Q inform | inspire
April 5, 2018
Midtown Gets NEW GAY BAR Obsess-Worthy QUEER PLAYLIST
TRANS MISSION
Atlantan Feroza Syed Makes a Splash
Opponents Target LGBTQ LAWMAKERS
Q Shots
Are You in a Relationship OR RELATIONSHIT?
Queer Agenda
The Q
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EDITOR’S NOTE Q Q MAGAZINE THE WEEKLY PUBLICATION OF PROJECT Q ATLANTA PUBLISHERS INITIAL MEDIA, LLC MIKE FLEMING PUBLISHER & EDITOR MIKE@QMAGATLANTA.COM MATT HENNIE PUBLISHER & BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT MATT@QMAGATLANTA.COM RICHARD CHERSKOV PUBLISHER & GENERAL MANAGER RICHARD@QMAGATLANTA.COM ADVERTISING SALES RUSS YOUNGBLOOD SENIOR SALES REPRESENTATIVE RUSS@QMAGATLANTA.COM ART DIRECTOR JOHN NAIL JOHN@QMAGATLANTA.COM CONTRIBUTORS LAURA BACCUS BUCK C. COOKE JON DEAN BRAD GIBSON TAMEEKA L. HUNTER SUNNI JOHNSON ERIC PAULK VINCE SHIFFLETT ALEXANDRA TYLER DISCLAIMER The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the various authors do not necessarily reflect opinions, beliefs or official policies of Q Magazine or its publisher Initial Media, except where individual publishers’ names specifically appear. Appearance of photos, credits, or names in this publication neither implies or explicitly states the sexual orientation or gender identity of its subject. Q Magazine and the author of each article published on this web site owns his or her own words, except where explicitly credited otherwise. Articles herein may not be freely redistributed unless all of the following conditions are met. 1. The re-distributor is a non-commercial entity. 2. The redistributed article is not be sold for a profit, or included in any media or publication sold for a profit, without the express written consent of the author and this publication. 3. The article runs in full and unabridged. 4. The article runs prominently crediting both the author’s name and “courtesy Q Magazine.”
Vision
QUEST
Queer Atlanta newsmakers, artists and nightlife mavens are on a mission
A TRANS WOMAN OF FAITH, TWO GAY bar owners, a drag queen, eight event organizers, and four LGBT elected officials walk in… It sounds like the beginning of a good story, and it is. It’s actually your introduction to this issue of Q magazine. Each of our subjects adds their unique vision to queer Atlanta’s continually evolving reality. Our cover story profiles Feroza Syed, a Muslim real estate broker who publicly dismantled her quiet life as a married lady who “passed” as cisgendered. Alongside our photo essay by James L. Hicks, Syed opens up about life since coming out as a trans woman, and what she plans to do with the newfound notoriety. Other Q-ATLiens this week are likewise no strangers to making tongues wag. First in Q News, two of four MIKE FLEMING Georgia House representatives are being targeted by EDITOR & PUBLISHER opponents in the next election. Then nightlife promoter Keith Young joins forces with Jungle’s former owner and Q co-publisher Richard Cherskov to take over Midtown Tavern as Atlanta’s newest gay bar. Speaking of bars, you may think you know Tossed Salad ringmaster Brigitte Bidet. Think again. In this week’s People column, her male alter-ego dances in Atlanta Opera’s latest production. Not only does his casting make the show queer-inclusive, its moving, mesmerizing content is quite specifically gay. Find out why the performer calls it a don’t-miss opportunity for LGBTQ audiences. We talk a lot in Q about how, rather than a singular voice, the local queer experience is a cacophony of diverse perspectives. There are as many “queer” things to do, watch, engage with, and think about in the queer village as there are villagers. Look no further than the smiling faces on eight glorious pages of Q Shots. We also lay out the next best opportunities to snap your mug in the Queer Agenda calendar of upcoming events. 10 Queer Things suggests new music for your queer playlist, and over in The Q advice column, one Atlantan isn’t exactly over her ex, while another is collecting a chorus of them. The imagery and stories come together week after week to add a piece to the bigger picture, and we at Q are just happy to be along for the ride. Pick us up each week, and check in daily for fresh content on our Project Q Atlanta homesite at theQatl.com. theQatl.com
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INSIDE THIS ISSUE VOLUME 1 ISSUE 20
APRIL 5, 2018
PEOPLE Got Moves
18
COVER STORY
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Out Now Feroza Syed busts barriers
10 QUEER THINGS
13 8
Make Me Feel
24 Artful Dodgers
Obsessed with these songs and albums NEWS
12
New Gay Bar
29 Princess Party
Midtown Tavern open for business
FEATURES Q Voices Q News
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Q Shots
24
Queer Agenda The Q 4
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17 38
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35 R-E-S-P-E-C-T
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Q
Q VOICES
Relationship vs.
