Anjum Anand Making life look easy
Constructive Goal setting for teenagers
Non violent Communication and NLP
Charles Faulkner Adapting approaches
THE MAGAZINE FOR PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
Welcome to the Summer issue of Rapport. With ANLP officially becoming a ‘not for profit’ Community Interest Company (p32), we are certainly used to changes in this office. Lala is back from Australia, and is now off to Asia, so we have recently appointed a dedicated membership Secretary, Cheryl, to support Members and deal with all aspects of membership. We also welcome Wendy, who is taking on a PA/Admin role, and Ana, our new Marketing Consultant, who is already making an impact. As we know, NLP and Coaching are fabulous ways of dealing with ‘change’, as ANLP Member Mandy Taylor reports in our End Note (p46).
Conference review and NLP Presuppositions
Goal setting for teenagers
18 BASIC NLP
Ask don’t sell
Hopefully, however these ideas develop, we will be able to disagree without being disagreeable – ably guided by Eve’s inspiring feature on Non Violent Communication (p30)!
32 ANLP DEVELOPMENT
Rosie O’Hara has been building the confidence of Teenagers in Scotland, using constructive goal setting (p16). I guess I’d know all about ‘constructive goal setting’… as I sit in a very warm caravan, typing this up on a sunny evening in June, I marvel at how things do progress once a ‘well formed outcome’ (or set of plans, in our case) is made. I can now look outside and see our beautiful new home, which has evolved over the last few months and is now free from the shackles of scaffolding. Working towards a goal, however big or small, is something very special.
The rocky road to Beijing
Andy raises an interesting question by asking ‘Who trains the NLP trainers of the Future?’ on page 6. Some interesting ideas come to light, and as a CIC we will be developing these further in the coming months, so please contact us if you would like to be involved.
And should we need any more inspiration along the rocky road ahead, we simply have to read about the challenging yet determined journey being taken by Chris Evangelou, a young boxer being coached and mentored to achieve greater things (p14).
14 PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
Next generation coaching
Events taking place over the next few months
39 BOOK REVIEWS
6 Cover stories
Developing the NLP community
Non violent communication
40 AUTHOR INTERVIEW
44 REGIONAL GROUPS
42 PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT
The Achiever Club
Publisher: Karen Moxom email@example.com, 0845 053 1162 Company Reg No. 05390486 Phoenix Publishing Ltd 41 Marlowes Hemel Hempstead, HP1 1LD Rapport published by Phoenix Publishing on behalf of ANLP. Design: Square Eye Design
DISCLAIMER The views within this magazine are not necessarily those of the publisher, nor does the publisher endorse the products or services promoted in the magazine. Articles are for information only and intent is to inform. Readers should seek professional advice before adopting any suggestions or purchasing any products herein.
Is your writing important?
The latest books reviewed by our panel
Editorial Team: Caitlin Collins, Andy Coote, Eve Menezes Cunningham Team@rapportmag.com, 0845 053 1162 Art Editor: Enzo Zanelli Advertising: David Hammond firstname.lastname@example.org, 0845 053 1189 Membership, subscriptions and back issues: Cheryl Fergie Members@anlp.org, 0845 053 1162
rapport - Summer 2008
Short Introduction to Indigo – NLP
ndigo NLP is the start of some thing new, offering individual and group sessions in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). Suzi Buckley, the founder, has been using NLP since 2000 and her vision was to pass this learning and understanding to all who should and can benefit. Currently studying and working towards her NLP Master Practitioner status, Suzi feels privileged to be able to capture and deliver her learning in to the publics’ perception. Indigo went live in September 2007 and is now a developing organisation, supported by Office Saints, Evolution Training and a collection of close friends - without their support Indigo NLP would still be a dream. The main focus of Indigo NLP is to support the pregnancy process by offering a workshop
for parents of the unborn child. The aim is to support all values and ethics of this knowledge and to support the integration of this in to society via Government practices. The workshop is reaching a good place and the future is bright - working in local communities and central maternity units in supporting the craft of parenting from the start, is the vision, as well as being the first, positive process to building bonds and enhancing communication through positive pregnancy. To gain a full case study without harming the current known maternity process, funding for this proposed year case study is vital. Close
liaison with other community-based centres will support this initiative and help monitor the individuals. This in turn may lead to other intervention and be a positive referral point for all involved. Therefore, linking and direction to other services and networking within the local community is vital. If you have any feedback or can support in this integration please contact Suzi Buckley on email@example.com.
Fashion Swap Shop
he TV production company Silver River is making a brand new prime-time fashion series for BBC2. They are looking for women across the UK to swap and shop, trading in quality clothes and accessories from high street wear to
designer pieces, for a new wardrobe without spending a penny. Maybe the best clothes to swap will have been sitting in a wardrobe and never been worn, or are vintage, have been outgrown, or maybe there are just too many gorgeous shoes and handbags in the
wardrobe to cope with! If you would like to apply to be a part of this exciting new series, or if you just want further information please get in contact. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org Phone: 020 7307 2746
Success is a slow burn
didn’t plan for my work to be splashed across two pages of the Daily Mail in the middle of May. However, what I have learned is that outcomes can be funny things. Once you let them out into the world they have a habit of doing their own thing. Like a wedding or Civil Partnership they take on a life of their own. Recently I edited an edition of the journal “The Psychotherapist” for the United Kingdom Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP #37). In this edition I wanted to include the voice of a client. Who better than a journalist? Jaci had mentioned wanting to write about our work together. So I took a leap of faith and asked her to contribute to my edition. Then she took the UKCP article, added to it, the Daily Mail liked it and on May 14th it appeared. Some 2,500 words that even if I had wanted to I couldn’t have afforded to pay for. Again, I didn’t plan to seek out journalists as clients or seek to work with them to create positive stories. Just as I didn’t seek to be on television
Summer 2008 - rapport
in the 1980s when the AIDS crisis first hit. And yet I knew that I did want to make some kind of change and I did want to ensure that in some way that the work I did had positive outcomes. The most that I did was to have a clear, if broad outcome – “get the message out”. From that simple statement of intent I was then drawn to make the most of all the opportunities around me and so create some luck. There is a lot in NLP about quick changes and accelerated learning. And yet NLP is also about taking action, and action takes time and has a cost - an outlay. In my case I needed to do an apprenticeship. After 10 years or so polishing my skills I feel like I am graduating. From being booked up a week or so in advance I am now fully booked almost a month ahead. I am writing this just a week after the article appeared and who knows what the next call will bring. Be assured that I intend to make the most of it. Martin Weaver
2-day Coaching in Tuscany
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Who Trains the NLP Trainers of the Future? NLP Training can be expensive in time as well as money. So it is only to be expected that those who are seeking training would like to be certain that their choices of trainer and approach offer a quality result that will be accepted widely. Andy Coote asks how far this ideal is true and what is needed to improve the perception of NLP training amongst decision makers.
n previous debates, we have looked at how the techniques of NLP can be made available to a much wider and - by implication â€“ more mainstream audience. To do that we have talked about making the certification of Practitioners and Master Practitioners more rigorous and transferable and about embracing academic research in order to build the evidence base that will allow practitioners to work in evidence-based
Summer 2008 - rapport
environments such as the NHS (UK National Health Service). This time we look at the key resource in delivering NLP practitioners of all levels into the marketplace â€“ the trainers. Specifically, we are considering, who trains and certifies the trainers, how that is done, what NLP Training consists (and should consist) of and how it is externally perceived in the wider training context. A model for how training could
develop to deliver a stronger, more robust NLP community is also put forward. Not everyone will like the model, but it is one that may need to be seriously considered if we are not to lose even the position NLP currently occupies. NLP Training, as indeed NLP itself, has developed through training and mentoring on a master-apprentice model. The co-founders of NLP are both still active and training new trainers, as are those that they have trained
over the years. Lisa Wake considers herself to be ‘third generation’ having been trained by trainers who themselves were trained by Richard Bandler and/or John Grinder. There is an alphabet soup of organisations, some issuing certificates and others, including ANLP International, for whom this magazine is published, accrediting trainers based on published criteria. All of our interviewees noted that some ‘schools’ of NLP will accept certificates from other schools and some won’t. Ben Lacey, researching the topic found that the situation was “confusing. I discovered such a difference in standards with some trainers moving the goalposts in what they offered whilst others told me that they wouldn’t recognise certain certificates. It didn’t fill me with confidence or help me to make my decision.” There does seem to be some tacit consensus on the levels of qualification, especially Practitioner and Master Practitioner. David Shephard believes that “from a standards point of view, we are not a long way apart. The INLPTA requirements are similar to those for ANLP International and ABNLP. Provided the training that you did meets those guidelines, you can join ANLP or ABNLP and be accredited by them”. Course length and content are, however, variable between schools and approaches. “Some trainer training concentrates mostly on stage skills,” notes Ralph Watson. “I prefer to take a little longer and focus on the process as well as presentation. I try to achieve unconscious competence in the process to allow the trainer to be ‘in the room’ and able to support the participants.” NLP Training seems logically to break down into three areas – NLP Knowledge, experience of using the NLP techniques and Training Skills. Is it possible to consider it this way? Lisa Wake believes that it is. “In health, education and sport there is a requirement to demonstrate breadth and depth of knowledge in the field and a standard of professional competence along with a clear understanding of, and competence in, training skills”. Depth and breadth of knowledge can be demonstrated currently by Practitioner and Master Practitioner qualifications. Experience, however, is not always seen as essential. “Some people seem to move from practitioner onto master practitioner and then want to move straight into training and that worries me” notes Ralph Watson. Ben Lacey agrees, “I can see that, as it stands, someone could get the
theoretical knowledge, do a trainer training and then teach, possibly on a flawed basis. It could lead the reputation of NLP to take some major steps backwards. People are paying money to undertake NLP courses and NLP could
“bad habits or approaches that need some unlearning.” Ben Lacey, as a professional trainer, begs to differ. “Whilst having NLP skills has helped improve the effectiveness of my instructional techniques, I’ve seen examples of NLP trainers who have little understanding of modern instruction methods and practices – for example a complete lack of understanding of diversity and inclusion.” Reframing the situation, maybe there is an opportunity for the wider training community to benefit from the inclusion of NLP trainers within their ranks and vice versa. Could NLP skills contribute additional dimensions to the general training skills / instructional techniques knowledge base? What might prompt the NLP Community to make changes? All of our participants talked about negative (away from) and positive (towards) motivators. Taking the negative motivators first, two major threats are likely to come from external sources. Ben Lacey talked about the difficulties he faces when proposing NLP to senior police managers. “The first questions they ask are ‘where is the governing body’ and ‘what are the standards’. They are talking about spending significant sums of money and they want to have clear value from the investment”. It will not just be managers in the Police Service that want to be assured that they are making a supportable decision. They want, according to Lacey, to have “recognition of relevant certificates and experience already acquired and portability of the qualification”. Because the certificates are not mandatory, in theory anyone can set up to train NLP and issue their own certificates which leads Lacey to ask “what credibility is there in the current approach? Some experts in instructional techniques have a low opinion of NLP and that, coupled with the lack of a strong governance means that senior decision makers will make the safer decision and not go ahead.” Governance – though how strong is not clear - may be coming and that is seen by some as a threat suggests Lisa Wake, though it need not be. The Leitch Review of Skills reinforced the UK approach to delivering skills that fit into a framework of levels. “To qualify as a psychotherapist with the UKCP, candidates will be working at postgraduate level (level 4), so the trainer probably needs to be at postgraduate level too. Paul Tosey and the Surrey University research department are working on a PhD
Who trains and certifies the trainers, how that is done, what NLP Training consists (and should consist) of? become devalued by poor quality training”. To be accredited by ANLP International, a trainer needs to be able to demonstrate 2 years experience of NLP but, at present, there is no necessity to be accredited. Training as a skill has been developed into qualifications such as City and Guilds 730 or PGCE. Qualified trainers may feel that they already have the necessary skills to train NLP but some NLP insiders are unsure. David Shephard feels that the trainer should be “using NLP techniques in the training. It is walking the talk in my view. Students are given an example of how they should be approaching NLP training”. Ralph Watson adds that some trainers may come to NLP training with
rapport - Summer 2008
Leitch Review http://www.dfes.gov.uk/furthereducation/ index.cfm?fuseaction=content. view&CategoryID=21&ContentID=37
BPS Section 60 Consultation http://www.bps.org.uk/the-society/statutoryregulation/statutory-regulation---latest-updates/ statutory-regulation---latest-updates_home.cfm
(level 5) in NLP, Kingston University have an MA in coaching and NLP at level 4 and other UK universities are looking to including NLP modules at Master’s level. Trainers, too, will need to be operating at Masters level.” There is disagreement about the timing of regulation of NLP. Lisa Wake sees it coming later in 2008, at least in the UK, precipitated by the Health Professions Order, 2001, the creation of the Health Professions Council and recent ‘Section 60’ consultations between The British Psychological Society (BPS) and the Department of Health. “As well as regulating psychology, the BPS will also regulate psychotherapy. As there are 150 –200 Neurolinguistic Psychotherapists in the UK (members of NLPtCA and UKCP mostly) who will be part of the regulation, training of those people at least will come under the regulatory regime as well. Similar changes are also happening in other geographies.” Ralph Watson sees regulation as a much longer-term issue, however, in common with the other participants, was keen to stress the positive drivers for change. Both David Shephard and Lisa Wake commented on the market penetration of NLP today. David Shephard suggested that, maybe, 2-3% of the general public “might have heard of NLP but only 1% would be able to give an explanation of what it is”. Lisa Wake speaks for a number of her ‘third generation’ colleagues when she says, “We believe something has to be different. There is a big world out there that is not being exploited or served effectively
Summer 2008 - rapport
by the NLP community. In my town, which has 70,000 people, maybe 30 or 40 people would have heard of NLP. Yet the market could be as big as 45 to 50,000 people in just that one town”. “If NLP wants to be central and not faffing about at the edges,” suggests Ben Lacey, “it needs to start working towards a more transparent system of standards and accreditation. People will then trust it more.” So what should the NLP community be doing to make changes? Beginning a process of central standard setting, working with as many of the schools and associations involved in NLP would be a start. If that could lead to an agreed minimum curriculum for each level, even better. Standards needn’t restrict trainers from developing their own unique approach suggests Ralph Watson, “You can have standards and still retain a Unique Selling Point. Each trainer has their own slant and experience. If you use standards as the minimum requirement, each trainer can add to them their own industry or skills focus.” Beyond that, adopting external best practice for quality in training may be a good route, suggests Ben Lacey, “We have to work to Edexcel standards. Each individual trainer is assessed every six months. The assessors sit in on sessions and produce an assessment which is then acted upon. If we do not pass, there may the need for a development plan or, in some cases, the trainer may be withdrawn from training duties altogether”. By accepting external validation of the qualifications of NLP, the community will
be following the Leitch Review approach, becoming more evidence based in approach and issuing qualifications that will be relevant to other learning pathways. By separating knowledge, evidence of practice and training skills, it should be possible to give credit for experience and for non NLP qualifications. Finally, as we discussed in the last issue, improving the links with academic research and teaching may lead to better clinical acceptance of NLP and assist with access to markets. This approach will not be for everyone but, I believe, the community needs to consider the implications of not changing in this way. To get involved in this debate go to the ANLP website at http://www.anlp.org/forum/default.asp and go to the ‘General Interest’ section or write to the Editor. Participants Ben Lacey Police Trainer and NLP Master Practitioner Dr. David Shephard NLP Master Trainer, The Performance Partnership http://www.performancepartnership.com/ Ralph Watson International Trainer of NLP, Master Trainer of Coaches, Dynamic Communication http://www.dynamic-communication.com/home.html Lisa Wake Trainer of NLP, Neurolinguistic Psychotherapist, Awaken Consulting http://www.awakenconsulting.co.uk/
The Creator of Provocative Therapy comes to the UK Frank Farrelly Workshop Nov 1 & 2 Leeds UK Hosted by Tranceforming NLP
A rare opportunity to see a Master of Communication in action Learn about Provocative Therapy direct from the source Limited places available £549 plus vat Book online at www.tranceformingnlp.com Tel 01274 622994 Discover Provocative Therapy articles, AFPT membership options, free downloads and CD, DVD products at www.associationforprovocativetherapy.com www.provocativetherapy.info
