Inside the Recovery Community Issue #6

Inside the

Recovery Community Issue 6

What’s Worth Fighting For? Adventures In Recovery

Madinah’s Embrace

March/April 2015

Inside the Recovery Community Copyright Š 2015 by Purify Your Gaze

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system.

The articles in this newsletter are for general educational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice or instruction. The information provided should not serve as a substitute for professional medical care.

Published by: Purify Your Gaze, 27525 Puerta Real STE 100-333, Mission Viejo, CA 92691 Website: www.PurifyYourGaze.com Email: info@purifyyourgaze.com

1 Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community

Contents Apr/Mar 2015

Editorial

3

Live Expert Interview: Dr Archuletta

4

Sobriety Mastermind: Morning Breeze

5

Madinah’s Embrace

7

Embracing Ruthless Honesty

9

Adventures In Recovery: Motivation

11

Reflections On Why

19

Self-Care Cup

25

Spotlight: BrTwoThousand

28

Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community 2

Editorial Zeyad Ramadan CEO & Founder of Purify Your Gaze

I was listening intently and nodding my head as the speaker on stage was talking about the early and challenging bootstrapping days of what is now a very successful SaaS business that serves tens of thousands of small businesses.

“We knew what we wanted to create long before we succeeded, our mission was to help small businesses succeed.”

He went on to ask us questions about our purpose and mission as entrepreneurs, “What is something unique about what you do or that you care about in your venture that drives you?”

And then I could say almost two to three dozen moments and experiences I’ve had with Purify Your Gaze hit me so intimately and almost at once that I started to tear up because I was so overwhelmed.

These moments were all tied together with one central word...

Safe-place.

The awesome Sobriety Mastermind calls, the AIR Challenges, the insightful forum discussions, the Aha’s that individuals have while they are going through the Purify Your Gaze programs... ...these are all by-products of the safe-place.

This is what I was fighting for and cared for on 3 Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community

such a deep and personal level and the hope that kept me going in the challenging moments of leading Purify Your Gaze. The future vision of Purify Your Gaze is also tied down to this as well.

It all made sense so clearly because I knew why I bothered to care.

Many times I’ve worked with clients where they reach a seeming impasse that has them feeling jaded and complaining, “why should I even bother right now?”

I know in that moment they are just ranting and the way they have said it is expressing their resignation but I have always gently mirrored back that same question in the form of deep exploration, “Why should you bother right now?”

Sometimes I will get a, “No! No! No! That’s not what I meant, I mean it like I’m so done with this right now.”

And I tell them, “Yes, I know what you meant but I am asking you a different question. In this moment where it just feels difficult, why are you going to bother right now?”

So I ask you the question, what is it that you bother about or drives you passionately?

You need to not just know this for yourself but also connect with this personal mission and live in accordance to this mission!

Exploring abuse, trauma, healing and spirituality in recovery.

Members Only Replay Dr Hakim brought an alternative perspective to the room, drawing from the nature of the way we were created by Allah and how everything was created for us. By design we can heal as resilient beings, we need not relive the trauma of the past. And who says there’s any such thing as a ‘normal’ childhood? Dr Hakim challenges that notion, “I’d like to see one”.

Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community 4

Sobriety Mastermind

Morning Breeze Every week we meet up on the Sobriety Mastermind calls. It's a peer lead conversation, a supportive, safe, encouraging space.

Abutrustworthy describes his experience being on the calls.

I think of Sobriety Mastermind calls like a morning breeze, which comes and brings with it all the refreshing thoughts and ideas that re-energizes us for the rest of our week.

I started attending the Sobriety Mastermind calls in September 2014 and initially I used to only attend the Saturday morning calls. I cannot find a better word than a ‘morning breeze’ to describe it. It truly is amazing to dial in and get connected with a group of amazing people who come together to advice each other toward that which is good and to help each other stay away from those behaviors and habits that may threaten their sobriety and recovery. Here I need to acknowledge that every time I join the call I get inspired and learn from individuals who are going through the same journey as me. I was so much amazed by these calls that I decided to join the 5 Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community

Wednesday call as well. I think of Saturday morning calls as a dose that take me all the way until the middle of the week and I think of Wednesday night calls as another dose that give me enough energy until the end of my week Alhamdulillah.

