LUST FOR LIFE
Little moments The importance of positive memory making...
I love watching nature come alive in spring; the delicate buds, the emerging leaves and the lively birdsong. But it’s the smells that really energise me. The scent of freshly-cut grass always takes me back to my childhood, making me feel happy and content. When we moved into our home over a decade ago, I planted jasmine, lavender and lilac near the garden gate so when I walked by, I would literally stop and smell the flowers. These fragrances improve my mood, help me to press pause and be present. But it’s not just me. There is a scientific reason why these miniscule scent particles can evoke powerful memories and feel-good reactions. Because we absorb so much sensory data on a daily basis, our other senses go through a filter so we don’t become overwhelmed. Our sense of smell however, is wired uniquely and it heads straight to the subconscious part of our mind. The processed information from the scent particles is carried to our emotional centre and then it settles in our memory zone. This is why, when we unexpectedly smell the familiar but long-forgotten scents of our past, we can almost relive those moments. Memories come flooding back. In psychology, a distinction is made between
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the conscious mind and the subconscious mind. The conscious mind is basically our intellectual mind and it governs everything in our awareness. Your conscious mind is currently reading these printed words. It then filters the information into your subconscious if it deems it valuable. As adults, we are quite used to dipping into our subconscious mind during the day, to help remember the date of an anniversary or to reminisce about a holiday abroad. Our subconscious also helps us to do things we need to do automatically, such as drive a car. Without our subconscious, we would have to relearn how to drive every time we got behind the wheel! Interestingly, children - for the first seven years of their lives - have pretty much direct access to their subconscious mind. They haven’t developed a filter yet, so anything they hear or see or experience goes directly into their subconscious. You can imagine that this can be truly overwhelming; hence babies crying when they are over-stimulated and toddlers having meltdowns when they have had a busy day. It’s completely natural. They sit and observe and absorb everything in their environment and I mean ‘everything’. This is wonderful if children have a loving, nurturing upbringing. They will have soaked up empathetic words, exciting opportunities
anxious, angry, withdrawn or frustrated. Do you know that the data collected in the subconscious in early childhood actually becomes the ‘programme’ our mind follows for life? It’s our auto-pilot. The first seven years mould us and we develop patterns of values, beliefs, morals and judgements. If you have a strong work ethic, it’s probably because growing up, you witnessed someone in your close family working hard. The value of hard work was ingrained in your mind. Alternatively, you may have witnessed the complete opposite and so you have made a conscious effort to knuckle down. If we aren’t aware of our actions as an adult, we usually find that our current behaviour is rooted in our childhood. The good news is that we now know, through advances in neuroscience and particularly in the field of neuroplasticity, that we can rewire our brain. We can rewire it to feel happier, calmer and more content. But what about our children? If you’re sitting here thinking about the time you called your child ‘stupid’, worried that you have scarred them for life, then please don’t berate yourself. The power of the mind is phenomenal and to a certain extent, we can reverse some of the damage done. By committing to being mindful of our words and actions around our children, we can ensure that the experiences absorbed into their subconscious mind are appropriate, loving and encouraging. In fact, I have a brand-new programme called the Tranquil Transformation which does just that. It clears the mental clutter and helps children build self-esteem, confidence and resilience. I give parents a specific process to follow to positively influence their child’s subconscious mind. It’s almost like ‘emotional insurance’. Through the programme, you prepare your child for a wonderful future by filling their mind with affectionate and affirming thoughts. One of the many incredible responsibilities we have as a parent is being the co-architects of our children’s minds. So the next time there is a wonderful spring scent in the air, squeeze your child’s hand and give them a smile. This special memory will go straight into their subconscious and will be stored for life. Nadia x
and experiences of hugs, kisses and affection. A child’s subconscious mind then attaches meaning to these experiences, in the form of thoughts, feelings, emotions and reactions. If a child is told that they are loved and are brave and kind, then they will believe it. They will have positive self-talk, they will feel good about themselves and they will be willing to take risks and succeed. However, what about a child who has absorbed words such as lazy, disobedient or bad? What about a child who has been told to sit on the ‘naughty step’ or go to their room? What about a child who has been starved of attention and affection? All of these memories will seep into their subconscious and stay there, becoming deep-rooted. I’m sure you can recall a time from your childhood when you felt embarrassed or lonely. It could be when you were left out of playground games, when your parents caught you lying or when a teacher reprimanded you in front of the class. Whatever it was, I’m sure it will also bring up negative emotions. If a child repeatedly has damaging experiences, the subconscious will attach negative thoughts, feelings and reactions to the memories. And how do these present themselves? Usually in the form of difficult or challenging behaviour. These children eventually become
Nadia McSheffrey is founder of The Tranquil Treehouse. Nadia works with parents to help them be the parent they want to be and find tranquility in their family lives. She also works with children and teachers to support their own emotional wellbeing. For more information and daily parenting support, follow her at: thetranquiltreehouse.com and on Facebook and Instagram @tranquiltreehouse
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