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Charles Faulkner Adapting Approaches Charles Faulkner is the Director of Programs for NLP Comprehensive, a principle in Influential Communications and the author or co-author of ten titles including the audio and book NLP: The New Technology of Achievement (Nightingale Conant:William Morrow). He is a Diplomat of NLP, a Fellow of ANLP and a Visiting Senior Fellow at the University of Surrey School of Management
by Eve Menezes Cunningham
harles first learned about NLP through Structure of Magic, vol 1. He had already studied Transformational Grammar at university and applied it to crisis intervention. So, it made immediate sense that language could create change. This was confirmed on reading ‘Frogs into Princes’ and he started studying NLP. This led him to Grinder, Bandler and the Andreases. Charles says, “I came to NLP at a time when it was still very much mixed with Eriksonian Hypnosis. It was accepted that to be a Practitioner you would have at least an equal amount of Eriksonian training. I was very fortunate to study with Stephen Gilligan, Paul Carter, Dave Dobson and others. “The idea of developing unconscious signals to point out important stuff was de rigeur. It was what you did. You set them up with yourself and when you worked with clients, you set up signals with them as a way to know whether their unconscious mind was tracking or not. It seems as if a lot of that has slipped by the wayside.” Although Charles feels that the public perception of hypnosis “hasn’t moved a centimetre”, he thinks it’s more down to “serious unknowing” than fear. He quoted Stephen Gilligan quoting Milton Erikson: “All experience is, in a sense, hypnotic. The ability to hold the goal in mind is a positive hallucination. The ability to not see one’s keys on the table when one is rushing about the house in the morning is a negative hallucination. All the different types of hypnotic phenomena are part of our skill set. “Just the other evening, I was talking to some traders and I said it’s
like using an active imagination to redo one’s past. Most people are more comfortable with the idea of imagination rather than this word ‘hypnotism’‚ which has a long history associated with showmanship, performances and control over others.” One of the unconscious signals Charles set up for himself alerts him to times when he may be struggling too hard. He says, “A lot of life, for a lot of people, a lot of the time, is struggle.” Charles believes that expectations often make people push harder on the same thing. Instead, he suggests asking yourself, “Is this a time for persistence or is this a time for cleverness? Use the clutch and try a different gear. Try a different road!” “You see people furrowing up their brow in a, ‘If I can just beat this person into submission, then they’ll understand.’ This is a good sign that it’s time to try something else.” And that’s where his love of modelling helps. Charles says, “When I was doing my NLP work, I was enamoured with modelling. I may have been the first person to say to John Grinder, ‘I want to be a modeller’. I wasn’t interested in being a trainer, I wasn’t interested in being a practitioner, or having a therapy clinic or any of those sorts of things. John, at that time, insisted that all of us open a clinic and see clients so we would have a rich base to draw on. “My experience of modelling started with modelling people who were really good with languages. I videotaped them, interviewed them and identified a number of traits of good learners.” Implementing some of these for a government program, he was invited to teach these skills at
There was a genuine excitement about not only how you could help a client and yourself but about the world transforming potential of [NLP]
Summer 2008 - rapport
conferences and universities including Florida and Japan. When he got back to America, he says, “I was very interested in metaphor and metaphoric communication. There was a whole modelling to be done around the metaphor of identity of an individual, of an organisation.” He put an ad in a new magazine for metaphor courses, but says, “Instead of people coming back to me interested in metaphor, a bond trader asked, ‘Could this stuff be used with traders? With financial decision makers?’” He wasn’t sure so the trader got him a pass. Walking around the [trading] floor, Charles felt confident that he could. He says trading “was very much about being able to maintain a state, clarity of thinking and being able to hold an outcome in mind. “We began to work together and he introduced me to different traders and I began to elaborate a model. We started with the emotions and mindset and moved into the thinking strategies and statistical reasoning. “In the process, I met people like Jack Schwager who brought me into his book Market Wizards. Jack is a big deal in the trading industry so that opened a number of doors. I became immersed in that and was still interested in other types of modelling and work.” This included modelling software designers, cross functional teams and corporate culture in Silicone Valley during its heyday in the late 90s. Charles says, “I have multiple lives and it’s a privilege that the kind of work I do allows for that. Now I work in the City, I work in Chicago, I work in private living rooms with people in Tahoe or San Fransisco and so forth.” He works mainly with “financial decision makers.” He likes the fact that NLP is still very much about models rather than theory as models allow more options. Charles describes different models as being like tropical fish. There’s a long skinny, torpedo shaped fish that is brilliant at zipping through the liquid. Another fish is more like
an aeroplane and this shape is great for turning. A third is a great shape for diving deep into the water and coming up again. Charles says, “The purer one is, the better it is at that function, that model. Most fish are combinations. Models depend on what you want to do. Do you want to go fast? Do you want to turn around? Do you want to go up and down? The theory would be putting all the fish in the tank and seeing which survives. But that misses the potential of the other fish.” He misses the experimental feel NLP had in the early days: “We were told ‘When your model doesn’t work, get a new model’. Now the model seems pretty well established. Then it was more fluid. I was lucky enough to come into NLP when it wasn’t as formed as it’s attempting to be now. “There was a genuine excitement about not only how you could help a client and yourself but about the world transforming potential of this work. Steve Andreas talked about having a group of us going to Washington D.C. to cure the bureaucrats and politicians of their self importance. Leslie Cameron Bandler, one of the NLP originators, talked about NLP as a Covenant of Good Communication. There was talk of NLP going into schools or being part of a high school curriculum for how to get along with others. That hasn’t happened yet. We’re still at the beginning of the beginning.” Charles will be the keynote speaker for the 1st International NLP Research Conference to be held at the University of Surrey School of Management on July 5th. With Steve Andreas, Charles has developed new key principles for easily understanding and using NLP in any context. These principles and a new body based linguistics are the centre piece of the redesigned NLP Comprehensive Practitioner and Master Practitioner Immersion Programs. These will be held in the Colorado Rockies this summer. For more information, please visit www.nlpco.com.
rapport - Summer 2008
Changing Lives by Eve Menezes Cunningham
he Changing Lives NLP conference was held at the Strand Palace Hotel in central London. Eelco Wisman shared his secrets for success: • “I know my goal.” Double check in any given situation – what do you actually want? • “I take massive action.” Eelco says, “Anything less than 100% is self sabotage.” • “I focus on my goal.” Eelco says, “Ask yourself if each activity supports or hinders your goal.” • “I use my flexibility.” After being turned down by 300 bankers, Disney created Disney World by staying flexible. • “I have a feedback mechanism.” Eelco says, “We all have our blind spots.” • “I control my state.” It’s up to you. • “I let go of my goal and therefore achieve it.” Do everything in your power and then let go.
Robert Smith spoke about spirituality in business. His main message was to “do what you do best and do it well”. Think about your own work. Are you struggling with tasks that don’t come naturally and deplete your energy? Take some time to figure out what you enjoy the most and delegate the rest. Ian Sellick talked about Money and Wealth. He asked if anyone had £10 for £20. I had the cash and overcame my fear of appearing greedy and grasping and “won”. The socialist in me resisted taking advantage of other money grabbing opportunities because I wanted other people to have a chance. I didn’t hear Julie Inglis or Lindsey Agness but other delegates enjoyed their workshops. Carol Talbot led the breakthrough session at the end. She wanted to show us a “metaphor in action” by getting us to break an arrow
(representing limiting beliefs) on the dip below our throat. I overcame my own limiting beliefs enough to say “No, thank you”. This was the right choice for me (I snapped the arrow with my hands and still had to put some effort into it!). The vast majority of delegates “broke through” and seemed very pleased to have done so. Overall, it was an enjoyable day and a useful reminder that, challenging as it can be, we’re responsible for our own lives and responses to everything.
The Presuppositions of NLP You already have all the necessary inner resources within you by Caitlin Collins
he NLP presuppositions are tools to help us transcend the boundaries of our limiting beliefs about ourselves and our world. The point is not to believe or disbelieve any presupposition, but rather to consider what might be the implications of acting ‘as if ’ you believed it and imagine what differences that could make to your life now and in the future. What might we mean in NLP by ‘inner resources’? NLP is big on the concept of choosing effective strategies to suit the circumstances. Does the concept of inner resources refer to strategies? What about qualities such as emotions, intelligence, sensitivity, and sensory acuity? Or attributes such as knowledge or skills? I suggest that our inner resources can include all of these – and much,
Summer 2008 - rapport
much more. It’s said there’s nothing new under the sun. Ideas about inner resources were put forward long before NLP. There are many theoretical and descriptive models along the lines of the ‘buddha within’, true nature, true self, etc, all based on the key insight that
we can find something pretty marvellous if we just look into our own minds. Most people have experienced,
if fleetingly, the sense of being ‘in the zone’. Characterised by enhanced awareness, effortless ease, and timelessness, it’s a space of spontaneity not strategy, response not reaction, being not doing, and wisdom not knowledge. It’s no more graspable than the wind – and no less real to the experience. In that space, the universe is. In that space, in that boundless lightness of being, Shiva Natraj dances the universe into mirage-like appearance. In that space is every ‘resource’, every possible potential, here in this breath, this heartbeat. Unconditioned space can be scary if we’re unaccustomed to it – we’re so used to identifying with the conditioning that colours our concept of ‘self ’. Anything that serves as a pattern interruption
to disrupt our continuous conceptualisation can throw us into that space. A shock can do it; or, more pleasantly, a joke. A hypnotic handshake induction can do it – and the subject follows the hypnotist’s instructions as an escape route out of the scary space. (Meditators learn to be at home in the space; do handshake inductions work on experienced meditators, I wonder?) Coaches and counsellors understand the value of allowing their clients to find their own solutions rather than trying to fix their problems for them. If we really appreciate for ourselves the profundity of the axiom that we have all the inner resources we need within us, we’ll be motivated to encourage others to shift from limited conditioning into fullyempowered, authentic inner space. Then watch them take off ! Caitlin Collins www. naturalmindmagic.com
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The Rocky Road to
When David Villa-Clarke first met Chris Evangelou, in 2004, Chris was a novice boxer with three or four fights to his name. David challenged him to go for the Beijing Olympics and Chris accepted the challenge. They talk to Andy Coote about the journey
avid Villa-Clarke is a Regional Manager for one of the country’s largest life insurers. He has been a tennis coach and has run several London Marathons. It was as a result of the Marathon running that he found himself working with a church leader at his Apostolic Church in North London who, himself, intended to run the London event. From there, an Olympic journey began. David formed an informal running club at the church and Chris Evangelou came along as he had heard that “David was good with motivational skills”, something he felt he needed. They met for a day to talk about the direction that Chris’ boxing career should take. Chris was then a novice boxer with very few fights to his name. David wasn’t sure “that his purpose was the best it could be” and suggested that Chris consider setting a big goal such as winning a Gold Medal at the Bejing Olympics in 2008. Chris “just laughed at me”, remembers David but something must have clicked because “we talked about how he might do that and what it would take to make it happen.” David began working with Chris informally. “He would turn up at the running club and I would really push him to be as fit as he could possibly be.” After Chris and his family came to watch David take part in a charity boxing contest at York Hall in Bethnal Green, a more formal mentoring arrangement was agreed. The first step on the journey to Beijing was to get some competitive experience built up. David was unsure whether Chris really believed he could get to the standard required
Summer 2008 - rapport
for Olympic qualification, but he went along with it. “He wasn’t the average guy to become a boxer. He was very thoughtful and seemed to know his own mind. He needed to win some fights and then go into the ABA championships, always keeping that goal – of winning an Olympic Gold Medal - in mind.” Using a mixture of visualisation, affirmation and challenge, Chris began on a winning streak that took him to the ABA Championships and, eventually, to an ABA Novices final. On the way there, Chris was faced with a challenge that epitomises the working relationship they had.
me anxious. David recognised this and began to explore with me previous times when I had felt this way and had gone on to be successful. He then began linking those experiences to the fight I was about to take part in and I began to calm down”. David recalls the same fight. “I had him visualise replacing Ben’s head with that of a baby which took away some of his fear of the guy.” “By the time I climbed into the ring,” Chris recalls, “my confidence level was at nine or ten on a scale of ten and I just knew that I was going to win. I did win by quite a margin. In fact I beat him hands down.” In 2005, Chris became ABA National Novice (under 20) champion beating Amir Unsworth of the Army by the narrow margin of 11-9. David used an anchor to help Chris to keep calm and fight to plan. “Boxers often fight according to the crowd reaction, hitting harder when the crowd gets excited. I told Chris to dig in and fight in the style he had used to win previous fights and especially a Gold medal bout in Sweden. We anchored this to the crowd chanting ‘Sweden’ and, when they did, Chris knew he would win and have nothing to fear.” David has become part of Chris’ ‘essential’ back up team and they work together regularly. His father and brother are also in the team and often travel to fights to support him. Chris notes that, on those occasions, David is often “the voice on the end of the phone, helping me to bring the best out of myself ”. David undertook an NLP course about three
He wasn’t the average guy to become a boxer. He was very thoughtful and seemed to know his own mind As Chris tells it, “my first fight was against a member of my own club who we called Ben the Barbarian. Ben was a very tough fighter and he had hurt me in sparring at the club some three years beforehand and we hadn’t sparred since. It was my first fight in the ABA’s is in the Northwest division and I was fighting my biggest nemesis with a reputation for being a hard man. About an hour before the fight David took me off to the Tesco cafe nearby and sat with his notebook and pen and analysed how I was feeling. I have a tendency to think too much sometimes and that makes
years ago and discovered that he was already doing a lot of NLP naturally as “goal setting and coaching”. However, understanding what he was doing and how that worked did seem to step up the effectiveness of his coaching work. Chris kept winning fights and the Olympic dream was still very much alive. The next important step of the journey was to find a place in a team that was going to the Olympics. For a number of reasons, Chris was unable to secure a place in the England team. He was, however, qualified to represent Cyprus who welcomed him onto their team. Preparation for the qualifying rounds was intensive as Chris recalls, “As part of that I trained with the Greek, Italian and British boxing teams. Being in a training camp can be very lonely and tough mentally. It helped having David at the end of the telephone helping to keep me in check.” The Olympic Qualifiers took place in Athens in April 2008 and Chris found himself up against a very experienced former German champion called Harun Sipahi. Despite all the training and preparation, Chris was beaten on points. His goal of an Olympic Gold Medal ended with that fight but that was not the end of everything for Chris. He came back positive and ready to confront the next big goal. “Losing the qualifier was not the setback it may seem. I came back from Greece on such a high because the guy I fought was the number one in Germany and had many more years of experience. I felt that I made him look like a novice but although I feel I out boxed him, the judges’ verdicts did not agree. I did really well and I know now what level I’m at, so I’m happy with my achievement and have so much to bring back from the experience”. He is currently considering following his heroes Oscar de la Hoya and Floyd Mayweather into the professional game. David will be a key advisor for that decision and for the timing of it. “I want to go out of the amateur game on a high and through my own choosing. I want to retire from Amateur Boxing and not be retired from it.” Chris acknowledges the importance of the support and coaching he has received from David. “The fitness side of boxing is what I enjoy and I’m very good at that. David helps me with the mental side, helping me to be calm and to challenge my beliefs. He has helped me to be a much better boxer. I want to be a thinking boxer and not a slugger. David has helped me to be that”. From novice to a boxer of Olympic potential
He came back positive and ready to confront the next big goal
in just over 4 years is an achievement of which to be very proud. However, the next four years may be an even more challenging journey. If Chris Evangelou is a name that you see more of in the years to come and I hope that you will, David Villa-Clarke will have had an important part in making that possible. David is also involved with Project Volunteer which encourages “individuals to give up a week or two of their working lives in order to volunteer on our project and assist a small community in developing resources for its orphanage. The charity we have decided to work with is SOS Children’s Villages in Botswana.” More about Project Volunteer - http://www.simplesite. com/Project_Volunteer/10281784.
