.

What was the first record you ever owned?

Fatboy Slim - Gangster Trippin’, but I was made to take it back. I bought it with my Nana from a place in Washington. It had a parental advisory sticker on the front but she didn’t know what that was. Track 3 was called Fucking In Heaven, so I was sat there playing it in the house and my mum walked in and asked “ What on earth are you listening to?” I said “ Nana said it was alright.” She made me take it back to the shop, but I recorded it first…

That’s a lot cooler than what most people say.

Mine was Avril Lavigne... So which bands or artists excite you the most at the moment?

MH: I listened to new song recently by a lad called Martin Longstaff, who goes by the name of The Lake Poets, who writes everything and then takes

it to a band for it to be recorded and played live.

It was produced by a guy called Nick Ross and is best thing I’ve heard from a band from the North East.

Would he be the sort of artist who you’d want to take on tour with you as support?

Hard to say. Every time we tour we pick our support act on how much good craic they’ll be, we don’t choose a band to shift tickets. We’re quite lucky that most of our recent tour sold out pretty quickly so we could pick bands we wanted to have with us, like Catfish and The Bottlemen.

They’ve really blown up recently. That’s Van McCann’s band right? I think I met him a few years ago….

You’d definitely know if you’d met Vann McCann.

(Laughs) They’re a great band who’ve been grafting for years. Really good lads.

Your track ‘Dancing Song’ featured in a Radox advert a couple of years back. How did that come about and have you had free shower gel ever since?

No Radox products unfortunately, no. It came about because we had a deal with a publishing company who would put you forward for TV ads.

Apparently it was between us and Rudimental or something, but they wouldn’t do it for the money offered. So we did it, cause we’re cheap!

Dancing song is an old favourite of mine, is the older material more fun to play when you tour or do you enjoy bringing out the new material?

It depends. When you’re rehearsing the older tracks it’s like, “Do I really have to play these again??” They’re a part of the bands history but there’s a point when it becomes a chore, but when you play it at a gig it takes on a life of its own.

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Any particular favourite shows or festivals you’ve done? I remember the crowd at Leeds Festival in 2008 being particularly enormous…

Yeah, that was weird because we didn’t know what to expect with it being on the Thursday night but everything happened very quickly. Latitude in 2009 or 2010 also stands out. It was about 6pm and the sun was setting behind the stage, which looked really nice. The atmosphere was great so I won’t forget that one.

Having split from your label, Columbia, are you happier to have the freedom associated with being independent?

We’ve only ever put out records that we’re happy with and I don’t think that will ever change. But then again, maybe that’s not a good thing perhaps we could’ve been huge if we listened to certain people and changed certain things…

It must be rewarding when tracks like Waiting in the Shadows and Her Black Eyes come out, which mightn’t be as marketable, but still sound fantastic… // We’re very happy with our current situHELL SOUNDS ation because we only have ourselves LIKE FUN to blame if it all goes wrong, there’s nobody else to get annoyed with and // we’ll fall on our own sword, which we’d rather do than be told what to do by someone who maybe doesn’t know what they’re talking about.

A lot of your new tracks are focussed on politics and heavier issues. Was this a conscious song writing decision?

I don’t think it was a conscious effort as such to move toward that kind of subject area, they were just things came into our lives. With the first album, a lot of those songs had existed for a long

time, which is the case with a lot of bands’ first albums. Song writing always progresses and you can tell which songs on the album were written later than others, such as Isles and Darling Alaister.

So what can we expect from Little Comets in the near future?

We’ll be looking to do a tour in October and then probably tour the album around February time.

Finally, we have some quick fire questions for you…

Pardew: In or out?

Past caring. The club needs to stop pissing about and run as a football club, not as a business. As a fan, we don’t want to see a good business, we want to see good football.

Most desirable woman in the world?

My missus…. That’s a loaded question. Okay, maybe Lana Del Rey. Wrong, its Zooey Deschanel Yeah, maybe but there’s plenty. Perhaps Marjorie from Game of Thrones.

