QNotes, July 12, 2019

July 12-25, 2019

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July 12-25, 2019

inside this issue

July 12-25, 2019 Vol 34 No 6

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Buff Faye, Carlyle Addy, Camilla K. Cannon, Vic Gerami, K. Mitchell Kelling, Jack Kirven, Lainey Millen, Terri Schlichenmeyer, Trinity

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charlotteobserver.com/1166/ a local news partner of The Charlotte Observer

10 Questions with Vic: Featuring Jai Rodriquez

8 Exploring the World of Drag

One of the original “Queer Eye” Fab Five has taken his career to its heights.

He has been engaged in activism, served as a culture icon, was in “RENT” and has acted in other shows, taken his point of view to his talk show as a co-host and spent time in the studio as a recording artist.

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Orgs, Experts File Workplace Amici Briefs HRC Releases Sex Discrimination Report News Briefs MCC Elects New Moderator Gay Bingo Moves to Convention Center

a&e 10 Documentary Series Highlights Family Struggles 11 Suicide Prevention Film to Start Production in CLT 12 10 Questions with Vic: Featuring Jai Rodriguez 17 Tell Trinity 19 Out in Print: ‘Sissy’

life 6 14

Interview: Rev. Paul Whiting Health & Wellness: Sarah Palin Says I’m Fat

views 15 Legal Eagles: Alimony, Child Custody, Equitable Distribution, Oh My!

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Who Can I Run To? Mary J. Blige and Nas

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‘A Love Supreme’

Co-directors Katina Parker and the Rev. Kyndra Frazier were inspired to pursue ‘A Love Supreme: Black, Queer, and Christian in the South’ after observing the deep and painful divides that developed between many black, queer Christian southerners and their religious families.

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July 12-25, 2019

qnotes

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BRIEFS

news

Trans woman charged

Orgs, experts file workplace discrimination amici briefs WASHINGTON, D.C. — Williams Institute scholars, joined by other experts who study the LGBTQ population, filed amici briefs with the US Supreme Court in three cases that address whether Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 prohibits workplace discrimination on the bases of sexual orientation and gender identity. In the past, the Supreme Court and other courts have relied on Williams Institute research in ruling for LGBTQ rights.

Two of the cases presently before the Court — Bostock v. Clayton County, Georgia and Altitude Express Inc v. Zarda — address sexual orientation, and the third case, Harris Funeral Homes v. Stephens, addresses gender identity.

The briefs, written by Williams Institute scholar Adam Romero and attorneys from the law firm Sidley Austin, marshal social science and legal research to illustrate LGBTQ individuals’s need for legal protections and the effects when they are subjected to employment discrimination. The briefs were joined by 88 scholars of demographics, economics, law, medicine, psychology, political science, public health, public policy and other disciplines.

“Employment discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity can profoundly negatively impact the financial, emotional and physical well-being of LGBT people,” said Romero, the Arnold D. Kassoy Scholar of Law and Federal Policy director at the Williams Institute. “Because more than half of the states do not prohibit sexual orientation and gender identity discrimination, for many LGBT people the Court’s decision will be the difference between having a remedy against discrimination at work or not.”

Supreme Court schedules oral arguments in workplace discrimination cases for Oct. 8 Rutgers University Associate Professor of Management Oscar Holmes IV, an expert in organizational behavior, said that in 2019 it was embarrassing for there to be no federal protections for LGBTQ workers. Holmes is openly gay and African-American.

A new public service announcement, “Three Words,” produced by Open to All, speaks to the issue of businesses’ need for protections.

“No one should have to worry about whether they will be denied service or face hostility as they go about their daily lives,” said Open to All Campaign Manager Calla Rongerude. “Yet, all too often we hear stories of discrimination happening all over the country: from people of color facing abuse and violence in a diner, a gay couple being kicked out of an Uber, Muslim women ordered to leave a café, or people with disabilities being harassed in a restaurant. It’s crucial that businesses help put an end to discrimination and send a message that they welcome everyone.”

The Open to All coalition includes a growing movement of nearly 5,000 businesses large and small across the U.S., and over 200 nonprofits that pledge to maintain a welcoming and safe environment for people — including employees, visitors, customers, vendors, and clients — regardless of race, ethnicity, national origin, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity and expression, immigration status, religion or disability — and to not discriminate against any individuals or deny them services based on these characteristics.

Out & Equal Workplace Advocates has published its “2019 Workplace Equality Fact Sheet” that provides a snapshot of the state of LGBTQ workplace equality in the U.S. The 20-step approach provides a list of tools and best practices to create equality in the workplace for (LGBTQ employees. info: williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu. business.camden.rutgers.edu. opentoall.com/three-words. bit.ly/2JuLs8h/ — Lainey Millen

HRC releases sex discrimination report WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) has published its “Inclusive Interpretations of Sex Discrimination Law,” a report that outlines how federal courts have developed a consistent legal narrative regarding discrimination against LGBTQ people as constituting unlawful sex discrimination under the nation’s civil rights laws.

“Over the past two decades, federal courts have made it clear that discrimination against LGBTQ people falls under existing sex discrimination laws,” said Sarah Warbelow, HRC’s legal director. “And numerous federal agencies, including the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), have affirmed this interpretation and incorporated this into administrative protections in the context of housing, healthcare, grant making and more.”

The 1964 Civil Rights Act prohibits discrimination on the basis of sex. This discrimination can take many forms. “Although traditionally we understood sex discrimination at work to include unfair bias that influences hiring, firing, and promotion decisions, protections from sex discrimination extend far beyond these actions. Significant protections from discrimination have flowed to the LGBTQ community through an inclusive interpretation of the meaning of ‘sex’ to also prohibit discrimination on the basis of sex stereotypes. This interpretation has been applied to LGBTQ people for almost two decades by both federal courts and federal agencies,” HRC stated.

“The Supreme Court has granted cert in three cases directly addressing Title VII coverage and LGBTQ people and could effectively decide whether to solidify or take away non-discrimination protections for LGBTQ people under federal civil rights laws — which prohibit sex discrimination in contexts ranging from employment to housing, healthcare, and education.

However, judicially crafted protections cannot replace explicit federal statutes prohibiting discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity. Without these laws, victims of discrimination will have to file a suit against an employer, landlord, or business owner and argue their case in a court of law,” HRC added.

HRC stress the importance of passage of the Equality Act and said it amends existing civil rights law — including the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the Fair Housing Act, the Equal Credit Opportunity Act, the Jury Selection and Services Act, to explicitly include sexual orientation and gender identity as protected characteristics.

After the Equality Act received historic bipartisan approval in the House, HRC called upon the Senate to ensure LGBTQ have comprehensive non-discrimination protections at the federal level. info: bit.ly/2Jy5HlF. — Lainey Millen

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The Charlotte Observer reported that a transgender woman was arrested after a disturbance at a Denny’s restaurant in Shelby over the use of a ladies restroom.

A male customer felt that it was wrong for the transgender woman to be using the bathroom while his wife was also using it.

Police officers explained that there was no law forbidding transgender individuals from using the restroom that more closely matches their gender identity.

info: bit.ly/2XwQTO7.

Designer releases steps to help trans children

GI Collection’s Founder Carmen Liu has published a document that details five ways to help transgender children. The steps include engaging in research, not assuming it’s a phase, clothing choice approval, providing support and becoming a child advocate.

info: gicollection.co.uk.

Actress plays lez POC

Vanessa Williams has stepped into a role of a lesbian in “A Luv Tale: The Series” — a first for the actress.

info: bit.ly/2XxMlXM.

Bar holds first Pride party

The Husk in downtown Wilmington, N.C. held the first annual Pride Party for the coastal town on June 30. Pictorial highlights were showcased at StarNews Online.

info: bit.ly/2XzfPUS.