Even though I have always been amazed during Sobriety Mastermind calls and I have always learned a lot but among all, one of the statement that really changed my way of thinking of sobriety in general was an idea shared by the moderator of the call brother Yahya in one of our Wednesday night calls. I believe that was the time when he was celebrating his own three years of sobriety and he said something really amazing; he said even though he has completed three years of sobriety, he never puts off his guard because he believes that everything can change in a split second. This was so amazing and it hit me really hard,

“It truly is amazing to dial in and get connected with a group of amazing people who come together to advice each other toward that which is good and to help each other stay away from those behaviors and habits that may threaten their sobriety and recovery.” because this is exactly what I have been missing for so long.

pieces of the puzzle that we always miss in our recovery.

In the past, every time I hit few days of sobriety I felt like I have now recovered and I am now all good and then I started ignoring my self-care and forgot about my boundaries. As a result I found myself broken and fallen down into the ground.

So this was among those amazing points that I had to remember and apply on my recovery.

I realized how entitlement can be the root cause behind negative feelings such as resentment and feeling down or depressed. Many a times people who think that they are selfless and they try to dedicate themselves in serving others at the cost of their own self care find themselves with all these negative emotions.

Even though the members who join Sobriety Mastermind calls share very important information relating to recovery, the concept that was really important and I was not aware of it in the past was that of entitlement and its relationship with lack of self care. This was among those huge concepts, which were missing in my recovery, and I am pretty sure most of the people who are suffering from this addiction might not be aware of this key concept as well. During our call this concept was broken down in very simple words that “entitlement means you feel like you deserve something.” and subhanAllah, despite the simplicity of this concept it is among those important

For me personally this was a great lesson to learn and to apply on my recovery journey, I have always been trapped with this in the past. At times we neglect our own self-care to serve others expecting some appreciation in return and when we do not get what we think we deserve, we built up all those negative emotions which may have adverse effects on our behavior and overall recovery.

I know we all aim to serve others, but we should know how to do it in a proper way. We first need to be good ourselves, mentally, physically and emotionally then only we can share the goodness with the rest of the world.

Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community 6

Madinah’s Embrace After Madinah's spiritual embrace, Hannan found herself back in the pit of addiction. She reflects on her tender recovery journey so far.

In August 2012, I made the unforgettable journey to the blessed lands of Makkah and Madinah. I had spent most of the year at university feeling isolated and alone, so this trip felt like the light at the end of the tunnel. Needless to say, Madinah left a huge impact on my heart and my life, and coming back from that felt almost impossible.

I later found out that holding on to the feeling of being in Madinah was even harder. Alhamdulillah, I managed to hold on to it for a few months, and the classes of sacred knowledge that I had joined allowed me to build on the high for a long time after that as well.

Unfortunately, as everyone here knows, the feeling eventually subsides. A year later, I found myself back where I didn’t want to be - away from Madinah and back in the pits of an addiction. I never thought I’d be back there - I naively thought that because I had been to do ‘Umrah that I would never return to those sins. I now know better.

It took me a year and a half of going for months without relapsing, and then relapsing harder than I ever had before, to realise that I needed to get help. I found an article on Seekers Guidance which had a link to the Purify Your Gaze website, and I watched the free videos straight away.

I cried the whole night watching the videos, because everything in them was a reflection of myself. I initially joined the Breaking Free program, but the Total Freedom Club was included in a special offer, so I had to go for it.

7 Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community

For the first hot seat, I really didn’t know what to expect, but I was a physical and emotional wreck leading up to the phone call. I had never been in a situation where I had to openly express my feelings in front of anyone, but I knew that if I really wanted to get help, I would have to be brave and take that step.

“I had never been in a situation where I had to openly express my feelings in front of anyone, but I knew that if I really wanted to get help, I would have to be brave and take that step.”

The first part of the call was mainly to discuss my TFC starter pack, so I was pleasantly surprised when Br. Zeyad asked me to talk about Madinah - it is one subject that I genuinely love talking about. It had been a long time since I had to talk about it, so it was also quite emotional seeing what state I was in now, compared to back then.