Favourite word…

Klorq, a word we made up quite a while ago. It can mean whatever you want it to mean.

Turn ons?

A good bit of steak Turn offs?

Bad bit of steak.

Favourite swear word?

Klorq If God exists, what would you like him to say to you at the pearly gates?

You’re not coming in. Heaven sounds like a crap place to be. Hell sounds like fun.

‘Salt’ is out now in iTunes www.littlecomets.com @littlecomets

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AMBASSADOR’S

RECEPTION:

RITCHIE NEVILLE At CALM we have a merry band of men and women who are proud to call themselves Ambassadors for the Campaign Against Living Miserably, and here’s a chance for you to get to know them better. Reveal yourself…RITCHIE NEVILLE Tell us a bit about yourself and what you’ve been up to…

I was in the pop band Five, was lucky enough to sell millions of records and traveled the world playing to thousands of people. I’m expecting my first daughter next month, which I am over the moon about and is already proving to be a life and perspective changing experience. I’m also in the studio, writing a movie and happy to be back on the creative train.

So why CALM? Why not?! No, seriously this answer is easy. Firstly hearing the statistic that “The biggest single killer of men under 50 in this country is suicide.”

I was always under the impression that suicide was a rarity. A horrific tragedy that happens in a dark, decrepit room on the other side of town. To realise that people were taking their own lives so frequently, from all walks of life, just cut and burned me up.

I have personally had my moments of deep depression and despair. In my opinion, life is a wonderful gift and rich in so many ways, but I also know that at my times of deepest depression, if life had kicked me just a little bit more then I too may have become one of these sad statistics. If I’m honest I did briefly ponder taking my own life after a series of knocks. Thankfully I managed to get out of that head space and vowed that no matter what, I would never let myself get that low again.

Fundamentally, CALM’s message that ‘being silent isn’t being strong’ is one I personally hold dear and was before the charity even came to my attention. Everyone has bad days but if you find yourself feeling miserable for an extended period of time, then something needs to be proactively changed and hopefully CALM and the great work they do can help make this change.

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given?

“Remember the simple things.” There is great beauty in the simplest things, and they often don’t cost a penny.

Also I often find that if I am feeling overwhelmed with a problem, it really helps to break it down into bite size chunks. Simplify it and it seems less of a scary beast.

What is your one ‘lifesaver’ track guaranteed to make you feel better when things get tough?

It is too hard to pick one. I would go for something slightly comedic like the theme tune to Baywatch. “I’ll be ready!! I’ll be ready, forever and always, I’ll always here!” And blast it! But maybe that’s just me? Or maybe that has something to do with joy the programme brought to thirteen year old me. Anyway...I’ll get my coat…TAXI??

What is your one rule for living life?

Just go for it! Keep busy and go for your dreams, but don’t forget to smell the flowers on the way.

Follow Ritchie on Twitter @RitchieNeville

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Ben the Illustrator has been working professionally for 15 years in the creative industry. One of his main focuses is bringing colour to life in his prints and products from illustrated artwork to pattern designs (in collaboration with his textile designer/maker wife, Fi) Follow Ben on Twitter @BenIllustrator You can get your hands on Ben The Illustrator’s prints here: HuddleFormationStore.com

‘1983’ Adidas print from the ‘Sneaker Prints’ collection

LIVE. EAT. DANCE. BEATS.’ art print

1982’ Vans print from the ‘Sneaker Prints’ collection

Geo-Graphics Bucket Tote from B-Goods

NEXT

ISSUE

OUT DECEMBER 2014

CALM COMPETITION Feeling sad that the summer festival season is over? Packing away your sequined mankini with a tear in your eye? Fret not, dear friends, for we have just the thing to carry you through to summer 2015.

Thanks to the generosity of Freddie Fellowes and the SGP team, we have a pair of tickets for Secret Garden Party 2015 to give away to one lucky reader!

