The Time i have lefT By Melinda Welsh
The enormity of the news didn’t sink in fully, not at first, even after my doctor uttered the words: “I’m sorry, we did find cancer.” My husband, Dave, and I had only the faintest sense that evening that someplace off in the distance our lives had been hijacked forever. Early 2014 brought major head and neck surgery, then six weeks of chemotherapy and radiation. Eight months later they found cancer again, so it was Christmas surgery and more of the same. When a scan last June showed new tumors, the outlook turned bleak. The cancer—a rare type called metastatic squamous cell carcinoma of the head and neck of unknown primary—had gone systemic. Like all doctors, oncologists want to offer patients hope. Who can blame them? But with a little prodding, I was able to learn the approximate truth. A Stanford specialist gave me six to nine months to live. “But there are people who do a lot better,” he said. My surgeon told me, “Months to a year.” My University of California, San Francisco, oncologist said, “The average is a yearish … but nobody’s average.” So there it is. I’m 59. I have terminal cancer. And I’m dying in a yearish. Born and raised in Los Angeles, schooled at UC Davis, and fortunate member of the team that brought SN&R to Sacramento in 1989, it might have been natural for me to write or blog about all this as it was unfolding. I’d reported about end-of-life issues before, especially after my brother Marty Welsh, a physician from Placerville, died of Lou Gehrig’s Disease five years ago. But I just couldn’t bring myself to write about my cancer, however much I admire the people who find the voice to go public with their tales. I didn’t feel I had anything new to offer. But I’ve turned a corner on that somehow and feel ready to explore some of the questions that emerge for people who face a grim diagnosis. Like this one: How do I best spend the time I have left? I feel perversely well right now—having recovered from the worst side effects of treatment and not yet experiencing the corporeal failure that is to come. I’m continuing to work part-time until I can’t anymore. I love what I do and am lucky enough to have purpose, supportive colleagues and employers who are good friends, and a job where I feel I can make a difference. Besides writing, I plan to spend much of the time that remains with Dave, my friends and our big crew of a family. We have arranged gatherings
As the calendar flips another year, these two essayists look at a couple of the issues that really matter
T
he time immediately following winter solstice is bittersweet, a time to remember the people and events in our lives that made the years past worth remembering and the years to come worth cherishing.
OPINION
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NEWS
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GREEN
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FEATURE STORY
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ARTS&CULTURE
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These essays exemplify the human spirit and give lie to all the hatred and fear we’re seeing on the national stage. While in one way, they’re about loss, in another, they’re about hope. Have a great new year.
ART OF THE STATE
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FOODFINDS
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FILM
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MUSICBEAT
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“life aND hOW TO live iT” continued on page 14
NIGHTCLUBS/CASINOS
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THIS WEEK
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MISCELLANY
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DECEMBER 31, 2015
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RN&R
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