Br. Zeyad asked me to visualise the feeling of being in Madinah - the colour, the form and the position it was in related to me. Again, I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was to visualise the feeling. The hardest part was facing it again, because I felt it had been out of reach for so long. After eventually turning myself around to

face Madinah, I cried. I wanted to cry even more but I held it in so I could carry on the phone call.

It was an amazing relief turning back to Madinah.

I embraced the feeling and let it wash over me, as I had done for the blessed few days that I got to spend in the illuminated city. I realised what was missing from my life - not the physical city of Madinah, but everything it represents. My addiction turned me away from the Prophet salAllahu alayhi wasalaam and his teachings, and the exercise made me realise that. I know this seems fairly obvious (that an addiction to any sin turns you away from your deen), but this was the first time I had realised it for myself.

engaged in more dhikr, and generally felt more positive about life.

Alhamdulillah, the visualisation technique really helped. The feeling of being in Madinah, even though it was a small proportion of the initial feeling, positively impacted my ‘ibadah for a few weeks. I was more ‘present’ during prayers,

I pray that we are able to turn to our own personal Madinah, and whatever that may mean for each individual person going through recovery.

May Allah grant us success and reward everyone involved in this program. AMEEN

Unfortunately, I have relapsed again since that first phone call. We as human beings are created to forget, so I know that every time I forget to turn to Madinah (and everything that it represents), I am falling into a trap which makes me susceptible to relapse. However, I know I am in a much better position to recover now than I was before. Visualising and embracing Madinah has made me want to work harder to keep that feeling alive in my heart and in my life, so it has given me that incentive to keep going.

Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community 8

Embracing Ruthless Honesty Ruthless honesty is a value Yahya strives to uphold. He recently shared a win in the Forum with a powerful story. What happened when his daughter was due to go for her immunisation?

I just wanted to share a victory that was very special to me. One of the phenomenons about embracing ruthless and radical honesty is that it changes who you are without you noticing. Your friends start to make jokes in a very lighthearted manner and they would use a phrase like “just tell them… [insert made up story here]” But it makes you cringe inside because you realize that the nature of their joke is being dishonest. And you notice parents say things to their kids such as “no more TV because otherwise the TV police will come and you will be in big trouble.” When you try your best to stay honest… it doesn’t feel right to make up something harmless even when you deal with a child.

To make a long story short, my daughter needed her shots (MMR and Varicella). She’s approaching two years old, and these are 12 month-old shots, and she should have gotten them already 1 year ago. It’s my fault, I should’ve been much more vig9 Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community

ilant. There was a question of her having an egg allergy and her having a low grade fever during her well-child visits, but regardless, it is unacceptable on my end for letting her go this long without those 2 vaccines. So I made an appointment for her to take her shots at 9:30 in the morning.

We woke up, and we were running late as usual.

I was brushing her teeth, taking her to the potty, changing her and getting her dressed. But all the while I was wondering what to say. Should I tell her that she’s coming to work with daddy?

Should I tell her that we’re going someplace nice and we’ll have so much fun? Should I tell her that were going out to see some friends? I don’t want to live in a world where my daughter can’t trust her daddy. I never want my daughter to have any memory where she trusted daddy and daddy lied to her. So I told her that we are going to get shots, and they are going to hurt. It will be a big ouchie, but that’s okay, because Jennah is such a hard worker. Mommy got her shots… Daddy got

his shots… All big boys and girls get their shots…

And today Jennah is going to get her shots. We’re going to go to daddy’s work, we’re going to see all sorts of nice people, but Jennah has to get her shots today. When my wife was saying goodbye to us, my daughter was telling my wife that she is going to get her shots.

reading Quran. They pretend like they are stretching and working out. They do everything you do.

They use the same expressions and phrases that you use. So any time they do something amazing, it just fills your heart with so much gratitude, because the only place they learned to handle themselves in that manner was from you.

I went to work, everyone played with the baby, everything was going fine, but then it was time for her to get her shots. We took her to the examination room, I lifted her on the table, and she sensed that something bad was about to happen.

Then she started to panic and cry and fuss. I held her down and held down one thigh and she got a shot. Her face changed, the scream came. Then the other shot on the other leg. Switch sides, held her down, this shot takes a few seconds longer.

Anyone who knows a baby when they are really in pain, when they have their entire mouth open but no sound is coming out because they are taking a breath in to let out the biggest scream and cry that they can manage. It is so painful to watch and put anyone through it. Then it was all over.