Two trans women tell their story

Spectrum News in Raleigh, N.C. featured Angela Bridgman and Kendall Vega in a video interview. Each of the women shared their coming out story and how being transgender has been for them. Their experiences were separated by 25 years.

info: bit.ly/2JIEeOn.

Former N.C. governor too anti-gay for post

Queerty reported that former North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory was too antigay to be hired by Donald Trump for a post with the Department of Energy, saying he found him too problematic. Newly leaked documents depict McCrory’s record as blocking him from higher-level government positions. Cited were the signing of HB2 and McCrory’s statement about Trump’s behavior after the “grab them by the p*ssy” tape that Trump’s mouth should be washed out with soap.

info: bit.ly/2JzUtx7.

Float missing LGBTQ children

The Winston-Salem Journal reported that organizers of a Fourth of July parade float in Sparta, N.C., were forced to have children under 18 not march in the event due to threats they had received on social media. The float was designed to show support for LGBTQ children who face bullying.

info: bit.ly/2Xz8zZi. bit.ly/2XDrH8I.

Straight Pride organizers ‘freak out’

Organizers of Straight Pride’s parade were alarmed when they received suspicious envelopes and called in authorities to investigate it. What they got was not toxic or harmful. It was glitter, Daily Kos reported.

“Yeah, well, LGBTQ people in the Boston area wouldn’t wish for a parade founded on homophobia held by far-right brawlers, but here we are. One side is fighting with their fists and the other is sending glitter.”

info: bit.ly/2JvU9PU.

MCC elects new moderator SARASOTA, Fla. — Metropolitan Community Churches (MCC) elected Rev. Elder Cecilia Eggleston as their new moderator for a six-year term at the church body’s General Conference XXVII held recently. In doing so, for the first time in MCC’s 50-year history, it has elected someone who resides outside the U.S. Eggleston is from the UK. She was installed on July 5 in a ceremony held during closing worship.

Eggleston was previously pastor at Northern Lights MCC in Newcastle upon Tyne, England, served as a regional elder and most recently was supporter relationship manager for Send a Cow, among other positions.

In a video transcript from her candidacy, she shared, “These are our core values; inclusion, community, spiritual transformation and justice. … We need stability. We need to have an honest, open and respectful dialogue about what we need for the 21st century.”

Also elected to MCC’s Governing Board were: Clergy — Rev. Marie AlfordHarkey and Rev. Alberto Nájera (six-year terms) and Rev. Elder Diane Fisher and Rev. Paul Whiting (three-year terms); and Lay Members — James Chavis and Mark Godette (six-year terms) and Clare Coughlin and Chad Hobbs (three-year terms).

They will assume their duties at the close of the July 25 Governing Board meeting.

In other news, MCC church members from around the world made a pilgrimage after the conference held in Orlando, Fla. to Pulse to remember the victims.

Eggleston said, “Gun violence is a disease, a cancer that spreads around the world and infects the unlikely people. We know in MCC, a small group of people can change the world. Don’t go from here lost. Go from here sure. If we take one gun off the street, if we sing our protest songs and share our art, we can make a difference.”

MCC’s Council of Elders offered a prayer on the third anniversary of Pulse in June. “Although we are still asking why, we ask that rather give us 49 things that we can do differently in our families, our communities, in our congregations, in our countries to subvert the lack of love and to change oppression. Today as we cry more than 49 times, we ask you to open our mouths to carry your message of radical love and forgiveness. May revenge never find a nest in our actions.” info: mccchurch.net.

— Lainey Millen

Gay bingo moves to convention center NORTH CHARLESTON, S.C. — Gay Bingo, a major summertime fundraising event to support Palmetto Community Care (PCC), returns on Aug. 15 at 6 p.m. at a new venue, the Charleston Convention Center.

The change allows for a larger number of attendees over previous facilities. Avita Pharmacy will serve as the presenting sponsor.

The theme this year is the Mad Hatter’s Ball, and costumes are encouraged. Patti O’Furniture will make her appearance again and keep the audience entertained. Bingo winners will be awarded prize packages valued in the hundreds of dollars each.

New to Gay Bingo is the Divine Divas initiative. Those selected will be transformed into drag stars for the night and will help Palmetto Community Care raise money for its programs and services. Participants should be willing to commit to at least three of the dance sessions beginning July 17 to learn the choreography for the performance. Divine Divas will get help selecting an outfit along with makeup and style tips.

All participants should commit to raising at least $100. This new way to be a part of Gay Bingo is open to all; those interested should apply online at bit.ly/divinedivasapp.

PCC helping those living with HIV in the Charleston region while providing free HIV testing, education and prevention resources. The event serves not only as a fun evening, but as an important reminder that the HIV/AIDS epidemic is still affecting many in the community, LGBTQ and straight alike.

“We have sold out Gay Bingo every year since its inception, and we knew we had to move to a bigger space to keep growing this fabulous event,” said Jason Kirk, director of development and marketing for PCC. “This year’s theme is a perfect blend of fun and camp, and I can’t wait to see costumes inspired by ‘Alice in Wonderland’ and all the amazing hats that are sure to be showstoppers.

We are so happy that Patti O’Furniture is back once more with her BVDs, and we are excited to add our Divine Divas into the mix for 2019. In the words of the Mad Hatter, ‘We’re all quite mad here — you’ll fit right in!’” General admission tickets are $40 during the month of July and $50 starting Aug. 1.

Tickets include bingo and entertainment. Food will be available for purchase along with a cash bar.

VIP tickets include a pre-event VIP reception at 5 p.m. with complimentary champagne plus premium seating and a free drink ticket plus bingo and entertainment. VIP tickets are $60 during the month of July and $75 starting Aug. 1.

Reserved tables are available ranging from $600 to $1,800.

More details and ticket purchasing is available online. For information on sponsorships or to purchase a reserved table, contact Kirk at 843-747-2273, ext. 216 or via email to jkirk@ palmettocare.org. info: charlestongaybingo.org.

— Lainey Millen

July 12-25, 2019

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life

Interview: Rev. Paul Whiting New Spiritual Leader comes to MCC Charlotte

BY Jack Kirven | qnotes contributing WRITER

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he Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) is celebrating its 50th anniversary this year. The organization was born out the gay rights movement, not any particular church, and was first created six months before the Stonewall Riots. As such, it was created specifically to serve LGBTQ people who had been ejected from their religious communities. It was created in Los Angeles, Calif. as a local organization, but within two years it had congregations in all major U.S. cities. Within five years it had spread to the entire English speaking world.

As someone who has been part of that growth for the last 40 years, Rev. Paul Whiting has witnessed many of the important events in LGBTQ history since the 1980s. He was raised in a prominent British Pentecostal family, went to seminary training to gain his credentials, but then promptly resigned from his post and soon after gave up those credentials. What happened?

In 1981, after the police had raided the LGBTQ bars in London, UK multiple times, the local Pride organization moved its offices 200 miles north to Huddersfield, UK. This gave Rev. Whiting an opportunity to experience his first march, and it was in a town that had never seen an event like it. “I had never been among so many LGBTQ people. It was a spiritual experience for me.”

After this, it wasn’t possible to remain closeted. Although he never intended to go back to working for a church again, an activist friend suggested he try MCC. “I already had the credentials, but I hadn’t intended to get involved until the AIDS crisis.

That’s when I recognized I needed to help.”

Rev. Whiting moved to Manchester in 1988 and began working with a gay men’s safe sex orgination: Healthy Gay Manchester.

He also started an LGBTQ spiritual group in the city. “We would go around clubs and cruising areas to educate men about AIDS prevention, and it was sponsored by the city.” After looking at how he was interacting with people, he recognized he was becoming a pastor in a secular way.

“Someone said the church clearly wasn’t doing anything to help people living with

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Millennials are encouraged to come and live tweet the service!”