RelationSHIT Are you prouder of your longevity together than the quality of those years? SO YOU HAVE BEEN WITH YOUR HUSBAND, WIFE, partner, or significant other for five years, 10 years, 20 years and counting. Is that a good thing? Why do you stay? Are you happy and fulfilled in the relationship, or is it a relationSHIT? I have certainly experienced both in my lifetime. I have noticed that we take great pride in how long we’ve been with someone. We wear it like a trophy. We announce it to everyone. “We’ve been together for 10 years.” If you are happy and fulfilled in your relationship, then it is a beautiful thing. But why do people continue to stay when they are not happy and fulfilled? Why do we stay in relationSHITS?
RelationSHIP RelationSHIT Respect Disrespect Meaningful conversation Silence Love and Adoration Disregard Affection and Intimacy No touching or Sex Synergy Discord Allowing Controlling Growth Stagnation Romantic Love Platonic Love He is part of my family and one of my dearest friends on earth. I cherish him and his beautiful new partner. It is the same in all our relationships in life. I talked with one of my nursing colleagues who expressed unhappiness in the relationship with her job. I asked her, “What keeps you here?” Her reply was “fear.” I encouraged her to step out of her comfort zone and trust that the Universe (God) would always have her back. She was miserable in the relationSHIT with her job.
I was in a beautiful 18-year relationship with an incredible person. We too would often boast about how long we had been together. We were so proud of that. The truth is, the last two or three years of the relationship we were nothing but roommates and friends. The romance had long faded. There had been no real sexual intimacy in years. Sexual health is part of optimal health making sexual intimacy a very important part of romantic relationships, and we had let that go.
V I N C E S H I F F LET T
The loss of romance and sexual intimacy left us both feeling some sense of emptiness. Everyone wants to be held. Everyone wants that affection and human intimate connection. Somewhere along the way we had lost that. So why did we stay together and continue to just go through the motions? We finally got up the courage to talk about it and admit the truth instead of pretending. We decided to let each other go and give each other the freedom and opportunity to find that romantic love again. It was incredibly difficult but turns out it was the best thing ever to happen in both our lives. We did it because we loved each other. We decided to stop pretending we were lovers because we weren’t anymore. We still loved each other and still do to this day. Just in a different way.
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We often cling to longevity. We place great value on longevity at all cost. I too value longevity, but not at the cost of my happiness. I had gotten really good at pretending to be happy in my 18 -year relationship, especially when we were around others. It was far from the truth. I was empty and void, and so was he.
I talk to people everyday who are frustrated in their relationships. They say there is no excitement. No affection. No intimacy. People who are in committed relationships proposition me for sex regularly. They admit that, “I haven’t had sex with my partner, husband, wife in years.” They admit to being unfulfilled and unhappy in that area, yet they stay and pretend that everything is awesome. Flush that relationSHIT down the toilet and make space for that beautiful relationSHIP. If you are in a relationship, continue to nurture it, cherish it, adore it, respect it, and give gratitude for it. Vince Shifflett is a critical care Registered Nurse, writer, and thought contributor living in Atlanta. Read more of his work at vinceshifflett.com.
Q
10 QUEER THINGS
“Make Me Feel”
Janelle Monae on Dirty Computer
“Curious.” Hayley Kiyoko on Expectations
Lend Me Your
EARS 10 songs and albums we are totally obsessed with right now
Digital Rain
Johnny Jewel
Pop
2
Charli XCX Special thanks to Buck C. Cooke and Sunni Johnson
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“Little Dark Age” MGMT
“My My My!”
