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Letter from the Editor-in-Chief

It's second semester Go do something exciting on campus. Or don't.

Editorial Staff Editor-in-Chief Micah Gold-Utting




January 17, 11am-1pm

January 17, 7pm

January 19-20

NERDGASM: All Things Whedon Variety ShoW

Hart House Reading Room

Carlton Cinema

Dundas West and Keele

January 20, 7pm (6pm doors)

Did you resolve to do more things yourself ? Fantastic! On Thursdays, head to Hart House for expert-led crafting sessions and complementary tea. Fire up your glue gun and get ready to meet the next generation of Martha Stewarts and Macgyvers.

Golden Globes leave a bad taste in your mouth? Too busy to watch all the latest full-length films? Carlton Cinema will screen some of the world's best Canadian and international short films this year. Tickets are available in advance for $8 or you can pay $10 at the door.

As part of the Toronto Design Offsite Festival, this west-end neighbourhood will host ten different events and exhibitions at ARTiculations, East of Keele, Forever Interiors, Latitude 44 Gallery, Mjolk, Opticianado, Post + Beam Reclamation, and many others.

Mod Club


Charity trivia

Sports Editor

January 23, 7:30pm


Poseidon's Illusion

January 22, 7pm-9pm

Pour Girl

January 24, 7pm

Sanford Fleming 1105

Hart House

University College, Media Room 179

Production Manager

Grab a few of your friends and head over to Hart House for round of Trivial Pursuit. Signing out games is free with a T-Card. Need a pool partner? Someone at the Hub will hook you up with another lone snooker and give you access to the third floor pool table!

Put that useless knowledge to a good cause! A $10 registration fee for your team of up to four players will benefit Horizons Children's Centre, in support of orphans and needy children in Ghana. The winning team will be awarded prizes, and door prizes are awarded every week!

UofT's own Dr. Jordan Peterson and guest speaker, Arthur Hanson, will lead a discussion about ocean sustainability. The session will focus on promoting changes in ocean management policies, and creating sustainable ocean food sources. Totally comprehensible for liberal arts students. Could be a fun date.

Features Editor

here than that we are in charge of ourselves, but if we take charge there is lots of help to be had. The nice thing about university (and ‘real life’ in general) is that people aren’t going to force their help on you. Nobody can make you listen or ground you for ignoring. The consequences of mistakes are all fitting, and they are reminders that our choices matter. The flip side is that we can choose what is best for ourselves, and when we don’t know what is best we can choose to get help deciding. In fact choosing to talk to your professors, registrars, writing centers, counsellors, and TAs is one of the best ways to improve your options. That said feel free to ignore

me, because you can. All of the services on campus can be helpful, but they are all optional. It’s easy to forget about all the services the university offers. The academic ones are a little bit easier to remember that it offers classes than to remember all the different (free) clubs, lessons, and facilities it offers. But even simple things often get forgotten. The library isn’t just a research tool, it’s a library. You can go and get books to read. For fun. It’s amazing how easy it is to forget that there is so much going on here beyond one’s own classes. Ultimately though you have already chosen to pay for access to these services (and for the people who

deny that university is real life, what is more real than paying dues and going in debt in exchange for services), so you might want to at least consider using them. Or not. Maybe you are just paying for the degree. I don’t know, that’s your choice.

News Editor

Cameron Anderson

Arts Editor Lucy Coren

Opinions Editor Oksana Andreiuk

Micah Gold-Utting Editor-in-Chief

Living Editor Annum Roshan

Sofia Rizzo (interm)

Alekzia Hosein

The Mike is holding elections we are looking for a features editor and a sports editor • Features coordinates covers and centerfolds • Sports coordinates all athletic coverage Neither position requires prior experience with the paper



Vacant Christmas is long over. New Year’s is over. The break is over. This means that, while we still have Reading Week, the next major break is the end of the school year. This is the second half, and we are walking out of the woods. Regardless of whether you are completing your first year or your final year, it means that the rewards for the year’s challenges are in sight. It’s exciting because each of us is on a path of our own choosing. University for most of us is our first experience with the main tenant of ‘real life’: we are in charge of ourselves. Beyond simply academia, the university is a powerful tool in assisting us to be independent. There is no better lesson to be learned


Senior Copy Editor Chelsea Misquith

Illustrations Editor Belinda Zong

Web Editor

This event is part of the SEC's Sexual Awareness Week. Phone sex operator, Cameryn Moore will be appearing with her award winning show "Phone Whore" at UofT. For mature audiences only. Followed by a Q&A session with the artist.

Love Joss Whedon? This live act will feature song, dance, aerial circus, fire performance, burlesque and an ever-popular audience sing-along as performers showcase Whedon's best characters on-stage. Tickets are available online ($15).

January 26 6pm - 9pm

Nora Agha

Photos Editor YouNa Kim

Writers Mia Rose Yugo, Marsha Malcolm Mark Matich, Victoria Marshall, Catherine Bredin, John Castellarin

Copy Editors

Ellen O'Malley, Michelle Conklin, Najla Popel, Jo-Anna Pluchino, Jaclyn Didiano, Ramina Ghassemi, Josephine Tong, Christine Zelezny

Business Staff If interested contact

Business Manager Yasir Mustafa

Cam Anderson | News Editor

Ad Manager Vacant

Ad Execs Vacant


Fifty students have died after a bombing at a Syrian. State television networks have blamed opposition rebels, while rebels have blamed the government fighter jets for the bombing. The conflict in Syria, which some regard as a civil war, has left the Syrian national government illegitimate, as far as western democracies are concerned.

Riverside County

A twelve-year-old boy is awaiting sentencing after being convicted of killing his Neo-Nazi father. There are allegations that he grew up in an abusive environment, and his lawyer is calling for leniency for being so young. He may stay in juvenile detention until he is 23.


The Dakar rally continues in South America, despite three deaths so far in this year’s race. The world famous race encompasses motorcycles, ATVs, cars, trucks, and transport trucks. It is over 8 000 kilometers long, and travels though extreme geography and many countries before the race ends January 20th.


A local commuter train was stolen by a Swedish cleaning lady. She then proceeded to speed and cause the empty train to derail, crashing into a nearby home. The cleaning lady was the only one injured. “We have only heard good things about her,” a transit spokesperson confessed.


The National Rifle Association (NRA) has released an official shooting game for the iPhone and iPad. The game comes amid a national debate on gun control following a string of gun-related incidents in the United States over the past year.

Board of Directors BOD Student Reps. Adriano Marchese Nicole Rocha Dennis Amoakohene Christopher Sivry

BOD Alumni Rep. Andy Lubinsky

BOD College Rep. Steve Hoselton

@readthemike The Mike is the Official Bi-weekly Student Newspaper of St. Michael’s College in the University of Toronto, publishing since 1947. The Mike has a circulation of 2000, delivered to over 40 newsstands across the University of Toronto: St. George Campus and is published by The Mike Publications Inc. The Mike is printed by MasterWeb Inc on recycled newsprint stock and is a member of Canadian University Press. Copyright: 2012 The Mike Publications Inc. All Rights Reserved. All editorial inquires should be sent to The Mike reserves the right to edit all submissions

looking to contribute? drop us a line! 416-926-7272 • 81 st. mary st. • toronto on • m5s 1j4 •




Liberals lack leader Ontario Liberal leadership race narrows contenders




DNA: Deoxyribonucleic adventure? Are we genetically programmed to thrill-seek?

