Queen City Nerve - January 27, 2021

VOLUME 3, ISSUE 5; JANUARY 27 - FEBRUARY 9, 2021; WWW.QCNERVE.COM

Yum Yum Crumbs is a family bakery built on deconstruction

by Lea Bekele

black history month: mlk in clt pg. 4 music: farrahgamo busts out pg. 7

TABLE OF CONTENTS Out of this world dentistry finally in your neighborhood!

-Offering Whole Family Dentistry & Oral Surgery specialty care on an extended schedule

-Locally owned

7am-7pm and select Saturdays

NEWS& OPINION

4 AN AUDACIOUS FUTURE BY TOM HANCHETT Photo of MLK Jr. in Charlotte highlights three generations of local history

ARTS

6 YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME BY PAT MORAN Dontai Keith lays life on the line with debut novel No Insurance? No Problem! Ask about our in-house Dental Savings Plan

MUSIC

www.StellarDentalCLT.com

University

9010 Glenwater Drive 704-547-1199

Noda

2100 North Davidson 704-688-7120

7 A NEW CONTENDER BY RYAN PITKIN Farrahgamo busts onto the scene with momentum

8 THE NEIGHBORHOOD DIRECTORY Plaza Midwood & Commonwealth 10 THAT’S THE WAY THE CAKE CRUMBLES

BY LEA BEKELE Yum Yum Crumbs is a family bakery built on deconstruction

LIFESTYLE

FOOD& DRINK

12 LIFEWAVE 13 PUZZLES 14 THE SEEKER BY KATIE GRANT 14 HOROSCOPE 15 SAVAGE LOVE THANKS TO OUR CONTRIBUTORS: PAT MORAN, TOM HANCHETT, LEA BEKELE, ASHLEY SMITH,

Yum Yum Crumbs is a family bakery built on deconstruction

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by Lea Bekele

Connect with free virtual arts, science, and history experiences for all ages.

CULTURE

BLOCKS

Find upcoming events at ArtsAndScience.org/CultureBlocks

KATIE GRANT AND DAN SAVAGE. black history month: mlk in clt pg. 4 music: farrahgamo busts out pg. 7

COVER DESIGN BY: JAYME JOHNSON CAKE CUPS PH0TO BY: ASHLEY SMITH

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NEWS & OPINION FEATURE

AN AUDACIOUS FUTURE

Photo of MLK in Charlotte highlights three generations of local history

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BY TOM HANCHETT

“We must walk on in the days ahead with an audacious faith in the future.”

Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., gave that advice in a 1967 speech in Atlanta, but it brings to my mind a photograph snapped here in Charlotte just a year earlier.

On Sept. 21, 1966, Rev. King spoke at a conference on racial justice organized by the Presbyterian Church, held in the gymnasium at Johnson C. Smith University.

I am grateful to the Special Collections unit at UNC Charlotte’s Atkins Library for safeguarding that photo and making it available all these years later.

The photograph shows Rev. King surrounded by ebullient admirers.

He’s looking at someone we can’t see, his mouth open as he responds to their comment or question.

It’s a happy moment, a moment in which this man of inspiration has made himself available — as he did so many times — to those he urged to join him in the march toward social justice. “We must walk on in the days ahead with an audacious faith in the future.”

We can’t see what King can see, but it’s out there, just like the person we can’t see in that photograph.

Today, we only know the names of four people around King in the photo. (If you know others, please get in touch).

Over on the right, in the starched police cap and

wire-rim glasses, that’s George Thomas Nash Jr. He’s one of Charlotte’s first cohort of Black police officers, and will retire in 1967 after 25 years on the force.

When George Nash started in 1942, AfricanAmerican officers could not arrest white criminals, could not even carry a gun. He persisted, earned respect, gave respect, created a better future. “We must walk on … with an audacious faith in the future.”

Near the center of the photo, can you see the intense, focused man who is leaning forward at Rev. King’s shoulder? He’s got some papers in his hand,

It was Dr. Hawkins in 1954 who organized one of the very first sit-ins, going with three other Black professionals from his neighborhood of McCrorey Heights out to the new Charlotte airport terminal.

The restaurants there barred Black people in 1954.

Thanks to Dr. Hawkins, and Thomas Wyche, and Charles V. Bell, and W.W. Twitty, everyone would be served by 1956. “We must walk on … with an audacious faith in the future.”

It was Dr. Reginald Hawkins who led the marches that desegregated Charlotte’s upscale restaurants in 1963 and the marches that desegregated the

MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. IN CHARLOTTE ON SEPT. 21, 1966, FEATURES FIGURES OF CHARLOTTE HISTORY. REGINALD HAWKINS PAPERS, J. MURREY ATKINS LIBRARY, UNC CHARLOTTE.

ready to show. He’s ready to quite literally put an idea in King’s ear. That’s Dr. Reginald Hawkins, one of Charlotte’s most outspoken Civil Rights activists.

Dr. Hawkins chose dentistry for his career, a profession where he served Black clients — so he wouldn’t be dependent on white dollars. He wanted to be able to speak out and cause trouble where it needed to be caused.

hospitals in 1966. It was Dr. Reginald Hawkins who walked Dorothy Counts home from school on that scary first day of integration at Harding High.

“We must walk on … with an audacious faith in the future.”

In November of 1965, just a few months before the above photo was taken, Dr. Hawkins’ house was bombed in the night. The homes of four Civil Rights

leaders — Dr. Hawkins, activists Kelly Alexander and Fred Alexander, attorney Julius Chambers — were bombed with dynamite in the dark of night. To this day, no culprits have ever been charged.

Julius Chambers, the Alexanders and Dr. Hawkins just kept on with their work, though. Look at Dr. Hawkins in that photo. He’s come through so much, but there he is, fired up to make the world a better place. “We must walk on in the days ahead with an audacious faith in the future.”

The two other people we know in the photo?

You can just barely see them up to the left behind Dr. Hawkins. That’s David Belton, the boy on the left, and there’s Gerard Benson, standing on tip-toe right next to him. They’re still in high school in 1966, here to witness history that’s not yet in their textbooks.

David Belton’s extended family did literally make it into the history books; his uncle and aunt, Rev. J.A. DeLaine and Mattie Belton DeLaine, worked with legendary attorney Thurgood Marshall to organize the first of five cases that would become Brown v.

Board of Education.

Gerard Benson would become a Charlotte culturemaker, bass player and decades-long member of A Sign of the Times, this city’s heartbeat for jazz and African-American heritage.

I think it was young people like David Belton and Gerard Benson who Rev. King most wanted us to reach out for when he said, “We must walk on in the days ahead with an audacious faith in the future.”

Three generations in that one photo, from Officer George Nash on the verge of retirement; to middle-aged Dr. Reginald Hawkins; to youngsters Belton and Benson.

They remind us that the work of creating a better world is not done — certainly not in our generation.

It is something we must always be striving toward.

As Rev. King said, “We must walk on in the days ahead with an audacious faith in the future.”

INFO@QCNERVE.COM

THE OUTBREAK OF CORONAVIRUS DISEASE 2019 (COVID-19) MAY BE STRESSFUL FOR PEOPLE. FEAR AND ANXIETY ABOUT A DISEASE CAN BE OVERWHELMING AND CAUSE STRONG EMOTIONS IN ADULTS AND CHILDREN. COPING WITH STRESS WILL MAKE YOU, THE PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT, AND YOUR COMMUNITY STRONGER. EVERYONE REACTS DIFFERENTLY TO STRESSFUL SITUATIONS. HOW YOU RESPOND TO THE OUTBREAK CAN DEPEND ON YOUR BACKGROUND, THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE, AND THE COMMUNITY YOU LIVE IN.

