Voices: Kindness

oices V A SEASONAL MAGAZINE from PENINSULA TEMPLE SHOLOM

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

—Aesop

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CONTENT 4

BUCKET FILLING

by Allison Steckley

12

SPREADING KINDNESS

by Rosa Whitten

6

FLOWER POWER

by Cantor Yonah Kliger

14

BUILDING A WORLD OF KINDNESS

by Arlene Rosenberg

8

CAN A COMMUNITY BE KIND?

by Karen Wisialowski

16

PUTTING KINDNESS AT THE CORE

by Rabbi Dan Feder

10

DAZZLING LIGHTS

by Isaac Brynjegard-Bialik

18

FOSTERING SECURITY THROUGH KINDNESS

by Joel Silk

Beyond the Bimah Podcasts Tune in as our Beyond the Bimah hosts meet with many of YOU to discover fascinating facts and scintillating stories right here in our own PTS community! Watch these conversations online or listen on the go. Stream now at:

sholom.org/beyond-the-bimah-podcast

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Voices Online Blog

Voices blog at:

Want to learn more about what our clergy, staff and members are thinking about, beyond the pages of this magazine? Read more by visiting the PTS

sholom.org/our-voices

PENINSULA TEMPLE SHOLOM 1655 Sebastian Drive | Burlingame, CA 94010 sholom.org 650-697-2266

Leadership

Board of Trustees Arlene Rosenberg President president@sholom.org

Marsha Begun Julie Feuchtwang Roger Lazarus Andrew Oliff Eugene Podkaminer Alison Poggi León Eric Schlezinger Danielle Sherman Joel Silk Nicholas Zeitlin Johanna Werther Andrea Zussman

Marilyn Hollinger Secretary secretary@sholom.org Jason Pollard Vice President & Treasurer John Herstein Immediate Past President Judy Bornstein At-Large Executive Committee

Daniel Feder

Allison Steckley

Rabbi rabbifeder@sholom.org

Director of Early Childhood Ed. asteckley@sholom.org

Yonah Kliger

Rosa Whitten

Cantor cantorkliger@sholom.org

Director of Education rwhitten@sholom.org

Karen Wisialowski

Barry Reich

Chief Community Officer karen@sholom.org

Cantor Emeritus

Gerald Raiskin ‫ז״ל‬ Founding Rabbi

Linda Citron Sholom Women Liaison

Staff Kim Gotthardt

Cristina Piscitello

Preschool Administrative Assistant kgotthardt@sholom.org

Accounting & Finance Associate cpiscitello@sholom.org

Flor Lara

Beverly Rochelle

Custodian flara@sholom.org

Membership Services brochelle@sholom.org

Julie Orton

Lindley Rubero

Director of Finance & Administration jorton@sholom.org

Ariel Pajarito

Education Administrative Assistant apajarito@sholom.org

Clergy Assistant lrubero@sholom.org

Mariano Sanchez

Facilities Supervisor msanchez@sholom.org

Lauren Silva

Director of Youth & Family Engagement lsilva@sholom.org

Shelly Smith

Administrative Assistant ssmith@sholom.org

Liz Vaisben

Voices Editor elizabeth.vaisben@gmail.com

Leslie Weinstein

Assistant Director of Early Childhood Education lweinstein@sholom.org

Visit our website at sholom.org or scan this QR code.

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BUCKET

FILLING D

uring the holidays we are often focused on teaching our young children a very important life lesson.

We want them to be kind and grateful. The Talmud asks that we find 100 blessings a day, 100 things that we can be thankful for.

Being kind and grateful is a high-level concept that can be tricky for toddlers and preschoolers. They are naturally self-focused. But as children grow, lessons of kindness, and gratitude, become more understandable as do the needs and feelings of others.

Kindness first requires that we are considerate, seeing another person’s circumstances and needs. Kindness also requires acts of friendliness and an assumption of good will. And finally, kindness requires selflessness and generosity. When we fill others’ buckets with kind deeds, we in turn fill our own.

Fill our buckets? No, we are not talking about sand and water. The concept of bucket filling has become widely used and recognized as an effective scaffold for learning about feelings. Bucket filling is a term that has become a popular metaphor when talking about positive attitudes and behavior. The bucket itself represents a person’s mental and emotional self. The concept is simple yet profound. It can be understood by a child as young as two and works with older children, teens, and adults.

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by Allison Steckley

The underlying message is that each person carries with them an invisible bucket and when that bucket is full the person is feeling happy, confident, secure, calm, and content. On the other hand, if a person has an empty bucket, they feel upset, down, and unhappy. The goal is to help individuals monitor and understand how full or empty their bucket is as a gauge for their feelings.