All you have to do is answer this simple question (the answer is somewhere in this mag): Q: What’s the name of the new E4 TV series starring Rizzle Kicks’ Jordan Stephens?

To enter, email your answer to editor@thecalmzone.net using subject: CALM COMP ISSUE 15.

Closing date: November 15th 2014 Winners will be notified by email after the closing date. We can only accept entries from within the UK, sorry! Entrants must be over 18.

Photos by Hannah Goodwin

THE RANT

By Chris Owen

Before I go any further I want to make it clear that this is not about the London Underground network itself – I have no problem with that. In fact I think it gets a bad rap, considering it’s basically a gigantic train set of human-sized carriages running UNDER THE GROUND. Not above it, like normal trains, but UNDER IT. Everyone on it should be in awe, yet people complain about having to wait four minutes for the next Jubilee train…. FOUR MINUTES. And therein lies the rub – it’s not the Underground that’s unpleasant, but the people on it. I’m not entirely sure which part of ‘getting on and off a train’ is so fucking bewildering, but it seems to baffle the masses every single day. Why is the concept of letting people off the train before you try and barge your arse onto it so difficult to grasp? Do these people think the train is going to pull off any second, leaving them hanging on for dear life as it thunders through the tunnels like something off a Looney Tunes flick?

Are these the same people who interpret ‘please mind the closing doors’ as meaning ‘please run at the closing doors and throw your stupid briefcase into it to stop it shutting, thus screwing the doors up entirely’? Seriously, there’s another train in two minutes, why don’t you wait, you pinstriped goon?

It continues once inside…there seems to be an invisibility cloak some people assume whilst onboard, thus believing that fellow passengers will simply be able to walk through their outstretched copy of The Sun, and also hiding the revolting sound as they inhale half a pound of snot into their gullet in a nasal snort to make Pacino’s Scarface proud. Presumably it’s the over-sized sunglasses they’re wearing (WHILE UNDER THE GROUND) that make them invisible so no-one can see their shaven, bullet-shaped giganta-bonce, and nor hear the noises coming out of their over priced and over sized headphones, more suited to protected ears from pneumatic drills on building sites than delivering Katy Perry’s whines into ears on a public train. This also explains why they won’t move out of the way to let people off or on the carriage.

And thus, the cycle starts again.

And don’t get me STARTED on people trying to use their mobile on the Tube...

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Do you have something you want to rant about?

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ATENCIÓN! Massive thanks to the 114 runners who took part in the British 10k raising over £30k and making it another record breaking year for CALM.

HUGE respect to Martin Hadfield who walked solo across the Scottish Highlands for CALM in memory of his son, Martin. A remarkable feat.

Everyone who has run, climbed, cycled and even trekked across Iceland (!) to support us and help SAVE THE MALE.

All the CALM helpline staff, who work tirelessly every single night. Heroes all.

Jan, Sam, Christos and Helen for all your help in the office.

We couldn’t keep CALM HQ going without you!

A massive good luck to CALMzine Assistant Editor, Molly Taylor, who is moving on to pastures new. You’ve been an absolute superstar. We’ll miss you!

Freddie Fellowes and Eddy Temple-Morris, thank you for welcoming us in to the SGP fold once more.

Here’s to 2015!

Alex Noble, your artwork and website design was the cherry on the SGP custard cream

Mark Cooper and all at JCDecaux for your generosity, and helping to make #mandictionary happen.

Hannah, Safa, Chris, Mike, Graham, Jojo, Emily, Lucy, Stacey, Jack, Cecilia, Maria, Izzy, Michela, Stephanie & Stewart for making Secret Garden Party the best ever.

A teary farewell to the amazing Katie Barton, Volunteer Coordinator, bon viveur and the best van driver’s assistant known to man. We miss you like the deserts miss the rain (?!). BIG love from all at CALM xx Jane Boswell at IPC Media. You have been such a fantastic advocate for CALM and we’re sad to see you go. Thank you SO much for everything and good luck!