Rev. Whiting wants to foster other JK: Did the Westboro people picket types of change as well, from the top your church? down. “When I started, people needed PW: Yes, but they sent the less important community and to be seen in community people from their group. It was sad to doing good works. The last 10 years are see their children holding those signs. different. America has changed, and that need isn’t so great. All concepts are now JK: So you wanted to escape Topeka? challenged. People over 35 still say comThat makes sense to me. munity is the most important thing for PW: Well, also the relative proximity to them. Younger ones need community in my husband in West Palm Beach, Fla. a different way. Trying to reach the young We have spent a significant portion is an obstacle, because of the negative of our relationship apart, because of or oppressive nature of religion. The complications with having our marriage irreligious and the abused have trouble in Canada. Doing it there didn’t offer any discerning what is good in religion, and rehelp in getting work visas in the U.S. But ligion is not as relevant now as spirituality. also, I find Charlotte to be a friendly city, Church hasn’t transitioned from religion to especially compared to Topeka. I thought spirituality.”

Topeka would be my last church, but I To help guide these changes, he will was offered the position in Charlotte, be interacting more with the Global and it has become a spiritual home. It Governing Board, the eight-member panel has been a dooryard back into my spirithat directs MCC at the global level. This is tual life. where decisions about the timbre and priorities for the entire church are made. Rev. Rev. Whiting is eager to revitalize MCC Whiting was elected to the MCC Governing Charlotte. The church changed locations Board for a three-year term at the church in 2015 due to maintenance issues, and body’s recent General Conference XXVII. when that happened attendance declined.

His tenure will take effect on July 25 at Many people assumed MCC Charlotte had the conclusion of the closed, while othoutgoing board’s final ers found new spirmeeting. itual homes during “We have not gone the transition. Rev. away,” Rev. Whiting said.

Whiting is seeking “Locations are importo increase MCC’s tant to LGBT people, visibility by way of because they are safe collaborating with spaces that become Time Out Youth connected to cherished Center, Pride memories. When MCC Charlotte, House of relocated there was a Mercy, RAIN, food sense of loss. But albanks and social though the other buildmedia. Services ing is gone, the organiare now recorded zation has not closed!” and posted to His hope is that those Facebook. “Church who once called MCC was once a no their spiritual home will phone zone, be interested in revisitbut times have ing their friends. changed. We want MCC Charlotte is to be welcomRev. Paul Whiting in his early days in located at 7121 Orr Rd. ing to younger the ministry in the UK. in Charlotte, N.C. : : congregants, too. visible organizations there.

Rev. Paul Whiting has taken the pulpit at Metropolitan Community Church of Charlotte.

HIV/AIDS, and told me I needed to go back.” That was the motivation to seriously engage with MCC. The spirituality group became MCC Manchester. In 1994 Rev. Whiting made the jump to the U.S., where MCC offered full-time ministry.

Jack Kirven: What are the main themes of your ministry?

Paul Whiting: Giving people good news about love and affirmation. I help people to read the Bible from different perspectives. Also, standing up for justice is very important to me. In recent years we have needed to visibly and vocally support and show solidarity with transgender people, people of color and immigrants.

We always need to look at how comfort and complacency lead to silence, and how silence leads to oppression. I remember this slogan: Silence = Death.

JK: Why did you choose to minister in Charlotte?

PW: I was in Topeka, Kan., and it was difficult. The queer community has been my home for a long time, and there are no

July 12-25, 2019

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a&e

Exploring the world of drag The History, Types and Tips for the Curious

Written by Buff Faye & Lilly Frost, Compiled and Edited by Buff Faye | QNotes CONTRIBUTING WRITERs

What is Drag?

Drag at its core is an individual’s self expression. So that means everyday you dress, what you wear, how you appear is “drag.” And in the words of RuPaul, “We’re all born naked and the rest is drag.” While I love the simplicity of this definition of drag, it is quite expansive and may be problematic to some who don’t see their office attire as drag. It is likely that most people view drag as something different or falling outside the gender norms. And yet others view drag as a form of entertainment, creativity and artistry.

For the sake of this feature, let us look at some of the diversity of drag we have in the Carolina area.

Find each drag style and the artist who showcases the genre the best.

Please keep in mind this is not an exhaustive list of drag, nor do these genres and sub-genres represent the entire drag performer. This brief feature of drag artists demonstrates how fortunate we are in the Queen City to have such a diversity of drag.

Malayia Chanel-Iman Dancing Diva As the name suggests these are the queens who light up the dance floor. Death drops, splits, high kicks and lots of energy are what makes these drag entertainers stand out — oh, and don’t forget the wigs whipping back and forth.

The Evolution of Drag

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he evolution of drag some say dates back to Shakespeare when men dressing as girls would perform plays on stage. Others say drag goes even further back in time. Many cultures and indigenous people found divergent ways to express themselves through hair, make up, attire and body characteristics. Therein lies the confusion between definitions, identities and labels over time and within different cultures.

The history of the term “drag” from the 1960s has been used to denote transgender, genderqueer and non-binary people. The transgender pioneer Sylvia Rivera was quoted saying, “Hell hath no fury like a drag queen scorned.”

Whether accurately at the time or due to a lack of language to discuss gender, the term “drag” has since evolved in how we see the term’s usage today in the United States.

It is important to understand that drag is not gender identity. Cisgender, transgender and nonbinary people are not drag kings or drag queens.

However, these gender identities may choose to also be a drag queen, drag king or any self-expressive spectrum of masculine/feminine performer.

Drag is more or less viewed today as a creative art form and/or a means of self-expression. Therefore, it falls more accurately under the umbrella of gender expression — how we express our gender. It should be noted that for many drag is more of a performance or act of entertainment. Similar to the 1920s and 1930’s “Pansy Craze,” where a male performer who sang with a high vocal range would dress as a woman in drag with a feminine expression. These performances were nothing out of the ordinary, and these men were hailed as celebrities. It was not until the 1940s when drag culture went underground.

Communication theorists would say that language is the sharing of meaning. Words are defined by our shared experience. And today just like all language, “drag” continues to evolve.

Many today argue that drag exists for entertainment, art and creative expression. This seems to be today’s view of “What is Drag?” Basically, drag is “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” But if you dig deeper within communities you will find so much more.

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Patti O’Furniture Camp Drag Camp drag is wild, funny and entertaining. And that would be Patti O’Furniture. It is typically an entertainer who is quick-witted on their heels, and these drag queens use musical satire and comedy to humor the crowd. The goal is to keep you laughing. Ha. Ha. Kassandra Hylton Glamour Queen The gorgeous drag queen is by far the most popular. Kassandra is simply breathtaking and beautiful. While other drag genres are gaining in popularity, still most drag queens today want to be pretty. Glamour queens often compete in pageants and are known for their flawless and fierce looks.

How to get your Drag On: 5 Tips for the Newcomer to Drag

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f you’re a baby drag queen, king, or someone who doesn’t quite know how to begin their drag career, it can seem a bit overwhelming to figure out how to get started in the drag scene. You’ve got to learn the makeup for your face, you’ve got to learn the politics of getting booked, and you’ve got to find the strength to not give up on yourself when you hit the inevitable roadblocks along the way. Fortunately, there are entertainers, like me, who have come before you who can help you with answering some of the questions you might have when it comes to getting started. Here are my five tips for being a successful newcomer.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. You’re going to mess up.

You’re going to have bad makeup days. You’re going to lose some competitions. When I started doing drag a few years ago, I was quite hard on myself the first time I lost a talent show. I was just as hard on myself when I lost the next one. Then I was a bit harder on myself when I lost my third one, but those losses gave me the experience and the critiques I needed to improve and grow. You’re going to have bad days, and you’re going to fail. You can’t let those failures slow your momentum. Grow from the mistakes, and don’t stop improving.

Remember the way it feels to be new. You might be the new kid on the block for a month, maybe two, but there

Vegas VanDank Androgynous/Gender NonConforming Definitely a form of drag art that is often underestimated in the drag scene — and it’s growing rapidly.