rapport - Summer 2008
NLP Trainer Rosie O’Hara applies the Logical Levels to helping youngsters find their way by Caitlin Collins
he American writer Sam Levinson once remarked, with typical caustic New York wit: ‘Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.’ I think many people would understand what he meant – especially the parents of teenagers. Not only parents – other people can also find teenagers a challenge. I was once invited to offer some NLP coaching in a school special unit for truculent teenagers; thinking fast and talking faster, I managed to convince them to let me coach the teachers instead, so the teachers could then coach the students – anything to avoid having to tackle the little dears myself ! So when I learned that I was to interview Rosie O’Hara – who actually loves to work with teenagers – I was intrigued as well as admiring! When we talked, Rosie had recently taken part in a day of Motivation and Setting Goals for teenagers at a school in Scotland, the success of which has already led to further requests for her skills. She describes for Rapport readers how she is using the NLP Logical Levels process with youngsters. ‘Many teenagers are more or less goal-less,’ explains Rosie. ‘And if they do have goals, those goals may not be ‘well-formed’ or clearly thought out. The students need to understand that if you just drift along in life, one day you’ll wake up to something you never wanted! So it’s important to be clear about what you want and the steps you’ll need to take to achieve it, as well as having a contingency plan.’ The Logical Levels model, originally devised by NLP wizard Robert Dilts, is a great way to address an issue holistically, thus ensuring a congruence that enables the person to move forward wholeheartedly. ‘I want to get the students to think about different areas of their lives,’ says Rosie. ‘For example, the process can
Summer 2008 - rapport
help them to separate behaviours from identity: I may be dyslexic but I’m not a stupid person. It helps them to find out what they really want,
If you just drift along in life, one day you’ll wake up to something you never wanted rather than succumbing to pressure from peers or parents.’ In large groups, pupils may be unwilling to physically walk through the exercise by setting
the Logical Levels cards out on the floor and moving from one to another in the traditional ‘hands on’ NLP way. Too self-conscious to risk looking daft with their mates watching, they can talk each other through the exercise instead; although this reduces the impact of physically doing the exercise, it still works OK. With smaller groups it’s easier to encourage the participants to be more adventurous. Rosie describes such a session in which she worked with just three students and their teacher. The participants were Aidan, 15, Jenny, 16, and Louise, aged 14; their guidance teacher, Lesley, joined in too. All the participants were asked to write down 20 goals for life and choose one to work on during the session. Lesley went first in walking along the Logical Levels, set out as steps on the floor, coached by Rosie. This demonstration prompted Aidan to volunteer to go next, and insights emerged as his fellow-student Jenny guided him through the process. ‘Aidan began with the stated aim: “To motivate myself to work hard to pass my Higher exams,”’ recalls Rosie; ‘but he was able to refine his outcome by identifying his home as being the crucial place in which he needed motivating; he was also able to see his outcome as a step on his path to university, which gave him a larger purpose to work towards.’ Things took off when Louise guided Jenny along the Levels. Jenny’s original outcome: ‘To work hard and prepare better for my exams’ was proceeding uneventfully until she reached the Identity Level, at which there was a physiology shift as ‘her head went down and she sort of sagged a bit.’ Spotting this shift, Rosie suggested some confidence coaching, an offer eagerly accepted by Jenny! With Louise continuing as coach under
Rosie’s supervision, Jenny was invited to for many youngsters, and it must boost their revisit the Skills Level. ‘Her goal now became: confidence and self-reliance for the students “To gain confidence in exams.” Asked, “Do to learn how to coach each other, rather than you know how to gain the confidence you waiting for an authority figure to help them. need, and where and who to go to ‘They can support each other, for help?” she wailed, “No!” So we and learn from each other; and of asked her, “Do you know anyone course, teaching someone else is HOW TO GET WHAT YOU REALLY else who is confident in exams?” a great way to learn for yourself,’ WANT USING THE LOGICAL LEVELS “Yes – Aidan.” Aidan agreed that Rosie points out. FOR GOAL-SETTING Jenny could model him for his Rosie has some advice to offer confidence in exams. “Is there regarding taking NLP into schools. Having identified what you want and stated it positively: ‘I want to ....’, anyone else you could go to for ‘It’s important that staff attending set out a card on the floor for each of the following Levels. help?” “Yes – my Mum!” Jenny’s the training sessions with the Step from one card to the next, considering the questions at each Level mother is an English teacher who students are interested in learning as they relate to your achieving your goal. helps other students with exams – it the skills themselves so they can just hadn’t occurred to Jenny to ask her Mum for help for herself.’ Now fully congruent with her revised outcome, Jenny was able to work through the rest of the Levels easily. However, there was more to come. ‘During the confidence coaching, Jenny’s old strategy emerged: “Feeling sick when I wakeup, Mum and Dad feeding me breakfast; me feeling sick in the car, knowing I can’t do this exam, knowing I don’t have enough time.” Jenny was fascinated to discover what had been going on in her own mind and body that she simply hadn’t been attentive to until now.’ Rosie taught the students the NLP Circle of Excellence exercise as a means to summon their confidence whenever they wanted. ‘They loved that,’ says Rosie. ‘Aidan said, “That makes it easy,” Louise said, ‘I can do that!’ and Jenny smiled and sighed with relief and said, ‘I’m much calmer now.” And the next day, Jenny’s mother reported that Jenny came home from the session, went to sleep for three hours, and then talked non-stop for longer than she’d ever done!’ Confidence is clearly an issue
ENVIRONMENT In your environment, can you make a start on the journey to achieve your goal, and can you keep it up? How will you do that? BEHAVIOURS What do you get out of what you’re doing now? What do you get out of your present behaviour that you want to keep? SKILLS What do you need to do to achieve your goal? If you don’t already have the skills you need to do that, do you know how to get these skills, and where and who to go to for help? BELIEFS AND VALUES Is this goal appropriate for you? When and with whom do you want it? For how long do you want it? IDENTITY Is your goal in keeping with who you are? Does your mind agree with your feelings? WIDER WORLD How will you know when you’ve achieved your goal? What are you seeing when you’ve achieved it? What are you hearing? What are you feeling? What will others be seeing when you’ve achieved your goal? What will others be saying?
Now, what will be your first step towards your goal?
support the pupils subsequently. Ideally, staff need their own basic training in NLP and also to have follow-up access to an NLP professional – a Master Practitioner or Trainer – who can help with anything arising that’s beyond their current NLP competency.’ So why does Rosie love working with teenagers so much? ‘I remember only too clearly what it’s like to be a teenager,’ she says. ‘I understand how frustrating it is when adults won’t listen to you or acknowledge that you have something intelligent to say. And then you have hormones and exams at the same time! NLP is great stuff. It’s helped my own children so much: my son was 13 when he came to NLP; he became a Practitioner at 17 and is now a Master Practitioner; while my daughter is also now a Practitioner. Our teenagers are on loan: treat them with respect and they’ll treat you with respect. Treat them with NLP and who knows – maybe we’ll get a better world!’ For more information about Rosie O’Hara and her work with teenagers please visit www.nlphighland.co.uk
rapport - Summer 2008
Introducing NLP What Do You Want and Where Are You Going? Outcomes 1: Purpose, Direction and Milestones by Caitlin Collins
oal-setting is a dangerous business. It’s not for nothing there’s a saying, be careful about what you ask for – you might get it! For a start, the very concept of setting goals can be overly action-oriented. As sages and artists will affirm, both wisdom and creativity arise from stillness and spaciousness; it’s very useful to know how to do nothing! The busy go-getter who rushes about without thinking things through can be a menace. Context matters. Actions don’t happen in a vacuum; everything we do has an effect on and is affected by the interdependent web of life. If we treat our goals as isolated incidents we make things difficult for ourselves – and for others, if we don’t take their needs into account. Expanding our awareness and sensitivity to take a more holistic approach can enable us to be more effective on many levels. In NLP terms, the ability to set ‘well-formed’ outcomes is a key to success. It includes thinking small scale and large scale: knowing what you want and where you’re going regarding the immediate task of the moment and also your larger purposes. It also includes considering what in NLP is happily termed ‘ecology’, meaning the possible consequences for you and others both now and in the long term. Identifying your larger purpose, your general direction and your specific milestones can be of great help in skilful goalsetting. First, take a moment to reflect on this question: ‘What would you do, if you really believed you could...?’ How you answer will tell you a lot about your values and also the scope of your vision. Some people go straight for world peace; others for personal comfort; some
Summer 2008 - rapport
just want to tidy their office – and some go temporarily blank at the radical possibility of being free to imagine what they want! This simple exercise introduces us to what in NLP is called ‘chunking’, meaning how you
size your aims. If world peace is a pretty big undertaking, tidying your office is relatively small. However, sorting out your office may be too mammoth a task to contemplate, while tidying one drawer of the filing cabinet could be manageable. If you identify your Purpose as your larger intention, something that expresses your values, then your Direction will fall into
alignment with that, and your Milestones will be the smaller chunks or stages of your journey. For example, your Purpose may be to do good in the world. A specific instance of that purpose may be to set up a charity to take care of homeless children. Now, is what you’re doing taking you towards fulfilling your purpose, or away from it? Allowing your purpose to draw you towards it will establish your Direction; just getting up in the morning becomes a step on the path! Your Milestones or markers along the way can also be big or small: housing all the homeless children in the world is a mega milestone; sorting out your office so you can manage your correspondence efficiently is a smaller one. It’s important to spot markers along the road so you have somewhere close enough to reach before nightfall and also so you can appreciate the distance you’ve travelled. Identifying a purpose is like aligning yourself with a giant magnet. If you are too rigidly prescriptive about specific goals, you can become discouraged by set-backs: having an overall purpose and direction allows you to be flexible, creative and resilient, so you remain open to taking other routes or means of transport where necessary. We’ll be heading further along the road of setting outcomes and exploring many other areas in future issues of Rapport, looking at topics en route such as planning, values and beliefs, emotional resources, modelling, motivation, success criteria, chunking and much, much more! Next time we’ll be applying a handy little NLP acronym to setting well-formed outcomes: if your goals are PURE – Positive, Under your control, the Right size, and Ecological – you’ll be well on the way!
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Making Indian food - and life - look easy by Eve Menezes Cunningham
LP originated with people modelling success. By figuring out what successful people in different fields did, others were able to use their strategies Cookery is often used to illustrate this because, theoretically, anyone can follow a recipe to recreate a lovely meal. In Indian Food Made Easy (BBC), Anjum Anand takes this further than many chefs. As well as showing TV viewers how to do it, she actually demonstrates teaching people who weren’t already excellent cooks how to prepare each dish. London based Anjum also studied in Madrid, Paris and Geneva. She has cooked in restaurants around the world, too, from Los Angeles and New York to New Delhi. Anjum has made it her mission to make Indian food, well, easy to cook at home. She also emphasises a freshness and lightness that’s not always there in takeaways. Anjum hopes that cooking Indian food will soon be as popular as cooking stir-fry. Her first book Indian Every Day: Light, Healthy Indian Food has sold more than 25,000 copies since it was published in 2003. It was one of the first books to focus on the health conscious aspects of Indian food. In Indian Food Made Easy, viewers watched her teach a different person (from an old friend to a firefighter and professional chef) how to recreate her dishes in each episode. The ease with which they learned really made me feel much more hopeful about my own ability to cook it myself. Anjum used very confident language. She’d say things like “Isn’t this the best thing you can do with cabbage?” and “They’re going to love it” with such conviction, it was difficult to imagine anyone not agreeing with her wholeheartedly. I imagine that even if her students felt apprehensive, her trust in them would have inspired more faith in themselves. I was a bit surprised, when I spoke to her, to find out that she isn’t trained in NLP. Anjum says, “I’ve always enjoyed cooking and food but I never expected or thought I’d become a cook. My mother and sister spent a lot of time in the kitchen but I got a business degree with languages.” Anjum returned to the kitchen when she realised she wasn’t really enjoying the work she’d got into. She says, “I really enjoyed cooking. I thought ‘I’d rather enjoy my work’ so my hobby and passion became my work. I write Indian recipes that I hope people will want to cook.” As well as showing how easy cooking Indian food can be, Anjum modifies recipes to make them much healthier than your average takeaway dish. She remembers when her eating habits weren’t as good
as they are now. She says, “Healthy eating got me back into the kitchen. There wasn’t all the low fat food that’s available now. I didn’t mind processed food then although I don’t really eat it now but I love Indian food and there was nothing that was healthy and Indian.” Anjum says, “The TV series came about unexpectedly. The BBC were looking for someone to bring Indian food to the nation and the format of the show was born through loads of people having lots of ideas.” She has such an assured and confident manner, I wondered if Anjum generally finds life easy but she says, “No. When I was filming, I was completely out of my comfort zone and out of my life. I don’t know if anyone finds life that easy any more. I have a daughter and flat to run. But cooking at home and writing about food is a job you can fit around your life.” While she’s filming, though, Anjum says normal life has to go on hold due to starting so early and finishing so late. Again, naturally using NLP, Anjum finds something she’s good at in any situation she finds challenging and takes it from there. She says, “You need to be assured about something [about what you’re doing] and I was very comfortable with the whole food side. I knew what I had to do – teach people and talk about food and so on – and because I was comfortable with the subject, the cameras didn’t really bother me.” As a viewer, I watched in suspense hoping that some of the more potentially hostile audiences would be won over by the new food. I really wanted the chefs at the pub and spa to embrace it. Other students weren’t chefs at all and I wondered what she’d do if they were unable to recreate her meals. But Anjum says, “I honestly think that Indian food is not as difficult as people think.” Her confidence in their ability to reproduce the meals helped empower them. And if she’d seen anyone struggling, she’d have been able to adapt her approach. She says, “I do think that cookery is something anyone can do and it’s a matter of seeing the technique once and following it. The people who came on were interested and capable.” Where people seemed anxious, Anjum dealt with their nerves by giving them something to do as early as possible. She says it’s a “natural reaction. I understand if they’re a bit hesitant when they’re watching but once you get people started, they do it. I’m right there, they can’t really mess it up.” Anjum’s latest book, Indian Food Made Easy is out now. The new series of Indian Food Made easy starts on BBC2 at 8.30pm on July 9th, 2008. For further information, please visit www.AnjumAnand.co.uk
They’re a bit hesitant when they’re watching but once you get people started, they do it
Summer 2008 - rapport
I honestly think that Indian food is not as difficult as people think
Would you like more confidence in the kitchen? Think about the kind of food you really enjoy eating. Knowing how you want it to taste will help you measure your success. (Even professionals’ meals sometimes don’t live up to the carefully styled pictures in cookbooks). Do you know anyone who cooks it perfectly? Maybe you could ask your mother, brother, neighbour, friend or colleague to help you re-create it. Watch them closely. Get them to let you try making it with their support in the background. If you don’t know a good cook personally, don’t give up. Study cookery books and programmes. Think about taking a class. If you’ve eaten the food while you’re out, don’t be shy about asking if you can talk to the chef.