I picked her up and I held her and I hugged her and I told her how proud I was that she was such a hard worker. It was all over, and she worked so hard, and she is such a brave girl. It hurts so much, but you are such a hard worker. It’s okay now, it’s all over.

I’m not going to say that my daughter behaved excellently because I was ruthlessly honest with her, and I raised her that way. My daughter’s behavior was a gift from Allah. I just wanted to share with everyone that I get hit with these dillemas all the time… should I hide the truth or should I be honest? And It feels like running through a forest, with all the twigs and trees and leaves always slapping at you and scratching your face.

“One thing about kids is that they are mirrors. They do exactly what you do. They pretend like they are getting ready to go to work. They pretend like they are praying.

They pretend like they are reading Quran.”

I kid you not, she cried for about 30 to 45 seconds total. I hugged her, held her, pulled up her pants.

And after about a minute she walked out herself.

She was still rubbing her thighs where the ouchies were, But she wasn’t crying. People could not believe that she had just got her shots. The nurses were saying that normally babies cry well on their way out of the clinic into the hallways.

You hardly ever see any light on the other side or the fruits of your labor. But at that moment, I sincerely felt that my daughter’s amazing behavior was a blessing that Allah (S) gave me because of my persistence at honesty, even when it didn’t matter.

One thing about kids is that they are mirrors. They do exactly what you do. They pretend like they are getting ready to go to work. They pretend like they are praying. They pretend like they are

I just wanted to note that when we do what we feel is right, Allah (S) doesn’t owe us anything. But Allah (S) gives out of his infinite mercy. And he can take things away at anytime. It is up to Him. Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community 10

Adventures In Recovery

Motivation February 2015

Members Only Replay

11 Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community

Adventures In Recovery

Motivation Sometimes, recovery gets too much. What's worth fighting for? The motivation doesn't drop from the sky all the time, it needs to be cultivated by you.

The challenge this month is to answer that question for yourself, and to send us a recording of your What's worth Fighting For?

Congratulations to the members who Participated in AIR Motivation!

AbuTrustworthy Abdullah

BrTwoThousand

Musa

Amir

Sister Iqra

Talib

You threw us back as we heard what you’re all fighting for.

May Allah aza wa jal allow your visions and dreams to come true. Ameen!

Turn over to see what these brothers and sisters are fighting for

Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community 12

What’s worth fighting for? by @BrTwoThousand

700,000 will be gathered at the gates of paradise. I have just joined the group. The crowd is huge! People are beaming, greeting and congratulating one another. There is laughter and joy throughout.

As I approach I am greeted left and right. “Wa alakum us-salam wa Rahmat Ullah!” I make my way to the front, eager to meet them.

There’s Bilal! I have yearned for so long to meet him! I approach slowly, not sure if he’d be interested in meeting me. He looks my way... Immediately he smiles and yells out salam. I rush his way, and he came my way. We met in an embrace as tears fell from my eyes.

“I can’t wait to hear your athan,” I whisper into his ear.

I lift my head and my heart jumps to my throat. There he stood, just a few arms lengths away. He stood with broad, muscular shoulders and a broad forehead. His slightly curly hair fell below his ear lobes.

He looked my way. He had a beaming smile, eyebrows raised at seeing me. I have never seen a more beautiful face.

That moment, no one else existed. I stood, looking into his face, unable to move. As if sensing my stupor, he rushed over, laughing.

He took my hands and looked me in the eyes. “Ahlan wa sahlan ya Bara. I am so happy you made it!” His speech was crystal clear. It was gentle, soothing.

“Rasul-Ullah.” I laughed as the tears fell and I took him into my arms.

He smelled like the most beautiful flower. He held the back of my head as I weeped on his blessed shoulder. I cried and I laughed as a wave of peaceful relief swept through my body, and settled finally in my chest.

There was never so sweet a moment. This is the embrace I have been yearning for.

13 Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community

Two sober years later I am an older brother for my sister, finally, truly. I go back to visit home, she is the first to greet me. I embrace her - I do so with genuine love and care. My shame has subsided over the past year.

In its place, I’ve found love and appreciation for those around me.