Vegas VanDank is a staple in the Charlotte community with their outrageous artistry. No surprise, Vegas is the monarch of a huge drag family. These artists see expression as a fluid art form — no boobs, no hip pads, hair is good in all places. Nobody wants to be put in a gender box of expressing oneself.

There are no rules. Gender nonconforming/androgyous drag artists say “fuck gender.”

Kay Kay Lavelle Bearded Drag Queen Many would call the “Bearded Queen” nonconforming and that is true.

There is now a National Bearded Queen Pageant System. It is basically a drag queen who does not shave their facial hair.

Kay Kay definitely has the beard and can be found entertaining across the Carolinas. Just like any genre, there can be subgenres that “Bearded Queens” fall under too.

Oliver Clothesoff Drag King Opposite of a drag queen, a drag king is masculine drag that depicts men who are celebrities in their performances.

Sometimes that means a boy bands, country western male singers or male rap artists.

Oliver Clothesoff is one of the most creative with his mix of pop culture with his male illusion performances.

will be someone else who comes along soon after you.

As you mature and as you improve, don’t disrespect the people who come after you. Help others the way you want to be helped, treat others the way you want to be treated, and you may be surprised by the friendships you gain.

Ask once, ask twice, then give it a rest. As your talents develop and you begin gaining positive attention, you will likely be asked to perform on a slower night of the week or, if you’re lucky like I was, then you could be asked to perform at one of the larger venues in town on a busier night. Some show directors will offer you booking opportunities, but others you will have to approach. In my experience, asking for a booking once is normal, asking for a booking twice is still polite, but asking a third time is a bit pointless. If you’ve reached out to a show director twice and you haven’t been given a date, chances are you aren’t what they want. There are any number of reasons why a show director won’t book you, so again, don’t sweat the small stuff. Not everyone is meant for every job.

Keep your mess off Facebook. Part of being a drag queen is being a smart business person. If you are upset with a show director, if you are upset with a fellow queen, if you are upset with how someone behaved at a show, then it’s best to take a break from the Internet and think

Jamie Monroe Celeb Impersonators Celebrity drag queen impersonators are another very popular form of drag that has been around for ages and is yet gaining again in popularity.

Jamie Monroe is absolutely known for her “Stevie Nicks” and does it to a tee. There are many celebrity drag impersonators in Charlotte — whether it be Cher, Tina Turner, Dolly or Madonna.

twice about that nasty Facebook status. Show directors, your fans and your friends see everything. You don’t need to build a bad reputation for yourself in the beginning of your career. Sure, we all mess up, but when you can, limit Facebook to cat memes and selfies.

Wash your drag. To this day, there are seasoned queens who need to find Dove in a soapless place. It’s easily the simplest rule to follow, and it’s the rule that makes the biggest difference in how show directors and bar patrons are going to receive you. You sweat in your drag. You go outside in your drag. You drink cocktails in your drag. It needs to be washed. No one wants to work with a queen who smells like a fart in a mitten. If you’ve had two to three shows in a row, it’s more than likely time to wash your tights, and if your costumes start to smell too much like Fritos and regret, then it’s time to get them dry cleaned.

So there you have it! These are my five tips to being a successful newcomer. Put yourself out there, don’t beat yourself up about your mistakes, and remember that one day you’ll score 10s across the board — just don’t be discouraged before that day comes. Stay fabulous, friends.

XOXO. : : — by Lilli Frost

hours. These queens do not rely on traditional bar venues to perform or showcase their talents, but rather they take their drag creativity to the theater. Most of these drag queens actually act, sing and dance.

Cory Caleb Chanel-Iman Mr. Entertainer Male entertainment is not new; however, I would say in Charlotte it has seen a resurgence. Cory Caleb Chanel-Iman has been doing it for awhile now. This genre is best described as men who dress up to entertain as men in a masculine portrayal of a celebrity and/or to entertain in general. There are lots of rhinestones and costumes of course.

Barbara Burning Bush Activist/Charity Queen These would be drag queens that dress in drag for a good cause. During the AIDS crisis, drag queens often did charity benefit shows to bring communities together in a bar and help raise money for people living with HIV/AIDS. Barbara Burning Bush is doing that still today with the RAIN Drag Bingo fundraiser for supporting those impacted and living with HIV/AIDS. She comes out annually for this amazing charity benefit.

Jazmine Monet Femme Queen Femme Queens have been defined as cisgender women who are drag queens. They entertain in a feminine expression and are full-fledge drag queens.

Jazmine Monet always goes the extra-mile with fabulous costumes and big hair.

Robyn O’Ladies & Charlotte Douglas Theater Queen Drag has its roots in theater with Shakespeare, so it is expected that some drag queens would be all about theatrical shows and productions. Robyn O’Ladies and Charlotte Douglas are all about church revivals and gospel

Remember: Remember gender identity and gender expression are not the same. And sexual orientation has nothing to do with a person’s gender identity or gender expression.

Any questions? Search the Internet for the Gender Unicorn.

It is a great visual for understanding distinctively the terms sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression. : :

July 12-25, 2019

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Documentary series highlights familial struggles

‘A Love Supreme’ Documentary Explores Rupture, Isolation and Reconciliation Between Queer Black Southern Christians and Their Families

BY Camilla K. Cannon |qnotes staff WRITER

T

he online trailer for “A Love Supreme: Black, Queer, and Christian in the South,” an upcoming documentary series following black Christian southern families striving to reconcile religiously instilled anti-LGBTQ beliefs with the immense love they have for their queer family members, begins with an a capella rendition of the hymn “Great is Thy Faithfulness” by Rev. Brandon Maxwell, one of the film’s subjects.

Maxwell’s voice plays over a series of black-and-white images depicting black southern religious expression through the ages, accentuating the timelessness of the hymn’s lyrics: Great is thy faithfulness, O God my Father / There is no shadow of turning with Thee / Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not / As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be. As the song fades, Maxwell begins depicting his own story of coming out to his pastor uncle, who demanded that

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Maxwell turn in his minister’s license and inform his own church members that he would no longer be welcome.

Maxwell defied his uncle, telling him, “it’s not my choice to sit down or step back. I’m still fully capable, willing and able to be in a relationship with this community.” Along with the confidence and strength of his rebuttal to his uncle, Maxwell also opens up about the pain of his mother’s disapproval of his queerness, recounting a phone call in which she acknowledged the newfound distance between them and confessed that, even though they still spoke regularly, she missed her son. “I didn’t know until she said that how much I did miss my mother. I needed to be strong, I needed to be ‘Okay, I’m gay, it’s good, I’m happy.’ But at the end of the day, that shit hurt.”

Maxwell’s simultaneous display of self-confidence, clarity of spirit and deep vulnerability is representa-

Suicide prevention film to start production in Charlotte

‘Judge Me’ set to begin filming in September

By Carlyle Addy | QNotes Contributor

A “A Love Supreme” co-director Katrina Parker. tive of the stories told in “A Love Supreme.” Co-directors Katina Parker and the Rev. Kyndra Frazier were inspired to pursue the project after observing the deep and painful divides that developed between many black, queer Christian southerners and their religious families. Frazier explains that her story of coming out is similar to many of those documented in the series, recounting that her family was “not supportive initially nor could they understand why I believed God was OK with my queerness.” A decade later, her family is fully supportive of her, and it is this type of

reconciliatory outcome that she and Parker hope to promote in the film. In service to this goal, “A Love Supreme” coincides with an initiative called The Reconciling Families Project, in which in-person trainings and online classes for clergy seeking to create inclusive faith spaces are offered along with workshops and retreats designed to help black LGBTQ people and their families heal from religious trauma. see Documentary on 16

film about suicide prevention with a focus on the LGBTQ community will start filming in Charlotte in September.

Film maker Esmeralda James is raising funds to pay actors and crew before production starts.