 -Fear and worry about your own health and the health of your loved ones -Changes in sleep or eating patterns -Difficulty sleeping or concentrating -Worsening of chronic health problems -Increased use of alcohol, tobacco, or other drugs

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-Make time to unwind. Try to do some other activities you enjoy.

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ARTS FEATURE

YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME

Dontai Keith lays life on the line with debut novel

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BY PAT MORAN

Dontai Keith was working in the Louisiana oil fields when he had an epiphany and uttered a prayer.

“I looked up in the clouds,” Keith remembers, “and I said, ‘God, give me something that I can put on paper.’”

The prayer may well have been answered, because Keith, now a 31-year-old medical assistant in Charlotte, recently added published author to an impressive resume that includes artist, athlete, actor and model.

Keith’s self-published his debut book, Intent 2 Win, on Sept. 24. Although sales have been modest — the author says he’s sold over 100 copies through Amazon and by himself, Keith is gratified.

All income from book sales is going into financing a film adaptation of his story, which he hopes will reach a greater audience to spread his message.

His purpose in penning the tale was to inspire people to figure out what they want out of life and who they want to become, he says.

“If you’ve got a goal, you’ve got to go for it. You can’t give up,” he offers. “That’s my purpose in this world, to make sure people have the intent to win and go for their dreams.”

In the book, high school basketball star Tristan Hines is awarded a full scholarship to a top university, but his life spirals downward after his mother is hospitalized with cancer and his father is killed by a stray bullet from a gang shooting.

Further plot twists and turns involve a compromised coach, an untrustworthy psychiatrist, an ill-fated drug heist and a fearsome dealer who will stop at nothing to get his product back.

In addition to his uplifting message, Keith has crafted a compelling narrative, a heightened melodrama where a young Black man must determine the course of his life amid a tangle of conflicting tensions and temptations. At 108 pages, the compact novel has scored with its Amazon readers, who awarded it five out of five stars on average.

“It’s like watching a scripted TV series that you get addicted to,” writes one Amazon reader. The

comparison to TV drama is apt. It’s not a coincidence that in addition to modeling and stage work, Keith has worked as an extra and stand-in on a string of Carolina-lensed series, including Under the Dome, Shots Fired, Homecoming and Supernatural.

Keith’s film and TV resume is not the only link between the author’s book and his personal life. Like Tristan, Keith is an accomplished athlete, though he played football rather than basketball. Keith and his fictional creation share a father in the military and a mother hospitalized with a terminal illness — Keith’s mother passed away when he was 9 years old.

Tristan’s betrayed by his basketball coach is something Keith says he went through with is football coach.

“I am Tristan,” Keith says unabashedly.

Though Keith’s military family moved around, they had landed in Charlotte by the time he turned 7. Dontai showed an early aptitude for art, making comic books.

again the top wide receiver and kick returner in the state. He also began modeling for Abercrombie & Fitch, first in Maine and then in New York. From there he transitioned to theatrical work onstage, drawing on his athleticism to add dancing to his skill set.

Keith was modeling in Miami’s South Beach when he landed his first on-camera gig as an extra in HBO’s raunchy sports comedy Ballers.

Back in Charlotte, while working day jobs in the medical field, Keith also appeared in several television series. In South Carolina, he worked as an extra on CBS’s Stephen King adaptation Under the Dome. He was a hospital patient in an episode of the Wilmington-shot series Supernatural, and a Tuskegee airman in Prime Video’s psychological thriller Homecoming. On Shots Fired, a Fox mini-series about a racially charged police shooting filmed in Concord, Kannapolis and Monroe, Keith graduated from extra to stand-in.

DONTAI KEITH AT A BOOK SIGNING IN OCTOBER. PHOTO COURTESY OF NEVER TOO YOUNG PRODUCTIONS

“I found my muse with pencil and paper,” Keith says, foreshadowing his interest in writing.

His passion for performing surfaced when he started imitating actors like Jamie Foxx. Acting and movement fueled an interest in martial arts, which proved useful training for playing football.

When his family moved on to Maine, Keith joined Dexter Regional High School’s football team and became the top wide receiver and kick returner in the state. As the only Black player on an otherwise all-white team, Keith’s accomplishments were seldom acknowledged by his coach or anyone else.

It was subtle racism but it still stung.

“I know there’s a million people out there in this world that can relate to this,” Keith says.

After graduating, Keith played semi-pro football for two years in Massachusetts, where he was once

When he wrapped Shots Fired, Keith was 26 and looking for direction in his life. He took a much-needed a break from the film and TV industry and went to work in the oil fields. There he started writing, scrawling down ideas, visions and snippets of dialog on scraps of paper he kept clean and dry in a Ziploc bag.

“It got messy in the oil fields,” Keith explains.

Long after lights out, when his co-workers had gone to sleep, Keith would continue to write.

Drawing on his life and embellishing it with the character-driven plot beats found in the dramatic shows he worked on, Keith crafted Intent 2 Win. It was initially a screenplay for a 10-minute film, but soon ballooned to a feature-length scenario.

Returning to Charlotte, Keith started working as an emergency department transporter. He also attended Brightwood College on East Independence

Boulevard, earning a degree as a medical assistant.

Keith’s two career paths are compatible, he says.

As a medical assistant he’s advocating for individuals who can’t get access to medical resources. As a writer and filmmaker, he’s advocating for people to find their life path and to figure out how to follow it.

“I’m an advocate for people who can’t get to where they need to be,” he offers.

At his first job after graduation, Keith met his future wife Kelli. On June 19, 2020, the pair married, combining families to raise six children. (Dontai and Kelli each had three children apiece from previous relationships.)

All the while, Keith kept working on his script.

Cast in a short film, he hit it off with the director, Charlotte writer and filmmaker Tracie Adderton. He asked Adderton to read his scenario and she praised its plotting and characters. She urged him to turn the script into a book. Keith began adapting the material, handing out pages to family and friends for feedback.

Weeks later, Keith was sitting up in bed with his wife, unsure of how to proceed with his project.

Kelli told him the book was amazing, Keith offers.

“Trust in it,” she said. Two days later, Keith logged on to Amazon and self-published his first novel.

The film adaptation is still in the preliminary financing phase, Keith says. Though he plans to produce and co-direct the film, he will not act in it.

He will, however, make a brief cameo.

“At first, I wasn’t going to, but then I said I’ll bust a move and be in it,” he says.

Far more important to Keith is the message people will bring away from Tristan’s story. The character is wise for his age, but he’s under pressure, Keith offers. His family life is collapsing and he doesn’t know who to trust or where to turn.

While the number 2 in the book’s title is a nod to Tristan’s identity as an athlete with a numbered jersey, the word “intent” refers to deciding on your life’s path and sticking to it, Keith says. At the same time, it’s difficult for young men like Tristan to choose the right path, and the turmoil they are undergoing is often invisible to others. “[I want] people to understand there are a lot of individuals out there who need help [and] they don’t how to go about it.”

It’s all well and good for people to show empathy for troubled kids like Tristan, Keith offers, but he says empathy is not enough.

“Any time Tristan feels he’s going to lose it all, he has to make a mind-boggling decision,” Keith says.

“He needs help. He needs guidance and purpose.”

He needs an advocate.

INFO@QCNERVE.COM

MUSIC FEATURE

A NEW CONTENDER

Farrahgamo busts onto the scene with momentum

BY RYAN PITKIN

Folks have spent their free time during the pandemic shutdowns in different ways. Maybe you’ve upped your level of binge-watching, taken up crocheting or learned to bake sourdough bread.

Maybe you’ve done something cooler than all that.

But it’s unlikely you’ve done something as dope as Quiyana Marti, aka Farrahgamo, who’s turned her quarantine boredom into a promising rap career and isn’t looking back.

Having moved to Charlotte from Raleigh in 2018, Marti was living with local producer and InSynction Music founder Chris “CJ” Jeffreys Jr. when the shutdowns hit. Unable to go to her job as a dancer, she decided she wanted to make beats.

