Disc 2 Persona & social masks. Social masks hide the real self. The “I’m too good for you” look that models give on cosmo covers is a social mask. if you want to ‘be yourself’ that’s fine, but first you must get past that SOCIAL MASK through c&f/teasing Disc 3 External behaviour + Meaning assigned by us = our beliefs If a belief is limiting you, challenge and change the meaning assigned to it! Reframing limiting beliefs: • • • • • • •
Reframe the external behaviour Reframe the internal state Counter-example (new way of thinking about it) Outcome framing (what’s going to happen if you keep thinking this way?) Allness framing (apply as a complete generalization to everything Reflexively apply to self or listener Chunk down (HOW does this happen specifically? How did you come to the conclusion/belief?)
Life isn’t fair, you won’t get a fair anything. If life WAS fair, then you’d just have to accept your place in life and not do anything about it. LIFE’S NOT FAIR, AND THAT’S A GOOD THING. THAT’S WHERE ALL THE POWER COMES FROM. Two keys to success in anything: 1) Definite Major Purpose and Constant Improvement 1) When you become PURPOSEFUL, it redirects your mind. New doors open 2) Consistent effort CREATES luck. Betting on luck is a really bad game; instead figure out how to GET your own luck. YOU are the only one who cares about your success. More often people want to see you fail, especially if you’re doing better than them. Live for YOU. MASTERY—The land of the Big Boys Newcomers always want to learn the sexy tricks. Learn the fundamentals and MASTER them before applying fancy techniques in any field. ASSERTING YOUR REALITY UP FRONT
WHOSE REALITY IS IT? By asserting YOUR reality as the more dominant one, you assume control of the situation in any interaction. “This is MY reality here, and you’re a guest. If you don’t like it here, you can leave.” BELIEFS of successful men • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
I don’t let women use their looks or sexual power to gain anything from me. There are no special privileges. I’m un self-conscious and couldn’t care less about what others think. I put myself and my life first. I deserve, have permission to date, and can hold an exceptional woman I’m indifferent to the outcome I understand the culture, I get it—style, food, movies, Cosmo, etc I’m a good communicator—especially of what I want I’m in control, and I don’t let outside events destabilize me I’m not needy, I keep my power for ME I think sex is great, and I don’t have any hang-ups about it I can control myself and I can wait. I don’t need to take action right now I don’t tolerate disrespect to myself, my time, or my property I’m a catch I judge people based on CHARACTER, not possessions or outward physical appearance I may be smitten with a woman but I don’t tell her early on, and I don’t let it slip indirectly
Reference/Mastermind group Surround yourself with people who are LIKE the way you want to be! And surround yourself with POSITIVE people to avoid a negative mindset. Avoid negative influences whenever possible, like TV news. Close your eyes and imagine the you that you’d like to be. How are they standing? What kind of posture does he have? How does he handle situations? Now, what are some experiences that that ideal self would’ve had to have been through to reach that state? Don’t criticize yourself internally, it’s just not useful (except when you’re really being stupid). But be NICE to yourself! SCARCITY is a myth! They’re out there, there’s no need to be stuck on one. How do you make someone want something? Make it scarce, connect it to something else they want, make it beneficial, make them work for it, prove that other people want it also, make it a challenge Psychological leaning is a sign of insecurity. It reminds people of their own insecurity and irritates them. Don’t lean! Avoid the “wanting-it tax”. As soon as someone pulls back a little bit, you pull back a little bit further. Never “lean” inwards.
If you ever get a dilemma, pull back, take the more laid back decision and go with it. “Should I call her today or tomorrow?” Call her tomorrow! How would you act if you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was totally into you, but you weren’t that interested, and decided to reluctantly give her a chance to hang out with you? How would you behave? •
Stop trying to impress. If a woman feels attraction then possessions don’t matter.
Always communicate that you are the selector
Take the attitude that you judge without being affected by the judgments of others
Always be picky and tease her about how she’s screwing up her chances with you
Talk about situations where you didn’t tolerate the behaviour of someone in your life, so you ex-communicated them
Always have other things to do with your life and never wait around to see if a woman will choose you
Play the opposite side: “Guys only want me for my body” You: “Well, I kinda just want you for your body too.”
