Kansas City Community Matters February 2016

Commun ty Matters

February 2016

Kansas City Presbyterian Manor

Meet the

COMING UP IN COMMUNITY MATTERS:

Everyone has a story to tell

Sweethearts

February may be the month of little candy hearts with sweet inscriptions given by grade school crushes, but these couples have stood the test of time through thick and thin. We celebrate their devotion and are honored they’ve chosen to share their life together with us.

It’s time to celebrate volunteerism. How have you answered the call to be a volunteer? How have volunteers helped you in a time of need?

Why do you think volunteers are so important? How have you benefited from being a volunteer?

If you’ve got a story to share about volunteering, contact Tina Ashford, activity director, and your story could be featured in an upcoming edition of Community Matters.

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James and Helen Crawford

While most people don't end up marrying their high school sweetheart, James and Helen are the exception. Their devotion stood the test of time and distance, however, when James went off to the Coast Guard after high school and then to NewYork for radio operator training to learn the Morse code. He was later stationed in Alaska on the Bering Sea, and has countless memories of seasickness, although he was still able to perform his duties.

After he returned from the service, he and Helen continued to date and Helen completed business college school. At that time he was ready to ask for Helen’s hand in marriage. He asked his own mother first if it was okay to get married and then asked Helen’s father. While he’d seen and done a

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lot at that point, he was only 20 years old and thought it was best to ask his mother first.

He proposed on Christmas Eve at Helen’s parents’ home and they were married the next year on April 6, 1947. With this union they had two children, Steven and Vicky. They raised their children in Savannah and after retiring they traveled to all 50 states and would spend their winters in Arizona, Texas or Florida.

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Community Matters is published monthly for residents and friends of Kansas City Manor by Presbyterian Manors of Mid-America organization. Learn more at PresbyterianManors.org Peatric Gates, executive director Tina Ashford, activity director To submit or suggest articles for this publication, contact Tina at tashford@pmma.org.

Telephone: 913-334-3666 Fax: 913-334-2904 Address: 7850 Freeman, Kansas City, KS 66112-2133 Our mission: We provide quality senior services guided by Christian values.

KansasCityPresbyterianManor.org

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Gene and Donna Ashley

Like the Crawfords, Gene and Donna Ashley met and started dating while in high school. Donna shared that they had so much fun together while dating.

In high school, they would attend all of the sports games together, or she would watch Gene play football, and they would attend all of the school dances together.

“Gene was very creative with our dates,” said Donna. “We went to Ferryland Park and rode a roller coaster, and right after the roller coaster, I got sick all over Gene! He would also take me to Topeka, where we went on an airplane ride and then swimming and to the zoo at Gage Park, and then rode the train home.Young people today don’t seem to spend quality time together having fun.”

Gene and Donna were married Sept. 9, 1950, and celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary last fall.

What to do when being the caregiver is not an option

Not everyone has the resources and stamina to take on the role, and it's OK

By Phyllis Quinlan

There are 66 million unpaid adult family caregivers in America — 29 percent of the adult U.S. population — providing care to someone who is ill, disabled or aged, according to the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP. Female caregivers outnumber their male counterparts two to one. In 2012, female family caregivers, on average, were 48 years old, lived alone,and provided about 25 hours of care per week.

As anyone who has done it knows, caregiving is rarely a sprint. It is most often a marathon of planning, adjusting, attending and doing. Not everyone is capable of staying in the race.

When you cannot be the caregiver

What happens when being a caregiver is not an option?

What do you do when your own health, personal and career commitments or relationship with the person in need of care leave little room for you to take on the added responsibility that comes with the role?

Many struggle with this relentless internal conflict and the onslaught of negative emotions that often result in a profound sense of isolation. The comments and judgment from outsiders add to your confusion and perhaps toxic sense of self.

What is called for at this crossroad is self-compassion.

Surprised? You thought that I was going to suggest that you listen to your harsh self-criticism and dig down deep to find a way to be available and accommodating.

Actually, I want you to honor your sense of personal limits and not make a commitment when committing to just one more thing could invite undue hardship or risk your health and well-being.

Ending negative messages

Just what is self-compassion? It is responding to yourself (and your situation) with kindness rather than criticism. It is stopping the loop of derogatory self-talk that often takes on the tone we imagine we would hear from some authority figure in our life. It is the extension of kindness, care, warmth and understanding toward oneself when we are faced with the reality of our human shortcomings, inadequacies, or perceived failures.

Self-compassion is not self-pity and does not mean perpetuating a sense of being a victim. It offers you the sense of objectivity and control earned by being an adult.

Self-compassion is giving yourself the time and space to make a choice that honors your needs as well as the needs of others. Individuals who are self-compassionate are more likely to learn and grow from the challenges in their lives.

Self-compassion provides the foundation for developing personal resilience. It helps us to maintain a healthy perspective when we are bombarded by those on the periphery of the decision. They are those who are all too often unwilling to lend a hand but are free with judgments and rhetoric designed to manipulate you into thinking that you’re the best or only person who can do the caring when others cannot.

So my recommendation is to stay strong. Honor your understanding of what is best. Do not make a noble

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Caregivers

Where to go for help

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Veterans Benefits Administration: http://www.benefits.va.gov/benefits/. Site contains information that can connect the vet to benefits and services.

sacrifice by ignoring what you intuitively know is right, wrong, healthy or destructive. Respond to the challenge of caregiving with critical thinking rather than judgment clouded by emotion.

Put your own oxygen mask on first.

Care Navigators: https://www.healthcare.gov/glossary/navigator/. Helps consumers look for health coverage options through the marketplace, including completing eligibility and enrollment forms. These individuals and organizations are required to be unbiased. Their services are free to consumers.

Kansas City Presbyterian Manor, KansasCityPresbyterianManor.org, offers respite care. Participants enjoy a furnished room in health care with 24-hour access to staff members, assistance with personal care, an active social program and housekeeping services. © Twin Cities Public Television - 2016. All rights reserved.

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FEBRUARY FULL OF FUN! February 5 – Super Bowl 50 Party, 2 p.m. in the Chapel February 8 – Chinese New Year Social at 2 p.m. in the Chapel, “Year of the Red Fire Monkey” February 9 – Mardi Gras Party at 3 p.m. in the Chapel February 10 – Ash Wednesday Service, time & location TBA February 12 – Valentine’s Party at 2:30 p.m. in the Chapel, King and Queen announced, (Sunday, February 14 - Valentine’s Day) February 15 – President’s Day Events, TBA

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