Producing didn’t do it for her, and eventually, through a mix of ennui and alcohol, she tried her hand at rapping.

“Shit just came out of boredom,” she recalls. “I was just like, ‘Fuck it. I don’t like producing,’ and I was sitting in the studio with CJ and he had some beat playing, and I was drunk off my ass, and I just went in the booth, and I said, ‘How I do this? I’m just ‘bout to god damn do something.’ And then that’s how it happened.”

What came out was a flow all her own — husky but feminine, New York but Southern — that she’s continued to build on since April, recording tracks, shooting videos and doing small performances when she can, honing her skills until the world opens back up and is forced to reckon with Farrahgamo.

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A mix of styles

Sitting on a couch in the new InSynction Studios in east Charlotte, where Jefferys and his team are building a co-op that includes barbers, videographers, tattoo artists and other creatives, ‘Gamo is worn down after getting stuck in traffic on the way home from Greensboro. When I ask where she grew up, however, her spirits rise.

“Greenville, North Carolina, two-fiiiiiiiive,” she says, laughing, referencing the 252 zip code. “It’s the country, I know y’all can prolly hear it in my voice.”

That’s an understatement. ‘Gamo’s accent drips

heavy with everything she says in a way that no print article can do justice to.

The deep Southern accent comes out in her music, only adding to the intrigue when her flow sounds like it originated up north or in the Midwest.

She credits that melting pot of sounds to her influences — namely 50 Cent.

Now 25, Marti was only in third grade when the G Unit founder’s Get Rich or Die Tryin’ album dropped, and that was all she listened to for years after that.

“I’m really a country ass bitch that listens to New York shit,” says ‘Gamo, an Afro-Latina with family from Puerto Rico. “I guess because my dad, my Hispanic side, they from New York, then I got real close homeboys I call my brothers, they from New York, so all that shit was rubbing off on me. That’s what I grew up on, 50 Cent. I don’t know what was wrong with me listening to that nigga when I was in third grade.”

she gets in here and she’s rocking to it, it may be reggae, I don’t know what it may be, but if it feels good, then it’s going to be right. Anything that she’s not comfortable with she’s not going to do, period.”

Farrahgamo says she’s enjoyed honing her craft under Jefferys so much that she can’t imagine working with any other producer, though she knows that will have to be part of her learning curve eventually. For the time being, however, she’s building a foundation at InSynction. She and CJ create beats as a team, with her communicating each sound she wants to hear and him quickly cooking it up.

“She was watching in those late nights, us coming in from the studio,” Jefferys says. “It’s 2 or 3 o’clock in the morning and we was up vibing to music before she was ever rapping. So now, it’s like, ‘Do whatever you want to do.’”

For her manager Eli Thomas, the sky’s the limit

FARRAHGAMO IN THE QUEEN CITY. STILL FROM “HOW I’M FEELING” VIDEO, SHOT BY PAUL JAHN.

She stayed exclusive to 50 Cent until she reached high school and began expanding her horizons.

It was then that she picked up some new favorite rappers: Chief Keef, Gunna and the late Pop Smoke, whose influences you can hear in the up-tempo drill tracks she’s released over the past eight months.

In one of her latest releases, a collab with respected southwest Charlotte rapper Frais called “Back 2 Back,” Farrahgamo holds her own and doesn’t feel the need to be anything she’s not. She bounces off Frais’ Detroit drill style with her own hard-to-match flow, showing undeniable growth compared to her releases from just 6 months ago.

“That’s her pocket, that fast tempo,” Jefferys says of the “Back 2 Back” track, “but I don’t want to limit her, because I know as far as what she can do and what I can do, it’s really whatever feels good. When

in whatever ’Gamo wants to do, especially with the support of the InSynction team. Thomas, CJ and videographer Paul Jahn have put their full support behind not only pushing ’Gamo’s music, but helping her learn the ins and outs of the industry as family members who truly care about her.

“Her potential is special and different,” Thomas says. “She’s very authentic, she looks a certain way, she checks a lot of boxes. I tell her, ‘You not none of these other female artists rapping. Regardless of how much better you think they may be, you think they rap better than you or they got more views, whatever it is you think they do better than you, they lacking. You got a team of people around you that’s going to put you in a certain light that they could never, ever get into.’ This is a very special case we have.”

The way forward

To hang with the fun-loving Farrahgamo in a chill environment after listening to her tough, straight-fromthe-street lyrics is a pleasant if unexpected experience.

In one of her early releases, “40 Bars,” the listener can’t help but feel sorry for the man who inspired the lines she delivers. Rap is her release valve, and anyone who steps in her way will feel it.

“I love this shit now, because I really got shit to talk about — maaaddd shit to talk about,” she says, laughing. “It’s no cap in none of my raps. I don’t hold back from shit. And motherfuckers always be feeling some type of way about my lyrics because I’m speaking facts, but I’mma keep doing it.”

Before rapping, ‘Gamo built recognition around her name as an exotic dancer in Raleigh and Charlotte, which was helpful in cultivating a following that translates to music, but also leads some to feel they can be disrespectful to her as a woman. A simple post or a #BussItChallenge video often leads to the worst kind of responses. She reads all the comments and DMs, if only to know who to get rid of.

“You know how many people I done blocked?” she asks. “If you will go to my Twitter and click on blocked, there are so many names, because I don’t like that shit, that’s disrespectful to me. Just because I’m a stripper and they feel like they can talk to me however they want.”

She’s quick to shut down the disrespect and channel it into her raps, making each new release that much stronger and more visceral.

She’s also driven by tragedy. In December, one of her closest friends, Jontavius Hall, also an up-andcoming local rapper, was shot and killed in north Charlotte. Hall had told Marti she should be rapping long before she actually got inside the booth, and just before he passed he had recognized her comeup, predicting she was “about to take over,” she says.

“That’s all I keep hearing in my head,” she says.

“Any time I want to give up, or I don’t know what to say, I’ll just be like, ‘Aight, what Jon said,’ because he really believed in me, he supported me in the fullest.”

Now with her InSynction fam behind her, Farrahgamo says she’s “moving forward” in 2021, because what was once just a hobby born of buzzed boredom has now become a passion that means everything to her.

“It’s to the point, it’s starting to bring me peace.

Everything that I got going on right now, my mind is fucked up, so music is really bringing me peace at this point,” she says. “The only thing we can do at this point is move forward. I’m just fittin’ to take off.

I can’t keep crying, I’m just gonna have to take off.”

RPITKIN@QCNERVE.COM

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THE DIRECTORY: PLAZA MIDWOOD & COMMONWEALTH FOOD & DRINK Akahana Asian Bistro Sushi for the BOGO, cheap date night Bistro La Bon French cuisine, brunch, dinner The Bohemian: A Wine Bar Wine, takeout Bosna Market International market Cilantro Noodle Asian-inspired noodles Coaltrane’s Char Grill Rotissserie-style, stuffed avocadoes Common Market Deli, bottle shop, trinkets Craft Cakes CLT Woman-owned, LGBTQ friendly, desserts Deli St. Vegan options, deli, bottle shop, desserts The Diamond Old-school Plaza diner born of The Penguin Dish Plaza staple, Southern food, locally-owned Euro Grill & Cafe Mediterranean restaurant, Bosnian lunch Fuel Pizza Pizza, no gas, delivery Get Fit Foods Healthy meal prep The Grinning Mule Nonprofit, chef-driven Haze Bar & Lounge Hookah, euphoric bar (whatever that means) KiKi & Tattoo Craft cocktails, Greek-inspired Krazy Fish Tacos, Trump Legion Brewing Brewery, live music, local beer The Lunchbox Sandwiches and market on the tracks