Cam Anderson | News Editor The Ontario Liberal Leadership race is in full swing. It is expected that out of the 10 candidates running (at time of this print), only three have a real shot of winning, to become the next premier of Ontario. The current Liberal Premier, Dalton McGuinty, will resign later this month. One of the new candidates will take his place as leader of the Province of Ontario. McGuinty announced his plans to resign

Interested in


email editorinchief@ to get involved

in October, suggesting that the party needs new leadership and ideas to adapt to the ever-changing situation of the province. McGuinty, who has been premier since 2003, has built his platform on improving education, stabilizing energy concerns after the 2003 blackout, restricting smoking policies, and lowering wait times for hospitals and physicians. However, his record has been tarnished with the eHealth scandal and economic difficulties that followed the 2008 recession. He also recently comes under heavy scrutiny after imposing cuts to education budgets. After enjoying two majority governments, the recent election in 2011 left the party just shy of a majority government. The current front runner of the leadership race is Sandra Pupatello. She left her corporate occupation to return to politics after leaving the party during the 2011 election. Some of her plans include working with private industries to improve public transit, allowing corner stores and supermarkets the right to sell alcohol, and structuring education in a way that gives the youth tools to integrate themselves in a changing marketplace. The runner-up is currently Kathleen Wynne. Wynne is noted as a voice for the gay community and is earned her master’s degree at the University of Toronto. Some of her proposed policies include retaining

Ontario’s 30% tuition grant, against privatization of the LCBO, and to work with the National Government to help build new transit and infrastructure. Candidate Gerard Kennedy is currently trailing in third place. Kennedy ran against Dalton McGuinty for party leadership in 2003. He served as an Ontario MPP until 2006. He was elected as an MP for the Parkdale-High Park electoral district in 2008, and lost his seat to the NDP in 2011. Since then, he has decided to campaign to become Ontario’s newest premier . Some of his proposed policies include changing internal party politics to make members more included and accountable, and working with teachers’ unions to prevent unrest in public education. The race is particularly important because of the minority power that the Liberals currently hold. If a new leader is appointed, it is unclear how the Progressive Conservatives and New Democratic Party will react. This could lead the possibility of a provincial election if the other parties are unsatisfied with the new leadership, which could have real implications for students. Tuition and many grants and scholarships are provided by the Ontario government. The values and priorities of the leading party will have a great impact on post-secondary students across the province. The outcome of this election could be dire for students in need of financial aid.

"The values and priorities of the leading party will have a great impact on post-secondary students across the province." Fatima Syed | Staff Writer One of the most commonly identified New Year’s resolutions across the world, regardless of age, gender, race and culture, is to heed a call to adventure and in the next twelve months do things more exciting, more daring and be bolder than ever before. Never content with the quiet life of domestication, freefalling, bungee-jumping, deep-sea diving, ski expeditions, whitewater rafting and wilderness forays are on everyone’s bucket list. Human society constantly aims to know the whats and hows of the universe from top to bottom, and while the means and mediums are in constant development and discovery, it is the why that is most intriguing. What gives rise to this “madness” to adventure? What drove us out from Africa and on to the moon and beyond? Why do we crave thrills? Generally, adventure has always existed outside the definitions of ordinary morality and understanding. For years and years, the reply to the whys of any adventurous undertaking has been George Mallory’s short and now clichéd justification for trying to ascend (and ultimately perishing

upon) Mount Everest: “Because it’s there” - a statement that has lost its magic from overuse. Before the climb to the world’s top there was the race to the poles; before that it was the race to China and through that derived the fight for the New World. By the time the twentyfirst century came along, most of the major accomplishments in the possible-adventures realm had been ticked off. So then we invented rockets and submarines and microscopes and Hadron-colliders to discover even more. With the NASA rover Curiosity exploring Mars for us, we’re one step away from sending humans to the red planet as well. Some visionaries even talk of sending a spacecraft to the nearest star. The adventures continue. As a species we’ve always been curious enough and intrigued enough by the possibilities of voyage and exploration. “No other mammal moves around like we do,” says Svante Pääbo, a director of the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig, Germany, where he uses genetics to study human origins. “We jump borders. We push into new territory even when we have

resources where we are. Other animals don’t do this. Other humans either … In just 50,000 years we covered everything. There’s a kind of madness to it. Sailing out into the ocean, you have no idea what’s on the other side. And now we go to Mars. We never stop. Why?” Scientists and psychologists answer this question in a two-fold reply: genes and culture habituation. In the 1970s, psychologists had began to chart humankind’s urge to seek risks as the impulse as sensation seeking, novelty seeking, or the Type-T (for thrill) personality. This ZuckermanKuhlman questionnaire became a widespread method to profile such tendencies in experimental subjects and psychiatric patients and create a litmus test to find what might cause variations in behavior. This study revealed that the sensation-seeking trait in humans is highly genetic. Whilst there was a recognition that the environment helps shape our appetite for danger, decisions to ski down the big hill and jump from the helicopter was found to be fifty per cent programmed into our genes. Then, in the 1980s a pair of Israeli scientists found that a variant of a gene called DRD4, which helps

control dopamine - a chemical brain messenger important in learning and reward - called DRD4-7R and carried by roughly 20 percent of all humans, has been attributed to curiosity and restlessness. Dozens of human studies have found that 7R – dubbed the “adventure gene” - makes people more likely to take risks; explore new places, ideas, foods, relationships, products; and generally take part in movement, change, and adventure. Today the answer is still under investigation. Biologists are still debating how strong, if any, an association could be made between variations in the DRD4 gene and the risky business of study subjects. Do tiny changes in the DNA mean that some people need a bigger thrill? Or is really just a cultural phenomenon, where adventure has been part of the human tradition for centuries and will continue to do so? The debate remains because many argue that you just can’t reduce something as complex as human exploration to a single gene. Whilst there is always a possibility that it can explain the urge for adventure, but what about the ability, the motivation and the means? Another side of the coin says that it is the

fact that we have limbs and a brain that forces us to be curious creatures that enjoys stepping into the unknown and seeking that thrill. We have great mobility, extraordinary dexterity, and brains that can think imaginatively. Each amplifies the others: our infinite conceptual imagination greatly magnifies the effect of our mobility and dexterity, which in turn stirs our imaginations further thus starting the never-ending cycle of seeking and finding and seeking and finding. There may not be a while lot left to conquer in the world – the peaks, poles and oceans have been ticked off for a long time. And not all of us can buy a rocket or submarine to go search the best-kept hidden places of the universe. Yet we remain inquisitive beings, still searching in science and nature. In the twentyfirst century we have more leisure time, more money and more resources than ever. So naturally we are drawn to adventure because it is a challenge worth conquering. Be it because of our genes or our culture, life for every human being will always be about discovery and adventure. “To Infinity and Beyond!”