It won’t always be possible but some are very happy to share pointers with satisfied diners. Don’t give up after your first attempt. It’s easy to feel disheartened (I was disappointed that my filo pastry samosas didn’t work out as well as they had when Anjum demonstrated) but practice makes perfect. And after trawling different cookbooks and hassling various relatives for their recipes, I can now cook dall and pilau rice that I’m pretty proud of. Start simply and build up. Don’t psych yourself out with a complex dish. The fire fighter who learned to make naan bread was triumphant (as I’d be!) and this confidence spread to his efforts with other dishes.
rapport - Summer 2008
ASK DON’T SELL! We’ve all come across battleaxe sales techniques and many of us wince at the hijacking of NLP to sharpen the edges of those axes. Emma Sargent explains how successful selling is not about applying strategies to influence others to buy your product by Caitlin Collins
usually do my homework before interviewing somebody for Rapport; I have an idea as to a likely ‘angle’ before we meet and I submit my questions in advance. So I was surprised to find myself turning into the driveway of Emma Sargent’s house totally unprepared for our meeting. All I knew was that we were going to talk about Emma’s innovative approach to sales. My own approach to our interview was simple – an attitude of open interest in Emma, with a willingness to listen to what she had to say and a readiness to ask questions as they arose. Settled on comfy sofas in the living room, we begin the interview with some background. Emma Sargent and her partner Tim Fearon run their NLP training and coaching company, Ambo Ltd, from their home on the edge of the New Forest. Coming from the corporate world, NLP Trainer Emma used to work in sales. ‘But I’d had enough of sales,’ she says; ‘I’d vowed never to do it again.’ So how come she’s now making such a name for herself presenting sales trainings? ‘It was a client of ours. She wanted me to run a sales training for her, and I told her I didn’t do sales trainings. Her reply was brilliant. She said, “I know you don’t. So let’s talk about what you do do and see how we can apply that to our sales training!” So, largely thanks to her, I’m now running sales trainings!’ Emma is concerned about the use – and misuse – of NLP in selling. ‘Of course your purpose in selling is to get the business,’ she says. ‘But there must also be a genuine intention to do your best for your clients and offer solutions that are right for them. If I can’t do that, I prefer
to walk away from a job with my integrity intact. Your intention is key. Many people think of selling in the sense of its being something you do to other people, to influence them to buy your product. Manipulating other people like this is unethical – and it gives NLP a bad name. It makes much better business sense to do the best for your clients: you’ll build good relationships with them and the business will keep coming in. So the way I go about it is very different from hypnotising people into buying from me; rather than trying to get someone to do something, I’m looking for a shared outcome.’ Client insight The way Emma goes about it is indeed very different; it’s based on the principle of ‘client insight’. ‘It’s about getting to know your client,’ Emma explains. ‘The more you understand them, the more likely you’ll be able to sell them what they need. I never promote my products at the first meeting, because I need to know what somebody wants before I can tell them what I have to offer. Instead of throwing lots of stuff at them in the hope that they’ll spot something that’s relevant for them, I focus on what they’ve already told me they need, so my solution to their problem will fit on the back of an envelope.’ Emma makes a point of distinguishing between solutions and outcomes. ‘If the client is in a hurry and wants me to come up with instant solutions, I don’t allow myself to be railroaded. It’s easy for both clients and sales-people to be too solution-focused: “Here’s the problem; get us out of it!” or, “Here’s the client’s problem; how do we get him out
Sales people need an attitude of curiosity, rather than of confrontation
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where they can’t not buy. A brief can’t tell you what’s going to resonate with your of it?” It works better to think: “Here’s the individual client! The Sales Director’s belief client’s problem; now, what does he want, was that if you make your presentation and how can we help him to get there?” ‘sexy’ enough, the client will go for it. My Instead of asking the client, “What can I belief is different. do for you?” my question is, “How can I ‘I believe that if you understand your understand you?” Then what I have to offer client, what they want, what’s important to will emerge naturally.’ them, how they make their buying decisions, To encourage someone to identify their and what concerns them, you can present outcome, Emma asks them what they want, a solution they will buy; and not only will and what’s important to them about that, so they buy that solution, they’ll be happy with they can explore it for themselves. ‘Then,’ it and so they’ll buy more solutions from she goes on to explain, ‘it helps to get them you in the future. And that relationship you to imagine they’ve already got what they build with your client will differentiate you want, so that from that empowered state from your competitors. they can come up with solutions that can ‘So I asked the Sales Director questions get them there. This avoids the ‘yes-buts’ – about what was important to him and what when you’re offering suggestions and they’re effects achieving his goals would have on his saying, ‘Yes, but ...’ and coming up with all business. Now he had to really think about the reasons why your suggestions won’t work! his answers! And it turned out that meeting It’s also easier – it takes the guesswork out of his initial request for Sales Presentation it, and you don’t have to work so hard!’ Skills training wouldn’t be the best way Where Emma does sometimes have to to help him reach his outcome. His staff work hard is in getting her message across to needed help in engaging better with their sales trainees, who are often attached to their clients: they needed better client insight familiar selling strategies. ‘They’re afraid of before they could pitch their solutions; asking questions; or they think they’re asking then their presentations could be greatly questions but actually they’re not – they’re streamlined and vastly more effective!’ still offering solutions! And if they’re reacting Key factors for successful sales too much to the content of what people are • relationship and connection saying, they’re missing so much else that is More spontaneity than strategy • client insight, understanding your client being communicated. They also need to Throughout our conversation I’m aware be able to extract what’s relevant from the that Emma is not only very present and • emphasising outcome, not solution mass of communication coming from the engaged, she’s also very warm. I have client. I try to instil an attitude of curiosity a sense of our connecting in a natural, Key skills for successful sales people in the trainees, rather than an attitude of direct, spontaneous way. Is this what • being interested in your client confrontation. After all, most people enjoy Emma is teaching her sales trainees? • being receptive to what your client being asked questions about themselves There’s something deeper than strategies, is communicating and what’s important to them! You need to surely? ‘Yes,’ agrees Emma. ‘It’s not about • asking great questions believe in what you do, believe in yourself, adding tools to the toolbox. It’s more about and believe that the client is going to be spontaneity than strategy: noticing who • extracting what you need to know helpful!’ Maybe women will begin to come is in front of you and responding directly to the fore in sales as people find that a more to who they are in that moment. I spend client-oriented approach actually works better? ‘Well, it’s certainly true time with people to find where we connect, and what comes out of those that this approach suits women well: women tend to be more interested connections is enthusiasm! I try to teach this to sales trainees – although in other people, and less quick to jump in with solutions and try to fix it’s easier to teach strategies! But I feel so strongly about what I have to things for the client; they’re willing to let the client come up with their offer that I couldn’t try to persuade anyone to buy my training – people own solutions.’ buy it because I demonstrate it!’ Well, I’d go along with that. What’s fascinating to me is that our meeting turned out like this: spontaneous, no pre-set strategies; just two The Sales Director’s sexy selling people sharing an attitude of interest, a willingness to listen to each other Emma recalls an example that illustrates her client-centred approach. and a readiness to ask questions. And a connection was made, out of At her first new-business meeting with the Sales Director of a large which came enthusiasm! The ability to inspire others to meet them in the company, she asked him what he wanted for his sales teams. ‘He replied open space that allows for true connection is, I think, the sign of a very immediately: “I want them to be able to present creative solutions to their good teacher indeed. clients.” So I asked him how the sales people would know what solution to present to their particular client. He replied again immediately – he’d got all this sorted out! – “They’ll have received a brief.” What he didn’t Emma Sargent will be presenting at this year’s NLP Conference, realise was how difficult it is to present a solution based on a brief – you November 8th and 9th, on ‘Transforming Sales with NLP’. Her new e-book simply can’t learn enough from a brief to be able to engage the client, on selling, ‘Ask, Don’t Sell’ is available from www.ambonlp.com get them excited about the solution, and help them arrive at a place
The relationship you build with your client will differentiate you from your competitors
rapport - Summer 2008
A SMOKE-FREE ZONE with NLP One year on since the smoking ban, people are still desperate to quit. If what you’re doing isn’t working... do something different! by Caitlin Collins
he ban on smoking in public places in the UK came into effect on July 1st 2007 with, according to opinion polls, ‘three quarters of adults expressing their support’. Hefty legislation targets the ‘managers of premises’ rather than smokers themselves; ‘managers’ are threatened with a fine of £2500 for failing to prevent puffers from lighting up – rather like bullying the prefects to make the naughty kids behave. The result of this is that we’re seeing more smoking than ever because now it’s going on outside in the street! As well as harassing business proprietors, the Government is promoting NHS stop-smoking programmes primarily focused on drugs; the pharmaceutical companies have managed to brand their nicotine-replacement products, plus Zyban and Champix (whose list of side effects includes ‘suicide ideation’), as ‘medicines’. So complete is the seduction of the NHS by the drug companies that other more wholesome methods of helping people to stop smoking, such as NLP or hypnotherapy, barely get a look in.
your health, plus public opinion granting it honorary pariah status, combined with the current legislation making it so darned inconvenient (hands up who enjoys popping outside in the cold and rain for a ciggy), what interests me is that so many people continue to do it. I suspect they haven’t cottoned on to NLP as the best way to stop! Most people seem to favour one of two approaches to quitting: either the NHS route, or, for those understandably wary of that ‘suicide ideation’ enticingly proffered by the NHS, the gritted-teeth application of willpower. I’m convinced that neither of those two methods is the way to go: physical addiction is not the major issue the nicotinereplacement promoters would have us believe it to be, and unsupported willpower rarely lasts. Over the past 20 years, first as an acupuncturist and later as an NLP Trainer and personal development coach, I’ve had the privilege of helping many people to stop smoking. I’ve become fascinated by the way the impulse to smoke bobs up repeatedly despite all attempts to squash it – and despite its apparently insane self-destructiveness (hospital entrances are full of coughing patients trailing drip stands, shivering in their pyjamas and fluffy bunny slippers, puffing grimly towards their demise...).
Physical addiction is not the major issue the nicotinereplacement promoters would have us believe
PEOPLE ARE STILL SMOKING... Given the evidence that smoking ruins
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Many smokers have mixed feelings about quitting: they want to lose the disadvantages of smoking but don’t want to lose the benefits. And they are absolutely right to be concerned about this, because there are indeed benefits to smoking; no one would do it if there weren’t. There are coercive self-help methods that insult smokers and deny the benefits of smoking, but as well as being unkind and discourteous they are also dishonest. So, accepting for the moment the hypothesis that there are benefits to smoking, how can we lose the smoking, but keep the benefits it was providing? We can start by being attentive to what’s going on in the mind when the desire to smoke arises. A little introspection shows the mind to be a complicated process, changing all the time and made up of many parts; it’s not a single stable entity. Sometimes there’s a conflict between two or more parts of it, as reflected in everyday speech when somebody says: ‘Part of me wants to do this, but another part wants to do that, so I don’t know what to do!’ It’s reasonable to think that different parts of oneself would have one’s well-being at heart; however it’s only too obvious that they can have different ideas of how to go about achieving it. CONFLICT RESOLUTION One of the classical presuppositions of NLP suggests: ‘A positive intention underlies any behaviour.’ If we’re open to the interesting idea that there may be positive intentions underlying
even destructive habits such as smoking, we can explore some kind of constructive conflict resolution. This can avoid the disappointment experienced by people who heroically battle the desire to smoke and succeed in suppressing it, only to succumb to temptation months or years later. The fact that this happens so often indicates that physical addiction to nicotine is not the problem; anyone who has stopped smoking for a year is beyond the nicotine dependency – and yet the desire to smoke is still lurking. As ironic graffiti artists have pointed out: ‘Stopping smoking is easy – I’ve done it hundreds of times!’ It’s staying stopped that’s tricky. Let’s look at the idea that the impulse to smoke is prompted by a positive intention. If that were so, then if people could find better ways to fulfil the intention they wouldn’t need to smoke. Smokers need to reflect on the underlying purpose of the part of them that is prompting them to smoke. Is it trying to offer them a way to feel better, maybe to relax, or think more clearly, or to reduce tension or alleviate some kind of unease? If so, how could they find other, better ways to do that? The various NLP techniques that work with the model of parts of the psyche are particularly good for resolving the inner conflicts associated with unwanted behaviours. Instead of lurching from the extreme of indulgence to the extreme of repression or denial, often accompanied by guilt and recriminations as the ‘goodie’ part punishes the ‘baddie’ part and the ‘baddie’ part feels resentful and rebellious, we can work with self-awareness and an attitude of kindness and enquiry to find alternatives that avoid these extremes. THE NAKED DANCING GODDESS Let’s look at an example based on a real-life case history: a client of mine from several years ago. ‘Chloe’ wanted to stop smoking; or rather a part of her did – another part was very resistant to the idea. In her mid-thirties, with three young children, Chloe knew she shouldn’t be smoking. It was inconvenient, going outside in order to escape the family
every time she wanted to smoke; her husband hated the smell of it on her skin, hair, clothes and breath, and had been nagging at her for ages to stop; and of course she couldn’t smoke around the children. To make matters worse her eldest daughter was receiving anti-smoking propaganda at school and coming home and laying on the guilt along the lines of, ‘Please, Mummy, I don’t want you to die.’ This emotional blackmail had actually backfired, as it raised Chloe’s stress levels so she needed to smoke even more to calm herself down; and she’d resorted to lying to her daughter, pretending that she had stopped smoking – so now she was hating herself for her dishonesty. With all this incentive, why couldn’t she stop? More accurately, why couldn’t she stay stopped? She had been able to manage without cigarettes for periods as long as three months; but then had experienced an increasingly uncomfortable feeling that she identified as a craving for a cigarette, and had eventually yielded to it, usually after a few glasses of wine. The fact that she could go for such long periods without cigarettes indicated that physical addiction to nicotine was not the major issue; there was something else going on. She needed to get in touch with the part of her that was driving the smoking. I asked Chloe to imagine that she could bring out the two parts of her mind that were in conflict over the smoking, and imagine them actually sitting in front of her, one on each of her palms. What would they look like, if she could see them? It seemed that the stop-smoking one looked like a rather glum little goody-two-shoes, standing demurely with its hands clasped; while the smoking one looked like a sparky little goddess, stark naked and dancing wildly. It was easy to see that the sparky goddess was unlikely to take kindly to being told what to do by the goody-two-shoes, and that while it might be possible to shut it in a box temporarily, it wouldn’t stay there for long! When we asked the goddess part to talk about its positive intention for Chloe, it transpired that it was battling to save Chloe’s youth, creativity, and ultimately her freedom for self-expression – all of which she felt were
rapport - Summer 2008
being threatened as she strove to fulfil her responsibilities as a wife and mother. Smoking had been an act of rebellion in her teens, and it continued to be symbolic of rebellion against sinking into what she saw as a dowdy mumsiness. Equipped with this insight, Chloe opened up to her fears that she was feeling stifled in her life, and she made a commitment to find constructive ways to honour the sparky part of her that was fighting to save her from submersion. Over the course of several weeks, during which we talked by telephone from time to time, Chloe experimented with finding other ways to honour her spark, while continuing to be mindful of her own mental and emotional processes. When she was ready, she stopped smoking: she told me that the craving had simply dropped away, having become unnecessary. SELF-HELP SKILLS There are many simple self-help methods that people have found useful for stopping smoking – and for letting go of other unwanted behaviours. Smokers or not, most of us probably have some occasions in our lives in which to experiment with a couple of my favourites. • Be attentive to the impulse as it is arising. Don’t suppress it or indulge it. Just notice it. Then ask yourself: ‘What do I really want?’ Don’t settle for the obvious answer – eg a
cigarette (or chocolate, or whatever). Go deeper, asking: ‘What do I want to get by doing that? How do I want to feel?’ You’re asking for the emotional response that comes with the alleviation of the desire. Usually it’s some kind of sense of fulfilment, often associated with a physical easing of tension. It’s what the impulse is prompting you to seek, and by being attentive to your own present moment of experience and asking yourself what you really want you can find that fulfilment now – without engaging in the action. (This method is similar to the excellent NLP Core Transformation Process developed by Connirae and Tamara Andreas – although I first learned it from a Buddhist teacher.) • Teach yourself a relaxation response. Notice the increasing tension associated with the rising impulse and interrupt the tension build-up by breathing deeply and physically relaxing. Relax repeatedly with each breath until the tension has dissolved. The more often you do this the easier it gets. Finally, how we think about and label ourselves has a big impact on our behaviour. People need to consider how they’ve been identifying themselves with regard to smoking. If you identify yourself as a ‘smoker’, then it’s difficult to stop because if you’re a smoker you’ll inevitably smoke, because that’s what smokers do! It’s also unwise to aim to become an ‘ex-smoker’ because this means a smoker who no longer smokes, which implies
There are benefits to smoking; no one would do it if there weren’t 26 |
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a contradiction and is likely to result in continuing inner conflict. But what if you were to think of yourself as ‘someone who used to smoke sometimes in the past’? Mightn’t that allow for the possibility of not smoking now and in the future? Best of all, if you were to become a ‘non-smoker’ then smoking would no longer be an issue in your life; non-smokers just don’t smoke – the thought of it doesn’t enter their minds. CALL TO ACTION If we really want the UK to become a nation of non-smokers – and, remember, threequarters of British adults are said to support the ban – we need to find more effective ways to help smokers to stop and to stay stopped. I believe we already have those methods in NLP – and we need to be promoting them as a better alternative to those offered by the NHS in cahoots with the pharmaceutical industry. So this is a rallying call to the NLP community: not enough people know about and appreciate what we have to offer – let’s get out there and present it to them! Caitlin Collins’s book An Alternative Way to Stop Smoking: a self-help programme will be published this summer. It’s available now as an electronic download with the optional support of telephone coaching; visit www.naturalmindmagic.com for details.