Mama’s Caribbean Grill & Bar Caribbean cuisine Members Only Tasting Room & Social Cute swing, great music, popcorn Midwood Country Club Billiards, late-night hangout Midwood Smokehouse Barbecue, celebrity-frequented, awardwinning NC Red Fish and stuff Petra’s Late-night live music of all genres Pilot Brewing Draft beer, board games Pinhouse Game bar, duck pin bowling, self-pour drafts The Pizza Peel Pizza, kid-friendly, patio with a lawn Pure Pizza Gluten-free, locally sourced, The Barn Resident Culture Brewing Company Craft beer, dog-friendly, food trucks Roasting Company Southern-inspired rotisserie, quick, daily specials Skylark Social Club Late-night live music, cheap drinks Snug Harbor Late-night dive bar, concert venue Soul Gastrolounge Tapas, cocktails, DJ, date night Stroke Indoor mini golf, craft cocktails, vintage vibe Supperland Coming soon Thirsty Beaver Saloon Dive bar, country music, HeeHaw Thomas Street Tavern Dive bar, large patio, live music, ping pong

Undercurrent Coffee Specialty coffee, legit gluten-free menu Whiskey Warehouse Rooftop patio with skyline view Workman’s Friend Brunch, pub vibe, people-watching, Guinness YAFO Kitchen Middle-eastern, quality fast food Zada Jane’s Southern-inspired breakfast, patio on Central

SERVICES 1213 Studio Hair salon Ace Custom Tattoo Tattoo shop African Twin Hair Braiding Salon services AJ’s Auto Imports Used car dealership Auto Inspector Auto services Berryhill Realty Co. Real estate BeSocial Collaborative cultivator, event space Charlotte Barber And Beard Styling services Charlotte Mecklenburg Public Library Education resources Charlotte Tattoo Company Tattoo services C. Fredricks Automotive Interiors Convertible vinyl tops, custom interiors Commonwealth Animal Hospital Pet health care The Dog Salon Pet care services Edward Jones Investments Financial services

RETAIL HEALTH & WELLNESS Briar Creek Greenway Biking, walking, trail, the great outdoors Crossfit ATP People doing exercise outside Dojo Body Mind Martial arts, jiu-jitsu and kickboxing Fitness Together Group workout Midwood Park Amphitheatre, community garden, bball Okra Yoga, wellness of the mind Veterans Memorial Park Sprayground, baseball, park stuff

Atlas Medical Supply & Equipment Home medical supplies Book Buyers Used books, Greener Apple vegan shop CLTCH Local jewelry and cool gifts Central Avenue Jewelry & Pawn Pawn shop Charlotte CBD Boutique-style CBD shop Cindy’s Uniforms Uniform retail for workers or The Village People cosplay City Supply Co. Specialty furniture store Gold Tone Workshop Affordable music equipment Gumbo Goods Wellness retail, sister store to Okra High Life Smoke Shop Long-time local smoke shop House of Africa African retail store

Hold True Tattoo Tattoo services La Familia II Barbershop Styling services Latorre Law Firm Injury law Meineke Car Care Services Auto services Midwood Barbers Styling services Midwood Learning Academy Educational services Nick’s Auto Repair Auto services Olde Charlotte Barber Shop Hair styling Plaza Midwood Tattoo Tattoo studio Providence Auto Repair Specializes in Volvo repair Real Talk Counseling Counseling services Spellbound Salon Magical salon services Tattoos Studio Lounge Tattoo services Tease Salon Salon Urban Nails Bar Acrylic nails, spa pedicure, gel manicure

House of Clouds Smoke Shop Hookah, vape, tobacco, juice, water pipe LA Vapors Elite Smoke Shop Short-time chain smoke shop Midwood Flower Shop Florist that offers delivery Midwood Guitar Studio High-end guitar shop Moxie Mercantile Sophisticated gift shop Reggae Central African trinket store Ron Sperry Interior Design Design, furniture, not boat shoes SADU Body Modifications and Piercings Body modifications ... and piercings Slate Interiors Furniture store, locally-owned Social Status High-end sneaker store, new releases Stash Pad Funky vintage shop

FOOD & DRINK FEATURE

thing in his family and our family,” Kennedy explains.

The idea for Yum Cups came during a family outing, when Miller brought up the concept of a build-your-own cake made for one person.

The comment was made in passing, and he sat on it until the opportunity presented itself again.

Kennedy recalled taking his idea and Yum Yum Crumbs is a running with it, or trying to anyway. family bakery built on “I went down to the kitchen and tried to deconstruction recreate the cake cup as he envisioned it on my own and I wasn’t successful because I’m not

BY LEA BEKELE a professional baker,” Kennedy remembered.

“That’s when we knew we were going to have Due to the pandemic, gone are the days to put in a lot more work” of waiting in line to be seated hip-to-hip with The Yum Yum Crumb menu features flavors strangers. Many businesses have begun offering like Velveteen Yum made with layers of red delivery and curbside pickup to accommodate this velvet cake crumbs and cream cheese frosting new way of living. or Incredible Caramel Cheesecake, consisting of DIGGING IN ON A CAKE CUP. At Yum Yum Crumbs, a Black-and Native-owned vanilla pound cake, cheesecake filling, cream bakery launched by husband-and-wife duo Mitch Kennedy says people are welcome to place orders cheese frosting, graham cracker crumbs, and Miller Jr. and Sarah Kennedy on Jan. 12, the team online or over the phone to pick up directly from the vegan coconut caramel drizzle. preemptively pivoted their plans for a brick-andThe Queen City Nerve team tested a batch of commercial kitchen, located on Latrobe Drive in east mortar dining space to a commercial kitchen from Yum Cups recently, and after trying to eat one at my Charlotte. which they could operate as a delivery, catering and desk, I can confidently say that I’ve never felt more takeout business. useless as an adult human than when I tried eating a The building blocks of a bakery The menu offers customizable servings that cake cup and managed to get crumbs all over myself.

The development phase for Yum Yum Crumbs allow clients to order individually packaged desserts has been comparable with baking for family gatherings or private — taking the necessary steps and events, because who wants to share measurements and hoping that the a communal cake in a pandemic? The final result won’t crumble apart. menu is centered on their signature The original plan for a brickYum Cups, consisting of layers of and-mortar space, conceived in scratch-made cake crumbs and November 2019, was put on hold fillings like pudding, cheesecake, last March when the pandemic hit. and jams, fresh berries, candy, The two had located a promising buttercream frosting and sprinkles. storefront and were preparing to Like its customizable menu, sign a contract when county and the Yum Yum Crumbs team tailored state restrictions were handed its space and concept to create a down, affecting how restaurants pandemic-friendly experience, and other eateries were able to including a delivery structure that operate. allows for a contactless experience.

“We broke away for a little The couple’s mission is to treat bit and then we decided to take every day like a celebration, because a different approach,” Kennedy “every day you wake up you should CAKE BOMBS ABOUT TO BLOW UP. PHOTO BY CURATE WITH ASHLEY PHOTOGRAPHY shared. celebrate,” Kennedy said.

Right off the bat, Miller came Kennedy told Queen City Nerve that, since up with 20 names for the future bakery. With the Creating from scratch opening earlier this month, things seem to have help of Kennedy and their new executive chef, Growing up, cake was at the center of every picked up. The pair is currently in the process of a senior from Johnson & Wales University that celebration in Miller’s family. finding a food truck or building one from scratch. they brought on to help with menu creation, they “The times when his dad and mom were In the meantime, Yum Yum Crumbs is accepting narrowed it down to five, eventually going with Yum struggling financially, they always made sure that orders through Door Dash and UberEats, though Yum Crumbs. they had a cake, so cake is still, to this day, a big

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THAT’S THE WAY THE CAKE CRUMBLES

PHOTO BY CURATE WITH ASHLEY PHOTOGRAPHY

They thought the name sounded fun and whimsical, like the product.