A foundational aspect of the concept of bucket filling is that it allows children and adults to better express how they are feeling and better understand how they have an impact on the way others feel. This improves emotional and social skills, encouraging positive behavior and improving self-regulation. A bucket filler is a person who behaves in a way that helps fill other people’s buckets so that they too can feel better. Think of it as warm fuzzies!

Filling someone’s bucket helps to fill our own buckets!

Our Transitional Kindergarten class, the Monkeys, started a bucket filling unit to bond, support, and appreciate each other. Daily, as the children did random acts of kindness, showed empathy, understanding, etc., a drop was put in their classroom bucket. During the day the class discussed these acts and how they made a difference.

Helping someone who is struggling, giving your friend a compliment, or showing that you care are all ways that one can fill a bucket. It is really that simple.

When we talk about filling each other’s bucket we talk about.

= Giving a hug/high five = Smiles = Sharing

= Saying "thank you"

= Manners

= Listening

= Inclusion

= Having fun

= Acts of Kindness This concept seems very simple, and it is a wonderful way to help young children gain language and action to express feelings. This concept supports children learning to include that their words and actions have profound impact on others and themselves. The focus on kindness as one of the greatest gifts and doing what one can to fill others’ buckets gives children a mindset that will allow them to go out in the world with a desire to be/have a positive impact on others.

ALLISON STECKLEY’s

almost three decades of experience in education informs her belief that play enhances every aspect of children’s development and learning.

Allison, Director of Early Childhood Education, started at PTS as a teacher for the parent/toddler class, transitioned into teaching all age levels in the preschool, became Assistant Preschool Director in 2000 and Director in 2011.

She has an educational background in psychology with an emphasis in early childhood and special education.

Allison was one of fifteen educators selected from across the country to participate in the Jewish Childhood Education Leadership Institute (JECELI).

She is also a long-term member of the prestigious National Association of the Education of Young Children (NAEYC).

There is no doubt that bucket filling seems to resonate with our young. Kindness requires selflessness and generosity. It requires consideration and seeing another person for who they are and understanding that everyone has a different set of circumstances. So, I ask you; How will you fill someone else’s bucket, and what/who will fill yours? o

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by Cantor Yonah Kliger

F

lower Power. When the poet Allen Ginsberg coined this phrase in the mid 1960’s a new movement was born. In a November 1965 essay titled How to Make a March/Spectacle, Ginsberg advocated that protesters should be provided with "masses of flowers" to hand out to policemen, press, politicians and spectators. The use of props like flowers, toys, flags, candy and music was an attempt to reduce fear, anger and all of the negative emotions that many people felt in relation to the Vietnam War. Flower Power became synonymous with the hippie movement — spreading peace, love, and kindness…

It is a huge understatement to say that the weeks since Hamas’ horrifying terrorist attacks on October 7 have been challenging for the Jewish community. In addition to an overall dramatic rise in antisemitism, outward displays of Jew hatred on college campuses, city council meetings, and school board meetings have filled our airwaves and our inboxes. Many of us have sadly reported that our non-Jewish friends and coworkers had been shockingly silent. It seemed to be an exception, rather than the rule, for a Jewish person to have reported receiving any kind of communication of support whether via email, text, phone call, or social media.

Personally, I felt it too. Or rather, I didn’t feel it. For nearly a full month after the horrific events of October 7, I heard the deafening silence of about 99 percent of the non-Jewish people in my life. Like many of us, on the one hand, I felt so grateful to have our fabulous community to turn to, cry and sing with. But the feeling of loneliness,

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isolation and abandonment from the rest of the community, from the rest of the world, was palpable and shook me to my core. How was it that no one from outside the Jewish community was reaching out just to check in to see how I was doing? Hadn’t I stood up, spoken out and reached out to my friends and acquaintances when their communities were suffering? How I would long for Shabbat to come again, just so I could retreat once more and hold and be held by our loving community who needed each other more than ever.

And then, on the afternoon of Friday November 3, just before Shabbat, I learned another meaning of “flower power.” As I was running back and forth between the clergy offices and the sanctuary, finalizing the music and the setup for the band that night, I could have easily missed it. Sitting innocently on the counter as one enters the office, as though it were almost a permanent fixture or decoration, I noticed the most gorgeous single yellow rose, sitting in a simple container. Next to the rose sat a beautifully handwritten note on lovely cardstock.