Cancer killers

Is the secret to preventing cancer in our food?

Joe Mangiapane | Staff Writer Cancer is a terrible disease that takes the lives of millions of people each year. In Canada, there are 186,000 new cases each year and 75,000 cancer related deaths, the majority of which occur in people over 50 years of age. So what exactly is cancer? Cancer develops when the growth of normal cells in the body becomes abnormal and cells divide uncontrollably. There are many different things that factor into the amount of risk a person has of developing cancer. These factors are such things as genetics, lifestyle, exposure to nuclear activity, or even diet. Our diet can increase or decrease the risk of developing

cancer over time, so let’s explore some foods that are “cancer fighting foods” (decrease the amount of risk) and see if they really live up to the hype. 1) Broccoli: Turns out a Mother’s intuition is always right. Broccoli is an excellent food that provides certain phytochemicals that have been proven to be associated with cancer prevention (tastes good with a little cheese too!). Sulforaphane, found in broccoli, kale, bok choy, and cabbage, has also been shown to exhibit multiple ‘anti-cancer’ properties helping us stay healthy. 2) Berries: Strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, and even grapes fall under this category as all of them provide us with a

compound called flavonoids. Flavonoids are superb compounds that act as antioxidants, which not only have the potential as a cancer combatant, but also could have the potential to act as a defence against heart disease. Flavonoids have also been shown to increase the duration of life of yeast but that doesn’t mean anything for humans, so we’ll hold off on organizing a parade for the time being. 3) Tomatoes: There is a worldwide trend that exhibits lower rates of lung, stomach, prostate, and oesophageal cancer in people who consume high amounts of tomatoes. The active ingredient in tomatoes is lycopene, an antioxidant that gives tomatoes their red pigment. Though the initial analysis

looks good, lycopene is an intermediate for producing beta-carotene (no vitamin A activity), and when beta-carotene supplements were given to smokers, there was actually an increased risk of lung cancer observed. The FDA has deemed the evidence for lycopene as a cancer preventing agent as insufficient and results should be viewed as a relationship due to association. My verdict? Eat your tomatoes. They provide many additional health benefits that may be associated with decreased cancer rates…. just don’t smoke at the same time. 4) Garlic: If you’re talking to someone and they have a stench of garlic on their breath, that’s a sign they are either health conscious or have great taste in food. Garlic is one of those food products that historically and through conventional research has been shown to provide multiple health benefits. The active ingredient is an organosulphur compound that is responsible for ever famous “garlic breath”. This compound has been shown to suppress harmful oxidizing compounds that damage genetic material in cells and trigger cancerous changes. Garlic is also a popular cholesterol lowering agent promoting a healthy cardiovascular system, as well as a possible antibacterial and can help prevent ulcers. However evidence on the latter is on-going. So what can we take from this? Are these food products our only healthy choices when it comes to preventing cancer? Absolutely not, there are many fruits and vegetable options that provide great health benefits associated with lower cancer risk. Starting with a healthy and balanced diet filled with a variety of foods, including fruits and veggies, is a great start to promoting a healthy life style, and thusly a lower cancer risk. At the end of the day human health is a multi-step process that requires multiple platforms, exercise, healthy eating, and healthy habits, all of which come together to combat disease, infection, and of course cancer.

Keep your germs to yourself! Sophie Isbister | The Other Press (Douglas College) NEW WESTMINISTER (CUP) — There are a lot of things to worry about at the beginning of any new semester, but winter poses particular challenges for students. Challenges that, according to my cursory field research, the average student is grossly incapable of facing head-on. Challenges like the flu and its less viral cousin, the common cold, both of which are making their evil, contagious way across the Canadian wilderness. Full-blown cold and flu season: coming soon to a classroom or bus near you! Why do I claim that students can’t cope? Because I see the same gross things every day. People on the busses and trains sneeze right into my face. People at school cough all over the public computers, their germy mouthspray infecting keyboards that countless other students have to use. Students walking the halls like zombies or plague victims, their glazed eyes darting back and forth, their feverish skin glowing like a beacon that screams “Infected! Infected!” The CBC reported Jan. 3 that a new strain of flu, which broke out over the holidays, is

seeing increased cases in metropolitan areas of Canada. Health Canada says there are 15 times the number of cases from last year. Virus rates are up, but the CBC says the peak is yet to come. They report that in two to three weeks, even more people across Canada will be hit by this particular flu. Like most strains of influenza, the one hitting Canada right now (the elegantly named H3N2 subtype)

affects the most vulnerable members of our population: the elderly and infants under one year of age. But that doesn’t mean students can’t or shouldn’t do their part. The use of vaccines in controlling virus outbreaks, while controversial among some people, is welldocumented and endorsed by public health officials. It’s not too late to get your vaccine if you haven’t already got the flu!

While it might be tempting to play through the pain and take your cold or flu to school for show-and-tell, we would all prefer that you didn’t, thanks. Even instructors at the college would rather you stay at home; I have yet to see one course outline that doesn’t excuse absences for a medical reason. So, fellow students, between now and that dreaded peak flu time, let’s all make a greater effort to follow some basic winter disease etiquette. For starters, just stay home! I know not everyone can afford to take time off work, but if you can, for the sake of my health, please do. Secondly, if you must venture into the world, know where to cough and sneeze: no coughing on other people, books, desks, SkyTrain poles, or your hand. The best place to cough is in the crook of your arm. The best way to wash your hands is with soap and warm water, and for at least 15 seconds according to Health Canada. The best place to put a soiled Kleenex is in the garbage, immediately. Where's the best place to put yourself when you come down with the cold or flu? That would be at home, in bed, with a healthy dose of chicken soup and Netflix.






So it's 2013, what's next?

What we're excited for in the new year Oksana - opinions Something that I’m looking forward to in 2013 is the release of the film version of Jordan Belfort’s book – The Wolf of Wall Street. Yes, I will also be finishing my undergraduate degree this year and moving on in life – definitely a milestone to look forward to and perhaps a tad more important than a movie release, but I can’t say that I’m not also looking forward to this film. It is set to be released in the Fall of this year, just in time for Oscar nominations so I’m preparing for something good from Martin Scorsese, who also directed Shutter Island and The Aviator. I realize that it’s rather easy to dismiss Jordan Belfort, the author of the novel and the man who’s life the movie is based on. After all, he represents corporate power, money laundering, corruption, etc.,

but I read his book over the break and, although it does absolutely nothing to present his life in a better light, it does teach some things about reaching for success. (It also gives some humorous insight into the stock market for any of you who are interested in matters of investing, but that’s beside the point). But seriously, Jordan Belfort became a stock market multi-millionaire at 26 – kind of impressive. Anyway, the lesson here is that it’s not enough to just be smart and passionate - behind every success there is a major effort mixed in with some luck of being at the right place at the right time. With that I’d like to come back to the fact that I will be graduating this year and life’s about to get real not only for myself, but for all students also graduating. I realize that not

all of us are cut out for the business world and I’m not here to claim that everyone can become the next ‘Wolf of Wall Street’, nor should they aspire to. However, if you’re going to pursue any type of a career, you will need some sort of plan of action and any inspirational material helps. Unless of course, you’re one of those lucky people who has a warm job spot waiting at your Dad’s company upon graduation, most graduates will be faced with looming student loan debt and a pretty pathetic job market. At some point or another, you will most likely have to do some major networking, so it’s time to assess your skill strengths and be prepared to sell, close the deal, and get the job. The truth is, no matter how technical the world gets, opportunities will happen through people. You will never