Dealing with the stress of attending school amidst a pandemic and trying to transition into a career, their original hire found another situation that was a better fit.

“When COVID, hit, they weren’t allowing them to do certain things, and during those three months, they kind of were on lockdown in the dorms,” Kennedy said.

Kennedy and Miller understood her decision and wished her well, then returned to square one in terms of building a staff. They restarted the hiring process and found a new executive chef by July.

Laressa Rucker, who’s had experience at Charlotte staples such as Amelie’s French Bakery and Sunflour Baking Co., was the ideal candidate, someone with the experience that fit their vision.

With Rucker rounding out the trio, the team went in search of feedback, baking and delivering hundreds of cake cups for tenants at nearby apartment communities, teachers and students of The Goddard School in Huntersville, and local charity organizations. Giving away cakes was their way to see what was working, what wasn’t, and why, Kennedy said.

“Anything that you put your effort into and you go forward with, there’s always something new to learn,” Kennedy shared of the long trial-and-error process. “I don’t think our learning curve will ever end.”

They spent the following months pinning down the right ingredients to perfect the recipes.

When Yum Yum Crumbs opened on Jan. 12, the

FOOD & DRINK FEATURE menu boasted six signature Yum Cups in addition to customizable options. The range of gluten-free, vegan and keto options allows everyone to partake without the worry of allergies or dietary restrictions, a priority for Kennedy based on her own experience with health-conscious eating.

They’ve added a bevy of delicious menu items to supplement the Cake Cups, including keto cake bombs, crumb-covered bananas and fried Oreos.

Connected by chance

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Miller and Kennedy grew up on different Native-American reservations, both located in New York. Kennedy is of the Seneca Nation of Indians, the largest federally recognized tribe in New York state, while Miller is of the Unkechaugi Nation in Long Island.

The two met in 2012, despite living six to seven hours apart, during a chance meeting for their respective families’ businesses. Kennedy worked as a sales rep for a Native-American tobacco distribution company, for which Miller’s family’s store was a client. They met when Kennedy came to the store to pitch products.

LARESSA RUCKER

PHOTO BY CURATE WITH ASHLEY PHOTOGRAPHY

Yum Yum Crumbs is the first venture into the restaurant business for both Miller and Kennedy, though it’s not the only concept owned by the pair.

In New York, on the reservation where Miller and his family built their lives, he still owns and runs a tobacco business.

They came to Charlotte from New York looking for a new start, drawn in by the tempting prospect of not facing anymore harsh northern winters.

Miller travels back and forth between Charlotte and New York, though he spends most of his time in the Queen City, returning to New York occasionally to check on his business.

Kennedy coordinates a jam-packed schedule for their daughter, bouncing around between kindergarten, dance classes, gymnastics, swimming lessons and taking care of their French bulldog named Chase.

“I think he requires just as much attention as she does,” Kennedy jokes.

Despite opening a commercial bakery in the middle of a pandemic, owning a business in an entirely different state and taking care of their rambunctious 5-year-old daughter, Miller and Kennedy still find time to bake for fun.

One would think that running a bakery for a living and being surrounded by cakes would get old after a while but, as a family, their favorite thing to bake together is cake. “Definitely, red velvet,” Kennedy shares.

As long as sprinkles are involved, their daughter is onboard.

Building a legacy

“Our goal is to be able to create something that’s going to last for generations,” Kennedy says.

Before any plans for a brick-and-mortar concept turned into a commercial kitchen, and before they brought on Rucker, the couple began experimenting with the Yum Cups that would become their signature offerings from their own kitchen.

Their then-3-year-old daughter was present for all of those moments, acting as their tiny, lessexperienced assistant. They’ve held on to those photos and memories of Yum Yum Crumbs’ humble beginnings for inspiration as they look to the future.

“You see her, she was 3 years old in these pictures,” Kennedy says, describing the photo collection. “She was sitting there with me and just baking right along, cracking her little egg and it was just cool to watch because we have so many pictures of her.”

Despite everything 2020 brought to the table, whether it was Miller and Kennedy having to dial back their brick-and-mortar plans or parting ways with their original chef, the duo has proved to be stronger than their setbacks. At the end of the day, Kennedy shares, they’re trying to build “something that can keep going forever.”

LBEKELE@QCNERVE.COM

We’re kind of opening, kind of not, so not all of these are virtual events as we were highlighting at the beginning of the lockdown, but plenty are. COVID is still going strong, so party at your own risk.

MINI ART LAB: VISUAL VINYLS WITH JAIANNA MCCANTS

What: Now you can turn that Hootie and the Blowfish LP into a thing of joy and beauty. Charlottebased artist and instructor Jaianna McCants draws inspiration for unique vinyl art from her favorite musicians. She strives to bridge the gap between visual art and music to reimagine what art can be.

Visual Vinyls is a quick, step-by-step tutorial that teaches how to turn vinyls into eye-popping canvases.

This 20-minute art lesson will use paint, collage, and vinyl records to inspire you to celebrate your favorite music, memories, or whatever makes you happy.

More: Donations accepted; ongoing; mccollcenter.org

HUNGRY GIRL

What: With coruscating yet melodic guitar riffs, bubbling bass and snapping and precise drums, Hungry Girl brings frontman and guitarist Jason “DeDe” Skipper’s squalling, soaring, and surprisingly plaintive vocals into a tag-team wrestling match with metallic-tinged hard rock that rumbles and shudders like a water main about to burst. Then they turn around and deliver an upbeat, dialed-back, arm-waving sing-along like “If You Would Let Me” to offer a respite from the jagged shards of guitar distortion and the rhythm section’s seething spiral of aggression.

More: $10; Jan. 27, 7 p.m.; online; neighborhoodtheatre.com

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HUMAN TOUCH: RESILIENCE WITH GARRETT TICHY

What: Interact Studio’s bi-weekly virtual seminar series welcomes Garrett Tichy, owner of Hygge Coworking and co-founder of SNPL coworking software, to the conversation. Pull up a chair and grab a cup of coffee for a discussion on resilience.

Tichy knows firsthand how COVID-19 has impacted small businesses and how much entrepreneurs large and small have had to rely on their own resilience over the past year. As a more infectious variant of the coronavirus sweeps through Charlotte, the business and creative communities will need to be increasingly flexible and durable.

More: Free, Jan. 28, 11 a.m.; Online; bit.ly/HumanTouchJan28⁣

MOONLANDER

What: If we had to fit Moonlander into a genre it would be one of the endless multi-hyphenate titles, electro-soul-zen-dub-pop, or something like that.

Still in his early 20s, Concord-based Moonlander started making music at age 14. By 2019, he was featured on Charlotte’s Breakaway Music Festival, along with Wiz Khalifa, Juice WRLD, Machine Gun Kelly, and other big-name artists. With ringing plangent guitar and panicked dialog snippets, his single “Elevator” starts spectral and spooky before sliding into a smooth yet heartfelt auto-tuned groove.

More: $10; Feb. 3, 7 p.m.; online; neighborhoodtheatre.com

SKYLINE DRIVE-IN: ‘YESTERDAY’

What: Director Danny Boyle, who’s given us such gruesome delights as Shallow Grave, Trainspotting and 28 Days Later, is in feel-good Slumdog Millionaire mode with this whimsical romantic comedy that imagines a world in which The Beatles never happened. The screenplay by Richard Curtis (Love, Actually) follows a struggling musician who wakes to find he’s the only one who remembers the fab four and their influential songs. The 2019 film raises interesting ideas about the origins of inspiration and the lightning-strike randomness of genius before detouring into a bunch of rom-com clichés.