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Helping the Next Generation
Bringing Happiness Home Sonya Shellard and Kim Morgan started Next Generation Coaching to help good families become better. Through their workshops, participants learn advanced coaching skills so they can be the best parents possible. Next Generation Coaching’s mission statement is “bringing happiness home.” By Eve Menezes Cunningham
onya is an experienced coach with both personal and business coaching experience. Kim is one of the UK’s leading providers of University Masters Level Coach Training. Her own children are 23 and 21 and she has 20 years’ experience of training and development, psychotherapy, personal and business coaching and mentoring. When she and Sonya started Next Generation Coaching, Kim had been running Post Graduate training in Personal and Business Coaching for 6 years. Sonya was one
Much of their work as adults’ coaches involved overcoming the obstacles that well meaning parents had created for their children
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of Kim’s graduates. With two children herself, she says, “When I had my training, the impact of taking these skills home to my family was huge.” Kim noticed that more and more delegates, like Sonya, were commenting on the massive impact of using coaching skills within their family. She was particularly aware of delegates who’d already raised children. They said they wished they had known about the power of language and positive attention when their children were young. Sonya came from an organisational development, Learning and Development background. She found that limiting beliefs from childhood were holding her adult clients back. She says, “It wasn’t that they’d had bad parents but their parents were not aware of the impact they had.” Deciding to work with
parents meant Sonya could bring all she’d learned through her training and experience as a coach to family life. In creating Next Generation Coaching, Sonya and Kim designed a comprehensive programme for parents. Their three one-day workshops, Coaching Skills for Parents, deliver coaching skills for family life. Much of their work as adults’ coaches involved overcoming the obstacles that well meaning parents had created for their children. They were motivated by the potential to provide a better base for future generations. For Kim, it boils down to looking “at that little person and not labelling them with anything other than wonderful things.” Each course starts with reading The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. Kim says, “A big part of programme is about ‘the bow that is stable’.
ARE YOU TAKING TIME TO RECOGNISE YOUR OWN NEEDS? Sonya says, “Make a list of all the roles you play as a parent.” They might include as diverse jobs as driver, homework tutor, nutritionist, cleaner and personal clothes shopper… Once you’ve done this, make a list of all your needs as an adult. Use these headings to help you get started: • Physical... • Intellectual... • Social... • Emotional... What actions can you start taking right now to give yourself more time to meet your own needs?
The emphasis is on the parent being able to offer their child both roots and wings – stability and boundaries together with freedom and new experiences.” According to Kim, understanding that children need different “core factors” (praise and recognition, love and security, responsibility and new experiences) in adequate proportions is key to this.
On the programme, parents spend time reflecting on how they felt when they were children. They put themselves in their children’s shoes. They also look at their own parenting style with detachment and objectivity. Sonya’s delighted with the progress they’ve made with Next Generation Coaching. She says, “It’s fantastic. We have to keep reminding ourselves that we only started our organisation two years ago. We wanted to do a lot of testing before going out with a franchising concept.” A number of organisations including Egg, FMG Support, HML (part of Skipton Building Society) and Oracle have brought Next Generation Coaching into their organisations. Sonya says their reasons range from wanting to attract employees and retaining talent, to recognising the importance of taking corporate social responsibility. She says, “It’s all happening and is very exciting. We’ve had phenomenal feedback from the courses we’ve run so far.” According to Kim, one of the nicest things about their courses is the level of support that delegates give to one another. When they go into organisations, role hierarchy is flattened. Senior managers work alongside junior members of staff. They are all united by the fact that they are parents who want to do the best for their children. On Next Generation Coaching programmes, over-parenting is considered and discussed with delegates. Kim says, “Parents not letting their children have responsibility comes from
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BECOME A NEXT GENERATION COACH? The majority of people who’ve started going through the franchising process are parents themselves and many are already self employed. Sonya says, “They want a product, guidance and the element of support. They want a niche that’s tighter than just ‘coaching services’.” Kim says, “We’re looking for people with an understanding and knowledge of coaching and a complete passion for developing people and children. You don’t necessarily have to be a parent although you do need significant experience of family life and parenting skills.” To find out more, visit www.nextgenerationcoaching.co.uk
the positive intention of wanting to protect, but if all the other children of their age are out on their bikes, and your child is not, he/ she learns that he/she is not to be trusted. This can lead to low levels of confidence. Children as young as 6 years old can make their own packed lunch in the morning. It makes them feel very important and valued. And they make good choices. Set them tasks they can take responsibility for like emptying the dishwasher or setting the table.” While Kim and Sonya don’t have any contact with the children themselves, parents report that their children find it exciting. They notice changes like having more fun and being more empowered.
AGNES BAMFORD – HELPING PARENTS BE THE KIND OF PARENT THEY DREAM OF BEING Having trained to become a coach with Kim’s organisation, Barefoot Coaching, Agnes heard about “Coaching skills for Parents”. She says, “I was immediately drawn to this course. At the time (August 2007) I was thinking of how to use my coaching skills to communicate more effectively with my children and create the best possible relationship I could with them. I also realised I wanted to use my coaching skills and my experience as a parent to help other parents get the knowledge and understanding they need to be the kind of parent they dream of being. Knowing how at times, we parents can feel alone, I wanted to get parents involved. Communicating with each other is a way to gain more confidence. The group can inspire and support each other in a way not experienced in individual coaching sessions.” London based Agnes says she’s as inspired
by the people involved with Next Generation Coaching as she is by the concept. She is currently promoting it to local schools and nurseries as well as to large corporations. With her own family, Agnes says, “I have become much more aware of how I am as a parent. I have become much calmer.” She has also learned how to make giving her own three children responsibility in a way that feels like fun. And she’s gained a lot of reassurance about what she’s been doing. Agnes says, “I am achieving the results I want for myself and my family. I have a greater understanding of how my role as a parent affects my children’s well-being and performance, and how I can bring about the changes I would like to make.” She also feels that she’s learned more about the way children learn and develop than she did when studying
developmental psychology. Her children appreciate the changes. 10 year old Embla likes being allowed to take on more responsibility for what she wants to do and says her mother is calmer. 6 year old Freya and 4 year old Markus enjoy playing games where they are “in charge” of making their own sandwiches and tidying up. Agnes says, “They enjoy using timers as a fun way to get things done within a short time limit. In family meetings, they have expressed what they like and don’t like about the way we do things.” In the future, Agnes looks forward to empowering more parents and their children. She says, “I feel passionately about corporations taking on the course as part of corporate social responsibility. I strongly believe that they will end up with happier employees as a result of running the course.”
rapport - Summer 2008
How to Disagree Without Being Disagreeable
Non Violent Communication and NLP Also known as Compassionate Communication, Non Violent Communication (NVC) has been used in war torn areas across the world as well as in individual relationships. NVC has a lot in common with NLP. It’s about being responsive to what another person is saying without necessarily agreeing. By Eve Menezes Cunningham
ts creator, Marshall Rosenberg has travelled around the world mediating in hot spots from Northern Ireland and Sierra Leone to the Middle East, Columbia, Bosnia and Serbia. Have you ever worried that a row with someone you love could erupt into World War Three? Even if you generally have good relationships with your partner, friends, family and colleagues, you can use these techniques to make things even better. Because it’s about getting to the needs behind words and behaviours, it can feel very risky to begin with. Most of us have been brought up to believe that having needs is selfish and so we learn to suppress our own and dismiss others’. I did a basic NVC course a few years ago with NVC trainers and couple Anna Finlayson and Daren DeWitt. They credit the techniques with saving their relationship of several years. Daren says, “If it weren’t for NVC, we
We never know what’s behind other people’s behaviour unless we take the time to connect with them wouldn’t still be in a relationship. Because we’ve had a way of connecting around things, we’ve worked through them. Loads of couples who just don’t need to, split up.” Anna and Daren offer training in London, Germany, Amsterdam and Dublin, but say that
Summer 2008 - rapport
being a couple is their most “fertile practice ground to practice”. Daren said that one frequent argument was caused by his need to be accepted. By “just going along with whatever she said and then every few days, I would explode about
something insignificant. Now I check in with myself and Anna does too. We’ve been trained to believe that it’s good to deny ourselves. NVC adds to what you already know about connection.” Anna says, “We’ve been alienated from our
needs and we are conditioned to feel shame around our them. When we start to express them and say what we want directly, it can feel manipulative because we’re not supposed to want things.” Daren says, “We’ve been trained from birth to judge good and bad. If I’m in an argument with you, I’m the right person and you’re wrong. We can get more understanding without labels.” They give an example of someone pushing through with no apology. We may quickly interpret this with a judgment (“So rude!”) or diagnose it by inventing a longer story (maybe she had an argument with her colleague and that’s why she’s being so rude). Marshall remembers a train where several children were running wild while the man who appeared to be their father sat seemingly oblivious. Other passengers tutted their disapproval and eventually someone asked him if he was OK. The father answered that he’d just left the hospital where he’d been told his wife wouldn’t make it. He didn’t know how to break the news to their children. This extreme example reminds us that we never know what’s behind other people’s behaviour unless we take the time to connect with them. Daren says, “We get more connection with people if we focus on feelings and needs.” Sometimes, conflict arises from the best intentions. We might insist on helping someone even when we don’t actually want to. Or we might assume we know what kind of help they need without checking if that would actually be helpful. Anna says, “This leads to resentment. If you don’t genuinely want to help, ask yourself if someone else wants to help at that time.” NVC uses giraffes and jackals to illustrate different styles of communication. Giraffes have the largest heart of all mammals and their height gives them an overview. Because honesty about needs can be so scary, they also show us how to stick our necks out. Jackals appear to be more aggressive and defensive so we aim to be like giraffes and to listen with empathy. If someone yells abuse, we can choose to yell back and escalate things. Or we can take a deep breath and find out what is behind their anger without taking responsibility for it. Marshall Rosenberg remembers a time in the Middle East when his American accent provoked hostility. Instead of getting defensive about the foreign policies which were impacting his audience, he listened with empathy and they were able to move forward. Most of us aren’t in
Giraffe and Jackal ears
4 ways to hear a message:
THEY SAY: “You look ridiculous in that!” HOW DO YOU REACT? 1) [Jackal Out] – “Well I like it! Have you seen yourself?” (blaming back) 2) [Jackal In] – “I do look ridiculous! I always do this. Why do I dress so badly?” (internalising judgement, blame and shame leading to depression) 3) [Giraffe In] – “Oh, I feel really vulnerable when people say anything about my looks because it’s important to me to have respect. I’ll talk to this person and see what prompted them to say that.” (self empathy) 4) [Giraffe Out] – “Do you feel frustrated because you’d like me to look a different way?” (empathy with them)
Basic needs NVC is about connecting with your needs, expressing them and receiving other people’s needs. There are no negative emotions. If you feel sad, depressed, anxious, or in pain, look for the message behind it. Some basic needs are: the need for acceptance, to contribute to life, security, recognition, belonging, sustenance, purpose, respect, understanding, and acknowledgment.
such highly charged situations but any kind of conflict – especially with people we love – can feel like a matter of life or death. Next time you find yourself blaming yourself or someone else, for example, if you are feeling disrespected by a friend who is late “yet again”, don’t have a go at them or pretend to be fine with it. Honour your feelings and theirs by expressing yourself. You could say, “I’m really upset that you are late because my time is precious to me.” However they react, take another deep breath and show empathy. You might ask, “Are you angry with me for mentioning it because you really tried to be on time?” As well as expressing our own needs, we need to meet the needs of others. It’s often hard enough to know what’s going on for ourselves. Daren said, “I was brought up to believe I was the cause of other people’s feelings but I don’t have that power! I have a responsibility but I can’t cause feelings. Maybe for the first time in my life I’m learning to express myself directly. It’s one thing to express myself to myself and work out how I’m feeling. It’s another thing to actually
make a request of another person and I’m still working on this.” With other people we have to guess and then check that we’ve got it right. If it’s inappropriate to express a feeling with the person who has triggered it, make sure you empathise with yourself. Resolve to deal with it later (with your diary, a trusted friend or some other safe outlet) and then you can release it. When we compare ourselves to other people, we are letting our jackal run wild. No one wins when we compare ourselves to Mother Theresa, the Dalai Lama or the imagined achievements of an ex or someone you went to school with.
Evaluations and observations: Similar to the Meta Model in NLP, NVC can help you get clear on the real issue. Instead of escalating with an evaluation, try an observation. The more extreme the conflict, the more important the observation. If you don’t check that out you might be on the wrong track. If someone’s banging the table and you say, “You’re angry”, they might respond “No I’m not!”. Try asking, “When you bang the table, are you angry?” Evaluation: “You’re going to make us late!” Observation: “When I see you on the internet, still in your dressing gown, at 6.30, I think you won’t be ready to leave at 7.” Evaluation: “We never do what I want.” Observation: “The last three times I suggested we do something, you said ‘No’.”
See www.CNVC.org and www.nvc-resolutions.co.uk for more information.
rapport - Summer 2008
Developing the NLP Community
Collaboration not competition is the key ANLP becomes a Community Interest Company (CIC) in a move that is intended to promote a stronger NLP community. By Andy Coote
NLP International became a Community Interest Company (CIC) on 10th March 2008. The change of company form reflects the direction that ANLP intends to take within the NLP Community and is a further example of ANLP’s intention to encourage the development of the community through “generative collaboration rather than competition” and to promote NLP to the general public through “independent and impartial information”. Karen Moxom, Managing Director of ANLP International has expressed her hope that the NLP community will join ANLP on the journey to “make a positive difference to society”. A CIC is a company that is working for the benefit of the community. It is incorporated under the Companies Act 1985 and registered at Companies House in the UK. ANLP is now officially a ‘not for profit’ organisation, and being a CIC means that ANLP can make profits, which are legally protected for use within the Community rather than for the benefit of the shareholders. A CIC has greater flexibility than a registered Charity and receives none of the tax benefits of charitable status. As a result it is subject to ‘light touch regulation’ from the Office of the Regulator of Community Interest Companies. So why is ANLP becoming one? Karen Moxom explains, “As an independent organisation, we have been planning this development as part of our long term strategy. We have been looking for the form of company registration that gave the right signals to the wider NLP community. Being a CIC allows us to use any profits we make for the benefit of the community. We want to emphasise the community aspects of ANLP and this change does just that. This exciting advance enables us to both continue our current level of service and offer an opportunity for our Members to become involved with our goals, aims and aspirations”. As part of applying for the CIC status, ANLP created a community interest statement (see box) which has been accepted by the regulator. “The final statement”, comments Karen Moxom, “reflects the aims of ANLP in relation to our membership, the NLP and coaching community and, of course, the public who still need to be made aware of the benefits that NLP can deliver.” “ANLP is on a journey”, suggests Karen Moxom,” and this is just one step on it. Our mission statement ‘to make a positive difference to society by encouraging practitioners to deliver NLP and coaching in a Professional, Responsible and Congruent way’ will result in more
ANLP is on a journey... and this is just one step on it
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activities like our participation in the Academic Conference in July, the appointment of International Ambassadors and involvement in the development of professional standards for NLP. We want our members to share in and contribute to this journey. If you would like to volunteer your services to ANLP, support the Community and and help shape the future of NLP, please contact Karen via email@example.com.
Community Interest Statement • To encourage and support generative collaboration rather than competition by having an independent, impartial advisory facility which benefits both the NLP community and the general public. •
To promote the benefits of NLP, coaching and development by encouraging a fair, ethical and consistent approach from Members, Trainers and Subscribers by raising and maintaining ethical conduct and standards within the NLP, coaching and development arena.