Cam - news Every week, every day, every minute. Nothing stays the same. In news it is our job to tell you what changes. Over the past year the Mike has been your source for what matters to you—University of Toronto students. This news section has covered stories from student mental illness, to City and provincial politics, to labour relations and strikes, and about student council. Even for students who do not spend much time on campus or engage in extra curriculars—everyone is impacted by what changes. Whether a strike, politics, administrative or student union changes, here are some important stories bound to be newsmakers in 2013. As the official newspaper of St. Michael’s college, the Mike is committed to bringing you relevant information about this unique institution. In the New Year keep an eye open for the St. Michael’s College Student Union (SMCSU)’s annual election, along with the Mike’s annual report card on their performance. The first semester was marred by two separate labour issues, and the Mike is committed to

keeping students up-to-date on strikes and lock-outs. If something occurs at St. Mike’s you need to know about, this is the place to look. Looking to the city, Rob Ford’s history as mayor is one marked by turbulence and controversy. Regardless of one’s stance on the mayor, he has a way of dominating headlines. His most important headline may be his last- as Ford struggles to keep his job as mayor following a court case late last year. What happens to the mayor in the coming weeks, and who potentially could replace him, could have a real impact on the average Torontonian. The future of the TTC, regulations, and even safety and security are in the hands of city hall—and who sits in the Mayor’s chair. Moving up a level of power, every U of T student should be aware that Queen’s Park is so much more than a medusa of pathways to cross from the East side of campus to the West-- it is home of the provincial legislature. In that legislature sits the Premier of Ontario, Dalton McGuinty. The premier will officially leave his


3 1 20 Sofia - sports

happen to be at that certain right place, at that right time, and talking to that right person if your plan of action for tomorrow consists of a television show marathon on Netflix. This is something that really upsets me - seeing people not live up to their full potential. It doesn’t have to mean that you must become a lawyer, an account executive, a doctor, a publisher, etc. – everyone has different passions, talents, and/or interests. Your full potential is succeeding in whatever it is that rewards you, personally, in the greatest way. So in 2013, stop blaming others for your problems, stop taking things personally, because anyone who tries to criticize your dreams or undermine you in any way is telling you their story, not yours. Why are you even hanging around people who aren’t supportive

of you? The truth is, if you are one of the many who are terrified of life after graduation – don’t be. Jordan Belfort is hardly a lifestyle role model (not at all actually) but if there’s a positive takeaway from his success story, it’s that: all you need is a framework to your dream, and your belief in yourself will manifest in whatever you do.

Lucy - arts post later this month, with the new premier being voted in a liberal convention to replace the outgoing leader. Without question, things are about to heat up. When you consider the province is the institution giving students their 30% tuition rebate, students should take notice. If power in the provincial legislature changes hands, it is unclear how it will effect students. Instability at the provincial level could lead to tuition fluctuations, other policies affecting the University of Toronto, and impacting all other post-secondary institutions. Of course, one could always gather this information elsewhere. There are many news agencies and various media one could look to in order to be kept up to date. What the Mike does is to filter out the noise—we gather information, and present what is important to you, the student. After all, the staff of this paper are as affected by the news headlines as much as the reader is.

It’s January and a new year. It’s time to shake off the languor that dusted our holidays and return to that familiar world of textbooks, syllabi and reading rooms. With work however comes play and there are a few diverting punctuations about which I’m particularly excited. Most immediately is Robin Hood: The Legendary Musical Comedy currently running at Hart House Theatre. I won’t go into it extensively as there’s a review of it in our arts section of this issue by a particularly good (some say brilliant) writer; an original twist on a familiar story, the musical is outrageously funny and I’d encourage you to go see it before it finishes on January 26th. Student tickets are only $15. Not exactly art house cinema I know, but I’m genuinely anticipating the release of Baz Luhrmann’s vision of Fitzgerald’s satirical novel, The Great Gatsby. Originally intended to be released this past Christmas, it has been moved to May 10th, 2013. It features some marvelous actors…and Tobey Maguire (why

do I want to throw things at him? Why?) Given the setting of the roaring 20s, I expect the story will not only stand but be enhanced by Luhrmann’s highly stylized direction. Side note: if satire of that particular era is your thing, check out Stephen Fry’s directorial debut in Bright Young Things, an adaption of Evelyn Waugh’s delicious novel, ‘Vile Bodies’. Early days to be thinking of summer but, while I’m holed up here in my cold room with my last clean sweater over which I just accidently spilled my earl grey tea, it can be a bit of a relief. The Open Roof Festival is an annual event that brings together the young Toronto community with film, music and sandwiches. This summer featured screening of Moonrise Kingdom and Beasts of the Southern Wild, and music by artists such as Bruce Peninsula. Look out for it as tickets go fast. It’s a lovely way to spend a summer evening. There are a myriad (I love that word) of other art events going on in Toronto throughout the year. Of course, you can search the internet

for listings but what I typically like to do is start with U of T, then move outward by venue. U of T’s Music Faculty is host to an outrageous number of engaging events—Sunday January 24th marks the first performance of their mounting of Antigone for example. I’d recommend regularly checking the TIFF Lightbox’s schedule of films as they’re always expanding their catalogue and often have their own mini-festivals celebrating a particular director or genre. Visit the websites of theatre companies such as Factory or Tarragon or Soulpepper. Go even farther afield-- the Shaw Festival is dramatizing Stoppard’s Arcadia this season which I’ve waited my whole life to see. Or, better yet and if you need to keep from straining the purse strings, stay in with a bottle of wine and huddle around an ipod dock with a few friends to listen to any of the latest released albums, such as Johnny Flynn & the Sussex Wit’s Bag of Hammers. Happy diversions.