“Dear neighbors and friends and Peninsula Temple Sholom — We are bringing you the most beautiful rose in our garden, in yellow, the color of friendship, to remind you that you are surrounded by so many who care and pray for you, your loved ones, near and far, despite us not being Jewish. Your life is as valuable as our own and we’re mourning with you the horrible events still unfolding in Israel and the Holy Land. We hope God, love and goodness in people prevails over evil, revenge and hatred, so a future of peace can be shared by all. All our love...”

CANTOR YONAH KLIGER joined

As I wiped away my tears, caught my breath, and read and re-read the note, I savored the holiness of the words while I drank in the absolute beauty of the flower. The yellow rose. It was no longer just a yellow rose… it was THE most beautiful yellow rose from their garden! The thoughtfulness, care, and most of all, the love that emanated from this simple, singular gesture of a handwritten note and a flower picked from a stranger’s home garden, filled me with gratitude and love, as I could slowly feel the calming of my hurting heart. But most of all… I felt hope.

That’s the power of chesed. A simple act of loving kindness. o

PTS after serving two Reform synagogues in Southern California since 1996. Originally from New York City, but raised in L.A., Cantor Kliger is thrilled to now be in the Bay Area. Dedicated to creating a bridge between the ancient sounds of Jewish tradition and contemporary Jewish music, Cantor Kliger infuses his passion for prayer with his love of music, performing, and more importantly bringing people together through music and song.

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Can A Community

Be Kind?

by Karen Wisialowski

L

ast year, I was at Disneyland with my adult daughter having a childlike time. It was my birthday month, and I wore a giant pin that said so. Whenever I passed a Disneyland staff person, I received a big smile and a “Happy Birthday, Karen.” It felt great!

In this magazine, Cantor Yonah Kliger writes about a personal act of kindness and how it made a difference for him when he needed it. Here, I am exploring the idea of communal or institutional kindness, like I felt at Disneyland, and how we can make sure that we have it at PTS. My definition of communal kindness is when kindness is embedded in an organization so deeply that it is not only a norm, but it is actively nurtured. It’s a cultural thing.

Center at Berkeley 2 reports that “generosity is contagious; it can propagate within social networks and workplaces.”

Why do we care?

It turns out that kindness is good for us, as individuals and as a community. The GGSC shares that “giving social support — time, effort, or goods — is associated with better overall health in older adults, and volunteering is associated with delayed mortality.” Not only that; actual acts of kindness return to givers in the form of increased happiness. Researchers from the University of Oxford 2 revealed that performing acts of kindness boosts happiness and well-being, regardless of whether that kindness is towards someone with a close tie or simply a stranger. The study found that the greater the number of kind acts, the greater the happiness.

According to another Oxford Study 4 , workers are 13% more productive when they are happy. Kindness, it turns out, is good for all of us.

...positive cultural behavior can spread too!

Cultures can be negative. Some school communities are described as cliquey. No one is surprised when fellow drivers are rude. Our national culture is blatantly divisive and angry. These behaviors snowball, seemingly without end, and have a terrible impact. In a 2020 study 1, the NIH (National Institutes of Health) reported that those who perceived an increase in political polarization had more than 50% higher odds of developing depressive and anxiety disorders compared to those who perceived no change in polarization.

The good news is that positive cultural behavior can spread too! The Greater Good Science

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As individuals, we can do a lot to amp up kindness. We can smile and listen more, assume good intentions of others, and go out of our way to do something pleasant and unexpected. But what about PTS as an organization?

The wonder of PTS and other communities like ours is that we have the power to spread kindness far and wide.

There is a multiplier effect. In many ways, we are already

successful, with kindness embedded in our community’s culture. At Shabbat, we listen respectfully as congregants share stories of their loved ones just before we read kaddish. Our vibrant Mitzvah Meals team has dozens of PTSers cooking and delivering meals to fellow congregants. There is a cadre of individuals who write personal cards from our Caring Community to express joy or support at key moments in congregants’ lives.

Our lay leaders have put into place inclusive policies and regularly send the message that our community’s tent is wide.

Our quest to be caring and kind will never be achieved fully. The staff and board can continue to implement policies that expand our welcome, enhance physical accessibility, and encourage dialogue. There are many steps that you too can take to help PTS double down on its caring and kindness. Some of my favorite ideas:

Our Kindness Jar Next time you are at PTS, please drop a card in our kindness jar. Or, submit your message at sholom.org/kindness. = What kindness have you received recently? = What kindness have you given recently?

Responses will be shared anonymously at sholom.org/kindess and on Facebook.

