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salt lake magazine


April 2014 Issue 230 FREE


Join an lgbt-friendly team this summer • Legislative session wrapup • Utah same-sex marriage status




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4  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  |  STAFF | issue 230 | april, 2014

staffbox publisher/editor Michael Aaron

asst. editor Bob Henline copy editor Tony Hobday designer  Christian Allred

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april, 2014 | issue 230 |

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6  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  |  FIRST PERSON | issue 230 | april, 2014

When you think you are losing an argument, hyperbolize by Michael Aaron

It appears attorneys for the state of Utah have moved into shrill-speak in desperation that they may lose the fight to keep the anti-gay Amendment 3 and other laws on Utah’s books. The state’s latest and final brief before oral arguments in April is so awash with hyperbole, I wouldn’t be surprised that in their last edit they didn’t remove a thousand exclamation points from earlier drafts. “The sky is falling!!!!” In the very first paragraph, the legal team says the argument comes down to gays and lesbians feeling demeaned vs. the total destruction of marriage culture in the state. Gays are sad vs. society is doomed. You may think I’m now hyperbolizing, but let’s keep going.

The very next paragraph calls Judge Robert Shelby’s ruling “an unprincipled judicial wrecking ball hurtling toward an even more important arena of traditional State authority.” Quote, unquote. “It would impose by judicial fiat rather than democratic processes the novel principle that marriage is whatever emotional bond any two (or more) people say it is. It would thereby enshrine in federal law the corrosive principle that moms and dads are interchangeable and, ultimately, irrelevant to children. It would also unfairly dismiss the majorities in more than half of the States and numerous judges as irrational bigots.” Can’t you hear the exclamation points? Same sex marriage will “increased fa-



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therlessness and motherlessness, with the emotional, social and economic damage such a deprivation imposes on children,” “reduce birth rates.” I’m still on page 3. “More out-of-wedlock births ... less ‘self-sacrificing’ by heterosexual fathers ... increased social strife ... neither gender nor biology matter ... would delink procreation from marriage.” The state says the plaintiffs won’t “come to grips” with what is wrong with Shelby’s ruling and are “ignoring reality.” And then, they bring out the silly arguments: “Utah law allows every person, regardless of sexual orientation or gender, to marry a person of the opposite sex.” “Such a redefinition would also remove the gentle encouragement the law currently provides to bisexual persons to form families and raise children with members of the opposite sex rather than members of the same sex.” The 120-page document is so rife with Henny Penny rhetoric that I’m surprised not to find references to Sodom, Gomorrah and Rome. I only hope three judges in Denver are more rational than our state’s attorneys.  Q

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8  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  |  NEWS | issue 230 | april, 2014

news ‘God Hates Fags’ founder said to be excommunicated and on death bed According to a Facebook post by the estranged son of the founder of the virulently anti-gay Westboro Baptist “Church,” Fred Phelps was excommunicated from the “church” last summer and now is refusing to eat and drink and is near death in a hospice in Topeka, Kansas. “I’m not sure how I feel about this. Terribly ironic that his devotion to his god ends this way. Destroyed by the monster he made,” Nathan Phelps, who left Westboro 37 years ago, posted. Westboro spokesman Steve Drain declined to comment on the membership status of Fred Phelps, but did confirm that the 84-year-old former leader is at Midland Hospice House, but said, “The source that says he’s near death is not well informed.”

Miss. equality group issues alert for LGBT travelers GetEQUAL Mississippi — a statewide grass-roots social justice organization working toward the full equality of all lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender Mississippians — issued a “travel alert” to any LGBT person planning travel to the state. The alert was issued because the group says that Mississippi is “on the cusp” of passing Senate Bill 2681 — the so-called “Mississippi Religious Freedom Restoration Act” — through the House, which will then go to the governor for signature or veto. The group cautioned visitors to avoid traveling alone in the state, book travel at hotels which have policies prohibiting discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity, visit only known LGBT-friendly establishments, including restaurants, bars and venues, and be aware of your surroundings and adopt other appropriate safety measures to protect yourself while traveling.

The top things you should know happened last month (Full stories at

No gay marchers at Boston, New York St. Patrick’s parades The South Boston Allied War Veterans Council continued their long history of banning lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people from marching openly in the South Boston St. Patrick’s Day Parade. Parade coordinator Tim Duross, said the two sides reached a stalemate. “The fact that they need to identify themselves as openly gay veterans is kind of where the stalemate lies. I don’t know why that’s so important in this parade,” Duross said. In response, Heinekin, Sam Adams and Guinness brewing companies pulled their sponsorship of the parades and New York’s and Boston’s mayors refused to march.

Disney World pulls support for Orlando Boy Scouts Walt Disney World announced that they will no longer support Orlando-area chapters of the Boy Scouts of America due to the national organization’s continued ban on allowing lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender troop leaders. According to the Sun-Sentinel, the Walt Disney Company’s “Standards of Business Conduct” specifies protections against “harassment or discrimination” based upon, among other things, “sex, sexual orientation, and gender identification.” Boy Scouts’ Central Florida Council Board President Robert Utsey wrote in an email to local members about the loss of funding, explaining that they are “sad to see it go.”

Kentucky AG will not defend anti-marriage equality law Kentucky Attorney General Jack Conway announced he would not appeal a federal judge’s ruling that overturned parts of a 2004 state constitutional amendment barring recognition of same-sex marriages performed elsewhere. Gov. Steve Beshear stepped in and hired a private law firm to handle the appeal.

Poll: 56 percent of Americans believe in marriage equality A new poll out in February from the New York Times and CBS News shows that 40 percent of Republicans support marriage equality. Less than two years ago, just 24 percent of Republicans said they thought it should be legal for gay and lesbian couples to marry. The poll also shows that 56 percent of all Americans believe it should be legal for same sex couples to marry. Among people 44 years of age and younger, 56 percent of Republicans and 85 percent of Democrats support marriage equality. A decade ago, in December of 2003, only 34 percent of Americans supported marriage equality.

Ugandan president signs anti-gay bill into law Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni signed an anti-gay bill into law. The bill, which once even included the death penalty, calls for gay Ugandans or anyone “promoting” homosexuality to be jailed – potentially for life. Museveni made the decision to sign the bill after consulting with a panel of “medical experts.” The co-chair of that panel has publicly claimed that being gay “is just deviant behavior. It can be learned, and it can be unlearned.”

Arkansas High School Nixes Yearbook Profile Of Gay Student Administrators at a high school in Sheridan, Arkansas are trying to put a stop to a profile on third-year student Taylor Ellis in the school’s yearbook, and it may be because he’s gay. Student Press Law Center reports that all student features are being pulled from the school’s yearbook The Yellowjacket, and speculation is leaning towards the administration’s issues with one feature in particular: Ellis’s profile and coming out story.


april, 2014 | issue 230 |

Utah Legislative wrap-up The 2014 legislative session concluded March 13 not officially voting on any legislation related to sexual orientation or gender identity. Mostly. Legislative leaders decided to put a moratorium on all bills that could be construed as LGBT-related. This worked as both good and bad for this community, as the flagship bill, SB100 Antidiscrimination Ordinance (Sen. Steve Urquhart, R-St. George), never made it to a committee hearing, much less the floor of either house. The measure would have included “gender identity” and “sexual orientation” in existing nondiscrimination laws in the state. Several protests, both for and against the measure, happened throughout the session and the ultra-conservative Sutherland Institute ran ads opposing the measure well before the session started. Thirteen supporters of the bill were arrested for blocking access to a committee hearing that Senate President Wayne Niederhauser was to attend. Sens. James Dabakis (D-Salt Lake) and Urquhart held a “conversation” meeting

between lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people and around 50 legislators. Another positive bill held in the moratorium was HB284 PUBLIC EMPLOYEE HEALTH CARE AMENDMENTS (Rep. Angela Romero, D-Salt Lake), which would have defined “dependent” for purposes of coverage under the Public Employees’ Benefit and Insurance Program to include one unmarried adult designee of an unmarried employee. Also held up were several anti-LGBT bills, including several that never made it as far as receiving a number. Sen. Stuart Reid (R-Ogden) had promised “a trio of bills” to address advancing LGBT protections, including one that mirrored Arizona’s “religious freedom” bill that started a firestorm across the nation, forcing Gov. Jan Brewer to veto it. Bills that did get as far as being drafted and numbered were HB 78 MARRIAGE DEFENSE FUND (Rep. Merrill Nelson, R-Grantsville) that would have allowed Utahns to contribute money through their tax forms to pay for litigation to uphold

Amendment 3 and other anti-marriage choice laws on Utah’s books. HB 87 GENDER AMENDMENTS (Rep. Michael S. Kennedy, R-Alpine) would prohibit transgender students from using gender-segregated public school bathrooms that do “not correspond to the student’s phenotype.” HB231 MARRIAGE MODIFICATIONS (Rep. Jacob Anderegg, R-Lehi) would have put into law that no clergy member would have to perform a wedding that went against their religious beliefs. HJR1 JOINT RESOLUTION ON RELIGIOUS LIBERTY (Rep. Jacob Anderegg, R-Lehi) proposed to amend the Utah Constitution to enact a provision relating to the right of conscience and the free exercise of religion, also saying that clergy would not have to solemnize marriages their religion disagrees with. HB347 INSURANCE COVERAGE FOR INFERTILITY TREATMENT was not included in the moratorium, but would have allowed insurance agencies to include infertility treatments in their coverage. A section mandating that the woman must be married was amended out. More coverage at

10  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  |  NEWS | issue 230 | april, 2014

Families: Utah Attorney General stepping into private adoption cases The Utah Attorney General’s office is stepping into the “private, personal” matters of adoptions by legally married same sex couples, according to several families who held a press conference at the Utah State Capitol today. Attorneys Laura Milliken Gray, Shane Marx, Christopher Wharton and Janelle Bauer held the conference, asking the state to “protect all of the families and children in Utah.”

out of its way to insert itself into these private, highly personal cases. We believe it demonstrates clear animus and a disregard for these families.” Wharton said that the several parents commenting today are but a few of those who are affected by the AG’s actions. “We have counseled dozens of other parents who are too terrified out of fear of publicizing and politicizing what is supposed to be a very private family matter,”

“The Utah Attorney General’s office has taken the extreme position of injecting itself into what have always been private, sealed second-parent adoption cases,” said Gray. “This week, the AG’s office files memos in several ongoing same-sex adoption cases, taking the rare step of actually objecting to the timely completion of these adoptions.” “These adoptions provide stability to the kids involved, including social security, death and disability, inheritance, health insurance and the right to support and contact by both parents if one dies or if the relationship ends,” Gray continued. “The state claims in its marriage case that its primary concern is to protect Utah’s children, but instead it is actually affirmatively attacking these children and their parents,” Gray said. “It seems to us particularly egregious for the state to go

Wharton said. “These clients are hardworking, tax-paying, upstanding members of the community.” The AG’s office issued a template brief to all cases of same-sex couples attempting to adopt as legally married couples. Pursuant to Rule 24(d)(1) of the Utah Rules of Civil Procedure, Utah Attorney General Sean Reyes files this memorandum addressing whether section 30-1-2 of the Utah Code, which was temporarily enjoined by a federal district court judge who declared it unconstitutional, currently applies to prohibit the adoption of _______. The Attorney General’s position is that once the United States Supreme Court stayed the injunction issued in Kitchen v. Herbert, the Kitchen injunction halting enforcement of Utah laws banning same-sex marriage was no longer in effect, and Utah’s laws imme-

diately were in force, which prohibits samesex marriage and declares such marriages void, is now in effect. Therefore section 30-1-2(5) prohibits adoption proceedings based on same-sex marriages. The AG’s office further notes that Kitchen may be upheld and, at such time, the couples may pursue an adoption. Cindy Sanders, who along with her wife had a child she seeks to adopt, said, “our family is private.” “My son, who is home for nap time, is the most important thing in my life,” she said. “So, while he is sleeping, I am here fighting for him.” “Whatever you may think of us, the reality is, my son is here and a valuable part of this community,” she said. “Please do not harm my son.” Kathy, along with her wife Michelle and their boys, Leo and Louis, said that they are a “family in every way.” “All we want is the right to take care of our children, like all parents do, and to be legally responsible for them,” Kathy said. “We want them to have access to the same benefits that your children are entitled to. When I die, they should get my social security and my retirement. If I die today, they won’t.” “Please don’t go out of your way to give my boys the message they deserve less, that their family isn’t worth protecting,” Kathy asked of the AG’s office. Leslie Neebling noted that many of the speakers cried during their talks. “There is not a more emotional topic than the protection and well-being of your children,” she said. “I ask others who may see this, how would you feel if you had to be here, standing up for your family?” Casey and Riley Hackford-Peer, 8 and 12 years old, were the final speakers. Riley talked of his fears before his nonbiological mother, Kim, was able to adopt his younger brother. He talked of his fear that Casey would be taken away from the family if his birth-mother, Ruth, died. Or that he and Kim would not be able to pick Casey up from school or visit him in the hospital in the case of an accident because they were “legal strangers.” While the AG’s office noted that these adoptions could take place after the resolution of the Kitchen case, Gray noted that the case could very well go to the Supreme Court and take three years to be determined.  Q

april, 2014 | issue 230 |


uchstone Restore Our Humanity starts ‘145’ Program Financial Expect Great Things At a town hall meeting tonight, leaders of Restore Our Humanity presented more information about what is happening in the Kitchen v. Herbert Utah same-sex marriage case now making its way through an appeal to the 10th Circuit Court. Director Mark Lawrence showed how the challenge to California’s Proposition 8 took four years from its filing to resolution, including six months for the summary judgment portion of the case. “We expected the same for Kitchen v. Herbert,” he said. “That is not what happened.” What did happen was that the case was filed March 25, 2013. The summary judgment was heard Dec. 4 and the ruling, surprising everyone, was issued Dec. 20. Lawrence credits the legal team of Magleby & Greenwood for winning at the summary judgment phase of the case, bypassing at least a year of trial. “We won at summary judgment here,” Lawrence explained. “For a case this important, for a judge to say ‘You have presented me with enough evidence that we do not need to go to trial,’ it is huge.” The timing is still at an escalated rate. Appeal dates generally take a year to get, but the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals granted one within 5 weeks. “We are expecting a decision from the circuit court in June,” Lawrence said. Lawrence told the crowd that the legal fees to date are over $600,000, of which Re-

store Our Humanity has raised $125,000. Around $50,000 of that raised was from Overstock. com. QSaltLake raised $25,000 through the Love Elevated Mass Wedding Reception and the sale of a special glossy edition of the magazine. The balance is from individuals. The Restore board believes that it is through individual donations that they will be able to pay the attorneys fighting for marriage equality in the state. “The national organizations, for whatever reason, have basically done nothing for us [financially],” Lawrence said. So the organization announced a “145” program. They are seeking to get one million people to donate $5 to pay the bills. “We are going to get one million people to give us five bucks,” Lawrence said. “This is about us, the people. We are fighting for our own rights.” “People ask all the time what they can do. We ask what it’s worth to them to make this happen,” he said. “We hope that’s at least $5.” By going to www.145fund. com, people can donate any amount online. Donations can be one-time, weekly, monthly, quarterly, semi-annually or annually. People can also text 145fund to 50155 to donate $5 through their cell phone. “We are re-writing the rules,” Lawrence said. “We’re going to make history. They are going to write books about this case. They are going to make movies about this case. I’m hoping they will cast Brad Pitt to play me.”  Q

