Since you’ve been gone

Anna Noumtinis Bilingual Journalist

Since you’ve been gone, much has changed, yet a lot has stayed the same.

Since you’ve been gone, I’ve done a lot more self care. You name it, and I’m doing it: skin care, hair care, nail care.

Since you’ve been gone, I’ve developed a habit, an obsession with getting my nails done. I’m always thinking up new colours and designs I want to try.

You would hate how long they’ve gotten, but I love it.

Since you’ve been gone, I’ve been seeing my friends more. We go out and try new things, or just repeat old favourites. I went to a concert for the first time!

Since you’ve been gone, I’ve taken up some hobbies, and learned new skills.

I’m trying to learn to roller-skate; it’s been a rocky start, but I know I’ll get there eventually!

Since you’ve been gone, I’ve improved my language ability in my second and third languages. I’m learning a fourth language, Portuguese, and I’m actually pretty good, at least according to Duolingo.

Since you’ve been gone, I’ve met a lot of new people.

I’ve made friends with some, and learned from others what I don’t want from relationships.

I know what healthy relationships look like, and I’ve made deeper connections with people I knew before, too.

Since you’ve been gone, I have gained a newfound perspective toward how people treat me, an attentiveness to kindness and care; it makes life feel softer.

Since you’ve been gone, I have gained a new confidence in myself, and in my abilities.

I look in the mirror and think, “Damn, girl!”

It sounds narcissistic, but it’s not.

Since you’ve been gone, I have learned what genuine love looks and feels like.

That you can have multiple soulmates, and that some of your soulmates aren’t romantic partners.

Fuck, sometimes I wish you were here so you could see it!

See all the changes, the new attitude and outlook I have on life.

I know you can’t be here, though: these changes wouldn’t have been possible with you.

If they were, then they would have happened a long time ago.

I wish I could have brought you along for the ride.

I wish you could have grown and changed with me.

I hope you would feel proud of all these changes, and not mad.

I know you hate change.

I hope you are learning to welcome it and embrace it; it’s the only way to grow.

Oh mes cheveux bouclés

Shilpa Ahluwalia Photographer

Oh mes cheveux bouclés, frisés, courts, moyens et longs… Je vous aime. Je vous apprécie. Je suis fière de vous.

Je suis désolée… je vous dis. Je suis désolée pour ne pas vous avoir apprécié au passé.

Un R Ve Sans Fin

Connor Boyd Contributor

je ressens la chaleur, sur les paupières je respire à fond, les yeux fermés un soupir, je les ouvre, une forêt proche toute seule, face aux arbres et rien de moins enfin, c’est calme, tranquille j’aime le soleil je suis immobile je pense qu’elle est là-bas je veux tout dire, tout ce qu’on sera tout ce qui s’est passé, tout ce qu’on veut dire ce que je vais faire, ce que je vais lire je rêve de ce jour, mais je le sais : il n’arrivera jamais

Je comprends votre importance maintenant, votre beauté, votre unicité.

J’aime comment vous êtes adorés par les autres.

J’adore toutes les différentes formes que vous prenez.

J’adore comment vous rebondissez quand je vous tire.

J’adore votre douceur.

Oh mes cheveux bouclés, frisés, courts, moyens et longs… Je vous aime.

Julie Mango Blossoms

Elton Campbell

Layout Designer

(Trigger Warning): Mentions of selfharm and suicide

Julie Mango’s birth name is Juliet Angelique Bodley. Her father gave her the nickname ‘Julie Mango’ as a child, because she often picked and ate mangoes from a “Julie Mango” tree at the front of their yard. Julie Mango is an actress, content creator and influencer, professional speaker, mistress of ceremonies (MC), recording artist, and mental health advocate. She was born in Jamaica, and grew up in the parishes of Clarendon and Manchester. Her parents divorced when she was just nine years old, and shortly afterwards, Bodley and her mother relocated to the parish of Manchester. She rose to fame November 2020, after performing and posting a short skit that compared Jamaican and American styles of demonstrating praise and worship at church. The number of views were astronomical, and the feedback was favourable. Her followers wanted more content from her, and she was more than happy to deliver. Bodley’s hilarious content highlighting the average Jamaican way of life, along with her usage of Jamaican patois, quickly cemented her as a top-tier social media personality.

In 2021, Mango resigned from her 9-to-5 job working as an engineer in Missouri, in the United States of America. Her leap of faith in quitting her job at 40 to pursue her passions has paid off, generating numerous accolades. Mango was the Social Media Ambassador for Jamaica’s 60th Year of Independence, and was awarded the Best Jamaican Social Media Personality of 2022 by Jamaicans.com. She has also demonstrated her versatility by hosting the Chairman’s Dinner event with international superstar Shaggy, as well as speaking on the topic of “Content Evolution: Changing Content for a Changing World” as a panelist at the inaugural staging of the Island Music Conference (IMC), held from February 8-12, 2023, in Kingston, Jamaica.

However, despite her success, Bodley has also faced personal struggles; she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and remembers self-harming by cutting herself as early as age eight, due to the pressure of constantly being compared to others. On the television program Sim Soul Sessions, she stated in an interview that, “My worth was always measured by how well I was doing in comparison to another child…or kid…or even sometimes another adult. If there was ever a time I was weighed, measures, and found wanting, then I would believe that my value had dropped…so I didn’t know how to value myself from an early, early, early age.” Mango also explained that her reason for speaking about this was not to attack her mother, but rather to educate others, and encourage positive parenting within their society.

Bodley has also faced relationship challenges throughout the course of her life, as a result of her mother’s words painting a gloomy picture of her father in her mind. At the time, her mother was going through an excruciating divorce, and was not conscious that her words were adversely impacting Bodley’s perception of her father, and men in general. This perception accused her father of choosing his second wife and other children over her, and caused Bodley to adopt an ‘absentee father mentality.’ However, she acknowledges that when they shared a home as a family, her father continued to make an effort to be in her life and support her, and is the only parent that she remembers openly saying, “Julie, I love you.” Mango’s confusion spurred her belief that men would begin a relationship with a loving manner, then suddenly abandon their partner. The resulting, overwhelming sense of devaluation continued to impact her well into her adult life, as she began seeking validation in men, affecting her relationships and obscuring her outlook on love. Relationship challenges drove her to attempt suicide twice.

Through years of therapy, Mango has learned self-life, and has a new perspective toward life. She now wants to continue living, instead of dying. She continues to work towards becoming more self-confident, breaking her habit of people-pleasing, and improving herself overall. She stresses the importance of therapy on all her platforms, and on morning television show CVM at Sunrise in 2022, stated that, “Your hobbies cannot cure you…your hobbies are there for you to enjoy life and for you to heal on a daily basis, but if you have a mental illness, your hobbies cannot heal you, you have to go through talk therapy so that you can enjoy your hobbies… If you have a mental illness the hobby will just serve as a distraction…Look how many great athletes have killed themselves… Your hobby doesn’t heal you, it is whatever kind of therapy that will heal you and then when you are healed you are able to properly serve your hobby to the world, you’re able to healthily enjoy your hobby and not become a slave to your hobby…” In the same vein, she spoke about her debut single, “Otherside,” an Afrobeat-inspired song. The single is a mental health advocacy anthem, reflecting on Mango’s mental health struggle, including the untreatable facets of the past, and the treatable aspects of the present. She also uses the single to reflect on how content creators and other individuals may seem alright online, but secretly suffer in silence from their deteriorating mental health.

Now that you ‘truly know Julie Mango,’ you can watch, like, comment, and share her content on your platform of choice. Mango can be found at @iamjuliemango on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter; I promise you won’t regret it!