The awesome guys at Africa Oyé, thanks for supporting CALM once again – here’s to Oyé 2015…

Mark Boyns and the Sefton Park CC crew for continuing to spread the word in Merseyside and doing fantastic work.

Our entirely unprofessional agony uncle offers his entirely unprofessional advice…

Q: When I’m out with my mates they’re all guzzling down fancy craft ales whilst I’m a fan of fruity cocktails. How can I convince the guys that my beverage choices are as valid as theirs?

Jamie, Camberwell A: Does James Bond drink beer? No, Chile, he does not. The world’s greatest spy downs a Vesper martini before he goes to war and he’s better looking than your mates. Cocktails are for badasses, that’s why there’s the word ‘cock’ in it. Beer is for people still questioning their place in life, hence the ‘er’…

Q: I’ve just got back from uni and realised my family are a bit racist, sexist and homophobic. I don’t remember them being that way before I left, but now I’ve been to a super liberal arts college, I feel like a peace-loving-hippy compared to them. How can I get them to be less narrow-minded?”

Neil, Richmond Michael Jackson’s Black Or White. If that doesn’t work, marry a bisexual black feminist. If that doesn’t work, switch all the family pictures with anti racism posters from the 80’s. If that doesn’t work, realise you have changed, they haven’t as much, and you may have to choose to live with that if they are unwilling to change. If that doesn’t work, punch them. If that doesn’t work...

Me and my little brother are super competitive. For a laugh on holiday I pulled down his trunks and couldn’t help but notice he has a MONSTER down below. I’ve been struggling with the fact my little bro is bigger and better in the sack than me. How do I deal with this one, dude?

Lee, Bromley A: NEWS FLASH: size does not matter. It does not. HOWEVER if you must ‘win’, then you devote your life to being the best lover on the planet. The Bruce Lee of Shag Fu. The Einstein of Bedmatics. You must learn Karma Sutra.

You must win gold in the sexylympics. Only when you are the Usain Bolt of the ‘helicopter’ will your competitive streak be sated, and size truly will be a non-issue. NOW GO! Q: I can’t cook for shit but I really wanna impress my girlfriend with some fine homemade dining - can you recommend a super-fool-proof meal that will still make me look like a new-age Jamie Oliver (minus his corny adjectives)?

Scott, Stoke Newington A: Pasta, mate. Pasta. Have you tried Pasta? God made pasta so people could survive without mothers, Lad. Three cheese pasta with tomato and herb sauce from Tesco, Blud. Two pots. Water from the tap, Brethren. Boil.

Salt. Pepper. Add some rocket on top so you look all artsy and stuff. Place that shit. Make sure there’s a rag on a your shoulder, an apron on over your belly and a bit of sweat on your brow (don’t overdo the sweat).

Say something in french. Voila!

Do you have a question for JOSH Email us on editor@thecalmzone.net NOTE: Josh is not a qualified expert. He’s just a joker.

However if you do want to know some more about him, go to www.poejazzi.com

If you need professional advice, call the London CALMzone helpline on 0808 802 5858.

Outside London call: 0800 585858

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SAT 20TH SEPTEMBER 2014 RIDE THE STUNNING TEST VALLEY WITH TRANQUIL ROADS, SOME CLASSIC CLIMBS AND SWEEPING DESCENTS.

THREE ROUTES FOR ALL ABILITIES: THE FULL MONTY 100 MILE, SPAG BOL 50 MILE & CHICKEN CURRY 25 MILE RIDE HQ: GRATELEY, HAMPSHIRE IN AID OF

“One of the best sportives I’ve ever ridden.

From the festival vibe on the field at 7am, to the genuinely welcoming atmosphere at the finish, I really couldn’t fault it.”

David Else, Cycling Weekly journalist.

IN LOVING MEMORY OF NELSON PRATT

FOR FULL DETAILS VISIT WWW.NELSONSTOURDETESTVALLEY.CO.UK

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