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12  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  | NEWS | issue 230 | april, 2014

Dozens of organizations file briefs supporting marriage equality in Utah by Bob Henline

On April 10, 2014, a three-judge panel of the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals will convene at the Byron White Courthouse in Denver, Colo. to hear oral arguments in Kitchen v. Herbert, the case seeking to overturn Utah’s constitutional ban on same-sex marriage. In addition to various briefs filed by both the plaintiffs’ and state’s attorneys, 25 “friend of the court,” or amicus curiae, briefs have been filed in support of the plaintiffs in the case. These briefs, from sources as varied as a group of “Western Republicans” to Equality Utah and Utah Pride, provide a number of arguments supporting the Dec. 20, 2013 ruling of United States District Judge Robert Shelby that Utah’s Amendment 3 violates the United States Constitution. Several of the briefs, such as those filed by The Cato Institute, the Consti-

tutional Accountability Center, a group of constitutional law scholars, the American Civil Liberties Union, and the attorneys general for 15 states and the District of Columbia, focus on the technical issues associated with the case. Most focus is on the issue of “heightened scrutiny,” arguing that widespread discrimination against gays and lesbians provides the court with a historical basis to intervene and prevent further such harm. The technical arguments in these briefs focus on the equal protection and due process clauses of the Constitution. Other briefs refute specific arguments made by the state during the initial hearing and in its briefs to the 10th Circuit. The American Sociological Association’s brief argues that “the claim that

same-sex parents provide less positive child outcomes — either because such families lack both a male and female parent, or because both parents are not the biological parents of their children — is contradicted by abundant social science research … The clear and consistent consensus in the social science research is that across a wide range of indicators, children fare just as well when raised by same-sex parents as children raised by different-sex parents.” The Utah Psychological Association and American Psychological Association takes that argument a step further, arguing that “gay men and lesbians form stable, committed relationships that are equivalent to heterosexual relationships in essential respects. The brief cites the 2010 census, noting that over 600,000 U.S. households were headed by same-sex couples. They further argue that “the institution of marriage offers social, psychological, and health benefits that are denied to same-sex couples who cannot legally marry.” The brief cites empirical evidence gathered from decades of methodologically accepted and peer-reviewed research which supports the fact that there are distinct mental, emotional and physical health benefits that stem from marriage. The Gay and Lesbian Medical Association presented empirical data to support the claim that sexual orientation is an innate characteristic, determined by genetics and heredity, and not a behavioral choice. “Given the nature of sexual orientation, it is therefore unconstitutional and unjustifiable to discriminate against couples seeking marriage on that basis alone.” The Parents and Families of Lesbians and Gays tasked the state’s claim that recognition of same-sex marriage is detrimental to the institution as a whole. They argue that denial of marriage rights relegates gays and lesbians to an inferior status which is “recognized as demeaning by the couples, their families, and the wider community.” They also provided anecdotal evidence that observing same-sex couples in committed relationships has “reaffirmed, rather than harmed, their [heterosexual couples] views on the importance of the institution [marriage].”

A group of “Historians of Marriage” also weighed in on the religious liberty arguments advanced by both the state and several of its supporters from the religious community. They argue that marriage, while performed at times by religious figures, is an institution that exists entirely within the realm of civil authority: “In the United States, marriage has changed significantly over time to address changing social and ethical needs, while inheriting and retaining some essential characteristics from English common law. Marriage in all the United States has always been under the control of civil rather than religious authorities. Religious authorities were permitted to solemnize marriages by acting as deputies of the civil authorities only.” Three other briefs cover areas previously either untouched or only briefly mentioned. The military support group OutServe-SLDN partnered with the American Military Partner Association to present an argument on behalf of LGBT military families. They argue that the military “demands far more from those who serve and their families than does a typical employer.” They further argue that military families are under a much higher level of stress than most civilian families with regard to employment, and that the additional stress of potential relocation from a state in which marriage is recognized to one in which it is not places an unacceptably higher level of strain on service members and their families. This additional strain creates a number of problems within the military. First and foremost, it diminishes the military’s ability to compete with civilian employers in terms of recruitment and retention, which undermines military preparedness and effectiveness. Secondly, they argue that the strains created by this situation create inequality within the ranks and thereby negatively impact unit cohesiveness and morale, which is even more detrimental to preparedness. As an employer not only with employees in every state, but also one that often relocates personnel from state to state, the unequal recognition of marriage from state to state adversely impacts the military in ways more severe and frequent than those experienced by other employers. “While the strain of frequent moves impacts the recruitment and retention of opposite-sex married couples in the


april, 2014 | issue 230 |

military, that impact is more profound on same-sex married couples in the military. No legally married couple would look favorably upon a move from a state where the couples’ marriage is recognized to a state where their marriage is essentially annulled for state-law purposes.” Along those same lines, an alliance of 46 Utah employers filed a brief arguing that these laws “require us to differentiate among similarly situated employees, to our detriment.” Among the employers participating in this brief are local employers, Third Sun Productions, Urban Utah Homes and Estates, XMission, and LeCroissant Catering as well as national corporations like Google, eBay, Facebook, Oracle and the Jim Henson Company.

Local activist group, Alliance for a Better Utah’s brief not only made the obvious, but often overlooked, point that “fundamental rights may not be subject to a popularity contest,” but also demonstrated that the stranglehold of Utah’s Republican supermajority, bolstered by the cultural dominance of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has created an environment characterized by “four decades of unvarnished discrimination against gays and lesbians.” The brief argues that, “Secure in its majority, the legislature has shunned minority viewpoints and deprived those with whom it disagrees — or does not approve of — of fundamental rights. The legislature promulgated the laws Appel-

Utah Pride Center names new executive director, announces mental health clinic Utah Pride Center leaders chose to extend a one-year contract to Steven Ha, who was named the interim director earlier this year. “This feels like a homecoming to me,” said Steven Ha, “and I am dedicated to collaborating with stakeholders, professionals, and the LGBTQ community to shape a stronger and healthier Utah.” Ha, who will leave his position as treasurer of the Utah Pride Center board of directors, accepted the position at the board meeting held Monday night.

Ha helped launch the Utah Vietnamese American Chamber of Commerce and served as its first vice chair. He also was Director of Family Services at the Asian Association of Utah and serves on the governor’s Utah Office of Multicultural Affairs Commission. Ha was asked by the family of David Phan, the 14-year-old who committed suicide at Bennion Jr. high in Taylorsville in December of 2012, to introduce them to gay community leaders in the hope of

lees challenge in this case — the prohibition of gay and lesbian marriages in Utah — with awareness that a fundamental right was at stake and without any articulable rational basis. It then submitted the issue to Utah’s citizens for a vote. Utah’s predominant religion ensured that the measure passed, thereby codifying the cultural animus of the majority into Utah’s state constitution.” The 25 briefs, collectively, span hundreds of pages of scientific data, historical fact, political gamesmanship and legal precedent. They cover virtually every aspect of the topic at hand and provide hard evidence to support the decision of Judge Shelby when he ruled that Utah’s Amendment 3 is unconstitutional.  Q assembling a group to address issues faced by gay-ethnic youth. Shortly after, Ha was asked to join the Center’s board of directors and was elected in 2013 and elected treasurer of the organization in December, 2013. “While Steven has been acting as interim executive director these past three months, we have seen his strong leadership skills. We are very happy with the direction Steven has taken and the plans he is putting in place to make the Pride Center stronger while serving the diverse needs of the LGBTQ community,” said UPC Board Chair John Netto, “We are looking forward to the vision, work ethic, and experience he brings to the Center.” With a background in social work, Ha believes the Center should focus more on the mental health well-being of the community. He proposed a Wellness Behavior Health Clinic at the Monday board meeting, for which he has already asked $80,000 in start-up funds from the Bastian Foundation. The clinic will hire therapists to help community members in four areas: general psychological services, therapeutic specialized services, substance abuse and recovery and a 24-hour hotline for referrals. Ha has gotten the Center recognized by the National Plan & Provider Enumeration System and, therefore, they can receive Medicare and Medicaid payments as well as individual insurance and HHS FLEX payments. Community members can also receive treatment on a sliding scale fee, similar to that used by Salt Lake County. Ha hopes to have an open house for the clinic in 45 days.  Q

14  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  |  NEWS | issue 230 | april, 2014

Edmonds moves to Family Acceptance Project; Frost and Rachel Peterson take over OUTreach by Bob Henline

On March 11, OUTreach Resource Centers, announced the resignation of Marian Edmonds-Allen as executive director. Edmonds-Allen, recognized as QSaltLake’s 2013 Person of the Year for her astounding work in the northern Utah LGBT community, will remain in Utah as the National Program Director for Dr. Caitlyn Ryan’s Family Acceptance Project. OUTreach also announced the hiring of two new executive directors, Charles Lynn Frost and Rachel Peterson. Frost has stepped in as executive director of Adult Services and Community Engagement and Peterson is the executive director of Youth Services and Youth Homelessness. ORC board president Michael Videtich said, “While I am sad to lose Marian as a valuable and talented asset, ORC is also being presented with a great opportunity. We are welcoming two very talented and wellrespected professionals. This opportunity will allow us to harness their talents and further expand ORC’s scope and expand positive impacts in the larger community. I sincerely hope everyone will join us in thanking Marian for her contributions and wishing her well.” Frost and Peterson echoed Videtich’s sentiments, adding that “Marian has left some very big shoes for us to fill” at ORC. According to Frost and Peterson, they are focused on expanding ORC, utilizing

Q mmunity LGBTQ Job Fair Transgender Education Advocates will be hosting a Spring Into Your Career LGBTQ Job Fair. Employers who would like to participate are being sought and are asked to email When: Thursday April 3 Where: TBA Info:

Beary Dust The Utah Bears are planning to join together to participate in the Sri Sri Radha Krishna Temple Holi Festival of Colors in Spanish Fork. They are planning on meeting at a place

the satellite practice model pioneered by Edmonds-Allen. OUTreach is focused on community-building specific to each community in which they operate. Peterson explained that what works in one community doesn’t necessarily work in others. Peterson first became involved with OUTreach in helping to establish an organization in Logan. The messaging and activism that works in Logan is different from that of Ogden, Clearfield, or Tremonton (other OUTreach areas). Instead of trying to apply a “one-size-fits-all” model to the varied communities, OUTreach seeks to work with the community to respond to their specific needs. Frost added that one thing that makes the OUTreach model so appealing is that it is responsive to the needs and desires of the communities in which it operates. OUTreach, he said, seeks to collaborate and support existing groups within these communities, instead of controlling them and imposing its own management model upon them. Both Frost and Peterson expounded upon OUTreach’s goal of expanding that model into other communities in Utah and throughout the region, including St. George, Utah County, Salt Lake, and various cities and towns in southern Idaho. They also announced a bold new initiative, a mentoring partnership with Starbucks, which is currently being developed. The program will partner OUTreach youth in Salt Lake and carpooling down. WHEN: Saturday, March 29 WHERE: Sri Sri Radha Krishna Temple, 8628 S State Road, Spanish Fork TICKETS: INFO:

Oh No, They Didn’t The Utah Stonewall Democrats’ annual post legislative session wrapup will be happening downtown this year, with keynote speaker Sim Gill. Also discussing the drama of the legislative session are Sens. Luz Robles and Jim Dabakis, and Reps. Rebecca ChavezHouck, Joel Briscoe, and Lynn Hemingway. The emcee is Rep. Mark Wheatley. Light refreshments will be served. Cash bar available. A $20.00 donation to help our Democratic candidates is appreciated. WHEN: Saturday March 29, 3–5pm

with mentors from various Starbucks locations in northern Utah as a pilot, teaching them life skills and assisting them with personal and professional growth and development. The curriculum, noted Frost, is still being developed, but they hope to begin the program within the next few months and have the pilot program operating fully by the end of this year. Both Frost and Peterson echoed optimism for the expansion of OUTreach. “We counterbalance each other in so many wonderful ways,” noted Peterson. As co-executive director for Adult Services and Community Engagement, Charles L. Frost will oversee mentoring programs, community engagement and adult services throughout the state. He has been involved in leadership development, organizational development, brand value and extension, LGBT adult services, mentoring and coaching, advocacy and activism, for over 20 years in both the nonprofit and corporate arenas. “I am extremely excited and honored to be working with ORC at such an important time of growth and expanded vision, and working with the very qualified Rachel Petersen, a strong board of directors, program expansion, and strong strategic changes afoot,” Frost said. “I am honored to be working with ORC’s amazing volunteer leaders, as well. Important changes are happening.” Rachel Peterson is a recognized expert WHERE: Squatters, 147 W Broadway INFO:

QSaltLake FABBY Awards and 10th Anniversary Party QSaltLake is turning 10. On April 29, 2004, the very first issue of this publication begain hitting the streets. The party back then was so big, it took 45 minutes for some people to get through the door. This year, we have a huge showroom of fabulous kitchens to mill about in. Local restaurants will be onhand to have you try their delicacies and FABBY winners will be there to get their awards. WHEN: Tuesday, April 29, 6-8:30pm WHERE: Mountain Land Design, 2345 S. Main Street TICKETS: INFO:


april, 2014 | issue 230 |

in youth homelessness and has been researching youth homelessness in Utah for several years. Rachel’s background is in sociological epidemiology and related research, and has developed and implemented a groundbreaking educational intervention for at-

risk youth and youth experiencing homelessness. Rachel is the former director of the Cache Youth Research Center in Logan. “In working with Marian the last couple of years, I’ve watched her draw people together and initiate significant progress in the way our communities think about meeting the needs of youth. I share her enthusiasm and optimism in the growth of OUTreach,” she said.



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Headline: Utah lawyers call same-sex marriage ruling “an unprincipled judicial wrecking ball.”

