APRIL 2019
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Commentary | 11
www.ReporterNewspapers.net
Into the Robin-Verse
likes to iron, do laundry and sew on buttons. If her young child comes to her asking for her to sew the nose back onto his reindeer slipper, she won’t hide the items in the closet until he’s 19. If her daughter comes to her with a stain on her sundress, she won’t give her a sweater and tell her that the dress is now winter wear. Nordic Robin is 5-feet-7-inches, has never broken a leg skiing, and has no unwanted facial hair. Kardashi-Robin is an Instagram influencer. Immuno-Robin can endure in a 10-hour plane ride next to a 3-year old with a cough and a runny nose, and not get sick.
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When one of my twins was home And now I’ll throw the question to on break (sorry, boys, I don’t rememyou: Are there variations of you out ber which of you it was), we went to see there, in other You-Verses, taking entirea movie together and agreed on “Spiderly different shapes? Man: Into the Spider-Verse.” I, for one, like to think that in a parThis is a bit of a spoiler alert, but since allel universe somewhere, there is a verthe movie’s been out for several months sion of me that is competent. Compenow, I feel like it’s fair game. tent Robin can balance her I’ll cut to the chase and tell checkbook, arrives on time, you that the movie plays on and can go bowling without the premise that there are injuring herself. Her garden alternate universes full of flags always match the seaalter-ego-Spideys. We are insons. She has a first-aid kit troduced to a cast of them. completely organized in a Besides our protagonist, a tackle box, and is, of course, boy who’s been freshly bita morning person. ten, there’s a beer-bellied But it doesn’t stop there. Spider-Man with a 5 o’clock I also imagine Danica Robshadow, a gumshoe Spiderin, who can parallel park. Man Noir in a black cloak, She also drives a stick-shift an anime-type Spider-Girl and is not afraid to turn left Robin Conte lives with named Peni Parker who zips against traffic. Plus, she can her husband in an emparound with her own rodrive 10 mph over the speed ty nest in Dunwoody. bot, a butt-kicking blonde limit without getting a tickknown as Spider-Gwen, and a Spider-Pig. et. It’s a fun flick. Creative Robin is a burly fellow who Plus, the whole parallel-universe has an armful of tattoos, a nose-ring, and premise provided a subject for lively hapis making replicas of the Seven Wonders py-hour conversation with the neighborof the World out of marzipan. hood gals. Domestic Robin is always perky and
Robin’s Nest
There’s also X-Acto-Robin, who, besides wielding super powers with her trusty X-Acto knife, can make a Halloween costume out of duct tape and a pair of funnels. And somewhere, there is a universe where I’m still me, only I wear a C-cup bra. Since animals are included in the UVerses, there might as well be Robin-Robin, who flies over the Connector at 5 p.m. and gloats. And though I typically don’t play Bait the Readers, I really want to know…who are you in your parallel life?
Read Robin Conte’s debut book ‘The Best of the Nest’ “The Best of the Nest” offers 49 of Reporter Newspapers columnist Robin Conte’s witty essays on suburban family life, organized by seasons. They include some of the pieces that won Robin the first-place Lifestyle/Features Column award in 2017 and 2018 and first-place for Humorous column in 2018 from the Georgia Press Association.
Order the book at bestofthenest.net Follow Robin’s book-related appearances at robinconte.com.
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