1. Speak respectfully and shut down unkind speech when you hear it;

2. Wear a name badge when you are at PTS so that others can call you by name (permanent name tags coming soon!);

3. Say hello to someone new every time you are onsite; 4. Learn the names of our custodians and security

guards who work very hard for our safety and comfort;

5. Be a buddy for or call to say hello to a new member; 6. Drive a senior to PTS for Shabbat or another program;

7. Sit next to a single person at Shabbat; or 8. Volunteer to help coordinate one of these welcoming programs.

I invite you to amp up your kindness this year and would love to hear how you plan to do it. Next time you are at PTS, please add a thought to the Kindness Jar. (See inset for more information.) Or, you can share your thoughts at sholom.org/kindness. We’ll share your positive spirit in the hopes that the good feelings spread. o [1] Sameera Nayak et al, “Is divisive politics making Americans sick?,” September 28, 2021, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34247898 [2] https://ggsc.berkeley.edu [3] Lee Rowland, Oliver Scott Curry, “A range of kindness activities boost happiness,” May 15, 2018, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29702043 [4] Oxford University's Saïd Business School, October 24, 2019, https:// www.ox.ac.uk/news/2019-10-24-happy-workers-are-13-more-productive

KAREN WISIALOWSKI is the

congregation’s first Chief Community Officer. A long-time member and past president, she is passionate about family, Jewish community, and social justice. Karen serves on the Board of Directors of the National Association for Temple Administrators (NATA). Previously, Karen was Peninsula Region Director of the Jewish Community Relations Council. Originally from the Detroit area, she holds an undergraduate degree from the University of Michigan and an MBA from Harvard Business School. Karen and her husband Bill have two grown children.

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Dazzling Lights ©2023 Isaac Brynjegard-Bialik

DAZZLING

LIGHTS

I

n an effort to bring light and joy to our building, PTS commissioned a piece of art from Isaac Brynjegard-Bialik, a favorite artist-in-residence at PTS. The PTS menorah was introduced to the congregation last month during Hanukkah. Isaac and his wife, Rabbi Shawna Brynjegard-Bialik, have participated in two congregational retreats and shared a visual d’var Torah during Shabbat in our sanctuary. View more about Isaac at nicejewishartist.com.

Isaac’s words about our PTS menorah…

The seven-branched menorah has been a symbol of the Jewish people throughout our history, connected to Jewish peoplehood, our history, and the land of Israel in ancient and modern days—and of course, it is the menorah whose light we rekindled in the Hanukkah story.

The Dazzling Lights papercut is inspired by that light, with a nod to the “ROYGBIV” light spectrum— connected to words on the PTS website, which state that PTS is a space for “the full spectrum of the Jewish experience.” Its form alludes to the original Temple menorah, as seen on the Arch of Titus, and the rough geometry of the papercut is inspired by mid-century American design trends such as the graphic work of Ben Shahn and PTS architect Leonard Michaels (and the dark swoops are a special nod to the sanctuary’s ark doors.) The comics used within reflect PTS’s core values: Inclusivity, Caring & Kindness, Embracing Change, Human Connection, and Commitment to Community.

winter 2024 ‫ חורף‬VOICES 11

SPREADING

KINDNESS

by Rosa Whitten

K

indness seems simple. Our theme of kindness has me thinking a lot more about kindness and wanting to know what it means. I’m not talking about a definition that I can look up in a dictionary online (who am I kidding?). I would like to know if it’s an action or an emotion. I would like to know what kindness feels like and what it looks like. Although it sounds simple, it’s a word that gets used a lot and holds a lot of weight. With children, you might hear a teacher or parent say “let’s be kind” or “that wasn’t kind.” What do we mean when we say that to a child? Kindness holds a lot of meaning.

I experience kindness every day in multiple small ways, and sometimes big ways. However, daily interactions with people can leave you feeling less and less capacity for kindness. Sometimes the world seems unkind and it’s easy to identify the opposite of kindness, which is often experienced as cruel or hateful. Our busy lives require a lot of rushing, hurrying, deadlines and expectations, which don’t always align with the time it requires to be kind. Fortunately, kindness doesn’t keep a scoreboard.

The more I think about kindness, the more questions I have: = Are there levels of kindness? Is it a spectrum? = Who benefits from kindness? = Is it hard to do? Is it easy? = Does kindness cause conflict or pain? = Do you have to ask for kindness? Is it required, or voluntary? = Is kindness intentional, or accidental? Do you have to be kind on purpose?