Troye Sivan
Masseduction
St. Vincent
“Lullaby” Sigala ft. Paloma Faith
“Every Time I Hear That Song” “Dancing” Brandi Carlile (Initial Talk Remix)
Kylie Minogue
on By the Way, I Forgive You
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News | Events | Culture | Photos | Podcast
IN PRINT WEEKLY new content online daily
Q Magazine 10
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Project Q Atlanta
Q NEWS Q
Under
SIEGE
Election opponents target two of Georgia’s four LGBTQ lawmakers By Matt Hennie THE FOUR OPENLY LGBTQ LAWMAKERS IN THE Georgia House are running for re-election, but two of them – Reps. Park Cannon and Sam Park – face opponents and Park is being targeted by Republicans who want to unseat the firstterm lawmaker.
for me to continue working towards progress in the state House.” Shannon, a first-term lawmaker from District 84 in Decatur, came out as bisexual in October. Her campaign for a second term is her first since publicly identifying as LGBTQ. “I don’t have opposition,” Shannon tells Q. “But obviously I’m still going to work hard to make sure that I reach out to my constituents during the campaign season so that I can reach all the folks I didn’t reach initially to get elected.” Drenner, who was first elected to the House in 2000, is running for her 10th term. Like in 2016, she faces no opposition for the District 85 post, which includes Avondale Estates. The four LGBT lawmakers in the state House continue to battle against “religious freedom” legislation and other anti-gay bills, while also trying to lobby for LGBT-inclusive legislation. Park says it’s critical for other lawmakers at the State Capitol to see and hear from LGBTQ colleagues.
All four Democrats – Cannon, Park and Reps. Karla Drenner and Renitta Shannon – qualified to run for another term in March. Cannon faces opposition in the Democratic primary, and Park is being challenged by the anti-LGBT Republican that he unseated in 2016. “I’m going to be their top target for the Gwinnett GOP. They’re going to fight hard to get back their seat because I stole the jewel of Gwinnett County,” says Park, who made history in 2016 by becoming the first Korean-American and first gay man to win election to the Georgia House. Park represents District 101, which includes Lawrenceville. “I’m still running on the same things that I originally ran on – to make sure all Georgians have access to healthcare, that every Georgian can live with equal dignity and respect without being discriminated against, that we start having a people powered economy where the state is not investing in big companies but in the people in Georgia in terms of health care, in terms of education, in terms of the type of business-friendly environment for small businesses,” Park says. Park faces Valerie Clark in the November general election. He scored an upset win against the then-incumbent lawmaker two years ago by little more than 400 votes. Clark outraised Park in the race and campaigned on her legislative record, which included voting for an anti-LGBT “religious freedom” bill in 2016. Cannon, who won a special election for the District 58 seat in 2016, did not face any opponents when she ran for her first full term later that year. In May, she’s running against Bonnie Clark in the Democratic primary. “I’ve been so thankful to have the opportunity to be asked again by the constituents and residents of District 58 to continue serving as their state representative,” Cannon says. “There’s no time like now
Photo by Russ Youngblood
State Reps. Park Cannon and Sam Park
“One of the maybe good, surprising things that I’ve kind of come across is that you know being in the legislature working with Republican leaders, just folks from the other side, you can change their perspective and their opinion on issues simply by being there, by breaking stereotypes, by breaking preconceived notions, by demonstrating that you are also working because you care about the state, you care about the people you represent,” Park says. “That begins to shift the conversation.” Since taking office, Cannon has fueled an onslaught of progressive legislation, including proposals that would eliminate the gay panic defense in manslaughter cases, launch a PrEP pilot program, improve HIV education, and ban discrimination against LGBT people in public accommodations and state jobs. She also sponsored and co-sponsored resolutions commending LGBT people and institutions. “We were able to push back on the ‘religious freedom’ conversations that were taking place in economically disadvantaging Georgia and now we’re able to work on other progressive issues,” Cannon says. Find daily LGBTQ coverage on Project Q Atlanta at theQatl.com. theQatl.com
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Q NEWS
Welcome to the
GAYBORHOOD
Gay Atlanta nightlife veterans buy Midtown Tavern By Matt Hennie