James has a background in audio mixing and recording, but for this project she wrote the script.

Any funds raised beyond the cost of making the film will be donated to local charities, including Time Out Youth Center.

For more information or to make a contribution, visit bit.ly/2JBYyR8. : :

July 12-25, 2019

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10 Questions with Vic: Featuring Jai Rodriguez Activist, Culture Icon, Actor, Talk Show Co-Host, Recording Artist

BY Vic Gerami | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

I

t’s hard to believe that it’s been 16 years since I first met Jai Rodriguez in the patio of since closed Here Lounge, a gay bar in West Hollywood, Calif. in 2003. “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” had not aired yet, but the “Fab 5” were in LA promoting it, a couple of weeks before its premiere date.

Carson Kressley, the most boisterous of the five, said hi then introduced me to his four co-hosts. Within a few short months, the show was a huge hit, including its youngest cast member, Jai Rodriguez, the “Culture Guy,” who was already known from the Broadway musical, “RENT.” Since, Jai has built on the success of “Queer Eye” and gone on to star in films, television, and theater, as well as foster his recording career. Among other things, he currently co-hosts Channel Q’s “The Morning Beat with Jai & Mikalah,” so I caught up with him just before Pride Month to reminisce about his accomplishments, discuss his current hit show and upcoming projects.

“Queer Eye” ran for five successful seasons. How do you reflect on the show and that era?

It’s weird to think we ran for five seasons as we worked for almost three years straight. There were rarely large breaks (if any). To be honest, I rarely remember how many. I know they shortened our order the final season so they could cancel us at exactly episode 100 so they could sell it for syndication. The experience for me was most people’s college years. I’m closer in age to the new cast, and I often think about what it would have been like to do the show in my 30’s. For me there is an undeniable bond within the five of us. The magic began there. On a broader scale I’m honored to be a part of LGBTQ+ history with “Queer Eye” as the first all-gay cast in network history. I’m humbled many people felt safe to come out due to our show, and many other people got to get to know five, queer men they may not have had the chance to experience in their real life. I think that was a giant step forward in terms of LGBTQ+ acceptance, but we still have an incredibly long way to go.

Do most people realize that way before “Queer Eye” you played “Angel” in “RENT” when you “were eighteen years old?

Most people don’t know that Netflix’s “Queer Eye” is a reboot, LOL. I did “RENT” for five years and “Queer Eye” for three. To me, I’ll always be that boy from “RENT.” I did host the “RENT LIVE” screening as Angel in WeHo. It was fun throwing on the look 21 years later. Mama still got it.

You are involved with Positively Fearless, an HIV advocacy organization. Tell me about that.

The movement is about being fearless about keeping yourself safe, staying healthy if you’re positive and

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Even in this era of post-marriage equality and on the 50th anniversary of Stonewall, LGBT media is as important as ever. How do you see your role within Channel Q in regards to all the important conversations that are happening?

I’m in control of the narrative. Finally. My 21+ years of working in entertainment and being a go-to person to tell LGBTQ+ stories through my work is now broadened. I get to give my opinion and tackle topics I previously might have been fearful to unpack. At Channel Q we are giving everyone in our community a voice and aren’t afraid to take our adversaries to task.

Name three persons that you would like to have on “The Morning Beat” that you haven’t had yet.

J-Lo (she’ll be 50 I’ll be 40 a week apart in June). She was a big “Queer Eye” fan, and it would be cool to reconnect.

Gaga. Feels weird we HAVEN’T had her on yet since she’s such an advocate for the community. Plus, I’m in the “Telephone” music video so that’s my in — LOL. Cher. Cause, c’mon it’s Cher.

Bonus folks would be Michelle Obama and Hilary Clinton.

Jai Rodriguez. (Photo Credit: Adam Bouska and Jason King) empowering everyone to remove the stigma around HIV. Even with PrEP and knowing that U = U (undetectable = un-transmittable) there are people who still see positive people as other. When my aunt passed from AIDS related complications in the 1990s, I knew I would make it my life’s mission to not let her passing be in vain. That’s why I’m an advocate for the HIV community.

Tell me about your talk show, “The Morning Beat,” on Channel Q. I host on air with Mikalah Gordon (“American Idol”).

She’s a lesbian, and I’m queer, (but really she’s more of a drag queen, and I’m an old man). It’s a funny mixture of talk radio and great music. We laugh a lot. I get a lot of DMs and texts saying “you guys are killing me this am”). We like to think of our hours on air as a party with a purpose. We cover informative stories that impact the community while also keeping it fun with games, give-aways and celebrity interviews.

Channel Q is a new source for LGBTQ+ talk, news and music across the nation. How is it being part of this new queer network?

It’s been really remarkable to launch this alongside our other radio fam. KROQ, JACK FM, AMP Radio, The Wave, etc. are all on our floor. There were only a small handful of LGBTQ employees at the company until we showed up. I’ve been amazed at how warmly we’ve been accepted by the sister stations.

We are headed toward a Presidential campaign soon.

Does anyone stand out from the rest at this point?

Mayor Pete. I JUST saw speak him at The Abbey. I’m keeping my eye on him. I really like Kamala Harris as well, but I’m holding out until the debates and when people start rolling out policy before I make firm decisions.

Aside from Positively Fearless, what are some other charities and causes that are important to you?

I’m currently in San Francisco doing an event for EQCA [Equality California]. I think the work they do is so vital. I love Lambda Legal and the great legal work they do for the LGBTQ+ community. GLAAD has helped me when my character was misgendered on a TV series. Their statement of “words and images matter” is something I couldn’t agree more with. Of course, The Trevor Project is always on my mind with the high number of LGBTQ suicides. It’s hard not to be thankful we have them making a difference. But then my mind goes to FREE MOM HUGS and brave faith-based organizations who are PRO LGBTQ. We need more of that.

Do you have other projects coming up that you can talk about?

I’ll be guesting on a new Hulu comedy called “Doll Face” opposite Kay Dennings. I’ll also be hosting two one-hour specials for Lifetime’s hit series “Dance-Moms” and I’ll be on season four of “Eastsiders.” : : For more information about “The Morning Beat with Jai & Mikalah” and Channel Q, visit WeAreChannelQ.radio.com.

July 12-25, 2019

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life

Sarah Palin says I’m fat Health & Wellness: Exercising My Demons

BY Jack Kirven | qnotes contributor My very first therapist liked the theories of Jung.

As such, my councilor brought my attention to the idea that we all have a source of darker energy within us. That makes perfect sense to me. No arguments there.

He made the point that because of our nature, we can never defeat/ destroy/remove this part of ourselves. We can only become aware of it, and seek to limit the damage it causes. This “shadow” has to be met, so that it can be understood and accepted, but not embraced or allowed to run rampant. I cannot speak for others, but I experience this phenomenon as a menacing whisper. I don’t know about yours, but the voice I hear lies.

Is there ever a moment when the whispers within the shadows stop hissing all their poison? These mental cicadas, their incessant racket… but they’re nowhere to be seen. All you ever find are the husks. I just wish they’d be quiet.

Constantly, the same droning, the same squall. I just want them to stop. South Carolina, you are the perfect manifestation of my emotional landscape.

The Shadow has never had a face, shape or sound. It has always simply emanated its toxicity like radioactive waste. It suckles me with poison, and a mutated image of myself is nurtured by this slop. I find that positive self talk isn’t enough. “You are a fat, worthless failure who has wasted his talent and potential.”

Allowing that sentiment to rumble around in the echo chamber of my head allows it to sound real. But giving The Shadow a voice, and allowing it to speak its lies aloud renders them absurd. Let me repeat that nonsense aloud with my own mouth… Yep, it’s ridiculous to the point of being laughable. It’s ludicrous. But that isn’t enough.

In the past I’ve tried to negotiate with The Shadow, or to debate with it. I’ve tried to explain my perspective. I’ve pleaded with it, tried to make it see reason.