= How do you know if you’ve been kind? Is it a one and done deed? = Is kindness contagious? Does it spread?

Asking these questions has sent me looking for a deeper meaning, and I found a book which helped me to understand kindness in new ways — Deep Kindness: A Revolutionary Guide for the Way We Think, Talk and Act in Kindness (2020) by Houston Kraft. Kraft is a public speaker and a self-proclaimed kindness advocate. He speaks worldwide at organizations about the impact of kindness on culture. He has visited hundreds of schools and bravely talks about kindness in front of auditoriums full of teenagers. He shares personal stories and anecdotes to make a case for kindness, and starts with the statement that kindness isn’t normal.

Kraft’s book makes a distinction between: = Confetti Kindness, which is fun, generous, optimistic, random, and we are encouraged to throw it around. = Deep Kindness, which is profound, hard, unconditional, transformative, uncomfortable and selfless.

He also talks about empathy, vulnerability, forgiveness, rejection, failure, embarrassment, and shame. He appreciates common kindness, but illustrates how deep kindness is more personal and makes a distinction between good and great. Even a 1% shift of your mindset can make a significant habitual impact. Kindness, he says, must be intentional and cultivated, purposeful rather than random. Kindness is hard, complex and… deep. Deep kindness can bring a cultural shift and Kraft calls it an “urgent priority. We must redefine kindness to acknowledge it as an essential quality for a functioning and flourishing world.”

Children’s books are often a wonderful source of information and inspiration for me. They contain simple words, uncomplicated, straight to the point. The illustrations give the words more meaning. We have a few books about kindness in our library at home: = Baby Be Kind (board book) by Jane Cowen-Fletcher = What Does It Mean to be Kind? by Rana DiOrio = The Kindness Book by Todd Parr These books show the same values that Kraft espouses, that kindness is inclusive and accepting and ultimately means we are taking care of each other. Clearly kindness is closely linked to love for one another, even strangers outside of our own family or community. Being kind is hopeful.

These sources also mention the importance of being kind to yourself. Kraft points out that when we are depleted, it is hard to think of others. Taking care of ourselves, and sometimes setting boundaries, ties into our ability to be thoughtfully kind.

We are so fortunate that PTS is a really kind place. We give tzedakah to keep our own organization running smoothly and also find other organizations to support.

That’s really ROSA WHITTEN kind. We Rosa Whitten, Director support of Education, joined external the PTS staff in 2023 organizations, and is delighted to design through food and implement education programs for children and adults. drives and Prior to joining the PTS staff, volunteering, Rosa worked at Congregation like our recent Beth Jacob in various roles, most High Holy recently as Executive Director.

Day canned Rosa grew up in San Mateo, food drive and attended CSU Chico and Cañada College, and holds degrees in food sorting Humanities and Early Childhood project for Education. Rosa's family enjoys Jewish Family gardening, camping, hiking and is and Children’s active in Cub Scouts and Scouts Services.

BSA. We do kind things. We support each other through tough times and dedicate ourselves through Mitzvah Meals and our Caring Community to say, “I’m here for you when you are experiencing sorrow and loss." Helping a friend or a stranger is kind. We are really thoughtful in the way we care for one another when we talk about the health of our community and what measures we need to take to ensure its safety. Kindness is deliberate. o

More Ways to Spread Kindness I would love to bring kindness more to the forefront and know there’s more we can do to be kind. We can be even more proactive and deliberately kind, striving for more people to experience more of our kindness. This January, in addition to the main office Kindness Jar, we have a kindness display near the school offices. Please stop by to take a look and explore:

= An activity to share words of appreciation, encouragement or gratitude = Kindness takeaways = Additional books for the school library about kindness, with extra copies to borrow.

winter 2024 ‫ חורף‬VOICES 13

BUILDING

A WORLD OF

KINDNESS by

Arlene Rosenberg

T

here is a beautiful song we sometimes sing at PTS that is based on the words of Psalm 89:3: “Olam chesed yibaneh”— “The world is built with kindness.”

Jewish author and musician Tara Mizrachi argues that the psalmist’s use of the word “built,” rather than “created” or “made,” in this verse is intentional and significant. “The word ‘built’,” she writes, “suggests that the world of kindness on earth is not created by a single utterance[;] rather it is built like one builds a house — brick by brick, good deed by good deed... It requires many hands and much effort and love.”1 We know that PTS alone cannot reverse the selfishness, incivility, and hate we see around us. But because kindness is integral to who we are and what we do, PTS can play a big role in building a kinder world.

How does PTS build a world of kindness?