The Mike and its dedicated staff strive to capture the vibrant spirit of St. Michael’s College with each issue. It is not only an objective—it is an ongoing project. Looking back, 2012 was a big part of that project. True to form, The Mike chronicled a variety of events that showcased the heart of St. Michael’s College. From Frosh Week and Kelly’s Korner to WinterFest and End of the World, the students here proved why St. Mike’s is the place to be. 2012 was a big year. It was my first year serving at The Mike’s Sports Editor. While I knew the job would require a great deal of energy and creativity, what I did not expect was how incredibly talented and devoted contributors were. Each issue was better than the last because of a growing interest in the section and a commitment to good journalism. In 2012, we welcomed new sections such as Sports in Brief, guest contributors from the Varsity Blues, and new writers to the team. In addition, my column Spin-o-Rama was picking up steam and I was thrilled with the positive

feedback from my fellow students. All in all, the section was growing and students were taking notice. I have the upmost confidence that 2013 will be another big year for The Mike Sports. We have a few returning contributors, which tells me they not only share in my belief but are ready to work towards improving and perfecting the section. Moving forward, I hope to include more coverage of Varsity Blues athletes. With the success of men’s baseball, men’s waterpolo, women’s field hockey, and women’s golf in recent memory, more attention should paid to athletes that proudly don our beloved T. I also encourage more of my fellow students to contribute to the section. New faces are always welcome! 2013 will have new challenges, goals, and stories. The Mike Sports is ready and excited to take it on!



Let the games begin!


NHL set to return after months of negotiations between the League and the Players Association Stephanie Posocco | Staff Writer Last Sunday, countless messages and cheers of joy woke me suddenly with news that the beloved game was returning to the ice. No, hockey fans; this was not a dream. After 113 exhausting days of negotiations, the National Hockey League and the Player’s Association finally settled on a new tentative 10-year Collective Bargaining Agreement. The new CBA addressed countless issues including those which proved most contentious during the meetings. There will be a drop in the player’s share of hockey-related revenue from 57 percent to a 50/50 split with the League. In regards to on-ice incidents, any issues regarding supplemental discipline will first go through NHL disciplinarian Brendan Shanahan to be followed by an appeals process which Commissioner Gary Bettman would oversee. For suspensions exceeding 6 games, a neutral third party will be called in to decide cases, if necessary. Also, the draft lottery has been modified, and will allow all 14 teams that do not qualify for the playoffs a chance

at the first overall pick. The shortened 48-game season will open Saturday, January 19th. Media platforms, the players and franchise owners are ecstatic about the return while many fans resent the League and the Players Association for allowing negotiations to proceed for as long as they did; the delay consequently cancelled not only half the season, but also the much anticipated Winter Classic. In order to sooth some sore feelings, many teams have taken steps to thank their fans for their ongoing support. The Penguins will reportedly provide free food at their first 4 games while the Stars will admit children for free, and the Stanley Cup Champion Kings have made donations to 4 major Los Angeles charities. Now, once the teams hit the ice, who has the best chance at Lord Stanley? How will the extended break affect teams that usually end up at the bottom of the pack come April? The break will benefit teams like the Kings whose goaltender, Jonathon Quick, has been sidelined due to injury for the last couple of months but should be game ready


Hurrah for The Hobbit Tolkien triumphs again!



Django Unchained unbeatable Reviewing Tarantino's recently released film

very soon. The Kings will also return with the same team that hoisted the Cup just months ago - the chemistry is there and the break may mean they are well rested and ready for another crack at the big prize. Teams like Philadelphia, who had most of its players in European leagues during the lockout, will benefit from having the majority of their players in game shape. Others, like the Red Wings, may find themselves in unusual territory as megastar defenseman and Captain

Niklas Lidstom may be hanging up his skates for good. The Wild, Canadiens, Hurricanes and Rangers used their off-time wisely. The Wild acquired Zach Parise and Ryan Suter, the Canadiens picked up Brandon Prust, the Hurricanes signed Jordan Staal and Alexander Semin, and the Rangers acquired superstar Rick Nash. These additions will no doubt start these teams out on the right foot. However, the most exciting team may just be the Oilers. Although

they have continually been circling the drain in the West come playoff season, with the last 3 first overall picks on the roster, we should hope to see their new young talent rise to the challenge. Joining former World Junior superstars Jordan Eberle, Taylor Hall and Ryan NugentHopkins, is Russian prodigy Nail Yakupov who will attempt to boost Edmonton’s offensive game. The 2013 season will definitely be short; but here’s hoping it’s a sweet one too.

Mia Rose Hugo | Staff Writer Emma George | Contributor


Superbowl XLVII is just around the corner. The teams in contention are the Baltimore Ravens, the New England Patriots, the San Francisco 49ers, and the Atlanta Falcons. Three of these four teams were in contention to win last years trophy (Ravens, Pats and 49ers). The Superbowl is Sunday February 3rd 2013.


It’s back! It’s back! It’s really really back! It’s not a dream! The shortened 48 game season starts on January 19th.


The Blue Jays announced on Monday January 14th that they have offered Colby Rasmus a years contract worth $4.675 million. It is the latest in contracts being offered to players from last year to extend team control over what is developing as one of the strongest lineups in the Major Leagues.


The Raptors luck may have changed. With a different starting rotation to what was expected at the beginning of the season (Bargani is injured, Lowry is getting bench minutes, and Caldron is on fire) the team is finally winning. They easily saw of the 76ers and the Bobcats. Their luck is not entirely changed though; the team fell to the Milwaukee Bucks 107-96.

The Hot Corner

1. In the EPL Aston Villa’s woes continued with a loss to Southampton this past weekend. The team has not won since their 3-1 trouncing of Liverpool on December 15th. 2. RGB3 proved once again why he should be named Rookie of the Year for the NFL. He played on during a deliberating knee injury to attempt to help secure the Redskins a playoff position. Though his endeavour failed, he has been named the PFWA Rookie of the Year. 3. Lionel Messi became the first person to win four consecutive Ballon d’Or Trophy for being an outstanding player (or Footballer of the Year). The award was given to him for the fourth time after the captain for each national team submitted a ballot listing their top three players from the previous year of competition. Lionel Messi continues to amaze, scoring 2 goals in his first two 2013 games. 4. Amir Johnson, a forward for the Toronto Raptors, put up a double double against the Milawukee Bucks despite needing to leave during the second quarter to have his ankle treated. The 6ft 9 player has infamously weak ankles. Despite his ongoing pains, he is averaging 20 points and 10 rebounds each game.

Directed by Peter Jackson, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, is a smashing success. Beautifully written by award-winning philologist and creative genius J.R.R. Tolkien, the 1937 children's novel has now officially left its mark (and what a mark it is!) on motion picture history. Released last month, the movie continues to dazzle audiences around the globe, raking in an estimated $223 million worldwide in its opening weekend alone. Topping the charts for "largest December opening in motion picture history," The Hobbit's midnight opening easily overtook all three of the other Lord of the Rings movies as well as previous record-holder, Avatar. Whilst global box office records are certainly an undeniable mark of theatrical success, there is much more to this hobbit's tale than its visually-pleasing production side. Although the cinematography was stunning and the acting all-around superb, it is the literary genius behind the tale that deserves most applause. Following the charming tale of Bilbo Baggins' (Martin Freeman's) unexpected adventure, the movie is an inspirational story of an ordinary person with extraordinary potential. In this case, the "person" happens to be a very respectable and always punctual little hobbit. 'What is a hobbit?' you ask. Well, as Professor Tolkien writes, hobbits are a “little people, about half our height... with little or no magic about them, except