Pay attention to body language! It accounts for 93% of communication. Tonality, mannerism, speed of movement (even blinking)
Be a high-novelty seeker. Take risks, try new experiences, etc.
Keep your COMPOSURE. Take every opportunity to show you can control yourself, especially on occasions where nothing can happen anyway. Pull back and stop, it builds anticipation.
Don’t take testing personally. Have fun with it! Automatic resistance, comebacks, etc are FUNNY…don’t take it seriously
Fear of rejection There are 4 major fears in approach situations: Embarassment Rejection Verbal confrontation Physical violence To face a fear, imagine the worst case scenario and then reframe it or LAUGH at it.
Response to rough shutdown: “Excuse me…I don’t know where you’re from. But where I’m from, MANNERS aren’t optional. And just because your mother didn’t teach you proper manners, that’s no reason for me to suffer due to your ignorance.” “Hi! I’m the kissing bandit! You must kiss me before you can pass!” Hand tensioning PERSONALITY TYPES Guy chicks: Like extreme sports, can kick your ass. Dingbats: Not too bright, dingy. Teenie bopper: Late teens but all into the teen scene. Party girl: Fine as long as you don’t try to get her into any relationship. Romantic (the lover): KNOW that she’s going to fall in love very deeply with you. Controller: Type A and very insecure. Accountant/librarian: Not a lot of social skills, can be tough to relate to. High Profile Drama Queen: Can be very stressful, makes a big deal out of everything possible. Large, Ugly, and Proud: self-explanatory Gold-digger: Will not always show it right away. Can be very manipulative. Emotional suckerfish: opens up to you emotionally with all her problems WAYYY too easily. Can be problematic in a short time. Natural Hippiechick: Fun but UNWASHED! Feminazi: Angry at men in general, may take it out on you. Church girl: Know what you’re in for “Cool chick”: 1 in 10 women will be cool chick! Someone with her shit together, great sense of humour, and few issues. Success-minded people don’t think negatively when negative things start happening all around them. They think “this is the time when success is right around the corner, and whatever happens, I will get it!”
Go by the rule: If a woman is speaking, she’s testing you! Look at any request a woman makes as a test. Accept it or deny it based on YOUR criteria, not hers. If you’re dealing with a woman from a position of scarcity, where you have to get THIS particular girl, you’ve already lost. You’ve given all your chips away—you don’t have a negotiating position. “Are you single? Because I have a friend that I think would really like you.” Deflects suspicion attitude from you, and gets your friend a girl! How to get them to talk to you? Drop conversational hints to friend as they walk by. “I think that secretly all women do it”
Weeding out: “Let’s do tea for half an hour. That way if you’re a total freakshow we won’t be together longer than we have to!” Shows YOU are the selector. Mentally rehearse first conversations with women. Rehearse body language, inner state, responses to common objections, etc “I’m sure that every drunk dumbass and his 9 friends have been drooling and spilling their beer on you all night, but you look interesting to me and I want to find out what you’re like.” Take the attitude as if THEY are trying to pick YOU up Ok to open with a compliment, as long as you do it in an interesting way. “what are you, a statue model?” “You are really…………….(look in eyes)……gorgeous” So what’s with the big purse, are you carrying a gun in there? What’s with the tall shoes? Are you like 4 feet tall without them? Teasing shows lack of intimidation and sense of humour. Look around at other things and seem preoccupied when you first start talking to her. Make your funny remarks with a carefree and detached tone. How would you act if you knew she was TOTALLY into you, but you weren’t interested in her, but you just wanted to see where things would go. Don’t answer questions directly. “What do you do?”