“ “ “ “ “ | issue 230 | april, 2014

readers react to news on our website

Rights aren’t rights unless they are universal. We learned that in the Civil Rights era. We also learned that some places won’t evolve without federal insistence. —Koseighty

Why is gay marriage a difficult policy choice? It is because politicians are forcing their religious views upon us to dictate policy and law. —Grizzed Pete

To sum up the state’s case: we are bigots and we don’t like gays. We have a right to our bigotry and our religious “liberty” is threatened by gay marriage. —J Herring

Religious “standards” should be eliminated from all secular law. period —Wilie Kiote

So same-sex marriage will bring about the end of the world eh? The straws the state continues to grasp are getting too thin to hang on. —Speakoutorshutup

I am so glad they argued

The brief begins “no one

this. Now I can hardly

wants gays, lesbians

wait to see the judicial wrecking ball come crashing down on their argument

and their families to feel stigmatized or demeaned” and then spends more than 100 pages doing just that


—Thom Watson

QSaltLake Magazine welcomes your letters to the editor. Please send your letter of 300 words or less to We reserve the right to edit for length or libel if a letter is chosen for publication.


april, 2014 | issue 230 |

the straight line

It takes a community by Bob Henline

The past

few months have seen tremendous strides in the struggle for equality in Utah — as well as tremendous pushback. In December, Judge Robert Shelby struck down Utah’s Amendment 3. In response, the Utah Legislature imposed a moratorium on LGBT-related bills for this session, killing Senator Steven Urquhart’s (RSt. George) nondiscrimination bill (SB100) before it could even be assigned to a committee for hearing. As the legislature winds down this year’s session it has become obvious to anyone with a pulse that it will require outside pressure from the federal government or the courts to create lasting and meaningful change in Utah. That is why we, as a community, need to support the grassroots efforts of Restore Our Humanity. Restore Our Humanity is the group headed by Mark Lawrence that brought the suit against Amendment 3 to federal court. This is the group that was responsible for creating that 17-day window in Utah law that allowed over 1,200 couples to legally marry in the state of Utah. This is the group that, for some unknown reason, has not received the support of large national equality groups that one would normally expect in this type of action. Restore Our Humanity is truly a grassroots community effort. The majority of their funding, to date, has come from individual donors or community-based fundraising events. Litigation is expensive. The State of Utah expects to pay

$2 million to fight this case all the way to the Supreme Court, which doesn’t include the hours that will be spent by attorneys, paralegals and assistants in the Attorney General’s office. The Kitchen v. Herbert case, as this has come to be known, could very well be the tipping point for marriage equality in America. Unfortunately, as with all things legal and political in today’s America, a great deal of money is required to make our voices heard. Fortunately, however, if we come together as a community we can make this happen. We’ve seen this community come together. We’ve seen events where hundreds of people have gathered in support of equality. Can we extend that commitment into a serious grassroots fundraising effort? I think we can. Restore Our Humanity has kicked off a new campaign, 145. That’s 1 million people 4 $5. If they can hit this goal they will have all of the money needed to carry this case to the Supreme Court of the United States, and we all know that is exactly what this is going to take. The governor and attorney general of Utah have already declared they will continue fight to keep bigotry and discrimination enshrined in Utah law as long as they can. They will spend our tax dollars to keep this community in a second-class status. Will you forgo an overpriced coffee or fast-food lunch to help end this discrimination? As this case moves forward to the April 10 appeal hearing and ultimately to the Supreme Court, it will become

increasingly important for this community to come together behind the plaintiffs, the attorneys and the organization. This brave group has accomplished more than anyone dared to dream possible in just one year. They brought us a renewed hope for change and progress. It is time now for us to show them, and each other, the real power we have when we come

together as a community. It is time for us, as a community, to carry this home for all Americans. Change comes from the commitment of dedicated people and the communities that come together to support them. We have the dedicated people, we have a caring and committed community. Now we need to put that together and create the change we desire.  Q


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18  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  |  VIEWS | issue 230 | april, 2014

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Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder By D’Anne Witkowski

The Michigan

marriage trial, officially known as DeBoer v. Snyder for plaintiff April DeBoer and Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder, has wrapped up in the courtroom and we’re all waiting for U.S. District Judge Bernard Friedman to issue his ruling on whether or not Michigan’s lesbian and gay couples will remain second-class citizens. And even though I have my fingers crossed that the ruling will be in our favor, I’m still super pissed about the so-called “experts” that the state paraded out in order to slander gay and lesbian families using taxpayer money. This includes sociologist Mark Regnerus who claims that his study, funded by antigay money, finds that same-sex parents are bad for kids, even though decades of research has determined otherwise. Keep in mind that any one with any credibility thinks the Regnerus study is bullshit. Oh, and the University of Texas, his employer, issued a statement on the day of his testimony that basically said, “We don’t want to be associated with this douche.” And then there was Loren Marks, a Louisiana State University professor who claimed that the American Psychological Association’s unanimous support of samesex parents was actually proof that samesex parents were bad since unanimous support is indicative of brainwashing. Joseph Price, an economist from Brigham Young University, actually said when asked why same-sex couples shouldn’t be afforded the same benefits as opposite-sex couples, “Women have a domesticating effect on men.” Canadian economist Douglas Allen took to the stand to declare that gays are going to hell. And Michigan’s Attorney General Bill Schuette’s office claimed that Allen’s religious beliefs don’t have any bearing on his testimony that same-sex marriage is evil. He’s just a serious expert witness being paid with tax money to cast demons into hell

from the stand. Nothing to see here. Keep in mind that Michigan is a state with one of the highest unemployment rates in the country, roads that have been in disrepair for years and have basically been reduced to rubble this winter, and the state’s largest city is in bankruptcy with Detroit’s pensioners facing draconian cuts. But those things are apparently not as important as keeping two women from getting married and allowing their three special-needs children to have two legal parents. That we can find the money for, because we must think of the children! At least, that’s the crux of the argument the state put forth during the trial against allowing same-sex couples in Michigan to get married. Never mind that same-sex couples are the only couples that have to prove they can be good parents before they can be legally recognized spouses. Doesn’t even matter if they ever plan to have kids. Because, my god, nothing is more important than making our children – our future! – safe. So argues the state where a child “is abused or neglected every 16 minutes” according to the Children’s Defense Fund. So argues the state that has slashed education spending in order to give tax breaks to the rich. So argues the state that has an infant mortality rate higher than the national average. So argues the state that cut the Earned Income Tax Credit, which helps keep working families above the poverty line, by 70 percent in 2011. So argues the state with nearly a quarter of its kids living in poverty. You know what, Gov. Snyder? You don’t have much to show for all this “love the children” bullshit that’s all of a sudden so important to you. If the only thing you can “protect” kids from is loving same-sex parents then you seriously suck at this and deserve to lose your job to Democrat Mark Schauer on Nov. 4.  Q


april, 2014 | issue 230 |

gay writes

Eyes of Religious Liberty By Doug Woodall

Darlene, 51, server in Lawrence, Kansas “I’m putting you on notice,” Darlene said to her manager. “Jean just put two homos in my area. I won’t serve them.” “Come on Darlene,” her manager begged. “We won’t get anymore help until eleven.” “Against my convictions,” Darlene replied. Darlene quickly stepped past her manager and scooped up Mr. Ullman’s breakfast order. The old man was a regular, and everyone loved him. He was polite and sweet. Then he had an endearing Southern drawl and told wonderful stories about growing up in Georgia. When Darlene laid out Mr. Ullman’s meal, she gave him a big smile. Somehow she knew here was a good Christian. What Darlene couldn’t see was what the South was like under Jim Crow laws. Mr. Ullman never told one story. In 1939 when he was 15, Mr. Ullman helped his father take a black youth out of his home. Father and son bound his arms behind his back and took him to the banks of the Suwannee River. The boy didn’t seem to know the rules. On Valentine’s Day, he gave Mr. Ullman’s youngest sister a card that was too familiar. This alone gave the father the right to shoot the boy in the shoulder so he couldn’t loosen his arms and the son the right to push him in the river. No one who mattered cared about the boy or blamed the Ullmans.

Derek, 38, florist and Catholic deacon in Flagstaff, Arizona Derek was helping Stella Proulx place a flower order for a banquet put on by her public relations company when “they” walked in. One more time, here were two women who dressed too much like men. “Why do they all have to come to me?” Derek thought. “I hate it when I have to play-act to lesbians and gays.” What he meant was he’d be polite to the women and take their order, then the next day he’d send them an e-mail that said because of his faith he will not help them. After turning his attention back to Stella, Derek wished all women could be like her. She was slim and knew how to dress. Her make-up was applied expertly, and her nails were pieces of art.

What Derek couldn’t see was the 18-year-old Stella. In her freshman year in college, Stella wasn’t particularly slim. Her self-esteem was low, and her confidence was zilch. One junior who was on a men’s soccer scholarship saw Stella’s difficulties and took an interest in her. They had a secret relationship that lasted until Stella became pregnant. When her so-called boyfriend walked out on her, Stella realized she had one choice: Abort the baby. When all was over, Stella decided she’d never be weak, ever again.

Everything from Angels to Zen

Lucianna, 24, sales associate in Ogden, Utah Lucianna hated to open because this meant she’d be the lone sales associate at the cosmetic and perfume counter for two hours. Today was better than usual because she was having fun talking to a middle-aged man and his wife. The man told stories and jokes one after the other. He was hilarious. The woman was rather reserved, but this didn’t matter. Her husband was buying her a gift, and Lucianna thought he was wonderful. Despite the joy she felt, Lucianna had a problem. The one high-school-age boy who dressed like a girl on the weekends stood next in line. To Lucianna’s way of thinking, God created two genders. Boys are boys, and girls are girls. Lucianna wished she could refuse service. Instead, she had to be smart. The best thing she could do was get the man to tell more stories and jokes. If the boy-turned-girl had to wait too long, he’d probably go away. What Lucianna couldn’t see was why the man was being chatty and funny. He was trying to make himself feel better. That morning, he beat his wife. He’d done it so many times and for so many reasons, he couldn’t remember what made him mad. The only person who knew what the problem was and carried the marks for it was the woman. While the woman suffered silently, Lucianna made her husband talk on and on. All the while Lucianna wanted the boyturned-girl to go away. Fast.  Q Gay Writes is a DiverseCity Series Writing Group, a program of SLCC’s Community Writing Center. The group meets the 2nd and 4th Mondays of every month, 6:30 p.m. to 8 p.m., 210 E. 400 South, Ste. 8, Salt Lake City.

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MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY MA 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY MA 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 YOU MAY 2014 2014 OF MAY IT? 2014 WILL BE MAY A PART MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY MA 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY MA 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY MA 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY MA 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 MAY 2014 | issue 230 | april, 2014

who’s your daddy?


MAY 2014


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Nope, no wife here by Christopher Katis

The second

Who’s Your Daddy column I ever wrote focused on what it’s like to be a dad alone out in public with the kids. Since mom is nowhere to be found, presumably well-meaning people offer their sympathies or, in worst-case scenarios, their unrequested assistance. I once literally sat with my jaw dropped to the table, as a waitress decided to wipe a baby Gus’ face. Nothing like that has happened to me recently, but now I find myself facing an entirely different set of awkward questions ... all about my wife. The first time it happened I nearly died laughing because my presumed wife was my niece Lyndsey. We’re close, but not that close. Since I’m not that much older, and with blonde hair and blue eyes she looks more like her mom than her dad’s Greek side, it was an honest — albeit creepy — mistake. But not nearly as creepy as a few weeks ago when I was with the boys and someone from church asked me where my wife was. Creepy, because it dawned on me that the woman inquiring about my “little missus” was asking about my sister. Yuck. I really didn’t know how to respond. So I simply blurted out, “I don’t have a wife. Nope, no wife here, never has been.” Then last weekend Niko and I were at one of his friend’s birthday party. As the kid opened his presents, I admitted I had no idea what is in the box from us. Standing next to me, an older woman burst into laughter and said, “Aren’t you glad for wives?! Aren’t they just the best things ever?” I politely smiled, while the kid’s dad tried his damndest not to spit his beer across the room. This got me to thinking about whether other gay dads had similar experiences. Were they too being quizzed about their wives? Sure enough.

So I asked how they responded. My friend Weston Clark, host of The Progress Report radio show on AM 630, told me people are always curious to see a dad out-and-about in the middle of the day with kids. And when he tells them he’s a stay-at-home dad to 3-year-old son, Xander, and newborn daughter, Zoe, people immediately ask him what his wife does for work. It can be awkward, I once actually but he simply sat with my jaw replies, “Husdropped to the band, actually. And he’s an table as a waitress attorney.” decided to wipe And the idea baby Gus’ face that no dad can be complete without a wife isn’t a Utah phenomenon either. My friend Peaches in Seattle hears it all the time, mostly at the park. Usually he just says his sons are part of a two-dad family, and leaves it at that. But one Saturday, while at breakfast with the boys, and some other two-dad families, a nice woman stopped by their table and announced, “Oh! Dads’ day out! How nice.” The men all looked at one another amusedly until Peaches finally said, “Lady, every day is dads’ day out.” I cannot believe that any woman — lesbian or straight — out with her kids at the park, a birthday party, or a restaurant would ever be asked about her husband. So, why is it OK to ask men? What really surprises me is, in this day and age of divorce, single parenthood, and “blended” families, that anyone would presume anyone else’s marital status. Or care about it for that matter. The next time someone asks about my wife, maybe I’ll just say, “He’s a 6-foot-tall, little league all-star pitcher, who always beats me at tennis, and refuses to take my name!”  Q


april, 2014 | issue 230 |

guest editorial

The Mormon Church and NOM can’t put me out of business


by Fred Karger

on the Mormon Church and the National Organization for Marriage certainly has consequences. After establishing my organization, Californians Against Hate, in 2008, I filed an ethics complaint with the state of California contending that the Mormon Church had sent sizable donations to support Proposition 8. The donations were mostly unreported, which violates California law, prompting the Fair Political Practices Commission of California to investigate several donations that came in the form of commercials, phone bank operations, and a website, all paid for by the church. After the FPPC prosecuted and investigated the church for 18 months, the LDS Church pleaded guilty to 13 counts of election fraud and was fined. This was an unprecedented action by the commission. However, this led me to realize that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or the Mormon Church, was largely behind the creation of NOM in the first place. This was nothing new; in other states where marriage equality was on the line, church leaders had created groups to act as the public face of the antigay marriage movement. The church dispatched Mormon Apostle Jeffrey Holland’s son Matthew S. Holland to help establish

NOM and serve on its original five-member board. Holland was later replaced with science fiction writer Orson Scott Card, and Arizona businessmen Broc Haitt and Craig Cardon, all three being wealthy, prominent Mormon Church members. The LDS Church still appears to be the brainpower and financial force behind NOM. In the years since the formation of Californians Against Hate, it became apparent that NOM regularly skirts the campaign reporting laws in any state where they are attempting to stop marriage equality. I filed sworn complaints against NOM in Maine, California, Iowa, and Hawaii, and all four complaints led to state ethics investigations of NOM. My sworn complaint last summer led to the current investigation of NOM by the Federal Election Commission. I accused NOM of a $1 million pay-to-play scheme to help Rick Santorum’s campaign for president in Iowa. During and after the Prop. 8 campaign I led successful boycotts of five of the largest donors to the Yes on Prop. 8 campaign and NOM. Needless to say, the Mormon Church and NOM are not too happy with me. NOM and friends tried to shut me down back in 2009 when they attempted to subpoena me in a federal lawsuit just 10 days after I filed my

ethics complaint against them in Maine. We spent over a year and $20,000 fighting that subpoena, which was designed solely to scare me away. Their intimidation didn’t work then, and it’s not going to work now. Last year NOM sued the IRS. In the lawsuit, NOM devoted several paragraphs to me and my constitutionally protected filing of the ethics complaint I filed against them with California’s FPPC. So, once again, NOM is dragging me into a federal lawsuit to harass and try to silence me. On Wednesday, the Department of Justice and NOM’s lawyers deposed me at the U.S. Attorney’s office in Los Angeles. This comes after a subpoena ordered me to produce what turned out to be four pounds of documents, emails, texts, press cover-

age, notes and other records and send them to the Justice Department. All the state and federal investigations that I have triggered have cost NOM millions of dollars. Now, angry NOM head Brian Brown and his lawyers want to put me out of business. That ain’t gonna happen. I will never give up going after Brian Brown, Maggie Gallagher, NOM and even the Mormon Church for all their illegal activities and bullying. These hate groups should never be given a free ride to spend millions and millions of dollars every year to hurt LGBT young people and destroy lives.  Q Fred Karger is a political consultant, activist, and former presidential candidate. Follow him on twitter @FredKarger and you can donate to his legal defense fund at