One way is by being rooted in Jewish values and tradition. The talmudic sage Rabbi Simlai observed that the Torah begins and ends with acts of lovingkindness: at the beginning, God clothes Adam and Eve, and at the end, God buries Moses. Thus, as Rabbi Shai Held has noted, “The very essence of Torah... is a God of love and kindness who calls [the people of] Israel to love and kindness.”2 Judaism’s emphasis on kindness arises naturally from its elevation of the community over the individual.

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In a recent article in The Atlantic, journalist David Brooks asserts that to be kind means to look beyond your selfish interests to focus on others.3 Although as liberal Jews, we believe in personal autonomy, the truth is that Judaism is, as Rabbi Jonathan Sacks has written, “an insistently communal faith.” Unlike traditions in which “the primary religious experience is the private communion of the soul with God,” Rabbi Sacks notes, Judaism challenges us “to bring the Divine presence from heaven to earth and share it with others.”4 That is why our sages considered gemilut chasadim, acts of lovingkindness, to be one of three pillars on which the world rests. And that is why one of PTS’s core values is Caring and Kindness.

Another way PTS builds kindness is by bringing people together in community. Brooks asserts that to become kind, we need to learn basic interpersonal skills like how to be welcoming and how to constructively disagree.5 In the synagogue, we learn and practice these skills every day. As Rabbi Stacy Rigler has written, in Jewish communal settings, “We use our texts and traditions, in conversation with one another, to understand how to be more friendly, considerate, and generous.”6 Rabbi Sacks concurs, noting, “There is something about the tenor of relationships within a religious congregation that makes it the best tutorial in citizenship and good neighborliness.”7 PTS members practice kindness by supporting and caring for one another in joy and hardship. This happens formally through our Caring Community and Mitzvah Meals programs, and informally through thoughtful words, warm hugs, and the act of showing up at a memorial service or shiva minyan.

We also learn how to respectfully disagree. Writers at the Greater Good Science Center at Cal Berkeley assert that the first step in any constructive dialogue across differences is a recognition of your shared humanity with the person with whom you disagree.8 At PTS we recognize our shared humanity with our fellow congregants by experiencing life’s deepest moments together. When you stand next to someone in shul as they recite Kaddish for a beloved parent, a blessing for their child’s Bet Mitzvah, or a confessional prayer on Yom Kippur, it becomes very hard to demonize or caricature them.

PTS’s lay and professional leaders set the tone for our community of kindness. One of the greatest delights of my time on the PTS board has been witnessing the respectful, collegial relations within our synagogue leadership, both among trustees and between trustees and staff. I have also been inspired by the way our leaders are consistently guided by our congregational values, ensuring that all the decisions we make here — from the benefits we offer our employees, to the vendors we employ, to the modifications we make to our physical facility — are based not on what is expedient, but on what is right.

ARLENE ROSENBERG became

President of the PTS Board of Trustees in July after serving for several years as Board Secretary and chair of the congregation’s Social Action/Social Justice Committee. She and her family joined PTS in 2009, following their move to the Bay Area from suburban Chicago. Arlene grew up in St. Louis and received her undergraduate degree from Washington University in St. Louis. She relocated to Chicago to attend law school at Northwestern University, where she met her best friend and life partner, Len Rosenberg. Arlene and Len have two sons — Benjamin, a sports journalist in the Upper Valley of New Hampshire and Vermont, and Matthew, a rising sophomore at the University of Vermont.

The kindness we build at PTS extends beyond the walls of our synagogue. Research shows that kindness has a ripple effect, because people who learn about or witness kind behavior are more likely to behave kindly themselves.9 In addition, our congregation actively works to build a kinder, more just society by engaging in social action and social justice. We also build a kinder future by inspiring our children to be kind as well, by teaching them Jewish values in our Youth Education program and by working side by side with them at events like our congregation-wide Mitzvah Day. In this way — brick by brick, good deed by good deed, kind act by kind act — we come together at PTS to build an olam chesed, a world of kindness. o [1] Mizrachi, Tara, “What Does God Say of Loving Kindness. How Does God Build His World? Psalm 89:3,” Sefaria, 25 June 2020, www.sefaria.org/collections/a-taste-oftehillim?tab=sheets [2] Held, Shai, “The Beginning and End of Torah,” Hadar Institute, www.hadar.org/ torah-tefillah/resources/beginning-and-end-torah [3] Brooks, David, “How America Got Mean,” The Atlantic, 14 Aug. 2023 [4] Sacks, Jonathan, Celebrating Life, Bloomsbury, 2019, pp. 136-37 [5] Brooks (n. 3) [6] Rigler, Stacy, “Showing Kindness,” ReformJudaism.org, 8 Nov. 2022, https:// reformjudaism.org/learning/torah-study/torah-commentary/showing-kindness [7] Sacks, Jonathan, Morality: Restoring the Common Good in Divided Times, Basic Books, 2020, p. 299 [8] Shigeoka, Scott and Marsh, Jason, “Eight Keys to Bridging our Differences,” Greater Good Magazine, 22 July 2020, https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/eight_ keys_to_bridging_our_differences [9] Suttie, Jill, “How Kindness Spreads in a Community,” Greater Good Magazine, 18 Nov. 2020, https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_kindness_spreads_ in_a_community