THE OWNER OF FORMER GAY DANCE CLUB JUNGLE has partnered with the creator of popular gay nightlife events to buy Midtown Tavern, a bar and restaurant on Piedmont Avenue. Richard Cherskov and Keith Young closed on the purchase of the business on March 26, and will run Midtown Tavern through an operating agreement with its former owner until they secure a liquor license. The deal included a long-term lease on the nearly 5,500-square-foot property at the corner of Piedmont and Linden Avenues near Central Park and Publix. “To be able to announce a new gay space with a team of people that have experience in making these spaces work, I am beyond excited,” Cherskov says. Young says the purchase will help expand LGBT nightlife at a time when gay spaces in Atlanta are constricting. “We are doing everything we can to keep Atlanta nightlife fresh and make sure it continues to prosper,” Young says. In the coming weeks, the gay nightlife veterans plan to expand on the venue’s food and entertainment offerings to add drag shows and Sunday brunch. First up for Midtown Tavern is providing a new home for the Other Show, the weekly drag ensemble that called Jungle home for five years. “We are so excited to come back and work with Richard and all of the rest of the staff returning from our previous venture with them,” says Edie Cheezburger, the host and creator of the Other Show. “The space is phenomenal. I can’t wait for everybody to see it. It is the perfect cabaret setting for the show.”
“This came about because we have been searching for a new home for Jungle and saw the listing for Midtown Tavern, right around the time it was happening with Burkhart’s,” Cherskov says. The space is prime for gay events of all kinds. “It has a nice bar area, but more importantly it has a stage because so may of our events involve entertainment,” Cherskov says. “We are going to be a great home to some fantastic drag shows.” The venue also offers a spacious front deck for outdoor events. The new owners said they will freshen up the space with new paint and some other improvements. They hope to attract a diverse crowd, including sports fans enjoying games on a full complement of televisions, an LGBT nightlife crowd, and diners for a new lunch on top of the dinner service Midtown Tavern already provides.
The purchase marks a return to gay nightlife for Cherskov. He bought Jungle in 2011 and operated it until last November, when the cavernous venue was pushed out by new property owners and re-development.
“We are looking to have a really inclusive mix of people who live near here and people from across town,” Cherskov says. “We want to bring in the right mix of events to respect the current space and clientele and that also serves the gay community.”
Young created the popular Peach Party, held each June, with his GA Boy Productions. He also owns the thriving afterhours event series Xion.
Cherskov also co-owns Initial Media, which publishes Q magazine.
The Other Show debuts at Midtown Tavern on April 13.
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The pair attempted to purchase Burkhart’s in January as the longtime gay bar imploded in controversy over racist social media posts by its owner. That purchase didn’t materialize, but the process led them to Midtown Tavern.
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The new owners declined to discuss the purchase price.
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PEOPLE
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Photo by Andrew X Point for Core Dance
Crossing
OVER
Queer dance gets its operatic due with Atlanta Opera featuring a different side of Brigitte Bidet
I
By Mike Fleming f you’re familiar with gay nightlife in Atlanta and its menagerie of personalities, you already know Josh Rackliffe, you just didn’t know that you know him. Now the dancer is a featured performer Atlanta Opera’s new Out of Darkness. The show is not only queer inclusive in the casting, but in its dramatic stories. So who is Rackliffe? He’s known better as Brigitte Bidet, the doll-faced blonde who corrals the queens of the Tossed Salad show each Sunday at My Sister’s Room. Her audiences know that she dances, but may not realize the full scope of her nondrag life on the stage. “Brigitte likes to brag about being a ‘classically trained dancer,’ but I don’t think people really understand that you can make a living this way or that it’s a ‘real job,’” Rackliffe tells Q. “I would love to see more crossover between drag and dance audiences because people appreciate all sorts of entertainment and art.” The Atlanta Opera’s Out of Darkness, opening this week at Balzer Theater, is a great chance for that crossover audience, he says. “It features queer representation in an esteemed art form, which is very important, especially during these political times,” he adds. Between a fulltime job in dance and Brigitte’s nightlife performances, Rackliffe has spent recent weeks in rehearsal for his part in the contemporary opera. He steps in during Act II, which tells the story of Gad Beck, a gay man who survived the Holocaust even as his first love, the poet Manfred Lewin, was murdered at the Auschwitz concentration camp. As an old man, Gad tries to forget the horrors but keeps a book of Manfred’s poetry. In Out of Darkness, he is visited by Manfred’s ghost.