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22  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  | VIEWS | issue 230 | april, 2014

queer shift

Change—Shift by Charles Frost

You’ve all

heard me go on and on about change and choice being the only two constants in life. I still feel that way. I have even called them principles— so often hijacked by the conservative right that many hate the words. I hate them as well when they are overused, misused, or used to judge or blame someone. I have also learned in the last few years with the hypocrisy of the Boomers that principles may be perceived by X-ers and Millennials as a damned dirty word, and that is a shame, and a huge problem for the Boomers who have made it suspect and not acknowledged as a word that matters in our society. I admire Steve Jobs, miss him, and feel there are far too few like him in this world. He once said: “For the past 33 years I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.” Steve was right! It seems to me that change is happening at a much faster pace than any other time in my life, or memory. Maybe the feeling is natural and comes with age. I really do believe change is upon us every day, with some of the biggest changes happening to those of us in the queer community, or to organizations struggling with our full acceptance, recognition, respect, equality and inclusion. Compounding that, I too have been involved in tremendous personal change since the end of 2013 and into the first quarter of 2014. I just hope like hell that it all settles down a bit, and that my husband Doug and I get an opportunity to just enjoy the spring and summer. I recently accepted a new position with OUTreach Resource Centers, as coexecutive director of Adult Programming and Community Engagement. I am very excited to be working with this diligent

organization and it’s desire to grow, expand and have even greater impact on LGBT people of all ages. I had somewhat told myself that I was going to get out of the LGBT nonprofit world, and then the Universe reminded me not to fight the Universe -- it always wins, either by my human stubbornness being notched down, or because there are things only I need to be doing at this time in this organization. So, if you fully or slightly agree with me that change is a constant in our lives, then why do we not embrace it and move through it as smartly as we can, rather than arresting ourselves in weeks, months and even years of fighting it? Change comes with health, career, relationships, aging, communities, all of nature, and yes — right now change seems to maddeningly balancing the world of gay people. Let’s break it down to get our heads around change. Here are 12 rather inclusive steps I have used when facing significant change in my life. Not easy steps, but better than going at it all alone. I’ve collected, refined, added to the list throughout the years. Use what works for you; if it does not then look at another one(s), or create your own. But do it! 1. What really is changing? (examine it damned good and write down perceptions, rather than constantly thinking about it.) 2. How does this change make you feel? (elated, angry, relieved, paranoid, stressed, unappreciated, hopeless, challenged.) 3. How am/was I responsible for this change in my life? (be honest, rarely are people taken by total surprise.) 4. Take some time early on, a day or so and create a solid, reasonable rationale for the change that is occurring? 5. What is the future state of me as I get through this change? (envision, create a mind-map, write a list, hell — write a

story if it helps keep your mind on the future, instead of dwelling in the past and mind-spinning in the middle of the night.) 6. Create some boundaries, some do’s and dont’s about your behavior as you go through the change — thoughts, actions, words during this change. How will you hold yourself accountable for these boundaries? ‘If today were

7. Who could the last day of help be on my life, would I my A-team want to do what during this change? I’m about to do (those I today?’ trust, those —STEVE JOBS who tell me the truth, those with expertise, those who are my advocates. Talk to them. Glean.) 8. What are my success factors for getting through the change, my strategy, milestones? Am I being completely clear and honest about them? If at all possible do not set unrealistic timelines. 9. Do I have the resources, necessities, to make this change including knowledge, time, good health, exercise, positive thinking, money, and a simple and concise plan? (if not where could I bolster these.) 10. How will I measure my successes in getting through the change? (small victories, planning for some setbacks, but not allowing them to screw me up as I change.) 11. Am I ready? Fully invested with my head, heart, and gut? 12. How will I know I have made the change successfully? (establish a short list of accomplishments that will be informative.)

april, 2014 | issue 230 |


Evans and Early Mortuary & Reception Center

A tremendous amount of the 12 suggestions above are centered in personal attitude, and I really like this quotation I found years ago. I pull it out and review it as I am facing difficult and challenging changes in my life, whether they be big or small. It truly helps me. “The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on my life. Attitude to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. “It will make or break me. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude… I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes.” – Charles Swindoll Here’s a few other conclusions I have made as I have coached people, consulted organizations, and done my own work around change. I know this for damned sure — thought processes and relationship dynamics are fundamental if change is to be successful and change is only

successful when you are committed to get through it. I also know that people fear change, thinking it is happening to them, and they have no control. Most change that impacts me is good for me, but at times the decision that throws me into change is all about, all for, and created by someone else, their power or control trips and not mine. Truth is more important during change than is uncertainty. Trust is earned by those who demonstrate consistent behavior and clearly defined values. A really solid vision of the end result you want is the finest guarantee you’ll reach your goals at the end of the change. Finally when it comes to change and the unpredictability of life, create a annual mantra, one you can read, memorize, chant, pray about, and most importantly use! This one was a superbly powerful one I used years ago -- so good I recycled it for 2014. “Come to the edge, he said. We are afraid, they said. Come to the edge, he said. We will fall, they said. Come to the edge, he said. They came to the edge, He pushed them and they flew. Come to the edge, Life said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, Life said. They said, we will fall. Come to the edge, Life said. They came. It pushed them... And they flew.” —Guilliame Apollinaire

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24  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  |  VIEWS | issue 230 | april, 2014

lambda lore

Murder at Hell’s Hollow by Ben Williams

On Easter

Sunday, 1902, a group of youths, hiking the western slopes of Ensign Peak in an area known as “Hell’s Hollow,” made a grisly discovery. Finding a pile of stones carefully placed in front of a small cave, out of curiosity, the boys removed the stones and peeked inside. Entombed within a cavern, stripped naked except for socks, was Samuel G. Collins, a veteran of the Grand Army of the Republic. Collin’s legs and right arm were tightly bound, his throat slit and an eye gouged out. The frightened boys fled down the hill and telling of their find, the Salt Lake City Police were summoned. The police, upon examining the body, at first assumed suicide, however the coroner determined it was foul play and demanded an inquest. It was then discovered that Collins was last seen in the company of David Clyde Felt, scion of a prominent Mormon family. Sixty-two-year-old Samuel Collins was reported to have been “a queer and mysterious character.” Records show while born in Ireland, at the time of the Civil War, Collins was a member of 61st Infantry Regiment of New York. The 1880 Census showed that later he lived in New York City as a night watchman, boarding with a single man Edward N. Bull, also a night watchman. By the 1890s Collin had moved to Salt Lake City. In Utah he worked as a miner and also as a night watchman at the old Wasatka Mineral Springs Company at 400 West and 900 North near the warms springs on Beck Street. On March 24, 1902, Samuel Collin was last seen in the company Clyde Felt, 14-year-old son of David P. Felt, president of the Utah Press Association. Felt claimed he left Collins after he had given Felt a watch and another boy $5 to remember him by. Felt told the police that Collins was climbing the side of the peak to look over the valley for the last time before going back east. From Felt’s testimony the police speculated that perhaps Collins was robbed while on the peak sunset. On April 4, nearly two weeks after the

murder, Clyde Felt, having been caught in several lies, confessed to causing the death of Collins. “Did I kill old man Collins?” “Yes,” he said with no indication of regret. “I cut his throat with his razor. He asked me, begged me to do it and I did so.” The confession shocked and horrified the state. The Salt Lake Herald wrote, “The deed is simply without parallel or precedent in the annals of local crime.” According to Clyde Felt, Samuel Collins procured sexual favors from Felt and two of his other teenage friends, Henry Potts and Clyde Woodward by paying them money and giving them gifts. The boys “enjoyed the old man’s confidence and friendship to a greater extent than anyone else in the city. Always respectful and heedless to the eccentricities of Collins, the boys endeared themselves to him in a way that made the trio almost inseparable. One of the lads usually spent the night with the old man, and shared most of his secrets and hopes. They were the recipients of many presents from their aged friend who tried in every way possible to show his appreciation of their friendship.” Felt told an even darker tale to the police; that Collins had been coaxing the boys to kill him. They claimed the reason Collins wanted to die was “because he was sorry for what he had been doing to us boys and he was afraid someone would find it out,” but on March 24, he only thought he was going up to Hell’s Hollow for the purpose of committing a “crime against nature.” Felt said, “I went with Mr Collins into Hell’s Hollow and for a long time he walked around as though looking for some place. When we got to the cave he undressed himself, took all his clothes off, and told me he was going to crawl into the cave to get some money he had there. Then he asked me to get in there with him and I did. When I got into the cave with him I didn’t know what he wanted to do. I was scared and he begged me so hard and said ‘Please kill me.’” Clyde Felt’s family was devastated. His

father believed that his son was a victim of “the baleful influence of a depraved moral degenerate and the evil effects of dime novel reading.” The father told the papers that “In my search about the house I looked underneath the building and found hidden below the rafters 11 dime novels of the “Dick Brady” and “Frank Meriwether” variety and a revolver, this latter, Clyde purchased with the $5 that he took from the old man’s pocket. I cannot understand it at all, except from the point of view that Collins exercised a hypnotic influence over the boy. I have never seriously thought of hypnotism as practical science or potent manner of exerting an influence over others but now I cannot possibly think of any other explanation of my boy’s conduct.” It was clear from the empathic reports of the time that Clyde Felt was not going to be punished. “Letters of 62-year-old sympathy and Samuel Collins offers of assistance were sent was reported to the Salt Lake to have been County jail a “queer and from all over the country.” mysterious The Salt Lake character” detectives who took Felt’s confession would not even write an affidavit against the youth. Salt Lake’s chief of police finally had to sign the murder charge, which was later that year dropped because no jury was ever going to convict Felt, who had become a minor national hero. The sensational sex scandal and grisly murder had Salt Lake City papers in 1902 advocating the formation of a society for the protection of children from “vices of that kind” -- meaning homosexuality -- “in every city, town and hamlet within the commonwealth.” “Ancestry or good home training will not save a boy from degradation, if his companions are filled with vice.” The Ogden Standard warned parents: “Only the breaking up of the relationship of bad boys will prove a purifier and it is for parents to discover the unnatural and immoral conditions and then apply the remedy. Our opinion is moral disease

april, 2014 | issue 230 |

requires the same treatment applied to physical disease. The bad should be placed in quarantine until their minds have had time to cleanse themselves. Isolate the impure and keep the innocent free from contaminating influences.” The paper suggested that youths caught engaging in homosexual “be kept at home or under impressive moral lessons for about six months, not once in that period mingling with their old company or experiencing the degradating power of sin, the chances are all would emerge with healthy minds and firm resolves to enjoy life in wholesome thoughts, words and actions.” Even Joseph F, Smith, president of the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints wrote an article in the Juvenile of the crime, warning the

Church youth to avoid dime novels less they too become corrupt and depraved. “We have learned of a recent terrible occurrence in this city where in a little boy was influenced to commit murder by a wicked man and the testimony of his friends was that it was brought about through reading dime novels and falling into diabolical habits taught by the wicked and ungodly among the Latter-day Saints.” As for Clyde Felt, he eventually went on a LDS mission, was married in the Salt Lake Temple and moved to Los Angeles, Calif., where he died in 1973, at age 85.  Q Ben Williams is Utah’s Gay historian. He blogs at and does a “This Day in Gay Utah History” at

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We will see an end to marriage discrimination in Utah. But we need your help. The team that convinced District Judge Robert Shelby to rule that Utah’s anti-gay marriage laws and Amendment 3 are unconstitutional are now taking the case to the Circuit Court of Appeals and potentially to the U.S. Supreme Court. The state of Utah said they will spend $2 million to fight the appeal. How much do you think it will cost our side? Your $5, $10, $25 monthly contribution will help! Please donate to Restore Our Humanity at This message brought to you by QSaltLake.


Sports in Utah | issue 230 | april, 2014

Soccer team being formed A new sports team for Utah is the Salt Lake Stonewallers Soccer Club. This year will be the first that a team will put together as part of the Salt Lake County recreation league. Organized by Aaron Smith, who also founded the Q Kickball league and serves as president of the Pride Softball League, the team will play on Wednesday nights in the fields behind the Best Buy at 5300 South and State Street. The team is co-ed and anyone can join. There is a $30 cost and signups are coordinated with the Pride Softball League and Q Kickball League. “If there is anyone who has ever wanted to just go out and have fun or simply enjoy the game of soccer, now is your chance,” Smith said. “I know, personally, there are lots of individuals in both the LGBT community that have been looking for a soccer league/ team as well as those that are allies of the community.”  Q More information on the Salt Lake Stonewallers Soccer Club can be found on their facebook page, or by contacting smith at

20 years of Pride Softball The Pride Softball League is about to start its 20th season and are hoping to have 16 teams join them for a fun-filled season. The season begins April 13th at Sunnyside Park, 1650 E. Sunnyside Ave (840 South) in Salt Lake City. The league was founded as the Gay and Lesbian Softball League by Rob Goulding in April, 1995, after their Monday night team, Trapp Renegades, split into four individual teams and started to play at Jordan Park. Signups have already started and will run through the end of March. In-person signup is each Thursday

night at Club Try-Angles, 251 W. 900 South, from 5 to 7 p.m. Teams can sign up together or individuals can register and be placed on a team. All teams are co-ed. The league is also seeking sponsors, which helps run the league and are thanked by hanging banners at all games. Aaron Smith, the current league president, volunteered in 2006 to help move the league in a different direction by moving the league away from the single field at Jordan Park to a location with three fields, allowing the league to play more games and bring more people out to cheer on their favorite teams. He has since also gotten the league on Facebook as well as their own website, administered by Jarrod Ames, at  The league will be hosting their fourth annual “Family” Night Out to watch the Salt Lake Bees play on Saturday, August 9.  Tickets are available through Smith at aaron.s@aggiemail., as well as individual game ticket vouchers for just $10, good for any game including firework nights except July 4 and 24.  Q More information on the Pride Softball League can be found on their Facebook page at pridesoftballSLC or their web site,


april, 2014 | issue 230 |



Secretaries receiving flowers are more efficient and happier than those who don’t?