More: $30 per car, Feb. 4, 7 p.m.; Camp North End; 400 Camp Road; tinyurl.com/YesterdaySkyline

PRIVATE WATCH PARTIES

What: Miss going to a movie with family or a group of friends? Have you ever had the chance to watch a film in an opulent widescreen movie palace? You can now experience an iconic movie musical with a private, socially distanced screening for up to 25 film lovers at Booth Playhouse. Groups get the theater all to themselves to enjoy a movie musical, choosing from a slate including Frozen, Grease, Rent, The Wizard of Oz and many more. Free popcorn, soda and bottled water are provided for each guest.

More: $300 and up, Feb. 4-14, 7 p.m.; Booth Playhouse; blumenthalarts.org

VIRTUAL JAZZ AT THE BECHTLER: ‘JAZZ FOR LOVERS’

What: Perhaps no other music genre tells us more about love in all its varied shades than jazz. From its openly sentimental ballads and teary torch songs to its fiery declarations of new love and playful odes to significant others, jazz numbers hit all the marks. In its new virtual year at The Bechtler, the Ziad Jazz Quartet teams with vocalist Toni Tupponce, who shifts seamlessly from smooth croon to torchy ballads. The ensemble will evoke all the moods, shades and sounds of love for this pre-Valentine’s Day concert.

More: Free; Feb. 5, 7 p.m.; bechtler.org

AN ARTISTS’ DAY OF HEALING

What: Our communities have been rocked by the COVID-19 pandemic and the immense amount of loss and unexpected change that has come along with it. As a person deeply entrenched in the local arts, Hannah Hasan of Epoch Tribe believes in the healing power of the arts, so she plans to gift our community with the opportunity to hold space and find a bit of healing together. This full-day online event will feature visual arts and healing-based workshops led by artist facilitators and followed by a live, virtual vigil including performances from some of Charlottes most talented creatives.

More: Free; Feb. 6, 9 a.m.-9 p.m.; online; epochtribe.com/dayofhealing

MR. HOLLAND’S OATS

What: A word play on Mr. Holland’s Opus, a heartstring-plucking movie starring Richard Dreyfuss as a beloved high school music teacher, and those smooth purveyors of new wave Philly soul Hall & Oates, Mr. Holland’s Oats is a jazz-infused tribute to the catchy music of Hall & Oates. If you ever wondered what Buddy Rich’s “Rich Girl,” Lionel Hampton’s “Lying Eyes,” or Miles Davis’ “Maneater” would sound like, this is your jazzy mash-up jam.

More: $25.60 and up; Feb. 6, 6 p.m. & 8 p.m.; Middle C Jazz, 300 S. Brevard St.; middlecjazz.com/

WE ARE BUYING INDIVIDUAL ITEMS OR LARGE COLLECTIONS LET US KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE

CRISS CROSS MANGOSAUCE: BILINGUAL STORY TIME & MUSIC CLASS

What: In 2007, singer and educator Ana Lucia Divins partnered with children’s author, storyteller and educator Irania Patterson to form Criss Cross Mangosauce. The name of Divins and Patterson’s entertainment and education project is a bilingual mix of cultures — the Latin mango colliding with the American schoolroom term for sitting crosslegged (Criss Cross Applesauce). Sponsored by Culture Blocks, this interactive bilingual story-time and music class features Criss Cross Mangosauce sharing songs, rhymes, finger games, stories and more from Latin America, in English and Spanish.

More: Free; Feb. 6, 11 a.m.; online; tinyurl.com/CrissCrossMangoSauce

HOUSECALL APPOINTMENTS AVAILABLE WE’LL COME TO YOU!

LIFESTYLE PUZZLES SUDOKU

TRIVIA TEST

BY FIFI RODRIGUEZ

BY LINDA THISTLE

PLACE A NUMBER IN THE EMPTY BOXES IN SUCH A WAY THAT EACH ROW ACROSS, EACH COLUMN DOWN AND EACH SMALL 9-BOX SQUARE CONTAINS ALL OF THE NUMBERS ONE TO NINE. ©2020 King Feautres Syndicate, Inc. All rights reserved.

FAST

TURNAROUND

1. GEOGRAPHY: The United States shares a land border with how many countries?

2. HISTORY: When did the Great Fire of London take place?

3. MEASUREMENTS: What does a sphygmomanometer measure?

4. FOOD & DRINK: What kind of food has varieties called castelvetrano, manzanilla and nyon?

5. TELEVISION: What was the name of the Coneheads’ home planet (“Saturday Night Live”)?

6. MOVIES: How many versions of “A Star Is Born” have been made?

7. LITERATURE: The title of William Faulkner’s novel “The Sound and the Fury” is taken from which of Shakespeare’s plays?

8. SCIENCE: What does the acronym DNA stand for?

9. MUSIC: What is a diggeridoo?

10. CURRENCY: Whose likeness is depicted on the U.S. $50 bill?

CROSSWORD ACROSS 1 TV ET from Melmac 4 Puncturing tool 7 Restrained like Rover 15 “To a ...” poems 19 Road gunk 20 Zodiac beast 21 Course taker, e.g.

22 Actress Carter 23 Start of a riddle 26 Singer Fitzgerald 27 Grove sight 28 Certain boxing stat 29 Mil. bigwig 30 Pale-looking 31 Riddle, part 2 38 Kilmer of film 40 Alley- -41 Lion’s foot 42 Fellow’s wig 43 Actor Estevez 45 Sega’s hedgehog 47 Look up to 51 Riddle, part 3 55 Lyric-writing Gershwin 56 Globes 57 “Ixnay” 58 “Take this” 59 Brainstorms 61 Parsley bit 64 Riddle, part 4 67 Kay Thompson title girl 70 Native Kiwi 71 Fluctuated greatly 72 Riddle, part 5 75 Odor 77 French port in Brittany 78 Outing ruiner

79 Afflicted 80 Poses 84 Inflated self 85 Riddle, part 6 90 V talker Phil 93 Slipknot loop 94 Andress of “Dr. No” 95 Highest volcano in Eur. 98 Mil. bigwig 99 Mumbai “Mr.” 100 Cotillion girl 101 End of the riddle 107 Throat affliction, for short 108 To the -- degree 109 Western Hemisphere gp.

110 McEntire of song 113 Hair removal brand 114 Riddle’s answer 120 Deli sandwiches, for short 121 Grow pale 122 Oct. follower 123 O’Hare approx.

124 Anatomical sac 125 Slammer 126 Porker’s place 127 Water barrier DOWN 1Element statistic: Abbr.

2 Oz lion player Bert 3 Ascend a rock face without aids for support 4 Done in the style of 5 Vanished as if by magic 6 Tilt the head skyward 7 Big Brit. lexicon 8 Houston-to-Dallas dir.

9 Actress Nicole -- Parker 10 Vowel sound in “game”

11 Born first 12 Alicia of ballet 13 Use stitches 14 “-- a Rebel” 15 Like a single-part process 16 City of India 17 Barkin of “The Fan” 18 Street talk 24 Prefix with colonialism 25 Auction unit 30 Mars, to the Greeks 32 Move around in confusion 33 Pleistocene, for one 34 Spout off 35 Axis-vs.-Allies event 36 Singer Tina 37 Copycatted 38 Bill blocker 39 Eros, to the Romans 44 Young girls 45 Hang-up 46 Be logically connected 48 Letters after “had a farm” 49 Ache for 50 Subdued with a shock 52 Lead-in to lateral 53 Classic soda brand 54 Coach Parseghian 59 Very hot star 60 Anti-alcohol measures 62 Oct. exam for many juniors 63 Home: Abbr.