She feels safe with me because - finally - she IS safe. I am now a rock for here, one she needs to soar high. We’ve grown close over the past year - she now knows, finally, that she can count on me. Her trust means the world to me, and I am grateful I now stand on firm, unwavering ground.

Two un-sober years later I am numb. I acted out last night. I had gone maybe a week. I thought I was doing OK. I fasted the day before. I made Du’a! I woke up for tahajjud! I knew I wasn’t in a great place. I tried! I feel hollow, as I wake up in my apartment. Without thought, without feeling, I zombie my way to another day at work. I seek relief, I seek adequacy in everything and everyone - bagel, coffee, attractive coworker, fajr I barely caught...ANY OF YOU PLEASE MAKE ME WHOLE AGAIN!

What’s worth fighting for? by @Amir

I am a true and self-respecting man, at peace with his body and masculinity. I am a good son, a loving husband and a responsible father. I am a beautiful and tender man, a real man, who loves himself, is loved and is deserving of love. I am thus a wholesome man.

And it is through this wholesomeness that I reach the truth and achieve the tranquillity of certainty.

Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community 14

What’s worth fighting for? by @Abdullah

I am fighting for a life of honesty towards myself and to those around me, and to turn away from lies, deception and half-truths that destroy trust and feed self-denial.

I am fighting for a life of reflection and self-evaluation, and not one of heedlessness where I busy myself with trivial or even worse, destructive actions.

I am fighting for a life of discipline and consistency where I apply myself and complete that which I set out to do, and to not be distracted nor held back by unrealistic visions of perfection.

I am fighting for a life of care and concern for others and not one of selfish, narcissistic desires.

I am fighting for a life where I can help and inspire people to become better, and not one of jealousy, suspicion and joy at the losses of others.

I am fighting for a life of sincerity and being a man of integrity that holds fast to these values, and not to be someone who shows off and is swayed by whims, desires, and love of praise and fame amongst people. I am fighting to be one who follows in the footsteps of our beloved Prophet Muhammad son of Abdullah peace and blessings be upon him.

15 Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community

What’s worth fighting for? by @SisterIqra

What’s worth fighting for? by @Abutrustworthy

I want to be me, the best version of myself that I can be Insha’Allah. By being my true self and being vulnerable, I am striving to to stop living according to others’ expectations and image of me and instead embrace who I am and accept my state as a powerless slave of Allah SWT. I want to face Allah SWT on the day of judgement and tell him I truly did try my best. I want to take care of myself for my own well-being, and so I can care for and give to others.

I want to embrace the talents Allah SWT has given me as an artist and I want to deal with stress and hardship in a way that strengthens me, increases me in gratitude, and brings me closer to Him. I am worthy and I deserve happiness, integrity and responsibility for myself, and so I must consistently commit to working hard to be excellent and to be that best version of myself possible

My motivations are: 1. Establishing a good relationship with Allah ( subhana wa tala ) 2. Living a whole life 3. Preparing myself for a good marital life In Sha Allah

Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community 16

What’s worth fighting for? by @Musa

I know for sure that it is possible for me to lead the highest quality of life in this world and experience ever-increasing, unending bliss in the next life. I know for sure that this is not in the pursuit of pleasure outside the limits of Allah and I know that it is not in material possessions.

I want to acquire the qualities of the people that I admire. I’ve spent time in their company and I’ve seen the peace and joy on their faces, in their carefree smiles and even in their tears. I know for sure that what they are experiencing is true and is a blessing from Allah and I know that with the grace of Allah, I can also become like that.

I remember being out in the path of Allah when almost without warning, a wave of ecstasy would wash over me and I would feel cleansed from fear and doubt, as if being liberated from the limits of this world and experiencing heaven for a few moments. I know from that experience that Allah will grant me His mercy despite my past and despite my shortcomings, because being Merciful is in keeping with His Majesty and Grace.

I want to become my true self. I want to be able to experience joy in an authentic way and to grieve in a healthy way. I know that the more I try to become like Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam), the more I will become my true self. I know from the example of the Companions of Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) that those who walk the path of Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) go from the depths of darkness to the peak of spiritual development.

Now that the companions have established through their example clear proof of this, nobody can take away from the fact that the path of Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) is a guaranteed path of spiritual development. I know now that this is a progressive path, that there is no arrived state and that I am only at the beginning of this path.