“As Manfred implores Gad to remember and celebrate their love, the painful truth of their stories and fates emerges,” Atlanta Opera teases. It is estimated that more than 100,000 men and women were imprisoned for homosexuality during the Holocaust. It’s not known how many thousands were murdered. Paragraph 175, the German law prohibiting homosexuality that was used to justify their imprisonment and slaughter, remained in effect until 1969. “It’s important for LGBTQIA+ representation to happen anywhere and everywhere,” Rackliffe says. “It’s a way of saying,’We were there too,’ and a reminder that we’ve been here all along. Through art and performance, we are able to tell the stories of people who weren’t able to tell the stories themselves. “People may think of opera and ballet as these slow-moving, old school institutions, but that isn’t the case any more, and I think audiences are ready to see more updated scenarios playing out on stage.” Apart from the show with Atlanta Opera, Rackliffe works as a member of Core Dance. He’s been dancing 11 years and loves the art form allows. “Dance is so important because it’s an art form that uses the human body as its medium, and so many people can relate to seeing another person express themselves through movement,” he says. “Core creates new and original work, in a wide range of styles with many different choreographers. “It’s through these experiences with Core that I met John McFall, the choreographer of Out of Darkness,” the dancer adds. “He was the Artistic Director of the Atlanta Ballet for 21 years, and is greatly respected for his contributions to the dance world in Atlanta and abroad.” Out of Darkness runs April 5-15 at Balzer Theater. Visit atlantaopera.org. Core Dance is at coredance.org, and find out more about Atlanta’s dance scene at facebook.com/DanceAtlanta. Brigitte Bidet performs at Blake’s and Mary’s, and hosts Tossed Salad every Sunday night at My Sister’s Room. theQatl.com
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THE QUEER AGENDA The Best Queer Things To Do in Atlanta This Week
April 5 – April 11
THURSDAY, APRIL 5 HRC Pre-Dinner Reception
Gearing up for the big night means cocktails and announcements all month. Smell the
equality @ Campagnolo, 6 p.m. hrcatlanta.com Amen: The Dirrrty Show
Edgewood queens take on a “Nnastyy” theme led by Molly Rimswell (photo) @ Sister
Louisa’s Church of the Living Room, 10:30 p.m. sisterlouisaschurch.com
FRIDAY, APRIL 6 Hot Mic Comedy
Queer comic Ian Aber hosts another amazing lineup of comedians, this time with closer Brian Emond @ Urban Tree Cidery, 7 p.m. urbantreecidery.com
Chus & Ceballos
The legendary DJ duo returns to Atlanta to
ATLANTA’S FIRST URBAN WINERY, INTIMATE MUSIC VENUE, RESTAURANT, bar & PRIVATE EVENT SPACE
EVENTS FROM 9 TO 900
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shake circuit booties @ Wildpitch Underground,
9 p.m. facebook.com/WildPitchUnderground Damn Daddy
Joe Whitaker’s party-making magic strikes
again with this DILF-jock-underwear party @ Heretic, 10 p.m. hereticatlanta.com
SATURDAY APRIL 7 Spring Festival on Ponce
The gay-run Atlanta Foundation for Public Spaces opens its season of arts and crafts festivals @ Olmsted Linear Park, all day. Sunday too.
festivalonponce.com La Choloteca with AGYN
The LGBTQ-friendly, LatinX, coolkids party
includes a performance by queer act AGYN @ Star Bar, 10 p.m. lacholoteca.com
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 11 The Birdcage
The American 90s bastardization of the classic French tale
screens with prizes for the best
audience looks @ Plaza Theatre, 8 p.m. plazaatlanta.com
650 NORTH AVENUE NE, SUITE 201, ATLANTA, GA 30308 PONCE CITY MARKET CITYWINERY.COM/ATLANTA | 404.WINERY1
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Q
COVER
Trans Formation to
TRANS ACTION S By Mike Fleming
he might have gone the rest of her relatively quiet life without telling anyone but her husband and a few trusted friends and family, but Feroza Syed had different plans.