Have a ball at kickball Kickball is probably America’s most social sport, because it is primarily played for fun rather than competition. Though, it can be that, too. “I love kickball because I can be good at it, even though I am accident prone and not at all athletic. On the kickball field, you are not judged by your body shape or size, athletic ability, knowledge of the game, or anything else — you are accepted and appreciated for who you are. The friends I have met through kickball will be my friends for life!” said Jill Minkow. Last year was Q Kickball’s inaugural season and it is ready to start up again. Interested indivudials can either come to the registration and registration and have the organizers place them on a team or they can seek out a team on their own. Registration is happening through the end of March at Club Try-Angles on Thursdays from 5 to 7 p.m. They can also register (without paying) online via our website — The group also has a Facebook page at


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28  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  |  SPORTS | issue 230 | april, 2014

QUAC is more than swimming and polo The Queer Utah Aquatic Club has been around since the 90s and has always been an active part of Utah’s LGBT community. Most people who attend a Utah Pride parade know of QUAC, whose members don Speedos and dance in the sometimes frigid temperatures of early June. Leaders say the open swim group is not just about swimming and water polo and exercise, but abut being a social group as well. They often dine together after workouts, host several parties through the year and are active in the community. Board member Kevin McDaniel tells us that April is “Adult Learn to Swim month,”

with QUAC inviting anyone who has ever wanted to learn how to swim to come join them in the pool. QUAC does workouts every Tuesday and Thursday At 7 p.m. and Sunday at 11 a.m. at Fairmont Aquatic Center, 1044 Sugarmont Drive. The group is also preparing to take swimmers and polo players to Cleveland for the Gay Games in August. With that, they are planning many fundraising activities to help them get there. The group has an active web site at where you can sign up for their “Duck Digest” email and a Facebook page at  Q

april, 2014 | issue 230 |


30  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  |  SPORTS | issue 230 | april, 2014

Take a Hike

Lambda Hiking Club was started about 20 years ago by Randy Burks, who loved outdoor activities and wanted to provide an alternative to the bar scene for LGBT people to meet and socialize. They have since hosted monthly hikes through the warm months as well as an annual campout and hike, most recently at Bear Lake. Their hikes are mostly easy to moderately strenuous and are open to anyone of any age who is reasonably fit. Most hikes are around three hours long and each hike is described on the group’s web site, gayhike. org, giving how taxing it is, what to expect to find on the way and how much water to bring and gear to wear. The group hasn’t yet announced their first hike, which generally happens in late April, as spring in Utah can wildly go from snow to heat in a fortnight. The group is a great way to meet new people in the context of a fun, healthy outdoor activity. David Vickery joined the group 15 years ago and still hikes with them. “I became involved when I was first coming out. I’ve always loved to hike and the club seemed like a good way to meet other gay people with similar interests,” Vickery said. “I was right — I made several good friends and even became club president for a couple of years.” Lambda Hiking Club meets for hikes about once a month. You can find out when and where at

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april, 2014 | issue 230 |

March Gardening Tips Start warm-season plants indoors for transplanting in May. Clean up the yard on days when the weather is nice. Work organic material into annual beds as soon as they are dry enough to be worked. Plant hardy vegetables (artichoke, asparagus, cabbage, kohlrabi, peas, onions, radishes, spinach, broccoli, turnips, rhubarb). Sew cauliflower, tomato, pepper and lettuce seeds indoors. Plant bare-root plants (strawberries, raspberries, fruit trees, roses). Bare-root fruit trees and shrubs become available at local nurseries. Fertilize spring bulbs w/nitrogen. Consider applying a lawn preemergent earlier to areas next to sidewalks and driveways where it warms and breaks dormancy sooner. Prune fruit trees, raspberries, grapes and ornamentals. Apply dormant oil to all fruit trees as soon as the buds swell and the first tip of color appears. Include an insecticide with the oil, if desired. Prune roses after buds break and there’s 1–2 inches of growth. Clean up perennials by removing last years’ dead material, and transplant or divide those that are overgrown.

Plant pansies and primrose for color in the garden, if you didn’t plant them last fall.

April Gardening Tips Remove weeds from the garden and ornamental beds early. Start a new compost pile for use later in the season. Plant semi-cool crops: cauliflower, carrots, beets, lettuce, parsley, parsnip, salsify, endive, potatoes and Swiss chard. Start an asparagus bed in a trench composed of the existing soil mixed with organic matter and all-purpose fertilizer. Aerate the lawn to promote air and water movement, decrease thatch, increase fertilizer penetration and prepare to apply pre-emergent. Apply a pre-emergent to turfgrass the first of April, and again the first of June, to control crabgrass and spurge. Wait to cut back foliage of spring blooming bulbs such as daffodils and tulips until the leaves turn yellow or die back. Prune shrubs that bloom after June 1st. Get some new strawberry plants for the berry patch. Set mower height to 2-2 ½” tall. Harden off early tomato seedlings by exposing them to temps 40-50ºF for three hours per day, second week of April.


Pansies, cold tolerant flowers become available locally. Sow squash, melon and cucumber seeds indoors. Aerate turf grass. Transplant early tomatoes into walls of water or other protected environment.

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MAY Here is our annual list of May 3 Northampton, pride events MAss. around the Northampton Pride world, so you can make your May 8–10 Madrid, Spain travel plans. ILGTA Conference March March 21–23 Alberta, Calif. nada Jasper Pride Festival

March 22–29 Italy & France European Gay Ski Week


June 1 Pine City, Minn. April 5–12 East Central Minn. Tallahassee, Fla. Pride Tallahassee Pridefest eastcentralminnesotapride.

pridefest.familytreecenter. org

April 11–13 Miami, Fla. Miami Beach Gay Pride Festival

world pride guide June 6 June 13–15 Washington, DC Bisbee, AZ Capital Pride Bisbee Pride

June 20–29 Houston, Texas Pride Houston

June 6–8 Los Angeles, Calif. LA Pride

June 13–15 Des Moines, IA Capital City Pride

June 20–29 Toronto, ON Pride Toronto

June 13–21 June 21 Shanghai, China Providence, RI Shanghai Pride RI Pridefest & Parade

June 6–8 Milwaukee, Wisc. Pridefest

June 28–29 San Francisco, Calif. San Francisco LGBT Pride

June 29 Seattle, Wash. Seattle PrideFest

TBA Sao Paulo, Brazil June 13–23 June 21 Gay Pride Sao Paulo Baltimore, MD Berlin, Germany–paulo Baltimore Pride CSD Berlin June 6–15 May 17–18 csd– Edmonton, AB TBA Long Beach, Edmonton GLBT Pride June 14 Honolulu, HaJune 21–22 Calif. Festival waii Spokane, Wash. Fort Collins, Long Beach Pride Honolulu Gay Pride OutSpokane Rainbow Colo. Festival Fort Collins PrideFest June 6–15 May 23–June 1 Pittsburgh, TBA Winnepeg, ManiPenn. Long Island, NY June 14–15 June 23–29 toba Pittsburgh Pride Long Island Pride Berlin, Germany Helsinki, FinWinnipeg Pride Parade Stadtfest Berlin land May 11–18 New Hope, Penn. New Hope Pride

March 22–29 Sölden, Austria Gay Snow Happenings May 25 Melbourne, Fla. March 25–30 Space Coast Pride Steamboat Springs, Colo. May 31 OutBoard Albuquerque, NM Albuquerque Pride APRIL April 5–6 Phoenix, Ariz. Phoenix Pride Parade | issue 230 | april, 2014

June 6–16 Boston, MAss. Boston Pride

June 7 Indianapolis, IN Indy Pride Festival

June 7–8 Ferndale, Mich. Motor City Pride motorcitypride.herokuapp. com

June 8–15 Zürich Zürich Pride


June 1 Asbury Park, NJ Jersey Pride

June 8–14 Tel Aviv, Isreal Tel Aviv Gay Pride


June 3–9 Orlando, Fla. Disney Gay Days

June 11–15 Key West, Fla. Key West PrideFest

TBA Mobile, Ala. Mobile Alabama Pride June 3–9 Orlando, Fla. Orlando Black Pride

Helsinki Pride June 14–15 Portland, OR June 27–29 Portland Pride Festival Barcelona, Spain Gay Pride Barcelona

June 20–21 Columbus, OH Columbus Pride

June 20–22 Oklahoma City, OK OKC Pride

June 27–29 New York City, NY NYC Gay Pride

June 27–29 St. Petersburg, Fla. St. Pete Pride

June 20–22 New Orleans, LA Gay Pride New June 28 Orleans Paris, France Gay Pride Paris June 20–22 Olympia, Wash. Capital City Pride

June 20–29 Oslo, Norway June 13–14 Skeive Dager (Euro Nashville, Tenn. Pride Oslo) Nashville Pride Fest slo2014


June 28 Santa Fe, NM Pride on the Plaza

June 28–29 Minneapolis, Minn. Twin Cities Pride Celeb.

TBA Brooklyn, NY Brooklyn Pride

TBA Anchorage, AK. Anchorage Pridefest

TBA Charleston, WV Rainbow Pride of West Virginia

TBA Nyack, NY Gay Pride Rockland

TBA Milwaukee, WI Milwaukee Pride Parade

TBA Philadelphia, PA Philly Pride

TBA Memphis, Tenn. Memphis Black Pride


april, 2014 | issue 230 |


TBA Austin, TX Austin Pride

TBA Durham, NC North Carolina Pride

TBA TBA Portland, ME Victoria, BC Southern Maine Pride Victoria Pride

Aug 22– Sept 1 Calgary, AB Calgary Pride

TBA Palermo, Italy Palermo Pride

TBA Madrid, Spain Gay Pride / Orgullo Madrid

Aug 27– Sept 1 New Orleans, LA September 5–6 Southern Decadence Las Vegas, NV Las Vegas Pride August 23 Norfolk, Va September 5–7 Hampton Roads Pride Lincoln City, OR hamptonroadspride.shuttleOregon Coast Pride

TBA Rehoboth, DE Delaware Pride Festival TBA Chula Vista, Calif. South Bay Pride

July 9 Miami, Fla. World Outgames

TBA Salisbury, NC Salisbury Pride

TBA Chicago, Ill. Chicago Pride

TBA Harlem, NYC Harlem Pride

TBA Seattle, Wash. Seattle Pride Parade

TBA Tampa, Fla. Tampa Pride

TBA Cologne, Germany Cologne Gay Pride– CSD csd–

TBA Bellingham, Wash. Bellingham Pride

TBA Vancouver, BC Vancouver Pride Day

TBA Cheyenne, WY Rendezvous

TBA Cincinnati, OH Cincinnati Pride

TBA Colorado Springs, Colo. Colorado Springs PrideFest 23


July 1 Orlando, Fla. Family Outfest

TBA Bremerton, Wash. Kitsap Pride

July 12 Tacoma, Wash. Tacoma Pride

July 18–20 San Diego, Calif. San Diego Pride

September 2–8 Las Vegas, NV Gay Days Las Vegas

September 15 Burlington, VT VT PRIDE

September 21 Dallas, TX Alan Ross Texas Freedom Parade

September 28 Dallas, TX

TBA Eugene, OR Eugene/Springfield Pride Festival

October October 11–12 Atlanta, GA Atlanta Pride Festival October 18 Tuscon, AZ Pride in the Desert

TBA TBA Burlington, VT Memphis, Tenn. Pride Vermont Festival Mid–South Pride

TBA Pasadena, Calif. San Gabriel Valley Pride

TBA Philadelphia, PA Outfest Festival

TBA Roanoke, VA Pride in the Park

November November 8–9 Palm Springs, CA. Greater Palm Springs

TBA Ottawa, ON Capital Pride Festival

TBA TBA Kelowna, BC Little Rock, ARK. Okanagan Pride Little Rock Black Pride

TBA Hamburg, Germany Hamburg Pride

July 26–Aug 3 hamburg– Amsterdam Amsterdam Gay Pride August

August 2 July 28–Aug 2 Brighton, UK Stockholm, SweBrighton Pride den brighton– Stockholm Gay Pride August 3 Providence, RI July 28–Aug 3 August 11–17 Montreal, QC Montreal, QC Divers/Cite Gay Pride Montreal

Join us for a night of sensationalized taboo, snacking and a cash bar. JAN 17 Opening Reception: 6 - 9 PM

TBA Reno, NV Reno Gay Pride

TBA Lansing, MI Michigan Pride

TBA Toledo, OH Toledo Pride

TBA Charlotte, NC Pride Charlotte


do it

A compilation of do-it-yourself projects and installations instructed by renowned contemporary artists. “do it” is a traveling exhibition conceived and curated by Hans Ulrich Obrist, and organized by Independent Curators International (ICI), New York.


Trent Harris ECHO CAVE

The first retrospective into the creative genius of this Utah cult filmmaker. Sponsored by the Deluxe Corporation Foundation


34  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  | ARTS | issue 230 | april, 2014

Tony’s Gay Agenda COMMUNITY EVENTS First, I want to congratulate Michael Aaron and QSaltLake for reaching the milestone 10-year anniversary; certainly not an easy task in the publication world, but if anybody can pull it off, it’s Michael. One thing I should say about Utah’s gay community is that it can pull together a helluva lot of events – this month alone … two proms! Whhaaaat???!!? I was surprised to learn the Fraternal Order of Eagles, of all places, was the new circus tent for the drag troupes – that is until I learned the FOE is not a

monastery nor an Army Rear Detachment … rear detachment, tehehehe!


– Spring Pre-General Conference Gathering for LGBT Mormons, Family & Friends Location TBA, 7:30-10pm. Visit for more information.

5saturday – PEARL Jam Acoustic Showcase (Starring Mary Tebbs)

Location TBA, 7-11pm. Tickets $10/advance-$15/ at the door. Advance tickets available at bit. ly/1c6vkGn

Kids in the Hall: OUTReach Edition Fraternal Order of Eagles, 5130 S. 1700 West, Roy, 7pm-Midnight. Cover $2 at the door.

11friday – Prom You Never Had

self, in order to write this snippet, I picked Ingrid because I asked myself, “since when did the chick who played Grace Adler on Will & Grace get into music?” Of course then I realized actor-turned-singer in not all that uncommon, I mean Gwenyth Paltrow certainly hit it big in her transition.

4friday – Blue October

Murray Theater, 4959 S. State St., 6:30pm. Tickets $25,

5saturday – Christina Perri

The Depot, 400 W. South Temple, 8pm. Tickets $26-32,

19saturday – Vivace: Mahler’s

Symphony No. 5

Grand Hall at Gateway (Union Pacific Depot), 400 W. 100 South, 7-11pm. Tickets $25, utahpridecenter. org. Must be 21 or older.

Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, 8pm. Tickets $18-69,

(IRCONu Fundraiser)

Saltair, 12408 West Salt Air Dr., Magna, 7pm. Tickets $28-32,

12saturday – Musical Mania

Fraternal Order of Eagles, 5130 S. 1700 West, Roy, 7-11pm. Cover $6 at the door.


– Queer Prom: When Love Takes Over Salt Lake City Library, 210 E. 400 South, 8pmMidnight. Tickets $5/advance-$10/at the door,


Restore Our Humanity: Celebration of Change Dance Party

Salisbury Mansion, 574E. 100 South, 7pm. Visit for more information.


QSaltLake Fabby Awards/10-Year Anniversary Mountainland Design, 2345 S. Main, 6-8:30pm. Visit for more information.

CONCERTS As you look at the concert list below for this month, which musical artist do you think is most not like the others? When I first played this game with my-

29tuesday – Ingrid Michaelson

SPECIAL ENGAGEMENT Poetry Slam: A mother, a daughter and a son walk onto a stage. Their hands are empty, not a single page. The poems to be read are entrenched in their heads. Later, daughter runs the circuit year to year, accolades streaming from her ears. She became a Poetry Slam champ down the line, and she won the Best of Gay Atlanta Poetry/Spoken Word in 2009. Theresa Davis, slam, bam, thank you Mam!

1tuesday – Salt City Slam

Team Selection Finals Featuring Theresa Davis

Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main St., 8pm. Tickets $5-7,

MOVIES If you don’t know The Muppets then your childhood was probably humdrum. There has never been a better ensemble cast on film in the history of television and film. And I like to credit myself in part for it. See, The Muppets are a blossoming of my many personalities: 1) Animal is my wild, partyanimal side (red hue, and all); 2) Miss Piggy is my refined and elegant side (with just a hint of Hie-Ya!); 3) Kermit the Frog is my loyal side; and 4) Fozzie the Bear is my … well, Bear side. I could go on, there are so many Muppets, but then I’d feel much too exposed, and I only like that at night in parks.