I also know that it’s possible for other people to experience a high quality of life despite what they may be going through in the present. I want to share this amazing truth with others. I want to enable

17 Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community

other people to find a path of peace in this world and of bliss in the next.

So what is worth fighting for (for me)?

It is to experience the highest quality of life in this world and the next. It is to acquire the qualities of the people that I admire. It is to experience the mercy of Allah in my life. It is to become my true self. It is also to enable other people to find a path of peace in this life and the next.

What’s worth fighting for? by @Talib

In the name of God, the most Gracious…

What’s Worth Fighting For: There’s just so much I’m fighting for though: My akhira My marriage My sanity Purity and cleanliness To fulfill my fitrah/purpose There’s a lot I’m fighting for but WHY? BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT TRUE LEGITIMACY IS. I’ve talked to myself a lot about false legitimacy (praise of people, social clout, health, women, sexuality, etc.) but REAL legitimacy sits with Allah.

I’ve spent so much of my life chasing false legitimacy that it’s bred so much harmfulness in my day-to-day I now need to focus on real legitimacy which come back to the point of availing all the avenues Allah has blessed me with to earn his pleasure Marriage in particular really captures my attitude. Women test.

Women test a lot.

Man’s job is to open his heart and provide.

Be the strength.

THAT is my legitimacy.

Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community 18

AIR Motivation

Reflections On Why We caught up with each person who completed the AIR motivation challenge and asked them for their reflections. Here's what they shared with us.

Amir My relatively short journey in life so far has been about growing up, accepting my masculinity and my search for truth, love and peace. Not surprisingly, it was through the recovery journey, via the Sobriety Masterminds, journaling, coaching calls and forums, that I began to recognise these things as my deepest needs and desires and thus began to unravel the cocoon the addiction had weaved around me. When Ustadh pointed out to me that I had a beautiful and tender side to me that many men lacked, I was dumbstruck and deeply touched. Similarly, it was during my solo trip to Canberra, when I was vulnerable to the worst spiritual and moral crisis possible, that after an intense journaling session I admitted to myself that I was mentally and emotionally withholding myself from the possibility of a normal marital life.

This crucial revelation had me in tears and I finally decided let go of my insecurities and accept my masculinity. However, I repeatedly questioned myself as to why I wanted all of this. Eventually I understood that only through these things would I finally feel whole, live life fully and have experiences that would allow me to attain the truth and live Islam fully. Linking back my desires to the will of the Almighty, even in my WWFF, was a most satisfying thing.

19 Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community

Nevertheless, my WWFF still frightens me and makes me feel silly, stupid and uncomfortable. But if a WWFF is meant to challenge you then I am up for it, Inshallah.

So, I think it is time for the bullied, insecure and confused Amir, at odds with his masculinity and desperately searching for love in the darkest of places, to finally grow up, accept, love and celebrate himself for what he is and realise that the potential for all that he wants to be and is so despondent about never achieving, is in fact lockedup, even inbuilt, in him. He just needs to smile and gently coax out the real man hiding somewhere in there. He’s there, I know it.

BrTwoThousand Before sitting down to take some notes on What’s Worth Fighting For, I knew there were possibilities in my life that really inspire me. Things that would be AWESOME if they happened. I wanted to be a person who knows what he wants. I felt that the fuzzy dreams had to be solidified. I decided to visualize the possibilities to the minute details. The decision was preceded by an important intention: that this is a small effort, intended as a Du’a to Allah that He take my hand and guide me to better

5

guidance and new heights. I pray He accepts that intention, and keeps me sincere.

Abdullah My WWFF statement begins with honesty because it was the start of it all.

After deceit, lies and half-truths had thrown me head first down the pit of addiction, admitting to myself that I was an addict started me on an amazing journey of self-discovery, self-love and self-care. It was through honesty that Allah lifted me and let me hold my head high once again.

Then opening up to my family and close friends and being honest with them propelled me into another stage of recovery that let me see the mercy and love of others. Honesty is my shield that

guards my heart, which is the wellspring of my love of myself and others. However, being honest has not often been the easy path to tread, which made it all the more important that I mention it first.