Forget that!

Now, whenever The Shadow lies, I refute it. On the spot. “I am kind and generous, and I am dedicated to honesty, dignity and my own distinct code of ethics.” Period. This isn’t up for consideration.

The Shadow lies? I correct it adamantly and without apology or explanation. I’ve gotten better already: I don’t even let The Shadow finish what it’s about to say. I’ve

been hearing all this so long, that I already know what it’s going to spew before it finishes vomiting it. Lately, I immediately interrupt The Shadow with a little piece of truth, and then tell it to shut right up.

But even that isn’t enough. One of the reasons The Shadow became insidious is because it’s been without form. It’s been void. No, no, no… You can’t box with shadows. So I’ve decided to exact a little revenge. Let’s shine some light into the dark corner where this filth has been hiding…

The Shadow has been twisting me into its own image, like some kind of perverted god. Well, payback’s a bitch: Whenever The Shadow speaks, it will do so with the face and voice of Sarah Palin.

Now, demon, you are totally irrelevant.

Tell me something. Anything… Anything at all… C’mon! Speak, demon! Tell me what you have to say…

“You are,” FOOL, YOU SOUNDED JUST LIKE SARAH PALIN!! How am I supposed to take you seriously??? Get outta here… Bye, Sarah. Bye, Felicia. Bye, girl.

To illustrate this process, I made a series of nine videos. They are on my Instagram feed (@INTEGRE8Twellness), and I called them “Exercising My Demons.”

Remember that according Jung, those demons cannot be exorcised; however, we can do the exercise of learning to blunt their sharpest edges. You can watch the full series, starting with Part 1 here: instagram.com/p/By5ha71hwlP/. : : Jack Kirven completed the MFA in Dance at UCLA, and earned certification as a personal trainer through NASM. His wellness philosophy is founded upon integrated lifestyles as opposed to isolated workouts. Visit him at jackkirven.com and INTEGRE8Twellness.com.

HEY! WHAT’S HAPPENING?

We want your news and event notices today.

Be sure to send them to editor@goqnotes.com.

Thank you!

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Alimony, child custody, equitable distribution, oh my!

Legal Eagles: A Checklist If Your Marriage Isn’t Going to Last

BY K. Mitchell Kelling, attorney | guest WRITER Since the United States Supreme Court decision Obergefell vs Hodges in 2015, all individuals in the United States have a right to marry whomever they want. All individuals also have a right to separate and divorce from their spouse.

Here’s a quick primer if you’re contemplating separation and divorce in North Carolina. By no means does it contain all the information you might need, but it’s a beneficial starting point to help you understand your next steps.

In North Carolina, you must be living “separate and apart” from each other, which means someone must move out of the marital residence. Under most circumstances, you cannot force your spouse to leave the marital residence. However, if you have experienced domestic violence, you can seek a domestic violence protective order. That document can award the marital residence to the victim and order the abuser to vacate the residence.

Once separated, you can proceed forward with your claims. Those claims may include child custody and child support if you have children, equitable distribution and alimony.

With regards to child custody, the court will determine what is in the best interests of the child when deciding how much time the child will spend with each parent. Typically, day-to-day decisions are made by whichever parent has the child, but decisions with more significance, such as education or healthcare, must be made by a designated parent or both parents jointly.

If your combined income is $360,000 or less per year, child support will be based upon the North Carolina Child Support Guidelines. If your combined income is greater than $360,000, child support will be based upon the child’s reasonable needs and expenses. The Court will also consider who is maintaining health insurance for the child and how uninsured medical expenses will be paid.

Alimony is financial support for the dependent spouse. A dependent spouse is the spouse who made less money during the marriage. The amount awarded is based upon multiple factors, including what are the dependent spouse’s reasonable needs and expenses, as well as the standard of living during the marriage.

There are also fault factors that the Court can consider when determining whether to award alimony or not. The big fault factor is adultery. If the dependent spouse has committed adultery during the marriage and prior to the date of separation, that person is automatically barred from receiving alimony.

Lastly, there is the potential claim of equitable distribution, which is dividing the assets and liabilities that were acquired during the marriage and prior to the date of separation. It does not matter how the assets are titled (i.e., jointly or individually) so long as they were acquired after the date of marriage and prior to the date of separation.

But wait! There are several exceptions to this rule. First, any assets that you owned prior to the date of marriage typically remain your separate property

The actual divorce happens after you have been separated for at least 365 days.

Only after you have been separated a full year can either party file for divorce. From that point, the divorce process normally takes about three months from start to finish, concluding with the judge granting a divorce judgment.

Obviously, each case is different. If you’re considering a separation, consult with an attorney licensed by the State of North Carolina who can more thoroughly advise you about how the law applies to the specific facts of your case. : : Making a checklist helps one to deal with issues when a marriage is failing. unless you co-mingle funds during the marriage. Second, gifts from third parties are considered your separate property and not subject to division. Third, inheri-

tances during the marriage are considered your separate property and not subject to division so long as there is no co-mingling of funds.

Family law attorney K. Mitchell Kelling with Horack Talley in Charlotte is certified as a family law specialist by the North Carolina State Bar Board of Legal Specialization. Reach her at mkelling@ horacktalley.com.

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continued from page 11 Although alienation from family is a common experience for many queer people, Frazier and Parker explain that black, queer southern Christians can face a unique and devastatingly deep rupture from their surrounding communities as a result of religious bigotry: “In many black communities, the words ‘church,’ ‘home’ and ‘family’ remain interchangeable. To love the church is to love your family. To leave the church is to become orphaned.” While LGBTQ identities have become more widely accepted in mainstream U.S. American cultures in recent years, many black parents, especially those over the age of 40, have been insulated from this relative embrace of queer identities. One of the most noted aspects of “A Love Supreme” is the empathy Parker and Frazier have for the families of queer southern Christians, even those who may be currently unsupportive toward their queer family members. These families may lack resources and understanding from their surrounding religious community and are often genuinely anguished by the conflict between their religious beliefs and the love they have for their family members. Frazier and Parker believe that the path to healing must have understanding and grace as the foundation, while nonetheless, including depictions of just how much, to use Maxwell’s phrase, “this shit hurts.”

As black, queer southern Christians themselves, both Frazier and Parker have been deeply affected by the people they have interviewed for the film. Frazier states that she has been “deeply moved

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by the trust and access” granted to herself and Parker by their interviewees, and notes that they were welcomed into many intimate settings like funerals, holidays and birthdays. Parker was particularly moved by Efia and Mrs. Rose, a motherdaughter pair featured on the online “A Love Supreme” trailer. Mrs. Rose, Frazier and Parker share, is a testament to the power and potential of loving parenthood to queer children, and her matter-of-fact acceptance of her daughter’s sexuality is a welcome counterweight to the difficult stories faced by the film’s other subjects: “God gave her to us for a reason, and if this is who she is, I can’t love her any less...

He gave her to us.” Parker states that the way Mrs. Rose loved Efia “raised my standard for how I expect my family to love me and how I love others.” Mrs. Rose’s love toward Efia can serve as a guidepost, not just for Parker, but for all the viewers of “A Love Supreme: Black, Queer, and Christian in the South” and the families struggling to support them alike.

“A Love Supreme” is currently in the editing stage of production, which Parker and Frazier hope to wrap up by next spring.

Parker and Frazier are seeking contributions for both the completion of the series and the film’s adjacent impact campaign promoting resources, curricula and support for queer, black southern Christians and their families. A trailer, more information and a contribution portal are available at alovesupremedoc.com. : :

When Your Best Friend Is Too Nosey Tell Trinity

BY Trinity | CONTRIBUTING WRITER Hello Trinity, I’ve had the same best friend for eight years. We’ve been through everything together. Now he’s bothering me about how I treat my partner. He says, “I have to be more understanding and less quick tempered!”