• To develop and promote the website, www.anlp.org by having the website as a vehicle for independent and impartial information for the general public. • Our Mission Statement is to make a positive difference to society by encouraging practitioners to deliver NLP and coaching in a Professional, Responsible and Congruent way. If ANLP makes any surplus it will be used for reinvestment into research and resources that directly benefit the community. Specifically supporting projects, Associations, Charities, other bodies and individuals working in the field of NLP, Coaching and development. Further information available on our website: www.anlp.org
The Association for Provocative Therapy (AFPT) promotes the standards, professionalism and good practice in Provocative Therapy. Our vision is to collectively make a positive difference to society by encouraging Provocative Therapists & Provocative Therapy Trainers to deliver PT in a professional, responsible and congruent manner. AFTP recognises Frank Farrelly as the sole creator of the field of Provocative Therapy and recommends those trainings which are personally endorsed by him and his acknowledged trainers in the field of PT. All AFPT members agree to adhere to the AFPT code of ethics detailed on the Association For Provocative Therapy site. Find out more about AFPT Associate and full membership, at www.associationforprovocativetherapy.com email firstname.lastname@example.org
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Spotlight on the NLP Academy an interview with Michael Carroll
The NLP Academy is one of the leading NLP training companies in the UK. The Academy offers a broad spectrum of NLP services including NLP certification, specialist NLP courses, Corporate Trainings and exportation of courses to other countries
ohn Grinder and Carmen Bostic St Clair join NLP Academy founder Michael Carroll, where, as a team, they lead NLP Academy certification courses in the UK. It’s not just the UK where the NLP Academy has been successful; the Academy features on the global NLP platform and has partner companies in Mexico, Poland, and Romania which host Michael Carroll courses. In addition the company has a corporate training arm that delivers specialist courses to a range of organisations including several of the key companies on the FTSIE 100. The NLP Academy story is a success story where, put simply, NLP Academy founder Michael Carroll used NLP tools to get his outcome to build a world leading NLP Company. In this interview we ask founder Michael Carroll about the nuances of starting and running an NLP Company.
of enormous possibilities NLP could bring people. I made a decision that I was going to run an NLP based personal development business and started straight away. I began the business in 1996 as a hobby and by 1999 the hobby was a full time enterprise. Significantly, in December 1999 I renamed the company NLP Academy and sold my financial services businesses. We had tested the water and were ready to build. What makes an NLP Academy course special? Wow, where do I begin? Innovation, commitment to the learners, quality, New Code NLP! The NLP Academy is the only place in the UK where you can study NLP Practitioner or Trainer Training with NLP co-creator John Grinder and Carmen Bostic St Clair. I think that says a lot about the company.
I began the business in 1996 as a hobby and by 1999 the hobby was a full time enterprise
Let’s start at the beginning, how did you get started in the field of NLP? Ever since I was a young boy I had a sense that people had choice in life and if you believe in yourself and tap into your inner resources you could take your life anywhere you want. I didn’t express it quite that way, but that’s how I felt despite quite a lot of negativity that existed in the seventies. Jumping forward to the early nineties, I started to explore how I could use NLP in my financial services business to help my teams be more effective. I took a Practitioner course and there was something about the NLP tools that resonated with what I had believed as young boy. For me it was both an awakening and rejuvenation. I felt the sense
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John, Carmen and I re-designed the NLP Practitioner and Trainers Training, offering top quality experiences that includes Classic and the New Code of NLP. We are now working on redesigning the Master Practitioner courses. John [Grinder] gets frustrated at how his original NLP work has been misinterpreted and also how so much of the NLP field are stuck in the thinking of thirty years ago. With the NLP Academy you get the best of the Classic Code
and all the latest developments. To use a wellknown metaphor, much of information comes ‘directly from the horse’s mouth.’ How would you describe your style as an NLP Trainer? You would have to ask the people who attend my courses. I come from South London of Irish roots and I am very comfortable with myself. I guess I blend South London humour with the art of storytelling, that was a huge part of my culture. I have studied NLP intensely for thirteen years and have led over thirty NLP Practitioner courses. I never teach quite the same course twice, so have a lot of experience of trying lots of different things, which I think comes across in my style. I am my own man; a lot of people in this field lose their identity by being a carbon copy of the trainer who inspired them. To me, modelling is a fundamental NLP skill, but the end result of modelling is not being a reproduction of someone else, being and developing yourself is key. What’s the next big event at the NLP Academy? We have an NLP event running every week, but the next big thing is the triple training we are running in Brighton in September. John and Carmen start the experience with a three-day modelling course giving people the opportunity to learn real ‘NLP Modelling’. Straight after that we run a Practitioner and Trainers Training simultaneously with Practitioners and Trainers in adjacent rooms. For the main part the two courses have their own sessions but they do converge for key sessions. The real benefit is that the new trainers will mentor a practitioner for the duration for the course, creating real
opportunities for the new trainer to impart knowledge to a real student while measuring the progress. The benefit to the practitioner is the individual attention they receive for the duration of the course. We ran this style training last year and the results were amazing. I am really looking forward to September. Can you say few words about the NLP Academy Training Centre? To my knowledge we are the only company who owns our own centre, and that really makes a difference. For many years I used hotels and on occasions I still do. You have to work harder running a course in a hotel to create a special experience. I feel this is associated with anchors connected to peoples experience with hotels. How could these anchors not influence? When you own the building and you are in your own training space, the people feel it. Plus there is something in the air at our place that I love. People see pictures on the wall of previous courses, they see pictures of John Grinder, Carmen Bostic St
Clair in action and they know a lot of special events have happened in the building. There is anticipation there that I feel nowhere else. I get excited just sitting in the training room. What advice would you give to people wanting to learn NLP? Choose your trainers wisely! I took an NLP Practitioner course in 1996 that did not really give me a grounded experience in NLP because the course was too short and included a lot of unrelated information. I had to go and get the information afterwards. In addition, make sure the trainer is congruent with the message, because if the messenger is incongruent, the message often gets lost or is not heard. NLP promotes choice, check if the trainer is creating choice in their own life and thus promoting choice for their learners. Avoid places that model cults attributing demi-god status to trainers, insisting the word of the trainer is absolute and you must follow the word. Challenge trainers robustly, and see how flexible they are in their responses. Avoid places where they say ‘Michael Carroll’ was their student. Six people make this claim, all untrue! I have always been too much of a rebel to be anyone’s student, I have learned from a lot of people but being ‘their student’ does not fit. I like to think more organically and that is
that we are all learners, at different stages of our learning journey, so look for trainers who promote a shared learning philosophy. How would you describe your achievements in NLP? I am happy with all my achievements and have learned from the mistakes I have made. I am proud of being the only trainer in the world awarded Master Trainer status by John Grinder and Carmen Bostic St Clair. I was very proud of the NLPedia multi media sets I developed four years ago. These were the first and still are the only true multi media learning tool in NLP. The Practitioner NLPedia set has 28 hours of video material, 800 slides and 600 pages of transcript all viewed simultaneously, creating a rich home learning experience for people. The Master Practitioner has even more content. I am passionate about the New Code of NLP and have developed some New Code processes, some of which have now been built into the New Code. The nature of my work with John & Carmen as well as the new trainers now coming in is one of sharing and collaboration. John and Carmen are wonderful people and I have been friends with them since 1998. When I met John and Carmen, I just thought “wow, I have so much to learn on so many levels”, I think you really arrive in NLP when you realise you will always be a learner, that we are on journey and that learning never ends. The NLP Academy is based in Croydon South London. For information on NLP Academy visit www.nlpacademy.co.uk or phone 020 8686 9952
rapport - Summer 2008
Advanced Hypnosis Skills - ANLP-accredited Master Practitioner Module 4 7 Aug 2008 Manchester Airport Holiday Inn Andy Smith 0845 83 855 83 email@example.com Free introduction to NLP 9 Aug 2008 Alvechurch- West Midlands Ellen Gifford 01527 585310 firstname.lastname@example.org NLP Master Practitioner 12 Aug 2008 Bedfordshire Melody Cheal 01767 640956 email@example.com
Diary of Events for Summer / Autumn 2008 July 08 NLP Practioner 5 Jul 2008 Longbridge- Birmingham Mark Peters 0121 445 0093 mark.peters@balancedapproach. co.uk Introducing NLP 5 Jul 2008 Bristol John Seymour 0845 658 0654 firstname.lastname@example.org Stone Age NLP 9 Jul 2008 Botswana- Africa Greg Laws 01794 399979 email@example.com Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway® Workshop 10 Jul 2008 St. Michaels College- LlandaffCardiff Andy Garland 0800 612 2878 firstname.lastname@example.org
Summer 2008 - rapport
Transforming Self-Concept - ANLP-Accredited Master Practitioner module 3 11 Jul 2008 Manchester Airport Holiday Inn Andy Smith 0845 83 855 83 email@example.com The NLP Trainers Training 12 Jul 2008 Chiswick- London Dr. David Shephard 0208 992 9523 firstname.lastname@example.org Accredited SNLP Master Practitioner Course 12 Jul 2008 University of Brighton Christina Mills 01273 626644 email@example.com NLP Practitioner Training 13 Jul 2008 London Kirsty McKinnon 0141 248 3913 firstname.lastname@example.org INLPTA Diploma 18 Jul 2008 Alvechurch- West Midlands Ellen Gifford 01527 585310 email@example.com
NLP Diploma (INLPTA Certified) 15 Aug 2008 Nr Bath- Somerset Monkey Puzzle Training 01749 687 102 firstname.lastname@example.org
Accelerated NLP Practitioner Certification (Nottingham) 20 Jul 2008 Nottingham Colette White 0207 249 5051 email@example.com
NLP In A Nutshell Introduction to NLP with Jamie Smart 26 Jul 2008 Hinckley- Leicestershire Jamie Smart 0845 650 1045 firstname.lastname@example.org
NLP Trainers Training and Evaluation 21 Jul 2008 London Jeremy Lazarus 020 8349 2929 email@example.com
Free Introduction to NLP 26 Jul 2008 Alvechurch- West midlands Ellen Gifford 01527 585310 firstname.lastname@example.org
NLP Trainers Training 21 Jul 2008 London Lisa Wake 01642 714 702 email@example.com
The NLP Trainers Evaluation 28 Jul 2008 Chiswick- London Dr. David Shephard 0208 992 9523 firstname.lastname@example.org
Practitioner Training in Cairo!!! 24 Jul 2008 Cairo - Egypt Ralph Watson 01788 576626 ralph@dynamic-communication. com
Personal Development 29 Jul 2008 South Birmingham Mark Peters 0121 445 0093 mark.peters@balancedapproach. co.uk
Roast Your Inner Pig! for Advanced Presenters (Bayswater) 24 Jul 2008 Bayswater - London Toy Odiakosa 020 7348 8972 email@example.com
August 08 NLP Practitioner 2 Aug 2008 Bedfordshrie Melody Cheal 01767 640956 firstname.lastname@example.org
Accelerated NLP Practitioner Certification (London) 16 Aug 2008 London Colette White 0207 249 5051 email@example.com Understanding & Applying Hypnosis 19 Aug 2008 South Birmingham Mark Peters 0121 445 0093 mark.peters@balancedapproach. co.uk Presenting With Power© 20 Aug 2008 Llandaff- Cardiff Andy Garland 0800 612 2878 firstname.lastname@example.org Femme Vital! 22 Aug 2008 Iffin Farmhouse - Canterbury Lindsey Agness 01304 621735 email@example.com Hypnotherapy Workshop 23 Aug 2008 Leeds Kirsty McKinnon 0141 248 3913 firstname.lastname@example.org
NLP Practitioner Programme 26 Aug 2008 North Yorkshire Susi Strang Wood MRCGP 01287 654175 email@example.com Modular Practitioner Course - Kirkwall - Orkney 28 Aug 2008 Forres. Moray Rosie O’Hara 01309 676004 firstname.lastname@example.org False Evidence Appearing Real 28 Aug 2008 Wiltshire Paul King 01380 859106 email@example.com
September 08 ANLP-accredited NLP Practitioner Part I / NLP Foundation Skills 4 Sep 2008 Manchester Airport Holiday Inn Andy Smith 0845 83 855 83 firstname.lastname@example.org ANLP-Accredited NLP Practitioner Training 4 Sep 2008 Manchester Airport Holiday Inn Andy Smith 0845 83 855 83 email@example.com Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway® Workshop 4 Sep 2008 Llandaff- Cardiff Andy Garland 0800 612 2878 firstname.lastname@example.org NLP Practitioner Certification (INLPTA certified) 5 Sep 2008 Bristol Monkey Puzzle Training and Consultancy 01749 687 102 email@example.com Real NLP Modelling 5 Sep 2008 Croydon Michael Carroll 020 8686 9952 firstname.lastname@example.org
Aberdeen Practitioner Course 2008/2009 6 Sep 2008 Aberdeen Rosie O’Hara 01309 676004 email@example.com ‘Create the Life You Want’ Free 3 Hour Workshop 6 Sep 2008 Ashford International Hotel Lindsey Agness 01304 621735 firstname.lastname@example.org Accelerated Selling Magically 6 Sep 2008 Chiswick- London Dr. David Shephard 0208 992 9523 email@example.com NLP in Business 8 Sep 2008 BCA Burchetts Green Eleanor Yearwood 01344 774999 firstname.lastname@example.org Business Practitioner 8 Sep 2008 Alvechurch- near Birmingham Ellen Gifford 01527 585310 email@example.com NLP Coaching Excellence (Licensed NLP Coach™) 9 Sep 2008 York Philip Callaghan 07968 223 947 firstname.lastname@example.org On Becoming an empty Flute NLP Trainer Training 9 Sep 2008 Wiltshire Paul King 01380 859106 email@example.com NLP Trainers Training Certification 9 Sep 2008 TBA Michael Carroll 020 8686 9952 firstname.lastname@example.org
NLP Practitioner Leadership & Executive Coaching in Business 9 Sep 2008 Henley-on-Thames Karen Cove 01491 414202 email@example.com NLP Sales Training 9 Sep 2008 Bristol John Seymour 0845 658 0654 enquiries@john-seymour associates.co.uk NLP Master Practitioner Programme 10 Sep 2008 North Yorkshire Susi Strang Wood MRCGP 01287 654175 firstname.lastname@example.org NLP Practitioner Programme 10 Sep 2008 North Yorkhsire Lisa Wake 01642 714 702 email@example.com Advanced Influencing Skills ANLP-accredited NLP Master Practitioner module 5 11 Sep 2008 Manchester Airport Holiday Inn Andy Smith 0845 83 855 83 firstname.lastname@example.org Advanced Hypnosis 12 Sep 2008 York - UK Philip Callaghan 07968 223 947 email@example.com Passion in Action - Social Change with NLP 12 Sep 2008 Covent Garden - Central London PPD Learning Ltd 0870 7744 321 firstname.lastname@example.org 7 Day Fast Track NLP Practitioner 13 Sep 2008 King’s Arms Hotel Sandwich Lindsey Agness 01304 621735 email@example.com
Bare Knuckle Selling with Simon Hazeldine 13 Sep 2008 Leicestershire Jamie Smart 0845 650 1045 firstname.lastname@example.org
NLP Practitioner Training 27 Sep 2008 Bristol John Seymour 0845 658 0654 email@example.com
NLP Practitioner Training 14 Sep 2008 Glasgow Kirsty McKinnon 0141 248 3913 firstname.lastname@example.org
Time Line Therapy Workshop Glasgow 27 Sep 2008 Manchester Kirsty McKinnon 0141 248 3913 email@example.com
Business Communications 16 Sep 2008 Bristol John Seymour 0845 658 0654 firstname.lastname@example.org INLPTA Diploma 17 Sep 2008 Alvechurch- West Midlands Ellen Gifford 01527 585310 email@example.com Introduction to NLP 17 Sep 2008 North Yorkshire Lisa Wake 01642 714 702 firstname.lastname@example.org Fundamentals In Hypnotic Language Patterns 21 Sep 2008 North Yorkshire Susi Strang Wood MRCGP 01287 654175 email@example.com INLPTA NLP Practitioner Training 25 Sep 2008 London Helen Drake 0208 995 2864 firstname.lastname@example.org
Personal Development Weekend 27 Sep 2008 Bristol Monkey Puzzle Training and Consultancy 01749 687 102 email@example.com Introducing NLP 27 Sep 2008 Bristol John Seymour 0845 658 0654 firstname.lastname@example.org The Peaceful Warrior - Change your life 30 Sep 2008 South Birmingham Mark Peters 0121 445 0093 mark.peters@balancedapproach. co.uk Certified NLP Practitioner for Business 30 Sep 2008 Reading Daryll Scott 0118 900 1527 email@example.com
Roast Your Inner Pig! for Advanced Presenters (Bayswater) 25 Sep 2008 Bayswater - London Toy Odiakosa 020 7348 8972 firstname.lastname@example.org
To get your workshops and events listed in Rapport, log in as a member to www.anlp.org and enter your events into the online diary. Every issue, online events listed for the next 3 months will be included in Rapport. rapport - Summer 2008
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rapport book review How to Make a Good Mind Great by Andrew Lynch £12.99, Jeremy Mills Publishing For me the structure of ‘How to Make a Good Mind Great’ is about as good as it gets. I love books that are chunked into lots of small chapters. Lynch manages to split his 228 pages into an impressive thirty two. Part one got me very excited. It gives a tantalising description of MindFrames as well as revisiting some core NLP concepts. Lynch has created something that feels very much like a one-to-one process. His personality, sense of humour and passion for the subject is there from the outset. Part two left me a little frustrated. I really wanted to get into the suggested tasks. I did. Then several days later I realised that I hadn’t progressed very far in terms of pages read. Fearing an
email from ANLP asking where my review was, I abandoned my visualisations and ploughed on. The title for part three, “Putting It All Together” couldn’t be more accurate. The penultimate chapter, “Modelling Excellence” left me feeling confused. If we as individuals have all the resources we need lying dormant within us. Then why do we need to model? Despite this confusion at the closing stages I would urge people to read this book, if nothing else it has taught me something very powerful Just because someone says I’m an idiot; it does not make me an idiot. David Rawlings, Book Review Panel
Successful Time Management Patrick Forsyth £8.99, Kogan Page Time management is not rocket science and a book on this subject needs to be clear, practical and easy to action. Patrick Forsyth’s excellent book has all of these qualities and his personal experience with different systems shows. First you look at your current use of time and get your priorities right. Then you can combat the time wasters and optimise your working relationships. Despite my own experience, I found I was soon able to make some additional time savings. I agree with the author that it is useful to review these systems every so often. Likes: Quantifying the time you will save by employing the
various suggestions. Dislike: I disagree with the author’s suggestion to record notes (verbally) on the plane. I think it is important to encourage consideration of others in public places - your useful practices may be the cause of others’ wasted time. More practical tips about managing time spent on emails would have been useful. I’d like the author to have mentioned ‘helpful’ and ‘worthy’ chain messages that may also be spam. Work with this book to tailor your systems to manage your time more effectively and you will save days, even weeks this year. Philip Callaghan, Book Review Panel
T H E R A P Y
“At last, a book series that will help to make the effective continuin g professional developm ideal of ent in the fields of psychotherapy and counselling more Without being partisan of a or requiring an unrealist reality. high level of existing ically knowledge, the books offer a unique opportunity for experien ced practitioners and students to encounte advanced r the cutting edge of theory in their particular theoretic al model.” Andrew Samuels, Professor
ADVANCING THEORY IN THERAPY Series Editor: Keith Tudor
Grete A. Leutz, MD, Founder of the Moreno for Psychodrama, Sociometr Institute y and Group Psychothe Überlingen, Germany; rapy, Fellow of the Internatio nal Association of Group Psychothe
rapy “This volume pays homage to the genius of J. L. Moreno, who has inspired us all. The element that is basic to all of the instruments he gave us is that of The Encounter: eye-to-eye, face to face, nothing standing between us. His activities undersco re the to join him in his endeavo need for all of us to continue r to enable The Encounte May this book be part r. of that endeavor. “ Zerka T. Moreno
Psychodrama: Advance s in Theory and Practice provides a compre hensive overview of developments in the theory and practice psychodrama, integrat of ing different psychod schools of thought ramatic . The editors of this volume bring togethe contributions from r Europe, South America Israel and the USA to explain and explore , Australia, innovations. They look at how psychod recent contributed to the rama development of psychot has introducing concept herapy, s that have had a profound influence on other therapies. This book will be of great interest to all practitioners and trainers in the field students, of psychodrama. It will also appeal to professi and students in the related fields of psychotonals counselling, psychol herapy, ogy and psychiatry.