64 Compound in wine 65 Greedy type 66 Indigo, e.g.

67 Fix firmly 68 One of the Florida Keys 69 Cineplex -- (former theater

GREAT PROFESSIONAL PRICING DESIGNS

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Pg. 13 JAN 27 - FEB 9, 2021 - QCNERVE.COM

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TECH BUZZ ©2020 King Feautres Syndicate, Inc. All rights reserved.

chain) 70 Hurt severely 73 Following loyally 74 Zodiac beast 75 Plum used to flavor gin 76 Roman 1,051 79 Commercial lead-in to -gram or -matic 81 Shivered in fear or revulsion 82 Frilly veggie 83 Wild guess 85 Lewis of rock 86 Apt to pry 87 Artist Vincent van -88 Master marksman 89 Actress Moran 91 Calvin Coolidge’s college 92 Beginning of a web address 96 Papal envoy 97 2017 World Series winners 99 Gives rise to 101 Rachel Maddow’s channel 102 Rome’s land 103 Ground corn dish 104 Burn -- in one’s pocket 105 Chili holder 106 Foul up 111 Version being tested 112 Eden evictee 114 “I’m less than impressed” 115 “Who am -- argue?”

116 Cave in 117 Siouan people 118 A small number of 119 Trellis plant

LIFESTYLE COLUMN

THE SEEKER HEALING TOGETHER

Time affluence for the overachiever

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BY KATIE GRANT

While evolving into the current 2021 version of myself, I’ve somehow lost the ability to slow down. I can’t tell you the last show I binge-watched over a weekend.

Rarely do I have downtime to scroll through social media (sorry marketers, not all millennials are as obsessed with social media as you may think).

My “slow down shortcoming” could be due to a few factors: the fear of sitting alone with my thoughts, the apathetic sense of non-doing, or the horrifying thought of time wasted.

If you’re familiar with the Enneagram, you will understand these are characteristics of the Enneagram Type 3: The Achiever. According to Enneagram Institute, Achievers are, “ambitious, competent, and energetic.

They can also be status-conscious and highly driven for advancement ...They typically have problems with workaholism and competitiveness.”

Workaholism. This means at my worst, addictive habits and their consequences may look like overextending myself, engaging in extreme workouts, or excessive intake of stimulants like coffee. Check, check and check.

It doesn’t help that, over the course of time, we’ve been conditioned to equate fast with achievement and slow with inertia. Both can be beneficial when balanced, yet equally destructive if left unmanaged.

It’s important to realize the benefits of slowing down are numerous. Research has found that when we’re idle, we allow our minds to wander. A surplus of downtime is known as time affluence. It allows us to feel more creative, become better at problem-solving, and happier. Psychologist Tim Kasser, calls time affluence “a path toward personal happiness.” The problem is, most of us don’t seek it, which may signify the need for a cultural shift: less doing, more being.

As I conclude another frenzied work week, I realize I have a rare weekend evening to myself while my husband works late. Grateful for this opportunity, and needing a mental and physical interlude, I scroll through MindBody to book a Friday night group-healing session at a local yoga studio. I pack up my yoga mat, an overstuffed pillow, a cozy blanket and hit the road.

Reaching my destination with just a minute to spare (Achievers are rarely late) I am socially distanced-butwarmly greeted by the intuitive energy healer. After a quick

introduction she instructs participants (myself and one other woman) to lie down, get comfortable, and allow our minds to drift. The lights dim and my thoughts follow.

Over the course of an hour, our guide and healer conducts what she calls collective energy healing.

According to Deborah King, educator, attorney, and leading authority on energy medicine, energy healing “is the practice of tapping into the universal energy field for information and then making small shifts in the individual’s personal energy field in order to help someone heal of mental, emotional, or physical distress.”

Our facilitator then changes course, shifting from the collective to the individual. From the corner of my eye I can barely distinguish her silhouette in the darkened room, but she appears to be standing over the other participant as though in deep thought or prayer.

She then pads toward my direction and sits quietly between the crown of my head and the mirrored studio wall. “Katie” she whispers. “Do you mind soft touch?”

Without speaking, I shake my head “no’’.

Almost one year into the pandemic, hands-on assisting in yoga classes went out the window long ago.

Thus, I am surprised by her question and welcome her healing touch as she cradles my neck and head between her palms. The feeling is soft but grounding. The mental image that forms is an illustration of Earth supported by two hands reaching through the dark from an obscure point of origin. Suspended but sustained.

Sensations include waves rippling through the course of my body and subtle vibrations radiating from the palms of my hand. Interestingly, it’s during my postsession reading I learn these experiences are viewed as shifts in energy — exactly what I came for! After paying $40 for what essentially qualifies as adult nap time, I better experience a massive energy shift!

As we conclude our 60 minutes together, our healer advises us to drink lots of water through the weekend, which will allow our body to flush the toxins from our systems. She also cautions us of any intense feelings that may bubble to the surface, like an emotional purge.

Hmmm ... can’t hardly wait.

Later on, while recuperating from home and waiting for the ominous wave of emotions (what I feel instead is a wave of relief as the grip of my general anxiety loosens), I get a better understanding of how vicarious trauma plays a role in my “slow down shortcoming.” Sitting quietly with feelings of grief, fear, anger and despair can be overwhelming for anyone. This, compounded with the zeitgeist of the past year, can be debilitating.

What I uncover in my hour of non-doing is the power it bears. It gives us the space to quietly unfold.

INFO@QCNERVE.COM

HOROSCOPE JAN 27 - FEB 2

FEB 3 - FEB 9

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Guess what, Lamb? You’re about to experience a new perspective on a situation you long regarded quite differently. What you learn could open more opportunities later.

ARIES (March 21 to April 19) A gracious Lamb can learn more about a problem-filled situation than one who is openly suspicious of what could be happening. A friend might offer some well-directed advice.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) The Bold Bovine is

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Getting adjusted to an

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) It’s a good time to go on that fun getaway you’ve been planning. You’ll return refreshed, ready and, yes, even eager to tackle the new challenge that awaits you.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) This could be a good time

tempted to charge into a new venture. But it might be best to take things one step at a time so that you know just where you are at any given point.

unexpected change might be difficult for the Bovine, who prefers things to go according to plan. But help could come from a most welcome source.

to get a head start on those career-related plans. The sooner you check out the pluses and minuses, the sooner you can act on your information.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22) The Moon Child loves

CANCER (June 21 to July 22) A personal situation you thought would no longer present a problem could suddenly produce some surprises. Try to sort things out with the help of trusted colleagues.

LEO (July 23 to August 22) What goes around comes

LEO (July 23 to August 22) An upcoming move holds

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Your concern

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Someone from a previous project could provide valuable guidance on how to handle a current problem, especially where it might involve a legal matter.

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Aspects favor

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) A business situation presents some unexpected complications. But rather than try to handle them all at once, it would be best to deal with them one at a time.

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) You might

SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) You just might get what you want, despite the odds against it. In any event, be sure to thank all those people involved who believed in you and went to bat for you.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) Pay

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21)

more attention to the possibilities in that workplace change. It could show the way to make that long-sought turn on your career path.

Before you even hint at an accusation, remember that you’ll have to prove what you say. So be sure you have what you need to back up your comments.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Your need to succeed might overwhelm obligations to your loved ones. Ease up on that workload and into some welldeserved time with family and friends.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) A

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) Love rules for amorous Aquarians who can make good use of their ability to communicate feelings. Don’t be surprised if they’re reciprocated in kind.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) A surprise

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Fishing for compliments? No doubt, you probably earned them. But it’s best to let others believe they were the ones who uncovered the treasure you really are.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20) A smoothly running operation could bump up against an obstacle.

This is where your ability to assess situations and make adjustments can restore things to normal.

BORN THIS WEEK: Your good works flow from an open, generous heart. Nothing makes you happier than to see others happy as well.