Whatever you say, don’t say it twice. -I work in the slave trade business. Import/export etc. -Ass model -Pornographer -Can’t you come up with a more original question than that? -Gigolo—I hope you make a lot of money! End conversation TOO early, turn around and ask for email, and have her write down number at the same time. Do these jeans make….you wanna look at my ass? Cuz I’m an ass model, and I have a photo shoot tomorrow…I don’t wanna come off CHEEKY. Could I have your opinion? Which pen looks better? This one (hold it up beside face in James Bond pose like with a gun) or this Bic? (cross arm and hold pen up by face with model pose)…How about you just write your email here so I can see how sexy it looks while you’re writing…. (Walking behind you) Are you following me? Listen, I’m more than just a piece of meat! I’m more than just a sex object you know! I mean, I’ve got a mind, and I’ve got some really deep feelings…well it’s your lucky day cuz you can talk to me. They’re gonna ask me to leave soon…yeah…the other guys are complaining that with me around they don’t stand a chance Start calling your waitress NURSE…”Oh, pain, bring me beer!” “Give me a shot to take away the pain” “Tuck me into my hospital bed” Physical approach: Walk past glass, then walk backwards to get another look…look them all in the eyes, then walk on..then walk back!! Doesn’t really work for terrasses, just if there’s glass. Exaggerates the double-take! Cute and interesting “Let’s get together”. NOT “Let me buy you dinner” etc., don’t allow a pretense. Hey, I don’t have long to talk [time constraint], but I wanted to get in touch and say hi. Let’s get together etc etc “If nothing else, you sound like you’d make a nice friend” How do you create an obsession is to have something work sometimes, and unpredictably. i.e. GAMBLING. Intermittent reward. Have UNBORING body language. Be animated, take up space Know exactly what you have in mind before you ask her (shows decisiveness)
Leave her alone once in a while when you’re out together. Following common social courtesy is bad for attraction Don’t give a direct answer to a question unless it’s NO. It’s FUN, and if it’s done with charm and humour then it’s entertaining. Don’t be mean and abusive. “Make love to me/fuck me” response: “I’m not finished kissing you yet” Always send mixed signals. Tell her you want to be friends, then kiss her. Spank her and tell her you did it because she’s such a good girl. Tell her what she just did was unacceptable, then kiss her. Respond differently to the same thing. NEVER BE PREDICTABLE! “my house is a safe place with calm, positive energy. I don’t like drama. If there’s anything you wanna talk about, go ahead.” If I have a relationship with someone, I have three rules: 1) It has to be fun for ME 2) It has to be honest 3) There has to be respect for me, my time, and my property I don’t settle for second class behaviour from myself or others, and I don’t settle for excuses. You’re better than that. Call her a cute nickname. “If you were Disney princess, which one would you be?” Then call her that. First date banter: -Make it clear that you’re the selector, that she’s auditioning for you as much as you’re auditioning for her or more, -Make sure she’s the kind of woman you can spend time with in the future -Leave yourself an easy excuse to leave if she tries to convert you to a religion or sign you up to Amway -Do something after, should the time be enjoyable -Treat her like your bratty little sister -Assume that you can do no wrong and just have a good time -Go light on women that are overly shy or have low self-esteem -Talk freely about men, women, sex, dating dynamics -Treat her like a friend but constantly tell her she’s messing up her chances with you “I thought you had potential but you went and did THAT” Topics: -Comedy -Drama
-TV -Movies -Guess what’s going on with another couple -When were the people around you last laid? Etc Romantic stories, history, and interesting trivia “You have beautiful glasses. Where’d you buy them, Home Depot?” Every time she touches you, say “That’ll be 20$, I’m not giving this shit away for free.” I could marry a woman like you. (really?) I’d divorce you a week later and take half your money Spills something on the ground: (exaggerated gasp) “You’re so embarrassing!” Says something sexual: (act all offended) “Oh, wait, is this the point where you like, give me your opinion? OH, that’s so cute, you have an opinion!” Always be a little bit better…don’t laugh as hard at her jokes as she laughs at yours, play it cool, communicate in ways that show you’re still qualifying her NEVER ask her if you’re her type, what kind of guys she usually goes for, what she’s feeling for you, what she thinks of you, etc. Set the high standards right at the beginning--you’ll get higher results. Give things a little push: -Interpret things as her coming on to you: “I think things are moving kinda fast for me” “I don’t think this relationship is gonna work” “You like me” -Misinterpret what she says: “Go to bed? But I don’t even know you!” Bed, “it”, “in”, blow, etc. all leave room for intentional misinterpretation. How old are you? “Why, do you want to brag to all your friends about how you met this gorgeous older guy?” How many girls do you do this to? “Why? Do you wanna meet girls? Do you want me to teach you how?” You look familiar…I know! You look like my FUTURE ex-girlfriend! She’s so hot I’d follow behind her and finger bang her shadow If you do ANYTHING with enough authority, you can get away with it