24thursday – Muppets Most


april, 2014 | issue 230 |


36  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  | INTERVIEW | issue 230 | april, 2014

A It’s a Sad GREAT World After All BIG W RLD



Duo talk crying, Christina and being queer By Chris Azzopardi

still crying, aren’t you? And that’s OK. We all are. That’s just the kind of reaction “Say Something,” the sleeper hit by A Great Big World featuring Christina Aguilera, rouses every time it’s on, and I do mean every time. Because it’s on a lot. Peaking at No. 4 on the Billboard Hot 100, the brutally honest, heart-wrecking weepie became a surprise smash, leading the way for Ian Axel and Chad Vaccarino’s debut, Is There Anybody Out There? The New York duo recently chatted about making you cry, nabbing Neil Patrick Harris for a musical they’re writing and being more gay than straight ... for now anyway.

There’s probably not a single person who hasn’t heard “Say Something.” On that song, you pretty much opened your diary up to the world. What’s it like sharing a song that’s so personal to you with so many people?  Ian: You know, to think there’s not a person in the world who hasn’t heard the song, that’s crazy. That’s just crazy. That just hit me. When we wrote this song we were both going through a really dark place. We wrote it four years ago, and I’m speaking for Chad too, and though it’s still a part of us, we’re in a completely new place emotionally and spiritually. It almost feels like the song moved through us from some greater place and helped us, and now it doesn’t feel like ours anymore. It feels like it does belong to everyone. It feels bigger than us, so I feel slightly removed. It’s hard to process what it’s like sharing your diary with the world, and I don’t know if it’s a defense mechanism, but I almost feel like I’m removed from it. It’s hard to explain. Chad: We write as therapy for ourselves. That song in particular was definitely, for me, a moment of closure

in my personal life and, yeah, I like that the song ends unsettled. I actually found a new perspective and I did find resolution for what I was going through, so it’s amazing that other people are relating to it. Ian: I feel like it’s a long-winded answer, but it’s an important question that you asked. It’s just magical, everything that’s happening. It really is. There’s no other word for it. And you got Christina Aguilera on the track. What was it like meeting her? Not just recording with her, but getting to know her. Was she more or less the diva that you expected? Do you call her Xtina?  Chad: (Both laugh) We call her Christina, but I’m pretty sure Ian and I talked about that before going into the studio with her – whether we should call her Christina or Xtina. We didn’t know! Ian: Or, when we wrote an email to her, do we address it to Xtina? (Laughs) We were scared to meet her because we had no idea what to expect, but she’s totally chilled out and she invited us over her house a couple of times and we played paintball with her in her backyard. We just shot the shit. She’s an amazing human being and you really get to know that when she’s in that relaxed off-mode. It’s been really cool to see both sides. How aware are you of a gay following?  Chad: We definitely have their support and I feel like it’s growing. Ian: We have a song called “Everyone Is Gay” and when we play that at shows it really seems to be resonating in a positive way, so whether our audience is gay, straight, bi, the people that come to our shows are open-minded and have huge hearts. That track in particular sounds very Broadway. What inspired the actual music on that song?  Ian: When we got asked to


april, 2014 | issue 230 |

Pride Counseling

write that song [for], we sat down at the piano and that’s really the first thing that came out. I feel like we’re both influenced by musical theater and there’s a couple of songs on the album that are more theatrical than others, but it was our original intention to write a musical together and we just ended up singing the song. Chad: That song in particular was definitely an effort to finally write a song that we would’ve loved to have heard when we were kids, when we were growing up. I was bullied in middle school and I would’ve loved to have heard someone tell me that it’s OK and your confusion is absolutely OK and you don’t need to define yourself and label yourself right now. We were coming from that perspective when we were writing it, and we’re hoping that it does resonate with kids and everyone. We wanted to have fun, but we wanted it to be a sort of anthem. Chad, you recently told Entertainment Weekly, “Why do you have to label yourself at all? We’re all somewhere in the middle and we’re all on this spectrum of sexuality.” Does that mean you fall in the middle of the Kinsey scale?  Chad: Yeah. I mean, I don’t know if I’m in the middle. (Laughs) I feel like I’m more gay than I am straight, and I’ve been with girls in my life and I’ve been with guys. I’m drawn to a human being, so it’s hard. You’re so used to defining yourself and labeling yourself, and you kind of want to because it’s easier — it gives you a path or a direction — but you don’t need to. I think we both believe that you love who you love. Tell me something about the musical you’re working on.  Chad: (Laughs) Well, we’re working on a musical and, um, Neil Patrick Harris – and uh,

that’s it. Ian: Yeah, no, no, no! Chad: It’s a heartwarming comedy and it’s our music on steroids. Also: Sorry, I just wanted to say that I mentioned Neil Patrick Harris as a dream actor/singer in this musical. That’s who we’re aiming for. The first time I heard “Say Something,” and even the third and fourth time, I bawled my eyes out. While writing or performing the song, have you just lost it?  Ian: Absolutely. We cried like babies. At least I did. I don’t think I ever cried more [than I did while] writing this song. I’m not a religious person but it was like a religious experience and it changed my perspective on everything. It felt like I was praying writing that song. Chad: Yeah, like I said before, it feels like I didn’t actually know I was heartbroken until halfway through the songwriting process of that and I gained a new perspective on a toxic relationship I was in, and by the end of writing that song I finally found closure. How does it make you feel knowing you’ve broken so many hearts with that song but also mended many of them too?  Chad: I know that Ian is gonna disagree with me, but it really hurts me knowing that people relate to the song in a similar way. I know that pain and Ian knows that pain and it hurts and it sucks, and to know that other people are going through that, it’s amazing because we’re not alone but it’s also painful to know that other people are hurting. Ian: You need to feel the pain to heal. It’s just part of the process, and the fact that people can feel what we felt, I mean, we’re all in this thing together.  Q Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate and

Jerry Buie MSW, LCSW

By appointment only

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38  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  | ARTS | issue 230 | april, 2014

screen queen Pink: The Truth About Love Tour: Live from Melbourne There she goes, that Pink, raising the bar all the way up to the ceiling of a sports arena. The Truth About Love Tour, named after her fourth studio album, doesn’t just impress with exhilarating ingenuity – it makes her competition look darn right lazy. With a Cirque du Soleil level of grandeur, it’s clear no one currently performing in her circle works that stage harder than Pink, and the home release of this heralded spectacle – shot in Australia last year – demonstrates a pop veteran at the top of her game. Literally, too, as she shoots out of the stage for “Raise Your Glass,” spins unharnessed on a whirling dome during “Sober” and then encores a masterful, careerspanning set – sung live, so take that – by blasting across the stadium. And for this cuttingedge concert film, the camera’s along for the ride. When Pink’s swooping through the air, you’re right there with her. The bonus behind-the-scenes feature is a fun peek into her life on the road, but what’s really special is seeing Pink do a rare performance of “Time After Time.”

Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy One, two, Freddy’s coming for you – gay or not. The second installment of dream killer’s mayhem wasn’t without plenty of queer subtext, and when the 1985 se-

quel to Wes Craven’s Nightmare on Elm Street was released, that wasn’t lost on its filmmakers. In fact, it was intentional. Over 100 Elm Street collaborators – including Craven, Robert Englund and Heather Langenkamp, along with peripheral victims who likely had nothing better to do – dig deep into the mythology and homoeroticism of a horror icon. Discussed during the extensive four-hour Blu-ray doc is a Divine cameo that never happened, Kelly Rowland’s tasteless “faggot” ad-lib during a confrontation with the villain and all the queer camp of “Freddy’s Revenge,” including its gay lead Jesse Walsh (out actor Mark Patton and screenwriter David Chaskin reflect on what’s referred to as the Top Gun of the series). With surprising frankness, the insightful brilliance of Never Sleep Again opens that boiler room door and lets you in on the evolution, drama, secrets and just plain horror of your worst nightmare.

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire As Katniss Everdeen, Jennifer Lawrence’s love-torn, anxietyfueled emotions in Catching Fire are served with such realness she’ll make a mess out of you. And who can blame her? The rare better-than-the-first second entry in the Hunger Games saga goes deeper and darker than its predecessor, rendering an almost-hopeless dystopia where champs Katniss and Peeta (Josh Hutcherson) unwillingly fake their way through some PR and then compete once more, to their surprise, during this survival of the fittest. Fear, war and dragqueeny wigs – they’re facing it all over again. But Catching Fire bites down harder on the very

media hysteria it vilifies. Its teeth are bigger, sharper and scarier. And with palpable ambivalence, alternating heroic fierceness and total despair with nothing but ease, Lawrence is more than just Katniss – she’s all of us. Extras include deleted scenes, a filmmaker commentary and a thorough nine-part doc that’s as long as the film.

Blue Is the Warmest Color Thanks to seven minutes of news-making lesbian sex, the wonderful and wistful comingof-age indie from French filmmaker Abdellatif Kechiche, Blue Is the Warmest Color, got mad buzz after its Cannes Film Festival premiere. And sure, there’s absolutely nothing subtle about how Kechiche portrays his two young ladies in bed, and perhaps, like many have debated, it’s superfluous, but this is about self-discovery – sex is a rite of passage. Based on a graphic novel, Kechiche’s arty and deeply resonate work about the onset of adolescent desire, and the confusion and fragility of the human heart, begins with Adèle (the tremendously affecting Adèle Exarchopoulos) succumbing to bullying woes and being distinctly unsure of herself – especially around men. Then she meets Emma (Léa Seydoux), a sexually secure artist who turns her world upside down. Over three hours, and many, many movie years, Blue Is the Warmest Color exposes all the complexities of their relationship as they discover and rediscover themselves. Even if it’s stingy on special features, the film itself – released via Criterion – is a thing of staggering beauty.

Also Out About Time Nobody’s perfect, but what if they could be? Tim (Domhnall Gleeson) gives it a shot when he inherits his father’s ability to time travel and change his past. Now, suddenly, he’s a Casanova – no screw-ups, no awkwardness. He turns the charm on when he meets Mary (Rachel McAdams), and they both expect to see each other again. But the consequence to changing the past is that it also changes the future. Enriching and thought-provoking, the wonderfully sincere About Time is mushy and sweet and life-affirming – and duh: Rachel McAdams stars and Love, Actually filmmaker Richard Curtis directs. Bonus features include a cast/ crew commentary, bloopers and a music video for Ellie Goulding’s featured song.

Carrie Can you imagine if this new Carrie, from Boys Don’t Cry director Kimberly Peirce, was a vehicle addressing this sickening trend in queertargeted bullying? I mean, can you? No? OK, good. Because you wouldn’t wanna have your hopes dashed by this unnecessary repeat of the 38-year-old Sissy Spacek classic in which a young girl, ostracized by her peers and condemned to hell by her god-crazy mother, is so soul-depleted she unleashes the monster inside her. As Carrie, Chloe Moretz gets it right, relishing every messy moment of the prom massacre, but Julianne Moore’s exaggerated religious


april, 2014 | issue 230 |

lunacy verges on parody. Carrie, the comedy? Anything but this. A Peirce commentary and an alternate ending are among the extras.

Fantastic Mr. Fox Of course Wes Anderson would make a film about foxes. Because, uh, why wouldn’t he? Adapted in 2009 from a children’s novel about a fox family on the run after a chicken heist, the fable’s right out of left field. And it’s marvelous. It’s got the fantastically weird familial charm of every Anderson picture, the

voices of Meryl Streep and George Clooney, and indelible characters (teenage outcast Ash is a huggable hoot), but it’s also easy on the eyes. There’s some seriously impressive animation going on here. Just look at that hair. And now look at it in glorious hi-def, a detailed Criterion Collection transfer that’s aesthetically foxy but also remarkably thorough in contextual supplements.

The Spectacular Now

Aimee Finicky is the virtuous virgin you bring home to mom. But Sutter Keely? Not so much. Still, the two high schoolers, despite differences and the opposite roads they’re on, meet at a crossroad. They dote, they have sex.

It’s clear something is brewing between them, but there are walls and there are exes and there is alcoholism. What they experience is the kind of moment you remember more fondly with age, when you realize what it meant then and what it means now. And this drama, from the writers of 500 Days of Summer, epitomizes that – spectacularly. A director commentary and a short makingof round out the set. Q Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate and his website at www.chris-azzopardi.

Everyone deserves to be happy and healthy

40  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  |  A&E | issue 230 | april, 2014

hear me out

Kylie Minogue, Kiss Me Once You gotta feel bad for every non-gay American not currently enraptured by Kylie Minogue. Sure, they know the Aussie diva for “The Loco-Motion” and, if they’re at all conscious, her chart-ruling, early-’00s “Can’t Get You Out of My Head,” but post-Fever, Minogue’s been our best-kept secret. Sorry, straight world, but you’re missing out. Minogue’s been on a hot streak, constantly emerging without shedding her signature sound and without conforming to the zeitgeist. Madonna she ain’t. And though the performer’s 12th and best album is, at first glance, her most trend-grabby, mainstreamworthy work in a long time – songwriter-dujour Sia executive produced Kiss Me Once, and other collaborators include Pharrell

Williams, Greg Kurstin (Pink, Kelly Clarkson) and Enrique Iglesias – it never dramatically strays from the majestic cosmic-pop that delineates her from her contemporaries. In fact, despite hit-making hot shots, Kylie hasn’t sounded this Kylie, or this terrific, in a while. There’s the dreamy – “Into the Blue” and the futuristic ballad “If Only,” both stunning – and then, of course, the ultra flirty (see “Les Sex,” a nod to campy Kylie, and the Sia-written “Sexercize,” full of amusing workout innuendo). Williams does his electro-R&B thing on “I Was Gonna Cancel,” and, shockingly, the Auto-Tune-heavy ballad with Iglesias, “Beautiful,” is like Wall-E and Eve singing to each other. It fits, and it’s beautiful and it’s ours. Well, until the rest of the world realizes what we already knew. Grade: A-

Kid Cudi, Satellite Flight: The Journey to Mother Moon You know that album Beyoncé snuck out last year? Kid Cudi took note and, for his fourth LP, dropped it without anyone knowing ... until there it was. Stepping off the shoulders of his big-brother rapper, Kanye West, Cudi’s prowess continues to evolve with an audacious thirst for the unconventional. Kid takes another cosmic leap on Satellite Flight, living up to his career creed of being in control of his sonic identity. And every spacey turn on the EP-turnedLP – a prelude to his third Man on the Moon release – demonstrates that as he stretches

Salt Lake Men’s Choir presents ‘Does Your Mother Know — the Music of ABBA’ Talk about Dancing Queens. The Salt Lake Men’s Choir is deep into rehearsals for their Spring show, “Does Your Mama Know: The Music of Abba.” Whether you know them as ’70s club staples, classic rock radio regulars or the basis for the soundtrack to Mamma Mia!, pop phenomenon ABBA’s timeless hits remain favorites of music fans around the world. Sing along to “Waterloo,” “Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (a Man After Midnight)” and “Voulez Vous.” Hop on this entertaining ride through musical history and relive the fabulous costumes, booty-shaking moves and excitement of the disco-era heyday. And with this choir singing the songs, some take on a whole new meaning — “Does Your Mother Know (that You’re Out),” “When I Kissed the Teacher,” “Fernando,” and of course, “Dancing Queen.” The concert will be presented at the Masonic Temple, 650 E. South Temple on Saturday, May 17 at 7:30 p.m. or find them on Facebook.

the hip-hop matrix into something otherworldly. At the very least, it’s intriguing. A wordless instrumental conjuring ’80s horror/ sci-fi cinema is the gateway to the ethereal rocker “Going to the Ceremony” and “Too Bad I Have to Destroy You Now,” where a defiant Cudi raps about being “rejuvenated, recreated and rebooted” over some twinkling atmospherics. Both impress on an otherwise unimpressive effort. Cudi is certainly an eager boundary breaker, reveling in the progressiveness of the hip-hop genre, but it doesn’t just take ambition to thrive. It takes good music and, too often, Satellite Flight never takes off like you want it to. Grade: C+

Pharrell Williams, G I R L You can look at Pharrell Williams and see sexy. You can also hear it. It’s the sweat running down the back of every beat he lays down on his long-anticipated G I R L, a flashy affair – so many late-’70s inspired grooves – with an overwhelming amount of pop-R&B pep. Who hasn’t just about exploded in glee every time they hear “Happy”? That feeling fills out this frivolous LP, where disco-era romps – 10 of them – are cut from the same cloth as Daft Punk, Justin Timberlake and the Bee Gees. It’s ear candy without the chewy center.