winter 2024 ‫ חורף‬VOICES 15

PUTTING KINDNESS

AT THE CORE

I

n Pirke Avot, Simon the Just teaches that the world stands on three things: Torah, avodah, and g’milut chasadim — on Torah, on service or worship, and on deeds of loving-kindness. That’s a remarkably high value to place on acting kindly. It’s also a reminder that study and worship alone aren’t enough to transform the world and make it more holy. We also need to do things that engage with other living things, from nature and the animal world to other human beings.

I have been thinking a lot about kindness this fall. On Rosh Hashanah, I spoke about kindness as a theme for the year at our congregation. Three weeks later, on Simchat Torah, came the Hamas attack on Israel. Like with so many of us, my head and heart have been filled with such painful feelings in the weeks since then. The dramatic rise in antisemitic acts after the terrorist attack is scary, perplexing, and hurtful.

Some outside of the Jewish community have stood with us, and yet so many have not. It’s a complex challenge to hold our feelings of grief, sadness and fear and still aspire to act in the world from a place of kindness. And while it’s reasonable to question the relevance of kindness in light of the magnitude of this tragedy, I would argue that kindness is always a value to prioritize.

So, in the spirit of leading with the value of kindness, here are some snippets to remind us of the ways that people, some close to us and some from far away, have led with kindness.

Two days after the attack, our synagogue was filled with those who came to hold pain together. Many were Sholom congregants, and many were not. Three members, one teen, one in her twenties, and one in her forties, spoke with love

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by Rabbi Dan Feder

and pain in their hearts about their love of Israel. Our neighbors from burlpres church came to offer support, including the Reverend Graham Baird, who wanted to remind us of God’s love of the Jewish people. Elected leaders Assembly Member Diane Papan, State Senator Josh Becker, and Burlingame Mayor Michael Brownrigg, as well as Jewish Community Relations Council Executive Director Tye Gregory, all spoke to show solidarity.

That night I felt a little less alone and a little more supported.

At a time when there was a natural instinct to want to turn inward, the larger community response reminded us that there are people who care deeply about us and who will show up in a time of need. In the days and weeks after the attack, we received calls from neighbors and Peninsula residents who wanted to show support and RABBI DAN FEDER offer their help. is the spiritual leader of And in early Peninsula Temple Sholom.

November, a His rabbinate centers on lifelong learning, justice, neighbor and making prayer moving her son delivered and meaningful, and creating a rose and community. Prior to coming beautiful card to PTS in 2006, Rabbi Feder was the rabbi at Congregation to show their Keneseth Israel in Allentown, care, concern, Pennsylvania and an assistant and and support. associate rabbi at Temple Oheb A woman in Israel, who grew up in Marin with my wife Sandra, shared a story about good friends

Shalom in Baltimore, Maryland.

Born and raised in San Francisco, Rabbi Feder graduated from the University of California, Berkeley and earned a Master’s Degree from Hebrew Union College, where he was ordained in 1994.

He and his wife Sandra have three grown daughters.

of hers, about a couple that has three sons, all fighters in the IDF who were positioned next to Gaza. Not long after the war began, there was an opportunity in which they were able to visit one of their sons. They called a hamburger restaurant in Beit Shemesh to order 50 hamburgers that they could bring to all the young men in their son’s unit. The restaurant immediately agreed and offered to sell them at cost. When the parents arrived to collect the burgers, the restaurant refused to accept any payment. They went across the street to get drinks for everyone and, again, the store sent drinks with them and would not take payment.

Our friend in Israel also shared a story that she saw on the news, about a large communal barbecue for the troops near Gaza.