That’s why years of fears and questions led her to break from her privilege of “passing” as cisgendered in a Facebook post that included five magic words: “I am a trans woman.”
That started a liberating whirlwind that included telling her mother-in-law, her coworkers as an associate broker with Atlanta Fine Homes, and then everyone in metro Atlanta in a profile in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
between our respective religions or choose whether or not to exist. That’s not a fair choice. Yet we’re often accused of not being religious or having faith. It’s a catch 22.”
“Though my passing privilege allowed me to stay quiet, I felt an overwhelming need to step out and help my trans brothers and sisters fight for our rights due to the political climate right now,” Syed tells Q. “The guilt of wanting to be honest to my mother in law who never knew, the constant pressure of living a lie, and wanting to accept myself were also reasons to come out. I felt like the last couple years (of anti-trans rhetoric and action on a national level) had broken me down, so I needed to re-assert myself and regain my power from all the hatefulness out there.
“I just got trained to be a facilitator with PFLAG at John’s Creek and Sandy Springs; they happen to have a large trans youth group I look forward to working with,” she says. “I’m also working with HRC and the Pride Committee, amongst others.
The response has been overwhelmingly positive., including from her mother-in-law, who told the AJC that she loves and considers Syed as a daughter. But it’s complete strangers who really opened the floodgates of acceptance. “I’ve heard from trans people, parents of trans kids, and trans youth,” she says. “I never thought my story could help so many other people. I’ve also heard from Muslim and Indian LGBTQ people and their families who wanted advice on either coming out or acceptance. This has truly been the best part of coming out. Talking with others, helping them through, and being able to provide advice and resources has been so moving.
From here, Syed plans to give back and inspire others even more.
“I recently did a panel with a group called Transcending Barriers that helps trans people of color with housing and resources,” she adds. “Helping youth and bringing awareness to the plight of POC are issues very important to me.” To celebrate the internal and external revelations of late, Syed sat for Q contributing photographer James L. Hicks to create the stunning photo spread on our cover and the following pages. “I wanted to do a shoot that represented all of me and my identities at once,” she says. “These shots show me as not only a woman, but brown, an Indian daughter of immigrants, and now because I’m out, as trans. I wanted to feel glamorous, regal.” Her empowerment is evident, and from a Facebook revelation to a public and private healing, Syed is so glad she came out.
“I’d tell them that your faith is between you and your God,” she says. “No one has the right to tell you what’s OK and what’s not.
“I’ve realized my womanhood, strength and beauty are not based on my exterior, but what I have inside,” she says. “Once I came back out, I found the confidence and strength I felt inside spilling out. Regardless of our exteriors, we all have the same insecurities, doubts, and concerns. Though coming out is a personal decision and not for everyone, truly loving and accepting yourself gives you the strength and confidence to do things you never thought possible.”
“I find in my experience a lot of LGBTQ people are not very religious. I believe that’s due to the fact that we often have to choose
Read our full interview with Feroza Syed on Project Q Atlanta at theQatl.com
That advice includes a personal philosophy about her faith that she would share with all queers of faith.