How do I get my friend to be less nosey and let me live my life?

Friendship Woes, Detroit, MI Hello Woes, How do you get your boss to stop giving you raises? How do you get the bank to stop making mistakes in your favor? How do you stop someone who loves you from making you take a look at yourself? Dah! Yes, the only people you do have to listen to are the IRS agent and your landlord.

And why not your best friend as well? But then again, pumpkin, who needs friends when you can ruin all of your relationships by yourself!

Kisses, Trinity

like the bigger I dream the harder I fall!

Dreaming Hard, Reno, NV Dear Dreaming, Following your heart’s desire is awful, depressing and constant work. And, the bigger you get, yes, the harder you fall. So remember, sweetie, “Think big, dream bigger and expect to break some nails.” (My cartoon shows you how totally I am into this whole concept!)

Dear Trinity, Two years ago, I started focusing completely on my dreams of being an artist. But I work three times as hard as all of my friends and never have money to show for it! It seems

qomunity

qonexions

Hey Trinity, I went on a first date with a guy who insisted on beeping his horn instead of coming to my door. I waited till he finally came and got me, which didn’t make him happy. Was I wrong for not wanting to act like a trained dog?

Yours, Hornless, Cambridge, MA

New Age. Thanks, but no thanks, honey, I’ve changed my mind! Extra marital affairs are real, they exist and that’s why I write about them. So here are:

Trinity’s Powerful Ponders for Dating Someone Married

Dearest Trinity, I’ve been reading about your “liberal” advice on extra marital affairs with men already in relationships! Don’t you think advocating extra marital affairs is despicable and mindless, especially for an internationally syndicated advice columnist?

Yours, Self-Respect, Raleigh, NC

1. Keep asking your higher power, “How the hell did you get me into this mess?”

2. Don’t impregnate yourself physically or financially until you see the divorce papers.

3. If you must speak nasty about their spouse? Not in front of them, please!

4. Adults have secrets! Honor their privacy and your own.

5. Cologne or perfume is only worn when dating someone unmarried!

6. Guilt and shame are for religious fanatics. Forgiveness and self-respect are for enlightened realists.

7. Forget fantasizing about the future.

There is none!

8. Two’s company, but three can only bring cheaper rent. Hey! I think we’ve got something!

9. Don’t give presents that leave clues.

Especially undergarments. Accepting presents is fine.

10. J ewelry, art and leather give great return value, especially the day after they say, “Good-bye.”

Dearest Self-Respect, You’re right! I’m evil and shameless. I deserve to be placed in the town square for public stoning. I will immediately stop writing about extra marital affairs. I have seen the light behind my demonic ways.

P. S. Shame and guilt went out with the

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com.

Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

Hey Hornless, You did the right thing by teaching that dog a new trick, i.e., manners. If you can’t get him to greet you at your door the first time, then you’ll probably have to forgo a lot of other amenities later on! It’s rarely OK to beep and not get someone on any date, never mind the first one, unless your date is physically challenged or you make other arrangements. However, darling, once you’ve been dating a while the rules can change if you both agree on it. Otherwise you may have to bleach that date right out of your hair!

Love, Trinity

space starting at $22: call qnotes for details 704.531.9988

July 12-25, 2019

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events homosexuality before Stonewall, looking back on previous debates, particularly in regards to conflicts with police and censorship. In addition to interviews with activists and scholars, the film includes the reflections of renowned writer, Alllen Ginsberg. Tickets are $9 and will be available beginning at 6:!5 p.m. in the ACE lobby. outatthemovieswinston.org.

July 12-14 nuVoices Play Festival

Hadley Theater Queens University 2132 Radcliffe Ave., Charlotte The Actor’s Theatre of Charlotte presents nuVoices, a four-day festival in which four innovative playwrights will be in residence, presenting and workshopping new plays. The plays presented will explore such themes as struggling to find a sense of place as an immigrant in present-day America, seeking mentorship as a first-generation college student of color and the perils and intricacies of international adoption. All are welcome to attend the festival as a pay-what-you-can event.

More information is available online. atcharlotte.org/nuvoices-2019.

July 12-Aug. 30 Architecture of the Immaterial LaCa Projects

1429 Bryant St., Charlotte Times Vary Latin American Contemporary Art (LaCa) Projects presents Architecture of the Immaterial, a collective exhibition featuring six prominent artists of Latin American origin.

Gallery times and ticket information can be found online. lacaprojects.com.

July 13 ‘Before Stonewall’ Screening

UNCSA’s ACE Theatre Complex 1533 S. Main St., Winston-Salem 7 p.m.

This documentary investigates national cultural perceptions of

July 13 Bearbeque at The Woodshed

The Woodshed 4000 Queen City Dr., Charlotte 7 p.m.

Charlotte Pride and The Woodshed present Bearbeque, a fully catered barbeque meal followed by a meet-and-greet with Max Konnor of Men.com and Shawn Morales from “RuPaul’s Drag Race” Pit Crew, culminating in The Woodshed’s Saturday evening party. All proceeds benefit Charlotte Pride Scholarship Program. Tickets are $12 and are available online. bit.ly/2XYfAyP.

July 13-14 13 Reasons Why Ball

World Event Center 900 NC Music Factory Blvd., Charlotte 4 p.m.

Marcus Escada presents the “13 Reasons Why Ball,” a night of LGBTQ fashion, runway and performance.

Tickets start at $50 and are available online. bit.ly/2FhFpme.

July 14 Charlotte French Fest

Nevin Community Park 6000 Statesville Rd., Charlotte 10:30 a.m.-5:30 p.m.

Celebrate the richness of French culture with a day of wine, crepes, pastries, music and dance. There will also be a demonstration of petanque, an exciting French game that you may just get hooked on! Tickets are $5 and are

Legendary R&B singer Mary J. Blige and Nas, considered one of America’s best rappers, bring their show to Charlotte. Tickets start at $30.99 and are available online. PNC Music Pavillion, 707 Pavillion Blvd., Charlotte. 8 p.m. bit.ly/2WU4ZZf.

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Submit your events: editor@goqnotes.com

available online. charlotte-french-festival.com.

July 17-18 Pride LGBT Artists Showcase

3631 Statesville Ave., Charlotte 7 p.m.-2 a.m.

T.U.C. presents an opportunity for local LGBTQ artists to access two free hours of studio time, a video shoot and promo photo. Free hookah and the chance to win a cash price will be available all night. Artists can register online, and tickets are also available starting at $10. bit.ly/2XluL3X.

July 17 CENTERSTAGE: Black LGBTQ Singer/Songwriters

Resident Culture Brewing Company 2101 Central Ave., Charlotte 7 p.m.

Kick off Charlotte Black Pride Week with an amazing showcase of local black LGBTQ singer/songwriters, including Whitney Hall, Tiffanie McCall, Frank B., and more. The event will feature complimentary appetizers from MJ’s Kitchen, onsite retail vendors and a cash bar

by Resident Culture. Tickets are $10 and are available online. bit.ly/2XluKBn.

July 19 Welcome to Charlotte 80’s & 90’s Skating Party

Kate’s Skating Rink 14500 E. Independence Blvd., Indian Trail 10 p.m.

Fleet DJ Music conference presents a night of skating and music, featuring favorite hits from the 1980s and 1990s. Tickets are $15 and may be purchased online. bit.ly/3225Fe8.

July 20 ImagiCon 2019

ImaginOn 300 E. 7th St., Charlotte 10 a.m.-4 p.m.

This family-friendly mini comic con celebrates the culture surrounding comic books, graphic novels, manga, anime, fandoms and gaming. The event will be a safe space for those looking to explore their interests and learn about local industry careers and artistry opportunities. Admission is free. imaginon.org.

July 20 Charlotte Gets Weird: Music & Arts Festival

July 24: Mary J. Blige and Nas

July-August 2019

The Shed Amphitheater at Station House 4100 Raleigh St., Charlotte 5-11 p.m.