SisterIqra Although I only realize it now, for nearly my whole life, my identity was overshadowed by the praise and approval I got for my academic ability and being a good student. This led to my completing three degrees, never really reflecting on whether I was only doing it because I was afraid of failure and was trying to receive the approval and assurance I so desperately needed from others when I couldn’t provide it to myself.

Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community 20

I always loved art but I stifled my creativity in order to protect my ‘perfect’ image- even when several career tests showed that I needed to work in an artistic field and that was what I thrived in, I fearfully brushed off the results and instead told the dismayed career counselor that I was going to pursue a PhD. It took 18 months, a lot of relapses and falling back into depression and anxiety before I realized how miserable I was. Leaving the PhD in the spring of 2014 was one of the hardest and most transformative experiences I have been through because I did it knowing very well that it would shatter my parents’, especially my mom’s expectations and perception of me. Her comments and disapproval were hard but leaving the PhD positively affected so many other areas of my life, Alhumdulillah, and through that experience, I was forced to not rely on others for approval, but instead truly love and accept myself for who I really am- an artist and a slave of Allah SWT. Musa Growing up, I was always conscious of a deep divide between what I know about Islam and what I practice. I couldn’t figure out an organic process of growth to get from where I was to where I wanted to be. This was not due to lack of access to religious information. I was just not exposed to a path of spiritual development that would accept me with all my flaws. In my late teens, I was exposed to an effort of spiritual reformation through people who had the best conduct I had ever encountered. Through this effort, I eventually met Muslims from diverse backgrounds, many of whom had transformed a great deal from dark and difficult pasts. Seeing so many people go from utter darkness to very advanced spiritual development was encouraging beyond words. I found benevolence and acceptance in this effort that was water to my parched soul. The effort is 21 Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community

central to my recovery from addiction. Those who are investing time, money and energy sincerely in this effort are developing qualities worthy of emulation. Being in their company occasionally has helped me develop my own vision for who I want to become. The destination is far, but at least now I see a road. My WWFF was borne out of my exposure to this effort.

My WWFF stemmed from recognizing within myself fear, and recognizing that the presence of fear is the absence of taqwa (reliance on Allah).

Fear presents itself in many ways, and is one of the core pillars of my addiction. Fear of failure, fear of judgment of others. In addition to fear, it’s the pursuit of legitimacy - of belonging. Throughout my life (I can credit this to the way I was raised and to my own insecurities) I’ve sought solace through the approval of friends, and girls/women.

I don’t want that anymore. With Allah’s help and favor, this is an attempt to liberate myself through servitude to him -- it’s the ONLY WAY to true sobriety, and this is why He’s put me, and all of us really, on this planet.

Abutrustworthy Living a life under the dark shadow of the addiction has always been very painful for me. A life in which I have one side of me striving hard to please his creator and the other side struggling against the vile demands of inner addict. Inner addict creates an emptiness in our heart and pushes us toward aimlessness. Being part of the PYG I learned to set my own WWFF which I can use to constantly remind myself about my ambitions in life. Therefore, I decided to set my key WWFF items on things which have mostly been affected due to this addiction and they are: My relations with my creator, regaining my integrity or living a whole life and preparing myself to adopt the future responsibilities of a loving husband and a loving father.

Adventures In Recovery

Coffee Cup March 2015

Stay tuned to issue #7!

Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community 22

Happy

Birthday Brightstars Kite runner savydude09 philly Badr

student Musa BrotherJaved Tahir Yahya

May this next year in your life be one of closeness to Him, breakthroughs in the areas you care about, and deeply felt joy!

From Purify Your Gaze 23 Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community

Adventures In Recovery

Reconnect April 2015

Stay tuned to issue #7!

Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community 24

Self-Care Cup Just what would you do to make self care a part of your life?

Hameeda has struggled on and off with self care in her recovery, until eventually she got herself a self-care cup.

Life’s daily grind wears us all down over time, and in recovery it’s tough to keep an eye on sobriety when there’s so much going on. I’ve been working on my sobriety for a few years now and have had phases where I could abstain from unwanted sexual behaviors for long periods of time, just because I was too busy with school or just had too much going on. I would be proud of myself for the number of days that I had “made it” and would end up relapsing and fall into the cycle of guilt, shame, a quick Tawbah, and then back to “normal”.

Often, I would run away from my support system just because I knew I would have to actually do some soul-work to figure out what was really going on. (I was, and still am, terrified of that.)