The Notwist, Close to the Glass For all the synthetic glitchiness of the German indie quartet’s eighth album, there’s nothing artificial-feeling about its emotional lining. And actually, those disorienting tech sounds – the beeps, the snaps and, especially on “Lineri,” the static – actually drive the paranoia on Close to the Glass, yet another detour from the band’s ’80s grunge-punk. When “Into Another Tune” blurs folk and electronica with the loop of some beautiful strings, you know something remarkable is happening here. Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBT wire service. Reach him via his website at

the annual Q saltlake fabby award ballot

Vote for Utah’s most fabulous People, Places and Things! Fill out at least 10 categories of the most fabulous local ­restaurants, bars, services and others to qualify your ballot.

Most Fabulous Shopping

Fabulous People

Best Local Shop for Budget Fashion

Best Leader of a Queer Organization

����������������������������������������� Best Local Shop for High-End Fashion


����������������������������������������� Best Local Shop for Shoes ����������������������������������������� Best Local Shop for Drag Attire

Best Local Politician ����������������������������������������� Best Local Actor or Actress �����������������������������������������

Most Fabulous Restaurants

Most Fabulous Bars

Lightest on Your Wallet

Best Gay Bar ����������������������������������������� Best Straight Bar

����������������������������������������� Best Consignment Store for Furniture/ Home Décor


����������������������������������������� Best After-Hours Cravings

����������������������������������������� Best Karaoke

����������������������������������������� Best Underwear Selection


����������������������������������������� Best Place to Catch the Game

����������������������������������������� Best Antique Store

����������������������������������������� Best Dance Club

����������������������������������������� Best Flower Shop

����������������������������������������� Best Afternoon Crowd

����������������������������������������� Best Local Jewelry Store

����������������������������������������� Best Local Restaurant for Breakfast ����������������������������������������� Best PETA-Approved ����������������������������������������� Best Contemporary Restaurant ����������������������������������������� Best in Park City ����������������������������������������� Best in Ogden ����������������������������������������� Best Asian Cuisine

����������������������������������������� Best Local Book Store

����������������������������������������� Best Micro-Brewery ����������������������������������������� Best Friday Night ����������������������������������������� Best Saturday Night

����������������������������������������� Best Thai Cuisine

����������������������������������������� Best Sunday Night

����������������������������������������� Best South of the Border Cuisine

����������������������������������������� Cheapest Drinks

����������������������������������������� Best Mediterranean Cuisine

����������������������������������������� Best Martini

����������������������������������������� Best Sushi ����������������������������������������� Best Steak House

����������������������������������������� Best Weekly Bar Event ����������������������������������������� Best Monthly Bar Event �����������������������������������������

����������������������������������������� Best Local Coffee House ����������������������������������������� Best Wine and Beer Selection �����������������������������������������

Most Fabulous Food Best Burger

Most Fabulous Art Best Local Theatre Company ����������������������������������������� Best Art Gallery or Museum ����������������������������������������� Best Local Visual Artist ����������������������������������������� Best Local Play or Musical of 2011

����������������������������������������� Best Sandwich

����������������������������������������� Best Local Dance Company

����������������������������������������� Best Pizza

����������������������������������������� Best Local Musician/Band

����������������������������������������� Best Pastries ����������������������������������������� Best Seafood Selection ����������������������������������������� Best Salads ����������������������������������������� Best Sushi ����������������������������������������� Best Sunday Brunch �����������������������������������������

����������������������������������������� Best Gift Store ����������������������������������������� Best Adult Toy Store �����������������������������������������

Best Bartender

Best Local DJ

Fabulous Groups Best Social Group ����������������������������������������� Best Political Group ����������������������������������������� Best Health/Resources Group ����������������������������������������� Best Religious Organization ����������������������������������������� Best Sports Organization

Most Fabulous Services Best Gym ����������������������������������������� Best Ski Resort ����������������������������������������� Best Hair Salon ����������������������������������������� Best to get Waxed ����������������������������������������� Best Tattoo/Piercing Parlor ����������������������������������������� Best Counseling Service


Q Fabulous Best QSaltLake Columnist ����������������������������������������� Best QSaltLake Story of the Year ����������������������������������������� Best QSaltLake Event of 2012 ����������������������������������������� Best Improvement QSaltLake Could Make

����������������������������������������� Best Pet Groomer


����������������������������������������� Best Real Estate Agent


����������������������������������������� Best Massage ����������������������������������������� Best Attorney ����������������������������������������� Best CHIROPRACTOR ����������������������������������������� Best Photographer/Studio

Best Radio Station ����������������������������������������� Best Local Radio Personality ����������������������������������������� Best Television News ����������������������������������������� Best TV News Reporter

���������������������������������� ���������������������������������������

DID YOU VOTE FOR AT LEAST 10? ONE VOTE PER PERSON. FLOODING IS EASY TO SEE, SO DON’T DO IT AS IT WILL DISQUALIFY WHO YOU ARE VOTING FOR. Name__________________________________________________________________________________ EMAIL ADDRESS_________________________________________________________________________ PHONE_________________________________________________________________________________ MAIL TO: OR EMAIL TO: FABBYS QSALTLAKE 244 REED AVE SALT LAKE CITY UT 84106


42  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  | HEALTH | issue 230 | april, 2014

your body How to lose the last few pounds by Rob Hodson

Darren Liddy, 27, has come a long way since 2011 when he embarked on a journey to lose nearly 100 pounds. He says: ‘Generally I eat healthy, but I seem to be stuck in a rut as far as losing weight/body fat is concerned. At the minute I weigh 227 pounds, I want to get down to at least 200 pounds. But I can’t shift my last 27. I’ve been on my own fitness journey for a year now, I started at 294 pounds and as proud as I am of what I’ve achieved so far, I’m still not happy. I need to achieve my goal of being 200 pounds so I can focus on getting the body of my dreams.’ We’ve asked expert nutritionist Robert Hodson from Nutrition Ex-

pert to help Darren reach his goal. My first thing to say to you would be, don’t lose heart! You have already lost 67 pounds, which is a fantastic achievement. I know it can be frustrating, but weight loss plateaus are normal and do happen however diligent you are with your eating and exercise regime. However, that’s not to say that there aren’t things you can do to help kick start the weight loss once again. You’ve provided me with your current weight, but I wonder whether you have had your body fat percentage measured? If you haven’t, I highly recommend you do, as measuring and keeping a record of this will give you a much better indicator of how you’re doing. Simply monitoring your weight does not differentiate between changes in fat, muscle and water. If you are exercising regularly you are likely to be build-

ing muscle mass, and as muscle weighs more than fat, you could be burning fat but this is not always registering on the scales. As you lose weight, not only does it become naturally harder to lose, but your metabolism slows down too. Because of this, your daily calorie requirements become lower, so this may be a good time to revisit your portion sizes. I would recommend switching from having three large meals a day, to six smaller meals. If this seems time-consuming, one idea may be to make your lunch as usual (for example), and split it into two portions. Regular eating will keep your metabolism fired up, and it will also make it easier to control your portion sizes and prevent overeating, as you will never be eating when you are really hungry. It is also important that you take time over your

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meals. It takes 20 minutes for your stomach to start to tell the brain that it’s full, so by chewing slowly and pausing between mouthfuls you will become much more in tune with your bodies hunger signals. Your current diet looks well balanced, and it’s great that you are getting a good source of protein into dinner every day in the form of fish or meat. Protein is great for satiety and it also promotes lean muscle tissue, which is beneficial for fat burning. It would be great if you could boost your breakfast with a bit more protein, and here are a few ideas of how to do this: Top your oatmeal with nuts and seeds, such as almonds, walnuts or pumpkin seeds. Have an egg-based breakfast like two poached eggs on a slice of whole-wheat toast or a mushroom omelette. Treat yourself to a cooked breakfast on weekends — two eggs (scrambled or poached), two slices of bacon, grilled mushrooms and tomatoes. For lunch, make sure that your salad or sandwich (always choose wholegrain bread) includes a good source of protein in the form of lean meat, fish, eggs, beans or pulses. You can also mix this up a bit by opting for a chunky soup -- most supermarkets and coffee shops do good options now. Be wary of low-fat yogurts as they often replace the fat with added sugars (this tends to be the case with many low-fat products). The healthier option is to opt for natural full-fat probiotic yogurt, with some fresh fruit. At dinner, fill up on vegetables, particularly the green, leafy ones -- broccoli, cabbage, spinach and kale. These should always take up at least half your plate. Try switching your potatoes for sweet potatoes, and try quinoa as a high-protein alternative to rice. Finally, good luck, and keep us posted!  Q Would you like to get expert advice from Robert? Email:


april, 2014 | issue 230 |

the musical Park City Follies Presents

March. 14-30 April 4-12

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801-486-0332 | issue 230 | april, 2014

wine terriorist Reclaiming California’s Diversity by David White

If you

ask a typical wine consumer to imagine a California red, they’ll almost certainly think of Cabernet Sauvignon. If you ask that same consumer to imagine a white, they’ll almost certainly think of Chardonnay. This is understandable. More than 500,000 acres of California farmland are dedicated to wine grapes, and Cabernet Sauvignon and Chardonnay are the most widely planted. More than a quarter of the state’s red wine grape plantings are Cabernet Sauvignon. and more than half of all white are Chardonnay. Once upon a time, however, California’s landscape was much more diverse. And thanks to a group of renegade vintners, California is reclaiming this diversity—and producing more and more wines that are reminiscent of a bygone era. The dominance of Cabernet Sauvignon and Chardonnay traces back to 1976 when a British wine merchant named Steven Spurrier organized a wine competition in Paris and pitted California’s best Chardonnay and Cabernet Sauvignon against the best wines that France had to offer. Until then, few critics took California seriously. And at that tasting, everyone assumed that France would win. But with both whites and reds, California came out on top. That competition—now known as the “Judgment of Paris”—transformed California’s wine industry. The red, produced by Warren Winiarski at Stag’s Leap Wine Cellars, helped accelerate Robert Mondavi’s efforts to tout California’s wines as being on par with Europe’s best offerings. The white, produced by Mike Grgich at Chateau Montelena, forced the world to take a serious look at California Chardonnay. When Kendall-Jackson produced a Chardonnay with just a hint of sweetness a few years later, the variety’s popularity would skyrocket with consumers. Over the subsequent two decades, those who marketed wine pushed other varietal wines like Merlot, Pinot Noir, and Sauvignon Blanc. But Cabernet and Chardonnay were cemented at the top. For most of California’s winegrowing history, however, vineyards were planted chaotically with inexpensive, workhorse grapes. Americans didn’t care about varieties and drank simple table wine. While

most were consumed locally, products like Gallo’s Hearty Burgundy and Almaden’s Mountain Chablis approximated these wines and had national distribution. Today, several California vintners are rediscovering these ancient vineyards and recognizing their potential. This effort is led by Tegan Passalacqua of Turley Wine Cellars and Morgan Twain-Peterson of Bedrock Wine Co., two young producers who have earned a reputation for crafting delicious wines from old vineyards. Three years ago, the two men helped launched the Historic Vineyard Society, a nonprofit created to catalog, protect, and promote these properties. Turley’s Library Vineyard Petite Sirah is a great example of the wines this group celebrates. The Library Vineyard was planted between 1880 and 1920 directly behind the St. Helena Public Library in Napa Valley. Although planted primarily to Petite Sirah, the small vineyard contains more than a dozen different varieties, including red grapes like Syrah, Carignan, Grenache, and Zinfandel and white grapes like Muscadelle and Green Hungarian. From this vineyard, Passalacqua makes a delightful field blend that speaks clearly of its origin. Bedrock’s Compagni Portis white is another great example. Sourced from a Sonoma vineyard planted in 1954, the wine is a blend of Gewurtzraminer, Trousseau Gris, Riesling, and a handful of unusual grapes that are almost extinct. It’s exotic, exceptionally aromatic, and totally unique. Passalacqua and Twain-Peterson are hardly alone. California producers like Carlisle, Arnot-Roberts, Forlorn Hope, and Wind Gap are also creating high quality wines from historic properties. While some make field blends, others produce single varietal wines from nearly forgotten grapes in almost-forgotten vineyards. In late February, a group of wine writers from across the country gathered in California for a conference. During a discussion about Napa Valley’s “unexpected” wines, New York Times wine critic Eric Asimov reminded attendees of California’s “history of diversity” with Turley’s Library Vineyard Petite Sirah. Wines like this are still just asterisks, of course. They’re jewels of an earlier time. But they show that there’s more to California than Chardonnay and Cabernet Sauvignon.  Q David White is the founder and editor of, named “Best Overall Wine Blog” at the 2013 Wine Blog Awards. His columns are housed at Grape Collective.


april, 2014 | issue 230 |

dining guide Cafe SuperNatural

Finn’s Cafe

Trolley Square 600 E Side 801-363-1000 Quick cuisine using as much local and organically grown ingredients as possible. With a 100% plant-based and 100% gluten-free menu, the community can enjoy a refreshing meal and drink to stay or on the go.

Eggs in the City 1675 E 1300 S 801-581-0809 Breakfast or lunch in a friendly, warm and hip environment. The converted garage is now a stylish, enticing eatery. Try the eggs Benedict, French toast, customtailored omelets, huevos rancheros or cheese blintzes for breakfast.


259 W 900 S 801 364-4307

1624 S 1100 E 801-467-4000 Family owned and operated for 62 years, Finn’s Cafe has been a large part of Utah’s fine dining heritage, specializing in both Norwegian and traditional dishes for breakfast and lunch. Full barista bar, fresh squeezed juices, and inhouse bakery.

Off Trax  259 W 900 S 801-364-4307 Home of the Happy Hangover. Breakfast, lunch. Sunday brunch and weekend afterhours. Gay-owned and operated. Next to Club Try-Angles.

Omar’s Rawtopia 

2148 S Highland Dr 801-486-0332 Omar prepares all raw, live and organic food from scratch with absolute love to create amazing food that is powerfully healing for your mind, body, and spirit.

Sage’s Cafe 234 W 900 S 801-322-3790 Your favorite vegetarian restaurant is moving to Ninth South with a slough of other owneroperated, locally owned restaurants. Watch for their reopening in December.

SQUATTERS PUB BREWERY  147 W 300 S 801-363-2739 Salt Lake’s original brew

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pub featuring awardwinning fresh brewed beers, lunch, dinner and weekend brunch. Private banquet facilities available.