GFW Presents and WANTED Events stage an arts and music festival featuring unique artists, including nationally-known DJ/ producer Tynan, Freaky, Devious and Charlotte-area’s Jordan Castle, Irewl and Diskull. Attendees are encouraged to wear costumes and

July 18: Who Can I Run To? Cultivating Black LGBTQ Leadership and Mentors

Charlotte Black Pride presents a program about the importance of developing mentors and being visible supporters of the black LGBTQ community in Charlotte featuring faith leader Debra J. Hopkins, recording artist Carlos Dewaynce, comedienne Stacilou Askew and more. The event is free and registration is available online. Johnson C. Smith University, 100 Beatties Ford Rd., Charlotte. 7 p.m. bit.ly/2YuXHrU. get ready for a night of “reckless self-expression!” Tickets start at $20 and are available online. bit.ly/2RY2aRz.

July 21 Royal Day Vibes

Blue Olive Lounge 14027 Conlan Cir., Charlotte 4-9 p.m.

YouTube stars Royalty and GotDamn Zo join MillionDollaDJ to celebrate Charlotte Black Gay Pride with a night of music, dancing and more. Tickets start at $20 and are available online. bit.ly/2xvXp81.

July 21 Charlotte Peruvian Festival

Camp North End 1824 Statesville Ave., Charlotte 12-8 p.m.

Celebrate the Peruvian Independence Day with local artists, folk dances, and delicious Peruvian food! General admission is $5, and children $10 and under are free. bit.ly/2Jr7NUq.

July 22-July 26 campOut

Time Out Youth Center 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte Time Out Youth Center presents a free summer camp opportunity for LGBTQ youth, featuring a host of activities and culminating with a trip to Carowinds at the end of the week. Registration is available online. bit.ly/2FLwnhA.

July 22-July 26 Hip Hop Tech Champ: The Roots and STEM of Rap

Harvey B. Gantt Center for African-American Arts and Culture 551 S. Tryon St., Charlotte 9 a.m.-1 p.m.

In this writing and technology camp for students in grades 6-12, atendees will apply those skills to compose and record lyrics, download beats and mix audio. Daily topics include hero poems, political poems and software usage.

The camp is $125 for museum members and $150 for nonmembers. Registration is available online. bit.ly/2YtYclV.

July 24 LGBTQ Elder Meetup & Social

Bold Missy Brewery 610 Anderson St., Charlotte 6-7:30 p.m.

Charlotte LGBTQ Elders host a meet up and social. Admission is free, but attendees are asked to register online. bit.ly/31Yj7Qd.

July 25 Drago!

Single Barrel Room 1221 The Plaza, Charlotte 8 p.m.

Charlotte Black Pride presents Drago!, a night of drag bingo hosted by KayCee St. James and other Charlotte drag superstars!

Proceeds will benefit charity. bit.ly/2Juq0Ag.

July 27 Festival Colombiano de Charlotte

Symphony Park 4400 Sharon Rd., Charlotte 12-8 p.m.

The Colombian Festival of Charlotte presents a jam-packed celebration of the rich culture of the South American country of Colombia. The event will feature authentic Colombian cuisine, dancing and a music showcase headlined by Grupo Niche, a top salsa group from Colombia’s history. Tickets are $10 and are available online. bit.ly/2FF8gBl.

July 27 Eric B. & Rakim

The Fillmore Charlotte 820 Hamilton St., Charlotte 8:30 p.m.

Legendary hip-hop duo Eric B. & Rakim bring decades worth of their unique and influential music to the Fillmore. Tickets start at $29.50 and are available online. livemu.sc/2XhgaM0.

REGULAR EVENTS Charlotte Latin Pride

Spanish-language support nights, second and fourth Tuesday of each month, 7 p.m., Charlotte Pride offices at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church, 1900 The Plaza, Charlotte. info: charlottepride.org/latin/

a&e

‘Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story’ Out in Print

BY terri schlichenmeyer | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

PFLAG Charlotte

“Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story”

by Jacob Tobia ©2019, Putnam $26.00 336 pages

Prime Timers

Nobody can tell you what to do.

To think otherwise is tantamount to telling you what not to do. No, you have your own mind, and you’ll make it up just fine by yourself. Nobody tells you what to do and, as in the new memoir “Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story” by Jacob Tobia, they can’t tell you who you are, either.

Many people who are non-binary, says Tobia, equate coming to terms with gender as “a journey.” Tobias considers theirs “more like an onion,” with layers of discovery “veiled beneath a thin skin.”

It started with Tobia’s parents, both role models: their mother, who was a tomboy at heart; and their father, who ignored stereotypical women’s work and instead, pitched in around the house. The next layer consists of Tobia’s brother and kids in the neighborhood who didn’t think twice about a child who play-fought in the mud one minute, and loved pink tutus and Barbies the next.

But then Tobia started school, and the teasing began. They “went from being a person to being a sissy” and shame accompanied the label. When it became apparent that the taunts would be flung at them no matter what, Tobia considered suicide. Church was the only place they “felt unequivocally and unconditionally loved.”

Things changed for the better when puberty hit Tobia and their peers. Cis boys wanted desperately to be with cis girls, which was something Tobia did effortlessly, and it made them “cool” even as it highlighted their differences from other adolescents. By the end of high school, Tobia had chosen the word “gay” to describe themselves, even though it wasn’t quite right.

They came out to a church counselor.

They came out to their gay best friend.

Years later, they came out to their parents as “gay.” It wasn’t until college, the acquisition of several pairs of high heels, lipstick and a sheltered sense of security that

Support meetings, second Monday of each month, 6:30-8 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: pflagcharlotte.org Monthly meeting including dinner, speaker, games and more for gay men ages 21 and up, 5-7 p.m., Park Road Baptist Church Fellowship Hall, 3900 Park Rd., Charlotte. info: primetimersww.com/charlotte/

Trans Youth Group

Weekly discussion groups for transgender youth ages 13-20 each Thursday, 4:30-6 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

Transcend Charlotte

Support groups for partners, friends and family of transgender and gender non-conforming adults ages 18 and older, second and fourth Sundays of each month, 6-7 p.m., Time Out Youth Center, 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: transcendcharlotte.org

Youth Drop-In Space

Drop-in space Monday-Friday, 3-6:30 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

Youth Discussion Group

Weekly discussion groups for LGBTQ youth ages 13-20 each Wednesday, 6:308:30 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

Youth of Color Group

Weekly discussion groups for LGBTQ and ally people of color each Thursday, 7-8:30 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org

UPDATES/ADDITIONS?

Do you have a regular and reoccurring community event you’d like listed? A listing to update? Email us at editor@ goqnotes.com.

Jacob Tobia shares their story in their new memoir, ‘Sissy.’ (Photo Credit: Orina Koren) Tobia realized that their work toward understanding had only started. Maybe they were boy and girl and neither and both, and not having to question that would be a battle they’d “have to do… all over again.”

“Sissy” is a one-hundred-percent solid, smack-in-the-middle, okay kind of book.

It’s not the best thing you’ll ever read; it’s far, far from the worst.

After a considerable, two-chapter throat-clearing, author Jacob Tobia promises hilarity then gets down to business, about their life, their experiences as a gender non-conforming person making their way through and the gender-acceptance work to be done. Yes, that may seem like a familiar story, but there is uniqueness to be had here: Tobia’s memories of their later adolescence and attendance at a prestigious Eastern college offer something different in this genre, in freshness of voice. Also uncommon: their willingness to admit regret for advice not taken.

Finally, yes, this book is amusing. but outright hilarity? Not so much: you’ll enjoy “Sissy,” but your gut is in no danger of

busting. Still, if memoirs are your thing and your TBR pile is short, you know what to do. : :

July 12-25, 2019

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July 12-25, 2019