Rick invites all the women he met that week to a meeting at the same time, same place. As they come in, he talks to one, then the next arrives and joins, etc. Builds social proof. After a bit of talk he excuses himself to get a drink, while girls talk and gain rapport (doesn’t try to orchestrate the conversation the whole time). Best case scenario: they end up liking each other and you hang out with all of them. Worst case: They compete with each other over you. If one leaves? Big deal! When you assume authority, you HAVE to be comfortable with it. If you’re not she’ll sense it and she’ll bowl you over. You have to be completely congruent with what you’re suggesting. If YOUR universe, what you believe, is stronger than what SHE believes, the dominant belief system dominates/will win. And this applies not just to women but to everything in life: the dominant belief system is going to be the frame in which all the communication is framed. Don’t approach any woman/date with relationship expectations. This puts false pressure on you, causes you to exaggerate positives, downplay negatives, etc. Instead, go in with the attitude of “I’m here to have a good time, if something physical happens then great”. No thinking about relationships until at least date 10. No talking with women about relationships before at least 3 months. Wait at least a day to call her, only see her once or twice a week. Be a man, don’t be a friend. Avoid dramatic talk and deep conversations whenever possible. Don’t get involved! As soon as a woman starts drama, assume she likes drama. “Well you seem to like it, go ahead and do it even more” etc. Don’t become the drama outlet! Don’t let your relationship become one big heart-to-heart talk! Set high standards and expect them to be met. The paradox is the higher you set your standards, the more you bust balls, call women on bullshit, etc, the more attractive you become. The more you kiss ass, become subservient, etc, the more Unattractive you become. Be nice but don’t do TOO MUCH. They’ll think that you WANT something for it. “The Wanting It Tax”. Don’t fault women for taking advantage, it’s natural for human beings. YOU were the one responsible for your behaviour, you took those choices. BE THE MAN always. It sure beats the alternative. THE WUSS CURE: -Put some distance between her and you. Start seeing her half as often or less -Call her once for every time she sees you -Get a life of your own and stop acting like her servant -Start seeing other women -Start focusing on the bad behaviours that got you where you are now and think of how to avoid them in the future
If you say “ok we’re going here” and she says “Why don’t we go here instead” then say to her “Ok, why don’t you pay?” Gentleman? “I’m not a gentleman. I’m a MAN”. “Do you consider me GENTLE? I’ll have to spank you more often then” ONLINE Online, call them BRAT as soon as reasonable possible. Tell her she has no life because she’s chatting with men on the net TYPE FASTER Giddy up! Come on, Speedy! You’re really a man, aren’t you? You’re too old for me Bitches need to be slapped, BRATS need to be spanked “Would you like to have a conversation like NORMAL people, on the phone?” Set the frame. Give your number, and as soon as you hit ENTER, type “I don’t hear my phone ringing” :op “What are you up to? Are you chatting with someone else right now? I’m too busy for that, talk to you later.” How old are you? “Why, are you looking for someone to buy beer for ya?” “It’s not Saturday night, there’s no Sunday school tomorrow, you can stay up” “I’m really 104 but I lie so hot women will want to chat with me” rule one: never take a fat woman out to eat after she gets to your place, go to the washroom. It gives her a chance to look at her surroundings, hear the music, look at the décor, etc. YOU actually have the power. You just need to realize it. Women do themselves up and do everything to impress men. If you’re indifferent to that, you have the power. Bisexuality: Women can sleep with men anytime they want, so it’s not that unique. Don’t get jealous if a woman gives out her number to other guys. It’s what they’re supposed to do! HAVE NO FEAR OF LOSS! As soon as she’s laughing, just reach over and kiss her! She’s in a positive state, act on it! Don’t apologize for your desires! NO EXCUSES You have to be WILLING TO WALK AWAY. Sometimes they’ll chase you down, sometimes they won’t, but so what? Be a challenge.