The "Do-Over"

he Words of disdain both escaped their lips as they were drenched in a cold sweat from the climactic argument that ensued. The Couples decided to go to their own separate rooms, whispering their final words “I want a divorce” this was Jazmine and Alex’s typical evening that has been going on for several months if not years. You see they were many issues that have been layering over time, issues that never were addressed, and when they did talk, no one listen to understand but only listened to react. In my many marriages that is the underlying issue, is listening to react, where couples only focus on trigger words, so that they can continue to build a case to win a verdict. This is called “Courtroom Marriage” Where the Lawyer, Judge, and Jury is each other, both trying to win a case, drive their points home, and guilt-shame each other in a posture more suitable for them to wave their trophy and say those famous words by the opposing opponent “I told you so... ” Jazmine and Alex have been married going on 10 years, the courtroom marriage has been a diary of notable entries by both parties only going into the dairies to bring up the evidentiary evidence held against each other so that they can win.

“Clap Back” at its finest and each entry must be time-stamped with voice recordings and pictures supporting the infractions or crimes the spouse is culpable of doing. Sadly, many marriages are guilty of doing such actions, we levy their offenses against them and to do so is a clear manipulation tactic at its finest. Marriage suffers from the weight of scrutiny, the inability to forgive, the lack of understanding, and the empathy needed to bathe our spouses with love, because we have a point to make…but at what cost?

T

If you rather lose a mate over something that should be mutually processed out, that is a major issue and an issue of the matter of the Heart. Why is your heart so fixed on proving a point, why is one so focused on getting their point across dismissing the ability to “agree to disagree” or just working towards the bigger picture? Jazmine and Alex took some time in their separate rooms and begin to soul search and found out that in all mist of screaming, fussing and angry words, they were some hurt that both needed healing from and so it began with as one spouse requested to the other to take a walk outdoor together. The request was reluctantly asked because it was anger's voice that spoke the loudest, but seeing that the issue needed to be resolved they walk. The gentle cool of the night blew the tears away, they pulled together, grabbing each other’s hands and walking in silence drinking in the night and the final pace of the walk. Alex clumsily looked for the keys in his pockets as they neared their home and gently look into Jazmine's eyes and said, “I am sorry, can you please forgive me” she whispered the same words…but this time they asked each can we have a “Do-over” .

Often couples may plateau in their marriage, which causes them to feel numb to a degree because of hurt or distrust in that spouse. Do Over provide each other to “data dump” unnecessary issues, hurt or personal grips that were not intentional on the part. Starting over means that those issues are no longer an issue because both parties chose not to relish on something insignificant but chose to focus on what really matters and that is their LOVE for one another. M arriage requires work, much like a muscle and you have to work it in order to gain strength so that it achieve muscular endurance. Apply this to your marriage and hone in on the area that needs to be "exercised" . Try this simple exercise, using the ACRYONM "DO-OVER"

1.

Decide (Make a decision whether or not

2. Stop Objectifying negative emotions

3. Love Oxygen provides and nurtures intimacy

4. Visualization see, ponder and meditate on

5. Exhale

6. Release the toxic baggage or the"tally marks the argument Is worth be-laboring. It's okay to take a pause until you both are ready to discuss the matter at with life-giving words all the good your spouse is and who they are so that you can recenter on what's truly important you have journaled in your memory against your spouse. Do unto others as you would want the same done unto YOU!