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Feroza Syed on life after coming out to all of Atlanta at the same time
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COVER, Continued
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COVER, Continued
PHOTOS BY JAMES L. HICKS jhicksphotography.net Styling Makeup Hair
JESHEBEAB CONNER BILLY RIZZUTO JOHNNY ADDISON
Videography and Editing LAUREN ST GEORGE (View on theQatl.com) Assistants
SAHAR FAROOQUI
and ANKITA KENERLY
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Q SHOTS
SPECTRA QUEER ART SHOWCASE AT REVELATOR
Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com 24
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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD
Q
Q SHOTS
FRIDAYS AT BULLDOGS
Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com
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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD
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PARTY FOR PRINCESS CHARLES AT MY SISTER’S ROOM
Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com
Q SHOTS Q
PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD theQatl.com
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Q SHOTS
NEON NEVERLAND AT BJ ROOSTERS
PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD
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Gear Night $10 for Guys in Gear
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FIELD DAY MARGARITA BUST AT TEN
Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com 32
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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD
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Q SHOTS
DJ DANI TORO AT HERETIC
Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com
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PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD
RESPECT THE BRUNCH WITH JOINING HEARTS
Full gallery on Project Q at theQatl.com
Q SHOTS Q
PHOTOS BY RUSS YOUNGBLOOD theQatl.com
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Q SHOTS
TWISTED AT ATLANTA EAGLE
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PHOTOS BY LAURA BACCUS 36
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THEQ?! Falling Out
OF LOVE
Hiding from your ex or blaming your conquests misses the ‘You’ of it all
Q
At first, my ex’s charm was awesome. Of course, all that glitters in this queer world isn’t gold, or hell brass for that matter. My Wonder Woman Lasso of Truth at first tingled that she might be trouble, but then falling for her over time clouded my judgment. She ended up being paranoid and accusatory. It got ugly, and the whole thing ended badly. Two years after we broke up, she still threatens, harasses me and gossips about me. She called my work and told my boss lies about my character. I’ve removed myself from social functions and venues to avoid her. I do still care for her, and I know she’s capable of being a great person, but she has issues, including drugs, that exacerbate her low self esteem, paranoia, delusions and anger. I’m tired of walking on egg shells. I reached out again to try and settle it, and I can admit my wrongs in all of this, but she won’t even try to meet me half way. Dear Stalker: You’re fed up and hurt, and that makes it hard to see through the mess, and what you may be doing to perpetuate the problem. Every time you stay home, every time you let her get to you, she gets attention and the satisfaction of being a thorn in your side. Set yourself free by truly moving on – without her. It doesn’t matter how you broke up. It doesn’t matter what her issues are. It doesn’t matter that you can’t fix her. That part of your responsibility was over two years ago. What matters are your issues. Stop calling, stop scheming, and stop making decisions based on what she does or might do. If she actually breaks the law or threatens you, call the authorities. But unless you’re in danger, your other behaviors only fuel her fire. Find a way to truly not care what she does or says. Once she stops affecting you with the reactions she so desperately desires, she’ll gradually disappear.
Q
I laughed off bitchy comments as jealousy of how much tail I get, but I’m starting to see a pattern and realize the grain of truth is that I start losing interest the moment there’s 38
theQatl.com
even a hint that a sexual quest is conquered. I’ve taken heat for being all about the chase, but now I realize it’s true. Even before sex, the more a guy hits on me, the more I wonder if they’re needy, have no confidence, or aren’t really that attractive. Feelings kill my boner. When it comes to real dating, I can force myself to last about three months – because I really do want a relationship – but when I hear “I love you,” I’m out. Like, every time. I used to be proud of my hit-em-and-quit-em reputation, but lately the pattern is just depressing. Help! Dear Blind It’s pretty common to go “all in” at the beginning, when the sexual chemistry is at its most potent, and the newness brings mystery, novelty and infatuation out to play. It’s also normal for the excitement to wane. It’s less common to give up entirely. Most trade the initial interest for an interest in sharing their daily lives, enjoying the camaraderie of a partnership, and making someone part of their ongoing priorities. Whether from fear of abandonment, internalized toxic-masc homophobia or sheer narcissism, you have a mental block to that last part. Do you really want a relationship? Because your letter sounds like excuses to stay out of one. Consider finding help if necessary to learn this: Feelings are human and good. Accepting them in others is key, and getting in touch with yours is a priority before you lead another person down Disappointment Road. With a little work, you can break the pattern. The Q is for entertainment purposes and not professional counseling. Send your burning Qs to mike@qmagatlanta.com. Illustration by Brad Gibson
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