On the second day of the war, a man and a few friends had driven there and set up some grills and start making food for as many soldiers as they could. Within a few days, many more had joined — all volunteers, all the food donated — and within a couple of weeks they were making 18,000 burgers a day, around the clock, with salads and drinks. People just showed up to volunteer and help. There were 12 to 15 grills working, people in an assembly line putting together the burgers, and dozens of soldiers milling about eating. And for one moment, the lives of the soldiers were just a little bit more bearable.

War is horrible. What has happened in Israel is a catastrophe. And what has happened in Gaza is also a catastrophe. And in the midst of the horror of war, I choose to find light and hope in stories that remind me of a core belief of mine: that there is an intrinsic value in connecting with other human beings and leading with kindness.

Kindness is a core value at our synagogue, and I have seen discussions among leaders that have shown the benefit of leading with that value. It makes us stronger at the center. And it will continue to make us better, because it will color our reactions at both the best and worst of times. Like so many of us, I try to live with intention, and a big part of living with intention means not letting the events of the world change who we are. Let us lead with kindness and build the community we envision with kindness at the center, no matter what is happening around us. o

by Joel Silk

FOS T ER I NG SEC U R I T Y

THROUGH KINDNESS I

n the last few months, our world has experienced events that have heightened security concerns for Jewish communities worldwide. The prevailing fear and anxiety, coupled with a perceived lack of control over our own safety, can feel overwhelming. However, amid these challenges, there is a surprising act that each of us can contribute to enhance our security posture — kindness.

Contrary to the belief that security and kindness are mutually exclusive, kindness can play a pivotal role in bolstering our safety and security posture. You may have

already noticed some of the ongoing and recent security focused changes at PTS; additional security guards, locked doors, sign-in sheets, etc. These enhancements have been intentionally crafted with kindness and community engagement in mind, but they still achieve their intended security goals. Inclusion, marked by a warm hello or a friendly smile, can influence the decisions of potentially hostile actors. Recognizing this connection is imperative, as security involves more than just physical or technical measures; it is also about nurturing a sense of community and connection. w winter 2024 ‫ חורף‬VOICES 17

In their “Power of Hello Guide for Houses of Worship1,” the Cybersecurity & Infrastructure Security Agency (CISA) recommends an approach known as OHNO — Observe, Initiate a Hello, Navigate the Risk, and Obtain Help. This approach emphasizes the significance of a simple, kind greeting as a means to initiate casual conversations and assess potentially suspicious behaviors.

Observe

Observation forms a crucial aspect of security, involving the identification of various indicators related to behavior, context, and attire that may signal suspicious activity. Proactively addressing potential threats becomes feasible by recognizing signs such as visitors studying or being overly inquisitive about our security measures, loitering without explanation, avoiding cameras, and carrying unusual items.

Hello

Initiating a Hello suggests using kind greetings and maintaining eye contact to positively influence a visitor's reaction. This simple act of kindness serves not only as a welcoming gesture but also as a powerful security tool to assess potential threats in a non-threatening manner.

Asking questions such as "How are you?" or "Is this your first time at PTS?" can make a significant impact on a newcomer as well as provide critical insight into a stranger’s intentions.

Navigate Risks

Navigating risks involves observing, considering context, and mentally assessing situations. CISA encourages congregants and staff to detect behaviors that may arouse reasonable suspicion of violence or other criminal activity. It emphasizes the importance of detecting threats, abusive language, statements indicative of harm, and exaggerated gestures. If you observe concerning behavior, promptly report it to staff or clergy members.

Obtain Help

In situations where something doesn't feel right, obtaining help is crucial. Remembering the 5 Ws — Who, What, When, Where, and Why – helps provide accurate information to authorities. This step ensures a swift and appropriate response to any potential threat.

Kindness is not counter to security; rather, it can be a powerful tool that enhances the safety of our community. Kind words, warm greetings, and a sense of inclusion create an environment where everyone feels a part of something greater while providing vital information about potential threats. As the Chair of the PTS Safety and Security Committee, I encourage each of us to recognize the role kindness plays in fostering a secure and welcoming environment for our community. Together, we can continue to build an inclusive and kind community that is also strong, safe, and secure. o [1] Cybersecurity & Infrastructure Security Agency. "The Power Of Hello Guide For Houses Of Worship." 2022, https://www.cisa.gov/topics/physical-security/non-confrontational-techniques/ power-hello

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JOEL SILK serves as a

member of the PTS Board of Trustees and the Chair of the PTS Safety and Security Committee where he draws on his professional experience as Senior Director of Safety Operations at Roblox and as a retired Air Force Intelligence Officer. Joel and Jennifer have been married for 23 years, and have two kids, Asher (8) and Zoe (6).

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