But one of the main tools that Ustadh Zeyad and my friends here in PYG always advised and used as a sobriety-gauge was self-care. I would scoff at the notion of finding ways to take care of myself and actually do those things. I wasn’t a believer in this thing called ‘self-care’. I didn’t think it was important because I saw it more as facilitating my own selfish behavior. I would challenge others in the program, even Ustadh Zeyad, about the purpose of self-care and what difference would it make. But in the end, I gave up fighting this war of ‘to self-care, or not to self-care’ just because I was tired of arguing and not finding any progress with my own formula to sober living.

The first step for me was to really understand what self-care was: what actions constitute self25 Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community

care and where was I mentally supposed to be for it to work. To put it simply, self-care for me is anything you do that helps you connect more with yourself and helps build a safe place within for healing. It’s taking care of yourself so that you can take care of others. It can be the time you take to be more present during the day, treating yourself for something “small”, journaling, or just having a nice warm meal to comfort yourself from the storm you’re in. The amount of self-care you need can vary, based on how you’re feeling, stress, how busy you are, etc. I’ve found that the times when I think of self-care as a to-do list, or just something I need to get done, are the times when I’m unknowingly edging closest to the deep end (relapse).

As I was slowly allowing myself to accept the positives of self-care, I decided that having it as part of my to-do list was not the way to go. With encouragement from Ustadh Zeyad, I began using a self-care cup. I brainstormed and searched the internet for different self-care actions that I considered fun but realistic and wrote them down. On little slips of paper, I wrote each one individually and made the slip visually appealing by adding in some cartoons, writing in bubbles versus print, or just coloring in a background to each item. I wanted to give each item some time as a way of investing myself more into the idea of building self-care into my life. With the slips completed, I folded them up and put them in a cup. The plan was to take a slip out every morning and do what

it said before going to bed that night. If I wasn’t up to doing what one slip said, I gave myself two more draws and then had to select an item from there. It was fun because they were all things that I had chosen beforehand, so there wouldn’t be any rotten eggs, but I also didn’t know if the slip would push me out of my comfort zone for a bit that day. There was an adventure to be had with every slip.

The images above show the second cup that I’m presently using. When the self-care cup was born, the cup I used was generic and held no importance to me and because of some twists along my journey, I abandoned the self-care cup altogether.

Recently, I’ve come back to it because it worked for me before and I need to get back on the stepping stones that were leading me forward.

The irony between what’s in the cup and what’s

written on the outside of the cup isn’t lost on me. It’s actually just something funny and a small reminder on where I want to be going.

We all are on different journeys, working toward living authentically and there are going to be bumps in the road. Leaning on self-care and using this silly cup to keep on track has been helpful in its practicality but also liberating. The small daily self-care rituals force me to put away my “too busy” shield and connect with all of me: the addict, the quiet child, the daughter, the sister, the student, the friend, the bully, the rebel, the adventurer, and the woman in recovery. Connecting and taking care of myself has carved out a place where I can be safe and find the gentleness, joy, and compassion that I need as I journey slowly through recovery.

Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community 26

Inside Hameeda’s Cup - Unplug today - Make something with Nat Geo pictures - Read a poem - Free yourself: forgive others. Don’t hold the weight of their hurting you today.

- Moisturize EVERYWHERE - Pamper yourself - Reading Day/read for 30 min - Draw today - Go around barefoot today (especially outside) - (Blank)…surprise me - Do nothing for 2 minutes, let your mind breathe - Go running (Jason Bourne, ‘Run Forest, Run!’) - Craft project (origami) - Enjoy a cup of tea or coffee today - Do some extra journaling today - Clean out a junk drawer - Go somewhere new - Lay in the sunlight - Learn 3 new phrases in another language - Drink hot chocolate - Be your favorite character for 2 hours 27 Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community

Spotlight Series Interview #2

BrTwoThousand Members Only Replay

BrTwoThousand joined Purify Your Gaze in 2011. For him, it was meant to be five weeks of solid work with the program and that would be it, addiction solved.

Fast forward to 2015 and he’s with us today working his recovery with a lot of introspection, growing in maturity, honesty and responsibility.

These qualities shine through for those who know him.

Purify Your Gaze Inside the Recovery Community 28