the ordinary everyday sort.” They dominate neither visually nor verbally and are hardly noticed by us "Big People." Living in comfortably furnished holes in the ground, hobbits lead simple and honest lives. Breakfast, secondbreakfast, tea, brunch and multiple lunches are essential to hobbit life, as are neighbourhood parties, at times accompanied by Gandalf's (Ian McKellen) splendid fireworks display. Unlike their wizard friend, hobbits possess no special powers and are all the better for it. In sum, there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about hobbits. Yet, it is this very "ordinariness" that makes this particular hobbit perfect for the troupe's quest. Robbed of their kingdom under the Lonely Mountain in Erebor, a company of 13 dwarves led by Thorin Oakenshield (Richard Armitage) seek to reclaim their home from the clutches of Smaug the Dragon. Deserted by their elite Elvish allies in their time of need, Thorin's ancestors were forced to abandon their home and scatter across Middle Earth. Now, years later, Gandalf assembles the dwarves who, equipped with a secret map and key, set out to reclaim Erebor. The only problem is that they need someone who is light on their feet to be their official Burglar. Since the hobbit's scent is entirely unknown to the dragon, the company hires Bilbo to accompany them. As Bilbo has yet to learn, this unexpected journey is about much more than reclaiming Erebor. It

Fiona Kovacaj | Staff Writer

"The movie is an inspirational story of an ordinary person with extraordinary potential."

is a test of heart and strength, of friendship and trust. Above all, it is a story of self-sacrifice and belief in something greater than yourself. Whether by coincidence or fate, the ultimate significance of Bilbo's journey lies in his meeting Gollum/ Smeagol, the bearer of a terrible ring of power. As Gandalf puts it to Elvish Queen Galadriel, (played gracefully by Cate Blanchett) in the most revelatory scene of the film, "great evil cannot be defeated by great power but by simple, everyday acts of kindness. That is what keeps the evil at bay." And that, dear reader, is where Bilbo Baggins comes in. Unfortunately, the movie is a threepart adventure with the other two parts set for release in 2013 and 2014. For those who simply can't wait, try picking up a copy of the novel. You won't regret it.

Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained has exploded on our screens, often times literally. This dynamic film takes on an old Western twist inspired by the 1966 Spaghetti Western Django. Starring Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Samuel L. Jackson, this powerful cast made the film what it was: a thrilling adventure. Set in 1858, the film follows a slave by the name of Django (Jamie Foxx) whose life is turned around when he meets Dr. King Schultz (Christoph Waltz), a German dentist-turnedbounty hunter. Dr. Schultz liberates Django from his shackles and makes him a free man. All he asks is that Django helps him locate certain criminals—in other words, he asks Django to become his partner in bounty hunting. Yet, Django has another mission: to find his wife Broomhilda (Kerry Washington) from whom he was cruelly separated. Dr. Schultz agrees to help Django in his quest and they venture off to Candieland, a plantation owned by Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio) where Broomhilda is a slave. In order not to arouse suspicion Django and Dr. Schultz approach Monsieur Candie with the interest of buying one of his men for Mandingo fighting, a fight to the death sport. Yet, they walk on a very thin line and risk being caught at any moment, which would mean dire consequences for the both of them. Jamie Foxx gives a powerful

performance as the unstoppable Django. His co-star Christoph Waltz is equally strong as the eccentric German bounty hunter. Yet, it is Leonardo DiCaprio and Samuel L. Jackson who steal the spotlight as the brutal antagonists. DiCaprio gives a chilling performance as the charming yet vicious Monsieur Candie. From his inviting smile to his icy eyes, DiCaprio captures an unrelenting cruelty. Samuel L. Jackson plays the faithful, elderly servant who will stop at nothing to serve his master. Jackson’s and DiCaprio’s brilliant performances make these two characters seem invincible, contributing great suspense to the film. While the cast was exceptional, the film itself did not have much going for it in terms of plot. At times, it was very predictable and there were moments that Tarantino seemed to have recycled from his other films (particularly Inglorious Basterds). But for you Quentin Tarantino fans, there is no need to fear since it had all the Tarantino hallmarks of violence and gore. Being over two hours long though it would have also done the film some good to be shortened. There were many moments, particularly near the end where the story seemed to drag on when it could have reached an earlier conclusion. While a good film, this is not one of Tarantino’s classics like Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs. It is however, a wildly entertaining spectacle for anyone who needs something to watch on a Friday night.





Laugh so hard you will pee yourself Hart House Theatre's

Robin Hood:



mad recognition to Daniel James who played our endearing asshole of a Robin Hood, whose voice defies logic

(I did!)

The Legendary Musical Comedy I

’m sure we’re all familiar with the story of Robin Hood, be it through Kevin Costner, Michael Praed or Errol Flynn (Good Lord that man can carry a deer). At Hart House Theatre, yet another hunk joins that catalogue but this time, in a rather unexpected and delightfully funny deviation. He wears leggings. He has quads. He shoots arrows. He dresses up like a French maid. Hart House Theatre is currently running a remount of Robin Hood: The Legendary Musical Comedy based on the collective creation by Shakespeare by the Sea- Halifax… and folks, it’s a riot. Comparisons in describing any new show are inevitable, and this musical is a fairly wonderful collision of something like Monty Python and Little Britain; it even opens with a

A review by Lucy Coren | Arts Editor

narrator reminiscent of Tom Baker. Turning the familiar tale on its head, Robin Hood is not so dully altruistic; instead, he is unabashedly and charmingly selfish—if he gives money to the poor and food to the hungry, they owe him. This level of hyper self-awareness permeates the show from the text, up, and makes for some pretty devilish comedy. In a succession of hilarious characters who exchange at once pithy and groanworthy lines, it’s difficult to promote any one performance—it’s truly an ensemble effort. Quite literally, the ensemble is a colorful and variant character unto itself as they’re first the poor people of England, and then Prince John’s fully self-cognizant Goons. That being said, I have to throw some mad recognition out to Daniel James who played our endearing asshole of a Robin Hood, whose voice defies logic (see “Mon Sheriffe”). Also praise is deserved by Kevin MacPherson who played the adorably evil Prince John, and Kelly

McCormack as Will Scarlet who managed to punctuate a fairly straight character with some great comedic moments and a killer voice. I had the opportunity of sitting down with Jeremy Hutton recently, one of the creators of the musical and Hart House Theatre’s Artistic Director, to find out a bit about its eclectic history. It began as a collective creative at Shakespeare by the Sea in 2005 when Hutton and Jesse MacLean, who has directed the current run at Hart House, started discussing the idea of turning the stipulated family show into something bigger, more serious and more epic. Once Robin Hood was decided as the right story, they began writing with the input of MacPherson (Prince John), William Foley (who plays the Sheriff of Nottingham) and Jennifer Morris (playing Maid Marion). Since its genesis the musical has seen a great deal of reworking and migration. It has been performed under the direction of Hutton twice at Toronto Youth Theatre, and again by MacLean at Shakespeare by the Sea. The addition of co-composer Kieran MacMillan saw further changes in the music and story until it was reworked and molded into the

product it is now. The overwhelming history of the music for the show seems to be one of collaboration and yet it appears seamless. When asked about this Hutton said, “it’s pretty hard to distinguish what is mine or Kieran [MacMillan’s] work. It’s one of the reasons I like working with him so much. It changes from song to song: sometimes Kieran composes and writes lyrics, sometimes I do, and sometimes it’s a big collaboration. Often times I try to have melodic ideas or choruses ready to hand to him or vice versa and we work it out”. In how he felt about exchanging directorial hands with MacLean, Hutton said, “Jesse has an openness and collaborative quality—there’s not an ounce of ego in the guy. We’re all just really passionate about it. Jesse will listen to all input because he wants it to be as good as it can be”. Robin Hood: The Legendary Musical Comedy is playing at Hart House Theatre from January 11th to the 26th with tickets only $15 for students. Go. I’d bet my most recent grocery shop that you will an outrageously fun time. And I just bought a new toothbrush. So I have a lot riding on this.