an informa business
27 Church Road, Hove, East Sussex BN3 2FA 270 Madison Avenue, New York, NY 10016 www.routledgementalhealt h.com
T H E O R Y
T H E R A P Y
Series Edito r: Keith Tudo r
N eu ro lin gu is ti c Ps yc ho th er ap y
A Po stm od ern Per spe cti ve
at that time, giving a much needed history and past perspective on which to base therapeutic practice as well as offering an up to date theoretical basis for current and future practice. The book is exquisitely written and while presenting material at a very high level is easily accessible to all readers. I would strongly recommend that this becomes a ‘must have’ on every shelf for people studying or practicing NLP. Suzanne Henwood, Book Review Panel Contributors: Anne Ancelin Schützen berger, Anne Bannister, Adam Blatner, John Casson, Rosa Sue Daniel, Maurizio Cukier, Gasseau, Jaime Guerrero Kate Hudgins, Edward , Hug, Peter Felix Kellerma David A. Kipper, Anna nn, Maria Knobel, Connie Cristina Villares-O Miller, liveira, Renée Oudijk, José Luís Pio-Abreu, Rory Remer, Ruth Riding-Malon, Risques, Wilma Scategn Marta i, Michael Schacht, Leni Verhofstadt-Denève, Fernando Vieira, Michael Wieser.
of Analytical Psycholog y, University
of Essex “This book represen ts the first global project in psychodramatic literature in the 21st century. The outstanding benefits of psychodr ama, sociometry and group psychotherapy have spread across the globe. All of the human sciences are increasin gly benefiting from approaches that have grown out of the introduction of the psychodramatic stage and its related healing techniques. […] What give this miraculous product of human creativity joy to reader’s care. “ into the
A D V A N C I N G
Psy ch oth era py
There are many books written about NLP, many of which present tools and techniques and add value to the wealth of knowledge about how to use NLP. As far as I am concerned this book is in a different league. It offers an academic and rigorously researched perspective on NLP and presents beautifully how NLP fits along side other ‘therapies’ and, in my opinion suggests what else NLP can bring to the tool box. It offers a background to the origins of NLP and links that to other techniques which already existed
T H E O R Y
Ne uro lin gu ist ic
Lisa Wake £19.99, Routledge
A D V A N C I N G
Series Edito r: Keith Tudo r
Clark Baim is a psycho drama trainer based in the UK, and is Co-Director of the Birmingham Institut e for Psychodrama. He has written and co-edit of books, journal articles ed a number and chapters. He was the foundin g director of Geese Theatre UK, a compa ny focusing on rehabilitative drama with offenders. Jorge Burmeister became the Preside nt Elect of the Interna tional of Group Psychotherapy Association in 2006. He is a founding membe r of the Federation of European Psycho drama Training Organizations (FEPTO ) and has worked as a psychodrama trainer and supervisor in several European countries. Manuela Maciel is currently chairpe rson of the International Psychodrama Section of the IAGP (Interna tional Association of Group Psychotherapy ). She has been a Psychodrama Practiti oner for 20 years and is a psychodrama trainer and superv isor in her native Portug al.
A Post mod ern Pers pect ive
Neurolinguistic Psychotherapy, A Postmodern Perspective
rapport - Summer 2008
Barbara Winter’s Joyfully Jobless Manifesto – Are you making a living without a job, yet? by Eve Menezes Cunningham
hen I was starting out, none of the traditional business books appealed to me. Barbara Winter’s classic Making a Living Without a Job: Winning Ways for Creating Work that You Love became my bible. Inspired by her practical advice and enthusiasm, I couldn’t wait to make the leap. It’s now in its 18th reprinting and has helped countless entrepreneurs get started and stay “joyfully jobless”. Barbara isn’t sure where she got the title. She says, “I don’t know where it came from, it felt inspired. It’s still a great mystery but it was perfect. In fact, I had a consultation with a woman last week who said she’d googled ‘how can I make a living without a job?’ and that’s how she found me.” Being joyfully jobless isn’t about lying on a beach as living expenses are miraculously taken care of. It’s about finding the kind of work and streams of income that bring you joy. So it doesn’t feel like work. Barbara says, “One of the first things I learned about was attitude, always thought it was like eye colour and never realised that we had the power to choose. It took me years to process that profound insight. I don’t know if I’m naturally optimistic but I have learned how to be optimistic. It’s a great asset and makes life easier. When I’m feeling cranky or things aren’t going well, even if I can’t change the circumstances, I can take my power back.” She laughs at the frustration she feels when “other people aren’t behaving the way I think they should” and this begins to transform things. She says, “My sister made me laugh the other day saying, ‘I’m tired of my own greener than thou attitude.’” For Barbara, success is about honouring who you are and your own journey and process. She says, “When we allow ourselves to have ‘aha moments’, we have them in succession. When people get really serious about their own journey, what you discover, which is really proof of the pudding, is that even when you’re in a cranky state and feeling unresourceful, these moods don’t last so long. You pass through them
Summer 2008 - rapport
more easily.” But she knows you have to work at your development, too. She says nothing ever changes in “self help junkies’ lives. Then they become the biggest sceptics saying, ‘I tried that positive thinking once and it didn’t work…’” “If we’re paying attention, we have evidence of our own growth. Then we grow further because we’re excited about life and feeling motivated.” If you want more passion in your life and work, Barbara says, “let your imagination run wild. When you notice that things are getting better think, ‘What’s the next
In Making a Living Without a Job Barbara suggests spending an hour thinking about the best $100 (roughly £50) you’ve earned so far. This is a simple exercise to help you think about the kind of work you enjoyed the most and the demand for it. So if you’ve been promoting one aspect of your business and spending hours and hours on it, you might be surprised that a different element earned you an easy $100 and you barely noticed the effort. If you need a reminder, you can go through your accounts but it’s likely that you’ll instantly remember certain times when you earned well doing something you really enjoyed. Something that didn’t actually feel like work. How would it feel to make this kind of activity a cornerstone of your business plan? level?’ Get smart enough to know you’re never going stop evolving. Barbara says that, as an adult, she had to unlearn a lot of what she’d been taught as a child. She says she did this by “getting serious about what I believed myself and exploring ideas. When you get interested in personal growth and start to really look at your own strengths and weaknesses, the least that will happen is you become more compassionate about other people’s strengths and weaknesses. There is no room for prejudice. You evaluate things in a different way. Every situation is novel.
“In my [Establish Yourself as an] Expert seminars, people always ask me what fees to set. But I don’t have printed fees. Every situation is negotiable because there are lots of variables.” Although Barbara appears to be very confident as a pioneer for entrepreneurs, she says she certainly didn’t feel confident as an adolescent. She says, “I knew that I felt things differently but it was a source of conflict. I’d wonder, ‘why can’t I be like everyone else? What’s the matter? I’ve done everything I was supposed to so why am I still so miserable? Why can’t I settle into a job like everyone else?’” Now Barbara honours each of her ideas and considers them to be as valuable as money. But she says, “When you have a little idea, you don’t know which are good ideas and which are mediocre, which will have a long shelf life or be passing fancies. If someone had said 20 years ago that my greatest passion would be helping people become self employed and keep going, I’d have been really surprised.” Two common pitfalls she sees a lot with people she works with are the beliefs that someone either has no ideas or too many ideas. Barbara says, “Both produce the same result – inaction. How do you deal with having too many ideas? You’ve got to spend them. If you hoard ideas, they aren’t useful to anyone. And if you don’t act on the ideas you have, it diminishes your own energy because you spend psychic energy scolding yourself and feeling guilty for not doing anything. Or you diminish them by saying they’re not useful. People who really enrich the planet use their ideas. “Your own business is a wonderful laboratory for enhancing your learning in a lot of ways. Your own business is the best personal growth seminar ever invented, you get challenged to take risks you couldn’t have imagined.” Sign up for Joyfully Jobless News at: www.barbarawinter.com
I don’t know if I’m naturally optimistic but I have learned how to be optimistic. It’s a great asset and makes life easier. Your joyfully jobless future Whether you’re already self employed and want to enjoy it more or you’re preparing to break away from employment, Barbara says, “Ask yourself ‘What would it really look like if I was joyfully jobless? The reason that has got people’s attention is they’re not words that are normally put together.” According to Barbara, once you have a vision of what life and work would be like if you were doing what was coming out of your heart and soul, you’ll never settle for less again.
Re-educate yourself Barbara says, “Doing things that come out of your own passion to contribute in the world on a daily basis is so integral.” When you were growing up, what were the main messages you picked up (from your parents, siblings, teachers, other relatives, family friends, neighbours and so on) about work and money? Make a long list of everything that springs to mind. Don’t censor yourself, just write it all down. Is that belief true? How can you change it to help you more in the present and future? Barbara remembers having to unlearn messages like “If it feels good, you shouldn’t take money from it” and “You shouldn’t expect work to be a source of pleasure”.
rapport - Summer 2008
Is Your Writing Important but not Urgent? by Mindy Gibbins-Klein
ver the past few months, I have seen a number of people put their writing on hold as they deal with pressing business issues and prepare for what we have been told will be a major recession. For most people that do not write for a living, writing is a ‘luxury’ or at least something that can be put to the bottom of the priority list. Some of these would-be writers committed to producing very important books which would help them achieve many of their business goals. But that is ‘out there’ in the future and people find themselves fighting fires today and losing sight of the end goal. They forget that writing is one of those investment items that usually appear in Quadrant II of the 7 Habits chart (Important but Not Urgent). And as Stephen Covey himself says, if we do not put time and effort into Quadrant II activities, we will never really move on and achieve our most important goals. I know it can be worrying to read the papers or look at a skimpy prospect pipeline and wonder how we are going to pay the bills. I have been there myself and still creep into that space occasionally. Here’s what I do when I catch myself in an unresourceful state that threatens my output. I simply stop and think
about the bigger picture. I think of the most important goals I have set for myself, for the coming year and beyond. Then I think of how my writing (and speaking and cold-calling, or whatever activity I’m avoiding) play into that big picture. I visualise the people I will be helping, and how their lives will be enhanced by my work. I make the picture vivid and compelling (I think you know how to do this!). Then I ask myself the biggest power question of all: “What will not happen if I don’t do this?” Putting it in a negative frame creates a set of emotions that allow me to indulge in a bit of ‘awayfrom’ for a change. This in turn creates tremendous energy to get started again. We do this so well with our clients, don’t we? I just want us to give ourselves this amazing gift as well. We can help each other, buddying up with other coaches that have similar goals. If you have your own coach to spur you on, even better. Either way, you must have a certain amount of faith to work on things that have no immediate, and in many cases, no guaranteed return. Do you really believe in the importance of your Quadrant II activities and the outcomes you will achieve by doing them? Can you make it even more tangible, for example, getting a colleague to
Only you can rate the importance of writing to gain more business, raise your profile and leverage your knowledge
Summer 2008 - rapport
promise to put your finished article on their website? That’s always a good motivator for me. If you are working on a book, which takes between 50 and 100 hours to put together, you will need to do these things several times, to sustain you throughout a longer period. I know what a book, or at least a series of excellent articles, can do for your business. Only you can rate the importance of writing to gain more business, raise your profile and leverage your knowledge – the most common objectives of non-fiction authors. If you decide it is important enough, you may raise it higher on your priority list and keep yourself motivated with the tips above, and others. I am here flying the flag for good writing that transforms lives. It may not be urgent, or perhaps it is.
