Beyond the Mirror
RECLAIM CONFIDENCE & QUIET THE INNER CRITIC
Body changes cancer survivors might experience
• Temporary or permanent hair loss
• Weight gain or loss
• Fatigue or weakness
• Scars
• Loss of limbs, breast or other organs
• Changes in sexual abilities
• Infertility or Menopause
• Swelling
That discomfort you’re feeling is grief
Denial - “I don’t like to think what upsets me about my body, so I avoid it, push it out of my head””
Anger - ”This sucks. It isn’t fair! I feel annoyed and irritated when I see others who are healthy.”
Bargaining - “When I lose 15lbs I will feel better.”
Sadness - “I feel sad, lost and worried I will never feel ok”
Acceptance - “It is what it is. I feel upset at times and grateful for the friendships who love me no matter what"
Living with Worry, Fear & Uncertainty
• Most cancer survivors live with some worry and uncertainty
• This may feel as if they have little control over their lives.
• These feelings often change and get better over time.
• Learning that these emotions are normal can be helpful, but it does not take away the work of learning to care for yourself.
The Power of Thought
Thoughts control how people view themselves, others and their environment and this impacts their mood and behavior.
Spell it out for me… what exactly is body image?
• Body image is what you believe about your appearance or how you feel about your body.
• Body image can be influenced by:
– How we look or think we look.
– How we feel about ourselves.
– How we think others feel about us.
How do I...
1. Become more aware of my distressing thoughts?
2. Let go of the struggle with these negative thoughts?
3. Replace or learn to work with my upsetting thoughts?
Goals of connecting thoughts, feelings and behavior:
• Fine tuning self-awareness helps us care for ourselves in smart and effective ways.
• Building skills (tools) to recognize narratives that are not helpful and redirect our thinking gives us psychological flexibility.
• Reduce the impact of stress and anxiety
• Learn language to express feelings and ask for support
Emotional Regulation
When we are calm
Feel better Act smarter
Make decisions more easily
Engage with others
Take positive risks
Receptive to new ideas
Breathe Into It
• Paying attention to breath can be a powerful ANCHOR to the present moment.
• Notice breath leaving the nostrils, chest rising and falling, the break between the wave of inhalation and exhalation.
• Reconnect with your body.
• Focus on the way breathing feels throughout your body
Notice Body Sensations
• Pause and notice your heartbeat
• Drink cold water and notice the sensation as you swallow
• Cuddle a pet – notice fur, whiskers, purr…
• Tune into the temperature of the room on your skin
• Have a healthy snack and notice the flavor, the texture, the sensation of chewing and swallowing.
• Get into water (wash your hands or face).
The Power of Touch
• Focus on the physical sensation of touch to activate your parasympathetic nervous system
• Notice the texture of your clothing or run your hands/feet on something rough or smooth.
• Rock your feet toe to heel to engage the muscles in your feet and notice the ground/grass
• Wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a tight hug, stay and breathe
• Sway or rock your body and notice the change in weight, rhythm of the movement
Get to know the narrative
• Write your thoughts down.
• Divide a piece of paper in half and list all the thoughts you notice that are contributing to your distress on one side of the paper; your feelings about that thought on the other side.
Write (or Talk) It Out
• Getting thoughts out of our head helps us balance fear and worry and find perspective.
• Identifying questions can direct conversations with a medical team, boss or loved one.
• Starting point for challenging worry and fear or “finding more truths”
• Did you discover any Thought Traps?
Thought Traps
Common Thought Traps
• Catastrophizing
• Shoulds (must or ought)
• Assumptions
• Jumping to conclusions
• Personalizing
• Filtering
• All or nothing
• Over-generalizing (always, never, everything, nothing)
• Control fallacy
Separate from the thought
Most of the time we live in a state of automatically believing what we think to be true.
When you recognize a distressing thought can you pull away from it a bit to see it differently?
• Say the thought out loud.
• Start with “I am having the thought…”
• Add “I notice I am having the thought…”
Balancing Thoughts
Negative thoughts can feel critical, foreboding or judgmental. Balance your thinking. Make room for opposite thoughts in your mind.
• For every negative/upsetting thought can you list FIVE value or uplifting thoughts?
Watching for the 4 Horsemen
Criticism breeds hurt and helplessness.
2. Contempt feels mean, disrespectful, ridicule. Fueled by long simmering thoughts.
3. Defensiveness not taking accountability or responsibility for change
4. Stonewalling is withdrawing, ignoring hurt, dismissing needs. Turning off.
1.
Responding Compassionately to the 4 Horsemen
1. Criticism: Shift shame & blame to “I feel & I need”.
2. Contempt: Notice what is working, what you appreciate. Small choices often.
3. Defensiveness: Take responsibility for the next one step forward. Ask ”How can I be helpful?” or “Where can I take action?”
4. Stonewalling: Walk away from the argument to regulate. Stop. Take a break. Self-soothe. Find calm.
Listening in new ways
Journaling can be a way to better understand your THOUGHT → FEELING connection.
Try these prompts:
• What emotion(s) and I trying to avoid?
• Why am I trying to hide from this emotion?
• What is preventing me for addressing this feeling?
Getting to know this changed physical self
1. Set an intention of curiosity and care
2. Give yourself time, space and permission to feel whatever comes up for you.
3. Remind yourself a feeling is simply a feeling and there are no right/wrong or good/bad feelings
4. Acknowledge moments of confidence, strength or contentment
5. Connect with other survivors