What do you think this is?

The influence imbalance How transparency in lobbying could improve government

A Review of Alice Munro’s Who Do You Think You Are? Alexandra Beamish | Staff Writer Oh Alice Munro, how you move me so! Munro’s highly acclaimed collection of short stories, Who Do You Think You Are? has been on my reading list for a while. Although it was published in 1978, it still bears relevance and poignancy today and so I very happily volunteered this belated review. The collection of short stories following Rose, the protagonist, as she sets off to build her life from childhood to adulthood; every story is centered around Rose, each delivering a more in depth account of her life. By the end of the book, I felt as though Rose’s character had melted into my own life, and I was almost sad to let her go. Rose straddles two worlds; although she grows up in the sequestered, poor town of Hanratty, she is exposed to a different, wealthier way of life as she moves to Toronto, increasing her awareness of social stratification. As her horizons broaden, Rose’s taste for the “good life” becomes an incessant ambition. Rose encounters a wide array of relationships in her life, but constantly feels as though she lacks a missing piece: a certain

allegro, a passion that is impossible to attain. I hate to break it to all you romantics out there, but this is no love story. This is a story about a social outcast who, frankly, remains a social outcast throughout. As you are reading, you may frequently ask yourself, “Who really is Rose”? Rose is an actress: the world is her audience. If you hold the bildungsroman close to your heart, this anthology may not be your cup of tea. Who Do You Think You Are? is not a coming of age narrative; rather, it challenges this literary trope. Rose is a static character who grows physically but does not substantially grow emotionally. Through Rose’s character, Munro demonstrates that personal growth contains many deficiencies, and that it is ultimately impossible to reach a stage of utter individual fulfillment because, like Rose, we are defined by our mistakes, as well as by the societal roles we play. As mystifying as Rose seems, there may be a little bit of her in all of us. Another defining feature of this book is the frequency of idiosyncrasies, which will either attract or drive away readers. First off, Munro’s emphasis on food, notably in the story entitled ‘Half



a Grapefruit,’ signals the way a simple fruit can distinguish social class. These distinctions are not always initially apparent but become metaphorical commentaries on social status, or on the problems of “fitting in.” Munro also does not shy away from disturbing imagery, offering a myriad of unconventional descriptions. While many romantic novels refine or even mask any repulsive images, Munro stresses the details that some may prefer not to imagine. Picture it: that oversharing friend who gladly provides an in depth account of their violent and sickly disgorgement? This book is that friend. Whether she is describing outhouses, a violent beating, or “bootleggers and prostitutes,” Munro’s sordid imagery reminds us that this world is not always a locale for romanticism. Her descriptions shed a new light on these mundane subjects and grant them an oddly intriguing status. For all of you avid (or not so keen) readers out there, Who Do You Think Are? is worth the read. The anthology’s raw colors will stain your consciousness and leave you with a bitter but perhaps satisfying aftertaste. If that is not absolutely enthralling, I don’t know what is!

Michael Chwalek | Staff Writer Greenpeace recently dug up a letter from leaders in the energy sector addressed to Ottawa, which details a series of requests for environmental regulatory reform. The letter itself seems innocuous enough; mild, business language; vague sketches of change; a brief listing of some six outdated environmental laws that could see improvement. But then 4 of those 6 laws were drastically changed not even 5 months after the letter had been sent. Both omnibus budget bills have sneaked in environmental reforms, ranging from decreasing the number of assessments to limiting protection for waterways. But I thought that’s what lobby groups were supposed to do? The Natural Resources Minister said that he often meets with energy

representatives, in addition to environmental groups; lobbyists try and influence the legislative process, and this definition includes everyone and anyone: special-interest groups, non-profits, protesters – any person that wants to see change is in some small way bending government process to their whims. Nevertheless, comparing the multi-billion dollar energy sector with a social group like “environmentalists” (or any constituent really) is just inane. Sure, the government meets with lobbyists on both sides of an issue, but in the case of the environment, meetings with oil industry representatives have exceeded meetings with environmental groups by 463 percent, according to stats from the Polaris Institute. Not only do these huge corporations have more resources at their disposal, their lobbyists get more time with

our representatives. It seems to me an awful lot like the government has already made up its mind, and is just going through the motions. One of my main problems with any highpowered, high profile lobbying is that none of it happens in lobbies anymore – it’s all a closed-door reception, where there’s no room for counter-argument from academics, citizens, or experts. Sure, using the Access to Information Act an organization like Greenpeace can pull out an old piece of correspondence (provided that they know what they’re looking for), but that won’t prove anything, it only implicates. And as we’ve seen with our current environmental laws, it all happens too late. Despite these dangers I don’t think we can say there’s anything fundamentally wrong with corporate lobbying – well, not unless we want to take away those same rights from the common citizen. However the process behind it needs to clarified and subjected to public scrutiny. We obviously can’t have every single letter or meeting passed through an inquiry, but we should at least have laws in place that limit the correspondence that powerful interests can have with the government, and balance that with other organizations, other viewpoints. So there are fiscal boundaries to any efficient system of accountability, and perhaps those outer limits are set too tight – we may never truly trust that our leaders are acting with the majority’s best interests in mind. But I say we need to keep questions of “power lobbying” at the forefront; and let them take center stage whenever a suspicious bill slips into the House of Commons.

The true dangers of taking candy from strangers John Castellarin | Staff Writer Growing up many of us were given the same advice from our parents. We can all recall being told to look both ways before crossing the street and not to take candy from strangers. Upon considering this advice, it is very easy to see why you should look both ways before crossing a street; the consequences of death or severe injury being great motivators to follow the advice. But taking candy from strangers? The motivations to heed such advice are not as clear. Now most people might say the main reason you shouldn’t take candy from a stranger is that the candy may have been tampered with. Although this has some merit, it fails to acknowledge the main problem with accepting candy from an unknown individual. The fact of the matter is that candy is terrible for your teeth. Whether it’s Hot Tamales or Sour Patch Kids, the amount of sugar in candy will wreak havoc on your pearly whites. A common response would be to simply brush your teeth but if the person you encounter is a stranger, chances are you aren’t at home and if you’re not at home you probably don’t have a toothbrush. So every minute you spend between eating that candy and going home is taking more money from your pockets and putting it into the hands of your dentist. A second reason you shouldn’t take candy from a stranger is because odds are the candy he’s giving you isn’t very good. People don’t tend to simply give away good candy. If the stranger is giving away candy out of the kindness of his heart, there’s a strong chance

When it comes to gambling, taking precautions just makes sense. Take our quiz online for a chance at a home entertainment system.