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Member’s Appeal Melody is in the final stages of a Masters Degree in Applied Positive Psychology. Her dissertation research involves two 1 day workshops and she needs some participants. The purpose of the workshop is to demonstrate that NLP can improve self-esteem and general well-being. It is aimed at non-clinical populations, this means people who would like to feel better about themselves and who are not currently in therapy or on medication. The workshop will be free provided delegates commit to completing some questionnaires and short diary entries on three different points. This paperwork takes about 30 minutes to complete and all data is treated confidentially. Volunteers would choose one of two dates, either 9th August or 4th October. The Venue is The Forest Centre, Marston Mortaine, Bedfordshire.
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For more details please contact Melody Cheal on 01767 640956 or email@example.com
� rapport - Summer 2008
rapport networking contact Practice Group Practising for Continuous Professional of the month Development - THE ACHIEVER CLUB
Sonia Marie Saxton of the Achiever Club
England - North Harrogate Achievers Club Sonia Marie Saxton Tel: 0845 257 0036 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org Harrogate Practice Group Elizabeth Pritchard Tel: 01326 212 959 Email: email@example.com www.zeteticmind.com Lancaster Practice Group Dave Allaway Tel: 01524 847 070 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org www.depthfour.com Lancs - Nr Clitheroe Dawn Haworth Tel: 01254 824 504 Email: email@example.com www.nlpand.co.uk Leeds - West Yorkshire Liz Tolchard Tel: 01943 873 895 Mob: 07909 911 769 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org Manchester Business NLP and Emotional Intelligence Group Andy Smith Tel: 0845 83 855 83 Email: email@example.com www.manchesternlp.co.uk
Summer 2008 - rapport
ur Achiever Club has been running now for 2 years and its popularity is such, that in addition to Harrogate, we also run it in Liverpool and Manchester. Achievers say they enjoy these sessions because they are: • Structured and in ‘Plain English’ • Practical with tangible results for those in business • Great opportunity for networking and sharing best practise We are fortunate in that all locations provide for ease of parking and, because the Sessions are run in the evening, Achievers can come straight from work and start enjoying the evening from 6.00 p.m. It also provides members with other benefits, which include: • 25% discount on all Courses • Loan of books for further study • Referral Scheme for cash benefits • Updated materials and handouts on all sessions.
We welcome new members who have studied some NLP. First visit is free for you to test and experience, then for the year just £250 plus VAT for membership. Dates for each venue are:• Windsor House, Cornwall Road, Harrogate HG1 2PW (First Tuesday in the month) • Cybertill Limited, 2, Dovecourt Court, Stanley Grange, Ormskirk Road, Knowsley, Liverpool L34 3AR (Second Tuesday in the month) • Bruntwoods, Bruntwood City Tower, Piccadilly Plaza, Manchester M1 4BD (Second Wednesday in the month from November 2008) Each month members choose the following month’s subject. Telephone Debbie Radage NOW on 0845 2570036 (local rate) for your FREE ‘TASTER SESSION’, and details of what will be covered next month in your area.
Manchester NLP Group Gary Plunkett Tel: 08707 570292 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org email@example.com
Chiswick Jonathan Bowder Tel: 0208 992 9523 Email: Jonathan@performancepartnership.com www.performancepartnership.com
London - Central Adrian Hope-Lewis Tel: 07970 639552 Mob: 07970 639552 www.nlpgroup.freeserve.co.uk
Newcastle Upon Tyne Philip Brown Tel: 0191 456 3930 Mob: 0777 228 1035
Croydon Michael Carroll Tel: 020 8686 9952 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org www.nlpacademy.co.uk
London - Central (Business) Mark Underwood Tel: 020 7249 7472
North Yorkshire Lisa & Mark Wake Tel: 01642 714702 Email: Awakenconsulting@aol.com www.awakenconsulting.co.uk North West & North Wales (Chester) Gary Plunkett Tel: 08707 570 292 Email: email@example.com firstname.lastname@example.org York Susanna Bellini & Philip Callaghan Tel: 01904 636 216 Email: email@example.com www.bronze-dragon.com/nlp_group.shtml
England - South Bedfordshire Melody and Joe Cheal Tel: 01767 640956 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org www.gwiztraining.com
Hants - NLP South Nigel Heath Tel: 01794 390 651 Email: email@example.com www.nlp-south.org.uk Hertfordshire - Letchwoth James Rolph Tel: 01462 674411 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org Kent & East Sussex NLP Group Beverley Hamilton Tel: 01892 511231 Email: email@example.com London - Hampstead Najma Zaman Tel: 020 8926 1297 mob: 07950477318 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org London - Central Judy Delaforce Tel: 0870 7744 321 Email: email@example.com www.ppdlearning.co.uk/community/ our-practice-group
London (Central) Robert Ford Telephone: 08453 962842 Mobile: 07976 715234 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org London - Central/North Practitioners and above only Jeremy Lazarus Tel: 020 8349 2929 Email: Jeremy@thelazarus.com www.thelazarus.com London East - Stratford, E15 Sharon Eden Tel: 020 8597 9200 Email: email@example.com London NLP & Hypnosis Practice Group Phillip Holt Tel: 08451 306213 Mob: 07061 003 003 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org www.nlp-london.com
London NW - SeeHearFeel NLP Rob Tel: 020 8958 5345 http://www.SeeHearFeelNLP.co.uk/ London West - Richmond NLP Group Henrietta Laitt Tel: 0208 874 8203 Mob: 07880 614 040 Email: email@example.com www.richmondnlpgroup.org.uk North London NLP Tom MacKay Tel: 07815 879 055 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org www.northlondonnlp.co.uk Oxford Jan Freeston Tel: 01865 516 136 Email: Janinefreeston@aol.com Sandwich, Kent Lindsey Agness and Zoe Young Tel: 01304 621735 Email: Zoej66@aol.com South East London & City Simon Hedley Tel: 07930 275 223 Email: londonpractice@psithinking. co.uk www.psithinking.co.uk/londonnlp practicegroup.htm www.nlpswap.com/ Sussex - Brighton Association of NLP Practitioners Terry Elston Tel: 0800 074 6425 Email: email@example.com www.nlpworld.co.uk www.nlp-brighton-assoc.org Sussex - Brighton Katie Bickerdike Tel:01903 821 172 Mob: 07903 564 760 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org www.sussex.co.uk/nlp Sussex - Chichester Roger and Emily Terry Tel: 01243 792 122 Mob: 07810 876 210 Email: email@example.com www.evolutiontraining.co.uk Sussex - Worthing Email: firstname.lastname@example.org West Sussex - Chichester Andrew T. Austin Email: email@example.com www.nlpstudygroup.com
England - East Cambridgeshire Phil Jones Tel: 07711 711 123 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org www.cambsnlp.co.uk Colchester NLP Group Julian Campbell Tel: 01473 326980 Mob: 07710 781782 / 07710 781782 Email: email@example.com www.lifechangingtherapies.co.uk/ colnlp.html Essex - Southend Pauline Oliver Tel: 01702 203465 Norfolk NLP Practice Group Stephen Ferrey Tel: 01603 211 961 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org www.motivational-coaching.co.uk Ipswich Steve Marsden Tel: 07889 751578 Email: email@example.com Redbridge - Ilford Sharon Ellis Tel: 020 8098 0820 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org www.redbridge.gov.uk
England - West Bath NLP North East Somerset Philippe Roy Tel: 01225 404 050 Email: email@example.com www.bathnlp.co.uk Bath NLP Skills Builder Ben Reeve Tel: 01823 334 080 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org www.idevelop.co.uk Bristol David Griffiths Tel: 01179 423 310 Email: email@example.com Cornwall Practice Group Elizabeth Pritchard Tel: 01326 212 959 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org www.zeteticmind.com Cornwall (West) Robert Ford Telephone: 08453 962842 Mobile: 07976 715234 Email: email@example.com
Devon - South-West (totnes) NLP Support Group Alice Llewellyn & Anna Scott-Heyward Tel: 01803 866706/01803 323885 Devon - Torquay Chris Williams Tel: 0781 354 9073 Devon & Cornwall NLP Practice Group Nick Evans Tel: 01752 245 570 Mob: 07832 357 208 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org www.nlp-southwest.co.uk Dorset John Chisholm or Brian Morton Tel: 01202 42 42 50 Email: email@example.com firstname.lastname@example.org www.nlpdorset.co.uk Swindon, West Country Tony Nutley 01793 554834 Email: email@example.com www.ukcpd.net Worcestershire and Gloucestershire Practice Group Kim Phillips Tel: 01386 861916 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
England - Midlands The Derby NLP Practice Group Karl Walkinshaw Tel: 07971 654 440 Email: email@example.com East Midlands NLP Group William Wood Tel: 01332 347141 x2556/ 01332 669364 Midlands - Birmingham Mandy Ward Tel: 0121 625 7193 Mob: 07740 075669 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org Northants - Northampton Ron Sheffield Tel: 01604 812800 Email: email@example.com www.nlpgroups.org
West Midlands - Worcestershire Sharon Rooke & David Smallwood Tel:01905 352 882 Email: sharon@SCRassociates.com firstname.lastname@example.org www.SCRassociates.com
Scotland Edinburgh Centre of Excellence Practice Group Michael Spence Tel: 0131 664 7854 Email: email@example.com Edinburgh NLP Practice Group Patrick Wheatley & Sheena Wheatley Tel: 07765244030/ 0131 664 4344 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org email@example.com www.changingperceptions.org.uk Forres/Elgin NLP Practice Group (North of Scotland) Rosie Oâ€™ Hara Tel: 01309 676004 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org www.nlphighland.co.uk Glasgow Mina McGuigan Tel: 01236 610 949 Mob: 07916 275 605 Email: email@example.com www.nlpacademyscotland.co.uk Glasgow Centre of Excellence Practice Group Michael Spence Tel: 01316 647 854 Mob: 07710 332 841 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org Glasgow - NLP in Education Jeff Goodwin Tel: 0870 060 1549/0141 248 6484 Email: email@example.com www.nlpscotland.com
Wales Shropshire & Mid Wales Practice Group Nick Greer Tel: 01743 361133 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org www.nickgreer.com
Nottingham Timothy Morrell Tel: 07810 484 215 Email: email@example.com www.focushigher.co.uk
Practice Groups meet regularly and give you the chance to share experiences with like minded individuals and fellow professionals. They also offer you the opportunity to further your knowledge and add to your Continual Professional Development (CPD) through informed lectures and workshops. For further information on the Practice Groups listed, please log on to our website, www.anlp.org If you would like to add your Practice Group to this list or change existing details, please contact Karen on 0845 053 1162 or email firstname.lastname@example.org
rapport - Summer 2008
Transitions Management Mandy Taylor
y background is in large scale transformation within blue chip organisations. My role has been to support business leaders in clarifying the vision – and generating a programme of activities that realise that vision. “People. Process. Tools.” This is what we are taught as programme managers, yet I am still staggered by how many organisations still hold the belief that if they focus on getting the process right, success will ensue. How many transformation pieces have at worst completely failed or at best caused significant disruption to business by not considering the people aspect? Once upon a time the people element was addressed by training. Mass attendance of dull, unexciting courses on processes and tools – followed by change being “done to them”, usually by which time the people have forgotten the training and are sometimes too belligerent to use it anyway. Now we have the discipline of Change Management, which I am pleased to see is now being certified by bodies such as the APM Group which means that some standardisation and professionalism should emerge how great would it be to embed elements of NLP into those offerings? The discipline as it does stand is usually executed by a group of HR professionals following simplistic and sometimes too theoretical models of change, in
the exactly the same way we do as programme managers ( I put my hands up here, I’ve been just as guilty in the past), who in my experience really don’t get the people bit. Yes, I know that is a generalisation – I did say it was my map of the world. Within Change Management, there is one area that is
NLP, for me, has a great part to play within organisations
Summer 2008 - rapport
emergent and starting to play a more significant role in transformation, and that’s Transition Management. If you want an easy read on the subject “Managing Transitions, Making the Most of Change” by William Bridges is a good place to start. At it’s heart Transition Management is changing people’s behaviour, dealing with the individual – helping them to let go of the old, safe comfortable world taking them through a time of uncertainty to a place of new beginnings. Please don’t be fooled into thinking that Transitions Management is a soft discipline. It’s far from it, as a Change Leader myself, I have had to make tough decisions, deliver some really hard to face messages and sometimes deal quite clinically with the conflicts that arise. It gained me the personal strapline of “Firm yet Fair”. So where does NLP fit into the picture? Transition Management needs strategies for changing and embedding the behaviour,
depending on the time and scale of the change these may be completely directive through to completely participative. The balance is usually somewhere in between. I’ve found NLP used in a business context to be extremely powerful in motivating and triggering the required behavioural changes helping the change initiatives to gain that critical mass that is needed for the New Beginnings to become the cultural dogma of “that’s how we do things around here”. For me the starting point is having some really clear, powerful outcomes that engage the Change Champions and Change Agents. Often, the Change Leadership need support to articulate these. I sometimes find it useful to use animal behaviours as a metaphor for describing human behaviours, a great example was with one executive when he described his team as a group of sheep dogs – constantly awaiting instruction, he needed them to be the sheep dog handlers, taking the lead so to speak. Doing this allows us to move easily on to describing the evidence we need to see, hear and feel to convince us that we have arrived at the ‘New Beginnings’. This executive now has his handlers. Ralph Watson, of Dynamic Communication, the trainer on my NLP Business Practitioner course kindly shared a pattern that he designed and has used with many of his corporate clients with fabulous success. It combines the use of a Timeline, with perceptual positions, a designer swish and a convincer pattern.
By Ralph’s kind permission, I too now incorporate this is into my work both with groups and individuals and I must say with some staggering results. A group I recently used this technique with had been through a number of transitions – and never allowed to find their ‘New Beginnings’ before the next change was trust upon them, were being overlooked and perceived as poor performers. My task was to awaken them, motivate them – and get them to a point of taking responsibility for themselves. From victim to victor – an uncomfortable title for most. Utilising this technique really awakened them to the possibilities – creating powerful outcomes, and an action plan of how to achieve them and most importantly the courage to take those actions. During the three phases of transition, some sources advocate counselling services to allow a period of grieving for that period letting go. Personally, in my experience, this is where I have found that NLP really comes into it’s own – allowing the individual to explore the possibilities, see the positive aspects that can come out of change and to help them depersonalise the change even when it means certain redundancy in their current role. NLP, for me, has a great part to play within organisations. It does however, need to be delivered with creativity, passion and a real sense of purpose. My key message to all those CEO’s and Change Leaders out there is put your people first, you may just be surprised to find that your processes and tools will fit much more easily.
Ever wondered what would happen if every young person in the UK was trained in NLP? What social issues could be a thing of the past? Obesity, depression, debt, bullying, stabbings, binge drinking, teen pregnancy, gang culture? Could ordinary young people with low aspirations be challenged to do extraordinary things? If there was a charity on a mission to bring about these changes, would you want to be part of the adventure? We hope so; because there’s some exciting work to be done. Kikass has built an enviable reputation as one of the UK’s most innovative and engaging youth charities. Over the past seven years we’ve noticed that so many of the issues mentioned above have their roots deep inside the core of a young person – their confidence, their self-esteem, their self efficacy and of course their beliefs. Increasingly we’ve grown tired of sticking plasters over the symptoms and are now on a mission to bring about deep level transformation. Already to this end we’re offering free 20 day NLP Practitioner trainings to young people and building an army of NLP coaches. We’ve also been experimenting with Fire Walking, Arrows and Board Breaking with exciting results. But it shouldn’t stop there. We’re continuing to scour the world for the best tools, techniques and amazing people who can help us in this mission. If you like what we’re up to and want to hear more, or maybe think you can add value to our adventure then please get in touch. To stimulate your thinking, but please don’t let it limit you, here are few areas in which you may be able to help: Trainers, Content Development Champions, Fundraising and Professional Services, Assistants/Mentors & Coaching Support, Admin Services, Advisors and Patrons. “The Kikass NLP program has changed my life in a powerful way, and I love being able to create this change for other people too” F.S Oxford
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