SQUATTERS Roadhouse Grill & Pub  1900 Park Ave, Park City 435-649-9868 Park City’s brewpub features breakfast, lunch and dinner daily and is a full liquor licensee, serving both Squatters and Wasatch Beers.

Vertical Diner 2280 S West Temple 801-484-8378 Vegan diner serving down-home comfort food and breakfast all day. Specialties include fried faux chicken, blueberry pancakes, and

hand cut french fries. Also serving fair trade coffee, tea, chocolate, and more.

Wasatch Brew Pub  250 Main, Park City 435-645-0900 At the top of Main Street and a local favorite since 1989, Wasatch Brew Pub serves lunch, dinner and weekend brunch, along with award winning beers and full liquor service. Private banquet facilities available.

ZEST KITCHEN & BAR 275 S 200 W 801-433-0589 Zest kitchen & bar melds healthy food and fresh, hand crafted drinks within a modern, social environment.

46  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  |  PETS | issue 230 | april, 2014

Pet Month of the

Can we crash at your place? TRY FOSTERING!

Brando: Hello my name is Brando and I am about 6 years old. I am an oversized Chihuahua mix with an equally oversized personality. I am quite the lap dog who loves to climb up and sit right next to you, or possibly in your lap if you would allow! I would do best in a home with older children; I just love food so much that I sometimes get excited when everyone has snacks around me! I have lived with both large dogs and other dogs my size and do best with a chance to meet my new dog friends before I go home. I love cats too much and truthfully think they are great toys, so I would do better in a home without them. I would make a great addition to loving home- give me a chance to say hello! More info on Brando can be found at or by calling 801574-2417.

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48  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  |  COMICS | issue 230 | april, 2014

anagram An anagram is a word or phrase that can be made using the letters from another word or phrase. Rearrange the letters below to answer:


Gradual Rear Cups

__ ____’_ ____ ____

cryptogram A cryptogram is a puzzle where one letter in the puzzle is substituted with another. For example:

GIRLFIEND by Michaelle Gruben

ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! Has the solution: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! In the above example Es are all replaced by Cs. The puzzle is solved by recognizing letter patterns in words and successively substituting letters until the solution is reached. This week’s hint: D=M

Theme: What Andy Cohen asked Shaq on national television:

Hpmn dspf dwkf wd 23, spj gwe wd hpmn twqi? ____ ____ ____ __ 23, ___ ___ __ ____ ____.


april, 2014 | issue 230 |


50  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  |  Horoscopes Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku is actually five separate, but connected, Sudoku puzzles.

Q doku

Level: Hard Hard

5 4 7



6 9 3 2 4 8 2

7 2 8 1 5 9 2 6 5 1 9 4 1 3 7 | issue 230 | april, 2014

6 7

4 6 5



8 7 5

1 4 2 5 6 7 9 3 6


3 1 5 4

1 5 4 7

2 2 8 1 8 3 9 2 6 4 3 3 4 1 8 6 2 7 1 7 6 1 8 9 5 3 9 4 9 3 8 7 9 1 5 6 5 9 6 3 8 4 3 9 5 2 7 2 3 8 1 8 5 9 7 8 2 9 5 3 3 8 4 2 7 8 9 5 6

5 8 6 2

q scopes By Sam Kelley-Mills

ARIES March 20–April 19 Change has always been cleansing to you, and this is a great time to refresh and renew. Time alone will do you good, but make time for those who make you laugh. A big surprise could come in the form of an explosive force. Enjoy letting go of some tension. TAURUS Apr 20–May 20 The time for sleep will elude you this month. With a calendar filled to the brim, you may find life overwhelming. Mix a little fun into your obligatory activities to keep spirits high. A relationship or close friendship will expand your vision of the world if you take time to look. GEMINI May 21–June 20 Blow off some steam by jumping into an amazing project. A short trip or adventure will be very desirable. Don’t sweat the small stuff and embrace challenging people. Networking will get you what you are looking for, though be prepared for some added responsibilities. CANCER June 21–July 22 When you spill the milk, don’t cry; find some cream instead! The loss of something plain leads to something better. Love is always abundant and your popularity will ensure a good time this month. Keep your chin up, Cancer. Things are about to get very interesting. LEO July 23–August 22 Stop stressing about things you can’t control. Don’t fear the self-expression of others and express your own creative inclinations. It’s not the end of a project that matters, but the process that counts. Career choices leaves you wondering whether your head or heart will prevail. VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22 You’ve been questioning your path. Now is the time to try something new! A difference of opinion with a friend will challenge your perceptions. A neat discovery sets your imagination into motion.

Information is bound to cause a mess if revealed to a loved one. LIBRA Sept 23–October 22 A flash of inspiration strikes this month. Your artistic medium of choice is your mind, and speech is your canvas. Share ideas with others. A family member who rarely speaks to you may make an appearance. Don’t let the lost time be a burden. It’s time for bonding again. SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21 A sense of confusion has been a recurring theme lately. Take a deep breath and clear your head. Don’t worry about being right all the time, but put your focus on what is right for you. Make love to a lover or share a good romp with a friend. You shouldn’t be alone. SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22– December 20. Your family life is currently incompatible with your career, or so it seems. Find a balance by getting your priorities straight. The inclination to fight will lead to some passionate times. Channel this passion into positive goals and desirable results will follow. CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19 Falling off the wagon is never fun, so hold on tight. Keep fiscal responsibility in mind and save your resources for something truly desired. A sleepy period has crept upon you, but a spicy time is right around the corner. Get some rest and be ready for when things heat up. AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18 Questions are bound to be plentiful while seeking for better understanding of a perplexing person. A dynamic with a co-worker or friend doesn’t go smoothly; it’s time make things creamier. You may be more alike than you think. Good times will come in the form of a social affair. PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19 Express yourself and enjoy expressions from others. Resist the need to issue decrees to friends. Experience simple pleasures, like listening to music or reading a book. Inspiration for you own work will be found. An authority figure will offer resistance; be aware.  Q

CROSSWORD   |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  |  51 | issue 230 | april, 2014


mr. manners

Fashion changes, but style endures by Rock Magen

Dallas Buyers Club Med

44 Freudian slip follower 45 Lickety-split 47 Character who made Across the comment 1 Where boxers are 50 Disney sci-fi flick visible 51 Rita Mae Brown 5 Prick novel 9 Regarding 55 Type of crime 13 Chocolate sandwich 56 A girl named Frank 14 Part used in forking 57 Singer Anita around 58 You might ride one 15 Direction from in Aspen Stephen Pyles 59 Monster’s loch 16 Last name in out 60 Fairy godmother’s talk-show hosts stick 18 Emulate Clay Aiken Down 19 Start of a Dallas 1 Poet McKuen Buyers Club med 2 It makes one hot comment 3 Master of photog. 21 Wilde country 4 Tries for a Hail Mary 24 The Wizard of Oz 5 Howard, who scorer Harold went drag for Miss 25 Balls in battle America 26 Whitman and Proust 6 Fagged out 28 Wolfson of Freedom 7 From the top to Marry 8 Rupert Everett’s The 29 Bethlehem product Next ___ Thing 31 End of a Dallas 9 State with convicBuyers Club med tion comment 10 Sit on, in a way 36 Sentence subjects, 11 Fire starter often 12 Keyboardists finger 37 Like Palm Springs’ them climate 17 Home st. of Maupin 39 No one can collect it 20 Ethiopia’s Selassie 43 One ruled by a 21 “___ Got You Under You Under My Skin” dictator?

22 Sitarist Shankar 23 Cowboy actor Jack 26 Get off the breast 27 Stonewall Jackson and others 29 Like an A-List gay 30 Oddly shaped testicle? 32 Bridge bid, briefly 33 Transfer of computer info 34 Unrefined metals 35 “Is so!” rebuttal 38 Initial sound, in The Sound of Music 39 Results of nongay sex 40 Lacking family values 41 Indicate 42 Occurred to (with “on”) 43 Where a cobbler puts the tongue 45 Jeremy of Brideshead Revisited 46 Schnozzolas 48 The Good Earth heroine 49 Ready to come out of the oven 52 Lupino of Women’s Prison 53 Boy played by Martin and Duncan 54 Rock guitarist Barrett ANSWERS ON PAGE 54

Dear Mr. Manners, Each year I see all of the new fashion trends and struggle with what to buy. I want to make sure that I am following current fashion trends, but it can all be so overwhelming. Can you help me figure it out? —Fashionista Dear Fashionista, It is a truth universally known, yet rarely acknowledged, that just because something is in style doesn’t mean it looks good on you. Sorry, but it’s better that you know. I’ve spent a lot of time watching the men’s fashion industry evolve (or rather, recycle), and every year I see guys fail with ill-advised trends in the hopes of appearing “stylish.” Gentleman, we are better than that. Style isn’t something that can be bought or borrowed. Just like a great physique starts with your DNA and is then fine-tuned over time, style is something you develop. Part of being a gentleman is developing one’s own sense of style and then adhering to it. I will always argue that there is a time and place for everything, but that does not mean that we sacrifice our integrity for the sake of a fleeting fashion trend. Hopefully, if you were to be burned at the stake, your

last words would be something beyond “Balenciaga!” The success I have with my personal wardrobe comes from building from a few basic items to create a great look. To break it down, I believe the basics to be: A classic black suit, white dress shirt, dark tie, dark jeans, socks that are not white, casual white V-neck shirts, and a classic sweater. From these pieces you can mix and match to create a more casual or professional look. Avoid the crazy trends and just try to keep it classic and timeless. Fashion always tries to create “the new black,” but the color black is a constant not needing to be changed. You have to find what works for you, and then be honest to it. It was once told to be me that what we choose to wear is an outward manifestation of our inner self. Not everyone will find success in a bohemian look or high top sneakers, but once you have solicited who you are and how you want to be perceived it’s all about the fit. Because at the end of the day, it’s just like iconic menswear designer John Varvatos said, “You don’t need a lot of clothes — you just need good fitting clothes.”  Q Have a question for Mr. Manners? Email

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54  |  QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE  |  final word | issue 230 | april, 2014

the perils of petunia pap smear

The tale of the polar express by Petunia Pap Smear

The road

to Canada is fraught with danger and excitement. For those of you not “in the know,” I have a job as an expedited delivery truck driver, which once in a while I must perform in able to purchase the vast quantities of Aqua Net, glitter and batteries necessary for me to appear in public. A most apt description would be for you to envision Large Marge, from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, behind the wheel. Usually, when my dispatcher calls, it’s to send me on a delivery to Winnemucca, Nevada or some other mundane, middle of nowhere destination. On this particular occasion, I was to pick up a load in Salt Lake the next morning and deliver it to the far North Eastern side of Ontario, Canada about 100 miles south of Hudson Bay. With all the extreme weather that the Great Lakes region had been experiencing this year, I thought I needed to plan for the worst. As I ventured out on this transcontinental voyage, I was caught in a blizzard, and I was only able to go about 25 miles per hour across most of Wyoming. When visibility was reduced to less than 100 feet due

puzzle solutions

to the blowing snow, I removed, in desperation, my blinking breasticles from my person and attached them to the front grill of the truck -- they were able to pierce the stormy darkness and light the way, allowing me to keep on trucking. By the time I got to the north shore of Lake Superior, I had outrun the snow storm, but the temperature had plummeted well below zero. I was not worried about my body temperature, as my beehive hair acts as advanced insulation. In addition, I had placed some of those chemical hand warmers inside my breasticles which kept me toasty warm. I determined I should leave the truck running all night, for fear of not being able to start it in the morning. This ended up being a good plan as the next morning, when I emerged from the motel to find my truck toasty warm, three others in the parking lot could not start. I ended up leaving it running for five nights in a row. When I got to the Canadian boarder, I was detained. There was a problem with my customs papers. My anxiety level raised off the scale when they waved me to park my truck and enter the building. I was beginning

Cryptogram: Your shoe size is 23, how big is your dick? 4 6 2 7 5 3 8 9 1 9 8 7 4 2 3 6 5 1

7 1 9 2 6 8 3 4 5 5 1 6 7 8 9 4 3 2

3 8 5 9 1 4 2 6 7 4 2 3 6 1 5 9 7 8

8 3 4 1 2 6 5 7 9 7 6 9 3 5 2 8 1 4

2 5 6 4 7 9 1 8 3 1 4 8 9 7 6 5 2 3


to sweat profusely. I worried that, because I was sweating, they might think I was looking guilty of smuggling contraband. All I could do was picture in my mind those scenes of torture and abuse and cavity searches from Midnight Express. Then I remembered the warmers inside my breasticles, I removed them and immediately regained a normal body temperature. My heart skipped a beat and fluttered with lust when I first caught sight of officer MacDonald, the Royal Canadian Mountie assigned to inspect my truck. His beauty was beyond description. And he was in uniform! I have a very special weakness for a man in uniform. Happily, I was detained for several hours, waiting for the proper paperwork to be completed, so I was able to gaze longingly at Mountie MacDonald and make plans for he and I to settle down and build an igloo together. I was sure that we could happily “rub noses together” for hours. Finally I cleared customs and drove for hundreds of miles through the vast and frozen north shore of Lake Superior, to the edge of civilization. At the last outpost of humanity, I stopped at the only gas station to fill up, but had to wait in line behind seven snowmobiles. Not snowmobiles being hauled on a trailer, snowmobiles driving right up to the pumps. To make my misery complete, the clerk had never even heard of diet Mountain Dew. The final leg of my journey was to drive 125 miles out into the wilderness on an ice road to make my delivery. The sun was

going down, and darkness deepened. There was no moon, and the gloomy clouds blocked the stars. I headed into the forest. I saw with much trepidation, the lights of the settlement disappear in the rearview mirror. The headlights cut a narrow beam through the darkness, and I could see the red eyes of several creatures reflecting from the tree line. All I could think of was the movie The Shining. My index finger began to twitch against the steering wheel. “Redrum, redrum.” To hell with that nonsense. I reached into my purse, withdrew a pair of fur-lined, opera-length driving gloves and a gigantic rhinestone ring, covered up the twitchy digit and happily continued on the road, singing to ABBA. When I finally arrived at the mine site to make the delivery, I jumped out of the truck and screamed to the startled security guard, “Heeeerrrrre’s Johnny!” As always, these events leave us with several burning eternal questions: 1. In reference to Large Marge, should I start going by the trucker’s handle “Big Wig?” 2. While waiting at the boarder, should I have begun singing “When I’m Calling You-oooo-oo” ala Jeanette MacDonald and Nelson Eddy to attract Mountie MacDonald’s attention? 3. Would the radiance of my breasticles melt my igloo? 4. Would my glitter makeup rub the skin off Mountie MacDonald’s nose? 5. Am I now an official “Ice Road Trucker?” 6. If I had been able to speak French, could I have become the new Mrs. Mountie MacDonald? 7. At what temperature do Pap Smears freeze? These and other important questions to be answered in future chapters of: The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear.  Q

1 9 7 8 3 5 4 2 6 3 5 2 8 4 1 7 9 6

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4 8 3 1 5 9 7 2 6 1 3 4 8 5 9 4 7 2 3 6 1

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april, 2014 | issue 230 |

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QSaltLake April 2014  

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and ally Utah sports. Legislative wrap-up, Utah's same-sex marriage battle, spring gardening, more