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it’s stale or tastes like dirt. If it actually is good candy such as Fuzzy Peaches, it is more than likely this stranger wants something in return. However, since you’re so busy with school, doing other people favours at this time of year isn’t really feasible. My grandfather always said, “If it sounds to good to be true, it probably is”, so if you encounter a stranger giving out some treats, you should probably pass on the offer because they’re either no good or he’s looking for someone to help him wash his car. If you’re still not convinced that you shouldn’t take candy from strangers, need I remind you that your new year’s resolution for 2013 was to lose weight? How are you going to get into shape for your reading week vacation in Varadero when you say ‘Yes’ every time a stranger offers you a pack of Twizzlers? However, it is important to note that this rule

does not apply if you are offered gummy bears, as they are fat free. Therefore you can pretty much eat as many as you want and not get fat. If you are fortunate enough to be offered gummy bears from a stranger, he’s probably a very health conscious individual and may be someone to consult for advice in the future with regards maintaining a healthy diet. In summary, because of the various threats associated with taking candy from strangers, one should refrain from accepting treats under most circumstances. In the unlikely event you are unable to decline the offer, there’s no need to worry because you don’t have to eat the candy right away. Just take it and then give it to a friend. Seeing as how you’re not a stranger to your friend, they can eat it without hesitation.





(CUP) — Puzzles provided by Used with permission.

Comedians Corner My rejection letter from Sundance Danny Dillabough | The Muse (Memorial University) ST. JOHN'S (CUP HUMOUR) — We at the Sundance Film Festival Submission Committee have received your submission of your film entitled My Home Movies, 1995-2005. Unfortunately, while this film demonstrates a great deal of potential, we unfortunately have to reject it at this time. First off, we applaud you for taking a unique and unconventional filmmaking approach to this project. While the “found footage” genre of films has arguably been overdone in the past few years, we found your approach of using extremely poor lighting, interminable sound quality and a deliberately shaky and uninspired mis-en-scene to be a breath of fresh air. Indeed, we felt almost as if we were watching an actual home video. However, our committee did have a number of issues with the presentation of your film. First of all, the protagonist is completely unlikable. His performance as "Sheep #2" in the Christmas pageant scene was completely unconvincing. Furthermore, having him cry in the birthday party scene when he didn’t receive the Nintendo 64 that he wanted just makes him come off as an unlikable brat. In addition, our committee did have a number of problems with

the narrative structure of your film. While we here at Sundance tend to encourage unique and innovative methods of storytelling, at the end of the day we really recommend that, in future, you utilize a more conventional method of storytelling. As an example, you have one scene would feature a bunch of kids opening Christmas presents, and then the next would be a soccer game that happened six months later, with no explanation of what happened in between. It’s almost as if you just strung together a bunch of unrelated moments in someone’s life. We believe that the third act could also be a lot tighter. While a typical film would have the various storylines in the film come together and build into a dramatically satisfying climax, you chose to end your film with a continuous forty minute shot of teenagers doing poorly executed skateboard tricks. We hope you’ll take this advice into consideration while prepping your next project. While we admire your guile and determination, your film, unfortunately, is incoherent, self-serving, and frankly, a bit of a snooze. Please consider sending it Cannes, where I’m sure it will fit right in with the rest of their line-up. All the best, Max Fruckensteiner

want us to feature your art? send poems, photos and drawings to

Horoscopes Aquarius | January 23 February 22

Gemini | May 21 - June 21

You’re going to have a really great semester, I can feel it! Free deodorants will be handed to you on the street! Men will tell you that you smell nice! And is that gummy bear I see on the ground yours? I think it is!

Prepare yourself for a rollercoaster of emotions over the next few weeks. Things will happen; some will make you smile, some will make you sad. But everything is inevitable! Sorry I can’t be more specific, but the more details I give you, the better the chance I am wrong, and I hate being wrong.

Pisces | February 23 March 22 Don’t let your inhibitions get in your way this month. One time, I let my inhibitions get in my way, and now I write horoscopes for one of U of T’s smallest newspapers. Go for the gold, or else you’ll end up with the copper, or some other shitty metal.

Cancer | June 22 - July 22

Aries | March 21 April 19

Leo | July 23 - August 22

Make the most of your time on this earth, because the next one they send you to could be way suckier. On the bright side, it could be way better, in which case hurray! Imagine a world where no one sticks gum under desks, where cocaine is cheap and harmless, where Girls is on every day and Jon Stewart is president of whatever version of America this new Earth has. Gosh, Scientology is fun. I assume this is the world they have promised?

Taurus | April 20 - May 20 Over the next few months, these horoscopes are going to become 40% more accurate thanks to a crystal ball I got for Christmas. Tell your friends!!

Don’t let people trick you into thinking that Happy Endings is a good show. It’s not.You know what is good? Archer. Go watch Archer, your day will get much better.

Take a chance today, Leo. Do something spontaneous! Don’t go crazy, like don’t just cross the street without looking like that grandma in Mulan. Great movie. Maybe stay home and watch that. That’s spontaneous.

Victoria Marshall Future Seer General guy. If you follow your heart, then everything else will fall into place eventually. That’s the moral of Mulan I think, and it’s a good one.

Scorpio | October 23 November 22 Sometimes, when I’m lying in my bed, I think about the ridiculous amount of stuff I own. My room is full of books and a secret candy stash and 20 Titanic posters and a cool heater your can stick your hand in (the Dyson one!) and a night-light that projects stars on my ceiling. We are a very lucky bunch.You don’t have to stop and talk to those over-enthusiastic people with clipboards on the street, but maybe start sponsoring a child. They send you cute mail and some of your money will be doing good somewhere.

Sagittarius | November 23 - December 22 Take up a new hobby. Maybe fishing. Can you fish in Lake Ontario? Find out!

Virgo | August 23 September 22

Capricorn | December 23 - January 22

BRB watching Mulan

The last horoscope is never good, mostly because your birthday just passed, so you got a good one last time. But did we have an issue out over your birthday? If not, sorry. Maybe you shouldn’t have been born over Christmas. But you probably know that already. Stealing Jesus’ thunder. Kinda blasphemous, no?

Libra | September 23 October 22 Hey, I’m back! You know what’s great about Mulan? How her family doesn’t support her in the beginning, but when they realize that she’s just trying to do what’s right, then they love her again. Plus she brings home the hunky

The Mike, January 16, 2013  

The Official Newspaper of St. Michael's College at the University of Toronto

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