BORN THIS WEEK: Your kindness is legendary, and

to fantasize about magical happenings in the early part of the week. But the sensible Crab gets down to serious business by week’s end.

around for those lucky Leos and Leonas whose acts of generosity could be repaid with opportunities to expand into new and exciting areas of interest.

about your job responsibilities is commendable. But you need to take some quiet time to share with someone who has really missed being with you. getting out and meeting new people. And as a bonus, you could find that some of your newly made friends could offer important business contacts. take pride in wanting to do everything yourself. But now’s a good time to ask family members to help with a demanding personal situation.

both anticipation and anxiety for Leos and Leonas who have some big decisions to make. Advice is plentiful, but it’s up to you to decide which way you want to go.

romantic situation takes an unexpected turn that favors some Sea Goats, but causes others to reassess how they’ve been handling the relationship. turn of events could unsettle the Water Bearer. But it also might help open up an entirely different way of working out an important matter.

so is your strong sense of responsibility.

2020 KING FEATURES SYND., INC.

LIFESTYLE COLUMN

PG.19 PUZZLE ANSWERS

SAVAGE LOVE THE BOYFRIEND EXPERIENCE At the end of the road

Pg. 15 JAN 27 - FEB 9, 2021 - QCNERVE.COM

BY DAN SAVAGE

Sex-positive bi woman here. I have recommended your column to many people over the years to help them feel normal and human in their kinks, fantasies, sexuality, etc. But I’m having a more difficult time extending similar acceptance to myself. I was in a three-year relationship with a cis straight man. I recently moved across the country for graduate school and this was the catalyst for me to put my foot down about opening the relationship in order to get my sexual needs met.

He agreed and we tried being open but he found it too emotionally challenging, so now we are on a “break.”

When we were together he showed me love in many ways, Dan, but he would not eat my pussy or finger me or use a vibrator or any other sex toys on me. He quit his own therapy for depressive symptoms and anxiety after just three sessions; he won’t do couple’s therapy; he won’t even have a conversation with me about why, exactly, my pussy and sexual pleasure are aversive to him. Even hearing me moan in pleasure or arousal seemed to make him recoil. All he wanted was blow jobs and occasional sessions of intercourse.

He had some ED issues that he felt bad about but I told him multiple times that erections are not a big deal for me — what I like about sex is the intimacy, the play, and mutual pleasure. He is not a bastard, but the sex remained phallocentric. Writing this, I know that I made a reasonable decision for myself. Yet I continue to be wracked with guilt over pursuing (pandemic-safe) sex when I know this guy, who I love very much and care about very deeply, still has feelings for me and still wants to us be together, exclusively.

Two questions: Do you have any idea of what gives, based on your experience? I’ve been trying to understand and open the lines of communication for years. And, how do I stop beating myself up for hurting his feelings when my friends keep telling me I gave the relationship my all and I know that my soul couldn’t stand any more one-sided sex?

FEMINIST UNDER NAUSEOUS GUILT

COMPULSIVE,

You’re not responsible for the hurt feelings your ex-boyfriend — please make that break permanent — more than earned. You gave him three years and God alone knows how many blowjobs and he either didn’t love you enough to work on himself or he’s so damaged he’s incapable of doing the work. Either way, FUCKING, your ex-boyfriend is not in good working order, sexually or emotionally, and that’s not gonna change. He won’t talk to a shrink about his own shit, he won’t see a couples’ counselor about your shared shit, he won’t touch your pussy and he doesn’t want anyone else to touch your pussy — oh, and if you make even the slightest sound during sex, if a moan or, God forbid, a request for pleasure should escape your lips, he recoils. Charitable reading: Your ex-boyfriend is a closeted necrophiliac and any sign of life from you turns him off.

Slightly less charitable read: Your ex-boyfriend was raised to believe that sex is something a woman endures, not something a woman enjoys, and any sign that you might actually enjoy sex turns him off.

I don’t know what his issues are, FUCKING, and neither do you. All we know for sure is that he has issues and, whatever else they might be, they are disqualifying. You asked for the only accommodation that might make it possible for you to stay in this relationship and stay sane — opening it up so you could seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere — and he couldn’t handle it.

My girlfriend of six months got drunk one week into a work-related physical separation, ghosted on me, went to a hotel, and had sex for two days straight with another man. She then called and confessed everything. She’s remorseful and says it was alcohol-related and that she doesn’t remember the details. My take is that if she was too drunk to remember the details, she was too drunk to consent, which equals rape, right? I encouraged her to file a police report and get this rapist off the streets.

She says she doesn’t know his name or number and doesn’t want to pursue legal action. She does remember the sex was unprotected and took Plan B today and is getting a full STI screening. She’s exhibiting signs of trauma — I’ve been down this road with an ex — and I’m trying to be supportive but I don’t think I can continue. Would I be the biggest asshole in the world to end this? Other details: She was married to a woman for the past five years and I was the first man she was ever with until this rape happened. I’m 50 years old, she’s 28 years old. What the fuck do I do? She’s fragile and I have been supporting her financially for the last six months, which is weird since her job pays twice what mine does.

KINK-INDUCED JUST SEEKING GUIDANCE

TRIVIA ANSWERS: 1. Two, Mexico and Canada 2. 1666 3. Blood pressure

4. Olives 5. Remulak 6. Four 7. “Macbeth”

It’s entirely possible your girlfriend was black-out drunk that whole weekend and incapable of offering meaningful consent and the person she was with knew she was too fucked up to consent to sex — and wasn’t too fucked up to consent to sex himself — and she was raped. It’s also possible your girlfriend was drunk but not so drunk she couldn’t consent, JSG, and is overstating how drunk she was because she doesn’t want to share the details with you — details you aren’t entitled to. It’s also possible she was raped and is reluctant to go to the police because she knows telling her story — which could be entirely true — won’t result in an arrest, much less a prosecution, and so going to the police wouldn’t get this rapist — if the guy is a rapist — off the streets and could cause her further trauma.

Zooming out for a second … you assume a man forced your girlfriend to do something she didn’t want to do (fuck him all weekend) and your response is to force your girlfriend to do something she doesn’t want to do (file a police report). You need to stop that. If you think she’s showing signs of trauma, you should urge her to seek help from a rape counselor or trauma specialist, i.e. someone in a better position to assess the situation than you are, JSG, someone who doesn’t have cause to feel conflicted or resentful or angry about what did or did not happen that weekend.

And if you want to end the relationship, you should, JSG, and you can break up with someone without being an asshole or abandoning them. Offer her your support — offer your emotional support, withdraw your financial support — and give her the names of some local rape crisis centers in your area.

8. Deoxyribonucleic Acid 9. An Australian wind instrument 10. Ulysses Grant

I’m a 59-year-old gay man with a problem I’ve struggled with for all of my active sex life. I rarely orgasm during sex. I’m now involved with a couple that has welcomed me to be part of a loving relationship and they want me to be as satisfied as they are. I enjoy pleasing both of them, but they also want me to be pleased. I appreciate this but I feel pressured to come and I just can’t. Any time I feel pressured to do anything I start to feel defensive and shut down. I enjoy being with these men very much and I want so much to share myself with them. How can I overcome this? I feel like I’m letting them down, and to be honest, I feel like there’s something wrong with me because I can’t orgasm during sex. Any help you can suggest is greatly appreciated.

CAN’T ORGASM MOSTLY EVER

This couple sees orgasm as a sign of sexual satisfaction, COME, and it’s usually a pretty good sign. And while it’s always better to err on the side of satisfying a sex partner — you don’t wanna be like FUCKING’s ex-boyfriend — there are people who can’t come during partnered sex or at all. We should do whatever it takes within reason to get our partners’ off, but if a partner tells us they don’t need to come or can’t come but still enjoy sex? We need to take their word for it. So, COME, explain to your boyfriends that you love sex and you love getting them off but you rarely come during sex yourself and feeling pressured to come makes those rare events rarer still. Promise them that you’ll say something when you feel like coming and be clear about what they can do for you when that time comes.

Follow Dan on Twitter @FakeDanSavage; www.savagelovecast.com; mail@savagelove.net

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